Teaching Your Children Emotional Intelligence | Legacy, Emotional Resilience & Modern Fatherhood

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Emotional skills aren’t soft—they’re survival tools.

In this heartfelt episode of 15 Minutes with Dad, host Lirec Williams dives into how fathers can raise emotionally intelligent children through empathy, connection, and legacy-driven parenting.

Using insights from Dr. John Gottman (Raising an Emotionally Intelligent Child), Dr. Dan Siegel (The Whole-Brain Child), Brené Brown, and Marc Brackett (Permission to Feel), this episode explores how emotional regulation, validation, and communication shape a child’s confidence, resilience, and mental health.

From emotion charts to deep listening and storytelling, Lirec breaks down how to create a home culture where feelings aren’t dismissed—they’re understood.
You’ll walk away with real-world tools to help your child handle frustration, develop empathy, and grow into a secure, self-aware adult.

🎯 What You’ll Learn:

• Why emotional intelligence is a legacy skill for children
• How to validate feelings and model healthy expression
• Practical tools: emotion charts, reflection, and deep listening
• The science behind emotional regulation and stress resilience
• How presence and self-love build generational healing

💡 Key Takeaway:
Children don’t learn emotional intelligence through lectures—they learn it through presence.

By teaching your children to feel, reflect

 A grateful and energized intro that celebrates the global reach of 15 Minutes with Dad. Highlights impact across 403 cities and 57 countries, acknowledges listeners for their support and invites them to continue the mission through holiday engagement, podcast ratings, social sharing and picking up Man Up, From Our Trauma to Being an Impactful Father. 

 A warm, exciting closing message that reinforces the show’s growth in fatherhood, emotional healing and family empowerment. Thanks listeners for their support, encourages episode feedback, ratings and social media tags, and offers a holiday reminder to gift Man Up, From Our Trauma to Being an Impactful Father to someone focused on personal growth and healthier parenting. 

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Episode Transcript

SPEAKER_00 (01:22):
Hey brothers, welcome back to 15 Minutes with
Dad.
Today's episode is one of themost important conversations
we'll ever have on the show.
Because this one isn't justabout what we teach our kids,
it's about what we model.
We're talking about emotionalintelligence, emotional
awareness, the skill thatdetermines how our kids handle

(01:42):
stress, communicate love, andnavigate the world.
Emotional skills aren't soft,they're survival tools.
They shape how your childrenhandle frustration, build
confidence, and connect withpeople who see the world
differently.
You might think, I was nevertaught this stuff as a kid.
Like, why do I gotta do that?

(02:03):
That's okay.
Most of us weren't.
But today, you get to change thestory.
Now let's start with the truththat might sting a little for
some, but for some, it might bejust something they're used to
hearing all the time.
But most of us grew up beingtold to stop crying, toughen up,
or shake it off.

(02:23):
And now, as fathers, we oftenrepeat what we experience.
Not because we want to, butbecause it's what we know.
And when when you add in thegender factor, whether it's a
little boy or little girl, wetend to do that more leaning to
whatever side we feel we need togive it to.

(02:47):
But Dr.
John Gottman, in his bookRaising an Emotionally
Intelligent Kid, says whenparents dismiss or disapprove of
their child's emotions, thosechildren often struggle to
regulate feelings later in life.
Think about that.
The way we respond to our kids'emotions now becomes the voice

(03:10):
inside their heads later.
And I bet you also can hear thatvoice in the back of your head
every time you have an emotionalanything.
So emotional intelligence isjust isn't just about teaching
your kids to be kind, it's aboutteaching them to understand what

(03:31):
they feel, name it, and respondwith self-control.
Now, kids who develop emotionalintelligence show better
problem-solving skills, lowerstress and anxiety, and stronger
social and academic performance.
And the most powerful part, theybuild resilience because they

(03:53):
learn emotions aren't enemies tobe avoided.
They're signalable, they'resignals to be understood.
And when your child can identifywhat they feel, they gain
control over what they do next.
That's emotional strength inmotion.
I can tell you for sure thatbefore my grandfather passed
away, my my maternalgrandfather, we had a sit-down.

(04:17):
He he called me over.
It was on Mother's Day.
I think I was like 26.
He called me over.
I think he was drinking.
He was pretty drunk, but hecalled me over and sat me on his
lap at the age of 26, and heapologized to me for being mean
to me because he was like, Iknow you don't mess with me.
I know you don't.
He said the F-where.

(04:38):
He said, Yeah, I know you don'tfuck with me.
And and I was like, you know,like, grandpa, you know, I love
you.
But in reality, I in my hearttold myself, I know I can't deal
with my grandfather more than 45minutes at a time.
After that, I leave because Iknow that it'll it always used
to go into some very intenseconversations about how I'm not

(04:58):
a man because I did this or Idanced, or I didn't go and work
and give my, you know, mygirlfriend my money for her to
deal with, or we always hadconversations about what a man
was, and you know, he was prettyabusive in his earlier years to
women, and and so I just didn'tlike them all entirely.
I just had a vendetta, I guess,them most of my life.

(05:20):
But at that moment at 26, whenhe sat me down and had that
conversation and said, I knowyou don't mess with me, but I
just want to tell you, I'msorry.
I treated you the only way thatI knew how.
Like you were the first bornboy, and so I had to make you
strong.
And my dad did the same to me,and his dad did the same to him.

(05:42):
And you know, it's I startedcrying, not realizing that he
was the voice inside in the backof my head all my life when I'm
challenging myself on thingsthat I'm doing, or I'm feeling
down about something, I'm toughand I'm trying to wipe my tears
and not really feel a thing sothat I can navigate things.
And I realize, like I, when Idrove home that night, I cried

(06:05):
all the way home.
It was a 45-minute drive, but Icried all the way home.
Just reliving that moment of himapologizing and and saying how
much he loves me and that he'ssorry, and that he's learned
things from me on how to be aman, and he's so proud of me.
It took me back.
Like it had me all in tears allthe way home, guys.

(06:29):
Here's something I learned.
Your child doesn't need you tofix their emotions, they need
you to understand them.
And I'm learning this from myteenage daughter.
When you validate a feeling,you're telling your child, I see
you.
That's love in its purest form.
And here's what it looks like inpractice.

(06:51):
Your child comes, your childcomes to you and says, Oh my
god, I hate school or I hatethis.
Instead of don't talk like that,try.
Sound like you had a rough day.
You want to tell me whathappened?
See, validate their feelings andask him to talk about them.
Your son throws his backpackdown after losing a game all

(07:13):
upset.
Instead of stop overreacting orcalm down, it's just a game.
Try, I can see you'redisappointed.
You worked really hard and thathurts.
Validation does not meanagreement, it means connection.

(07:34):
According to the whole brainchild by Dr.
Dan Siegel, naming emotions helpactivate the rational part of
the brain, the prefrontalcortex, and calms the emotional
part.
In other words, when you helpyour child put words to their
feelings, their brain literallybegins to calm down.

(07:55):
That's how emotional regulationis learned.
Not through punishment orlectures, but through
understanding.
So if we want to raiseemotionally intelligent
children, we have to make ourhome emotionally safe.

Ask yourself (08:11):
do your kids feel like they can talk about their
feelings without fear of beingjudged or corrected?
In many homes, emotions aretreated like interruptions,
something to manage, notunderstand.
But when you turn your home intoa space where emotions are
welcome, you're teaching yourkids that feelings are part of

(08:33):
being human.
Now you can start by doing smallthings.
You can keep an emotion chart inthe kitchen or in the bedroom.
Let them point to how they feelinstead of forcing words they
don't have.
At dinner, ask what was yourhigh and what was your low

(08:54):
today, instead of how wasschool?
You can use movies or stories todiscuss emotions.
How do you think that characterfelt when that happened?
Psychologist Mark Brackett,author of Permission to Heal,
says the emotional intelligenceis like a muscle.
It grows with use.
The more you talk aboutemotions, the more emotionally

(09:17):
literate your child becomes.
Make feelings normal.
Normalize tears.
Normalize saying, I don't knowwhy I feel this way.
That's how you create emotionalresilience.
Not by avoiding pain, but byhelping your child learn they

(09:38):
can handle it.
So let's talk tools.
Real practical things you can dothis week.
We talked about emotionalcharts.
Younger kids especially benefitfrom visuals.
Let them identify emotions likehappy, worried, or proud by
pointing.

(09:58):
This helps them connect theirinternal world with language.
The second one is deeplistening.
When your child is talking,resist the urge to correct or
jump in.
Give them space, nod, mirrortheir words back like you felt
left out when that happened.

(10:19):
Or you felt left out when thathappened.
So they feel heard.
Storytelling.
Share moments from your ownchildhood when you felt angry,
scared, or sad, and how youmanaged it.
When fathers open up, it giveskids permission to do the same.

(10:40):
The next one I would ask you todo is to ask reflective
questions.
Instead of why are you crying?
Ask, what do you need right now?
It shifts the focus fromjudgment to empathy.
The last one is modeling a calmdemeanor.

(11:01):
Your child learns emotionalregulation by watching you.
When you stay calm, you'reliterally rewiring their sense
of safety.
Remember, emotional intelligenceis caught more than it's taught.
My brother, I want you to hearme clearly.
This work you're doing, learningto name, feel, and express your

(11:25):
emotions is legacy work.
It's not just about raising goodkids, it's about healing
generations.
When you teach your child how toprocess pain, you're protecting
their mental health, theirfuture relationships, their
future decision making, andtheir ability to thrive in a

(11:46):
world that won't always be kind.
You're always teaching them whatself-love looks like, how to
treat themselves with compassioninstead of shame.
One day, your child will facetheir own storm, and because of
you, they'll know they can standin it without losing themselves.

(12:06):
That's fatherhood at its highestlevel, turning your healing into
their strength.
So here's your challenge thisweek.
Create one emotional learningmoment with your child.
It doesn't have to be deep ordramatic.
Ask how they're feeling andtruly listen.

(12:27):
Or share a moment when you feltangry, scared, or proud, and how
you managed it.
Something simple as that.
Every time you have thatconversation or that type of
conversation, you're giving yourchild a gift most adults never
got.
Because teaching emotionalintelligence doesn't start with

(12:47):
lessons, it starts with yourpresence.
So I'm Lyric Williams, and thisis 15 Minutes with Dad.
Keep showing up, keep growing.
Your presence is buildingemotional safety and resilience
that will outlive you.