Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:00):
Look up, We've come all the things on the bottom.
Speaker 2 (00:12):
Oh wow, is you You're my favorite view?
Speaker 3 (00:17):
But that's nothing, and we are back. I moved my
camera and I hate it. I feel very short compared
to you.
Speaker 2 (00:35):
I also have fantastic posture.
Speaker 1 (00:36):
Yeah, I'm sitting up straight. It's just very short. Yeah.
Speaker 3 (00:41):
I can't wait until we get the new studio so
that we can get all this shiit situated me too.
I got an email yesterday from the guy that sold
us the dedicated fiber and he said that they got
the permit approved to start building the node, so hopefully
we'll have a month or so. I'm gonna check our
cameras real quick, just to make sure that there's no
then a little bit of a bowl there, start building
(01:03):
the node. Good enough gluten tog I'm gonna eat my
little yogurt real quick.
Speaker 1 (01:10):
Figure. We would just bullshit with you guys while we
get our breakfast in US, and then we're going to
record because we didn't on Wednesday.
Speaker 2 (01:17):
We did not on Wednesday. That live went pretty far,
pretty far, pretty long on Wednesday.
Speaker 3 (01:21):
Yeah, I think that we need to pull that for clips. Yeah,
I'm a lot of good conversation. I agree with that,
I've thought about bringing Djoka back on to do extra
clipping so that I don't have to burden Zach with shit.
Speaker 2 (01:33):
Oh yeah, I think that'd be a good idea if
he enjoys doing it. Good morning, our.
Speaker 1 (01:39):
J You had a spot open up today in your
women's group, didn't you.
Speaker 2 (01:43):
I did so in my top tier women's group, I
had a woman leave and it was nothing to do
with the group itself. I don't know why I feel
the need to explain that, but she is on a
whole new life journey and she is feeling pulled in
different directions, and she feels that because she is not
utilizing the group the way that she intended or the
(02:03):
way that the group is intended to be utilized. She
wanted to free that spot up so somebody else can
take it and actually participate and use the resources and whatnot.
So definitely very much and amicable separating happening, and there's
now a spot available in my sacred sister's sacred sisterhood.
Speaker 3 (02:27):
Has anybody been like, fuck you, I don't want to
be here anymore and it not been amicable? No, Okay,
I'm just curious because you threw that in there. It'd
be wild if it was the wouldn't.
Speaker 2 (02:36):
I mean, even if they were like, fuck you, your group
is garbage. I'm getting absolutely nothing out of this. That's
more of a reflection of them than it is of
me and the group.
Speaker 1 (02:44):
Yeah, you're only going to get what you put into it.
Speaker 2 (02:46):
Yeah, so I'm not going to take anything personally at all.
Speaker 1 (02:50):
Get that. I get that.
Speaker 3 (02:53):
So this morning, we are going to do something a
little bit different than normal. We normally start our episode
with banter back and forth.
Speaker 1 (03:03):
We're going to be doing that.
Speaker 3 (03:03):
Obviously, we're talking to the guys and our followers and Patreon.
Speaker 2 (03:09):
Our live studio audience.
Speaker 3 (03:10):
Our live studio audience. This episode is recorded in front
of a live studio audience, not live but watching live.
Speaker 1 (03:19):
So we are.
Speaker 3 (03:21):
Going to do a little bit of banter comments, whatever,
and then we are going to read a thank you email,
and then we're going to get into actual emails and
moving forward. We are going to start every single podcast
we do with a thank you email to set the
tone of the podcast. I think, because we talked about
this in the car a little bit on the way here,
I think that it's going to do a couple of things.
I think that one is going to elevate our moods. Yeah,
(03:42):
it's going to remind us what we are doing for people,
and I think it's going to create a softer version
of us as we read the horrible things that people
are going through. Jay said, what's up, fuckers, any plans
for this weekend? We might take a break the broncos
out this weekend. We have to go to tractors supplying
by dog treats.
Speaker 2 (04:01):
Yes, and I need to get stuff from my veggie garden.
Speaker 3 (04:04):
Yep, we have to get stuff for gardens. So the
Broncos may not happen tomorrow. Jay, did you look into Greece,
because we've already sold three of those slots and as
of right now, trip has not even been announced yet.
Speaker 2 (04:16):
No, this is just the promotion of the trip launch.
Speaker 1 (04:21):
Yeah.
Speaker 3 (04:21):
By the time this goes live, though, we are going
to Greece, Michanos Greece in twenty twenty six. May have
twenty twenty six. So if you guys would like to
go with us and would like to travel and have
a great time with us in Greece, it's a six
day trip.
Speaker 1 (04:37):
You can go to be beetter dot com.
Speaker 3 (04:38):
All the informations on the website, it'll take you to
Trover Trip and we can figure all that out. But
for Patreon, you guys got early early access to the
trip before it launches on Monday when we go live
for the world to get on there.
Speaker 2 (04:51):
It's also the early bird special. Yeah, I believe you
are saving three hundred dollars.
Speaker 1 (04:55):
I think so.
Speaker 3 (04:55):
It's two or three hundred bucks per person. We are
also going to have to actually live for the public
on Monday instead of just doing Patreon live reads so
that we can announce the trip.
Speaker 2 (05:05):
That makes sense. So it makes sense.
Speaker 3 (05:08):
I don't know if you guys saw the van or
not got the van back yesterday, made a little TikTok
on the life account.
Speaker 1 (05:13):
I'm fucking stoked. I can't wait. You know that one
of us is getting up with a scar on her
face from those cabinets.
Speaker 2 (05:19):
I think it's gonna be you.
Speaker 1 (05:20):
I think so too. Yeah, I think so too.
Speaker 3 (05:22):
I'm gonna hear a noise and jump up and bam,
right like, uh, what was that? Somebody said something scared
to do while his head was underneath something. He fucking
jumped up and hit his face and laid back down.
Is yeah, that's what's gonna happen. Dang, yeah, it's gonna happen.
Speaker 2 (05:36):
I don't know why, but I pictured that scene from
Scrooged with Bill Murray where the fairy was like, I
can't remember what she was doing, but she smacked him
in the face with a toaster. And then he comes
to and he's like, that bitch hit me in the
face with a toaster.
Speaker 1 (05:49):
It's funny. I can't hear the name Bill Murray and
not go Bill fucking Murray in my head.
Speaker 3 (05:55):
You know what else I did yesterday? While rolling were
I was in the garage. Nobody's out there, dog wasn't
even out there. Its completely by my fucking self. And
I moved the air compressor to air up the tires
in the van and the plug swung and hit the
air compressed went dung and I went and I was like, dude,
I really am fucking autistic, Like what the fuck is
wrong with me?
Speaker 1 (06:15):
I love that?
Speaker 3 (06:16):
And then I had to find the song on iTunes
and play it while I was strapping the bedstone. Two
more weeks we have another Iya trip we do.
Speaker 2 (06:26):
I'm very excited for that too. I'm gonna start I
have been trying to meditate more. My mental health has
not been the best the last week and a half,
two weeks.
Speaker 3 (06:36):
Somebody put mercury in your gatorade. That's what everybody's saying
in discord.
Speaker 2 (06:40):
Yeah, that's what everyone was saying, Discord.
Speaker 3 (06:43):
What do you mean because everybody was having a bad
day yesterday or whatever. I kept saying, there, mercury's in retrograde.
There's mercury in your gatorade. Like, yeah, yeah, that's the
thing I guess everybody's going through right now.
Speaker 2 (06:54):
Oh, if mercury is in retrogade, I should probably really
look into them.
Speaker 1 (06:57):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (06:58):
So I've learned that I'm almost so and that mercury
is one of those planets that's aligned with the life
path nine. Yeah, but there's some type of influence happening there.
I want to have to I have to look into
that a little bit. I am really dipping into the
hippie dippy.
Speaker 1 (07:13):
We both are, Yeah, we both are. I'm okay with it, though.
I'm enjoying life more a lot more, a lot more.
Speaker 3 (07:20):
I got a shipping notification in the Little Dance yesterday
and I was like, you saw that, Hunt, You're like yeah.
Speaker 1 (07:25):
I was like, I'm sorry, I'm excited. You're like, it's okay,
be excited. I love it.
Speaker 3 (07:29):
It's it's silly, but like the weight, it's not there.
Like my body feels lighter because of everything.
Speaker 1 (07:34):
So glad.
Speaker 3 (07:36):
Yeah, Deep Paine said, whoop woop from other Aya. Yeah,
I'm and Aaron and Aaron will be there. Slime said,
if you want to do more to meditation, there's an
app things. I use this awesome app called insight Time.
It's really dope. Actually, deep Chopra has a thirty day
guided meditation thing that you can do on YouTube and
(07:58):
like it's just daily meditation and he guides through. So
I think that as we do our meditation for the retreat,
we should sit.
Speaker 1 (08:04):
Down and use that.
Speaker 2 (08:05):
I agree with that.
Speaker 3 (08:07):
I'm also reading a new book right now called Go Hire,
Five Practices for Purposes, Success and Inner Piece by Big Sean.
I have no idea who it is, but apparently he's
a rapper. And in that book, he told me about
another book that he is, one of his favorite books,
and it is The Seven Spiritual Laws of Success by
Deepak Choprah. It's a very short book, it's only an
(08:30):
hour and twenty six minutes. But I'm going to be
getting into that next so uh Thereby their Birth of
Sloan said, I'm finishing my sign up now. I'm going
to Canada tomorrow morning and we'll be gone all week.
And I'm slightly nervous due to the diet, but I'm
still finishing the sign up.
Speaker 1 (08:47):
Is this?
Speaker 3 (08:47):
Are you going to be at the retreat in Florida
with us? Because that put that makes there's three of us,
then Chris, you know who outcast is, of course, and
who outcast is? Big Seawn's not outcast though, No, that's
Andre three thousand, a big boy, right. Big Sean is
was signed to Kanye West label in the beginning, and
(09:08):
he's an interscope artist as far as I know, I
don't know. I'm not a big music person, Guys. I
listened to regular music for the first time since the
retreat last night. Berths of Sloan will be there at
the Florida Retreat.
Speaker 2 (09:21):
Yeah, he buck you said signed up with Kanye in
two thousand and seven, he became he blew Up after
releasing his third mixtape, Finally Famous Volume three.
Speaker 3 (09:33):
Yeah, there was there was a a thing in his
book where he talked we talked about this on the
live stream last week. I'm just gonna hit it real
quick and then we'll move on that. He talked about
how when he met Kanye West, he was already doing
radio battles and he went to the radio station and
lied and said he forgot his phone and the receptionist
knew who he was, and he was like, it's some
(09:54):
one in the back. Go ahead, go back there and
get it. She's like, I think Kanye is back there,
and he's like, oh word, and he already knew. He
had his fucking demo and his press kit, the whole
all of it with him, and like he gave. He
ran into Kanye real quick. The DJ introduced him and
he was able to He was like, kind of wrap
for you real quick, and Kanye was like, I'm in
a hurry, and he's like, I just want to let
you know that this specific song changed my life.
Speaker 1 (10:12):
Blah blah blah.
Speaker 3 (10:13):
Kanye was like, all right, you can wrap to me
on the way out, and as they were walking out,
he had like fifty raps ready to go, and he
said he wrapped the entire time that they were walking
out of the building, and Kanye was so impressed. They
asked him for a demo and he was like, yeah,
here's my CD, my press kit, the whole nine, and
that's how he got signed. And he said, I started
rapping when I was eleven, started DJing around the same
time in middle school. Like, I have built my entire
(10:35):
life around music. And it wasn't for all the preparation
that I had done in my journey when I met Kanye,
would have missed that opportunity. And that's why I always
say there's no such thing as luck. Luck is the
result of hard work and preparation. He was He did
the hard work and he was fucking prepared. Fifty wraps
in your head, ready to go, and you remember all
of them, like right, Like that's preparation. It wasn't luck
that got him to where he was.
Speaker 2 (10:55):
Was it his own lyrics?
Speaker 1 (10:56):
Yeah, it was all. His show was even more impressive. Yeah, yep.
Speaker 2 (11:02):
I've written two songs in my life.
Speaker 1 (11:04):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (11:04):
One of them was when I was ten for a
Mother's Day gift, and the second one was a remake
of Justin Bieber's Baby but called Bacon.
Speaker 1 (11:15):
I was also very young when I did that. Yeah
that's funny.
Speaker 3 (11:18):
Yeah, I have written music, Yeah, full songs lyrics. But
I used to write a lot. I mean, obviously I
write a lot. Now I'm fucking six chapters in in
a book that I started on Saturday. Yeah, it's one
week and I've finished half my book. But I've also
written every day, and I've given myself three to four
hours sometimes twice three to four hours. Because I sat
down yesterday I wrote chapter five and six. So Slime said,
(11:42):
I love the dangle things you have on your glasses speech.
Speaker 1 (11:44):
Thank you.
Speaker 2 (11:45):
I have to live life with glasses chains. I would
be blind without your glasses chains.
Speaker 1 (11:51):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (11:51):
I put my glasses down and I don't know where
they're at. Yeah, I take them off and they just
sit here. Now I don't have to. My mind can't
get in the way of anything.
Speaker 3 (12:00):
We really are that you lose it and I find it.
Couple yes, and I still ask you where it is
and then I find it.
Speaker 1 (12:06):
Yeah, it yesterday? Hey where's that? Never mind?
Speaker 3 (12:14):
How exciting that you're going to grease my partner and
I might actually make it to make it to book
that spot. You should definitely at least look at the trip.
I posted the link in discord yesterday. I'll post it
again after this and then we can we can talk
about it in discord if need be.
Speaker 2 (12:31):
I'm gonna try to say her name. Hang on, So
she just joined my my Sacred Sisterhood group. Okay, so
that's the Greek that moved to Germany. Okay, you recall
we've had that conversation and her name is Demitra. But
she said, how you say it in Greek? And you
have to roll that are And I'm not gonna lie.
(12:51):
I've been practicing it.
Speaker 1 (12:53):
Come on, now you're building a detention and God, I'm nervous.
Speaker 2 (12:56):
I can't look at you, guys, Dimitra, Dmitra, Dmitra.
Speaker 3 (13:06):
I I.
Speaker 1 (13:08):
Don't know. I'm just trying to support you.
Speaker 2 (13:11):
I need to know if that was close. I've really been.
I've really been working on it. I'm pretty excited on
one of our calls to be able to hit you
with the proper pronunciation of your name.
Speaker 1 (13:20):
Did I get it? Go Peach? Go? Yes, Peach? You
got it? Peach for the wind? Oh yeah, she said yes, Peach.
Fuck yeah, I love that.
Speaker 3 (13:30):
All right, let's let's let's do the thank you email?
All right, hotness, do your thing, all.
Speaker 2 (13:37):
Right, this is a thank you email. I have found
you guys over the summer while in the process of
healing myself. I come from a screwed up childhood, divorced parents,
family addiction of drugs, alcoholism, verbal and mental abuse. I
was never in the foster system and was able to
be with a family member. So I know many people
have had it a lot worse than I did.
Speaker 1 (13:57):
I know that.
Speaker 3 (13:57):
I said, I wasn't going to pause this as we
did this on pausing quick. You just negated your trauma, right,
It doesn't matter if somebody else. This is for everyone.
It doesn't matter if somebody else has had it worse
than you. If you're telling your story to someone and
they're like, yeah, well I had it doesn't matter. Your
trauma is fucking valid. The things that you went through mattered.
Don't downplay that shit. If you were fucked up as
a kid, you were fucked up as a kid, right.
Speaker 2 (14:20):
That is a low self worth thing to me. I agree, Like,
you're negating your own existence.
Speaker 1 (14:26):
All right, I will not interrupt the rest of the time.
Speaker 2 (14:28):
I'm going to add on to that, okay, because you
open the floodgates now, I'm just going to go with it.
I believe that's a conditioned thing.
Speaker 1 (14:38):
Programmed.
Speaker 2 (14:38):
Yeah, you didn't have it that bad because somebody else
had it worse. That came from somebody who either didn't
want to hear about what you were going through. Maybe
it was a person who caused that trauma to you
and they wanted to downplay.
Speaker 1 (14:49):
Their role in that.
Speaker 2 (14:51):
That's a good point Continuing, I have struggled my entire
life being a people pleaser, bending over backwards so everyone
else can be happy, ruggle with anxiety and depression. There
was also a time I tried to unlive myself as
a teenager. I've struggled my entire adult life to find
where I'm supposed to be putting on that mask off
I'm doing good, but being an absolute lost person longing
(15:13):
to be found. Then I found the one, my wonderful husband,
who brought calm to my storm of a life. We
dated for a year. He respected my boundaries I set
from the very first time that we spoke. He asked
me to marry him and promised me he would always
provide my needs and try to give me everything I desire.
We've been together for ten years now and have two
(15:33):
beautiful girls.
Speaker 1 (15:34):
He is my rock.
Speaker 2 (15:36):
Our marriage is not perfect, but I love him more
and more at each and every day he does live
up to his promise. This past spring, I was really
struggling with a depression that I could not shake. I
was angry all the time, and at a point where
I was telling myself anyone would be better if I
wasn't here anymore, feeling worthless. I knew this is not
true in my head, but feeling it in my core,
(15:59):
in my heart. Feeling like this for a couple of months,
I finally told my husband I need help and I
don't know what to do. He got me some contact
information and told me he couldn't do it for me.
But when I was ready to call a phone number
and ask for help and he gave it to me.
I put it off for a few weeks, saying tomorrow,
but tomorrow always brought another tomorrow. My kick in the
(16:20):
pants moment to actually step up and say now is
the time?
Speaker 1 (16:24):
Right now?
Speaker 2 (16:25):
I heard my three year old say that happened because
of me. I'm a terrible, horrible person over a small
spilled drink her sister slipped and fell on. It was
absolutely heartbreaking for a mom to hear that from an
innocent baby. But I know exactly where she got it
from me. I say that exact thing.
Speaker 3 (16:46):
Damn, your kids are always watching, oh yeah, always absorbing
like sponges, right, and they may not do with what
you want them to do when you tell them to
do something, but they will always follow in your footsteps
and your mannerisms.
Speaker 1 (16:59):
The way that you like.
Speaker 3 (17:01):
All of that, it'll follow you.
Speaker 2 (17:05):
Me thinking I'm passing my trauma and negativity to my children.
I can't do that because she Both of my daughters
deserve better. I deserve better, my husband deserves better. And
I called it was a mental health hotline through our
medical insurance. I called sobbing just being able to say help.
At first, they were able to get me coherent to
(17:26):
find out what we needed to do, and I flooded
them with my issues. We did find out that I
didn't need to get to the hospital so we can
find someone to talk to. They got me with a
counselor two days later. I have discovered so much about
myself that I wasn't ready for and that I needed
to finally face. Now I am taking my mental health
head on. I'm not one hundred percent, but I'm going
(17:48):
to my counselor for talk therapy. I also see a
psychiatrist now, and I'm taking medications that are helping. We
have discovered it's more than just depression and anxiety. I
mean depression, anxiety and depression. I mixed up the words.
I see the light and have goals. I tell my
negative thoughts to shut up. I'm so proud that I
(18:10):
made the step to get help. Finding your videos when
I was at my lowest point just a few months
ago helped me as well. It has helped me appreciate
my husband more. My husband is a blunt person, saying
some things where it's true, and I get defensive and
think he's just being a jerk, then realizing he's the
only one that is real with me. I truly believe
that me seeking help has made me become a better person.
(18:33):
Your videos had helped me be a better partner, and
our family is a much stronger and better one. We
are going and doing things again, smiling more, laughing and reconnecting.
Please know that not everyone steps up saying look what
I'm doing to be better, but just trying to get
a quick fix that last that day, maybe a few days.
Most of the general public wants to feel good quick
(18:56):
I want the Oh this sucks now, but I'm better
on the long run. I hear your messages. Not all
of them are relevant to what I need at the moment,
but I still watch and listen. Thank you a million times.
Speaker 1 (19:07):
Well that almost got me.
Speaker 2 (19:12):
I think that did get you acknowledge your feelings.
Speaker 3 (19:18):
But being in that position where you can't speak in
the only thing that you can get out of help
is a lot.
Speaker 1 (19:22):
Yeah, I have been there.
Speaker 2 (19:25):
Yep, afore you jump into it.
Speaker 1 (19:27):
Yep.
Speaker 3 (19:27):
This one's called guidance, Jenna said Chris. I think you
find that empathy yep, yep. Why are you looking at
me like that? Making me self conscious? Why feel like
you're silently judging me?
Speaker 1 (19:45):
Over there?
Speaker 2 (19:46):
You can't feel my love. I thought that that was
a thing.
Speaker 1 (19:49):
I feel something insecurity being number one, My.
Speaker 2 (19:53):
Goodness, that's a you problem, dab. I'm I'm over here
admiring you. Yeah, yeah, proud of you becoming the man
you've always wanted to be and better.
Speaker 1 (20:04):
Well, thank you. I'm trying getting there.
Speaker 2 (20:07):
Don't be so self conscious.
Speaker 3 (20:08):
You'll have some shit to work through. Yeah, it's happening.
Mind need to be my intention for the ceremony. I
don't know yeah, I don't know all right, this it's
called guidance.
Speaker 1 (20:23):
Hello.
Speaker 2 (20:24):
I really don't reach out like this. But I have
watched and listened to a lot of your clips. I
have not had a lot of time to sit and
listen to y'all, to all of your podcasts, and you
may have answered my questions in one of them, but
as a single mom, I just haven't had the time yet.
Speaker 1 (20:38):
Pause.
Speaker 3 (20:39):
You have all kinds of time as a single mom.
You can put your phone on, play the podcast, and
go about your life. It's not like you have to
sit down and read these episodes.
Speaker 2 (20:48):
It also doesn't need your undivided attention. I put on
I listened to let them Theory while I was cooking
last night, and I was talking to you, talking to
the dogs, talking to the kids, thinking about recipes and
the things that needed to stand out to me while
I was listening stood out to me. I always do
a second read through of books when I listen to them,
because I know that I'm multitasking, but I'm able to
(21:13):
knock out books in a week or so.
Speaker 3 (21:15):
I still think that our subconscious takes that information in.
It just doesn't have our whole focus. And this is
a Chris thought. I think that because our subconscious takes
things in. When we have the realizations of what we
read or heard, it feels like our ideas. Because it
feels like our ideas, we're going to do the thing,
(21:36):
because it's way easier for us to be like we
came up with some shit than now somebody tell you
what to do?
Speaker 1 (21:40):
Right.
Speaker 2 (21:41):
Yeah, yeah, you have a whole lot of time. Instead
of listening to music in the car, listen to a
podcast episode, instead of sitting on the couch and watching
four episodes of Bridgerton, watch a podcast episode.
Speaker 1 (21:55):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (21:56):
Continuing anyway, I will lead with my question and then
tell you a bit of my history to explain my question.
How do you know and trust that you found a
true leader and a true dominant man and a partner
and not someone who is abusive, who knows all the
right things to do and say, but just turns on you.
And how do you put yourself out there for that
while still protecting yourself?
Speaker 1 (22:18):
Okay, so before let's let's try to answer that with
any Okay, without anything, and you go first. Because this
is gonna this is more of a woman's question than
a man's.
Speaker 2 (22:27):
I would pay attention to actions. I don't care what
somebody says to me. I need to see who you are.
I'm gonna shout out BoJack Horseman as I do when
I want to say something profound. One of the characters
in that show said, I don't believe that there is
a deep down.
Speaker 1 (22:42):
You just are what you are. You are what you do.
Speaker 2 (22:46):
Your actions make up who you are that deep down.
I want to be a good person. I want to
be considerate, I want to be empathetic, and then your
actions show otherwise that deep down is nothing, So I
would be paying attention to action. I'm not moving in
with somebody after three months of meeting them, especially with children.
You're not meeting my children until a year of us speaking,
(23:08):
going on dates, getting to know one another. If you're
able to do sleepovers, maybe grandma can take the children.
You have a sister, dad still involved in their life,
whatever that may be. If not, it's going to be
a very tight schedule to try to work in time
without the kids. They also don't know how old the
children are. Right, if this person is pretending, if this
(23:34):
person is an abuser, and they're using you know, true
leader qualities as manipulation to get you into their spiderweb.
You need to pay attention to the red flags and
not overlook them because well, he's good most of the time.
That's the first time he's ever yelled at me, and
he said he's not going to do it again. I'm
going to hold onto that red flag, right. I understand
(23:57):
frustrations happen. If somebody punches a whole on the wall,
I'm gone. Somebody throws furniture, I'm gone. You're not going
to get a second Oh, I didn't mean.
Speaker 1 (24:06):
To do that.
Speaker 2 (24:07):
You made a whole last choice to pick up that chair,
and that chair weighs more than a baby, So there's
effort happening. Don't allow yourself to get so wrapped up
in the fantasy of what somebody can be the fixer
upper as some people call them, that you're willing to
overlook the red flags and then put yourself in a
situation where that abuse can happen. There is a lot
(24:30):
of self worth that needs to come about. There is
a lot of boundaries that need to happen, and you
need to uphold those boundaries and things that you won't
tolerate within a relationship.
Speaker 3 (24:41):
I'm a dominant person in every aspect of my life.
Have I ever appeared to you in any way, shape
or form as abusive, No, because it's not the same thing.
So if she's worried about meeting a dominant man and
is concerned that he might be abusive, he is because
it's not this same thing. If you have a man
(25:02):
who is I hate the term alpha male, so I'm
not going to use it. If you have a man
who commands respect when he walks into a room and
the other men in the room like look to him,
that is a dominant character. If you have a man
that has to to look down to verbally, abuse to suppress,
is afraid to lift other people up, lives his life
(25:24):
out of an insecurity, you don't have a dominant man.
You got a bitch. And there's a difference. There is
a very different scenario from somebody who portrays that because
the moment they get around somebody that is actually that
they back the fuck down, and all of those traits
that they pretend to have isn't there. Yeah, So I
(25:44):
don't like that she used both of those in the
same sentence. And if you have to ask that question,
you don't have a good dominant man. Dominance and abuse
is not the same thing.
Speaker 1 (25:52):
No, it's not.
Speaker 3 (25:53):
So now let's get into it. See why she's actually
asking that question.
Speaker 2 (25:58):
Okay, Like I said, I'm a single mom of two.
I've been single for the last six years after getting
out of an extremely toxic and abusive eleven year long marriage.
I am very kind and caring and loving and submissive
in nature. I have always been with every form of relationship.
It's what makes me happy and content and filled. It's
(26:19):
not to say I'm not capable of being the alpha.
I hate that terminology me too.
Speaker 1 (26:24):
Email.
Speaker 2 (26:25):
Yeah, do you want me to say that sentence over?
Speaker 3 (26:27):
Or I want to actually before you we do that,
I want to go back to that previous statement she said,
I've been single for six the last six years after
getting out of an extremely toxic and abusive eleven year
old long marriage. If you were in an abusive eleven
year marriage, you have a whole lot of ideas of
what the roadmap of that abuse looks like.
Speaker 1 (26:45):
If you had a.
Speaker 3 (26:45):
Dominant person that and now I understand where this dominant
submissive thing is going. If you have a dominant in
that scenario and he's abusive, that's a very different conversation
than just a dominant overall strong man that kind of
runs shit and him being abusive. If you're looking for
a dom sub relationship, there's a whole different set of
guidelines that come into that aspect. But that aspect should
(27:08):
also carry into the day to day life. So you
have an idea of what's supposed to be right because
you had eleven years of wrong. You need to learn
to trust yourselves. Guys, if things don't feel right. Here's
a really good way to word this. If things don't
feel right to you, doesn't fucking matter what anybody else thinks.
If your internal compass is not pouring north, leave, especially
(27:34):
if you're in an according phase. Hey, if something there's
just something about this that's not right, that is your
lizard brain going run bitch.
Speaker 2 (27:42):
Yeah, it's not to say that I'm not capable of
being the alpha female in charge of my life. I
hate that terminology. I have been doing that for myself
and my girls, like I said, for the last six years,
and I have found that I am truly capable of
doing that and making all of the decisions and providing
for my family and doing it needs to be done.
But I also know myself well enough that I don't
(28:04):
want to have to do this. I want a partner
that can provide and help make the big decisions or
talk them out with me, but then make them with
the family's best interest in mine and not be selfish
with those decisions. I would love to work part time
with battered women to help support them getting back on
their own feet. But I also want to just take
care of the house and dinner and the kids when
(28:26):
they get home from school, and my husband when he
gets off of work, and be that kind of wife.
Speaker 3 (28:31):
Okay, so let's discuss that, because it sounds to me
here that she doesn't have a man yet, that she
has an idea of who she wants and what she
wants her life to look like currently writing a book.
This is gonna be the fucking thing. I'm the new vegan.
Writing a book is a new vegan. Guys, don't worry.
I'm gonna tell you I'm doing it. I have covered this.
(28:52):
You need somebody that you're compatible with that has the
same goals and aspirations and the same values. If you
don't have that, you're not getting any of this. If
you meet a man who believes that every woman should
have a job. I'm not giving her shit. It's going
to be fifty to fifty. I'll take these chores. She
takes these chores, and I'm never given her a dime.
You're not getting a traditional life, Yeah, life will you won't.
(29:12):
It won't happen. You will not have that even remotely
as an option or even a part time job, because
you were going to have to pay for half of
everything that goes in there. Compatibility also speaks to a
whole lot of you know, do we have the same faith,
do we have the same retirement goals? Do we have
the same political views?
Speaker 1 (29:29):
Like?
Speaker 3 (29:30):
How are we going to live the life? Once we decide,
we move in together. That's why, like you said, with
the year, the longer you can make your courtship last,
the better. A year is not a long time.
Speaker 1 (29:43):
I know that.
Speaker 3 (29:43):
When you're young, a year feels like a long time.
I'm telling you now, when you get into your forties
and fifties, a year feels real fucking quick. We're about
to wrap up the first quarter of the year, like
we're in Q two right now.
Speaker 2 (29:56):
Yeah, we're already in Q two.
Speaker 1 (29:58):
We haven't. We're not wrapping it up. It's already wrapp
right right. We're in Q two right now.
Speaker 3 (30:01):
But we're getting to the point now where like tax
tax season is just over with, like it'll be over
on Tuesday. That's how fast twenty twenty five is gone.
And so for us, because this is what we do,
like it seems like yesterday we were doing the fucking
Blooper reel and you.
Speaker 1 (30:17):
Know what I mean.
Speaker 3 (30:18):
And this is going to get aired in June or
July because of the way that we work. If you
don't have people that are in that alignment with you
and compatible and working like that, we wouldn't be able
to do this. Like if you were a lazy woman
and only wanted to record once a week and didn't
want to do anything else but fucking hang out with
the kids and watch TV and I had to clean
(30:39):
the house, this wouldn't be a thing. We wouldn't be
able to have made a podcast like so that I
know that I just jumped from topic to topic to topic,
but my brain went from topic to topic to topic.
Speaker 1 (30:49):
So I'm fucking going with it.
Speaker 3 (30:52):
So my first thought in all of this is that
you need to make sure that you're dating with intent,
and you need to be very clear about what you
want on your first and second date, third date, Like
those conversations need to be had, you know, and I
know it's rude to talk about politics, but if you're
left or right leaning, you need to be very clear
with the person that you're sitting down with, like I'm
I'm liberal, I'm conservative, I'm whatever, so that people know
(31:15):
where you're at. Because if you're sitting down and you
guys mesh really well and you have somebody that hates
the other side of the political spectrum and you don't,
this isn't going to work. Right your religion, what kids
look like? Are you going to be okay being a
step that I got two kids? Like, it's a tall order.
And then obviously wanting to work part time with battered women,
that's a whole other thing on its own. Like, if
(31:37):
that's your dream in life is to be able to
help battered women, you might have to do that on
your own instead of like a five oh one, three
C or something.
Speaker 1 (31:42):
You might not get a man.
Speaker 3 (31:43):
That's willing to to take care of enough of your
life to do that, especially if that's what you're looking
for in a man, because that's not how relationships are working.
If you're looking for a caretaker, that's not a husband.
Speaker 2 (31:54):
Right, But I am terrified my ex started off that way.
We met in high school. We knew each other for
over a year before we even started dating. After I graduated,
we started dating, and we were together for over a
year before we got married. I thought, I knew this man.
Speaker 1 (32:09):
You knew the boy you guys met in high school.
Speaker 2 (32:12):
Yeah, you knew the boy. We got pregnant super early
into our marriage, and then shit changed. His leadership changed
into abuse of controlling. His actions and decisions were being
based on his needs, not those of us. All.
Speaker 1 (32:26):
I was still.
Speaker 2 (32:27):
Required to work full time, but had no saying how
the money was spent.
Speaker 3 (32:32):
I mean there's a whole conversation in that as well, though, Right,
just because you have a full time job, does it
mean that you can't hand over the finances. I mean
that's the thing. When we first started dating, we were
both working full time. Still, well, you were working full time.
I would go hang out at the tattoo shop because
it was mine. Yeah, but when we decided to move
(32:53):
in together, you gave me your entire paycheck to handle
all the money, and like you know, major car payments
and deal with all that shit, and then as we
got serious serious, obviously you don't have to worry about
the shit at all anymore. I take care of all
of it now, But there's nothing wrong with that if
you have somebody that can lead. I really think that
the bigger issue here is that you met a kid
in high school, got married a year later, and then
(33:16):
after your graduation things started to change for you. I
can't stress enough how young we are at eighteen to
twenty five still kids in my opinion, but we are
still children at that age. We are prepared to turn
eighteen our entire life, and when we turn eighteen, we
think we're adults. We think that we fucking know everything
that we need to know, and in reality, our parents
(33:37):
are still taking care of us. That next five to
six years of your life, for seven years or however
long it is before you really get your shit together,
is a learning experience. You guys, making crazy life decisions
and like thinking that your life is going to be
the way that it is always at that age, you're
still very very very wrong. You're just not going to
be that person.
Speaker 2 (33:57):
So yeah, it's hard for me to wrap my head
around the fact that he was one way for a
few years and then all of a sudden he was
just really shitting in abusive I've been in abusive relationships.
I grew up witnessing abusive relationships, and there have always
been red flags, always have been red flags, even small
(34:17):
ones of not being able to control their anger, or
they call me names when they get upset. Right, that's
not that big of a deal until it starts to
stockpile and then you recognize, oh my gosh, I'm a
slave in my own life. So what changed? That's something
that I would reflect upon, right, because people don't just
go from one from one character person not character. Traits
(34:40):
not the word, and character person is not the word.
They don't go from being one way to another way
after eight hours of sleep. Right, There's always a catalyst, right,
Our retreat was a really big catalyst for the change
that I'm going through right now.
Speaker 3 (34:56):
That was the thing, right, But that change didn't happen
over the weekend, right, Like, we are still fucking going
through a lot, and it's been a month. It's actually
been Monday is one month. Yeah, So like you know
what I mean, Like that change is not an overnight
thing like you said, And change is gradual, which means
(35:16):
those red flags absolutely did happen. So speaking on our
own personal life, just to relate to what you're saying.
Speaker 2 (35:21):
Yeah, So with that in mind, I would look back
on how that relationship actually played out, not just my
feelings and things that happened or the things that made
me feel good. What were the things that I was
willing to overlook because I was young dombin in love.
Speaker 3 (35:37):
Yeah, hey wait, Laurna is in a chat Laurna. We're
going to Greece in May of twenty twenty six. As
of right now, Taylor's going, Ryan's going, and Zoe's going.
We would love to have you, Yeah, come to Greece.
I'm just saying. The link was posted yesterday. Go check
your notifications. I even tagged you. Yeah, we would love
to have you. It's way closer to you than it
(35:57):
is to us.
Speaker 1 (35:58):
That is true.
Speaker 3 (35:59):
Just saying it will be cheaper for you than for us.
All Right, I'm done trying to gilt trip lornen to going.
All right, guys, as you know, there was a TikTok scare.
We lost the app for a whole twelve hours and
we have no idea what the future of the app
looks like, and with that, we are very concerned about
the loss of our following. We have a massed almost
three million followers across that platform with all four of
(36:21):
our accounts, and we are trying to push people to
other social media platforms to that in the event that
anything happens on one app, we have multiple other backup plans.
If you want to make sure that you're not missing
any content, we highly recommend that you check out our Patreon.
Speaker 2 (36:35):
On Patreon, we have multiple tiers to choose from. Starting
at ten dollars, you begin to receive exclusive content. At
fifteen dollars a month, you get access to our private
discord server where we've en massed in an absolutely amazing
community of supportive people. And beyond that, we have other
tiers to check out, along with my two private women's group.
If that's something you may be interested.
Speaker 3 (36:55):
In, Guys, on our fifteen dollars and higher tier, you
have access to live recordings. We record all of our
content three, four, sometimes five times a week live in
front of our Patreon audience, where they are able to
chat with us while we're recording.
Speaker 1 (37:06):
They can to see all the flirting.
Speaker 3 (37:07):
The outtakes, the hot topic conversations that never actually make
it on the podcast, and it's really worth that aspect
in itself. We have it after Dark where we sit
down usually once a week and have a glass of
bourbon or and Peach's case of glass of wine and
a bowl of cheese and we have a whole lot
of fun conversations, karaoke in the discord we finish the lyrics.
(37:28):
We literally just hang out and you guys get to
hang out with us. There is a host of other perks,
including zoom calls that are coming for the Ultimate Tier,
so that if you guys are having problems, you can
talk to us. It also gives you with the heads
up on private meet and greets because when we travel
we try to meet up with people on our discord
on a regular basis. There's a whole slew of other
perks that come through Patreon. I highly recommend that.
Speaker 1 (37:47):
You check it out.
Speaker 2 (37:48):
The best way to support what we are doing is
to share the content. The second best way is to
check out our Patreon. Thank you guys for being here.
I was finally responsible for the house and our child.
He lost his job and didn't find another for two years.
Speaker 1 (38:02):
How How.
Speaker 3 (38:05):
How I have had a job since I was fifteen,
even if even when I was selling drugs as a kid,
I had a fucking job. Didn't make much. Minimum wage
at the time was like three dollars and seventy five cents.
But I had a fucking job. Minimum wage in Florida's
gonna hit fourteen dollars a year, fourteen dollars an hour
this year in September.
Speaker 2 (38:23):
Crazy, Yeah, and it.
Speaker 3 (38:27):
That's how devalued our dollar has become since the early nineties,
since ninety five.
Speaker 2 (38:32):
I saw an ad from like the nineteen forties for
like a four bedroom family home the.
Speaker 3 (38:39):
Twenty six thousand dollars. Yeah, yeah, and that was a
high end, high end house.
Speaker 2 (38:46):
We are the way that we have treated our money
and the inflation of things and the greed of it
all is ruining our life. Absolutely, absolutely, So he lost
his job, I didn't find another job for two years.
Soon after he finally got another job, I got hurt
at work. That ended my career. Okay, so on a
(39:08):
pause there. I would not stick around with a man
who hasn't gotten a job for two years.
Speaker 1 (39:18):
Nope.
Speaker 2 (39:19):
I had that in my last marriage, quitting the job
without and letting me know what's going on, getting dressed
up in your work uniform like you're going to work
and then going fuck knows where. I don't do that game.
I don't do that. I'm not gonna work. Well, I
can get something lined up. I'll figure it out tomorrow.
I'm not playing that game. I this rubs me such
(39:42):
the wrong way. This rubs me in such a wrong
way because I know what I went through, and I
know what other people are going through, and that frustration
of I don't understand how he or she can't see
that our livelihood is staked on the fact that we
have to have income in the household.
Speaker 1 (40:00):
Okay, so I'm gonna I'm gonna do something. I don't know.
Speaker 3 (40:05):
I don't know if I probably should do this, but
I'm gonna do Anyways, you were young when you're exit
died that quit his job. Your ex husband quit his job.
Speaker 1 (40:13):
YEA told you he was to work mid twenties.
Speaker 3 (40:16):
And for two weeks went dressed up as if he
was going to work to a friend's house. Almost positives
in fidelity or something happening at that point too, right.
Speaker 2 (40:24):
Yeah, I mean at that point there was already infidelity
going on, like through the Internet, messaging other people and whatnot.
I don't know where he was going.
Speaker 1 (40:34):
How did you handle that? Though?
Speaker 2 (40:36):
I lost my fucking mind?
Speaker 1 (40:38):
Did you stay?
Speaker 2 (40:39):
I did because I was pregnant with our second child
by that point.
Speaker 3 (40:44):
So there's a whole lot that goes into all of this.
When people are dealing with things like the workless and
the two years without a job, and she already had
they already she's alread pregnant with a kid at that point, right,
there's a lot that goes into that, and being eighteen,
nineteen twenty or even twenty two one, twenty three years old,
you do a whole lot of dumb shit out of
necessity because you feel you have to, and moving forward
(41:07):
in your timeline a little bit not much longer after that,
you were living in his mother's house in a living
room with a fucking child. Yeah, right, Like, if you
would have left, you would have removed a whole lot
of trauma from your life. It would have been really
fucking hard in the beginning, but you would have made
it work because you were the one that was working
and providing for everyone at that point.
Speaker 2 (41:28):
I mean, it would have been hard either way. I
ended up leaving like ten months later, Right, So it
definitely would have saved me a lot of time and
me looking back and reflecting on that anybody who's in
that situation, I'm not gonna say it's absolutely inevitable that
the relationship is going to fail. The likelihood of you
(41:50):
ending up to leave any way, if you're already thinking
about it, has already increased, Right, I would not wait
two years. I'm looking at this like this is younger
me sitting in the bedroom, sobbing, pregnant, not knowing what
to do. Don't put up with this. There is somebody
(42:11):
out there right now who is willing, able and wanting
to love you the way that you need to be
loved and make sure that you have no stress in
your life. You have six months to find a job.
Speaker 3 (42:24):
I'm not even giving that long my entire adult life,
the longest I've gone without work is two weeks. Yeah,
and it was by choice. I lost a business and
I invested everything in it, and like, I didn't know
if I was going to go back into the tattoo
industry or go get a real job. And I took
two weeks to figure that shit out. And as soon
as I was, like all right, I'm going back to work.
I found a job that fucking day, and I went
(42:45):
back to work. Yeah, there's no excuse for that. I
can't find a job, as bullshit. You can't find a
job you want, you have bills that have to be paid.
I don't give a fuck if you don't want to
dig ditches or not. If you can't find a job
in an office, excuse, you'd be cool an ac. But
this over here is hiring to dig ditches. Go dig
ditches and you put in applications until you can find
(43:06):
a job that you want to do.
Speaker 1 (43:07):
But until then you're gonna be in a sun home. Boy.
Speaker 3 (43:08):
Let's go that I couldn't find a job as bullshit.
I stand by that you didn't find a job you wanted.
And there's a difference. There's always places hiring. Yeah, some
income is better than no income.
Speaker 2 (43:21):
Right, Continuing, While I was out recovering and trying to
figure out what to do next because I still had
to work, I got pregnant again.
Speaker 3 (43:31):
I'm not gonna shot on this emailer. But you did
that to yourself. Yeah, you knew what kind of man
you had. You were unprotected sex, being wild in the bedroom,
knowing that you already have a kid. He's not supporting
you financially.
Speaker 2 (43:45):
There's all going through this for two years.
Speaker 3 (43:47):
Yeah, there's a whole lot of responsibility and accountability that
needs to be happening right now with you. You made a
lot of bad decisions. And granted you're you're fucking older
than that. Now, this was eleven years ago, or however
long it wasn't seventeen years ago. Eleven years in the
rig and six years since it ended. You were a
kid still, And this is the point that we're trying
to drive home with you, guys who are in your
eighteen to twenty five era, You're a fucking child still.
(44:08):
I know you think you're the man, especially young men. Fifteen,
sixteen years old, boy, you ain't telling me nothing. I
thought I fucking knew at all. My mom used to say,
I know, I'm old. My mom used to say, I'm
put these Encyclopedia Britannica's on the side of the road
with a sign that says free, because my son fucking
knows everything, right, Because I did.
Speaker 1 (44:28):
You weren't telling me shit.
Speaker 3 (44:30):
I don't know nothing. I was dumb as fuck at
fifteen years old. I was dumbest fuck at forty four.
Oh wait, I still feel like I have a whole
lot of I don't know in life.
Speaker 1 (44:40):
Yeah.
Speaker 3 (44:41):
The only difference is I'm okay, going I don't know
anything about that now, whereas before I felt dumb saying
I didn't know, so I was gonna pretend like I
knew some shit.
Speaker 2 (44:49):
Continuing, uh So while what Okay, what blows my mind
is that you were recovering from an injury that took
you out of your career and got pregnant while recovering.
So was that a wanted thing? Was this man forcing
(45:12):
himself on you? When I'm recovering from an injury, the
last thing on my mind is having sex?
Speaker 3 (45:18):
Right, Well, it depends on the injury. Okay, So this
also depends on the person. You know, when people get
hurt at work and get that workman's comp yeah, because
they don't want to work when in reality reality, they're
really not hurt. It's like people getting car accidents. They
go see a lawyer, and the lawyer sends them to
their massage therapist and their chiropractor, and they're they're there
there so that when they go to court they can say, look,
(45:40):
how fucked up. My client is we're gonna get a settlem.
I'm gonna take thirty three percent of that. You're gonna
pay all the medical bills and end up a little
bit of money and I have to work. I view
that the same way with people, so like, that's a
very jaded way to look at the world, but I
view that. I know, I personally have seen more people
who did not need workmen's comp that collected it than
those who did and got so okay, all right.
Speaker 2 (46:03):
Continuing, shortly after having our second my back blew out
and I needed surgery. While recovering from back surgery, I
was still required to fully care for our five year
old and our one year old, fully care for every
aspect of the house, and find a job that I
could physically do because we didn't have the money for
basic necessities. But he was out with the boys all
(46:26):
the time, buying god knows what for his motorcycles and
guns and all this other shit. He was also becoming
more verbally, emotionally, mentally, sexually, and physically abusive to me.
Speaker 3 (46:35):
And you chose to stay and endure all of it.
This is a choice. You knew the type of man
that you were with He didn't work for two years,
all of it. And you can victim blame all you
want if that's what you guys want to say. I'm
doing right now. Fuck it, that's what I'm doing right now.
He showed her who he was. Yeah, and she continued
to stay and do the things. Love is not enough.
(46:56):
You can love somebody until the fucking cows come home.
It's not going to change their person who they are
at their core. And if your person is showing you
that they're a piece of shit or they don't match
your compatibility, you don't need to fucking be there.
Speaker 1 (47:09):
It starts in childhood.
Speaker 3 (47:11):
It starts with women before puberty with the shame, right,
because that's how women manipulate, especially their kids. Oh you're
gonna wear that, You're gonna wear your hair like that?
Speaker 2 (47:23):
Judgment?
Speaker 3 (47:24):
Right, That shame and judgment is how they control you
into doing the things that they want you to do.
For men, it's a little bit different, but the psychological
warfare that happens is still there, and we are conditioned
to do what we need to do to make other
people happy so that we are okay. And that's just
the way that it is. It's across the board. I
don't care who you are, I don't care how great
your parents were. At some point you didn't get the oh,
(47:48):
really you can do that. Instead, you got something that
made you feel a little bit less than about yourself.
And that could be something as simple as I want
to be an astronaut. Well, you're not smart enough to
be an astronaut. You're gonna be a weller. There goes
that kid's fucking self confidence about everything.
Speaker 1 (48:03):
Right.
Speaker 3 (48:05):
That whole situation is very prevalent with almost every child
on the planet, like it happens. Unless you've got some
really fucking healed, emotionally mature parents, you're not getting you
got this, then, honey, you can be an astronaut. Right,
that self worth being gone and not having that I
can have whatever I set my mind to, and I
(48:28):
deserve better. Sets people up to allow people to treat
them the way that this woman was treated by her
boyfriend or husband or whatever he was at this time.
Probably had a bad example of a relationship from your parents,
maybe saw your mom get abused or or had this
type of situation, and it made you a people pleaser,
which allowed your relationship to fucking have somebody in your
(48:48):
life to walk on you and because you didn't have
boundaries and you didn't love enough, you love yourself enough
to go, hey, I deserve better than this, and I'm
gonna go find it. You stayed, you had two fucking kids,
You got verbally abused, you had to work a blown
out back. You did not get taken care of by
the person who claimed they love you the way that
somebody who loves somebody will take care of them. And
that's all there is to that. I cannot stress enough
(49:11):
how much you guys need to reclaim your self worth.
Start giving yourself positive affirmations. It's not fucking hard when
you're feeling yourself, talk yourself up in the fucking mirror,
do it out loud. You know, you said something to
me while we were on our journey, or since our journey,
because we went really hard into frequency and vibration. Yeah,
and I don't remember the conversation we were having, but
(49:32):
I remember that it stuck with me because you looked
at me and you said, yeah, but your voice is
a frequency, it is a vibration, And like, I really
wish I could remember what we're talking about. In my book,
because I'm an author, I wrote a book I got
right my second one. Now, guys should go to Amazon
and buy my first one, so called no One's Coming
to Save You by Christopher Burkett. I don't even want
to call a second one yet. But in the second
one I referenced that conversation. Because everything is a frequency.
(49:56):
Everything on the planet has vibration. The Earth itself has polarity.
It vibrates and resonates at a frequency. We can speak
things into existence. So when you use your voice to
tell yourself positive affirmations or negative self talk, you are
enforcing those frequencies and vibrations onto and it is shaping
your opinion of yourself. I'm gonna get off my high
(50:20):
horse now and step back down to the normal podcast, Chris,
because that was a lot.
Speaker 2 (50:26):
I add something I wanted to touch on, but I
don't remember what it was.
Speaker 1 (50:29):
I got some you can touch on. Wo Okay.
Speaker 2 (50:36):
That was actually the conversation where I was talking about
how if we are made in light of the Creator,
are voices, the things we say are like spells.
Speaker 3 (50:47):
Yeah, okay, yeah, that's what it was. You're right, that's
exactly what it was, because I remember that too, because
you specifically said that because we were talking about how
in the Bible it says God spoken, and it was
then you were like, for all of you who don't
believe in God, if you are a pagan and you
believe that, you know your words are spells and like
it's the same thing, you're still speaking it into existence.
Speaker 1 (51:06):
I don't think people understand how much power we have
in us, right.
Speaker 3 (51:11):
I'm not going to get crazy on this podcast and
start talking about this this simulation theories. Okay, I promise
I'm not going to go there. I want to so
fucking bad right now if we are able, I'm going
to end this train of thought because there's not a
way for me to have this conversation without getting into that.
(51:32):
And it does make me a little psychotic when I
start getting into that some gotcha pause.
Speaker 2 (51:37):
I don't remember what I wanted to say, but I
have a new thought. Okay, if you don't love yourself,
no one's going to love you, right, And I'm not
meaning that in the way that people aren't going to
appreciate who you are as a person, or they're not
going to be able to see the light that you
bring to the earth. What I mean by if you
don't love yourself. No one's going to be able to
love you. You're the only one who can get yourself
(52:00):
through your day. You're the only one feeding yourself. You're
the only one who's making sure your hygienes on track,
brushing your teeth, taking showers, making sure you have clean clothes,
keeping your space clean. You Okay, Okay, I was just breathing, gotcha.
You sniffed like you were getting emotional.
Speaker 3 (52:18):
No, I'm clogged on one side, gotcha. I'm just trying
to survive over here in this fucking flesh prison.
Speaker 2 (52:24):
You're doing a pretty okay job. I lost my train
of thought again. So everything I just said can be
cut if it doesn't make sense.
Speaker 3 (52:33):
Okay, Before I walk away, Laura said, when does the
Greek Greece trip have to be paid for? Because it
is in May of next year. I believe the final
payment has to be submitted in March of next year.
Speaker 1 (52:46):
I could be wrong.
Speaker 3 (52:47):
It's twenty five percent down and then you can make
payments on it where you guys can use a firm.
Continuing reading real quick, Zoe said, have you seen the
study of talking positivity and negativity to plants? The contrast
between the two planes was astounding words matter for sure.
They've also done it with water and freezing water, and
when you give it positivity, it becomes beautiful snowflakes, and
when it's not it changes the frequency of the water.
Speaker 1 (53:10):
Yeah.
Speaker 3 (53:11):
I also think that's why it mattered when we had
our prayer over our medicine before we took it, that
there was a difference from Friday to Saturday.
Speaker 2 (53:21):
Anyways, there was also a study done. I want to
say it was with rice. A guy had two jars
of rice, one that he spoke positively to and the
other one he spoke very negatively to. And the one
I think he did it for a month. The one
that he spoke negatively to turned black.
Speaker 1 (53:35):
It molded, right, I remember that. Yeah. Was it mold?
Speaker 2 (53:39):
I don't know if it was mold or what it was,
but they were kept in the same conditions and the
same spot in the house dark areas.
Speaker 3 (53:46):
Yeah, Tiffany, it is not posted on our website yet.
I will repost the grease thing in Discord and tag
everyone in it for the pre purchase. It goes live Monday,
so Discord will get it before Monday. Obviously I posted yesterday.
I'll do it again. But it's not going to be
live until Monday. You guys can still order and like
(54:08):
sign up ahead of time at the discounted rate, but
everybody gets at Monday, all.
Speaker 2 (54:14):
Right, Continuing, I will fully admit my fault in. This
took me another four years to build up the courage
to get myself and my girls out of there, But
I did eventually, and I went back to school, and
I've healed a lot and have done a lot of
work on myself and with my girls, and I know
that I do not want to be alone.
Speaker 3 (54:32):
Okay, wait, so are you only dating to not be alone?
Or are you dating because you want companionship? I think
that matters.
Speaker 2 (54:40):
I think that matters too.
Speaker 3 (54:41):
I think that when you date to just not be alone,
you're going to accept anything that will come your way
because that's what you're looking for. Intent, Like it is
its intent. Give me one second, let me do this
while I'm thinking about it, all right, gorgeous? Yeah, have
anything before we get back into this, because not continuing.
Speaker 2 (55:03):
How do I trust someone again? How do you know
that he is not going to flip on you years
down the road. This wasn't a quick I have to know,
so Bam, this was gradual.
Speaker 1 (55:15):
You don't know that right.
Speaker 2 (55:20):
You're your own guardian, and if you overlook things or
allow someone to cross boundaries one too many times, you're
allowing yourself to be weak. You went through this for
eleven years. You know what the warning signs are. You
know what to look out for. You need to have
You need to trust your own intuition.
Speaker 3 (55:43):
The knowing what you will not accept in a relationship
is number one. I would recommend writing down everything that
you wanted a partner, and then writing down your non
negotiable things you absolutely will never tolerate from somebody and
keep that as a memory, because as things get hot
and heated and lustful and things are great, you might
(56:04):
overlook some of those things because things are great right
now and you feel good. The reality of this is
is that you are going to grow and evolve your
entire life. You're not going to be who you are
in your twenties and your thirties. Your thirties and forties
are going to look different all the way to your deathbed.
You are going to constantly involve and change. The reality
is a social person, and you are going to grow
(56:25):
and change together and make it a concerted effort to
grow towards each other and water each other and live
your life as a unit. We're going to live together
and grow apart, and that's a choice, and that's the
reality of it. You have no idea what your person's
going to do. This is I love you enough and
you have shown me enough of who you are that
I'm willing to invest me and you and we are
(56:46):
going to make a run at this and I'm going
to give you my all and hopefully you'll do the same.
And if they don't, you can't change them. You can't
force them to do what you want them to do.
You can only hope that they're going to love you
the way that you need to be loved.
Speaker 1 (56:58):
And that's that.
Speaker 2 (57:01):
Continuing. I'm not sure if you guys can help or not,
And again I am not one to reach out like this,
but I feel like you guys might be able to
give me pointers or something that can help as I
start to put myself back out there because I am
capable and okay with doing this on my own. I
just don't want to thank you for taking the time
to read this, and I'm sorry for any disjointedness of
(57:23):
this email. I also want to touch on. You've been
with one person since high school, so if that was
your first and only relationship, you have a lot of
heartbreak is the first thing that comes to my mind.
(57:44):
But they can also be viewed as learning lessons. You're
not meant to be with everybody that you come across.
You're not to be You are not meant to be
with every person you actually form a relationship with and
start dating. Every person that you encounter is for a
reason I believe that I don't believe in happenstance meetings
and running into people informing relationships. Every person that you
(58:08):
interact with is an opportunity for you to not only
learn what you want from life, but what you're willing
and not willing to accept within your own sphere of self.
Speaker 3 (58:18):
Yeah, and it's important to remember as you're running into
these people and the universe puts them in your life.
There it may not be so that you can get
a relationship. The lessons that you need to learn from
people may not involve anything other than a conversation. You
could get a dope ass dinner or lunch with somebody
and have like life changing conversation and it never go anywhere.
Speaker 1 (58:37):
Beyond that. This next one's only a two page.
Speaker 3 (58:40):
But we're already an hour over, Like we're over an hour,
so I figured we do a short one and then
wrap up and go do something different.
Speaker 1 (58:46):
Okay, this one's.
Speaker 3 (58:48):
Called how to deal with your partner's family disrespecting him.
Speaker 2 (58:53):
Dear Chris and Peach. I really enjoy listening to your podcast,
and I've seen clips here and there, but just started
listening from the beginning recently. Just want to say thank
you before I get into it. Your content is giving
my husband and I great learning opportunities that we will
take with us for the rest of our lives together.
For context, I am twenty six, my husband is twenty five,
and we have been married for one year but together
(59:15):
for eight years. He has a large family where I
don't have hardly any, so we provide each other with
different perspectives. I love my in laws. They are very
welcoming and kind people, and I don't want to see
I don't want to seem like I'm shitting on them.
Even without my husband, I feel welcome to attend family
dinners and things of that nature. The things they are
(59:38):
doing are the issue.
Speaker 3 (59:39):
Okay, before we move on, can we let's just talk
about the difference in that real quick. I don't have
family like that, right, never have. I have the adopted
family and four kids, and now there's tons of grandkids,
aunts and uncles the whole night like it's a giant
ass family. And even though I consider them my family,
(01:00:02):
I'm not close to everyone in the family the way
that they are because they're so used to being inundated
with people that are loved ones. Right, I don't have
the bond that they all share, and the idea of
doing constant group conversations or you know, random weekly phone
calls where we just sit in bullshit is not a
thing for me because I enjoy my downtime and I
(01:00:24):
find things to do with myself. Being an only child,
it's very easy for me to find things to do.
I don't need people. So for somebody that doesn't have
a very large family getting around people who have a
very large family and everyone being tight in it, it's
hard for us to understand that life so that in
itself can create problems, and it's okay to recognize that
it makes you uncomfortable, it's stressful, or it's too much,
(01:00:45):
or whatever the case may be. So let's just get
that out there so that you guys can go, Hey,
I have a small family, you got a big one.
That shit's not comfortable for me. I'll just let you know,
like I'll come to these events, but probably not all
the time.
Speaker 1 (01:00:56):
Yeah. Yeah.
Speaker 2 (01:00:57):
Continuing recently, I feel like they are being disrespectful towards him.
My husband doesn't like surprises and isn't interested in group
activities unless it's a family function. He tells them outright
that he doesn't want a birthday party and would rather
make money on his birthday than to come home and
then come home and relax with me. They came to
me and said that they were throwing a surprise party
(01:01:19):
for him, and I instantly knew he would hate that.
I told them that he wouldn't like it, and they
brushed it off and started inviting people anyway. They told
me not to tell him. I would tell my husband right.
I'm not playing that game. I'm not married to you,
Mama June. I'm not married to Hank who is June's husband.
(01:01:45):
All of his family, siblings, aunts, uncles, y'all can have
a problem with me, but I'm not gonna have a problem.
Speaker 3 (01:01:50):
With my husband. Where are they having this party at.
Speaker 2 (01:01:56):
Right, they're gonna come home, They're gonna come over to
it empty house if they're thinking that, they're just going
to invite people over to where we live. Locking that
damn door with a dead bolt. Y'all can even catch
me peeking out the window and I'm not going to
come out.
Speaker 1 (01:02:10):
I hear you knocketting, but you can't come in. Yeah,
fuck you.
Speaker 3 (01:02:15):
This This this is why I really believe that your
family is the family that lives in your house. Everything
outside of that is extended this whole. Like, I don't
think your parents should have a key to your house.
I'm cool with the kids having a key to our
house and a little text message so that you don't
walk in and see my ass in the air, like right,
(01:02:37):
because you know, you guys move out mom and pops and.
Speaker 1 (01:02:40):
Were reclaiming this damn house, yes, every inch of it.
Speaker 3 (01:02:44):
You might might want to think about where you're eating
at that kitchen table because your mama's ass has been
on there right like she has been the dessert.
Speaker 1 (01:02:52):
Yeah.
Speaker 3 (01:02:53):
Just know, when you guys grow up and watch our content.
We told y'all when you were six or seven, you
just didn't hear it at the time you're six and
seven currently, guys. Uh So, I do think it's cool
for your kids to have a key to your place,
but I don't think it needs to be.
Speaker 1 (01:03:11):
The other way around. I agree with that, And I
don't think your parents have a right to be in
your home or whenever they want home, right, And.
Speaker 3 (01:03:18):
I think that that speaks on the ability of kids
to always be able to come back if they need
to kind of thing. But this idea of you inviting
somebody else to my house wrong, wrong. Yeah, I don't
care how close the two of you are. I'm fucking
putting my foot down.
Speaker 2 (01:03:34):
Yeah, that's a fucking issue. I don't want people knowing
where I live. Right, So, if all of a sudden,
your mom starts inviting thirty people over to our household
and giving out our address, I'm one of those people.
I'm not giving you somebody's phone number until I get
permission from them.
Speaker 1 (01:03:51):
I'm not either.
Speaker 3 (01:03:52):
You can give me your number and I'll text them
and if they want to talk to you, they'll call you.
And that's how I handle that. Yeah, because I would
be fucking livid if people gave out my phone number.
Speaker 1 (01:04:02):
I have three of them.
Speaker 3 (01:04:03):
Yeah, and one of them's never even I guess technically
one of them is only on all the time. The
other two are only turned out when I want them on. Yeah,
I don't. I don't man that that privacy shit's real.
Speaker 1 (01:04:13):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (01:04:13):
The things that belong to me, like my phone number,
my address, all of those kinds of things are not
just free to give out to whomever you want to
give them out to because we're related. For whatever reason, I.
Speaker 3 (01:04:26):
Get offended when people message me on messenger that I
don't know they'll call me.
Speaker 2 (01:04:31):
One of the contributing factors to me ending a relationship
within my family was them giving out my phone number
without my permission.
Speaker 1 (01:04:40):
And this was before we were anything, right, Oh yeah.
Speaker 2 (01:04:43):
Yeah, yeah, this was a It was a major breach
of my myself. I view like my phone number as
part of me.
Speaker 1 (01:04:52):
Right right. It is an extension of you. It's a
direct line to you. Right.
Speaker 2 (01:04:59):
So, Oh, I think I made my point.
Speaker 3 (01:05:03):
No, you did, we both did. I mean, it's and
it's valid. Yeah, I don't like this. So before we
move on, how would you handle that? Because that's what
she's wanting to know. She's saying that her boyfriend's family
or husband's family oversteps boundaries, and this was the first
for instance. Yeah, how would you have Obviously locking the
door is an option, but how would you have handled
(01:05:24):
that in the moment when they called and sad they
were going to do it because she did tell them
that we're not going to be He wouldn't like that,
So we.
Speaker 2 (01:05:32):
Just had the whole conversation. I know my husband, he's
not going to like that. Well, I know my son
and he wants to be surprised. Don't tell him we're
doing this. It is inappropriate of you to ask me
to lie to my husband by a mission. Damn, I'm
not doing that. And I would say that that is
(01:05:52):
an inappropriate ask of any married person to their married person,
especially if you know that they're not going to like
this kind of thing. He has already said, I want
to go to work, I want to make money, I
want to come home and spend time with my wife.
He has made his wants known, and they are still
choosing to go behind his back and set up something
they know he's not going to enjoy. His wife just
(01:06:14):
reaffirmed he's not going to enjoy this. Yeah, I would
say that's an inappropriate ask. I'm telling my husband what
you're planning on doing, be mad? Yep, maybe this instance
will allow you to learn that that's not something that
we're going to tolerate, and that's not something that we're
going to allow happen within our lives. And if they're like, oh, well,
(01:06:35):
we're inviting them all to your house, If you invite
a bunch of random people to my household, you're never
going to be welcome in it.
Speaker 1 (01:06:40):
Again, I would expect you to call me. As soon
as that phone call was over.
Speaker 2 (01:06:44):
One hundred percent, I would be texting you, Hey, I'm
getting off the phone with your mom. I need I'm
going to call you right after.
Speaker 1 (01:06:49):
Yeah.
Speaker 3 (01:06:50):
That that mm and damned on all of that, because
in doing that, it made me realize that that mother
believes that she comes as a priority of or the wife.
Speaker 1 (01:07:00):
Yes, and that's not a thing. Right.
Speaker 3 (01:07:03):
I didn't say forever till you know, do us part
or till death do us part to you woman. I
said it to my woman. There's a difference, like, yeah,
that that whole thing, And and that shows that that
mom believes that it's okay to sow swords, to sow
seeds of discourse between the two of them by asking
her to keep secrets.
Speaker 1 (01:07:21):
Yeah. Nah, fuck that, I am so petty.
Speaker 2 (01:07:25):
I'm the kind of person like, if somebody gives out
my phone number and somebody I did not want having
my phone number now has it, I'm going to change
my number. Yeah, and the person who gave out my
number is not getting that new one.
Speaker 1 (01:07:36):
I agree.
Speaker 2 (01:07:38):
When we move, you're not going to know where we
live if you give my address out to strangers that
I don't know.
Speaker 3 (01:07:44):
Yeah, I have I have my phones set up the
way that I have my phone set up so that
if I like I have, I have have one phone
that only like life or death emergency phone that if
I want to go completely dark, I can, And that
phone numbers only being given to like three people, and
there's messengers that are on there that are like locked.
(01:08:05):
It's one of the up phones that I can actually
just turn a switch and destroy the phone. Yeah, And
then I have a Samsung that is my Like, I
still want to be able to access TikTok and play
around and be like that without having to deal with
business shit because none of the business.
Speaker 1 (01:08:18):
People have that phone.
Speaker 3 (01:08:20):
So like, I can choose my level of how disconnected
I really truly want to be. I think that if
I had to get rid of my main phone number
that I've had for twenty five years, it would suck,
but I would do it in a fucking heartbeat. I
would just turn that phone off. I'd keep the phone line,
but I would just go buy a new phone and
switch switch one of them the other numbers over and
start using the other numbers as my daily.
Speaker 2 (01:08:42):
You know. I would also add into that conversation if
I made you feel in any way that you have
status over my husband, my apologies, because that's not the case.
Right nobody takes precedence over me and my husband. My
husband and I.
Speaker 1 (01:08:56):
I agree with that.
Speaker 3 (01:08:57):
Jenna said, I have a couple of friends who I
will vote conversations for. My husband will never hear about
them either. Those are their stories. That being said, they
also don't tell me they're dirty secrets.
Speaker 1 (01:09:05):
There are.
Speaker 3 (01:09:06):
There is a difference between keeping confidence between you and
your friend and hiding something from your person. I have
Sean tells me shit about his life all the time
that I never say anything about because he's my best friend.
It doesn't involve my life or you. If it involved us,
that he's not number one you are, so if it's
(01:09:26):
something that you need to know. Even if he's like,
don't say some shit, but they're like, I need you
not say anything anyone. I'm like, look, if you don't
want Peaches to know about this, don't fucking tell me,
because if I feel like this is gonna affect affect
affect our life in any way, shape or form, I'm
fucking saying something and he knows it, so he doesn't
do that shit, you know what I mean? Like, your
friends shouldn't put you in that position.
Speaker 2 (01:09:47):
Yeah, okay, I could not imagine the fallout that our
marriage would have, right because context matters. I'm not saying
it would leave to the destruction of our marriage, but
there would be a massive fallout if I found out
that you knew something and chose not to tell me
about it and knowing it was going to impact our life.
Speaker 1 (01:10:04):
Yeah.
Speaker 3 (01:10:05):
Yeah, it would show you that I'm not it like
I don't have your back at that point, You're not
gonna trust me.
Speaker 2 (01:10:11):
Yeah, there would definitely be broken to trusty.
Speaker 1 (01:10:13):
You can call it right or die and caught, you know,
till death do you part? You call it whatever the
fuck you want to call it. One flesh.
Speaker 3 (01:10:20):
If it's affecting you, it's affecting me, yeap, And like
we have to deal with that shit and we will
deal with whatever's come in our way. Yeah, all right,
let's get back to it so we can wrap up
this first email, this first episode.
Speaker 2 (01:10:32):
We don't keep secrets, and I feel annoyed at them
for asking me not to tell my husband something. Am
I an asshole for feeling that way? When compared to
other situations, this seems minor. I don't think that's an
asshole move at all. We just did all. We just
did a whole conversation, yeap. So, so I told him anyway,
and as I thought he was not happy about it,
(01:10:53):
he ended up sucking it up and doing it anyway
because he didn't want to upset the people invited. He
ended up being miserable on his birthday. And that doesn't
sit right with me.
Speaker 3 (01:11:02):
So he he chose to not have boundaries. Yeah, good,
good for you, Good on you for telling him. I
wish you would have handled it differently. Yeah, I would
have made that phone call.
Speaker 1 (01:11:11):
So okay. So here's here's a question. Do you think
that he should have.
Speaker 3 (01:11:15):
Called the mom and told the mom, Hey, I know
that what you're doing, I don't want that, Okay, So
that would have that would have then created discourse between
him and him and his wife, his wife and his
mom because his mom told her not to do some ship,
which would have made family gatherings awkward like that puts
that puts him in an odd situation as well.
Speaker 2 (01:11:35):
It doesn't ask my wife to keep secrets from me.
Speaker 3 (01:11:37):
Yeah, it's just a it's just another perspective because that
doesn't you know, there are boys out there, men out
there who are very connected to their mother, that have
a whole lot of love for that woman and believe
that they will always hold a place in their life,
which I don't think should be the case. But there
are people out there who are less my mom, Well,
you're their kid, and if in what they're doing, and
(01:12:00):
now it's not for you, it's for them because you've
made it very clear that you don't want this, and
they're doing it anyways, This isn't about you anymore.
Speaker 1 (01:12:05):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (01:12:06):
Yeah, I would have let everyone know invited. I'm not
showing up to this party. I didn't want this party.
I told them I didn't want this party. They planned
it anyway. You are more than welcome to show up
at their house or wherever they're doing this, But it's
not a celebration about me. They just wanted to have
a party. They wanted to feel good about the things
that they're doing.
Speaker 1 (01:12:26):
In their life. Right, that's exactly what that is.
Speaker 2 (01:12:29):
Look at me, I'm a good parent. I plan a
party for my son.
Speaker 1 (01:12:31):
Yep, everybody comes, see how good I look.
Speaker 2 (01:12:36):
I would let everybody know who was invited. I'm not
attending this party. This is not how I wanted to
spend my birthday. So that's not how I'm going to
spend my birthday. Second point, how many times in your
life are you willing to be miserable to make everybody
else happy? Right?
Speaker 3 (01:12:54):
Right, those situations when you when you let that boundary slide,
it will always be that way. You're not reclaiming that ground.
You are not reclaiming your time. Mister president, No, mister speaker,
I uh as president.
Speaker 2 (01:13:09):
Yeah, yeah, I wouldn't have gone through that. And you know, also,
if that was us and you made it very clear
that you didn't want to have the birthday party, but
you also didn't stand up for yourself. I'm enjoying the
fuck out of myself at that party. You didn't want
to be here. I didn't want to be here, but
now I'm obligated to be here because I'm your wife
(01:13:29):
and you didn't set boundaries with your family. I'm a drink,
I'm a chit chat. I'm gonna mess up some nachos
or whatever finger foods they have present. And then if
you want to feel a certain way about me enjoying
my time because you were miserable the whole time, well, babe,
you made the choice to be there. We could have
stayed home. You could have told them that you're not going.
Speaker 1 (01:13:49):
You don't think that's kind of petty, No, I don't.
Speaker 3 (01:13:51):
I think i'd be pretty salty about that, because we're
supposed to be unified front.
Speaker 2 (01:13:55):
I'm not going to sit somewhere and be miserable for
four hours. Yeah, it would be a conversation if you
can go without me or I'm gonna come with you.
I'm gona enjoy myself.
Speaker 1 (01:14:02):
Well, this isn't their house. Yeah, well we don't know.
Speaker 3 (01:14:05):
If it's in their house, isn't Well, if it's a
surprise party, they got to be where he's going.
Speaker 2 (01:14:09):
Oh that's true.
Speaker 1 (01:14:11):
They were like, bring him over I'd be like, no, right,
I'm not bringing him nowhere.
Speaker 2 (01:14:15):
But also, I'm that kind of person where if I
walk into my house after making it known that I
don't want a surprise party, and then I have one anyway,
I'm taking my keys, I'm taking a piss, and I'm
leaving again.
Speaker 3 (01:14:24):
I'm ruining. I'm ruining that fucking whole event. Yeah, I'm petty.
So if the roles were reversed and that happened at
our house and I wouldn't be having fun. I'm ruining
everybody's fucking night. Yeah, I'm going in there with the
worst fucking attitude, and I'm gonna I'm gonna tell your
aunt that she's got a fat ass and she needs
to lose some weight. I'm gonna tell you your uncle
he needs to get his teeth fixed. I'm gonna tell
(01:14:44):
the other kid over there that they need special classes
and to wear a helmet on the school bus because
they're fucking stupid. Like, I am ruining everything because this
is my house. This is the one place where we're
supposed to go in life, where we're supposed to have
peace no matter what. Right, Yeah, they'll never want me.
I will never be another invited to another family event
ever after that. But that's I'm also super fucking petty
(01:15:07):
in that aspect when it comes to the house, I'm
not fucking around, right we You know, if it was
a forced thing where we had to go to a
park and I had to go to a park for
an hour and stuff, I'm gonna sit by the lake
and feed the ducks.
Speaker 1 (01:15:16):
I just you guys, go do your thing. I'm going
to be bitter over here by myself and on social.
Speaker 2 (01:15:21):
Yep. If because I view that as weak, I agree
what this man did was weak, and there is a
lower level of respect for that for me.
Speaker 1 (01:15:36):
I agree.
Speaker 2 (01:15:38):
So if they're a conversation of right knowing us, we
would have conversations of baby, you don't have to do
this if you don't want to, And then I was
met with excuses and of all these other kinds of things. Yeah,
we're going to go to that party because you're dead
set ongoing because you don't want up set your mom
or your dad or whatever, and I'm going to enjoy myself.
Speaker 1 (01:15:55):
Yeah that's absolutely fair.
Speaker 2 (01:15:57):
Yeah, continuing, they have also been leaving him out of
family events. He has a sister, a year younger than him,
who was always telling us about how the family just
went to visit the grandparents in another state, and every
time she says something like that, it hurts his feelings.
He brought it up to them and they apologize but
still continue to leave him out. I know being rejected
(01:16:22):
by your family hurts. I have felt that. I have
gone to my family, somebody in my family and said,
I think, you know, I think my childhood traumatized me,
and the response I was met with with was well,
everybody gets traumatized, get over it. I wouldn't tolerate that
from anybody in my life, and yet I continue talking
(01:16:43):
to that person for a few years after that because
I craved that validation from my family. They're the chosen
ones by the universe or myself, if you want to
believe that, we get to choose our parents and all
that kind of thing, whatever, whatever, whatever, And not having
that emotional need met, not having that loving and caring
and nurturing showered upon you by the people who are
(01:17:06):
supposed to be volunteering it, not just because they're family
because it makes them happy to love you, it sucks.
I'm not going to be friends with people who go
on vacation and don't tell me about it, but you
call me up every time you need something from me.
Speaker 3 (01:17:23):
Yeah, Lemon said, would be wrong, and tell the husband
he needs to set boundaries if he doesn't like that stuff.
Speaker 1 (01:17:29):
No, it's not wrong.
Speaker 3 (01:17:30):
I think there needs to be a whole lot of
conversation there being like, hey, if you let your parents
or your family do what you're about to let them do,
they're going to continue to do this. You are telling
them that they can walk on you and do things
that go against your your once in beliefs. It's one
thing to cater to somebody's if somebody was having a
going away party and you really didn't want to fucking go,
and your parents were like, you really need to be there.
(01:17:52):
It's the right thing to do, and to go because
it's the right thing to do. It's very different than
people invading your home and doing something that you were
vehemently against for you.
Speaker 2 (01:18:00):
Yeah, something that I've learned to do is when you
remove your emotional attachment to anything, a situation, a person,
things being said, an object being broken, and just look
at it as what it is. That hurt dissipates. So
if you stop looking at your mom and your dad
(01:18:21):
is your mom and dad and just go these are
people that I can have a relationship with a friendship with.
And then they're going on on massive outings with everybody
else and not inviting you. Multiple times, You've made it
known that this bothers you, and they're like, oh, sorry,
sucks to suck. And then a month later they're all,
heman it up, heman and han about how they just
(01:18:42):
had this massive barbecue and twenty people came over and
you had no idea. That's not a quality relationship from
anybody there. Nope, continuing, they also ask him for help,
even though his sister lives closer and also and is
also capable of helping out. You know it's because he
is reliable and responsible with this time. But feel like
(01:19:04):
they are taking advantage a bit, knowing he doesn't want to,
but he will. Is it taking advantage if he says yes?
Speaker 3 (01:19:15):
Well, see, that speaks to the people pleasing thing. That
also speaks to people believing that it's their duty to
take care of their family. Yeah, there's a whole lot
of programming, and that's the difference between somebody with a
big family and somebody that's not Because I'm willing to
bet he heart, but their family his whole life. So
he believes that you're supposed to do that shit for
your family. Where she doesn't have that big family and
she treats people the way that she's treated. There's a
(01:19:37):
blessing in that because I'm not going to be manipulated
and stepped on by people. If I'm not okay with something,
I'm not okay with it.
Speaker 1 (01:19:42):
There's no will.
Speaker 3 (01:19:43):
Well that's your mom. Well I'm her son, and she
didn't gives it about me when she was doing things
she was doing, Like why.
Speaker 1 (01:19:50):
Should I give a shit about her?
Speaker 3 (01:19:52):
Yeah, relationships matter, and it doesn't you know, the parent
aspect doesn't matter, and that like, you know, the DNA
bond or whatever.
Speaker 2 (01:20:03):
So I had a whole thought because she said, but
it feels like they take advantage a bit, knowing he
doesn't want to, but he will. And when I think
of taking advantage, I think of like a man being
stronger than a woman and forcing her to do something,
or somebody holding a pewpew to somebody else's head and
saying you're either going to do this or gonna be replications. Right,
(01:20:23):
there's an advantage happening because you have the higher hand
in what's going on. So I googled the meaning of
taking advantage of and it's to make unfair demands on
someone who cannot or will not resist. They exploit or
make unfair use of for one's own benefit so cannot
(01:20:45):
or will not resist. I also think of like diseases,
someone who's bedridden, someone who's in a wheelchair.
Speaker 1 (01:20:52):
Right, there is in.
Speaker 2 (01:20:54):
This situation where all he has to say is no,
I'm not doing that and just stand up for himself.
I don't view that it's taking advantage. He just has
a lack of boundaries.
Speaker 3 (01:21:04):
I actually disagree with that. Why because if he was
manipulated and forced the belief of their family, you have
to do for family his entire life. Switching that off
and becoming not a people pleaser with your family is
very fucking difficult.
Speaker 2 (01:21:19):
I know I've done that.
Speaker 3 (01:21:20):
It's programming and like a hard weight, right, but remember
how hard it was, and like in you doing that,
it didn't just come the first time, Like it took
a lot for you to get to that point where
you were finally like I'm fucking not doing this anymore. Right,
So it's when people are people pleasing, and they have
that programming for a lack of a better term instilled
in there them. They don't think that saying no is
(01:21:41):
an option. They are very easily manipulated, and they are
they are not one to resist people's pushes because they
believe it's wrong.
Speaker 1 (01:21:49):
Yeah.
Speaker 3 (01:21:49):
So I agree with what you're saying, but I do
think that there's another aspect of it. I actually think
that that comes from a form of abuse, because if
you're told that somebody can get away with it because
of their family and they're abusing you, that is a
trauma response.
Speaker 1 (01:22:06):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (01:22:08):
Well, speaking on because I have experience with growing through
that people pleasing freeze phase and coming out of that.
Looking back on that, I don't think anybody was taking
advantage of me. I just allowed people to walk on me. Okay,
so that's where all of that came from.
Speaker 3 (01:22:26):
I agree with that too, though, because you are making
a choice. I'm not so and that back and forth.
We just had the exchange that we just had. I'm
not removing the accountability from the person. It is still
falls in their lap to not be a people pleaser
and to make that decision. I was only trying to
highlight how fucking hard it is to go from that
to being able to step away. Stepping away from my
(01:22:47):
mom and like cutting her off and truly cutting her
off was one of the hardest decisions I had ever made,
and it was years coming before I finally made the like,
I just can't fucking do this anymore.
Speaker 1 (01:22:57):
So it's just a lot.
Speaker 3 (01:23:02):
It is a lot, and that's you know, unfortunately for
people who live in that situation with the big families, that.
Speaker 1 (01:23:12):
Just had a whole thought. We'll have to talk about
it off the podcast if I can remember at that point.
Speaker 3 (01:23:16):
But I think that people that have that big family
still use it as manipulation because it's very easy for
them to be like, well, we're family, so fucking what.
I wouldn't accept this from my best friend, Why would
I accept it from you? Because we shared DNA. That's
not in most people's you know, line of sight.
Speaker 2 (01:23:35):
He only gets one day off a week and works
a second job on what would be his other day off.
Helping them can be a burden. Sometimes we split expenses
fifty to fifty and both work full time jobs. Is
there a way to approach them about stuff like this
at the moment and tell them not to treat my
man this way without being aggressive like I want to
and find and causing more family conflict. I don't want
(01:23:58):
to make his relationships harder. I just want to alleviate
the stress and upset they cause him and give him
so much needed space.
Speaker 3 (01:24:07):
I'm wondering if she's talked to him about this, and
if he said, go ahead and say what you want
to say, because that could also you know, if he
views that as making his life harder because his wife
and his family doesn't get along and he does put
his family on that pedestal like that's that's a very
real conversation that needs to be had. I think that
needs to be had way before she has a conversation
with them.
Speaker 1 (01:24:28):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (01:24:28):
I think any conversation that has to happen with what's
going on with the treatment of him needs to come
from his own mouth.
Speaker 1 (01:24:37):
Yeah. I agree with that too.
Speaker 2 (01:24:39):
Now, if they came to me and said, don't tell
him that we're doing this, even after it's already been
stated he doesn't want it, and I reaffirm that he's
not going to be happy about it, you can't ask
me not to do that. Yeah, And going forward, if
you want to plan things like this and don't want
it blown up, don't tell.
Speaker 3 (01:24:57):
Me I don't want to be a part of it. Yeah,
because you're you're driving a wedge between the two of us.
There's also a level of I love this person. I
know they're not going to stand up for themselves even
though they don't want this, and I'm going to have
to step in because it is a form of protection.
There's a whole lot that goes into that. But ultimately,
she knows her husband better than we do. So if
(01:25:17):
he is vehemently against it and all he does is
bitch and complain and he really truly has a fucking
problem with it, at what point do you say he's
not willing to step in and do this, and I'm
going to do it for him because I love him
and I hate seeing him this way, right. I gotta
be honest. I would expect you to defend me the
way that you think I would defend me. Does it
make sense, like you know me so fucking well that
(01:25:41):
if you think I'm going to react a certain way
to something and somebody comes with you crazy about it,
I would expect you to handle that in that demeanor.
And if we're wrong, you and I will discuss that later,
but in the moment, I got your back because you
did what you thought was best for our family. I
expect that out of you before we move any further.
I also want to I want to go back just
a little bit where you said that looking back at you,
(01:26:06):
you said that you didn't think that it was people
taking care of taking advantage of you, that you just
didn't have boundaries.
Speaker 1 (01:26:18):
How are you? I allowed people to walk on you,
allowed of people to walk on me.
Speaker 3 (01:26:21):
That's what it was. I didn't want to misquote you.
I have a lot of a lot of respect for
that and you and the accountability in that is huge
because you could play the victim and say, well they
did da da da dada, but instead of saying I
was traumatized and I allowed people to take advantage of
being because blah blah blah blah blah, you're like, no,
(01:26:41):
I let people walk on me. And that's all there
is to that statement, Like there's nothing more to add
to that. I have a lot of respect for that.
That's why you and I get the way we do
and why we have the accountability the way that we
have the accountability because I'm not responsible for them and
the actions that they did. And regardless of whether or
not I was people pleasing or being a fucking dormat,
that was my My responsibility to correct their actions is
(01:27:04):
because I allowed those actions to happen. So yeah, I
mean and that, like, as I've replayed that conversation, I
agree with that too. Again, I really just wanted to
make it known that there are other sides of that,
and it's hard for people to get through those kind
of things.
Speaker 2 (01:27:19):
So I saw somebody in the chat. I don't know
who said it, but they said, I vote be aggressive
for something along those lines. Be aggressive because the family
was aggressive and inviting people to their home. We don't
know that they invited people to their house, right, that
was pure speculation on our end, And that is a
pretty good example on selective hearing. I suppose that was
(01:27:43):
not included anywhere in the email.
Speaker 3 (01:27:44):
No, but we have been talking that way the whole time.
Would you be aggressive though, if they had invited their like,
does that work for you? If it was our home
and they were inviting ourselves in, would that give you
the leeway to be aggressive?
Speaker 2 (01:27:56):
Aggressive?
Speaker 3 (01:27:57):
In what sense, however? You feel aggressive? Is okay to
be aggressive?
Speaker 2 (01:28:00):
Like well, I can tell someone we're not fucking doing that,
and then all of a sudden we had a screaming
match because I said a cussword, Like.
Speaker 1 (01:28:07):
Well, do you view that cussword as aggressive?
Speaker 2 (01:28:10):
I do view that as an aggressive thing to say.
Speaker 3 (01:28:12):
Okay, but is that acceptable then because they're inviting themselves
into our home? Yeah, okay, it's a fair question.
Speaker 2 (01:28:21):
I do want to know what people think aggressive looks like,
because saying no to somebody can be viewed as being aggressive.
Speaker 3 (01:28:29):
It can, Yeah, it absolutely can, because people don't like
to be told no. Right, But that's a them problem.
You protecting your house as a you problem. Yeah, so
I guess that. Really, I think aggressive just comes down
to perspective.
Speaker 2 (01:28:40):
Yeah, I'm not yelling, I'm not raising my voice. I'm
not calling people the meaning names telling them that they're stupid.
You're gonna listen to me, bitch, right, that's not happening.
You'd be firm. It would be a conversation of you're
not inviting people to my household. That's not going to happen.
And if they kept pushing for it, then this is
not fucking happening. No more discussion going forward. And if
(01:29:02):
you keep pushing for this, We're gonna have to reevaluate
what you looking in our life looks like.
Speaker 3 (01:29:06):
Okay, these are all just hypothetical scenarios because these are
conversations that you and I will never have Otherwise, you
and I are very clear. The house is the fucking domain.
Nobody comes to our house without us knowing. We had
somebody come to the house yesterday and knock on the
door to look at our junction box on the back
of the house and that door like he knocked, I
(01:29:26):
got bay next to the door, like, I don't know
who the fuck you are knocking on my door right now.
Speaker 1 (01:29:29):
Nobody comes to our house without knowing.
Speaker 3 (01:29:31):
My best friend lets me know hours in advance, like
i'most swinging by after work.
Speaker 1 (01:29:34):
Yeah, Like, we don't do that.
Speaker 3 (01:29:37):
And I would never ever just let somebody come into
our house that didn't let us know that we were
coming first.
Speaker 1 (01:29:43):
I would open that door and be like, what do
you want. I've actually done this.
Speaker 3 (01:29:45):
The dude that we used to buy our cars from
at the Key dealership, I'm not gonna say as name
on the podcast, he showed up at our house once,
not our house, but like twenty years ago I've known
him for a long time. He was still a young man.
He had been like eighteen years old, seventeen or eighteen.
Came over and just knocked on my door. He's like,
I was driving by and I saw your car, and
I'm like, and what do you want?
Speaker 1 (01:30:05):
He said, I just want to say what's up? Like,
get the fuck off my property.
Speaker 3 (01:30:07):
Dude, Like, don't ever show up here on invited like that,
Like you're not welcome here unless I tell you you're welcome here.
And it was from a place of you're a young man,
you need to understand how this works. Yeah, but like
I don't fuck around with that, dude, Like this, this
this domain is our castle and it needs to be protected.
Speaker 1 (01:30:23):
I don't give a fuck who it is. Yeah.
Speaker 3 (01:30:25):
I hate to say it, but even if my adopted
mom showed up unannounced to our house to surprise me,
I'd have a problem with it.
Speaker 1 (01:30:31):
Yeah, me too.
Speaker 3 (01:30:31):
You call me from the hotel, let me know you're
in town so I can at least clean up or
get dressed like something.
Speaker 2 (01:30:37):
Or I had plans for today. Hey guys, a little
quick interruption. If you're enjoying the content, please leave alike,
and also don't forget to comment. We enjoy interacting with you,
guys and hearing your opinions, and it.
Speaker 3 (01:30:46):
Helps the algorithm. It's also free to do, and if
you really want to help make sure the show continues
to do, hit the subscribe button and share the content
across your social media's. It costs you nothing and it
greatly helps the show. I think that's it for this episode.
We are an hour and forty three and this is
the longest episode we've made for a podcast in a while.
So with that being said, guys, remember you are the
(01:31:08):
authors of your own life, and we will see you
on the next one.
Speaker 2 (01:31:12):
By guys,