Is it misogyny

Disclaimer: We are not professionals. This podcast is opinioned based and from life experience. This is for entertainment purposes only. Opinions helped by our guests may not reflect our own. But we love a good conversation.

Become a supporter of this podcast: https://www.spreaker.com/podcast/2-be-better--5828421/support.

Episode Transcript

Speaker 1 (00:01):
Look out, We've come all the things on the bottom.
All our wold is you you're my favorite views.

Speaker 2 (00:17):
But that's nothing, and we are back.

Speaker 3 (00:21):
We are back, bumble bitches.

Speaker 2 (00:22):
We really need to change that. Yeah, and welcome back.
Thanks for tuning into two bit of our podcast. Something
about them and not about us.

Speaker 3 (00:30):
Yeah, yeah, I have to put thought into that. I've
been putting a lot of thought into that letter. Yeah,
taking a lot of my brain capacity.

Speaker 2 (00:37):
I believe it. It was an emotional one. Yeah. I feel
like the end we are back was like we said earlier,
it was because it was a joke in the beginning,
Like there was no real seriousness to what we were doing.
We were just making content to make content, and it
was very much about us making content. Now we've got
a whole ass community here and welcome back tribe or
some shit. We need to find a better intro. Yeah,

(00:58):
make it less about us and more about them. Today
we are doing some Friday content, and if we're up
for it, after the Friday content, we may get into
doing some podcast content and we'll do it all while
we're recording live for our Patreon community. If you're not
a member of our oh, we have to do that today.
We have to do the Patreon ad like that. They
have to do that. We don't have to, but you know,

(01:19):
we've been meeting to do it for like two weeks now.

Speaker 3 (01:22):
I would rather do it tomorrow because I'm supposed to
be here tomorrow. Oh yeah, okay, today was supposed to
be a down day.

Speaker 2 (01:27):
But well we can wrap it up and go home.
You said that since we were here you were cool recording,
so right, we're.

Speaker 3 (01:36):
Just going to record. I'm not trying to do a
whole production today.

Speaker 2 (01:39):
Okay, gotcha. Okay, we are going to read an article
today for those of you who watched yesterday's Patreon speaking
of Patreon. Gotta play Patreon first, Patreon. We record all
of our episodes live in front of our Patreon community
on the fifteen dollars tier or higher, so we can
look over right now and see things like Zach's and

(02:00):
as Sabrina thank you for your support. We have a
whole chat open right now, and as we are recording
these things, and we normally cut it out, we interact
with the chat while we go. Sometimes they give really
good information and we have conversations about what they bring in.
But we do record live for Patreon, and we go
live at least twice a week. Realistically it's normally four
or five times a week because this is our job
and this is what we do when they're part of it.

(02:21):
There's no ads. So for those of you who are
watching on YouTube and Spotify and you don't like the ads,
there's no ads there. But that is the best way
to support we're doing. If you like the content and
you feel like you're getting value from it, share the content,
share the clips, TikTok, maybe going away soon, follow us
on all of our other platforms to be better podcast
on everything. And we're not professionals, no, just two random

(02:46):
ask people on the internet with opinions.

Speaker 3 (02:48):
I think we should start calling ourselves autodidas because that
feels better than being called an idiot.

Speaker 2 (02:53):
I didn't say idiot. No, I did not say idiot
to say I said two random ask people on the
internet and work on the whole self deprecating I'm dumb thing.

Speaker 3 (03:04):
I think autodidact is a good way to explain us.

Speaker 2 (03:06):
Yeah, all right, let's just jump in. Do you want
to talk about what you just did at all? Or
do you want to just get straight to to read
and just get into this. Okay, So this article is
called three Words that Ended My marriage. Just to touch
on things real quick. We subscribe to a website called
Medium where people write in. It's kind of like a
paid reddit where they can write their own little articles

(03:27):
and people can comment on them and share them. And
we subscribe to the website because there's sometimes really good
articles and sometimes good information, and sometimes really like horrific
train wrecks.

Speaker 3 (03:39):
Isn't this where you read about that chick who was
trying to sleep with a thousand dudes? Yep, that's a
train wreck. Yeah, yep, not the article, the situation right, well,
in that case, the woman, but yes, also the men.
I mean, if you're willing to step in and smash

(03:59):
like that, dude after dude after dude, there's also something
going on with the guy standing in line.

Speaker 2 (04:04):
Absolutely absolutely all right?

Speaker 3 (04:07):
You want me to start reading?

Speaker 2 (04:08):
Sure?

Speaker 3 (04:10):
Last year had been hell. I had been pregnant, had
a baby, and scrambled through the newborn stage. My family
and close friends lived across the ocean and fa and
my husband was a consistent and relentless asshole. Geez, I'm
really hung up on that. Like, that's who you chose

(04:31):
to marry and have a baby with.

Speaker 2 (04:35):
I'm assuming that wasn't the case in the beginning.

Speaker 3 (04:37):
Yeah, I hope not all right, continuing on, but my
eyeliner game was on point. You win some, you lose some.
Oh there's that humor from trauma. I pretended life was okay.
I pretended I was happy. I made it work because
I had to. There was nowhere for me to go,

(04:58):
no one for me to run to. The pandemic shut
down and closed me in this cocoon of hell.

Speaker 2 (05:05):
Do you notice how often that's brought up, the pandemic. Yeah,
Like we see it constantly in emails, We see it
constantly in this shit. Like it didn't affect my life
like that at all. Me neither right now. I don't
know if that's because we're in Florida, and Florida wasn't
shut down for very long, thank god, But like, my
life wasn't up ended. I didn't have to get any assistance, Like, yeah,

(05:28):
just fucking continued about my life. But that that really
messed with people.

Speaker 3 (05:33):
Yeah. I think it put a lot of people in
a situation where they had to face.

Speaker 2 (05:38):
What was wrong in their home or because it forced
them to be.

Speaker 3 (05:42):
Right, because they couldn't just leave and go to work
and disassociate for ten hours a day.

Speaker 2 (05:47):
Oh no, we'd have to spend a month together. Rough
I would lose No, don't.

Speaker 3 (05:55):
Where's the keys to get into the house?

Speaker 2 (05:57):
Yeah? Unreal?

Speaker 3 (06:00):
There was nowhere for me to go and know, one
for me to run to there is right? And like,
I'm picking this apart from a different perspective than she
meant to lay it down. But you just said that
you have family that were on the other side of
an ocean, right, but you have somewhere to go, right
if your life was really that bad, I can't imagine

(06:23):
someone going to their parents and saying, I'm miserable, my
husband's an asshole. He's doing whatever he's doing, and it's
negatively impacting our child, and I want to get out
of here. And those parents aren't going to try to
help you come back home.

Speaker 2 (06:37):
I would like to believe that that's the case, but
I know societal that's not always the case, especially depending
on where you're living at. You know, if they're overseas
and they have one of those your husbands the head
of your household, and you submit to your husband no
matter what the family might be like get fucked.

Speaker 3 (06:53):
Yeah, but I don't think that the family would have
been included in the article if they weren't important to her. Yeah, right, Well,
you know people do. Never mind, I'm thinking with a
different brain than other people.

Speaker 2 (07:04):
Don't have you think about the way you would treat
your kids.

Speaker 3 (07:07):
Well, I'm thinking about it from a healed perspective. Like,
but also, people maintain really shitty relationships with their parents
out of guilt, not because they actually want the relationship
with their parent.

Speaker 2 (07:19):
Right, There is something to be said about the way
that you parent versus the way other people parent, though,
Like I know that any specifically, right, Yeah, if our
kids were fully grown, either one of them called and
we're like, hey, I need an out, wouldn't matter if
they were fifty. We would help them because they're you
know what I mean, Like, we have a bond with
our kids. It's but that's, you know, a relationship that's

(07:41):
built over lives. It's not based off of a religion
or a societal expectation of what a marriage is supposed
to look like. Yeah, there are places in the world
where you could be being abused by your husband and
you can't even call the cops about it. Right, you
know what I mean?

Speaker 3 (07:55):
So like, I mean, yeah, I've told that story on
the podcast.

Speaker 2 (07:57):
Right, just but this is a new episode some real gotcha.

Speaker 3 (08:00):
Well, I feel like you're telling it to me and
not to the audience.

Speaker 2 (08:04):
I'm just talking.

Speaker 3 (08:05):
I was like, yeah, I know that, baby, you want
me to continue on?

Speaker 2 (08:09):
Yeah?

Speaker 3 (08:11):
Plus, what was I going to do? Leave my husband
and be the first person in my entire extended family
to get divorced, to be a single parent, to have
a personality. I powered on, ignoring all the different types
of spousal abuse that secretly filled our home. It became
harder to keep living the lie. My husband dug deeper
and deeper into his pit of narcissism. He enlisted his

(08:34):
toxic family to join him in playing narcissixtic games with
me as the target, all while I navigated through one
of the most vulnerable times in a woman's life running
out of Dorito's.

Speaker 2 (08:46):
Yeah, this article is bullshit for a lot of reasons.
But these little snippets of comedy and here's not funny.

Speaker 3 (08:54):
Yeah, it's not doing it for me. Like, you're talking
about really heavy shit and one of the most vulnerable
time in a woman's life, as her running out of Dorito's.

Speaker 2 (09:03):
But I would like to I am curious as to
what his narcissism is and what the narcissistic games that
the family was playing, because the possibility of the entire
family being narcissist is very very very very very slim.

Speaker 3 (09:18):
Being in on bullying you, I think it's more of
a likely thing if he is a true narcissist. He
was painting you as the bad guy to his family,
and his family's loyal and they were like, not my son,
not my brother, continuing on. When I try to discuss
our problems, my husband refused to engage in conversation. He

(09:39):
would walk away stating I'm over it. Every time I
talk to him about anything that shed him in a
less than perfect light, I heard, I'm over it. I'm
over this subject. He would tell our therapist and me,
and a couple of times in couple's therapy, I'm over it.
I'm over this conversation. I got the sense that our
therapist wanted to throw a shelf at him.

Speaker 2 (10:02):
You know that if that therapist is good at her
job or his job, you wouldn't have gotten that sense, right.
That's your own cognitive bias.

Speaker 3 (10:13):
I was about to say, you feeling a certain way
does not mean everybody feels that way.

Speaker 2 (10:18):
That shutting the conversation down and saying I'm over it
and refusing to talk to somebody. That should be enough
to know that you don't matter enough in a relationship
to have a voice. It's time to leave. Like, if
you can't express your grievances whatever they are and a
healthy manner, you don't need to be there. This is
the wrong relationship.

Speaker 3 (10:39):
I can also see a perspective of where I'm over
it is she wants to see whatever she wants to see,
and nothing I say is going to shift the illusion
she sees of the situation. So like if he does
something inadvertently and a byproduct, is it hurt her feeling?

(11:00):
And she's like, well, you did it on purpose to
hurt me. No, I was dealing with the situation. There
was fallout and the rain sprinkled on you a little bit. No,
you did it because you hate me. Well, now I'm
disengaging from this conversation. I'm over it because you're not
even going to try to hear what I have to say.

Speaker 2 (11:16):
Right, Yeah, I can see that standpoint.

Speaker 3 (11:18):
Yeah, continuing on, I hated that phrase. It was childish
and ridiculous. It was dismissive and disrespectful. It told me
that he didn't care about me, our marriage, my feelings,
or my concerns. I asked him on multiple occasions to
stop saying I'm over it. Of course, he ignored my request,
and then one day everything came to a head, the

(11:41):
day that I found out my husband had lied about
where he had been for the last five months. When
we sat down and discussed the lies about his employment,
our homes, mortgage, and our finances, he refused to explain.
He shouted and screened and tried to blame me for
his choices. He cut me off each time I try
to speak. He listed all my faults and called me names.

Speaker 2 (12:02):
It's crazy, Yeah, how I mean, I know that you
lived in a situation where somebody lied about their employment,
but yeah, you want to talk about being in an
unsafe situation, especially if you have like a like a
the man holds the finances and deals with everything. Mortgages
aren't getting paid, car payments aren't getting paid. Power is

(12:22):
going to get shut off. You're eventually going to be evicted.
Your house is going to be foreclosed on like, there's
a whole lot of fear that can come into that,
and it takes a lot of trust to be able
to go here, you go, this is all of our finances.
I want you to deal with this for the rest
of our lives. That's a scary, scary concept to think
that somebody would be lying about their employment. Yeap that
my brain doesn't even I can't even grasp that. Like,

(12:45):
if I got fired from my job, I would just
come home and be like I got fired today. I
just I don't understand that that concept. I would call immediately.
I'd be mad as fuck. Man, I'd need to vent
to somebody like that's wild.

Speaker 3 (12:58):
The most infuriating thing for me and that whole situation
was that everybody else in his life knew that he
wasn't working, and the person he was living with didn't
know it.

Speaker 2 (13:08):
That's insane. Yeah, what I don't understand people's mindsets in that,
because at some point it's gonna get caught like, you're right,
there's what it did, right. There's no way you're going
to be able to navigate that. What are you gonna
say you didn't get paid right, Like, hey, we need groceries.
It's three hundred bucks, or in the case of there's kids,
it's five hundred bucks. Well we only have one hundred dollars.

(13:28):
Well why do we only have one hundred dollars? Well
I didn't get a paycheck. Fuck you mean you didn't
get a paycheck? How do you hide that? For five months?

Speaker 3 (13:36):
Continuing on, Then, when he finally finished his temper tantrum,
he stormed out of the house, shouting over his shoulder,
I'm over it, and that was it. Having to hear
those three words again was enough enough for me to
take my wedding ring off and never wear it again.
That's wild to me, So I'm over it. Was the thing,

(13:58):
not the lying for five months, not the calling you
degrading names and putting you down and making you feel
like everything was your.

Speaker 2 (14:05):
Fault, and then narcissistic abuse.

Speaker 3 (14:07):
Right, and then his family gigging up on you and
there being no reprieve from that. It was those three words.
People need to have more self worth, I agree. Continuing on,
I no longer cared that I had nowhere to go.
I would figure it out. I no longer cared that
I would be the first person in my family to
get a divorce or be a single parent. They could
judge me all they wanted. I was completely and utterly

(14:31):
done living my life that way. The audassy to say
he was over it. When I asked if he was
looking for a job, and how many mortgage payments had
been missed, and if we were about to be thrown
out into the street with a baby. It was as
if he believed I didn't have a right to know
these things. He behaved as if I was annoying and

(14:53):
ridiculous for wanting to know if we could afford food
next month. This behavior, this reaction was so absurd that
it could have been comical if I wasn't afraid of him.
That's another reason to leave him before that. I'm over at.

Speaker 2 (15:06):
Stand absolutely, that's the first.

Speaker 3 (15:10):
One in line. If you are if you do not
feel safe with your person, you do not need to
be with that person.

Speaker 2 (15:15):
I agree it doesn't take much for verbal or psychological
abuse to become physical. And again we've stated this on
the podcast. So for all of you that are new here,
if a line is stepped and you have to back up,
they've now owned that ground. It's so much harder to
reclaim ground that you have given up By stepping backwards
that eventually you're going to be so far from what

(15:38):
you believed was that uncrossable line that that bitch can't
even be seen anymore, and then what are you going
to do?

Speaker 1 (15:44):
Right?

Speaker 2 (15:44):
That's how the government fucks this, fucks its people two
inches at a time, like really small minor changes over
the course of twenty thirty years, completely changes a country.
They'll do the same thing in a marriage if somebody's
in a situation where they're not feeling safe and it
goes from being I'm over it to like screaming and yelling,
and then the screaming and yelling gets very close, and

(16:07):
then there's shoulder shoves or a hole punched in the wall.
It's going to continue to escalate. That's not going to
just stop at that behavior. Shit's wild to.

Speaker 3 (16:18):
Me me too, continuing on, Yep, I had heard him
utter those words so many times that I couldn't hear
them again. They filled them in with fury. I wasn't
furious with him. I was furious at myself. I was
furious that I let myself be disrespected that way. I
was furious that I let myself accept a desperately unhappy life.

(16:41):
I was furious that I let myself shrink into a
shell of the person I used to be, and for
what though I could meet the repressive standard set out
by my family by society.

Speaker 2 (16:50):
Ooh, what is a repressive standard? Do you feel repressed? Babe? No,
for sure, because you know you have a happy marriage
where we have additional values and I I handle our
finances and right, be sure you don't feel repressed because
this is repressive standards set up by family and society
by being a good wife, having a good relationship.

Speaker 3 (17:12):
It could be that she meant that the divorce.

Speaker 2 (17:14):
Right, But why not just say I'm being abused, right
and this isn't a safe place for me to be
and them out?

Speaker 3 (17:19):
Yeah?

Speaker 2 (17:20):
Why does it have to go to repressive standards?

Speaker 3 (17:22):
Yeah?

Speaker 2 (17:22):
Because that changes the conversation. It's no longer about what's
going on in your marriage, It's about marriage as a whole.

Speaker 3 (17:28):
Yeah.

Speaker 2 (17:29):
I want to look something up real quick before we.

Speaker 3 (17:33):
Choke. Smokey, smoky.

Speaker 2 (17:36):
There is a quote by Henry David Throw that says
the massive men lead lead, the mass of men lead
lives of quiet desperation. And that's what I thought of
when you were reading that. Yeah, I wasn't sure who
said the quote, and I didn't want to quote it
wrong because I would have quoted it way fucking wrong.
I was gonna say it was John Muir. I would
have been way fucking wrong.

Speaker 3 (17:56):
Good call to look it up.

Speaker 2 (17:57):
Yeah, yeah, better to be better, better to be thought
of stupid than to open your mouth improve it.

Speaker 3 (18:02):
Let's say it's better be safe than stupid too, continuing on, clearly,
there were many issues in my marriage and the marriage
what I've ended, whether my husband used those words or not,
but our marriage problems began with I'm over it. Those
words were the beginning of our disconnection. Those words led

(18:23):
us to therapy, and ultimately I believe those words would
have killed our marriage too, even if other catastrophic events
didn't take place.

Speaker 2 (18:31):
You know, that paragraph tells me if he was willing
to go to therapy with her to try to save
their marriage. I don't think that he was just saying
I'm over it whenever a conversation got brought up. This
leads me to believe that there is constant nagging.

Speaker 3 (18:42):
Yes or ridlock reridlock Yeah, where the same argument goes
on for two weeks, continuing on, Yep, I'm glad my
husband stormed out that day, yelling I'm over it over
his shoulder. It gave me the kick I needed to
get out. I'm glad I didn't spend the next three
or five or twenty years trying to fix it, spending

(19:03):
each day in misery. I do think those words ended
our marriage, because if my husband had explained, pleaded, and promised,
I have may have stayed and tried again. The use
of those words to respond to the mess he had
made of our lives was the nail in the coffin.
Now those words are equally my favorite words and words
that I never want to hear again.

Speaker 2 (19:25):
Her article says, a sarcastic teller of stories makes me
wonder if any of this is actually true.

Speaker 3 (19:33):
Oh that's a good question.

Speaker 2 (19:35):
This one's called living with a fig supermodel is the worst.
Oh my goodness, you want to read this one?

Speaker 3 (19:39):
Yeah? That has my attention.

Speaker 2 (19:40):
All right? Oh man, this is this is my guilty pleasure.
Oh my god, I can't believe I'm about to admit this. Yeah,
this is my Jerry Springer.

Speaker 3 (19:51):
I love that.

Speaker 2 (19:52):
This is this is what are you doing in there?
I'm taking a poop. Leave me alone. These people's life
is a fucking travesty. What is going on better? Using
me sucks to suck nerd.

Speaker 3 (20:03):
Like I might have to create an account for.

Speaker 2 (20:06):
Those Oh man, I just give you my log in.

Speaker 3 (20:09):
Okay, thank you. I like it when we share things.
It makes me feel like we're a team.

Speaker 2 (20:13):
We are a fucking team, all right.

Speaker 3 (20:16):
Okay, then I'll correct that. I like being so close
to you that other people don't know your log into things.

Speaker 2 (20:21):
I think this might be written by the same person
it is. I don't want to read another one of
her articles.

Speaker 3 (20:27):
Are you the fake supermodel?

Speaker 2 (20:30):
I'm gonna let's find a different article.

Speaker 3 (20:31):
Okay.

Speaker 2 (20:36):
Five ways female narcissistic narcissist abuse their male partners we're witneys.
Today I learned something about my boyfriend that no girl
should ever have to discover. How to really know you're
in love? Any of these striking a thing for you, baby?

(20:58):
The night might be? Husband became that guy? A real
talk about misogyny and marriage. Let's do this one. How
a casual dinner turned into a wake up call and
why I decided to speak up?

Speaker 3 (21:12):
What an AI photo?

Speaker 2 (21:15):
I think? So?

Speaker 3 (21:17):
Yes?

Speaker 2 (21:18):
Why all the fingers are there?

Speaker 3 (21:21):
It's too glossy. It looks too it's Ai. It just
that's Ai to me. Okay, I've always had a sense
of humor, but there's one type of joke I simply
can't stomach, unintended, the misogynistic kind. Today my husband discovered
just how much those jokes don't sit well with me. Ooh,
there's trauma there. An ordinary evening turns eventful. It all

(21:47):
started like a relatively casual evening. We had a few
rough days this week with our kid at home sick,
so evenings are undoubtedly tiring, and since cooking takes time
and effort, especially under such circumstances, we eat out. My
mom just arrived today to give us a hand for
the remainder of the week, so we all hitded out
to get some fresh air and dye.

Speaker 2 (22:08):
It sounds like a healthy little family, right.

Speaker 3 (22:10):
Yeah, it does. Her time frames don't make sense to me.
Why not, Oh, we've had a few rough days this week. Okay,
never mind, so the remains the week's not over yet.
I was like, are you trying to say that this
has been two weeks when earlier you just said it's
been one week? But that's my own gotcha. Lack of awareness.
I suppose my husband decided to try out a restaurant

(22:31):
we had just passed by this evening. It wasn't brand new,
but it was completely fresh for us because it wasn't
one of our regulars. What could go wrong? Wait? We
sat outside at a table and the waiter brought us
six menus. He placed three for food and three for drinks,
and no particular order, arranged as a pile on the table.

(22:53):
I soon learned this was a sign of his sloppiness.
I looked at the menus briefly as my mom and
I discussed swat to order. I also contemplated that my
four year old what my four year old would eat,
as no kid's dishes were on the menu. The misstep
a bit on the run. The same waiter returned swiftly

(23:14):
to our table to get the order. Since I haven't
had a long time to study the menu, nor I
intended to do so. I decided on schnitzel, but forgot
to mention the type. What are you thinking? Is it
the word schnitzel? Yeah, it looks funny, doesn't it. Apparently
there were several types to choose from which I didn't

(23:34):
realize as I wasn't planning to spend my entire evening
browsing their menu page by page. I mean, if I'm
ordering something, I'm at least going to look at the
menu and see what it includes. Right, right, you don't
have to look at the whole menu to find the
word schnitzel. It's pretty right.

Speaker 2 (23:53):
This. I see where this is going. Yeah, just fucking
deserved it.

Speaker 3 (24:00):
Oh you think she's gonna bitch at the waiter?

Speaker 2 (24:02):
I think I think so. I think there's gonna be
a full Karen moments. She be in the wrong, and
I think her husband's gonna correct it. It could be wrong,
could be wrong. Let's see, Well, let's find out.

Speaker 3 (24:11):
So when the waiter asked me which kind, I stumbled
for a second. But this was enough for my husband
to snark about me being unprepared, asking me patronizing in
front of everybody, is this how you order?

Speaker 2 (24:22):
I don't believe her husband said that, why because in
all of the times that we've gone out to eat, yeah,
I would know how you order. Right. They go out
to eat on a regular basis, they said earlier in
the article. He would not speak like that because you
know how your wife is. So I don't believe that
was the phrasing used.

Speaker 3 (24:40):
Yeah, that could have still been a dig.

Speaker 2 (24:43):
Maybe, but I don't think that it was worded that way.

Speaker 3 (24:45):
Yeah.

Speaker 2 (24:46):
I just don't believe that to be true. I think
this is bullshit. That one sentence made all of this
bullshit to me?

Speaker 3 (24:53):
Do you want to keep reading?

Speaker 2 (24:54):
You want to? Yeah? Yeah, because at this point, I mean,
we we got I don't have anything else to talk about.

Speaker 3 (24:58):
So okay. Then, as if this wasn't enough. Visibly irritated
by my husband's stupid remark, I stumbled when asked about
the drinks. So I initially ordered one lemonade, but looking
at my son, I quickly asked myself aloud, Okay, maybe two.
I wondered whether we could share one or if he
should get his own. Despite this brief hiccup, I quickly

(25:21):
decided on two, which I communicated to the waiter. Okay,
so I'm a pause there. I can understand, like, in
the frazzle of the moment, should I get one or two?
Your child sick? You need to Secondly, I can relate
to this hard. I can't tell you the amount of
times that I've gone through a drive through with the

(25:43):
children in the back seat, and it's a whole five
minute Like it's not a speech, but there's a back
and forth of al right, guys, what do you want?
Tell me? One at a time, everyone stopped speaking, son,
what do you want? I want chicken nuggets and I
want French fries, and I want a milk huh.

Speaker 2 (26:04):
And twenty ranches.

Speaker 3 (26:05):
Oh yeah, they always said that shit the other day.
That's funny.

Speaker 2 (26:09):
I was like, but you're not getting twenty ranches. We
don't need twenty ranches. He's like, but I want them.

Speaker 3 (26:13):
I was like, right. And then I will go to
our daughter and be like, all right, sissy, what do
you want? And she'll be like, I want six chicken
nuggets and I want thirty five French fries. And then
in the middle of her speaking, our someone go I
also want a burger. I'm like, okay, everyone, we need
to start over. And then we finally pull up to
the window or the speaker box and like, I do

(26:35):
your order first. I have a little running tab in
my phone of notes of the food you like from restaurants,
so it's always super easy to just right. And then
I say my food right. And then I say my
food because I always I have my comfort foods, and
then I hit the list of the children's things, and
I always tell the children before I pull up to
the speaker box, don't talk to me. I'm pulling up

(26:58):
to the speaker box and I cannot be engaged in
a conversation with another person and talk to you guys
at the same time. I'm not hearing what you're saying.
It's just maya mary my mommy. Like Yeah, And then
without fail, I would say maybe seven out of ten times,
I'll give them that thirty percent. They start talking to

(27:18):
me when I hit their orders. Mommy, don't forget no cheese, Mommy,
don't forget my lemonade? What about the ranch? Like, I'm like,
if you let me speak right.

Speaker 2 (27:26):
They're just trying to make sure they're food right, and
I respect it because it's better than them, you know,
getting their food, never saying shit right. I want them
to be able to speak up. But damn, is that
shit fucking annoying?

Speaker 3 (27:35):
Yeah, well that's what leads me to the can I
get two large lemonades? No, I'm so sorry. I meant
two large diet cokes and one small lemonade. I promised
I had this whole thing together in my mind, but
now I'm off kilter. Yeah, so I can understand that
the overwhelmed the frazzle. Yeah.

Speaker 2 (27:53):
I would also like to point out that in the
event that he was like, is this how you order
your food? The embarrassment of that would make my brain
go yeah, just like a quick I wouldn't be able
to function for the rest of the night.

Speaker 3 (28:03):
Yeah.

Speaker 2 (28:03):
I would be dwelling on that conversation and that insult
the entire fucking time that we're at dinner and the
moment we were alone game on.

Speaker 3 (28:10):
Yeah, Yeah, what the fuck was this?

Speaker 2 (28:12):
Why would you do that to me? You embarrass the
fuck out of me.

Speaker 3 (28:14):
Tonight, and not just like you did it in front
of my mom.

Speaker 2 (28:17):
Well and all all of the people at the restaurant,
like it was. It didn't waiter was standing there, correct,
didn't for a waiter as well. I don't believe he
said that. I believe he probably said something shitty, but
I don't that doesn't sound right. Is this how you
order your food?

Speaker 3 (28:31):
Yeah?

Speaker 2 (28:33):
We've been married for how long? And have you ever
seen me order my food this way? You fucking imbecile? Like, Yeah,
we've been married for how long? And this is the
first time you've ever decided to talk to me like that,
and I'm gonna stab you in the fucking neck with
a sport Oh honey, look it's a chilled salad fork.
It's so tiny right in the eyeball.

Speaker 3 (28:53):
Oh that's where my mind went too too. Yeah, okay,
I like that we can be fucked up together.

Speaker 2 (29:07):
That public embarrassment is real as fuck for me.

Speaker 3 (29:10):
Yeah, I get that. There are I hold back a
lot of things in public because I worry it's going
to embarrass you.

Speaker 2 (29:19):
You've not ever done anything to embarrass me in public?

Speaker 3 (29:21):
Yeah, yeah, Well, I also try to keep myself under wraps.
Like I remember, this was like, I don't know, three
or four years ago, so this could totally not be
a thing anymore. But I've been living by this guideline
since that conversation. I wanted to do something like super
extra and show off PDA with you in public, and
You're like, no, that would really embarrass me. And I

(29:42):
was like, oh, okay, noted, I won't do that.

Speaker 2 (29:45):
Try to like veel next to me at the dinner table. No,
Like I can't imagine where I mean, were you trying
to like, no anything? On your knees, because no, So
then what would have embarrassed me?

Speaker 3 (29:57):
I can't even remember what it was, but I just
took a mental note of anything over the top.

Speaker 2 (30:02):
We need to reevaluate this conversation at another time, okay, podcast,
because you need to really try to figure out what
that was. And I need to know why I was
embarrassed by it, because I enjoyed the public displays of affection, okay,
the inappropriateness and making people uncomfortable. So it must have
been something really embarrassed the shit out of me.

Speaker 3 (30:21):
And I don't know what it was, but it also
could have been, like your mindset back. Then, You've grown
a lot in the last four.

Speaker 2 (30:26):
Years, so a lot changed after that last journey.

Speaker 3 (30:28):
Yeah, okay, all right, I'm getting excited about things now
I have permissions to do things. Maybe, Okay, I like
my life. It's not even a yes, I'm excited, okay.
Continuing on the waiter, however, was also quick to tax

(30:49):
me by saying, by asking me in a similarly close
patronizing tone, are you asking me? Validating my husband's earlier
assertion that I clearly don't know how to order? My
husband found his question funny, so he laughed. To my shock,
they were having a moment at my expense.

Speaker 2 (31:13):
See something like that. I want to be like, that's
not really either, But I know that people are assholes
and that could very much be a real thing. It
could be, but the husband and me doesn't want to
believe that that's a real thing. Like we're not tag
teaming against my wife. Bro, Like I might be a dig,
but you ain't gonna be a dig.

Speaker 3 (31:31):
Yes, yes, there there are. There's a lot of things
I will accept from you as my husband that somebody
else would get throat punched for. So I've been in
that situation though, where I was with somebody and they
made fun of me in a group, and then that
gave everybody else in the group permission to make fun

(31:53):
of me. Yeah, old me tolerated that shit. It knew
me would call them all pieces of shit. No wonder
you guys are still friends after fifteen years and haven't
grown in anything, right, And I'm gonna see myself out
And I'm taking this candle Obera with me because I
like how it looks. I don't know why candle Obera

(32:16):
was the one that came to my mind, but I'm
gonna steal it from somebody's house. As they were disrespect
me like that, it's.

Speaker 2 (32:20):
Funny, all right, in comes the victim mentality.

Speaker 3 (32:24):
Oh okay, here we go. They were making fun of
a worn out woman who took the day off to
care for a small sick child so his father could
carry on with his normal day at work and later
have fun cracking jokes with the waiter in front of
the family, disrespecting both women at the table, and setting
an awful example for their son.

Speaker 2 (32:41):
Okay, so how was it disrespecting both women at the table?
Where was there anything in there about women?

Speaker 3 (32:50):
The only connection in my mind that makes sense is
that she felt disrespected and because she right, and because
she's her mother's daughter, that's that bipop by roxy disrespect.

Speaker 2 (33:03):
If he was like, can't pay the bill to night, babe,
I guess you're gonna go have to wash This is
because you're a woman, I can understand that's a misogyny.

Speaker 3 (33:11):
Or if he hit her with oh yeah, just like
a typical woman, don't know what you're gonna order.

Speaker 2 (33:16):
Right, good thing you got boobs because you don't got brains,
I can see how that being misogynistic him ragging on
you because you couldn't figure out what brought worst or
schnitzel or wherever the fuck it was. That has nothing
to do with your gender. There's no misogyny there. You
had a blonde moment or a bubblehead moment, whatever the
fuck you want to call it, and he gave you
a little bit of a hard time about it, gave

(33:36):
you some shit about it. Where's the see? Oh? Oh,
I'm a poor, worn out woman. Our son is sick.
My life is just so difficult. My husband's a misogynists.
They're making jokes at my disposal.

Speaker 3 (33:51):
Right.

Speaker 2 (33:54):
I also don't think that that's a bad example for
their son if he was being truly aggressi towards his wife.

Speaker 3 (34:01):
Right.

Speaker 2 (34:01):
I can understand that being a thing, But showing how
to be lighthearted in the moment and have a laugh
and be funny at your mistakes on teaches a life
lessons to have thick skin. She should have just laughed
it off, right, Man, it's been a long day. I'm sorry, Steven, Right,
it's been it's been one of those days. Can you
tell me what kind of snitchels you have? Yeah, you're

(34:22):
you work here, right? Which snitchel, do you think I
should get.

Speaker 3 (34:25):
Yeah, I'm gonna be honest. I would have hit that
Twitter with I'll take a schnitzel and then be like
which one and be like you have more than one?
Lay it on me, Yeah, what's the best one? Which
one do you get most orders for?

Speaker 2 (34:39):
It?

Speaker 3 (34:39):
Sounds like she was already having a really rough week
and she was at that emotional rawness, you know that
that exposed nerve and was taking things personally.

Speaker 2 (34:48):
Yeah, that's exactly what that was. Somebody in the chat said,
you got a sick kid, and you took him out
to eat, so you can get everybody else sick. Yeah,
good fucking point.

Speaker 3 (34:54):
Good point.

Speaker 2 (34:55):
I'm not saying that you should bully your partner. I
want to be clear on that. I'm definitely saying you
should bully your partner. I am saying that there needs
to be a level of thick skin shit that is
taught to children so that as they grow up they
can understand that some people are just fucking assholes. Yeah,
and there's nothing you can do about that. You can't
control other people. Shit triggers are your responsibility. There needs

(35:16):
to be a thick skin and you need to be witty, yes,
And if somebody's going to be a bullyer, be sarcastic,
or be shitty towards you, you need to be able
to one up them, to put that shit down, lay
the dick on the table, and establish dominance.

Speaker 3 (35:27):
Yeah, that's hard to do with you why you're so
good at it, trauma, But it's one of those things
that like, if that kid learns that, and he learns
that sometimes people are having a bad day and it's
okay to even forgive them in that moment, right, Like,
there's a whole lot of lessons that could be had there.

Speaker 2 (35:46):
So I don't see how there's an awful example. Now again,
if he was being actually aggressive to her, you know,
being truly misogynistic, I could see how that would be
a thing. But I see zero misogyny in this. I
think the title is clickbait.

Speaker 3 (35:58):
Yeah or prepare states that female oppression continuing on eventually
in a second that felt like ages, the waiter concluded
by recapping our order, but not missing the chance to
highlight my minor bluntness, quoting me and perhaps too eliminates
oh excuse me, in a bro like fashion with my

(36:21):
husband who kept smiling like a jerk. While I was
sitting there red with anger.

Speaker 2 (36:26):
I would have laughed at that. If I would have
been the butt of that joke, I would have laughed
at that. Yeah, can you make one of them like
an alcoholic lemonade? Because I clearly fucking needed after this day?
I pad right, like, Yeah, there are so many things
that the waiter's trying to make light of the situation. Right,
here's a real thought. If you and I were at
a dinner table and a waiter standing there and I'm

(36:48):
fucking going hard on you, bullying, being an asshole, how
do you think they feel standing there looking at that?
There's got to be like, I am so uncomfortable in
my skin right now? Do you guys need a minute?
Should I come back? Can you please fucking leave? Yeah,
there's a whole lot that goes in there. So if
he's trying to make light of the situation, to not
make it be like your husband's a total piece of shit,

(37:11):
perhaps two lemonades as a joke, right, come the fuck on?

Speaker 3 (37:16):
Yeah? Abby From Patreon. For those of you who don't know,
we record live in front of our Patreon almost every
time we record something, So if you would like to
be a part of the conversation interact. See some behind
the scenes stuff check out patreon dot com slash to
be better and Abby just said, from the server's perspective,
it sounds like he's trying to connect with the table.

Speaker 2 (37:36):
Right.

Speaker 3 (37:37):
I used to be a server, and one of the
easiest ways to break the ice with the people sitting
at the table in front of you is to make
them laugh. My sense of humor is not built for everybody,
and being in the service industry, I chameleoned a little bit.

(37:59):
I would pick up on the sense of humor that
people had at the table. You know, if somebody cracks
a joke at me, I'm gonna crack an adjacent joke, right,
you know, if you make a I don't know why
a dead baby joke is the only thing coming into
my wout right. But like, if somebody cracks a joke
at me at a table and I hit them with
a dead baby joke, like, they're never coming back here,

(38:20):
and they're probably going to ask for a new server
and probably request that I'm fine.

Speaker 2 (38:25):
Joke.

Speaker 3 (38:26):
Yes, So I agree with Abby. He could have been
just trying to pick up on what was being put
down and make the situation a little bit more airy
a moment of reflection. My blood pressure was likely off
the roof. I could feel my cheeks burning and my

(38:48):
heart pounding. I could have smashed something right there. To
buy better judgment, I got up and left the table
the restaurant, even refraining from making a scene. I couldn't
believe it. What the fuck just happened? I could have
I couldn't have been mad at the waiter. My husband

(39:09):
enabled him. However, a more decent person would not have
dared to insult a customer, not even jokingly, not even
when her husband considered it appropriately. I was torn.

Speaker 2 (39:22):
I would be fucking livid if you got up and
walked out of the restaurant and left me there.

Speaker 3 (39:27):
Yeah, it sounds like she took the car, So like,
how are your mom, husband, and son getting home?

Speaker 2 (39:34):
Babe? Can we step outside for a minute. I'd like
to talk to you. This is one of those times
where we need to check in outside, right fucking now. Yeah,
And I'd just said it with you smile on my face,
so that nobody else besides people at our table could
tell that you and I were about to go outside
and fucking have it out right, but we're gonna go
have it out over this. Yeah, if that was really
what was going on, that's how that would need to
be played out. This this, I don't. I don't believe this.

Speaker 3 (39:57):
Do you think this is maybe like how she she
imagined it playing out in her mind, but she just
sat at the table, super pissed off in it and
talked the rest of the night.

Speaker 2 (40:06):
I think that that's probably plausible. Yeah, we know that
people send bullshit emails.

Speaker 3 (40:10):
Oh yeah, just to get attention from us.

Speaker 2 (40:12):
It's no different than people who are writing articles like
this on the internet. They're doing it to get attention.
I bet you. If we scroll down to the comments
of this, there's a whole bunch of girl I can't
believe he did that. Yeah, when they probably didn't even
really read the entire article, got caught up in the
whole misogyny aspect of it or whatever.

Speaker 3 (40:29):
I saw the glitch.

Speaker 2 (40:30):
Okay, I don't know. I don't know. Continue reading real quick,
Alex said, is this someone's personal diary entry? What are
we reading? No way, this is a blog or something.
This is from a website called medium dot com. It
is a reddit esque type site where people can write
out journal entries or story short stories whatever. I've used

(40:53):
it to pull stats, because people have used this website
to to douce statistics, and there's been links on it.
But it's I think this is just bullshit. I don't
believe that it played out like this, and if it did,
there's a whole lot of other real issues going on here,
and I believe that solely based off of the way
this entire thing started. She said there was misogyny there,
there is none.

Speaker 3 (41:13):
I've not seen any misogyny, right.

Speaker 2 (41:15):
And then the way that he is that how you
order your food. Yeah, we've been married. Even if that
was a first date and we didn't know each other,
I could see how something like that would be said,
but in a playful manner. Right, to make light of
the situation, because you're probably embarrassing that it embarrassed that
you didn't know what a schnitzel was, or that there
was multiple of them.

Speaker 3 (41:35):
Right. The more that I think about her walking up
and leaving the restaurant, right, I can understand I'm going
to go to the bathroom and cry for a second.
That's something I would say. That whole exchange just really
hurt my feelings, so I'm going to go cry in
the bathroom and I'll be back, hopefully before the food
gets here. And I'm going to go do that. If

(42:00):
you just got up and walked away from the table,
my abandonment's kicking it immediately, Yeah.

Speaker 2 (42:04):
Sam, same, immediately. A whole lot of unhealed shitting there
over abandonment.

Speaker 3 (42:10):
Oh yeah, that's that's a hard one. My abandonment is
still so strong and prevalent to me, right, it's died
down a little bit, like I know that you're not
going to leave me over a disruption. I'm trying not
to cry saying that because I'm going to believe it, right.
But they're like, my abandonment is still such a prevalent

(42:32):
thing in me that if you left the house with
out saying goodbye to me, I would believe you're leaving me.

Speaker 2 (42:36):
Have you seen the tiktoks where dudes are just getting
up and walking out of the room and the girls
like where are you going?

Speaker 3 (42:41):
Yeah?

Speaker 2 (42:42):
I can get up and walk out of the room
and you don't ask me that because I know you're
coming back inside. You know I'm coming back, So that
abandonmentshit needs to be dialed. Wagh. The fuck down because
you know I'm coming back.

Speaker 3 (42:51):
Oh, but it's so hard.

Speaker 2 (42:53):
But in a moment where I could clearly tell you
were upset and you were to walk away from me
like that, yeah, that would be That would be very
very rough, very very rough.

Speaker 3 (43:02):
If you get up and leave the room and don't
come back, I get up and look for you.

Speaker 2 (43:05):
Yeah, yeah you do. Yep.

Speaker 3 (43:10):
I sorry. I was gonna say. If I can't see
you at your computer or you're like, I'm not walking
over to the gym next door, Yeah, you have like
a five minute grace period. And I'm like, all right,
I'm on the hunt from a man going on a
man hunt. You know that song going on a bear hunt? No,
got my binoculars.

Speaker 2 (43:30):
Nope, don't know that one.

Speaker 3 (43:31):
I'm going on a man hunt and I'm bringing my
booty so he can't turn me away.

Speaker 2 (43:38):
That's funny. You know that this situation is where the
Karen title comes from.

Speaker 3 (43:42):
Yeah, yeah, is that what you were going to say? Yeah,
we started talking at the same time. Okay, continuing on.
My husband was a jerk. He was that guy. After
collecting myself by taking a brief walk, I returned to
eat my schnitzel although I lost my appetite. Oh so
she didn't leave with the car, she just went on
to walk. Yeah, okay, what prompted my husband to act

(44:06):
like that? Was he really that stupid to believe it
was appropriate to make jokes about his wife and all
strangers to do so as well? Did he really think
this was funny?

Speaker 2 (44:15):
Where's the misogyny?

Speaker 3 (44:19):
Maybe it's shouting from the next roomover Plona Lacroix today,
continuing on confrontation at the table. I don't agree with that.

Speaker 2 (44:37):
I don't either, just that.

Speaker 3 (44:38):
That the next whatever this section is called confrontation at
the table. Our son is sitting here and my mom
is sitting here.

Speaker 2 (44:46):
Can I talked to outside for a minute?

Speaker 3 (44:47):
Right?

Speaker 2 (44:48):
I need five minutes of your time.

Speaker 3 (44:49):
Yeah, we're gonna talk about this when we get home.

Speaker 2 (44:52):
Yeah, like anywhere.

Speaker 3 (44:56):
Like So, if he was an asshole and he said
it to hurt your feelings, there was, there was malice
behind his intent. That should not have happened in front
of the kid and the mom. I agree, right, that
was the first misstep of this whole interaction.

Speaker 2 (45:16):
How should that have been handled? What do you mean
I should have been handled? If that was us and
it was our one child and our mom and one
of our moms, and I came out of the side
of my neck and you were offended by it. How
should that have been handled?

Speaker 3 (45:31):
And the waiters standing right there? You laugh at me
because I'm frazzled, and you said it with malice, because
I have to remember that malice part, because I would
laugh at that, right, and like, damn, babe, you right,
just be my brain for me right now, you know
what I want.

Speaker 2 (45:47):
I would have laughed at it too. Yeah, being reversed,
I would have laughed about it, right, But.

Speaker 3 (45:52):
It's also taken a lot for me to work on
not taking things personally right. So let's assume it was
said with malice, So it's said with malice. To be honest,
I think my reaction would have been excuse me and
then either the opportunity to say it again or I
was just kidding, babe. Don't worry like I can't just
fly off the handle because of my borderline. Because if

(46:13):
I fly off the handle and I'm just pissed at
you because you said something, everybody, not just the people
at our table, this whole restaurant's about to see a
fucking scene and healed version of me. Yeah, it would
have been an excuse me, I'm sorry, what did you
just say? And then that the way that me saying that,

(46:37):
my hope would be, oh, she's not okay right now?
Or you know what, maybe I did say that too harshly,
but my hope would be that, oh, no, babe, I
was just trying to be playful with you. If it
came out too harsh, I didn't mean it that way, right.

Speaker 2 (46:53):
I'm willing to bet that in that situation, most people
would get defensive, Yeah, on the excuse me? Or would
you like to try that again? Like, I think that
would create conflict, especially if the embarrassment from one person's
already there because they know they fucked up.

Speaker 3 (47:05):
Yeah, you know, well, if they are aware that they
fucked up. No, you know, if somebody is intentionally trying
to be malicious, that's fun for them.

Speaker 2 (47:13):
Yeah, but you know, if it's fun for them, especially
if it's fun for them, they're able to ascertain that
they nailed what they were trying to do, they flick
that nerve. Yeah, now they can hone in on it
because they're they're getting a reaction out of you. You
can see it you know, you know, if you've struck
a nerve with your person, especially if you've been married
for a while. Yeah, so you would have hit the

(47:36):
excuse me.

Speaker 3 (47:37):
It would have been excused me? Can you say that
one more time? We're not doing this here. It also
depends on like how rough has my week been, because
I would have I would have gathered all I could
have gathered all the minions and be like, we're not
going to eat here tonight. Thanks for here's a five
dollars for wasting the last ten minutes we're leaving. It

(47:58):
depends on how done I am, whatever, everything that's been
going on.

Speaker 2 (48:02):
I think that I would look at we named the
waiter Steve, right, Yeah, okay. I would look at Steve
and be like, can you give us a minute? We're
not sure what we want, And I would give him
the opportunity to walk away. And I would look at
the mother or mother in law and be like, can
you watch junior here for a minute. I would like
to step outside and have a conversation. And I would
look at my person and be like, hey, can I
talk to you outside for a minute, And we would
go outside and have that conversation. Even I it's over

(48:23):
by the car because in case it gets elevated. But
I would absolutely want to have that conversation in the
moment immediately, and then when we came back in part
of the stipulation of me sitting back down at that
table as an apology in front of the waiter, Yeah,
for that behavior because I'm embarrassed or whatever's going on.
I don't think that that is an unreasonable demand. And

(48:46):
the way that apology could look is as simple as, hey, Steve,
I realized that the thing that I said earlier kind
offended my wife a little bit, and I'm sorry that
we did that in front of you. That's very unbecoming
of us. Whatever we're ready to order now, right like that,
that whole thing could be navigated in a way that

(49:08):
there's repair happening before dinner is even brought to the table. Yeah,
but I would also want to understand why you're so frustrated,
because if that's how we normally interact and I'm just
busting your balls and you take it to that fucking extreme,
like something other than that is going on, But I
need to know what it is.

Speaker 3 (49:26):
Oh, As I was saying, So him doing that in
front of the waiter and the mother in law and
the child is the first missed up of the conversation.
There is always an opportunity to try to get the
trains back on the track. Having the confrontation at the
table is not getting the trains back on the track.
You are now part of the problem that's happening. I
wanted to move on, but I couldn't risk letting this

(49:47):
one go without clarifying what the fuck happened and sharing
this won't ever ever, big capital bold letters happen again.
There were several valuable we couldn't ignore in this event.
I confronted my husband about this and told him how
I felt. I felt deeply disrespected and disappointed by his behavior.

(50:09):
My son did not learn appropriate behavior by witnessing that conduct,
and it was especially disrespectful to run this misogynistic show girl.

Speaker 2 (50:21):
Come on, do you wearing that victim badge? Are you
looking up the definition of misogyny?

Speaker 3 (50:27):
I am misogynistic. Definition it is a dislike, of contempt for,
or an ingrained prejudice against women.

Speaker 2 (50:37):
I don't see any of that.

Speaker 3 (50:38):
I don't see any of that either, So now the
self instated is not the word the self perpetuated victimhood.
I feel bad for this man because even if he
set it out the side of his neck, and he
had full intent of being a dick to his wife
in that moment and wanted to embarrass her in front
of everybody in.

Speaker 2 (50:57):
That restaurant, it had nothing to do with her gender, had.

Speaker 3 (51:00):
Nothing to do with the gender going on. That's crazy.

Speaker 2 (51:07):
So now she's manipulating what happened, Yeah, to make it
a whole lot worse, so that she can drag her
son and her mother or mother in law, was it mother?

Speaker 3 (51:16):
My mother?

Speaker 2 (51:17):
So yeah, So she drug her mother and son into
the argument to manipulate him, to make him feel guilty
about what had happened because she was but hurt by it. Right,
this is this is actually a form of abuse.

Speaker 3 (51:27):
I agree. It was especially disrespect I can't this fucking
makes me laugh. It was especially disrespectful to run this
misogynistic show in front of my mother, who was also outraged.
The way he treated me was unacceptable. I was sorry
I had to have this conversation over dinner. Still, I

(51:48):
had to clear you didn't have to have this conversation
over dinner. There are a multitude of other ways this
conversation could have been had and it did not have
to happen over dinner.

Speaker 2 (52:00):
Right. She said that her mom was outraged. As a mom,
if somebody treated your child poorly to the point that
they got up and walked away from the table, would
you sit there calmly and not engage right with the
person that offended them the way that they did? Hey,
what was that? It doesn't even have to be an
aggressive engagement. You can what the fuck was that, homie? Right?
Come on, we can strategically play this game in a

(52:22):
very calm manner, handled diplomatically. Right. We're trying to avoid
nuclear war right now.

Speaker 3 (52:27):
Yeah.

Speaker 2 (52:29):
I don't believe that her mom was offended either. I
believe that that was a manipulation tactic. And if she
was offended, I'm sure she said something when chick got
up and walked away from the table.

Speaker 3 (52:37):
Yeah. Still, I had to clarify that what happened was
highly inappropriate, and I expected him to understand the gravity
of the deed, sincerely apologizing and promised that this was
the first and the last time it happened. Okay, so
this is the first time he's done something like this.
Now you're just going to label him as a misogynistic
piece of shit. Another perspective is you've been having a

(53:00):
really hard week with a sick kid. Sounds like you
were missing work, their stress happening. You may have been
thinking that he wasn't doing enough, and then you took
something super personal because you were frazzled.

Speaker 2 (53:16):
She also had an expectation of the way that he
was going to handle it, and he didn't handle it
the way that she wanted him to do. Yeah, but
maybe I'm wrong because I've just finished of that paragraph.

Speaker 3 (53:26):
But continuing on yes, by all means, such conversation isn't
something we do over dinner, and I would have gladly
taken it another day. However, that's where the situation was
given to me, and I had to deal with it
right then and there. No, you did not. It's crazy

(53:47):
what people tell themselves to justify what they do.

Speaker 2 (53:52):
And the courage to be disliked. Speaking on Adlerian psychology,
they talk about you were not angry, so you yelled.
You wanted to yell, well, and you used your anger
as an excuse to do it. Yes, And I think
John Deloney has actually talked about that as well. It's
a choice you're choosing this behavior.

Speaker 3 (54:09):
Yeah, continuing on like with cats when you need to
scold them exactly when the band. So there's this really
crazy thing that humans are capable of doing, and that's
remembering instances days, months, years after that they've happened, right,

(54:29):
And they can also correlate remorse and guilt or justification
to what was done days, months, years ago.

Speaker 2 (54:37):
Right.

Speaker 3 (54:39):
So unlike my precious fur baby over here who shits
on the floor, if I don't correct that immediately, she's
not going to know in eight hours that she's in
trouble for shitting on the floor.

Speaker 2 (54:47):
Right, She doesn't understand what's going on.

Speaker 3 (54:50):
If my husband says something out of the side of
next to me at dinner and I bring it up
three hours later, after everybody's gone to bed and baths
have happened, and I'm like, hey, babe, remember what happened
at dinner? Not going to be like, huh, right, we
had dinner. What's dinner?

Speaker 2 (55:06):
Right? Well? Okay, So the difference between the cat and
the husband or the dog in this situation and the
husband is that when you say do you remember what
you had what happened at dinner, you can't say that
to a dog or a cat. You remember when you
shit on the rug or puked on the rug this
morning at nine am. They don't understand any of that shit, right,
fucking wild man?

Speaker 3 (55:25):
Wow? Wow, I just read this. Okay, I'm going to
read the rest of the sentence, and I'm just going
to keep saying wow, like Owen Wilson. Like like with cats,
when you need you, when you need to scold them
exactly when they have the bad behavior happens, when you
need to scold them exactly when the bad behavior happens,

(55:47):
so they can correlate the act with the consequence. Husbands
tend to forget or minimize the deed if you allow
them too much time in between. I feel so bad
for your son. You know, wives who are also boy

(56:09):
moms baffle me because their son came from them. So
they're the greatest thing that ever walked the planet, and
they're different from all of the other males and men
who grace this world. The way that you were talking
about husbands had the way that you were talking about men.
Your son could read this article and be like, oh

(56:29):
my mom thinks I'm as stupid as a cat yep,
and that I have to be hit with a spray bottle,
because otherwise I don't have object permanence or whatever crazy
the aftermath, another woman would have probably waited. I don't know,
I don't care. I do know, though, that after I

(56:53):
said what I had to say and cleared the air
in front of my family, I felt better. I am
not to be stepped on my friends. Okay, just because
just because you feel better about a situation doesn't mean
it was handled properly. Right right, So now this is
coming across as super selfish. Your feelings are not the

(57:14):
only feelings here. What if your husband was trying to
be lighthearted, has been paying attention this whole week, knows
you've been having a really hard time, and in this
moment where you fumbled and you could tell that you
were getting anxious or stressed or whatever was happening at
the moment, because you weren't expecting a follow up question
from the waiter, he tried to break the eyes with
a little joky joke and you just shit on him

(57:36):
for it.

Speaker 2 (57:37):
It's a really good point. I would also like to
point out that because she had a hard week and
the kid is sick and she didn't go to work today,
and she's dealing with all the shit that she's dealing with.
She would have probably reacted to the same way to
somebody at Starbucks who fucked their drink up. Right, she's
looking for a reason to let that out because she's
frustrated about her life and anxious and all the things

(57:57):
that's going on. I don't think that her husband did
anything wrong in this, and I don't believe it because
of the way that that was worded, even if he did,
like try to fucking you know, Joshua her a little
bit or whatever, like joke joke, like you said.

Speaker 3 (58:14):
Hang on, So she said, I'm not to be stepped
on my friends, homie, don't call me your friend when
I'm not your friends. I don't even like the way
you wrote this article, like.

Speaker 2 (58:23):
That's funny.

Speaker 3 (58:25):
There's a mutual I'm not even gonna say. I respect
you're a human being, and I'm glad that you are
living life and being happy. But is she But I
don't want to be your friend.

Speaker 2 (58:36):
But is she being happy?

Speaker 1 (58:38):
No?

Speaker 3 (58:38):
I mean, based on this article, not really. But I
like to be positive about interactions that I'm about to
really shut down.

Speaker 2 (58:44):
You know that we're gonna have to go through the
comments when we're done.

Speaker 3 (58:46):
Oh yeah, okay, continuing on. My mom was happy, I
defended myself. My son probably got a lesson on consequences
and how not to mess with mommy. My husband learned
new boundaries. I met with him after dinner because I
would not feel inferior because someone implied so. Furthermore, I

(59:08):
wasn't about to let this incident ruin my recent work
on fostering a more peaceful family environment. On the other hand,
it remains to be seen what lesson the waiter has
taken away from this experience, because I seriously doubt other
female customers might be as decent as I was to
leave the room to clear their heads instead of addressing
their misogynistic attitude with their manager. What would you have

(59:32):
done if you were me? And the story? Everything differently, Yeah,
everything differently, all right, the very first one. I've seen
a few comments questioning why the described interaction was labeled misogynistic,
and I'd like to share my perspective. First off, it's
important to consider the cultural context today. It's fashionable and

(59:55):
has been for the case of decades and centuries to
mock women for their minor mistakes. That's why the male
waiter instantly joined in with the patronizing tone. He's seen
this belittling behavior before, and he understood that he would
likely get away with hurting the wife's feelings because there
are typically fewer consequences for disrespecting women.

Speaker 2 (01:00:16):
Before we go any further, this is how I know
that a lot of women have never been around a
group of men.

Speaker 3 (01:00:23):
Oh yeah, I was just thinking that.

Speaker 2 (01:00:27):
You've heard the way that I talked to my friends,
right that, Like, it goes from everything from like true
like hateful ball busting to gay jokes in minutes like
come here, baby, like it gets fucking out of control fast.
We don't live life that serious. No, making a joke
about somebody's inability to speak properly or order fucking dinner

(01:00:50):
is not the end of the world when you have
a whole lot of other real life things to worry about. Right,
this is that soft ass Nothing has ever tried to
kill you, and it fucking shows mentality, you guys, and
by you guys, I mean everybody listening, not just women.
Y'all are fucking soft as shit. Yes, that's what it
comes down to.

Speaker 3 (01:01:08):
Yeah, the mocking of women for minor mistakes I have seen, right,
I have been in a room high school. I can
distinctly remember being in high school and sitting on the
bleachers that pulled away from the wall that had like

(01:01:30):
that little hidden underneath, yeah, where people can go and
drink or whatever. And the worst bullying cases I've seen
from the boys in that school was to weaker boys.

Speaker 2 (01:01:43):
Right, that's normal fucking behavior. Yeah, and it doesn't get
any different as you get older. The only difference is
is as you get older, your thin gets your skin
gets thicker, and you're able to throw it back and
it becomes a thing of speck at that point, because
when you're little, you got to worry about getting beat up.
As adults, people won't do that shit anymore. Like that,

(01:02:05):
that dials way the fuck back. Yeah, so there is
a whole lot of Oh, you can give and take, like,
let's go, it is fun. This is that's a bullshit statement.
This is a woman's perceived mindset of what men go
through and she has no fucking idea.

Speaker 3 (01:02:19):
Yeah. I don't want to read the rest of that comment.

Speaker 2 (01:02:22):
Okay, this next one says, like with cats, when you
need to scull them, it just goes that whole thing
she wrote, Oh the timing, don't wait. And I'm accused
of being reactive in a hot headed weight. I'm accused
of bringing up the past that cannot be changed more
victim mentality. The husband should have said that to the waiter,
please give my wife more time to decide. I agree.

(01:02:43):
There's a whole other ways, a whole lot of other
ways that could have had. Instead, he went after you
with these little digs that people do all the time.
They think that they're being funny and teasing you. They
also want to feel good about themselves, so they tear
you down. Good for you for addressing it. There's still
no misogyny there. There's one hundred and forty eight respect this.
Follow it up with the manager. It can still be done.

(01:03:03):
Oh look her name was Karen.

Speaker 3 (01:03:04):
That's funny. Scroll back up? Did I miss something here?
How was his shitty disrespectful behavior misogynistic? What he said
didn't represent specific incentive.

Speaker 2 (01:03:18):
Towards women?

Speaker 3 (01:03:19):
What invictive? Invictive towards women? As I know plenty of
women who treat their partners this way by misusing slash
over using this word along with words like toxic and narcissistic,
which everyone on medium seems to be doing these days,
these words lose their meaning and power. I am so
tired of this lazy hyperbole. Just say, you stood up

(01:03:41):
to a bully and taught him a lesson. Good on you.

Speaker 2 (01:03:44):
I agree with that, but I don't think he was
bullying her.

Speaker 3 (01:03:46):
I don't think he was bullying either.

Speaker 2 (01:03:48):
Good job on the hyperbole though, Yeah, because I read
hyper bowl. Wow, somebody else said they would have they
would have filed for divorce over this.

Speaker 3 (01:03:58):
Wow. She also said this is the first time he's
ever done this, right, So it could have been a
conversation of Babe, you've never talked to me like that?
What what presented that tonight? At dinner, I got up
and went to the bathroom because my husband's never spoken
to me like that before, and I didn't know how
to react. No, I woman, I stand my ground. No

(01:04:24):
bully here, narcissistic, misogynistic, get him stand your.

Speaker 2 (01:04:31):
Ground, woman, girl power. I've read those fucking comments. Yeah, yeah,
that's that's a little over an hour after we cut
out that weird that weird one that we didn't read. Okay,
some of these are really they hurt my fucking brain, man,
I get that. Yes, Queen boss, bitch, I wouldn't want to.

(01:04:58):
I wouldn't want to be with somebody that doesn't have
sense of humor. Right, Right, I have enough stress in
my life that having to deal with that and to
be uptight all the fucking time in my marriage is
not something that I would enjoy. I want to laugh
and I want you to roast me from time to time.
We dig at each other. It's funny we fart on
each other. Like there's not a whole lot of things
that's off limit in our marriage when it comes to

(01:05:20):
the way that we love each other. Yeah, if I'm
going out to dinner and I have to be super
uptight and like I can't enjoy my dinner, I would
rather just eat at home and watch TV so I
can play on my phone. Like, I don't want to
be John.

Speaker 3 (01:05:33):
Far in your marriage, right, working really hard on getting
some zingers to hit back with you. You're just so
fast about it, Like that's your trauma that my trauma
kicks in. If I say anything back, I'm gonna get
in trouble. No, I know I'd have to work through that.

Speaker 2 (01:05:46):
Jay said. My wife's friend tells me to tells my
buddies to back off sometimes when it goes too far. Yeah,
I believe it. I believe it.

Speaker 3 (01:05:55):
Oh, castraight, all your friends, I know better than that.

Speaker 2 (01:05:57):
I had a coworker once that we like a bro hug,
and when I went to like, Joe here, huh did
you say?

Speaker 3 (01:06:05):
I'm just talking to myself now I'm listening.

Speaker 2 (01:06:07):
He tried to embrace a little too long and make
it weird and put his hands on my lower back.
So I licked his ear and he was like, what
the fuck is wrong with you? I was like, you
took it there, bro, I'm gonna take it a step
further every time. And he's like, well, I won't ever
do that again, and I was like, you fucking learned
your lesson, didn't you.

Speaker 3 (01:06:23):
Yep? Yeah, I'm all about making people uncomfortable who purposely
trying to make me uncomfortable.

Speaker 2 (01:06:28):
Yeah, it's it's again, yep. Yep. Zach said, sometimes you
got to take a prom photo with your buddy.

Speaker 3 (01:06:35):
I have.

Speaker 2 (01:06:36):
I'm I have the photo. It's in my phone. It's
actually Zach's contact what he calls me. I love that, yep.

Speaker 3 (01:06:45):
But what I was mumbling to myself as I was
putting my hair out, I said your friends know better
than that. Are you texting Zach right now?

Speaker 2 (01:06:52):
I'm going to show him that so that he knows
that I'm for real.

Speaker 3 (01:06:55):
Let's to say, I'm in the middle of talking Dabe.

Speaker 2 (01:06:58):
Is that because you're crazy? What that my friends know better?

Speaker 3 (01:07:03):
Oh yeah, I'll put their Dixon form aldehyde and name them.

Speaker 2 (01:07:07):
You do have a thing about naming things.

Speaker 3 (01:07:09):
I do. My fingernail fell off, Guys.

Speaker 2 (01:07:12):
She fucking stuck it in her toothbox?

Speaker 3 (01:07:14):
I did.

Speaker 2 (01:07:14):
Did you name it?

Speaker 1 (01:07:16):
No?

Speaker 3 (01:07:16):
I haven't, But you know about ruby.

Speaker 2 (01:07:18):
That's control issues. What do you mean naming things? Having
the the compulsion to name things comes from a sense
of trying to control things. It implies ownership and control.

Speaker 3 (01:07:30):
That makes sense. That's something that started when I was
a little kid.

Speaker 2 (01:07:33):
So you go. It totally makes sense. Pg's contact picture
of my phone is her and her Captain's hat and
Versace glasses from the October mod meet up.

Speaker 3 (01:07:42):
That's funny. I love that.

Speaker 2 (01:07:44):
That is funny. Let's wrap up. Do you want to
do another one? We are it's one o'clock. We have
enough time to do a podcast episode if you want to,
or we can just yeah. Yeah, So then let's outtro
this intro, the next, and just keep going. We don't
even have to turn things off. We'll turn all of
this off so at separate files, leave the live running

(01:08:06):
and just go With that being said, guys, hope you
enjoyed the episode. Remember you were the author of your
own life, so grab a pen and we will see
you on the next one.

Speaker 3 (01:08:13):
Bye, guys,