3 Co-Parenting Mistakes You Should Avoid

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Co-parenting can often feel like navigating a minefield, but it doesn’t have to be. In this episode, we tackle the essential aspects of co-parenting, focusing on the importance of prioritizing your child's wellbeing over personal disputes. We discuss common pitfalls that parents often fall into, like allowing ego to interfere or using children as messengers, which can lead to unnecessary stress for everyone involved. 

You’ll learn five actionable strategies that can transform a conflicting co-parenting relationship into a collaborative partnership. From establishing clear communication boundaries to supporting your child’s relationship with both parents, we emphasize practical tools that promote peace and stability during challenging times. 

Navigating these dynamics requires not just intention but also the willingness to put children's needs first. Join us as we explore how to foster a co-parenting environment that prioritizes emotional security and healthy relationship development for your child. 

Dive in, learn, and share your thoughts with us! Your insights could help reshape someone's co-parenting journey. Subscribe and visit our website for further resources and support!

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Episode Transcript

Speaker 1 (00:01):
Hey, welcome back to another episode of 15 Minutes
with Dad, the podcast, where wetackle real life fatherhood
challenges, personal growth andthe journey to becoming the best
version of yourself.
I'm your host, lyric Williams.
I am an author, a data technerd and a career visual
performing artist, but, mostimportantly, I'm a father of

(00:21):
four crazy beautiful children,navigating the highs and lows of
a blended family.
Today's episode is aboutsomething that could be one of
the most difficult aspects offatherhood, but also one of the
most important Navigatingco-parenting, building bridges
with your ex.
Let's be real Co-parentingisn't easy.
Emotions, past history anddifferent parenting styles can

(00:44):
all create tension.
Isn't easy.
Emotions, past history anddifferent parenting styles can
all create tension.
But here's the truth yourability to co-parent, and
effectively, is one of thegreatest gifts you can give your
child.
So in this episode, we're goingto explore why healthy
co-parenting is crucial for yourchild's well-being, the most
common mistakes parents makewhen trying to co-parent and
five strategies to improve yourco-parenting relationship and
create a more peacefulenvironment for your kids.

(01:05):
If you want to shift your focusfrom conflict to collaboration
and build a co-parentingrelationship that truly works,
this episode is for you.
Before we dive into thestrategies.
Let's talk about whyco-parenting matters so much.
Studies have shown thatchildren who grow up with
cooperative co-parenting mattersso much.

(01:26):
Studies have shown thatchildren who grow with
cooperative co-parentingrelationships experience less
stress and anxiety performsbetter in school.
They have stronger self-esteemand emotional security.
They develop healthierrelationships in adulthood side.
When children are caught in themiddle of a parental conflict,

(01:46):
it can lead to behavioral issues, emotional struggles and
difficulty forming stablerelationships later on in life.
So if you're dealing with adifficult co-parenting dynamic
right now, ask yourself am Ifocused on winning against my ex
or proving that she's wrong, orproving that I can be better
than what she thought I was, oram I focused on what's best for

(02:12):
my child?
The best co-parents understandthat it's not about being right.
It's about creating the bestpossible life for their kids.
But let's be honest.
This isn't always easy.
Let's talk about some of thebiggest mistakes that hold
fathers back from successfulco-parenting.
All right, so let's get real.
Even with the best intentions,co-parenting can be hard.

(02:32):
Here are three biggest mistakesthat fathers make when trying
to co-parent and how to avoidthem.
The first is a big one and Idid this is actually a part of
this series is the U2.0 seriesis letting go of the ego.
When you let your ego get in theway, you focus more on proving

(02:55):
a point than on your child'sknees.
So let's shift your mindset.
Like, winning an argument withyour ex isn't as important as
winning your child's peace ofmind.
Like winning an argument withyour ex isn't as important as
winning your child's peace ofmind.
In the long run, your childwill be impacted by whether you
have your ego in the way.
So some dads will be like, hey,man, I, you know, I ain't want
to cause, no, I ain't want tocause no issue.

(03:15):
She over thinking I'm like this.
Or she's talking to you andsaying this, like you know,
saying this about me to you, andthen we kind of like separate
from our kid because we feellike the mom is coercing the
child to hate them, to hate us,and that's like the initial
mindset that most men go into islike, hey, her mom is over here

(03:35):
messing up with her, messing uphis or her mind.
You know, like theybrainwashing them.
I've heard that so many times.
But at the end of the day, yourchild still seeks for you and
it's your job, with any meansthat you have available to you
is to be there, whether it'sunderstanding the family law in
your area, in your city or yourstate, whether it be getting

(03:58):
some consultation by an attorney, whatever that may be, make
sure that you prove that you arethere so that your child knows
that you're there.
Second, using your child as amessenger.
Instead of communicatingdirectly, you rely on your child
to pass messages, which createsunnecessary stress for them.

(04:20):
Putting your child in themiddle, in whatever way, is a
manipulative tactic, because thechild has bearings over you and
the mother.
So you're like oh yeah, tellher this or tell her I'm going
to do this instead of talking toher.
You have to talk and be presentin those conversations to

(04:40):
actually navigate and I talkabout this in the Mastering the
Art of Co-Parenting workshops,as well as in my ebook Seven Key
Strategies to a HealthyCo-Parenting Relationship.
The last one, the third one, Iwould say is reacting instead of
responding.
When emotions run high, youreact impulsively instead of

(05:02):
responding with thoughtfulness.
So when something triggers, youtake a pause, take a breath,
wait before responding andalways ask will this help or
hurt the co-parentingrelationship?
And again, all of this iseasier said than done.
This is very broad concepts I'mtalking about here, but in my
seven key strategies to ahealthy co-parenting

(05:22):
relationship, I go way more indepth, way more in detail about
how to do this, and recognizingthese mistakes is the first step
toward building a moreeffective co-parenting
partnership.
So let's talk about the fiveactionable strategies that can
make a real difference.
If you want a calmer, healthierand more productive

(05:48):
co-parenting relationship, thesefive strategies will help you
get there.
The first set clearcommunication boundaries.
A structured approach tocommunication reduces
misunderstanding and help keepthings professional.
But how do you do it?
You can use natural or neutralcommunication tools, like

(06:10):
co-parenting apps, like OurFamily Wizard Talking Parents.
You can keep all discussionschild-focused and avoid personal
attacks.
Stay professional andrespectful.
I know it's very hard to tryand push blame immediately just
so that you can win over theargument, but I can tell you
that it will never end your way.

(06:31):
It will never end in anyonewinning.
And if you decide to usepassive, aggressive tactics to
communicate like, oh it hurts toknow that you don't do this, or
it hurts to know that you don'tcare about this, and instead of
saying you never follow throughwith anything, try, can we
agree on a set schedule forschool pickups to keep things

(06:54):
consistent for our child.
It centers the conversationaround the child.
Can we move to a solutionInstead of you don't do this and
you can't do this and all ofthat good stuff?
That's never going to play outin anyone's favor.
So practice emotionaldetachment and stay solution
oriented.
Co-parenting can be so freaking,frustrating, but reacting

(07:17):
emotionally only fuels conflict.
Freaking, frustrating, butreacting emotionally only fuels
conflict.
If a conversation starts to getheated, take a break before
responding.
Keep all interactions almostbusiness-like If you think of it
as a professional partnership.
When conflict arises, ask whatis the best solution for our
child.
Instead of escalating adisagreement about holiday
schedules, say, let's focus onwhat will make the holiday

(07:39):
special for our child and find away to split the time.
Keep your emotions out of it.
Emotions are automatically init, but when you focus on
keeping it out of the situation,you're able to think more clear
.
The fourth would be to supportyour child's relationship with
the other parent.
Kids need both parents and ifthere are mothers watching this,

(08:01):
kids need both parents.
Obviously, if the parent is adegenerate in many ways, then
it's rightfully so, while youprotect them from that.
But speaking negatively aboutyour ex damages your child's
emotional security.
So what can we do?
We can encourage your child tomaintain a strong relationship
with their other parent.

(08:22):
Avoid making your child feellike they have to choose sides
and let them express love forboth parents without guilt.
And I know I'm talking to dads,and dads aren't always on this
side of the coin where we'retalking bad about the mom,
because in some cases we wantpeace, but there are some dads
that are manipulative, and ifyou are that dad, then I will.

(08:44):
I am talking to you, but forthe most part this is something
that we have.
We deal with a lot of mothersthat don't let their kids
express love for the parentsbecause they're like I'm here
and your dad's not here, andthis and that and he left us,
and they have all this animositythat they pour into the child.
They literally pour this kindof energy into the child's life

(09:05):
because they disliked the dad.
And if your child comes homeexcited about something fun they
did with your ex, celebrate itwith them.
This reassures them that it'sokay to love both parents.
This was really hard at theearlier onset of me and the
mother of my daughter.
Daughter's co-parentingrelationship was that my

(09:25):
daughter felt like she had tochoose in between the both of us
because we weren't good, and itwas almost like oh, whatever
happens at your mom's house,keep it over there, don't bring
it over here.
Whatever happens at your dad'shouse, don't bring it over here.
Or when she gets home's house,don't bring it over here.
Or you know, when she gets homelike you're so spoiled, your
dad does this and this and that,and that was a lot of all of

(09:45):
that at the earlier onset of ourrelationship.
That's not the same at thispoint in time, but it was
definitely a thing.
And last but not least, keepyour child at the center of
every decision.
When you focus on what's bestfor your child, everything else
becomes easier.
Ask yourself before anydecision is this about my child

(10:06):
or is this about me?
Show up consistently.
Your child's security comesfrom knowing you'll always be
there.
So if your ex wants to adjustthe schedule slightly to
accommodate an important eventfor your child, consider being
flexible when it benefits them.
Now, co-parenting isn't aboutbeing perfect.

(10:28):
It's about being intentional,patient and focused on what
truly matters your child'swell-being.
Today, we covered why healthyco-parenting is crucial for your
child's success, the biggestmistakes that hold co-parents
back and five powerfulstrategies to improve
communication, consistency andcooperation.

(10:48):
So here's your challenge Pickone of these strategies and
apply it this week, whether it'ssetting up a shared calendar,
improving communication orpracticing emotional detachment.
Take a small step toward ahealthier co-parenting
relationship.
And, if you're enjoying thisseries, visit
15minuteswithdadcom for moreresources and more insights,

(11:11):
co-parenting tools and real-lifestrategies.
Next week, we'll dive intoovercoming challenges, turning
adversity into growth as a dad.
So describe 15 minutes with dadon your favorite podcast
platform and follow us on 15minutes with dad for more

(11:31):
content.
Until next time, stay patient,stay focused and keep showing up
for your kids.