December 25, 2024 • 29 mins
What if being truly present during the holidays could transform your family dynamics and deepen your most important relationships? Join me, Lirec, as I share my personal journey from being a distracted provider to embracing the essence of presence with my loved ones. Through heartfelt memories and powerful therapy reflections, this episode uncovers how fully engaging with family during the festive season creates lasting emotional bonds and family empowerment.
Whether it’s the joy of watching your children unwrap gifts or the warmth of a shared meal, we explore how savoring these moments with all five senses fosters deeper emotional connection and cherished memories that last a lifetime.
After scrolling past yet another meme about dads sitting on the sidelines during holiday celebrations, I had a wake-up call. I share my struggles with staying present, especially during the holidays, and how overcoming those challenges reignited my holiday spirit. From playing chess with my kids to breaking old stereotypes by joining simple moments like coloring, I discovered the power of emotional investment and genuine self-love.
This conversation is a heartfelt reminder that the greatest gift you can offer your family isn’t wrapped under the tree—it’s you, fully present and emotionally available. When we lead as dads with open hearts and release outdated expectations, we create unforgettable moments and stronger family connections.
Tune in and take the first step toward a more joyful, connected, and purpose-driven holiday season.
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:00):
Hey, what's going on, you guys?
It's your host Lyric.
Speaker 2 (00:02):
And it's Mariah, and this is 15 Minutes with Dad.
Speaker 1 (00:11):
And this is 15 Minutes with Dad, and we are
here to have a conversation withyou guys.
My precious daughter has joinedus today for a special episode
for um during this beautifulholiday season.
I think it's holiday spiritthat got her into her and now
I'm cool enough to have apodcast episode with it's so
(00:33):
great thanks for joining us,mariah yes, anytime, anytime,
yeah, it's great.
You know our, our teenagers.
They're so famous these days soit's hard to keep up with them
and their schedules in life.
So, um, she thank you fortaking a precious time to spend
with me today.
Um, I won't take up too much ofit.
(00:53):
I know that it is so busy witheverything that teenagers are
teenagers very busy, yeah Ireally appreciate it.
And um, and today, guys, we'rehave.
I just want to have aconversation with my daughter.
It's been a while and youhaven't heard from her.
She's still alive, she's outhere.
I'm sorry.
Alive and healthy.
Yeah, yeah, she's still aliveand healthy, very well Living
(01:15):
her life, you know, and shewanted to come and join us, and
so here we are, and we're goingto talk today specifically about
this holiday time, because itcould be a hard time.
It could be an easy time, withus being in a blended family.
Sometimes it's difficult toreally enjoy and be present for
(01:37):
holidays and all the differentmakings, and as teenagers,
they're becoming so famous thesedays.
They have their own lives andthey have all these other things
that pulls them in differentdirections, and balancing is
what we're trying to navigatethese days.
So, hey, mariah, hi, how isyour Christmas break so far?
Speaker 2 (02:01):
It's pretty good.
I feel like I needed this break, especially from just school
and stuff like that, because Ifeel like it's been good.
You know, I feel like I neededthis break, especially from just
like school and stuff like that, because I feel like it's been
going for so long, like it'sonly been like three months,
four months, but I feel likeit's been going forever.
So I feel like this break hasbeen going pretty good too.
You know what?
makes it great I think likeactually like spending time with
everybody and I'm actually likebeing around, because usually,
(02:23):
like I go to school and then Iget home and then I'll like take
a nap or something and then goto practice and by the time I
come back it's like then we'llhave like dinner and then it's
like bedtime or something likethat, you know yeah so it's like
now, it's like we're actually,I'm actually able to like spend
time with everybody and stufflike that and not having to like
stress out about anything.
Speaker 1 (02:44):
So I feel like yeah yeah, yeah, I feel the same way,
because I go to work and thencome home and then eat dinner
and then sometimes cook dinnerand then eat dinner and then put
the kids to bed and then take anight, go to sleep, maybe game
a little bit and crash out anddo it all over again every day.
Yeah, I can't say I hate it,but because it supports our
(03:06):
lifestyle, I don't have to liketo work, um, whoa, um.
So there's this thing that Iwas talking to many of the dads
about, of about something thatI've been working on, and so I
want to get your perspective onbeen working on, and so I want
(03:29):
to get your perspective on past,um, past perception versus this
christmas perception and thedifferent, if there's a
difference, what that differenceis and that stuff.
So I want to ask a couplequestions regarding that stuff.
Okay, um and so, um, in thepast, how do you, how do you
perceive our christmases likewhen, before, we blended our
family?
Speaker 2 (03:47):
um, before I think it was more like christmas.
It was just like we were justopening gifts and then that was
it.
You know, we'd like watch amovie and then eat, and that was
pretty much it.
Like we didn't really do likereally much of anything, yeah,
so I feel like that was that.
But like now I feel like we'relike actually like doing stuff
(04:09):
and you can like fill it I don'tknow how to explain like not
like like before we didn't feellike I didn't feel the holiday
spirit, but like I feel like now, like it's more like like like
I don't know how to explain itlike you're doing great.
You're doing great but like,like we're, I feel like we're
(04:30):
kind of more connected and stuffand we're like doing things
together rather than like justbuying.
Like I feel like we're doingstuff like leading up to
christmas yeah and then likechristmas and stuff like that,
rather than before it was morelike we were like doing nothing,
and then it was christmas andthen that was it right, right,
(04:50):
right and and and I think that'smaybe because a big part of
that I've had a misconception ofwhat, how to really celebrate
the holidays.
Speaker 1 (04:57):
I was like, well, I'm doing my part if I get her
presents so she has something toopen, and that was always.
My goal is to give yousomething to open for Christmas.
So you're not like I mean, Iwould go all out for your
presence.
I kind of ran out of one uppersof stuff, so I I need to grab
(05:19):
it at straws these days, but no,that that makes sense.
What are some things that we'redoing now, that that that you,
that is most memorable, or thething you enjoy?
What are some things that youenjoy about this christmas?
Speaker 2 (05:34):
um, I think the elf on the shelf thing is cute.
Like I really like that.
Like I feel like that's kind oflike I wouldn't say like healing
my inner child, but I feel likeI can, like I feel that coming
out, you know what I mean likewhen I like get excited, just
like read it and see it, and Ithink it's like funny and stuff
like that like get excited justto like read it and see it, and
I think it's like funny andstuff like that.
Like I really like that stuffBecause, like I don't know, I
(05:55):
feel like I get to like enjoythat type of thing and I think
the coloring stuff was also fun.
Like that was fun, likecreating our own bingo stuff.
Like I think that's a reallygood idea.
Speaker 1 (06:14):
So I think, like, like creating our own bingo
stuff, like I think that's areally good idea.
So I think like that was reallycute too.
Hopefully we can complete it,because roadblock guys, we're
the roadblock, technicaldifficulties literally, but
we're um.
So you know, that's, that's,that's great and for me, like
I'm actually really, I've beenreally excited about doing the
elf on the shelf yeah believe itor not, like it's been fun for
me.
I was so excited when I foundout they were doing it and like
when I say that we've thoughtthrough the elf on the shelf for
(06:37):
like months now, like we'regonna do the elf on the shelf
and then it started gettingcloser to the time and we forgot
.
But then we like.
But we were still like me andalma were sending pictures and
sending things and ideas arelike this is how we want to like
and so I had instead of youknow me, I don't like to read
live, do what other people do.
So I kind of take what I sawand then made it my own flavor
(06:59):
to it, and so it's been reallyfun trying to like create it and
late at night, like, oh my god,it is so hard to keep up.
Y'all don't even know, youdon't even know this up on the
shelf.
Shit is not for the weak hearted.
Like we did nine days.
Some people do 30.
We did nine days.
Oh yeah, like that was a goalto do nine days and it's been uh
, so fun, my like like every day.
(07:21):
And and for you like to, forall the dads out there, I just
want to explain to you, like wedid, we have two different
versions of the elf on a shelf,um, and before we did the elf on
a shelf stuff, um, we, I let,we had all the kids and Mariah
to come and like watch the elfon a shelf like cartoon on
(07:42):
Netflix, slow, short or whatever.
And and then you know that'show we introduced the elves and
everybody was like so and I seenmy daughter like smirk, like do
a little smile, um, gettingexcited, and I was like, oh shit
, we might have a hit on ourhands, uh, but we do it
differently with her.
So instead of like the wholeimaginary oh, santa's gonna do
(08:04):
this, but it's more like we, youknow, think about positive
affirmations that we can giveduring that moment.
So the elf is kind ofcommunicating to her about the
things that make her special andand and that's kind of like how
we're approaching the elf on ashelf instead of just being, you
know, oh, nine days untilchristmas, you know we have, but
(08:28):
we mix christmas in it.
It's a really beautiful thing,it's really fun and I think,
like to your point, mariah, yousaid like it touched your inner
child, touched my inner childtoo.
But I get to communicate to youguys differently, so, like words
that I probably the elf istelling you things that I have
said to you yeah right, but now,with your imagination talking
to you, it's like you get toread that and you can feel that
(08:51):
someone else is seeing you fromsomewhere and seeing inside of
you that yeah that and I can see, like even after the first day
of it, like I didn't know.
Here's the thing I didn't knowif these kids liked it or not.
I'm gonna tell y'all the storyreal quick.
I was the first one.
We did, we did the floor islava and I had the camera on.
(09:11):
I seen, I seen my 10 year old.
He was just looking at it andhe was just walking around.
Not, we put papers on the floorfor platforms.
We thought they were going totry to like navigate to the door
on the way to school.
They just walked past it.
Like Mariah ran fast becauseobviously she's late for the
school bus, but she ran past it.
(09:32):
And then Abraham was justlooking at it and it is like he
didn't even he did.
I thought he would be the oneto actually like jump into it
and no one did it until afterschool.
So what I did was is, whilethey were here, like Abraham,
the 10 year old and my four yearold, I did the.
I did the floor is lava.
I jumped from platform toplatform platform.
(09:54):
They watched me do it and whenthey came home from school and
then daycare, they did itthemselves.
Yeah, it was, and and it waslike something that, like, at
first I wasn't gonna, I thoughtI was just gonna be putting
stuff up and letting it be, butI, in order for it to really
work, I I realized very quicklythat I had to be invested yeah
in it, um, in a way that, like Ihad to put myself in you guys's
(10:18):
position on how I would respondin these moments, right, and
then create it and then let youguys experience like we've had.
Um, I think last night wasprobably the funniest one for me
.
I bought like a like the nextday after we had like all this,
we bought the elves on theshelves like months ago, right,
um, but I we went to the dollartree and like we was like oh,
(10:41):
what can we get to like do stuff.
We were, we had no ideas.
We I mean like we jumbled allthese different.
Speaker 2 (10:46):
Like last night.
Speaker 1 (10:47):
No different like last night, no, no, no.
A couple weeks ago.
Yeah, when we first started theday after the floor is lava we
was like, okay, we got to dosomething, we got to be a lot
more creative.
Speaker 2 (10:55):
So we went to the dollar tree and spent like 30
bucks on just anything we couldthink of to be artsy craft oh my
gosh, you know what's crazywhenever, whenever it was the
one, I think, it was, no, Ithink it was the one when the
floor was lava and it was like,I don't remember which one,
which one, but like it was like.
Whenever there was like a box ofand like it was like a little
(11:16):
can tan and there was likechocolate in it like I was, like
I never, like I never saw y'allbuy this, and so like that like
I was actually like for asecond.
Speaker 1 (11:26):
I was like, oh shoot, like this actually might be
real, like like I'm not evenjoking, like I was, like it was
like in the shoot, like thisactually might be real, like I'm
not even joking, like it waslike in the morning too, so I
was like I was still half asleep.
Speaker 2 (11:37):
But I was like, because I was like when would
they have bought this?
Like what.
Speaker 1 (11:42):
And so like I was, just like I don't even know I
was like but it connected you toyour Christmas period, like, oh
my God, this is actually yeah,like I was like there's no way
like this has to be real Like.
And then yeah, so yeah, thatthat story, that story
altogether, is like yo, ifyou're going to do this Elf on
the Shelf stuff, it's not forthe faint of heart, like your
(12:06):
spirit, your mental has to beinvested in it and you have to
be like, you have to act likeyou don't know what's going on,
even though you did this right,yeah, but it's, it's it's been
fun and I like this christmasholiday for me has been um
fantastic.
I feel like I'm I'm more elatedand excited about christmas,
(12:28):
whereas I'm just I used to dreadand just want it to be over
with already.
Yeah, I'm excited.
I'm excited for Christmas.
I'm more excited to get to thismoment where I watch you, like
I get to see you guys doing athing in our new home.
You know, like, like we'veopened presents, but we've had
some tumultuous holidays overthe last couple years and I
(12:52):
think this holiday is differentbecause we did stuff and even
though, like at any moment I can, I would I wanted to make an
excuse like, oh my God, I'mtired, but it became easier over
time for me to just be like youknow excuse me If Alma had an
idea she's like hey, let's dothis, like bet, let's do it.
you know like because, I'mexcited about it.
(13:12):
I'm, I'm that, like that's whatI talked about is being present
, like this christmas has.
Like even for my teenagedaughter, who who like things
and then don't like things.
Like you never know what you'regonna to get, but you know.
Like for her to be invested,even with our all the way down
(13:36):
to our four year old, is superexcited and invested.
Like they almost got Christmascanceled and they just lost it
they was like they came down toplead their case.
But I say all this, I say allthis to say dads, it's important
for us, as dads, to be activelylike how do you like, emory
(13:57):
this is my question for you like, how do you, um, how do you see
my like interaction compared tothe past and to now?
Speaker 2 (14:08):
I think, like like before, like it was.
I mean like I feel like now,like you are, like I can see
your enjoyment in this.
You know what I mean.
Like I can see, like, likeyou're actually, like you're in
the moment with us and likeactually like enjoying with us.
You know what I mean.
Like before, I feel like it wasmore you were like watching us
be happy rather than youactually being there, like I
(14:30):
don't know how to explain likeyou were in there with be happy
rather than you actually beingthere.
Like I don't know how toexplain it, like you were in
there with us but you weren'tlike actually like there there,
like you were more.
I think, like it was more likeyou were in your head, but also
like you were good.
Your body was there, but yourmind wasn't.
But it was like I don't reallyknow how to explain it, but like
I don't really know how toexplain it, but like, yeah, I'll
(14:51):
explain it.
Speaker 1 (14:52):
how I explained it?
Like my mind was, my body wasthere, but my mind was somewhere
else, focused on the next thing, the next this or the what
happened or how things aretaking place.
Or is everybody having fun orenjoying it and really trying to
like figure out how, um, like,what, like if I need to do
(15:12):
something more to make thismoment better for you guys?
yeah yeah, I, I agree.
I feel so much fuller this yearand I feel like I've learned a
lot, and this is this is kudosto my girlfriend, believe it or
not.
Like she's, she created thisspace for me to be present.
Like this is something thatshe's been talking about for a
(15:33):
long time, but she diligentlyhelped me create.
Like she helped create a spacefor me to be present and in a
way where, like she, she had all.
Like she's, she loves holidays.
She gets super excited forholidays, but I never used to
get like super excited.
I'll be like, yay, here we goAbout to be a lot of stress.
Oh, my God, you want to be.
(15:54):
She's about to be overlyexcited and making me anxious
Cause she's so excited that shewon't come down.
And and I was talking I wastalking in my last episode,
mariah, about how I'm I've beensinging and humming um the
(16:14):
Mariah Carey song.
All I want for Christmas is you.
That's how I knew.
Uh, that's how I knew I got thebug.
Um, like, have you heard mesinging it?
Like, yes, god.
I just, yeah, it's in my headnow you know, but like that's
funny.
How, how does that make youfeel, seeing, having me be the
(16:34):
way that you just describedbefore?
Wait like before, now or likeno, like just now, when you
describe how I am now okay, didI just confuse you?
Yes, you did okay when you dowhat I asked you, how did like,
how do you see?
How have I been this?
Speaker 2 (16:53):
year.
Okay, so like now.
Yeah, I feel like wait, whatwas the question?
Speaker 1 (16:56):
how does it make you feel okay, you started off right
.
You're like I feel like that's,that's how you would start.
Speaker 2 (17:02):
I feel like like you being present in the moment, it
also helps me be like that aswell, like I feel like like,
yeah, and I feel like that alsolike kind of helps the family as
well, like we I don't know itmakes I feel like it makes us
feel a lot more connected and Ithink like it also like makes me
(17:25):
really happy because you seemhappy as well, like in the
moment and stuff like that LikeLike yeah.
Like yeah.
Speaker 1 (17:36):
No, I appreciate that and I receive that because I
didn't know the profound effectthat it would have on you guys.
It was more for me because ofhow I experience life and how
I'm like.
I don't have memories, I don'thave this and I'm not.
I don't think of these thingsas exciting or a great thing,
(17:59):
but I'm like screw it, man.
That was my thought process.
I was like screw it, I'm justgonna do it and see what happens
and make sure and try to savorevery moment, uh, that I can
like every moment where I I'vebeen there, right, I've been to
your games, I've been to thesedifferent things, but like I
(18:20):
experienced them, I experiencedthem completely different.
Now, like I'm looking at it,like I'm watching you do
something that you love and I'mthere and I get to talk to you
about it afterwards.
You know, like I didn't havethat growing up, so like to be
(18:45):
able to.
I didn't realize that like that.
Like I think it hit me lastweek really last week, when I
went to your game, when I droveto, when I was like I think I
was, I drove to was a centralcrossing, I don't know which one
.
It was the second canine,lancaster the one on saturday.
Yeah, yeah, and I was there andand I was like bro, I drove an
(19:05):
hour to make sure that I'm at,I'm here at your game and I get
to talk to you about what youdid at the end of the game.
Because I question like, okay,am I doing something right, am I
doing something wrong?
And I'm like I think this isthat's a thing that I'm doing
right, like you love to do, thisthing you're excited about, you
go to practice, you work hardon it and then you go and
(19:28):
display it in front of all thesepeople.
You come off and you feel goodor you feel bad.
Sometimes you feel in themiddle and we get to talk about
it on the way home and whetherit's good or bad, you get to
talk about it on your way home.
Yeah, you get to talk about iton your way home.
Speaker 2 (19:41):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (19:43):
And that talk about how you see yourself.
I'm able to give you parts ofwhat you're thinking.
I get to give you things tostore inside of your mind and
that's like a beautiful thingthat I just like realize is so
exciting to me that I get to dothat and you're not just in your
(20:04):
head about it.
Like imagine if I didn't showup to a game, and I was thinking
about that as I was driving.
I had a lot of time to drivebecause I couldn't get the
Bluetooth to work Long story.
But I was driving in silencefor an hour to the Lancaster and
I was like yo imagine if Iwasn't there and you played well
(20:27):
or you played bad, but you'rejust like we don't have a
conversation about it, likethere's no talking about your
game.
You just I was there or Iwasn't there, and and it's just
you like, like how would youfeel?
Speaker 2 (20:45):
I feel like that would be like bad, like I feel
like if you didn't come to mygames, I feel like it would kind
of be like you didn't reallycare and you weren't like.
You just put me in basketballbecause I wanted to be, but you
didn't actually care to see meplay, or like that I was even in
(21:05):
basketball, like I think it was.
I feel like it would be morelike like you're just I'll be
affirming, I'll be confirmingthe negative in your head.
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (21:17):
So my present fights the negative in your head,
Definitely yeah.
Speaker 2 (21:20):
Dad cares still negative in your head.
Definitely, yeah, dad cares.
Because I feel like sometimes,like whenever you were, whenever
you relate to central crossing,um, I thought like you weren't
gonna like come or somethinglike that.
Like, even though you were likeyou're probably like two
minutes later something, likethat yeah, I got there when you
got in, like yeah, you got therelike literally as soon as I got
(21:41):
in.
It's like perfect timing.
But I was like I felt likewhenever, like I was like come
on, yeah, you got there likeliterally as soon as I got in.
It was like perfect timing.
But I was like I felt likewhenever, like I was like
looking back like constantly tosee if you were there, and like
whenever you weren't there, likeit was like I kind of felt like
you, like I got that youweren't going to show up.
You know, I was like, oh well,able to make it, you know, yeah,
and then so I was kind ofgetting in my head about that.
(22:04):
I was like you know, like I waslike oh, like he comes to every
one of my games, like no matterwhat.
Like you know, like he wouldtry to get off of work earlier,
like leave from a christmasparty like earlier.
Like you'll like do likewhatever you can to get to my
games.
And I was like I was like likeif he didn't come to this one,
like this wasn't like animportant game or anything like
that, but I was like it's just agame, you know, yeah, it's
still yeah, even though you knowall of that it didn't even work
(22:28):
no, because I was like.
It was just like, like I waslike so if he didn't show up,
like he didn't care.
But I know like obviously youcare because you'll literally
like you've done everything toget to get to my game and you
like miss one and I'm like, butwhenever you showed up, like I
was like really happy.
Even though I try I try not toshow whenever I see you show up
(22:51):
to my games I try not to showbut every time I like see you in
the stands, if I like, if Ilook back and you're not there,
and then I look back and you'rethere and I hear you, or
something like that, I get likeso happy inside because I'm like
, oh my gosh, like he actuallydid make it, and I get like
really happy, like I don't I trynot to show it because you know
like, but like I get likereally happy when you show up
(23:13):
and stuff like that like.
Speaker 1 (23:14):
So it's almost like that same feeling when you were
younger and you would see me, uh, somewhere and I'm like hey,
yeah, yeah across the auditoriumor something when you were a
kid yeah, performance yeah,that's.
That's interesting that you saythat because I can.
That gives me something topicture every time I show up to
a game, every time I show up Ididn't expose myself yeah, okay,
(23:38):
you exposing okay, but no, I Ithink it's a very it.
I think it's a very interestingthing because some fathers don't
go to things, some dads don'tthink that their presence matter
to those things, or maybebecause their baby mama said
don't come, we're going to bemad because my other partner is
(23:59):
here, so you shouldn't come, myother partners here so you
should come.
But like, from this, from thisconversation with you, I really
like it's affirming that it'svital for a father to be there
for their daughter everywhere.
I'm gonna be there ateverything that I can be there
for.
Like I'll be there at yourgraduations, your weddings.
(24:24):
If you are that kind of person,be there for you know, for your
wedding I'm going to be there,for I'm going to be there for
everything and in the mostunapologetic way.
And like, yeah, that's, it's abeautiful thing.
I think it gives me the.
(24:45):
This conversation helps meappreciate the journey that we
have together while we're alive,you know like and being able to
be present.
I get.
I feel like I have a lot moredays, a lot more time when I
when, by doing this, whereasbefore I felt like, oh my God,
I'm running out of time, I gotby doing this, yeah, whereas
before I felt like, oh my god,I'm running out of time, I gotta
do so much.
And that's what I was reallyfocused on is like I gotta get
(25:08):
this prepared.
I gotta get this prepared, Igotta get this prepared for my
daughter, just in case somethingdoesn't work out.
And reality, I'm missing so much.
I'm there, but I'm missing somuch, yeah, so, um, I thank you
for having this conversationwith me on this holiday and I I
would say that for dads, pleasebe present, enjoy memories and
(25:32):
make, create memories with yourfive senses, with your, with
your family.
We, we bake cookies fromscratch.
Everybody helped to breakcookies yesterday from scratch.
It was real fun and that's whatwe did, and you know so little
things color paper, pull outsome coloring pencils and color
(25:53):
with your kids.
Whatever that may be.
Mariah, you have anything tosay that you think dads should
do from a daughter's perspective, or something that you feel is
vital for a father from yourperspective?
Speaker 2 (26:07):
um, I feel like I guess just like show that you
care and show that you're there.
You know like sometimes we maynot like show that we want that,
but in reality I feel like deepdown, like we actually do and
just by by like, like, like yousaid, like doing, like coloring
and stuff like that, like doingstuff with us, it's really, it
(26:30):
really shows that you care andthat you love us, you know.
Yeah.
Like I feel like that reallyhelps.
Speaker 1 (26:36):
And so if you get the , if you get the best out of
your kids, just keep, keepshowing up.
They eventually they gonna likeyou.
They ain't gonna always likeyou, but they're going to love
you All right Now, thank you.
Thank you, love, for joiningthis podcast with me and thank
you, dads, for listening with meand joining me on this podcast.
This has been another episodeof 15 Minutes with Dad.
If you have not, if you findthis, if you like what you heard
(27:01):
today, make sure that you goand you share this with a loved
one to yourself, or friends orfamily.
There are dads all around theworld, so just share with them.
Let them hear this message,especially during the holiday
season.
Thank you, guys, take care.
Hey, what's going on, you guys?
It's your host Lyric.
Speaker 2 (00:02):
And it's Mariah, and this is 15 Minutes with Dad.
Speaker 1 (00:11):
And this is 15 Minutes with Dad, and we are
here to have a conversation withyou guys.
My precious daughter has joinedus today for a special episode
for um during this beautifulholiday season.
I think it's holiday spiritthat got her into her and now
I'm cool enough to have apodcast episode with it's so
(00:33):
great thanks for joining us,mariah yes, anytime, anytime,
yeah, it's great.
You know our, our teenagers.
They're so famous these days soit's hard to keep up with them
and their schedules in life.
So, um, she thank you fortaking a precious time to spend
with me today.
Um, I won't take up too much ofit.
(00:53):
I know that it is so busy witheverything that teenagers are
teenagers very busy, yeah Ireally appreciate it.
And um, and today, guys, we'rehave.
I just want to have aconversation with my daughter.
It's been a while and youhaven't heard from her.
She's still alive, she's outhere.
I'm sorry.
Alive and healthy.
Yeah, yeah, she's still aliveand healthy, very well Living
(01:15):
her life, you know, and shewanted to come and join us, and
so here we are, and we're goingto talk today specifically about
this holiday time, because itcould be a hard time.
It could be an easy time, withus being in a blended family.
Sometimes it's difficult toreally enjoy and be present for
(01:37):
holidays and all the differentmakings, and as teenagers,
they're becoming so famous thesedays.
They have their own lives andthey have all these other things
that pulls them in differentdirections, and balancing is
what we're trying to navigatethese days.
So, hey, mariah, hi, how isyour Christmas break so far?
Speaker 2 (02:01):
It's pretty good.
I feel like I needed this break, especially from just school
and stuff like that, because Ifeel like it's been good.
You know, I feel like I neededthis break, especially from just
like school and stuff like that, because I feel like it's been
going for so long, like it'sonly been like three months,
four months, but I feel likeit's been going forever.
So I feel like this break hasbeen going pretty good too.
You know what?
makes it great I think likeactually like spending time with
everybody and I'm actually likebeing around, because usually,
(02:23):
like I go to school and then Iget home and then I'll like take
a nap or something and then goto practice and by the time I
come back it's like then we'llhave like dinner and then it's
like bedtime or something likethat, you know yeah so it's like
now, it's like we're actually,I'm actually able to like spend
time with everybody and stufflike that and not having to like
stress out about anything.
Speaker 1 (02:44):
So I feel like yeah yeah, yeah, I feel the same way,
because I go to work and thencome home and then eat dinner
and then sometimes cook dinnerand then eat dinner and then put
the kids to bed and then take anight, go to sleep, maybe game
a little bit and crash out anddo it all over again every day.
Yeah, I can't say I hate it,but because it supports our
(03:06):
lifestyle, I don't have to liketo work, um, whoa, um.
So there's this thing that Iwas talking to many of the dads
about, of about something thatI've been working on, and so I
want to get your perspective onbeen working on, and so I want
(03:29):
to get your perspective on past,um, past perception versus this
christmas perception and thedifferent, if there's a
difference, what that differenceis and that stuff.
So I want to ask a couplequestions regarding that stuff.
Okay, um and so, um, in thepast, how do you, how do you
perceive our christmases likewhen, before, we blended our
family?
Speaker 2 (03:47):
um, before I think it was more like christmas.
It was just like we were justopening gifts and then that was
it.
You know, we'd like watch amovie and then eat, and that was
pretty much it.
Like we didn't really do likereally much of anything, yeah,
so I feel like that was that.
But like now I feel like we'relike actually like doing stuff
(04:09):
and you can like fill it I don'tknow how to explain like not
like like before we didn't feellike I didn't feel the holiday
spirit, but like I feel like now, like it's more like like like
I don't know how to explain itlike you're doing great.
You're doing great but like,like we're, I feel like we're
(04:30):
kind of more connected and stuffand we're like doing things
together rather than like justbuying.
Like I feel like we're doingstuff like leading up to
christmas yeah and then likechristmas and stuff like that,
rather than before it was morelike we were like doing nothing,
and then it was christmas andthen that was it right, right,
(04:50):
right and and and I think that'smaybe because a big part of
that I've had a misconception ofwhat, how to really celebrate
the holidays.
Speaker 1 (04:57):
I was like, well, I'm doing my part if I get her
presents so she has something toopen, and that was always.
My goal is to give yousomething to open for Christmas.
So you're not like I mean, Iwould go all out for your
presence.
I kind of ran out of one uppersof stuff, so I I need to grab
(05:19):
it at straws these days, but no,that that makes sense.
What are some things that we'redoing now, that that that you,
that is most memorable, or thething you enjoy?
What are some things that youenjoy about this christmas?
Speaker 2 (05:34):
um, I think the elf on the shelf thing is cute.
Like I really like that.
Like I feel like that's kind oflike I wouldn't say like healing
my inner child, but I feel likeI can, like I feel that coming
out, you know what I mean likewhen I like get excited, just
like read it and see it, and Ithink it's like funny and stuff
like that like get excited justto like read it and see it, and
I think it's like funny andstuff like that.
Like I really like that stuffBecause, like I don't know, I
(05:55):
feel like I get to like enjoythat type of thing and I think
the coloring stuff was also fun.
Like that was fun, likecreating our own bingo stuff.
Like I think that's a reallygood idea.
Speaker 1 (06:14):
So I think, like, like creating our own bingo
stuff, like I think that's areally good idea.
So I think like that was reallycute too.
Hopefully we can complete it,because roadblock guys, we're
the roadblock, technicaldifficulties literally, but
we're um.
So you know, that's, that's,that's great and for me, like
I'm actually really, I've beenreally excited about doing the
elf on the shelf yeah believe itor not, like it's been fun for
me.
I was so excited when I foundout they were doing it and like
when I say that we've thoughtthrough the elf on the shelf for
(06:37):
like months now, like we'regonna do the elf on the shelf
and then it started gettingcloser to the time and we forgot
.
But then we like.
But we were still like me andalma were sending pictures and
sending things and ideas arelike this is how we want to like
and so I had instead of youknow me, I don't like to read
live, do what other people do.
So I kind of take what I sawand then made it my own flavor
(06:59):
to it, and so it's been reallyfun trying to like create it and
late at night, like, oh my god,it is so hard to keep up.
Y'all don't even know, youdon't even know this up on the
shelf.
Shit is not for the weak hearted.
Like we did nine days.
Some people do 30.
We did nine days.
Oh yeah, like that was a goalto do nine days and it's been uh
, so fun, my like like every day.
(07:21):
And and for you like to, forall the dads out there, I just
want to explain to you, like wedid, we have two different
versions of the elf on a shelf,um, and before we did the elf on
a shelf stuff, um, we, I let,we had all the kids and Mariah
to come and like watch the elfon a shelf like cartoon on
(07:42):
Netflix, slow, short or whatever.
And and then you know that'show we introduced the elves and
everybody was like so and I seenmy daughter like smirk, like do
a little smile, um, gettingexcited, and I was like, oh shit
, we might have a hit on ourhands, uh, but we do it
differently with her.
So instead of like the wholeimaginary oh, santa's gonna do
(08:04):
this, but it's more like we, youknow, think about positive
affirmations that we can giveduring that moment.
So the elf is kind ofcommunicating to her about the
things that make her special andand and that's kind of like how
we're approaching the elf on ashelf instead of just being, you
know, oh, nine days untilchristmas, you know we have, but
(08:28):
we mix christmas in it.
It's a really beautiful thing,it's really fun and I think,
like to your point, mariah, yousaid like it touched your inner
child, touched my inner childtoo.
But I get to communicate to youguys differently, so, like words
that I probably the elf istelling you things that I have
said to you yeah right, but now,with your imagination talking
to you, it's like you get toread that and you can feel that
(08:51):
someone else is seeing you fromsomewhere and seeing inside of
you that yeah that and I can see, like even after the first day
of it, like I didn't know.
Here's the thing I didn't knowif these kids liked it or not.
I'm gonna tell y'all the storyreal quick.
I was the first one.
We did, we did the floor islava and I had the camera on.
(09:11):
I seen, I seen my 10 year old.
He was just looking at it andhe was just walking around.
Not, we put papers on the floorfor platforms.
We thought they were going totry to like navigate to the door
on the way to school.
They just walked past it.
Like Mariah ran fast becauseobviously she's late for the
school bus, but she ran past it.
(09:32):
And then Abraham was justlooking at it and it is like he
didn't even he did.
I thought he would be the oneto actually like jump into it
and no one did it until afterschool.
So what I did was is, whilethey were here, like Abraham,
the 10 year old and my four yearold, I did the.
I did the floor is lava.
I jumped from platform toplatform platform.
(09:54):
They watched me do it and whenthey came home from school and
then daycare, they did itthemselves.
Yeah, it was, and and it waslike something that, like, at
first I wasn't gonna, I thoughtI was just gonna be putting
stuff up and letting it be, butI, in order for it to really
work, I I realized very quicklythat I had to be invested yeah
in it, um, in a way that, like Ihad to put myself in you guys's
(10:18):
position on how I would respondin these moments, right, and
then create it and then let youguys experience like we've had.
Um, I think last night wasprobably the funniest one for me
.
I bought like a like the nextday after we had like all this,
we bought the elves on theshelves like months ago, right,
um, but I we went to the dollartree and like we was like oh,
(10:41):
what can we get to like do stuff.
We were, we had no ideas.
We I mean like we jumbled allthese different.
Speaker 2 (10:46):
Like last night.
Speaker 1 (10:47):
No different like last night, no, no, no.
A couple weeks ago.
Yeah, when we first started theday after the floor is lava we
was like, okay, we got to dosomething, we got to be a lot
more creative.
Speaker 2 (10:55):
So we went to the dollar tree and spent like 30
bucks on just anything we couldthink of to be artsy craft oh my
gosh, you know what's crazywhenever, whenever it was the
one, I think, it was, no, Ithink it was the one when the
floor was lava and it was like,I don't remember which one,
which one, but like it was like.
Whenever there was like a box ofand like it was like a little
(11:16):
can tan and there was likechocolate in it like I was, like
I never, like I never saw y'allbuy this, and so like that like
I was actually like for asecond.
Speaker 1 (11:26):
I was like, oh shoot, like this actually might be
real, like like I'm not evenjoking, like I was, like it was
like in the shoot, like thisactually might be real, like I'm
not even joking, like it waslike in the morning too, so I
was like I was still half asleep.
Speaker 2 (11:37):
But I was like, because I was like when would
they have bought this?
Like what.
Speaker 1 (11:42):
And so like I was, just like I don't even know I
was like but it connected you toyour Christmas period, like, oh
my God, this is actually yeah,like I was like there's no way
like this has to be real Like.
And then yeah, so yeah, thatthat story, that story
altogether, is like yo, ifyou're going to do this Elf on
the Shelf stuff, it's not forthe faint of heart, like your
(12:06):
spirit, your mental has to beinvested in it and you have to
be like, you have to act likeyou don't know what's going on,
even though you did this right,yeah, but it's, it's it's been
fun and I like this christmasholiday for me has been um
fantastic.
I feel like I'm I'm more elatedand excited about christmas,
(12:28):
whereas I'm just I used to dreadand just want it to be over
with already.
Yeah, I'm excited.
I'm excited for Christmas.
I'm more excited to get to thismoment where I watch you, like
I get to see you guys doing athing in our new home.
You know, like, like we'veopened presents, but we've had
some tumultuous holidays overthe last couple years and I
(12:52):
think this holiday is differentbecause we did stuff and even
though, like at any moment I can, I would I wanted to make an
excuse like, oh my God, I'mtired, but it became easier over
time for me to just be like youknow excuse me If Alma had an
idea she's like hey, let's dothis, like bet, let's do it.
you know like because, I'mexcited about it.
(13:12):
I'm, I'm that, like that's whatI talked about is being present
, like this christmas has.
Like even for my teenagedaughter, who who like things
and then don't like things.
Like you never know what you'regonna to get, but you know.
Like for her to be invested,even with our all the way down
(13:36):
to our four year old, is superexcited and invested.
Like they almost got Christmascanceled and they just lost it
they was like they came down toplead their case.
But I say all this, I say allthis to say dads, it's important
for us, as dads, to be activelylike how do you like, emory
(13:57):
this is my question for you like, how do you, um, how do you see
my like interaction compared tothe past and to now?
Speaker 2 (14:08):
I think, like like before, like it was.
I mean like I feel like now,like you are, like I can see
your enjoyment in this.
You know what I mean.
Like I can see, like, likeyou're actually, like you're in
the moment with us and likeactually like enjoying with us.
You know what I mean.
Like before, I feel like it wasmore you were like watching us
be happy rather than youactually being there, like I
(14:30):
don't know how to explain likeyou were in there with be happy
rather than you actually beingthere.
Like I don't know how toexplain it, like you were in
there with us but you weren'tlike actually like there there,
like you were more.
I think, like it was more likeyou were in your head, but also
like you were good.
Your body was there, but yourmind wasn't.
But it was like I don't reallyknow how to explain it, but like
I don't really know how toexplain it, but like, yeah, I'll
(14:51):
explain it.
Speaker 1 (14:52):
how I explained it?
Like my mind was, my body wasthere, but my mind was somewhere
else, focused on the next thing, the next this or the what
happened or how things aretaking place.
Or is everybody having fun orenjoying it and really trying to
like figure out how, um, like,what, like if I need to do
(15:12):
something more to make thismoment better for you guys?
yeah yeah, I, I agree.
I feel so much fuller this yearand I feel like I've learned a
lot, and this is this is kudosto my girlfriend, believe it or
not.
Like she's, she created thisspace for me to be present.
Like this is something thatshe's been talking about for a
(15:33):
long time, but she diligentlyhelped me create.
Like she helped create a spacefor me to be present and in a
way where, like she, she had all.
Like she's, she loves holidays.
She gets super excited forholidays, but I never used to
get like super excited.
I'll be like, yay, here we goAbout to be a lot of stress.
Oh, my God, you want to be.
(15:54):
She's about to be overlyexcited and making me anxious
Cause she's so excited that shewon't come down.
And and I was talking I wastalking in my last episode,
mariah, about how I'm I've beensinging and humming um the
(16:14):
Mariah Carey song.
All I want for Christmas is you.
That's how I knew.
Uh, that's how I knew I got thebug.
Um, like, have you heard mesinging it?
Like, yes, god.
I just, yeah, it's in my headnow you know, but like that's
funny.
How, how does that make youfeel, seeing, having me be the
(16:34):
way that you just describedbefore?
Wait like before, now or likeno, like just now, when you
describe how I am now okay, didI just confuse you?
Yes, you did okay when you dowhat I asked you, how did like,
how do you see?
How have I been this?
Speaker 2 (16:53):
year.
Okay, so like now.
Yeah, I feel like wait, whatwas the question?
Speaker 1 (16:56):
how does it make you feel okay, you started off right
.
You're like I feel like that's,that's how you would start.
Speaker 2 (17:02):
I feel like like you being present in the moment, it
also helps me be like that aswell, like I feel like like,
yeah, and I feel like that alsolike kind of helps the family as
well, like we I don't know itmakes I feel like it makes us
feel a lot more connected and Ithink like it also like makes me
(17:25):
really happy because you seemhappy as well, like in the
moment and stuff like that LikeLike yeah.
Like yeah.
Speaker 1 (17:36):
No, I appreciate that and I receive that because I
didn't know the profound effectthat it would have on you guys.
It was more for me because ofhow I experience life and how
I'm like.
I don't have memories, I don'thave this and I'm not.
I don't think of these thingsas exciting or a great thing,
(17:59):
but I'm like screw it, man.
That was my thought process.
I was like screw it, I'm justgonna do it and see what happens
and make sure and try to savorevery moment, uh, that I can
like every moment where I I'vebeen there, right, I've been to
your games, I've been to thesedifferent things, but like I
(18:20):
experienced them, I experiencedthem completely different.
Now, like I'm looking at it,like I'm watching you do
something that you love and I'mthere and I get to talk to you
about it afterwards.
You know, like I didn't havethat growing up, so like to be
(18:45):
able to.
I didn't realize that like that.
Like I think it hit me lastweek really last week, when I
went to your game, when I droveto, when I was like I think I
was, I drove to was a centralcrossing, I don't know which one
.
It was the second canine,lancaster the one on saturday.
Yeah, yeah, and I was there andand I was like bro, I drove an
(19:05):
hour to make sure that I'm at,I'm here at your game and I get
to talk to you about what youdid at the end of the game.
Because I question like, okay,am I doing something right, am I
doing something wrong?
And I'm like I think this isthat's a thing that I'm doing
right, like you love to do, thisthing you're excited about, you
go to practice, you work hardon it and then you go and
(19:28):
display it in front of all thesepeople.
You come off and you feel goodor you feel bad.
Sometimes you feel in themiddle and we get to talk about
it on the way home and whetherit's good or bad, you get to
talk about it on your way home.
Yeah, you get to talk about iton your way home.
Speaker 2 (19:41):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (19:43):
And that talk about how you see yourself.
I'm able to give you parts ofwhat you're thinking.
I get to give you things tostore inside of your mind and
that's like a beautiful thingthat I just like realize is so
exciting to me that I get to dothat and you're not just in your
(20:04):
head about it.
Like imagine if I didn't showup to a game, and I was thinking
about that as I was driving.
I had a lot of time to drivebecause I couldn't get the
Bluetooth to work Long story.
But I was driving in silencefor an hour to the Lancaster and
I was like yo imagine if Iwasn't there and you played well
(20:27):
or you played bad, but you'rejust like we don't have a
conversation about it, likethere's no talking about your
game.
You just I was there or Iwasn't there, and and it's just
you like, like how would youfeel?
Speaker 2 (20:45):
I feel like that would be like bad, like I feel
like if you didn't come to mygames, I feel like it would kind
of be like you didn't reallycare and you weren't like.
You just put me in basketballbecause I wanted to be, but you
didn't actually care to see meplay, or like that I was even in
(21:05):
basketball, like I think it was.
I feel like it would be morelike like you're just I'll be
affirming, I'll be confirmingthe negative in your head.
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (21:17):
So my present fights the negative in your head,
Definitely yeah.
Speaker 2 (21:20):
Dad cares still negative in your head.
Definitely, yeah, dad cares.
Because I feel like sometimes,like whenever you were, whenever
you relate to central crossing,um, I thought like you weren't
gonna like come or somethinglike that.
Like, even though you were likeyou're probably like two
minutes later something, likethat yeah, I got there when you
got in, like yeah, you got therelike literally as soon as I got
(21:41):
in.
It's like perfect timing.
But I was like I felt likewhenever, like I was like come
on, yeah, you got there likeliterally as soon as I got in.
It was like perfect timing.
But I was like I felt likewhenever, like I was like
looking back like constantly tosee if you were there, and like
whenever you weren't there, likeit was like I kind of felt like
you, like I got that youweren't going to show up.
You know, I was like, oh well,able to make it, you know, yeah,
and then so I was kind ofgetting in my head about that.
(22:04):
I was like you know, like I waslike oh, like he comes to every
one of my games, like no matterwhat.
Like you know, like he wouldtry to get off of work earlier,
like leave from a christmasparty like earlier.
Like you'll like do likewhatever you can to get to my
games.
And I was like I was like likeif he didn't come to this one,
like this wasn't like animportant game or anything like
that, but I was like it's just agame, you know, yeah, it's
still yeah, even though you knowall of that it didn't even work
(22:28):
no, because I was like.
It was just like, like I waslike so if he didn't show up,
like he didn't care.
But I know like obviously youcare because you'll literally
like you've done everything toget to get to my game and you
like miss one and I'm like, butwhenever you showed up, like I
was like really happy.
Even though I try I try not toshow whenever I see you show up
(22:51):
to my games I try not to showbut every time I like see you in
the stands, if I like, if Ilook back and you're not there,
and then I look back and you'rethere and I hear you, or
something like that, I get likeso happy inside because I'm like
, oh my gosh, like he actuallydid make it, and I get like
really happy, like I don't I trynot to show it because you know
like, but like I get likereally happy when you show up
(23:13):
and stuff like that like.
Speaker 1 (23:14):
So it's almost like that same feeling when you were
younger and you would see me, uh, somewhere and I'm like hey,
yeah, yeah across the auditoriumor something when you were a
kid yeah, performance yeah,that's.
That's interesting that you saythat because I can.
That gives me something topicture every time I show up to
a game, every time I show up Ididn't expose myself yeah, okay,
(23:38):
you exposing okay, but no, I Ithink it's a very it.
I think it's a very interestingthing because some fathers don't
go to things, some dads don'tthink that their presence matter
to those things, or maybebecause their baby mama said
don't come, we're going to bemad because my other partner is
(23:59):
here, so you shouldn't come, myother partners here so you
should come.
But like, from this, from thisconversation with you, I really
like it's affirming that it'svital for a father to be there
for their daughter everywhere.
I'm gonna be there ateverything that I can be there
for.
Like I'll be there at yourgraduations, your weddings.
(24:24):
If you are that kind of person,be there for you know, for your
wedding I'm going to be there,for I'm going to be there for
everything and in the mostunapologetic way.
And like, yeah, that's, it's abeautiful thing.
I think it gives me the.
(24:45):
This conversation helps meappreciate the journey that we
have together while we're alive,you know like and being able to
be present.
I get.
I feel like I have a lot moredays, a lot more time when I
when, by doing this, whereasbefore I felt like, oh my God,
I'm running out of time, I gotby doing this, yeah, whereas
before I felt like, oh my god,I'm running out of time, I gotta
do so much.
And that's what I was reallyfocused on is like I gotta get
(25:08):
this prepared.
I gotta get this prepared, Igotta get this prepared for my
daughter, just in case somethingdoesn't work out.
And reality, I'm missing so much.
I'm there, but I'm missing somuch, yeah, so, um, I thank you
for having this conversationwith me on this holiday and I I
would say that for dads, pleasebe present, enjoy memories and
(25:32):
make, create memories with yourfive senses, with your, with
your family.
We, we bake cookies fromscratch.
Everybody helped to breakcookies yesterday from scratch.
It was real fun and that's whatwe did, and you know so little
things color paper, pull outsome coloring pencils and color
(25:53):
with your kids.
Whatever that may be.
Mariah, you have anything tosay that you think dads should
do from a daughter's perspective, or something that you feel is
vital for a father from yourperspective?
Speaker 2 (26:07):
um, I feel like I guess just like show that you
care and show that you're there.
You know like sometimes we maynot like show that we want that,
but in reality I feel like deepdown, like we actually do and
just by by like, like, like yousaid, like doing, like coloring
and stuff like that, like doingstuff with us, it's really, it
(26:30):
really shows that you care andthat you love us, you know.
Yeah.
Like I feel like that reallyhelps.
Speaker 1 (26:36):
And so if you get the , if you get the best out of
your kids, just keep, keepshowing up.
They eventually they gonna likeyou.
They ain't gonna always likeyou, but they're going to love
you All right Now, thank you.
Thank you, love, for joiningthis podcast with me and thank
you, dads, for listening with meand joining me on this podcast.
This has been another episodeof 15 Minutes with Dad.
If you have not, if you findthis, if you like what you heard
(27:01):
today, make sure that you goand you share this with a loved
one to yourself, or friends orfamily.
There are dads all around theworld, so just share with them.
Let them hear this message,especially during the holiday
season.
Thank you, guys, take care.
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