March 14, 2025 • 42 mins
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Episode Transcript
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Speaker 1 (00:00):
Look out with all the things. The bottom all wow
is you you're my favorite views. But that's not and
(00:22):
we are back.
Speaker 2 (00:23):
We are back bumble bitches doing.
Speaker 1 (00:25):
Some Friday content for you.
Speaker 2 (00:26):
I feel like I need a different, different thing to say.
Speaker 1 (00:29):
Let me switch it up. It is season three.
Speaker 2 (00:30):
It is season three. I feel like I've been saying
bumble bitches for a while since season one, right, you
feel like it up? I've grown past that.
Speaker 1 (00:37):
Then what are you feeling?
Speaker 2 (00:38):
I can't say that. I was gonna say intellectual fudgers,
but the c K, but I can't drop the F
bomb that early on. I'll be trying not to yeah,
to cuss like that.
Speaker 1 (00:50):
Putting the F bomb out early on is is definitely
a good thing because it will demonetize the channel. There's
got to be something clever going to Google like powerful
women Greetings.
Speaker 2 (01:00):
Wait for the Lord to speak to me, Jesus take
the wheel. It'll it'll come to me in like a
hot flash at three am, and you'll hear me go babe,
and I'll just spew the most amazing intro you've ever heard.
Speaker 1 (01:14):
That's funny. We turned the lights down a little bit,
so we're a little bit darker.
Speaker 2 (01:18):
More moody. Yeah, very Twilight of Us.
Speaker 1 (01:20):
Yeah, so my my ISO back up. I want. My
favorite look of all the podcasts was when we were
in the two chairs in that corner of our whi's
now our daughter's room.
Speaker 2 (01:32):
Yeah, with the plant in the center.
Speaker 1 (01:34):
Yeah, it looked very relaxing. And the only thing that
I would like is to maybe change this out and
have two bargoing this way across us and then having
two little lights coming down so that we're lit and
everything behind us is barely lit.
Speaker 2 (01:49):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (01:50):
So and that's what I was going for, but it's
gonna take work, and I don't feel like doing it
right now, so so we're gonna do I signed up
to Medium. We actually talked about this on a podcast once.
People freely that's articles there. They go and write opinion pieces.
It's kind of like a paid for reddit, and we
find articles on there every once in a while that
we want to dissect. And we have one, possibly two
(02:10):
for today. You know that the questionnaire thing that we did,
we posted it to discord and a Patreon, and a
bunch of people said that they really unliked. Oh they
like the change in content. Yeah, they like it. It's a
lot different.
Speaker 2 (02:23):
I was getting our after Dark Live questionnaire mixed up
with the one that we did for Friday Content. We
do so much. We do a lot, we really do.
Speaker 1 (02:32):
Do we have anything that we you know, what we
need to do either today, we'll probably do it tomorrow
while we're here while you're doing the Good Wives episode.
We need to record a Patreon plug so that I
can just clip it in a new one that's not
goofy like it was last time. Okay, And we need
to do a disclaimer, so we need to sit down
and record boats that we can just put them in
right after the you know, our little intro thing, and
then we can just jump in so that we don't
(02:52):
have to do that. But okay, disclaimer real quick, guys,
We're not professionals. We were just two people on the
internet with opinions that you guys seem to value. If
you would like to have your email's right on the podcast,
you can send that email to be Better co at
gmail dot com. Uh, and then the Patreon community. This
is one of the few times that we're not recording
live for them. We normally record all of our episodes
live for Patreons, so they get to interact with us
while we are recording our podcast. If you would like
(03:14):
to have your email read as a priority, join our Patreon.
Make sure that you put in their Patreon subscriber in
the subject somewhere, or just Patreon so that we know
that you are a subscriber, because that gets you bumped
to the beginning of the line. And we are working
on getting zoom calls set up again through the ultimate
tier of Patreons, so that people would like to have
zoom calls with us while we record.
Speaker 2 (03:33):
We can do that doing some John Deloney action over here.
Speaker 1 (03:37):
I would like to. I would really like to get
going on that. So do you want to read this?
I can read this yet A Sorry, I'm gonna move
it over so it's closer to you. Is that right?
Speaker 2 (03:46):
It's actually better on the other side.
Speaker 1 (03:47):
Okay, try and remember because your screen's backwards to mine.
Speaker 2 (03:50):
It just made it.
Speaker 1 (03:52):
How's that that one?
Speaker 2 (03:53):
I mean, that's great, I see everything.
Speaker 1 (03:55):
Okay, what is this called? Sex is not a favor?
Sex is not a f and then below it says
not tonight is the new never again?
Speaker 2 (04:04):
I mean, I'd love the title of that.
Speaker 1 (04:06):
I didn't even read the article. I read the first
sentence or question and was like, I want to read
this on the podcast, all right, just because it sounds good.
Speaker 2 (04:15):
And here we are. Yep, have you noticed we're living
like sophisticated roommates. Most people are the perfect choreography of
good morning, how is your day? Good night that executes
all the right moves but carries no real meaning. It's
easier to follow the script than admit that we've lost
the ability to truly feel each other. When two genuinely
connected brains interact, their brain waves literally synchronize, creating a
(04:37):
unique pattern of emotional resonance. But how long has it
been since you really resonated with your partner?
Speaker 1 (04:43):
This is why people finish each other's sentences, and you
see it a lot more in friends than you do
in partners. Why is it that we can keep friendships
best friends for decades but can't hold a relationship for
more than a few.
Speaker 2 (04:56):
Years Because you're not holding your friends to the standard
that you would hold a life.
Speaker 1 (04:59):
Part or two right, because you don't.
Speaker 2 (05:01):
Expectations are the unspoken. You know better than that.
Speaker 1 (05:05):
Yeah, you don't try to possess your best friend the
way that you try to possess your partner, and I
truly believe that we would never make demands of our
best friend the way that we make demands of our person.
Speaker 2 (05:17):
And talk to them or belittle of them the same way.
Speaker 1 (05:20):
Right, you might get frustrated and talk shit to one another,
but like, it's a different scenario when you're actually in
a relationship with someone.
Speaker 2 (05:26):
But I also thought, how long has it been since
you really resonated with your partner? It was like literally
right before we sat down.
Speaker 1 (05:34):
Yeah, we take that time.
Speaker 2 (05:35):
Yeah, even if it's a minute interaction continuing on, not
that mechanical conversation about bills and commitments, but that visceral
connection that makes your nervous system vibrate and sync with
another human being. The data is ruthless. Couples and genuine
connections show elevated levels of oxytocin and decreased cortisol. All
(05:56):
empty relationships maintain a chronic state of oxidative stress that
literally poisons our cell our bodies sell by cell. Have
you noticed how it's easier to have deep conversations with
strangers than with the person who shares your bed.
Speaker 1 (06:12):
That's because people fucking resent their partners. Yeah, I truly
believe that most relationships, the people don't like each other.
And it's not like I just don't like you today.
Speaker 2 (06:23):
It's a fuck. I'm waking up next to this person, right, But.
Speaker 1 (06:26):
I don't want to start over. I'm forty five years old.
What if I have to start over, I'm twenty three,
and I can't afford to live on my own. So
I'm just gonna to stick it out until somebody better
comes along.
Speaker 2 (06:36):
Like he tells me that he still loves me even
though he treats me this way, right, so I'm living
on that hopium. Or she told me she was never
going to hit me again. And when our days are
really good, they're good. How can we be more vulnerable
with a therapist we see once a week than with
a person who supposedly knows our soul. I don't think
people actually show their souls to people. I think they
sell a version of themselves that they think the other
(06:58):
person wants to buy.
Speaker 1 (06:59):
Yeah, yeah, it's putting that best foot forward in the beginning.
Speaker 2 (07:03):
Not even the best foot forward. I was that person
who used to like lie about hobbies because I thought
that it would get the guy that I was interested
in interested in me. And that's not something that I
could maintain, Like, I'm not going to work every weekend
on a truck, right, And if I'm with a dude
(07:25):
and he thinks that he's like bagging the perfect chicks
who's super into cars and knows all about engines and
changing oil and shit, you might get three months out
of that with me. Yeah, and then I'm going to
revert back to my plants or reading or going on hikes.
And then all of a sudden, well, you're not the
person that I fell in love with. Why I really
was never that person. I just faked it so that
(07:47):
you were interested in me. And I think a lot
of people do that.
Speaker 1 (07:51):
Why do you think that is.
Speaker 2 (07:54):
A craving for acceptance while simultaneously thinking that their genuine
cells can't be loved.
Speaker 1 (07:59):
You know that with the advent of social programming, TV,
social media school systems, for fuck's sake, from a young age,
we are taught that we have to perfect our identity.
We have to make ourselves appear a certain way to
fit into whatever group that we are trying to fit into.
And this is why you see people chameleon because they
(08:21):
don't know who they are. They are looking for that
community that will accept them and love them, and like
you said, sometimes it's under a false narrative. And then
when they revert back to who they think they might be,
or they change the next thing, they lose that friend group.
That speaks to a whole lot of psychological nonsense. But
it's important to recognize that you need to spend time
(08:42):
alone to find out who the fuck you really are.
People who go from a relationship to relationship to relationship,
whether it be intimate relationships, friendships, or whatever the case
may be, they nevers. They never spend the time necessary
to learn who they are and what they like and
what they want because they're afraid of being alone.
Speaker 2 (09:00):
Continuing on, it's because we've created a perfect system of
emotional avoidance, that silent agreement where no one touches open wounds,
no one mentions abandoned dreams, no one questions the comfortable
mediocrity that has become our norm. We develop a frightening
tolerance for emptiness, like addicts to a drug that no
longer gives us pleasure. But we can't let go. This
(09:21):
emotional death is contagious. So she said, that silent agreement
where no one touches open wounds, no one mentions abandoned dreams,
and no one questions the comfortable medio mediocrity that has
become our norm. We just had one of those conversations,
and that's not a fun conversation to have.
Speaker 1 (09:39):
No, it's not too.
Speaker 2 (09:43):
I would rather you notice an open wounds and try
to help me bandage it versus letting it fester. We
are here to support one another, and if I'm not
taking care of my wounds, I would hope that you
would want to help me take care of them. But
that's also on me to not bite the hand who's
trying to help. So many people get what's the word touchy?
(10:08):
Is not the word sensitive? Maybe? Well, you know I've
been in a really weird headspace for the last two weeks.
Why would you bring up that I've never opened my
sewing machine right, which is something that I haven't done yet,
but I'm getting there.
Speaker 1 (10:20):
It's been two years. It has it's been two years.
Speaker 2 (10:25):
It has not been two years. We bought the sewing
machine when you started riding motorcycles again, I think it
was before that. M No, because you're like, I want
these patches.
Speaker 1 (10:36):
I think it was when we got them. Jinkos No,
and I was like, Jenko's are gonna be too long,
and you're like I can sew them. I'm like, yeah,
you can sew them. I was like, I'll buy you
a sewing machine, and I did.
Speaker 2 (10:44):
And it's you bought the sewing machine because you wanted
patches on your vest for your motorcycle.
Speaker 1 (10:48):
I think you're wrong.
Speaker 2 (10:50):
I think we're going to agree to disagree on this, right.
But the point is I still haven't opened my sewing machine.
And there's every once in a while when my husband's like,
so it's just sitting there still, and I could be
super shitty and take it personally and be like, well,
I'm busy with things. You know, I have a lot
going on in life. Why would you pick at that
(11:10):
open wound. I'm going somewhere with those, I promise, right, So,
me not opening my sewing machine box is a consequence
of me not being the best version of me. Right.
It's like a side symptom of an illness. I'm getting
to this. I have reorganized my kitchen, I have my
(11:31):
pots and pans organized, like I'm doing little things to
get myself back to where I need to go. And
the sewing machine is next on my list. I look
at that desk and be like you count your days, bitch,
because this disorganized mess is not going to be a thing.
It's gonna be pretty. And I'm gonna sit down, I'm
gonna sew one thing and not look at you ever again. Now, no,
I'm kidding, but it is a, like I said, like
(11:57):
a symptom of a deeper illness going on and me
not wanting to acknowledge that I am not being the
best version of myself, or maybe I am letting my
mental illness take control a little bit too much. Hearing that, babe,
you're not up to par hurts absolutely. It sucks. And
(12:17):
to know that I am the person who has to
change me fuck, because on top of everything else going
on in life, I now have to be my own
my own security guard, the night watchman. I'm that police
officer with that bright ass flashlight coming into your window.
But you got going on in there, absolutely nothing? Why
(12:38):
are you asking? And that nothing is the problem, right,
I mean at a traffic stop, that's a good thing.
You don't want to be doing anything that could get
you in trouble. Yeah, all of you scoundrels out there,
But that nothing is the problem because that nothing has
left my sewing box. Am I sewing machine in a
box for a year. We're gonna comes and I'll meet
(13:01):
you at the halfway mark and say it's been a year,
even though I think it's only been like seven months.
Speaker 1 (13:04):
But I think that's okay either way. This is so
that that conversation is really hard to have, it is,
And it's even harder to admit when your person comes
to you and be like, hey, I know you're slipping,
Like I can tell things aren't right, like it's the
memories being jogged now. Yeah, but it's hard to own
those those shortcomings, like you get in your head. I
(13:26):
get in my head. The amount of things that I
have to do in a day, on top of trying
to remember to be a human being is fucking difficult.
Speaker 2 (13:33):
Yeah. And on top of being a human being, you're
a husband and a father, right right, and a boss
and a boss. Yeah, it is a lot.
Speaker 1 (13:42):
And on top of that, you know, I'm dealing with
my own mental health. Now. Is that is that an excuse?
Absolutely not.
Speaker 2 (13:47):
No.
Speaker 1 (13:47):
It means that I need to slow down and prioritize things.
That means that I need to do another time on it.
That means that maybe I have spread myself a little
bit too thin and I need to start delegating responsibilities
to another person. Like there's a whole lot of things
that can be spoken on when it comes to that,
but being able to own your shortcomings and go, no,
you're right, I realize that that's not been you know,
(14:08):
this has become a commonplace and I don't like it either.
I'll work on it, Like most people don't want to
do that because they feel like they're being attacked. They
know they know, you know you're not doing your thing,
but it sucks to hear it. And when you take
when you hear it and you go to an attack mode,
I'm being attacked and I'm being getting defensive. Nothing's going
(14:28):
to get resolved.
Speaker 2 (14:29):
No, just more anger and a bigger wedge being driven
between right.
Speaker 1 (14:32):
And then you end up putting yourself into the point
where she says, we've developed a frightening tolerance for emptiness.
She did say say the emotional death is contagious, and
I was going to touch on that, but I was
waiting because I could tell that you were processing thoughts
over there. That emotional death is contagious. That is why
you have to be careful of your friend group. Yes,
(14:53):
if you are a married woman that Haut hangs out
with three women who are currently in the process of
getting divorced, who are is divorced and is dating again,
you're going to start looking at your life very differently.
Greener On the other side, it is, well, it's greener
where you water it. Yes, it's greener over someone else's
septic tank.
Speaker 2 (15:08):
This's gonna be my last point, and then we'll continue
on those open wounds can look like you don't make
the bed anymore, or you've slacked on spending time with
the family. When you're home, you're on your phone more.
Those conversations have to happen, and a lot of defensiveness,
a lot of defensiveness will come to the surface. We
(15:31):
see it in emails all the time. Every time I
try to ask them to stop playing the video games,
she's nagging at me. Guys, I gotta get off right.
There's an anger there, and it's because they know that
they're lacking in something else. And all of that is
a deeper conversation of what's going on in you and
what's going on in our relationship. Not you're doing this
to me and you're making me unhappy.
Speaker 1 (15:52):
Speaking on that video game thing, I've thought a lot
about that video game email. I've actually thought about it
a lot, because we do game here and there. Yeah,
like daily, it's not eight hours a day like it is,
maybe maybe seven hours a week maybe. I think it's
probably far less than that. Now. There was a short
amount of time when we were both fucking hurt, but
(16:12):
that's what we did because we couldn't do anything else. Yeah,
but as soon as we were able to start living
our life again, that shit stopped. I think that that
situation where guy, she's fucking nagging me again, I don't
think they want to be there like he's home, because
he would, you know they would. It's easier for him
to be home playing video games and go to under
the bar because the conflict is going to be a
whole lot less. But I think that that escapism used
(16:34):
to that degree where people are fucking at odds over
that thing. The person doesn't like their person anymore. And
again that's what this comes down to. I truly believe
that people don't like their person. And if you're not
happy and you can't get back on the same page,
I literally just made a TikTok about this yesterday, like
a five minute TikTok. I even put it in my
vlog because somebody was like, we've grown apart and we
(16:55):
can't go back to the way things were. Of course,
you fucking can't. You're supposed to grow. You will never
be the person you were in your twenties.
Speaker 2 (17:03):
Not just the person you were yesterday.
Speaker 1 (17:06):
Something new is going to develop. It's going to change
your perspective on things, and the same thing is going
to happen to your person and it could be something
totally different. And if you don't have the discussions anymore,
and all your talks are about the bills or the
kids or college.
Speaker 2 (17:19):
Or you're fucking playing video games again.
Speaker 1 (17:21):
Right, there will never be a reconnect. The connection that
happens during the courting phase is what would you do
at work today? Well, who's Susie? Oh that's your best friend? Okay, cool?
What's she like? You know what I mean? Like, we
are divulging all of our shit to like try to
find common ground and new things to talk about. And
over time, when that goes away and you're just talking
(17:43):
about work or bills or bills, there's nothing there like
you're what are your partners? If you if you can't
tell what your person's current hobbies are, you're not connected.
And that's a good, good, good good thing. Text all
of you right now, Text your person and be like, hey,
what is my current passion and see if they can
answer it, and if not, there's a fucking disconnect in
(18:04):
your relationship. Don't do it, asshole.
Speaker 2 (18:09):
Well now I'm curious because right because I've gone through
this last right because this week will make one month
of me being in a really weird headspace, and I've
let myself slack on a lot of things. I have
been doom scrolling and not doing any of my hobbies.
So even if I were to ask you what am
I interested in right now, I can't answer it.
Speaker 1 (18:28):
I can yeah, yeah, you are cooking. You're trying to
get our health back in order. You're doing all kinds
of new like blender and whipped cream.
Speaker 2 (18:36):
And like, yeah, I am doing that.
Speaker 1 (18:38):
I'm paying attention, babe, I see what you're doing. I
am absolutely paying attention to you. And then the vlogging
thing is new and like you're enjoying that because you're
using it as like an a journal or a therapist. Even, Yeah,
it comes down to paying attention. It literally, you just
have to look and see what your person's doing. You're
writing a lot, you are journaling a lot.
Speaker 2 (18:58):
Like, yeah, I'm trying to. I'm also trying to get
my book going. That's not my thing to get done
this year.
Speaker 1 (19:04):
I have to print that out for our vision board
that you're going to get one over on me. Didn't
you maybe try again?
Speaker 2 (19:13):
You know I want to. I don't. I'm not trying
to copy you in the things that we do in life.
I don't want it to ever come across as that.
I want us to be a powered doing. We are
powered dynamic and like, if you're an author, well, how
double it be if we're both an author, right right, Like,
that's something that we can both individually say that we've accomplished,
(19:33):
and that's something that we supported each other in our marriage.
Speaker 1 (19:36):
Well we can say that already. Yeah, even without the author,
both of us being one. That's why I want you
to read the like I want you to create a
ford for my book. And when we do the audiobook,
I want you to sit down and record like a
five or ten minute blurb about whatever it is that
you feel and then Zach and I can jump into
the audiobook aspect of things you were very much a
part of that. There were a whole lot of I
(19:56):
don't want to do this, and you were like, babe,
just get it done. You'll feel better if you do it. Like,
there was a lot of support that came through that.
That makes the power couple. So us both having the
title of author would be cool, right, But I think
that I think your book passion and my book passion
are two different passions, so it wouldn't matter. Like, you know,
you being an author is not going to be a
self help thing. You want to write crazy fucking thriller stories, well.
Speaker 2 (20:19):
I think it would still be a self help thing.
My goal in writing that book is hopefully to help
women realize that they're missing all of the great things
of their man in front of them.
Speaker 1 (20:29):
Alan Watt said that you can if you understand zen,
you can find it in any book, and then he
went on to talk about the zen of Alice in Wonderland.
So I could believe that, you know, if you're writing
a book that is a psychological thriller that makes women
reflect on their relationship and what it would look like
if they lost their man. They could absolutely find help
in those books in the words, that's the goal. I
(20:53):
am on a fucking huge Alan Watts kick right now.
Speaker 2 (20:55):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (20:56):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (20:56):
Is he like a philosopher? Is he an author?
Speaker 1 (20:58):
He's a philosopher from the sixties. He's really big in
the psychedelic culture. Me over some there's Ai is making
a lot of content with his voice. And really, listen,
you've heard me listen to it. It's very crackly because
it was recorded in the sixties on an old ass recorder.
The new shit doesn't sound like that, so it's people
typing up things for Ai to make it sound like
(21:19):
Alan Watt said shit. And I've listened to a lot
of his stuff. I used to have some of his
books back in the day, But I'm going back through
and re listening to shit, and I'm gleaning a whole
lot of new information from it, new perspectives. And there's
been a lot of a lot more pausing from that
and thinking about what was said than I've been getting
from the self help books we've been reading.
Speaker 2 (21:36):
That's crazy.
Speaker 1 (21:37):
I truly believe there's about to be a big shift
for us.
Speaker 2 (21:40):
I agree. I think that with everything that's happened, the
conversations that we've had, the goals that we've set, and
now this this life changing trip that we're getting ready
to take. I think a lot is going to happen.
I'm gonna start crying. I really feel like I feel
(22:02):
like there's something inside of me that is like subconsciously
blocking me, and I don't know what it is. And
I feel like this trip is going to help me.
And I feel like after this trip there's going to
be a new connection between the two of us. I
think so too, and I'm really excited for that. We're
doing an ayahuasca retreat. Oh, I didn't know if we
(22:22):
could just say that.
Speaker 1 (22:23):
I mean, it is what it is. The worst is
going to happen is they're going to demonetize a single
video on our channel. We've never gotten a strike. Yeah,
but this is medicine. It's not like we're going to
just fucking go out and get wasted. Like there's reasons
for this.
Speaker 2 (22:37):
It's gonna be a whole ceremony.
Speaker 1 (22:39):
And we have people that have done ayahuasca retreats the past.
Troy's coming down. Him and his wife are coming to
like be a part of our ceremony. Which is super
fucking Oh his wife is coming to they both are.
She just did her first ceremony last month really or
this month earlier this month, he told me last night.
I can't remember it was. It was recent within the
last thirty days, but that technically could have been last month.
Speaker 2 (22:58):
Yeah, I think a compsation with her before going into
that would help me.
Speaker 1 (23:02):
Yeah, well that was her first time ever doing.
Speaker 2 (23:04):
Anything too, So not that a man's experience doesn't matter.
A woman is just more relatable to me.
Speaker 1 (23:11):
Yeah. So, yeah, let's get back to this. We're twenty
five in.
Speaker 2 (23:17):
Each time we swallow unspoken words, each time we pretend
not to see the pain in the other's eyes. Each
time we choose the comfort of routine over the courage
of vulnerability, we're teaching our brain to settle for less.
Speaker 1 (23:29):
So we're training ourselves as well as people were with Yeah. Damn.
Speaker 2 (23:34):
Yeah, that is actually something that I recognized to myself
over this growth period. From the last few weeks, I
was swallowing unspoken words. And it's not that I was
choosing the comfort of routine over the courage of vulnerability.
I felt like me not voicing things made me self sufficient,
because you already have so much going on on your plate.
(23:55):
I don't want to be another thing that you have
to worry about. And that's one of the component of
the struggles that I've had. But recognizing that I can't
be self sufficient with mental illness, I mean, I can,
but it's damaging.
Speaker 1 (24:12):
Well, that speaks to choosing your battles, right, And if
we're supposed to be a team doing this together, it's
not your battles, it's our battles. Yeah, we're supposed to
be fighting this together. And if I'm doing things or
you're doing things, that is disrupting our pond and we
are constantly we're now we're starting to get to the
point where we've got wake going on instead of just
calm waters. Something has to give. We can't live like
(24:33):
that for very.
Speaker 2 (24:34):
Long, right, continuing on. It's a vicious neurological cycle. The
less we allow ourselves to feel, the smaller our capacity
for emotional processing becomes. I mean that makes sense. Emotionally
disconnected couples show atrophy in the brain areas responsible for
empathy and deep emotional processing. I wonder if that's an
(24:57):
actual thing.
Speaker 1 (24:58):
We're about to find out, because I'm gonna search Google
for that. Yeah, because that's yes.
Speaker 2 (25:03):
Research suggest that couple's experiencing significant emotional disconnection may exhibit
reduced activity or atrophy in the brain regions associated with empathy, empathy,
and deep emotional processing, particularly in areas like the anterior
insular cortex, anterior singulate cortex, and the medial prefrontal cortex. Crazy,
(25:24):
that is absolutely insane.
Speaker 1 (25:26):
The regions involved are area is crucial for understanding and
responding to others' emotions, interpreting social cues, and experience and empathy. Okay,
so we know because of doctor k the Healthy Gamer.
He said that our brain, the social part of our brain,
is atrophy. And because we are no longer having social
interactions in person, everything is done digital now, so we
(25:49):
don't have the cues of body language. We have a
harder time understanding threat assessment.
Speaker 2 (25:54):
We have a hard time assessing tone.
Speaker 1 (25:56):
Yeah, there's a whole lot of things that plan to that.
And because that part of the brain is atrophy and
we are becoming less less social creatures, I actually think
it's making us dumber.
Speaker 2 (26:04):
Oh, I agree one hundred percent.
Speaker 1 (26:06):
This says that the impact on behavior this brain atrophy
can manifest and behaviors like difficulty communicating emotions, reduced ability
to understand partners feelings, and decreased intimacy.
Speaker 2 (26:15):
Crazy Well, I was atrophying my own brain, babe. Yeah,
thank you for not allowing me to do that. I
really appreciate that you're willing to have hard conversations with me.
I never want to be that person where you can't
come to me about the things that I'm doing.
Speaker 1 (26:30):
I don't want to ever wake up and not like you.
I don't want that to ever be a thing. So
if I have a hard time with what's going on
in our life, I'm going to say something so that
I don't wake up and feel that way. Even after
we've had a fight, like the next morning, that gratitude
is there that like we both woke up and we
get a whole new day together, Like it's not I'm
not letting that shit continue the way that people drag
(26:51):
fights on for weeks.
Speaker 2 (26:52):
I'm not.
Speaker 1 (26:52):
I'm not that person. I can get over something really
fucking quick.
Speaker 2 (26:56):
I'm getting to that point. But I also never want
to wake up and not like you. I never want
to look at you and be like, that's who I
fucking married?
Speaker 1 (27:06):
Is this how I envision my life right?
Speaker 2 (27:09):
Continuing on, most people will read this text, feel that
familiar discomfort in their stomach, maybe even share it with
some friends, and then nothing. The return to the carefully
constructed routines their patterns of emotional avoidance to the lukewarm
comfort of rational mediocrity. Oh, relational, relational mediocrity.
Speaker 1 (27:28):
It's comfort. Can I do this on my own? What
would my life look financially? Would I lose my cars
and all my nice new stuff? Am I still gonna
be able to buy a Louis bag every year or whatever?
You know? Am I going to be able to buy
that new expensive watch every year? Would I be able
to afford to take vacations?
Speaker 2 (27:46):
What?
Speaker 1 (27:46):
I want to try to find new people to take
vacations with.
Speaker 2 (27:49):
Is I still have the same social status?
Speaker 1 (27:51):
Yeah, it's better to have the devil, you know, than
the unknown, and people are afraid of the unknown. And
like I said earlier, this comes down to being comfortable
being by yourself. You know, my last marriage ended, I
had no intention of ever dating again. Like, I didn't
want any of that shit. I didn't want to go
through another whole ordeal of courting and trying to get
to know somebody and the risk of what I would
(28:12):
lose in the event that I got with somebody, the
taken advantage of and all of that bullshit, And like,
our circumstances were very unique, especially amongst today's dating. Yeah,
but I get it, I fucking get it. You want
to get in that comfort, that fear of all of
that is very real.
Speaker 2 (28:30):
Continuing on, Yeah, because change hurts, growth burns, transformation requires
us to face all the monsters we've hidden under the
relationship's bed. And who is really willing to face that
level of brutal honesty with themselves? How much of your
life have you spent pretending everything is fine? How many
(28:50):
times have you swallowed your true feelings to keep the peace?
How much longer will you invest in a relationship that
exists only on the surface?
Speaker 1 (29:00):
Heavy it is, It's a lot, I mean all three
of those. Like, that's that's a hell of a question.
Like that's a hell of a series of question. That
level of brutal honesty with yourself is where change happens.
Speaker 2 (29:09):
Yes, and that comes with not taking anything personally and
recognizing that the person that you're with if you pick
the right person right, because the most important decision you
will ever make in your life is who you choose
to marry. So if you chose somebody who genuinely loves
you and cares about you in those hard conversations, that
doesn't go away.
Speaker 1 (29:29):
No one's coming to save you. And if you're not
willing to save yourself, you're done for. Be prepared to
self rescue. Yes, right, Like this is that speaking of
no one's coming to save you, guys, I wrote a book.
It's on Amazon, Christopher Burkett, No One's coming to save you.
There's a picture of me on the cover holding a
sign that says, don't give up. Highly recommend you go
(29:49):
check out my book.
Speaker 2 (29:51):
Your name looks really sexy written on the front of
a book like that. Yeah, yeah, I like it. Started
reading your books book in the mornings instead of going
on my phone.
Speaker 1 (29:59):
Have you gotten through labels?
Speaker 2 (30:00):
No, not yet. I'm getting a page or two down down,
and then I have to get the kids going, and
I'm still working on my mental health to not doom scroll. Yeah,
that's definitely become less of a thing.
Speaker 1 (30:10):
Just put the book in the bathroom.
Speaker 2 (30:12):
Oh, that's a good idea that it'll be on my phone.
That's smart. That's smart.
Speaker 1 (30:18):
Back in the day we read shampoo bottles.
Speaker 2 (30:20):
I remember doing that perfume bottles, and then I would
read the champoo bottle and then I have nothing else
to read, so I'm reading the same thing over again,
and I'm like, oh yeah, tranglyphorides and shampoo crazy. Continuing on,
the choice is yours continue in the comfort zone of
slow emotional death or have the courage to resurrect what
can still be saved because.
Speaker 1 (30:41):
You can have a new relationship with the same person.
Speaker 2 (30:44):
Yes, every minute of silence is an active choice for disconnection.
Every avoided conversation is a nail and intimacy's coffin. The
most painful regret won't be for the words spoken, but
for all those that died in your throat.
Speaker 1 (31:01):
This has to be cut.
Speaker 2 (31:02):
I had a thing to say.
Speaker 1 (31:04):
You can reread the thing. Take a break, let's get
back to this focused woman.
Speaker 2 (31:10):
I need to get like a little motorized scooter or
something that takes to the bathroom.
Speaker 1 (31:15):
You've actually asked for that I have, or like.
Speaker 2 (31:18):
That you know those chairs that people push the button
it takes them up the stairs, but to our bathroom.
Speaker 1 (31:23):
Yeah, back to the email.
Speaker 2 (31:27):
I know, I want to say something else, but you're
just gonna keep kicking my shin out from under me.
Probably you're kicking my shin and I'm like, daddy, please
don't stop. I love it when you flush me. It
makes me feel loved. Okay, Oh, I remember what I
was gonna say. I've re avoided conversation as a nail
(31:48):
in intimacy's coffin. The most painful regret won't be for
the words spoken, but for all of those that died
in your throat. I really didn't realize how badly I
let myself slip this last month with my mental illness
and depression. You know, I've said this multiple times over
the last few days. I also have stopped gardening right gardening,
(32:11):
so that this last month of me facing my borderline
and having hard conversations with you is the first time
I've done this in our relationships.
Speaker 1 (32:18):
Over, it's also the first time that you've ever done
this in a relationship.
Speaker 2 (32:23):
Yeah, so reading this is hard. I did not, like
I said, I didn't realize how badly I had allowed
myself to slip because I had nothing to mask it
(32:43):
and I was just in the survival mode. I was
just trying to get through the day while trying not
to let my mental illness bleed into the real world.
But it was already happening, and you calling me on
it sucked, and reading this article now sucks. But it
feels good to be on the other side of it,
knowing that I'm better than that. Yeah, like, I'm not
(33:05):
allowing that to be a thing anymore. I have a
lot of conversations with the women in my women's groups.
You know, not all of their relationships are perfect. There's
no perfect relationship, but a lot of the ladies are struggling,
(33:27):
and it's important for me to not just let the
ladies in my private groups know, but to everybody who's
watching this podcast know that we go through the same
struggles that you guys go through.
Speaker 1 (33:39):
They're just not as extreme.
Speaker 2 (33:41):
No, they're not as extreme, and they're not as frequent.
Speaker 1 (33:44):
We don't let it get that far.
Speaker 2 (33:46):
No, there's a lot of disappointment, in guilt and self
shaming happening in me right now because I allowed it
to happen for so long. But I also didn't see
it right. I bet if I was still smoking, I
would have caught that shit fast the first time I've
lived my life without that that lens of altering things.
I know how to problem solve great when I'm stoned
(34:09):
because it's familiar. It's like logging into a computer. I
know my password every time I log in. Being sober
and trying to problem solve and all of these other
things and try to find ways to communicate and picking
my battles and all of that. Like I was trying
to do it in a different language, like I'm booting
(34:31):
up my computer, but now it's in Chinese and I
don't know where I'm putting in my password anymore. But
it takes that effort to learn it.
Speaker 1 (34:38):
Do you think that, now that you've proven to yourself
that you can do this without being medicated, that you're
going to go back to smoking again.
Speaker 2 (34:46):
No, I don't think I'm going to go back to smoking.
I might do edibles like at the end of the
day to relax to unwind, but I will never go
back to what I was.
Speaker 1 (34:58):
Your respiratory shit has clear it up.
Speaker 2 (35:01):
Yeah, I don't cough as much. There have been some
mornings where our temperatures are really funky and I have
a lot of flum in my throat, but I'm not
coughing nearly as much as I was, and my singing
voice has gotten pretty Okay. You haven't heard that yet
because I'm still nervous about it, because you're a really
hot guy and I can't fail in front of you.
Speaker 1 (35:18):
A lot of people want that discord karaoke.
Speaker 2 (35:21):
I got nothing going on Friday night, losing my religion.
Let's go.
Speaker 1 (35:26):
Will you plug your women's group real quick, because there's
going to be people going, what about she had a
women's group?
Speaker 2 (35:31):
Yes, so I actually have two women's groups. I have
a top tier women's group that's one hundred and fifteen
dollars a month, and included in that top tier group
is a private community group within the discord. There are
four monthly calls, so one every week. There are monthly
book prescriptions. This month, February is going to be it
(35:55):
didn't start with you. There are weekly challenges based on
the book that we are currently reading, and then private
dming for mentorship and problem solving your guys' lives is
available in that top tier group on Discord.
Speaker 1 (36:10):
This is not an invitation to friendship.
Speaker 2 (36:12):
No, this is not buying your way into my friend group.
This is not buying a friendship. The private one on
one DMS is going to be centered around problem solving
your life. I post a lot of vlogs that go
to Patreon, and I deeply appreciate all the love and
caring that you guys have for me in the community.
It means a lot to me that you want to
(36:33):
uplift me and support me. Please do not private DM
me about my private life. It's overwhelming for me. I
understand that there's good intentions behind that, but it feels
like a boundary being crossed. Because the purpose of the
private women's group and the private DMING is to help
you guys get on track in your lives and problem solve,
(36:56):
gain perspective, all of those kinds of things.
Speaker 1 (37:00):
And we also have mentors. We do so we pay
a much bigger fee, So what you guys are paying
to get to us so that we can have mentorship
in the things that we need in our lives. So
it's helpful. I think that no matter where you are
in life, you need to be coachable.
Speaker 2 (37:14):
Yeah, and then I also have my women's Thrive group,
which is fifty dollars a month. They also get a
monthly prescription for a book to read. There is a
single monthly in depth challenge, and there is a private
community for the women to talk amongst themselves within the
discord or both private groups. There is also a problem
(37:37):
solving chat separate from our main chat. That way, if
there are issues that somebody needs help with or they
need to just get something off their chest, it is
not bogged down in the main chat. So there's a
separate area for those more in depth sensitive topics.
Speaker 1 (37:53):
And you can find all of this store our Patreon.
Speaker 2 (37:55):
Yes, patreon dot com, forward slash to be better.
Speaker 1 (37:58):
Let's get back to that.
Speaker 2 (37:59):
Okay, back into this. Think about your grandparents now ouderly now,
think about their photos when they were young. My gosh,
we're only two sentences in and it's already making me
emotional again. That sparkle in their eyes, that palpable connection
that overflowed from those black and white images we have
that I know literally is right next to us. Yep,
(38:23):
that's what tripped me up. I love that every time
that we do something in our life that is going
to be memorable, we take photos.
Speaker 1 (38:34):
And I'm not selfies, like we actually get a photographer
to come out and take pictures of us.
Speaker 2 (38:38):
Yeah, they didn't have half the resources we have today,
But they had something we're rapidly losing the ability to
be truly present for each other. Now, look at your
relationship where you're getting Oh, fuck me. Will your grandchildren
see that same sparkle in your photos forty years from now,
(39:00):
or will they just see two strangers fuck me? Or
will they just see two strangers posing side by side,
trapped in an empty routine that they called love. Time
is passing. Every second wasted is disconnection in a moment
of genuine happiness that will never return. Your children are
(39:23):
learning what love is through your example. What kind of
emotional legacy are you building? The good news is that
there's still time. You can still rescue that initial spark,
that chemistry that made your heart race the first time
you saw each other. It's not about grand, romantic gestures.
It's about small, daily choices of presence and connection. It's
(39:45):
about deciding today that you deserve more than a lukewarm
life next to someone you once loved. True love is
still possible, but it starts with a choice, your choice,
and it needs to be made now.
Speaker 1 (39:57):
Yep, I like the way this chick roat is a article.
I wonder if she's got more. Damn, she got a
lot of them.
Speaker 2 (40:04):
Yes, two. Oh that was just an ad.
Speaker 1 (40:10):
I saw the bar on the side of the screen.
Speaker 2 (40:12):
Oh that makes sense. You know, that explains why you're
the tech whiz and I'm just tears the pretty face.
Speaker 1 (40:18):
Yeah, I mean, I wouldn't go that far.
Speaker 2 (40:21):
I hate that every article has a super sexualized photo
on it, right except for that one that's a horse.
Speaker 1 (40:28):
Well, and there's one of Trump. There's another of Trump.
But there's a lot, a lot of sexualized things. But
that's what she's writing about. She's probably somebody who is
in a fucking miserable relationship. This is purely speculation who's
trying desperately to salvage her shit, or maybe was in
a really shitty relationship and fixed it, and it is
trying to do what we're doing. Yeah, we're just doing
(40:48):
it without trying to be overly sexy.
Speaker 2 (40:50):
Yeah, I'm just putting it out there though. As a woman,
if I'm looking for articles to help me, I'm not
going to click on one that has a woman with
her tits out on it. Even if the article cold
title catches my eye, that photo indicates to me that
there's an underlying sexual tone here, and that's not what
I'm trying to do for my relationship. I'm trying to
find love again, and love is not sex.
Speaker 1 (41:12):
No, it's not. Do you want to try to do
one more quickly? This is this says it's only a
four minute read, but I think it would take us
a whole lot late longer to get through.
Speaker 2 (41:22):
How long are we into this recording?
Speaker 1 (41:24):
Forty seven minutes without the cut, they're probably forty minutes.
Speaker 2 (41:28):
Are you okay with this being a forty minute episode?
I would like to eat?
Speaker 1 (41:30):
Yeah, sure, I don't want food to get cold. Okay,
with that being said, guys, remember you were the author
of your own life. So grab a pen and we
will see you on the next one.
Speaker 2 (41:38):
I have a question before we actually sign off, What
if I want them to hear this, do we say
so grab a pin because it's like a super permanent thing,
because once you make your actions or say the words
that you say, you can't take it back.
Speaker 1 (41:50):
No.
Speaker 2 (41:51):
Okay, Well I just had that epiphany because we could
always say just grab a pencil, but there's any eraser
there to get rid of mistakes. But we don't want
to erase mistakes. We want to acknowledge them and change them.
Speaker 1 (41:59):
Well, you do acknowledge them and changing them by erasing
them and fixing it. That's the point of the eraser.
I just went into a whole thing to fix your mistakes.
Speaker 2 (42:07):
Bye, guys,
Look out with all the things. The bottom all wow
is you you're my favorite views. But that's not and
(00:22):
we are back.
Speaker 2 (00:23):
We are back bumble bitches doing.
Speaker 1 (00:25):
Some Friday content for you.
Speaker 2 (00:26):
I feel like I need a different, different thing to say.
Speaker 1 (00:29):
Let me switch it up. It is season three.
Speaker 2 (00:30):
It is season three. I feel like I've been saying
bumble bitches for a while since season one, right, you
feel like it up? I've grown past that.
Speaker 1 (00:37):
Then what are you feeling?
Speaker 2 (00:38):
I can't say that. I was gonna say intellectual fudgers,
but the c K, but I can't drop the F
bomb that early on. I'll be trying not to yeah,
to cuss like that.
Speaker 1 (00:50):
Putting the F bomb out early on is is definitely
a good thing because it will demonetize the channel. There's
got to be something clever going to Google like powerful
women Greetings.
Speaker 2 (01:00):
Wait for the Lord to speak to me, Jesus take
the wheel. It'll it'll come to me in like a
hot flash at three am, and you'll hear me go babe,
and I'll just spew the most amazing intro you've ever heard.
Speaker 1 (01:14):
That's funny. We turned the lights down a little bit,
so we're a little bit darker.
Speaker 2 (01:18):
More moody. Yeah, very Twilight of Us.
Speaker 1 (01:20):
Yeah, so my my ISO back up. I want. My
favorite look of all the podcasts was when we were
in the two chairs in that corner of our whi's
now our daughter's room.
Speaker 2 (01:32):
Yeah, with the plant in the center.
Speaker 1 (01:34):
Yeah, it looked very relaxing. And the only thing that
I would like is to maybe change this out and
have two bargoing this way across us and then having
two little lights coming down so that we're lit and
everything behind us is barely lit.
Speaker 2 (01:49):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (01:50):
So and that's what I was going for, but it's
gonna take work, and I don't feel like doing it
right now, so so we're gonna do I signed up
to Medium. We actually talked about this on a podcast once.
People freely that's articles there. They go and write opinion pieces.
It's kind of like a paid for reddit, and we
find articles on there every once in a while that
we want to dissect. And we have one, possibly two
(02:10):
for today. You know that the questionnaire thing that we did,
we posted it to discord and a Patreon, and a
bunch of people said that they really unliked. Oh they
like the change in content. Yeah, they like it. It's a
lot different.
Speaker 2 (02:23):
I was getting our after Dark Live questionnaire mixed up
with the one that we did for Friday Content. We
do so much. We do a lot, we really do.
Speaker 1 (02:32):
Do we have anything that we you know, what we
need to do either today, we'll probably do it tomorrow
while we're here while you're doing the Good Wives episode.
We need to record a Patreon plug so that I
can just clip it in a new one that's not
goofy like it was last time. Okay, And we need
to do a disclaimer, so we need to sit down
and record boats that we can just put them in
right after the you know, our little intro thing, and
then we can just jump in so that we don't
(02:52):
have to do that. But okay, disclaimer real quick, guys,
We're not professionals. We were just two people on the
internet with opinions that you guys seem to value. If
you would like to have your email's right on the podcast,
you can send that email to be Better co at
gmail dot com. Uh, and then the Patreon community. This
is one of the few times that we're not recording
live for them. We normally record all of our episodes
live for Patreons, so they get to interact with us
while we are recording our podcast. If you would like
(03:14):
to have your email read as a priority, join our Patreon.
Make sure that you put in their Patreon subscriber in
the subject somewhere, or just Patreon so that we know
that you are a subscriber, because that gets you bumped
to the beginning of the line. And we are working
on getting zoom calls set up again through the ultimate
tier of Patreons, so that people would like to have
zoom calls with us while we record.
Speaker 2 (03:33):
We can do that doing some John Deloney action over here.
Speaker 1 (03:37):
I would like to. I would really like to get
going on that. So do you want to read this?
I can read this yet A Sorry, I'm gonna move
it over so it's closer to you. Is that right?
Speaker 2 (03:46):
It's actually better on the other side.
Speaker 1 (03:47):
Okay, try and remember because your screen's backwards to mine.
Speaker 2 (03:50):
It just made it.
Speaker 1 (03:52):
How's that that one?
Speaker 2 (03:53):
I mean, that's great, I see everything.
Speaker 1 (03:55):
Okay, what is this called? Sex is not a favor?
Sex is not a f and then below it says
not tonight is the new never again?
Speaker 2 (04:04):
I mean, I'd love the title of that.
Speaker 1 (04:06):
I didn't even read the article. I read the first
sentence or question and was like, I want to read
this on the podcast, all right, just because it sounds good.
Speaker 2 (04:15):
And here we are. Yep, have you noticed we're living
like sophisticated roommates. Most people are the perfect choreography of
good morning, how is your day? Good night that executes
all the right moves but carries no real meaning. It's
easier to follow the script than admit that we've lost
the ability to truly feel each other. When two genuinely
connected brains interact, their brain waves literally synchronize, creating a
(04:37):
unique pattern of emotional resonance. But how long has it
been since you really resonated with your partner?
Speaker 1 (04:43):
This is why people finish each other's sentences, and you
see it a lot more in friends than you do
in partners. Why is it that we can keep friendships
best friends for decades but can't hold a relationship for
more than a few.
Speaker 2 (04:56):
Years Because you're not holding your friends to the standard
that you would hold a life.
Speaker 1 (04:59):
Part or two right, because you don't.
Speaker 2 (05:01):
Expectations are the unspoken. You know better than that.
Speaker 1 (05:05):
Yeah, you don't try to possess your best friend the
way that you try to possess your partner, and I
truly believe that we would never make demands of our
best friend the way that we make demands of our person.
Speaker 2 (05:17):
And talk to them or belittle of them the same way.
Speaker 1 (05:20):
Right, you might get frustrated and talk shit to one another,
but like, it's a different scenario when you're actually in
a relationship with someone.
Speaker 2 (05:26):
But I also thought, how long has it been since
you really resonated with your partner? It was like literally
right before we sat down.
Speaker 1 (05:34):
Yeah, we take that time.
Speaker 2 (05:35):
Yeah, even if it's a minute interaction continuing on, not
that mechanical conversation about bills and commitments, but that visceral
connection that makes your nervous system vibrate and sync with
another human being. The data is ruthless. Couples and genuine
connections show elevated levels of oxytocin and decreased cortisol. All
(05:56):
empty relationships maintain a chronic state of oxidative stress that
literally poisons our cell our bodies sell by cell. Have
you noticed how it's easier to have deep conversations with
strangers than with the person who shares your bed.
Speaker 1 (06:12):
That's because people fucking resent their partners. Yeah, I truly
believe that most relationships, the people don't like each other.
And it's not like I just don't like you today.
Speaker 2 (06:23):
It's a fuck. I'm waking up next to this person, right, But.
Speaker 1 (06:26):
I don't want to start over. I'm forty five years old.
What if I have to start over, I'm twenty three,
and I can't afford to live on my own. So
I'm just gonna to stick it out until somebody better
comes along.
Speaker 2 (06:36):
Like he tells me that he still loves me even
though he treats me this way, right, so I'm living
on that hopium. Or she told me she was never
going to hit me again. And when our days are
really good, they're good. How can we be more vulnerable
with a therapist we see once a week than with
a person who supposedly knows our soul. I don't think
people actually show their souls to people. I think they
sell a version of themselves that they think the other
(06:58):
person wants to buy.
Speaker 1 (06:59):
Yeah, yeah, it's putting that best foot forward in the beginning.
Speaker 2 (07:03):
Not even the best foot forward. I was that person
who used to like lie about hobbies because I thought
that it would get the guy that I was interested
in interested in me. And that's not something that I
could maintain, Like, I'm not going to work every weekend
on a truck, right, And if I'm with a dude
(07:25):
and he thinks that he's like bagging the perfect chicks
who's super into cars and knows all about engines and
changing oil and shit, you might get three months out
of that with me. Yeah, and then I'm going to
revert back to my plants or reading or going on hikes.
And then all of a sudden, well, you're not the
person that I fell in love with. Why I really
was never that person. I just faked it so that
(07:47):
you were interested in me. And I think a lot
of people do that.
Speaker 1 (07:51):
Why do you think that is.
Speaker 2 (07:54):
A craving for acceptance while simultaneously thinking that their genuine
cells can't be loved.
Speaker 1 (07:59):
You know that with the advent of social programming, TV,
social media school systems, for fuck's sake, from a young age,
we are taught that we have to perfect our identity.
We have to make ourselves appear a certain way to
fit into whatever group that we are trying to fit into.
And this is why you see people chameleon because they
(08:21):
don't know who they are. They are looking for that
community that will accept them and love them, and like
you said, sometimes it's under a false narrative. And then
when they revert back to who they think they might be,
or they change the next thing, they lose that friend group.
That speaks to a whole lot of psychological nonsense. But
it's important to recognize that you need to spend time
(08:42):
alone to find out who the fuck you really are.
People who go from a relationship to relationship to relationship,
whether it be intimate relationships, friendships, or whatever the case
may be, they nevers. They never spend the time necessary
to learn who they are and what they like and
what they want because they're afraid of being alone.
Speaker 2 (09:00):
Continuing on, it's because we've created a perfect system of
emotional avoidance, that silent agreement where no one touches open wounds,
no one mentions abandoned dreams, no one questions the comfortable
mediocrity that has become our norm. We develop a frightening
tolerance for emptiness, like addicts to a drug that no
longer gives us pleasure. But we can't let go. This
(09:21):
emotional death is contagious. So she said, that silent agreement
where no one touches open wounds, no one mentions abandoned dreams,
and no one questions the comfortable medio mediocrity that has
become our norm. We just had one of those conversations,
and that's not a fun conversation to have.
Speaker 1 (09:39):
No, it's not too.
Speaker 2 (09:43):
I would rather you notice an open wounds and try
to help me bandage it versus letting it fester. We
are here to support one another, and if I'm not
taking care of my wounds, I would hope that you
would want to help me take care of them. But
that's also on me to not bite the hand who's
trying to help. So many people get what's the word touchy?
(10:08):
Is not the word sensitive? Maybe? Well, you know I've
been in a really weird headspace for the last two weeks.
Why would you bring up that I've never opened my
sewing machine right, which is something that I haven't done yet,
but I'm getting there.
Speaker 1 (10:20):
It's been two years. It has it's been two years.
Speaker 2 (10:25):
It has not been two years. We bought the sewing
machine when you started riding motorcycles again, I think it
was before that. M No, because you're like, I want
these patches.
Speaker 1 (10:36):
I think it was when we got them. Jinkos No,
and I was like, Jenko's are gonna be too long,
and you're like I can sew them. I'm like, yeah,
you can sew them. I was like, I'll buy you
a sewing machine, and I did.
Speaker 2 (10:44):
And it's you bought the sewing machine because you wanted
patches on your vest for your motorcycle.
Speaker 1 (10:48):
I think you're wrong.
Speaker 2 (10:50):
I think we're going to agree to disagree on this, right.
But the point is I still haven't opened my sewing machine.
And there's every once in a while when my husband's like,
so it's just sitting there still, and I could be
super shitty and take it personally and be like, well,
I'm busy with things. You know, I have a lot
going on in life. Why would you pick at that
(11:10):
open wound. I'm going somewhere with those, I promise, right, So,
me not opening my sewing machine box is a consequence
of me not being the best version of me. Right.
It's like a side symptom of an illness. I'm getting
to this. I have reorganized my kitchen, I have my
(11:31):
pots and pans organized, like I'm doing little things to
get myself back to where I need to go. And
the sewing machine is next on my list. I look
at that desk and be like you count your days, bitch,
because this disorganized mess is not going to be a thing.
It's gonna be pretty. And I'm gonna sit down, I'm
gonna sew one thing and not look at you ever again. Now, no,
I'm kidding, but it is a, like I said, like
(11:57):
a symptom of a deeper illness going on and me
not wanting to acknowledge that I am not being the
best version of myself, or maybe I am letting my
mental illness take control a little bit too much. Hearing that, babe,
you're not up to par hurts absolutely. It sucks. And
(12:17):
to know that I am the person who has to
change me fuck, because on top of everything else going
on in life, I now have to be my own
my own security guard, the night watchman. I'm that police
officer with that bright ass flashlight coming into your window.
But you got going on in there, absolutely nothing? Why
(12:38):
are you asking? And that nothing is the problem, right,
I mean at a traffic stop, that's a good thing.
You don't want to be doing anything that could get
you in trouble. Yeah, all of you scoundrels out there,
But that nothing is the problem because that nothing has
left my sewing box. Am I sewing machine in a
box for a year. We're gonna comes and I'll meet
(13:01):
you at the halfway mark and say it's been a year,
even though I think it's only been like seven months.
Speaker 1 (13:04):
But I think that's okay either way. This is so
that that conversation is really hard to have, it is,
And it's even harder to admit when your person comes
to you and be like, hey, I know you're slipping,
Like I can tell things aren't right, like it's the
memories being jogged now. Yeah, but it's hard to own
those those shortcomings, like you get in your head. I
(13:26):
get in my head. The amount of things that I
have to do in a day, on top of trying
to remember to be a human being is fucking difficult.
Speaker 2 (13:33):
Yeah. And on top of being a human being, you're
a husband and a father, right right, and a boss
and a boss. Yeah, it is a lot.
Speaker 1 (13:42):
And on top of that, you know, I'm dealing with
my own mental health. Now. Is that is that an excuse?
Absolutely not.
Speaker 2 (13:47):
No.
Speaker 1 (13:47):
It means that I need to slow down and prioritize things.
That means that I need to do another time on it.
That means that maybe I have spread myself a little
bit too thin and I need to start delegating responsibilities
to another person. Like there's a whole lot of things
that can be spoken on when it comes to that,
but being able to own your shortcomings and go, no,
you're right, I realize that that's not been you know,
(14:08):
this has become a commonplace and I don't like it either.
I'll work on it, Like most people don't want to
do that because they feel like they're being attacked. They
know they know, you know you're not doing your thing,
but it sucks to hear it. And when you take
when you hear it and you go to an attack mode,
I'm being attacked and I'm being getting defensive. Nothing's going
(14:28):
to get resolved.
Speaker 2 (14:29):
No, just more anger and a bigger wedge being driven
between right.
Speaker 1 (14:32):
And then you end up putting yourself into the point
where she says, we've developed a frightening tolerance for emptiness.
She did say say the emotional death is contagious, and
I was going to touch on that, but I was
waiting because I could tell that you were processing thoughts
over there. That emotional death is contagious. That is why
you have to be careful of your friend group. Yes,
(14:53):
if you are a married woman that Haut hangs out
with three women who are currently in the process of
getting divorced, who are is divorced and is dating again,
you're going to start looking at your life very differently.
Greener On the other side, it is, well, it's greener
where you water it. Yes, it's greener over someone else's
septic tank.
Speaker 2 (15:08):
This's gonna be my last point, and then we'll continue
on those open wounds can look like you don't make
the bed anymore, or you've slacked on spending time with
the family. When you're home, you're on your phone more.
Those conversations have to happen, and a lot of defensiveness,
a lot of defensiveness will come to the surface. We
(15:31):
see it in emails all the time. Every time I
try to ask them to stop playing the video games,
she's nagging at me. Guys, I gotta get off right.
There's an anger there, and it's because they know that
they're lacking in something else. And all of that is
a deeper conversation of what's going on in you and
what's going on in our relationship. Not you're doing this
to me and you're making me unhappy.
Speaker 1 (15:52):
Speaking on that video game thing, I've thought a lot
about that video game email. I've actually thought about it
a lot, because we do game here and there. Yeah,
like daily, it's not eight hours a day like it is,
maybe maybe seven hours a week maybe. I think it's
probably far less than that. Now. There was a short
amount of time when we were both fucking hurt, but
(16:12):
that's what we did because we couldn't do anything else. Yeah,
but as soon as we were able to start living
our life again, that shit stopped. I think that that
situation where guy, she's fucking nagging me again, I don't
think they want to be there like he's home, because
he would, you know they would. It's easier for him
to be home playing video games and go to under
the bar because the conflict is going to be a
whole lot less. But I think that that escapism used
(16:34):
to that degree where people are fucking at odds over
that thing. The person doesn't like their person anymore. And
again that's what this comes down to. I truly believe
that people don't like their person. And if you're not
happy and you can't get back on the same page,
I literally just made a TikTok about this yesterday, like
a five minute TikTok. I even put it in my
vlog because somebody was like, we've grown apart and we
(16:55):
can't go back to the way things were. Of course,
you fucking can't. You're supposed to grow. You will never
be the person you were in your twenties.
Speaker 2 (17:03):
Not just the person you were yesterday.
Speaker 1 (17:06):
Something new is going to develop. It's going to change
your perspective on things, and the same thing is going
to happen to your person and it could be something
totally different. And if you don't have the discussions anymore,
and all your talks are about the bills or the
kids or college.
Speaker 2 (17:19):
Or you're fucking playing video games again.
Speaker 1 (17:21):
Right, there will never be a reconnect. The connection that
happens during the courting phase is what would you do
at work today? Well, who's Susie? Oh that's your best friend? Okay, cool?
What's she like? You know what I mean? Like, we
are divulging all of our shit to like try to
find common ground and new things to talk about. And
over time, when that goes away and you're just talking
(17:43):
about work or bills or bills, there's nothing there like
you're what are your partners? If you if you can't
tell what your person's current hobbies are, you're not connected.
And that's a good, good, good good thing. Text all
of you right now, Text your person and be like, hey,
what is my current passion and see if they can
answer it, and if not, there's a fucking disconnect in
(18:04):
your relationship. Don't do it, asshole.
Speaker 2 (18:09):
Well now I'm curious because right because I've gone through
this last right because this week will make one month
of me being in a really weird headspace, and I've
let myself slack on a lot of things. I have
been doom scrolling and not doing any of my hobbies.
So even if I were to ask you what am
I interested in right now, I can't answer it.
Speaker 1 (18:28):
I can yeah, yeah, you are cooking. You're trying to
get our health back in order. You're doing all kinds
of new like blender and whipped cream.
Speaker 2 (18:36):
And like, yeah, I am doing that.
Speaker 1 (18:38):
I'm paying attention, babe, I see what you're doing. I
am absolutely paying attention to you. And then the vlogging
thing is new and like you're enjoying that because you're
using it as like an a journal or a therapist. Even, Yeah,
it comes down to paying attention. It literally, you just
have to look and see what your person's doing. You're
writing a lot, you are journaling a lot.
Speaker 2 (18:58):
Like, yeah, I'm trying to. I'm also trying to get
my book going. That's not my thing to get done
this year.
Speaker 1 (19:04):
I have to print that out for our vision board
that you're going to get one over on me. Didn't
you maybe try again?
Speaker 2 (19:13):
You know I want to. I don't. I'm not trying
to copy you in the things that we do in life.
I don't want it to ever come across as that.
I want us to be a powered doing. We are
powered dynamic and like, if you're an author, well, how
double it be if we're both an author, right right, Like,
that's something that we can both individually say that we've accomplished,
(19:33):
and that's something that we supported each other in our marriage.
Speaker 1 (19:36):
Well we can say that already. Yeah, even without the author,
both of us being one. That's why I want you
to read the like I want you to create a
ford for my book. And when we do the audiobook,
I want you to sit down and record like a
five or ten minute blurb about whatever it is that
you feel and then Zach and I can jump into
the audiobook aspect of things you were very much a
part of that. There were a whole lot of I
(19:56):
don't want to do this, and you were like, babe,
just get it done. You'll feel better if you do it. Like,
there was a lot of support that came through that.
That makes the power couple. So us both having the
title of author would be cool, right, But I think
that I think your book passion and my book passion
are two different passions, so it wouldn't matter. Like, you know,
you being an author is not going to be a
self help thing. You want to write crazy fucking thriller stories, well.
Speaker 2 (20:19):
I think it would still be a self help thing.
My goal in writing that book is hopefully to help
women realize that they're missing all of the great things
of their man in front of them.
Speaker 1 (20:29):
Alan Watt said that you can if you understand zen,
you can find it in any book, and then he
went on to talk about the zen of Alice in Wonderland.
So I could believe that, you know, if you're writing
a book that is a psychological thriller that makes women
reflect on their relationship and what it would look like
if they lost their man. They could absolutely find help
in those books in the words, that's the goal. I
(20:53):
am on a fucking huge Alan Watts kick right now.
Speaker 2 (20:55):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (20:56):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (20:56):
Is he like a philosopher? Is he an author?
Speaker 1 (20:58):
He's a philosopher from the sixties. He's really big in
the psychedelic culture. Me over some there's Ai is making
a lot of content with his voice. And really, listen,
you've heard me listen to it. It's very crackly because
it was recorded in the sixties on an old ass recorder.
The new shit doesn't sound like that, so it's people
typing up things for Ai to make it sound like
(21:19):
Alan Watt said shit. And I've listened to a lot
of his stuff. I used to have some of his
books back in the day, But I'm going back through
and re listening to shit, and I'm gleaning a whole
lot of new information from it, new perspectives. And there's
been a lot of a lot more pausing from that
and thinking about what was said than I've been getting
from the self help books we've been reading.
Speaker 2 (21:36):
That's crazy.
Speaker 1 (21:37):
I truly believe there's about to be a big shift
for us.
Speaker 2 (21:40):
I agree. I think that with everything that's happened, the
conversations that we've had, the goals that we've set, and
now this this life changing trip that we're getting ready
to take. I think a lot is going to happen.
I'm gonna start crying. I really feel like I feel
(22:02):
like there's something inside of me that is like subconsciously
blocking me, and I don't know what it is. And
I feel like this trip is going to help me.
And I feel like after this trip there's going to
be a new connection between the two of us. I
think so too, and I'm really excited for that. We're
doing an ayahuasca retreat. Oh, I didn't know if we
(22:22):
could just say that.
Speaker 1 (22:23):
I mean, it is what it is. The worst is
going to happen is they're going to demonetize a single
video on our channel. We've never gotten a strike. Yeah,
but this is medicine. It's not like we're going to
just fucking go out and get wasted. Like there's reasons
for this.
Speaker 2 (22:37):
It's gonna be a whole ceremony.
Speaker 1 (22:39):
And we have people that have done ayahuasca retreats the past.
Troy's coming down. Him and his wife are coming to
like be a part of our ceremony. Which is super
fucking Oh his wife is coming to they both are.
She just did her first ceremony last month really or
this month earlier this month, he told me last night.
I can't remember it was. It was recent within the
last thirty days, but that technically could have been last month.
Speaker 2 (22:58):
Yeah, I think a compsation with her before going into
that would help me.
Speaker 1 (23:02):
Yeah, well that was her first time ever doing.
Speaker 2 (23:04):
Anything too, So not that a man's experience doesn't matter.
A woman is just more relatable to me.
Speaker 1 (23:11):
Yeah. So, yeah, let's get back to this. We're twenty
five in.
Speaker 2 (23:17):
Each time we swallow unspoken words, each time we pretend
not to see the pain in the other's eyes. Each
time we choose the comfort of routine over the courage
of vulnerability, we're teaching our brain to settle for less.
Speaker 1 (23:29):
So we're training ourselves as well as people were with Yeah. Damn.
Speaker 2 (23:34):
Yeah, that is actually something that I recognized to myself
over this growth period. From the last few weeks, I
was swallowing unspoken words. And it's not that I was
choosing the comfort of routine over the courage of vulnerability.
I felt like me not voicing things made me self sufficient,
because you already have so much going on on your plate.
(23:55):
I don't want to be another thing that you have
to worry about. And that's one of the component of
the struggles that I've had. But recognizing that I can't
be self sufficient with mental illness, I mean, I can,
but it's damaging.
Speaker 1 (24:12):
Well, that speaks to choosing your battles, right, And if
we're supposed to be a team doing this together, it's
not your battles, it's our battles. Yeah, we're supposed to
be fighting this together. And if I'm doing things or
you're doing things, that is disrupting our pond and we
are constantly we're now we're starting to get to the
point where we've got wake going on instead of just
calm waters. Something has to give. We can't live like
(24:33):
that for very.
Speaker 2 (24:34):
Long, right, continuing on. It's a vicious neurological cycle. The
less we allow ourselves to feel, the smaller our capacity
for emotional processing becomes. I mean that makes sense. Emotionally
disconnected couples show atrophy in the brain areas responsible for
empathy and deep emotional processing. I wonder if that's an
(24:57):
actual thing.
Speaker 1 (24:58):
We're about to find out, because I'm gonna search Google
for that. Yeah, because that's yes.
Speaker 2 (25:03):
Research suggest that couple's experiencing significant emotional disconnection may exhibit
reduced activity or atrophy in the brain regions associated with empathy, empathy,
and deep emotional processing, particularly in areas like the anterior
insular cortex, anterior singulate cortex, and the medial prefrontal cortex. Crazy,
(25:24):
that is absolutely insane.
Speaker 1 (25:26):
The regions involved are area is crucial for understanding and
responding to others' emotions, interpreting social cues, and experience and empathy. Okay,
so we know because of doctor k the Healthy Gamer.
He said that our brain, the social part of our brain,
is atrophy. And because we are no longer having social
interactions in person, everything is done digital now, so we
(25:49):
don't have the cues of body language. We have a
harder time understanding threat assessment.
Speaker 2 (25:54):
We have a hard time assessing tone.
Speaker 1 (25:56):
Yeah, there's a whole lot of things that plan to that.
And because that part of the brain is atrophy and
we are becoming less less social creatures, I actually think
it's making us dumber.
Speaker 2 (26:04):
Oh, I agree one hundred percent.
Speaker 1 (26:06):
This says that the impact on behavior this brain atrophy
can manifest and behaviors like difficulty communicating emotions, reduced ability
to understand partners feelings, and decreased intimacy.
Speaker 2 (26:15):
Crazy Well, I was atrophying my own brain, babe. Yeah,
thank you for not allowing me to do that. I
really appreciate that you're willing to have hard conversations with me.
I never want to be that person where you can't
come to me about the things that I'm doing.
Speaker 1 (26:30):
I don't want to ever wake up and not like you.
I don't want that to ever be a thing. So
if I have a hard time with what's going on
in our life, I'm going to say something so that
I don't wake up and feel that way. Even after
we've had a fight, like the next morning, that gratitude
is there that like we both woke up and we
get a whole new day together, Like it's not I'm
not letting that shit continue the way that people drag
(26:51):
fights on for weeks.
Speaker 2 (26:52):
I'm not.
Speaker 1 (26:52):
I'm not that person. I can get over something really
fucking quick.
Speaker 2 (26:56):
I'm getting to that point. But I also never want
to wake up and not like you. I never want
to look at you and be like, that's who I
fucking married?
Speaker 1 (27:06):
Is this how I envision my life right?
Speaker 2 (27:09):
Continuing on, most people will read this text, feel that
familiar discomfort in their stomach, maybe even share it with
some friends, and then nothing. The return to the carefully
constructed routines their patterns of emotional avoidance to the lukewarm
comfort of rational mediocrity. Oh, relational, relational mediocrity.
Speaker 1 (27:28):
It's comfort. Can I do this on my own? What
would my life look financially? Would I lose my cars
and all my nice new stuff? Am I still gonna
be able to buy a Louis bag every year or whatever?
You know? Am I going to be able to buy
that new expensive watch every year? Would I be able
to afford to take vacations?
Speaker 2 (27:46):
What?
Speaker 1 (27:46):
I want to try to find new people to take
vacations with.
Speaker 2 (27:49):
Is I still have the same social status?
Speaker 1 (27:51):
Yeah, it's better to have the devil, you know, than
the unknown, and people are afraid of the unknown. And
like I said earlier, this comes down to being comfortable
being by yourself. You know, my last marriage ended, I
had no intention of ever dating again. Like, I didn't
want any of that shit. I didn't want to go
through another whole ordeal of courting and trying to get
to know somebody and the risk of what I would
(28:12):
lose in the event that I got with somebody, the
taken advantage of and all of that bullshit, And like,
our circumstances were very unique, especially amongst today's dating. Yeah,
but I get it, I fucking get it. You want
to get in that comfort, that fear of all of
that is very real.
Speaker 2 (28:30):
Continuing on, Yeah, because change hurts, growth burns, transformation requires
us to face all the monsters we've hidden under the
relationship's bed. And who is really willing to face that
level of brutal honesty with themselves? How much of your
life have you spent pretending everything is fine? How many
(28:50):
times have you swallowed your true feelings to keep the peace?
How much longer will you invest in a relationship that
exists only on the surface?
Speaker 1 (29:00):
Heavy it is, It's a lot, I mean all three
of those. Like, that's that's a hell of a question.
Like that's a hell of a series of question. That
level of brutal honesty with yourself is where change happens.
Speaker 2 (29:09):
Yes, and that comes with not taking anything personally and
recognizing that the person that you're with if you pick
the right person right, because the most important decision you
will ever make in your life is who you choose
to marry. So if you chose somebody who genuinely loves
you and cares about you in those hard conversations, that
doesn't go away.
Speaker 1 (29:29):
No one's coming to save you. And if you're not
willing to save yourself, you're done for. Be prepared to
self rescue. Yes, right, Like this is that speaking of
no one's coming to save you, guys, I wrote a book.
It's on Amazon, Christopher Burkett, No One's coming to save you.
There's a picture of me on the cover holding a
sign that says, don't give up. Highly recommend you go
(29:49):
check out my book.
Speaker 2 (29:51):
Your name looks really sexy written on the front of
a book like that. Yeah, yeah, I like it. Started
reading your books book in the mornings instead of going
on my phone.
Speaker 1 (29:59):
Have you gotten through labels?
Speaker 2 (30:00):
No, not yet. I'm getting a page or two down down,
and then I have to get the kids going, and
I'm still working on my mental health to not doom scroll. Yeah,
that's definitely become less of a thing.
Speaker 1 (30:10):
Just put the book in the bathroom.
Speaker 2 (30:12):
Oh, that's a good idea that it'll be on my phone.
That's smart. That's smart.
Speaker 1 (30:18):
Back in the day we read shampoo bottles.
Speaker 2 (30:20):
I remember doing that perfume bottles, and then I would
read the champoo bottle and then I have nothing else
to read, so I'm reading the same thing over again,
and I'm like, oh yeah, tranglyphorides and shampoo crazy. Continuing on,
the choice is yours continue in the comfort zone of
slow emotional death or have the courage to resurrect what
can still be saved because.
Speaker 1 (30:41):
You can have a new relationship with the same person.
Speaker 2 (30:44):
Yes, every minute of silence is an active choice for disconnection.
Every avoided conversation is a nail and intimacy's coffin. The
most painful regret won't be for the words spoken, but
for all those that died in your throat.
Speaker 1 (31:01):
This has to be cut.
Speaker 2 (31:02):
I had a thing to say.
Speaker 1 (31:04):
You can reread the thing. Take a break, let's get
back to this focused woman.
Speaker 2 (31:10):
I need to get like a little motorized scooter or
something that takes to the bathroom.
Speaker 1 (31:15):
You've actually asked for that I have, or like.
Speaker 2 (31:18):
That you know those chairs that people push the button
it takes them up the stairs, but to our bathroom.
Speaker 1 (31:23):
Yeah, back to the email.
Speaker 2 (31:27):
I know, I want to say something else, but you're
just gonna keep kicking my shin out from under me.
Probably you're kicking my shin and I'm like, daddy, please
don't stop. I love it when you flush me. It
makes me feel loved. Okay, Oh, I remember what I
was gonna say. I've re avoided conversation as a nail
(31:48):
in intimacy's coffin. The most painful regret won't be for
the words spoken, but for all of those that died
in your throat. I really didn't realize how badly I
let myself slip this last month with my mental illness
and depression. You know, I've said this multiple times over
the last few days. I also have stopped gardening right gardening,
(32:11):
so that this last month of me facing my borderline
and having hard conversations with you is the first time
I've done this in our relationships.
Speaker 1 (32:18):
Over, it's also the first time that you've ever done
this in a relationship.
Speaker 2 (32:23):
Yeah, so reading this is hard. I did not, like
I said, I didn't realize how badly I had allowed
myself to slip because I had nothing to mask it
(32:43):
and I was just in the survival mode. I was
just trying to get through the day while trying not
to let my mental illness bleed into the real world.
But it was already happening, and you calling me on
it sucked, and reading this article now sucks. But it
feels good to be on the other side of it,
knowing that I'm better than that. Yeah, like, I'm not
(33:05):
allowing that to be a thing anymore. I have a
lot of conversations with the women in my women's groups.
You know, not all of their relationships are perfect. There's
no perfect relationship, but a lot of the ladies are struggling,
(33:27):
and it's important for me to not just let the
ladies in my private groups know, but to everybody who's
watching this podcast know that we go through the same
struggles that you guys go through.
Speaker 1 (33:39):
They're just not as extreme.
Speaker 2 (33:41):
No, they're not as extreme, and they're not as frequent.
Speaker 1 (33:44):
We don't let it get that far.
Speaker 2 (33:46):
No, there's a lot of disappointment, in guilt and self
shaming happening in me right now because I allowed it
to happen for so long. But I also didn't see
it right. I bet if I was still smoking, I
would have caught that shit fast the first time I've
lived my life without that that lens of altering things.
I know how to problem solve great when I'm stoned
(34:09):
because it's familiar. It's like logging into a computer. I
know my password every time I log in. Being sober
and trying to problem solve and all of these other
things and try to find ways to communicate and picking
my battles and all of that. Like I was trying
to do it in a different language, like I'm booting
(34:31):
up my computer, but now it's in Chinese and I
don't know where I'm putting in my password anymore. But
it takes that effort to learn it.
Speaker 1 (34:38):
Do you think that, now that you've proven to yourself
that you can do this without being medicated, that you're
going to go back to smoking again.
Speaker 2 (34:46):
No, I don't think I'm going to go back to smoking.
I might do edibles like at the end of the
day to relax to unwind, but I will never go
back to what I was.
Speaker 1 (34:58):
Your respiratory shit has clear it up.
Speaker 2 (35:01):
Yeah, I don't cough as much. There have been some
mornings where our temperatures are really funky and I have
a lot of flum in my throat, but I'm not
coughing nearly as much as I was, and my singing
voice has gotten pretty Okay. You haven't heard that yet
because I'm still nervous about it, because you're a really
hot guy and I can't fail in front of you.
Speaker 1 (35:18):
A lot of people want that discord karaoke.
Speaker 2 (35:21):
I got nothing going on Friday night, losing my religion.
Let's go.
Speaker 1 (35:26):
Will you plug your women's group real quick, because there's
going to be people going, what about she had a
women's group?
Speaker 2 (35:31):
Yes, so I actually have two women's groups. I have
a top tier women's group that's one hundred and fifteen
dollars a month, and included in that top tier group
is a private community group within the discord. There are
four monthly calls, so one every week. There are monthly
book prescriptions. This month, February is going to be it
(35:55):
didn't start with you. There are weekly challenges based on
the book that we are currently reading, and then private
dming for mentorship and problem solving your guys' lives is
available in that top tier group on Discord.
Speaker 1 (36:10):
This is not an invitation to friendship.
Speaker 2 (36:12):
No, this is not buying your way into my friend group.
This is not buying a friendship. The private one on
one DMS is going to be centered around problem solving
your life. I post a lot of vlogs that go
to Patreon, and I deeply appreciate all the love and
caring that you guys have for me in the community.
It means a lot to me that you want to
(36:33):
uplift me and support me. Please do not private DM
me about my private life. It's overwhelming for me. I
understand that there's good intentions behind that, but it feels
like a boundary being crossed. Because the purpose of the
private women's group and the private DMING is to help
you guys get on track in your lives and problem solve,
(36:56):
gain perspective, all of those kinds of things.
Speaker 1 (37:00):
And we also have mentors. We do so we pay
a much bigger fee, So what you guys are paying
to get to us so that we can have mentorship
in the things that we need in our lives. So
it's helpful. I think that no matter where you are
in life, you need to be coachable.
Speaker 2 (37:14):
Yeah, and then I also have my women's Thrive group,
which is fifty dollars a month. They also get a
monthly prescription for a book to read. There is a
single monthly in depth challenge, and there is a private
community for the women to talk amongst themselves within the
discord or both private groups. There is also a problem
(37:37):
solving chat separate from our main chat. That way, if
there are issues that somebody needs help with or they
need to just get something off their chest, it is
not bogged down in the main chat. So there's a
separate area for those more in depth sensitive topics.
Speaker 1 (37:53):
And you can find all of this store our Patreon.
Speaker 2 (37:55):
Yes, patreon dot com, forward slash to be better.
Speaker 1 (37:58):
Let's get back to that.
Speaker 2 (37:59):
Okay, back into this. Think about your grandparents now ouderly now,
think about their photos when they were young. My gosh,
we're only two sentences in and it's already making me
emotional again. That sparkle in their eyes, that palpable connection
that overflowed from those black and white images we have
that I know literally is right next to us. Yep,
(38:23):
that's what tripped me up. I love that every time
that we do something in our life that is going
to be memorable, we take photos.
Speaker 1 (38:34):
And I'm not selfies, like we actually get a photographer
to come out and take pictures of us.
Speaker 2 (38:38):
Yeah, they didn't have half the resources we have today,
But they had something we're rapidly losing the ability to
be truly present for each other. Now, look at your
relationship where you're getting Oh, fuck me. Will your grandchildren
see that same sparkle in your photos forty years from now,
(39:00):
or will they just see two strangers fuck me? Or
will they just see two strangers posing side by side,
trapped in an empty routine that they called love. Time
is passing. Every second wasted is disconnection in a moment
of genuine happiness that will never return. Your children are
(39:23):
learning what love is through your example. What kind of
emotional legacy are you building? The good news is that
there's still time. You can still rescue that initial spark,
that chemistry that made your heart race the first time
you saw each other. It's not about grand, romantic gestures.
It's about small, daily choices of presence and connection. It's
(39:45):
about deciding today that you deserve more than a lukewarm
life next to someone you once loved. True love is
still possible, but it starts with a choice, your choice,
and it needs to be made now.
Speaker 1 (39:57):
Yep, I like the way this chick roat is a article.
I wonder if she's got more. Damn, she got a
lot of them.
Speaker 2 (40:04):
Yes, two. Oh that was just an ad.
Speaker 1 (40:10):
I saw the bar on the side of the screen.
Speaker 2 (40:12):
Oh that makes sense. You know, that explains why you're
the tech whiz and I'm just tears the pretty face.
Speaker 1 (40:18):
Yeah, I mean, I wouldn't go that far.
Speaker 2 (40:21):
I hate that every article has a super sexualized photo
on it, right except for that one that's a horse.
Speaker 1 (40:28):
Well, and there's one of Trump. There's another of Trump.
But there's a lot, a lot of sexualized things. But
that's what she's writing about. She's probably somebody who is
in a fucking miserable relationship. This is purely speculation who's
trying desperately to salvage her shit, or maybe was in
a really shitty relationship and fixed it, and it is
trying to do what we're doing. Yeah, we're just doing
(40:48):
it without trying to be overly sexy.
Speaker 2 (40:50):
Yeah, I'm just putting it out there though. As a woman,
if I'm looking for articles to help me, I'm not
going to click on one that has a woman with
her tits out on it. Even if the article cold
title catches my eye, that photo indicates to me that
there's an underlying sexual tone here, and that's not what
I'm trying to do for my relationship. I'm trying to
find love again, and love is not sex.
Speaker 1 (41:12):
No, it's not. Do you want to try to do
one more quickly? This is this says it's only a
four minute read, but I think it would take us
a whole lot late longer to get through.
Speaker 2 (41:22):
How long are we into this recording?
Speaker 1 (41:24):
Forty seven minutes without the cut, they're probably forty minutes.
Speaker 2 (41:28):
Are you okay with this being a forty minute episode?
I would like to eat?
Speaker 1 (41:30):
Yeah, sure, I don't want food to get cold. Okay,
with that being said, guys, remember you were the author
of your own life. So grab a pen and we
will see you on the next one.
Speaker 2 (41:38):
I have a question before we actually sign off, What
if I want them to hear this, do we say
so grab a pin because it's like a super permanent thing,
because once you make your actions or say the words
that you say, you can't take it back.
Speaker 1 (41:50):
No.
Speaker 2 (41:51):
Okay, Well I just had that epiphany because we could
always say just grab a pencil, but there's any eraser
there to get rid of mistakes. But we don't want
to erase mistakes. We want to acknowledge them and change them.
Speaker 1 (41:59):
Well, you do acknowledge them and changing them by erasing
them and fixing it. That's the point of the eraser.
I just went into a whole thing to fix your mistakes.
Speaker 2 (42:07):
Bye, guys,
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