Needed to find herself S3. Ep.46

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Episode Transcript

Speaker 1 (00:00):
Look up, lou cons all these things. Oh oh wow,
is you?

Speaker 2 (00:14):
You're my favorite us But that's not.

Speaker 3 (00:20):
Me, and we are back.

Speaker 2 (00:23):
Welcome back, bumble bitches.

Speaker 3 (00:25):
I don't even know what episode this is. I think
it's forty six.

Speaker 2 (00:29):
I think this is today the twenty second, Today's.

Speaker 3 (00:32):
August twenty second. Oh my gosh, yep, August twenty second.
I believe that this is episode forty six. I think
that forty five is still on my desktop waiting to
be edited. So we are we are.

Speaker 2 (00:43):
Here, We are here, We are here, We are here.

Speaker 3 (00:46):
Josiah asked good morning to all. I said, good morning
to all. Chris, what made you shave the beard? I
shaved my beard because I died it because I'm feeling
old and my shit is white as fucking at forty
forty four years old, I shouldn't have a white beard
like that. And I was like, all right, I'm gonna
just get like some some ginger dye and get it
back to its normal color. And it did not go
normal as shit looked purple.

Speaker 2 (01:08):
Yeah, it was very burgundy. I it wasn't ginger hair dye.
It was it was men's beard dye. But all they
had was this ginger brown, and when it applied to
the white, it came out very burgundy purple.

Speaker 3 (01:23):
Yep, So I cut it off.

Speaker 2 (01:25):
We cut it off.

Speaker 3 (01:26):
Tried a whole lot of shit to get it out first. Yeah,
pretty sure. I burned my skin a little bit.

Speaker 2 (01:31):
Yeah, but you're getting all that fresh new skin underneath, yeah,
which is nice.

Speaker 3 (01:37):
Oh.

Speaker 2 (01:38):
I saw a sleeping bee this morning. Everybody you did, so,
I thought he was dead, right, there was a gentle breeze.
I was collecting some African cranberry hibiscuits for my husband
Smoothie this morning. She was a fairy. That's how I feel,
saying that out loud. And I came across in our
garden on our starfruits. What is my life? This big

(02:03):
fat bumblebee and he was just hanging there, super stiff,
and I was like, oh, buddy, did you not make it?
Was it too much? Too much fallen or something? And like,
like I said, there was a gentle breeze going so
like it's swaying back and forth, and he's just I
was like okay, And I took some pictures of him
and I was like, yes, this looks great. I'm so

(02:24):
sorry you died. And I was like I was gonna
take them because I collect insects, and then I put
them on bookshelves or on top of my apothecary books
for the aesthetic of it. And I was like, before
I touch him, I should like tap the branch. And
I tapped it and a homeboy pulled his head out

(02:45):
of the flower so quick. Oh. It was like a
little buddy or a lie. That's fantastic. And like, I
think because he sat there just kind of like looking,
I think he was waking up. And then I came
in to focus and he was like fuck and like
zoomed off real quick.

Speaker 3 (03:02):
That's funny.

Speaker 2 (03:03):
Yeah, he was an app. I got some really cute photo.
I'm gonna post them on my Instagram. I need to
edit them first, like you said, but.

Speaker 3 (03:10):
Yeah, you gotta brighten them a little bit.

Speaker 2 (03:12):
Got I'm gonna post it in Discord right now. Guys
in the ball pit, these aren't edited, remember that. But
you can see him. He's just gripping sleep him.

Speaker 3 (03:24):
For those of you who are watching through the Patreon
app or on Patreon, click the YouTube button. Like if
you click over the video, a YouTube thing will pop up.
If you click that, it'll bring you to the YouTube
channel where you can watch this where the chat is happening,
so that you guys can be involved in the chat.
I need to get used to saying that, because every
time we go live, people comment on pareon and we'll
see it. So we got we're gonna do some emails today.

(03:50):
I think we should just jump into it while she's
pulling up email, guys. We still have bunks available for
the Couple's retreats, a couple slash co ed retreat in December.
We have seven spots available for Greece in May, and
we have four or five spots available for available for
Bali in May. I don't think we're going to be

(04:11):
doing any other trovia trips next year. That's going to
really depend on whether or not these move because as
of right now, this has cost us a lot.

Speaker 2 (04:23):
So I'm very excited for the Grease trip.

Speaker 3 (04:29):
I'm more excited for Bali.

Speaker 2 (04:31):
I'm excited for both of them for different reasons. Right
I know Bali. Both of them are very rich with history.
I'm very excited to go to the Are we going
to the Acropolis?

Speaker 3 (04:41):
Yes?

Speaker 2 (04:42):
There, my gosh, the ruins. There are sister statues there
that I want to see.

Speaker 3 (04:48):
It'd be shame if we you know, it's a shame
that we couldn't stay an extra day. Yeah, guess what
we're staying extra day. I put it in last night
in Greece. Yeah. So, so our trip ends, and because
of the time frame from Greece to Bali, we have
an extra day in Greece after our trip. Then we
fly to Bali and we have an entire day in
Bali before we're supposed to be in Bali.

Speaker 2 (05:10):
Oh I love that.

Speaker 3 (05:11):
So we'll have a day to ourselves to dick around.

Speaker 2 (05:16):
Oh I'm so excited. Okay, calm down. There's so much history.
I want to see the cobblestone streets, and I want
to feel the energy and the columns. I want to
get pictures. I'm gonna have a whole wardrobe for grease.
This is gonna be one of the dresses. I wanna

(05:38):
be a lot of photos out there.

Speaker 3 (05:39):
I'm gonna wear hairm pants the entire trip and probably
crocs unless I'm unless I'm barefoot by then Yeah, we'll see.
I do have my my my verbo or whatever they're called,
my grip on. Yeah, the barefoot shooes.

Speaker 2 (05:52):
Yeah, I'll be your model. In Greece, you won't have
to be fancy, okay. And then in Bali, I'm really
looking forward to the whole virtual aspect, making our own medicine,
the water purification ritual. Oh my gosh.

Speaker 3 (06:07):
Yeah, we'll be good. Times will be good times. Alex
said that when you're in Athens, you have to go
to breakfast slash brunch at Little Kook Peaches. You'll love it.

Speaker 2 (06:18):
Okay, I'll have to be reminded of that.

Speaker 3 (06:22):
Yep. All right, let's see some emails she's doing over there.

Speaker 2 (06:27):
There's something in my eyeball, let's start with it.

Speaker 3 (06:29):
Thank you.

Speaker 2 (06:30):
Okay, holy shit? What I was at Ace Hardware locally
with the children and I ran into a lady and
I'm assuming it was her husband if I recall properly,

(06:53):
and she was like, we saw the truck out there.
My husband was like, I think Peaches is here and
I was like, no, she's not, and she came over it.
She sent the photo that I took with her in
the email.

Speaker 3 (07:03):
Okay, so you know who the emails from.

Speaker 2 (07:05):
I know who this is from. Okay, that's exciting, Okay.
I was totally bumming it that day. I got to
meet Peaches. My husband and I had the luck of
running into a Peaches a few weekends ago. I acted
like a little kid in a literal candy shop. What
an idiot. I must have looked like you didn't, You

(07:27):
did not. The excitement was infectious. Each day since I
have thought about sending you an email, but feared I
looked too much of a fangirl, so I tried to
gauge the appropriate amount of time that would not make
me appear a stalker. I think you're ever thinking it
a little bit. It's okay, you guys meeting you guys

(07:50):
in that excitement and that that's what keeps us going
in all of this. I also wanted this picture, so
I appreciate it.

Speaker 3 (08:00):
Post that to your Instagram too.

Speaker 2 (08:01):
Yeah, my family moved here a year ago, and I've
slowly picked up on the things you said on the
podcast or things in your post where I've thought, I'm
pretty sure we live in the same down. My husband
and I followed y'all for a long time, so the
idea of running into you got us both excited. He
has a mechanic and a major car guy, so you
guessed it. It was Peach's car and the parking lot

(08:23):
that gave it away.

Speaker 3 (08:24):
Big pink Bronco.

Speaker 2 (08:25):
The big pink Bronco. Yeah, we pulled in and I
immediately lost my shit. I didn't even stopped for a
shopping cart, which we all knew I needed, and I
went looking for you inconspicuously. I spotted you without Chris.
The immediate reaction was disappointment, because we have loved the
chance to meet you both. But I was in such

(08:47):
awe at how beautiful you were and how you interacted
with your babies that I quickly forgot about Chris. Yeah,
I was out with the children in my natural habitat.
Uh sorry, dude, meaning you y. You knew as I
approached you that I was one of those weird girls
that follows you. I could see it in your eyes.

(09:10):
I don't view it as weird. I can always tell
right once people just don't look at you and grin
right so or cry right or cry. That's a big one.
Something that a lot of ladies do is like they'll
stand there but with their hands in front of them,
like they're scared to touch something. Yeah, and they'll just
like be grinning at me with their head up. It's funny, Yeah,

(09:31):
that's it's a telltale. She said, I'm obviously kidding. You
were the sweetest, offered a photo and a hug. I
was in heaven. I want to tell you our story,
not just because I think you'd enjoy hearing a story
of a couple that isn't fully isn't full of heartache
and tragedy, but because we truly have so much in common.
I made a comment when we met that you probably

(09:53):
thought was so odd. I said, we are like the
younger version of y'all. It didn't come out how I
meant it, but I'm regretted it.

Speaker 3 (10:02):
God, you made it weird. Why'd you make it weird?

Speaker 2 (10:11):
I'm gonna be honest, I may be one of those
women who are rare. Thank you for thinking I'm older
than I am. I honestly, that didn't cross my mind
saying the younger version of us. I think everybody that
I meet in public is either older than me or
younger than me.

Speaker 3 (10:27):
Yeah.

Speaker 2 (10:32):
Uh. Continuing, I was trying to say, we see ourselves
in you both, and when we think of where we
want to be in ten years, you guys are it.
We are at a good place, and we truly always
have been. But We are people that believe a marriage
always has room for growth, and we've learned even more
from listening to you guys just how much growth is
possible for us. With that being said, our reach back

(10:53):
out in the future and share our story. But for now,
I wanted to thank you for being you, not just
on camera. You are exactly the same person when you're
standing in front of people, and that's so refreshing. I
also want to add that you were even more beautiful
in person, which I didn't mean you realized was possible.
And she signed off as plant chick, which she told
me that day. Going forward, you'll know it's me because

(11:14):
I'm the plant chet. Okay, that's the picture.

Speaker 3 (11:20):
Oh you were actually Oh I just kicked the keyboard again.
Hopefully they didn't turn anything off. Okay. I always have
to look when they're covered in tattoos to find out
if they were done at the shop while I was
working there. Oh yeah, well hell yeah. It's cool seeing
people doing the thing and being happy in life.

Speaker 2 (11:39):
Yes it is. I love meeting you guys in the wild,
And then it's always crazy to me when we run
into people in public. They're like, I didn't think you
would live in a town like this, Well where do
you think we live?

Speaker 3 (11:54):
Probably in like California or a major city. Yeah, this
is small town. It's not like tiny small town. But
it was twenty.

Speaker 2 (12:04):
Years ago, you know I remember that.

Speaker 3 (12:06):
Yeah, so do I When I first moved down here, Like,
we didn't even have the Walmart in Northport.

Speaker 2 (12:10):
Yet, so I had to drive south to go to Walmart.

Speaker 3 (12:16):
Yeah. I had to go out with poor Charlotte.

Speaker 2 (12:17):
Yep. Yeah, all right, So this is a am I blind,
naive or selfish? I don't know, but I know I
am a broken man. Hi, Christ and Peaches. I would
like to start off by saying thank you all the
way from South Africa and keep doing what you're doing.

(12:39):
Over the past year. I've come to love your podcast
shorts and conversations. Oh my goodness. It's crazy to think
of the reach.

Speaker 3 (12:46):
That we have it in it when you think about
like we just had when we started that live before
it got flagged on TikTok, we were at seven hundred viewers. Yeah,
do you know how many people that would be? Like,
you couldn't even fit seven hundred people in our house. No,
like if everybody was shoulder to shoulder touching, taking.

Speaker 2 (13:02):
Up every every inch.

Speaker 3 (13:04):
We would not be able to fit seven hundred people
in here. It's crazy, it is, it really is.

Speaker 2 (13:13):
Continuing yep. I never had the confidence to send you
this email, but thank you so much for Season three,
episode one and your discussion on Soulmates, which gave me
the confidence to send this. Okay, I have so much
to unpack and a lot of history behind this story.
I will try and share as much as I can

(13:34):
that is relevant to my current situation that some additional
context might be brief. We have been married for fourteen
years and have two beautiful children that I love with
my entire being. My wife is an amazing stay at
home mom taking care of our house. But as of
right now, I am shattered and not knowing if I
am selfish in how I'm feeling right now. Some background

(13:55):
and twenty eleven, my wife and I decided to immigrate
to Canada. We ended up living there for twelve years.
I even sponsored her parents to become Canadian and they
still live here since we moved back to South Africa
in twenty twenty three. Oh, they still live there. Since
we moved back to South Africa, my wife and I
have had got that. My wife and I have had

(14:19):
many hardships, communication issues, and challenges we have dealt with
during the years and have always found a way through
Christ and our love to be there for one another,
open to learn, grow, and healed to make it through.
Shortly after the pandemic, my wife fell ill. Long story short.
It got so bad that there would be days on
end where she was physically not able to get out

(14:39):
of bed. This was due to being on such a
strong and bad combination of medication that her body shut down.
That's terrifying, isn't it, My goodness, and that's practicing medicine. Yes,
we were on endless waiting list to see specialists, and
her home doctor just tried to numb her pain, sporadic
behavior years, et cetera, through the forms of medication. I

(15:04):
mention this because during the years of twenty one to
twenty three, I did as much as humanly possible for
my wife to not be stressed, in pain or have
to worry about anything. I was managing the kids, school runs,
bath cooking, cleaning, along with maintaining my work balance as well.

Speaker 3 (15:19):
Okay, so you were being a partner, You were being you,
You were upholding your vowels like right, I understand there's
a lot of stress that goes into that, but there's
honor in that too, so like be grateful for that,
Like you should wear that with as a badge of
honor and not as a well I was doing all.

Speaker 2 (15:35):
These things right, something to be bitter about, Right.

Speaker 3 (15:38):
This is what you signed up for when you said
I do yes.

Speaker 2 (15:44):
Continuing during this time, she started losing herself and we
drove up endless miles to see doctors and try to
get her diagnosed. One day in twenty twenty three, my
then six year old son came to her with a
straight face and asked her, Mommy, are you busy dying?

Speaker 3 (15:59):
Wow?

Speaker 2 (16:01):
Jeez man, that's one of those situations where I would
just stop all the medications. Right. You can't stop all
of the medications because some of them are there. I'm
going to try to wean myself off of the ones
that aren't vital for my survival. That many chemicals reacting
inside of your body, I would have to like process

(16:24):
of elimination. I would rather not be here than not
be myself.

Speaker 3 (16:34):
During the interview last night that I did with Michael,
which is live on Patreon, if you guys haven't seen
that yet. I think it was a very good interview.
We were talking that we live longer now, like we
have a longer life span, but the quality of our
life has decreased because even though we're living for longer durations,
we're not healthy. I would rather have a good end

(16:56):
of life, even if it's a short end of life
then how I mean, you know, ten years of sickness
before I die.

Speaker 2 (17:02):
Right, pain aches can't do things that you enjoy.

Speaker 3 (17:08):
Yeah, it's a hard position to be in for everybody involved,
the person who's sick, the spouse, the kids. Like, that's
that's rough.

Speaker 2 (17:16):
Yeah. That actually broke me and was the final straw.
What I mean by final straw. I was not realizing
what my kids saw did to them. So on that
day I told my wife I will be moving her
and our family back to South Africa. Here we could
get treatment within days. This was a hard decision with

(17:37):
a lot of unknowns. I had to ask my employer
for permission to be able to work from another country
and work on a nine hour time difference, knowing I
would have to prove that we can make it work.
Oh man, See, that's one of those head of household decisions.

Speaker 3 (17:53):
Absolutely.

Speaker 2 (17:54):
Yeah.

Speaker 3 (17:55):
That also speaks to the health the socialized healthcare that
Canada has. Yes, the amount of people that I know
that live in Canada that come to the United States
to have their surgeries, because like my buddy Ben blew
his knee out, had had a steel beam land on it,
like fucked his shit up, and like it took him
a little while to get in and then it was
a little while longer for surgery, and like he came
to the United States and had it all done within

(18:16):
like three weeks.

Speaker 2 (18:17):
Mm hmm.

Speaker 3 (18:17):
It cost him a lot of money. It wasn't free,
but he was also not waiting on people to get
it done. It's no different than us going to other
countries for cheaper surgeries, right but yeah.

Speaker 2 (18:26):
Right, Yeah. Within the first three months of moving back
September of twenty three, my wife was not only able
to see a specialist, but also got diagnosed with tourets
and got treatment that made her go from barely being
able to function to being able to function with ninety
five percent normality and has been for the last year.

Speaker 3 (18:45):
And all she had was turets, which means everything that
they were giving her is what was making her sick.

Speaker 2 (18:51):
What making her sick and making her come back? Jesus,
I would have weaned myself off the drugs. That's how
much I that's how little trust I have in the
pharmaceutical and medical industry.

Speaker 3 (19:06):
You don't have to explain that shit to me at all.
I fucking get it. Yeah, I don't even like the
fact that I'm taking maloxa CAAM now, and I know
that the MALOCKX camp is helping. I can also tell
you that taking Maringa every day helps just as much
as that malox camps because on days when we have
my shake, like my back's not bothering me at all
right now, Like I'm not in pain. I was in
pain yesterday all day, and like it was because we
miss shakes over the weekend. Next time we travel, we're

(19:28):
gonna have to bring that shit with us, like they're
Everything that we need to survive and to take care
of ourselves is already here. God gave us all of
that shit, like it, we just got to figure out
how to utilize stuff. Yeah, I don't know. I understand.
There's a place for medicine. We're not saying to come
off your meds, guys, seek you know, opinions and do
your own research on shit.

Speaker 2 (19:47):
Yeah, that's not gonna heal cancer.

Speaker 3 (19:49):
No, all right. So I have seen a whole lot
of stuff recently that says that if you fast for
three minimum of three days, that your body eats its cancer.

Speaker 2 (19:59):
So U I saw that too. Yeah, Oh gosh, fasting
for three days is hard.

Speaker 3 (20:07):
The first day's hard.

Speaker 2 (20:08):
Yeah, I know I can do it. I just don't
want to. I like the feeling of food in my mouth.
I've rolled it in my tongue. For the first time
in years, we were able to live, laugh and love
together and enjoy life. We made the decision to stay
in South Africa permanently and enjoy life here. Fast forward

(20:29):
December of twenty four. My wife has given hints that
she is really missing her parents who still live in Canada,
as well as her brother who also lives there now,
and she hasn't seen him since twenty seventeen.

Speaker 3 (20:40):
So why doesn't she just go visit? Right, that's the
answer to I miss him, then go visit. I'll see
you in a week.

Speaker 2 (20:46):
Right, go stay for a week excluding travel days. Right,
So she's gonna take I thought it would be a
good surprise on our anniversary in December to give her
four plane tickets so that we could spend Christmas time
with her family. That I think that's a fantastic solution.
She came to you with a problem and ask her
husband again provided a solution. I think, like track record

(21:10):
first one was a really great decision. She's herself again,
so yep, doing the thing continuing. The first sign of
me thinking something was up was the blank expression on
her face, to which I asked and she replied with
she was overwhelmed with this, but she is thankful, to
which I could understand. The week leading up to our flight,

(21:32):
she stayed the same emotionless about the flight to Canada,
and made me wonder about times in our past where
she would bottle things up to a point where it
would render her emotionless. This hasn't happened in almost eight years.
That that would also sidetrack me right now. Is she

(21:53):
someone who usually gets animated and excited about things? Because
if she's, oh, my goodness, thank you, I'm so excited
and can't shut up about it leading up to it,
and then suddenly this is her response, I would be sidetracked,
blown off the rails. I don't know what cliche thing
to say.

Speaker 3 (22:12):
Yeah, yeah, I'm curious as to why she's doing that,
because I think that that's a phenomenal decision.

Speaker 2 (22:20):
M hm.

Speaker 3 (22:22):
You know if you were like I miss so and so,
that I would try to get you there or get
them here.

Speaker 2 (22:26):
Yeah. You are also not someone who has big reactions
to surprise their gifts.

Speaker 3 (22:34):
I am a really bad gift receiver. I'm aware of that.
I don't get overly excited like you do.

Speaker 2 (22:43):
I gets super excited about it. Making sure that wasn't
a message that needed my immediate attention. Okay, continuing, Yes, okay, pause,
and some background for me. Early on in my life,
I was diagnosed with sensory processing disorder sensory overload. In
a nutshell, I have trigger I had traggers. I have

(23:07):
triggers that make my brain literally want to hide from
everything and everyone. If you have seen the movie The Accountant,
it's almost similar. Have you seen The Accountant?

Speaker 3 (23:17):
Yep, dude's a killer word. It's the Ben Affleck movie
where he claims to be an accountant.

Speaker 2 (23:24):
Are you the killer? Is that what you mean?

Speaker 3 (23:28):
He he has he look. I thought it was an
autistic thing, but you'd have to watch it. It's okay.
It's a good little action movie.

Speaker 1 (23:37):
All right.

Speaker 2 (23:39):
Continuing during our married life, I have tried to explain
to my wife how and what it is, et cetera,
but she has always had a tough time understanding it.
As during my life I have learned to deal with
it and have minor episodes, and I have my safe
spaces and safe zone kits. So she has always been aware,
but never really fully understood. Okay, back to our trip. Okay,

(24:03):
so I want to pause there. I thought there's gonna
be more information. I think it is vastly important for
both people in a marriage to try to understand how
the other person's reality happens. Right, You are somebody when
you are having a hard time, a bad mental day,
whatever the case may be. You don't want me to

(24:26):
lay on you for five minutes and breathe into your
face and whatever whatever. You want space you want.

Speaker 3 (24:33):
To move for over here? She just hit the camera again.

Speaker 2 (24:36):
I don't remember to saying.

Speaker 3 (24:37):
You were talking about me, but you didn't get to
where you were going because she hit the camera.

Speaker 2 (24:44):
Oh you are You're someone who you want space to process.
You want to work through your shit mentally before you
start interacting with the reality around you. And that doesn't
mean that you're giving me the cold shoulder for the day.
We're still giving each other kisses as we walk passage
at each other, or I'm checking on you and rubbing
your shoulders. There's still that baseline of our marriage that happens.

(25:08):
If I don't try to understand that you need that
space and I just assume that you're the same as
me and you need compression and cuddles and in the skin,
that would be very hard in our relationship.

Speaker 3 (25:23):
It would be'd be very overwhelming for me. Right, It
would be one of those times where I ask you
to not touch me like that would create a whole
lot of insecurity.

Speaker 2 (25:31):
Yeah, yep, all right. So back to the trip. After
arriving and settling in bear in mind our trip was
thirty days long. Who good husband? Good husband? Thirty days
are you staying? Are you staying with them?

Speaker 3 (25:51):
I wonder if he worked that whole time because he
works remote.

Speaker 2 (25:55):
Oh, that's true, that would definitely make it easy.

Speaker 3 (25:58):
Yeah.

Speaker 2 (26:01):
So, thirty days long, I started talking to my wife
about the science that were bothering me. We have always
been good with communication, or at least I thought, so
every time I asked my wife what is wrong, she
says nothing. But I can see she is not talking
to me, and that is bothering me. For anybody who
needs to hear it, you're ooh. I was scratching the

(26:25):
side of my nose and as I lifted the tip
of my nail. Your you're not slick with hiding your emotions.
Your face says it, your body language says it. Remember
earlier when we were talking about that emf that we
give off with our energy.

Speaker 3 (26:43):
Yeah, people can feel it.

Speaker 2 (26:44):
Shit, it's suffocating in the air.

Speaker 3 (26:46):
Especially with people who love you and are in tune
to you.

Speaker 2 (26:49):
Yes, it's like in a tumn from D and D.
I'm your special little harp.

Speaker 3 (26:58):
It's funny.

Speaker 2 (26:59):
Oh my gosh, me, Daddy, I couldn't. I couldn't just
let it go by funny. I had to have that
moment with my husband. Everybody continuing, yep, okay, I can

(27:19):
see that she's not talking to me, and it's bothering me.
I received a phone call from her sister while I
was at the office, asking me if everything's okay. So
he was working. She spoke to my wife and she
could see something was up. But she denied it. They
have a very close relationship, so that now, now this
is becoming more of a red flag for me, not

(27:40):
talking to the husband and not talking to the sister.
She's definitely, in my opinion, lying by omission at this point.

Speaker 3 (27:49):
I'm I'm really confused as to why she would even
have a problem right now.

Speaker 2 (27:54):
Right, Oh, I really thought I was gonna have to
rescue my thing.

Speaker 3 (27:57):
Wonder if she wanted to go without him. I wonder
if she's been talking to somebody else on the internet
hoping to get some alone time with them. Don't know
if that'll be a thing or not, but that's where
my brain is at right now. I also expect the
worst of everyone.

Speaker 2 (28:13):
So right, I always set the standard low.

Speaker 3 (28:18):
He well, you're never disappointed, right.

Speaker 2 (28:20):
I let people raise it themselves. Your character is going
to raise that bar. How much can you flux that
muscle of you? Yeah? All right? Continuing After getting home
from the office, which is two hours away from where
we stayed, so I was away from her for a week,
I got her away from the kids for a night
alone and we talked. As soon as I asked her

(28:42):
again what was wrong, and also that her sister called me.
I'm always honest about our life conversations. She lost her shit. Okay,
So from my understand, they've been physically apart for a
week because of the two hour commute, and I'm not
doing four hours a day, right, So that makes sense,
And that's that's that sacrifice that he's making because he

(29:05):
wanted to fulfill that need in her to be around.

Speaker 3 (29:07):
Her family, which is a sacrifice.

Speaker 2 (29:11):
It is. It's a sacrifice. He's away from the children
for a week, he's away from the wife for the week,
and it's going to happen for a month. So she
lost her shit. Would you tell me that my sister
called you?

Speaker 3 (29:29):
I would tell you the moment she called. As soon
as I hung up the phone, I'd be like, your
sister just called me. Okay, this this might just be
a me thing. But like, unless there's a real emergency,
I don't want to talk to people like.

Speaker 2 (29:42):
That, right, Like, there's no real reason for you to
be calling right, right.

Speaker 3 (29:48):
But that's also like that speaks on to the relationships
that I have with people. Right If if Jenna or
Jenny reached out to me after talking to you, that
would be very different. Then I guess maybe that's the
situation because I'm I'm not close to your sister, right,
But if somebody else did reach out to me, I
would still reach out to you immediately and be like, Hey,
so and so just reached out to you. You and
I have to be on the same page about everything.

(30:09):
There can't be secrets between us, and there can't be
you know, don't tell her the fuck you mean, don't
tell her. That's my wife. She's priority one in the
world to me. You just fucked up by telling me
that shit, because there's that's not happening.

Speaker 2 (30:21):
Yeah, whatever you're scared of is not gonna splash me.
Shouldn't have done it.

Speaker 3 (30:24):
Yeah, there are times where, you know, if Sean was
telling me something super personal about his life and was like,
don't tell nobody. I'm not telling you that, right, It
doesn't involve us. That's his life. I'm just a soundboard.
Very different scenario.

Speaker 2 (30:38):
Yes, I agree with that, all right. So continuing, she
lost her shit. She told me that she is tired
of people asking her what is wrong, She is tired
of people asking her why it looks like she is
not herself anymore, et cetera, et cetera. And I asked
her why she thinks people are asking this, and explained,
we asked because we love her and care, So I

(30:59):
want to pause that. I want to pause on that.
I don't need a pause on that already want people
know when you're going through something and you're not slick,
all right, continuing on, she finally opened up and broke
down a bit, and she told me that for over
a year now she has not been able to find
herself and that she is drowning in self doubt and emptiness. Okay,

(31:25):
so I know I've been through that, right. I had
like a whole little breakdown in front of my husband
about finally feeling like an adult, finally feeling like a
grown woman, and shedding all of the things that was
dragging me like I was dragging behind me, all of

(31:47):
the weight. I understand how scary that is to say
out loud, especially when you think that your person has this.
Oh well, they tell me I'm perfect, so I have
to be perfect. There is a subconscious pressure there, there
is that. It's another fucking thing. Right, she was just sick.

(32:11):
He just went through all of these things to help
her get better.

Speaker 3 (32:15):
What I didn't hit record on anything other than obs.
It's gonna be a super easy episode to edit. Okay,
it is going to be side by side for the
whole time.

Speaker 2 (32:23):
Oh, I hope I didn't do anything embarrassing.

Speaker 3 (32:26):
Sorry, guys. Fuck. I was frustrated after the TikTok thing,
and I didn't think about it.

Speaker 2 (32:31):
Yeah.

Speaker 3 (32:32):
I looked over it because I was like, oh, she
got to leave, she gotta wrap up an hour and
fifteen minutes. And I didn't see a red light when
I looked back, and I'm like, bitch, this is the
technical shit that we do wrong on a regular basis. Yeah,
I so on all of this before you pick that
back up. The only thing I don't understand is why
did this start? When she said after he booked the

(32:53):
tickets for everything.

Speaker 2 (32:55):
Maybe that's when he noticed Yeah, right, okay, maybe like
day to day she isn't. I don't know. That would
be one of those moments where I'm like, okay, alarm
bells are definitely going off. There's something not right here.
There could have been moments part where he was like,
I can't tell if she's all right. Maybe she's just

(33:16):
not feeling on like one hundred percent today. Whatever the
case may be, it's silly to hold things in like this,
like lady to lady, woman, A woman don't hold things
in like this. This is one of those things that's
going to poison your well and your husband and children
are drinking from that. Yep, you're drinking from that some minute. Now. Remember,

(33:44):
I need to try and process that. Not only is
my person feeling like this, but she has also been
able to successfully hide this from me for over a
year and also allowed herself to fall into this dark
hole alone.

Speaker 3 (33:57):
The question is why did she hide it from you
for every year? Because is It's a much deeper discussion.

Speaker 2 (34:01):
Yes, there is. Also I'm not taking this personally right
like you going through all of that. You're not doing
that to me now. If I'm not a safe place
for you. You could be doing it because of me,
for whatever reasons you may have, but you're still not
doing that to me. It's a self preservation thing versus

(34:24):
I don't like my wife anymore right never in my life.
I imagine that this is what was going on. So
we started talking about it and putting my feelings aside
for a moment to focus on how I can help
her get back to herself. Promising and reminding her that
we have an open door, no bullshit communication policy we
always have. Okay, so I want to pause there. There

(34:48):
is also a level of I need to be a
woman for you, and I'm not going to cry being
shaky in the foundation of who we are as a woman,
in our femininity and right because if we don't know

(35:09):
who we are, we're not being bubbly, we are not
being flirtatious or sexy or and if we are, there
is not that confidence that's behind it. When that's not
a thing. There is that subconscious primal like there's a
better woman out there. And there's also like tack onto

(35:34):
that when I keep something inside of me, it's not
reality if I say it out loud to the world
and somebody else hears it and can give me feedback
on it. And now this is something I truly have
to face head on.

Speaker 3 (35:46):
It's a lot, it is it really is.

Speaker 2 (35:50):
Anything you want to add.

Speaker 3 (35:52):
That very primal there's somebody out there that will take
care of your person the way that you're failing to
do so is something that I think that everybody should remember,
something to remember. You know how many men would love
to fall into my position with you specifically, like it

(36:12):
would take one mishap like that. That's a very real
reality for me.

Speaker 2 (36:18):
That's the thing for me too, right, well, I know
what I have.

Speaker 3 (36:21):
Yeah, So what it comes down to, like, I'm not
fucking I'm not screwing this up.

Speaker 2 (36:26):
I'm not gonna fumble this.

Speaker 3 (36:27):
Right exactly exactly. Yeah, but I think that that speaks
to our relationship. Yeah, you know what I mean. People
are in relationships but don't have a relationship. It's a
very different thing. That is that one more time you
were in a relationship but you don't have a relationship.

Speaker 2 (36:44):
Oh that made my heart tingly. Yeah. I like how
that made me feel. My heart's nipples got hard.

Speaker 3 (36:56):
Oh my order.

Speaker 2 (37:00):
Not the left ventricle.

Speaker 3 (37:02):
That's funny.

Speaker 2 (37:03):
Ah, thanks for being silly with me, of course. All right, continuing,
there was a lot to process that evening, but we
got through it, and I told her I had to
process my feelings about this as well, and we have
to follow up and we bleb them.

Speaker 3 (37:24):
Hold on, Jay said, I won't even put myself in
a position to fumble it. That's what I'm talking about. Yeah,
this is this is I'm not gonna put myself in
a position where there could be a hint of emotional infidelity.
This is going to be a situation where it might
take me a little while to come around to the
things that are bothering you. But once I understand it,

(37:45):
that shit's out of my fucking life. I'm not dealing
with it anymore because I don't want any type of
stupidity to fucking disrupt our lives. And don't get me wrong,
sometimes it takes me a little while to understand things.

Speaker 2 (37:55):
I have.

Speaker 3 (37:58):
Been hitting the head a lot. Sometimes I'm just fucking
stubborn and don't want to understand it. Sometimes there might
be something in my life that I'm finding value in
that you are vehemently against, and like, we just have
to navigate that. But I have to weigh that one
thing versus the other ninety nine percent of my life,
and when you look at it that way, that one

(38:19):
thing is not worth it. This is all there is
to that. So he's absolutely right in that, Like you
need to you, guys, if you want to make sure
that your relationship is squared away and like proper, you
need to stop putting yourself in situations where things can
be questioned.

Speaker 2 (38:34):
Right, Yeah, there is something that I want to touch on. Oh,
so he said, for the last year, she's been hiding
it from me, this not knowing herself the spiral, like
she did get herself into this hole by not asking
for help from her husband, whatever that may have looked
like for her in the moment, you are somebody if

(38:59):
I don't come to you in the moment of something
that bothers me and I bring it up three weeks later,
you feel like the last three weeks I've been lying
to Yah, And I would bet that's how he feels
right now.

Speaker 3 (39:08):
Yeah, I believe that. I also don't believe her. Yeah, yep.
I don't know why it could be factual, but whatever's
going on here, something telling me that this is bullshit.

Speaker 2 (39:19):
Doesn't sit right with you.

Speaker 3 (39:20):
Yep.

Speaker 2 (39:21):
Yeah. There was a lot to process that evening, but
we got through it, and I told her I had
to process my feelings about this as well, and we
would have a follow up conversation to make sure I
have no ill feeling or if I have, so we
can deal with them at the time. A few days later,
I had the worst, absolute worst SPD episode I have

(39:41):
ever experienced in my life. While playing cards at my
sister's place, who also lives in Canada, so bad that
I had a bad snap that brought my knees to tears,
and I felt so horribly bad about it. I spent
the next few hours explaining it to everyone. But one
of the side effects of a fatigue overload, I had
trouble talking, mumbling, and had brain fog, so I excuse

(40:04):
myself to go to bed. When my wife checked up
on me, bear in mind she has never experienced this
type of episode before. I almost felt judged. I was scared,
as I have never ever felt like this before. Honest
to god, I was scared to go to sleep as
it felt like my body was going to shut down.
And I shared this with my wife, to which her

(40:25):
response was I'm sorry you feel that way with little emotion.
I don't have SPD or however, he abbreviated that I
don't want to lose my spot in the email, I
have borderline, and when I was in the thick of

(40:46):
my borderline, there were one hundred percent things that I
was going through. When I was a third person looking
in on my body going through it, there is a
level of patience that has to be had with people
who have mental illness or personality disorders. If I was
going through it and I was telling you I'm scared

(41:06):
to go to sleep, I feel like my body is
betraying me, whatever the case may be. In the moment,
and you hit me with I'm sorry you feel that
way now, my abandonment's kicking in. Yeah, that would be
a huge problem for me, especially after being there for
you for three years when you were horribly sick, and
moving our family to South Africa and bringing you to

(41:29):
Canada because you missed your family so much. The least
you could have done is say, babe, call me. I
don't want to do this over text message.

Speaker 3 (41:36):
There needs to be levels of compassion there. Yeah, regardless
of mental illness or personality disorders or anything else. This
is a simple compassion. People want to be loved by
their person right. Where was the loving aspect in that moment?
It sounds to me like you were an inconvenience to
her because you were having an episode. Yeah, I would
That's how I would feel in that moment.

Speaker 2 (41:56):
Yo, continue yep. I thought, Okay, she's going through a
lot tonight with a lot and finally fall asleep. I
feel like that's too much wiggle room for her, she's
going through a lot, she's having a hard night. She
can't be there for me right now. We could both

(42:19):
be having a borderline episode. And if one of us goes,
I need you right now. There is a certain level
of self worth that people dip below to get to
that point of Oh, they're just too busy to love
me right now.

Speaker 3 (42:37):
Yeah, that the if you you know, us both having
an episode and you one of us being like, I
need you. This is one blip of our life compared
to the rest of our lives. And this comes down
to how much do you love your person? Right because
you could not like them right now and still love them, yeah,
and know that, like, if you're not there in this moment,
it's going to shatter a whole lot of things in

(42:58):
the future. Right. This is just for us, This is
common sense and shit for other people. This is Oh
I never thought about that, right, right, You're you're choosing
selfishness to not be there for your person and to
not have that compassion and empathy. Like it's not hard, right, I.

Speaker 2 (43:15):
Don't know, yep, continuing yep. The next day, I spoke
to her about how that made me feel, and I
asked if she had any reasoning, to which her response
was very cold and saying she just had a lot
to deal with. Okay, I let it be. The next

(43:37):
five days I had three episodes matching those. I emailed
my neurologists for an emergency consultation which was scheduled, and
it felt like I got condemned by the people around me.
So I took my wife for some alone and communication
slash truth time. All Right, dude is not just sitting
around and letting it happen. Like he's getting in touch
with his neurologist. He wants to get this figured out.

(43:59):
He's trying to communicate with his wife. I don't view
any of this selfish so far.

Speaker 3 (44:05):
No, I do think that he's out of line by
not correcting the behavior from his wife. I agree with
that in that situation. The next day when we're talking
about it, well, I just had a lot I was
going through. I needed you in the moment. Yeah right,
you didn't show up for me, and I don't ask
for you to show up for me very often.

Speaker 2 (44:20):
You're supposed to be the one person, right and as a.

Speaker 3 (44:23):
Man, it's my job to not bring a whole lot
of shit to your doorstep. And when I fucking need you,
I need you right when you were like I missed
my family. We came to Canada, been here for thirty
days when you were sick. I was there for three
fucking years, never complained once. Yeah, right, Like I show
up for you every time you fucking need it. In
the one time that I needed you to show up
for me, you were cold and distant, Like this is
a problem for me. I'm not okay right now, Like

(44:44):
I would fucking lay all that out. Yeah, we're not
going through or four days and neurologist and other, you know,
until we have another truth time. We're having this conversation
right now. Yeah.

Speaker 2 (44:54):
Yeah. As a wife, I agree with that statement. As
a mother, I agree with that statement. I would want
my son to be able to communicate like that. I
just experienced. He unhealed me a little bit.

Speaker 3 (45:07):
Yeah in there.

Speaker 2 (45:08):
Yeah, suddenly our son's twenty five and he's with a woman,
and he's trying to healthily communicate things and set boundaries
and then she hits him. Yeah, it's an extreme, but
I do believe that happens. Yeah. I believe that women

(45:32):
put their hands on men far more than they're willing
to admit.

Speaker 3 (45:36):
Yeah, far more often than you think. Yeah, And it's
because they believe there's no consequences for their actions.

Speaker 2 (45:42):
Right, And you're not going to hit me back. I'm
a woman, continuing, there was a lot said in that time,
but there was one sentence that cut me and we
have spoken about it after, but no change. She said,
I don't have the power to deal with your issues
right now. Please tell me to fix and find myself
again and deal with your own issues. I'll help you

(46:05):
when I find myself again.

Speaker 3 (46:08):
But you had a year of unspoken shit that you've
been dealing with and didn't find yourself. Then how is
he supposed to You're gonna do it now that he
told you to do it? Hey, you need to find yourself.
I know it's been a year and a half of
you struggling with your shit and mind done to me
absolutely nothing to correct that behavior. But let me tell
you to do it now? Is that gonna You're right?
Let me go do that, husband, Thanks for the thanks

(46:30):
for telling me what to do there really really really
means a lot.

Speaker 2 (46:32):
This is why men don't open up.

Speaker 3 (46:34):
Yeah, this is exactly why men don't open up.

Speaker 2 (46:36):
This is why men don't talk to their wives. This
is why men feel like they don't matter in society.
This is why male suicide rates are the highest out
of both genders. My knee jerk reaction to that would be, okay,
do you want to get a divorce? Like that's that's
not the way you respond to that situation. That's how

(46:56):
that would make me feel. Right, Tell me you don't
care about me enough right now in this moment where
I'm really struggling. When I was there for you, you're
not willing to show up for me in the same capacity. Yeah,
that would be a lot for me to process and
to move forward with.

Speaker 3 (47:14):
Yeah, this is she's making it very clear that you
don't matter. Right.

Speaker 2 (47:19):
If anything, she is the selfish one. Yep, Yes, this
hurt because I was scared and pain confused and mentally
losing a battle, and I told her all of this.
I needed my wife in the worst season possibly in
my life, and she was not able to assist me.
Am I wrong in feeling betrayed or abandoned in my
time of need while actively still trying to help her?

Speaker 3 (47:41):
Not at all?

Speaker 2 (47:42):
I feel like we laid that out pretty well. Yeah, yeah, continuing,
we still had sixteen days left of our holiday, in
which I had many smaller episodes. She even made a joke.

Speaker 3 (47:55):
Before you get into the joke, she's already violated the
vows of their marriage. Yes, she's not there for them
in sickness and health and better for better or worse,
Like she's maybe they didn't do those vowels right, but
either way, when you say that we're a team and
we're gonna do this life thing together no matter what,
she's violated the no matter what in this Yeah, she's
put a whole lot of stipulations on the the what

(48:19):
so what was the zinger?

Speaker 2 (48:23):
So she said she even made a joke, at least
she promised it was one. Now before I read it,
I want to point out, this is disguise disrespect absolutely
all right. This is one of like the six or
seven things that will be detrimental to your relationship. And
didn't he say like nine times out of ten they
could predict divorce with these things.

Speaker 3 (48:43):
Contempt will predict. But this, this disguise disrespect is a
huge one. Yes, Like this is I even view like, well,
I don't want to get into that. We don't have
a whole lot of time.

Speaker 2 (48:55):
So so the joke was that I don't trigger my
episodes if I drink, so maybe I should drink more
the next sixteen days. I'm not a person that drinks
a lot or really gets drunk. I have friends who
drink to numb the pain before, and I refuse to
fall into that trap.

Speaker 3 (49:12):
So she wants you to self medicate instead of working
through your shit, because it's easier to deal with you
a little drunk than to have you right, than to
be there for you, because that puts her in a
position where she doesn't want to do something right, like
it puts her out.

Speaker 2 (49:28):
Lean on the alcohol.

Speaker 3 (49:29):
Not me right.

Speaker 2 (49:31):
Yeah, that's what that says to me. I keep itching myself.
This woman's energy is making me itchy. What not? Loick
it off? Just go somewhere. Oh that felt really good.
Just one more time. Okay, we're ready.

Speaker 3 (49:50):
It's funny.

Speaker 2 (49:52):
Continuing. I even shared links that my doctor shared with
me to help her understand better, and I asked her
every day if she read it, and there's always an excuse.
It took her five days and me almost breaking down
in tears for her to finally take time to read
and go through the links. We find. Oh, but she
had time for TikTok. I bet she did, had time

(50:13):
for Facebook, Instagram.

Speaker 3 (50:15):
Had time to a whole bunch of shit other than
finding herself again. Yeah, what a bullshit excuse.

Speaker 2 (50:22):
Right right, Continuing, we finally got back home last Saturday
evening at ten pm. I told her in advance that
I will be spending Sunday with a friend of mine
who has always been a rock to me and honestly
the reason I was able to stay calm all in
Canada because when I called, he answered.

Speaker 3 (50:43):
It's a friend.

Speaker 2 (50:44):
I love that you have that man in your life. Good, good,
good for you, Good on him. Continuing during Sunday, I
was finally able to get so much clarity and much
needed support, and I went home feeling excited and ready
to face our issues and I saw a shimmer of
light at the end of a dark tunnel. I told

(51:06):
my wife that I would like to have a chat
about that day and my confidence, et cetera, and she agreed,
but started the conversation out of left field with blah
blah blah. But she started the conversation out of left
field with she was not happy that I was out,
that I was out all day, and she is not
comfortable that I am sharing what is going on with

(51:27):
my friend and that she wants me to speak to
a professional instead. You can fucking kick rocks. Yeah, yep,
that's one of those situations where I came to you
multiple times. I tried to have conversations, I try to
seek comfort, and you denied me. I went to somebody.

(51:48):
This is why people cheat further down the line, emotionally, physically,
whatever the case may be. When you decide that you
are no longer going to be that person to provide
that thing for your person in their life, whether it
be companionship, emotional support, they're gonna have to seek it elsewhere.

(52:08):
And professional help therapy is not the same thing as
having somebody in your life who gives a fuck.

Speaker 3 (52:13):
Right, Yeah, had she been there for him, he wouldn't
have needed to go to that friend. So if you'd
have done your job as a wife, he wouldn't be
going outside of your your your relationship talk to other people.
And this had nothing to do about their relationship. This
was about his fucking mental health, right, And know, I'm
willing to bet that he did step outside of that

(52:33):
rule that we have about not talking about our relationship
to other people. And I'm not not excusing his behavior
and saying that it was okay, But if he got
something from that person that he thought he was gonna
be able to come home and fix his relationship, like right,
that's a win.

Speaker 2 (52:47):
Clearly it wasn't a shitty talk or negativity bios. Right, Yeah,
I can somewhat understand that. And I guess I might
be a bit selfish here I disagree, But for where's
my wife is telling me she can't support me, which
in my mind is already bothering me as she is
choosing not to uphold her vowels and I told her
this called that. Yeah, but she is also telling me

(53:10):
that the only person that literally saved me during our
holiday is off limits.

Speaker 3 (53:16):
I can understand this is a woman, right right. If
it was a woman, I would have maybe a different
opinion about this.

Speaker 2 (53:24):
Depends on the who woman was, right, if it's his mom,
right right, But he still walked away with from that
with like marriage advice on how to fix this with
his wife, like she's a good mother, trying to give
marriage guidance.

Speaker 3 (53:36):
I couldn't imagine if I had a problem and I
went to Sean and he told me that you weren't
comfortable talking to him and trying to put a stop
to that. I gotta be honest, I don't know how
I would handle that. Yeah, I've been I've known him
for twenty five years. He has been my best friend
for twenty five years. He knows every bit of ugly.
He knows all the stupidity, the injuries, the fucking hurt,
those where the bodies are buried, so to speak, like

(53:58):
he eat all of it. And if I needed to
vent and screaming and like cry on my brother's shoulder
like I'm gonna do that, I could not imagine you
trying to control that aspect.

Speaker 2 (54:08):
Of my life, right, And that's what it is. It's control.

Speaker 3 (54:10):
That's fucking insane.

Speaker 2 (54:12):
Yeah, this is disgusting behavior from her, absolutely insane. Continuing,
I tell her that it feels like she is taking
my safety net away from me while I'm falling and
now I need to talk to someone new while my
friend is actually helping me and made me excited to
fight for my marriage. Her response broke me and is

(54:34):
the reason I thought of writing you guys, Well, I
guess it's time for you to put on your big
boy pants and figure it out.

Speaker 3 (54:40):
She said that to him, what a cunt. Yeah, you
need to move on, dude. Yeah, she's already violated her
vowels like you have gone above and beyond. Somebody in
the chat a minute ago says that she's doing what
she's doing to get him to end the marriage so
that she's not the bad guy in this.

Speaker 2 (54:55):
Oh, I can't leave him. He took care of me
while I was sick.

Speaker 3 (54:58):
It's exactly what that is. It's guilt.

Speaker 2 (55:00):
And then I bet she's going to run around and
tell everybody that, oh, no, he's probably narcissistic, and now
that you're not sick anymore, he can't look like the
good husband whatever. Whatever.

Speaker 3 (55:09):
Yeah, hey, oh, never mind, I thought we had two
more bodies bookings. Yeah we don't.

Speaker 2 (55:15):
Okay, that was just the.

Speaker 3 (55:17):
Title of the email that Brandon from Trovor replied to.

Speaker 2 (55:21):
Continuing, yep, and here we are. I honestly feel that
if I got the support to deal with my issues
from my wife the same way I've been supporting her
through the years, I would be more open to that.
But I feel like the first time I really needed
my wife, she was not there for me, and she
is choosing on my behalf what my help looks like.
I am breaking down crying writing this email, but I

(55:43):
need to know if I am in the wrong or
missing something.

Speaker 3 (55:46):
I don't think you're in the wrong.

Speaker 2 (55:47):
I don't think you're in the wrong at all.

Speaker 3 (55:49):
Here's a reality. I missed it up. I realized that.
I realized I hate these chairs. Okay, they're so big
that I can't just sit like I was here, like
myself sliding, so I slouch. Yeah, here's the reality of things.
I do want to change these chairs out, Just in
case I didn't actually say that.

Speaker 2 (56:10):
You are.

Speaker 3 (56:13):
As a man, you are expected to bottle things in
and be stoic and do all that shit until you
finally find a person that you can be vulnerable with.
And when you're finally able to be vulnerable I hate
the term vulnerable, but when you are allowed to show
all of your demons and all of your ugly and
hurt and you're able to process that, and you have
that person that's supposed to be that pillar with you.

(56:37):
The moment you open up and you start to give
that and they shut that down or they break that,
you will never open back up to that person again,
because it's already it's already hard enough for us to
get to the point where we are capable or comfortable
in doing that. It takes one time for that shit
like the little joke cool, I know where the fuck
I stand now. You will never get that side of

(56:59):
me again. It literally takes one time, because it's happened
to us so many fucking times in our life that
we already know that we don't matter when find somebody
that we believe that we matter to, One fucking time
is all it takes for that to never be a
thing again. You will not look at your wife the
same way ever again. You will never have that same trust.
You know, you know at that point that they will
not be there for you in your time of need.

(57:20):
Do you want to wait until you actually have like
a real medical issue and realize that she's not going
to tolerate it and like dip the fuck out while
you're sick and dying because it's too hard for her
and she doesn't know who she is. No, you showed
me you know, no, no, no, no, you showed me
your true colors in that.

Speaker 2 (57:39):
I don't have anything else. I think we set a
lot of our peace of mind in that.

Speaker 3 (57:43):
Yeah, there's a whole lot of work that would have
to be done to save this marriage. Yes, and there's
a lot of things that has to be done on
both people's parts. He needs to stand up for himself,
you know, grow fucking backbone, and when something's not right,
speak on it. And I don't care if it hurts
your feelings. I don't care if she gets mad about it.
I don't care if she tries to make it selfish

(58:04):
or turn it into her and her trying to find herself,
or whatever the fucking problem is. You need to stand
your ground. She's had plenty of time to figure out
who she is and get her shit together. I don't
believe that she wants to be in the marriage with you,
I truly don't. That doesn't feel like love to me.
It feels like obligation, and it feels like an easy ride.
You make enough money that you were able to fucking

(58:24):
send her the four of you, you know, the two
of you and the two kids were able to go
back to Canada for thirty days and you were able
to still work and do your life. I'm willing to
bet there's a sense of need there. Like I don't know, man,
I don't like this at all. Yeah, so how do
they how if they were to try to repair this,
where's the first steps? I think therapy needs to happen

(58:45):
for both of them, Yes, both, like individually and together. Yeah,
what's the next step? Because the trust is broken on
his part, He's not going to believe that she's going
to be there in a time of me because he's
shown her that he's that she's she has shown him
that she's not reliable.

Speaker 2 (59:06):
I don't know. I don't know if i'd be willing
to come back from that, because while I ever believe
you again, right, yeah, there, there would need to be
proven action on her end, changed behavior, right, change behavior,

(59:26):
actually checking in on me, giving a fuck when I'm
telling you I'm having a hard time. I would need
to see a lot of growth happen in the person,
Like I don't want to recognize you in six months
and if you're the same person you are now in
six months, Yeah, this isn't gonna work.

Speaker 3 (59:43):
Do you think that divorce should be discussed at this point?
Because that is the nuclear option? Like, once that's on
the table, it changes things. Yeah, but I ask you
that because the valves have been broken.

Speaker 2 (59:55):
Yeah, I at this point, I think I would when.

Speaker 3 (59:58):
When you look at marriage as a contraction agreement like
this is this is how we are laying out how
we're going to live the rest of our lives. Once
that contract has been broken, you you you basically at
that point. If you were looking at business, you'd be
lawsuits and business disruptions and a whole lot of other
shit breaking your vows and marriage doesn't have a consequence
of divorces and on the table, which it shouldn't be

(01:00:19):
on the table. But you also shouldn't be marrying people
that don't fucking really align with you. And if you
are somebody that needs that little bit of comfort and
they're not capable of giving it, you're not compatible. And
we've talked about compatibility a lot over the last couple
of months, like that shit really fucking matters, especially in
situations like this. So is divorce a discussion that needs

(01:00:39):
to be had?

Speaker 2 (01:00:40):
I would have that discussion. I feel like we are
no longer a married couple and if we don't come back,
there would be there would be a whole fucking thing.
We'd have a vow renewal ceremony that there would be
a lot that has to happen to bring this back
to a marriage for me, and I would make it
known because I feel the valves and this, this sacred

(01:01:04):
union have been broken. Divorce is now on the table
for me if this doesn't change.

Speaker 3 (01:01:09):
I like the idea of our renewal, Yeah, after something
like this or after infidelity. I actually think that's a
really good idea because it's a new beginning, right, Marriage starts.
Marriage is the beginning of your life, not the end
of it. Right, So that that's actually that's pretty good.

Speaker 2 (01:01:24):
I like that.

Speaker 3 (01:01:25):
I think that I think that if people are that
would be a necessary thing.

Speaker 2 (01:01:29):
I believe it's part of the repair and the heel right,
a recommitment.

Speaker 3 (01:01:35):
Yeah, chat for a minute. One to wrap up.

Speaker 2 (01:01:39):
I'm gonna hang out with the chat for a minute.
I need to get gas in the car. I need
to swap the car seats.

Speaker 3 (01:01:44):
You got gas in the Bronco. No, I need the
veil the large groceries you said you had what else
to do?

Speaker 2 (01:01:54):
I have to get gas. I have to swap the
kids car seats.

Speaker 3 (01:01:58):
Okay, if we wrap up, I can go get gas
while you Okay, do whatever you gotta do so you
don't have to go to the gas station.

Speaker 2 (01:02:04):
I would appreciate that, all right.

Speaker 3 (01:02:06):
With that being said, guys, remember you were the author
of your own life. So grab a pen and we
will see you on the next one.

Speaker 2 (01:02:10):
Bye, guys,