December 26, 2024 • 26 mins
What if being truly present during the holidays could transform your family dynamics and deepen your most important relationships? Join me, Lirec, as I share my personal journey from being a distracted provider to embracing the essence of presence with my loved ones. Through heartfelt memories and powerful therapy reflections, this episode uncovers how engaging fully with family during the festive season can create lasting emotional bonds.
Whether it’s the joy of watching your children unwrap gifts or the warmth of a shared meal, we explore how savoring these moments with all five senses fosters meaningful family empowerment and emotional connection.
Scrolling through memes about dads sitting on the sidelines during holiday celebrations, I had a wake-up call about the importance of stepping into the moment. I share my own struggles with staying present, especially during the holidays, and how overcoming those challenges rekindled my holiday spirit. From playing chess with my kids to breaking stereotypes by joining in on simple activities like coloring, I discovered the power of emotional investment and genuine self-love.
This conversation is a heartfelt reminder that the greatest gift you can offer your family is your presence. When we lead as dads with open hearts and let go of outdated expectations, we create unforgettable moments and stronger family connections.
Tune in and learn how embracing presence this holiday season can bring joy, connection, and purpose back into your home.
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:00):
Hey, what's going on, dads?
Welcome to another episode of15 Minutes with Dad.
My name is Lyric, your host,and we love talking about family
.
We love talking about mentalhealth and all things daddom.
Thank you again for joining me.
Happy holidays to everyonelistening.
(00:21):
I'm going to drop a few episodesthis holiday and you're going
to be able to have aconversation.
Listen to a conversation that Ihave with different family
members, but today I'm going todrop a few episodes this holiday
and you're going to be able tohave a conversation listen to a
conversation that I have withdifferent family members, but
today I'm talking to you myself,and during this holiday I tried
something different than Iwould in every single other
holiday and I talked about beingpresent in a few episodes ago,
(00:42):
and today I'm going to betalking about how to create that
space to be present and I'mgoing to guide it based on this
meme that someone posted one ofmy friends posted and I'm going
to read it out and essentiallyit says women, when your husband
says he doesn't want anythingfor Christmas, he's not being
(01:04):
hard to shop for.
He's being honest.
Men buy what they want, needthroughout the year.
Socks and undershirts reallyare enough, and if stuff it's
stuff we need.
Christmas is more about you andthe children to us.
On Christmas morning, we wantto watch our wives and kids
opening presents and gettingexcited while drinking coffee
(01:25):
and a Christmas movie playing inthe background.
We want to put stuff togetherand watch you all enjoy it.
We have all we need with you.
I love this quote.
We, as dads, do this, andthere's this micro chasm that
(01:46):
exists in these spaces where wedo these things, and so today
we'll be addressing this memethat I just mentioned before,
and thank you for joining me.
If you haven't liked, shared orsubscribed to this podcast, you
can find us on every socialmedia platform.
You can find us on everypodcast streaming platform that
(02:14):
you can talk, you can think of,from Deezer to PodTube to
Spotify and iTunes, so make surethat you go and rate us, and
you can send us a messagedirectly as well, so let's get
into it.
Can send us a message directlyas well, so let's get into it.
All right, dads, welcome backAgain.
My name is Lyric.
(02:37):
Let's jump into this episodewhere we talk about creating
space for being present duringthe holidays, based on this
quote.
I talked about this quote whereit says, basically buying us
socks and shirts is all we need.
We like to watch you guys, thewife, the family and the kids
opening up presents and drinkingour coffee with a Christmas
(02:59):
movie playing in the background.
We want to put the stufftogether and then watch our kids
enjoy it.
There are pieces in it Imentioned before that it's not
that I have a problem with it.
It's some things that I thinkare this micro piece that exists
when these big moments thathappens in our life and these
(03:20):
places, that where we creatememories and where we usually
take the back seat to kind ofwatch all the experience happen
and we take that in as like, yes, this is great and we, you know
, take it all in and that's,that's a good thing.
But we also have this place,this space that exists, where we
(03:41):
could create something andactively be a part of the memory
that's taken place when we'rewaking up on, when our kids are
waking up on Christmas morningor and our wives are, you know,
everybody's getting ready,they're opening presents or
taking videos, they're gettingexcited about their stuff and
laughing and smiling, and we're,you know, drinking our coffee
(04:05):
and smiling while watching them.
Where are we in the picture inour kids' mind and our wives'
mind in that moment when ourkids are excited or enjoying
their new toy, or you know, whatare we doing in that time frame
, and so I wanted to use thisquote.
(04:28):
But it also connects tosomething that I've been working
on this year, specificallysurrounding holidays, and I
chose that, but it's actuallybeen a detriment to a lot of
moments that I could havecreated memories with my family
(04:49):
and I learned, like, as a partof my therapy throughout this
past year, is it got down to thepoint where I don't?
I'm always thinking about whatnext?
I'm always thinking about whatcan I do next to make this
better, what can I do next afterthis?
Or while I'm in something, I'mnever really savoring the moment
.
And I'm going to use the wordsavoring quite a bit, and it's
(05:12):
kind of based off a podcast thatI listened to a while back.
But savoring the moment, howare we savoring that moment?
And my therapist mentioned tome like, hey, you need to.
And my therapist mentioned tome like, hey, you need to.
You can try connecting thesemoments to create memories in
your life instead of just tryingto survive them or get done
(05:33):
with them, whether it's a party,whether it's friends coming
over, whether it's, you know,you're entertaining people
dinner with in-laws, whateverthat may be.
We tend to dread some of thesethings and then we're like, oh
my God, I can't wait till it'sover.
But, in reality, all of thesemoments are our experiences, and
(05:55):
a thing that she mentions to meis that, in order to really
create a memory, your memory isbased on how you experience the
environment with your fivesenses, and so something that I
decided to do this yearregarding that is to make sure
(06:17):
that I create memories with myfamily and be present in a way
that I am able to savor themoment with while using my five
senses.
So that's, you know, somethingthat we eat, or something that
has a feeling to it, or maybeit's, um, you know, like a
feeling that I'm, you know,creating whether I'm hugging my,
my kids, or um, and I do thison a regular, but it was
(06:40):
something about me intentionallydoing it that has made this
experience so far that muchbetter when I say that, with my
intentional savoring of mymoments, I have learned how much
I take my life for granted andthe moments that I have with my
(07:02):
family, how long I've taken itfor granted.
For instance, there was a momentwhere I woke up early in the
morning and I gave my teenagedaughter a hug before she walked
out.
I woke up to go take a walk atearly in the morning and she was
leaving and I gave her a hugand I watched her run.
She was late but I watched herrun to get on the bus and it hit
(07:27):
me like a ton of bricks.
I was like, wow, I have notseen my daughter get on a bus in
a long time, in years, in years, and it made me cry a little
bit because I felt like I'vemissed so much something so
subtle as my teenage daughtergetting on the bus.
(07:48):
And she's been riding, she'llride.
She's been riding the bus toschool all her life.
You know, and and you know Iused to for a year.
There was a year or two that Ijust dropped her off at school,
but like I didn't, you know,missing those times of her
getting up and going to school,saying good morning, being the
first person she see before shegoes to school.
(08:10):
Like I missed a lot of that andand and I and I and I hate that
I did, you know, and and so,and I hate that.
I did, you know, but that waslike the first, you know, hit of
mine when I started thisjourney of being present.
Holidays are usually bad in myrelationship.
We usually fight during thistime, and so the goal that we
(08:33):
made was like, okay, we're goingto be present, like she always,
my girlfriend, always used totell me hey, you need to be
present, you need to be present.
I'm like what the hell?
I'm here, like how much morepresent can I be?
I'm here, but like I understandnow what she meant and my mind
was always somewhere else.
(08:53):
Maybe it's a message, maybeit's a call, maybe it's business
, maybe I'm talking about work,maybe I'm talking about business
, like I'm talking about someproject that I'm working on, and
I wasn't actually savoring themoment.
I was there Drinking my coffee,smiling at my kids While they
(09:14):
experienced the world, mygirlfriend watching.
They experienced the world, theworld, and my girlfriend they
experience the world.
It's almost as if I'm ridinglife for the ride.
(09:34):
And if you think about it, dads,a lot of us sit back and just
look at our family Because weare proud of what we made with
our hands.
We made a family right, butit's the other.
This is one of those micropieces that people don't tell
(09:56):
you about because we justemulate it and I don't think
women ever liked it.
They never liked it.
This is kind of like I wassaying earlier a microcosm that
exists and the underliningdisruption of a relationship is
(10:16):
our ability to be present andexperience.
We think like, okay, we provide, we create this atmosphere for
our family to do and be.
We create this environment forthem to be their best and live
their best life.
But what about our part in thestory?
(10:38):
About our part in the story?
What about our part in thestory where we are actively
carving identity into our family?
Where is our leadership, ourservant leadership, where we're
there?
Where our servant leadership?
Where we're there with ourfamily, smiling, holding,
(11:03):
laughing, joking, showingpatience, all that good stuff
during the lifespan of ourrelationship and our lifetimes.
(11:24):
I have learned so much in theselast couple months.
This Christmas has been thebest.
I mean, let me tell you howcrazy this Christmas, how much
better, how good this Christmashas been to me.
In my mind, this Christmas hasbeen so good.
I walking around, I'm all dayat work singing mariah carey,
(11:49):
whistling it.
Um, what else?
Singing it, whistling it,humming it.
All I want for Christmas is you.
I swear to you guys, I hatedthat song with every bit of my
being, from the moment shepopped her head out like a
groundhog to the moment that shewent back underground.
(12:14):
I tell you you, I'm, I, I am andI've been enjoying this
christmas so much that I'veactually felt what christmas
spirit is, whereas I felt likeI've suppressed that crap since
I was a teenager.
I was like man, christmas sucksaround here and I've just
stopped caring about it, notsaying that christmas is like oh
(12:37):
my god, like, but it's a, it'sa time for family, just like
thanksgiving or whatever easterwith all these different
holidays, but it's like, it's atime for family.
Whether you celebrate holidaysor not, it's a time for family.
And this I was able to pourinto.
I have been able to pour intomy family in a way that I have
(12:58):
never had, and I've had to dealwith things and realize that,
okay, I'm not used to engagingwith them in this way and I'm
having to learn how to engagedifferently and actually talk to
them and say hey, look, I waswrong for saying how I said it.
I do feel how I felt, but I amwrong for saying how I said it.
Like I'm able to visualize andsee how my family is reacting or
how my family is taking in whoI am.
(13:20):
If you are not actively present,your family won't know how to
engage with you at any time.
If your family's ever told you,man, I don't even know how to
talk, like I don't know how totalk to you, you're always upset
, you're always angry, it'sbecause you're not present, bro.
It's because you're not presentand you're not actively
(13:40):
engaging through your life.
You're riding the ride alongthe ride.
Because you did your job, yougotta got work, got income
coming in, family gets to dostuff, kids get paid for you
know stuff get paid for with thekids.
The wife get to do what shewant, like all of that good
stuff, like that's cool.
But you actually got to be ahuman out here in these streets.
(14:03):
You got to be a real human andthat means engaging with people,
your family, and being presentin those memories.
Sitting down and playing a game,like I play a game of chess
with my four-year-old.
This kid is crazy.
He, just like he loves chess,shout out to Emmy, he loves
(14:26):
chess.
And I couldn't be more happyfor him.
And I love chess too, so I sitdown and I play with him.
I play with my 10-year-oldAbraham.
Play with him.
I can't get my 10-year-oldAbraham Play with him.
I can't get my 16-year-old toplay much.
She don't like to play it, butshe loves basketball, so I meet
her there.
You have to be present.
(14:50):
Fathers Like um I'm talkingabout the dads that are having
are feeling like theirrelationship is kind of going
crap and they're like somebodysaid hey, I need you to be
present.
You got to put work down, gotto put your phone down, your
next project down, your nextgoal down.
You got to put it down for acouple of moments to actually
(15:11):
ingest and savor the moment withyour senses smell, sight, touch
, taste, hear your hearing.
My girlfriend was like hey,let's color, let's print out
(15:36):
some pictures and we're going tomake a family bingo.
She was like we're going toprint out the pictures, we're
going to color them and thenwe're going to scan them back in
and make a homemade bingo game.
I was like, bro, I got ADHD.
That's a lot of steps.
I was like I don't even know.
That's a lot of steps.
I was like I don't even know.
I'm just gonna do the firststep.
Well, you need me to print itout.
(15:56):
Okay, I printed it out andshe's like, all right, we're
gonna color it.
She was like you want to colortoo?
I was like, uh, not really.
But you know, like I didn'ttell her not really, but in my
head I was like, fuck, no, Idon't want to do that.
But.
But I was like, okay, you know,I'm in, didn't tell her not
really, but in my head I waslike, fuck, I don't want to do
that.
But.
But I was like, okay, you know,I'm in the, in the heat of
trying to be present, I'm goingto do it.
(16:18):
And so I did it.
And I'm going to tell you thethoughts that went through my
head.
As soon as I got that, got thatpiece of paper, I looked at
everybody else's paper.
They were all coloring, and mydaughter, my 16 year old
daughter, my 10 year old and mygirlfriend they were all sitting
at the table.
They were coloring and it was.
I was like, oh my god, you guyscolor good.
And I was like, man, we allcolor different.
It's gonna take us differentamounts of time how we're gonna
(16:39):
get this bingo together.
Like, oh my god, there's so manypieces on my color, like on my
paper, that I have to color allthese different colors, some of
this white, like a snowman.
How the hell do I color asnowman?
I was thinking of all thesethings that had nothing to do
with the point of the, thecoloring thing, and so I just
(17:00):
started coloring on this thingand I'm like upset, it's not
coming out.
I'm like, oh my god, this is aterrible color.
This is a terrible color too isa terrible color choice.
I was over here judging beforeI even started.
This paper is fully black andwhite, which is lines and some
white, and I have maybe a coupleof color specs and then, toward
the middle of it, I'm like, ohmy God, this is great, this is
(17:21):
fun.
I started enjoying this thingthat I was despising and finding
all these different reasons whyI shouldn't do it.
Because I'm not dead.
I haven't colored in so long.
I don't remember the last timeI colored like.
My daughter was probably inmiddle school, elementary, even
when I last colored, justbecause she had something that I
(17:42):
needed to color with her or wewere coloring together.
I was teaching her color better, something, whatever that is.
There was a purpose behind it,but this was just coloring, just
for the sake of coloring, and Ihad so much anxiety starting it
off because I'm like I'm a dad,I don't color.
I'm a real dude.
Real dudes don't color.
Now, I'm joking, but I end upcoloring this thing and it looks
(18:05):
gorgeous.
It looks beautiful.
And my girlfriend's like, oh mygod, that's great.
You know.
My daughter's like, oh my God,that's pretty.
And I look at it and I'mlooking at it right now as I
talk to you guys.
It's a snowman in a snow globewith a Christmas tree and a
present.
And I look at this thing and Iwas like it ain't even done.
(18:27):
I'm like I got so much more Iwant to do, but and my daughter
came over while I was coloring.
I got so much more I want to do, but and my daughter came over
while I was coloring.
I remember she was like oh myGod, I like what you did with
that snow right there.
And I was like what you like it, you know like but.
And so I use it as an exampleof like.
(18:48):
Those comments that they made inthat moment to me uplifted me
in a way that I wasn't upliftingmyself, I wasn't pouring into
myself.
My family had a moment where Imet them and I sat at this table
with them and I colored withthem in silence, picking my
little colors, going back to mylittle paper, coloring it while
(19:11):
everybody's coloring theirthings, taking my little colors,
going back to my little paper,coloring it while everybody's
coloring their things, and theywere able to pour into me in a
way that I don't ever give theman opportunity to, because I'm
always pouring into them, and Iwas like, oh my God, I like this
part, I like this thing and I'mlike you know what?
It is cool, thank you.
You know, like when you'reactive, you get something back
(19:35):
from your family, when you'represent with them.
And so, if I go back to thislittle meme that I started off
with, when it said thatChristmas is more about you and
the children to us, it's aboutall of us.
We're all in need of beingpouring.
And if your wife wants to buyyou a gift and she asks you what
(19:58):
you want, tell her, even if shecan't afford it.
If you know her budget ain'twhat it is, you know, tell her
what you want anyway, but I canassure you you give her
something to reach for, toplease you, to pour into you.
It's our job to give our familyways to pour into us.
We pour into them by way of howwe are with them, provide for
(20:22):
them, love on them, hug on them,but we need to give them a way
to feel human as well.
Our wives, our kids we have togive them a way to feel human.
Our partners, we got to givethem a way to feel human.
And I had a therapy session.
I remember this therapy sessiona long time ago when my
therapist asked me so when wasthe last time you let one of
(20:47):
your friends do you a favor?
And I was like I don't even askfor favors, I don't ask for
favors.
She and you know like, like,when people offer you things, do
you take it?
I was like usually not like,I'm not really, you know, but he
was like, actually, the waythat you this is like two
(21:09):
different therapists, by the way, if I said she earlier and he,
I have two different therapists,by the way, if I said she
earlier and I have two differenttherapists from different times
, but it was more into the sideof like.
In order for people to feelhuman, they need to feel like
they're a part of something, tofeel a part of something, they
have to give into that thing.
And if you are in someone'slife and them giving in to you
(21:32):
is their way of being connectedto you.
And so when someone offerssomething, take it.
And that's my words to you.
When your family wants to giveyou a thing, even if it seems
like it's their last thing,maybe it seems like they're
sacrificing to give you a thing,take it Because they will
(21:57):
appreciate the fact that theyare able to pour into your life,
dad that may be, take it, openup, be present and let your
family pour into you by creatinga space for yourself to be
(22:18):
present.
That's my message for you guystoday.
Real short and sweet.
I don't know if it's short, butvery sweet.
If you liked what you heardtoday and you feel that my
message can come across orreally get to explain this thing
to your loved one or dad inyour life or whoever, pass this
(22:41):
message along, pass this podcastalong, forward this to people.
Next year my goal is to do us bemore present in this podcasting
space and be more of a vocalspace.
I said space a lot.
Well, if you like what youheard today, take this episode.
(23:06):
Share it with anybody that youfeel can appreciate this episode
, appreciate this episode.
That is the episode for today.
If you feel like what I talkedabout today resonates with you
and resonates what you think mayresonate with someone else,
(23:27):
please share it with thosepeople.
I am Lyric and I enjoyed havingyou here with me today.
Thank you for listening and Ihope that you are able to create
a space where you are able tobe present with your family and
allow them to pour into you thisholiday season.
Thank you very much.
(23:48):
Y'all take care.
Hey, what's going on, dads?
Welcome to another episode of15 Minutes with Dad.
My name is Lyric, your host,and we love talking about family
.
We love talking about mentalhealth and all things daddom.
Thank you again for joining me.
Happy holidays to everyonelistening.
(00:21):
I'm going to drop a few episodesthis holiday and you're going
to be able to have aconversation.
Listen to a conversation that Ihave with different family
members, but today I'm going todrop a few episodes this holiday
and you're going to be able tohave a conversation listen to a
conversation that I have withdifferent family members, but
today I'm talking to you myself,and during this holiday I tried
something different than Iwould in every single other
holiday and I talked about beingpresent in a few episodes ago,
(00:42):
and today I'm going to betalking about how to create that
space to be present and I'mgoing to guide it based on this
meme that someone posted one ofmy friends posted and I'm going
to read it out and essentiallyit says women, when your husband
says he doesn't want anythingfor Christmas, he's not being
(01:04):
hard to shop for.
He's being honest.
Men buy what they want, needthroughout the year.
Socks and undershirts reallyare enough, and if stuff it's
stuff we need.
Christmas is more about you andthe children to us.
On Christmas morning, we wantto watch our wives and kids
opening presents and gettingexcited while drinking coffee
(01:25):
and a Christmas movie playing inthe background.
We want to put stuff togetherand watch you all enjoy it.
We have all we need with you.
I love this quote.
We, as dads, do this, andthere's this micro chasm that
(01:46):
exists in these spaces where wedo these things, and so today
we'll be addressing this memethat I just mentioned before,
and thank you for joining me.
If you haven't liked, shared orsubscribed to this podcast, you
can find us on every socialmedia platform.
You can find us on everypodcast streaming platform that
(02:14):
you can talk, you can think of,from Deezer to PodTube to
Spotify and iTunes, so make surethat you go and rate us, and
you can send us a messagedirectly as well, so let's get
into it.
Can send us a message directlyas well, so let's get into it.
All right, dads, welcome backAgain.
My name is Lyric.
(02:37):
Let's jump into this episodewhere we talk about creating
space for being present duringthe holidays, based on this
quote.
I talked about this quote whereit says, basically buying us
socks and shirts is all we need.
We like to watch you guys, thewife, the family and the kids
opening up presents and drinkingour coffee with a Christmas
(02:59):
movie playing in the background.
We want to put the stufftogether and then watch our kids
enjoy it.
There are pieces in it Imentioned before that it's not
that I have a problem with it.
It's some things that I thinkare this micro piece that exists
when these big moments thathappens in our life and these
(03:20):
places, that where we creatememories and where we usually
take the back seat to kind ofwatch all the experience happen
and we take that in as like, yes, this is great and we, you know
, take it all in and that's,that's a good thing.
But we also have this place,this space that exists, where we
(03:41):
could create something andactively be a part of the memory
that's taken place when we'rewaking up on, when our kids are
waking up on Christmas morningor and our wives are, you know,
everybody's getting ready,they're opening presents or
taking videos, they're gettingexcited about their stuff and
laughing and smiling, and we're,you know, drinking our coffee
(04:05):
and smiling while watching them.
Where are we in the picture inour kids' mind and our wives'
mind in that moment when ourkids are excited or enjoying
their new toy, or you know, whatare we doing in that time frame
, and so I wanted to use thisquote.
(04:28):
But it also connects tosomething that I've been working
on this year, specificallysurrounding holidays, and I
chose that, but it's actuallybeen a detriment to a lot of
moments that I could havecreated memories with my family
(04:49):
and I learned, like, as a partof my therapy throughout this
past year, is it got down to thepoint where I don't?
I'm always thinking about whatnext?
I'm always thinking about whatcan I do next to make this
better, what can I do next afterthis?
Or while I'm in something, I'mnever really savoring the moment
.
And I'm going to use the wordsavoring quite a bit, and it's
(05:12):
kind of based off a podcast thatI listened to a while back.
But savoring the moment, howare we savoring that moment?
And my therapist mentioned tome like, hey, you need to.
And my therapist mentioned tome like, hey, you need to.
You can try connecting thesemoments to create memories in
your life instead of just tryingto survive them or get done
(05:33):
with them, whether it's a party,whether it's friends coming
over, whether it's, you know,you're entertaining people
dinner with in-laws, whateverthat may be.
We tend to dread some of thesethings and then we're like, oh
my God, I can't wait till it'sover.
But, in reality, all of thesemoments are our experiences, and
(05:55):
a thing that she mentions to meis that, in order to really
create a memory, your memory isbased on how you experience the
environment with your fivesenses, and so something that I
decided to do this yearregarding that is to make sure
(06:17):
that I create memories with myfamily and be present in a way
that I am able to savor themoment with while using my five
senses.
So that's, you know, somethingthat we eat, or something that
has a feeling to it, or maybeit's, um, you know, like a
feeling that I'm, you know,creating whether I'm hugging my,
my kids, or um, and I do thison a regular, but it was
(06:40):
something about me intentionallydoing it that has made this
experience so far that muchbetter when I say that, with my
intentional savoring of mymoments, I have learned how much
I take my life for granted andthe moments that I have with my
(07:02):
family, how long I've taken itfor granted.
For instance, there was a momentwhere I woke up early in the
morning and I gave my teenagedaughter a hug before she walked
out.
I woke up to go take a walk atearly in the morning and she was
leaving and I gave her a hugand I watched her run.
She was late but I watched herrun to get on the bus and it hit
(07:27):
me like a ton of bricks.
I was like, wow, I have notseen my daughter get on a bus in
a long time, in years, in years, and it made me cry a little
bit because I felt like I'vemissed so much something so
subtle as my teenage daughtergetting on the bus.
(07:48):
And she's been riding, she'llride.
She's been riding the bus toschool all her life.
You know, and and you know Iused to for a year.
There was a year or two that Ijust dropped her off at school,
but like I didn't, you know,missing those times of her
getting up and going to school,saying good morning, being the
first person she see before shegoes to school.
(08:10):
Like I missed a lot of that andand and I and I and I hate that
I did, you know, and and so,and I hate that.
I did, you know, but that waslike the first, you know, hit of
mine when I started thisjourney of being present.
Holidays are usually bad in myrelationship.
We usually fight during thistime, and so the goal that we
(08:33):
made was like, okay, we're goingto be present, like she always,
my girlfriend, always used totell me hey, you need to be
present, you need to be present.
I'm like what the hell?
I'm here, like how much morepresent can I be?
I'm here, but like I understandnow what she meant and my mind
was always somewhere else.
(08:53):
Maybe it's a message, maybeit's a call, maybe it's business
, maybe I'm talking about work,maybe I'm talking about business
, like I'm talking about someproject that I'm working on, and
I wasn't actually savoring themoment.
I was there Drinking my coffee,smiling at my kids While they
(09:14):
experienced the world, mygirlfriend watching.
They experienced the world, theworld, and my girlfriend they
experience the world.
It's almost as if I'm ridinglife for the ride.
(09:34):
And if you think about it, dads,a lot of us sit back and just
look at our family Because weare proud of what we made with
our hands.
We made a family right, butit's the other.
This is one of those micropieces that people don't tell
(09:56):
you about because we justemulate it and I don't think
women ever liked it.
They never liked it.
This is kind of like I wassaying earlier a microcosm that
exists and the underliningdisruption of a relationship is
(10:16):
our ability to be present andexperience.
We think like, okay, we provide, we create this atmosphere for
our family to do and be.
We create this environment forthem to be their best and live
their best life.
But what about our part in thestory?
(10:38):
About our part in the story?
What about our part in thestory where we are actively
carving identity into our family?
Where is our leadership, ourservant leadership, where we're
there?
Where our servant leadership?
Where we're there with ourfamily, smiling, holding,
(11:03):
laughing, joking, showingpatience, all that good stuff
during the lifespan of ourrelationship and our lifetimes.
(11:24):
I have learned so much in theselast couple months.
This Christmas has been thebest.
I mean, let me tell you howcrazy this Christmas, how much
better, how good this Christmashas been to me.
In my mind, this Christmas hasbeen so good.
I walking around, I'm all dayat work singing mariah carey,
(11:49):
whistling it.
Um, what else?
Singing it, whistling it,humming it.
All I want for Christmas is you.
I swear to you guys, I hatedthat song with every bit of my
being, from the moment shepopped her head out like a
groundhog to the moment that shewent back underground.
(12:14):
I tell you you, I'm, I, I am andI've been enjoying this
christmas so much that I'veactually felt what christmas
spirit is, whereas I felt likeI've suppressed that crap since
I was a teenager.
I was like man, christmas sucksaround here and I've just
stopped caring about it, notsaying that christmas is like oh
(12:37):
my god, like, but it's a, it'sa time for family, just like
thanksgiving or whatever easterwith all these different
holidays, but it's like, it's atime for family.
Whether you celebrate holidaysor not, it's a time for family.
And this I was able to pourinto.
I have been able to pour intomy family in a way that I have
(12:58):
never had, and I've had to dealwith things and realize that,
okay, I'm not used to engagingwith them in this way and I'm
having to learn how to engagedifferently and actually talk to
them and say hey, look, I waswrong for saying how I said it.
I do feel how I felt, but I amwrong for saying how I said it.
Like I'm able to visualize andsee how my family is reacting or
how my family is taking in whoI am.
(13:20):
If you are not actively present,your family won't know how to
engage with you at any time.
If your family's ever told you,man, I don't even know how to
talk, like I don't know how totalk to you, you're always upset
, you're always angry, it'sbecause you're not present, bro.
It's because you're not presentand you're not actively
(13:40):
engaging through your life.
You're riding the ride alongthe ride.
Because you did your job, yougotta got work, got income
coming in, family gets to dostuff, kids get paid for you
know stuff get paid for with thekids.
The wife get to do what shewant, like all of that good
stuff, like that's cool.
But you actually got to be ahuman out here in these streets.
(14:03):
You got to be a real human andthat means engaging with people,
your family, and being presentin those memories.
Sitting down and playing a game,like I play a game of chess
with my four-year-old.
This kid is crazy.
He, just like he loves chess,shout out to Emmy, he loves
(14:26):
chess.
And I couldn't be more happyfor him.
And I love chess too, so I sitdown and I play with him.
I play with my 10-year-oldAbraham.
Play with him.
I can't get my 10-year-oldAbraham Play with him.
I can't get my 16-year-old toplay much.
She don't like to play it, butshe loves basketball, so I meet
her there.
You have to be present.
(14:50):
Fathers Like um I'm talkingabout the dads that are having
are feeling like theirrelationship is kind of going
crap and they're like somebodysaid hey, I need you to be
present.
You got to put work down, gotto put your phone down, your
next project down, your nextgoal down.
You got to put it down for acouple of moments to actually
(15:11):
ingest and savor the moment withyour senses smell, sight, touch
, taste, hear your hearing.
My girlfriend was like hey,let's color, let's print out
(15:36):
some pictures and we're going tomake a family bingo.
She was like we're going toprint out the pictures, we're
going to color them and thenwe're going to scan them back in
and make a homemade bingo game.
I was like, bro, I got ADHD.
That's a lot of steps.
I was like I don't even know.
That's a lot of steps.
I was like I don't even know.
I'm just gonna do the firststep.
Well, you need me to print itout.
(15:56):
Okay, I printed it out andshe's like, all right, we're
gonna color it.
She was like you want to colortoo?
I was like, uh, not really.
But you know, like I didn'ttell her not really, but in my
head I was like, fuck, no, Idon't want to do that.
But.
But I was like, okay, you know,I'm in, didn't tell her not
really, but in my head I waslike, fuck, I don't want to do
that.
But.
But I was like, okay, you know,I'm in the, in the heat of
trying to be present, I'm goingto do it.
(16:18):
And so I did it.
And I'm going to tell you thethoughts that went through my
head.
As soon as I got that, got thatpiece of paper, I looked at
everybody else's paper.
They were all coloring, and mydaughter, my 16 year old
daughter, my 10 year old and mygirlfriend they were all sitting
at the table.
They were coloring and it was.
I was like, oh my god, you guyscolor good.
And I was like, man, we allcolor different.
It's gonna take us differentamounts of time how we're gonna
(16:39):
get this bingo together.
Like, oh my god, there's so manypieces on my color, like on my
paper, that I have to color allthese different colors, some of
this white, like a snowman.
How the hell do I color asnowman?
I was thinking of all thesethings that had nothing to do
with the point of the, thecoloring thing, and so I just
(17:00):
started coloring on this thingand I'm like upset, it's not
coming out.
I'm like, oh my god, this is aterrible color.
This is a terrible color too isa terrible color choice.
I was over here judging beforeI even started.
This paper is fully black andwhite, which is lines and some
white, and I have maybe a coupleof color specs and then, toward
the middle of it, I'm like, ohmy God, this is great, this is
(17:21):
fun.
I started enjoying this thingthat I was despising and finding
all these different reasons whyI shouldn't do it.
Because I'm not dead.
I haven't colored in so long.
I don't remember the last timeI colored like.
My daughter was probably inmiddle school, elementary, even
when I last colored, justbecause she had something that I
(17:42):
needed to color with her or wewere coloring together.
I was teaching her color better, something, whatever that is.
There was a purpose behind it,but this was just coloring, just
for the sake of coloring, and Ihad so much anxiety starting it
off because I'm like I'm a dad,I don't color.
I'm a real dude.
Real dudes don't color.
Now, I'm joking, but I end upcoloring this thing and it looks
(18:05):
gorgeous.
It looks beautiful.
And my girlfriend's like, oh mygod, that's great.
You know.
My daughter's like, oh my God,that's pretty.
And I look at it and I'mlooking at it right now as I
talk to you guys.
It's a snowman in a snow globewith a Christmas tree and a
present.
And I look at this thing and Iwas like it ain't even done.
(18:27):
I'm like I got so much more Iwant to do, but and my daughter
came over while I was coloring.
I got so much more I want to do, but and my daughter came over
while I was coloring.
I remember she was like oh myGod, I like what you did with
that snow right there.
And I was like what you like it, you know like but.
And so I use it as an exampleof like.
(18:48):
Those comments that they made inthat moment to me uplifted me
in a way that I wasn't upliftingmyself, I wasn't pouring into
myself.
My family had a moment where Imet them and I sat at this table
with them and I colored withthem in silence, picking my
little colors, going back to mylittle paper, coloring it while
(19:11):
everybody's coloring theirthings, taking my little colors,
going back to my little paper,coloring it while everybody's
coloring their things, and theywere able to pour into me in a
way that I don't ever give theman opportunity to, because I'm
always pouring into them, and Iwas like, oh my God, I like this
part, I like this thing and I'mlike you know what?
It is cool, thank you.
You know, like when you'reactive, you get something back
(19:35):
from your family, when you'represent with them.
And so, if I go back to thislittle meme that I started off
with, when it said thatChristmas is more about you and
the children to us, it's aboutall of us.
We're all in need of beingpouring.
And if your wife wants to buyyou a gift and she asks you what
(19:58):
you want, tell her, even if shecan't afford it.
If you know her budget ain'twhat it is, you know, tell her
what you want anyway, but I canassure you you give her
something to reach for, toplease you, to pour into you.
It's our job to give our familyways to pour into us.
We pour into them by way of howwe are with them, provide for
(20:22):
them, love on them, hug on them,but we need to give them a way
to feel human as well.
Our wives, our kids we have togive them a way to feel human.
Our partners, we got to givethem a way to feel human.
And I had a therapy session.
I remember this therapy sessiona long time ago when my
therapist asked me so when wasthe last time you let one of
(20:47):
your friends do you a favor?
And I was like I don't even askfor favors, I don't ask for
favors.
She and you know like, like,when people offer you things, do
you take it?
I was like usually not like,I'm not really, you know, but he
was like, actually, the waythat you this is like two
(21:09):
different therapists, by the way, if I said she earlier and he,
I have two different therapists,by the way, if I said she
earlier and I have two differenttherapists from different times
, but it was more into the sideof like.
In order for people to feelhuman, they need to feel like
they're a part of something, tofeel a part of something, they
have to give into that thing.
And if you are in someone'slife and them giving in to you
(21:32):
is their way of being connectedto you.
And so when someone offerssomething, take it.
And that's my words to you.
When your family wants to giveyou a thing, even if it seems
like it's their last thing,maybe it seems like they're
sacrificing to give you a thing,take it Because they will
(21:57):
appreciate the fact that theyare able to pour into your life,
dad that may be, take it, openup, be present and let your
family pour into you by creatinga space for yourself to be
(22:18):
present.
That's my message for you guystoday.
Real short and sweet.
I don't know if it's short, butvery sweet.
If you liked what you heardtoday and you feel that my
message can come across orreally get to explain this thing
to your loved one or dad inyour life or whoever, pass this
(22:41):
message along, pass this podcastalong, forward this to people.
Next year my goal is to do us bemore present in this podcasting
space and be more of a vocalspace.
I said space a lot.
Well, if you like what youheard today, take this episode.
(23:06):
Share it with anybody that youfeel can appreciate this episode
, appreciate this episode.
That is the episode for today.
If you feel like what I talkedabout today resonates with you
and resonates what you think mayresonate with someone else,
(23:27):
please share it with thosepeople.
I am Lyric and I enjoyed havingyou here with me today.
Thank you for listening and Ihope that you are able to create
a space where you are able tobe present with your family and
allow them to pour into you thisholiday season.
Thank you very much.
(23:48):
Y'all take care.
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