A 3 part reading - Pt.1 S3 Ep40 - 2 Be Better

Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:01):
Look up.

Speaker 2 (00:03):
All the things. The bottom wow is you You're my
favorite views. But that's nothing. And we are back.

Speaker 3 (00:23):
Welcome back to beautiful bitches.

Speaker 2 (00:25):
Grand Rising family. Hello, thanks for being here. There's gotta
be I'm so tired of saying and we're back, but
it's so natural for me.

Speaker 1 (00:33):
Good morning, Starshine the Earth says hello. That that was
the Johnny Depp version of Charlie and the Chocolate Factory.

Speaker 2 (00:42):
It's gonna be like, welcome back, bitches. What's up? Mother?
I mean I can't do that, though we can believe it. Yeah, well,
that F word is gonna have to go. I'm gonna
leave it in. Not gonna be do well for monetization
purposes to drop the F bomb in the first six
seconds of a video, right.

Speaker 1 (00:56):
But you should bleep it. Yeah, not only will it
be funny, I'll curb that.

Speaker 2 (01:01):
Yeah, I don't know. We'll see somebody ask if your
hair is naturally curly or wavy.

Speaker 1 (01:05):
So my hair is actually much more curly than this.
I just stripped more color from my more black from
my hair.

Speaker 2 (01:11):
I have more.

Speaker 1 (01:13):
Length of natural going on. We're getting there, but this
is a fried version of my hair. Right now, She's
looking rough, but we're getting there. She does need some lovens.

Speaker 2 (01:24):
So we are recording live in front of Patreon. As
you can tell by we're reading comments. If you guys,
there will be a Patreon plug here. All right, guys,
As you know, there was a TikTok scare. We lost
the app for a whole twelve hours and we have
no idea what the future of the app looks like.
And with that, we are very concerned about the loss
of our following. We have a massed almost three million
followers across that platform with all four of our accounts,

(01:46):
and we are trying to push people to other social
media platforms to that in the event that anything happens
on one app, we have multiple other backup plans. If
you want to make sure that you're not missing any content,
we highly recommend that you check out our patreon.

Speaker 1 (01:58):
On Patreon, we have multiple tiers to choose from. Starting
at ten dollars, you begin to receive exclusive content. At
fifteen dollars a month, you get access to our private
discord server where we've en massed in an absolutely amazing
community of supportive people. And beyond that, we have other
tiers to check out along with my two private women's group.

Speaker 2 (02:17):
If that's something you may be interested in. Guys on
our fifteen dollars and higher tier, you have access to
live recordings. We record all of our content three, four,
sometimes five times a week live in front of our
Patreon audience, where they are able to chat with us
while we are recording. They can see all the flirting,
the outtakes, the hot topic conversations that never actually make
it on the podcast, and it's really worth that aspect
in itself. We have it after Dark where we sit

(02:41):
down usually once a week and have a glass of
bourbon or and Peach's case of glass of wine and
a bowl of cheese and we have a whole lot
of fun conversations karaoke in the discord we finish the lyrics.
We literally just hang out and you guys get to
hang out with us. There is a host of other perks,
including zoom calls that are coming for the Ultimate Tiers,
so that if you guys are having problems, you can
talk to us. It also gives you with the heads

(03:03):
up on private meet and Greece because when we travel
we try to meet up with people on our discord
on a regular basis. There's a whole slew of other
perks that come through Patreon. I highly recommend that you
check it out.

Speaker 1 (03:12):
The best way to support what we are doing is
to share the content. The second best way is to
check out our Patreon. Thank you guys for being here.

Speaker 2 (03:19):
Just to get that out of the way. Now that
that's out of the way, we have some housekeeping to do.
We have new things to talk about. We have a
lot going on in life and I want to touch
on some of it word. As of right now, I
have six spots left to the men's Retreat. I have
three private rooms and three bunks exactly. Even Bali is
almost sold out, Grease is almost so sold out, there

(03:42):
are still spots available. If you guys want to go,
I'd highly recommend that you book that sooner than later.
You only have to put down a quarter. I think
it's twenty five percent down and then you can make
all the payments interest free through Trovia trip until it's
paid off. You don't want to miss out on that,
especially because I don't think we're doing any other trips
next year. I think it's just going to be those two.

Speaker 3 (04:01):
Yeah, it's gonna be a lot of travel.

Speaker 2 (04:02):
Right well, we looked into it because if we're traveling,
instead of just doing a round trip ticket, we have
to do three separate plane tickets. So for us, it's
going to be costing a whole lot, right, But anyway,
so that's good. Are we going to Hong Kong again?
I don't think so. We might on the way back
from Bali there's a layover, but I haven't booked those
tickets yet.

Speaker 1 (04:22):
Okay, when you do book it, can you take into
consideration of stopping at that roman place and adding time.

Speaker 2 (04:27):
I'm going to get whatever we can get at the
cheapest rate we can get it. So if we can
get business economy, which is the slightly bigger seats, and
it happens to layover in Hong Kong, great, But I'm
not going to spend extra money to go to Hong Kong.

Speaker 1 (04:39):
Okay, well, no, if we land over in Hong Kong,
that would be dope. But if it's like a twenty
dollars price jump to stay there for.

Speaker 2 (04:47):
Twenty dollars an hour longer, well it'll be cheaper. The
longer you're layover, the cheaper your flights.

Speaker 3 (04:52):
Beautiful.

Speaker 2 (04:53):
So so we have that the garden outside is doing
really well. Even though we're on for the entire weekend.
She's thriving. Everything's got new growth except.

Speaker 1 (05:03):
For our propagation items. Yeah, we're still getting the hang
of that.

Speaker 2 (05:07):
Yeah. Well, I think we should take the green hose
that we bought that's got the holes in it and
run it off of either the well system directly or
off of that one thing and just run it right
over the top of the so that we can just
turn the water hose on it and it'll just drench
our inside. I could run it, yeah, just run it
right around. There's got to be a way to make

(05:27):
that work. I know that. Like, because we've got one
hundred fot of hose, it's not enough pressure to get
it all the way to the end of the hundred feet.
But it's two fifty foot hoses. So if we put
a regular hose on it and then a fifty foot
and cap the end, that fifty foot will still be
the same pressure. Yeah, and if we do it on
another hose running off the well. We could do it
the other way, but it's just a lot of moving
shit around to do it. I don't want to move it.
I am going to be buying two new rain collection

(05:48):
barrels so that we can have rain collection for all
of that shit as well. But that's that's a whole
lot of I got to figure that shit out. What
else that I want to touch on. There's a whole
lot that I wanted to talk about today. We are
currently in the process, the very very early beginning stages
of a to be better app for the phones, so

(06:09):
that like when we go live, it'll be notification sent
automatically to the phones. And how dope would it be
if we could like post daily thoughts on there. We
can do all of that.

Speaker 3 (06:17):
Oh hell yeah, so prepare for chaos.

Speaker 2 (06:21):
Yeah, this is the very very early stages of that.
I want us to be the only ones to be
able to post things like that. People can comment, Well,
there'll be a community form there for discord, so that
if people want to use the discord through the app.
I think we're going to try to integrate that as well.
But the people that post to the app will only
be you and I. Nobody else will have access to
that well viable because he's building it.

Speaker 3 (06:41):
But okay, love that he can do that.

Speaker 2 (06:44):
Yeah, he just graduated school for it, And I was like,
I want an app dude, like, let's do that. So, yeah,
let's run it. We're going to try to make that
a thing, and we'll be able to do like journal prompts.
That will be a daily journal prompt that's automatic and
like there's a whole lot of things that we can
integrate that will be an auto posting kind of thing.
IM gonna wait, Nil, you're done. I'm listening. Yeah, but
I don't know how much of that's going to come
through the microphone because even touching the cable sometimes can

(07:06):
make noise.

Speaker 3 (07:08):
Sorry, this was disturbing my OCD.

Speaker 2 (07:11):
My new book is not on Amazon. My new book
is only only available for purchase right now on the
website to be Better dot com. You buy a pre
order that's signed, you'll get a PDF that you can
read ahead of time, and the book itself will drop
August fifteenth, so it'll be out in like thirty days.
We're like, we're less than a month away.

Speaker 3 (07:30):
I like the idea of a daily prompt journal prompt.

Speaker 2 (07:33):
Yeah. Yeah. Decided that I'm going to buy journals from
my men's group, my men's retreat, so every man that's
going will get it their own journal, like leather bound
good journal, because it's a big topic for the retreat,
and obviously it'll be far enough out that I can
bring copies of the book, and like, yeah, I want
to I want to create some sort of value that's
outside of that spectrum or the outside of the spectrum

(07:55):
is definitely not the right word there, but that's what
I said, So fuck it. I said what I said
outside of the initial purchase.

Speaker 1 (08:04):
Yes, I'm kind of doing the same thing with the
goodie bags. I'm preparing for the women for the Women's Retreat.
I'm trying to find the best way to go about
this to add value because there's going to be I
don't know how many women double booked the rooms, so
we could be sitting at twenty four women, we could
be sitting at thirty plus women.

Speaker 2 (08:22):
Well, it's sold out now, so you just need a
headcount and then the discord chat that you have.

Speaker 1 (08:26):
But I also wanted to do the personalized journals. Yeah,
I don't think I was going to go as far
as leather Bound.

Speaker 2 (08:31):
Well, leather Bound is not super expensive if I buy
it and bulk off of Vetsy, okay, because it would
just be the same journal. I mean, it's still be
fifty sixty bucks a journal. But if I buy the journals,
and I buy them refillable, if they use all the paper,
they can just stick a you know, I almost said
a compost book, composition, composition, the black and white like

(08:51):
static ones. Those can go in there, or notepads or
whatever can go in. But I figure if they get
something that's that's a decent size, they can keep it
with them in a back or leave it in their
truck or whatever, so they can start implementing daily journals.
And the big thing of the journaling with me is
I want men to be able to utilize that to
him enhance every aspect of their life, not just dear diary.
Today sucked the end like today my woman said, it

(09:16):
made me feel like this is how I feel like
I need to address it. And they can read it
the next morning and be like, oh that was kind
of shitty because I was mad, So how can I
fake make this work? And like I can when we
do the journal lessons on that, because we'll be having
a seminar aspect of the journal while we're there. We'll
be going over all of that at the retreat, so
they'll understand, like how effective a journal is but that's

(09:38):
one of the things that I wanted to do. I
think I want to.

Speaker 1 (09:41):
Hit up a couple of crystal shops and get some
small little things. Yeah, once I get a headcount of
the women going, I kind of want to, like intuition,
find rocks to give the ladies. I'm not trying to
spend you know, twenty dollars per rock. You're making that face.

Speaker 2 (09:56):
Like, yeah, because I know you. No, I'm not. No,
it's not gonna be crazy. And your credit card currently
has a zero balance. I know.

Speaker 1 (10:03):
He told me to go light. Yeah, so I'm going
to go light. I need to get that black veil
for the funeral episode.

Speaker 2 (10:09):
Right, Oh, my buying crystals is not a cheap prospect
for you though, right, No, I have limits. Okay, I haven't.
I haven't witnessed that.

Speaker 1 (10:19):
What do you mean you haven't witnessed that. We went
to a Lasian Fields and I was like, can I
spend fifty bucks? And You're like, keep it below fifty
And I spent.

Speaker 2 (10:25):
Thirty, Right, the still a lot of money to spend
on a rock. I got multiple rocks. Yeah.

Speaker 1 (10:31):
Yeah, I'm a shark tooth and a shark tooth and
that's a choin a coin from China Oka, a choin ain.

Speaker 2 (10:38):
That's funny. I have to defend myself panicking. You don't
have to defend yourself. I'm just giving you shit because
every time we go buy crystals, it's thousands.

Speaker 3 (10:46):
It is thousands. Oh man, I'm.

Speaker 2 (10:49):
Also part of that problem. I know I'm part of
that problem.

Speaker 3 (10:53):
You like the big the big items.

Speaker 2 (10:55):
I do well. I'm not a little fucking dainty thing. Yeah.
I take a lot of space, both both physically and spiritually,
so I need the big energy. I can't the little
energy doesn't do it. That's like time getting rocks like that.
It's like, you know, I don't even know how to
compare the two. It's like getting a splinter versus a
giant wound. I get it, you know. Yeah, I need

(11:19):
the healing of the giant wound, not the splinter, and
that's the little pebble splinter healing's not going to do it. No,
I get it.

Speaker 3 (11:25):
I like big pieces too, I just feel bad for
the price of them.

Speaker 2 (11:27):
Yeah.

Speaker 1 (11:27):
I asked for a chunk of malachite and he was like,
it's five thousand dollars.

Speaker 2 (11:31):
No. Yeah, it was like this big. It was huge, yeah.

Speaker 1 (11:35):
Yeah, so I feel bad asking for that stuff when
I get more per Like if I get if I
spend a lot of money and I get a lot
of quantity for that, I.

Speaker 3 (11:46):
Feel like I'm getting my money's worth.

Speaker 2 (11:47):
Yeah.

Speaker 1 (11:48):
If I ask you to spend eight hundred dollars on
a single rock, I'm like, I feel like I'm wasting money.

Speaker 2 (11:52):
Right. Well, if it was this big, I would agree.

Speaker 1 (11:54):
Yeah.

Speaker 2 (11:54):
But if you've spent eight hundred dollars on a rock
like this, I feel like this is going to help
out your energy in our home a whole lot more
than a little rock. Okay, unless you're outside laying in
the grass on your meditation deck with a rock on
your forehead, like, oh right, that I ain't doing nothing
for you.

Speaker 1 (12:09):
I do it during my Like so when I lay
down at the end of my yoga, you just lay
on all your rocks. No, I get my rocks on me,
put them mommy, wherever I feel like I need to go.
Sometimes money caps, I'm a.

Speaker 2 (12:18):
Lubricated gotta gotta keep them supple.

Speaker 1 (12:23):
There was an episode of Grace and Frankie where they
got into a tiff about something and Frankie was looking
to get a job as an art teacher at a
senior center and this guy was showing her around and
she's like, this is great and he was like, you
can eat whenever you want.

Speaker 2 (12:37):
She was like, oh, that's included. Hell yeah.

Speaker 1 (12:39):
And he was like this is your room and she
was like, I get bored and he was like, what
do you mean?

Speaker 2 (12:44):
He was like.

Speaker 1 (12:45):
She was like, this is a lot for a job interview,
and he was like you're not, missus so and so.
And she was like, ah, you thought that I was
gonna live here. And she like squats down like she
fucking drops it and she pops them.

Speaker 2 (12:57):
She's like, I am supple. That's what made me think
of that. That is funny, Sunrise, I said, I think
we should all paint rocks and bring them to trade
at the women's retreade. I actually think that's a idea.
All right, hang on, Anna said, I have some I'd
love to send you since you're doing your phone thing.
I hate to be rude guys, but Jay just texted

(13:18):
me and he's my best friend, so you have to wait.
Met my notes made. It's there, we were told. Friday,
while we are at ceremony, I got a call from
Comcast and she said that we will have internet no
later than the thirtieth, but guaranteed because that's the current
installation date. But she's putting in and expedited things so
that in the event that there's a cancelation or something happens,

(13:39):
we will get it sooner. And she's pushing for the
twenty fifth. I feel like there was something else, but
it's not there right now. So what about you? What
do you got going for housekeeping? Not much.

Speaker 1 (13:48):
Things are going to kind of slow down for the
next few weeks. Kids start school in about three weeks.

Speaker 2 (13:54):
Three or four weeks, so excited for that.

Speaker 1 (13:57):
So starting getting them back into the routine to start
waking up earlier and earlier. This next week is probably
gonna be eight am. Yeah, our daughter gets up pretty early.
She's usually up around seven thirty.

Speaker 2 (14:08):
She normally gets up when I get up. Yeah, she'll
hear me let ivy out and she'll come out and
to check to see who's awake, and if it's me,
she goes back in her room. She comes out in
her assag but she normally does check to see who's
out with the dog. Yeah, unless she hears my voice,
then she doesn't come out.

Speaker 1 (14:22):
But wild our son could sleep until noon. I don't
know if he's just tired or if he's waking up
in the middle of the night and playing with his
dinosaurs or something. But he's a tired head. Yeah, he's
a butt when he wakes up.

Speaker 2 (14:36):
Yeah. I think he wakes up in the middle the
night and plays. Yeah.

Speaker 3 (14:38):
I wouldn't be surprised. I guess to do that as
a kid.

Speaker 1 (14:42):
So schools starting up, gotta start getting back to school
supplies and parent teacher meet and greet knight whatever that
is is August.

Speaker 2 (14:50):
Fifth, I think is that in the calendar already?

Speaker 1 (14:53):
Yes, no, not in our calendar, but it's in the
school calendar. So I'll add it to our calendar.

Speaker 2 (14:58):
Okay, good. I remember the other two things that I
wanted to talk about, Okay. One is going to be
that we were talking about doing a co ed retreat
at the end of the year, and we last night
we were like, we can't do this because we wanted
to go out of town for the week and then
do the weekend, and that doesn't work for us because
we have Friday pick up and drop off with kids,
and we wanted to be able to have people stay
with us the way that we're doing it here in Florida,

(15:19):
and we wanted to do somewhere on the west coast
of the country out of Florida. Right it's not Golf Coast,
but like California, Oregon, Washington, somewhere out there. I know
that we can't do it the way that we wanted to,
but we could do a middle of the week thing
where we like planned it out far enough in advance
that we did like October November, and we flew out
Friday and did Friday, Saturday, Sunday for ourselves and then Monday, Tuesday,

(15:41):
Wednesday retreat and then left Thursday to come home and
pick the kids up and do a co ed thing.
So that's something that we're currently in the very early
developmental stages happening, and that might be at the end
of twenty twenty five, but it could also be early
twenty twenty six. So if you guys are interested in
a co ed retreat, keep an eye on to we
Better dot com. If you remember of our discord, you'll

(16:01):
know about it as soon as we do because we
post that shit immediately. So if you are not part
of our patreon, you really should be because that's where
all the cool kids are. And then the other thing was, Oh,
the other thing was was content. I wanted to talk
about what's going on with Voice of the Broken. I
think that you should talk about the changes in schedule
for you and what you've got going in life. And

(16:22):
I think that we should talk about the ghost thing,
just to like, because early developmental stages. We're talking about
what's going on with your schedule. I'm being vague on purpose, babe,
because I don't know if you're ready to talk about
that or not. No, I'm not, okay, That's why I
was being vague. So your husband's got you. Thank you.
I am. We are going, Peaches and I are going
to record a seventy page Voice of the Broken episode together.

(16:45):
We talked about this recently on another episode. We went
to Ceremony this weekend that I was there. We spent
a lot of time talking about content and all of that.
I'm not giving up Voice of the Broken completely. I'm
just putting things on the back burner until I'm ready
with internet and able to sit down here and do
that is the way that I want it to go.
So my content creation is going to shift a little
bit in terms of what I'm putting out for Voice

(17:06):
of the Broken content. I also want to get into
interviewing people, not just dead I, but having episodes where
I interview other men or you know. We are also
trying to get into the live call things. So if
you're in Discord and want to do a live call
into the show, there is a thread in Discord for that,
with a document that you can fill out if you
want to. But ultimately it's just going to be us

(17:27):
going through and be like, all right, guys, we're going
to record Tuesday at three pm Eastern. You said you
wanted to do a live call. Are you available at
that time? If you are, we'll set it up so
that you can do live calls. All of that's coming
in August. It's currently July twenty first, so we are
moving forward on that when we have internet for to
be better, for to be better right for the live
call and stuff. The live call in for the Voice
of the Broken is something I think I want to do.

(17:49):
I just don't know how I would go about it.
I do believe the next evilation, evolution of everything that
we are doing is going to be personalized content instead
of one size fits all because right now we are
doing personalized content through emails, but people are able to
relate to it on a personal level. That makes it
a whole lot more personal because we can now ask questions,
why did you word it this way? And like, do

(18:10):
you see the flaws in your logic? Like what you
just said was misinterpreted right, like you hurt us wrong,
or whatever the case may be, we can I do
believe that's the next evolution of what we're doing. I
would also like to start interviewing content creators and having
people that have some sort of a following come either
on the podcast or just snips like clips or whatever,

(18:34):
we can talk about what they do. I want to
be able to start double dipping our our follower base
into other people's follower bases, but I don't want to
do it from a friendship level. I agree because every
single person that we've gotten close to besides dead Eye,
that is a content creator, has has not gone well.
Troy Troy obviously is we love Troy buff Well. Buff

(18:54):
Bell is still happening, so's I guess, So technically I
guess those two don't count. But we've we've we've tried
to become very close to a lot of other content
creators because they understand how busy the life is. But
there's a lot of I don't want to deal with
those kind of people. I get that. So the ones
who are here are here, but we want to be
able to do the thing and then real quick, we're

(19:14):
going to answer a question. Then we'll get back to
we'll start getting in an emails. Unless you've got more housekeeping,
this is an email episode. Yes, we will be doing
this entire episode of completion, and then we will be
doing a private discord live after this. So if you
are a member of the Patreon and you're currently listening,
just make sure that you tune back in because we
will be doing Q and A. We have cards, we
have a recap of the ceremony that we did, and

(19:36):
it will not be a replay. This is a Patreon
exclusive that will not go anywhere other than the discord
and that's that. So you guys definitely don't want to
miss it in the next live stream. What else you
got for housekeeping?

Speaker 1 (19:47):
I'm making more notes for my book. I'm having a
hard time not changing it again. I'm just trying to
continue to make notes and see what fits where, Like you,
it'd be angry say you told me to do it,
but it was really good sound advice.

Speaker 3 (20:03):
And that's just I don't know the Bratton man.

Speaker 2 (20:07):
So if you write your chapter because that's what you're
feeling about writing about, write the chapter, and then afterwards
just organize the chapters. That's what I did with my
last book. I was like, Okay, this is the topic,
and I fucking wrote my chapter and then I stopped
writing for the day. And the next day I was like,
here's my new topic, and I and then I afterwards
I had to restack things. Chris Chaotic in the chat
was my here, read this chapter? Where should it go?

(20:30):
He helped me organize the chapters of the book. It
helps having a you know, an external non bias situation.
I'm glad that you're continuing your book. You got what
four months to release it? Uh? Yeah, December first is
the day. I want to so less than four months
right gram time. I'm not worried about it. No, do
your fucking gangster.

Speaker 1 (20:50):
I think that if it boiled down to it, I
could do it in three weeks.

Speaker 2 (20:54):
Yeah, all right.

Speaker 1 (20:57):
I am somebody like I'm determined to get done. And
then those other things where I'm confident in my procrastination
and my skills long term if I sit down and
dedicate time to it.

Speaker 2 (21:08):
Yeah, it's crazy how different we are. Why because I
can't procrastinate. No, the moment, I'm like, I'll get to
it later, it ain't getting done.

Speaker 3 (21:15):
I'm not willing to stress myself.

Speaker 2 (21:17):
Yeah.

Speaker 1 (21:17):
So if I have other things to do and it's
not a priority for me in the moment, I put
myself on the deadline before and I haven't died yet.

Speaker 2 (21:25):
Yeah, that shit stresses me out thinking about it.

Speaker 3 (21:28):
So my greatest works have come from.

Speaker 1 (21:32):
Three day to fucking binging mountain doing energy drinks.

Speaker 2 (21:37):
Just pure panic. Fucking Oh yeah, I had an energy
drink yesterday and I felt great. I believe it. Yeah, yeah,
I almost cracked one this morning. I was like, you
know what, We're not going down that road like the
one was good. I'll give it a couple of days
and I have what do you got there?

Speaker 3 (21:51):
I'm going to show it after you're done speaking?

Speaker 2 (21:53):
Okay, I'm done. Oh what is that? It's a tiny bookshelf?

Speaker 1 (21:57):
Oh and so far I have stranger things, World's turn
upside Down, Charlie and the Chocolate Factory, goose Bumps, The
Haunted Mask, Diary of a Whimpy Kid, Yeah, the Twits,
It starts with Us by Colleen Hoover. I didn't choose
that one, It just came with it. The Haunted Mask again,

(22:21):
I don't know what the fuck that says, Miss Pettigreen's
Home for Particular Children, goose Bumps, The Haunted Mask the
third time.

Speaker 2 (22:29):
And then.

Speaker 1 (22:31):
The Babysitters Club, and then cat Kid Comic Book. I
was most excited about Charlie and the Chocolate Factory.

Speaker 2 (22:38):
Yeah, that was my least favorite of the Wonka movies.
Charlie and the Chocolate Factory. It was my least favorite
of the three.

Speaker 3 (22:47):
Is that the one with johnned Up? I thought the
original was Charlie.

Speaker 2 (22:50):
And the Chocolate Factory.

Speaker 1 (22:53):
Huh, Yeah, the original was my favorite, and then I
like the new one with Timothy was.

Speaker 2 (23:00):
Timi Tay Chala May.

Speaker 3 (23:03):
Yeah, uh how I like how he was in that movie.

Speaker 1 (23:08):
He definitely took on like the whimsicalness of what Willy
Wonka was. Definitely who he was before he got beat
down by the factory industry, chocolate industry, chocolate factory.

Speaker 2 (23:18):
Industry, Derek, and that you had said, if you guys
want to do it in California, I highly recommend going
to Laguna Beach. We're going to be doing something in
northern California either in maybe even Oregon. We want to
do Redwoods and if we're going to go out that way,
we're going to do it for us to go on
vacation and then include a couple's retreat at the end
of it, so that it is a dual purpose thing.

Speaker 1 (23:40):
Yeah, what else talked about my book? I think I
want to it's going to be a staged photo, but
I'm there's a picture that I want to take for
the cover it. But I'm battling between like four or
five different ideas because I don't know what my book.

Speaker 2 (23:55):
Is going to be containing yet.

Speaker 1 (23:59):
It's a lot. Being creative is hard when you can't
just decide something.

Speaker 2 (24:05):
The trick is to just create all of the images
and then pick your favorite, because the reality of it
is taking photos. They're not always going to go exactly
as you imagine it in your head, you know.

Speaker 1 (24:15):
And then oh, there was something else I want to Oh,
my women's retreat. This is going to be I'm about
to be a mom taking a bunch of children to
the water park or something. You're in a Disneyland for
the weekend, and this is our schedule.

Speaker 2 (24:30):
Yeah.

Speaker 1 (24:31):
Yeah, I'm going to have a pretty written itinerary of
what's going on and when there is going to be.
There are conversations and topics that I want to touch on,
but they're not going to be longer than thirty or
forty five minutes. So if we have like a down day,
we do something in the morning, we have like a
three or four hour break. I think having conversational conversation

(24:52):
sprinkled in throughout the day. Anybody who wants to attend it. Yeah,
I'm pretty excited about those. I didn't realize I enjoyed
planning things like this.

Speaker 2 (25:00):
Having fun. I think it's because you realize how good
our last couple of retreat went. Yeah, that first couple's
retreat we did was a fucking huge hit. We got
a lot of testimonials back. Ironically enough, it was all
the dudes who wrote in, really, which kind of blew
my mind because I was expecting the women to write
in and give their me too. Yeah, it was all guys,
so I believe it was all guys. I remember the

(25:22):
other thing, am I good to run? Are you used
to going? There is a very strong possibility because again
early developmental stage is that there will be haunted content
with Peaches and Dead Eye. I have an email that
came through about a week ago of items that need
to be purchased so that we can do EMF readings

(25:43):
and all of that shit. And if that happens, the
two of us will be traveling to Ohio on a
semi regular basis and he's going to take us ghost hunting.
And by us, I mean I'm gonna just be there
hanging out in the car with the radio on and
the doors locked while Peaches and I go.

Speaker 3 (26:00):
In be here screeching. You know what's made.

Speaker 2 (26:02):
Yeah, well, I mean just know that I'm not coming
to save you. If you guys are being attacked by
a demon. I can't fight that. I'm not Super, not Dean,
And you know it's just a thing. No, I'm gonna
have like a whole You know how carpenters have their
tool belt. Yeah, yeah, I have a salt some wrought iron.

Speaker 1 (26:16):
Yeah, Okay, I made a joke to uh who was
I think it was Carrie. We were talking about like spirituality.
I'm just gonna get away from me. It's gonna be
I'm excited for that. I dabbled and goes hunting a
little bit when I was younger. Yeah, I went out.
I bought all of the equipment. I spent like eight
hundred dollars. All my friends were like, Yeah, we're gonna

(26:36):
do this. It's gonna be so dead. We're gonna urban
explore and ghost hunt. I bought all my shit, and
I felt like, I don't know, an adventure kid, all
dressed up, showing up the house all right, guys were ready,
and they're all sitting there smoking weed and oh dude,
we didn't think you were serious. I was just sitting
there with all this equipment, nothing to do. I ended
up getting rid of all of it.

Speaker 2 (26:55):
I know that I say that I'm not gonna go
do all that stuff. I know who I I know
who I am at my and I know the moment
we get there and we get out of the car,
it's go time. Yeah, I'm not going to not be
involved in that because I also know that we're going
to empty abandoned places, and like the urban explorer in
me gets off on that shit, so like I will
absolutely be out there doing shit I just I want
to be behind the camera, not in front of it,

(27:16):
because nobody needs to see me get scared by an owl. Yeah. Like,
there's a whole lot of what if I embarrass myself
and I realize it won't be live and I can
clip that shit out, but like, there doesn't need to
be video footage of me being scared like that. I'm
gonna be honest.

Speaker 1 (27:28):
I'm gonna wear what are these pants called, harem pants?
I'm probably gonna wear these pants on a diaper underneath, right,
And uh, I think people are gonna get a massive
kick out of me being scared.

Speaker 2 (27:41):
Yeah. Probably.

Speaker 3 (27:42):
I love being scared.

Speaker 1 (27:44):
My gosh, going to like Halloween hornized is one of
my like self care times.

Speaker 2 (27:50):
It's so fun.

Speaker 1 (27:52):
It gets my adrenaline gun and I feel live, like
climbing to the top of that lighthouse. But if you
do decide to go into the buildings and like puts
around with that, I'm doing like a whole like smudging
and where we're going in there protected? Yeah, so the

(28:12):
best way you are going to carry salt just in
case you wander off somewhere and I.

Speaker 2 (28:17):
Ain't wondering, Okay, not in the dark.

Speaker 1 (28:20):
Take it to extreme and give you like a little
flute if you hear something, play this note.

Speaker 2 (28:23):
Yeah, after so, knowing that we are urban exploring while
doing this, after falling through that roof, I will never
urban explore alone, okay, good call. Ever, And like, even
urban exploring with just one other person I think is
a risk. I think it should be a minimum of
three people, no more than five, just for you know,
because you're gonna be out there making noise and shit

(28:45):
if you're in a big group. But there is a
very big risk of falling and getting hurt. And two
people can make it a whole lot easier to carry
somebody out than one person, So there would be no
bouncing around and leaving and doing shit. I'd be with
you guys a whole time. Okay. Then was the thing
I actually remind me.

Speaker 1 (29:01):
Of me buying all my equipment and my friends backing
out of it last minute.

Speaker 2 (29:05):
So that's happened to me a lot of times. Mm hmm.
And it's always because I've been a little bit more
reckless with my money or been more financially positioned to
do things. But you know how many times I've been like,
let's buy scooters and I went and bought my ruckus
and then nobody else bought scooters. Or it's always been
a variance of things where like we've gotten super hype
to do something and nobody has ever ever followed through.

(29:26):
Because it's great in theory and the idea of it
that is exciting, but the follow through just isn't there. Yeah,
And I'm afraid that that's why I don't want to
do the commune thing with anybody but us, because I
don't want to buy all this land and expect other
people to do their part of it and then then
not do it and let's just have a bunch of
land that's going to waste. Yeah, because I would if
it was just us buying land for us, I wouldn't.

(29:48):
I would not buy more than ten acres unless it
was butted up to like a natural forest or there
was like a big neighborhood next to it. Then I
would want to get more land because I'd be able
to section it off and sell it as we retire.
But I just don't have a whole lot of faith
in people. And it's because of things just like that,
where you get excited and people share that excitement and
then they fucking fizzle out like a bad fart.

Speaker 1 (30:08):
Yep, I'm pretty excited for that. Ghost Adventures was a
pretty integral part to my development. Yeah yeah, I uh,
I don't know something I've always been interested in. Definitely
know the risks of the things that I'm entering into.
And some of it's gonna be goofy moments, some of
it's gonna be like serious moments. So I'm excited when

(30:31):
I have my own goes on DV show.

Speaker 2 (30:32):
Ell yeah, dude, let's go call me Zach Beggins. Knowing
that you're gonna be this excited about the ghost hunting thing,
like I wasn't expecting it to be that much excitement. Like,
I'm just gonna go put that shit on a credit card.
I was gonna wait until August because I want to
pay the Bronco off. But the money's gonna get spent
either way. It doesn't matter if he gets spent two
weeks from nowur today. So when we wrap up, I'll
go buy all that shit and we can fly to

(30:55):
where he lives for like sixty bucks. Oh, he just
bring a backpack as a carry on and like they've
got all the equipment there. We can just go back
and forth. So the first time we fly up it
will have to be bringing all the equipment that we
plan on leaving there and then fly home and then
just go back and he'll have everything there while we're there,
or we can mail it to him, depending what would
be cheaper. Probably mainly would be way cheaper. But yeah,

(31:16):
a whole lot of cool shit happening, guys. We we
really do want to do a whole lot more than
just this. We want to do other forms of content
creation because we are goofy fun people and I wish
the Internet could see that side of us.

Speaker 1 (31:30):
Me too, and I think branching off into things like
this is going to do that. Yeah, probably, Miss pie
Gobbler misses my apologies. We have like gallons of Florida
water on the way. That is something that we leaned
pretty heavily into Aguad de Florida. We actually don't a
is it Agua de Florida or Florida.

Speaker 2 (31:52):
Aguad de Florida. We don't have gallons. They called me
while I was outside with Carlos and said that the
big bottles I ordered were out of stock, so we
have a bunch of little bottles coming. I'm okay, with that,
and we have the yellow bottles of Florida Water that
we bought off of Amazon coming to so those will
be I think those will probably be here tomorrow, and
I think the other, like the high end bottles that
we bought will be here.

Speaker 3 (32:12):
The yellow ones are dyed.

Speaker 2 (32:13):
Yeah, they have yellow dye in it.

Speaker 1 (32:14):
Yeah, so that's for so like if you're serving hope,
you'll want to what you can use the that to
clean off the end.

Speaker 2 (32:22):
Of your hoppy. There's also alcohol in it. The blue
one is a witch hazel based on your skin. Oh yeah.
And the other with the high end one that we
have is the one that you're gonna want to spray
on you. So like if we're in ceremony and you
want to spray yourself, the yellow dye on your skin's
not going to kill you. Fruit loops are going to
fuck you up more than that because you're ingesting it.
But yeah, it's better to we're trying to be organic.

(32:44):
So yeah, we're trying going to do the organic thing.
I hate that. I mean, I love that. What I
hate that, I hate it too. I want fucking brownies like.

Speaker 1 (32:54):
No, I meant all of the little tiny bottles coming
like I love it because I like seeing the Kwan things.

Speaker 2 (33:00):
Yeah, it makes me feel like I'm right. It also
lets us nor only have to reorder. That's true. So
that's very true. And when we go places and do things,
we can bring the Florida water with us. So, oh
I can carry it all on this we could. It's
technically a medicine bag. So very excited for that. All right,
we've been bullshitting for about forty minutes. Okay, there's gonna
be a long episode, so yeah, let's run it, all right.

Speaker 1 (33:24):
This one is titled Patreon. He's tired of fighting, but
he's the only one combating. I know.

Speaker 3 (33:31):
Very intriguing.

Speaker 2 (33:33):
That's not possible, right, You can't have a fight on
a one sided thing you have you just have to
walk away. Yeah, you'd have one person be an irate
or you could be the aggressor. But if the other
person's not engaging, it's not a fight, it's hostility. There's
a difference there. Speaking of Patreon, guys, if you are
a member of our patreon and you send an email,
those emails get priority. And if you're a member of
our patreon and we read your email and you would

(33:54):
like to do a live call, and you're part of
our discord. That could be something that's facilitated in the
future as well. So when you send your email in,
put in there Patreon member, and then it like at
the top line, I am okay with a live call
if that's something you're interested in doing, and then as
the email screeners do their phenomenal job, we can figure
that shit the fuck out. Go team mental high five. Good.

(34:18):
You want to get food after this? I want to
get food right now. I'm fucking starving. All right, word,
let's go That Maringa shake this morning did not do it. No,
those things fill me up quick. They're so good. I
didn't like the first time I drank the Maringa and
the shake, I was like, this is it's like a
almandy almost, Like I can't taste it. I can't either now,

(34:38):
But the first one I had it didn't like. I
love that shit now.

Speaker 3 (34:40):
Palpable.

Speaker 1 (34:41):
Yeah, yeah, that's one of my favorite words.

Speaker 2 (34:44):
Palpable. You know what we need to do next is
go out there and get some of that African hibiscus
cranberry and put that in with our Maringa. We're going
to be like a walking super food and jested thing
we're gonna be.

Speaker 1 (34:58):
We're gonna be Mitchondria's babe. Yeah, we're gonna be powerhouse
with this.

Speaker 2 (35:02):
The powerhouse of the cell. That's funny.

Speaker 1 (35:05):
I know there's a nucleus in there, right, there's the mitochondria.

Speaker 2 (35:11):
I have the things that I've studied that length and
a whole lot of shit. I don't remember ribbon thing.
I really only remember the condria.

Speaker 1 (35:18):
No, no, not like the there's like a it looks
like a piece of bacon smashed like a raw piece
of bacon, like with the ribbon inside of the cell.
I can't remember what it's called. Well, that's the thing, right,
let's see nucleus.

Speaker 2 (35:32):
I was right, Let's do the email and then order
food because I don't want the food to come in.
Us have to eat while we're recording.

Speaker 1 (35:37):
Just call me Bill Nye. All right, my boyfriend and
I haven't been dating very long, only since February.

Speaker 2 (35:43):
And it's July.

Speaker 1 (35:44):
This was June second. Okay, we may have moved a
little too quick. Circumstances in life left both of us
relying on a stranger.

Speaker 2 (35:51):
We just met. Okay, that is a cop out. I
agree with that you took an easy solution. That's the
reality of it. Yeah, I don't even know what's going
on yet. Let's say let's let's assume it's because they
moved in together, right, that is an easy solution. Things
are new, it's fun. We're in the roommates phase. The
sex is great right now, we still like being around

(36:14):
each other. Their touch doesn't make my fucking skin crawl yet, Like.

Speaker 3 (36:18):
They're breathing doesn't annoy me.

Speaker 2 (36:19):
Right, I can listen to her chew all day long. Right,
They ain't gonna be that way in six months. You're
in the lust phase right now. But that's a much
easier solution with finances than it is to get another
job or do the other hard things. When people make
decisions like that, you are taking the easy way, So
word it that way.

Speaker 1 (36:39):
Yeah, I really wonder what these circumstances are that left them,
Like are you orphaned?

Speaker 2 (36:43):
We might get it. Is your whole family dead and
you have no friends? Damn? That went tart quick. Well,
like I'm wondering like that. That's like you still have
options though you having a family or friends shouldn't impact
the way you live your life as an adult.

Speaker 1 (36:58):
Yeah, well, well, she said, due to life circumstances. It
came to us relying on a stranger we just met,
So we don't know what they were relying on, like
moving in, is it financial stress?

Speaker 2 (37:09):
Is it emotional stress?

Speaker 1 (37:10):
Like so you literally had nobody else in your life
that you had to lean on this stranger. I'm also
just pointing out the wording.

Speaker 2 (37:17):
Yeah, the stranger I think is him though, right Okay, yeah,
so like it's them, they're each other stranger.

Speaker 1 (37:22):
Right, Okay, So that's why I went, like, as your
whole family dead right, Okay.

Speaker 2 (37:26):
That makes sense. Hopefully she gets into what the circumstances were. Yeah,
me too, I hope so, because like if it was
I was in a motorcycle accident and I'm paralyzed from
the neck.

Speaker 3 (37:36):
Down, my family is ten thousand miles away.

Speaker 2 (37:38):
My statement is still factual. I just wouldn't have said
it like I'm sorry that that happened to you. That's horrible.
You know you could have gotten you know, you're I
don't know. I would have given you a very different statement.

Speaker 1 (37:53):
So for all of us wondering, I described that ribbon
cell thing, I am being informed. It's degogli golgy golgie golgie,
it looks like apparatus.

Speaker 2 (38:05):
Where the fuck? Oh in the picture? I was like,
where are you seeing that? At the chat? The chat
is where it's.

Speaker 3 (38:12):
At, guys, Yes, okay, continuing on.

Speaker 2 (38:14):
I should wear your next shirt. What the chat is,
where it's at? I like it, and then that'll be
our discord release for the Patreon release. Let's see.

Speaker 1 (38:23):
Neither of us have a social circle or family to
fall back on. We were both in a tough spot
financially when we met and thought, let's be roommates.

Speaker 2 (38:30):
There it is.

Speaker 1 (38:31):
Everything was great for a while until our first disruption
called that, Oh look, so if we just kept reading roll,
I mean that was.

Speaker 2 (38:38):
I assume that that's where it was going to go
because it's very common. So my initial assessment is actually
like spot on. But I'm going to say this, and
I'm saying this was my full chest. If you were
over the age of eighteen years old and you were
trying to live your life as an adult, you don't
need a backup plan of people. You need to be
self sufficient. Was it if that means working two jobs

(39:01):
or three jobs, or if that means selling off the
shit you don't need. If it means not having a
cell phone if it means eating ramen. You need to
have a source of income that allows you to take
care of yourself. It is not your family's responsibility to
take care of you. It's not somebody else's responsibility to
take care of you. So what I said earlier about
it being easier because you both make a little bit

(39:22):
of money, versus you getting a second job, you took
the easy way out. Nobody wants to work. I fucking
get it. I don't like working. I like this. This
doesn't feel like work. This feels like me talking to
my wife and helping people. But like if I had
to go back to work at the tattoo shop and
be fucking miserable.

Speaker 1 (39:39):
Oh gosh, I couldn't imagine doing fifty piercings in a
day again, right.

Speaker 2 (39:43):
Or working seventy to eight hours a week, Yeah, and
actually being there from open to clothes and doing I
don't want to ever do that again. I'm good, But
if I had to do that again to not lose everything,
I would do that in a heartbeat. And I would
be damned if I'm relying on somebody else to take
care of me. I'm an adult. I just have a
really hard time with people who don't work. You're expecting

(40:04):
other people to support your lifestyle. How is that fair
to them? And then in the event that somebody is like,
I'm not doing that for you, now they're the bad guy.

Speaker 1 (40:14):
Right, So that was gonna be my next question. Like
they said they have no social circle and they don't
have any family to fall back onto. Right, is it
that you don't have a social circle or you didn't
have somebody who wanted to.

Speaker 2 (40:22):
Move in with you or give you money? Right?

Speaker 1 (40:25):
Is it you don't have family to fall back on
or are they tired of enabling?

Speaker 2 (40:30):
Yep? Right.

Speaker 1 (40:31):
So saying the truth sometimes sucks, and sometimes it puts
you in a quote unquote bad light. I think that
bad light is just people judging their own things about
themselves that they don't like and projecting it onto you.

Speaker 2 (40:45):
Absolutely everyone does bad shit. We just talked about this yesterday. Yeah,
in depth with this whole fucking baseball cheating thing or
not baseball, but the coldplay. Yeah.

Speaker 1 (40:57):
I saw that video the first time, and like, he
down away from her and she turned away, and I
was like, what did you expect?

Speaker 2 (41:03):
I didn't even watch the video.

Speaker 1 (41:05):
Yeah, well I saw it Papa, and I was like,
this is stupid. I didn't realize it's going to blow
up the way that it did. But people adore Johnny
Cash and June Carter. They were an affair.

Speaker 2 (41:16):
Yeah, in the beginning there was this infidelity happening.

Speaker 3 (41:18):
Right, So the shit happens, is it right?

Speaker 1 (41:23):
No?

Speaker 3 (41:23):
Does it hurt people? Yes, it's not the end of life.

Speaker 2 (41:26):
Yeah. I thought about that yesterday too. After I made
that TikTok about the whole situation. Somebody was and of
course somebody's like, it's not that deep, bro, Like it
is that yeah, because you're not thinking about it. What
most people aren't thinking as you're sharing those memes and
posting that over social media and like continuing to drag
this on the person that was in that relationship, that
was hurt and betrayed their entire world? Is this meme

(41:48):
right now?

Speaker 1 (41:48):
They found her on Facebook and now they're blasting, oh,
she already changed her last name and all of that shit. Yeah,
you know, it blows my mind what Internet sluice are
capable of. But we're not putting that energy into finding
children who were sex trafficked.

Speaker 2 (42:02):
Right, And so I was my TikTok yesterday and people
got mad about it. There were people in my comments
who are like, I can't believe you're making this something
a big deal. Just let people have their fun, like
we're all aware of. Oh so the distractions, It's exactly it.
Go ahead, keep putting your head in the sand, you
fucking ostrich. YEP. I also want to say, right, so

(42:23):
we do.

Speaker 1 (42:23):
We do a lot of Devil's advocate and give other
perspectives to situations, like how we just did with the
family situation and a friend of situation. If it is
truly accurate that you have no friends, you are alone
every damn day and you are just on your phone
doom scrolling TikTok and on Facebook and watching YouTube, and
you haven't talked to your family in seven years and
they don't know what state you're in.

Speaker 2 (42:43):
I get it.

Speaker 1 (42:44):
What do you get why this was a thing, Why
they came to this agreement to be roommates so soon? Okay,
especially as a woman, if I had nobody in my
life and I'm struggling, or I would also be working
my ass off, I'm willing to sleep in a park.
I got nothing against falling asleep under the stars. Yeah,

(43:06):
make money sign up for ten dollars Planet Fitness, take
showers in there when I need it. I would work
myself back up. But if I wasn't that person being
who I was ten years ago, I would go right
into that somebody to take care of me. I don't
have to worry about half of this shit anymore, right,
make my life easy.

Speaker 2 (43:21):
Let's go because it's easy. Yeah. So for those of
you who are listening the moment, you are not okay
paying your bills, or you're getting to the point where
you're living paycheck to paycheck and you're only putting enough.
You're like your leftover money and your gas tank and
you hope to God that you're able to get back
and forth to work next week. You need to reprioritize
your life. It's time to do some time management audits

(43:43):
and find another fucking job or find a different job
instead of working two jobs. Something's got to change, because
living like that, you're going to get so far behind.
Eventually you're not going to be able to catch up.
There's gonna be credit card default, There's gonna be you
know what I mean, Like, there's a whole lot of
things that happen from that, and people are okay with
just squeaking by. I just I don't fucking get it.

(44:04):
I really don't fucking get it.

Speaker 1 (44:06):
I've been listening to you guys for about a year now,
along with a few other podcasts, to help me learn
healthier ways of communicating how I'm feeling instead of acting
on impulsive behaviors driven by emotion.

Speaker 2 (44:16):
I love that me too.

Speaker 3 (44:18):
I view that as self care.

Speaker 1 (44:20):
Elevating yourself to not be a reaction but to be
a response and level headed you are going to have
such an increase in quality of life and the people
around you.

Speaker 2 (44:33):
It's the hell of a statement, babe. Why do you
say that? You just say it again. You say it
again that you believe say it again. It is a
self care thing.

Speaker 1 (44:41):
Yeah, that elevating your mind above being a reaction but
being a response is a form of self care in
my mind because it improves the quality of life around
you and the people around you.

Speaker 2 (44:53):
That's really fucking smart. Thank you. Like, when you really
think about that, I never put that together. Yeah, that
is the evolution of peace. Yeah, so you can say
that doing all the dirty work and the ugly of
changing who you are, even though it's hard, is a
form of self care. Yeah, I'm loving me.

Speaker 1 (45:09):
I clean my kids off when they get muddy, So
why wouldn't I do that to my mental health and
my soul?

Speaker 2 (45:14):
Yeah that's good, babe, that was good. Thank you. Never
correlated the two. I've always viewed the self growth to
journey as an ugly dragging yourself across your belly in
the mud while somebody's firing in AK forty seven, a
barb wire that you're climbing under, like like in full
Metal Jacket where they're in the mud, crawling underneath their
in boot camp and they're firing. Wait was that might
have been a heartbreak Ridge? It was heartbreak Ridge saving

(45:38):
Private Ryan. They're laying underneath that barbar and they're crawling,
and they were like, Sergeant, is that live Ammo? And
He's like to be real live Ammo in the field
Like damn Yeah. Yeah No.

Speaker 1 (45:50):
For me, it's always been well it started like that,
and then I transitioned my mind to when I help
people through their shit, I'm not I'm not reading them
like that. So if I'm willing to hold them, hold
their hand and comfort them, why wouldn't I do that
to myself? You know what?

Speaker 2 (46:07):
I just thought about, what's that our The way that
we parent is the way that we coach.

Speaker 3 (46:15):
Yeah, you're kind of right, because you.

Speaker 2 (46:17):
Are a lot. You are much gentler, yeah than I am.
I've raised my horse sometimes, right. No, but okay, look look,
let's let's be real here. Okay, little man fucking kim
running around the corner. We've been telling him for four
fucking years now to stop running in the house. Yes,
And they have fallen on this hard ass tile over
and over again, and every time. The first couple of times,

(46:37):
we were like, see, this is why we told you
not to fall on the floor. You know, run in
the house. Da da da da. He came halling ass
out of his room, hit that wet tile because you
had just mopped, and he ate shit hard, hit his elbow,
landing on his tailbow. House. Yeah, yeah, and he started crying.
I'm like, we're crying for it, and he's like, I fell.
I was like, you were running in the house. He's
like yeah, like I want to hear that shit. Then
you broke in. He's like nope. I was like, suck
the fuck up, dude, Like we have told you over
and over again to stop running in the house, and

(46:58):
he stopped crying. He pulled himself together, and I was
gonna slow down in the house, Like, yeah, he won't.
He didn't keep running. It's gonna take a big inner injury.
That's what it took for me. It took my cousin.
Did I ever tell you about the beanback thing in
the house? Oh my god, this is what stopped us
from running in the house. Okay. We had a house
that had, like I had to have been a fifty
foot strip from the front door to the back door.

(47:18):
It's like a shotgun house, but it was all Italian tile.
When we were a kid, my mom got a huge
settlement and bought a big house that she couldn't afford
to keep. I've heard about that yet. Okay, So when
we had that house, we had these giant bean bags
and we'd put him in the middle the house. We'd
start at the front door and run as fast as
we could, and we jump on him and slide across
the house. Oh no, especially when they had just done
the floors. Did you get through a window or something.

Speaker 1 (47:36):
No.

Speaker 2 (47:36):
My cousin ran and jumped and overshot the bean bag
and caught the corner of his chin on a piece
of tile and it peeled the fucking skin bag. They
told us before because we were eighty latch kid's kids, right,
so like I was home alone at six and seven
years old, that was normal for me. We had to
have been in like the nine eight, nine ten range.
They left and looked us both in the face and

(47:58):
was like, before we leave, don't you be sliding on
the beas when we're not here. The moment they walked
out the door, we were like, bean bags, fuck yeah,
because that wasn't a thought, like you planted that thought.
They weren't even they probably weren't even out in the
neighborhood yet before he got hurt, I.

Speaker 3 (48:11):
Bet didn't even start the car.

Speaker 2 (48:12):
Uh, they were out of the driveway. We were checking
because we didn't want to get in trouble. Oh my gosh.
So as soon as they were out the driveway, beanbags
came out and we were running and it was the
first jump, like there was no we didn't even get
a second slide like that happened and that was the end.
But he he, We had a We did kitchen towels
instead of paper towels when we were kids, so like
if you ate, you got a kitchen towel. It was
way easier to recycle and cleaning your towels versus bounty.

(48:34):
But that towel that he had on was completely red
with blood by the time they got home. He wasn't
he got I think that was probably the first time
I ever seen Joey get spanked. He was he was
in trouble. Trouble for that. Uh yeah, yeah, So I
don't run in the house anymore because we just peel
it and cut it. Like no, they he got stitches.
I think they might have actually given him butterfly stitches.
He bled a lot.

Speaker 1 (48:55):
I would have walked in that house seeing him sitting
there with that bloody towel, walk back out.

Speaker 2 (48:58):
And screamed, Oh, he got in a lot trouble. We
were both in trouble. I think I got the slide.
I think I got in trouble for I didn't do shit.
I didn't have the opportunity to agree. I got for
the thought of having fun. Yep, God, he's scalped his throat. Yep.

(49:21):
Our son came running around the corner and I heard
him crying. I was like, what happened?

Speaker 1 (49:25):
He was like I felt I was like, how'd you
fall and he was like, I slipped on the tie
and you're like, were you running?

Speaker 3 (49:29):
And he was like I was like, that's what you get,
but that's not I comfort him that.

Speaker 2 (49:33):
Right, right, you still do, but that is our coaching
styles too, Like you still get to the point of
no nonsense, it just takes you longer to get there
than me. Yeah. I have a lot of grace. Yeah
I have understanding, but I don't have sympathy for your choices. Yeah,
you can't be the victim for the choices that you've made.

(49:53):
You've made those choices. So me calling you on it,
it's not me being nasty or being like, fuck you idiot,
it's me pointing out that this is all you choice, right,
And in that situation, it was their choice, regardless of
what their financial situation was that made them move in together.
It was their choice whether they did something at work
and got fired or their company made you know, had

(50:15):
cutbacks and they were let go. What did you think
about thinking it made Naus? My throat feels funnier. You
remember that first time I scratchally those throats. That's how
I feel right now. It's funny because we both got
big I think the chin thing is normal. I think
like most people end up with I can't say everybody,

(50:36):
but everybody that gets like major face wounds, it's always
the chin. You don't have a scar on your chin.

Speaker 1 (50:41):
No.

Speaker 2 (50:41):
The worst I'd done was put my teeth through my lip. Yeah.
I had my braces get stuck in my lips.

Speaker 3 (50:47):
Yeah, I've had that happen.

Speaker 2 (50:48):
I got punched in the mouth when I had braces.
That was not a fun thing.

Speaker 3 (50:50):
I've ever had anything happen in my face besides my eyebrow.

Speaker 2 (50:53):
Yeah, I got the chin thing. I always thought that
was from an eyebrow pier scene. It is okay. Yeah.

Speaker 1 (50:59):
I used to tell people because I got my eyebrow
pierce when I was like fourteen years old, so I
didn't take care of it properly. My body was also
rejecting it.

Speaker 2 (51:07):
Eyebrow piercings are stupid.

Speaker 1 (51:08):
Yeah, So it was hanging on by a thread and
one a minute, I woke up and it was just
out of my face.

Speaker 3 (51:15):
But I would tell people I got into a fight.

Speaker 2 (51:19):
It's funny how that works, isn't it. Yeah, yep, that
that eyebrow scar is such a common thing with gen X. Yeah,
like so you see somebody, Yeah, you know it's an
eyebrow piercing scar.

Speaker 3 (51:31):
I have a scar from a lip piercing over here too.

Speaker 2 (51:35):
Only piercing scars I have is my bridge.

Speaker 3 (51:38):
Yeah I see your bridge.

Speaker 2 (51:39):
Well it's been pierce seventeen times. Yeah.

Speaker 1 (51:40):
I also see your liphole even through your beard, well
just because you know it's there.

Speaker 2 (51:44):
Yeah, all right.

Speaker 1 (51:45):
I was diagnosed with all sorts of psychological disorders when
I was twelve, general anxiety disorder, bipolar disorder, borderline personality disorder, depression,
and two years ago I was diagnosed with low range autism.

Speaker 2 (51:57):
So I wonder how many of those other diagnosises are
actually diagnosises, or if that was all just symptoms of
your autism. That's a good question. It is a good question.

Speaker 3 (52:06):
Yeah, a lot of them get crossed over.

Speaker 2 (52:08):
Yeah, and the amount of doctors that are going to
give you a different diagnosis because that's what they specialize
and it makes them easy.

Speaker 1 (52:14):
Yeah they did say low range autism. Yeah, like their
autism has a Tranfer case I suppose.

Speaker 2 (52:21):
So yeah, they dropped that bitch and low and become
borderline four low a autism. Let's go. Ah, you like
that Redneck and Avatar. Get some the shooter, Oh yeah,
get some, get some, Get some. I was so glad

(52:42):
when he died.

Speaker 1 (52:43):
I love that we can show a bit of our
psychotic when talking about movies. But if we ever said
that shit in real life, we'd go to jail.

Speaker 2 (52:52):
I was so glad when he died. Yeah, you can't
say that shit in real life. People would be real offended. Yeah,
unless it was a yep, don't do it. You know
what I'm talking about. I said, four wheel fixation ironic
because my autism makes it really hard to maintain traction,
and thought that's funny.

Speaker 1 (53:10):
I also wonder with all of those diagnosises, thank you
for not commenting on it.

Speaker 2 (53:16):
Actually, that's right word, is it? Yep?

Speaker 3 (53:19):
I thought it was diagnosis diagnoses.

Speaker 2 (53:22):
You were right with what you said. Hell yeah, so
it's been fun watching you to go diagnosi and all
of that shit, though, just been letting a ride. Wait,
so it's not diagnosi, you know, it's diagnosises or however
you worded that. It's the proper term diagnoses.

Speaker 1 (53:36):
Bitch, you've known this whole I'm sorry, fucker, you've known
this whole time. I'm so sorry that it's just looked out.

Speaker 2 (53:42):
I don't care. It's funny. Yes, I've known this entire time.
He doesn't send another gig lie because you think it's cute.
I do, I do? Yep, do you?

Speaker 1 (53:54):
Okay, So I'm okay with it because you think it's cute,
but you don't think I'm stupid?

Speaker 3 (53:57):
Right, No, okay, awesome? Nope, cool? Cool.

Speaker 1 (54:04):
So with all of that going on, how much have
you deep dive and healing it right in?

Speaker 2 (54:11):
Coping with it? Always a good question?

Speaker 1 (54:13):
All right, Okay, sorry, that was a goodggle because somebody
posted something funny in the chat that you're not privy
to because you're not a part of it. Remember that
ad that played earlier, Go check that out. I've lived
my life walking on eggshells and catering to the feelings
of others out of fear of upsetting someone, and me

(54:34):
being the reason. So she said, I've lived my life
walking on eggshells and catering to the feelings of others
out of fear of upsetting someone, and me being the reason.
You will never live your life because you are always
going to piss off somebody. Yep.

Speaker 2 (54:47):
Other people's responses to you as a shit like it's
not a you problem.

Speaker 1 (54:51):
Yeah, I worked at as I worked as a waitress
at a restaurant and one of my customers complained about
me to my boss because she didn't.

Speaker 2 (55:00):
Like the way that I looked at her. That's crazy
in it.

Speaker 1 (55:03):
Right, It really doesn't matter how you exist. Somebody is
always going to be upset by you. So I know
I pay way too close attention to changes and behaviors
and attitudes, tones and words being used. That is a
survival mechanism. It is, and that is from my understanding
developed in childhood due to there being a right answer

(55:24):
and there being a wrong answer.

Speaker 2 (55:26):
At the base of it. That's exactly what it is.
But it gets worse when you are forced to try
to give that right answer and you can't come up
with it. You start walking on eggshells and trying to
formulate how can I make this person happy so that
I'm safe.

Speaker 1 (55:40):
Yeah, continuing my attention to those details will trigger these
anxious thoughts that I felt with no If left with
no direction, will send my mind into a spiral of
these overwhelming emotions that I have a hard time controlling.

Speaker 2 (55:52):
Talk about it. My husband's sighs, and I'll like you good, yep,
all the time? What was that?

Speaker 1 (56:00):
I'll ask you a question, You'll be like yeah. I'd
be like, are you upset right now?

Speaker 2 (56:05):
You're like nope, just sitting here.

Speaker 1 (56:07):
I'll be like, all right, cool, and then we'll go
back to our individual things as we sit next to
each other. I am somebody who also had to survive
that way for a while, so I understand that anxiety
and that panic of and oh fuck, what did I do?
What's gonna happen on the other side of all of
that is if you're with somebody who is safe and

(56:30):
isn't going to You've already asked me that this week,
you're so needy, Quit fucking asking me questions. All of
those negative things. And I think to an certain extent
that can become abusive. If somebody is trying to work
through their traumas and triggers and they start getting angry
about those traumas and triggers, I think it's going to
further traumatize the person.

Speaker 2 (56:50):
Can you elaborate on why that would traumatize them further?
So I understand.

Speaker 1 (56:53):
So if and this is from my experience, when I
try to talk about things that happen to me, or
try to convey about like how what somebody just did
made me feel a certain way. They became angry and irate,
and it was my fault that I felt that way,
and it furthered the well, I'm just a piece of shit.

Speaker 2 (57:13):
I don't matter.

Speaker 1 (57:14):
But it also mimicked a lot of things that happened
earlier in life.

Speaker 2 (57:18):
So see, for me, that's where the shutting down and
not talking about things comes in. Yeah, Like that's the
bottling and up that men do because we don't want
to throw them back in our face or we don't
want to we're not able to work through the thing.
So that's why I asked, because that's where my head
went and ears went to increase trauma, and I was
not able to go there. This is the perception of
the reality. Like we all have our own lived perspectives

(57:40):
of things. So hearing your perspective of the way that
you have lived, and it's recessed for you and it's
created more trauma. It didn't create more trauma for me.
The trauma that happened for me was when the thing
that I was talking about happened. Yeah, the suppression of
talking about those things now becomes prevalent because I'm clearly
not cared about, like my well being doesn't matter to

(58:01):
anyone as long as everyone else is okay, I'm good.
That's where that comes in. So it's the suppression. It's
good that we have these conversations. It is a new
perspective of things.

Speaker 1 (58:10):
Somebody in the chat said, I'm starting to think my
mind is out of a man's I disagree with that.
It's just life experience and the way that you process
thing and how your mind protect itself protects you. On
the other side of feeling that way is communication with
a safe person, like I was saying. If you're not
with somebody who cares about you and is willing to
be patient and have grace with you and understanding, you're

(58:35):
going to continue to feel that way, and you need
to be able to stand up for yourself and say,
I'm not going to tolerate this in my life anymore.
There is a certain level of I believe that people
are entitled to things, and compassion is one of those.

Speaker 2 (58:51):
So we've said since the beginning of the podcast that
your healing journey is your responsibility in others people's and
other people can't heal you and I am now able
to retract that statement because I have found an exception. Yeah,
you cannot have exposure therapy in a situation like this
unless you have somebody that you can talk to to
work through and learn that trust. Because if you are
somebody that has had to bottle it up and you're

(59:13):
not able to talk to people and you learn to
shut down, and you have become that person that we've
been talking about this entire time. Until you find a
safe person that you're able to have those talks with
over and over again, you're not going to learn how
to effectively communicate or feel safe doing so. So in
that situation, you do need somebody that's emotionally regulated to
be able to help you find the internal strength to

(59:35):
overcome that. Would you like me to go get you
a hair tie?

Speaker 1 (59:37):
No, I have a hair tie. I'm doing this because
Zach roasted me and I'm trying to see if I
can get the.

Speaker 2 (59:41):
Oh to look like a kid from stand Loot Get Yeah,
I'm pretty close. You should look at the TV and
do it though, damn you right, shut up. That's anyways
cut that. Let's get back to it. Did you do

(01:00:03):
this to me? I didn't do this. They did it.
You're the one that mentioned the green mile. You did it.
They brought up Sandlot. I was just trying to trying
to be a part of my interest. Thanks, Dab, I
got you. I'm gonna go blow my nose while you cry.
I have a bring.

Speaker 1 (01:00:15):
Remember what I said about the quality of life and
the quality of people around you improving when you work
on yourself and go through all that dirty shit. That
walking on eggshells is going to go away when you
increase the quality of yourself and the quality of people
in your life. Right, she said anxious thoughts. If left
with no direction, we'll send my mind to a spiral
of these overwhelming emotions that I have a hard time controlling.

(01:00:38):
What are you doing to control them?

Speaker 2 (01:00:39):
Right?

Speaker 3 (01:00:40):
Are you separating yourself from the situation?

Speaker 1 (01:00:42):
Are you saying, Babe, Banana, I need fifteen seconds.

Speaker 2 (01:00:46):
I love you.

Speaker 1 (01:00:47):
I'm gonna go in the other room and cry for
fifteen minutes, and then when I come back, I'm gonna
be composed, and I want to finish this conversation with
you because I love you and this relationship matters to me.
If he follows you after you say that, and he's
still trying to argue that's a different conversation. Absolutely, yeah,
or her women do it too. Oh okay, I'm gonna

(01:01:08):
go on a whole little syreen. Women, if you purposely
walk off seeing that, seeing if you will chase you
or fall I've seen so many tiktoks of women setting
up the phone in the bedroom and then slamming the
bedroom door and sitting on the bed and waiting for
him to come in and getting upset that he doesn't.

Speaker 2 (01:01:24):
You walked away.

Speaker 1 (01:01:26):
I'm not even chasing my children down when you walk
away from me. When you're ready to have a conversation,
we can have a conversation.

Speaker 2 (01:01:34):
Love you, and they'll go. If you if you set
up your phone and slam the door, you would be
sitting there on record and turn the time limbit ran out.
How am I supposed to know you're angry, like unless
we were fighting, Because in those situations they're slamming the
door to see if the man will come in and
check on him. I'm going to assume the wind caught
the door and it slamm because we don't slam doors
in this house, No, we don't.

Speaker 1 (01:01:59):
I was one of those, and I would walk off
and slam a door, and then when he didn't come
after me, I'd get mad about it. You don't love me,
You're supposed to come in here and comfort me. You're
supposed to love me. I cry a lot, but not
just when I'm sad. I cry when I'm happy. I
cry when I'm mad. I cry when I'm frustrated or flustered.
I just cry my body's response to these overwhelming emotions
that feel so extreme.

Speaker 2 (01:02:19):
It's something that.

Speaker 1 (01:02:20):
I'm having a really hard time controlling, and I'm not
even understanding how to prevent myself from crying. But over
the past year, since I have been actively seeking ways
to better my mental health and learning to communicate on
them rather than act on them, those feelings don't seem
so overwhelming, Or they didn't until recently. She added a
bunch of periods, so or they didn't dot dot dot

(01:02:42):
until recently. It's the pause, it is the pause. It's
the Antissa.

Speaker 3 (01:02:49):
Patient.

Speaker 2 (01:02:50):
I love that movie.

Speaker 1 (01:02:51):
I know, continuing, I'm not blaming my boyfriend for me
not being able to get a grip of my feelings.

Speaker 2 (01:02:58):
I do, however, feel as if he sees my.

Speaker 1 (01:03:00):
Feelings as an inconvenience, and that I annoy him when
I tell him how something he did or didn't do
hurt my feelings. Okay, so I want to pause. There
are these different conversations every time that they happen. Or
are you bringing up the same instance over and over
again because you feel like it's not resolved?

Speaker 2 (01:03:16):
You have some real honesty, some real brutal honesty. That
shit's fucking annoying to people. What when you're overly emotional
all the time? Oh yeah, if you're in a relation,
nobody wants to be around a depressed, chaotic, fucking anxious
mess all the time.

Speaker 3 (01:03:29):
Like a Tasmanian double, but emotionally right.

Speaker 2 (01:03:31):
People get into relationships with people because they bring some
sort of enjoyment into their life. If you have to
live your life as your person's therapist, they're not gonna
want to fucking be there anymore. If you and I
were in the relationship that we were in and one
of us became a depressed mess, we would try to
help each other. But if that became the new normal
and our entire existence was depression, this marriage would not work. No,

(01:03:52):
nobody wants to be around somebody who's always a fucking mess.
Not only would it not work.

Speaker 1 (01:03:57):
It would be a massive detriment, detriment to both of
our mental health, right, Like we would begin dragging each
other backwards.

Speaker 2 (01:04:05):
So, in this situation, not knowing any of it, he
could be getting tired of the shit. If every time
you guys have a problem, it's not a normal conversation,
it becomes a big ass fucking conflict. It is annoying. Right,
we don't want to deal with that shit all the time.
You're an adult. You should be able to have a
normal civil conversation about what's going on with yourself, express
your emotions, use I versus, use statements, do the whole thing,

(01:04:27):
and not scream and yell and be nasty towards each other.
We don't argue, like, no, we have mild disagreements, but we.

Speaker 3 (01:04:33):
Never have a huh, they're mowing.

Speaker 2 (01:04:36):
I know they are mowing. You think it's picking up.
You're right.

Speaker 1 (01:04:41):
We don't scream and yell at each other and all
of those kinds of things. I do cry during conversations.
That that's one of those things that my body just
does the same way as the emailer cry over stupid things.

Speaker 2 (01:04:51):
Right, things that make me happy.

Speaker 1 (01:04:55):
I will think about a memory and make myself cry
in those conversations though I am not elevated.

Speaker 3 (01:05:02):
My body's just leaking.

Speaker 1 (01:05:03):
It's a physical purge of my body processing what's going
on in the moment. And you don't get frustrated with
me about it. I'm not throwing it in your face.
You made me cry. It's just what's happening right now.
And you've gotten to a point where you understand that
I'm not upset because I'm crying.

Speaker 3 (01:05:22):
It's just something that my body does.

Speaker 2 (01:05:23):
But you, like you said, you cry what you're happy too? Yeah,
that so I don't The first time you cried in
front of me, I was like, fuck, here we go.
That was my honest, like internal reaction, like, wow, she's
about to manipulate me with tears because I don't like
seeing women cry, like it's a hard thing for me.
And that is a go to thing for women because

(01:05:43):
they know that men don't like to see them cry.
There are a lot of women out there who can
make themselves cry on contact, like just to do it,
and it is a form of manipulation. But seeing you
cry over all the other things that you cry over,
I know that it's just a visceral response from your body,
and that's the way that you deal with things. If
you got hysterical and started crying and calling me names
and throwing shit and being a rational and like being

(01:06:04):
like a fucking a bad nineties movie, I wouldn't deal
with that shit. Yeah, So there was the first couple
cries because I hadn't witnessed the crying because of happy
tears yet, Like that took time in our relationship to
come about. That was something I had to learn. Nobody
wants to be around crazy, depressive, fucking people all the time.
It's just not worth it to us. So if your

(01:06:26):
boyfriend is getting sick of the shit, there's a reason
for it. It's not just that you're crying. Yeah, I
believe that. And I don't know the email or I
have no idea, I'm not there, but I truly believe
that it's not just that you're crying, because people just
crying is not that big of a deal.

Speaker 1 (01:06:40):
And they haven't been together for that long either, right,
So if you are coming to him and you didn't
do this and it makes me feel this way, right,
like bring me flowers on Wednesdays and he's forgotten two
weeks in a row. But he's remembered three weeks before that,
and it gets brought up again and you're upset and
emotional about it. I would be annoyed too, Like, what

(01:07:01):
about the other three weeks you knew? The last two
Wednesdays I've been really going through it. I acknowledged it,
I apologize, I cooked dinner that night, we watched your
favorite movie. I felt like I did something to make
up for that. But you're still upset, right, And that's
I'm not saying that's what he said. In a really
perfect world, that would be the response. But if he's

(01:07:22):
feeling attacked and he's not able to verbalize, well, what
about all of the other times I did remember?

Speaker 3 (01:07:27):
Where is the grace that?

Speaker 2 (01:07:29):
I feel like?

Speaker 3 (01:07:29):
That's a grid luck conversation?

Speaker 2 (01:07:31):
Yeah? I actually said as manipulation. Yeah, in that situation
specifically where you said that they didn't bring the flowers
the other Wednesdays, the two Wednesdays, but they did before
and they did something to make up for it, like
making dinner or trying to do something. I think at
that point that argument is coming up to try to
get attention. I agree it is creating conflict where conflict

(01:07:52):
doesn't need to be life doesn't need to be about
flowers and chocolates, right, That's not what life is. Life
is about living in the moment and loving each other.
And if you need gifts to show love or to
feel like you've been loved, there's other ways to do that.
It's the candy bar from the store when you go,
you know, grabbing you a bag of trail Mikes unexpectedly
like it's if you need expensive gifts or something very

(01:08:12):
specific to feel love that I would think that that
stems from trauma. Yeah, the only way I feel loved
is if you buy me flowers. That's insane, I agree. Yeah.

Speaker 1 (01:08:21):
Oh now, if it's a new conversation every time. Right,
you're on this healing path, you're growing, and you're lifting
up rocks, and you're discovering new triggers, you're discovering new traumas,
and you're trying to bring it into the relationships. So
you guys can be on the same page. He understands
why there may be a reaction or you go quiet
in a moment because you discover this new thing about
you and he doesn't want to hear it. That's not

(01:08:43):
your man. Every time I discover something new within me,
or I'm triggered by something, or I think of something
that traumatized me that I blacked out. I tell you,
I'm in a weird headspace because I realize this about
me today, or I've been thinking about this for the
last week and it's been it hasn't gone away, so
it's starting to bother me.

Speaker 2 (01:08:59):
You need to be aware of what's going on with me.
I think if you're stacking that on top of being hysterical,
crying and like combative in the moment like that, it's
not a matter of that not being her manness that
she needs to heal. Yeah, and in that situation, yeah,
maybe maybe she needs somebody that's going to be a
little bit more compassionate. So maybe you're right that it's
not not her man or whatever. But I have a

(01:09:20):
hard time with the emotional hysteria.

Speaker 3 (01:09:22):
I agree, And I actually just scrolled back up.

Speaker 1 (01:09:24):
The title of the email says he's tired of fighting,
but he's the only one combating.

Speaker 2 (01:09:28):
I view that as combative behavior. I believe everything that
she's laid out that she does is combative behavior. Yeah,
I think the crying like that is combative. If she's
getting hysterical right, If she's just crying and her body's leaking,
it's not.

Speaker 3 (01:09:41):
The same thing, right, But crying yelling.

Speaker 2 (01:09:45):
You always being erratic.

Speaker 1 (01:09:47):
Yeah, okay, continuing, We're now in this cycle of my
feeling's getting hurt. He gets angry because I'm crying and
feels like I'm making everything to be his fault, and
in return, I cry even more because now I'm feeling
like he doesn't care about me hurting.

Speaker 2 (01:10:01):
Well, okay, so I would really love an example. I
would too. I would too, because in the event that
you say you never blah blah blah, or you always
blah blah blah, and you're making statements that are okay,
you're a liar, not you lied to me. You're saying
things that attack my character. Of course, I don't give

(01:10:22):
a shit about how you're feeling, because you just started
a fight.

Speaker 3 (01:10:24):
Right, You're not talking about a situation, You're talking about me.

Speaker 2 (01:10:26):
Right, Yeah, we're not having a conversation about what you
feel anymore. You're having a conversation about what the fuck
I did and and how I'm the problem. Not I'm
upset right now because something happen the other day blah
blah blah, like there has to be a proper way
toward what you're going through to not make it an
attack and not make it a definitive statement. And when

(01:10:49):
you figure out how to talk to people that way,
all of your conversations will change. Yes.

Speaker 1 (01:10:54):
And on the flip coin, if he truly is just
an asshole, and you are taking everything from therapy and
from the podcast and you're using eye statements and you're
trying to make it more about how you feel about
the situation and finding a solution versus attacking him and
being hysterical, do you really.

Speaker 2 (01:11:13):
Want to be with somebody like that? Right? Good question? Right?

Speaker 1 (01:11:16):
Do you really want to put yourself in a situation
on your growth journey? And it sounds like you're still
very early on with all of your healing healing, Yeah,
that's a good word. I wouldn't be willing to put
myself in that detriment because I just happen to love somebody,
or even out of proximity, they moved in together due
to finances. We can be roommates. You're not gonna come

(01:11:38):
and sleep in my bed anymore. We're not waking up
to good morning texts.

Speaker 2 (01:11:42):
Yeah, I think that. I think it's more roommates than love. Yeah,
I think that all of this is very important, and
like what you just mentioned, the other side of that
is if he is actually doing it and all that
The problem is is we can't assume that people we
honestly as a podcast and what we do for a living,
we cannot even assume that people are using I versus
you statements correctly because every single time we've done something

(01:12:05):
in person where we've been like, give us an example
of I versus you, it's fucking wrong. It is. It's
still a you statement. It becomes one. It starts off
with I feel like because you do da da da. Yeah,
that's not an iversus you statement. It started that way,
but in and an attack, you have to learn to
properly talk to people.

Speaker 1 (01:12:28):
You also need to learn how to receive things from
people without taking it personally. Right, Absolutely, a big part
of communication is understanding.

Speaker 2 (01:12:37):
Not being reactive. Yeah, that being okay, So what you
just said makes a whole lot of sense too, because
in the event that the understanding needs to be there
and we have a level of some sort of understanding
in the way that we're supposed to be communicating, if
both people have done a little bit of research on
I versus you, and you say some shit like I

(01:12:58):
always feel like, because you always blah blah blah, you
can be okay. I know you were trying to make
an eye statement there, but that statement felt like an
attack where you're trying to attack me. Right, because now
we're having an understanding conversation, I need you to elaborate
on that versus me being reactive because you made a
use statement and now I feel like I'm being attacked. Yeah,
not everybody's going to be at the same place of
a healing journey. It does take two people to have communication,

(01:13:20):
and one person could be that motherfucker when it comes
to communication the other person is not able to hear it.
I just there's a whole lot that goes into that.
I just I do think that there's a whole lot
of people that are together that aren't on the same page.
I agree, they're not mentally on the same level, and
that creates a whole lot of problems. And this is
why you don't move in with somebody in the first
six months of knowing them or a year of knowing them.

Speaker 1 (01:13:41):
I took some advice from a podcast I heard that
said to ask your partner to repeat what you said
when I did this, and try to correct him by
repeating what I actually said versus what he heard. He
didn't even want to listen to what I was saying.
He will just repeat what he said. I try my
best to not use a ca using phrases that will
make him feel like a target, but I cannot control

(01:14:03):
the way he interprets my words, even when I'm saying
everything perfectly.

Speaker 2 (01:14:08):
You want to touch on that from a BPD standpoint, or
you want me to do it. I think you should
do it because we had in a situation like this
that was caught on video.

Speaker 1 (01:14:16):
So.

Speaker 3 (01:14:18):
I would rather you talk about that because I was
the U situation.

Speaker 2 (01:14:21):
Well, you can give a different example. We have a
lot of them. I think that's a good one, though.
I think you should touch on that. Well, okay, let's
let's touch on that what he hears versus what you
say and asking him to repeat it back. If he
repeats back something that's not what you said, and you
want to clarify that, you can't say that's not what
I said, right, because it doesn't matter. That's not what

(01:14:42):
you said. That's what they heard, right.

Speaker 1 (01:14:44):
And this isn't about him being wrong and her saying
that I'm correcting him, right, He's not wrong. He heard
it the way he heard it right. So clarifying or
elaborating is a better way to phrase that.

Speaker 2 (01:14:55):
Yeah, and correcting somebody is a problem anyways. You're not
correct what are they a dog? You're correcting their behavior.
But that situation, the answer to that is, I'm sorry.
If that's what I said, that's not what I meant.
Let me try again. I'd like to rephrase it because
I would like you to understand what it is that
I'm trying to convey, and I'm sorry that it came
out that way. We've said that to each other a lot.

(01:15:16):
There have been times, because we have said on this
podcast a lot, that you need to rephrase what you've said,
like I need you to repeat back to me so
that we're on the same page. That was a whole
year of our podcast. We did an episode where we
were in we recorded the entire thing, and like I
was editing, and I thought while we were in the
episode that we were in major conflict and I was
having a borderline moment and we were editing, and I

(01:15:38):
was editing. This is when we still had the kitchen
table in here, and I was like, baby, can you
come here from it? And she's like yeah, and you
know yeah, and you walked over and I played it
for you and you're like okay, and I'm like, I
thought we were fighting right here, Like I have been
holding on to some shit because I thought we were
in conflict and playing this back, like everything that I
heard you say and everything that we were having a conversation,
and even your body language didn't it's not real. I

(01:16:01):
got in my feelings and I created a whole ass
environment my fucking brain, and I was emotionally reacting to
that shit I had. I could feel it. Had a
full on, fucking like meltdown. That was probably the first
time you ever see it, saw me like really truly
let go cry. It was because I, like.

Speaker 3 (01:16:15):
Your reality was shattered.

Speaker 2 (01:16:16):
It completely shattered, completely, Like I it was bad enough
that I can't trust my emotions now, I can't trust
my fucking brain and what I see and hear either, Like,
because that's a big thing. You know, with borderline, you
overreact to things and you do create your own reality.
And in the moment, my perception of what was happening
crafted my reality, and you were not in conflict with me,

(01:16:37):
And I was very much in conflict with you because
I thought of what was happening and it just wasn't real.
And like I said, I felt it.

Speaker 1 (01:16:44):
I could tell that you were going through something over
there towards me.

Speaker 2 (01:16:48):
Yeah.

Speaker 1 (01:16:48):
Yeah, And if he can feel that, and that's a
constant thing where you think that you were saying things perfectly,
or you are in your p's and q's and he's
the one who's constantly messing up.

Speaker 3 (01:16:58):
You have borderline.

Speaker 1 (01:16:59):
You're never going to be perfect, right, And I say
that as a woman with borderline. I am fully aware
that I am never going to be a perfect woman.
People without mental illnesses are never going to be perfect right.

Speaker 2 (01:17:11):
Right. You do the best you can, and you have
to evolve and be willing to grow and learn as
these things come up.

Speaker 1 (01:17:17):
And I would also like, we have this podcast, we
do this for a living, and I would never say
that I say things perfectly.

Speaker 2 (01:17:24):
I agree with that. We still have moments like Okay,
that wasn't right. Yeah, that came out way fucking wrong. Yeah,
I thought I had that statement down. I was not
prepared for my Yeah, there was some anger or there
was still a motion behind that. Let me try that again, like,
sorry for my tone. Right, that's a big one for me, right,
And that was the next That's what I wanted to
touch on next because of what you were saying. Yeah,
you can say as much as you want to say,

(01:17:48):
but if the other eighty percent of our communication being nonverbal,
is fucked up, it doesn't matter what you say. Yeah,
I can say two things. I can say the same
thing in two different languages. M like two different Like
I could cuss or not cuss. I could be like
this and have my leg crossed and be comfortable, or
I could be postured with my arms crossed, or I
could be pacing. All of that shit is data that

(01:18:10):
our brain collects, So your words don't fucking mean a
whole hell of a lot. That's twenty percent of what
you're actually trying to get out there, right.

Speaker 1 (01:18:18):
I think it's also important to touch on because this
was said in our discord.

Speaker 2 (01:18:21):
At one point.

Speaker 1 (01:18:22):
If you feel like you conveying something to your man,
is you dumbing it down? That's also a problem and
you can feel that.

Speaker 2 (01:18:28):
Yep, this is why I really want to do the
do the calls because We've done a couple of them privately,
and we've really been able to pick things apart for people.

Speaker 3 (01:18:37):
Oh yeah, you know, my big calls can last three
hours though.

Speaker 2 (01:18:39):
Right, Well, if we're doing it for content, we just
put you know, a cap on it or whatever, or
we do it in multiple parts. You know, I'm down
with doing part one, two, three, four, whatever.

Speaker 3 (01:18:48):
I think that's the best way to do that.

Speaker 1 (01:18:49):
Yeah, the hour mark, end the episode, start again and
continue the conversation.

Speaker 2 (01:18:54):
Yeah, or just do an intro outro to be at
the end of the episode and clip it. In my
concern with doing all the that as people two things. One,
I know for a fact that people manipulate what we
say to to fuck with their partner and to fit
their narrative.

Speaker 1 (01:19:09):
Right.

Speaker 2 (01:19:09):
I didn't want to say manipulate twice, and I didn't
have a better word, so I dropped the F bomb there.
I know that I know for a fact they do that,
And I also know that the other part of this
is that I'm afraid that we're going to spend all
that time with people and they're not going to implement
the things that we tell them waste their time. Yeah, completely,
I mean, it's content we're gonna get paid for it,
but like I want people to change their lives. That
means more to me than the money that we're making.

Speaker 3 (01:19:31):
I want to help people who want to be helped.

Speaker 2 (01:19:33):
Right Yeah, because there's somebody else in the relationship that's
also being hurt by your dumb shit.

Speaker 1 (01:19:37):
I can say I'm feeling insecure right now, and what
he hears is you're cheating on me. But my insecurities
have nothing to do with a paranoia of him sneaking
to talk to someone else.

Speaker 2 (01:19:46):
Okay, so there's that's bullshit because what you just said
is that's not even close to the same thing. No,
have you accused him of being a cheater multiple times
in the past. Why are you feeling insecure right now? Yeah,
there's a reason for that, and that's your previous conversations
that come into play, because this is an ongoing thing.
If you're feeling insecure in the moment and that's never

(01:20:07):
been a conversation, he's not gonna go I'm not cheating
on you unless there's a major guilt there that he's
cheating on you. There's a reason that you're feeling insecure,
and most people are going to go, why do you
feel insecure right now? Yes, because that's a very vague statement.
I'm not happy. Why are you not happy?

Speaker 3 (01:20:22):
I also view that it's fishing.

Speaker 2 (01:20:24):
Okay, Why is it fishing?

Speaker 1 (01:20:25):
Because you're waiting for that person to ask you why.
You want to see if they care.

Speaker 2 (01:20:30):
Okay, I agree with that.

Speaker 1 (01:20:32):
You want to see if they're going to probe and
see what's going on with you. That's why people vague
post on Facebook fuck today, but I'm not going to
tell you why, and then they get an influx of comments,
people reaching out to the DMS.

Speaker 2 (01:20:42):
Yeah, it's attention seeking. It absolutely is.

Speaker 1 (01:20:45):
When I am feeling a certain way about something, I
come to you and I let you know I'm feeling
insecure because of X, Y and Z.

Speaker 3 (01:20:51):
There is no room for you to ask me why.

Speaker 2 (01:20:53):
So that's proper communication. Yeah, I'm feeling insecure because blah
blah blah blah blah. Yeah, so there would be no
argument there. Now if you were like, I'm insecure because
I saw you look at another woman's ass, that is
an accusation. And if they were looking at another woman's ass,
a conversation that needs to be had. I view that
as in fidelity. I don't appreciate it. That doesn't even
need to be a discussion. You can say how you
need to feel about it, making excuses or reasons that

(01:21:16):
there's nothing you're going to say it to make me
feel make me feel better about you looking at somebody
else's ass, Right, So like that just needs to be
a statement that fishing for attention shit bothers me so
much that when people go, can I ask you a question?
It bothers me.

Speaker 3 (01:21:30):
Oh I hit people with you just did?

Speaker 2 (01:21:31):
Yeah? I do too, I do too. I Actually I
think I'm going to start going. You had the I
had time for one, and you just wasted it. Right.

Speaker 1 (01:21:37):
Yeah, I've had to tell the women in my groups
that you don't need to ask permission to speak, right.

Speaker 2 (01:21:42):
I'm not your parent.

Speaker 1 (01:21:43):
This isn't school. This space is for you, guys. There's
room for your voice here. Fucking use it and stop
apologizing for existing. I say that a lot too, and
now I'm saying it to you, guys.

Speaker 2 (01:21:55):
I think everybody should have to do a psychedelic once
in their life, like a deep, deep journey, because when
you realize that you have a universe within you and
that you are a whole ass existence. It changes your
outlook on things. Yes, like I'm taking up space. I'm
taking up all the space. Yeah, and I don't care.
I don't care if it bothers people. I don't care
if it's intimidating. I don't care if I'm scarier. I

(01:22:15):
gotta mean space. The best part is that they move away.
They do because they don't. There's too much universe over here.
You need to you need some more space. Your your
universe isn't isn't well equipped. I liked that. That was good.

Speaker 1 (01:22:30):
Yeah, I'm glad you take up space. Thanks for letting
me in your space.

Speaker 2 (01:22:33):
You're like my I don't know space well enough to
say this. I was gonna say, like my nebula, but
I don't know if that's actually things. So, Oh, I
don't know, but I like that. Okay, Yeah, the supernova
that's the sun, right, I don't know. The Sun is
a giant red supernova. I don't know space. It makes
me feel seventh grade. I'm doing the best I can here. Yeah,
I mean space is gorgeous. Okay, great, Yeah, good team

(01:22:53):
made me tingle did it? My husband likes me? Yeah.

Speaker 1 (01:23:00):
Oh. I wanted to touch on in the beginning of
your guys' relationship, if you had a trauma from cheating
in a past relationship that you hadn't worked through, and
that insecurities being brought up was him always having to say, no,
I'm not cheating on you. No, I'm not cheating on you.
That's a quote unquote trained behavior. I said, this is
somebody the other day, No matter how shitty this sounds,

(01:23:23):
just like dogs are animals. Humans are animals, and we
are trained by reward and punishment.

Speaker 2 (01:23:27):
Yep. It's all based off of responses.

Speaker 1 (01:23:30):
Yeah, so there's a lot, Like I said earlier, in
this episode, there's a lot of Devil's Advocate playing. I
wish there were examples happening. I wish that there was
more in depth elaborations of maybe prior conversations when things
were brought out. Yep, because there's a reasons he's responding
this way. Either it's, like we said, the trained behavior,
or he's just a dick.

Speaker 2 (01:23:51):
And that's a very real possible, Really is it really is?
Could be that y'all needed each other financially and he
just doesn't like you.

Speaker 3 (01:24:00):
Yeah, it could be that you're more into this than
he is.

Speaker 2 (01:24:03):
Right, that's a very real reality, the amount of people
who are living together as roommates out of necessity because
it's easier to survive with two than one friends, especially
with the way the economy is right now.

Speaker 1 (01:24:13):
Yeah, this is also not this email, but that situation
where one person becomes more involved than the other. That's
why I don't think that women and men should be roommates.

Speaker 2 (01:24:24):
I think that's the first I've heard you say that.
Why why should men and women not be roommates?

Speaker 1 (01:24:27):
Because of that situation where one person gets more involved
with than the other, especially if they're friends with benefits.

Speaker 2 (01:24:33):
Okay, that makes a lot of sense. The sexual aspect
of it makes sense, but just being roommates. No, I
said the friends with benefits. I missed that part. Okay,
I was listening, but yeah, I obviously didn't.

Speaker 1 (01:24:43):
Equate it to I think that the moment that either
the man or the woman starts to become romantically involved
with the other, it needs to be stated. Yeah, and
if there is not an interest there, that line needs
to be drawn immediately.

Speaker 2 (01:24:55):
I agree with that.

Speaker 1 (01:24:56):
I don't think that he is cheating at all. Those
words have never left my mouth. I can't seem to
even explain to him what that. Insecurities don't have to
mean that anyone is cheating. My mind will sometimes try
to make me think that, but I've learned to rationalize
those thoughts and put them in their place. If I
say something like, I feel frustrated because it doesn't seem
like you're hearing what I'm saying, he hears You're stupid

(01:25:17):
because you don't understand words.

Speaker 3 (01:25:19):
I mean, if you are truly.

Speaker 1 (01:25:21):
Saying these things, and that's the takeaway, he's not understanding
the words.

Speaker 2 (01:25:25):
Yeah, at that point, he is fucking stupid. Yeah, I
want to go back to the insecurity thing. If she
has never in her life accused him of cheating, and
that's where he goes every time that she says she's insecure,
there had to have been something that led to that
point of him going to that. Right, unless he's actually
cheating on her and now he's feeling guilty.

Speaker 1 (01:25:46):
Yes, I agree with that. I was just about to say,
because the projection, that's the only two options there. Yeah,
she either has brought it up to that point or
he is actually cheating on her, or he has Yeah, Like,
even if he's not currently actively cheated, there's probably a
guilt there.

Speaker 2 (01:26:01):
Yeah, you know, I really enjoy what we do. Yeah,
I'm having fun.

Speaker 1 (01:26:05):
Yeah, I just almost went, Oh gosh, man, I'm gonna
be honest if that is how that goes, right. She's
being one hundred percent truthful. She is phrasing things correctly.
She is not making you statements. She is actively in
the moment letting you know, like, Hey, I'm frustrated right
now because I feel like I'm not being heard. She
did use the U statement because I feel like you're

(01:26:26):
not hearing what I'm saying. I would have said, I'm
frustrated because I feel like I'm not being heard or
I'm being misunderstood.

Speaker 2 (01:26:32):
Where you go if I said that.

Speaker 3 (01:26:34):
And you hit me, what am I fucking stupid? You
think I don't understand?

Speaker 1 (01:26:38):
Well? Yeah, if that's your takeaway from what I just said,
let's try this again.

Speaker 2 (01:26:42):
Want me to get the chalkboard. Yeah, that's a whole
lot of manipulation. That is a manipulation tactic.

Speaker 1 (01:26:47):
Yeah, to make you feel guilty for bringing up something
that made you uncomfortable in the relationship.

Speaker 2 (01:26:54):
This is that beat down.

Speaker 1 (01:26:55):
I'm gonna make you feel bad for bringing things up
until you no longer do it, and then I get
to live my life the way that I want to
without resistance.

Speaker 2 (01:27:01):
I do believe that true narcissism is very rare. Yeah,
in terms of like diagnosed MPD, like actual, real, true narcissism.
Everyone has narcissistic traits. Everyone on the planet has narcissistic traits.
Survival mechanism. We've been over this a thousand times on
this podcast. In a situation like I'm feeling insecure and
he goes to that to shut her down, and he

(01:27:23):
goes she says something, and you're not listening. I don't
know how you go from you're not listening to you
don't understand. That's not the same conversation. So if he
is twisting everything that she says and doing that, that
is manipulation. There's a whole lot of things happening there
that really needs to be discussed. But because we don't
know the conversations and we can't hear it, we don't

(01:27:44):
really know. But because true narcissism is as rare as
it is, like narcissistic personality disorder is as rare as
it is diagnosed, whatever however you want to word that,
we can't just go to that. That's what the internet.
Does they want to diagnose everyone as a narcissist and
intead of actually listening to what's happening. Yeah, so we're
trying to really problem solve the situation instead of just going, well,

(01:28:05):
he's anarcissist or he's an abusive piece of shit, like.

Speaker 1 (01:28:08):
Trying to look at it from multiple aspects. Neil deGrasse
Tyson is that his name? The science guy? Yeah, he
went to court. I believe this is a story. I'm
almost certainly it was him too. He was in jury
duty and they the judge said something to the jurors
before it started, like are you going to be able
to do this unbiased or whatever? And he said something

(01:28:28):
and the judge repeated back to him what he said,
and he was like, I just said that five seconds
ago and you couldn't even repeat it back to me properly.
That shows that witnesses cannot accurately depict something that just
happened without adding their own bias to it.

Speaker 2 (01:28:41):
Right, because we view our own life through our own lens.

Speaker 1 (01:28:44):
Yeah, I can't continue. I get, I don't. I don't
get sometimes I do. Sometimes I let the mean parts
of me to come out when I'm really tired of
somebody's shit. But there is a lot that I hold back.
I really can't stand it when people try to twist
my words and make me out to be a villain
in the moment, or that they're a victim because I'm

(01:29:05):
trying to broach a conversation with them that they can't handle.
I have a really hard time not being mean to them.

Speaker 2 (01:29:11):
That's the healed version of us, though, binkies the fact
that we are healed enough to be able to deal
with it. Because when when she said that right, because
this might honestly my visceral gut reaction when she said,
you're not listening, He's like, what do you think I
don't understand. I'm stupid. Yes. My answer to that is, well,
you didn't understand, motherfucker, so have to shoot fits. Yeah,
because that's the way that I want to entertain. Like

(01:29:33):
I don't want to match your energy. I used to like,
I don't want to do that. I don't want to
get on your level of that because I don't want
that in me. But that is in me, and it's
it's very easy to pull that out. I used to
tell people all the time, like when I powerlifted, where
I had to go as dark. Ye, you have no
idea how fucked up I can get like. I don't
want to be that person. I want to be evolved.

(01:29:55):
I want to be better evolved. I want to be
a more enlightened and happy, light filled version of myself.
And if I have to regress to that motherfucker every
time there's a discussion, you are fucking up my existence.

Speaker 3 (01:30:09):
Oh it would be a one time discussion.

Speaker 1 (01:30:10):
Yeah, We've been nice up until this point, and now
I'm going to let you know what it's been like
trying to converse with you, and then we're never gonna
speak again.

Speaker 2 (01:30:20):
This is the protecting your piece real quick by Felicia said.
I struggle with matching energy so much, especially at work.
You matching energy with somebody? Do you do when people
are happy? I do?

Speaker 3 (01:30:30):
That's one of my favorite times, match energy.

Speaker 2 (01:30:32):
Well, that's the smile in the world. Will smile with you. Yeah,
you vibe and makes me want to vibe. Right, But
there are a lot of people out there who don't
do that. There are people out there who are negative,
nasty people that are just waiting for the opportunity for
somebody to be negative and nasty. So they can match
that energy. That's the thing. The fuck around and find
out people, you know what I mean, Like, I don't
want to fuck around and find out. I can realize

(01:30:54):
that you're having a bad day and I'm not gonna
let you poison my well because my day is fucking great.

Speaker 3 (01:31:00):
Go home my husband's and then watch some TV.

Speaker 2 (01:31:03):
We're done, guys, We'll see you later. Like seriously, that
that's really what it boils.

Speaker 1 (01:31:07):
And you can choose to have a bad day, or
you can go do something that you enjoy doing with
somebody that you love.

Speaker 2 (01:31:12):
I'm not cutting that out. Good, Okay, that's really like
the other options.

Speaker 1 (01:31:17):
Yeah, you can be saying they're being super miserable, or
you can be getting entangled with somebody and getting your
guntury arrange.

Speaker 2 (01:31:23):
Girl, come on, so uh I had I had a
metaphor and something that I was I am extremely flustered
right now. I was going to say, if you take
a glass of water and put a single drop of
food dye in the water and watch that dye hit
and spread around the water until the water changes color,
that is you matching negative energy with somebody. A really

(01:31:45):
good way to put that. I think we should make
the TikTok. Do we have food dye here? Oh?

Speaker 3 (01:31:49):
Oh gosh, No, I don't think so. I think I
threw out of our food die.

Speaker 2 (01:31:52):
A while ago. We should order, we should I would
like to do that as a TikTok. You think I
use food dye, I don't know. I don't. I don't know.
Even though we didn't have salt shakers like two years,
everything is natural.

Speaker 3 (01:32:01):
I use beat powder and like blue butterfly pee.

Speaker 2 (01:32:06):
We'll have to order some food dye, I would like. Yeah, okay,
let's get back to.

Speaker 1 (01:32:09):
The email continuing. Now, it's getting to the point where
I'm always crying. My feelings are always hurt. He responds
to me with eye rolls, scoffs, and yelling. I wouldn't
even try to fix this.

Speaker 2 (01:32:21):
I wouldn't either.

Speaker 1 (01:32:22):
I Like I said before, I'm going to sleep in
a park. I'm gonna get things to protect myself. I'm
gonna have mace on me. I'm gonna have a taser.
I'm gonna have all that shit on me. Like if
I wake up and somebody's around me or over me,
like I'm I'm prepared. I'm gonna defend myself. I'm gonna
start screaming rape like, yeah, but I was able to
procure one.

Speaker 2 (01:32:42):
Yeah, well, I mean if you if we lost everything, Now,
that's not something you'd sell.

Speaker 1 (01:32:46):
No, you're I mean like in this situation, I don't
know if she has one or not. That's top tier
protection right there. Yeah, find a homeless dog on the street.

Speaker 3 (01:32:53):
You guys can do it together. Train him to be scary.

Speaker 2 (01:32:56):
That whole rolling your eyes thing and scoffing is one
of those things that infuriates the fuck out of me.
I view that as super disrespectful. I think like the
level beyond that is spitting on somebody. Yeah, Like, that's
I view that as a major problem. I agree with that.
I also understand that people use that as a way
to just show dissatisfaction in the moment of what's happening,

(01:33:19):
and that that is your inability to communicate. Yes, that
you were using the other eighty percent of communication to
inform somebody that you weren't happy with the way things
are going.

Speaker 1 (01:33:27):
That's what a reaction looks like to me versus a response. Right,
the eye rolls, the scoffing, the huffing.

Speaker 2 (01:33:33):
Somebody said in chat on the flip side, what would
your advice be if they were married, I would, I would.
I would advise therapy. Couples counseling are couple's therapy. They
need a translator, yeah, and they need somebody that's not
invested in a relationship to go What you just did
is problematic behavior. You need to work on that. Yes,
we've done that in live calls with people. Privately, I
hit them with did you hear what you just said? Right?

(01:33:54):
Hang on, they're doing the blower. Nothing is getting resolved.

Speaker 1 (01:33:58):
His avoidant detachment of these situations has thrown all of
the responsibility of fixing things solely on my shoulders.

Speaker 2 (01:34:04):
Can you redo that? Re read that again, because there's
something about attachment, avoidant attachment. Okay, just reread that from.

Speaker 1 (01:34:11):
His avoidant at His avoidant detachment of these situations has
thrown all of the responsibility of quote unquote fixing things
solely on my shoulders. If he doesn't want to fix it,
he doesn't want to be in the relationship.

Speaker 2 (01:34:22):
Right, I mean, that's really the end of the discussion. Right, Like,
if it is always a Hymn problem and he's always
the one that's expected to change, I could see that
being the problem. But if she's coming to him and
he's making it about her, making her to be one
to change, that is the manipulative shit. It's got to
be both of you making concerted efforts to fix your life,
to change for the better. I really don't like it

(01:34:43):
when people use the attachment styles in conversation. Why because
it's pop psychology. It's pop psychology, it's not it's not
a definitive psychology. It's it's something that resonates with people.
It's like the love languages. Love languages are pop psychology.
It's not. We can all resonate with it. It's like
a horoscope. It's broad enough that we can all find

(01:35:04):
our love language. It's catchy. It's a way to explain
things with the information that we didn't have before. I
get it. Using the attachment styles and diagnosing somebody as
that attachment style becomes problematic because if they don't know
the detachment styles, or you're not an expert in that,
you just assume that that's what that means. Like I

(01:35:28):
view that as diagnosing somebody with something. I just I
don't like people using that in conversation. Okay, now, if
they were to say it seems as if he has
an avoidant detachment style. I can fuck with that.

Speaker 3 (01:35:40):
Yeah, it's the lack of definitivity.

Speaker 2 (01:35:42):
Right, definitive definitiveness.

Speaker 1 (01:35:46):
Yes, I read that sentence and pictured both of them
in a boat and each had an or, and this
motherfucker jumped off the boat. Now you're just spinning your
one or going in a circle. At some point you're
gonna have to pick up the other one. Yeah, if
you want to get where you're going, because he's not
doing it anymore.

Speaker 2 (01:36:01):
Right, well, if he's not in the boat anymore, in
the ore is she's got to get back to shore. Right,
Let that motherfucker swim?

Speaker 3 (01:36:07):
Oh yeah, no I would Yeah, holdie, you drowning is
not my problem.

Speaker 2 (01:36:10):
You jumped right right. This is you did this to yourself?
Who did this? Us? You did? You did this to us?

Speaker 1 (01:36:16):
Continuing now, I'm so way down with emotions. And he's
always angry because I'm always emotional. Okay, he's always angry
because I'm always emotional. Was he always angry in the
beginning or was he gentle? Right? She said, until recently
they had their first disruption. All of these things happened
just recently. So if you have been extremely emotional and

(01:36:36):
crying and all of these things the whole time in
the relationship, I can see why. I mean, being angry
and yelling and scoffing and all of the things is
not a properate behavior. Fucking five year old, you want
your little bippy unbelievable. So if he hasn't always been
the binky sucking five year old, and at one point
he was supportive and trying to engage in these conversations

(01:36:58):
and you just kept blowing up, at this point, you've
trained him that this is what the relationship is going
to look like. And if you guys are stuck in
the situation financially and he can't leave or you can't leave,
and you guys are stuck here, this dude is fucking
going through it.

Speaker 2 (01:37:10):
When you have a six month relationship. I read something
the other day that said that the average person cannot
fake their personality for more than three to four months. Really,
I believe that. So for all these people that are
getting into relationships in the first three to five months
are really good and then things start to fall apart,
it's because they cannot mask who they are that long

(01:37:31):
to keep it up.

Speaker 1 (01:37:31):
Right. To touch on the continuation, of the five year
old not being left properly if they're still sucking a beanky. Right,
people are like, there's trauma response all those kinds of things. Yes,
those happen. That's not what I'm speaking on. I'm talking
on child neglect.

Speaker 2 (01:37:42):
Right.

Speaker 1 (01:37:43):
If a parent would rather give their child something that
will sue their emotions versus actually helping them cope with
things and say, you can't rely on something to make
you feel better, there are other ways to handle this.
This dude is reacting as if he has never been
parented in his life. Everything is taken as a fight.
He feels that every time I speak about how I'm feeling,
that I'm fighting with him. That's not even remotely true.

(01:38:05):
I don't raise my voice, I don't point fingers or blame,
but he's expecting it. So it's almost as if he's
imagining me doing these things.

Speaker 2 (01:38:13):
And that could be the case. It could be right.
It could also be the case that you have shown
him that if he reacts this way, that you will
back down and the conversation doesn't have to continue. This
is manipulation at its finest.

Speaker 3 (01:38:29):
Yeah, have you guys talked about your past relationships, well.

Speaker 2 (01:38:33):
They've only been together for six months living together, so
probably not.

Speaker 1 (01:38:36):
Are we actually like boyfriend and girlfriend? Has this been
discussed or you guys roommates who are having sex? I
need some very clearly defined things in this email. Yeah,
because if you believe your boyfriend and girlfriend and he
just views this as a living situation where he can
get a side piece and then he has to deal
with emotional outbursts, I would also want to know what

(01:38:56):
his past relationships look like if he was severely abused
and manipulated by an X and that's what he believes
all women are. Like how you believed my the first
times I cried was a manipulation thing. That's worthy of
a conversation and say, let me prove to you that
when I go through these things, that's not what happening.
I need you to stop dropping jumping to the conclusions, right.

Speaker 2 (01:39:17):
Yeah, that that whole crying thing was not something that
we had to talk about. That's you don't need to
be moving in with people if you've not been together
for a year, and like, if you've been long distance
for a year, still moving in together like is a
bad idea.

Speaker 1 (01:39:32):
Oh gosh, I think living a long distance for a
year is like dating for three months.

Speaker 2 (01:39:36):
I agree, Yeah, if you there's a whole lot of
things that you learn about your person in person by
interacting with them, Yes, and like you should know a
whole lot about someone's past, yeah, and their current life
before you decide to move in with them. This motherfucker
could have been a serial killer. Yeah, he could have
been or like a crazy like rapist, abusive motherfucker and

(01:39:57):
you didn't know because you were in the honeymoon phase
and you had an opportunity to make your life a
little bit easier. Does your life feel easier now? Right?
That's a good question, thing said one hundred and ten percent. Disagree.
You spending way more time talking less time playing putt
put You're wrong. I agree with you, and I know
that you're wrong because we deal with people who are
in long term relationships that don't fucking know anything about

(01:40:18):
each other. They know that they enjoy playing video games
and watching movies together at the same time.

Speaker 3 (01:40:24):
Or having conversations about Game of Thrones.

Speaker 2 (01:40:26):
Right, They they found a hobby that they connected with
and they're good friends. They're not having the real intimate conversations. Yea,
when you were going to dinner, and you were spending
a lot of physical time with somebody, and you're getting
the eighty percent of communications that you're missing by having
telephone and text conversations. You're going to learn a whole
lot more from your person.

Speaker 1 (01:40:45):
Yes, habits, the way they conduct themselves, what they do
at home when no one's around.

Speaker 3 (01:40:52):
Yeah, I one hundred.

Speaker 1 (01:40:54):
I will die on that hill that you will never
know somebody as intimately. You will never know, oh, somebody
intimately long distance the same way you would in person.
You may have in depth conversations and then you find
out they chew with their mouth open.

Speaker 3 (01:41:08):
You can't fucking stand them, right, Yeah, a.

Speaker 2 (01:41:10):
Whole lot of other things too. Her argument was her
argument was doing things like putt putt. Less time playing
putt putt. So if your long distance and your time
is spent on FaceTime while you're doing something else, whether
it's watching a movie, working, driving, playing video games, there's
not conversation. Where's the difference between that and putt putt? Yeah,
at least in putt putt we can talk to each

(01:41:31):
other while we are walking from hole to hole unabridged, and.

Speaker 1 (01:41:34):
The conversations matter. Right, If you guys are a long
distance and you're just talking about all the things that
happen in your day and playing checkers this movie was dope.
And you're not having conversations about I foreclosed my house
two years ago, my credit score is fucked up, all
of those other kinds of things. There's not any real
conversation happening.

Speaker 2 (01:41:54):
It's superficial.

Speaker 1 (01:41:55):
Yeah, they could be a complete and total slob. Yeah,
there's so much you can really limit who you are
in a long distance relation, absolutely.

Speaker 2 (01:42:04):
Because you're doing ten to fifteen to twenty minute interactions.

Speaker 3 (01:42:07):
Or even two three hour phone calls.

Speaker 1 (01:42:08):
Once that phone call comes off, you could be chugging
a six pack of beer, playing video games until three
o'clock in the morning, rolling into work late, get in
trouble for the fourth time.

Speaker 2 (01:42:18):
Being on your way to work driving on FaceTime, and
then actually being on your way to another person's house instead.
No fucking know.

Speaker 3 (01:42:26):
Yeah, it's a lot.

Speaker 1 (01:42:28):
I know how hard it was for me to even
self reflect most days, so I understand that he's probably
facing a lot of frustration within himself. I also know
that he's probably feeling shame because he doesn't know how
to manage it and control it. Or maybe I'm being
too naive about it and he actually doesn't care. I
don't think that last part is true, though, Why I

(01:42:49):
I would take.

Speaker 2 (01:42:49):
Actions over words, absolutely So.

Speaker 1 (01:42:52):
If your actions are showing me that you don't care
about me, I'm gonna take that.

Speaker 2 (01:42:58):
She's in love with the idea, or she is infatuated
with the idea of what this man can be versus
who he's showing her sheet he.

Speaker 3 (01:43:03):
Is fantalizing it.

Speaker 2 (01:43:05):
Yes, why are you gonna allow somebody to treat you
that way? Right six months into a relationship, you are
nobody to me. I don't know shit about you, Like,
we have not been together long enough for me to
even really know who you are yet.

Speaker 1 (01:43:19):
I don't even think I knew all of your monthly
subscriptions until we were like a year and a half into.

Speaker 2 (01:43:23):
Those I think you I don't even know all my
monthly subscriptions, and I pay for this shit. I found
out we're paying for Stars last night. Did you know that?
I did know that. I didn't know that shit. Yeah,
there must have been something on there that I wanted
to watch like a year ago, and I signed up
for that free trial and just didn't cancel that motherfucker.
But we got stars.

Speaker 3 (01:43:40):
Hell yeah, I love that.

Speaker 2 (01:43:41):
Yep. I only know that because we signed up for
MGM plus last night because we watched The Institute. Guys,
if you like suspenseful thrillers, the Institute on MGM plus
has only got three episodes out right now. It is
fucking phenomenal.

Speaker 3 (01:43:53):
If you are sensitive about kids being kidnapped and tortured.

Speaker 2 (01:43:56):
Yeah, yeah, well yeah she says that they're but still
there's a ten year old there is now. There wasn't
in the first two episodes.

Speaker 1 (01:44:04):
The first few episodes, it's fourteen and up. But now
there's a ten year old involved. Yeah, he's great. He
hasn't been tortured yet. We haven't seen it now, but
I saw him crying in the hallway, pissing his pants
because he didn't know where his mom was, and that
fucked me up.

Speaker 2 (01:44:16):
Yeah. Really good show though, Yeah, it is a good show.
I cried. Yeah. I know that you were joking with
the subscriptions things, trying to get your point across. Do
you remember the TikTok I made in the beginning of
this where I was making a TikTok and you walked
by and I was talking about how you should never
just unload all your vulnerability. And at the time, I
use the term vulnerable because that's the term that's used.

(01:44:36):
You should never be vulnerable with your woman because it's
weakness and blah blah blah. And I had said, there's
a whole lot of things you walked up and you
were in the video, and I was like, I have
a whole lot of things that she doesn't know about
in my past because there's not a reason for her
to know it yet. There's conversations that we have naturally
when they come up, because those conversations need to be had.
Then that could be I'm not ready to deal with

(01:44:58):
my trauma. That could be I don't want to relive
this right now because we're having a really good day.
It could be a whole lot of reasons for us
to not talk about those things. It doesn't mean that
we're not going to talk about those things. It means
that those things haven't come up yet. So in a
situation where, like you said, knowing the subscriptions, you need
to take the time to learn your person so that

(01:45:18):
those conversations come up and they will continue to come
up over your entire life. Will you and I talk
more than anyone that I've ever met, and I talk
a lot in our personal life. We talk all the
fucking time, we're always together. There are still things that
haven't come up. And I know there are things that
haven't come up because there's moments where IM like, hey,
did you know and You're like, no, you never told
me that. Crazy after all this time and all we've talked,

(01:45:39):
like I just swore you knew that about me? Right, Like,
those things take time to come up. It's got to
be an organic, natural thing. People aren't going to be
like well when I was three, when I was five,
when I was nine, Like they're not going to give
you their entire life history right over the course of
a dinner. Life has to play out. I agree with that. Yep.

Speaker 1 (01:45:58):
When things are good, things are that's right. But I'm
starting to feel unwelcome, unwanted, and unimportant. I feel unseen
and unheard and I can't just sweep it under the
rug like he can. I can't just bottle it up
and forget about it. Okay, is it being swept under
the rug? Or does he have resolution?

Speaker 2 (01:46:15):
And you don't My brain didn't go there, No, Nope,
where's your brain go. My brain went to, if that's
how you're feeling, why are you there?

Speaker 3 (01:46:23):
I agree that my brain also went there.

Speaker 2 (01:46:25):
If I'm here in a fire alarm, I'm not gonna
lay in bed and doom scroll. I'm gonna get up
and figure out why there's a fire alarm going off.
And if there's a fire, I'm leaving the building. Yeah.
And if because you know, we set off a smoke detector,
we set off fire alarm technically in Costa Rica, from
having sexy time in the shower, the steam got too
much mm hm. I got put a towel on, went
out in the hallway to make sure the fucking building

(01:46:45):
went actually on fire. Yeah, because you need to know
these things. If you have alerts going off in your
body and it's making you feel uncomfortable and anxious, you
need to fucking figure out why. Yes, and if this
is the way you're feeling, it's six months into a relationship,
fucking leave. It's not going to get better. No, there's
no reason for anything to change because you're the one
who's backing down from all of this. Yes, he's going

(01:47:08):
to continue to do the things that he's doing. You're
going to continue to allow it to happen. He's going
to live the life that he wants to live by
manipulating and forcing these situations, and your situation is going
to continue to get worse. That's the reality of the situation,
and it's going to escalate. If you don't feel wanted,
you don't feel like a priority, you feel like a burden.

(01:47:29):
You are a roommate right now. That's helping him pay bills,
because that's how you guys got started. Yeah, make no mistake,
this was about convenience, not about love. It's been about
lust in the beginning, and now it's about convenience. You're
a fucking roommate.

Speaker 1 (01:47:40):
Yeah, continuing. I don't want to fight either. In fact,
I do the complete opposite. I try to tell him
of the things he does right, but he can't accept
them when he's stuck on what he's done wrong.

Speaker 3 (01:47:51):
But he never apologizes.

Speaker 1 (01:47:52):
The behaviors don't change, and he expects me to control
my tears, yet he can't control his anger.

Speaker 2 (01:47:58):
He doesn't have to him not to.

Speaker 1 (01:48:00):
Right, I cry when I'm yelled at. If me crying
pisses you off, then stop yelling, right.

Speaker 2 (01:48:07):
Why be with somebody who yells at you. Yeah, this
is insane to me.

Speaker 1 (01:48:14):
And I say that as a woman who's been in
situations like this, that I didn't leave because I didn't
think I deserve better than it, or I didn't think
I could do it on my own, or it was
too scary.

Speaker 3 (01:48:23):
Because of the change me living.

Speaker 1 (01:48:26):
That thought process and being where I am now, I
one hundred percent believe that I was insane for not
leaving sooner, because I am fucking worth compassion and love
and meaningful conversations about how I what I feel matters,
having outcomes of change behaviors, and being shown that the
relationship is held above other things.

Speaker 2 (01:48:49):
Mental high five to the motherfuckers that drop the ball,
Thank you for fucking that up. Yeah, and thank you
for doing the work, because you did the work before
this became a thing so that I have to deal
with their bullshit. No, it's an honor to be of
service to you, babe. We really need to wrap.

Speaker 1 (01:49:06):
This up, continuing, Yes, I don't want to fight. I
read that I can't say those words to him though
for one, that sounds rude and unnecessarily aggressive, but that's
basically what it boils down to. I can handle criticism.
I can handle being told to self reflect. I know

(01:49:27):
at this point my feelings are being brought to his
attention way too much. I'm becoming more and more frustrated
trying to communicate the importance of finding actual resolution and
not just walking away from each other and then never
speaking on it again until I'm upset again, and then
those unresolved feelings are mixing into So these are gridlock conversations.

Speaker 2 (01:49:45):
Well, yeah, because he's not allowing anything to come to resolution.

Speaker 3 (01:49:49):
Have you ever built a sand castle at the beach?

Speaker 2 (01:49:52):
Are you asking me that I've lived in Florida? Mya,
I know I'm asking so okay, okay, well you were
looking at me, I wasn't The people on the podcast
need to know, okayhead metaphor no flow the sand castle
on the beach? Yes, I have built the sand castle on.

Speaker 1 (01:50:03):
The beach, So you know, going too close to the
water line, the water is gonna knock that bitch over.
It's not gonna be sturdy, the foundation's rough. Are you
gonna continue trying to build a sand castle in the
same spot that has not worked for the last six months.

Speaker 2 (01:50:16):
That ocean comes in and brings a whole bunch of
new sand with it bacteria, and it takes your sand
back and brings it back. And that's what you're doing.
Nothing's ever gonna get resolved.

Speaker 3 (01:50:25):
No, you're cleaning the car with the same dirty water.

Speaker 2 (01:50:30):
YEP.

Speaker 1 (01:50:31):
I wouldn't tolerate this. I would do everything in my
power to get my shit together and move out as
soon as I can.

Speaker 2 (01:50:37):
I mean, i'd live in my car.

Speaker 3 (01:50:38):
Yeah, I mean I would do that too. I don't
know if she's willing.

Speaker 2 (01:50:41):
To do that. I'm not going to allow anybody to
put me in a position where I feel unloved, unwanted,
or unsecure. Insecure, yeah, insecure, No, I meant unsecwed, you
meant unsecure? Yeah, I meant like not having security in
my life, not insecure in my feelings. So maybe the
word is still insecure. But like in the situation, she
doesn't have any type of security. So if insecure and

(01:51:03):
security still that combination work, then sure. When I think
of insecurity, I think of like unsure of self.

Speaker 1 (01:51:11):
Like, oh no, when I think of insecurity, like if
I think about my finances before getting my shit together,
I was very insecure with my finances. Okay, there was
no security or safety that there, so That's how I've viewed,
so I guess insecure is still the right word.

Speaker 3 (01:51:24):
It could be incorrect. I might be using it wrong.

Speaker 2 (01:51:25):
I don't I wouldn't live like that. I'm not going
to allow somebody to belittle me and talk down to
me and scream and yell and treat me like I'm
a fucking child. I don't care who you are. That
was actually something I had said a whole lot. I
was somebody early in life when when like if I
was in a relationship and a woman yelled at me,
I'd be like, you're not my mom. Yeah, I don't
tolerate that shit from her. I'm damn sure not going
to tolerate it from you. So you can talk to

(01:51:46):
me like a normal fucking human being, or you can exit.
I'll hold the fucking door for you. I know what
I bring to the table. I know the type of
man that I am capable of being, and I'm not
going to accept less than from anyone because I love
me and I want to enjoy my life and I
can do that by myself. I don't need another motherfucker

(01:52:07):
to make me happy. When you realize that all of
that shit stops the moment somebody starts bringing bullshit to
you can be like right next, because I don't need
you here.

Speaker 1 (01:52:19):
So laying all of that out and having that self
worth and not tolerating this bullshit behavior. There are people
out there who are going to say I don't love myself,
And my response to that is that sad.

Speaker 2 (01:52:29):
Why why don't you love yourself? You're right, it is sad,
but that's the question, Kalica said. Unsecured generally refers to
a lack of physical or digital security measures, while insecure
often implies a lack of confidence or emotional stability, but
can also be used to describe a lack of physical
or digital security. So they're both right.

Speaker 1 (01:52:49):
To continue with my sad comment. If that hurts somebody's
feelings or you take that personally and think that I
shouldn't tell you that it's sad that you don't love yourself.
Look at your life? Are you sad majority of the
time time? Do you feel depressed? Do you feel like
the people in your life make you feel like you
don't matter? It's an acknowledgment. I used to think that

(01:53:10):
if you don't love yourself, no one can ever love you.
Phrase with bullshit people who don't love. People can sniff
out you. They are gonna use you, They're gonna take
advantage of you. The kindness, your trauma, the brokenness. You
should love yourself, and that's how you get people around
you who love you. It's those boundaries and the zero

(01:53:32):
tolerance of I know that I'm worth more than that.

Speaker 2 (01:53:35):
You're right in all of that and that whole predatory
things why bullies pick on little people Because when you
are insecure in your feelings and you don't have self
worth and you don't love yourself, you are a little people.
When you take up that space and you know who
you are, it changes things. You become a presence. So
you are absolutely correct.

Speaker 1 (01:53:56):
She said, I can't say those words to him, though,
for one, that sounds rootin unnecessarily aggressive.

Speaker 2 (01:54:02):
What were the words If.

Speaker 1 (01:54:04):
Me crying you pisses you off, then stop yelling? I
would say that shit. I can't say those words to him.

Speaker 3 (01:54:10):
You can.

Speaker 1 (01:54:11):
You're just scared to Yeah, And that's what that boils
down to. There is no I can't. Right. We watched
an episode of The Chosen where this guy was trying
to crawl himself into a pool for thirty years. Couldn't
use his legs, and there was no I can't in that.

(01:54:32):
There are people out there with real life challenges who
are overcoming that. I can't that mental blockage of oh,
he's gonna get mad at me if I say that,
stand up for yourself and if there is a fear
of him being physically violent with you, I wouldn't say
that shit. I would silently get my things together. And
then one day when he's not whole, my ass is gone.
I'm gonna have a change number, lose my phone. I

(01:54:54):
don't care. My survival is so much more important than
somebody being mad that I'm not here anymore.

Speaker 2 (01:55:01):
Now, Change survival to happiness.

Speaker 3 (01:55:03):
Yep, that's a good way to do that.

Speaker 2 (01:55:05):
Two people, they just accept yeah, that this is what
their life is going to be, instead of looking and
working for more. And her not correcting that behavior when
it happens is why it continues to happen. You are
the doormat that people stand on. You've chosen this.

Speaker 1 (01:55:21):
I am becoming more and more frustrated trying to communicate
the importance of finding actual resolution and not just walking
away from each other and then never speaking on and
again until I'm upset, and then those unresolved feelings are
mixing into all of these unresolved issues are overwhelming, and
you now I've done everything I know too do I've
typed everything out and set him down and read it.

(01:55:42):
I spent two hours typing it took probably ten minutes
to read aloud. I got no response to silence. The
only words he spoke afterwards were do you want to smoke?

Speaker 2 (01:55:52):
And go to bed?

Speaker 3 (01:55:53):
He doesn't care. I don't know why you can't see that.

Speaker 1 (01:55:57):
And I'm speaking directly to the Emir, I don't know
why you can't see Are you so infatuated? Are you
clinging on so tightly because you think you can't do
anything on your own that you need him to be
the one to love you. If this were my daughter,
I'd be devastating. Do you have anything I would ask
for that letter? If you took the time to sit
down and type up a ten page letter to me

(01:56:18):
for us to discuss it, discuss it, and you laid
all that shit out, I would probably respond to stuff
while you're reading a letter, and I would imagine that
you would be like, can you just let me get
through this? And you would read the whole thing and
knowing that I couldn't respond in the moment to everything
that you were laying out. I would ask for that
letter back, Yeah, and I would ask for the copy
of it, like, let me have this so that I
can read this and I can formulate my thoughts back

(01:56:39):
to you, and then I would probably respond in writing
and we would just back and forth verbally. And then
that's not a bad way to communicate, not as long
as you are reading it to the person. Handing out
notes back and forth is not the move. The reading
it aspect makes that a valid thing, but it allows
you to I would recommend handwriting and not typing because

(01:56:59):
you have to be very like con precise with what
you're You can't just backspace otherwise you're gonna have lines
of scribble, you know what I mean. So, like you
put a lot more thought into it, and that definitely
helps people. Yeah, there's now no intimacy at all. Even
a kiss feels like it's just a routine that we're
supposed to follow. I don't know how to break the cycle.
I'm trying so hard to keep calm and be patient,

(01:57:21):
but at this point my insecurities are starting to take
over and it's leaving me feeling like I'm not worth
the effort for him to just not yell at me,
or even to just listen. Maybe he feels that way,
Maybe he feels like you are not worth that from him?

Speaker 3 (01:57:36):
And now what.

Speaker 2 (01:57:37):
That's a good question. Actions speak louder than words.

Speaker 3 (01:57:40):
Yeah, what are we going to do with that information?

Speaker 1 (01:57:43):
If he outright told you, I don't care about this,
You're just some pussy and a roommate for me, what
are you going to do next? A? You're gonna continue
to try and chase after him and change his change
his mind, changes thoughts, or is there going to be
an acceptance that this is what it is and I
want something more wonderful.

Speaker 2 (01:58:00):
The conversation of I don't want to live like this
has come up. Oh, that's a good question. This isn't
a healthy relationship.

Speaker 1 (01:58:06):
It's not not at all. Does he just not like
me and is afraid to tell me? Is he self
sabotaging out of a fear of abandonment? I couldn't tell you.
I would receive that as he doesn't like me. This
isn't third grade, This isn't Oh if he's mean to you,
he has a crush on you. I view the yelling

(01:58:26):
and the manipulation of words and all those kinds of
thing is perpetuating a certain type of abuse. He's holding
you under his thumb because he knows that there's not
going to be any pushback.

Speaker 2 (01:58:35):
From that, Yeah, knowing that they had to get this
place together because the finances. I view it as he's
using her, yes, and knowing that he can control what
she's doing by his behavior, and she's not going to
stand up for himself. He's going to continue to do
it because it's control. It is he's getting everything that
he needs from this situation, even though it's not what
he wants. I view this as he's using her. Yeah.

Speaker 1 (01:58:58):
I don't know how else to convey that his attitude
towards me is opening wounds that I worked so hard
to heal. It would take one wound if I go
to my man and I said, hey, what just happened?
What just played out? Reopened something in me that was
severely traumatizing, and I would like to have a conversation
and come to resolution so this doesn't happen again. And

(01:59:19):
then there's conversation afterwards. Right, this is where the triggers
and shit come in. This is why I come to
you and say, hey, babe, I just learned.

Speaker 2 (01:59:24):
This about me.

Speaker 3 (01:59:25):
So now you know in the future we're gonna.

Speaker 2 (01:59:27):
Avoid that shit, or you're gonna work on it.

Speaker 1 (01:59:31):
I mean, yes, I'm one hundred percent working on it.
But if it's something like, please don't throw a vase
across the room when you're upset, because that's something that
traumatized me when I was younger, I would expect you
to not do that anymore.

Speaker 2 (01:59:41):
Right, You shouldn't be doing it like that anyways. Right.

Speaker 1 (01:59:44):
So, being with somebody who is totally content with opening
up my old wounds and in a sense, re traumatizing
me to those things, that's insane to say out loud.
That's insane to say out loud, and that's insane to
hear myself. Because I was once in that situation. I
allowed myself to maintain a relationship with somebody who not

(02:00:05):
only opened old ruins and re traumatized, they created new
ones and didn't care.

Speaker 2 (02:00:11):
Ripped the scab off, ports some salt and lemon juice
in there, and scrubbed it with a toothbrush.

Speaker 3 (02:00:14):
Yep, you thought that hurt?

Speaker 2 (02:00:16):
Watched this? Yeah? Yeah, Before you pick back up, Skulk
said my child will not learn if they're mean to you,
they like you. I understand it. That is a very
prevalent thing on on social media right now. That conversation
is actually accurate because the little boys play different than
little girls. It's natural. Yeah, so it's not now if

(02:00:39):
they're bullying, it's a different conversation. But if they're playfighting
or wrestling or playing rough, that is an actual thing,
and it doesn't mean that they like you, like they
want a relationship. It means that the little boy found
a friend. Little boys are mean as fuck to each other. Yeah,
spit like we do a lot of really mean shit

(02:01:01):
to each other. I have, like some of my closest
friends growing up, we beat the fuck out of each
other all the time. I'd go to war for them,
but like we would still fight each other. There was
a love there that if they love you, their mean
to you. If they like you, their mean to you.
Comment thing that's going around social media is removing the
scope of what it is to be a young man. Yes,

(02:01:23):
a boy, a male because we have a different connection
style than women do. You can see it in the
way that we parent our children.

Speaker 1 (02:01:32):
Continuing, Yes, the following text is everything I typed out
at three am. This is everything I said to him verbatim.
This is also the raw and vulnerable words that got
no response from him at all.

Speaker 2 (02:01:43):
And with that, guys, we're gonna end this episode. If
you would like to know what that this letter is
going to look like, make sure that you join us
next Monday, where we pick up part two of this episode.
That was a great fucking cut off. That was That
was good cliffhanger. Yeah, I think you want to add
to what we were doing. I just wanted to get
that in there.

Speaker 3 (02:02:02):
You snooze, you'll lose. If you're not around, you'll.

Speaker 2 (02:02:04):
Be if you're not yea, be there be square, There
be square, because if you're not there, you're not around.

Speaker 3 (02:02:11):
There we go. I fucked it up.

Speaker 2 (02:02:14):
When I first heard that shit, I was like, bro,
that makes so much frind No, I was. I was
that mind blown meme. Yeah.

Speaker 1 (02:02:22):
I felt the same way when I found out that
pineapples come from the ground and not a tree.

Speaker 2 (02:02:25):
Yeah. Yeah. When we are in Costa Rica, that pineapple
farmer told us that when you eat a lot of
pineapple and it cuts your mouth, that's basically the plant
eating you back, because that's how the plant absorbs nutrients,
the enzymes. Yeah, blew my mind, very acidic. Yeah. Do
you have anything you want to add before we wrap up?
I want to get food. Same guys. If you're currently
watching on Discord, this, I'll have to get cut. If

(02:02:46):
you're currently watching on Discord. We will be going live
again around five o'clock four thirty five. I will at
everyone in the Discord again. We will be doing a
Patreon only live that will not be re uploaded. It'll
just be a Q and a hang out with you
guys and talk about this weekend ceremony. Guys, remember you
were the author of your own life, so grab a
pen and we will see you on the next one. Bye, guys,

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A 3 part reading - Pt.1 S3 Ep40

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.css-14f5ked{margin:0;word-break:break-word;display:-webkit-box;-webkit-box-orient:vertical;box-orient:vertical;-webkit-line-clamp:2;overflow:hidden;}A 3 part reading - Pt.1 S3 Ep40