February 20, 2025 • 24 mins
Could societal expectations be the barrier between you and genuine, meaningful relationships? Join me, Lirec Williams, as we unravel the complex journey of embracing authenticity in fatherhood and beyond. Through my own struggles with failed relationships and the pressure to project strength instead of vulnerability, we explore why living true to yourself is essential for building stronger emotional bonds.
Discover how breaking free from ego-driven behaviors and embracing emotions can transform your interactions, allowing for more honest, fulfilling connections with your children and partners. This episode reveals the power of emotional availability, self-love, and supportive communication, showing how authenticity becomes the foundation for healthier, more connected relationships.
But our conversation doesn’t stop at personal growth. We dive into the unique challenges of co-parenting with authenticity. Learn how to create a nurturing environment of family empowerment, where every family member feels seen, valued, and heard. Understand the critical role of accepting your co-parent as a permanent part of your family's landscape and how healthy habits and setting boundaries support personal growth as a dad.
I’ll guide you through practical strategies, including self-reflection, emotional openness, and leading your family with resilience and purpose. As a takeaway, challenge yourself to implement one of five powerful strategies to become a more present and authentic father.
Share your progress using #15minuteswithdad, and join us next time as we continue exploring the transformative path of fatherhood—rooted in honesty, emotional strength, and the courage to reconnect with what truly matters.
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Lirec (00:00):
Welcome back to another episode of 15 Minutes with Dad.
The podcast is all about realconversations, real strategies
and real growth for fathersnavigating life, family and
everything in between.
I'm your host, Lirec Williams,and today's episode is one that
every father needs to hear.
We're gonna be talking aboutembracing authenticity and
(00:22):
living true to yourself and yourfamily.
This isn't just about beingyourself.
It's about breaking free fromthe expectations, pressures and
past conditions that keeps usfrom showing up as the fathers,
partners and men we're meant tobe.
It's about being real with yourkids, with your ex, with your
(00:43):
wife, your spouse, with yourfamily and, most importantly,
with yourself.
And if you've ever felt likeyou're playing a role rather
than living your truth, or ifyou struggle to balance being
strong, dependable dad whilealso staying true to your own
needs and identity, this episodeis for you.
We're going deep today.
(01:03):
Let's talk about whyauthenticity matters, why is it
so hard for many men to embrace,and how choosing to live
authentically can createstronger relationships, better
co-parenting, better marriagesand a more fulfilling life.
So why do so many fathersstruggle with authenticity?
(01:24):
So most of us were not raisedin a culture that encourages men
to be authentic.
We were taught to be strong,not vulnerable.
We were taught to provide, notexpress emotions.
We were taught to be whatothers expect, not who we truly
are.
We show up as a version ofourselves that we think people
(01:47):
want the provider, the protector, the guy who has it all
together, even when inside we'restruggling, we're exhausted or
we feel like we're losing apiece of ourselves.
We fear that if we take off themask, if we show our real
selves, we'll be judged or,worse, we'll be seen as weak.
(02:11):
Here's what I want to challengeyou on today.
Your greatest strength is inyour authenticity.
Your kids don't need a perfectdad.
They need a perfect dad.
They need a real dad.
They need to see what it lookslike to be human, to make
mistakes, to learn and to grow.
(02:32):
Your significant other or yourco-parent doesn't need a man who
is constantly trying to win orprove his worth.
They need consistency, honestyand someone who can communicate
openly and without ego.
So let's break it down.
What does authenticity actuallylooks like in an everyday
(02:56):
fatherhood, and how can youstart embracing it today?
Before I go into this part, I'lltell you a little bit about
where I had struggles with this,and I had to learn this the
hard way and through failedrelationships, I had to learn
this, the hard way to prove myworth, and I bring this
(03:30):
relationship up because it wasprobably the most eye-opening
relationship I've been in.
But I was in a relationship fortwo years and I felt that my
worth was based on the time thatI gave my ex-girlfriend her
kids and to her and like showingup where she needed me.
You know, if she wasn't able todo something, I'm there.
(03:52):
You know I'm making thingshappen in different ways and
during that relationship I endedup quitting my job and that's
probably the worst thing I everdid, but I did it.
And now I had nothing thatactually made me feel worth,
except for what I did in myrelationship.
(04:13):
And then there was a time whereI wasn't needed that way
anymore.
I was needed in other ways, butI didn't know what those ways
were because I didn't like latchon to those ways.
But I didn't know what thoseways were because I didn't like
latch on to those ways.
So it was like this new spacethat I think my ex was looking
for me to be like, and a spacethat the kids were needing me to
be like, and I was still likethe initial version of myself.
(04:36):
But initially.
Eventually that relationshipkind of dwindled and went bad
and went south and we ended it.
But after that I was reallyleft with like, who am I?
What am I doing if I'm not in arelationship, dedicating my
time to kids and growing kidsand trying to be a good
(04:58):
boyfriend the best that Ipossibly can?
And it turns out I was aterrible boyfriend.
I was a terrible boyfriend.
I was a half decent stepdad,but I was mostly a terrible
boyfriend and I didn't approachmy relationship as if I knew my
worth.
I was approaching it as this aslong as they love me, as long
(05:19):
as they show me love or tell methat they love me, then I feel
worthy.
But over time that didn't evenmatter anymore.
Fast forward, I'm in a newrelationship, the relationship I
am in now and this has been achallenging relationship because
my ego has been the thing thatI've had to work through most.
It's not about whether or notI'm right or wrong, but how do I
(05:40):
communicate boundaries?
How do I communicate when theycommunicate?
When my girlfriend communicatesfeelings or emotions, how do I
approach that?
Do I shut down?
Do I get distant If she getsupset with me.
Do I kind of, like you know,stonewall her or do I lean more
into how to love her better?
And that's been the challengein regards to ego and learning
(06:02):
how to be my authentic self.
The challenge went in regardsto ego and learning how to be my
authentic self, and so I justwant to lay that foundation as I
jump into this next part.
Now, when we talk aboutauthenticity, we're talking
about living in alignment withwho you truly are, not who you
think you should be, not who youthink you should be.
(06:25):
Being an authentic father meansadmitting when you don't have
all the answers, allowing yourkids to see you as a full person
, not just dad.
The rule enforcer that's who Iwas in my past relationship.
I was the rule enforcer.
Mom made a rule, I enforced itand and another part of this is
(06:50):
being emotionally available andexpressing love openly I've had
to diligently put time intomaking sure that I dedicate time
to doing this with my kids, andat the beginning of my current
relationship with my girlfriend,I had a hard time being
emotionally available.
She was like, hey, I need youto be emotionally available.
I thought that I was doing it,but in reality I was people
(07:13):
pleasing, but when it really,when it became a real thing,
after going through therapy andstuff and trying to figure out,
like, what does that really mean?
I am, my entire family, has anemotional connection that is, I
feel, is unmatched and I love it.
And the last one is settinghealthy boundaries and honoring
(07:34):
your own needs.
And I just mentioned thisbefore, where I felt like I was
people pleasing and I wasn'tsetting healthy boundaries, I
was just kind of letting it gowith the flow, and if she's okay
, she's okay, and if she's not,I need to figure out how to make
it better.
And that's how I was raised.
I was raised by single womenand so I had this thing that I
had to please a woman at alltimes in order for the woman to
(07:56):
be happy with me.
I have to do what she says if Iwant her to be happy with.
And I know a lot of fathers, alot of husbands out there hear
this terms happy wife, happylife.
But there is also a version ofyour needs that need to be met
and sometimes men fall intosituations that they wouldn't
otherwise go into if their needswere met.
(08:17):
But another step into that isthat when you don't know how to
communicate your needs.
You tend to make decisionsthinking that you have clearly
stated your needs to this personand you're making decisions to
fill those needs in other placesdrugs, alcohol, women, et
cetera, et cetera, porn,whatever you may, whatever have
(08:39):
you but setting healthyboundaries, or learning to set
healthy boundaries, gives you afoundation into making sure that
you are able to get your needsmet, and this is something that
me and my current girlfriendwe've been working on.
Like first three years of ourrelationship was us learning
(09:00):
about each other, or the firsttwo and a half years about
learning each other.
This last year and a half isspecifically about each of us
learning ourselves, and a bigthing that I learned is that I
was not setting boundaries and Iwasn't holding setting
boundaries and I wasn't holdingthose boundaries and I wasn't
even telling her what I needed,so she never really knew how to
love me.
So here's an example.
(09:24):
I used to think that being astrong father means being
unshakable, never showing stress, never admitting mistakes,
never letting my kids see mestruggle, but what that created
was distance.
My kids saw me as a figure andnot a person, and if you look
back in your parental experience, you look at your dad like man,
(09:44):
he worked hard, or he did this,like he never stopped, or he,
you know like.
You have these images of yourparents he never stopped.
You have these images of yourparents, but you've seen them as
figures and not as people.
The first time I sat down withmy daughter and my plus son and
told him hey, I'm sorry, I madea mistake earlier.
(10:06):
I got frustrated.
That's on me.
I probably shouldn't have saidwhat I said.
I'm working on handling thingsbetter.
Something changed between myrelationship with my kids Not
immediately, but keeping that asa consistent tactic is to admit
when I'm wrong.
They begin to see me instead ofseeing me as some untouchable
(10:27):
authority figure.
They saw me as a human, someonewho's learning, just like them,
and that created trust, thatcreated connection and created a
relationship that was built onhonesty, not perfection.
Authenticity doesn't mean beingweak.
(10:48):
It means being real enough toknow or to show your kids that
growth never stops, no matterhow old you are.
Now let's take thisconversation and flip it on his
head real quick.
I know that there are men thatstruggle with authenticity in
their relationships with theirspouse or their girlfriend, and
(11:10):
if you're in a committedrelationship, you might find
yourself trying to live up to anexpectation rather than just
being yourself.
You want to be seen as strong,so you hide your struggles,
because that's what girls want,that's what women want.
You want to be seen as thegreat provider, because you feel
like that's what women need, soyou overwork yourself.
You want to keep the peace, soyou hold back your real thoughts
because you don't want to upsether.
(11:32):
And then you know, things gooff the edges.
But here's the reality thestrongest relationships are
built on transparency, notperformance.
When you are authentic in yourrelationships, it means that
you're communicating openly,saying what you really feel, not
what you think they want tohear, which is what I used to do
(11:55):
, and every relationship hasfailed because I just tend to
like.
You know, it became like I waslying when I was actually just
saying what I thought theywanted to hear, but, in other
words, being emotionallyavailable.
I have heard this throughoutportions of my life and it
didn't click until this age,until my mid-30s.
But allowing your partner tosee the real you, even when
(12:18):
you're struggling, it's notbeing weak, you're being human
and, for those that lack vision,lack decision-making skills,
indecisive, you have to learn toset clear expectations and not
agreeing to things just to avoidconflict.
Believe it or not, if you are ayes man, a woman will get bored
(12:45):
of you quick, like real quick,because there's no conflict.
Sometimes women like conflict.
That's a weird thing, I don'tknow how to explain it.
I'm not a, because there's noconflict.
Sometimes women like conflict.
That's a weird thing, I don'tknow how to explain it.
I'm not a, you know, I'm notthat kind of scientist, so but
I'll tell you a little bit abouthow there was a time in my
relationship when I would holdback on expressing my stresses,
(13:08):
like because I thought, you know, my job was to be the rock and
I couldn't show emotions.
I had to, you know, bottle itup and let everybody else cry,
be the shoulder for everybodyelse, and I'll just bottle it up
.
But in doing that I wascreating like a relationship
(13:32):
that was one-sided, like when atherapist asked my girlfriend,
what do you think he needs?
And all she had was like, oh, Ithink he needs respect.
And when he asked her that, Iwas like no, that's actually not
(13:54):
what I need.
And then I realized I didn'ttell her, and I don't think I've
ever told her what it was thatI needed.
Like she had no idea what Ineeded, like how to show me love
for real.
Because I never told her, Ijust accepted whatever she was
(14:16):
willing to give.
Because that's why I was like,hey, that's good enough for me.
You like me, you love me.
Is that what your love is?
I'll take it, and I didn't moldit and I didn't kind of shape
the environment that we werecreating as a relationship.
So if you're struggling in yourrelationships, ask yourself am
(14:38):
I being my real self or am Iplaying a role?
Authenticity isn't about dumpingyour problems.
It's about building arelationship where both people
feel seen, valued and heard.
And this big word that Ilearned is called validation.
It will change your life.
(14:59):
It is like a sneak attack ofagreeing to disagree.
You make her feel like youagree with her by just simply
acknowledging that she hasfeelings, and, believe it or not
, when she does that to you itfeels good too.
So learning how to validateeach other's feelings before you
(15:20):
come back and say I don't knowwhy you feel that way, that's
crazy that you feel that way oreven judging what they feel,
even mentioning what they feelwithout first mentioning hey yo,
I understand why you feel thatway.
That makes sense.
I get that.
However, it gives leeway toconversation, breaks down the
ego and you make both peoplefeel seen, valued and heard.
(15:41):
I know I talked about therelationship with your kids, but
it also impacts yourco-parenting relationship.
Right Now, this is a challengefor a lot of dads authenticity
and co-parenting.
If you're divorced or separated, chances are you've had moments
(16:05):
where it felt like you had toput on a performance, whether
it's proving you're a betterparent, hiding your frustrations
or keeping up with appearancefor the sake of winning the
situation.
Now you don't have to tell methe truth, but don't lie to
yourself.
But here's what I've learnedAuthentic co-parenting is the
only kind that truly works inthe long run.
(16:27):
And what does that mean?
It means communicating honestlyand respectfully, not just
saying what you think your exwants to hear.
That means being consistent,not switching personalities
depending on the situation andadmitting when you don't have
all the answers, but beingwilling to work together for
your kids.
Now, that's easier said thandone, easier said than done, but
(16:54):
I can tell you that if youlearn to accept, first accept
the fact that this is yourco-parent and this is the person
that's going to be in yourfamily's life forever.
Whether you start a new familyor not, they're going to be in
your life forever.
So why make it uncomfortablefor both of you?
(17:17):
It's going to be forever, untilyour dying days.
You have a child together.
Now you get to carve out whatthose boundaries are like for me
and my daughter's mother.
I, we don't like, we don't talkoften, but she's a, she's a
friend, but we don't talk oftenand we don't have to talk
because my daughter's old enoughshe can call her, she talks to
(17:39):
her, but if I talk smack to her,I can make jokes at her and you
know, and make fun of her.
She's basically a part of thefamily.
I check on, I make sure herkids are okay.
You know I care about her kids,I care about her family, I care
about her well-being, but Idon't have to have conversations
(18:03):
with her all the time.
I don't talk to her, I don'tcall her.
You know it's usually like okay, she's on the phone with my
daughter or something and she'son speakerphone and I just talk
smack.
But you know it's never a thingwhere I'm like, hey, how you
doing.
You know she may say MerryChristmas to your family and
tell me to tell my girlfriend hi, or she may chat with her
through the phone, but when itcomes to my child, we get on the
(18:24):
phone and I've had an hour longconversation with her when it
comes to something that mydaughter was struggling with and
like, hey, I need to bouncethis information off you and see
how we can do what we can do tohelp her.
So, like that, it becomes athing over time.
But it needs to be consistentand if your co-parent sees you
as a real, steady andemotionally mature, it builds
(18:47):
trust, and trust makesco-parenting easier, not just
for you but for your kids, whoare watching and learning from
every interaction that you have.
So how do we take this fromjust an idea to something real?
Here are five practical ways tostart living authentically as a
father, as a dad, as a man, as ahusband.
(19:08):
The first is get clear on whoyou are Self-reflection Just
take 10 minutes and write downwhat do I truly believe in?
What kind of dad do I want tobe?
What values do I want to passon to my kids?
(19:31):
Authenticity starts withknowing yourself.
Number two own your mistakes andmodel growth.
When you mess up.
Admit it, especially to yourkids.
Teach them that real strengthis in acknowledging mistakes and
learning from them.
(19:51):
Number three drop the ego andembrace vulnerability.
Share your thoughts and yourfeelings with your kids and
co-parent or your wife.
Don't be afraid to say I don'tknow, you know or I'm working on
this.
You know.
Strength is in honesty, not inpretending to be perfect.
(20:15):
Number four we can setboundaries that honors who you
are.
Say no, master the art of no.
Say no to things that don'talign with your values and do
not break for anyone.
Protect your time, your energyand your well-being.
Teach your kids that boundariesare a sign of self-respect.
(20:39):
Teach your kids that boundariesare a sign of self-respect.
And last, commit to presenceover perfection.
Your kids don't need a flawlessdad.
Like I said before, they need apresent dad.
Focus on showing up, listeningand engaging.
(21:00):
Not being the best dad, butbeing their dad.
Now, fatherhood isn't aboutproving yourself.
It's about being yourself.
Authenticity creates deeperrelationships, stronger
connections and a life thatfeels fulfilling instead of
exhausting.
So here's your challenge Chooseone of these five strategies
just one and apply it this week,whether it's being more open
(21:21):
with your kids, setting aboundary or simply reflecting on
who you really are.
Start there and make sure youshare your greatest moments with
us by using the hashtag15minuteswithdad and tagging us
at 15minuteswithdad.
Or you can tag me at LyricWilliams in that post with that,
(21:41):
or you can tag at @toldbyLirecat in that post.
And I love to see those thingsand it makes me feel good about
the impact that we're making onthose in the community.
And if you're enjoying thisseries, make sure to go check
out the other episodes in theYouTube.0 series.
So next week we're going to bediving into how to create
authentic relationships,strengthening your relationships
with your children.
Until next time, be real, bepresent and be the dad and
(22:04):
partner your family truly needs.
Welcome back to another episode of 15 Minutes with Dad.
The podcast is all about realconversations, real strategies
and real growth for fathersnavigating life, family and
everything in between.
I'm your host, Lirec Williams,and today's episode is one that
every father needs to hear.
We're gonna be talking aboutembracing authenticity and
(00:22):
living true to yourself and yourfamily.
This isn't just about beingyourself.
It's about breaking free fromthe expectations, pressures and
past conditions that keeps usfrom showing up as the fathers,
partners and men we're meant tobe.
It's about being real with yourkids, with your ex, with your
(00:43):
wife, your spouse, with yourfamily and, most importantly,
with yourself.
And if you've ever felt likeyou're playing a role rather
than living your truth, or ifyou struggle to balance being
strong, dependable dad whilealso staying true to your own
needs and identity, this episodeis for you.
We're going deep today.
(01:03):
Let's talk about whyauthenticity matters, why is it
so hard for many men to embrace,and how choosing to live
authentically can createstronger relationships, better
co-parenting, better marriagesand a more fulfilling life.
So why do so many fathersstruggle with authenticity?
(01:24):
So most of us were not raisedin a culture that encourages men
to be authentic.
We were taught to be strong,not vulnerable.
We were taught to provide, notexpress emotions.
We were taught to be whatothers expect, not who we truly
are.
We show up as a version ofourselves that we think people
(01:47):
want the provider, the protector, the guy who has it all
together, even when inside we'restruggling, we're exhausted or
we feel like we're losing apiece of ourselves.
We fear that if we take off themask, if we show our real
selves, we'll be judged or,worse, we'll be seen as weak.
(02:11):
Here's what I want to challengeyou on today.
Your greatest strength is inyour authenticity.
Your kids don't need a perfectdad.
They need a perfect dad.
They need a real dad.
They need to see what it lookslike to be human, to make
mistakes, to learn and to grow.
(02:32):
Your significant other or yourco-parent doesn't need a man who
is constantly trying to win orprove his worth.
They need consistency, honestyand someone who can communicate
openly and without ego.
So let's break it down.
What does authenticity actuallylooks like in an everyday
(02:56):
fatherhood, and how can youstart embracing it today?
Before I go into this part, I'lltell you a little bit about
where I had struggles with this,and I had to learn this the
hard way and through failedrelationships, I had to learn
this, the hard way to prove myworth, and I bring this
(03:30):
relationship up because it wasprobably the most eye-opening
relationship I've been in.
But I was in a relationship fortwo years and I felt that my
worth was based on the time thatI gave my ex-girlfriend her
kids and to her and like showingup where she needed me.
You know, if she wasn't able todo something, I'm there.
(03:52):
You know I'm making thingshappen in different ways and
during that relationship I endedup quitting my job and that's
probably the worst thing I everdid, but I did it.
And now I had nothing thatactually made me feel worth,
except for what I did in myrelationship.
(04:13):
And then there was a time whereI wasn't needed that way
anymore.
I was needed in other ways, butI didn't know what those ways
were because I didn't like latchon to those ways.
But I didn't know what thoseways were because I didn't like
latch on to those ways.
So it was like this new spacethat I think my ex was looking
for me to be like, and a spacethat the kids were needing me to
be like, and I was still likethe initial version of myself.
(04:36):
But initially.
Eventually that relationshipkind of dwindled and went bad
and went south and we ended it.
But after that I was reallyleft with like, who am I?
What am I doing if I'm not in arelationship, dedicating my
time to kids and growing kidsand trying to be a good
(04:58):
boyfriend the best that Ipossibly can?
And it turns out I was aterrible boyfriend.
I was a terrible boyfriend.
I was a half decent stepdad,but I was mostly a terrible
boyfriend and I didn't approachmy relationship as if I knew my
worth.
I was approaching it as this aslong as they love me, as long
(05:19):
as they show me love or tell methat they love me, then I feel
worthy.
But over time that didn't evenmatter anymore.
Fast forward, I'm in a newrelationship, the relationship I
am in now and this has been achallenging relationship because
my ego has been the thing thatI've had to work through most.
It's not about whether or notI'm right or wrong, but how do I
(05:40):
communicate boundaries?
How do I communicate when theycommunicate?
When my girlfriend communicatesfeelings or emotions, how do I
approach that?
Do I shut down?
Do I get distant If she getsupset with me.
Do I kind of, like you know,stonewall her or do I lean more
into how to love her better?
And that's been the challengein regards to ego and learning
(06:02):
how to be my authentic self.
The challenge went in regardsto ego and learning how to be my
authentic self, and so I justwant to lay that foundation as I
jump into this next part.
Now, when we talk aboutauthenticity, we're talking
about living in alignment withwho you truly are, not who you
think you should be, not who youthink you should be.
(06:25):
Being an authentic father meansadmitting when you don't have
all the answers, allowing yourkids to see you as a full person
, not just dad.
The rule enforcer that's who Iwas in my past relationship.
I was the rule enforcer.
Mom made a rule, I enforced itand and another part of this is
(06:50):
being emotionally available andexpressing love openly I've had
to diligently put time intomaking sure that I dedicate time
to doing this with my kids, andat the beginning of my current
relationship with my girlfriend,I had a hard time being
emotionally available.
She was like, hey, I need youto be emotionally available.
I thought that I was doing it,but in reality I was people
(07:13):
pleasing, but when it really,when it became a real thing,
after going through therapy andstuff and trying to figure out,
like, what does that really mean?
I am, my entire family, has anemotional connection that is, I
feel, is unmatched and I love it.
And the last one is settinghealthy boundaries and honoring
(07:34):
your own needs.
And I just mentioned thisbefore, where I felt like I was
people pleasing and I wasn'tsetting healthy boundaries, I
was just kind of letting it gowith the flow, and if she's okay
, she's okay, and if she's not,I need to figure out how to make
it better.
And that's how I was raised.
I was raised by single womenand so I had this thing that I
had to please a woman at alltimes in order for the woman to
(07:56):
be happy with me.
I have to do what she says if Iwant her to be happy with.
And I know a lot of fathers, alot of husbands out there hear
this terms happy wife, happylife.
But there is also a version ofyour needs that need to be met
and sometimes men fall intosituations that they wouldn't
otherwise go into if their needswere met.
(08:17):
But another step into that isthat when you don't know how to
communicate your needs.
You tend to make decisionsthinking that you have clearly
stated your needs to this personand you're making decisions to
fill those needs in other placesdrugs, alcohol, women, et
cetera, et cetera, porn,whatever you may, whatever have
(08:39):
you but setting healthyboundaries, or learning to set
healthy boundaries, gives you afoundation into making sure that
you are able to get your needsmet, and this is something that
me and my current girlfriendwe've been working on.
Like first three years of ourrelationship was us learning
(09:00):
about each other, or the firsttwo and a half years about
learning each other.
This last year and a half isspecifically about each of us
learning ourselves, and a bigthing that I learned is that I
was not setting boundaries and Iwasn't holding setting
boundaries and I wasn't holdingthose boundaries and I wasn't
even telling her what I needed,so she never really knew how to
love me.
So here's an example.
(09:24):
I used to think that being astrong father means being
unshakable, never showing stress, never admitting mistakes,
never letting my kids see mestruggle, but what that created
was distance.
My kids saw me as a figure andnot a person, and if you look
back in your parental experience, you look at your dad like man,
(09:44):
he worked hard, or he did this,like he never stopped, or he,
you know like.
You have these images of yourparents he never stopped.
You have these images of yourparents, but you've seen them as
figures and not as people.
The first time I sat down withmy daughter and my plus son and
told him hey, I'm sorry, I madea mistake earlier.
(10:06):
I got frustrated.
That's on me.
I probably shouldn't have saidwhat I said.
I'm working on handling thingsbetter.
Something changed between myrelationship with my kids Not
immediately, but keeping that asa consistent tactic is to admit
when I'm wrong.
They begin to see me instead ofseeing me as some untouchable
(10:27):
authority figure.
They saw me as a human, someonewho's learning, just like them,
and that created trust, thatcreated connection and created a
relationship that was built onhonesty, not perfection.
Authenticity doesn't mean beingweak.
(10:48):
It means being real enough toknow or to show your kids that
growth never stops, no matterhow old you are.
Now let's take thisconversation and flip it on his
head real quick.
I know that there are men thatstruggle with authenticity in
their relationships with theirspouse or their girlfriend, and
(11:10):
if you're in a committedrelationship, you might find
yourself trying to live up to anexpectation rather than just
being yourself.
You want to be seen as strong,so you hide your struggles,
because that's what girls want,that's what women want.
You want to be seen as thegreat provider, because you feel
like that's what women need, soyou overwork yourself.
You want to keep the peace, soyou hold back your real thoughts
because you don't want to upsether.
(11:32):
And then you know, things gooff the edges.
But here's the reality thestrongest relationships are
built on transparency, notperformance.
When you are authentic in yourrelationships, it means that
you're communicating openly,saying what you really feel, not
what you think they want tohear, which is what I used to do
(11:55):
, and every relationship hasfailed because I just tend to
like.
You know, it became like I waslying when I was actually just
saying what I thought theywanted to hear, but, in other
words, being emotionallyavailable.
I have heard this throughoutportions of my life and it
didn't click until this age,until my mid-30s.
But allowing your partner tosee the real you, even when
(12:18):
you're struggling, it's notbeing weak, you're being human
and, for those that lack vision,lack decision-making skills,
indecisive, you have to learn toset clear expectations and not
agreeing to things just to avoidconflict.
Believe it or not, if you are ayes man, a woman will get bored
(12:45):
of you quick, like real quick,because there's no conflict.
Sometimes women like conflict.
That's a weird thing, I don'tknow how to explain it.
I'm not a, because there's noconflict.
Sometimes women like conflict.
That's a weird thing, I don'tknow how to explain it.
I'm not a, you know, I'm notthat kind of scientist, so but
I'll tell you a little bit abouthow there was a time in my
relationship when I would holdback on expressing my stresses,
(13:08):
like because I thought, you know, my job was to be the rock and
I couldn't show emotions.
I had to, you know, bottle itup and let everybody else cry,
be the shoulder for everybodyelse, and I'll just bottle it up
.
But in doing that I wascreating like a relationship
(13:32):
that was one-sided, like when atherapist asked my girlfriend,
what do you think he needs?
And all she had was like, oh, Ithink he needs respect.
And when he asked her that, Iwas like no, that's actually not
(13:54):
what I need.
And then I realized I didn'ttell her, and I don't think I've
ever told her what it was thatI needed.
Like she had no idea what Ineeded, like how to show me love
for real.
Because I never told her, Ijust accepted whatever she was
(14:16):
willing to give.
Because that's why I was like,hey, that's good enough for me.
You like me, you love me.
Is that what your love is?
I'll take it, and I didn't moldit and I didn't kind of shape
the environment that we werecreating as a relationship.
So if you're struggling in yourrelationships, ask yourself am
(14:38):
I being my real self or am Iplaying a role?
Authenticity isn't about dumpingyour problems.
It's about building arelationship where both people
feel seen, valued and heard.
And this big word that Ilearned is called validation.
It will change your life.
(14:59):
It is like a sneak attack ofagreeing to disagree.
You make her feel like youagree with her by just simply
acknowledging that she hasfeelings, and, believe it or not
, when she does that to you itfeels good too.
So learning how to validateeach other's feelings before you
(15:20):
come back and say I don't knowwhy you feel that way, that's
crazy that you feel that way oreven judging what they feel,
even mentioning what they feelwithout first mentioning hey yo,
I understand why you feel thatway.
That makes sense.
I get that.
However, it gives leeway toconversation, breaks down the
ego and you make both peoplefeel seen, valued and heard.
(15:41):
I know I talked about therelationship with your kids, but
it also impacts yourco-parenting relationship.
Right Now, this is a challengefor a lot of dads authenticity
and co-parenting.
If you're divorced or separated, chances are you've had moments
(16:05):
where it felt like you had toput on a performance, whether
it's proving you're a betterparent, hiding your frustrations
or keeping up with appearancefor the sake of winning the
situation.
Now you don't have to tell methe truth, but don't lie to
yourself.
But here's what I've learnedAuthentic co-parenting is the
only kind that truly works inthe long run.
(16:27):
And what does that mean?
It means communicating honestlyand respectfully, not just
saying what you think your exwants to hear.
That means being consistent,not switching personalities
depending on the situation andadmitting when you don't have
all the answers, but beingwilling to work together for
your kids.
Now, that's easier said thandone, easier said than done, but
(16:54):
I can tell you that if youlearn to accept, first accept
the fact that this is yourco-parent and this is the person
that's going to be in yourfamily's life forever.
Whether you start a new familyor not, they're going to be in
your life forever.
So why make it uncomfortablefor both of you?
(17:17):
It's going to be forever, untilyour dying days.
You have a child together.
Now you get to carve out whatthose boundaries are like for me
and my daughter's mother.
I, we don't like, we don't talkoften, but she's a, she's a
friend, but we don't talk oftenand we don't have to talk
because my daughter's old enoughshe can call her, she talks to
(17:39):
her, but if I talk smack to her,I can make jokes at her and you
know, and make fun of her.
She's basically a part of thefamily.
I check on, I make sure herkids are okay.
You know I care about her kids,I care about her family, I care
about her well-being, but Idon't have to have conversations
(18:03):
with her all the time.
I don't talk to her, I don'tcall her.
You know it's usually like okay, she's on the phone with my
daughter or something and she'son speakerphone and I just talk
smack.
But you know it's never a thingwhere I'm like, hey, how you
doing.
You know she may say MerryChristmas to your family and
tell me to tell my girlfriend hi, or she may chat with her
through the phone, but when itcomes to my child, we get on the
(18:24):
phone and I've had an hour longconversation with her when it
comes to something that mydaughter was struggling with and
like, hey, I need to bouncethis information off you and see
how we can do what we can do tohelp her.
So, like that, it becomes athing over time.
But it needs to be consistentand if your co-parent sees you
as a real, steady andemotionally mature, it builds
(18:47):
trust, and trust makesco-parenting easier, not just
for you but for your kids, whoare watching and learning from
every interaction that you have.
So how do we take this fromjust an idea to something real?
Here are five practical ways tostart living authentically as a
father, as a dad, as a man, as ahusband.
(19:08):
The first is get clear on whoyou are Self-reflection Just
take 10 minutes and write downwhat do I truly believe in?
What kind of dad do I want tobe?
What values do I want to passon to my kids?
(19:31):
Authenticity starts withknowing yourself.
Number two own your mistakes andmodel growth.
When you mess up.
Admit it, especially to yourkids.
Teach them that real strengthis in acknowledging mistakes and
learning from them.
(19:51):
Number three drop the ego andembrace vulnerability.
Share your thoughts and yourfeelings with your kids and
co-parent or your wife.
Don't be afraid to say I don'tknow, you know or I'm working on
this.
You know.
Strength is in honesty, not inpretending to be perfect.
(20:15):
Number four we can setboundaries that honors who you
are.
Say no, master the art of no.
Say no to things that don'talign with your values and do
not break for anyone.
Protect your time, your energyand your well-being.
Teach your kids that boundariesare a sign of self-respect.
(20:39):
Teach your kids that boundariesare a sign of self-respect.
And last, commit to presenceover perfection.
Your kids don't need a flawlessdad.
Like I said before, they need apresent dad.
Focus on showing up, listeningand engaging.
(21:00):
Not being the best dad, butbeing their dad.
Now, fatherhood isn't aboutproving yourself.
It's about being yourself.
Authenticity creates deeperrelationships, stronger
connections and a life thatfeels fulfilling instead of
exhausting.
So here's your challenge Chooseone of these five strategies
just one and apply it this week,whether it's being more open
(21:21):
with your kids, setting aboundary or simply reflecting on
who you really are.
Start there and make sure youshare your greatest moments with
us by using the hashtag15minuteswithdad and tagging us
at 15minuteswithdad.
Or you can tag me at LyricWilliams in that post with that,
(21:41):
or you can tag at @toldbyLirecat in that post.
And I love to see those thingsand it makes me feel good about
the impact that we're making onthose in the community.
And if you're enjoying thisseries, make sure to go check
out the other episodes in theYouTube.0 series.
So next week we're going to bediving into how to create
authentic relationships,strengthening your relationships
with your children.
Until next time, be real, bepresent and be the dad and
(22:04):
partner your family truly needs.
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