The Provider Myth: How to Show Up as a Father Without Chasing Money

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Is your pursuit of provision costing you the connection your kids truly need?

In this honest and empowering episode of 15 Minutes with Dad, explore the impact of financial pressures on fatherhood and how emotional presence is key.'Host Lirec Williams opens up about the invisible weight of family financial pressures—and how the relentless chase for money, security, and status can quietly disconnect us from the heart of fatherhood.

Drawing from personal insights and inspired by Jim Murphy’s Inner Excellence, Lirec breaks down the “provider trap”—the belief that a father's worth is tied to his wallet. He shares the turning point in his own life when he realized: “They needed me more than they needed more.”

This episode invites fathers to redefine success—not by income, but by emotional presence, impact, and intentional time. Because true fatherhood leadership is about showing up, not just providing.

🎯 What You’ll Learn:

• How the provider mindset affects your family bond
• Why growth insights matter more than gifts
• 4 powerful shifts to move from financial striving to successful parenting
• Stories that show emotional wealth outlasts material gain
• How to lead with purpose and presence—even under pressure

💡 Whether you're thriving financially or stretched thin, this episode offers practical tools and empathetic parenting strategies to help you reconnect, reframe, and lead your family with clarity and heart.

🎧 This week’s 15-minute challenge:
Pause the grind. Create one moment of presence with your child. Ask a question. Step into their world. Let the phone wait. Because in the end, your legacy isn’t what you earned—it’s how you showed up.

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Episode Transcript

Speaker 1 (00:01):
Welcome back to another episode of 15 Minutes
with Dad, the podcast where wetalk about showing up, growing
up and leveling up as fathers inreal life.
I'm your host, lyric Williams,and today's episode we're
tackling a topic that hits hardfor a lot of us the provider
trap, like redefining successbeyond the paycheck.

(00:21):
Like most of us, we're raisedto believe that if we're not
bringing home the money, we'renot doing our job.
As men We've heard it, felt it,even judged ourselves by it you
got to provide.
Your worth is tied to yourwallet.
If you're not working, whatgood are you?
But here's the truth you aremore than a paycheck.

(00:45):
Today we're going to unpackthat.
Why this provider mindset canbecome a trap.
How to redefine success as afather and four ways to lead
your family with purpose even ifmoney is tight.
And I'm going to go into howInner Excellence by Jim Murphy
challenges us to lead withpresence, not pressure.

(01:06):
Let's go deeper Now.
Let's call out the elephant inthe room right.
We tie our identity to ourincome.
When we feel broke, we feelbroken.
When we lose a job, we lose ourconfidence.
When we can't give our kidseverything, we question our

(01:26):
worth.
But here's what our kids reallyneed Emotional presence,
stability and love, not justlifestyle A father who shows up
and not just pays up.
So providing is important.
Don't get me wrong, but it'snot everything Like.

(01:47):
I once spent so much time tryingto create a better life for my
family that I wasn't actuallyliving life with them.
I was there in body, but mymind was on work, bills and
building.
What I didn't realize was theyneeded me more than they needed
more.
Let me say that again, theyneeded me more than they needed

(02:07):
more and all throughout my lifeI was made to live on this
concept of like you got to yourwoman's happy when you're making
money, when you're providing.
I think that there is a senseof stability that comes from
that.
And and I had this conversationwith my girlfriend even when I,

(02:27):
when we first started dating,and when I asked her what does
she want a man first word shesaid was a provider.
Um, and to some women that'sit's very valuable.
That's the thing that theyprobably seek, because it brings
some form of stability.
No one wants to live withsomeone in instability, so let's
be.
It brings some form ofstability.

(02:47):
No one wants to live withsomeone in instability, so let's
be upfront with it.
Providing is important, but it'snot everything.
So in the book Inner Excellenceby Jim Murphy, he reminds us
that the true measure ofgreatness isn't in what you have
.
It's in who you are underpressure.
So success as a father isn'tabout providing more.
It's about being more, moreemotionally available, more

(03:12):
consistent and more aligned withyour values and more rooted in
presence instead of pressure.
When we focus, when we'refocused on only chasing money,
we lose connection.
When we're focused on onlychasing money, we lose
connection.
When we're focused on legacyand leadership, we bring the

(03:37):
best of who we are into ourhomes, whether we're up or down
financially.
I know that there are peopleout there that would tell a
story about their dad when theywere down on their luck and
their dad was made created themost amazing memories during
that time when they were down ontheir luck.
That meet as a person, thatcore concept as a person, that,

(04:01):
even no matter whether it's goodor bad, you still are aligned
in a way that your family willfeel your presence, even when
it's in a bad times, and they'redown to stand with you and do
whatever it is that dad says.
Because whether we're up orwhether we're down.
We know that dad got usemotionally, psychologically, on

(04:22):
all these other fronts.
Okay, now let me give you fourshifts that you can make today
that will change the way youlead your family.
Number one lead with presence,not just provision.
Why does that matter?

(04:43):
Being physically andemotionally available leaves a
lasting impact.
Physically and emotionallyavailable leaves a lasting
impact.
You can buy so many things foryour kids and I can guarantee it
, by 30 days after, they'regoing to be wanting something
new and they're going to forgetwhat you spent your money on.
You work hard for your money.
So if your identity is tiedinto your money, you're like yo,

(05:07):
I just bought you this and youbeing ungrateful, that's because
it doesn't make a lastingimpact.
They're going to forget aboutwhatever you buy them literally
30 days after.
I kind of timed it at 30 daysat this point that if it's not
something that my kids will like, at 30 days after I don't buy
it, I just say no, because we'regoing to do something different

(05:28):
.
We're going to do somethingthat's going to be longer,
lasting, more impactful,something that we'll enjoy.
Then the second one celebratewhat you do, not just what you
earn.
At different times throughoutmy life as a dad, you know, I'll

(05:53):
you know, say, hey, you beingungrateful Cause I I I'm out
here making working long hourstrying to make this money so I
can make this happen and do thisthing for you and all this
stuff.
Like that crap don't matter.
Like kids don't care about it,doesn't even, it just makes them
feel guilty.
But they are not tied to whatyou just said, they don't care
how much money you earn.
Like, yes, kids like things,you know, your wife likes things

(06:17):
, your girlfriend likes things.
But at the end of the day, likeas a man, it is important that
you have a foundation that moneydoesn't make our family.
Money is what we use to enjoyour lives.
But we are quality people,right, and so celebrating what

(06:39):
you do and not just what youearn matters, because your
effort, your time, your patienceand love are valuable, even if
they don't come with thepaycheck.
So let's try and list, make alist of five ways that you've
contributed to your family thisweek that had nothing to do with

(07:00):
money, five things and I canguarantee you like I mean, let
me tell you this outright likeevery time my kids open their
mouth or my girlfriend opens hermouth to say hey babe or hey
dad.
Money is going out.
But there is more in that Forme, something I did.

(07:23):
I went and bought a gym like aSmith machine and I built out my
garage, I painted it, I laidthe floors, I built some storage
shelves the whole nine yards tomake sure that my family can
actually pour into themselveswhen you know throughout the day
or throughout the year fortheir goals that they want.
Everybody has a health goal inmy house, but we all made

(07:45):
excuses on why it was hard to dothat.
So I brought the gym home.
I needed it as well.
I needed something convenientfor me as well to work out a lot
more often.
So I brought the gym home.
I made the investment.
Everyone committed to using itand I built this gym for my
family.
That's something that I feellike I contributed to my family.
It cost me, but I feel like theword that I would say is I

(08:09):
would not say that I bought myfamily a gym.
I'd be like I built a gyminside of my garage and a house
that we bought so that my familycan pour into themselves over
time and reach their goals.
Number three let's buildemotional wealth.
Why does that matter.

(08:31):
A home full of peace, safetyand love is richer than any
mansion that you can provideyour family.
What's good is a big home.
If it's tumultuous, if it'sunstable, like.
Ask your kids one feeling basedquestion this week and listen
without trying to fix it.

(08:52):
Just listen, they may fix itthemselves.
And the last one set apurpose-based vision.
Your family needs to know yourpresence, needs to.
They need your presence morethan they need you to be perfect
.
And I say this almost everyepisode, almost every episode.

(09:17):
Set a purpose-based vision foryour family, based vision for
your family.
And don't be afraid to delegatetasks on parts of your family
because they're going to beinvested, because they know that
there is a plan in place forthem.
When you have kids that arekind of going willy nilly and
trying to figure out their ownpath with you as a parent,

(09:40):
that's because they don'tbelieve in your vision and you
have to get commitment into yourvision.
But in order for there to becommitment to a vision, you have
to have one.
There was a time when I couldn'tafford to do what I wanted to
do for one of my kids on theirbirthday.
I couldn't do a big trip,couldn't create a big party, but

(10:04):
I planned a day full ofpresents and during that day we
laughed, we cooked together, wewatched old videos and you know
what they said at the end ofthat day that was the best
birthday ever.
That moment reminded me that Iwas enough.

(10:26):
Not because I did somethinghuge, but because I showed up on
purpose.
And those moments of relivingtime in our life or playing
games together.
We get to sit there and engagewith one another and talk about
really cool things that we allenjoy and learn each other

(10:50):
better and better.
It's like a team.
You're learning your team andbuilding rapport better and
stronger.
So today we dismantle the liethat says your worth is in your
wallet.
We're choosing a new definitionof success One rooted in
presence, not in pressure, onethat builds emotional wealth,

(11:14):
and one where leadership startsinside, not in your bank account
.
So here's your challenge Take15 minutes this week to lead
with presence.
Ask your kid a real question,sit in their space, laugh
without distraction, be there,remind yourself.

(11:35):
You are enough, even when youdon't feel like it.
Next week we're talking aboutsomething we don't talk about
enough Fatherhood and mentalhealth.
Giving yourself permission toheal Until next time lead with
your presence, not your paycheck.
Your kids will remember themoments and not the money.