Sacrifice, Alignment, and Hard Choices: Healing When Kids Are Involved | Fatherhood, Emotional Healing & Modern Parenting - 15 Minutes with Dad: Emotional Presence, Co-Parenting for Father's Growth

Episode Transcript
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SPEAKER_00 (00:01):
Welcome back to another episode of 15 Minutes
with Dad.
I'm your host, Lyric Williams,and today's episode is one that
I've wrestled with deeply.
This one's called Sacrifice,Alignment, and Hard Choices:
Healing When Kids Are Involved.
This isn't an easy conversationbecause healing doesn't happen
in isolation.
It happens in the middle of lifeand in the middle of work, love,

(00:25):
parenting, and sometimes pain.
And when you start to grow, itchanges things.
It changes how you think, howyou communicate, how you set
boundaries, and how you love.
And sometimes those changes comewith loss.
Today, we're going to talk aboutwhat alignment really means when
you're healing as a father, whygrowth often costs comfort and

(00:48):
sometimes relationships, how tomake hard choices when kids are
involved, and how to honor bothyour peace and your
responsibilities.
This episode is personal, it'sreal, and it's the truth I think
every father who's choosinghealing eventually has to face.
And when you start healing, youbegin to realize something

(01:08):
painful that not everyone growswith you.
You might have family who stillwants to hold the old version of
you, a partner who'suncomfortable with your new
boundaries, friends who onlyknew you in dysfunction.
Healing forces you to confrontthe difference between what's
familiar and what's healthy.

(01:30):
And for fathers, that tensionhits even harder.
Because every decision you makedoesn't just affect you, it
affects your kids.
So do I stay in an environmentthat feels misaligned just to
keep the family under one roof?
Do I model peace, even if itmeans stepping away from what's
familiar?
Or do I shrink to keep everyonecomfortable?

(01:53):
Or stand tall and show my kidswhat wholeness looks like?
These are not easy questions,but they're the questions that
separate men who survive frommen who lead.
Now let's go into understandingalignment.
Alignment doesn't meanperfection, it means congruence.

(02:13):
It means when your values, yourchoices, and your actions are
walking in the same direction.
And when you stop pretending tobe who you used to be and start
living who you really are,here's what alignment looks

like (02:28):
saying no to chaos, even if it costs you approval,
speaking the truth with grace,even when your voice shakes, or
choosing peace over performance,parenting from intention and not
fear.
But alignment is painful atfirst, because a version of you
that's healing will disruptevery relationship built on

(02:51):
brokenness.
I'll say it again.
Alignment is painful at firstbecause the version of you
that's healing will disruptevery relationship built on your
brokenness.
And sometimes that includes yourromantic partner.
Sometimes that includes yourparents.

(03:11):
Sometimes it even includes yourkids because your healing will
change how you parent them.
But alignment isn't abandonment.
It's choosing to lead withintegrity, even when it means
walking a lonely road.
Now, as fathers, this is whereit gets complicated because the

(03:34):
healing journey doesn't pausefor parenting.
You still have to wake up, youhave to go to work, feed your
kids, co-parents, and manageyour emotions, all while trying
to grow into a better man.
Sometimes you feel torn betweentwo truths, like I am.
I want to protect my children'sstability, and I need to protect

(03:57):
my own sanity.
You'll ask yourself, how do Imake hard changes without
hurting them?
And here's what I've learned.
You can make changes with love,you can set boundaries without
blame, you can create distancewithout disappearing, and you

(04:18):
can model honesty without chaos.
Your kids don't need perfection,and I say this every episode.
They need truth.
They need to see a father wholives in integrity, who can say,
I'm growing, and it's hard, butI'm doing it all for us.

(04:38):
Sometimes healing means leavingtoxic dynamics behind.
Sometimes it means staying, butshowing up differently.
Either way, your peace becomestheir protection because your
healing teaches them what safetylooks like.
Now it's not always cut and dry.

(05:03):
Because when you do decide toleave, there is a ripple effect
of that sacrifice.
Every decision has a ripple.
When you heal, you might losepeople, but you'll gain
self-respect.
You might break patterns, butyou'll build legacy.
You might disrupt the present,but you'll save the future.

(05:26):
Your kids are watching more thanthey're listening.
They're studying how to handlepressure, loss, and conflict.
And every time you chooseauthenticity over avoidance,
peace over pretense, you'reshowing them how to live in
alignment with truth.
That's fatherhood.

(05:47):
It's not always pretty, but itis always sacred.
I want to give you a frameworkthat helps when life feels
divided between your peace andyour responsibility.
Let's call it the alignmentcheck-in.
So, number one, let's identifyyour core values.
Ask yourself, what do I standfor as a man and as a father?

(06:12):
Is it peace?
Is it respect?
Is it growth?
Is it safety?
Is it integrity?
Now examine the patterns in yourlife.
Where in your life are youconsistently losing energy,
clarity, peace?
What relationships or habitsfeel misaligned in your life?

(06:32):
The next step, let's measurethat impact.
How is this misalignmentaffecting your kids?
Are they seeing stress,distance, anger, resentment?
Number four, make one change.
Doesn't have to be a big change,it just has to be one.
You don't have to bloweverything up overnight.

(06:54):
Take one small step towards thatalignment.
Set a new boundary, have a newconversation, or try to change
your mindset, a new mindset.
And lastly, let's try andcommunicate with grace.
If change impacts others, speaktruth with empathy, especially

(07:16):
when kids are involved.
Like explain your choices withhonesty and love.
Now, this framework isn't aboutbreaking families apart, it's
about helping bring familiesback into truth.
And in my life, I've hadrecently had to make a very
difficult decision.

(07:36):
And it's been a very interestingnavigation of it.
I've been working on healing forover a year and a half, and I've
I felt like I tried thingsinside the relationship to make
it work.
I've tried things that mytherapist, you know, suggested

(07:59):
to navigate the differentthings, and the results were not
there.
And there were things thatshowed that showed me that there
was a not alignment.
We didn't have alignment in ourrelationship.
And I think that most of thechaos that's happened in our
relationship is because we neverdid.

(08:20):
I think we tried, there was somealignment in some places, but in
the grand scheme of things,there was this misalignment from
the beginning.
And I never wanted to make thattype of decision.
I have a son, I have, you know,I had my plus sons, I had my
family, and I think I stayed ina situation too long out of fear

(08:43):
of abandonment.
And I think I've learned thatthere is no version of healing
that doesn't cost something.
But I've also seen what happenswhen an alignment when I align
with truth.
My kids trust me more.

(09:05):
They see calm instead of chaos.
They see me choosing peace evenwhen it's hard, and they're
learning that love doesn't meanlosing yourself, it means
showing up whole.
And that's what I want for them.
That's what I want for everyfather listening to this series.
So here's what I want to leaveyou with today.
Healing is not convenient,alignment is not comfortable,

(09:29):
but both are necessary.
And if you're standing at acrossroad between peace and
familiarity, between growth andguilt, choose peace, choose
alignment, choose truth.
Because one day your kids willask you how you did it, and
you'll be able to say, I didn'thave all the answers, but I had

(09:51):
the courage to grow.
So here's your challenge thisweek.
Just take 30 minutes alone.
Write down one part of your lifethat feels misaligned.
Be honest, and then write downone step or two you can take
towards peace, even if it'suncomfortable.
Next week, we'll wrap up thisspecial series with a powerful

(10:14):
conversation about legacy.
Talking about the legacy ofhealing, rewriting the script
for your children.
Make sure you subscribe to 15Minutes with Dad and follow us
at 15 Minutes with Dad on allsocial media platforms.
Keep walking this journey ofbecoming because healing is the
hardest thing you'll ever do,but it's also the most loving

(10:35):
thing you'll ever give.

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Sacrifice, Alignment, and Hard Choices: Healing When Kids Are Involved | Fatherhood, Emotional Healing & Modern Parenting

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