Kings and queens

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Episode Transcript

Speaker 1 (00:01):
Look up with.

Speaker 2 (00:03):
All the things it on the bottom, all our wold
it is you.

Speaker 3 (00:14):
You're my favorite view. But that's nothing, and we are back.

Speaker 1 (00:23):
Welcome back, he beautiful bitches.

Speaker 3 (00:25):
Doing some more Friday content seems to be what we
do a lot lately because we've been so far behind
on Friday content.

Speaker 1 (00:30):
Yeah.

Speaker 3 (00:31):
However, by the time this Friday content airs, I believe
it'll be September, which is where the other the other
episodes of the podcast is. So I think we're even
now on podcasts and Friday episodes. It's good, though. We
will be doing emails today just to kind of get
ahead on Friday content. It's easier than trying to find topics.
It's kind of a cheat cheat thing, I guess, but

(00:52):
we are doing the damn thing. So anything you want
to get into before we jump in emails, I know
it's hurts. I bet you just got to stabbed four times.

Speaker 1 (01:00):
Yeah, Jeff looked at me like I was crazy. Yeah,
is this a crazy thing to do?

Speaker 3 (01:05):
I mean, four piercings in one shot. It's not a
fun thing to do. Yeah, while healing a tattoo.

Speaker 1 (01:11):
Yeah, the tattoo is not bothering me much anymore. It's
that that's really itchy. I want to get in there
right now.

Speaker 3 (01:18):
So yesterday while we were live, I talked about possibly
going to the Virgin Islands, and I looked into that
a little bit last night. And to go to Saint John,
where you want to go, we have to take a
ferry to get there, and it's like a day trip
kind of thing. They do have houses and things on
that part of the island, but you have to take
a boat to get there, so like we would have
to stay in Saint Thomas and then just kind of
ferry over on one of the days that we go.

(01:39):
But the Virgin Islands is not.

Speaker 1 (01:41):
Cheap, okay, so getting there is, but being there is not.

Speaker 3 (01:46):
I don't have anything really to talk about other than
that because that was the most recent conversation that we
had had together about travel. BALI sold another trip last night.
The trip has not even went live official and we're
already confirmed and going. Yeah, there's nine spots have been
sold out of I think twenty two or twenty, so

(02:07):
it's almost halfway sold out and we haven't even it's
not even launched yet. The only people that have access
to that currently is Discord by the time this airs,
it'll be live because it goes live in the thirtieth,
the thirtieth, what is today the eighteenth? Twelve days? Yeap?

Speaker 1 (02:21):
Oh no, I have to sneeze.

Speaker 3 (02:23):
Ash said that you gave her the courage to the
confidence to go back to our natural hair colors. Started
the process today.

Speaker 1 (02:28):
Oh I love that. Congratulations.

Speaker 3 (02:30):
I'm ready to do emails whenever you're ready to do emails. Hotness.

Speaker 1 (02:34):
Oh, yesterday we recorded a whole Friday episode on a
thank you email.

Speaker 3 (02:39):
Yep.

Speaker 1 (02:39):
Do you just want to jump into a problem solving email?

Speaker 3 (02:42):
I think so.

Speaker 1 (02:43):
This is a pretty short email. It's one page.

Speaker 3 (02:46):
That's very sure.

Speaker 1 (02:46):
We may jump into another one after this. Welcoming new
ones into the relationship. And this is from a gentleman.

Speaker 3 (02:54):
Okay, hey, y'all.

Speaker 1 (02:56):
I've been listening to the podcast for just under a
year and all the advice to a given has immensely
improved my wife and I relationship, mainly learning how to
communicate in that when she is upset with something I
did and she tells me it's not an attack against me,
I lack for a better term, played the victim before
learning that not everything is about me. I come from

(03:18):
a not so good upbringing. I think that's what drew
me to the podcast. I would watch you two shorts
of Chris talking about his past and how he grew up,
and I resonated so much with what you had to say,
with what you had to say. I was terrible at relationships,
and I was what y'all would have considered a fuck boy.

(03:39):
That is until I met my now wife. After learning
to love myself, I could see that wasn't going to
be enough to keep her. I had to start putting
in all the work. Well, after some therapy and some
help from y'all, I think we are in an amazing
place now. However, life has thrown a wonderfully amazing curveball
into our lives. Are going to have our first child

(04:02):
in December.

Speaker 3 (04:02):
I knew they were going to say that when they
said it was a curveball. Yeah, I know there's a
baby coming.

Speaker 1 (04:07):
Yeah, Oh, they have the baby already. This was October
of last year. This was sent. We are so excited
and also stressed with how we are going to navigate
this new chapter in our lives. I was wondering what
advice do y'all have when having a new baby coming
into this world. What can I do to make sure
I'm the best dad that I can be? What are
some of y'all's secrets of being parents? But also not

(04:29):
forgetting that you two are each other's best friends. How
are we supposed to deal with loved ones and boundaries?
We have already started to try and set some boundaries
and has already started drama that we honestly don't have
the time or energy for. Thank you guys so much
for all that you do what.

Speaker 3 (04:46):
I loved an explanation of what boundaries has been said?
That's creating drama? Yeah, so what are your answers to
that that message? I wish people would start episode one
of the podcasts and listen all the way through. Yeah,
I know they won't. I know that personally, I have
not listened to everybody shit. Like I have podcasts that
I like and I'll just start listening to. But I
don't go back and listen to older episodes unless I'm

(05:07):
on the treadmill and I'm caught up. Then I'll go
back and listen to an older episode.

Speaker 1 (05:11):
But yeah, I would say, look at a postpartum understand
now that the family that you guys are creating is
the family that you need to be most worried about.

Speaker 3 (05:21):
Yep.

Speaker 1 (05:22):
So if something is going on in your guys's life
and you can't make it to the extended family Christmas party,
don't blow up your life about it.

Speaker 3 (05:31):
Right, It's okay.

Speaker 1 (05:33):
I would hold firm to boundaries not only about the marriage,
but it would be about the family, and it would
be about the child. So we're not forcing the kid
to hug somebody they don't want to hug. If they
don't want to give you a kiss, you're not getting
a kiss. Your feelings don't matter when it comes to
my child not wanting to do something with their body. Right,

(05:54):
knowing that one day both of the children are going
to be either eighteen or at a point in their
lives to be able to move out, whichever one comes first.
Once they're gone, all we are going to have is
each other. And if for the last eighteen or twenty

(06:14):
five years we have been argumentative and passive, aggressive and
shitty and saying things under our breaths and fuck your feelings,
mine are more important, depriving each other of enjoyed hobbies,
or every time we go out somewhere it's an argument,

(06:35):
and there's problems and the time can't be enjoyed. What
are we going to do with the next forty years
of our life? The kids are going to be gone,
and now we're going to be sitting in this awkward
silence of do we talk about the last eighteen years
of how we treated each other? Do we ignore this
and just live our life as roommates.

Speaker 3 (06:52):
Most people get divorced at that point.

Speaker 1 (06:54):
Do we get divorced?

Speaker 3 (06:55):
People that stay in a relationship for the sake of
the kids, that hate each other get divorced as soon
as the kids move out. Yeah, like that's gonna somehow
not fuck the kids up knowing that you guys hated
each other the entire time and now the divorce has happened.
So to answer the question from my point, I think
that the postpartum depression conversation needs to happen. Both people
need to understand what that looks like. There needs to

(07:16):
be an understanding that both both parties are going to
be tired. Both parties aren't gonna want to get a
very fucking night to deal with a child screaming in
the middle of night for feedings and all of that shit.
You're gonna have to rotate and take turns, so you're
gonna have to honor that, and then the attention has
to be placed on as a couple, Like you need
to pay attention to each other. You need to make
sure that you're doing for each other and making sure
each other's cup is filled and making sure that, like,

(07:37):
at the end of the day, you guys are still
a functioning, happy relationship, because it's not all about the
kid anymore. People get to the point where, like they
get they have the baby, and they think, Okay, now
all the focus has to be on the child. The
focus still needs to be on the two of you
as a couple. The child is a byproxy thing of
your love and you need to remember that.

Speaker 1 (07:56):
Yeah, so I don't have anything else.

Speaker 3 (07:59):
I don't either. It's very hard for me to want
to answer the same question all the time. Yeah, And
like I have to constantly remind myself that there are
people who have not heard these answers and that are
just looking for help. And they are just people looking
for help. But I view this as the people who
don't use the search button in a forum and go
in and ask the same question that's been asked a
thousand times because it's easier to just ask it again

(08:21):
than it is to to do the research a little bit.
I don't know.

Speaker 1 (08:26):
I got that. Do you want to do another email? Yeah,
just join Patreon falling apart. This one is also from
a gentleman.

Speaker 3 (08:38):
Two emails from a guy.

Speaker 1 (08:39):
Huh Yes, Hello Christ and Peach. I've been listening to
your podcast and I love it. I am a married
for forty year old with two kids and one on
the way. My wife and I have been together for
eleven years, married for seven. I wouldn't say happily married,
but married more like roommates. The little boy is soon

(09:01):
to be four, and a girl that just turned two.
So a little backstory about myself. I have been married
before and had a child with someone I met after
my ex wife, which has caused an issue in my
marriage now, issues with not giving my wife the time
she wanted, bending over to help my ex with my oldest,
or just being kind when I shouldn't have been.

Speaker 3 (09:24):
So there's jealousy. Yeah, before we go any further, guys,
if you are wanting to date somebody that has children
and you can't get over the fact that they have
a past, don't date somebody has children.

Speaker 1 (09:36):
Yeah, or can't handle the fact that there will be
continued communication.

Speaker 3 (09:40):
Right right, And sometimes it's going to be ugly, and
sometimes it's really fucking hard. It's hard for me. There
are times that I want to get involved and just
fucking you know, go hard on the whole conversation, and
I have to step back and let things plan out
their play out the way that they play out. I
don't get mad at you for that, even when you
were being civil or trying to help. I don't get

(10:02):
mad about it. Like there's still children involved in Like
you have to be civil with the co parent in
order to make things, to make life easier. If you're
constantly an odds, you're making your life harder than it
needs to be.

Speaker 1 (10:12):
Yeah, I have lost my daughter because of me moving
closer to my wife's family, which is two hours away.
And my daughter is an all star soccer player and
that takes all of her time.

Speaker 3 (10:23):
Okay, that's not a fair statement, but I agree. Why
do you agree because you haven't lost your daughter. When
I think I lost my daughter, I think there was
a tragic accident. I don't think you made the decision
to move two hours away. I think that making the
decisions to move two hours away knowing that your kid

(10:44):
is very heavily active in sports and doing the things
that they're doing. You didn't lose your daughter. You made
a choice to move two hours away. Yeah, there's a
choice that was made there. It's not a loss. It's
not like that she's keeping you from your kid. Right,
you made a choice to move that far. Yeah.

Speaker 1 (10:58):
I think that that state perpetuates the victim mindset that
could be taking place.

Speaker 3 (11:06):
Absolutely does. It allows the blame to be shifted from
my decision to it's out of my control. While you
take your shoes off the diesel queen said, how do
I know the difference between my partner being civil and
crossing lines. Being civil is being polite, Crossing lines is flirting.
Being civil is trying to make sure that your kid

(11:26):
is able to get to him from school. Crossing lines
is showing up over there to have dinner with the
other family just to do it.

Speaker 1 (11:32):
I think crossing lines is also feeding into their emotional energy.
Grab So if there is a man who has an
X and she is the mother of his child, and
she's reaching out every Friday night and nobody loves me,
I'm unattractive I'm a single mom.

Speaker 3 (11:49):
Yeah, that's not being civil.

Speaker 1 (11:50):
And he's feeding her reassurance and all these other kinds
of things. I think that that's also inappropriate.

Speaker 3 (11:57):
Well, yeah, that's not being civil. Being civil is it's
about making sure that your kid is taking care of
That has nothing to do with the child. I don't
need to know about your your woes. We're not together anymore.
Your problems, unless it directly involves the children, is none
of my fucking concern. I don't care. Yeah, they said so.

(12:18):
Hanging out of her house and emotionally supporting her as
crossing lines. The hanging out at the house, I think,
is I agree the emotional support? Could it depends your
You know, my dad just died. You support that my
new boyfriend just broke up with me? Not my problem?

Speaker 1 (12:34):
Yeah?

Speaker 3 (12:35):
So context matters, right? Yeah?

Speaker 1 (12:38):
I feel that I shouldn't be the one who holds
her back from chasing after her dreams because I want
to see her. I call and marco polo her and
FaceTime when she can. When she was with me, she
had to choose between me and her mother and her friends.
I could see pain in her eyes when she had
to choose between making me happy or her mother to

(13:00):
stop pushing her to come so she could stay at
her mom's schedule.

Speaker 3 (13:04):
So why aren't you going to soccer games or whatever
the sport was. Yeah, it's a two hour drive showing
up for practice. You can still go. Yeah, it may
be an inconvenience to go every single game, but you
could go two games out of the month.

Speaker 1 (13:19):
Continuing, I feel like a failure as a father.

Speaker 3 (13:23):
I wonder if that's because he believes he knows he
could be doing more than he's doing.

Speaker 1 (13:26):
Yeah, so I think, okay, So he said. I could
see pain in her eyes when she had to choose
between making me happy or her mother. So I decided
to stop pushing her to come so she could just
stay on her mom's schedule. Why isn't it about what
makes her happy? Right? I get that there may be

(13:49):
a vindictiveness happening there on either parent end or both
parents end, and it makes the child feels like there's
sure and near happiness lies on my shoulders.

Speaker 3 (14:02):
Right.

Speaker 1 (14:03):
I get that situation, and not wanting to perpetuate that anymore,
I wouldn't stop asking her to come over there, like
do you want to come over? Or doing this next Saturday?
Do you want to come with us? I think if
you were to stop that communication period, it could start
to so doubts off. I'm unloved, my father doesn't want me,
my mom already behaves this way, and he's abandoned me.

(14:26):
Whatever the case may be, I would continue to offer
her to come over, because what if that's the one reprieve,
even if it makes her mom upset.

Speaker 3 (14:35):
Yeah, mom needs to get over herself. Yeah, it's probably
just letting kids be kids. Selfishness hurt, Yeah, hurt people,
hurt people.

Speaker 1 (14:46):
Yes, my wife doesn't feel like I did anything wrong.
My daughter would go home and her mother would ask
or pry about what happened at dad's house. When my
daughter was younger, My wife has been a part or
my daughter. When she was just over a year old,
he would get distracted playing and have accidents in her pants.

(15:07):
Once my wife asked her and my daughter said no
and looked in her pants, which caused a problem with
my ex when my daughter told her about it. When
my ex called and told me about it, I didn't
know what happened, and I took my wife's side and
said she did nothing wrong, which caused an issue at
home with my wife because I didn't do enough.

Speaker 3 (15:28):
Wait, he just said, my wife twice.

Speaker 1 (15:31):
Child would get distracted playing have accidents in her pants.
Once my wife asked her and my daughter said, no,
I'm a meaning I'm assuming he meant that. The wife
asked that you have an accident, and the daughter said no,
but then looked at her pants, which caused a problem. Oh,
she looked in her pants. Their wife looked in the

(15:52):
child's pants to see if she peed, which caused a
problem with my ex when my daughter told her about it.
When my ex called and told me about it, I
didn't know what happened, but I took my wife's side
and said she did nothing wrong, which caused an issue
at home with my wife because I didn't do enough.

Speaker 3 (16:09):
So there's either a typo there where I'm not smart
enough to understand what happened. The wife felt like the
ex wife. The way he worded it is the ex
wife got mad that the current wife looked in the
pants to see if there was something wrong. He then
defended his current wife and then got in trouble by
his current wife when he got home because he didn't
do enough. Yes, he defended her right, So how where's

(16:32):
Where where would you get in trouble in that? How
is there anything if if you did something and I
took your side, What fucking more do you want me
to do?

Speaker 1 (16:40):
Uh? There's probably insecurity and the new wife about how
she expects this massive reaction and defending my honor to
show that the ex wife really is in the past.

Speaker 3 (16:54):
If I but if I took your side, right, there's
nothing more that needs to be done, right he's expecting
unless she's expecting him to be like you fucking psycho,
see you next Tuesday. Blah blah, blah, blah blah. She's
perfectly fucking fine doing what she's doing and screaming and yelling.
But how is that going to be helpful? How is
that going to make it so that he's able to

(17:15):
continue to see his child unless there's a court ordered
custody agreement, which a lot of people don't have. He's
at the whim of this woman. So the fact that
he took her side, she shouldn't have done that. She
shouldn't have done that.

Speaker 1 (17:28):
Yeah, there's a couple of things that I want to
touch on. The First thing is if constant accidents depending
on the child, right, if constant accidents and my child
or children are coming home smelling like yurine. I would
have a problem with that. I don't care if she's
getting distracted while she's playing. You are the adult here
every thirty forty five minutes, she should be checking on

(17:50):
the child. Hey, we need to go potty. Even if
you don't have to go, you're gonna try, right. We
need to teach this child how to pause playtime and
go potty. And sometimes regressions happen four five, six, seven
years old. It hasn't happened yet, but there's periods of
regression where we have to stop every hour. Hayd you

(18:11):
go potty? Hated you go potty?

Speaker 3 (18:13):
Sometimes kids don't make this bathroom in time, right, and
it's going to happen too.

Speaker 1 (18:19):
I also have an issue with the wife looking down
the pants to see if she peat herself. I think
that there are other less invasive ways to see if
an accident has happened. That does not normalize for the
child being looked at in that way.

Speaker 3 (18:39):
Well, we don't know if it was pooper p right,
we could have literally just pulled the back of the
pants to see in there. It's very different. We're looking
at the front of the body. Yeah, so I think
that that matters too.

Speaker 1 (18:51):
I agree with that.

Speaker 3 (18:52):
Somebody said, I'm curious as to how how old the
child was before checking in their pair, or how long
that the woman knew the child. Will they this was
they got together when the child was one. Yeah, so
the child was still a little child at that point.
So I also don't think that that matters. What do
you mean because they were married, she's a stepmom, that

(19:13):
makes her a parent? If I thought little man or
little miss had shipped themselves and I had to physically
pull their pants back to look, it doesn't matter if
I've known the child for six months. We're married, I
am now in that role of being a parent. My
job to make sure that things are taken care of.
It's not abuse. Can't believe you shit yourself, you know

(19:34):
what I mean. But again, I also think that that
matters if it's from the front or the back.

Speaker 1 (19:38):
I agree with that. I agree with that.

Speaker 3 (19:42):
This this new mom and original mom, or however you
want to worry that stepmom and ex wife being at
odds puts this dude in a really shitty spot. And
this is the issue with co parenting because if you
can't co parent from civility. It's very fucking hard for
the other people involved. And that's the goal of the

(20:03):
person being shitty. Yeah, because they get the harder. I
can make their life the better because fuck them, they
hurt me.

Speaker 1 (20:09):
Yeah, my wife holds a lot of animosity against my
ex because she took me to the cleaners and then
I didn't do anything about it to fight back in court.
What I was paying in child support was also what
I was bringing home, not enough to live off or
pay a lawyer to fight it. So now money wise,
things are better, but not great by any means.

Speaker 3 (20:28):
They can't do that. It's not how that works at
least it's not how it works in Florida. Yeah, when
you have to when you get taken for child support,
you have to do a financial affidavit and they take
all of your money and they put it together. They
put your money in their money together and figure out
a fifty five to forty five split. But if you
only make twenty thousand dollars a year, they can't take

(20:48):
twenty thousand dollars a year from you in child support.
It doesn't work that way, right, because there's no room
for you to live at that point. There are people
who get extremely fucked in the system when it comes
to having kids, multiple kids and things of that nature,
but they won't do that. So I wonder where that
how that even came about. How did you get to
the point where you're paying your entire paycheck goes to
child sport? How are you surviving at that point?

Speaker 1 (21:11):
Right? So, now money wise things are not better. I mean,
fucked me cut that. So now money wise things are better,
but not great by any means, especially seeing that we
have children in daycare because we both have to work.
Child support keeps me working, and my wife was going
to school to be a nurse. She's been working for
four years now, and we are out of her parents' house.

(21:34):
I feel like I've made.

Speaker 3 (21:36):
Child support keeps me working, not your obligation to provide
for your family.

Speaker 1 (21:42):
Oh yeah, that's a good point, and catch that.

Speaker 3 (21:44):
Child support is what keeps you working, right, Okay, So
your wife is going to school and I'm assuming she's
got a part time job as well. If she didn't
have I mean, would you be the stay at home
at that point to not do the daycare thing? What
would that look like? Just curious, not being mean, I'm
just I'm very curious. No, that's a good question.

Speaker 1 (22:04):
Yeah, that was I didn't catch that phrase one continuing,
I feel like I made a lot of bad decisions.
I thought I was making the right decision by waiting
until I got married to have kids, But I feel
I got married to someone who doesn't truly love me.

Speaker 3 (22:18):
Most important decision you'll ever make in life is who
you decide to marry.

Speaker 1 (22:21):
Yes, I thought I was making the right decision by
waiting until I got married to have kids, But I
feel I got married to someone who doesn't truly love me.
You mean, didn't truly love me. Are you talking about
your ex wife or your current wife.

Speaker 3 (22:32):
That's a good question.

Speaker 1 (22:33):
If you're talking about your ex wife, why would she
love you right now?

Speaker 3 (22:36):
Right? What would that matter?

Speaker 1 (22:38):
Right?

Speaker 3 (22:39):
Hurt people hurt people. Yeah, and regardless of the fact
that they got divorced, the reason why they got divorced
and the hurt that comes along with that, if she's
still in love with him, If she is still in
love with him, and him being with another woman and
breaking the family up is just more reason for her
to do nasty shit to him. Oh yeah, people are vindictive.
Women are vindictive, especially to get what they want.

Speaker 1 (23:00):
I miss so many red flags, and I was blind
because of the need to be with someone. I have
come to realize I am happy just being alone.

Speaker 3 (23:07):
But you're not alone, right, I.

Speaker 1 (23:10):
Guess he's talking about his current wife. Now. I've come
to realize that I'm happy just being alone. I love
my kids, but I don't want to live with someone
that doesn't care about me. She never said even little
things like how was your day or I'm proud of you,
not even hey, you need to work on this and
that would be great.

Speaker 3 (23:29):
This is the ex wife or the current wife?

Speaker 1 (23:31):
This is I feel like this is the current wife.
I feel like I'm married a girl, not a woman.

Speaker 3 (23:38):
I'm confused.

Speaker 1 (23:38):
I'm confused too. I don't know if this is I'm
gonna go with this being the current wife, and this
is the current wife.

Speaker 3 (23:44):
I'm gonna go with stop getting married if that's the case.

Speaker 1 (23:47):
Yeah, you saying that you paying your child support keeps
you working, and my mind says a lot about you.
And if she is frustrated with behaviors, with the multiple
perspective and scenarios that I am making up in my mind,
I can see why she would be.

Speaker 3 (24:09):
I know that words of affirmation isn't like a normal
thing for some people, right. It's some people have never
heard I'm proud of you, or have never got that
validation from somebody truly seeing their effort. But when I
hear somebody say my wife never said that I'm you know,
she's proud of me, my knee jerk reaction to that is, well,

(24:30):
what are you doing as a husband to make her
proud of you? Yeah, because you know you should be
striving to be more than you currently are. And if
your person doesn't see your efforts and you have conversations
about it like hey, I'm really fucking trying right now
and I'm proud of me, and they're like great, it's
very different conversation than if you say something like that
and like well, I'm proud of you too, yeah, and

(24:51):
then you can say, well, you know, it would be
nice to hear that every once in a while, Like
I feel like I'm fucking drowning and I would just
like a little bit of support, doesn't even have to
be physical support, just emotional. Tell me that you fucking
see my efforts. Maybe that would do something, you know,
to make me feel better about what's going on in
my life. I guess maybe that's just because of where
we are. Like we tell each other all the time, like, hey,

(25:12):
like when we were sick, into the dishes, You didn't
have to do those dishes. Those fuckers could have sat
there for four days. We were both fucking we're sick. Sick. Yeah,
but I recognize that you did it, and I was
grateful and I said thank you, like I see that
you did that even though you were sick. Those moments
matter because it lets your partner know that you fucking
see their efforts. But because of where we are, I

(25:34):
couldn't imagine living in a world where we take everything
each other does for granted, you don't have to do
any of this shit, No, I mean in reality, like
if I didn't do the things that I had to do,
our life would fall apart in terms of business and finances.
But I don't have to do any of this shit.

Speaker 1 (25:54):
That's true.

Speaker 3 (25:55):
I could let it all go. I could destroy my credit,
could give the cars back, could fucking barely pay the mortgage, Like,
stop doing all of it. The choice. I want to
provide the best life for you. You want to provide a
clean house, you want to provide an easy, peaceful existence
for your husband, and we're working in tandem to make
that a thing. I can't imagine being in a relationship
and not having that that polarity where you're pulling and

(26:21):
pushing against each other to make each other grow and
evolve and do. I wouldn't want to live like that.
I really wouldn't want to live.

Speaker 1 (26:29):
Like that meeah either. So this is the current wife.

Speaker 3 (26:32):
Okay, So knowing that it's the current wife, why not
tell her what I just said? Yeah, I'm fucking drowning,
and a little bit of recognition that I'm at that
you at least see my efforts would go a long way.
And then if you're met what long lives, well, I
shouldn't have to tell you're doing a good job. This
is life. You're an adult to your life. You know
that's a shitty fucking statement, Like, Okay, I see you.

(26:54):
You don't fucking care about me.

Speaker 1 (26:56):
Then at this point, she wants to be treated like
a queen, but as I want to treat her man
as a king, but as a slave. Sometimes I feel
like I am a victim and a victim mindset and
looking for sympathy, I just don't know. I've been taking
care of myself and lost just over sixty pounds in
last year.

Speaker 3 (27:13):
Good. But wait a minute. Can we go back to
the king and queen's statement. So king and king is
a birthright, right? There are kings who don't have queens,
they're still kings. If you want to be a king,
you live as a king. You don't need a woman's
validation to have that standard of who you are as

(27:34):
a person, right, And if you need that, then you're
not a king. Does that make sense?

Speaker 1 (27:40):
Yeah, a queen can't be a queen without being married
to a king.

Speaker 3 (27:43):
Right with that analogy, that's correct.

Speaker 1 (27:46):
I mean minus Queen Elizabeth, right.

Speaker 3 (27:48):
But that's what one out of you know, one hundred
thousand queens over the course of existence, it was millions
right to.

Speaker 1 (27:55):
Have to marry a king to hold that title, versus.

Speaker 3 (27:58):
Right right, they would have to. Princesses would have to
be married to become a queen otherwise they would remain
a princess. So that's far more common. You don't need
a queen to be to hold yourself like a king,
and a woman doesn't need a man to hold herself
as a lady. As a queen or a princess or
whatever you want to call it. Using that analogy, who

(28:19):
you are is who you are. I hate that king
and queen phrase. Yeah, we use the king and queen
chess pieces because of the game of chess, not because
of royalty. There's no equality between a king and a queen.
There's a dictatorship. I can do whatever the fuck I want.
Is the king. I can have concubines, I can treat

(28:41):
you like shit. I can be head you just because
it's easier than getting a divorce. I can do whatever
the fuck I want. I am the sole seat of
power on a chessboard. The queen is the most powerful piece.
The king has to be protected. The king is trying
to maintain the kingdom, and the queen is making moves
making it happen. It is about teamwork. It is an effort.
So when I hear people using the king and queen phrase,

(29:01):
it bothers the shit out of me. Yeah, but especially
in that if you want to be viewed as a king,
then you need to conduct yourself as such.

Speaker 1 (29:11):
I agree. I don't know if that is causing an issue,
but I am getting better and she is not. I
might be overthinking and just need to see what is.
I might be overthinking and just need to see what is.
And I was that way before, and she is not
going to get better. I give me what I need.

Speaker 3 (29:31):
I don't. I guess I must have lost something because
the last thing I said you read before I paused
you was that he lost sixty pounds.

Speaker 1 (29:38):
Right. I don't know if that's causing an issue.

Speaker 3 (29:40):
The fact that he lost weight, right.

Speaker 1 (29:42):
That I am getting better and she is not. I
might be overthinking and just need to see what is.
And I was that way before, and she is not
going to get better or give me what I need.

Speaker 3 (29:56):
That doesn't make sense to me. What do you need?
Do you need her to lose weight?

Speaker 1 (29:59):
Right? Give you more verbal affirmation?

Speaker 3 (30:04):
Yeah, I don't know. This email doesn't read write.

Speaker 1 (30:06):
To me continuing, Yeah. I was very honest on our
first date and asked a lot of questions about her
past relationships, her longest relationship, why it didn't work out,
and what she wants in the future. I asked how
many partners she had, which did matter to me. Looking back,
I think I shouldn't have asked because it caused a

(30:27):
lot of problems because she lied to me about it.
Then after we were together for a while, I asked
again and she said she didn't really know. I asked
why she lied to me. She said because I wouldn't
be with her she had told me the truth, which
is the truth, I wouldn't have.

Speaker 3 (30:44):
Been So you married a liar, right, I'm curious as
to see. So when we tell people to ask about
previous relationships, it's not because you want to know about
the previous relationships. It's because you want to know if
they can take accountability. Right. If I ask you about
your previous marriage and you tell me all the things
that he did wrong, and you don't tell me anything
that you learned and how you evolved and overcame and
what you did wrong, I don't want to have the

(31:07):
conversation to go any any further than that. Like you're
You're not somebody that's going to ever evolve and grow
because everyone else is the problem. I also want to
go back to the king and queen thing real quick,
for everybody that's listening to email, that that statement was
not just towards the emailer, that that statement that I
made about you know, what are you doing to be
recognized as a king that's for every man listening to

(31:27):
this podcast. You have a standard that you're supposed to
live your life to. Period. Yeah, you want to be
a fucking leader of your house and you want to
be somebody that your woman respects, then you need to
be somebody that's fucking capable of being respected. You need
to do the things that your woman will look at
you with admiration and be like, Damn, I got a
good man, Because if your woman doesn't look at you

(31:50):
that way and doesn't say, damn, I got a good man,
it's because you ain't shit. And that's not to the
email as all of your step your fucking game. Be
somebody that walks into the room that everybody knows as
that motherfucker has compassion, has empathy, but can fucking burn
the world down for his people if necessary. He's willing

(32:11):
to do the hard work. Isn't going to miss work
because he doesn't feel good, isn't gonna fucking cry because
he hurts, Like, we have a standard that we're supposed
to set for our family, and your job is to
lead your family. And if you're not capable of leading,
you're not that motherfucker Like I just you're the Jester
at that point, you're not the king. Yeah, because I

(32:33):
guarantee you when you leave for work and she's in
her group chat with her homegirls, you're the fucking joke.
I'm annoyed. This email's annoyed me. I hate that. I'm annoyed.

Speaker 1 (32:43):
Yeah, I thought I would be over it. But it's
not the past. It's about It's about the lying. I
feel like if you're comfortable with your choice and why, Lie,
I did cheat on her before we got married, and
she chose to stay. I didn't ask her to stay.
Why did I cheat? I was working a lot, one
full time job and one part time job, and she

(33:05):
was living with me and not doing anything besides taking
care of the apartment.

Speaker 3 (33:09):
So you're making excuses for your action now, because that's
as a bullshit statement.

Speaker 1 (33:14):
Yeah.

Speaker 3 (33:15):
Also, on the body count thing, there are a lot
of women out there who had promiscuous pass and aren't
proud of that shit.

Speaker 1 (33:21):
Right.

Speaker 3 (33:22):
That's a very a touchy conversation for a lot of people,
especially women who had been in abusive situations were homeless. Yeah, right,
that body count is not always a by choice body count.

Speaker 1 (33:35):
This finishes with so I found someone that gave me attention.
I never thought I could cheat, and some of it
was that this is something I could do.

Speaker 3 (33:44):
I would have preferred to be like I would have preferred.
I wasn't getting attention and I wanted attention met, So
I found somebody to give me attention.

Speaker 1 (33:53):
Yeah. That the way that that was worded very much
sounded like skirting accountability for the fact that he chose
to cheat instead of just leaving a relationship that wasn't
feeling his needs.

Speaker 3 (34:02):
Yeah, because all she did was clean the house we were roommates.

Speaker 1 (34:05):
Yeah, so I found someone who gave me attention.

Speaker 3 (34:08):
Right, that's the difference in verbiage. I wasn't getting my attention,
need my needs met with attention, so I found somebody
to fill the attention. There's accountability. That's nothing to do
with her. You're not throwing shade or blame. I did
this because of the way that I felt, and that
was my decision.

Speaker 1 (34:26):
Yeah.

Speaker 3 (34:27):
So when we were talking a minute ago about the
initial dates and asking about excess and past situations, there's
the opportunity for exactly that if that relationship would have
ended right then and there with him and her because
he cheated and he was meeting somebody else and they
were like, well, what happened in your last relationship? And
he was to leave that out and just say well,

(34:49):
we were in the roommate phase. She didn't give me attention.
I was miserable, so things didn't work. There's an omission,
which makes you a liar. But you could say I
fucked up in my last relationship because my needs weren't
being met, and instead of going to my partner and
talking to her about what I needed for my needs
to be met, I got attention from somebody else and
I cheated. Yeah, and hindsight twenty twenty, I fucking regret

(35:12):
that decision. I should have left when it happened, before
it happened, blah blah blah. I realized I was miserable.
I should have just left then, Da da da da da.
Those are those conversations that show growth and that you
were able to take accountability for your actions in the
moment I realized that my actions were not becoming of me,
and I absolutely regret doing what I did. And next

(35:32):
time I won't put myself in that position, because when
I realize I'm not happy, I'm going to speak up
because I met her way way better of a conversation. Yeah,
it is, and you might lose that person because that
person might go, well, you cheated on somebody else, you
might cheat on me, or they might go, damn, this
motherfucker's emotionally intelligent, like he's taking accountabilities for his actions.
He's obviously not a little boy anymore. Right, and if

(35:54):
they can't see that, then they're not the right person
for you. Anyways. Yeah, the Sky High twenty one year.
This will be posted after we're done. I will everything
that we do. I need to really fix this audio.
Everything that we do on here, we'll get posted raw
for you guys after the fact, and then my peaking

(36:15):
no okay, good uh, and then the edited version will
go up later.

Speaker 1 (36:19):
All right, this is another one pager.

Speaker 3 (36:21):
Okay, we might have to do two then, because we
got it. We gotta make up for about thirty minutes
of ever requard time.

Speaker 1 (36:27):
Struggles with how fiance's family talks to him.

Speaker 3 (36:30):
Oh, before we even get into this, struggles with the
way that fiance's family talks to him. This says that
I hold my fiance in higher regards than he holds himself. Yes,
so I view that we're we're gonna get married, and

(36:51):
this person that I view as the most amazing person
in the world has a family who degrades and talks
shit to him, and he tolerates it because he doesn't
believe that he's worth assault. It's crazy to think about.

Speaker 1 (37:03):
Yeah, Hi, So, first off, love the podcast Crazy Me Too.
So I've been with my fiance for a year now
and we plan on getting married next year. Over the
past year, I have listened to how horrible his family
talks to him and constantly put him down. I want
to say something. I want to step in and defend him,

(37:26):
but by his request, he has asked me to not
and to let him handle it.

Speaker 3 (37:31):
Does he handle it, though, that is a good question.

Speaker 1 (37:34):
If he doesn't handle it himself, does that give her
permission even though he has explicitly said not to do that,
to go ahead and step.

Speaker 3 (37:42):
In the catch twenty two it's a bit, that's a
very There's not a win in that situation, right, because
he's asked you not to step in for whatever reason. Right. Okay,
So if that was US's let's hypothetical couple things first,
that we have context. Okay, if we're living on our
own and we make enough money that we don't need

(38:03):
shit from anyone, and we are completely independent with the
two of us, there's not a need for a family
member financially babysitting vehicles, like, there's not a I have
to keep the peace to make my life work. And
somebody was talking shit to me and I was like,
let me handle it, and I didn't handle it. Eventually,

(38:24):
I would expect you to say something, even though it
would create riffs between you and I. And I say
that because if the roles were reversed, the first couple
of times you were disrespected, I would honor your wishes,
but eventually I would not honor that shit. Eventually I'd
be like, who the fuck do you think you're talking to? Right,
because you're mine and I'm not going to allow that.

(38:46):
There's we have a situation in our life that I
have no choice but to sit back and allow life
to play out the way life plays out, and if
there was even a minor change in our circumstances, I
would step in a fucking heartbeat. Yeah, so there is
a reason for things to for the other person to

(39:07):
sit back and not say shit. There's also he needs
to deal with his family, but there also needs to
be a layer of you need to be respected and
I see you for who you are and what you're worth,
and you don't deserve that.

Speaker 1 (39:19):
Yeah. Yeah, I agree with that. At some point I
would step into being his fiance and soon wife. I
respect that I have respected that boundary. But when is
it appropriate for me to step in and say, hey,
I know he's your son, but he's my husband and
you're not going to talk to him like that.

Speaker 3 (39:38):
Well, that would be when you're actually his wife.

Speaker 1 (39:40):
Yes. For context, he planned a weekend for my birthday
with his family mom, dad, brother, sister in law and
their kids.

Speaker 3 (39:50):
Okay, I have why why would you do that?

Speaker 1 (39:55):
Plan a birthday weekend for her with her.

Speaker 3 (39:58):
With his family? Yeah, I hear. Birthday weekend. We're going
to Vegas, We're going to go hiking in the Appalachis,
We're going to go to Georgia and go to Jackyo Beach.
M h I it's your birthday. Why the fuck is
my family coming. You're not with my family, You're with me. Now,
if your sister wanted to go or your cousin, that

(40:19):
would be your family. I could understand that because it's
your birthday. Does that make sense? Yeah, Okay, it just
seems really weird to me that he invited his family
to her birthday weekend.

Speaker 1 (40:29):
Yeah, I agree. I if that wasn't that, if that
was something that wasn't discussed and you were like, surprise,
I cancel the whole thing. I hope you can get
a refund.

Speaker 3 (40:39):
Even if it was discussed. Why are you bringing your
family to my birthday? Yeah, that's not my birthday celebration anymore.
It's a family event. You've just removed the excitement of
it being my birthday by including all of these other people, continuing,
would that make you feel special?

Speaker 1 (40:56):
No?

Speaker 3 (40:57):
Right? And then isn't that the whole point of planning
a birthday weekend? Okay? Again, this isn't just for the
email or this is for all of you listening. It's
not hard to make your woman feel wanted and appreciated.
It's really fucking not. You pay attention, give words of
affirmation by chocolate, touch a butt every once in a
while in a good manner, make her come in the kitchen.

(41:19):
Oh wow, it's not hard, he said. It's not hard, though, right, Like,
stop with a selfish bullshit for five fucking seconds and
just give something of yourself to your person. That's how
you keep the intimacy alive. The kitchen table's not just
for dinner, right, Like, I don't understand why you want

(41:40):
to involve everyone else in your marriage or you're soon
to be marriage. Last night when you were like, I
was like, let's go to the Virgin Islands. You want
to take the kids? Nope, I don't. I want us
to have some time in the Virgin Islands. I want
to bend you over in front of the fucking ocean, like,
let's go. This is our relationship. I don't understand how
that's such a hard concept for people.

Speaker 1 (42:00):
Oh, I don't know.

Speaker 3 (42:02):
Today's going to be an episode of fucking clips of
me bitchin' Yeah, and this episode is going to make
me look like a fucking asshole when it airs, and
I apologize, guys, I'm not an asshole. I just want
you to see what you're doing wrong in your life.
It's not hard to make changes. You just have to
be aware that you're not doing what you need to
be doing right.

Speaker 1 (42:20):
His brother and sister in law last minute had a
plumber come out to do something on the house that
they're remodeling. He said, okay, we can plan it for
another weekend. Fyonce's birthday is May twenty fourth, and his
brother planned had dinner with his boss. When fiance brought
this up to his mom, she defended brother and boss
by saying, your brother's boss doesn't have a fucking clue

(42:43):
who you are.

Speaker 3 (42:44):
That's it.

Speaker 1 (42:45):
I think that's a aggressive way to put that. It
sounds argumentative. I agree with that sentiment though we know
it's your birthday. But if this is the only time
that his boss has available he has to do this, well.

Speaker 3 (42:58):
He doesn't have to, No, he doesn't. But in reality,
how important is that you're a grown man?

Speaker 1 (43:04):
Right?

Speaker 3 (43:05):
You're not six years old. That's life. If your brother
has a career and he's trying to make moves, sometimes
other things are going to have to get put by
the wayside. I've missed all kinds of family events in
life to make money and to do things to get
us to where we are, and I would have I
wouldn't I wouldn't change it. I would do it all
over again because it got us to hear the idea

(43:27):
of I'm so important that everyone around me has to
give up to be here for my birthday. Your birthday
doesn't mean shit. You know what your birthday means. It
means your parents fucked. You should be given your parents'
gifts for your birthday. Hey, thanks for not pulling out.
Really glad Mom didn't take it in the ass. Here
you go, Mom, your birthday doesn't mean shit. It's a
reason for you to be selfish and be celebrated. Maybe

(43:49):
you should do something worth being celebrated. Be a good husband,
be a good father, be a good man. Those are
great reasons to be celebrated. Yeah, I hate holidays. Yeah
I really.

Speaker 1 (44:02):
Need too, me too. Continuing, my fiance understands this, but
also feels that his brother should have said something to
his boss, like, hey, that's my brother's birthday. Something might
be planned. But Mom didn't understand that fiance was trying
to say that and started putting him down. Okay, so
I want to pause there. I'm not going to pass

(44:23):
up something work wise for a maybe planned thing. So
this might be one of those situations. If my boss
gets to me first, even though I know it's my
brother's birthday and this meeting is about two point five
million dollars, I'm not missing this meeting. If it's my

(44:44):
brother has something planned for his birthday six months in advance,
and my boss comes to me two weeks prior and says,
we have to have this meeting about two point five
million dollars. Hey, bro, I love you. You're the greatest thing
that's ever happened to me. I'm gonna have leave your
birthday dinner early or I'll be showing up late, whatever
the case may be.

Speaker 3 (45:05):
There's a lot to that. So, first of all, as
a business owner, if I had an employee that had
a previous date, I would just change the day of
whatever the meeting is going to be. It's not that
big of a deal. If this is an emergency meeting,
that's a different conversation. If the brother wanted to be
at the birthday dinner, he could have simply texted his
brother and be like, Hey, do we have anything plan
for your birthday?

Speaker 1 (45:25):
No?

Speaker 3 (45:26):
Cool, My boss wants to have a meeting for me.
Even if it's not about money, it could just be
a raise, it could be a performance review. If it's
boss invited me over to his house to watch UFC
and it's the brother's birthday, the brother's birthday is more
important than that, So there's context that matters there. This
really falls more on the brother and the boss and
lack of communication than it does on the mom. But

(45:47):
the mom needs to watch her tone in the way
that she talks to people.

Speaker 1 (45:49):
Yes, I also want to ask, what time is this
meeting happening? If you guys are meeting up for a
birthday dinner at seven pm? What kind of job does
this other have?

Speaker 3 (46:01):
Yeah, that's true, I do night time meetings.

Speaker 1 (46:03):
Yeah.

Speaker 3 (46:04):
Yeah, like well, I mean, obviously I don't anymore because
Jeff handles the tattoo shop now, But I would always
hire people. I would always do it at nighttime. Yeah,
because this is completely irrelevant, it doesn't even matter. I'm
not eve gonna get in all that as to why
it doesn't matter. I've talked about in the way that
I hired people in the past. So if you guys
want to find that, good.

Speaker 1 (46:20):
Luck continuing with respecting his boundaries. I had to step
out of the room because I just wanted to say
to his mom, how dare you? How dare you talk
to my husband like that? Yeah?

Speaker 3 (46:32):
Her tone was definitely shitty. Yeah, Mom could have could
have had a much calmer way to explain what was
going on. Yeah, Mom is failing as a parent, yes,
real shit, like even without even without the negative tone
to her voice, the fact that this has not been
a conversation that explained life ship before and now she's

(46:54):
failed continuing.

Speaker 1 (46:56):
I guess my question is how long do I continue
to respect that boundary when all I want to do
is stand up for my fiance and protect him from that.
I would have a conversation with him, okay, and say, look,
we are getting married. You're about to be my husband,
and there are certain things that I'm not going to
tolerate when it comes to my husband, and my husband

(47:19):
is a role. Right. Any man can get married, but
my husband is something that I take very seriously. And
with you being my husband, you a lot like how
I've respected your boundary, You're going to have to respect
the fact that I am not going to tolerate you

(47:40):
being put down in front of me, especially once we
have children. Right, So just be aware if I fly
off the handle, it's because I have gotten to a
point where I'm not biting my tongue anymore. What's happening
is unacceptable. You're dealing with it with Therefore, However, the
way you're dealing with it, it is not doing anything
to mitigate the disrespect that's happening, and you're gonna see

(48:04):
mama bear.

Speaker 3 (48:05):
Being that that mom is an aggressively spoken woman, the
way that she is meeting her with aggression wouldn't do
anything to change the situation either. So in that in
the email or situation, I think the way that they
should handle it is instead of flying off the handle
and getting aggressive, I think that she should talk to
the mother in that moment and be like, why do

(48:27):
you talk to him like that? And the fuck you'd
be like, I'm genuinely curious why you talk to your
grown son that way? Yeah, don't you think that if
you would have explained the situation without cursing at him
and with a demeaning tone, that he would actually understand
things differently and you could make him a better man.
You can help him grow and evolved. Don't you see
that what you're doing is making you fail as a mother?
And do it calm because it's a huge slap in

(48:49):
the face and that's not the way that that woman
is used to being talked to. Because most people meet
aggression with aggression and not logical. I don't think that
I would. I would I would let that ride for
very long. I think that the first two or three
times that had happened, I would probably stand back and
let you deal with it. But eventually I would I
would I would have to step in, and I would

(49:10):
step in with like, don't you see how amazing she is?
Do you see what she's done with her life and
what she's continuing to do every day? What gives you
the right to talk to her that way? Because you
brought her into this world? You think that she owes
you something that that owe you something. Shit went out
the window when you stop treating her like a human
being and started treating her like a dog. Yeah, Angelique said,

(49:31):
I agree with Peach. If it was a woman speaking
disrespectfully to my husband, I will put myself between him
and whoever and just state I do not speak to
my husband like that, and you will not either. And
that's a great way to word it. Anna said, what
if it's what about the reverse when the partner's family
is disrespectful to you. If the partner doesn't stand up
for you and refuses to do so, then you should
stand up for yourself, but you should give them the

(49:52):
opportunity to do so, and that that would be a
two or threefold thing, right, Like the first time it happens,
if if if I didn't stand up for you, I
would expect you to say something to me after the fact, like,
hey they did blah blah blah, and I expected you
to step up and you didn't. Why didn't you say anything?
That way we could have a conversation about it, because
maybe I didn't see the disrespect and you did. There

(50:13):
needs to be a benefit of a doubt, and that
needs to be a calm conversation so that I can
be aware, to be vigilant of those things. And then
the next time it happens, if I don't speak up,
then I can see you getting shitty with me, right,
And then the third time I would expect you to
stand up for yourself if I didn't. But I definitely
think that there needs to be an evolution of the

(50:34):
way that that's handled and not just a fight between
you and I because I miss something. Right, Yeah, all right, guys,
we've got about fifteen more minutes to kill, so let's
do some Q and A stuff. Do you guys have
any questions about what we just read? For those of
you who don't know, we record all of these episodes
live in front of our Patreon. Were currently got our
discord open. On this screen, we got obs and on
this screen and on the other screen, we got other

(50:55):
shit going, and like we're trying to make this a
all inclusive community help and sometimes we get a lot
of really good, great questions going in the chat, and
sometimes we get Shenanigans, little Shenannis. Yeah, the Shananny's happened before.
They will happen again. Yes, the Shannani before. I'm going
to shenan again. All right, guys, As you know, there
was a TikTok scare. We lost the app for a

(51:17):
whole twelve hours and we have no idea what the
future of the app looks like. And with that, we
are very concerned about the loss of our following. We
have a massed almost three million followers across that platform
with all four of our accounts, and we are trying
to push people to other social media platforms to that
in the event that anything happens on one app, we
have multiple other backup plans. If you want to make
sure that you're not missing any content, we highly recommend

(51:39):
that you check out our patreon.

Speaker 1 (51:41):
On Patreon, we have multiple tiers to choose from. Starting
at ten dollars, you begin to receive exclusive content. At
fifteen dollars a month, you get access to our private
discord server, where we've en massed in an absolutely amazing
community of supportive people. And beyond that, we have other
tiers to check out along with my two private women's
if that's something you may be interested in.

Speaker 3 (52:01):
Guys, on our fifteen dollars and higher tier, you have
access to live recordings. We record all of our content three, four,
sometimes five times a week live in front of our
Patreon audience, where they are able to chat with us
while we are recording. They can see all the flirting
and the outtakes, the hot topic conversations that never actually
make it on the podcast, and it's really worth that
aspect in itself. We have it after Dark, where we

(52:23):
sit down usually once a week and have a glass
of bourbon or and Peach's case of glass of wine
and a bowl of cheese and we have a whole
lot of fun conversations karaoke in the discord we finish
the lyrics. We literally just hang out and you guys
get to hang out with us. There is a host
of other perks, including zoom calls that are coming for
the Ultimate Tier, so that if you guys are having problems,
you can talk to us. It also gives you with

(52:45):
the heads up on private meet and greets because when
we travel, we try to meet up with people on
our discord on a regular basis. There's a whole slew
of other perks that come through Patreon. I highly recommend
that you check it out.

Speaker 1 (52:54):
The best way to support what we are doing is
to share the content. The second best way is to
check out our Patreon. Thank you guys for being here.

Speaker 3 (53:02):
Sky High said, we give experiences as gifts. It may
not be on the day of the person's birthday or whatever,
but I feel that it's the thought that matters. I
would much rather have an experience than a gift. Oh right,
I want the memory of living life way more than
I want a physical item sitting in my house. Dark
Mistress Alice said, what if your partner's family threatens or

(53:23):
disrespects you, and your partner just shrugs it off, I'm leaving.
Oh yeah, I'm not going around family events anymore and
I would not feel safe around that person.

Speaker 1 (53:32):
Yeah, there would be a big questioning of what direction
is relationships going in.

Speaker 3 (53:38):
Right, As a man, part of the duty of the
relationship is to protect yes, And if you're in a
relationship and you're not protecting your person, you're failing as
a man. But that's my mom, right, Your mom should
have some respect, then, yeah, your mom needs to know
what it is to be a human being and to
treat another human being as a recognized soul. You think

(53:59):
that because you're an elder, or because you know somebody's
dating your son, that you have a leg up over them.
Piece of shit human being. You you are a piece
of shit human You're the type of person who had
owned slaves. I view you're you're that that lady from
the Handmaid that owns fucking people because you view it
yourself as above them because you got a little bit

(54:19):
of power in your life.

Speaker 1 (54:20):
We're in a joy looking Yeah.

Speaker 3 (54:23):
I wouldn't tolerate that shit. Any tips on gaining clientele
for a business depends on what your business is. Of Christ,
You've had a lot of heart, a lot of harsh
but good analogies. Today, I don't want to be harsh, guys,
I don't I don't want to be somebody that lacks
empathy and compassion, but I also don't want people to
accept less for themselves, and it pisses me off when

(54:46):
I hear people just accepting shitty behavior or being a
shitty person. When growth is a possibility, I expect more
out of me. And because I expect more out of me,
you better fucking believe I'm holding everyone around me to
a standard. If you can't meet that standard, you can't
be around me. Peach, how can I help with my
self image? With how much weight I gain during pregnancy

(55:09):
and I cannot lose it postpartum. I'm breastfeeding and I've
actually gained weight postpartum. I feel gross highest weight I've been.

Speaker 1 (55:17):
So you can lose weight postpartum, it takes more effort
with breastfeeding. Your body is going to hold on to
weight and things differently, especially digesting, because you are producing
nutrients for a child. So things that I would be
doing while breastfeeding is looking into nutrient rich foods for breastfeeding,

(55:43):
making sure that I am not in taking more than
I am expelling calorie wise, minus what I'm giving while breastfeeding.
I'm going to try to be active at least twice
a day, go for walks in with the kid in
the stroller. Depending on how postpartum you are, I would
be doing simple body weight exercises, maybe even holding the baby.

(56:08):
There's also a lot of changes now. I'm sure you
have stretched skin, stretch marks, weight being held differently, and
some of those things are not going to go away.
So there is a beauty and the change that your
body has gone through because you have just accomplished something
in life that elevates you to a new status.

Speaker 3 (56:36):
Understanding the things that I understand about food now and
understanding how fucked up my body is at forty four
years old because I didn't take care of it. If
I could go back into my twenties, my life would
be very different and I would not allow myself to
abused my body the way that I abuse my body
and all of the fake food that we eat and
all of that shit, Like I wouldn't have allowed any

(56:56):
of that. Yeah, just because you had a baby doesn't
mean that you can't lose weight. Just because your breastfeeding
doesn't mean that you can't lose lose weight. You need
to be eating real food because all the shit that
you eat, you're giving to your baby. So if you're
eating poison, you're poisoning your fucking child.

Speaker 1 (57:13):
And that's eat out of boredom or emotion, right.

Speaker 3 (57:15):
And that's the reality of it. Now. I understand that
organic food is more expensive than processed garbage, and that
can make it harder for people to do. But there
are ways that you can eat healthy and you can
start doing things. The healthier your body is, the better
your milk is for your child. You also got to
keep in mind that you're creating antibodies and shit for
your kid as well, because you know the bacteria and

(57:35):
they're saliva. If there's an infection, your body will produce
the antibodies to make sure your kid doesn't get sick.
So you should be taking care of yourself, not just
sitting around letting it go. The Muses things they were
talking about, the Greek goddesses that helped people. Oh, muses
are goddesses who inspire creativity and artistic endeavors.

Speaker 1 (57:57):
I love that. Thank you, my goodness. What a compliment.

Speaker 3 (58:00):
Yeah, Courtney said, how can you set healthy boundaries with
grandparents who treat your kids differently? Example, grandparents seem to
love spending time with two kids, however, seem to complain
slash ignore the other two.

Speaker 1 (58:13):
And you see none of them.

Speaker 3 (58:15):
I actually disagree with that. Yeah, I don't have to
like your kids.

Speaker 1 (58:21):
They don't have to like them, But if you are
very clearly putting them down and making it a point
to show disdain towards the children, I don't want you
own my kids.

Speaker 3 (58:30):
Yeah. I know that you're not supposed to have favorite
favorites when it comes to kids, but you will. And
as a grandparent, if you've got four fucking kids in
your house and two of them are being little shits,
you're not gonna want to do for them. You're gonna
want to do for the kids that are behaving. Yeah,
so you're right in that aspect. You just don't bring
the kids around there, But you have to understand that
they're not your kids. They're not their kids. They're your kids,

(58:52):
and they don't have to love your kids the way
that you love your kids. And if you're bringing your
kids to their house and they're being disruptive and not
listening and being little shits, I think that's fair that
they're treating them that way. You're not going to come
in here and be terrors and expect to get everything
you want. If you're your I will reward good behavior.

Speaker 1 (59:10):
I agree with that.

Speaker 3 (59:11):
And if that's what that looks like. And the other
kids are getting unhappy because they're being ignored and not
getting toys while the good ones are, well, step your game.

Speaker 1 (59:17):
Up, right, I agree with that one hundredfold.

Speaker 3 (59:20):
Yeah, Picha. At one point you said something along the
lines of, am I eating because my body needs fuel?
Or because my mouth enjoys the feeling of eating? And
that leaves lives rent free in my brain? And I
love it. That simple phrase has helped me control what
and why I eat. Thank you, Oh, I love that
You're welcome. I've gotten really good about looking at my food. Yeah,

(59:41):
like we every time we real shit other than five guys.
Because we had five guys the other night. That's the
first time that I finished a meal in weeks, like
unless it's been a healthy meal, Like I get halfway
through it and I don't feel good, I don't want it. Yeah,
And I think I do believe a lot of that
as psychosomatic, Like I'm making myself sick because of the food.
But after being in Costa Rica and coming back, like

(01:00:02):
you can tell our food is not real. You can
taste all and it took two weeks to get to
that point. And when we were at the shop today
and I saw Javier in there, we talked about the
food and Panama. It's the same thing. The food there
is real. It's so crazy to me how we've gotten
so used to eating this shit. I saw something pop
up on Facebook yesterday that was talking about Chick fil
A and how much petroleum based product is in their food,

(01:00:24):
any freeze like shit that's in like major chemicals. I'll
never eat Chick fil A again. It's in their French fries.
I love Chick fil A? Why do they do that?
Because people are unaware of what they're consuming. We don't know.
We trust that the FDA is going to give us
healthy food options and not feed us poison. The problem

(01:00:44):
is is you're allowed in a daily allotment of things
before it becomes toxic. The reality is, though, if you're
eating fast food five times a week and you're drinking
soda and you're eating junk at the house, you're way
over your daily allotted thing, and they don't take the
factor those things. There should be no reason for any
of that shit in our food. Our food should be
labeled for what it is. Your sandwich should be chicken bread, condiment, whatever,

(01:01:08):
not all the bullshit in it. Cordion said, even if
all the kids are behaving the same way, my two
are always treated better due to be in mind and
the other two be in my fiance, which I feel
is unfair. That's a different conversation. That is a favoritism thing,
because those other kids aren't theirs, and that situation I
ain't bring in none of the kids. No, if the
kids are all acting the same and you're isolating too

(01:01:29):
because of their mind and the other two aren't, you're
not a good person. That little baby doesn't deserve that.
Amen had the realization of wasn't our food three years
ago and been homesteadying sense. That's what we're doing right now.
We're getting there. We're getting to the point, like were
we will have an abundance of food on this property
in the next two years. Yeah, but we've been buying

(01:01:52):
grass fed all of our meat. Like when we go
to the stores grass fed, We buy range what do
they call it? Free range eggs? Not grass fed, but
free range, so that they're antibiotic free and all that shit.
The eggs look way different than they do from the
fucking store.

Speaker 1 (01:02:10):
I can't remember what it's called, but we're getting chicken
breasts that aren't three fucking pounds. No, we're getting the organic,
healthy raised, no antibiotic pasture raised. Yeah.

Speaker 3 (01:02:22):
Yep. Yeah, it's crazy too because I feel different. Like
when we eat out, I feel like shit. The next day,
when we're eating healthy and clean and organic foods, I
feel great. And it only takes one meal to disrupt that.
And I know when I eat something that I shouldn't
have eaten because I go to sleep afterwards. I get
tired almost immediately after I eat something I shouldn't eat. Really, yep.

(01:02:44):
We was at Taco Bell the other day. I ate
one of those burritos and after it, afterwards.

Speaker 1 (01:02:49):
I get tired after eating no matter what.

Speaker 3 (01:02:50):
Yeah, cutting out seed oils will make such a large
difference in your life. The only only oils we use
is extra vergin olive oil. You want to wrap up?

Speaker 1 (01:03:03):
I do. I want to get lunch and then try
and take a nap before my nail appointment.

Speaker 3 (01:03:07):
All right. I hope you guys found some value in this,
and I hope that I didn't come across as too
much of an asshole. That's not my intent.

Speaker 1 (01:03:13):
I don't think you came across as an asshole.

Speaker 3 (01:03:16):
I really want people to just see their worth and
reach the potential that they have themselves.

Speaker 1 (01:03:21):
Yeah.

Speaker 3 (01:03:22):
Anyways, as always, guys, remember you were the author of
your own life. So grab a pen and we will
see you on the next one.

Speaker 1 (01:03:27):
Bye, guys,