Advice and BPD S.3 Ep.32

Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:00):
Look up with code.

Speaker 2 (00:03):
All the things win on the bottom.

Speaker 1 (00:12):
Oh Wolds you you're my favorite view but that's nothing.

Speaker 2 (00:22):
Welcome back, family, Welcome back everybody.

Speaker 1 (00:25):
We are here doing the thing, season three, episode thirty
two of the To Be Better Podcast. Recording this on
May seven, not going to drop until July. We are
half done with the year, and then some that's crazy,
then it. What's really wild is by the time we
get back, by the time this airs, will have already
gone to coast Rica for two weeks. Yep, We'll have
already done our June couples retreat yep, which, if you're watching,

(00:48):
still has slots available. Three Yeah, and I'm going to
create a discount code for this weekend so that instead
of spending two thousand dollars for the weekend, we're going
to just fire sales the spots to make our money
back on what we spent on the house and the food.
Take a little bit of loss for the weekend, but
like try to break even so that we can get
those last three spots sold. So if you guys are

(01:10):
actively in the Patreon and you want to go and
couldn't afford the two thousand dollars, make sure that you're
paying attention to that everyone, because I'm only gonna post
it once. Yeahggy said, your makeup is phenomenal today.

Speaker 2 (01:19):
Oh thank you. I did some eyeshadow. I wanted to
match this little a little bit of teal that's going
on in my necklace, so I did it around my eyes.
What are you smarking on? I like that.

Speaker 1 (01:30):
I would have in order for that to be like proper,
we would have to take your other necklace off like
your car and put it tight.

Speaker 2 (01:38):
This is as ti as it goes. Really, Yeah, if
it was like that perfect, Yeah.

Speaker 1 (01:44):
We could make that work. If your hair is down,
I could tell you ring that up. Just piece of string,
fucking zip tie and some duct tape. Let's go.

Speaker 2 (01:52):
Oh, so you want to hear something that I've decided?

Speaker 1 (01:54):
Would you decide?

Speaker 2 (01:55):
I am going to hang up vines in my.

Speaker 1 (01:57):
Car in your car? Yeah, like actual plants.

Speaker 2 (02:02):
No, not actual. Yeah, it's gonna have to be fake ones.
It gets way too.

Speaker 1 (02:06):
Hard kill them.

Speaker 2 (02:08):
Yeah, so there's gonna be a lot of tape in
my car.

Speaker 1 (02:12):
Yeah. Yeah, let's use bell crow. Let's find a way
to make that work without destroying the inside of you.
It's your bronco do whatever the fuck you want to
do with it, babe. But I'm sure that we can
find a bet.

Speaker 2 (02:23):
I guess we could. Well. Part of me also thinks
I'm gonna be buried with this car.

Speaker 1 (02:27):
Yeah maybe, I mean it's yours. You love that fucking thing, so, Beth,
And he asked, how you like the side shaves.

Speaker 2 (02:32):
Oh, I'm loving it. They're still there, just hidden today.

Speaker 1 (02:36):
Yeah.

Speaker 2 (02:38):
I like the breeze on the side of my head
and it's nice. I'm really thinking about shaving them down
completely and getting some really dope tattoos, I think, But
I don't know if I want to do black and white. Yeah,
if I do black and white, what is it going
to be?

Speaker 1 (02:52):
Of a lot?

Speaker 2 (02:53):
What'st The thing about getting hair extensions got a lot
going on in my brain. I want my hair to
touch the back of my knee.

Speaker 1 (03:00):
I don't want that to happen.

Speaker 2 (03:02):
No, why because I don't want to be a witch.

Speaker 1 (03:07):
You're I mean, you don't need long hair for that.
I just the back of the knees sounds like a
whole lot of messy, sweaty, sticky hair during sex.

Speaker 2 (03:14):
And that just doesn't know it would be braided or
put up you wouldn't have to worry about all of that.
It'd also be more for you to grab.

Speaker 1 (03:21):
I got a lot to grab.

Speaker 2 (03:23):
Yeah, I do have thick hair.

Speaker 1 (03:26):
Got a lot of thickness. Down with the thickness. Oh
hell yeah, by flea shafts. When your next back appointment
is after we get back from Costa Rica.

Speaker 2 (03:42):
After Costa Rica, I want to be able to stay
underneath the waterfall and Coasta Rica, and I won't be
able to do that with a fresh tattoo.

Speaker 1 (03:49):
Sierra said, you'll sit down and it'll yank you back.
Ask me how I know.

Speaker 2 (03:53):
So, I've actually gotten in to the habit of pulling
my hair forward, So I hope that's like in preparation
for me sitting down or like a pull it all
to one side. It's getting stuck in my armpits, so
I'm making sure that i'm it's just in front of me.

Speaker 1 (04:07):
It's crazy to think that when I'm like, when I
first met you, you had long hair and you cut
all that shit off and it was short, short, like
carry short for a while.

Speaker 2 (04:16):
Yeah, it was. It was. It was shorter than this
one you met me.

Speaker 1 (04:20):
It was when I met you, it was it was
still still longer though.

Speaker 2 (04:23):
Yeah, it just was Yeah, I had longer hair, yeah, yeah,
and then I chopped it all off.

Speaker 1 (04:28):
Yeah. He asked, if I ever get a solid idea
for a tattoo that's really meaningful to me and I
wanted you to do it, would that be a thing
that we could realistically discuss one day.

Speaker 2 (04:38):
Yes, I still need to get back into the chair
with the machine in my hands. Life is a lot,
but yes, that can be a conversation.

Speaker 1 (04:47):
It would be really cool to get everything at the
studio and set up and locked away. Yea, so that
if we ever wanted to go in there and just
do guests like appointments, we could. Jay said that's what
I did too. Pushed off all appointment and so we
get back. I haven't had one in three weeks on
his back. All right, let's we don't really have a
whole lot of housekeeping, guys, because we literally just recorded
and then recorded and recorded. So do you actually have housekeeping?

Speaker 2 (05:12):
I want to let them know. We talked about a
little bit on last Live. Okay, it's not a massive huh. Oh,
I could talk about that. Okay, So what was the
other thing I was going to talk about? The vlog
that I'm doing. Okay, so I'm going to be putting
out an extra long vlog. Guys. The first half of
it is going to be my typical self and the
second half of this vlog is going to me be

(05:35):
doing me, be doing my goodness, is going to be
me doing a book reading kind of it's about numerology,
and we're going to be doing quizzes, We're going to
be reading elaborations to understand ourselves better. And I'm just
doing the first chapter of this book. And it is

(05:55):
something that you guys are enjoying doing with me, because,
like I said, we're doing numere, We're doing math about ourselves,
and that's something that you guys would like me to
continue doing with my vlogs. Let me know in the discord.
Don't comment on the Patreon. I don't read those all
of that's my husband's domain. So any feedback on my
vlogs at me and the discord. And then what about

(06:17):
the singing goals?

Speaker 1 (06:18):
I thought I was so true were to talk about
because when we ended the live you were like, I
can totally do that on a live stream, and I
was like, you could when we have internet at the.

Speaker 2 (06:26):
House, So question for you guys. You guys being our
discord our Patreon members.

Speaker 1 (06:33):
All right, guys, as you know, there was a TikTok scare.
We lost the app for a whole twelve hours and
we have no idea what the future of the app
looks like. And with that, we are very concerned about
the loss of our following. We have a massed almost
three million followers across that platform with all four of
our accounts, and we are trying to push people to
other social media platforms to that in the event that
anything happens on one app, we have multiple other backup plans.

(06:55):
If you want to make sure that you're not missing
any content, we highly recommend that you check out our
patriot on on Patreon.

Speaker 2 (07:01):
We have multiple tiers to choose from. Starting at ten dollars,
you begin to receive exclusive content. At fifteen dollars a month,
you get access to our private discord server where we've
en massed in an absolutely amazing community of supportive people.
And beyond that, we have other tiers to check out,
along with my two private women's group. If that's something
you may be interested.

Speaker 1 (07:21):
In, guys, on our fifteen dollars and higher tier you
have access to live recordings. We record all of our
content three, four, sometimes five times a week live in
front of our Patreon audience, where they are able to
chat with us while we are recording. They can see
all the flirting, the outtakes, the hot topic conversations that
never actually make it on the podcast, and it's really
worth that aspect in itself. We have it after Dark

(07:42):
where we sit down usually once a week and have
a glass of bourbon or and Peach's case of glass
of wine and a bowl of cheese and we have
a whole lot of fun conversations karaoke in the discord
we finish the lyrics. We literally just hang out and
you guys get to hang out with us. There is
a host of other perks, including zoom calls that are
coming for the Ultimate Tier, so if you guys are
having problems, you can talk to us. It also gives

(08:04):
you with the heads up on private meet and greets
because when we travel we try to meet up with
people on our discord on a regular basis. There's a
whole slew of other perks that come through Patreon. I
highly recommend that you check it out.

Speaker 2 (08:13):
The best way to support what we are doing is
to share the content. The second best way is to
check out our Patreon. Thank you guys for being here.
Once we have internet at home and I'm able to
get all of that set up, how would we feel
about like Sunday morning sound baths on Patreon?

Speaker 1 (08:29):
This is gonna be one of those things that's a
great idea. Until you have to do it, You're gonna
be like, I don't want to fucking do this. So
how about not setting a date, just doing it and
they can watch it on whatever day they feel like
they want to watch it on, and it's not an
obligation to you, okay, or just random like live streams
of you doing it that way, like you can let
them know ahead of time, Like I'm feeling it this week, guys, Yeah,

(08:51):
on Saturday morning or Sunday morning or whatever.

Speaker 2 (08:53):
Okay.

Speaker 1 (08:53):
I just don't want you to get to the point
where you're feeling obligated to do something and then you're
stressed out because of it. But they're about it.

Speaker 2 (09:00):
I'm still learning, guys, So I'm not like that one
guy on YouTube with a million followers who does sound
baths with clouds and cats and shit. I can't I
can't do it, Carrie enjoyed us.

Speaker 1 (09:13):
I know I could hear it through the door, and
it wasn't bad through the door because it was dissipated
because of the doors. It sounds like tonight is to
me like it is an uncomfortable sound in my brain,
so I can feel it in my body. Yeah, for
people who do ASMR, that like ASMR would probably really
fuck with that. Like they just said in the chat,

(09:34):
Emma said, okay, so let's get into it to thank you.
This is this actually says just a small life story
before grease. So this person's obviously going to Greece with us,
so real quick, we need we need to plug all
the things that we need to plug. If you guys
are not a member of our patron you need to
highly recommend you guys going and become a member over
there on the fifteen dollars two you get access to
our discord. We have an entire community of badass people

(09:56):
that support each other, love each other, like we have
a true through tribe that's part of that community. I
gotta just go over there, jump into the ball pit,
start talking and people start talking back. It is really
that simple. Greece is happening in May of twenty twenty six.
We have a couple's retreat still for August in North
Carolina that has one slot available. As the time of

(10:18):
this recording, my book will drop on August fifteenth of
this year, my second one called You Are Not Broken,
So set a reminder for that. It'll go on Amazon.
If you would like to buy it ahead of time,
you can order a signed copy, but get a PDF
so that you can read it before it goes live,
and then your book will be dropping December first.

Speaker 2 (10:37):
Yes, maybe do a pre release. I might be working
on it twelve hours before I have to get it
to the publisher. Who knows. Yeah, we'll figure it out.

Speaker 1 (10:47):
What's the tentatively? Tentatively, we're planning for December first. That
way you have a little bit of wheel rooms just
in case.

Speaker 2 (10:54):
No, December first is the day, okay, But like pre releases,
I might be working on it until I have to
send it to the deadline to get it published and whatnot.
So there may be a pre release, there may not
be a pre release. I just know there will be
a book. I have decided on the name of the book. Yeah,
do you remember what it was?

Speaker 1 (11:14):
Something to do with love.

Speaker 2 (11:15):
I love you and you should too.

Speaker 1 (11:19):
I hit that I on Monday when we recorded this
tonight's episode of Voices Are Broken with what Carrie said
the medicine gave her in ceremony, I'm sorry for all
the things I did to you when I didn't realize
I was you. And he was like, dude, that took
my fucking breath away. He was like, I didn't realize
how much I needed to hear that.

Speaker 2 (11:38):
Yeah, so shit's heavy.

Speaker 1 (11:40):
Yeah, GHOSTI said, December versus my birthday?

Speaker 2 (11:43):
Oh how exciting?

Speaker 1 (11:45):
Jay said. I started you were not Broken last night,
and the intro alone is fire. This is messy intentionally
because that's life fucking facts. Yeah. The entry because so
you want to talk about like doing something, because like
you have an idea of how it should be done.
The first book structured when I decided I was going
to write a book, I was like, here's my chapters.
I'm going to do ten of them, don't care how

(12:05):
long they're gonna be, but these are the topics. And
then I changed them while I was writing them. The
second book, I didn't do none of that shit. I
was like, what am I feeling today? This topic and
that was how I wrote the book, and like I
had to go in and move stuff. Luckily I had
alter Ego, Chris, He's Chris Waterfall.

Speaker 2 (12:22):
In the chat a few people you were sending it to.

Speaker 1 (12:24):
Well, he was the one that was getting chapters as
soon as they were done, like I would finish it
and I would link it to him immediately because because
well you weren't. You weren't reading the stuff that I
was sending, like you'll have life shit happening, and so
I needed immediate feedback because if something was bad, I
needed to change it right away, and he was able
to do that. So I fucking got Danish, said be
O TV tonight. I'm stoked I actually moved the Voice

(12:46):
of the Broken tomorrow. We're not going to release one tonight.
I want to see how it does in the morning
tomorrow because the Voice of the Broken is not doing
the numbers that the rest of our podcast does, and
I want to see what that premiere does in the morning.
But anyways, I was getting feedback right away to let
me know where things were going, and then I I
got to the point where I was like, I don't
even know where the fuck this fits in the book.
And he's like, maybe this chapter to this chapter. I'm
like okay, and then I put it through and I
would read it like that makes sense, and I just

(13:07):
kind of organized it. But it was very very messy,
very very messy. All right, So you wanna read the
email hotness?

Speaker 2 (13:15):
Yeah we can, all right, good morning. I write as
a twenty three year old woman from Virginia who found
your podcast back in twenty twenty two and fell in
love with the words and stories you tell from people
with real struggles. A lot about about me and why
I'm writing. As previously mentioned, I'm twenty three, twenty four
as of June, depending on if and when this is seen,

(13:36):
single with no divorces and no children. So the question
would be why is this woman with no relationship struggles
and no family or marital problems listening to this podcast.
I don't think that's the question. I think anybody can
gain something from this podcast. It doesn't matter where you
are in life.

Speaker 1 (13:53):
I agree. I think that people want to put everyone
in a box. Yeah, and this is a a communication
relationship podcast based off of the metrics that we had
to use to promote it, but it's not This is
about improving your life. It's about being better. Hence the
two be better to to host making you be better. Yeah,

(14:15):
it wasn't just because I was lazy like that too
was intentional. But when you realize that there are things
in life that you can gain value from and you're
open to that and you're not living in the side
of that box, you're gonna have much better life because
of it.

Speaker 2 (14:30):
When I found you guys through a TikTok clip, I
believe I instantly was hooked. I don't remember being angered
by any of the things you said, but I remember
hearing what was said and instantly wanting to know more.
I was also going through the hardest transition I had
ever experienced. I grew up right in the middle of
seven girls. My mom had three of those seven, my
dad had me and two others Between the outside parents.

(14:52):
My dad took in pretty much all the siblings of
his kids. We ranged from thirty five to fifteen, and
we are all extremely close knit. My dad and stepmom
raised us on the ideology of one day we aren't
going to be here and you girls will need each other. Now.
I don't agree with all my parents' choices or styles
of parenting, but no one is perfect on this planet.
And fortunately enough, I was grace with the father who

(15:14):
gave his entire life to children that he didn't have
to raise, the sacrificed everything to give them a life
and ideology to support themselves and others around them, and
a stepmother who spends her life and work and at
home caring for others. I can't read until you.

Speaker 1 (15:29):
Oh, I was sewing. I was like totally zoning out
just listening to you read. That's normally I read along
with you. I was not reading just now. I was
just it in. Okay, I have that song stuck in
my head, so while you're reading, I'm hearing the beat
and I'm just in it.

Speaker 2 (15:42):
Yeah, I'm hearing it too.

Speaker 1 (15:46):
I need to have it translated, yeah, because I want
to know what it's saying other than ayahuasca medicine. Ayahuasca
is the only thing I understand in the song. Distracted
or distracted.

Speaker 2 (16:04):
When I moved out, I found you guys in the
same week. Moving away from home was actually a really
tragic experience for me, and I was the only one
with a solid, steady income at the time. Many issues
were a regular occurrence, and with the support of sisters
who already lived outside the home. I moved in with
my older sister to start out and start building money.
Back fast forward to twenty twenty five, I had an

(16:26):
entire down payment on a home sitting and waiting for
me to find a good place to start.

Speaker 1 (16:31):
That's crazy at twenty three years old.

Speaker 2 (16:33):
I work full time after I dropped out of college
in twenty twenty and have never looked back. I'm a
state certified apprentice set to be licensed in my field
by June of twenty twenty five, and I also work
another part time job just to really kill some extra time.
I felt I was doing nothing. I wasn't cleaning out
home or cooking those things were done. I felt I

(16:54):
sat at home doing nothing when I could be doing
something more for myself. Between both jobs, I worked six's
seven days a week with several fifteen ish hour work
days during the week. I am spread thin and I'm
almost always tired, but I feel like I'm doing so
much to be able to do nice things for myself
and work more and more towards what I want with
my life. In finding you, guys, I really felt called

(17:15):
to work on me. I looked back on my relationships,
both romantic and platonic, and felt there was something wrong.
I found I was constantly fighting a victim mentality. I
always felt that I was personally being wronged. When I
first heard these episodes, I was so angry. I took
almost two weeks before I started listening again. Then Chris
said said something that sticks by me and I remember

(17:37):
it to this day. He said, people don't do things
to you, they do things in spite of you. I
had such a severe lack of accountability for my own
actions and downfalls and pass interactions. I never saw how
much I failed others through the dating apps. I should
have known.

Speaker 1 (17:53):
I know.

Speaker 2 (17:54):
I met a man in October twenty twenty three. I
was grieving a terrible loss, trying to get through my
sister's wedding, in fighting some illness on top of it. All.
Turned out to just be a really terrible sinus infection,
but it did worry my doctor. This man was patient, kind,
and never hesitated to treat me with the utmost respect.
I thought for sure this would be the one, the

(18:14):
man I fell in love with and had my fairy
tale love story. My hopes may have been a smitch
too high. The first couple of months were amazing. We
went on real dates, even if they were brief. We
worked around each other's schedules. He worked nights and volunteered
most of his time to local fire departments on the
other side of my county, and tried to respect each
other's times and commitments. Easily, we fell into a schedule.

(18:38):
As I had evenings off, he would pick me up
for a date, a date night of some sort. After
I got off of work, we'd go out. We would
hang out at my house after, and normally he'd end
up staying one night a week. We'd go back right
around my bedtime to spend his night off running calls
at the firehouse. He was my best friend, my confidant
in all things, and I was never afraid around him

(18:59):
like I had been with the other men I've dated. Okay,
so I want to pause. The way she's laying everything
out is fantastic. I love that she's happy they're doing
a thing together. For people listening, there are certain levels,
you could say in my life, there are certain levels
that people have to access in order to be considered

(19:21):
a friend to me. So if I met a man
on a dating app and we've been dating for four months.
He's not my best friend. He's somebody I'm getting to know.
I enjoy being around him, but to be my best friend,
I have to know that there's loyalty there that I
know when I'm not in the room, you're going to
defend me all those kinds of things. And you can't

(19:42):
get that much out of somebody's character in four months.

Speaker 1 (19:45):
You can't get it in a situation where you're not
around each other all the time. I think that if
somebody was to be around each other twenty four to
seven for four months, there's a possibility of that happening,
being able to trust and do that. If you were
with each other constantly and you were inseparable, I think
that it could happen in four months. I think it

(20:06):
would be hard, but I do think it's possible. I
think in this situation, though, that's not a thing because
they weren't together all the time. She was working nights
and he was only around on the weekends. Yep or whatever.

Speaker 2 (20:16):
It was continuing. Around April of twenty twenty four, things
started to go downhill. I found we were spending less
time together due to life things, and despite my best efforts,
we drifted apart. We agreed to end the relationship in
May of twenty twenty four and end things amicably so
as to not let this hurt or cause more pain.
I was heartbroken, but understanding his job is so mentally

(20:39):
taxing and emotionally draining, on top of his volunteer work
that he is so proud of, I didn't want to
cause any more unnecessary stress in his life. This lasted
a very short time with no contact whatsoever.

Speaker 1 (20:51):
Emma in the chat said, yeah, when I first started,
I watched the episodes. When I first started watching the episodes,
they made me so angry. I'd blocked them. She blocked us.

Speaker 2 (21:01):
That's crazy.

Speaker 1 (21:02):
Then I met my husband and had to grow up
if I wanted a happy ending, I love that. Well,
welcome back, Glad you're able to get past your own
fucking mental blocks. Sorry, that was funny to me.

Speaker 2 (21:12):
Oh did you let Dakota know about that, lady from
Home Depot?

Speaker 1 (21:15):
I did not Dakota when we were at Home Depot. Okay,
side rail because we do that. It's been a while
since we've done one of these, and this is complete honesty.
I am going through major purges in life just to
preface this, got rid of a car, got rid of
my whiskey collection. I'm getting rid of a lot of things. Yeah,
one of them, right, and like the one that I
was dying to have, a whole lot of things have

(21:36):
changed and changed, And in that process I had contemplated
getting rid of Bane. I almost texted Dakota and was like, Hey,
do you want this dog back?

Speaker 2 (21:43):
Yeah?

Speaker 1 (21:44):
And we went to home depot and we took both
of the dogs with us, and while we were there,
a woman was like, oh my god, I love your dog.
I just lost my dog like a month ago. His
name was Big Boy. He was one hundred and sixty
five pound fucking German shepherd for eleven years. Yep. And
she had another dog too that was also a German
Shepherd that were trained in Germany, that spoke German and
like they were really well trained dogs according to her.

(22:05):
And I gave her Dakota's information so that she could
reach out to get a dog trained because she's going
Italy for a couple of weeks and she wants to
get a dog when she gets back, because she's an
old woman who lives by herself. She got a gun
and a dog that's all she needs. Yeah, she doesn't
have dog now. But while we were standing there, somebody
else was like, I was like, good job, Bubba, Like listening,
because that's what I call Bane. He's my Bubba. And

(22:25):
some dude walking by heard me say that. He's like,
oh my god, your dog's name is Bubba. And I
was like, yeah, that's what I call him. And he's like,
I just lost my dog two weeks ago. His name
was Bubba.

Speaker 2 (22:33):
It was a little chihuaba.

Speaker 1 (22:34):
You motherfuckers, dude like yeah, but so yes, Dakota, we
sent an old woman your information. So if somebody says
that they met Chris at home depot, that was.

Speaker 2 (22:43):
Us continuing yep. A few weeks later, I had finally
signed off on a new car. Last one was hanging
on by a thread three hundred and eighty thousand miles,
something I'm very proud of, and he reached out to
congratulate me, as this was something I had talked about
constantly and looked at hend at all the time with
his help too. At this point, I'd asked if he'd

(23:04):
maybe like to sit down and have a conversation about
some unspoken issues with our relationship itself. He was off
put by the idea, but agreed. It was a good
conversation where a lot of miscommunications were cleared up. I
spent a lot of the relationship asking him to open
up to me and trust me a little more Emotionally.
It felt so hard to talk to him about some
things because I felt a lack of emotion, and the

(23:25):
conversation itself it was detached, and I saw it as
a lack of compassion for the things that I was experiencing.
I realized this was not the case. It wasn't that
it was a lack of compassion. It's just the minute,
minute inconveniences of my day or the small joys of
my day mattered little to him. There wasn't enough in

(23:47):
it to care about. It all seemed trivial to him
when his days are spent handling emergency calls and putting
out fires, saving lives. That's kind of fucked up, right.

Speaker 1 (23:57):
He's not somebody that is not a prepared to be
with another human being.

Speaker 2 (24:02):
Yeah, just because your life is full of danger and
daredevil and saving lives doesn't mean that somebody else can't
be excited about the fact that Starbucks had their favorite
cake pop.

Speaker 1 (24:13):
Right, what this is very random.

Speaker 2 (24:16):
That's the first thing that came to mind.

Speaker 1 (24:18):
I could just see you sending me a text message. Okay,
in my head, I got a phone message, like a
picture message of you holding a cake pop with babe.

Speaker 2 (24:28):
They had it.

Speaker 1 (24:31):
So that's what the giggle was.

Speaker 2 (24:32):
I love that you can expect things like that from
I don't know what to.

Speaker 1 (24:36):
Expect from you. If you're not in the house with
me and I get a text message, it's either something
super inappropriate, which is always a great time, yeah, or
random off the wall shit.

Speaker 2 (24:45):
Yeah.

Speaker 1 (24:46):
Just all there is to that, Like a fucking lizard.

Speaker 2 (24:49):
Yeah, or like, oh there were so I used to
spread out bird seed in our backyard and it was
one morning before you had woken up. There was the
male and the female cardinals just doing their damn thing.
And I took a picture and I sent it to
my husband. I was like, the husband and wife are
out look at them.

Speaker 1 (25:06):
You got a whole last story about them.

Speaker 2 (25:08):
I did. There was this bitch, Becky, who had kept
trying to come in and take him away. It was
a mess.

Speaker 1 (25:13):
Yeah. Yeah, so back to fucking Becky. How dare you
back to this? The idea of throw back to the
old original podcast Blam blah blah. Right, we had a
lot of conversations about fifty to fifty relationships and about
how you have to leave enough of your battery or
enough filled in your cup that you can charge your person.

(25:36):
If you go one hundred percent at work and come
home and you've got nothing left to give your family,
you're not going to have a successful marriage.

Speaker 2 (25:42):
Right. You shouldn't be in a relationship.

Speaker 1 (25:44):
Right. You need to give like sixty percent and then
stop so that you've got forty percent still for your
family when you come home at night, and make sure
that you never really kill your battery completely. And that
was a very big conversation for months on our podcast.
It sounds to me like this dude gave everything he
had to his job and wasn't willing to give to
anyone else because it didn't matter to him. When you

(26:05):
prioritize things, you make sure that you have enough for
your person, and when you make sure you have enough
for your person and they're doing the same for you,
you guys are able to fill each other's cups and
recharge and live your life in a meaningful, happy way.
I would be super fucking excited for your taste buds.
If I got a cake pop picture from you from Starbucks,
yeah fuck yeah, babe, I love that for you. It

(26:26):
would be like me finding the perfect brownie. You know
how I am about that shit. You'd be super stoked
like that. You'd be happiest fuck that. I'm happiest fuck
that I found a brownie Like that matters? It does.

Speaker 2 (26:38):
It fell like a slap to the face. How could
I not see how my difficult customer in my job feeled.
Complaining about the cost of product that I had no
control over, or helping a toddler see better obviously didn't
matter as much to him as the man he pulled
out of a truck flipped over on the interstate, or
the house fire that took hours to put out. It
wasn't that he wasn't compassionate about my feelings. My feelings mattered,

(26:59):
but the reason I felt them was so minimal in
his daily life.

Speaker 1 (27:03):
So those are her problem. I think it was both
of them problem. But she sounds like this, she's realizing
that the things that he dealt with were so grave
and the things that were not really that important. Like
she said, she has no control over the price of
things right.

Speaker 2 (27:18):
I felt selfish and like I was not the supportive
woman I had tried so hard to be. I went back,
started the podcast over and told myself I had to
know more to be a better woman for this man. Okay,
So I want to take a second and let you
guys know that some people aren't meant to receive the
best version of you. I saw a comment on The
Good Wives TikTok yesterday of a woman pretty much blaming

(27:42):
us for the fact like this doesn't work in emotionally
abusive relationships. The only reason I followed the Good wise
was to be a better woman for my husband, and
he still beats me like it should go without saying
that you don't go above and beyond to love somebody
who is okay with hurting you. Right. So, one way

(28:06):
that I'm perceiving this email is that this man, and
this might not be accurate, views your life as insignificant
compared to his because of what he chooses to do
with his careers. He's saving people, he's putting out fires,
and all these other kinds of things, and because he

(28:27):
thinks so highly of what he does, what you do
is insurmountable. Because you had a customer, bitch at you
today at over a five dollars avocado. I saved a
man's life. Get over whatever that's toxic.

Speaker 1 (28:44):
This is what I was saying, Elier. You have to
hold space for each other.

Speaker 2 (28:47):
Right.

Speaker 1 (28:48):
I can't believe somebody actually said that on TikTok.

Speaker 2 (28:50):
Yeah.

Speaker 1 (28:51):
I see things like that and it takes everything I
have not to be nasty to those people. Yeah, because
when I see those things, my reaction is to make response.
I'm sorry that you're miserable. Brenda. Your husband beats you,
Maybe you should fucking leave him instead of getting on
the internet and trying to disrupt the piece that other
people who have that have a ninety percent healthy relationship

(29:13):
that's trying to fix the ten percent where you have
a ten percent relationship that's fucked up ninety percent of
the time that you shouldn't be in. But then you're
victim blaming or shaming and like you're a bad guy
for doing that. The reality is bit you live in
the situation that you put yourself in and you're refusing
to leave. Why would you want to be a better
man a better woman for a man who's putting his
fucking hands on you?

Speaker 2 (29:32):
Right, continuing yep. I read the Five Love Languages, made notes,
and talked on and on about this book for weeks.
I wanted him to see how much I love this man,
and made it as vocal as I could. I started
cooking dinner for him and running it to his work
in the evenings to at least make sure he had
one home cooked meal every couple of days. Or I'd

(29:52):
wait until he was off and cook extra so he'd
have a couple of days of leftovers. I encouraged him
to bring his laundry to me from the fire house
so I could wash and fold them. This continued through
the summer. We drifted apart again through the fall. After
an eye procedure he had to have. I started a
second job to fill the empty time at home. Rather

(30:13):
than trying and failing again and again to find time
around his schedule and mind to see him, I admit
I gave up. I felt unwanted and unloved. He stopped
coming around, we stopped going out, and we hadn't seen
each other in weeks. I would move on from this guy,
I would too, Yeah, I would. I would stop trying
to pour into a cup that's purposely poking holes in

(30:34):
it because they don't want to taste my water.

Speaker 1 (30:36):
Yeah, oh okay, what are your fucking metaphors over there?
The not having space for me is enough.

Speaker 2 (30:48):
Yeah.

Speaker 1 (30:48):
That whole thing about how his day is more important
than mine and not being excited for me like that
would have been enough for me to realize that this
isn't the one.

Speaker 2 (30:56):
I applied to my second job and was hired in
late October by December of twenty twenty five. Or I
just gave him his Christmas gifts early and I told
him to take care of himself. I would return those
Christmas gifts. Yeah. Yeah, we stopped going out and hadn't
seen each other in weeks, got hired in late October
by December, so it's been months at this point. Yeah,

(31:17):
I'm getting my money back and I'm going to Taco Bell.

Speaker 1 (31:22):
This is why. For those of you who've watched Demolition Man,
if you want to know why, Taco Bell wins the
fucking franchise war and becomes the only franchise restaurant that
serves the little little mills with meals with pills. Yeah,
it's because of Peaches and her Taco Bell additions.

Speaker 2 (31:38):
It's so good all right, continuing for him to take
care of himself and if he ever needed someone, he
could always reach out.

Speaker 1 (31:48):
Why to be the bigger person. I actually think that
that's the right move because she's not putting herself in
a position that she's doing a disservice to her energy, yeah,
or her soul and putting bedcarm out there like she
did the right thing. Yeah, the petty in me wants
to be like fuck you, right, but like that is
the move, or even nothing at all.

Speaker 2 (32:08):
I wouldn't say fuck you. I would not say you
can always reach out to me. No, you've lost that
access to me by choosing to ignore the relationship that
we could have had. So no, you can't reach out
to me anymore. I'm not going to wish you any
ill intent, but you're not gonna call me at five
o'clock on a Saturday and say, hey, I need.

Speaker 1 (32:26):
Help moving Oh yeah, yeah fuck that.

Speaker 2 (32:27):
Yeah. I'm not going to sit here and be your
emotional release after you've had a hard day, after you
made me feel like my life is completely insignificant because
you're a daredevil.

Speaker 1 (32:38):
Dean just says it depends on the version you watch
some country with pizza Hut wasn't it. I don't think
that's accurate. I've never seen that, and now I need
to know. Can somebody fact check that and see if
there was a version of Demolition Man where Pizza Hut
was the surviving franchise.

Speaker 2 (32:52):
If he ever needed someone, he could always reach out.
Needless to say, I was hurt, lost, and fighting a
lot of mental health issues. I felt like I had failed.
I have spent all the time since then working and healing.
I realized my faults in this where the idea of
the woman I badly wanted to be was not the
woman I was. I was delusional. My attitude towards his

(33:14):
work and volunteer work was shitty. I would throw temper
tantrums under the guise of just wanting to spend time
with him. I called out for connection when I wasn't
engaging in connection with him, and I have since apologized
and let this go. I realized my actions and words
have pushed this man away and it was my fault.
In February of twenty twenty five, I was diagnosed temporarily

(33:35):
that changed my entire temporary. I had a diagnosis temporary
that changed my entire perspective and the entirety of the fall.
When we were distancing from each other, he had been
sleeping with other people. This made me feel like so
much more of a failure. I had pushed him away
and right into the arms of someone else. I accepted

(33:56):
my own fault in this. Again, I had failed. I
received true treatment, cut contact with this man, and am
now back through almost the entirety of season two of
the podcast. The next man I choose to have a
relationship with will be someone who sees a future with
me and loves and adores me as much as I
love and adore them. I had pushed him away and
right into the arms of someone else. I think that

(34:19):
is a way to demonize yourself. You can't make anybody
do anything. He chose to go to be with somebody else,
to seek comfort elsewhere you You did not push him
to do anything. He made his own life choices to
make himself feel better. I don't think people should take
on the jail sentence. You could say from something that

(34:41):
they shouldn't.

Speaker 1 (34:41):
Be right, Lorna said. In some international releases of the
movie Demolition Man, references to talk about were replaced with
pizza hut, particularly in the European market market. I had
no idea. I had no idea, And I love that movie.
The more you know, I'm gonna have to find the
European version of Demolition Man now and watch it because

(35:02):
they give a little tiny pizzas because you still have
a little bit of food on the plate, and then
all those pills.

Speaker 2 (35:07):
Today April sixteenth of twenty twenty five, I set a
plan into motion. I will be joining you all in
Greece in twenty twenty six of that love it.

Speaker 1 (35:16):
I know Bobby, you think it's playtime. I do that
to him when he fetches, Yeah, he comes running quick.

Speaker 2 (35:24):
I don't think you should do that when you play
catch with him? Why because if that's going to be
like our daily joy noisy.

Speaker 1 (35:30):
He's happy about it, right, tale's fucking going right now?

Speaker 2 (35:33):
Yeah, but he's also an elephant. Did you not see?
I walked into our house after dropping the children off
at school, and I had my person one hand. I've
gotten so used to calamity and chaos around my legs
and I just stopped moving.

Speaker 1 (35:52):
Yeah.

Speaker 2 (35:52):
If I'm not in motion, I can't fall right. Do
you think that? Right? But did you not witness this morning?
Him coming barreling at me and then kicking his own
feet out from under him and running straight into something
that was saying against the wall. He doesn't just get excited.

Speaker 1 (36:09):
Yeah, he's dumb.

Speaker 2 (36:10):
He loses complete control over his body.

Speaker 1 (36:12):
He's dumb. He's so fucking dopy.

Speaker 2 (36:16):
He is continuing. I am so excited to meet you
both in person and hears so much more of what
I can learn from you both. I'm doing this for
me and I am so excited to see where the
next year takes you both as well as myself. My
friends don't understand and worry for my safety traveling out
of the country alone.

Speaker 1 (36:34):
That we heard that so much. Yeah in Thailand, Like
we heard it from Lily, we heard it from Krista,
were from Taylor, Yeah, and Laura, Yeah, yep, you're right.
Laura was the other one.

Speaker 2 (36:45):
Yeah, her family was very concerned. You're not, I mean
the transportation, you're doing that alone. But you're not going
to be alone in Greece. I'll catch a charge in
a foreign country if someone tries to mess with us.
Let's go call Trump. No, I'm kidding, okay, continuing, I

(37:05):
have told them all that, I I have told them
all that as afraid as I am that the people
in this community look after each other and respect one another.
You all have been a shoulder to lean on voices
in the many, many hours I've spent alone, and have
been my company to and from work for several years now.
This is my thank you from one woman a thousand

(37:26):
miles away. You all changed me. Show me I can
be independent until I meet someone worthy of being interdependent with.
You all pulled me out of this fuck men mindset.
You all showed me what a traditional relationship of marriage
is possible and so much more rewarding than anything I
could ever imagine. You brought my standards out of hell
and showed me that the bare minimum is just that,

(37:48):
the bare minimum. Chris's love for Peach is so rewarding
and heartwarming. Peach's love for Chris is what I learned
from each and every single morning and evening. Thank you
Future Greece of Time that I am so excited I
can't wait to make Oh my gosh.

Speaker 1 (38:07):
Would you have thought three years ago that we'd be
traveling internationally with people.

Speaker 2 (38:11):
No. I thought I was going to be a tattoo
artist and complaining about my job.

Speaker 1 (38:14):
After nine pm, four PM, because that's what it's become.
Jeff told me that by four o'clock in the afternoon,
nobody wants to do anything anymore, Like all you do
is bitch and complain after four o'clock.

Speaker 2 (38:27):
Yeah, that's crazy, that's insane.

Speaker 1 (38:30):
He said that he's had to remind them several times
that this was their dream job at one point.

Speaker 2 (38:34):
Yeah, y'all aren't working at surfs.

Speaker 1 (38:36):
Right, And just because you're not doing the things that
you want to do when you're tattooing, doesn't mean that
you're still not doing your dream job.

Speaker 2 (38:43):
That's wild.

Speaker 1 (38:44):
Tattoo artists are a lot. The idea of us going
and traveling the world and being able to spend time
with the community that we've built is exciting. It's it's
very it's insane, it's fucking insane. Like most people don't
get to go on vacations like that period, right, and
we're out here going on vacations and having up boards

(39:05):
of twenty five people coming with us and just fucking debauchery.

Speaker 2 (39:09):
Right.

Speaker 1 (39:09):
I feel like I feel like a famous like mogul
that's rolling up with an omurage right spring, Alison said,
praying there's a spot once I get moved, I think
there will be. I think we're sitting on like twelve
or thirteen spots left.

Speaker 2 (39:22):
We're half sold out.

Speaker 1 (39:23):
Yeah, I can actually check real quick. This energy said,
I love tattooing so much. I can't imagine being bitter
about being able to do my dream job, especially since
I lost the ability. Would never take it for granted.
You have no fucking idea how miserable tattoo arists.

Speaker 2 (39:36):
Are in fucking divas.

Speaker 1 (39:37):
And it's crazy because we treat our tattoo artists really
fucking fucking well. Like they get, we buy their inks,
we pay for almost everything they need to do their job.
They get a really good split.

Speaker 2 (39:47):
Yeah, they're like the Mariah Carries and.

Speaker 1 (39:49):
They get the West.

Speaker 2 (39:50):
Yeah. We have.

Speaker 1 (39:53):
Thirteen confirmed spots, so out of we we have a
love and left. Yeah, holy shit, eleven left. Buff Belle said,
better be two spots left after Costa Rica or I'll cry.
I'm willing to bet that Costa Rica books out those
other eleven spots.

Speaker 2 (40:07):
It happened while we were in Thailand. People were booking
for Costa Rica and Thailands.

Speaker 1 (40:11):
Yep, Belle, if you guys want well, I'll message you
after the thing, I'll put it in the group chet.
There's no reason for me to get in all that.
I also would like to see if Jenny wants to go,
I'd be willing to pay for her to go to
Costa Rica with us.

Speaker 2 (40:24):
I mean Greece, Jenny. Oh yeah, because I know I
thought about that. Are I know how much that would
mean to you? I meant I want to message her
and be like, so, did you put any thought in
the going agrees if we paid for it?

Speaker 1 (40:34):
Yeah?

Speaker 2 (40:34):
I totally forgot to do so.

Speaker 1 (40:36):
She had to pay for a flight, Yeah, pay for
the trip?

Speaker 2 (40:39):
All right.

Speaker 1 (40:39):
This first emails that we're doing to actually help people
is called wait, why are people saying? Yes, Carrington? What happened?
Did I miss something? Somebody getting married or something?

Speaker 2 (40:47):
Oh?

Speaker 1 (40:47):
Here we go, guys. I just got a new job
offer and I can officially say I have accomplished my
goal of making six figures before twenty five. I'm so excited.
I've worked so hard to get where I'm at. Fucking
get some that's a huge.

Speaker 2 (41:02):
How do you do that?

Speaker 1 (41:04):
Right?

Speaker 2 (41:04):
But is that coming from like your throat?

Speaker 1 (41:06):
I don't know, just doing it? I heard, I've heard
it enough that I'm able to replicate it.

Speaker 2 (41:15):
He's like, bitch, where's all this noise happening in my house?
I'm trying to take a nap.

Speaker 1 (41:27):
You know that song, wild Wild Woman that actually sings
he will house with that entires down Yep. And there's
another one that's on the playlist too.

Speaker 2 (41:33):
Yeah, he's a singer.

Speaker 1 (41:36):
All right, bub but that's enough. Get on your bed.
He's like, but Dad, you're excited, and I want to
be excited too.

Speaker 2 (41:41):
You did How did you do it again? Oh? That
hurts my chest? Hey? I owe you?

Speaker 1 (41:54):
All right? Oh?

Speaker 2 (41:57):
Oh my chest hurt. There's something going on my paracardium. Guys,
I know, Lindsay said, how many of us just tried
that sound? That's funny? Upper chest and throat. I have
to do yoga, maybe.

Speaker 1 (42:20):
Stretch that shit right out a all right, So the
first email that we're doing is called advice.

Speaker 2 (42:34):
You're gonna give me a stroke.

Speaker 1 (42:36):
I'll give you a lot of strokes.

Speaker 2 (42:37):
Oh my god. All right, into the email called advice.
I am a thirty two year old male and she
is twenty five. How do I navigate a relationship where
it's in my natural tendency to step into the leader
role of the relationship. Given my few extra years of
experience with a partner who almost aggressively opposes the very
idea of allowing that to happen the wrong person, you

(42:58):
are with the wrong person.

Speaker 1 (43:00):
This is before we go any further. This is the
courting questionnaire. If you are a man who wants to lead, protect, provide,
and have that in your house, You're not going to
find a woman who claims to be an independent woman
and to just fall into that role. She's gonna fight
you every step of the way. Well, I can do
the same thing you can. I'm a strong woman.

Speaker 2 (43:17):
I think it should be done this way, right. Yeah.

Speaker 1 (43:20):
Compatibility matters. Compatibility matters. It matters so much. Guys.

Speaker 2 (43:24):
You want to be with somebody who is okay with
you taking the back roads versus the highway because you're
getting to the same destination versus my way is the
right way. What you're doing is wrong.

Speaker 1 (43:34):
I like them back roads. Every time we're on a
new road, I'm like, I've never driven on this road.

Speaker 2 (43:38):
Yeah, And I like to look at things with you continuing.
I can't tell you how many times she's opened up
about issues and struggle she's going through and I'm able
to offer her the exact guidance and advice and solutions
to navigate through whatever it is. She goes to great
lengths to not even allow me to speak or have
the conversations, because hearing me out and her doing the
thing which I explain would be the situation would be

(44:02):
the solution would mean she's doing what I said in
a sense and thus being controlled by me.

Speaker 1 (44:07):
This is not a relationship I would be in. Oh
she needs therapy, Well, this she's she's the program society. Yeah,
don't you don't mansplain. I don't need to tell me
how to live my fucking life. Like we're a partnership now, babe.

Speaker 2 (44:22):
I love it when you think for me.

Speaker 1 (44:24):
I've done this before. Yeah, I know the outcome. I
can solve this Rubik's cube, doesn't matter how who does
the solving. It's solved right.

Speaker 2 (44:34):
Like I said, I love it when you think for me.
If you have a solution that I wouldn't have come
to for six months and you think of it in
five minutes, saving me brain power, and you're sexy while
doing it, let's go continuing all the trauma and wall
she has up inside her, won't won't allow that at
any cost. Almost every time this has played out, some

(44:58):
other random person in her life will tell her the
same thing I did long before, But suddenly she is
so understanding and on board with the great advice that
clicks so well in her head. Meanwhile, I've had to
silently sit and just watch her struggle because she won't
allow me to be the one that can help her.
She also has BPD, so that affects her perception of
my intention heavily, which keeps a divide between us. How

(45:20):
can I help her see that I never had bad
intentions for her if she could just trust that and
trust that I only have her best interests in mind.

Speaker 1 (45:28):
So before we go any further than that, this shows
that she doesn't.

Speaker 2 (45:31):
Trust you, right, She's looking for reasons to go against you,
because if other people in her life are saying the
exact same thing that you're saying, it's literally she has
an issue with you. I couldn't live like that.

Speaker 1 (45:43):
I couldn't either. I understand needing to hear something a
few times from a few different ways and then forget
it and then think of it yourself to make it
feel like it was your idea, right, Because everybody wants
to be the one to solve their own problems and
to figure things out because it feels good. It's dopamin
hit when you figure out your shit. But there's something
to be said about, Hey, this is the solution to
the problem, and then you're going not fuck, you don't

(46:05):
want to hear that. And then your best friend saying
the exact same thing, and then you listen to your
best friend and not your partner.

Speaker 2 (46:09):
Yeah. Knowing that she has BPD, I'm taking that as
borderline personality disorder. She needs therapy. Continuing, I want her
to start to see that I am, in fact, not
trying to be her parent, as she often says when
I try to nudge her in the direction of what
will help her best. I simply want nothing more than
to see her become the best version of herself that
she can.

Speaker 1 (46:28):
Be hold on. She's got an issue with this age gap.

Speaker 2 (46:32):
Yeah it's what seven years?

Speaker 1 (46:33):
Yeah, yeah, seven years. They just scrolled up and looked
it's exactly seven years. She's got an issue with the
age gap. She thinks that because he's got life experience,
the things that he's trying to tell her is like
trying to make her feel stupid right, or to be
above her somehow.

Speaker 2 (46:46):
Yeah, crazy. I simply want nothing more than to see
her become the best version of herself that she can be.
I'm not out to gain control over her or get
something from her as a childhood of being raised by
narcissist whos taught her as the norm. Is it possible
that I am too overbearing in my consistent expression that
there's always improvements to be made and we should always

(47:07):
be striving to be better as individuals and as a couple.

Speaker 1 (47:09):
Okay, before we move on, We don't know if you're
overbearing because we can't see the conversations. The rest of
that statement though, that there's always improvements to be made,
and that we should always be striving to be better
individuals and as a couple. Yes, that yes, definitively, that's
growth as a person, it's growth and spiritually like that's growth,
and that's supposed to happen until the day you die

(47:31):
at thirty two and twenty five. That's not something you
should be asking yourself how you deliver? That could be overbearing?
We have no idea because we can't see the conversations
that you're having. Knowing that she was raised by narcissistic parents.
If that's true and she's used to dealing with narcissists,
she might view you as you view you as one
in the way that you're trying to do things because
you're trying to dictate the outcome of her life. You're right,

(47:53):
it sounds like this chick needs therapy again this fucking
very short email. We have no idea what's actually going on.

Speaker 2 (47:58):
There, but continueing. Should I let things for her progress?
Should I let things for her progress progress and the
very slow pace that they tend to and not give
her advice or guidance where I think she could benefit
from it, and simply let her learn these lessons on
her own. I would You're only going to bite my
hands so many times to where I'm just gonna sit

(48:19):
back and wait.

Speaker 1 (48:20):
Yeah, what do you think it's gonna do a relationship?

Speaker 2 (48:23):
I mean with her in the mindset that she's in,
she might feel she might start to feel disconnected, like
there's a lack of attention happening, but she also doesn't
like the attention being given. So with her borderline, I
think it's it's definitely gonna make things messier.

Speaker 1 (48:37):
I think it create splitting an abandonment.

Speaker 2 (48:39):
Yeah, but I'm also not willing to go above and
beyond for somebody in a relationship who is actively not
trying to grow and cope and are okay with lashing
out at me and making me feel like a piece
of shit.

Speaker 1 (48:51):
Yep, I think that if he was, he's damned if
he does, and damn it, damned if he doesn't, because
in this situation, damned if you do, damned if you don't,
however you want to word that, in this situation, him
giving advice and trying to be helpful is seeing.

Speaker 2 (49:01):
As over bearing, nistic, right, And.

Speaker 1 (49:04):
Then if he doesn't do it, he's going to seem
like he doesn't care and he's like disconnected from the relationship.
And at that point, her argument's going to shift to
a different extreme, and there's not a win in this
for him. The only win, the only way that this
would work is if he gives enough information to feel
like he's still contributing and then stopping so that she
can figure the shit out on her own. The rest

(49:25):
of their relationship could be absolutely amazing, Right, This could
just be one hang up and that he's having a
hard time figuring out what it is that she needs.
And maybe the answer to this is do you need
me to problem solve or do you just need to vent?
Because if you just need event, I'm not going to
give you solutions. If you're looking to problem solve, I
can help you, but that's you know that should be doing. Anyways,

(49:46):
anytime your person brings something to you, if you start
to give problem solutions to the problem and you can
tell that they're starting to get animated or they're not
happy with what's happening, you're going the wrong route. And
you know, until you guys learn your person inside out,
you're not going to know that until it's too late.

Speaker 2 (50:01):
Yeah, so the.

Speaker 1 (50:03):
Conversations from those people need to be started with I
just need to vent or I need help, and then
blah blah blah blah blah, because then your person's not
guessing what it is that you need. I do that,
I vent, and then I'm like, I'm just venting. I
can tell, Yeah, is there a difference between me trying
to problem solve with you and me just talking out
my shit? Because I do need to hear myself to

(50:24):
problem solve. I've got too much going on in my
head that I can't just think about it.

Speaker 2 (50:28):
Yeah, I've gotten to a point to where I know
when to be present in the conversation and when I
can start zoning out because you're just talking.

Speaker 1 (50:40):
That's funny.

Speaker 2 (50:41):
I don't mean that in a shitty way.

Speaker 1 (50:42):
I didn't take it's that's love though.

Speaker 2 (50:46):
Yeah. I mean there's times where you could talk for
like four hours on end.

Speaker 1 (50:48):
But you're still holding space for me.

Speaker 2 (50:50):
Yeah, I'm engaged in the conversation. I'm just not putting
all my brain power into problem solving. I couldn't even
begin to tell you how I know the difference.

Speaker 1 (51:00):
Oh, it's because we know each other.

Speaker 2 (51:01):
I just I know the difference between you need active participation, conversation,
the problem solve and you're just talking. Even if those
areas of improvement matter so much right now, because we
have a three year old whose development won't wait for
us as parents to figure our shit out. It matters
so much now to get our shit together and start
to understand ourselves and improve ourselves the best that we

(51:22):
can for our daughter's sake. Sorry for the wall of text,
but thank you sincerely if you take the time to
read those.

Speaker 1 (51:29):
If she actually has borderline and she's doing nothing to
take care of her borderline. That's the biggest problem in
this entire email. Yes, I get so sick at tired
of people saying that I have this, or I've been diagnosed,
or I'm undiagnosed. But I believe if you think that
you've got these things, you need to be doing the work. Yeah,
and if you're not doing the work, you're using that
label as a crutch to be a shitty human being.

(51:51):
Lexi said, we really should preface this with I'm venting though,
as a good standard practice. Otherwise it sounds like something
else I need to do. There you go, Emma said.
It used to annoy me, like, stop trying to fix this.
Now I expect it. If you're ladies, if you're talking
to a man, that's our fucking job, right. We want
your life to be as smooth and easy as possible.
So if you come with us, come to us with something,

(52:12):
we are going to do everything that we can to
fix that problem, even if it's not really a problem.
But if you're like, hey, I just need a vent,
like you said, I can dissociate, yeah, and be kind
of a part of the conversation. I don't need to
hear every single.

Speaker 2 (52:23):
Syllable keep playing your magic game. Right If I start
to become a little elevated emotionally and they're like, yeah,
fuck that guy, thank you, that's what I needed. I
am also somebody who will start talking and then pause
mid sentence and be like, I'm just bitching right now, yeah,
and then I'll keep going. You'd be like, yes, thank you.
I was waiting for that clarification, Jenna said. Vent vault

(52:46):
or consult venting is just getting it out. Vaulting is
sharing in depth personal feelings and consults. Consulting is seeking
insight or seeing insight. Conversation. The preface of the conversation
really matters. Your next email, baby is called hello from
New York. Hey, Chris and Peaches. I know you guys
read emails, and I'm not sure and I'm sure you

(53:08):
get so many of them, but even if you don't
get to this one anytime soon, I'd like to thank
you for taking the time to read it. First off,
I love what both of you are doing for people
and couples everywhere. You two are an amazing pair, and
I can see after watching many videos that it isn't
just the product of you two being compatible. It's built
on years of work, work that I know was not

(53:29):
just within each other but on your own as individuals,
which I applaud and admire.

Speaker 1 (53:34):
Thank you for that.

Speaker 2 (53:34):
I don't think anybody's ever said that to us, but
that does feel really good because our relationship has been
tailored with a fucking pair tweezers.

Speaker 1 (53:46):
It's been a lot of work. Yeah, I get so
sick of that. You guys are you guys are so lucky?
Like this shit drives me up the fucking wall, man.

Speaker 2 (53:55):
It negates all of the work we put into what
we have continuing you two, just talk talking about your
relationship with all of its trials and obstacles, has helped
me see what a supportive relationship is supposed to look like.
Some of the things you've discussed helped me and my
ex get through a lot, But sadly the relationship ended
a while ago. I'm a thirty seven year old man
and I've completely lost all direction, not that there was

(54:17):
much before. Even as I write this, I struggle through
the intense episodes of rage and tears. I was diagnosed
with BPD at a young age, and as medication wasn't
a route that offered any positive effects, I've had to
do so much. I've had to do so much to
keep my emotions in check to not lash out at others.
Raw dogging borderline is not fun.

Speaker 1 (54:39):
It's not. But it gets easier, it does get thirty
seven years old. That shit should be tapering down for
you unless you're still living in the situation where you're
being triggered.

Speaker 2 (54:47):
Yes, not the situation that traumatized you, but situations that
are still triggering you.

Speaker 1 (54:52):
Right. But see, that comes down to understanding your triggers.
When you realize, like borderline stems from trauma most of
the time, it stems from narcissistic parents like that, that's proven.
But having that and knowing that that's a thing, Understanding
why you're triggered the way that you are can allow
you to start working on your triggers and changing the
way that you respond to things.

Speaker 2 (55:12):
Yeah.

Speaker 1 (55:13):
Yeah, there are a couple things with BPD that really help,
and that's cognitive behavioral therapy, dialectic behavioral therapy, and for
some people, microdosing.

Speaker 2 (55:21):
Yeah, microdosing has done wonders for my mental illnesses that
niahuasca continuing, But now I fear that all of the
work was only a pivot to lashing out at myself,
lashing out because I'm too afraid to step out of
my comfort zone, for lack of a better word, because
I'm miserable here to go after the life I deserve,
or at the least won't be so crushed by on

(55:43):
a daily basis. I do have dreams, but I fear
that it is too late and I'll just live a
life of regret and become the miserable old fuck. My
father never wanted me to be. He has an amazing
father and my best friend, and he's always been there
for me. All Right, I have to jump in here
about to say, babe, do you want to you want
to talk about your dreams coming true at the age
of forty?

Speaker 1 (56:02):
Yeah, that's exactly where I was going to go with that. So,
first of all, you being afraid to fail, as you
put it, for lack of a better word, because I'm
miserable here, afraid of stepping out of your comfort zone.
You're already miserable and you're failing. Do you want to
be where you are right now at sixty? Because this
sucks for you. I was thirty when I opened my
first business. It took me fifteen years to get to

(56:24):
the point where, like that business is able to run
itself and I can collect mailbox money. We started this podcast,
I was forty Yeah, forty one because I just turned
forty four, So I was forty one when we started
the podcast. This is not like a lifelong dedication to this.
I understood photography and did video work and tried to
do podcasts in the past and it failed. Like we

(56:47):
had to find the right formula to make it work.
But I don't give a fuck if I was sixty.
If I want to do something and I think it's
going to improve my life, I'm going to fucking do it.
What's the worst that's going to happen. You're going to
fail and be right where you are. You're already fucking there, right,
So what's the worst that could happen? You could fucking
improve your life, Like sounds like a great worst case

(57:09):
scenario to me, because no change is no change.

Speaker 2 (57:12):
Yeah, fuck that.

Speaker 1 (57:18):
I get a hair up my ass. I want to
do this, and I do it because at least I
can say I did the shit. Most people can't say that. Yeah,
And I'm not afraid of losing or failing because I've
already been a loser, and I've already failed a lot
in life.

Speaker 2 (57:33):
Little differences. You are who you are now and not
who you were back then.

Speaker 1 (57:36):
Right, because I continue to take I believed in me
like nobody else is going to do that, and like
it doesn't matter if you have It doesn't matter if
you have the startup, It doesn't matter if you've got
a bunch of money in the bank. It doesn't matter
what you have. When I when I started the tattoo
shop we opened, I had nothing, and it took me
years to save up the money to fucking get to
the position. And I was not responsible with my money,

(57:57):
so it wasn't even like I had a bunch of
money sitting around. I took the money that I was
making and bought my equipment and put that shit in
the spare bedroom in my house, in the boxes still,
and let it sit there until I was ready to go,
because I knew that if I had twenty thousand dollars
in the bank, I'm gonna go buy a new watch,
I'm gonna go get a new car, I'm gonna go
get a new system in the car that I just bought.
I'm be fucking broken. Two days I know that. So

(58:17):
I did the things necessary to set myself up for success,
and I fucking went after it. And then when I
opened the shop, I worked my ass off eight months
with no days off. I was fucking at the shop
until three o'clock in the morning. I was back there
at seven am. There were nights that I slept in
the studio. You're gonna do the things that you need
to fucking do to get to where you want to
go if you really want to be there, and if
you don't really want to be there and you have
the dream to do the thing and you don't have

(58:37):
to work, I think behind it, you're gonna always be
that what if guy. You're gonna die one day and
you're gonna be laying on your bed and be like, Man,
I had all these opportunities, and I fucking squandered them,
really wasted this so much for this life thing.

Speaker 2 (58:48):
It took one decision in your life for all of
this to happen. Our marriage, the podcast yeap as traveling
you becoming a step far to the kids. It's one
of our son's favorite things. Walk up to do you bipops?
I hope you have a good day.

Speaker 1 (59:06):
Yeah, made it a point to really start telling him
I love him a lot more. Jay said, Amen, dude,
practically what I texted you yesterday, going out and trusting
myself with guidance from trusted friends and mentors. If it fails,
I keep working. It's it. Bailing is quitting. Failing is
not doing. And it's also important that it's not who
you know or it's not what you know, it's who

(59:26):
you know that is very real and a lot of
this it's sometimes it's not about having all of the resources.
Sometimes it really does coming down to somebody seeing what
you're trying to do and giving you a good piece
of advice or like, hey, come check out this person,
or let me connect you with this guy that I
know is doing the thing that you're trying to do
and see if we can make connections. Don't use people

(59:47):
to get those connections. Don't use people for their audience,
don't use people for their networks. Create loving friendships and
expect that.

Speaker 2 (59:57):
And anything outside of that as a bonus is a bonus.

Speaker 1 (01:00:00):
Right. Every single person that has come into our life
that has tried to get our audience or has tried
to use us for their platform or any type of
falsity that is not a true friendship has seen their
way out.

Speaker 2 (01:00:12):
Yeah, and it happens quick, and it's not even a
nasty it just ending.

Speaker 1 (01:00:17):
They just fade off. It's like a skin tag. It
just when it's got the little gone, little skin yeah,
dangle and it falls off. Jay said, I would have
never thought about something as simple as fucking cursive. He
sent me a logo for what he's trying to create
and he's like, what do you think about this? And
I was like, I think it's a very soft, elegant logo.

(01:00:38):
But a lot of people can't read cursive anymore, so
you having a cursive font on your logo is going
to make a lot of people not be able to
read your name. And it's right, but most people don't
think about that. Here's another thing. You know that when
you are looking for a physical location, visibility from the
road matters. And when I got Sacred Rights, nobody thought

(01:00:58):
that that building was going to make it. Everybody was
And we've been in the same spot for fifteen years.
October will be fifteen years. Everybody's like, this is the
dead zone of Northport, Like because we were not technically
in Northport or Port Charlotte. It was a dead zone
and at the time there was nothing. There was that
hair salon on forty one and there was nothing else
in there, and I had to have that building, and
people like you were out of your fucking mind. Nobody

(01:01:18):
comes out here. And I was like, I have an
access road and I can park a car right there
with a banner on it, and everyone that drives to
and from Northport and Port Charlotte or Venice to Port Charlotte,
punny go to Northport, is going to see my car
out there with a fucking banner on it, and is
going to set us apart from everybody else in the
tattoo world like in this area, and people like, you're crazy,
You're crazy, You're crazy. I made sure that my sign
wasn't covered. There was no trees blocking the sign, so

(01:01:41):
my marquee was big and my car was visible. So
doing something as simple as as scouting locations and passing
on the locations that don't fit what you think is
going to work goes a long fucking way for business.
And I know. I had a friend who is a pilot.
He does commercial, used to do commercial. He flies for

(01:02:02):
he's a private airline jet flyer. Now, however you want
to word that. He's also an author who writes post
apocalyptic prepper books, but he flies the head honcho of Verizon,
the guy who owns the most franchised Verizon stores in
the world, and flies him all over the world whereever
he wants to go somewhere. And he's like, I've gone

(01:02:23):
with this guy, and he's gone to look at locations
where he's got deep pockets and can do whatever the
fuck he wants, and will walk away because there is
a tree branch covering the sign. It doesn't take much,
but you have to be aware of the details if
you want to be successful in business. Yep.

Speaker 2 (01:02:36):
Anyways, in tangent Okay, bracket slash and rants, I've been
stuck in this cycle of having to work shit jobs
that I'm overqualified for, start slacking, losing motivation, and then
losing that job, usually to drinking or drugs before I
can get the counseling slash therapy that I need, and

(01:02:56):
end up unemployed, taking a job I hate even more
than the last.

Speaker 1 (01:03:00):
That's because of the way you're your viewing things.

Speaker 2 (01:03:02):
I was about to say, do you see the cycle
you're putting yourself into Yep. The time to fix the
problem is not when the world's crashing around you. It's
when you recognize that it's a problem. Just in that paragraph,
that's not even the whole paragraph. You said. You work
a job that you hate, you think you're overqualified for.
You start slacking at the job because you think it's

(01:03:24):
beneath you. You lose motivation, turn to drinking or drugs,
and then lose that job. And it happens quote before
I can get the counseling slash therapy that I need
and end up unemployed. So if that is something you're
able to get because you're working through whatever you're working,
like for your job, they're offering mental health therapy, you

(01:03:46):
take that the day you start walking in on my
first day saying hello to my new boss manager, what's
the rundown of things? Also, what's the link for me
to be able to see a therapist or a counselor right?

Speaker 1 (01:03:59):
Something you guys offer right away?

Speaker 2 (01:04:00):
Right? And then you were sitting up to say something. No,
it's just sitting up, Okay, I don't remember I was
going you sat up and oh I just stopped thinking
because I thought you were gonna.

Speaker 1 (01:04:13):
Start sitting up. Okay, I don't have my chair locked,
and I'm moving the way that I'm moving back and
forth because I'm trying to find positions. It doesn't hurt
me to sit in and I can find a spot
that's like not bad for ten or fifteen minutes, and
then it starts to cramp, but I have to move.
Is that sitting up quickly was because my ass is
starting to cramp?

Speaker 2 (01:04:30):
Gotcha?

Speaker 1 (01:04:31):
But since we've paused, if you're overqualified for a job,
it means the job should be really fucking easy to do.
Why would you hate that you can make decent money
doing something that's really easy. Why not take the money?

Speaker 2 (01:04:46):
Just the thought, all the while not being a suitable
partner for any woman, causing the loneliness to be almost unbearable,
especially with all of the trappings of my diagnosis.

Speaker 1 (01:04:55):
You're using your diagnosis as a way to be a victim.
I've never once done that, Never once in my life
have been like, well, you just have to accept it
because I have borderline, or I can't because I have borderline,
and I'm believe in that I have this thing. I
have a name for it, I know what it is,
and that gives me the opportunity to work on me. Yeah,
there was a time in my life where I wasn't

(01:05:16):
working on me and allowed my borderline to just be
a thing. And you can love me or hate me,
this is who I am because they didn't realize that
I was able to take control of my life. When
I was able to take control of my life and
realize how fucking easy it was to start doing the work,
it just took consistency. Everything changed. But that was a
this is who I am. You don't have to fucking
be here, you can leave. And that was my mindset

(01:05:38):
for a long time. But that wasn't just about borderline.
That was about every facet of my life.

Speaker 2 (01:05:43):
Continue. Sorry if this is a bit long, but I'll
start to wrap it up. Do either of you have
any advice for me? Please don't sugarcoat it. Sometimes the
truth we need to hear are the hardest truth. I
love you, guys, and I hope to one day write
you an email of an amazing success story born out
of all of this failure and pain. Have an amazing
day and keep up the divine work.

Speaker 1 (01:06:04):
What's your advice here?

Speaker 2 (01:06:06):
So I'm gonna say this, and people are going to
hear it at face value and get super offended. Stop
being lazy ooh and when I say stop being lazy,
I mean prioritize your mental health. Be excited that you
have a job and an income versus I'm too good
for this. Take control of your life and it starts

(01:06:27):
through action. Stop sitting on the couch and drinking when
you want to reach for a bottle, get up and
go for a walk. Do something in your life that's
not just sitting around and wallowing in your borderline. We
also have better Help. What is the code for better Help.

Speaker 1 (01:06:48):
It's just better help dot com slash to be better.

Speaker 2 (01:06:51):
Okay, we get ten percent off. That might be worth
checking out. When I did better Help, it was eighty
dollars a week.

Speaker 1 (01:06:59):
If you're if you have any type of depressive anything,
you shouldn't be drinking. It's as simple as that alcohol
is a depressant. That's what it does. So if you
are already a depressed person, drinking alcohol is going to
make that worse. And if you get hungover and you
take any type of insight, you have a forty percent
increase in depression because you drink the alcohol and now

(01:07:19):
you're taking the inset, which increases depression. You're making yourself
a whole lot fucking worse to say that you have
borderline and that knowing that you have done absolutely nothing
to take care of it because you can't afford a therapist.
There are free resources out there. Self help books are cheap.
It may not be the therapy that you need, but
you can buy a book for twenty dollars or less
that could completely change the way that you deal with

(01:07:40):
your shit. So, as you said, stop being lazy. If
you don't like the way that your life is going,
take control your fucking life and do something about it.
Stop making excuses. Quit saying I can't. That's a cop out.
You're looking for somebody to give you sympathy. I don't
have that. Sympathy is not a thing for me. You

(01:08:01):
have to take control of your existence. Find a job
that you're overqualified for, make it really fucking easy. Do
your job in half the day, and use the other
half of the day while they're paying you on the
clock to read books and do shit that you can
you can do. Find a job where you have to
drive most of the day and use that time to
listen to audiobooks about borderline personality disorder, dialectic behavioral therapy,

(01:08:22):
cognitive behavior foral therapy, cognitive processing therapy. I think is
what the other one is. SEEPT and start doing the
things that you need to do to fix you. And
you can do it while on the clock. If you're
driving around for a job, say you work for like
NAP Auto Parts delivering fucking parts from store to store
to store, you got a whole lot of free time
while driving that you're getting paid, that you can do
other shit. Yeah, get a job door dashing and while

(01:08:46):
you're door dashing listening to audio books, listen to this podcast.
Do things that you can can implement in your life
to make your life better.

Speaker 2 (01:08:54):
Hey, guys, a little quick interruption. If you're enjoying the content,
please leave alike, and also don't forget to comment. We
enjoy interacting with you guys and hearing your opinions and
it helps the algorithm.

Speaker 1 (01:09:03):
It's also free to do, and if you really want
to help make sure the show continues to do, hit
the subscribe button and share the content across your social media's.
It costs you nothing and it greatly helps the show.
That puts us a little over an hour I think
we should wrap up and then we have we can
do one more episode. You got to leave it too,
so we have exactly one hour to do another episode.
We can do a Friday episode where we just bang
out some article stuff. Okay, with that being said, guys,

(01:09:26):
remember you were the authors of your own life. So
grab a pen and we will see you on the
next one.

Speaker 2 (01:09:29):
Bye, guys,

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Advice and BPD S.3 Ep.32

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