ADHD person holding onto a failed marriage S3. Ep31

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Episode Transcript

Speaker 1 (00:01):
Look up with cond all the things within beat it
on the bottom. All our wold is you, You're my
favorite view.

Speaker 2 (00:17):
But that's not.

Speaker 3 (00:22):
Welcome back family, Welcome back you, beautiful creatures.

Speaker 2 (00:25):
We're doing a thing. Season three, episode thirty one of
the two Be Better podcast got twenty one episodes left
of the year.

Speaker 3 (00:32):
That's crazy, isn't it?

Speaker 2 (00:33):
Isn't it? Where the fuck did twenty twenty five go?
We are doing our normal podcast episode. We record these
live in front of our our Patreon audience. If you
guys are not a member or Patreon, we highly recommend
that you check that out. They get all the bloopers
in the uncut things because it's live for them. So
why you guys get the nice, refined, cut, cleaned and
ready to go. They get all the stupidity into bauchery

(00:54):
that we do. Uh, housekeeping, housekeeping, housekeeping?

Speaker 3 (00:58):
What do you got nothing?

Speaker 2 (01:03):
Know?

Speaker 3 (01:03):
How you were just gonna run with it?

Speaker 2 (01:04):
Well, you want to talk about your new room, and like.

Speaker 3 (01:06):
Talked about it a lot over the last three days,
but not to them. I've talked about it on my
blog on the way here.

Speaker 2 (01:11):
Did you. I haven't blogged since before ceremony.

Speaker 3 (01:14):
Yeah, trying to get back in the groove of that.

Speaker 2 (01:17):
Yeah. Shout out to Christensen. Him and his wife Rachel
got married over the weekend, beautiful, and Heather B and
her Manner finally married.

Speaker 3 (01:25):
Married, got married on Saturday.

Speaker 2 (01:27):
Yeah, lots of weddings happened over this last weekend. I
think that your little meditation room deserves more, some more talking. Yeah, yeah,
I think you should tell everybody about it.

Speaker 3 (01:35):
That room's giving me anxiety right now?

Speaker 2 (01:37):
Is it really? You were so excited?

Speaker 3 (01:40):
I know. I don't think I'm gonna be able to
keep the chairs on there. Okay, I can make it
work with that.

Speaker 2 (01:44):
Keep one of them. Get really ill on put it where,
get rid of it.

Speaker 3 (01:47):
Think about putting it in our daughters.

Speaker 2 (01:49):
I'll get destroyed. Yeah, we'll absolutely get destroyed. And it's
not like she could send it with her feet touched
and cross she said it. Her fucking legs are gonna
hang off the edge of it.

Speaker 3 (01:56):
Yeah, I don't know. I have a big old books
elf in there now with a bunch of rocks and
seashells and dead leaves and flowers and bugs and crystals.
Did I say crystals already?

Speaker 2 (02:10):
Yeah?

Speaker 3 (02:11):
We went to the goodwill, Me and the children went
to the good Will. The children and I went to
the Goodwill on Saturday, and I got a bunch of
little knickknacks. I found a really cool wooden bowl that's
in the shape of a leaf. Okay, I have all
of our crystals on displayed in that because you can
see it a lot better than that big old copper
bowl I got. It's the stupidest thing, but it makes

(02:32):
me so happy. So I painted the room a mossy
green color and I got white black out curtains with
a lacy green inside curtain to be able to add
layering and decoration. And because there's so much green happening.
I found it's just a tassel. It maybe it was

(02:54):
for like a king sized bed or something, or like
a window curtain tie off, but it's just a single
tassel that's hanging in the room now, and I love it.
It's one of my favorite things.

Speaker 2 (03:04):
You bought a single tassel.

Speaker 3 (03:06):
I bought a single tassel. It's like this big that's funny,
and it's like different fabrics and shades of green. It
just does it for my soul.

Speaker 2 (03:13):
Yeah, you know it would be cool because if you
got rid of both of those chairs and got a
bookcase that ran length of that wall, or multiple bookcases,
and then put all your crystal balls on them. You
remember the bookshelves that I had that used to have
my whiskey on. No, okay, well I had I had
those two long bookcases that had the black bars in
front of them.

Speaker 3 (03:32):
Oh yeah, I remember those, right.

Speaker 2 (03:34):
That would be really cool because you could put big
pieces disploy display pieces on that and you have those
the meditation pillows in there. That would free up a
lot of space. Because those chairs are awkward. They take
up a lot of weird corner space, but that would
free up a lot of room in there for you.
And worst comes worst, we can stick those throne chairs
in the man cave until we figure out what we're
doing with the man cave. We have time, and then
the event that you know, your room is done and

(03:56):
we have to sell the chairs, put in a marketplace
or something, Yeah, fucking donate them. Give them to the
two Be Better podcast and be like, who wants who
wants to set? Who wants a piece of one of
our of the garden.

Speaker 3 (04:06):
Yeah, you know, teaches throne chairs.

Speaker 2 (04:08):
It's funny.

Speaker 3 (04:09):
I have my sound bowls out. I actually took them out,
cleaned them up to play with them, played with them
a little bit. Oh. They sound so good and they
reverberate so much more than listening to something on YouTube.
Oh I bet oh, I feel feeling it in my soul.

Speaker 2 (04:24):
I love that.

Speaker 3 (04:25):
Yeah, and they just ring. I dinged the biggest one
and I did one circle around it and it kept
going for like five minutes.

Speaker 2 (04:33):
Yeah.

Speaker 3 (04:33):
I was like, this is great.

Speaker 2 (04:35):
I uh, I bought. I bought all the drums that
we've bought over the last month.

Speaker 3 (04:39):
Yeah.

Speaker 2 (04:39):
And the one that I enjoy playing the most is
the handpan that you have. Yeah. Yeah, because it's not
super loud. It doesn't set the dogs off. When I
played my gym bab dummy over there goes nuts.

Speaker 3 (04:48):
Yeah. I love my my Hong drum.

Speaker 2 (04:51):
Yeah.

Speaker 3 (04:51):
Yeah. I've been watching a lot of videos of people
playing it and they use more than just their fingers,
like they're all of their fingers are doing something and
they're using the palm of their hands.

Speaker 2 (05:00):
And I have a hard time just going to.

Speaker 3 (05:03):
My nails are getting in the d Yeah. I'm good
with that though, like going all over the drum, I'm
good with it. But my nails cling.

Speaker 2 (05:12):
Yeah, and it I take majority off. Both my bracelet
and my wedding ring come off when I play my
drum because when I go to hit the base.

Speaker 3 (05:23):
Yeah, so I had to take my rings off to
you to be able to play the drum. I want
to get blankets all over the floor in there. I
bought a sheet that has like orangish red roses on it,
and I thought it was a really good contrast with
the green. I'm going to set that up underneath my
meditation pillow with my sound bowls on top of it.

Speaker 2 (05:40):
The only think it's to make you fall over. The
slipperiness of that. That blanket on wood floors just stresses
me out.

Speaker 3 (05:50):
I want to put rugs all over the floor. I
don't want there to be any wood scene. Yeah, I
want it to be cozy with blankets and and you
set up my prana mat and there too.

Speaker 2 (06:00):
Just lay down. Yeah, you definitely have to get rid
of these chairs. Then it's definitely gonna have to get
rid of the chairs.

Speaker 3 (06:05):
I want to get like a little water fountain for
the room.

Speaker 2 (06:07):
Yeah. I think I sold my whiskey collection.

Speaker 3 (06:10):
Yeah, yep.

Speaker 2 (06:11):
I'm waiting on payment to come through. I was going
to sell it to one of the guys that we
play poker with, but then one of the guys in
the discord said that he wanted it, And I'm trying
to like hold off because I would rather go to
somebody from our tribe than to go to just some
random person that we know. And though I know the
other dude would really enjoy the whiskey collection, he has
a pretty big collection already, this guy doesn't, so like
it's kind of cool in that aspect. But anyways, I

(06:32):
figure if we do that, I'll take all the whiskey
bottles out of that room and put him on the
rug that we just got into the man cave and
lay all that shit out, and then start taking all
of the stuff that's here and start setting that whiskey
room up, because when we get situated, the internet will
be here at the end of the month, Yeah, and
we're ready to turn the internet on and start fucking working.
I want to get out of here and over there
as quickly as I can. We have a lot of

(06:53):
shit to move that's here, and a lot of undoing,
Like all these black panels that are behind me and
behind these bookcases have got to come off the wall. Yeah,
and all those stone panels behind you. And you know,
I don't think I'm gonna paint. I think I'm gonna
just leave the studio the way that it is. But
we have a lot of stuff here that's got to
get transferred out of here when we decide to move,
and I think a lot of it's gonna end up
not staying.

Speaker 3 (07:11):
But what do you mean paint? Why would we have
to paint.

Speaker 2 (07:13):
Because there's gonna be a whole lot of holes in
this wall back here. Spackle and paint to get rid
of him. But he's going to sell the house afterwards,
I don't know. I know that he's also going to
sell it at market value and not sell it at
what it's worth. It's like one hundred thousand dollars under
asking what is going Yeah, I think it's said he's
gonna put it up for three twenty five. The last
time he had it on the market was four fifty,

(07:33):
so he's definitely gonna he's trying to get rid of it.
He's moving back to Colorado anyway. Sorry, So now we've
bullshited for eight or five or ten minutes, eight minus
whatever it's been. Let me ask you, do you remember
the Tank Girl movie?

Speaker 3 (07:45):
Vaguely? All right, Well, that chick was absolutely insane.

Speaker 2 (07:48):
Yeah right, she did a really good job playing Tank Carol.

Speaker 3 (07:51):
She did.

Speaker 2 (07:51):
And while I was in the bathroom minute to go,
I was scrolling doom scrolling, and I thought they were
making it in Tank Girl and I got super excited.
And then I, you know, because all the AI posters,
you never know what's real and what's not, right, I
googled it and they're not actually making a new Tank
Girl movie. But then it got me thinking, if they
were to make a new tank Girl movie, who would
you want to cast tank Girl? Me? All right, well

(08:14):
that was a short conversation. I can't argue with that.
The chaos is there.

Speaker 3 (08:21):
Who would I so picking somebody who's already famous, No.

Speaker 2 (08:24):
Just an actress, she doesn't have to be super famous,
but somebody that could play Tank Girl. I'm very curious
as to I think Lori Petty did such a good
job in that role that I don't know who would
be able to replace her.

Speaker 3 (08:36):
I don't know. Margo Robbie does a pretty good crazy.

Speaker 2 (08:39):
Chick, yeah, but she's already done. Harley Quinn, Yeah, I
don't think that she'll be able to do another comic
book character and not have that stigma attached to it.

Speaker 3 (08:48):
I can't think of a single famous person.

Speaker 2 (08:50):
I can't either.

Speaker 3 (08:51):
I can't think of a single one. All right, Hollywood, call.

Speaker 2 (08:53):
Me you're ready to do it? Huh?

Speaker 3 (08:57):
I got the chops for acting. I think I could
nail it.

Speaker 2 (09:00):
The problem is is with with female actors right now.
They're either like very beautiful feminine, like that's what they
built their career on, or they're not. And the ones
who are not have built their career on like military
action women, and there's not like a diverse pool of
like Edward Norton's and the female aspect, because like he's
done everything from The Hulk to Fight Club like and

(09:21):
he did Primal Fear with Richard Greer. Did you ever
see that where he acted like he had a he
was a split personality and he had a stutter as
one person and the other person that that was within
him was a murderer. And it will have to watch it.
I don't want to. I'm not say anything else because
if I say anything else is gonna run a movie.
But it's fucking good. Yeah, And at the end you're
like whoa, whoa? All right, I yeah, I don't know.

(09:44):
I don't know who I would want to do a
new tank Girl. I don't know. Like there's people in
the chat saying names, but I don't know who these
people are without having to google them.

Speaker 3 (09:53):
Someone said Lady Gaga, Lady Gaga's not doing it.

Speaker 2 (09:55):
For me anymore because it's a joker.

Speaker 3 (10:00):
I think. Okay, well, I want to say I think
she's a very good actress. I think she did a
very good job in the American horror story series that
she was a part of. It's it's more about I
don't know, it's the energy she's putting off. Just not
a big fan of hers anymore. A couple of instances
where she said some things and I was like, ooh, yeah, yeah,

(10:22):
I wouldn't have said that in that moment. But then again,
people think that about me.

Speaker 2 (10:26):
So yeah, yeah, they definitely think that about it. Lindsay
said that Lena Hetty is Circey Lanister, that she would
be able to play a good Tank Girl after seeing
her in Total Recall? Was it Total Recall? No judge
dread where she had the giant fucking scar on her face.
She might be able to pull off Tank Girl. But
I don't think she's got the crazy for it, Like,

(10:47):
she doesn't have the right energy. I think Tank Girl's chaotic. Yeah,
cerously the lady who Lana and Lena had, leer Hetty
or whatever her name is. She played a really good psychopath.
She nails like the evil character. She's got that shit
down to a science. Yeah, I don't know. I don't
know who.

Speaker 3 (11:02):
Yeah, I can't see her as Tank Girl.

Speaker 2 (11:04):
Why is this so difficult?

Speaker 3 (11:06):
I just see her as a brotherfucker.

Speaker 2 (11:12):
That's funny. I don't know. All right, let's let's do
some thank you emails and get into this today's episode.
All right. I thought that was a fun question to have,
and then I realized that I honestly don't know who
i'd want to have as a new Tank Girl either.

Speaker 3 (11:23):
I think I'm also tired of everybody in Hollywood.

Speaker 2 (11:25):
Yeah, it's hard to find people that can fit roles
when somebody Hills has played the role and played it well.

Speaker 3 (11:32):
Yeah, you know, and like, how are you going to
live up to that?

Speaker 2 (11:34):
Right? Right? You would have to change the character and
it changes the movie, and you're not granted when you
remake a movie, you're getting a different movie anyways. Right,
but all right, so, as you guys know, we've recently
changed the format. We were going to start with thank
you emails. Before we do that, I have house cleaning, housekeeping.
First things first. We have a trip for Greece and
May of twenty twenty six. If you guys are interested
in traveling internationally with us, there are currently, as the

(11:57):
time of just recording, twelve or thirteen slots left for
that trip.

Speaker 3 (12:01):
There's twelve slots left. We're half sold out.

Speaker 2 (12:03):
Twelve slots. Okay, I actually think that we're thirteen, so
there might only be eleven. Either way, we're at least
halfway sold out. If you don't want to go international
and you would like to do couples retreat domestically, we
are doing one in June, which will pass by the
Times airs. But if you guys are in the chat
want to go, you can. Then we're doing one in
August in North Carolina. There's probably going to be a

(12:24):
discounted rate for the Florida one in June, which will
probably just go to our Patreon because we would like
to sell all those spots and it's sitting stagnant right now. Oh,
we didn't talk about this. While I was getting tattooed
yesterday I talked to Jeff Graham. He's wanting to do
seminars for tattoo artists and he wants to have people
come to the shop and get do like a two
day Sunday Monday seminar where they come down and he

(12:45):
does a color tattoo and a black and gray tattoo
and does like five to ten people where he has
them in the studio and does like a in person seminar.
And I think that's a really good idea. And as
of right now, he's looking to do August. So if
that's something that any of the tattoo artists who are
listening to this or I'm sorry October October not August,
if that's something that one of the tattoo arists are

(13:06):
listening to this would like to do. Jeff Graham is
legit multiple award winning like he's the fucking man when
it comes to tattooing. You can email to be better
co that you're interested, and I'll get it to where
it needs to go when it comes through. In that way,
you can get a lead on it. When it happens,
he will be getting paid for it. I don't want

(13:27):
anything from it. I want Jeff to be able to
start building things outside of just his tattoo career so
that he has a retirement plan, and part of that
retirement plan I think is going to be the shop
when I'm ready to like really truly move and not
be a part of that anymore. But that's years away.
So anyways, I think it would be really cool to
do that, and I think it would be cool to
have it so that it's like to be better and
Sacred Rights tattoo. How would you work that, Jeff Graham

(13:50):
take yeah, sponsored by to be Better Sacred Rights tattoo whatever,
just so that we are still getting some sort of
like brand recognition for him doing the seminars and then
just let him take the time out of his schedule
to do the shit and call it a day. That
was one of the things that I meant to talk
to you yesterday. By time I go home yesterday, I
so fucket tired. Brain was just exhausted from all of that.

(14:11):
What else do I got going right now? All right, guys,
As you know, there was a TikTok scare. We lost
the app for a whole twelve hours, and we have
no idea what the future of the app looks like,
and with that, we are very concerned about the loss
of our following. We have a massed almost three million
followers across that platform with all four of our accounts,
and we are trying to push people to other social
media platforms to that in the event that anything happens

(14:32):
on one app, we have multiple other backup plans. If
you want to make sure that you're not missing any content,
we highly recommend that you check out our Patreon.

Speaker 3 (14:40):
On Patreon, we have multiple tiers to choose from. Starting
at ten dollars, you begin to receive exclusive content. At
fifteen dollars a month, you get access to our private
discord server where we've en massed in an absolutely amazing
community of supportive people. And beyond that, we have other
tiers to check out, along with my two private women's
group if that's something you may be interested them guys.

Speaker 2 (15:01):
On our fifteen dollars and higher tier, you have access
to live recordings. We record all of our content three, four,
sometimes five times a week live in front of our
Patreon audience, where they are able to chat with us
while we are recording. They can see all the flirting,
the outtakes, the hot topic conversations that never actually make
it on the podcast, and it's really worth that aspect
in itself. We have it after Dark where we sit

(15:22):
down usually once a week and have a glass of
bourbon or and Peach's case of glass of wine and
a bowl of cheese and we have a whole lot
of fun conversations, karaoke in the discord, we finish the lyrics.
We literally just hang out and you guys get to
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including zoom calls that are coming for the Ultimate Tier,
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talk to us. It also gives you with the heads

(15:44):
up on private meet and greets because when we travel
we try to meet up with people on our discord
on a regular basis. There's a whole slew of other
perks that come through Patreon. I highly recommend that you
check it out.

Speaker 3 (15:53):
The best way to support what we are doing is
to share the content. The second best way is to
check out our Patreon. Thank you guys for being here.

Speaker 2 (16:00):
My new book is releasing on August fifteenth, called You
Are Not Broken. This book is very different than the
first one. The first one is all about being a
good man or finding a good man. This one is
about reinventing yourself after hardship. So if you've had a
breakup or divorce, whether you've had you know you and
your best friend of split ways, you know your marriage failed,
you have gone no contact with your parents. This book

(16:22):
is about reinventing who you are and learning to love yourself,
to get over those things and to become a better
version of you. And that drops August fifteenth. So far,
we've sold a couple of copies on our website. If
you would like to order a signed copy, you can
get that on two B better dot com now and
you'll get a PDF download and you'll be able to
read it before the book releases. As of right now,

(16:45):
everyone that has read the book has given me really
really good feedback. I feel like this book is out
doing the first one in terms of like quality of
writing and things of that interest. That feels pretty good,
feels pretty good and real quick. The chat says I
need info for you in Florida. If you guys want
to go to to mebetter dot com and click on

(17:06):
a couples of retreats and I'll take you where you
need to go. All right, let's jump into some emails hotness.

Speaker 3 (17:11):
All right, this one's titled a love story thanks to
two BB. A few years ago, I met the man
of my dreams. We had a thing, yet nothing serious.
Looking back, I think, thank God, because today I realized
that the old me could have never kept such a man.

Speaker 2 (17:26):
That really. Oh sorry, I love that. I love that honesty.
That's like house be shit. Yeah, I'm not anymore fucking
doing the thing. Yeah, just good shit, good shit.

Speaker 3 (17:38):
When we first met, I was fresh out of a relationship.
I have never gotten those years of partying experiences, et cetera,
like most twenty something year olds. So that was where
my life was at. I had fallen into alcoholism and
drug use. I was broken and unstable. Under the impression
I was finally living my life, but I wasn't. I
wasn't living life, nor was I a very good person.

(18:00):
I had a lot of bad habits and toxic tendencies.
Our fling ended in a disconnect, but for our years apart,
I thought of him often. We both lived our lives
other relationships than me having a daughter. I quit my
bad habits and put some work into myself, a lot
of work, actually, and yet I still spent time in
unhealthy and abusive relationships.

Speaker 2 (18:23):
Do you think that she viewed this as the one
he was the one that got away?

Speaker 3 (18:27):
Probably?

Speaker 2 (18:28):
Yeah.

Speaker 3 (18:29):
Me and this wonderful man had ended up crossing paths
again through a mutual friend, very unexpectedly, But I was
instantly curious. Like I said, I had thought of him often.
I regretted my actions and who I was when the
universe first brought him to me. I still didn't feel
like a good enough woman for him, but I was
still curious and enjoyed seeing him again. He started coming

(18:50):
around when I was present in friend groups, which I
later found out was due to his own curiosity and
interest in me. I soon shoot my shot, shot, my shot,
my shot, shot, my shot, okay, and asked him to
hang out separately. After that, our bond grew fast, yet
we decided labels were not a priority for us. There
was a great communication, including the conversation that without a label,

(19:13):
we were only intimate with each other and not seeing
other people, with the goal being a relationship, and we
both felt we were ready. Every core part of him
was still pure and true I had my own issues,
as we all do, but I wanted to show him
I had grown. He had his own trauma, and I
made a point to nurture that part of him a
little extra and make him feel safe with me. I
felt the universe had sent him back to me for

(19:34):
a reason. But without the work, I may fail again
and always regret it.

Speaker 2 (19:39):
I mean, that's an honest assessment, and I think that
goes across the board for everyone, right real quick, Ashton said,
could you come to some of our days if you
are not in a relationship, single just learn you can
come if you want to stay the entire weekend being
in a relationship as a requirement to come to anything
that we do. The couple's retreats quote unquote couples retreats
that we were doing, we're charging for the room, so

(20:00):
it'll be the same price whether you bring somebody or
you don't. And then obviously the grease trips are just
whoever wants to go can go. But if you are
a single individual and want to come and spend the
entire weekness weekend with us in a house doing seminars
and fucking all the things that we're doing, come on,
let's go.

Speaker 3 (20:15):
Yeah, continuing yep, okay. We eventually decided a relationship was
what we wanted now, labels and all around the same time,
I had to leave my current living situation unexpectedly. He
let me, my daughter and three cats stay with him.
It was a roommate situation where he was living and
was a lot for everyone to take on. I understand

(20:35):
this fully. My guilt for disrupting people's lives and need
to be saved eight away at me. Okay, I want
to pause here. I am not speaking to the emailer.
This is in the past, it was done, it worked
out favorably in this situation. As single mothers, we need
to be hyper vigilant about who we bring our children around.

(20:58):
Children are more likely to be mal I want to say,
it increases by like forty times if you are living
with a non related male in the household, So everything
increases as a danger to the child, especially if they're
just a roommate. So don't let the blinding light of

(21:21):
love clear your cloud your judgment, and you move in
with somebody you just started dating three weeks ago and
you have two daughters under two.

Speaker 2 (21:31):
Chat's asking if you would ever do a woman's retreat.

Speaker 3 (21:34):
It is something I have thought about.

Speaker 2 (21:36):
Yes, if you ever did a woman's retreat, I would
still go. I would make myself scarce and just stay
in the bedroom the entire time and play on my
computer or walk the property or whatever. But I'm not
I would not fuck it. I would not allow you
to go and be in a situation like that where
I'm not there unless you've got both dogs with you.
There's a safety concern there for me, and I'm not

(21:57):
comfortable with that.

Speaker 3 (21:58):
I get that.

Speaker 2 (21:59):
So even if we even if we found, ah, you know,
a dual property where there's a house with like an
in law suite or a side by side building, I
just need to be close enough that I can get
there in seconds if I need to, you know what
I mean.

Speaker 3 (22:10):
Okay, Yeah, I appreciate that. I appreciate that.

Speaker 2 (22:15):
I'm glad you're not trying to fight me on it.
You're not a woman husband, you know what I mean.

Speaker 3 (22:20):
My safety takes paramount above all else.

Speaker 2 (22:23):
Yeah.

Speaker 3 (22:24):
So, I don't know. For whatever reason, the address gets
leaked right right and a group of men show up.

Speaker 2 (22:31):
Yeah, fucking What we need to do is we need
to get a side by side and you take the
women and I'll take the men, and we'll play poker,
talk shit and wrestle. You guys can cook his dinner.

Speaker 3 (22:45):
We'll do sound baths, yoga and cooking.

Speaker 2 (22:47):
Yeah, it's funny.

Speaker 3 (22:49):
And a group whaling probably right at.

Speaker 2 (22:51):
Dusk, yeah, first first thing at night.

Speaker 3 (22:53):
Yeah, right as a sun setting. It's that blue hour
and we all just ah yeah, because we got a
pack of coyote be like, no, it's a pack of
powerful women.

Speaker 2 (23:10):
That's funny. All I can think of is me with
a fire hose standing on the other side of the house.
So while you're doing it, I can make it rain
on you, right, like.

Speaker 3 (23:18):
An eighties music Well.

Speaker 2 (23:19):
Yeah, because you always want to do that kind of shit.
In the woods are in like the rain, Like I could.
We could get a cabin in the woods. And if
I could get a big ass, you know, water hose going,
you could get all these things. Even if it'star official,
it's still a thing.

Speaker 3 (23:30):
I mean it works. Yeah. I love your support of
my dreams.

Speaker 2 (23:35):
That's chaotic. Let's go okay, let's go.

Speaker 3 (23:39):
All right, continuing my guilt for disrupting people's lives and
needing to be saved. Eight away at me. I felt
like I was inevitably going to fuck this up because
it was so soon, and I felt I had already
failed and needed help. I wasn't working due to medical reasons,
but supported my daughter with state benefits, and my village
was wonderful, but I constantly made myself feel like a

(24:00):
and a failure. This self inflicted stress had gotten to me.
I would have an attitude sometimes and was quite quite
reactive to things that didn't need much such a reaction.
I was defensive and had toxic tendency, such as looking
for a fight simply because I was upset.

Speaker 2 (24:17):
How'd that work out for you?

Speaker 3 (24:19):
Sure? Not well? I'm sure it continued to put your
adrenal glands on overtime nervous systems. Fucked up, not in
a calm situation at all. I can't imagine what that
did for her child.

Speaker 2 (24:32):
Yeah, I was gonna say all the people around her, Yeah,
people are gonna get to a point where they realized that,
like your relationships with people matter, the way that you
treat others matter. This is something that we're trying to
teach the kids hard right now. People are not gonna
want to be around you if you're a fuck face. Yeah,
just all there is to that.

Speaker 3 (24:48):
We went into the children. I had all of Garden
the other day for lunch, and before not just Olive Garden.
Before we walk into any establishment in the wild, we
have a rundown of what we're going to do while
we're in this building and what consequence is going to
be if we don't stick to the game plan. And

(25:10):
before we walked into Olive Garden, I looked at the
children and I was like, what are we not going
to do inside of here? They know the basic rundown.
We're not going to throw a temper tantrum, We're not
going to raise our voices, We're not going to run around,
We're not going to touch things that don't belong to us.
And I have started tacking on because we are starting
to have conversations about how certain behavior that you do

(25:33):
when you're upset and not getting what you want, other
people are going to see you as a brat. And
our son took that super print you calling me a brat.
I was like, no, I'm not, son. I am telling
you the way that you behave people are going to
see you like you're a brat, even if you don't
think what you're doing right now is brat behavior. The
perception of people around you is going to be, Oh,

(25:55):
he's acting like a brat. And I was like, people's
perception of you is not there is not the true
representation of who you are. Right, of course, I dummied
this down. For the kids, I'm using big words like this.
Dummy down probably wasn't the way to say that. I
brought it to a level where they can understand in

(26:15):
words that they have a grasp on. And it took
a little bit, but I want them to understand that
when you go out into a public place, all people
have on you are your actions in that moment, right
is it really right? So if you start repeating the
same question over and over again because you're not getting

(26:38):
the answer that you want, people are going to think
a certain way. Or if you start screaming on the
floor in the middle of a restaurant, people are going
to start thinking a certain way. And one way I
explained this to them as I asked our daughter and
our son, I was like, close your eyes and picture
a red apple. And they closed their eyes and I
was like, do you see the red apple in your mind?
And they were being groop and they were like, no,

(27:00):
se a banana or I see a green apple. And
I was like, okay, I want you to focus and
picture a red apple. And they're both, okay, Mommy, I
see the red apple in my brain. I was like,
I said, red apple, and you were able to picture
that in your mind. Now, when we're in public and
people see screaming child or beating the floor with their
feet because Mommy said no, they're going to think or

(27:22):
behavior the same way you thought red apple when I
said it. I don't know if any of it stuck
with them, but I'm really trying to teach them the
lessons of that.

Speaker 2 (27:31):
Yeah. Well, I mean this is a good time to
teach them that everything that's going to happen to them
in life is going to be about the way that
they are perceived by others, right, And that doesn't speak
to bullying and like popularity contests, it speaks to making
networking connections because it's not what you know, it's too
you know in this world. And like you know, that

(27:53):
was one of the most depressed like size ever. She
really she's done sitting here today. Did you hear him
story last night? I did, Jesus me, No, I thought
it was you. I was like, are they all sleeping
on the couch? And I looked back there and his
head was hanging off, and I was like, how is
he even breathing right now? Anyways, I don't remember I

(28:13):
was home, but I got sidetracked by the deep sigh,
so I don't remember either. Pick it back up, all right.

Speaker 3 (28:19):
I very soon realized this was a trauma and stress response.
My last relationship had sucked me up so badly that
I was not putting out the love I was feeling.
I was letting my past affect my current relationship when
it was not his fault. I want to pause there. So,
not only is this a trauma and a stress response,
it's also an adult temper tantrum. Absolutely, when we start

(28:42):
to recognize our own behaviors are a kin to like
a five year old not getting what they want, it
really does boil down to you're having a temper tantrum
right now. And temper tantrums aren't a bad thing. You're
you're you're unsure of how to regulate yourself right now.
I tell that to our son all the time. You're
throwing a temper tantrum right now, because you're either not
getting what you want or your emotions are so big
for you you don't know how to get that energy out.

(29:05):
It's not always a bad thing the behavior that you
continue to have after the fact. If I say, hey, Son,
you're having a temper tantrum, take some deep breaths, and
then you continue to throw a toys, that's a choice
because we've identified what you're going through, we identify the
problem that we have identified that the behavior is problematic,
and you're still making the choice to be disruptive or

(29:26):
be angry or snarky or petty or however else I
can bleed out. As children grow into adults, did all
that make sense?

Speaker 2 (29:36):
Yep, had a whole ass thought while you're sitting here
talking though, Okay. I always tell him our parenting styles
are very different, especially with him, because he responds to
me very differently than he responds to you. I always
tell him I'm like, this sucks right now, right And
he's like, yeah, Mike, it's okay to say that this sucks.
It's okay to feel like you feel. I was like,
when I don't get my way, I don't like it either.

(29:57):
I was like, but you right now you're a kid,
and I have a lot of life decisions that are
being made by other people because we're trying to teach
you how to live life. And like, as an adult,
you'll get your way a whole lot more, but you
have to work for that. So right now, when you're
not getting your way, you need to just take it
to your breath and go. It sucks, be like I
know it does. Dude, Go do your thing, you know,
and go do it because you gotta do it to
you anyways. But while you were talking, I wonder, I

(30:17):
wonder when he's having those big emotions if we if
you did the whale, I feel like I can tell
you're upset right now. You want to scream. Let's go
outside and scream, and you guys go out there and
fucking scream and you go back inside. Because that's an
energy release. We should try that. The worst it's gonna happen,
it's gonna scream outside for a few seconds, yea, and
nothing's gonna to resolved. Best thing he could cry, like scream, cry,

(30:38):
get it out or laugh, yeah, and that could change
that tantrum from an upset energy to a this was fun.

Speaker 3 (30:44):
Last time we did that it didn't work, and I
just got more frustrated. Oh, you actually did that, though
you don't remember that.

Speaker 2 (30:48):
I don't. I don't.

Speaker 3 (30:51):
We were all sitting in the living room and I
took him outside to the back porch vaguely, and you
were like, I love that. I love that you just
did and.

Speaker 2 (30:58):
It didn't work. No, did you yell too?

Speaker 3 (31:02):
I did? No.

Speaker 2 (31:04):
Was it your idea to yell, to go out there
so you could yell? Or was it not for them?

Speaker 3 (31:07):
Well, because I recognized I had energy release and I
was like, gosh, it would just be so great to
scream right now. I was like, wait a minute, I
wonder if it would feel good for him to scream too. Yeah,
And I was like, hey, buddy, you want to go
Do you want to go outside and just yell with
me for a minute? And he was confused. But we
went out there and I started screaming, and then he
started screaming, and then we went back in and he
just started acting up again.

Speaker 2 (31:28):
There's things that I know that are not good, right,
like teaching rage rooms are bad. If you go to
rage rooms to let out anger instead of it to
have fun, you are teaching your body to have violent
reactions to your anger. And like punching bags. They tell
you to get a punching bag so your kid can
punch punch you back when he gets angry. The problem
is teaching him to throw fists when he's angry. Yeah,

(31:48):
And like I was just like, we get a soccer
ball and then kicked the soccer ball to get the
anger out. But it's the same process. You're creating a
violent explosion of energy from frustration. And now that I've
said that, I wonder if the screaming would be the
same thing.

Speaker 3 (32:00):
I think we did it in controlled environment, Like we're
not going to scream at people. You need to step
outside and scream. That's different from raising your voice at
someone because you're frustrated with them.

Speaker 2 (32:09):
Yeah, let's think about I also think we should take
the kids to a rage.

Speaker 3 (32:13):
Room, Okay, and summer's coming up.

Speaker 2 (32:17):
He gives them opportunity to see what happens when you
break things, yeah, without getting in trouble for it.

Speaker 3 (32:21):
Right. Anyways, I was letting my past affect my current
relationship when it was not his fault. He responded the
best way he could by walking away and communicating that
he didn't want to fight and he wouldn't. His response
was to shut down, as he doesn't respond well to
aggression or yelling in a relationship. When I tell you
that this man has never once raised his voice at me,
I mean it. Never once has he yelled, called me names,

(32:44):
or made me feel small. I felt horrible for the
way my reactions to outside sources had affected him, and honestly,
I was embarrassed by my reactions and toxic thought processes.
I knew this wouldn't last. I knew I'd lose him
and we would be unhappy of this continued. So I
took hours, days, even weeks to process and dig as
deep as I could to connect the dots within myself.

(33:07):
I listened to your podcast every single day while cleaning, showering, driving, etc.
I knew I was a better person than when we
had met the first time, yet I wasn't healed enough
just yet. I began to feel better rapidly, better habits,
self awareness, coping skills, and extensive growth in my communication.
He was honest, patient, and wonderful all around. Reciprocation became

(33:29):
our main thing. For example, he had told me something
that had made him uncomfortable and gave him anxiety. This
was from a past relationship where she would turn off
her location and was hanging out with other men, including
her ex, and cheating on him. When he approached her
with any boundaries or honesty of his discomfort, she would
shut him down and tell him he was just controlling
and toxic. How dare you call me on my shitty behavior?

(33:51):
So I'm going to make you seem like a narcissist? Yeah,
classic narcissics. How the turns have tables from a point
the finger at you and make you feel bad to
distract you from the shit I'm doing over here. That's wrong.

Speaker 2 (34:05):
The adelin Jaane Project on YouTube said, when I worked
with kids, we would make them smell their favorite food
like a cookie, and then blow out birthday candles and
teach them to breathe. I guess that makes sense if
you take a deep breath of this, I blow this out.
But it seems like a whole lot of work to
get them to breathe. Yeah, there's gotta be a better
way to do that. Our children know how to breathe. Yeah,
we'll like, we will stop, and we are not going

(34:27):
to have a conversation until you take at least three
deep breaths. Yeah. Yeah. The breathing techniques for stress and
anxiety that we have has definitely helped. But it's a
matter of when the parents are getting frustrated to remember
to do that as well.

Speaker 3 (34:39):
Oooh, lord knows. I was doing that on the way
home from the beach yesterday. Kids have made a mess
in my car and the bronco yeah, and they weren't
listening and somebody snuck food in the car and it
melted somewhere. And I was already agitated. I was like,

(34:59):
you guys not listening to me. I'm becoming frustrated. I
need like five minutes of silence. And then our son
took a tongue depressor that he got from the doctor's
office and scooped up whatever it was. He was like, ew, mommy,
what's this like being goofy? And I saw that it
was melted food, and I was like, I'm about to
start yelling. I got really quiet. I was like, I'm

(35:20):
about to start yelling. Everybody needs to stop what they're
doing in the car. Mommy needs to take some deep breath.
I was living and they kept going and I raised
my voice a little bit and I was like stop.
It got I'm about to scream, knock it out. I
need five minutes, and I got smacking my hands on
the gear shifter.

Speaker 2 (35:40):
Yeah.

Speaker 3 (35:40):
I was like four in hold box, breathing four out
and they were like, Mommy, are you okay? I was like,
I'm fine, I'm just mad and I don't want to
yell at you guys, so please quiet game until we're
in the driveway. And they did good. I didn't yell,
I didn't lose my mind, but boy, was was I

(36:01):
riding a roller coaster?

Speaker 2 (36:04):
That's funny.

Speaker 3 (36:05):
As for me, I heard him out apologize for what
I had done that made him spiral into the thoughts
that I was being sneakier, disloyal in any way. I
downloaded an act called Life three sixty without being asked,
so he would constantly have my location to me. It
was a very simple way of not only building trust
between us, but showing him that I would do whatever

(36:25):
to reassure him and quiet those fears that were brought
from his past. We reciprocate providing a safe space where
you can voice our concerns or any troubles without judgment,
reminding each other that it is okay to ask for
things to make suggestions, and that was that there was
nothing unsafe between us that could not be communicated, and

(36:46):
that there is nothing unsafe between us that could not
be communicated. We didn't push, but challenge each other to
be vulnerable. It soon became easy and safe. He doesn't yell,
he doesn't judge. He loves me with his entire soul
as I do him. He would do anything to protect
me and make me happy. He is gentle and understanding
and helps on days where I am just not myself.

(37:09):
I take pride in being as woman and serving and
watering him. We are truly a team and he is
worthy of everything I do for him, and I am
happy to do it day in and day out. I
set out clean clothes and a towel every day so
we can shower after his long work days. I take
care of his laundry and make home cooked meals for
him almost daily, which is a love language for me
and a favorite way to be served by him, and

(37:30):
make sure he comes home to a clean house full
of love, because I will never lose a chance with
him ever again. I know this is meant to be,
and the universe sent him to me twice for a reason.
I have never felt such love, and I never want
to risk losing everything we have already built and what
we could be. While we were never toxic, we both
had our own lingering traumas today we are living in

(37:51):
our own house. He treats my daughter with love and care.
We communicate like I have, like I never have with
anyone else in my life. I love to serve him.
We have our roles in our joined life and help
where we can on tough for overstimulating days. He has
a mechanic who works at minimum fifty hours a week,
plus whatever side jobs he can get. I take care

(38:12):
of the house chores, cooking, cleaning, and parenting. As she
is my biological child. We are very much pink and
blue roles. I am back working for the first time
since I gave birth to my daughter, at a job
I truly enjoy. I've been accepted to a new college
and have the motivation to finish school and become a
mental health therapist. We have been talking about businesses we

(38:32):
can start and both partake in, and our future goals
in life. We both are continuing to heal and bond
and build a life together with the goal of being
forever simple as that. I guess this was our story
of our lives and our healing, but I truly believe
I couldn't have grown into the woman he deserves a
needs if it wasn't for your podcast. I give myself

(38:53):
credit for doing the homework, but without a teacher, I
would have remained stuck until I was so miserable and
at rock bottom. Chris and Peaches, thank you for your
raw and honest content. Thank you for the no sugarcoating
and the step by steps, and for using your experiences
to help others. I was a broken and toxic woman
with an unfulfilling life and no real life map. And

(39:13):
today I am a woman with a man who reminds
myself of both of you. Both. The love is unmatched,
the growth is overwhelming. Thank you for making me a
better woman, mother, and partner. I finally have what I
always craved. I just didn't know how to say it
or get it. My void is finally fulfilled in so
many ways.

Speaker 2 (39:30):
I love that. What a good email.

Speaker 3 (39:31):
I love that too, all Right, I gotta move that.

Speaker 2 (39:35):
The love stories are that the thank you emails really
really sets the tone for all of this. I know that,
like our podcast is meant to help people, and that's
what we're doing, right, Like the duh, that's the whole
point of creating what we've created. But when you're getting
these emails and we're like, you're reading these emails out loud,
and we're doing this before we get into troublesome emails,

(39:55):
it's like a really good reminder before we get into
it that we are here to help, not judge or
be assholes. Especially for me, it's very very easy for
me to revert back to you're an idiot, yeah, which
is an asshole thing to do. First email of the
actual episode. We're forty four minutes.

Speaker 3 (40:11):
In ADHD person holding onto a failed marriage. Hey, guys,
been listening to your podcast for a while and love
listening to you. I appreciate you both. My wife and
I have been married for three years now and I
don't know how I can fix it, and I'm starting
to realize it might be too late, but hope it
isn't backtracking. We started our relationship and about three months

(40:33):
into it, got her pregnant and she told me that
I didn't have to stay if I didn't want to.
I chose to stay and started a family with her
and I moved in with her, so we lived in
one house. She owned her house and I rented. She
assumed I was never married, and we had an argument
about it, and she told me that she would have
never been in this relationship if she knew that, because

(40:56):
now she will be the second wife.

Speaker 2 (40:59):
Okay, three months, right, Yeah, they were in a relationship
for three months and that never got disclosed.

Speaker 3 (41:07):
Yeah. I would view that is lying by omission at
that point.

Speaker 2 (41:10):
How do you not have that conversation?

Speaker 3 (41:12):
Right? Were you guys just fuck buddies?

Speaker 2 (41:16):
I don't get it.

Speaker 3 (41:16):
I don't get it either.

Speaker 2 (41:17):
Okay, that's that's like a key question to me. Have
you ever have you ever been married, especially if you're
past like twenty five years old? Yeah, I think that's right.
Up there was like, what's your credit score? Yeah, if
your credit score is two hundred and minds of eighty fifty,
we're not getting married. Yeah, I'm you're not fucking up
my credit score? How did that not come up? Like

(41:41):
it just does? Okay, whatever, this doesn't make sense.

Speaker 3 (41:43):
I mean in the context they were in a relationship
for three months and she got pregnant. Yeah, but i'd
want I mean, that says a lot about what this
was for.

Speaker 2 (41:51):
Them, Right, you're right, so I would have gotten that
in according phase though.

Speaker 3 (41:55):
Yeah, so we touched on it not being brought up.
She assumed I was never married. It's taking zero accountability.
I didn't disclose that I was married. She found out,
and an upsetter. Saying she assumed to me in this
context comes across as kind of demonizing it's her, She's

(42:17):
the reason she got upset. She assumed. She never asked
When I have something to tell my husband, I tell
it unprompted. Told you the other day A dude messaged me. Yeah,
I don't have to tell you that, But I also
don't want to be six months down the road and
you're like, why didn't you tell me that he reached
out to you? Guys have been having conversations, right. We
had an argument about it, and she told me that

(42:37):
she would have never been in this relationship if she
knew that, because now she will be the second wife.

Speaker 2 (42:42):
Okay, I want to before we move on, I have
something I want to talk about it about that. Could
you imagine God or the universe or whatever you believe in,
putting somebody in your life and you going because of
your past relationships. I don't want anything to do with you,
and the possibility of missing out on the greatest thing

(43:03):
that ever happened to you or could have happened to
you in terms of relationships, love and companionship because they
had a past that is fucking crazy to me. I
don't get it.

Speaker 3 (43:15):
Yeah, it's wild to me too. Also, that label of
being the second wife. I don't care what wife I
am to you. I'm just gonna make sure I'm gonna
be the best one.

Speaker 2 (43:22):
Right, right, doesn't matter if you've been married four times.
Who you're married to now is the one that matters.
The other one's failed, this one's still working, like this
is what needs to be the focus.

Speaker 3 (43:31):
Yeah, it's wild to me, the wild way to make
it about you. Yeah, while she was pregnant, we both
started working from home due to COVID, and that's when
I made the first huge mistake. Okay, I think that's
not really a good way to say that, right. A
mistake is a mistake period. Whether you gave a woman
a ride home from working and tell your wife, or

(43:51):
you cheated on her, both of those are a mistake
in my eyes. So that's when I made my first
huge mistake. How do I want to phrase this? I
can see it in my mind so well, but putting
it to words, it almost minimizes the smaller mistakes, right,
Like all of those things can be overlooked, but this

(44:11):
is like the real damage dealing one. All of those
little mistakes, little mistakes add up, and those little mistakes
can be more catastrophic than the one big mistake that's made.
Piece of advice. From my perspective, I wouldn't categorize my mistakes.
I just make mistakes. Did all that make sense?

Speaker 2 (44:29):
Yeah? You don't think that one of them is worse
than the other.

Speaker 3 (44:32):
There's varying degrees of hurt that will happen.

Speaker 2 (44:35):
Okay, So does that mean that you think that one's
worse than the other, that there could be worse than
the other. Like I ate the last slice of cheesecake
that you've been saving. Didn't know you were saving it.
That's a mistake, right, it slept with somebody else, It
was a mistake. Yeah, I'm only asking, like, do you
think that because in the Bible, when you read the
ten commandments, it doesn't say one is worse than the other.

(44:55):
The sin is a fucking sin in God's eyes. It
doesn't matter if you murder a baby or you lie
to your woman or your neighbor. God views that as
fucking wrong and that's the end of it. So I'm
asking you, like, is that how you view that situation.

Speaker 3 (45:06):
I'm trying not to view anything as worse or better.
Things are just what they are, and I can decide
what I do with it.

Speaker 2 (45:13):
Well with that statement, the previous statement you said about
the way the varying levels of hurt makes sense.

Speaker 3 (45:18):
Yeah, okay, all right, continuing, I chose to message a
past friend that I had a sexual relationship with about
how the COVID procedure was in Europe, and that was
all the conversation was about. I really thought you were
going to admit to having an emotional affair, and that
was the huge mistake. When she found out, she asked
me about it, and I told her the truth about

(45:39):
just being curious about COVID around the world, and she
was hurt and upset and told me not to communicate
with her anymore. So I stopped. I blocked her on
my social media platform and thought I fixed the issue.

Speaker 2 (45:49):
Okay, So how would you handle that situation?

Speaker 3 (45:51):
I think she reacted very immaturely, and it shows massive
insecurities within herself. I mean that was already shown with
I'm the second wife, right, So she very clearly has
some things going on. This would be a conversation of
why didn't you tell me, Like we generally let each
other know when we're talking to the opposite sex, you're
talking about COVID, Right, gives a shit? Right? Oh no,

(46:14):
how could you betray me by talking to somebody else
about COVID? You have conversations with you, you have friendships
with females from the last twenty thirty years, and some
of them you've had sex with. I am very secure
and who I am as a person. I don't have
to worry about you stepping out. And even if you did,

(46:35):
I know who I am as a person. If my
husband were to step out on me, that doesn't say
anything about me. It's not going to change the worth
that I have within myself. I'm not gonna what does
she have that I didn't whatever? Whatever, I've been on
that roller coaster, and it boiled down to the person
I was with was unhappy with what was going on
and couldn't communicate about it. So they they did the

(46:56):
best thing for them, but because of my emotional ties
to the situation, it hurt me.

Speaker 2 (47:00):
There's definitely an elevated mindset in you with all of that,
and it's something a lot of people don't have. But
you're right, But that's also again, that's one of those
things where like he obviously did tell her about it,
though when when she found out? Yeah, okay, so that
would be the problem for me, is that I had
to find out the secondhand. But see, this is what

(47:21):
I don't understand. This is this is people not talking
to each other. Right. Could everybody remembers covid If I
had a friend that lived on the other side of
the world and I was able to reach out to
them and be like, Hey, what's it like over there?
You and I are now having a conversation about what
it's like over there, Yeah, because we have something new
to discuss. Hey, I just talked to so and so.

(47:41):
This is what was said. Right, How do you not
have that conversation with your person like this? They don't
talk to each other?

Speaker 3 (47:49):
Right?

Speaker 2 (47:49):
Okay?

Speaker 3 (47:50):
I also want to comment on for this to get
under my skin, it would have to be daily conversations
for hours on end, back and forth and you're not
letting me know who you're talking to, because now at
that point, you're taking attention away from our relationship and
feeding it into another one with somebody you've already had
sexual experiences. And yeah, this is one of those situations

(48:12):
where if he didn't know it was offensive, he's reaching
out to somebody he's known for years, hasn't seen in
person's person lives in Europe. We don't know where they live.
They could be living in America if he hasn't seen
this person in eight years. And he's just messenger like, hey,
how's your family holding up? Are you doing okay? COVID's
rough right now. And they had a thirty five minute
conversation and didn't talk again. Since dude thought he was

(48:35):
doing something that was okay, right, human interaction. He wasn't
trying to be undermining of the relationship or disrespectful to
the mother of his child. Context matters. People's intentions matter,
whether people want to acknowledge that or not. People's intentions
do matter.

Speaker 2 (48:50):
Sexual relationship can in in like a friendly relationship can continue. Yeah,
there are people who have been married that got divorced,
whore best friends and like not in an intimate way, like,
not in a sexually intimate way whatsoever, because they spend
a lot of time together. Like this, this is little
kid shit. Yeah, this is childlike, little kid shit to me.

Speaker 3 (49:11):
Yeah, So I'm going to read a comment from our
patreon right now. I think it's inappropriate all the way
around to speak with someone you've had been with when
you cut ties with them. And I want to challenge
that thought process as to why Chris is not the
father of my children. Right, they have a biological father
that I continue to talk to because we have to

(49:32):
co parent, and there is no interest there whatsoever. The
relationship ended. If I wanted to be with that person,
I would to remove basic human caring about another being
just because things didn't work out between you. It's very
childish and very immature.

Speaker 2 (49:48):
I agree. I fucking agree with that.

Speaker 3 (49:51):
Yeah. Now, if there was, like say, I'm just going
to use us as an example. You have a past girlfriend,
you've moved on, the feelings are not there on your end,
but she still has feelings and is trying to find
an into the relationship and is trying to find an
in for a relationship with you, then I would say

(50:13):
this is inappropriate. I don't want you to have contact
with that person. Cut ties on all social medias if
it's a once every six months, this is what my
kids are up to, you've met my grandchildren, whatever, whatever, whatever,
It's okay to care about people even if you don't
move forward with a relationship or particularly like them. I

(50:35):
talk to people all the time that I don't really
want to be around you every minute of every day,
but I hope that you're doing well, and I like
hearing that you're celebrating wins or I disagree with vast
majority of things going on in your life, but you're
not hurting anybody. Hey, guys, little quick interruption. If you're
enjoying the content, please leave alike, and also don't forget

(50:55):
to comment. We enjoy interacting with you guys and hearing
your opinions and it helps the algorithm.

Speaker 2 (51:00):
It's also free to do, and if you really want
to help make sure the show continues to do, hit
the subscribe button and share the content across your social media's.
It costs you nothing and it greatly helps to.

Speaker 3 (51:09):
Show The next big issue was one of my best
friends that she knew was a woman and was strictly
platonic texted me about hanging out, and before I could
respond to the text, she yelled at me, thinking I
was going to hang out with my best friend, and
I told her that I was not. You're gonna have
to scroll, babe, and was going to see if my

(51:30):
best friend would come over so my then girlfriend could
meet her and they could get to know each other.
When you're in a relationship, your best friend's your partner.
There is not a single female in your life that
has a title above me, and vice versa. There is
not a single male in my life that comes above
my husband.

Speaker 2 (51:50):
Husband.

Speaker 3 (51:51):
You're my husband, you're my best friends, you're my confidant,
you're my travel partner.

Speaker 2 (51:58):
At this point, we don't know if they were married yet.

Speaker 3 (52:00):
Right, I was going somewhere with that, and I don't remember.

Speaker 2 (52:03):
I actually disagree with this. This is gonna be one
of those disagreeing moments. If they're two or three months
into a relationship and got pregnant and say they're within
the first year of dating each other, he's doing foul shit.
His best friend is a woman that his girlfriend doesn't
know about. How do you not know who your partner's

(52:24):
best friend is within a year of dating them, right.
I don't believe that's your best friend, right. I think
that this is probably some woman that recently came around
that you're claiming to be your best friend because now
you want to be around this chick. This is why
people need to start courting, yeah, and having honest conversations
about things, because this entire thing is just not right.
But he said then girlfriend could meet her, so she

(52:47):
was a girlfriend. If you're a girlfriend or a boyfriend,
you don't get to take precedence over family members best
friends for twenty years or fifteen years or five years,
especially if you just met each other, right, a hierarchy
of established bonding bonding. Right. And if you are twenty

(53:07):
years of a friend with somebody that you've known since
elementary school and you and I start dating, I don't
get the right to tell you that you don't get
to hang out with him anymore.

Speaker 1 (53:14):
Right.

Speaker 2 (53:14):
That dude was here way before I was. I'm here
to establish a lifelong bond. And if I don't like him,
I don't like him, but I'm not. It's one of
those things. If that's where you wanted to be, you
wouldn't have been courting me or dating me in the
first place, you'd be fucking doing that guy, and that
would be all there is to that. But the moment
that marriage has had, You're right, everybody else falls to
the fucking wayside because the marriage is the priority. They

(53:36):
weren't married.

Speaker 3 (53:37):
Yet, there's no disagreement here.

Speaker 2 (53:39):
He's lying to this.

Speaker 3 (53:40):
Chick, right, I agreed with everything you just said.

Speaker 2 (53:43):
Well, in the beginning you said girlfriend and he switched
to husband, and then I was like husband and you
said husband, and then like we were on the same page.
But when it's girling for yeah, we agree. Just the
way you started that conversation and the way it ended
wasn't the same. Gotcha, I am he's a liar. He's
probably gonna hear this and be like, as fucked up dude,
fuck you. I wasn't lying and maybe you weren't.

Speaker 3 (54:03):
Well, does it change because she's pregnant with his child,
because they have a family now, regardless if they're married
or not.

Speaker 2 (54:08):
No, because they've been together for three.

Speaker 3 (54:10):
Months, we don't know what point this is.

Speaker 2 (54:13):
Well, when they got she got pregnant, they were only
together for three months. That you don't have a relationship
in three months three months of knowing somebody you don't
fucking even know them, Like, how does that even work?
You don't know their quirks, You don't know they're crazy.
You don't know their bad days, Like you don't know
their favorite foods, and like how it's prepared unless they
eat McDonald's all the time and that's their go to,

(54:33):
Like and even then, unless you've worked at McDonald's, you
do know how Burger's made right, Like, there's just I
don't know. Buff Bell said he started off with not
being open about being previously married exactly like I just
I think there's a whole lot of fighting shit. Yes, deception,
I kept wanting to say, discrepancy, deception. I think there's
a lot of deception happening here.

Speaker 3 (54:54):
I want to elaborate on what I was saying before,
because it clearly caused confusion. In this circum stance, it
doesn't apply because they've already had a fucked up relationship.
In my mind, once you, I don't care if your
boyfriend and girlfriend fiance a married husband and wife. Once
you decide that that's going to be your life person,
nobody else takes precedence above them. So your female best

(55:17):
friend is going to be your lifelong partner or your
male best friend, is your life partner or husband or
fifteen year boyfriend whatever. I would have an issue with
you saying that I have a female best friend that's
not me.

Speaker 2 (55:29):
Well, I mean, I wouldn't say that.

Speaker 3 (55:31):
Right, I'm just elaborate on what I just said.

Speaker 2 (55:34):
Your partner should be your best friend. I agree with that,
but there's also levels of best friendship. You're going to
get other things from other relationships that you don't get
with your partner. Me and Sean have a relationship, but
you and I don't have. But I'm also not trying
to have that type of bond with another woman, period,
because I don't want any type of bullshit to come
my way or what ifs, or insecurities or fights that

(55:55):
could potentially happen because something was said inappropriate or a
hug lasted too long, or any of that. I'm happy
in my relationship. The last thing that I want is
other people to come in here and make waves. And like,
there have been times in our relationships where things that
were not really in our control have done that, and
the goal is to minimize that as much as possible,

(56:16):
to protect the sanctity of the house because at the
end of the day, that's what matters the most. So
as insecure as this chick is, he's hiding shit.

Speaker 3 (56:27):
Yeah, he's being sneaky continuing. So I cut off that
real friendship because of how it made her feel, thinking
that would resolve that. After a while, I was confronted
with photos that were on my cloud based platforms that
I never thought about going through and deleting. She asked
why I was keeping the past relevant, and I told
her that I don't, and I will start deleting them

(56:48):
to show her I don't want to stay in the past.
It was my fault for not immediately going to the
cloud base and deleting things in my past, which upset
her and hurt her again.

Speaker 2 (56:58):
It's fucking stupid. I can she's.

Speaker 3 (57:01):
Snooping, she's looking for things to be upset about. Right.

Speaker 2 (57:03):
I can understand if it was nudesh or like sex
videos where the shit he was banging his chick, that'd
be fucked up. But if they have pictures of them
at picnics and.

Speaker 4 (57:11):
Shit like or like them getting a dog together, gives
a fuck. Yeah, he had a life before you. This
would be like moving in, meeting somebody and making them
throw away their photo albums of the family that they
had because he was married once before. H well, what
about all of those those moments where you went to
other countries or went on vacations and got to do dope?

Speaker 2 (57:30):
Shit? Does he have to throw away photo albums? I know,
photo albums aren't think anymore. I gotta be honest. The
cloud thing isn't even a thing. I got an email
the other day that was like, my cloud stores just well,
I had no idea. I was even fucking using the
Apple Cloud and I had to go through there and
delete like a lot of videos because every video that
I saved to upload the TikTok went to the cloud.
I had no fucking idea.

Speaker 3 (57:47):
Yeah.

Speaker 2 (57:48):
So if you were like, let me log in your
iCloud and you went in there and found shit from
fifteen years ago, and you were like, what the fuck
is this? I didn't know you fifteen years ago? What
about it? I'm not How dare you have pictures of
you and your baby daddy in the hospital with a baby.
You get rid of that shit right now? Woman? Are
you fucking crazy? People are insane to me.

Speaker 3 (58:07):
Yeah. Continuing during this time, our daughter was born and
my wife was pregnant with our son. Jesus, stop breeding
with people you don't.

Speaker 2 (58:17):
Get along with, or that you don't know.

Speaker 3 (58:20):
My goodness, these four fucking kids.

Speaker 2 (58:23):
You know, the big hoopolat over BodyCount conversation. Yeah, this
is the type of person that would have issue with
somebody's body count. Yeah, because there's a pass there. How
dare you not wait for the universe to put me
in your path to do the first of everything?

Speaker 3 (58:37):
Yep? Continuing, I deleted everything I thought was my past
with past relationships, and we were starting to get to
a better place, or so I thought. I proposed to
her and we got married. She asked if I could
support the family if she quit her job and became
a stay at home mom, and I said it would
be a little tough, but yes, we could manage it.
Then I hit a wall again. My finances were not

(59:00):
up to par and I was in a lot of debt,
and she asked me why I had so much debt,
and I told her that I told her the truth
about satisfying past relationships and putting myself into a hole,
which upset her. And she told me that my debt
is now affecting our relationship because of past bitches, and
she is now having to suffer because of it. So
you knew your finances were not good enough for her

(59:22):
to quit her job and to support a family of four.
You did it anyway that this was a to me,
this comes across as a Raths decision with zero thought
put into it because he wanted to make her happy.
You have to look at the long term ramifications of choices,
especially when it comes to finances. How did she not

(59:44):
know you were so in debt? You're now two kids
in at this point married, and you disclosed zero percentage
of your debt to her. I would be pissed off too.
I wouldn't be upset about the past women, wouldn't. I
would not call them bitches. How dis respecful. Just because
you're now his woman, you feel the You feel you
have the right or the power to demonize as not

(01:00:07):
the word, but to look down on pat You don't
even know who they are, right, I would not. I
wouldn't be upset about any of that. I would be
upset about the fact that you didn't disclose this to
me when I was talking about not wanting to work anymore.

Speaker 2 (01:00:19):
I really don't understand how people don't have these conversations.

Speaker 3 (01:00:22):
I don't know either, So I don't think that this
this marriage is too far gone. I don't think you
should have gotten married in the first place.

Speaker 2 (01:00:29):
I agree, I agree.

Speaker 3 (01:00:31):
I would not be trying to salvage any of this
mistakes were made. You guys brought two children into this world.
I would. I would co parent the best that I
could and get my shit together. And if if I
can get myself to a point where I can have
conversations within a relationship and not hide things and be sneaky,
then I might try to approach her and be like, look,
I've changed my ways. I'm sorry for everything that I

(01:00:53):
did that contributed to our relationship falling apart and our
lives falling apart. I want to be a better man,
and I want to be a better man for you.

Speaker 2 (01:01:00):
Yeah, I wouldn't. I wouldn't do this with her. No,
just because of the way that she's acted about the past. Yeah,
like that's that's that would have been a huge red
flag for me, Like if I would have been See,
this is why you need to have conversations about why
relationships ended and see how the conversation goes. Because in
the conversation where everybody else is a problem. Do you

(01:01:20):
know that you're not going to get any type of
real resolution and marriage right? Him having a past is
a problem. Him not disclosing this pass is a problem.
These two clearly weren't meant for each other. And had
they actually got to know each other before getting pregnant
deciding to get together, yeah, like they would have realized
that swiping left or right or whatever the swipe is

(01:01:40):
to say yes and then smashing is not the start
of a relationship.

Speaker 3 (01:01:44):
Now, how you get Syphiliss continuing, I want to touch
on the debt thing real quick.

Speaker 2 (01:01:49):
Okay, when you decide to get married to somebody, if
they've got debt, regardless of why they have the debt,
you now have an obligation to help take care of
that because we are living as one flesh, to do
that together for the rest of our lives. And if
that means there's one hundred thousand dollars and fucking maxed
out credit card in a re repossessed house, that's on there,

(01:02:10):
We're gonna do this. We'll make it work. However, we
got to make it work. Let's go ahead and start
paying this debt down even if it's fifteen bucks a week,
we need to do something to start like trying to
show good faith and trying to make this work, don't
I don't understand. I personally don't understand the separate finance thing. Period.
That's but that's a me thing. I've heard good points
as to why people need to do it, but overall, majority,

(01:02:33):
like as a majority, I think that it's a bad idea.
I think that everything should be unified. I don't give
fuck if you had debt. I've had bad debt. I've
ruined my credit twice and had to rebuild. It's just
life shit. I think that she's looking for reasons to
be unhappy. If he was unable to, like, if they're
struggling financially because he's paying off that back debt, that

(01:02:54):
definitely should have been a conversation. Yeah, But if he's
still able to allow her to be a stay at
home mom and money's just tight, and then she found
out that the money was tight because he was making
one thousand dollars a month in credit card payments, I
could see how there'd be a frustration there. But on
the opposite side of that, you got what you wanted.
You're a stay at home mom. He's doing what needs
to be done. You guys, just start living as comfortably

(01:03:15):
as you would like to live. Because he has debt
that should have been disclosed as well.

Speaker 3 (01:03:21):
But continuing, yep, I have been working on getting my
debt in line and had it in control before getting
in this relationship and overcompensated to make sure this family
would be okay. I told my wife I would get
another job, in which she didn't want me to because
that would mean she would have to take care of
the kids on her own and I would be able
to get away from this family and have even more
of a break.

Speaker 2 (01:03:41):
From the kids. Wow.

Speaker 3 (01:03:44):
Wow, that says a lot about how she views the children. Right,
Your children are not inconveniences. Your children are not something
that you have to deal with. And to equate this
man and missing out on his kids to work two
jobs to keep the family afloat as a break from

(01:04:04):
the children is disgusting.

Speaker 2 (01:04:06):
Right, It's a fucking sacrifice.

Speaker 3 (01:04:10):
I wouldn't try to make it work with this woman
me either.

Speaker 2 (01:04:13):
What a fucking statement. Really? Glad we read that thank
you email before getting into this. Yeah, because this has
been a very different email.

Speaker 3 (01:04:21):
I'm gonna keep reading. Okay, we got a new vehicle
for our future family. She suggested we get a third
row vehicle, and we were looking at setting up family trips.
And that's when my past comes to haunt me again.
I'm sorry, you guys are struggling financially. You just bought
a brand new three row vehicle and are planning family

(01:04:41):
vacations when you are in a hole that you've dug
with debt. This is unrealistic. In my mind, this comes
across as unrealistic. Are you reading ahead?

Speaker 2 (01:04:52):
No, he kept saying, my future family.

Speaker 3 (01:04:55):
You guys already have a family.

Speaker 2 (01:04:56):
There are two kids right right. You had a a
kid already and one one on the way. You don't
need a three road vehicle for two kids. I don't,
I don't. I don't understand. We've we've talked a lot
about making sacrifices and sometimes if you want to do things,
you have to really fuck your life up in order

(01:05:17):
to make it work. Like if we wanted to do
something and we knew we needed to save twenty thousand dollars,
I'm canceling everything. We'll have Netflix, and if it's not
on Netflix or enjoyable to watch on Netflix. We're fucking
playing cards at the poker table because we're at the
coffee table, we're playing chess. Or we're gonna go to
the park with the kids and we're gonna walk there
because of gas. Yeah, I'm fucking canceling everything. We're eating ramen.

(01:05:42):
We're gonna we're probably gonna get fat over the next
six or seven months because we're gonna eat really horrible food.
M I get cancer from it long term. It's probably
a realistic thought. I mean, were probably gonna get anyways
because of the food that we eat. But yeah, we're
gonna go ahead and really suffer for the next couple
of months to get to where we want to go.
Not we're gonna just keep spending and spending and spending
and pretending everything's gonna be okay, so that if we
get evicted, the Carno is fucking taken back because we're

(01:06:03):
not making payments on time, and now we have two kids,
no place to live, and we're fucking broke because of it.

Speaker 3 (01:06:09):
I want to touch on it. This gentleman is not
an effective leader of his household.

Speaker 2 (01:06:13):
No, No, he's not.

Speaker 3 (01:06:16):
We don't need a new vehicle. We're drowning. Right now,
we are not planning family vacations because we have four
thousand dollars in bills going out of the house every
single month.

Speaker 2 (01:06:27):
I wouldn't even be taking time off of work.

Speaker 3 (01:06:28):
To take a vacation, right continuing, Yep, I had personal
sexual videos that I had enough folder I forgot about,
which had my wife's nude photo in it, from when
we were dating. Your current wife, your ex wife.

Speaker 2 (01:06:44):
Wait, wait, I have to read now because I'm lost.
We got a new vehicle for the future family, she suggested,
we got a third road vehicle. I understood that part.
We were looking into setting up family trips, vacation. We
talked about that, and that's where my past came to
haunt me again. I had a personal sexual video that
I had in a folder I forgot about, which had
my wife's nude photo in it from when we were dating.

(01:07:06):
How did you where's the It was like whiplash. Where
was the photo? Whatever? Was this on your phone? Was
it on a computer? I don't understand. And do you
mean your ex wife because this is your girlfriend at
the time.

Speaker 3 (01:07:18):
No, they got married.

Speaker 2 (01:07:20):
I'm so confused.

Speaker 3 (01:07:21):
Okay, okay, continuing, Yep, she found it, and we had
a huge argument in which I let her yell at
me and brake me because I knew the pain that
I had caused. I told her I was sorry and
that I honestly forgot about that folder, which she did
not believe me about and asked why her picture was
in there, to which I replied that I put it
in there when we first started our relationship. She was

(01:07:43):
in so much hurt that afterward everything I did was
not good enough, and everything I did that was a
basic task that either took too long or wasn't done
the correct way would make her angry.

Speaker 2 (01:07:53):
I have all kinds of shit that you sent me
from the beginning of our relationship. Yeah, all the sexiness,
all of it. So much so that when we go
to Costa Rica, I'm not bringing that phone because TSA
or border patrol if they decided to try to search
my phone, because that's the thing now, Apparently they don't
need to see pictures of my wife naked. So you're
you getting mad about it, baby, because it's on everything.

(01:08:16):
I've got them on my computer. I haven't saved one
of my Google Drive accounts because if anything crashes, I
don't want to lose those photos.

Speaker 3 (01:08:22):
I send you photos to be fond over, right, But
I got all of them. We didn't have children. I'd
want that shit hanging up in our house. Like I
put time into taking those pictures. They need to be
marveled over.

Speaker 2 (01:08:34):
They are Believe me, they fucking are.

Speaker 3 (01:08:38):
Past and present photos. Yes, Okay, she really comes across
the way that he is painting this picture of her.
She truly comes across as a woman who is just
looking to have fights. Yeah, she's already an angry person.
She just wants to reason to let it out, reason
to let it out.

Speaker 2 (01:08:58):
If the folder was tied dumb shit, I don't want
to delete, yeah, or my ugly wife, right, or something
really fucked up with malicious intent, I could see it
being a problem. I don't get it. I really don't
fucking get it.

Speaker 3 (01:09:11):
The only way I would be upset about it is
if it was a corn cornography folder and I wasn't
the only person in there.

Speaker 2 (01:09:18):
Yeah, I that'd be a problem. But the problem at
that point it's not the fact that you're in it.
It's the fact that there's a fucking.

Speaker 3 (01:09:23):
Right, right, you have fourteen other chicks right that you're
looking at Yeah, the whole she was so hurt that
everything I did was not good enough afterwards. That's manipulation. Yeah,
she's upset. She couldn't control whatever situation made her mad,
so now she's controlling the present situation.

Speaker 2 (01:09:41):
Right. Well, she has leverage because he allowed it to happen.

Speaker 3 (01:09:43):
Right. She has told me that I need to fix
myself and make changes, and if I loved her, I
would That's not how that works. You change because you
want to, not because somebody is asking you or forcing.

Speaker 2 (01:09:54):
You to, right, because the change isn't genuine.

Speaker 3 (01:09:56):
Right, and love isn't enough. What about fixing herself and
her insecurities? And I'm the second wife. You talk to
somebody you had sex with six years ago, you're cheating
on me, like digging through his cloud storage to try
to find something to get him in trouble. Newsflash, everybody listening,
You're an adult. You can't get in trouble. People can

(01:10:20):
be upset with you, they can be frustrated, they can
be hurt by something said or done, but you're not
gonna get grounded. They're not going to take your TV
away or you can't drive the car for the next week.
You're an adult. I can't stand it when people refuse
to take accountability for themselves while simultaneously, in my mind,
this is psychological abuse.

Speaker 2 (01:10:41):
Hey, it's warfare, and I agree.

Speaker 3 (01:10:43):
She's beating this man down and making him seem like
that he's not perfect. He has definitely made mistakes. There
are things that I wouldn't have been happy about, but
I'm not going to continue to throw it in your face.
You don't love me because you neglected to tell me
this thing or whatever?

Speaker 2 (01:10:59):
How dare you have a photo, a sexy photo of
me and a folder?

Speaker 3 (01:11:02):
Right? These could have all been simple conversations of, hey,
this made me feel this way, what can we do
to avoid it in the future, and then it's done.
There is so much harboring of negative emotions here. It's sickening.
I went to seek therapy on how I can fix
myself and told my whole story and was recommended for
couples counseling and for her to talk to a therapist

(01:11:23):
for her self healing. A therapist thought, the issues we
have been having are due to my ADHD and her postpartum.
If that's what your therapist thought, you're either not telling
the whole story to the therapist, or that's a bad
therapist because your ADHD doesn't make you forget to tell
somebody you were married before, right, or to not disclose

(01:11:44):
debt right, or to.

Speaker 2 (01:11:46):
Get somebody pregnant three months of knowing them.

Speaker 3 (01:11:49):
Yeah, those are poor choices made. There could have been
a plethora of reasons. You were scared to broach the
conversations because you didn't want to deal with how she
reacted to them, whatever, whatever, whatever, those are still choices made.
When I brought this up during an argument. Don't do that.
Don't don't. An argument is the last place to bring

(01:12:10):
up You need to see a therapist.

Speaker 2 (01:12:12):
Yeah, it should been happen as soon as you got home, right, Hey,
my new therapist suggested a couple of counseling.

Speaker 3 (01:12:16):
I just got into the car driving home. I just
talked to my therapist. This is what we laid out.
I would really like to try this with you to
heal our relationship because I love you.

Speaker 2 (01:12:27):
Could you imagine not having a relationship that we have
after experience and what we have right, Like, and even
people who don't know the podcast when they meet us
in public, be like, I love your guys's love. We
hear it. All the fucking time we do, and when
people find out what we do for a living, like,
holy shit, that totally makes sense. I gain, right, But
even at ceremonies before people knew who we were, we

(01:12:47):
heard it the entire time we were there over the weekend,
everyone kept talking about how fucking like, you know, you
can tell you guys.

Speaker 3 (01:12:52):
Are beautiful couple, right, I love your love.

Speaker 2 (01:12:55):
Right right, and we still hear it. I could not
imagine living like this. I couldn't imagine having something happen
and me not wanting to immediately call you to fill
you in, right. I enjoy talking to you, right, So, like,
even if even if what you have to say or
what I have to say is not going to mesh,
I still want to have the conversation, not need to,

(01:13:18):
I want to because even if there's a hardship that's
gonna happen, we're gonna come out stronger and better for it.
On the other end, I may know, I may know,
like fucking know, what's going to happen. When I make
the phone call. She's just gonna say D D D
I'm and we're gonna go about our lives. I'm still
making the fucking phone call because what if, what if

(01:13:39):
I'm wrong?

Speaker 3 (01:13:40):
Yeah?

Speaker 2 (01:13:41):
Right? Or what if I just need to solidify that
I know that I know, and that you're gonna handle
things the way that I know you're gonna handle things.
But the conversation still needs to be had because then
we're on the same page. You're not gonna find out
about it later, right, like like that you were married once,
or that you have a bunch of debt from previous
relationship because you don't fucking talk to each other. I
call you every time I get in the car from something. Yeah,

(01:14:05):
even when I was getting my decompression work. The moment
I got in the car, I would call you, Hey this,
I'm on my way home. Blah blah blah blah blah.
We'd have a five minute conversation. I have another twenty
minutes to get home, listen to my audiobook. But you
would know everything that happened in the appointment. I could
send you a literally a text message, could be like, hey,
they did the same thing they did last week. I'm
on my way home to be there in a minute.
It's not the same. I enjoy talking to you. How

(01:14:28):
do you not enjoy your fucking person if you don't
enjoy your person, You're in the wrong relationship.

Speaker 3 (01:14:33):
Yeah, I don't get it.

Speaker 2 (01:14:36):
I could not imagine living in a relationship and not
having what we have because I've experienced this. That bar
is set so fucking high that like we have to
go at the same time. I don't know how, but
it's got to simultaneously.

Speaker 3 (01:14:50):
Yeah, I mean we do go everywhere together.

Speaker 2 (01:14:51):
This is the big one. Wheezy. Something has to happen
so that it coincides within like a five minute span. Yeah,
because it gona be the worst five minutes of our life.

Speaker 3 (01:14:59):
Yeah, yeah, all right, continuing, my wife was mad that
I had a female therapist and to quote, tell that bitch,
this is really a thing for her.

Speaker 2 (01:15:10):
Yeah?

Speaker 3 (01:15:11):
Does that? Does that make you feel like a more
superior woman to be able to call other women bitches?
I hate to break this to you, the way that
you speak and conduct yourself technically makes you a bitch?

Speaker 2 (01:15:22):
I agree, all right, she.

Speaker 3 (01:15:25):
Said, tell that bitch. I'm not going to any kind
of therapy because I'm not the problem. You are the problem.

Speaker 2 (01:15:31):
Period. Oh that's all that's all I need.

Speaker 3 (01:15:34):
Oh okay, So that term that everyone likes to throw around,
they're such a narcissist. This is actually what narcissists do.

Speaker 2 (01:15:42):
Yeah, I would, that would be the end for me.

Speaker 3 (01:15:44):
Yeah, I'm pack up my ship, see you in court.

Speaker 2 (01:15:48):
If we can't work this together. Yeah, there's no point
doing this. Puts a whole new meaning to I'm carrying
your shield right now.

Speaker 3 (01:15:54):
Babe, you mean me. I'm confused.

Speaker 2 (01:15:58):
You told me, that is what I told And then
a whole mom a bear moment. Yeah. If I'm the
fucking problem and it is me one hundred percent and
I'm trying to work through things and you're not trying
to do it with me, you're not carrying my shield anymore.
You're walking away the fuck ahead and expecting me to
carry all this weight on my own. That's not what
marriage is supposed to be. I'm not fucking doing this
by myself, even if I am one hundred percent the

(01:16:18):
fucking problem. If I am taking steps to make things
right and we need to go to couples counseling and
you're like, it's you, You're the fucking problem. I'm not
willing to go, then we're you're not We're not doing
this together anymore. You're expecting me to fix all of
me while you get to be hurt and do all
of you. And that's not how this works. Yes, I
have things that I have to atone for. Yes I
have been a bad man. Yes there's a whole lot

(01:16:38):
of shit that I have done wrong. But I'm fucking trying.
I'm going to therapy. They suggested couples counseling. Would you
go with me getting mad because my counselor is a
female or my therapist is a female? And she suggested
couples counseling? Fuck you, yeah, like they're they're just I can't.
I can't do it. I can't even have a conversation
with people like this. You're not She's impossible. Yeah, there

(01:17:03):
you go, she is impossible.

Speaker 3 (01:17:05):
Yeah. I wouldn't tolerate this. I would just leave. You
didn't want me to get a second job, don't worry.
I won't have to now because I'm just gonna be
supporting myself and the children when I have them. You
can go get a full time job and take care
of you and the kids when they have when they're
in your household. Yeh done. Women can be abusers to you, guys,
continuing when I don't remember what we talked about, or

(01:17:25):
respond quickly when we talk. That to her is a
sign of disrespect, and I constantly tell her I am sorry,
and then I am diagnosed with ADHD, which she knew,
and she tells me that's the lame excuse for a
grown man.

Speaker 2 (01:17:37):
This dude's being abused.

Speaker 3 (01:17:39):
This dude's being abused. It's normal to pause in a
conversation and process and formulate what you're going to say
instead of just reacting to what's going on. My husband
and I will sit in silence for five minutes if
I need to figure out what I'm going to say
without being a dick about it.

Speaker 2 (01:17:54):
It be like that sometimes, Yeah.

Speaker 3 (01:17:56):
Because I love you and you're worth that extra time
of trying to think about something differently praised than just
having an argument to make myself not feel this way anymore.

Speaker 2 (01:18:06):
I want to touch on the memory thing because my
memory is not so great. I've been hitting head a lot,
and like, I remember that most of the time, I
remember the important things. But I live on a calendar,
and if it's something that I know it's super important
and I don't put it in, I'm like, baby, can
you put this in the calendar so that I don't
forget because I do forget a lot, and I don't

(01:18:27):
think it has anything to do with Adhd. I think
it's because I've been fucking hitting the head a lot.
The fact that I function the way that I do
is a win for me, and I do forget a
whole lot of shit. And We've had conversations where I'm like, hey,
did I tell you this? And You're like five times,
I'm okay, I can't remember. Yeah, but I'd rather tell
you five times than not tell you at all. And
there are those times where I'm like, I could have

(01:18:47):
swore we fucking talked about this because I remember this
specific moment, and You're like, Babe, we never had that conversation.
It happens. Where's your fucking grace If it is ADHD
and he is a forgetful person, and you fucking know
that it's not a lame excuse. You know that you
have somebody who has memory issues.

Speaker 3 (01:19:05):
How about that, God forbid a brain doesn't work at
its full capacity? Right? I wonder what? Right? So she
says this is a lame excuse that he's forgetful, I
wonder what her lame excuse is for being this much
of a mess. Of a human being is a childhood trauma?
Was it a past relationship where they didn't treat you right?
So now you're living in the all or nothing thinking

(01:19:28):
everything is black and white. Everyone around you can mess up,
but you can't because you didn't deserve the things that
happened to you in your past, so you definitely don't
deserve what's happening right now.

Speaker 2 (01:19:38):
Do you think that this was a kid who got
everything that they wanted growing up and parents just kind
of catered to them and let her believe she was
the princess of the.

Speaker 3 (01:19:46):
World, or she didn't get attention growing up and she
has allowed to do whatever she wanted because there was
no supervision.

Speaker 2 (01:19:50):
Do you think it could be an extreme on both sides?

Speaker 3 (01:19:53):
It could, It could be anything.

Speaker 2 (01:19:55):
I'm just curious. Is obviously not a not.

Speaker 3 (01:19:58):
A girl right with this? I think she has probably
never been wrong in her life. People caved into her parents, friends, peers, whatever.
There is definitely a holier than thou, not in the
religious sense, but more of I'm just a superior human
being to you, so you must bow down to my
perspective of things. Yeah, she comes across as a narcissist

(01:20:20):
at a high level, high level narcissistic traits happening, and
I would believe that there's trauma here. Yeah, she in
her mind could believe that she's lashing out in a
self preservation survival way, when in reality she's abusing. I
was gonna say something. I don't remember what it was.
What were we talking about before you asked me that question?

Speaker 2 (01:20:38):
Okay, I don't know I asked you. The question that
I asked you was about the princess behavior right be
before that. I don't know. See, you should be rate me,
make me feel little because I forgot. Yeah, i'd I
should do it to you because you forgot what you
were talking about. While you're talking about it, let's just
be horrible to each other, because why not. I don't
fucking get it.

Speaker 3 (01:20:57):
Man, continuing, During this whole time, I was being called
a narcissist that only cares for himself and not care
for her or the kids, a piece of shit, a scumbag,
and other degrading words. Abuse. People will use derogatory verbiage
to hold you under their thumb.

Speaker 2 (01:21:16):
Yeah, I would leave. Yeah, the moment somebody said any
of that shit to me, I'd be like you're right,
I'm that bad and you view me in that light.
We're not meant to be together.

Speaker 3 (01:21:24):
I find somebody better for you.

Speaker 2 (01:21:25):
Yeah, I'm out. Yeah, we're not meant to be You
guys need to listen to what people are saying.

Speaker 3 (01:21:29):
Yeah. This is really a manipulation tactic to get what
she wants out of the situation, and she knows you're
going to cave at some point. If you just walked
away from her manipulation tactics, everything in her false fantasy
falls apart. She is not in charge here the way
that she thinks she is. You have no free will
in this relationship, holding you are a slave in this relationship. Continuing,

(01:21:52):
she has also told me that I don't support her
in any aspect, and when I asked how I can
support I was being told to actively listen and remember
conversations that we have and what she wants wants me
to remember conversations that we had two or more weeks ago,
to not be disrespectful, and to help around the house,
to take some things off of her plate besides taking
the trash out, cleaning dishes, and fixing things around the house.

Speaker 2 (01:22:14):
So you're working a full time job she's a stay
at home mom, and you have to do housework, not
take care of the kid, because that's parenting, that is.
But you have to do your job and hers not
how that works. I agree. Taking care of the house,
making sure the house is maintained, taking the trash out,
fixing things that that's that's your job. Making sure the
cars are maintenanced, that's all you speaking, which I need

(01:22:35):
to get a hold of for it about your bronco
that that's all you. That's totally your fucking job.

Speaker 3 (01:22:41):
Yeah.

Speaker 2 (01:22:42):
But if there's other things, like if you have to
go to work full time, come home and do dishes
and laundry and all of the things that she should
be doing while you're at work, and then you guys
parent together while you're both off, you're not. This is
not She's not a stay at home she's a fucking dependent.

Speaker 3 (01:22:56):
At that point, it's it's very laughable to me, right,
So if this played out in public and I heard
a conversation between anybody where the woman's you piece of shit.
You're fucking forgetful blood everything. I can't believe I married
such an imbecille. You need to be more respectful to me.

(01:23:17):
I would laugh audibly, and I'm sure there'd be what
are you laughing out you? How are you going to
demand respect from anybody when that's how you speak to
human beings? You're a joke, and I'm going to treat
you accordingly.

Speaker 2 (01:23:34):
Shannon in the chat said, how can he remember things
when he's constantly in survival mode walking on eggshells around her?
Disassociation could be constant, this is why he has no member?
That could very well be. Yeah.

Speaker 3 (01:23:46):
I also don't remember everything about your life, babe. Right,
we have conversations three days ago, and unless you give
me five bullet points of that conversation, I might not
remember it because I am also living my own life
over here.

Speaker 2 (01:24:01):
But how cool is that?

Speaker 3 (01:24:02):
What are you? Man?

Speaker 2 (01:24:03):
We get to have the conversation all over again. Yeah, yeah,
it gives us a whole new reason to speak to
each other instead of doing this right, yeah, huh.

Speaker 3 (01:24:12):
Right on or nitpicking our life?

Speaker 2 (01:24:14):
Cool, Tara said, But also playing devil's advocate, he is
also not disclosing the kinds of things that he says
to her that she would call disrespectful.

Speaker 3 (01:24:24):
That's absolutely right, Well, she said that when I don't
remember what we talked about, or respond quickly when we
talk that to her is a sign of disrespect. So
he's not saying anything and that example to warrant the
want for respect from her. If she views anything this
man does that she doesn't like or doesn't want him

(01:24:45):
to do his disrespect, that's a problem. Now. If he
is saying things to her in a grading way and
it's matching the energy, this is just an absolutely awful relationship.

Speaker 2 (01:24:54):
Yeah. So to touch on the comment that was left,
if he's doing that, if he's also being malicious with
his word, that's a fair statement. Yeah, And because we
only have his side of the story, obviously, that's that's
a thing. It doesn't change the fact that what she's
doing is wrong. Yes, And if he is being coming
at her incorrectly, he can correct his behavior. He can't

(01:25:14):
correct her. She has to do that. If you are
with somebody that calls you a narcissist and a scumbag
and a piece of shit, that's the end of the relationship. Yeah.
It doesn't matter if you're in the right or wrong,
or if you've been nasty to that person or not,
because that's how they view you, full stop. You could
be all of those things. It's still the end of
the relationship, right.

Speaker 3 (01:25:35):
Who's going to go above and beyond for someone they
view that way?

Speaker 2 (01:25:38):
Right? Why would you want to be with somebody if
you actually view them that way?

Speaker 3 (01:25:42):
Right?

Speaker 2 (01:25:42):
All right?

Speaker 3 (01:25:43):
Continuing, whenever she is angry or hurt, she always reminds
me about the past wrongs I did, and has even
said to me that I don't get to have emotions
to the pain I have caused her, and she won't
ever forgive me for the past and the relationship. What
she's doing is fucked up. If you don't get to
hold somebody and punish them day in and day out
for something that happened three years ago, especially if they've

(01:26:06):
changed the behavior and are working on being a better
version of them than they were yesterday. If you are
not able to forgive somebody for their past, you have
no right to be their jailer. You're not the judge,
you're not the journey, the jury and the relationship. And
don't just move on yourself. Allow this person to continue
living their life without feeling like they're an absolute worthless

(01:26:27):
piece of shit.

Speaker 2 (01:26:29):
She's destroying him because she can.

Speaker 3 (01:26:30):
Yes, that's disgusting. Somebody's life doesn't end because they did
something wrong to you. If you feel slided by somebody,
you're not the center of the universe. Your feelings were hurt.
That sucks. Move on from the situation, don't talk to
the person anymore, and continue living your life. This whole

(01:26:51):
demonizing him for as long as he lives because my
feelings were upset. Who the fuck are you? You're somebody
he got pregnant three months into knowing that happens to
millions of people around the world. This is nothing special, right.

Speaker 2 (01:27:04):
I wonder what her email would look like. And I
say that not because she's being depicted in a bad light,
but I'm curious one not only what he's left out
about him, right, because it's very easy to throw judgment
and hate towards other people. But I'm worried about I'm
not worried. I am curious about what the relationship looks
like through her eyes. Yeah, because there is a whole

(01:27:28):
other cognitive bias that's happening here. And again, regardless of
all of that, the statements that have been made, if
she's actually said those things to him, this relationship needs
to end. Yes, regardless of what he's been doing.

Speaker 3 (01:27:41):
She's a very hurt person. Everything negative that she has
said to this man feels thick with I am hurt,
and I want people to hurt the way that I'm hurting,
So I stand by Her behavior is absolutely disgusting, and
if he is doing something to warrant his behavior is

(01:28:01):
also disgusting. But it's not a free paths to talk
to people this way.

Speaker 2 (01:28:04):
I agree.

Speaker 3 (01:28:05):
Okay, I wanted to throw that out there.

Speaker 2 (01:28:07):
Let's assume, Okay, let's hypothetical for just a second. Let's
assume that he's like punched holes in the wall, right
and like broke the window of her car when she
was trying to pull out the driveway, like complete lunatic.

Speaker 3 (01:28:18):
Yeah, leave right.

Speaker 2 (01:28:20):
If you believe this person is all of those things,
why are you there? Still? You're not going to make
somebody change. So, yes, I believe he has his hand
in all of this. I'm sure that he said some
really foul shit and has been just as vindictive in
arguments as she has, and he's leaving that out. But

(01:28:41):
it doesn't change the fact that they didn't know each other.
They got pregnant really fucking quick. There's a whole lot
of lies and deception happening in the beginning of this.
She's very immature about the way that she's handled things.
She refers to everyone as that bitch refuses to take
accountability for anything. Where is there a saving grace in
any of this, because I don't see it. There's not
been a single thing mentioned in this email where like

(01:29:04):
things are good, right, But again that's the pinprick of
a life we get.

Speaker 3 (01:29:08):
Yeah, continuing, she tells me that she is depressed and
physically sick, and it's all my fault. She is unhealthy.
I don't believe that.

Speaker 2 (01:29:16):
I don't either.

Speaker 3 (01:29:17):
We are watching a show and a woman had an
affair with her husband's best friend, got divorced, got with
her husband's best friend.

Speaker 2 (01:29:26):
Such a good show.

Speaker 3 (01:29:28):
She had a moment where she recognized she what did
she say to him? I was mad when I divorced you,
and I thought that would fix it. But I'm still
mad and you're not here and.

Speaker 2 (01:29:38):
I'm still angry. Yeah, that's a really good show. It's
called My Friends and Neighbors. I think it's on Apple
Apple TV plus. Shout out to Apple TV plus. They
don't put out a whole lot of shows, but everything
that I've watched on that network has been a fucking banger.

Speaker 3 (01:29:53):
It's good. Yeah, yeah, So I you're not the reason
that she's depressed and physically sick and and she's unhealthy,
especially if she's overweight, unless you're tying her to a
bed and force feeding her. She's making those decisions, right.
I can see how if the relationship is so messed
up and you're being absolutely nasty to her and filling

(01:30:16):
her with the same negative things that she's filling you with,
how that's making her physically sick. I would believe that, right.

Speaker 2 (01:30:21):
I agree with that too.

Speaker 3 (01:30:23):
I can see how that leads to depression. I mean,
she's clearly not happy. At the beginning of this email,
when she got pregnant, she gave him an out, You
don't have to be here if you don't want to, right,
If that was her, like, hopefully he breaks up with
me so I don't have to break up with him,
and like she didn't want to be in the relationship
and was just hoping he would end it. If she

(01:30:44):
never wanted to be in this relationship. I can see
how she's depressed. But all of those are choices that
she made to continue to stay, to be here, to
have a second child. With you. Continuing, she has now
talked about giving me divorce papers and making sure I
never get to see our kids anymore, or sometimes going
out and physically cheating on me so I could feel
the pain she has felt and feel like a piece
of shit that I am insane.

Speaker 2 (01:31:06):
It's insane. She also can't keep her kids from you.

Speaker 3 (01:31:09):
Yeah, she can't do that.

Speaker 2 (01:31:10):
But men don't know that because they don't fight for
their kids in court systems, right, They just take it
because they've heard the horror stories and take the l
I hate that there's a special place in hell for
women who fucking utilize one hundred percent and a way
to manipulate their men one hundred percent.

Speaker 3 (01:31:25):
Yeap, your life beyond this will not be a peaceful one.

Speaker 2 (01:31:29):
No, no one fucking won't regard.

Speaker 3 (01:31:31):
And I hope that was not like the ugly and
nastiness that people like that spread all because your feelings
were hurt. Get over yourself ruining lives because your one
feeling got hurt. The fuck out of here. Continuing, Recently,
I've been making simple mistakes which has caused her to

(01:31:52):
go into a stressed and angry state. So we know
what cause and effect is, right, if we turn on
the faucet, water is going to come out of it.
Cause and effect. She's making choices to become stressed and angry. Right,
we don't know what the mistakes are. Grace is a thing.

(01:32:13):
Laughing in moments of mistakes is also a thing. She
could choose to be, Like, oh, babe, you're so forgetful.
Your brain wasn't in your skull, you'd leave it behind whatever.
Instead of getting mad about it, you make looking forgetful sexy.
You just keep doing you, babe, I'll be your brain
when you're not here. Like, there's so many ways to
handle it, right, that's not ugly?

Speaker 1 (01:32:34):
Right?

Speaker 3 (01:32:35):
For example, in the morning, I woke up to feed
the dogs and let them out, and get the kids
dressed and fed. I packed my daughter's snacks for the
school day, made sure the trash is by the front door,
And when it was time for us to leave, I
forgot to turn off the Christmas lights and she got
angry and told me that I can't even do basic
things like turn off lights before we leave. I bet

(01:32:55):
she's saying the shit in front of the kids too.
What an absolute monster of a person. And I also
have no time management because I was about to make
my daughter late for school. We weren't having this fucking conversation.
We'd be on time. I'm trying to fix our marriage
and want my wife to be happy, and maybe it
is without me. I don't think she was happy before you, Homie.

Speaker 2 (01:33:18):
I don't think this chick knows what happiness looks like.

Speaker 3 (01:33:20):
Yeah, I agree with that. She does not know how
to treat people. All of this behavior, if it is
accurate and true and you're not fluffing things, is very
unbecoming of her as a woman. She has told me
she doesn't need me, and I'm just a paycheck to her.
Why would you want to fix your marriage and make
your wife happy if you're just a paycheck to her.
Don't be desperate.

Speaker 2 (01:33:42):
Where's your fucking spine?

Speaker 3 (01:33:43):
Don't be desperate. She has given me chances to convince
her that I am here for her and the kids,
but the things I say aren't enough. Any advice or
help would be greatly appreciated. My advice is to leave
this relationship. Yeah, fite for your children and get what
a woman court her see if you're compatible, and then
be with somebody who loves you, who sees you for

(01:34:06):
more than your paycheck.

Speaker 2 (01:34:08):
I don't know where we were.

Speaker 3 (01:34:09):
We're done.

Speaker 2 (01:34:11):
It works for me because this this email sucked. I
would get a lawyer. I wouldn't even tell her that
I was doing it. I would go see a lawyer
first and be like, here's what's going on. What's this
going to cost me? I want to take her to
court and I want fifty to fifty custody of my kids.
She doesn't work, she's a stay at home mom. I
know that I'm gonna have to pay alimony, figure out
whatever that's going to be like, and go.

Speaker 3 (01:34:31):
I would diggity dip on this relationship, skip pop and
jump to the next one. Skid daddle, Yeah, little good
didd we do.

Speaker 2 (01:34:43):
Oh man, this is going to cut down to probably
about a hour and a half of actual record time. Okay,
I'm very curious to see how Carry feels about this
when she edits this, or Iggy whoever ends up editing
this email. It's not ugly. I can't I can't imagine
that somebody with self worth would tolerate this. If you
if here's a good measurement of where you view yourself

(01:35:06):
and your self worth. If you loved somebody and saw
them being treated the way that this person was treated
in email, you would do something about it. You would interject,
step in, you'd defend, deflect, protect, whatever you had to
do to make sure that the person that you loved
was taking care of it. Okay, if you're not willing
to do that for yourself, nobody else is going to

(01:35:27):
fucking do it for you. Your self worth is so
low that you would do more for other people than
you do for yourself. That's a problem.

Speaker 3 (01:35:33):
The mom and me would show up unannounced, right, I mean,
I'm in communication with our son. I would like to
be in communication when he's an adult. And if he
starts telling me things like this about his relationship son,
next time that happens, just message me it's happening, SOS whatever,
And I'm gonna show up unnounced, leave the front door unlocked.

(01:35:54):
I'm gonna walk in and be like, talk to me
that way.

Speaker 2 (01:35:56):
Yeah. Yeah, there's there's definitely a whole lot of when
the kids get older, if they go through shit like this.
I got divorced.

Speaker 3 (01:36:05):
Money, oh yeah, in law suit.

Speaker 2 (01:36:09):
Yeah you can come back home.

Speaker 3 (01:36:10):
Yeah I got nothing else I don't either.

Speaker 2 (01:36:14):
All right, guys, thanks for tuning in. I know this
was not probably one of the most funny emails that
we've done in a while, but hopefully people who are
in this type of experience will hear it and get guidance,
gain perspective, and maybe help. This is not a relationship, no,
this is from what has been emailed to us, somebody
being abused and being used and walked on and manipulated

(01:36:37):
and kept under a woman's thumb, and it's absolutely disgusting.
I would be so ashamed of our daughter if she
behaved this way as an adult. I agree, I agree
with that being said. Guys, remember you were the author
of your own life, So grab a pen and we
will see you one the next one.

Speaker 3 (01:36:54):
Bye, guys,