Hurt people hurt people S3 Ep39

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Episode Transcript

Speaker 1 (00:00):
All right, guys, So what you're about to watch was
recorded earlier today, I sat down and started editing it.
While we were recording, there was a whole lot of
audio issues. There was a whole lot of crying from
both of us, and what ended up being three hours
of record time. As where I'm currently at, editing has
been knocked down to like two hours and twenty minutes
and I'm like only an hour into the edit process.

(00:20):
So I'm apologizing ahead of time that there are weird cuts.
The weird cuts are because of the audio. In some spaces,
I was able to save the audio from the cameras
and not the mixers, so you will hear differences in sound,
and there was a whole lot of crying cut out.
Me bringing this to you guys now is to let
you know two things. One, we apologize about the technology.
It's the bane of our existence, and at least once

(00:41):
a month something goes wrong. And the other thing is
that if you want to not miss the really important
conversations or the things that we cut out, you need
to join us on Patreon. We record all of our
content live in front of our Patreon audience, whether they
get a YouTube link or we do it in our
Discord community, but they get unedited raw us US. So

(01:01):
with that being said, guys, thank you for turning in.
I am sorry about the technical issues and we hope
you enjoyed the show. Look up with.

Speaker 2 (01:10):
All the things on the bottom.

Speaker 1 (01:18):
Oh oh wow, it's you. You're my favorite view But
it's not, and we are back.

Speaker 3 (01:30):
We are back, you beautiful creatures.

Speaker 1 (01:32):
Today we are doing episode thirty eight. I think could
be thirty nine.

Speaker 3 (01:38):
I don't know where we're at anymore, but I do.

Speaker 1 (01:40):
Believe that this episode will drop on my birthday.

Speaker 3 (01:42):
Oh happy birthday, babe.

Speaker 1 (01:44):
I mean it's still months away at this point, but.

Speaker 3 (01:47):
If this is dropping on you did mention that one.

Speaker 1 (01:49):
I think. I believe this is the episode. Could be wrong, okay,
but I believe that this is the episode. Okay.

Speaker 3 (01:55):
Can I take like five seconds and I'll be right back.

Speaker 1 (01:57):
No, husband's birthday, damn it. I love how I love
you so much.

Speaker 4 (02:14):
This is one of my favorite dresses, and you told
me I can't wear it all the time, so it's
special occasions.

Speaker 1 (02:19):
Oh like today. I'm so embarrassed right now. So ironically enough,
one of the things that I wanted to talk about
today was marketing beautiful? And whoever sold you that that
skirt totally got you? On marketing? What do you mean?

(02:39):
You must have saw something on Facebook that was like
put your husband's face on clothing and you were like, oh, sold.

Speaker 4 (02:44):
Yeah it was a TikTok thing. I think I've had
this for like three years now.

Speaker 1 (02:49):
Yeah, okay, don't so on the marketing thing, show your
nails first that we can. They're like a blood red.
I like them?

Speaker 3 (02:59):
Did this color for my husband?

Speaker 1 (03:01):
So on the marketing thing, how do I how do
I want to enter this conversation? I know that we
both believe in vibrations and frequencies. Yeah, right, on a
spiritual level, not just on a earthly level with technology
Wi Fi et cetera. And a company came across my
Facebook feed like five days ago, six days ago and
it was like block all EMF to your brain, and

(03:25):
I was I watched something two days before that that
was like the more EMF wi Fi signal that goes
into your brain. I believe it was the pituitary gland.
The less you were able to connect spiritually to the
divine like connection, right, and so like that's something I've
been stuck on, Like I thought about like putting a

(03:45):
hooking all of our Wi Fi into one room and
when we go to bed at night, like flipping the
braker and shutting that fucking room off, and like trying
to get rid of all of our signals. It went
down a whole crazy rabbit hole. And obviously that's super extreme.
I'm not doing that. It's that's craziness, Like that's is it? Though?
Is it really crazy? I don't know.

Speaker 3 (04:00):
I don't think it's crazy.

Speaker 1 (04:01):
It could be. I could just be.

Speaker 4 (04:03):
I'm just saying my brain's been feeling tingly since we
started doing things to elevate ourselves.

Speaker 1 (04:06):
Yeah. Well, Facebook showed me this ad for a hat.
It was like block you know, not tinfoil, right, no,
the inside, I got it. I'm gonna show you in
a minute. But it was like block the frequencies to
your brain. And I went on the website and I
bought the hat, and I bought a beanie because I
prefer beanies over hats. And then I was like, oh,

(04:27):
they make T shirts and pants, so like you can
just turn yourself into a fucking Faraday cage and nothing
can get in there.

Speaker 2 (04:33):
Right.

Speaker 1 (04:33):
I went down a whole fucking crazy rabbit hole. But
I bought a hat and a beanie, and I'm not
going to say the name of the company because I'm
not endorsing them. I don't know if the shit works,
but they do have some sort of mesh lining in there.
I haven't even tried it on yet. I figure I
would try it on for you on the show so
that we can see if I look good in this hat,
because it doesn't say cock on it like my other one.
Oh wow, it does it do the thing? Oh yeah?

(04:54):
I wonder if I saw a patch on there if
it would disrupt the the EF. I don't know. I
don't feel like it's doing anything because the rest of
my head is still exposed, so is my face, like
back of the head. The skull marketing got me, right,
And I bought the beanie because I prefer beanies over hats,
and it's not the normal type of being. Definitely meshon there.
I don't think it's gonna keep my head warm. It

(05:15):
is stretchy. I love you, and I prefer that way
over that. But I get more coverage. You do to
the base of my skull, but not to the face. Right.

Speaker 3 (05:25):
Oh yeah, it's going through your eyeballs and shit.

Speaker 1 (05:27):
So when I'm doing this, radiation is going right. Get
in there. They got me.

Speaker 3 (05:34):
Put the beanie back on nuts please, thank you.

Speaker 1 (05:38):
I'm not gonna wear this fall we podcast. No, you
don't have to.

Speaker 4 (05:41):
It's just gonna be for at flip second. Now a
wink at me. Oh god, yep, thank you for indulging me.

Speaker 1 (05:50):
How could I not? You're wearing my face on your dress.
I love you so much. So. The marketing aspect of things,
I'm realizing has become like a very because of the
algorithm and the way that they monitor our use of
social media. Marketing has gotten very efficient. Yes, and I'm
willing to bet that people spend more money buying things
off of social media than they realize, because if you're
only spending twelve dollars here and there, but you're doing

(06:13):
it all the time, it's like micro transactions and video games.
That shit adds up fast. Yeah. That leads me to
the next conversation I was going to have, and this
is going to transition from marketing into victimhood. Okay, this morning,
while you were getting your nails done, I was scrolling
Facebook for a little bit. I actually scrolled all of
my social media today for probably two hours. Oh wow,
just looking I was totally trying to just disassociate.

Speaker 3 (06:33):
Yeah, that's not normal for you.

Speaker 1 (06:34):
No, it's not. But I saw an ad come up,
and I apologize if you're a veteran and this offends you.
We do a lot for veterans, and I support you guys.
But this marketing ad came up that was like, if
you're a veteran, you don't deserve to be in debt.
And it was like, you can get a loan if
you have access debt of two hundred thousand dollars more,
you can get a loan. Blah blah blah blah blah.
And I was like, oh, that's kind of cool. And

(06:54):
then I went back and I read it again. I
was like, being a veteran, you don't deserve to have debt.
So you're saying that somebody can serve from eighteen to
twenty one, leave the military, you know, not be dishonorably discharged.
Be in their fifties, have made a whole lot of
bad financial decisions, filed bankruptcy, multiple divorces, alimony, child support,

(07:15):
failed businesses, not a good steward of their money, and
because they serve for three years, they don't deserve to
have debt. Yeah, it's marketing. And like the comment sections
where people are like, oh, this is such a great thing,
blah blah blah, you guys are doing great work. No,
they're fucking praying on you, and they're gonna get paid
off of your suffrage because you are already not good
with your money. You're going to take a loan from
this company that's going to gain interest off of the

(07:37):
fact that you're not good with this money. And then
when you default on your loan because you're not good
on this money, you're gonna owe them money and they're
gonna send that shit to a debt collection agency. They're
gonna get paid either way, and you're gonna end up
owing somebody else. That's insane, isn't it.

Speaker 4 (07:48):
No one else is crazy to think about, Like surface level,
that sounds fantastic, right right. I know veterans who have
lost limbs, they have TBIs, they can't live a normal
life anymore, so I yeah, that's a great And then
the way that you just laid it out.

Speaker 1 (08:02):
Yeah, there, it's predatories of mother It is.

Speaker 4 (08:05):
It really is, And that's what they're hoping for that.
The people are just going to read it for the
face value, right because they're desperate, and then like emotionally.

Speaker 3 (08:14):
Connect to it. Yeah, that creditory.

Speaker 1 (08:18):
I don't think that I would have went back and
read the ad if I wasn't feeling the way I
was feeling about the hat. And that's how those things
tie in together, because the hat came yesterday while we
were taking our down day. Yeah, you guys for watching
right now on Discord. We did not record yesterday because
we were up until six o'clock in the morning on Sunday,
well Monday morning, six am, and we took an entire
down day yesterday and it was fucking needed. Oh gosh,
we slept all day.

Speaker 4 (08:39):
We woke up, ate a little bit watching some TV,
went to sleep, watch something else.

Speaker 1 (08:42):
Yeah, did the same thing.

Speaker 3 (08:44):
Yea.

Speaker 1 (08:44):
I slept last night from ten o'clock until seven am.
I didn't get up to pee, I didn't toss in turn.
I don't remember rolling over in the middle of the night.
I didn't hear ivy like. That was the hardest I
have ever slept in my life.

Speaker 3 (08:55):
I love that for you.

Speaker 1 (08:57):
I can't believe they got me on that hat. Thing
in theory, you're protecting your brain, right, It's all right here,
and that's where we put our phones, right. And then
I also saw something else about the EMF and all
the things that are coming off of our cell phone
and like radiation and what it does to kids because
they're more susceptible to it, and if they're holding their
phones to the ear to talk, it like it goes
here and there's like brain scans of it. You know,

(09:18):
it's marketing. I don't know how accurate any of the
shit is, but it made me think. And like I
normally would lay on the couch with my phone on
my stomach, and I've been making it a habit to
set it on the cushion so that it's not touching
me if I'm not using the phone. I think I'm
going crazy. Why because none of this shit would have
affected me five years ago.

Speaker 4 (09:35):
I don't think you're going crazy. I'm on that level too.
I'm becoming uncomfortable with a lot of things that is
just normal now.

Speaker 1 (09:42):
The food thing has become a problem. I don't want
to eat like fast food anymore. But with the way
our life is, we still door dash quite a bit.
And like while I'm eating it like I'm self like shit,
talking myself like I can't believe you did this, like
you know better. I am going crazy. Sorry, guys, I
am a very hard day to day.

Speaker 3 (10:01):
I think we should end this.

Speaker 1 (10:02):
We have done this when you've had hard days. We
will get through this. I'll just cut that out. Discord
will know that I'm having a hard day. The rest
of the people won't. It'll be okay, all right, guys.
As you know, there was a TikTok scare. We lost
the app for a whole twelve hours and we have
no idea what the future of the app looks like.
And with that, we are very concerned about the loss
of our following. We have a massed almost three million
followers across that platform with all four of our accounts,

(10:24):
and we are trying to push people to other social
media platforms to that in the event that anything happens
on one app, we have multiple other backup plans. If
you want to make sure that you're not missing any content,
we highly recommend that you check out our patreon.

Speaker 4 (10:37):
On Patreon, we have multiple tiers to choose from. Starting
at ten dollars, you begin to receive exclusive content at
fifteen dollars a month, you get access to our private
discord server where we've en massed in an absolutely amazing
community of supportive people. And beyond that, we have other
tiers to check out, along with my two private women's group.
If that's something you may be interested in.

Speaker 1 (10:58):
Guys, on our fifteen dollars and higher tier, you have
access to live recordings. We record all of our content three, four,
sometimes five times a week live in front of our
Patreon audience, where they are able to chat with us
while we are recording. They can see all the flirting
and the outtakes, the hot topic conversations that never actually
make it on the podcast, and it's really worth that
aspect in itself. We have it after Dark, where we

(11:19):
sit down usually once a week and have a glass
of bourbon or and Peach's case of glass of wine
and a bowl of cheese and we have a whole
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(11:41):
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Speaker 4 (11:50):
The best way to support what we are doing is
to share the content. The second best way is to
check out our Patreon. Thank you guys for being here.

Speaker 3 (11:57):
The fuck is going on with us? My god, I
cried in front of my nail tech today.

Speaker 1 (12:03):
Yeah, I know it's because you're in discord. I know
what's like, I know what's going on in my brain,
and I know why it's happening. And it all started
because of that fucking men's retreat. Yeah, and I've gone
down a rabbit hole since then, and I've picked apart
every decision that I've made over the last three months,
and like that's been the thought process today. And like,
I'm not somebody who lives in the past right when
it comes to my thought process. I am an advanced

(12:28):
thinker and that everything is about preparing for the future.
And I have been working on trying to live in
the right now, and that's been a big focus since
our first aahuasca treat. I want to live in the moment.
That's what he'sh just said. I don't want to be
living in the what if of what's coming or the
what has of the past. I want to live in

(12:48):
the right now while still preparing for what's going forward.
So I don't do a lot of past reflection unless
it's like an audit of time or an audit of money,
or the podcast or where our numbers are metrics that
will bring me back into the past to try to
figure out or recreate something. But I don't. I don't
dwell on past shit, like even things with us, Like

(13:08):
once it's happened and it's over with, I don't dwell
on it anymore. It doesn't matter to me. It happened,
I learned from it. We're going that's just the way
it's going to be. A I am very much trying
to not focus on like the future or everything. And
like I'm so, I've been so twenty thirty on my goals,
Like everything has been Everything that we've been doing for
the last six months has been preparing for twenty thirty

(13:31):
because that's the goal of having no debt, being able
to buy land and start actually building a community for us,
like the things that we dream of, creating a homestead,
whatever the case may be. And who knows if that's
gonna even happen. Right by twenty thirty, that may not
even be a dream. We might move to Costa Rica
or something like. Who fucking knows what that's going to
look like. But I still don't want to live today

(13:52):
the way that we were living two years ago, because
I do know that I want something more than what
we have, and like I'm trying to prepare for that.
So there's been a lot of a lot of mental
stupidity happening with me today and that like I can't
let go of things on the Men's Retreat, since I
guess we should probably announce it on the podcast, we'll
start with your Women's Retreat. As of right now, there's

(14:12):
two spots left. By the time you guys get this
in September, it'll be happening. No, I'm sorry, it'll have
already happened. So good job on your Women's Retreat, babe.
I'm sure it was a great success, I hope.

Speaker 4 (14:22):
So I'm putting a lot of planning into it. I
have a lot of coordinating to do love delegating.

Speaker 1 (14:29):
Yeah, I think you'll do really well with that. Anyways,
So the men's retreat thing we have. I booked it
from March of next year, the thirteenth of the sixteenth.
I think it's on the website to be Better dot com.
And the goal of it is basic leadership and like
being a better man, right, And it's not just like
to be a man. It's to be a better man

(14:49):
for your family. It's to learn to lead and to
regulate your mental health and to do things that is
going to make you grow as a person. And the
goal of the weekend is to leapfrog you years of
what it would take for you to do it on
your own. Right. You're going to have a group of
men sitting around having conversations and there's going to be
a lot of life lived that you can take advice from.
Things going on in the men's retreat. It's going to

(15:10):
be the importance of journaling, emotional regulation, friendships and social circles, health,
dieting and working out finances time versus money and savings
and future goals. So that's the entire premise of the
three day weekend that we're going to have there. Yeah,
and you're going to be there cooking, yes, which is
worth the price of admission.

Speaker 4 (15:27):
Yep, I'll be doing home cooked meals. It sounds like
we have a lot of corresponding things in ours.

Speaker 1 (15:34):
Yeah. Yeah.

Speaker 4 (15:35):
I saw a woman say if you do co ed,
I'd come to it. But I'm doing the same thing
with the women's retreat. Yeah, that was kind of wild
for me to read in the discord.

Speaker 1 (15:43):
There's been a lot of isolation in the way that
we've marketed. Think again, this is the marketing thing. And
I thought about this today too. Because we've done a
couple's retreat, we have two of them. That removes single
people from coming because it's a couple's retreat. They know
that they're not welcome. When the women's retreat, that removes
the opportunity for men to come. With the men's retreat,
there's no women, So there's not been an all inclusive
if you want to be a better person, come do

(16:04):
this thing. And I think that's something that we need
to figure out and plan as well. I also I
also think that there's a very real possibility that if
this thing isn't half sold out by like the time
this episodes drop. I'm just going to fucking refund everyone's
money and either cancel the retreat or resell it as
a co ed thing.

Speaker 3 (16:22):
I think reselling it as a co ed thing would
be the.

Speaker 1 (16:24):
Move, because as of right now, we'reth thousands of dollars
into this and we've not even made half the money
back yet. So yeah, I think those were all the
things that I wanted to talk about. I feel like
there was something else too it. I just can't remember
what it was. I hope it comes back to you
me too. I bought some cards off of marketing they

(16:45):
got me. It was like a deck of cards that
you bring it like a party to like create social engagement.

Speaker 3 (16:52):
Oh hell yeah.

Speaker 1 (16:53):
I thought it was cool, right, because it's something I crave.
I like talking to people and having new information. And
I was like, I could buy these and we can
read them on the podcast. And it came from the
diary of a CEO podcast. He's got his little thing
that he does, and I really like. There's like three
podcasts that I'm kind of obsessed with right now, but
they're all super intellectual podcasts and I'm gaining knowledge from
them that I wouldn't have otherwise gained. So I think

(17:14):
that when those cards come in, which should be here today,
we should do another one of these as Friday Content
and just do the cards and have honest conversations about stuff.
Word maybe we can engage the chat a little bit.
I would love that.

Speaker 4 (17:25):
So this is a thank you email says thank you
from a very grateful wife. Hello Christ and Peaches. This
is not a message about an issue, but a word
of thanks. My husband, forty nine male, and I forty
five female, have been together for twenty seven years and
married for twenty five. We raised a blended family of
five who are all now good adults with their quirks
and problems, but not more than the typical adult.

Speaker 1 (17:47):
Their marriage has been a life sentence. Yeah, you could
kill somebody and do less time than they did in
their marriage. It's crazy to think about.

Speaker 3 (17:56):
I can't wait to get to that point with you
and what.

Speaker 1 (17:58):
You do with that time, Like, what you do with
that time dictates so much of your life, whether it's
prison or marriage.

Speaker 3 (18:05):
So how do you feel about being cremated?

Speaker 1 (18:07):
I don't care. I'll be dead.

Speaker 4 (18:09):
Okay, Well, I didn't know we like, we've never had
that conversation. I know I want your femur, but I
don't know if you believed in like the soul being
astroyed by being cremated or something.

Speaker 1 (18:20):
No, I would think that if that was the case,
when we die, our soul actually leaves our body. Our
body is nothing. It's a meat prison, a vessel. Yeah,
I don't think that. I don't think that I would
be doing the Earth a service by being cremated. I
would prefer like a like an eco thing, an ego burial,
so that like I can actually become one with the

(18:40):
planet again. Yeah, but that would be I don't even know.
You know, you see all these ads for like become
a tree and all that shit like that was all fake,
So I don't know how that would work. Like, you know,
decomposing flesh and the soil could be a bad thing,
especially if you live in a high flood area like
Costa Rica, you know.

Speaker 4 (18:57):
Yeah, So I'll figure it out fore it comes to that.
I'm definitely keeping your femur though, and then whatever happens
to me afterwards, your femur' is just gonna come with me.

Speaker 1 (19:07):
Yeah, Yeah, you'll be whole again.

Speaker 4 (19:09):
At some point it's funny, but I am going to
bring you your femur to dinner or like gardening.

Speaker 1 (19:15):
Fashion it into like a cane or something so that
somebody gets out of line, you can hit them with
it and it'd be like protecting. You still put a
steel cap on the end of it so that it's heavy,
like a Shellaly, Yeah, that's smart. I like it.

Speaker 4 (19:28):
I don't know why I just thought about nunchucks, but
that's not the move. Continuing, My husband and I have
had our trials and tribulations in our marriage. There are
plenty of times that we loved each other and didn't
like each other much.

Speaker 1 (19:39):
We stuck it out.

Speaker 4 (19:41):
The last few years we have both had tremendous personal
and professional growth. As we became empty nesters, we decided
to focus on making each other our priority and did
the work to keep the intimacy and romance alive.

Speaker 1 (19:53):
Could you imagine how different your marriage would look if
you would have done that the whole time that your
kids were there. Yeah, it's crazy to think about. Crazy
to think about, and that falls back on what I
was saying a minute ago about like how important the
time is. It's one thing that you can't get back
like that is the ultimate currency. This actually there was.
That was the other thing that I wanted to talk about.
Somebody in our discord they said that it's been five

(20:13):
years since they took a vacation. Five years, and like,
I have had a vacation every year of my life
for the last twenty sometimes multiple. I am, and I understand.
You can call it privileged, you can call it blessed.
You can call it good money, making decisions, hard work,
whatever the fuck you want to call it. I don't care.
The reality is I put myself in a position that

(20:35):
I could do these things. You're not living your life.
You're going to look back and be like, damn, all
I did was work and made somebody else fucking rich.
Drone audio issues all.

Speaker 4 (20:44):
Right, continuing, Yep, it has not been easy, but it
has been absolutely worth it. I'm not writing this to
brag about our relationship, but to brag about my husband,
brag about both. I sent him a couple of your
tiktoks the end of last year, and now he has
a devoted Spotify listener.

Speaker 1 (21:01):
Love that.

Speaker 4 (21:01):
Oh hello, husband of the emailer, Thank you guys for
being here.

Speaker 1 (21:05):
Congrats on your life sentence.

Speaker 4 (21:06):
Yeah, hell yeah, it's inspirational. He has always been a
man's man, but in the past was very defensive during
arguments or emotionally immature. I would love to say that
a lot of it had to do with you, Chris.
He admires you and takes what you have to say
to heart. We talked multiple times a day about our day,

(21:27):
our wins and losses, our frustrations from the day, etc.
Outside of that, he started slash implemented the weekly check
ins while we eat dinner together. He was telling me
the other day that he realized what a boy he
had been in the past when it came to our
fights and disagreements. I have always admired him, but have
loved seeing his personal growth. So once again I just

(21:50):
want to say thank you for sharing your views and
it has reinforced our views and inspired my husband to grow.

Speaker 1 (21:56):
It's crazy you think about.

Speaker 4 (21:57):
Yeah, reading that made me super emotional. You are a
fantastic man.

Speaker 1 (22:02):
We hear that right like people say that you know,
I look up to you, or you've said some things
that's changed my life, and blah blah blah, like you
don't really understand the impact on this side of things. Right, Like,
I don't have an ego with the podcast. I really don't.
I don't like you know, when we went to the
plant store the other day, we went to the same
one twice and while we went back to the lady
was like, somebody here knew who knew who you guys were,

(22:24):
and like they didn't want to come up and talk
to you because they didn't want to seem like they
were being rude or whatever.

Speaker 3 (22:28):
We also had our kids with us.

Speaker 1 (22:30):
Yeah, so I can respect that for somebody to just
walk up and be like, hey, I really enjoy your podcast,
thanks for changing my life and walking away. I don't
care if the kids are there or not. They're getting
fucking weird. Obviously that's a different conversation. But it's different
when you talk to people face to face and you
can see that they're really implemented things that we've talked
about and it's made their life better. And like, what
we're doing is not it's not rocket science. It's just

(22:53):
conversations that other people aren't willing to have.

Speaker 4 (22:55):
And dedicating our time to something that other people would
rather doom scroll.

Speaker 1 (22:59):
Right, right, Yeah, it's crazy to think that that we're
influencing people the way that we are. Someone in a chat,
I'm not going to say their name. I guess probably
it doesn't really matter because it's not a real name.
But it's been ten years since I've had a vacation,
and I can't believe how consumed by the day today
I've been and not realize it's been that long until
I heard you say that it's fucking insane that we

(23:21):
we get caught up in this. And like, for people
who have commission based jobs or they are an entrepreneur,
your schedule is more than forty hours. You're working every
fucking opportunity you get. And like, as a tattoo artist,
if I was up at three o'clock in the morning
and we got an email or a message on the
Facebook page, I was answering that shit, oh yeah, because

(23:42):
somebody else is going to answer before me, and I'm
gonna lose that client, right, And there was a hustle
mentality that was there, But I still took my vacations.
I always made it a point to like not be
at the tattoo shop for a week and like, like
focus on me and do something that I enjoy. But
even looking back to the IEM book connected to my device,
and I've ever had a single vacation where and not worked.

Speaker 3 (24:00):
I feel the same way with my women's groups.

Speaker 4 (24:02):
Even though I'm not hosting calls, I'm still in the
chats and problem solving and planning things and scheduling.

Speaker 1 (24:07):
And the audio keeps cutting in and out. Oh, hopefully
it's just discord and not our mixer.

Speaker 4 (24:14):
Yeah, you were talking about how vacations we still work
forty hours, Yes, to forty hours a week. Yeah, I
don't work forty hours a week. There are times where
I'm responding to women's messages at ten thirty at night
because we're sitting on the couch and doing nothing and
I finally have a second to just decompress.

Speaker 1 (24:33):
Yeah.

Speaker 4 (24:34):
Times that I'm doing my makeup and simultaneously sending out
voice messages to ladies morning. Yeah, it's been about an
hour and a half responding to messages. There has been
an influx of women in the Sacred Sisterhood reaching out
to me for private mentorship, and I'm enjoying it. Is
I feel useful. I just hope I'm being helpful because

(24:56):
it is taking up a lot of my time.

Speaker 1 (24:58):
It feels good, it does.

Speaker 4 (25:00):
I love learning things about ladies and getting to experience
life through their eyes. I mean sometimes it's heartbreaking hearing
the things that they have to go through, but.

Speaker 1 (25:11):
It's a purpose driven thing for me. So like us
doing what we're doing and helping people the way that
we are, it's like feeding the hungry, you know what
I mean. Like people are hurting, we're able to provide
some sort of solace, right, some comfort. Like there's a
whole lot of love and gratitude that comes from all

(25:33):
of that. It is a very humbling thing.

Speaker 3 (25:35):
Our life is crazy.

Speaker 1 (25:36):
You see that comment.

Speaker 3 (25:38):
What comment?

Speaker 1 (25:40):
You are very helpful and you make me feel seen
and heard when I come to you for advice.

Speaker 3 (25:43):
Oh thank you for saying that.

Speaker 1 (25:45):
I'm so glad you also point my attention to some
things I couldn't see myself. I love that. It's crazy
watching you work and do the things that you're doing.
So it's not a secret that you struggled really fucking
hard the first year of the post podcast, Like you
did not want to keep doing this. There was a
couple of times that it almost didn't go through, Like

(26:05):
and then to see you embrace it and to start
doing things and like you've had to make sacrifices and
things like. In order for you to be as active
as you are with your women's group, you've reduced your
TikTok time, right, Like, you don't make tiktoks the way
you did, and that's actually hurt your followers. Yeah, which
is effected our income, but that's you know.

Speaker 4 (26:20):
Well, TikTok's always been TikTok. I've never made much on
TikTok anyway.

Speaker 1 (26:24):
There was a couple of times there that you were
pulling two or three grand a month.

Speaker 3 (26:26):
Yeah, I don't remember that time.

Speaker 1 (26:28):
It's crazy. What I was going to say is it's
crazy watching you go from I don't want to do this.
It's it's a lot on my mental health. It's draining
me blah blah blah, to mentoring privately five women, like
on a very massive scale, having your Secret your Sacred
Sisterhood group, which is what thirty people, twenty people, it's.

Speaker 3 (26:48):
A lot between twenty five and thirty people, and then it.

Speaker 1 (26:51):
Calls right, and then your Thrive group, which is a
much smaller undertaking in terms of what the other two
groups are doing. Yeah, but you are very involved in
other people's lives, Like it's all inspiring. It's cool to
see you do the shit.

Speaker 3 (27:07):
Oh gosh, I'm gonna cry. Guys.

Speaker 1 (27:10):
Well I'm done now, so have at it. Thanks babe.

Speaker 3 (27:15):
I'm glad that we can make space for each other
like that.

Speaker 1 (27:17):
Yeah, we don't want to overpower each other. So I cry,
you cry, I cry, you cry. It's just not at
the same time, right, What was the main thing you
guys feel? Helping people? How crazy does it feel to
literally change lives? My life has been turned around by you.
It's wild. There's not really a way to put it
into words. It's one thing to read an email. It's

(27:40):
another to meet somebody in person, and the in person
meetings where people are explaining what's going on in their
lives and the things that we have done that has
impacted them and saved their marriages or in some cases
their life. As crazy as that sounds, that's where that
cut being filled really comes in, and the relationships that
we make from it, because we've made friends from all
the trips that we've done, like real friends, you know. Yeah,

(28:02):
it's a lot.

Speaker 4 (28:06):
You You never just experience one emotion, it's always a
multitude of them, and like a really good soup. Sometimes
the fucked upsuit. We put too much anger in there
or frustration, but we can always change the recipe. And
it feels fantastic. It feels draining.

Speaker 1 (28:24):
It is.

Speaker 3 (28:25):
It fills my cup. It makes me want to punch
holes in the wall.

Speaker 4 (28:29):
There's a little bit of fear going into public, just
because I don't know who's going to walk up on
me for what reason. Sometimes it's you're beautiful, Sometimes it's
I like your outfit.

Speaker 1 (28:37):
Sometimes it's oh my.

Speaker 3 (28:38):
God, it's fucking you. And like I never really know.

Speaker 1 (28:42):
Actually, yeah, which is wild to me because I don't.
I've gotten it once.

Speaker 4 (28:47):
Yeah, I've I've given out a lot of hugs, taken
a lot of photos. It's crazy, I don't know. And
I also feel like an imposter.

Speaker 1 (28:55):
I get that. Yeah.

Speaker 4 (28:57):
The first time I got recognized in public by myself
without you, it was a lot. And now it's a
normal part of my life. And that's a fucking crazy
thing to say.

Speaker 1 (29:07):
Right, because we can't go anywhere and not be recognized. Right.
The only place that we have gone out together and
not been recognized for sure was the Hong Kong Airport,
and it's because there's no TikTok and all yeah, they
banned TikTok over there. Yep.

Speaker 4 (29:17):
It feels like a purpose and it feels like the
Lord is cheering me on right now because I am
hitting the nail on the head with what I'm supposed
to be doing. Yeah, even though I have borderline and
it's super hard sometimes yeah.

Speaker 1 (29:29):
Sometimes. All right, let's get into an email. Let's actually
help some people.

Speaker 3 (29:33):
I like that everywhere I look is just you.

Speaker 1 (29:38):
Oh shit.

Speaker 4 (29:39):
Okay, this one is titled together for sixteen years double
digit kids.

Speaker 1 (29:45):
Before you do that, I was gonna say something too
perfect being there being together for sixteen years. They didn't
stay married. They said together, yes, So that's that's that's
an issue right away.

Speaker 3 (29:54):
Well, the first sentence is my wife and I.

Speaker 1 (29:56):
Okay. I saw something on TikTok this morning that said
try said that if you're together for five years or more,
it's a common law marriage, or they're going to try
to push that through it. I didn't. I didn't research it.
I have no idea if that's real or not. Everything
on TikTok is bullshit and do you research it? Yeah?
But how crazy would that be if they actually made
it a thing across the United States that if you're

(30:17):
committed in a relationship and leaving together is if you're
married for five years, you're common law married.

Speaker 3 (30:20):
That would fuck up a lot of people's lives.

Speaker 1 (30:22):
It would it, absolutely fucking would Yep.

Speaker 4 (30:25):
Y'all need to be careful who you're living with, who
we're dedicating our lives to.

Speaker 3 (30:29):
Ye if that goes through, can't just kick them out?
Can't just say my name's on.

Speaker 1 (30:34):
The least A whole lot of relationships ending it four
years in, like you know, ten months.

Speaker 3 (30:41):
I has six more months to make a decision.

Speaker 1 (30:42):
What am I going to do?

Speaker 4 (30:43):
Yeah, don't be that person. Don't be in that situation.
That just feels stressful to me. My goodness. The thing
that I was going to say, I watched a TikTok
this morning. It was a real from a TV show
or a movie. That's how I find new things to watch.
If I get interested it. If I want to find
more of the videos to know what happens in the
next scene, I just have to watch it on Netflix

(31:04):
or sorrying. And it was a scene from a movie
where a woman and her husband had I want to
say it took place in World War two.

Speaker 3 (31:14):
He was in Spain or something.

Speaker 4 (31:15):
With the military, and he brought her back at like
thirteen years old, and they're up to like twenty four kids. Yeah,
and the doctor asked her, when did you have your
last period?

Speaker 1 (31:26):
And he's like, she hasn't.

Speaker 4 (31:30):
So from the time she was fourteen and on, she
was just giving birth, after birth, after birth, She's never
experienced a period. Blew my mind and I went to
the comment section. There were so many women saying, my
grandmother had to go through this. My great grandmother had
like twenty eight kids.

Speaker 1 (31:43):
Crazy to think about that, but that was necessary back then.
It's wild.

Speaker 4 (31:47):
I am so glad that I live in a time
where I can pop out two kids and say I'm done.

Speaker 1 (31:51):
So they said double digit kids. Does that mean they're
in like ten or eleven kids where their kids are
in their teens.

Speaker 4 (31:56):
Oh, I don't know, let's find out. Okay, I don't
know where to start. My wife and I have been
together for sixteen years. We've been married for ten. The
amount of kids we have are in the double digits. Okay,
most of them we had together, a couple of adopted
and one that she had before she met me. We
practice safe sex to keep her from getting pregnant. But

(32:17):
most of the time it didn't work. I think most
of our kids together were make up sex babies. Honestly, Wow,
I wouldn't tell my kids that we spoke.

Speaker 1 (32:27):
On earlier about energy and emf and like vibrations and
frequencies and all that shit makeup sex babies. I wonder
what that does in terms of passing that energy along
into a new life. Oh gosh, chaos, especially if it's
like a grudge fucking after a fight.

Speaker 3 (32:43):
Yeah, I'm doing this because I hate you, but I
want the release.

Speaker 1 (32:46):
Yeah. Yeah, it's crazy how little we know. What do
you mean, like about the way everything works?

Speaker 3 (32:52):
Oh?

Speaker 1 (32:53):
Yeah, you know the last hundred years in terms of
life and like technology and science and the way that
we understand the world one hundred years ago. We didn't.
Two hundred years ago, we really fucking didn't. Yeah, and
with AI and all the shit that's happening right now.
I was watching something this morning with Tony Robinson and
he said that the next ten years is going to
bring change unlike the world has ever seen before. And

(33:13):
it's going to happen in ten years. If you look
at the change of one hundred years till now, how
great those changes are it's going to be ten times
that in ten years. I don't like that.

Speaker 4 (33:23):
Continuing the way she puts it is that we've been
on this endless cycle of loving each other, fighting forgiveness,
temporary or insincere promises to do better, so on and
so forth. There have been issues with infidelity in our past.
I was young, dumb, still getting high on opiates behind
her back, an alcoholic for a little while after we

(33:44):
got married, like I would kill a pint within an
hour and then snort a line of crushed percoset at
the end of the night, a bad habit that I
beat on my own. I wasn't dependent on pills or
alcohol a lot of the times. It would slow my
thoughts down enough to where I could focus self medication,
if you will. Plus, I enjoyed the high. Good on
you for self quitting. That's not an easy thing to do,

(34:06):
going through withdraws like that and having your body have
to do a full reset.

Speaker 1 (34:10):
Yeah. I wouldn't go as far as to say that
it's easy, but when it becomes necessary and that choice
is made. See, this is one of those times where
I have to be very careful with how I word things,
because if somebody is in an active addiction and they
go through withdraws. It sucks. It's fucking hard to be
dope sick. Yeah, But looking back on like going through
that shit to get to where I am now and
like having that kind of experience, like it was hard

(34:32):
in the moment, but looking back on it, like it
was necessary and looking you know, this is the time,
it was easy. I did it, you know what I mean,
Like it's done. It wasn't though, And if you had
asked me a year after I did it, I'd have
told you how fucking hard it was. Looking back on
it now, I'm like, I know I could do that again.
That's perspective. I guess that is very true. Yeah.

Speaker 4 (34:50):
I was sitting there waiting for that fourth needle to
get pushed through my noseul and I was like, why
am I doing this to myself?

Speaker 3 (34:57):
I'd do it again, That's funny. Same thing with Cambo
fuck that.

Speaker 1 (35:05):
I watched you go through that for like twelve hours. Yeah,
and I'm all for the plant medicine, like I want
to experience all that shit. I'm not fucking with that one. No, No,
watching you go through that was enough for me to
go I'm not doing.

Speaker 3 (35:17):
That, just how to get through it.

Speaker 1 (35:19):
Yeah, Yeah, and you did good for you. I felt
great the day after the day. I'm not doing that.

Speaker 3 (35:25):
Definitely needed a down day though my body recoop.

Speaker 1 (35:28):
Yeah.

Speaker 4 (35:29):
I ended up sleeping with a friend who was a
woman who I used to play games with before I
met my wife, less than a year after we got married.
It's the biggest regret of my life and the only
thing I'd go back and change if it were possible.
But seeing how Doc is hiding his plans for the
time machine impossible. So I understand how that's the biggest

(35:49):
regret of your life.

Speaker 1 (35:50):
Fucked up thing to do.

Speaker 4 (35:52):
A lot of bad decisions were made, and I can
see how that impacted your wife, how that impacted your marriage,
how it probably fucked up everything you guys have going on.
We listened to an audiobook when we were out doing photography.

Speaker 1 (36:05):
Worthy of her Trust, Worthy of her.

Speaker 4 (36:07):
Trust, And after ten years, his wife came to him
and said, I'm glad that we went through everything that
we went through because we wouldn't be where we are now.

Speaker 3 (36:17):
And I believe that.

Speaker 4 (36:19):
I believe that foul shit can happen in a relationship
and if both people are set on changing their ways
and forgiveness and grace and really, oh god, what the
fuck the.

Speaker 1 (36:29):
Next thing happens? Yeah, it's been a while since that's happened.
Should I see somebody about this? At least been a
while since it's happened. Is that a problem.

Speaker 4 (36:37):
If both people are dedicated to putting their energy into
fixing the relationship and not holding onto grudges and throwing
it in each other's faces and deciding to have healthy
conversations of hey, this just triggered me. I need reassurance
that I'm still everything that you need in the relationship
and you're not trying to seek it elsewhere. There is
a certain level of you have to eat crow. Because

(36:58):
you did that, you fracture or the person that you're
supposed to love the most. So there is going to
have to be repair for the thing you broke, and
sometimes it's going to be a process. A bowl that
shatters into one hundred pieces. You're not gonna put that
together in one night. That does not give permission for
the person who was hurt to be nasty and vindictive
and try to get an eye for an eye, because

(37:20):
you need to hurt the way that you hurt me.
So if both people on the same level of yes,
that hurt you made a fucked up decision, there's an apology.
There's going to be changed action. You guys are doing
check ins, we know what's going on emotionally. I don't
think that that would be a regret. I think that
if this is something that you guys can work through

(37:42):
and it's not something that's thrown in the face, and
it's changed behavior, and ten years later, everything's fantastic and
you guys are out a place where you would have
never been if that didn't happen. Because conversations have to happen,
boundaries have to be said. This is a whole new
level of all right, we're going to fucking get to
know each other now, and we're going to decide if
this is for us or if it's not. It's intense,
it sucks. It's going to be a grieving process, a

(38:04):
healing process. But I believe that once you get to
that point of being at a higher level in your
relationship after overcoming something like that, you would say what
that man's wife said, I'm grateful for what happened, because
we would never be here if it didn't.

Speaker 1 (38:19):
Yeah, that's if they do the work right. So this
is one of those things that we've talked about a
lot on this podcast, especially when it comes to our
past trauma and abuse and all the things that we've
gone through. We've gone through those things to get us
to become the people that we are, and in order
for us to change, we have to go through hard
circumstances in order for that change to happen, because if
things are easy and just going great, no one's doing

(38:41):
any work. In times of surplus, when everything is good
and everything's coming in, you're just gonna do whatever you're
doing right now to keep that homeostasis to make sure
that everything is just fucking great. But then some hardship happens.
Maybe it's in fidelity, Maybe it's you know, you got
into a really fit, bad fight and said something out
of anger that you shouldn't have said, and now you

(39:02):
have that regret. That regret is going to be what
makes you change the actions moving forward. If you ever
have we've talked, I use this example a lot because
this actually happened to me. When you have somebody say
something to you that in the moment doesn't quite hit
but hits you afterwards, and it's past the point for
you to say something or do something about it. You
will think about that for the rest of your life.

(39:23):
And those things are the things that haunt you in silence,
that mold you into a new person. And if this
man really does regret the infidelity and he did cheat,
and he's doing things to mend the relationship, it's going
to turn him into a man that he wasn't before,
if he actually has regret about the cheating, Because there

(39:43):
are people out there that don't have regrets, they don't
give a shit. So in the event that they've been
married sixteen years and in year one he cheated and
has never done it since, what has he done in
the last fifteen years to mend that? To grow closer
to his person? Every single fight that you have with
your person should bring you together, not further apart. But
that takes a whole lot of pushing your ego down

(40:05):
and understanding that you hurt somebody, or there's distance, or
there's a disconnect, there's something going on that's a fight
is never a fight. It's never just because you said
some shit to hurt my feelings, right, That's never the case.
People say shit all the time that hurt your feelings,
and you'll let it go. It could be your boss,
your best friend, whatever. But if there's an underlying issue,
that snowball effects happens, and what's really fucking bothering you

(40:27):
gets blown up on on the shit that you said
that it's nothing to do with bothering you, and you
never bring it up, right like, That's that's how a
lot of relationships work. So when there's something done and
there's an actual conflict and there's nastiness, it's so much
more than what's actually happening right now.

Speaker 3 (40:41):
You haven't gone through that with me, right?

Speaker 1 (40:43):
Which part were the snowballing thing? Yeah?

Speaker 4 (40:45):
Or I've blown up over something and that wasn't the
I don't feel like i've ever I mean, I've had
my moments.

Speaker 1 (40:51):
Yeah you have, not recently, right, not within the last
seven months, eight months, maybe a year. But it has
happened year. You can take it. That's fine. I'm not
holding grudges. I understand that sometimes the conversation we're having
isn't the conversation we're having. And the more I can
get you to talk and the more weak deep dive
I can figure out what's going on and we can
really talk about the problem. But you've gotten very good,

(41:14):
we've both gotten very good about just saying what the
fuck is happening right now and like why we're feeling
the way that we're feeling in the moment, to make
it and not be a fight, because nine times out
of ten your person, there are people out there that
want to hurt people because they're hurt. That's the one
out of ten. The nine times out of ten your
person loves you, they're trying to fix the fucking problem.
Those numbers probably ain't even accurate. There could be more
like seven out of ten, because there are abusive people

(41:35):
out there who just want to manipulate an abuse. But
with your a loving relationship, the way a relationship is
supposed to be, nine times out of ten, it's going
to be because there's something else going on. Sitting out
there with no shirt on, tinkering with something, and she's
listening to Fleetwood Mac, and she's like, most, how did
she word it? Most? Most men get mad when their
women come out into the garage or into their space.

(41:58):
Mine puts on Fleetwood Mac, gives me a comfy it
and make sure that I'm happy. Crazy thing is is
I was good this morning when I got up. Yeah, yep,
totally good this morning when I got up, and it's
just gotten worse and worse as that they progressed. But
after that TikTok, I went back over to Instagram and
scrolled Instagram. You know what I've noticed about TikTok is
that it's all sales. It's all people standing there on

(42:19):
live streams doing nothing, just staring at the camera, which
is absolutely insane to me, or people singing like bitch,
I don't want to watch you sing good right right right,
just standing there staring at the fucking camera waiting on
somebody to give them something or say something, and then
they react to it and then they stare it again.
It's the dumbest fucking thing I've ever watched, and people
feed into that shit. I watched.

Speaker 4 (42:39):
I came across a TikTok live of a woman sitting
in like cut off jean booty shorts and a bikini
top and her car with like her feet on the dashboard,
just looking at the screen, and there were like.

Speaker 3 (42:48):
Three thousand people watching.

Speaker 4 (42:49):
Its insane, sending common after comment after comment, and she's
not responding to anybody.

Speaker 1 (42:54):
I saved that TikTok. Yeah, why because I want to.
I want to react to it when I'm not emotional.

Speaker 3 (43:00):
Hm hmm, mind you of us? Yeah, I love that
you love me. Are you doing a good job keeping
it together?

Speaker 1 (43:07):
I have the life that I've always dreamed of in
terms of my marriage. You know, there's still things that
I want to accomplish in life, but I have completed
that journey within me, and like I have that piece,
and like I couldn't imagine doing any of this without you.
And I don't mean the podcast, I mean any of it.
Like you have enriched so much of my life and
brought me so much fucking joy that like, this is

(43:31):
the road that I'm gonna be on for the rest
of my life, and I'm fucking grateful for it. So
when I see couples like that on TikTok or I
see people living the life like that and they're loving
and supporting each other, it affects me. It does. It
hits me on like an emotional level, and like, obviously
I don't cry from it every time, but I want to,
Like I will repost those videos and a lot of

(43:51):
the times it's people, no followers. They're just showing off
their life because it's a dope fucking life.

Speaker 4 (43:55):
I do the same thing, but I'm glad that you
got answered in a different way.

Speaker 1 (44:00):
This is one of the few times that I've ever
regretted recording live because I could have cut all of
this out and no one I've ever known that I
was having an emotional day.

Speaker 4 (44:07):
I think people need to see the side of you, babe,
especially men. We have what we have a large part
due to you feeling like you can be open with
me like this.

Speaker 1 (44:18):
It's a lot easier doing it to you, with you
than with everybody. There's fifty fucking people watching us.

Speaker 5 (44:22):
I know.

Speaker 1 (44:23):
I don't know how I'm gonna make this podcast work.
When we fucking edited the shit.

Speaker 4 (44:26):
It took three years of the guilt eating away at
me mentally to finally tell her and seeing the pain
on her face hurt me more than it hurt her.

Speaker 1 (44:33):
So he fessed up to it after three years, but
she didn't catch him, right, But that is true remorse.

Speaker 4 (44:39):
That would be a that would be a step in
the right direction for me, because if I had to
find out on my own, like I don't know, I'm
going through your computer to find whatever document and then
I come across Facebook, Messenger pops up and I whatever
whatever whatever. If I have to find out on my own,

(44:59):
that makes it worse for me mentally.

Speaker 1 (45:02):
Right, because a lie is still happening.

Speaker 4 (45:03):
Right, you coming to me and owning it. I would
rather know sooner than later.

Speaker 3 (45:09):
Do I mean that?

Speaker 4 (45:12):
I don't mean that, Okay, I think I would rather
know later. Yeah, knowing in the moment, like I don't know,
you break down one night and you just saw her
the night before, and you're fucking devastated, you're losing it
and at this point, like you want to unlive yourself

(45:34):
and all this shit's going on. It would be hard,
right because I'm fucking angry because it just happened the
other night. But you're also breaking down and telling me
what's going on and how you want to change things
and all this other shit, Right, that would also be
a step in a good direction for me because you're
owning it, you're telling me the truth in the moment,

(45:55):
and you were saying that you want to change this.
My anger would be a lie lot more heated in
that moment than if three years went by, right, because
that three years. There has been three years of change
like this has not happened since then, I wouldn't be
as hurt, I wouldn't be as angry. I'm still hurt
and angry, but I'm not fighting the urge between do

(46:17):
I be here for my husband in this moment or
do I leave the fucking house and tell them I'll
be back tomorrow.

Speaker 1 (46:21):
And it's all perspective.

Speaker 4 (46:23):
Everybody does their own shit their own way, but I
think owning up to it versus lying by omission, no
matter the time it takes, is the way to do it.

Speaker 1 (46:34):
I agree, that's definitely a move, yeah, because it's taking
ownership of what you did right.

Speaker 4 (46:38):
And like you said, I view that as a genuine
remorse because she didn't find out on her own. They
could have lived the rest of their marriage and never known,
and she would have never known.

Speaker 1 (46:46):
Yep, they chose the remorse. The regret is there, and
so that again on what I said earlier about it
changing the way the relationship could go because of that regret.
I truly believe that if you can get over the
infidelity and you're able to work through all of that shit,
what comes out on the other side is a more honest,
loving marriage. Oh yeah, I'm not saying that you should

(47:07):
cheat on your person by any fucking means. No, you
know what, my past life, I was a cheater. I
couldn't imagine doing that to you. But that's the difference
in the marriage. Yeah right, Like.

Speaker 3 (47:18):
I was an emotional cheater in my last marriage.

Speaker 1 (47:21):
Yeah.

Speaker 4 (47:22):
Yeah, once I got to that point. It doesn't matter
what point I got to. But I got to that
point where I didn't care anymore, and I would get
emotionally gratifying conversations from other men, strangers on the internet
for whatever reason, and I couldn't.

Speaker 3 (47:37):
Imagine doing that to you.

Speaker 1 (47:40):
Crazy, is it?

Speaker 4 (47:41):
Yeah, you want to hear something absolutely insane. I don't
know if this is because of my borderline. I don't
know if media wired my brain or something. I knew
that I was done with a relationship when I could
picture the person I was with with somebody else and
it didn't hurt my feelings.

Speaker 1 (48:00):
I get that. I get that. Yeah. Yeah. Sometimes we
stay in situations because it serves us outside of the
interest of the relationship. You know, people stay in situations
they shouldn't be in because of financial needs. I don't
want to do this alone because they don't have anywhere
else to go. Like, there's a whole lot of reasons
that people stay and a whole lot of reasons they shouldn't.

Speaker 4 (48:20):
Continuing, she ended up going and sleeping with someone else
in my life temporarily spiled out of control there for
a little while after that, both from her sleeping with
someone else, in the pain that I knew she was
in because of my actions, her going out and sleeping
with somebody else was fucked up.

Speaker 1 (48:35):
Yeah, Oh, so she cheated on him afterwards? Yeah, I
miss that.

Speaker 4 (48:39):
Oh, I don't know if it's I don't know if
they've broke up. I don't know if they took a
break and she went and slept with somebody else. It's
not clarified because the next sentence is we ended up
getting back together and had been together since then.

Speaker 3 (48:51):
So if they broke up, that doesn't matter that she
slept with something.

Speaker 1 (48:54):
No, it doesn't. They were not together. It doesn't unless
she broke OUs and fucked somebody else and then came back.
Because that's so.

Speaker 3 (48:59):
Yeah, I got it out of my system.

Speaker 1 (49:00):
And we can do this.

Speaker 4 (49:01):
Yeah, this is less about correcting the behavior from the email, right,
because this shit happened.

Speaker 3 (49:06):
There's nothing we can do to change that.

Speaker 4 (49:08):
Me saying the things that I am saying is for
the people who are currently listening, who are in this
situation or the cheating has been exposed, and now we're
trying to figure out the best path forward being honest
and holding space for one another and recognizing that the
cheater has to eat crow. Like I said, you broke it, yeah,
fix it. And the cheaty, the one who was cheated on.

(49:31):
There's a reason for everything, and your person cheated for
whatever reason they decided to decide to cheat, doesn't mean
it's reasonable or logical. Right if I decide to burn
my house down, someone's going to ask me, why'd you
do that? There may have to be some acknowledgment of
I wasn't on my p's and q's. You're right, I
did stop kissing you when you walk through the door.
I started going to bed without you at night. There's

(49:54):
a lot of conversations that have to happen, and I
can't remember where I was going with that, because I
started thinking about our life and I love it.

Speaker 1 (50:00):
You know how crazy it is to think that even
in the moment that all that shit's happening. People justify
what they're doing to themselves, so even though after the
fact they may have excuses or even be able to
provide reasons for like all the examples you just gave,
in the moment, what they were doing felt right enough
for them to do it. Yeah, and that speaks on

(50:20):
a whole other level of disconnect. Yep.

Speaker 4 (50:23):
When Okay, so I'm not going to say I'm not
going to phrase it that way because it's not going
to be in every situation.

Speaker 2 (50:28):
Thing.

Speaker 4 (50:29):
Sometimes people are just shitty, really shitty and selfish and
don't care. So I'm going to say, hopefully, majority of
the time when somebody cheats, they're not fl And I
know saying that and hearing that sounds awful because you're
supposed to be the most important person in their life.

Speaker 5 (50:48):
When you starve somebody enough to a point that all.

Speaker 4 (50:51):
They can think about is food, they're not thinking about
their family anymore. They just want to survive. They want
to get something to eat. And I'm gonna say something
else is gonna pis some people off. Intimacy and sex
is a very important thing in a marriage monogamous relationship.
We are dedicated to one another and you can't get
these other things from somebody else, and if that person

(51:12):
is deprived of that for whatever reason, you're using sex
as a weapon. You started getting mad about him smacking
your ass. You got frustrated that she got so excited
when you got home. How dare she miss you? I
am getting sidetracked today. What was I going with?

Speaker 2 (51:26):
That?

Speaker 3 (51:28):
Be my brain?

Speaker 1 (51:29):
I'm holding on to a thought that I didn't want
to interrupt because I've been really bad about doing that lately.
So I'm holding on to my thing, and.

Speaker 4 (51:35):
I'm okay, hold, okay, chat help. Oh, I remember I
was going the starvation thing. Sex is important a relationship.
Intimacy is important a relationship. Feeling like you are mattered,
like feeling like you matter and that you are cared
by somebody. To feel like you have somebody waiting for
you to come home, that you'll be missed if you

(51:57):
don't show up.

Speaker 3 (51:59):
All of that is, in my opinion right.

Speaker 4 (52:01):
I couldn't give you articles or anything's important to the
human psyche. And I'm going to use a man for
an example in this because I did read this from
a psychologist's book. Men look to their mothers when they
are children for love admiration, appreciation, all those kinds of things.
And then as they become adults, that position changes to

(52:24):
the wife. And if you are angry because you didn't
fold the towels right, whatever you're mad about, and you decide, well,
fuck him, I'm going to stop holding his hand when
we're on the couch together. That's a massive disconnect. It's
not an excusable reason, an excuse it reasonable. It's not
a reasonable reason to go you didn't hold my hands
while I cheated on your right. It's still important to

(52:47):
hear them out and hear what got them to that point,
to rationalize this is okay for me right now, and
disregard the marriage, disregard what's going on with you, and
overall it's just a massive failing communication.

Speaker 1 (52:58):
And to your thought, you said that you're supposed to
be that this is going to hurt your feelings because
you're supposed to be the most important thing to them.
Do you remember that. Yeah, that's a hell of a statement.
And the reality is that most people aren't doing the
work to be the most important thing in somebody's life.

Speaker 3 (53:12):
Well, I said that because that's what people hope to be.

Speaker 1 (53:15):
Right right, Well, that's hopium right, But hope without action
means nothing right. And I could hope to be the
most impressive thing on the earth to you. But the
moment that I stopped trying to do that and I
start well, I got her already. Why should I pursue
her or do these things? Because she's already my wife?
I have that relationship. Now I want the next best thing.
How the fuck am I going to be the most

(53:35):
important thing to you? When I disregard you and I
don't listen to what you're going through, and like, we
can't have honest conversations about shit, and we're not having
sexy time or intimate moments, and we're not doing things
together that fill our cups that makes us bond. The
more we do this and grow to this, the more
important you will be to me. When we become super
disconnected and we're living in two different worlds, two ships

(53:56):
passing by at night time, there's no connection there. Why
the fuck would you be the most important thing to me?
We help each other pay rent, right, It's a very
different thing, and that takes action. You have to actually
do the work to be the most important, and that's
not something that you get to stop doing You have
to do it your entire fucking life. If you're married,
and it's hard. There's gonna be days that you don't
like your person. There's gonna be days you don't like yourself.

(54:17):
There's gonna be days you don't like your house, you
don't like your fucking job or your career. So what
this is one day out of your entire fucking life,
figure your shit out, reconnect with your person, and be
the most important thing. Yeah, it's action.

Speaker 4 (54:29):
Right to piggyback off of you saying that it's a
day look at your life. I will look at the
last six months, right. I have borderline, so I can
be very messy up here. If I am super pissed
off at you for what reason, and.

Speaker 5 (54:46):
I sit down and I look at the last six
months of our lives.

Speaker 4 (54:49):
We traveled ghost to read, we had a couple's retreat,
we have fun weekends together, we stay up until six
am having fun. And all the small things you do
for me, You open all the doors for me.

Speaker 3 (55:03):
You tell me I'm easy to love. This is stupid.

Speaker 1 (55:06):
Can I interrupt?

Speaker 2 (55:07):
Yeah?

Speaker 1 (55:07):
Okay, on the if you look back at the last
six months instead of just to day, if you look
back on the last six months and everything is exactly
the way that it has been today for the last
six months, and there's been no change. You're the fucking
problem in that, because you're the one who's looking back
at your life and are unhappy. You can't expect somebody
else to change their life to make you happy. That's

(55:28):
a you problem. Your and happiness is fleeting. It's a
dopamine hit. There's a very big difference between having true
joy in your life and living for something and just
looking for that next little thing that's gonna fill that
dopamine hit. For five seconds, I can give a whole
bunch of things that's gonna make you happy for a
little while. It's not gonna be joy though, It's not
gonna be the same thing. So if you look back

(55:50):
on your life over six months and you go, damn,
this sucks, what are you gonna do to change it?

Speaker 3 (55:55):
Right?

Speaker 1 (55:55):
Sometimes it means you have to change your person, that's
the reality of it. Sometimes it's that you need to
change your perspective, your communication skills, you're listening skills, the
way that you fucking approach situations. All of that shit
has to change, and you have to be the one
to change it, because you can bring it to your
partner and bitch and complain and cry all you fucking want.
But if they don't see a problem with the way
that they've been conducting themselves, they're not going to change.

(56:17):
And if you make the change and you do all
the things to make you a better person, your partner
will see that. And it's the mirrored and energy. Oh
they're being petty. Fuck it, I'm gonna be petty too.
That's the conversation everyone always fucking has. They don't ever
have the conversation of Damn, my partner's really fucking good.
I'm gonna match that energy because matched energy goes both ways.
It's not just about negativity.

Speaker 3 (56:37):
Yeah, I'm so glad you said all of that.

Speaker 1 (56:39):
That's where I was going with it.

Speaker 3 (56:41):
Thank you for stepping in.

Speaker 1 (56:42):
You're welcome.

Speaker 3 (56:42):
Keep going on.

Speaker 1 (56:43):
The easy to love you thing. That's easier than opening
the doors. Really, Yeah, I don't have to walk around
the other side of the car to love you. It
takes energy to walk around the car. It doesn't take
energy to love you. It's just there. It is easy.
I think that speaks on you being my piece though,
and not bringing drama, conflict, and stupidity into our lives.
You know, we do very good about making sure that

(57:03):
all of that shit stays away from our our everything.
And I think that that's where most people get caught up.
It's a disconnect. Yeah, guys, I am so fucking sorry
for this episode. Everywhere it needs something dry. Can you
help me? Please? Thank you? Jay said, I'm late, but

(57:23):
I'm here. What's up tribes that I'm missing? Oh my goodness,
you missed a lot, dude. We've been sitting here crying
the whole fucking episode.

Speaker 3 (57:31):
Yep, is Crystal with you?

Speaker 1 (57:33):
Hello? I hope so?

Speaker 3 (57:35):
I hope she heard that I miss you.

Speaker 1 (57:36):
Guys.

Speaker 3 (57:37):
I want to go thrifting with her so bad.

Speaker 1 (57:39):
Yeah. Yeah, I hate that all of our friends live
in other states. Me too, thought about that pretty hard
yesterday too. Yeah. I have Sean and he works just
as much as we do. I never see him unless
he's dropping something off for picking something up for work. Yeah,
and I gets talked to him for five minutes in
the driveway before he leaves us.

Speaker 2 (57:55):
It.

Speaker 1 (57:56):
I literally have no one in my day to day life.
Every all of my relationships are digital.

Speaker 4 (58:01):
Me too, Let's get back to it, okay, okay, continuing,
we end up getting back together, and I've been together
since then.

Speaker 1 (58:08):
Well fast forward today.

Speaker 3 (58:10):
She's had several affairs since then, and I can't bring
myself to hate her or even be mad at her
for very long because I still hold the guilt of
betraying her in the past and feel like it's what
I deserve, my cat of nine tails, if you will, What.

Speaker 1 (58:22):
A strange thing to say. What a strange thing to say, right, Like.

Speaker 4 (58:27):
Say you broke a glass when you were a child,
and because you broke that glass when you were five
until you were thirty, you had to burn your hand
on the stove for punishment.

Speaker 3 (58:39):
That's ridiculous. Yeah, that's what that sounds like to me.

Speaker 1 (58:43):
If he was if he said, I understand the eye
for an eye and a degree, right, like I can
understand if she broke up with him and slept with
somebody else and it was revenge and they were young
and it was petty. I can understand that from a
place of hurt, because I've been hurt. I understand that
to allow that to continue to happen, to stick around
knowing that we were even like we both heard each other.

(59:05):
We're good now, like, yeah, and even that's toxic as
fuck to say, yeah, but I gotta be honest, I
could even understand that, but it would have to stop
there because now we both have regret that we have
to live with. Sounds to me like she doesn't regret shit, no,
and he's the one that's suffering because of it. Yeah,
I would in that marriage just from that statement alone,
that's it. Yeah, yep.

Speaker 3 (59:24):
I was an addict to something.

Speaker 4 (59:26):
And that's how I view that, right, being like drinking
and taking opioids and crushing them and snorting them and
all those kinds of things. That's not normal behavior to me,
that that's an extreme you're really trying to disassociate and
I view that as addict behavior. And I fucked up
and I made a mistake, say I didn't even yeah whatever,

(59:46):
I had sex with the guy and then you went
out and you did the same thing and then came back.

Speaker 1 (59:53):
That sucks. I'm not saying that it's right, right, that's
not what I was getting.

Speaker 3 (59:57):
No, No, I know, I mean it sucks. It definitely sucks.

Speaker 1 (59:59):
Like I can see it, right, you can understand it.

Speaker 4 (01:00:02):
That's right, because like now we're even we're even if
you continued the way that she had.

Speaker 3 (01:00:09):
What am I doing right?

Speaker 4 (01:00:10):
Like? I wasn't sound of mind. I was doing things
to my body and taking things and it was a
fuck up fifteen years ago. I wouldn't live like it,
either filling desires and communicating and not looking elsewhere or
seeking an emotional release or whatever. You are my person
period for the last.

Speaker 1 (01:00:31):
Sixteen years, Yeah, I wouldn't stay. Yeah, I need to
be clear. I don't I don't believe in eye for
an eye, and I definitely do not believe in vindictive behavior. Yeah.
I am somebody that once something wrong has happened, I'm
distancing myself from people because I'm not going to It
sounds stupid to say put myself on that level, but
this is the forgiveness thing. I don't forgive people for them.

(01:00:54):
I do it for me because I don't want to
harbor that inside of me. I have lived a very
hateful life, done a lot a lot of fucked up shit,
and I've heard a lot of people I don't want
to live like that anymore. I know what that feels
like to carry that inside of you, and I don't.

Speaker 4 (01:01:07):
I love that for you. I know that you still
struggle with things. But peace looks really good on you.

Speaker 1 (01:01:13):
It's much lighter.

Speaker 3 (01:01:14):
Mm hmmm, I can see it.

Speaker 1 (01:01:16):
So again, I don't condone I for an eye behavior,
and I don't believe in vindictive behavior. I believe that
all of that ugly you're going to have to pay
for one way or another, whether it's karma or God.
And when you have to pay for that, God's not
going to go, well, what did they do to you? Right?
You don't give a fuck about that. They're going to
have to pay for that shit. M h He's going
to know why you reacted the way you reacted, Why

(01:01:36):
did you do the things that you did, the choices
that you made. It's nothing to do with other people.

Speaker 4 (01:01:41):
Yeah, I hate the kids with that. Why did you
do with what you just did? Well, Sissy did That's
not what I asked you. Why did you think what
you just did was an appropriate response to the situation? Yeap,
Really break things down and evaluate how in control of
ourselves we are continuing?

Speaker 1 (01:01:59):
Yep. I love this woman with all my heart.

Speaker 4 (01:02:02):
She is happy and loving and she is the most
amazing person in the world, and I do anything for her.
But when she's not she's someone I walk on eggshells around.
They give you an idea of her mental state. She's
bipolar diagnosed, and she has multiple physical ailments that are
sure to shorten her life'span by a large margin.

Speaker 1 (01:02:18):
What has it got to do with her infidelity? Right?
Those are choices, yeap.

Speaker 4 (01:02:23):
Over the past couple of years, we've been stuck in
the cycle I mentioned above, and it's a cycle that
I love to break to get the sunshine on the
other side, But I lose focus of what matters to
me because of the stress's life is throwing my way.
I'm in bankruptcy right now. I pay thirteen oh five
per week, and I'm usually left with between four hundred
and one thousand, one hundred a week to get everything

(01:02:43):
we need for the house.

Speaker 1 (01:02:44):
Hold on thirteen hundred and five dollars a week. Yes,
that's sixty seven thousand dollars a year. That's insane. So
he's making enough money that he still has about one
thousand dollars a week left over. He's making really good money. Yeah,
how the fuck did you end up in bankruptcy? This
is the bee in the steward. This is what we
were talking about earlier. Yeah, that's absolutely insane to me.

Speaker 4 (01:03:04):
Yeah, continuing, Yeah, so I'm left with between four hundred
and eleven hundred a week to get everything that we
need for the house, food, diapers, toilogeries, et cetera, and
to pay bills that aren't included in my bankruptcy cell phone, internet, electric, water,
car insurance, and gas. So money is very tight and
we aren't able to do a lot of things that
we used to do. So let's just go one thousand dollars.

(01:03:29):
That's four thousand dollars a month for everything that you
just listed out. Are you paying a mortgage? I don't
know what's included.

Speaker 3 (01:03:36):
He just said it that there are things that aren't
included in the bankruptcy that he's paying for cell phone, internet, electric, water,
car insurance, and gas.

Speaker 4 (01:03:44):
So it doesn't sound like there's a car payment or
a mortgage, right. So if you're having, on average a
surplus of four thousand dollars a month after what you're
paying for the bankruptcy weekly, just round it to fifteen
hundred dollars a week, which is a lot. It's thirteen
oh five a week.

Speaker 1 (01:04:03):
Oh my gosh.

Speaker 4 (01:04:04):
Math two point six two carry the one, So that's
what three thy two hundred dollars a month something like that.

Speaker 1 (01:04:11):
I wasn't okay in math, I'm holding on interrupt when
we're talking. I could see the interruptions. It's different when
I watch it back then when I'm when we're live,
because when we're live, I think we're having conversations, and then
when I realize that I talk and you don't finish
her thought, there's no conversation, there's yeah, disruption.

Speaker 3 (01:04:26):
So yeah, this just doesn't make sense to me.

Speaker 1 (01:04:31):
People.

Speaker 3 (01:04:31):
Some people live on three thousand dollars a month.

Speaker 1 (01:04:34):
Some people live on a lot less than that.

Speaker 4 (01:04:36):
Right, there must have been a massive life change to
be put into this position.

Speaker 3 (01:04:43):
I hope there's a laboration.

Speaker 1 (01:04:44):
Here's another thought before we move on, because I don't
want to lose it. Where is she at in this right?
What the house is done with the money? Yeah? I
understand a man's role is to provide and like earn
and do all of that, But we're a team. When
you get married, you're one flesh. And if my responsibility
is all the fucking bills, and I get so fucked
up that I have to file bankruptcy and we are
no longer living the life that we became accustomed to living.

(01:05:07):
Where are you at in this? Your job is to
be there and help and do the things. So like,
if I can't do it all and we have seven
years of discomfort because that's how much money I have
to pay back or whatever, you have to help. Yeah,
Like we're a team right now. And if I have
to bear all of the fucking stress and burden and
you're not helping at all, we're not a fucking team
right Like, So where is she in this? If he's

(01:05:29):
doing all of this and it's still required to pay
for everything? Does she does she not work? Is she
a stay at home because they got so many fucking kids? Like?
Is she willing to uber? Like I I something something's
gotta give. There's got to be some sort of help there,
whether it's a online business that she can operate, going
to a thrift store and reselling on Etsy or eBay.

Speaker 4 (01:05:51):
So money is very tight and we aren't able to
do a lot of things that we used to date.
Nights aren't as lavish as they used to be. But
both of us are okay with that. I can't buy
her small things like I used to be able to,
and it's put me in the sort of depressed state.

Speaker 1 (01:06:05):
Okay, so I have a thought there. Okay, if your
love language is gift giving, you can find other ways
to give gifts that doesn't cost money. Yes, your person
may not be into pine cones or shiny rocks, yeah,
but there are things that they enjoy that you can
absolutely go find and speaking on thrift stores, goodwills, fucking

(01:06:26):
free cycle, Facebook, marketplace, you can get into like local
trade groups. There's all kinds of things that you can
do to find ways to pebble with your person and
give them gifts and like fawn over them that doesn't
cost you shit. So if your issue is that you
can't afford to buy them things, is it that your
personally likes lavish gifts, right? And if that's the case,

(01:06:47):
and obviously you make money, so it would be a
fair assessment to call her a gold digger at this point.
If that's the case, that's what my mind went to.

Speaker 4 (01:06:57):
I don't know how to tell her that I'm always
under a constant state of stress between taking care of
her she doesn't work anymore, the kids bills, and not
feeling like I'm enough, feeling like I'm not appreciated by
her work, and life in general. We aren't going hungry,
the electric isn't getting shut off, there's gas in the vehicles,
and I'm usually left with pennies by Monday. Do you
think they're living outside of their means? Yes, because I'm

(01:07:20):
really focused on the four hundred eleven hundred dollars a month, right.

Speaker 1 (01:07:23):
Multiple double digit kids? Oh so yes?

Speaker 3 (01:07:28):
Oh I forgot about that.

Speaker 1 (01:07:30):
Yep, there's a lot of mouths to feed.

Speaker 4 (01:07:33):
I was picturing like two to four children. Yeah, I
totally fat. You're right in never mind, never mind.

Speaker 3 (01:07:40):
I take all the shit back I said that, got.

Speaker 1 (01:07:43):
It now, right? But see that's the teamwork. Yeah, you're
supposed to be the fucking the head of household. The
two of you are supposed to be running things and
leading by example for the kids. And you know what
your kids are seeing? Bankruptcy, multiple infidelities, a couple that
doesn't get along withst the time, one who's motionally unstable,
one who lives with regrets and allows the woman to
walk all over him, all while not being able to
properly lead the household.

Speaker 4 (01:08:06):
Oh my golly gosh, yep, I get the pennies now.
That made me nauseous, made nauseous. Good on this dude
for working so hard to stay afloat. I'm picturing twelve
kids now.

Speaker 1 (01:08:15):
Yeah, we don't know. You're right. It could only be
ten because that is technically double digits, but it could
also be nineteen, you're right, or ninety nine.

Speaker 3 (01:08:24):
Yeah, I've heard twenty four this morning.

Speaker 4 (01:08:30):
I just want to let this dude know, like I
see you, homie out here doing the damn thing.

Speaker 3 (01:08:34):
I would be upset by all of this too.

Speaker 1 (01:08:36):
Name most decision you'll ever make, A who you choose
to marry?

Speaker 3 (01:08:39):
Yes, yes, all of the snaps for my husband, real quick.

Speaker 1 (01:08:44):
We're using your line, A good line, It's true, though. Yeah,
a good partner can make or break somebody.

Speaker 4 (01:08:49):
On your life, everything going on in your life continuing, Yep.
The first thing that seems to start to go for
my focus seems to be her, like her needs from
me as a husband, Not because I don't care about her,
but I think it's that everything else is more overwhelming
in my focus. I also think I have undiagnosed ADHD
after a little self reflection, and that doesn't help.

Speaker 1 (01:09:11):
So what the ADHD? All of it, all of the labels.
I am so fucking sick and tired of people giving
us their diagnosis is that doesn't fucking mean anything, all right,
tell us how you're coping with your choices matter. Have
you done anything to fucking help yourself with the diagnosis
that you've been given, Because if not, your diagnosis doesn't
mean shit. You're a lazy motherfucker who's done nothing to

(01:09:31):
fix your shit. And if you think you have ADHD
or bipolar or BPD or any of the other things
that you think you might possibly have self diagnosed because
of fucking Google or TikTok, what have you done to
correct it? What are you doing to heal yourself? If
you're getting distracted and your wife is no longer a priority,
and you realize that you make your wife a priority,
set an alert on your phone nine am. Did you

(01:09:53):
make your wife a priority today? Eleven thirty Hey, dumbass,
did you make your wife a priority today? Eleven thirty nine?
I just remind I did you nine minutes ago? Yeah,
there's a whole lot of things that you can do.
It's all excuses, it's all fucking lip service to me.
I am so fucking sick of the diagnosis as bullshit,
and I don't care If that makes me sound cold,
I really fucking don't. I have labels. They mean nothing

(01:10:13):
to me because I've overcome all that bullshit.

Speaker 3 (01:10:15):
I agree, you're sexy when you're past.

Speaker 1 (01:10:17):
I'm frustrated now I went from emotionally like distraught all
morning to now I'm aggravated. I don't like that. It's weakness,
it is. I agree, it's choosing weakness. I agree with
all of that. I do. I agree.

Speaker 4 (01:10:29):
I've seen so many people abuse mental illness online. TikTok
is disgusting for it, and.

Speaker 1 (01:10:39):
I agree.

Speaker 3 (01:10:40):
I want to hear about the What are you doing
to improve yourself?

Speaker 1 (01:10:43):
Right?

Speaker 4 (01:10:43):
What have you done to make your life easier after
finding this out? What's the research you've done? Tell me
how great life has been since you've been able to
take control of it, Because now you know what's going on.

Speaker 1 (01:10:54):
Right, you have no excuses anymore. Yeah, you know what
I'm gonna pose.

Speaker 4 (01:11:00):
It's a perspective, and if it's wrong, it's wrong. I'm
not trying to be correct here, I'm just trying to
bring another object into focus here and everything going on
in life.

Speaker 5 (01:11:12):
See, maybe it's not that you're overwhelmed by everything going
on in life.

Speaker 4 (01:11:16):
Are you subconsciously detaching from her because she has had
so many affairs and you don't want to be that
husband for her? That's okay to say out loud.

Speaker 1 (01:11:25):
How about I'm killing myself trying to make this work
and I don't have a partner. Yeah, it's fucking valid.
Statement is that's a great reason to disconnect. I'm fucking
treading water and I'm holding all of us and I
just need you to move your fucking feet a little
bit to help me out so that we don't drown.
And you're not moving your feet, right, bad statement?

Speaker 4 (01:11:44):
Humans baffle me, sometimes continuing.

Speaker 1 (01:11:47):
Yes, well, she would feel that I.

Speaker 4 (01:11:49):
Wasn't showing her enough attention physically, emotionally and mentally, and
sitting here reflecting on how I've acted in the past,
She's probably right. It wasn't my intention to be this way,
but it's just how it happened. And I get angry,
overthinking a lot of the time about everything, get mad
because of what happened at work.

Speaker 1 (01:12:05):
Get mad.

Speaker 4 (01:12:06):
I wanted to be able to provide more for my family,
but I can't. I hold a class A CDL and
I'm limited to only working seventy hours a week, so
there's really no space to advance on my paycheck. I
would pause there. I would work somewhere else. If I'm
at a place where I can't, there's no more growth
for me, like I've reached and I need more than that.

(01:12:27):
I'm either going to find a way to get myself
into my own business, or I'm going to search elsewhere
where there is opportunity for growth, and I'd show I'm
fucking hungry for it, like I am the one that
you want for this job, and I'm going to show
you all of the great things that I can do.

Speaker 3 (01:12:40):
Here's my resume you got.

Speaker 1 (01:12:42):
You bring years of experience to the table. You're getting
paid for your experience, not for your time. There's a difference.

Speaker 4 (01:12:47):
I'm not paid hourly, so I don't get over time
after forty hours. I'm the highest paid employee not in
management where I work. I don't feel she understands when
I tell her that I can't make any more money
than what I do now unless people don't come into
work and I have to haul loads on the weekend.
Right now, I drive a yard dog. I load the
trailers for our drivers and ferry trucks to shop for maintenance.

(01:13:10):
Then over the past few years they've also added getting
truck mileage on Mondays for fuel tax purposes. Inspections because
our drivers are lazy as hell and can't seem to
inspect the equipment like they're supposed to. Trailer inspections multiple
times per day. They're not even our trailers give safety
meetings once a month, tarp the loads, dispatch drivers, and
there's probably more that I haven't thought of. I work

(01:13:32):
eleven hours a day Monday through Friday, and sometimes on Saturday.
If we aren't loading trailers on Saturday and there are
loads to haul, then I'm in there working another twelve
to fifteen hours. So I max my time card every week. Okay,
So I'm confused. So you're working thirty hours a week
that you're not getting paid.

Speaker 1 (01:13:49):
FORTANDID he doesn't make overtime. He still gets paid for it.
He just doesn't get overtime.

Speaker 3 (01:13:54):
Oh like, so he doesn't get the increase in pay.

Speaker 1 (01:13:56):
It's okay. Can we talk about how disconnected his family
is right now with all that time? Oh gosh?

Speaker 3 (01:14:01):
Yeah, So eleven hours a day Monday through Friday.

Speaker 1 (01:14:06):
And then twelve to fifteen hours on a Saturday sometimes.

Speaker 3 (01:14:08):
Right, So that's like he said, seventy hours a week?
How many how many hours are in a week? Well,
one hundred and twenty, one hundred and sixty eight, one
hundred and sixty eight. I love that, you know that.

Speaker 1 (01:14:17):
I googled it is in my book.

Speaker 3 (01:14:20):
I remember that.

Speaker 4 (01:14:21):
Yeah, one hundred and sixty eight hours in a week,
and you're spending seventy of them at work.

Speaker 1 (01:14:27):
Minimum minimum what he said, seventy hours a week, and
then they're sleep.

Speaker 4 (01:14:32):
Yeah, he's getting a day a week with his family
if he's not trying to sleep and get things done
around the house or running errands. That's wild.

Speaker 1 (01:14:41):
I don't I understand the need to make money. I
really do and like and maybe maybe because we have money,
and like I've gotten so accustomed to being an entrepreneur
and like money coming and going, and like I've started
over so many times in life that like, I'm okay
starting over. I also know that where I am in
life now and with all of the things that I've

(01:15:01):
done and missed out on.

Speaker 2 (01:15:03):
I love where I'm at. But I don't love that
I missed out on so much, right, Like there's a
whole lot of things looking back on my life that
I wish I could have done that I didn't do
because I decided to work and build my thing, and
now that's setting me up to have the future that
I want to have. But if I'm in a position
where I'm no longer able to live my life and
all I'm doing is serving another motherfucker, I'm leaving.

Speaker 1 (01:15:25):
Oh yeah. I would rather be broke living in my
van doing like odd handyman jobs on Facebook marketplace for
food and gas than to sell my entire fucking life
to a company. I agree with that he can't. He
just can't drive more than seventy hours, and that includes
non driving hours. He can work at McDonald's for fifty

(01:15:46):
hours a week and only have twenty hours of drive
time available with the CDL. After the seventy hours of
work is met, he'll have to do non driving jobs. Okay,
So that makes a lot more sense as to why
he's there doing the tarping and the inspections, the maintenance, yeah,
and all the other things. Thank you. This is the
great thing about the discord chat.

Speaker 3 (01:16:03):
Okay, So I'm going to ask you to explain that
to me again, because I don't understand.

Speaker 1 (01:16:07):
He's only legally allowed to drive his vehicle for seventy
hours a week. Okay, so he can do other things
for the company as long as he's not physically driving
his truck, cleaning the shop, maintaining the trailers, doing inspections,
tarp like tarping loads, helping other people load their trucks,
so he can work more than seventy hours a week.
But over the seventy hours, it's all labor shit that's

(01:16:28):
not behind the wheel of the vehicle. So there's that.

Speaker 4 (01:16:30):
I get depressed because I am limited to how much
time I can spend with my family trying to stay
above water, while feeling helpless on how much money I
can actually make because of my hours of service. Our
last big argument, I found out that she was talking
to another guy that had tried to solicit sex from
her in return for some money, and I tried to
express to her how that made me feel.

Speaker 3 (01:16:49):
So she was prostituting herself.

Speaker 1 (01:16:51):
I have a whole lot of thoughts on this.

Speaker 3 (01:16:53):
Right, Like, I'm not wrong for jumping to that.

Speaker 1 (01:16:55):
Okay, well, okay, there I have two modes of thought here, Okay, One,
what is she doing with the money? Right? Because if
she's prostituting because they can't make bills and they need
to eat. As fucked up as it is, I can
understand that because you're doing the only thing that you
fucking have to do. The other side of that is,
is she doing it so that she can buy herself shit?

(01:17:15):
Oh that's a good question, right, Both of them are
fucked up.

Speaker 2 (01:17:18):
Yeah, To be clear, I don't I'm not agreeing with
either one of them.

Speaker 5 (01:17:21):
You can see it.

Speaker 2 (01:17:22):
But yeah, I can understand something like that. Like, I
don't know, but because of where I've been in life,
I've done really fucked up things for money, So I
understand when you're at your wits end and you're at
rock bottom, you know what's fuck to do? Robbing somebody,
you're selling drugs or doing some fucked up shit.

Speaker 1 (01:17:36):
Like, I get it. I can understand that. Yeah, But
to do it just because you want the money the different,
different concept. But if she was talking to somebody online,
she was already breaking the rules of your marriage before
it got to the offer of sex for money. Yeah,
I get it.

Speaker 4 (01:17:52):
Like you said, I get the perspective people doing fucked
up things for money. That was one of my and
will continue like one of my ground rules. I will
never do that for money.

Speaker 1 (01:18:03):
Never what you would never do that for money? Have
sex from Everyone has a price, you know.

Speaker 3 (01:18:09):
I've thought about that.

Speaker 1 (01:18:10):
Everyone's got a price. Yeah.

Speaker 3 (01:18:12):
I think if someone were to offer me like a
million dollars, I would still turn it down, Okay, because
I don't think that I could live with myself for
compromising my.

Speaker 1 (01:18:21):
Morals for money. Twenty million, that's life changing money. You
would never have to you would never have to work again.

Speaker 3 (01:18:26):
No, it's life changing money.

Speaker 1 (01:18:27):
I still don't. You could literally buy an island, build
your dreamhouse, and disappear from society for the rest of existence.

Speaker 4 (01:18:33):
Yeah, I could, but living with the memories of some
strange man on top of me and having to think
about like his breathing and how he smelled. And I
did that for money. I don't know if that mental
wear and tear is worth it for me.

Speaker 1 (01:18:49):
Fifty million, you got a price everybody else. Yeah, it
might be an astronomical price, but everyone has a price, Okay,
Jason ten million and I have no morals, laughing my
ass off. Everyone has a price.

Speaker 3 (01:19:03):
Oh. It's also one of those things like when I die,
if God truly exists, I'm gonna have to look my
father in the face and be like, yeah, I did
that for twenty million dollars.

Speaker 1 (01:19:14):
Yeah, maybe he should have answered your fucking prayers. Then,
yeah about that. A lot of people are in some
really fucking dark places, right, everyone's got a price. Yeah, yep,
I'm having a really hard time with God right now.

Speaker 4 (01:19:26):
Okay, I get that, all right, continuing, hang on, I
do want to touch on, like, I get that people
earn some really fucked up situations and that's something that
they're willing to do to get out of that situation.
Depends on what situation I'm in, right, Right. If I'm
like sex trafficked and forced to be in a brothel

(01:19:47):
in the Middle East and some dude comes in who's
rich from England, I'd pray that he's telling the truth.

Speaker 3 (01:19:55):
But yeah, I could see you doing it.

Speaker 4 (01:19:57):
Then continuing, she was sitting up the house one day
dealing with the kids, which I know is an easy
seeing how many we still have at home?

Speaker 3 (01:20:05):
Well, how many are at home? This is important information, right.

Speaker 1 (01:20:09):
Here's a better thought. She agreed to do that shit
when you guys decided to have kids.

Speaker 3 (01:20:15):
That is very true. That is very true, especially with
so many.

Speaker 1 (01:20:18):
So if you don't get to complain about your job
and express your stresses from your day to day, she
shouldn't be able to do the same thing or a team.

Speaker 4 (01:20:26):
Yeah, I wouldn't support somebody in that aspect if there
wasn't reciprocal, right, You thanking me the other night for
being reciprocal made me feel really good.

Speaker 1 (01:20:32):
It's important.

Speaker 4 (01:20:33):
Made me feel like I am doing the thing as
your wife.

Speaker 1 (01:20:37):
This, this growth couldn't happen if it wasn't reciprocal. All
of the shit that we've gone through and all the
things that we've overcome could not happen if it wasn't reciprocal.
If you were on your growth journey and you were
doing all this shit and you were trying to heal yourself,
and every time we had conflict, I became a major
fuck face, and I wasn't working on me, your growth
journey would stop, or you would fucking leave me, right
because you'd realize that this is the end of the

(01:20:59):
line for us. There's no more growth to happen here,
and you're not where you want to be yet. Like
his job, somebody asked if we've considered doing live calls
with discord members. As an alternative to emails during your
Lives we have and we actually put out a questionnaire
for the Ultimate Chat and posted it on Patreon to
try to find people that we can scream to have
on the show, because we would much rather do that

(01:21:21):
than read emails. The problem is people don't want to
do that.

Speaker 3 (01:21:25):
Aren't we also recording them?

Speaker 1 (01:21:26):
We would be recording them for content? Yeah?

Speaker 3 (01:21:28):
Yeah, all right, continuing, Yep.

Speaker 4 (01:21:30):
She was sitting at the house one day dealing with
the kids, which I know isn't easy seeing how many
we still have at home, but she left the house
to go cool off. She ended up going out to
where this guy was working and hanging out with him
for about twenty minutes.

Speaker 1 (01:21:44):
I'm just saying, a booty call can happen in a
whole lot less than twenty minutes. Oh god, Yeah, yep.
This relationship doesn't need to be a thing. And if
he ends it, there's alimony and child sport that's got
to happen, and with his bankruptcy it's cheaper to keep
her so he has no fucking out. This is those
I don't want to wake up, yeah situations.

Speaker 4 (01:22:04):
Yeah, this would be a I don't want to be
married to you anymore.

Speaker 5 (01:22:08):
But we are so intertwined that we have to live together.
If she's able to leave the.

Speaker 4 (01:22:13):
House, you're not home, and she's able to leave the
house and the children are there by himself, that means
that there are children old enough to maintain the household
without anything going away.

Speaker 3 (01:22:22):
Right, a weary array?

Speaker 1 (01:22:24):
Awry, ay, awry.

Speaker 4 (01:22:27):
I bet she could get a part time job, yeah, easily,
and contribute to things in the household and have her
money to do whatever she wants. And eventually as the
children get older. We don't know how old the kids
are her or how many are at home. A full
time job would have to happen, because I'm not supporting
you anymore.

Speaker 1 (01:22:46):
But why would she Because here's here's the reality of it.
Here's a man that takes care of her financially. She
doesn't have to work. He's only got it to raise kids. Yeah,
which you have to do anyways. She has the ability
to leave and do other things. She's able to talk
to other men. Because he's at work seven many plus
hours a week. He has no idea when she actually
leaves and goes and does other things. Unless the kids
fucking snitch on her. So she gets to live the

(01:23:07):
life however she wants to live it. Why would she
fucking leave that situation. He's not abusing her as far
as we know, right, there's no reason for her not
to leave. She gets to live the life that she
wants without a care in the world.

Speaker 4 (01:23:24):
I would stop buying her things, like I'm going to
maintain the household and make sure your groceries happen. I
would start instacarting. You don't have to go to the
grocery store anymore. I got this cause I'm paying for it.
Have the kids loaded into the household, whatever needs to
be done. And I'm not paying for your gas money.
I'm not paying for you to get your nails done.
And you ask your boyfriends for that. And if you

(01:23:46):
want something beyond what they're capable or wanting to provide
for you, you need to get a job.

Speaker 1 (01:23:51):
Well, there is sexual transactions happening in our own right. Oh,
you're right, he might not be paying for those things anyways.
I would also like on the on the instacart, he
has one day off a week. It only takes a
couple hours to go grocery shopping. You get up before
the rest of your house. Does it hit costco?

Speaker 3 (01:24:04):
Oh yeah, good point.

Speaker 1 (01:24:05):
Fucking BJ's or whatever, Sam's Club and go get enough
food for the week. I'm assuming she knows how to cook.
We on fucking kids.

Speaker 4 (01:24:11):
Yeah yeah, I would live together as roommates back like
I'm single, because that's what she's doing.

Speaker 3 (01:24:16):
This isn't a marriage. Yeah, this isn't a relationship.

Speaker 4 (01:24:19):
And I'm gonna be honest, I don't know how you
can get her back on board with actually like the
sanctity of a marriage and what it means to be
a team and one flesh and all those kinds of things.
Has she been running like this since you told her
about the affair? Has this been a NonStop thing over
the years, or has this just started recently happening. If so,

(01:24:42):
what was that catalyst this time? If not, and she's
been doing this the whole time, why would she adjust
her life? Like my husband said, I got home and
asked her about it, and she didn't lie to me.
She said that she became stressed by the kids and
everything at the house and went out riding around. While
she was out riding around, he messaged her and she
went to see him while he was working. He's a tradesman,
and from what she says is he's okay, I can't

(01:25:05):
I'm hung up on something and I'm trying to read.
But I'm thinking about the thought because I wanted to
get to a point where I can say it. But
I'm not going to be able to read until I
do it. Me visiting you at work, to me is
like a very sacred emotional bonding thing. I get to
show up. I get to be your wife, show off
our love. You get to show me off, and I
get to see you doing the thing that you do.

(01:25:26):
I'm a little spark of light in your day to
help you get through it. Oh God, that would bother me.
That would bother me.

Speaker 3 (01:25:33):
If you were visiting another woman at work because she messaged,
you'd be like, hey, you want to stop by.

Speaker 1 (01:25:38):
Yeah. You add to the fact that most men work
the way that they work to provide for their women,
it changes things quite a bit. Yeah, men make more
money when they're married. M facts statistically proven. We live longer,
we have better health, better heart rates, like, we do
all around better when we have somebody there to support
us the way that a marriage is supposed to work.

(01:25:58):
It's just factual. Yeah, why do the things we do.
So this man's woman is going to visit another man
at work just adds to it. This is one of
those things that, like, at this point, he's chosen to
stay while she's continued to act like this, he's done
it to himself. Yeah, Jenna said, a woman visiting a
man at his job is very much a power move.
Women do that for the reasons you just said.

Speaker 3 (01:26:18):
Oh yeah, she has my dominance. Very territorial.

Speaker 1 (01:26:22):
I know.

Speaker 4 (01:26:23):
Yeah, hit you with because I know what I got.
You're like, damn, because I do know what I have
with you and the kind of man that you are.

Speaker 1 (01:26:34):
That too much, Brian, really hard not to cry again.

Speaker 4 (01:26:36):
Yeah, I'm gonna keep reading. He's a tradesman and from
what she says is that he was working on a
new build and he showed her around and was telling
her what he did. Oh yeah, that's a massive breach.

Speaker 1 (01:26:48):
This is a massive breach. That dude was trying to
fuck her. Oh yeah right, I mean, like the whole thing,
this entire thing is bullshit.

Speaker 4 (01:26:54):
Yeah, even if he wasn't trying to fuck her, I
would view this as in fidelity and I don't care
people think that's extreme.

Speaker 1 (01:27:02):
There are things that you don't do with another person
when you're in a relationship.

Speaker 4 (01:27:05):
One hundred percent. This guy has two kids at home
and lives with his girlfriends. By the way, the kids
aren't even hers. That means nothing to me. So everybody knows.
I don't care that anything about this guy and his
girlfriend and the children.

Speaker 3 (01:27:21):
Not belonging to her.

Speaker 1 (01:27:22):
None that shit matters.

Speaker 4 (01:27:23):
Yeah, all right, So continuing, I found out who his
girlfriend is and even where she works and what car
she drives. That's scary, that's terrifying. Okay, I'd be a
low petty mfor if I went to where she works
and told her about what he's doing with proof. Part
of me wants to, but I think she'll find out
on her own.

Speaker 1 (01:27:41):
So you want to destroy somebody else's relationship because your
relationship's fucked up, Why don't you fix your house and
worry about that. Yeah. All that time that you spent
worrying about somebody else and what they're doing and what
they're driving and where they work and where they live
could have been fixed, like you fixing your marriage, yeah,
or finding a lawyer to file for divorce. This is
what I was talking about earlier with that vindictive. Yeah,
all of this is making you a piece of shit

(01:28:02):
human being. So now you're on that level. Congratulations, dude. Yeah,
I hope you feel good about yourself now. I'm truly annoyed.
That's stalker behavior.

Speaker 4 (01:28:11):
That one hundred percent I would be absolutely terrified. Me personally,
part of me would want to know. And if somebody
found me on Facebook, right, they searched him up and
they found the relationship status and then went to my
profile and they messaged me.

Speaker 3 (01:28:26):
Right, you don't need to know where I work. You
don't need to know what kind of car I drive.

Speaker 4 (01:28:30):
That's the fucked up part of that, and that makes me,
as a woman, very uncomfortable. You don't need all that
information to tell me that my boyfriend's messing around on me.
Part of me would want to know. And just a
Facebook message of like, hey, I'm married to so and
so and I have found out that she is going
to your boyfriend's work.

Speaker 3 (01:28:49):
These are the messages that I've seen.

Speaker 4 (01:28:50):
Whatever, whatever I'm I'm not saying this to fuck up
what you've got going on. I just want you to
be aware of what's happening. The same way that I'm
aware of what's going on and that would be the
end of it. Like, I'm not trying to be best
friends with you because our partners fucked around with each
other or whatever the case may be. Part of me
would also go, that's not really my problem, and like
you said, I would get things right at home, and

(01:29:12):
if they end up getting together, he would leave her.
Whatever the case may be, that doesn't matter that that's
on them now. The only thing that I can control
on this is I'm not willing to tolerate this behavior anymore,
and I'm gonna find the best out for me here
where I don't have to sacrifice any of more of
my money.

Speaker 1 (01:29:29):
Wild he wants to destroy somebody else's relationship because he's hurt, Yeah,
but he's not willing to step away from the relationship
where the wife has been cheating on him for the
last sixteen years. That's a really just wo So you
want to hurt somebody else and destroy and blow up
somebody else's life that also has kids because you have
no control over your own. That's what that says to me.

Speaker 3 (01:29:50):
Continuing, Yeah, I asked her if that's what she wants,
if she wanted to continue to go out quote unquote
whoring around and then said that she had as having
a bitch attitude, then said that she had as having
a bitch attitude. Does that make sense to you?

Speaker 4 (01:30:08):
Okay, wasn't referring to her as being a bitch, just
her attitude. So I ended up being the pos who
called her a whore and a bitch.

Speaker 1 (01:30:17):
And well, the way you word things matters, it does.
Why why would you use that term because you're hurt? Yeah,
that's why you would use that term. That's the difference
be going between you lied to me and you're a liar.
You're attacking my character now versus speaking on the things
I did right this very different conversation. Your words matter.
The way that you verbalize things to people fucking matters.

(01:30:39):
So you did that to yourself. You did call her
a whore? Yeah? Uh.

Speaker 4 (01:30:42):
Continuing, I also said that she makes some really stupid
and dumb decisions, which she took as me calling her
dumb and stupid. Now she wants me to move out,
which I wouldn't do as it would make her and
my kids homeless, and she stuck on getting a divorce.
She said that her thing therapist called me a narcissist,
which I may be one I don't know. I told

(01:31:04):
her that's her therapist's professional opinion and not a diagnosis.
But she takes everything almost anyone says that face value,
and it's stuck on the idea of me being one.

Speaker 1 (01:31:14):
So her therapist is able to diagnose your mental illness
based off of her her perspective. How does that work?

Speaker 3 (01:31:22):
That is unethical?

Speaker 1 (01:31:24):
In my opinion? Is that even possible.

Speaker 4 (01:31:27):
She may give her opinion right, Like if they're having
a conversation and she goes, I don't know, she takes
things out of context. So what if the therapist said
something along the lines of I could see those being
higher narcissistic traits in somebody, right, and then she ran
with that. My therapist said, you're a narcissist, right.

Speaker 1 (01:31:44):
Yeah, Well, she's also based in the therapist is also
basing everything off of what she told her therapist.

Speaker 3 (01:31:49):
And I bet she's lying through her teeth.

Speaker 1 (01:31:51):
Guys, when you deal with a therapist, you have to
be very fucking cautious about your therapist. You guys, go
to marriage counseling with people who have four fucking divorces
and an unhappy marriage. Like a therapist having a degree
means that they went to school and learned some fancy words.
It doesn't make them a good person. It doesn't mean
that they don't have an agenda. You how many people
have written in who have said that they went to
a therapist and it was a fucking shit show, and

(01:32:12):
then they found another therapist and it was great. Yeah,
you got to find the right therapist for you.

Speaker 4 (01:32:16):
I would go to court and petition to have full
custody because I have a stable income, household in my name.

Speaker 1 (01:32:27):
Household may not be in his name if you followed bankruptcy.

Speaker 3 (01:32:29):
Oh that's a good point.

Speaker 1 (01:32:31):
Oh, we don't know. We don't want his bankruptcy.

Speaker 3 (01:32:32):
Can you give a house back at a bankruptcy.

Speaker 1 (01:32:35):
It can be repolled a foreclosure. I don't think that.
I got to be honest. It would depend on the bankruptcy.
It would depend on the way that the litigation of
the bankruptcy went. That's a process. It's not one size
fits all.

Speaker 3 (01:32:45):
Yeah.

Speaker 4 (01:32:46):
I would find a way to give the house back. Yeah,
that does something to the bankruptcy. Get my own place,
let her figure her shit out, and then present to
the court that I am stable, I have stable income.
The children are taken care of and she and her
actions will speak for herself.

Speaker 3 (01:33:04):
I wouldn't live in this.

Speaker 1 (01:33:05):
I wouldn't either.

Speaker 4 (01:33:06):
I would do everything I could to come out on top.
And if her defense is he cheated on me fifteen
years ago, the judge isn't gonna care about that.

Speaker 1 (01:33:15):
Well not since she's been doing it too.

Speaker 4 (01:33:17):
Right, all right, Continuing, I try to tell her there
are a lot of crossover between someone with ADHD emotional
dysregulation and someone with NPD, and this clip I found
on Instagram pretty much explains it. I personally think that
she needs some serious, professional inpatient help without the distractions
of everyday life to get the help she desperately needs inpatient.

Speaker 1 (01:33:37):
So he's thinking she should be baker acted.

Speaker 4 (01:33:39):
Yeah, I would like her to do that before she
goes through with a divorce. If she wanted a divorce
after that, then I believe I would feel more content
knowing that she made the decision with a clear mind
and a level head. That makes me uncomfortable? Does it
make you uncomfortable?

Speaker 1 (01:33:54):
Is a door?

Speaker 2 (01:33:55):
Matt?

Speaker 1 (01:33:56):
His sign his shirt says, wipe your feet on me. Yeah,
don't worry, I'll just change my shirt and we can
try it again tomorrow And you can do it all
over again. Right, where's your self respect? Dude? Where's the
love of you? You realize you fucked up once fifteen
years ago, and she has continuously dogged you the entire marriage,
and you allow it to happen over and over and
over again. You are in the predicament you were in

(01:34:16):
because of the decision day. Yes, so I was wrong.
The diagnosis thing was because of something that he saw
on Instagram about her.

Speaker 4 (01:34:24):
No, it's about how ADHD symptoms can look like NPD,
and he sent it to her and hopes that she
would be able to understand that what he's going through
is not NPD. It's the ADHD that he suspects that
you have. I don't think that she's just bipolar. I
think that there's something else chemically wrong inside her brain.

Speaker 1 (01:34:41):
That's just that that's not true. That chemical imbalance shit
is false. It has been proven false over and over
and over again. There is no way to measure the
chemical in your brain that would cause you to have
an imbalance. That is a marketing employe to sell you SSRIs.
How many people watching know somebody that takes SSRIs or antidepressants.
That's still fucking depressed. You know that you get a

(01:35:03):
bigger dopamine from dancing and singing in your kitchen than
you do from taking fucking SSRIs. It's all a marketing play.
You can take a sugar tablet and have a forty
percent increase if you believe that it will help you
with your depression. Yeah, and when you take SSRIs that
number goes to sixty percent. That's wild in it, and
they're still fucking depressed. The chemical imbalance thing is a
fucking myth. It is a sales tactic, and it's been

(01:35:26):
proven wrong. It's been publicized that it's proven wrong, and
people still use that fucking terminology.

Speaker 3 (01:35:30):
Yeah.

Speaker 4 (01:35:30):
I love singing and dancing with you. Yeah, yeah, I
think singing with you is one of my new favorite things.

Speaker 1 (01:35:35):
Yeah yeah.

Speaker 3 (01:35:36):
I still nervous about it though.

Speaker 1 (01:35:38):
Yeah.

Speaker 3 (01:35:39):
Why are you checkling?

Speaker 1 (01:35:40):
Because that's the first time you've actually sang to me
and did not become Eddie Vetter from Pearl Jam.

Speaker 3 (01:35:45):
Yeah did you really like it?

Speaker 1 (01:35:47):
Okay?

Speaker 3 (01:35:48):
Good, because I'll cry if you're say anything.

Speaker 1 (01:35:49):
You need to get over your fear. You could hear
it in your voice. It's so hard.

Speaker 4 (01:35:55):
I'm so worried about being judged and you like singing
so much and I need.

Speaker 1 (01:35:58):
A because it feels good. Yeah, it is one. It's
something that all of us can do, even if it's poorly.
We can all do it. It could sound like utter
garbage to the rest of the world, but if you
feel good doing it, who gives a fuck. Everyone on
the planet sings their favorite song at the top of
the lungs in the car with the windows when no
one else can hear it. Yeah, we all sing. It
is natural for us.

Speaker 4 (01:36:18):
It's an energy release. It is continuing. So I'm hung
up on the whole impatient help thing.

Speaker 1 (01:36:25):
He wants to have her committed.

Speaker 4 (01:36:27):
Yeah, that feels very like do you guys remember the
season of American Horror Story The Asylum. That's how that
feels to me, and it makes me uncomfortable. I'm not
saying she doesn't need that level of professional help, right,
I don't know this woman. I don't know what she's
doing outside of what he's talking about. I just don't
like the way that.

Speaker 1 (01:36:45):
Made stealing this from the chat. Who's gonna watch those
kids while she's big ground? Yeah? Committed, that's a good question.
It works seventy hours a week. You can't take the
time off because I can't afford to live otherwise.

Speaker 3 (01:36:56):
It'd be pretty fucked up to make the older children
do it.

Speaker 1 (01:36:58):
Right, especially if they're in im legally. Can't do that.
Gotta have parental guidance the entire time until you're eighteen.

Speaker 4 (01:37:06):
I don't think her being promiscuous and being upset with
the marriage and feeling the way she is feeling means
that she needs to go to impatient. I think you
guys should do like couples counseling or couple's therapy. That way,
you both can sit in front of a therapist and
she can't manipulate the conversation.

Speaker 1 (01:37:26):
That's a good point. I wouldn't do that, not at
this point. At this point, I would have left.

Speaker 3 (01:37:31):
Yeah, I'm trying to give him solutions as he is
looking for.

Speaker 1 (01:37:33):
It, and that's an honest solution. Like if he's determined
to stay with this woman after everything she's done, you're
gonna have to prepare for another sixteen years of this
because she has no reason to change, there's no consequences
for her actions. And even going to couples counseling together
and you both see a therapist, like different therapists on
top of that, because couple counseling is only one part
of that, right, you both need to individually see different

(01:37:56):
therapists as well. While that's happening to like really get
the effect of what's going on. But where are you
gonna pay for that? If he's struggling that much to
not even be able to buy her little things, how
is he going to pay for how is she paying
for therapy? Yeah? Is that another bill that he's required
to pay for so that her therapist can diagnose him
as a narcissist by proxy? Because that's a waste of

(01:38:16):
your fucking money, bro, you should be the one going
to therapy. That's a good point.

Speaker 4 (01:38:19):
I work these long hours to make the kind of
money that I make to try and give my family
the best life possible. That's what is and always will
be most important to me, my family. My biggest fear
is losing my family.

Speaker 1 (01:38:30):
You've already lost your family, bro, She's fucking other people
and showing up on other dude's job sites and shit, Like,
how what do you mean you're afraid of losing your family?
You're a fucking stand in at this point. Yeah, losing
your family? How you're working seventy plus hours a week.
How much time do you actually spend with your family?
And that's not me shitting on you. That's a reality
check to what you're doing with your life.

Speaker 4 (01:38:50):
No, I agree, Like there is not a family here.
There are children who are watching their parents go through
what their parents are going through, and they're trying to
process everything. And this is generational trauma happening. Yeah, in
real time. If this has been your guys's relationship for
so long, why did you take on so many children?

Speaker 1 (01:39:10):
Right, we're continue having them? Well, there were accidents, he said,
a lot. A lot of them were makeup sex.

Speaker 4 (01:39:16):
And then they adopted some children, or maybe one was adopted.
She had one from a previous relationship.

Speaker 1 (01:39:22):
Yeah, and adopts a lot. I wish we knew how
many kids they had, me too, because they've never been
together for sixteen years, so the oldest possible kid is
only sixteen, unless the one that came from her beforehand
is still living there.

Speaker 4 (01:39:35):
He made it sound like some of the kids have
moved out already, all right, continuing I sit here most
days at work trying to find ways to improve our
financial situation so that money could never be a factor
in any argument or concern of ours anymore. But every
time I talk to her about it, it's always an
immediate shutdown. She sees everything I'm trying to do, I e.
Anything I can do from the comfort of my phone

(01:39:56):
or computer a waste of time and money, while she
goes out and spends three hundred dollars on scratch offs
and even more at the casino trying to hit it big.

Speaker 1 (01:40:05):
I'm done with this email. Oh golly, I know that
we haven't had it. It's only been like once or
twice that we've actually just stopped reading email. I don't
want to do this anymore.

Speaker 3 (01:40:13):
Yeah, she sounds like a gold digger.

Speaker 1 (01:40:16):
She has everything that she needs in life. Why would
she change. There's nothing that we can say or do
that's going to change your situation. You have to change
your situation. And in sixteen years of all of this
going on, and she's doing whatever the fuck she's wanting
to do, and you are just tolerating it. She's not
going to change. She has no reason to. She's told
you that she wants.

Speaker 3 (01:40:37):
A divorce, and in my mind, it's very rare to
come back from that.

Speaker 1 (01:40:42):
In my mind, we're good. Yeah, go file that paperwork.
Then you just played the nuclear bomb option, like our
marriage is done at that point. I'm not fighting for
this anymore.

Speaker 4 (01:40:50):
This isn't a game. You can't say JK. I was
upset LPMSN three hundred dollars on how much three hundred
dollars scratch off?

Speaker 1 (01:41:01):
You've never done that? Dumb shit scratch offs.

Speaker 3 (01:41:03):
I'll have done scratch offs. I've on a lot of
money on scratch offs.

Speaker 1 (01:41:05):
I've bought rolls. You bought rolls of scratch offs. I've
walked in and been like, which one of these is
the newest one that you have put in? And they'll
be like this one? How many sold? I don't know
a couple. I won't take the whole role. And I
have been times where I've talked to the person at
the registering, but you got a whole role of those
in the back, like, yeah, I'll take the whole role
purely just because I had stupid money to spend and
nothing to do with it.

Speaker 3 (01:41:24):
How much did that cost?

Speaker 1 (01:41:25):
Depends on the tickets?

Speaker 3 (01:41:26):
What's the most you spent two grand?

Speaker 1 (01:41:28):
Ah? Did you make anything back? Uh? Not that time.
There have been times that I bought the whole role
that I've made some money, but you lose. It's a
lottery for a reason. Very rarely do people hit it
big on those things. State wouldn't be able to make money,
true if it was a guaranteed win.

Speaker 4 (01:41:47):
Okay, So if you're in a low season, right, we're
done with this email. I'm just gonna think on this
one that you're in a low point and your paycheck's
only four hundred dollars left over after you pay for everything,
you have one hundred dollars left over.

Speaker 3 (01:41:57):
She's doing that every week, girl.

Speaker 1 (01:41:59):
Buy How are you feeding all them kids one hundred bucks? Right?
Absolutely not?

Speaker 4 (01:42:04):
This woman is not okay, Right, we don't know the
things that he currently does to cope with whatever's going on,
the things that he laid out, and if everything he
said is true that what she's doing, I agree. I
think that a level of help is needed. I don't
know if impatient is needed. The gambling is the problem.
The gambling is a problem. So as someone with borderline,

(01:42:25):
all of those are distractions dopamine, Right, it's the promiscuity dopamine. Dopamine.
The gambling is a dopamine. I got it to like
forty bucks when I put five dollars a machine.

Speaker 3 (01:42:36):
I was like, I can.

Speaker 1 (01:42:37):
You looked at me and was like, I can see
how people get addicted to this. That one win gave
me a dopamine response. That's exactly what you said. That's
exactly what I said to you. Yeah, yeah, it's all
all a smoke show. The only way that you can
really win money at the casinos is by playing poker. Yeah,
and you have to know how to play poker, and
the people at the table have to know how to
play poker, especially if you're playing blackjack, you get one

(01:42:59):
of the table and everyone loses their money the casino.

Speaker 4 (01:43:02):
I'd cut her ass off, Yeah, I would. I would
go through with the divorce, and I would get a
really good lawyer, right, because either way there's gonna be a.

Speaker 1 (01:43:11):
Loss of money, and how's he going to afford that lawyer?

Speaker 4 (01:43:14):
Stop spending three hundred dollars a week on gambling your
casinos not gonna be enough.

Speaker 1 (01:43:17):
Right.

Speaker 4 (01:43:18):
I would save up. He's been living this for sixteen years.
If he has to live this for another year or
two while saving money to get a good lawyer, that's
nothing in the grand scheme of what you've been.

Speaker 3 (01:43:27):
Doing with this woman.

Speaker 1 (01:43:28):
It's true.

Speaker 4 (01:43:29):
So I would save up however long I needed to.
I would pick up side jobs. It's gonna suck. You
may see your family less than you already are.

Speaker 1 (01:43:38):
It doesn't happen anyways with a divorce, right.

Speaker 4 (01:43:40):
And I would get a lawyer who is going to
try their damnedest to make sure that I'm not paying
lifetime alimony or support. And I would damn sure show
how stable I am and everything that I'm doing.

Speaker 1 (01:43:52):
Wonder what she would do with that money if she
hit it big and then rare occasion save me, she
went like fifty grand or a million dollars, Oh, she'd
leave them. I actually saw somebody do it a skit.
It might not have been a skit. It could have
been a real the situation. But he walked in and
he scratched off his ticket and he's like, if I
won this lottery, what would you do? And the girl
was like, I'd take half of divorce you and he
handed her ten bucks and he's like, I won twenty

(01:44:12):
dollars to get the fuck out of my car before are
fucked up? Man?

Speaker 4 (01:44:15):
The goal, like, what did you think was gonna happen
when you said that? You can tell when people didn't
have fucked up childhoods.

Speaker 1 (01:44:22):
Yeah, why is that?

Speaker 3 (01:44:24):
Because I know what's gonna happen.

Speaker 1 (01:44:26):
Yeah, Harry's going to be supposed to be coming over soon.

Speaker 3 (01:44:29):
Okay, okay, well thanks for being here, guys.

Speaker 1 (01:44:33):
Wasn't expecting this to be at all what it was
me either. A whole lot of cuts. Yeah, we're almost
just three hours geez, two hours and forty minutes before cuts.
So I hope you guys enjoyed my birthday episode. It's
been a fucking mess, and remember you were the author
of your own life. It's a grab pen and we

(01:44:53):
will see you on the next one. Bye, guys.