The lost squishy moments. S3 Ep28

Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:01):
Look up, We've come all the things up beat it
on the bottom. Oh oh wow, is you You're my
favorite view? But that's not Welcome back family, Welcome back you,

(00:24):
beautiful creatures. We are here, Season three, episode twenty eight.

Speaker 2 (00:29):
I I think don't know. I just show up at
this point, right.

Speaker 1 (00:32):
Well, I normally check right, I'll normally like really quick
look at the calendar to see what was been edited
last and do all like what was uploaded a speaker
or something, And I didn't do that today. I'm totally guessing.
I think this is episode twenty eight. It might be
twenty nine, it'll say in the description of the video
for the episode. So whatever it is, that's the episode.
Thanks for tuning in. Have a great day. Yeah, oh,

(00:56):
desk Cly, I just became a member early member access
uh twenty five months yep, crazy supporting a fantastic couple
of coaches.

Speaker 2 (01:06):
Thank you for being here for so long. That's insane
to see that's over two years.

Speaker 1 (01:10):
There's a lot of people in our community who've been
here the entire time that never left.

Speaker 2 (01:13):
That makes me emotional.

Speaker 1 (01:15):
It's wild. It's crazy how much this tribe has grown.

Speaker 2 (01:18):
Yeah, Death Clan and people like Death Clan have completely
changed our lives. Yeap, that that continued unwavering support means
a lot.

Speaker 1 (01:25):
Well, it's also cool to see who he's become and
what he's doing because he's not helping me in the
men's group, like he's mentoring other men.

Speaker 2 (01:31):
So crazy what you can do and what you can
become when you get your shit together.

Speaker 1 (01:34):
Yeah, when somebody tells you what are you waiting for?

Speaker 2 (01:36):
Yeah?

Speaker 1 (01:37):
Yeah, Abby said, my two year anniversary comes up in May.

Speaker 2 (01:41):
Stop it. Yep, that's beautiful, Peaches.

Speaker 1 (01:44):
I love the feathers and necklaces. Gorgeous.

Speaker 2 (01:46):
Thank you. This is actually two separate necklaces. I'm I'm
getting into layering. Yeah, I'm having fun with accessories and
clothing again. There's this. There's this chick I follow now
on both TikTok and Facebook. I cannot remember her name
for the life of me, but a lot of people
hate her because she does off the wall like maximalist

(02:09):
clothing styles, like she went on a first date to
a basketball game and she wore basketball shorts underneath a
body coln black dress to be funny, and like she
had like a crystallized basketball purse. She's fantastic. I'm enjoying
her content.

Speaker 1 (02:27):
So she's trolling people, uh in a sense.

Speaker 2 (02:29):
But like that that really is how she dresses herself.
She uh, I adore her. She doesn't let the hate
get to her. People are really nasty about it. But
I'm enjoying the multi layer of things. I'm dipping my
toes into being extra about myself.

Speaker 1 (02:46):
It's wild to me how people are. Like Somebody's like, uh,
Lewis is like, I'll be here three years. In August
by Flisha said, my three years is the end of
this year?

Speaker 2 (02:53):
Stop?

Speaker 1 (02:53):
Yeah. Rose Storm said I just passed a year here.
Been listening since around December of twenty twenty three.

Speaker 2 (02:58):
Thank you, Oh my goodness.

Speaker 1 (03:01):
Bethany said, I'd never left either y'all or the reason
why I have a YouTube premium. She's been here since
the beginning, the very beginning. Yeah. So for those of
you who don't know all the comments we've been reading,
we read these episodes live in front of our Patreon
community on the fifteen dollars tier. They get to actually
watch it live on the ten dollars tier. I normally
will go back and change the lives to public for
people to watch on the ten dollars tier or like

(03:23):
do they have access to it? But I don't always remember.
If you guys are going to join our Patreon, join
at the fifteen dollars tier. The ten dollars tier does
not give you the same type of access that the
fifteen dollars tier does. And at that point, five dollars
more a month is less than like pennies a day
to go from ten to fifteen, Like, let's just.

Speaker 2 (03:39):
Less than a coffee from anywhere it.

Speaker 1 (03:41):
Hit that community. Guys, take advantage of the tribe. That's
what we're here for, all right, guys. As you know,
there was a TikTok scare. We lost the app for
a whole twelve hours and we have no idea what
the future of the app looks like. And with that,
we are very concerned about the loss of our following.
We have a massed almost three million followers across that
platform with all four of our accounts, and we are
trying to push people to other social media platforms to

(04:02):
that in the event that anything happens on one app,
we have multiple other backup plans. If you want to
make sure that you're not missing any content, we highly
recommend that you check out our Patreon.

Speaker 2 (04:11):
On Patreon, we have multiple tiers to choose from. Starting
at ten dollars, you begin to receive exclusive content. At
fifteen dollars a month, you get access to our private
discord server, where we've enmassed in an absolutely amazing community
of supportive people. And beyond that, we have other tiers
to check out, along with my two private women's group.
If that's something you may be interested in.

Speaker 1 (04:32):
Guys, on our fifteen dollar and higher tier, you have
access to live recordings. We record all of our content three, four,
sometimes five times a week live in front of our
Patreon audience, where they are able to chat with us
while we're recording. They can see all the flirting and
the outtakes, the hot topic conversations that never actually make
it on the podcast, and it's really worth that aspect
in itself. We have an after dark where we sit

(04:53):
down usually once a week, and have a glass of
bourbon or and Pach's case of glass of wine and
a bowl of cheese and we have a whole lot
of fun conversations karaoke in the discord we finish the lyrics.
We literally just hang out and you, guys get to
hang out with us. There is a host of other perks,
including zoom calls that are coming for the Ultimate Tier,
so that if you guys are having problems, you can
talk to us. It also gives you with the heads

(05:16):
up on private meet and greets because when we travel
we try to meet up with people on our Discord
on a regular basis. There's a whole slew of other
perks that come through Patreon. I highly recommend that you
check it out.

Speaker 2 (05:24):
The best way to support what we are doing is
to share the content. The second best way is to
check out our Patreon. Thank you guys for being here.

Speaker 1 (05:32):
Jenna said, Discord. It's been two years.

Speaker 2 (05:34):
My goodness, Lilis.

Speaker 1 (05:36):
Said, been with you since season one, episode one.

Speaker 2 (05:39):
I feel like I just met you guys yesterday. Yep,
that's crazy. Thank you guys for investing that time and
energy into us. Thank you for believing in us right.

Speaker 1 (05:47):
Thanks for listening to our dumb shit in my day
and day out. The laughter, the fucking giddiness, the flirting,
the our bad days, our bad days. You know how
many deal those bad day videos where we have where
we're like working through things in real time, do really
fucking well people still rip me apart.

Speaker 2 (06:03):
Oh I get ripped apart two Yeah.

Speaker 1 (06:05):
But they do really well because the people who are
not looking for a reason to hate us, we're like,
oh my god, I wish we could communicate like that,
you know, Cassidy said, you guys are the only thing
making me happy anymore during the day anymore. I'm coming
up with my two years well so excited.

Speaker 2 (06:19):
I just want to take a moment and shout out Cassidy.
She is a part of my women's groups. And life
has thrown you through the wringer and you are still
standing up and choosing to take every day by its
fucking horns and love it. You should be proud of yourself,
because I'm proud of you, Cassidy. Thank you for still
being here, and thank you for not giving up on yourself,
and thank you for not giving up on your children.

Speaker 1 (06:40):
A lot of cool comments coming through, and I want
to like just sit here and fucking read the comments
all day. But people are here to listen to our podcast,
So let's pull up a thank you email, because that's
how we're starting from now on. And this one's called Patreon.
I left before you, but y'all kept me strong. That's
a odd one.

Speaker 2 (06:58):
Okay. Dear Chris and Peaches, My story is a little
different from others you usually read because I walked away
before I found you. Guys. Background, My ex husband and
I have known each other for fourteen years and spent
six together. I have an eleven year old and an
eight year old not his, and I am three years sober. Okay.
That timeline kind of messed me up a little bit. Okay.

(07:19):
They have known each other fourteen years, they were together
for six years. She has an eleven year old and
an eight year old from somebody else's previous relationship, and
then three years sober.

Speaker 1 (07:27):
Okay, Okay.

Speaker 2 (07:28):
When we got together, I was an addict, alcoholic, attention
seeking person who lied, snuck around, and cheated at times.
He was narcissistic, controlling, and emotionally abusive. He isolated me
from everyone and always told me things would be better
when I just fixed myself. After four years of this,
I had enough and decided to get sober before we

(07:48):
move on.

Speaker 1 (07:49):
Can you read that comment from generate there on the bottom?

Speaker 2 (07:51):
Uh, Peach, Oh gosh, she's gonna cry. This is gonna
make me cry. My husband is grateful to you. I'm
much less storm and much more peace thanks to your guidance.
Thank you for saying that. Yep, that did it. Jenna.
You truly are one of those people that I genuinely love.

(08:12):
I love talking to you. I love hearing things about
your life. I love hearing your thought processes and the
way that you mother and the way that you conduct
yourself in your marriage. I messaged her the other day
and I was like, you are you are one of
the few people who inspire me in my life.

Speaker 1 (08:29):
I actually, no, shut up what. I started sending out
text messages of gratitude every day. Yeah, I've sent two
text messages every day to two different people. I have
any I'm sure I'm gonna start cycling back through people. Yeah,
but I'm sending like, hey, thank you for being in
my life. I appreciate you. Like you my life is
better because you're in it type shit. Yeah, and I've
been saying I've been doing that since Sunday of last week.

(08:53):
Oh wow, so it's been almost two weeks of that.
That's funny that you did that. You're doing that too, Oh,
I do that. I try to do that every day. Yeah.

Speaker 2 (09:02):
If it's not you know, of course, you and the
children get something from me every day. Yeah, but I
try to make it a point. There are so many
people in my life I've opened myself up to. I've
become overwhelmed. Yeah, I went from talking to you, I
now have about thirty people that I have cycling through
my inbox. Some people I don't get too back to
in like a month, and when I do get back

(09:22):
to them, they get a fucking novel from me, long
ass message. I try to acknowledge everything that they've said
to me. I'm also trying to be better about Oh.
Buff Bell is also one of those people I talk
to the US every day now. But I try to
be better about opening up about myself to people without
feeling like a burden or Because we live our life

(09:44):
on the internet, everything gets talked about, and I don't
want the people in my life to feel like they're
just getting the hand me downs of the podcast.

Speaker 1 (09:55):
I get that. Yeah, the people that I talk to
the most, we don't talk about the podcast. Yeah, it's
just not a thing. You know. I got a text
message from Jay this morning from a victory he had
that was awesome. I you know, he was one of
the people I sent a text to He actually just
responded in a chat and said that made my day. Brother.
We rarely hear that from anyone other than our wife,

(10:16):
and that's true. Jeff Graham actually said the exact same
thing to me when I sent it to him. When
when I was you know, he was like, dude, no
man has ever said that to me before. Thank you.
He's like, I only hear that from from Angie. I'm like,
I know, I just know that my life is better
because you're a part of it. Like I value our friendship.

Speaker 2 (10:32):
Yep, oh iggy, thank you for that. Oh guys, stop it.

Speaker 1 (10:37):
All right, Let's get into the thank you email and
then we can maybe do do chat afterwards. Okay, okay,
stop breathing.

Speaker 2 (10:44):
Chat Just buff Bell is pulling out my heart strings too,
and we we do work through some really hard shit together.
And there are things that I've told buff Bell that
only you know.

Speaker 1 (10:55):
And now her.

Speaker 2 (10:57):
Yeah, friendship. Friendship means a lot to meppreciate all the
people in my life, and I hope you guys are
able to feel it. Okay, back into the email. When
I would ask for more help, I would be told
you lied and cheated, and because of that, I don't
have to do anything I don't want to. Okay, So
I want to pause right there. If you decide to
stay in a relationship with somebody who has lied, cheated, stolen,

(11:20):
feem me all those other kinds of things, and decide
that you want to forgive them, you don't get to
throw that in their faces when they ask for something.
That's something that needs to be let go. If they're
actively working and changing and trying to be a better
version of themselves, not just for who they are, but
for the relationship that they have with you, throwing that

(11:42):
in their face is dirty.

Speaker 1 (11:43):
I agree, I agree. I don't think that that should
have been a thing. The moment that that happened, I
would have severed, tized, like you decided you wanted to stay.
Now you're weaponizing this against me. I'm out. But she
left because it's what she said.

Speaker 2 (11:55):
Yeah. When I would ask for intimacy, I was told
we had the rest of our life and to give
him space. When I would ask for quality time, he
never wanted to leave the house, or we had no money,
or he worked all day and let him be on
his game. For wanting to feel good about myself and
put on makeup. I was cheating on him again, and
I wasn't allowed to leave the house.

Speaker 1 (12:17):
Girl, I'm glad you fucking left.

Speaker 2 (12:18):
Yeah, me too. Hurt people, hurt people absolutely, And this
really sounds like he's trying to return that pain that
you had once caused him.

Speaker 1 (12:28):
It didn't work that way though.

Speaker 2 (12:29):
It doesn't, It really doesn't. Continuing. I realized I played,
I played a part in all of these scenarios. The
past I created for us was broken and damaged. So
I want to pause there. You are not the only
one who created that past. He had his hand in
things as well. So yes, did your actions contribute to
the way that he treats you? Yeah? But does that

(12:52):
mean that you should be punished for the same crime
over and over again? No? What is it called in
our judicial system where you can't be tried for the
same crime twice?

Speaker 1 (13:00):
Jeopardy?

Speaker 2 (13:00):
Yeah, continuing, And for a long time, I stayed because
I thought he put up with the worst of me,
so he deserved the best of me. I could go
on about the things he did, but I don't want
to just bash him in here. He saw me and
stayed with me through some of my darkest days. I
want to touch on that he saw the worst of me,
so he should get the best of me, or however
that was worded. Sometimes that's not going to be case.

(13:21):
Sometimes people get the worst version of you because they
need a learning lesson or vice versa. You gave them
the worst of you so that you could grow, and
if they're not willing to let go of the things
that had happened, it's okay to move on. When I left,
I told him our views did not align anymore. I
wanted more than he was willing to give me. I
wanted someone to put effort into loving me, not just
to be my roommate who sometimes fucks. I want to

(13:44):
just I want that sentence. I wanted someone to put
effort into loving me. It's not too much to ask,
and it's not hard. It's not people don't like their
person right, they stay out of comfort.

Speaker 1 (13:56):
I don't want to. I would never want to. I've
lived my life like that, and after living like that
and having what I have, I would I would fucking
cut off my toes before I did that.

Speaker 2 (14:04):
Yeah, ever again, straight Joe Goldberg.

Speaker 1 (14:07):
I don't know who that is, but yeah, sure, the
guy from you. I was thinking Bolt Cutters oh gotcha.
I take every one of them off my foot before
I decided to live like that again.

Speaker 2 (14:16):
He cut off his pinky toes or his last two
toes to fake his death.

Speaker 1 (14:19):
They're useless, at least he picked.

Speaker 2 (14:21):
There's not even there for balance, right, they're useless.

Speaker 1 (14:24):
They would make your foot look really fucking weird though,
without that little nub.

Speaker 2 (14:28):
Right, But if you're wearing shoes, it doesn't matter.

Speaker 1 (14:30):
It's true.

Speaker 2 (14:31):
If you're in my home, I feel comfortable enough around
you to see my nubs.

Speaker 1 (14:35):
I nub you.

Speaker 2 (14:39):
Good on her for leaving, Yeah, good on her for
leaving something else. I wanted to say, just a little
analogy or a metaphor whatever this would be called. Algebra
was hard for me until I learned how to do it. Yeah,
there are people out there who don't know how to
love yet, and that's okay. You just have to learn
how to do it. But there will be frustrations along
the way. Amount of times I want to be like

(15:00):
fuck this, I'm just going to drop out of school
a lot. But I pushed myself through it, and now
I have an accomplishment of saying, yeah, I learned how
to do that. Do I remember how to do it. No,
I don't because it's not applicable to my day to
day life. But being able to sit down, I mean
I remember bits and pieces of it, and I could
relearn it again if I wanted to. Right, But there's
a sense of a complishment in knowing that I pushed
myself through the things that made me uncomfortable or made

(15:23):
me frustrated or even angry, and to get to the
point to where I can confidently do something with my
whole chest. It's worth it, and loving somebody is the
same thing. You just have to learn how to do it. Right.
Are you looking at me like that?

Speaker 1 (15:35):
Because you would think that that's just so simple, and
so many people fail to do it.

Speaker 2 (15:40):
I failed to do it for a while in our marriage.
It was hard for me to tell you how to
love me.

Speaker 1 (15:44):
Yeah.

Speaker 2 (15:44):
I didn't want to. Oh God, why am I going
to cry? I didn't want to be seen as too
much or too hard to love.

Speaker 1 (15:51):
It's too much. I'm glad that that's not a thing. Yeah,
because if you don't tell me what you need in
the moment, I can't serve you.

Speaker 2 (16:01):
Right.

Speaker 1 (16:01):
Springing ALUs and became a member for twenty two months.
Good afternoon. I hope this week is going well. I
appreciate every tear. Peaches. You're amazing, been around to be
better for twenty two months. Where's the time gone?

Speaker 2 (16:12):
My goodness? Thank you for being here for so long. Hey, guys,
a little quick interruption. If you're enjoying the content, please
leave alike, and also don't forget to comment. We enjoy
interacting with you guys and hearing your opinions and it
helps the algorithm.

Speaker 1 (16:24):
It's also free to do, and if you really want
to help make sure the show continues to do, hit
the subscribe button and share the content across your social media's.
It costs you nothing and it greatly helps to show.

Speaker 2 (16:33):
And you know that that's conditioning for me to think
that it's too hard to love me. That was a
lot of conditioning in life, and you showed me that
it's not hard.

Speaker 1 (16:43):
It's not it's not fucking hard. All the people who
would tell you you'll never get better than me, that's
somebody who knows their piece of shit that can't offer
you more than what they're offering you, and they're trying
to keep you down, trying to.

Speaker 2 (16:55):
Keep you under their thumb. Right at least once a day,
I will look at my husband, I'll say thank you
for loving me, and his response is, thank you for
making it easy.

Speaker 1 (17:03):
You have got a lot of cuts in this one.

Speaker 2 (17:05):
Yeah, there's gonna be a lot of cuts in this one.
Thank you, Carrie. Carrie just popped around the corner and
she's like, I got you.

Speaker 1 (17:13):
And I almost spit my fucking drink out for that,
no idea she was sitting back there.

Speaker 2 (17:17):
It's crazy. So I had a lot of really bad
dreams last night, and there was a point last night
where I woke up crying and I can't even remember
what the dreams were, but I woke up in that
really messed up headspace because of everything that was happening.
And it's wild how you can turn your own day
around by filling yourself with things that you're grateful for.

Speaker 1 (17:34):
Yeah, gratitude goes a long way.

Speaker 2 (17:36):
Yep. Oh gosh, Okay, I got my new tissue paper ready,
here we go. I said I had to work hard
to grow and felt I deserved recognition for that. You do,
his exact words, as they ring in my ears. Still,
you do not love yourself enough to leave me? Wait
till I find out who the guy is. News flash,
there was no guy and there still is no guy.

(18:01):
You do not love yourself enough to leave me. He
fucking knew. People who treat you poorly know what they're doing,
and they know that you're tolerating it because you don't
have enough self worth to walk away from it.

Speaker 1 (18:12):
Yep, we've we've been for three years now. We've been
telling people they have to learn to love themselves.

Speaker 2 (18:16):
Right.

Speaker 1 (18:16):
I have an entire book, or an entire chapter in
both books talking about that negative self talk shit. I
put it in this one too. It's just so much.
We accept so much.

Speaker 2 (18:26):
Because we think we don't deserve any better. Continuing, he
was stockersh for for months and is still a little
to this day. I paid for the divorce, paid off
all of my debts in his name, bought my daughter's phone,
cash off his phone plan, and gave him seven hundred
dollars as an emergency fund since he would no longer
have my income to rely on. Oh how generous of you.

Speaker 1 (18:48):
I wouldn't have done any of that shit.

Speaker 2 (18:49):
Yeah, bro, here here's the trash you left on the counter.
Get out.

Speaker 1 (18:53):
Yeah, I'd give him the phone back and just went
and got another phone fuck that, But good on you. You
did the right thing. Deck to JR. Karma in the process.

Speaker 2 (19:01):
You did what you felt was right in the moment
to do.

Speaker 1 (19:04):
And I agree it's the right thing. I just I'm
one of those people that will always do the right thing.
But I'm a bitch about it. Yeah, it would be
better and salty that I have to do the right thing,
But I am going to do the right thing.

Speaker 2 (19:14):
Yeah, all right. Is she listening to Hawaiian music?

Speaker 1 (19:17):
I think she's listening to SpongeBob. Either way, I would
not be surprised.

Speaker 2 (19:22):
It sounded like a Ukuleleku. I'm so sorry what it's
an ukulele? Not a ukulele?

Speaker 1 (19:30):
Let's pronounce?

Speaker 2 (19:31):
Did you learn that in Hawaiian?

Speaker 1 (19:33):
I did kind of like your cross halt. I just
don't how often do you say ukulele and day to
day language.

Speaker 2 (19:39):
No. I mean that's a really good thing.

Speaker 1 (19:40):
It actually stands for a little flea flicking guitar.

Speaker 2 (19:43):
I love that. But I also now have a vision
of like, how can we mess up these hallies even more?
Ye have them call a ukulele so we can make
fun of them. No, continuing even with all of that,
out in my pocket. I am still saving more as
he was apparently spending more of my money than he
admitted to. I'm bipolar and very impulsive with money spending,

(20:05):
so he handled the finances. Again. I don't want to complain.
I don't view that as a complaint though, that's simply
an observation.

Speaker 1 (20:12):
I agree.

Speaker 2 (20:12):
Yeah, I saw you on Facebook, as I only keep
that social media good for you, but your shorts seemed
to align with the views I had wanted. As these
months go by, the nights I spend crying lesson and
I have indulged so deeply into your past streams, I
feel so seen and not alone anymore. I fucking get that.
The amount of nights that I cried myself to sleep

(20:35):
after leaving my first marriage for about three months, it
was every single night. There were multiple times where I thought,
if I just go back, this pain would stop. Living
in that hell was easier than having to deal with
the pain of ending my first marriage and trying to
figure out my life on my own at that point.

Speaker 1 (20:49):
It's the reality for a lot of women. Yeah, for
a lot of people.

Speaker 2 (20:53):
I love that you don't feel alone anymore because you're not.
You are definitely not alone for the first time since
being sober. I don't hate myself every day, or I
don't hate my life every day. You guys joke around
and laugh, and even though I'm alone, most of the time,
I have laughed and smiled and enjoyed how you guys interact.

Speaker 1 (21:11):
I love that we are bringing a little bit of
joy to people's lives who would not have it otherwise.
And that's everything. You ever see those tiktoks, the guy
who's like, I'm having a bad day where you give
me a hug, and people like, no fuck away from me.
I'm hugging that motherfucker.

Speaker 2 (21:23):
Yeah, dude, I'll be your mom in this moment, your sister,
your grandma who passed away ten years ago. Let's go.

Speaker 1 (21:29):
You never know what someone's going through. And I don't
like people touching me. But even when it comes to fans,
if they were like, can I have a hug as
a dude, Like, I'm a hug another guy all day long.
It's a woman, I might not be like, go hug peaches.
He's the hugger in this situation unless it's somebody that
we know, right, like people who've been to their discord
mod you meet and greets or whatever, there's an established

(21:54):
connection there. It's a little different. But and I'm only
putting it out there in case somebody sees us and
tries to run up and hug me.

Speaker 2 (21:58):
Don't do that, No, please ask for permission to touch us.

Speaker 1 (22:03):
But you never know what somebody's going through, and that
little bit of kindness could be the difference from them
waking up tomorrow.

Speaker 2 (22:09):
Yeah. If I was on the street walking and a
dude walked up to me and he was like, can
I have a hug, I'd be like, can you sit
here for ten minutes? I'm calling my husband. Yeah, and
not in a negative way, like you need somebody to
talk to and my husband will take all the time
that you need.

Speaker 1 (22:21):
Yeah. Would you really?

Speaker 2 (22:23):
I would? Yeah. I didn't mean to make you emotional.
I would sit there for as long as it took.
I'm not gonna hug you, but I'll hold your hand.
I have that thing about hugging strangers and strange men specifically.
But do you want to talk about why that hit

(22:44):
you so hard?

Speaker 1 (22:46):
I don't know. I don't know if I want to
talk about it or not. That I've been homeless and
not having anybody to talk to, you know what I mean?
And like eating out of a garbage can, Like I
that's one of those things that is something that never
leaves you, you know, looking for somebody else's scraps just

(23:07):
to put food in your belly kind of thing. And
people really look down at homeless people and having somebody
that's saying something like that, and you going, hang on,
let me call my husband, who'll listen to you. Like,
I don't know, I just felt seen.

Speaker 2 (23:17):
I guess now I feel the need to say, for
like anybody out there listening, I have nothing important going
on in my life. If it means that it's gonna save.

Speaker 1 (23:24):
Yours, right, you have to want to save yours though.

Speaker 2 (23:27):
Right, Like if it got to the point where someone
walked up on the streets and they were like, I'm
about to off myself. I need someone to just listen
to me. Got you, I will reschedule my whole damn
day continuing. I'm almost caught up and had to join
Patreon because I didn't know what to do when I
ran out of YouTube content. Oh I hope you're here now.
My goodness, there are people who want the same thing
I do. A whole community of it, and I don't

(23:49):
want to settle for less because I believe I was less.
I have a lot of healing to do. But I
know now what I'm not looking for, and I know
what I will not settle for. As someone who has
several mental health diagnosis is diagnosises diagnosi is this like
octopus rules?

Speaker 1 (24:06):
Diagnosis is how I would say that?

Speaker 2 (24:08):
Yeah?

Speaker 1 (24:08):
Who?

Speaker 2 (24:08):
I spent years finding the right medications after becoming sober.
I thought I would live with crippling anxiety the rest
of my life. A calm, surety has come over me
with the confidence you all have made me feel. I
tried to keep this brief, as there is much more
abuse on both sides, but the transition from being someone
who called off work because a work bully was there
that day to looking my boss in the eyes and

(24:30):
asking if they had a problem with me while not
internally screaming or panicking has been life changed. I love that,
me fucking too.

Speaker 1 (24:37):
Yeah, let's not read their diagnosis. That's not as for
the internet.

Speaker 2 (24:41):
Oh I agree with that. Okay, well maybe maybe.

Speaker 1 (24:45):
I think we should leave it out. Yeah yeah, what if.

Speaker 2 (24:47):
There's people out there with these diagnosies who need to
hear it, all right.

Speaker 1 (24:50):
That's your choice. You're not wrong, they did, I know,
it just feels I don't know, you're right though they
did put an email.

Speaker 2 (24:55):
Yes for funzies. My mental health diagnosis is basically a
tongue twister schizo effective manic, bipolar depressive type with high
anxiety and ADHD. So this emailer, she because she is
a mother, she has talked about her daughter, has anything
with schizo in front of it is a terrifying thing
to be diagnosed with. I mean, all mental disorders are

(25:17):
a heavy ground aware, but Schitzo disorders that massively impact
the way that the brain works and how you see reality.
That's scary.

Speaker 1 (25:27):
Schitzo anything is also not always visible sometimes audible as well. Right,
So imagine the paranoia that comes from here and someone
in your house at every night at two o'clock in
the morning.

Speaker 2 (25:35):
Right, Like, Yeah, And this emailer has been able to
find happiness in her life where she is finding it,
I mean, she's definitely found her self worth. I love
being able to look in the eyes of the boss
and saying, do you have a problem with me?

Speaker 1 (25:49):
Right?

Speaker 2 (25:49):
What's the issue?

Speaker 1 (25:50):
All right? That was the end of that one. Learning
to control all of that while being isolated from family
and friends has really made me made a trooper out
of me. Thank you again. Keep doing you, y'all are
saving lives.

Speaker 2 (25:59):
You guys cannot with lil All right.

Speaker 1 (26:01):
Let me move this into the red folder.

Speaker 2 (26:03):
Roll her around like a Tamali or like one of
those the seven eleven thing on rollers, not the hot dogs,
but the taketo's. Yeah, she'll become a seven eleven tiketo
in that yard.

Speaker 1 (26:15):
All right. So now we got to get into looking
for advice. Get a lot in this folder. He's going
to keep going from the very first one, right, It's
what we do, all right. This is a Patreon email.
So for those of you who don't know, if you
are a member of our Patreon and you send an
email in your emails get prioritized. So if you are
a member of our Patreon and you send an email
in looking at to get read, make sure that you
put Patreon our ima patreon subscribers somewhere in the title

(26:37):
or in the subject line, so that we know that
you are a Patreon. This email is called Patreon the
Lost Squishy Romance.

Speaker 2 (26:45):
All right, So this emailer did include their name. We
are going to not read it, just because we have
learned firsthand what it looks like to have people find
you on the internet. Yeah, so we don't want there
to be any catastrophic fallout from how your email right
on the podcast, so we are going to continue to
read emails as anonymous. I've been watching your tiktoks for
quite a while now, and my husband sends them to

(27:07):
me from time to time because there are several aspects
of the relationship you two share that my husband and
I really relate to. Recently, though, I have been watching
the podcast from the beginning. After watching every available episode
of the Good Wise podcast, Oh my goodness, thank you,
I have a question that I hadn't heard asked previously
that I'd love some perspective on, but of course some
background first.

Speaker 1 (27:26):
I love this something new? Is it real? Can this
actually be a thing? Up?

Speaker 2 (27:34):
Everyone take a moment to watch carry run behind me.

Speaker 1 (27:42):
Leela was like, what the book?

Speaker 2 (27:46):
That's just her life? When you're something stupid always, this
is really stupid. So I appreciate kisses from all animals, right,
I will never knock that something about a dog's tongue
doesn't do it on my skin though, especially if it's
my face. Their tongue just feels goofy, But a cat's

(28:11):
tongue feels like sandpaper. It does, and I enjoy it.
You know why, because they bathe themselves. It's how they
rip meat apart when they're eating. Oh my god.

Speaker 1 (28:20):
They don't have the jaw strength the way that a
dog does, so it helps that makes the meat.

Speaker 2 (28:24):
They have tiny little mouths, Oh my gosh. Or cat's
trying to eat me when they give me kisses.

Speaker 1 (28:31):
Cat's headbutt kisses. If they're liking to you, it's because
they're tasting to see if you're an edible morsel or not.

Speaker 2 (28:36):
Oh my gosh, I have just been sacrificing myself to cats.
That makes me really uncomfortable. Could you imagine only being
able to eat meat by looking a.

Speaker 1 (28:47):
Well, they can chew into it too, they just don't
have the jaw strength to like do like they do.
Evolution all right. I'm currently thirty five.

Speaker 2 (28:57):
I am currently thirty five. My husband is thirty six.
We met on a dating site twelve years ago. At
the time, we both worked as cooks at retirement homes
a block away from each other. Oh wow, that's so
much easier. And thought that had to be some sort
of universal sign. I had just ended my first marriage
to a true narcissist a three year relationship. Good on
you for getting out early, right, three years is not

(29:19):
a short amount of time. You also didn't stay with
them for ten years, so good on you for getting
out of that relatively early. My daughter was three at
the time and my son was two. I had to
leave the relationship undercover of a GUIs to escape, and
had to leave my son with my mother in law
so that I could actually get out. My daughter lived
with her dad, a different guy at the time, so
she was safe. But when my current husband and I met,

(29:39):
I did not have physical custody of my son. I
respect the fuck out of all of that. That's not
an easy decision to make as a mother, to willingly
give up having your children and your proximity for safety.
That's a really hard choice to make, and I just
feel the need to say that the fact that you
made that choice and followed through and didn't go back
because it was easier to go back and live in
that situation, that's a beautiful thing. All of the ugly

(30:01):
and the hardships and the trials and tribulations that came
from that made you more beautiful as a human being
because you chose to come out stronger on the other side.

Speaker 1 (30:08):
Yeah.

Speaker 2 (30:09):
Continuing, my current husband and I hit it off right
away and were swept up in the honeymoon phase, so
he moved in with me within the first month. Grand
romantic gestures on both our parts and being so obsessed
with each other, we spent as much time as possible
together if we were together.

Speaker 1 (30:23):
What we still do that.

Speaker 2 (30:27):
You mean us?

Speaker 1 (30:27):
Oh yeah, grand romantic gestures both of our parts is
still a thing. Being obsessed is still a thing. And
we spend all of our fucking time together.

Speaker 2 (30:35):
Yeah.

Speaker 1 (30:36):
Like, it's very rare that you and I are not
in the same building.

Speaker 2 (30:38):
Yeah, not even that the same car, right, Yeah, every
opportunity we have to ride together, we do.

Speaker 1 (30:44):
We put walkie talkie so that we could still talk
to each other while in separate vehicles where there was
no cell phone signal. Yeah, it might be like borderline problematic.

Speaker 2 (30:53):
I don't think so.

Speaker 1 (30:54):
I don't either. Other people would say that it's not healthy.

Speaker 2 (30:57):
Yeah, I'm happy though, so they can feel that way.

Speaker 1 (30:59):
Yeah.

Speaker 2 (31:00):
My husband walked out of their room this morning in
the same shorts that he's worn a hundred times, and
I was like, damn, you look good.

Speaker 1 (31:06):
Yeah, because I'm wearing my Jinkos.

Speaker 2 (31:08):
I love you and Jinkos. It's one of my favorite
things to see you in.

Speaker 1 (31:12):
Yeah. Yeah to the email.

Speaker 2 (31:16):
What you want to know? One of my favorite things
to see you in?

Speaker 1 (31:18):
You me? Yeah, Yeah, I knew that was coming, Chad
said Builthy. He said, damn, that was good. Smooth. Oh,
behave Okay.

Speaker 2 (31:32):
So I really do feel like we are the parents
of the discord, and every time we do something, they
were like, guys, come on, we're in the living room.

Speaker 1 (31:43):
Fire Red Phoenix, said my partner. He heard that and
said I can understand that. Hahahah.

Speaker 2 (31:47):
Hell yeah.

Speaker 1 (31:49):
Christas rocking her new Jinkos today, thinks, guys, oh she
got them.

Speaker 2 (31:53):
I love that sharing Jinkos. What a beautiful thing.

Speaker 1 (31:57):
When I came out of the bathroom earlier. So I'm
gonna change the the name of I'm gonna change our intro.
I was gonna say welcome back children, hm hmm, because
it's a joke. But I realized how many people think
that we're already a cult, and that was probably not
the move.

Speaker 2 (32:09):
Yeah.

Speaker 1 (32:10):
So I opted to say welcome back family instead, but
just know the children thing was absolutely where I wanted
to go with it.

Speaker 2 (32:16):
Yeah.

Speaker 1 (32:16):
Yeah.

Speaker 2 (32:16):
We were together for about three months when he made
the decision to turn himself in on an old warrant.
Oh that took a turn not to have it hanging
over his head so we could build a life together
and spent a year in jail. Damn, that just gave
me goosebumps. I'm not gonna lie like an old warrant,
so I'm imagining older than a year could be. Cops
haven't found him, they don't know what he's up to,

(32:37):
and he was like, I'm not willing to jeopardize what
we have going on. I'm going to go do what
I need to do, get this taken care of so
we can continue living our life. Everything that happened for
the next two years was full of toxicity, our unaddressed
trauma responses, cheating on both sides, is out of control alcoholism,
and many instances of him in and out of jail.

Speaker 1 (32:56):
Damn.

Speaker 2 (32:56):
Okay, so the goosebumps have died down a little bit.
Towards the end of that three years, I went to
trial to get custody in my son back and we
were trying to have a baby of our own. The
stress from being homeless over and over again due to
him being in and out of jail and what that
would do to my case triggered a psychotic break, during
which he sat by my side and kept me safe.
No matter what I threatened to do to him, there

(33:18):
was no violence, only words. Okay, so just food for thought, right,
because she said no matter what I threatened to do
to him, there was no violence, only words. The food
for thought is our words are spiritual weapons, and everything
we say can slice somebody's soul. So even if there
is no physical violence happening in the human form, if
what you're saying is intent with malice to cut, you're

(33:41):
doing exactly just that. There's still violence happening, just not
in the normalized, socialized way of it.

Speaker 1 (33:47):
I think though, during a psychotic break. Yeah, there's a
lot more room for grace there. Yeah, but that's only
because I've had psychotic breaks, and I got to be
honest for some of it that I don't remember. I
get that, so you're not. You know, there's a lot happening,
and I think a lot of that is spiritual warfare,
But I'm not going to get into that.

Speaker 2 (34:03):
I do believe that I do feel the need to
expand because you touched on the fact that she was
having a psychotic break. Me commenting on words having violence
to them in the spiritual way is outside the context
of that psychotic break.

Speaker 1 (34:14):
Yeah.

Speaker 2 (34:15):
We were just sitting in the T mobile store.

Speaker 1 (34:18):
Oh man, I'll never forget that day. Right. Obviously you
won't either, because you just brought it up, right.

Speaker 2 (34:22):
Yeah, that run it very impactful older couple, I want
to say, maybe late sixties, early seventies.

Speaker 1 (34:29):
It said it's fair.

Speaker 2 (34:30):
Yeah, and she was just verbally berating her husband in
the middle of this T Mobile store and that man
was just sitting there looking absolutely.

Speaker 1 (34:38):
Defeated, hunched over.

Speaker 2 (34:40):
Yeah, just accepting it like this has been his life
for the last forty years and it's it's what he's
come to accept and expect from his marriage and his wife.

Speaker 1 (34:48):
Yeah, she berated him for a good forty five minutes
while were It was NonStop the whole time. Yeah, you
looked at me at one point was like, I should
I go hand in one of our business cards, and
I was like, I feel really fucking bad for that. Dude, Like,
I don't even know if we should interject. Yeah, it
was bad. It probably would have made things worse for him. Like,
that's the man who's abusive to a woman in a
public setting and another dude stepping in and her getting

(35:09):
it even worse when she got home because somebody tried
to defend her. I believe that's how that would have
played out.

Speaker 2 (35:13):
Yeah, we could hear what she was saying, and we
could see the physical reaction that he was having to
the words that she was giving him. It was devastating. Continuing,
I finally made a decision to end the relationship to
try and have some semblance of stability for my court case.
I ended up losing custody to my mother in law,
but she passed a week later and custody defaulted back

(35:34):
to me and my ex husband. Holy shit, life is wild.
It was right around this time that I found out
that I was pregnant with my youngest.

Speaker 1 (35:41):
Wait wait, wait, I'm processing. I need a second for that,
because that's that's divine intervention.

Speaker 2 (35:46):
That really is That's exactly what my mind went to.

Speaker 1 (35:48):
Okay, that is, and I need to explain it. You
got it. I was gonna try to Selepilvy.

Speaker 2 (35:55):
Yeah, that's exactly where my mind went to, because that
doesn't just happen. You guys had this lengthy court battle
trying to gain custody, you ended up losing, and then
a week later it defaulted back to you guys, and.

Speaker 1 (36:07):
That Okay, So there's a whole lot that can be
said about that, Like, you know, did did God kill
the mom to give the kid back? Like we don't know? Right,
that woman could have had a whole lot of Carmen
come in her way and it was just her time, right.
It could have been that losing the kid in the
first place, knowing that she was going to die in
a week, was enough to get you to pull your
head out of your ass to make sure that you're
setting your kid up for future success.

Speaker 2 (36:26):
Yeah right, right, that that finality of you have finally
lost custody and there's no getting it back.

Speaker 1 (36:32):
But you can't tell me that there's not divine planning there?

Speaker 2 (36:34):
Yeah right, Yeah, I don't. I don't believe in coincidences.
I don't believe things just happen.

Speaker 1 (36:39):
I don't either because I believe in synchronicity.

Speaker 2 (36:41):
Yeah, Oh, be careful, babe. People might think that we're witches.

Speaker 1 (36:44):
I don't care.

Speaker 2 (36:44):
Don't say synchronicities, the big words some people might not understand.
I'm glad that we can laugh about it though.

Speaker 1 (36:51):
We I mean, that's all you can do, right Like
like I told you after our first seminar or ceremony,
I don't, I don't. I'm not mad at these peop anymore.
I truly feel pity for these people. Yeah, and like
it's it must be exhausting living life like that. People
need to fucking get over themselves.

Speaker 2 (37:08):
Continuing, It was right around this time that I found
out that I was pregnant with my youngest and my
current husband and I decided to get back together. I
was all in for us to build our family, but
he had so much hurt and resentment built up for
me by this time that he ended our relationship when
I was seven months pregnant. He was certain that the
baby wasn't his and took no part in the pregnancy
because of it, which I didn't blame him for at all.
When I went into labor, he went to the hospital

(37:30):
with me, and the second our son was born, he
knew that he was his. I tried countless time to
convince him to take me back, but the damage had
been done. I got into therapy and spent the first
year alone while he got a new girlfriend pretty much
right away. She showed quite a few red flags to me,
but he was enamored and couldn't see what I saw,
so I ended up looking like a crazy baby mama.
My therapist told me that what happens outside my home

(37:50):
is out of my control and to learn to let
it go for my own peace of mind. It was hard,
but when it clicked, it clicked hard. I get that.
I think that one of the reasons that we as
humans try so hard to show the truth or shed
light on something or even share a side of things
is because there's a rejection happening, and there's that primal

(38:11):
need to not be rejected by our own because one
hundred thousand years ago you're rejected by your species. The
likelihood of your survival is not high.

Speaker 1 (38:19):
Yep.

Speaker 2 (38:19):
It's so freeing to let go of things that are
outside of your control.

Speaker 1 (38:22):
It's a serenity prayer. Why I ended my book like that.

Speaker 2 (38:25):
Continuing, the girlfriend did everything she could to shove her
way into the mom role instead of the step mom role,
which I would have had no problem with. We had
made a commitment to work together as parents, to be
as strong, to be a strong united force together for
the kids. Through all of this, he and my older
son had bonded, and I wasn't willing to be petty
and take that relationship away from them. When my youngest

(38:45):
went for his week on, week off visits, my older
son went to Oh, I love that. After two years
with this girl and continuous drinking, he went off the
handle one night and landed himself back in jail for
the last time. This was his wake up call and
he got sober. For our boys, life gets real serious
when you recognize that there's eyes on you, and not
just the eyes of the masses, but little eyes who

(39:05):
look up to you like Superman.

Speaker 1 (39:06):
Yeah. At least he was able to recognize it.

Speaker 2 (39:09):
Yeah. A year later, he and his girlfriend split up,
and he and I agreed to be closer than ever
to fight for our co parenting relationship at all costs.
I told any potential boyfriends that it was something they
would have to be comfortable with or move along, and
I stood by that.

Speaker 1 (39:21):
Good if you guys are being civil to each other,
and you guys are able to co parent effectively. It
needs to happen. Kids need their father. Yeah, and I
don't care if another Like I'm a bonus dad, And
I say this with my full chest. If your ex
husband was super in the picture and doing everything and
like was filling every single role, I would never try
to step into that role. They've got everything that they need.
Having a bonus parent is there to fill in the cracks.

Speaker 2 (39:43):
Right.

Speaker 1 (39:43):
There's things that I can provide the children that he can't,
and there's things that he's going to be able to
provide that I can't. And having two dads instead of
one to fill those roles is a lot fucking better
than having none. So having that co parenting thing, if
you guys can do that shit civily. You don't have
to like each other. You just have to be nice
to each other for the sake of the children, don't
I don't know. I think that people that choose not
to co parent and pick ugly over their kids because

(40:07):
they're hurt and they can't get over their bullshit, they
are perpetuating a generational trauma that will not end with
your children or your grandchildren.

Speaker 2 (40:14):
All right, continuing sometimes this looked like helping each other
out with rent money, coming to watch the kids so
one of us could run to the store for something
while they slept, am helping me with my car troubles,
going on day trips to the beach together, etc.

Speaker 1 (40:26):
I love all of that.

Speaker 2 (40:27):
After five years apart, our youngest started school and it
was a nightmare. We suspected he had autism and ADHD,
but he hadn't been tested, so this resulted in daily
calls from the school for support or to come get home.
His dad was running his own mechanic shop and I
was working as a house cleaner. At the time, I
was becoming so unreliable at work that I was about
to be fired. I waited until my tax return came
in and decided to quit my job and came up

(40:49):
with a better plan to give my full attention to
my youngest. His dad was falling so far behind at
the shop that we agreed that I would take the
kids for three weeks so he could catch up. We
realized how beneficial this was to the both of us,
and since we were both single, that we would move
back in with each other. Our agreement was that I
would be a stay at home mom and he would
work to provide, but not that we would have a relationship.

Speaker 1 (41:08):
What a wild thing. Yeah, obviously we know where this
is going. That's just such a strange thing to me
because when you really think about that, are we in
a field goods folder? Still We're not. This is seeking
advice okay, because this does feel good? Yeah, so far,
that situation is very dangerous because if one person catches
feelings and the other doesn't, there's going to be a
lot of fighting and ugly that's going to happen all

(41:29):
over again, and the kids are going to see.

Speaker 2 (41:31):
That, especially if they're a boyfriend or girlfriend being brought
in while those feelings are being had.

Speaker 1 (41:35):
Right. So, and that's where I was going to go
with that. If you guys are going if anybody's ever
thinking about doing some shit like that, there needs to
be very clear ground rules. And one of those things
is that boyfriend, girlfriend ever comes to the house like
that needs to be completely off limits and away from
the family. I think that that would be more than
a fair thing to ask if you guys are going
to ever try doing something like this.

Speaker 2 (41:52):
Yeah. Continuing, after some time, a relationship between us slowly
began to develop. After about a year, we found twenty
acres on an owner con tracked for a once in
a lifetime price, so we hustled and got the down
payment together, and that's where we've been for the last
two years, completely off grid. In that time. There's never
really been romance between us, but he brags about me
to our friends openly where I can see acknowledging how

(42:13):
hard my job is, and no matter how hard his
job might be, he gets to leave at the end
of the day. He does his best to take care
of most everything with the property and have our teenage
son take care of the little things so I can
focus on the house and the animals and the kids.
We got married this past October. Oh my gosh, that's
gonna make me cry.

Speaker 1 (42:30):
It's crazy that they don't have romance though there's never
really been romance between.

Speaker 2 (42:34):
Us in that time. Oh okay, yeah, very cool Viking
themed wedding at our favorite hangout with a handful of
friends and family. I know he loves me and all
the little things he does for me, bringing me treats,
he knows I like, making plans to go places that
make me smile. Takes me for a week and away
every year for my birthday, buying me books, calling me goofy, nicknames,
et cetera. And when I try to show him affection,
he seems oh okay. But when I try to show

(42:56):
him affection, he almost seems uncomfortable. He just shies away
from it, not like rejection, but hesitation. So for the
most part, I hold my inclination to be romantic back.
Someone doesn't learn how to swim if they're not exposed
to the water.

Speaker 1 (43:07):
You got to think that most men are never paid
compliments period. Like your homie might tell you I like
your shoes, bro. Yeah, but like we don't get complimented
the way that you guys do. It's just not a
thing for us. So it's not easy for us to
accept a compliment, even if it's coming from the woman
we love. It's hard and like you know, the stupid
little Facebook memes, like most men won't we'll get their
first set of flowers at their funeral because it's not

(43:29):
women don't buy flowers for men. That's not a thing
for us. So there's a lot of emotional ebb and
flow that comes from paying compliments and receiving them that
most men lack. And it's hard for us. It doesn't
mean that we don't enjoy it. It's nice to fucking hear.
We just don't know how to respond.

Speaker 2 (43:43):
So I'm like this, But in friendships, like if I
have a like Jenna paying that compliment about how her
husband's thankful for me, I don't know what to do
with it. What do I do with my hands? And
it's it's hard to accept something like my husband was
just saying when you've never received it in your life.
And it's gotten easier for me to have conversations and

(44:03):
accept compliments or praise. Feels weird to.

Speaker 1 (44:06):
Say, right, Well, when people continue to say things like
this to you and it's a reoccurring thing, it's not
just a one off situation, you start to believe it. Yeah,
because you know that there are people out there who
are having situations that are similar. You know that now, okay,
well one person says something cool, one hundred people say something.
Now we've got mob mentality, Like there's got to be
a truth to it.

Speaker 2 (44:25):
Yeah, that's our perception continuing. I love and respect this
man so much. He works so hard and is always
looking for hustle outside of work to get us a
leg up to the next goal in life. He does
everything he can to hide his financial stress so that
I don't stress. He doesn't want me to worry about
things that he feels like I, as his wife, shouldn't
have to worry about if he's doing his job as

(44:45):
a man correctly. He was raised in a tiny town,
super blue collar, pull yourself up by the bootstraps kind
of family, but the last year or so he's been
really shut in with himself. We never fight. We are
extremely open and straightforward with each other always. We never
raise voices, never leave disagreements unresolved, and never sleep apart
when we're frustrated.

Speaker 1 (45:03):
Hello, all of that. I actually thought this was a
feel good folder, and it dawned on me after I
said that that this was stated, that this was something
unlike we've got yet. Yeah, so, so far this does
not feel like a normal to be better emails that's
been sent in. Yeah, this feels like a feel good email.

Speaker 2 (45:17):
It does continuing, but lately we've been bickering about stupid stuff.
I suspect part of it is that I took on
two very part time jobs fifteen hours a week total
to help with finances when we fell a little bit behind.
And the other part is that he spent the entirety
of last year in a deep depression, so we got
nothing done around the property. He's mentioned he feels like
he's failing us, and I try to point out all

(45:38):
the ways we're winning and how he's still kicking ass.
It's like he's been on autopilot. He is having his
testosterone levels tested this upcoming Monday. So hopefully you scrolled two.

Speaker 1 (45:47):
We can roll that part out. That's what it says.
Hopefully we can roll that part out. Okay, I want
to pause there though, which is why I just scrolled
to hear. We used to promote Matrix hormones on this
channel constantly because of how important it is for me
to get their hormones done, and when Matrix stopped doing
women's hormones, I stopped pushing it.

Speaker 2 (46:04):
Right, most of our listening basis women.

Speaker 1 (46:06):
Well, for in our Patreon, it's like sixty forty. YouTube
is sixty forty. I have no idea what it looks
like across Spotify and all of that. I'd have to
pull the metrics. But the last time I looked, it
did lean heavier women than men. That doesn't mean that
men don't listen and as much as I promoted Matrix hormones,
or we did over the course of the three years
that we've been doing this. I would hope that I
don't have to continue beating a dead horse to go

(46:26):
get your fucking hormones checked. But because it came up
in the podcast, it is important to recognize that if
you were a man over twenty six years old, you
should be getting your hormones check. Our grandfather's natural testosterone
levels were three times higher than ours. Yeah, that's fucking insane.
The number has gotten so low in men that they
have started to reduce the number of natural levels. So
when I first started getting my testosterone checked, anything under

(46:49):
three hundred was considered low. There are hospitals that say
anything under one fifty now is considered low because they've
moved the margin on the high end. When I started
getting my testosterone checked, it was twelve hundred. Now there's
saying that anything over a thousand is considered abnormal. That's
not abnormal. Our fucking diet is messing in our body up.
So from eighteen to twenty six, you're at your peak.

(47:10):
At twenty six years old, your testosterone naturally starts to
decrease as a man. That's because we're not supposed to
live past forty forty five years old. Over the course
of human history, forty fifty years old was grandpa. Now
it's eighty ninety, you know what I mean. Like, we're
living a whole lot longer. There's no reason for us
not to get our fucking blood work done. And for
all my guys out there who are buying testosterone illegally

(47:30):
off the internet, you still need to be doing blood
dumps and getting your lab work done. You can go
to lab Core if you live in the United States
and have a male hormone panel done that checks your liver, lipid,
your kidney, your thyroid function, your estrogen, and your testosterone.
It's seventy dollars. If you think your testosterone is fucked

(47:50):
up and you don't want to spend the money to Matrix,
go to lab Corp, get your fucking test done, then
go to Matrix because you have what you need to
go to Matrix to get your shit done. You'll save
a bunch of money through Matrix using to be better
dropped down, but you'll already have your lab work and
they can start getting your levels normal. There's no reason
for this there's not an excuse at this point. It's
not like you have to go and beg and plead

(48:12):
and bitch and try to get your doctor to like
give you a testosterone test. Lab Core does that shit.
It's sixty nine dollars and you don't need a prescription
for it. Are you texting me saying that I need
my shot?

Speaker 2 (48:22):
No? Okay, but that was something we were supposed to
do yesterday. Right, But I got curious, Right, I wonder
if that's just an American thing. So now I'm going
to google like the average male testosterone and Scandinavia.

Speaker 1 (48:35):
Oh yeah, because.

Speaker 2 (48:36):
Their diets are totally different from what we consume over here.

Speaker 1 (48:40):
Lexi said, I've never heard of a blood dump. A
blood dump is literally just you donating blood. If you
are on testosterone or any type of anabolic steroid, you
should be donating blood every at least once a month.
It thins out your red blood cell which gets high.
It reduces your chance of a heart attack and stroke.
There's a whole lot of things that go from donating blood.
And when you get prescribed testosterone, they tell you that

(49:02):
you have to have your iron checked on a regular basis,
and if it's over a certain number you have to
do blood dumps, so it's important to stay on top
of that shit. Bell said. They asked no questions at
the donation center when you do bloo dumps as long
as they've never prescribed a medical what do they call it.
There's a term for it. If you ever get prescribed
blood dumps where you tell them that, like they give

(49:24):
you a prescription to go and have it done, you'll
never be able to do a blood dump without it. Again,
I wouldn't recommend doing that. I would rather just go
get the blood dump done because if you need a
doctor to give you that to have your blood withdrawn,
that that can become a problem.

Speaker 2 (49:36):
So continuing, yeah, I feel like the end portions of
this have been pretty chaotic, and I apologize if I'm
leaving critical pieces out. He and I are each other's
best friends. We turn to each other for everything. We laugh,
we play, we take part in each other's hobbies, and
support each other through our struggles. The respect and the
support and the friendship is all there. The only thing
I feel I'm sad about is the stupid romance. I

(49:59):
want to pause. Why did you call it stupid romance?
Is it because there's frustration there about.

Speaker 1 (50:03):
It because she's been conditioned to believe that to be
a thing. Okay, I can explain this to you, real simple.

Speaker 2 (50:11):
Well, I'm more of just asking her, like, oh, you
can explain it.

Speaker 1 (50:14):
Women want the cheesy, the cheesy Hallmark, the Christmas movies.
They want that romance. They want to feel fond over
and and like put on a pedestal and chocolates and
flowers and hold her beautiful and to feel special. Men
want that shit too. We're just told that it's it's
you know, it's fucking gay. Dog. Can't be acting like that,
you know what I mean? Like that's the shit that

(50:36):
we hear our whole life. You're soft, you know what
I mean? So, like there is a a stupid romance
to that from that standpoint, because women think that it's
stupid that they desire the way that they do, because
they make cheesy movies about it, and men think that
it's fucking stupid because we'll get made fun of if
we do the shit. The reality is is your relationship matters,
and if something that you can do is going to

(50:57):
make your woman happy, something like bringing pine needles could
change somebody's day, Yeah, buying chocolates, which I keep getting
emails and I'm ready to order it, but I know
we have ceremony in two weeks, Like you can't have
the shit. You better believe there will be a box
coming back the week that we get home, like so
that we can have like a happy I love you
woman because it's Tuesday. Like, I don't understand why we

(51:19):
put such a negative spin on all of that. If
we want the body wants with the body wants the
soul ones soul once like, there's nothing wrong with that. So, yeah,
you're right, calling it stupid doesn't make sense.

Speaker 2 (51:29):
Yeah, all right, continuing, I think he holds back because
women have taken advantage of it in the past, and
he's been hurt because of it. And so it seems
as if he sees that kind of romance as vulnerability
and something that makes women see him as weak. Okay,
So I want to pause there as well. It doesn't
matter what women see him as it matters about how
you perceive him, and that could be worth a conversation.

Speaker 1 (51:50):
It needs to be a conversation.

Speaker 2 (51:52):
Is this something I should just accept as part of
the man that he has grown to become or is
there a way to ease his mind, to be my
flowers in my car, dancing in the kitchen, shout his
love from the rooftops. Man again, I'm leaving out any
critical details.

Speaker 1 (52:03):
Please let me know, well, she said again, which means
he did all this shit in the beginning.

Speaker 2 (52:07):
Right well, during that honeymoon phase before he turned himself
in on that warrant. The man you are now is
not the man that I met years ago. I never
will be right, and I believe it's because I've made
a space for you to change. There has never been
any shame or judgment or laughing at you, not with you.
Don't give up on your man and just accept that

(52:27):
that's who he is.

Speaker 1 (52:28):
Yeah, guys, ladies, you need to be gentle when it
comes to your man's vulnerabilities because if you downplay it,
if you don't you know that TikTok of the dude
who is holding that spool of wire in his hand. Yeah,
and his woman berated him like made it like, made
him look like a bitch over it, and he was
made fun of him every man that saw that. But
he was like, damn dog, I fucking get it. Yeah,
and like it.

Speaker 2 (52:47):
Forty years of his was something like that, yeah, like
I bought this twenty years ago or forty years ago,
and now this is all that's left.

Speaker 1 (52:52):
Yeah, And he was having a full, last emotional moment
about it. And that one situation where she treated him
like that, if that was the only time that she
ever did it, that would have been an he would
have never been vulnerable with her again because she would
have shown him that it's everything that we've ever been
taught about women and our vulnerability is true. It's been
proven in that moment. It doesn't matter if a thousand
other for instances were not the case. That one time

(53:14):
is all it takes for all of those things to
have become fat. So it's important that you guys don't
don't allow that shit to seep in. And if your
man is being vulnerable and he's dancing in the kitchen,
thank him for it. Tell him you love that shit.
Like we are animals, and I don't mean men humanity.
We are animals. And if you can train a dog
with positive affirmations and treats, we're the same way. You

(53:36):
give me some ass and a smile, and I'm proud
of you. My tails wagon sit Yes, ma'am clear, you too, right,
Like it doesn't take much. The problem is is we
overlook all of the things that people do for us
and we start to take it for granted. I stood
on the bed yesterday so you could pin up my
new pants, and when I moved my leg you said
thank you and like you were doing something for me.

(53:59):
The fuck are you thanking me for turning my foot?
But you're not taking it for granted. I'm not taking
for granted in the moment that you are willing to
do something for me to him the pants that I
bought that are fucking nine inches too long for my
stubby little legs. We overlook that. Stop moving, that's a
different status. Then thank you for moving your foot this
way so I could get that pin in there. Right,
You guys have to constantly work to keep that light alive,

(54:24):
and it's no different than keeping a fire alive. We've
talked about this too. You watch alone the moment those
motherfuckers lose their phariseam Rod, they tap. You can't exist
without your fire. And if you start a fire and
you keep that bitch going, it's a whole lot easier
than starting a new one.

Speaker 2 (54:39):
Yes, it is. There's alshow all show. There is also
a lot of patience and grace that comes in. I mean,
loving anybody properly, there's a lot of patience and grace
that's needed. To love a man properly is going to
take a lot. There have been moments where I have
gone on my way to do something and it was
met with something set out of the side of the neck,

(54:59):
or the only way I can describe it as like
a scared dog backed into a corner. A dog who's
been beaten their whole life don't know how to respond
to affection. Everything is a threat to them at this point,
so early on in our relationship, in our marriage, and
even now sometimes I can still see it. If you're
on autopilot, that dog backed into a corner comes out,
and there's just patience and grace that needs to come

(55:20):
with that, and that I'm not going to meet you
with the same energy and be like, do you remember
who you're talking to? Bitch? I'm sorry, motherfucker who like,
I'm not going to talk to you that way because
all of a sudden, I'm having a bad day because
you said something on autopilot. So I have so many
thoughts going in my brain.

Speaker 1 (55:36):
Run it. We have time.

Speaker 2 (55:37):
I've said it before, and I'm going to say it again.
You're not just loving the stoic, weather worn man in
front of you. You're loving the child that was neglected.
You're loving the thirteen year old that was bullied relentlessly
in middle school. You're loving the twenty year old man
who has never done anything right in his life and
is willing to give up everything just to have the
reprieve of death. I believe that we as women have

(55:58):
a very sacred power, is the only thing that's coming
to my mind, and the way that we are able
to love and nurture. Men are able to love and
nurture in their own way. Women are the bringers of life,
and I don't mean just in the physical way of
giving birth to a child. I believe the way that
we are able to love humanity is a very healing way.

(56:19):
Does that make sense?

Speaker 1 (56:20):
Yeah? I think women are more compassionate by nature.

Speaker 2 (56:23):
Yeah.

Speaker 1 (56:23):
Jillian in the chat said, one night, visiting my man's parents,
we found ourselves upstairs looking through his old box of
Star Wars toys from when he was nine years old.
He played with them, showed me all of them, for
almost two hours.

Speaker 2 (56:34):
Oh gosh, that would make me cry well, she.

Speaker 1 (56:36):
Said, sat on the counter and was nearly in tears
watching him really relive his childhood and feel safe enough
to nerd it out that way. I don't think that
I don't think that women understand how powerful that is,
because we're taught to put that child as shot away,
pick yourself up so we don't fucking cry. You're a
man now. And then obviously as you're growing up, all

(56:57):
of your friends going through their hobbies, the things that
you're super into may not be super cool to your
friend group anymore, and you have to start quelling that
passion of the things that you enjoy. And we get
so fucking beat down our entire lives that when we're
able to find somebody that we can be open and
comfortable enough to share our nerdoms with, like there's there
is a true trust there, and that's not something that

(57:17):
people just give to anyone like we covet those moments.
We hold that shit sacred to ourselves because we don't
want to have it destroyed again. So in situations like that,
like just know that your husband sees you.

Speaker 2 (57:31):
I hope our son has a wife like that one,
and I hope that our daughter can be that wife
or someone.

Speaker 1 (57:35):
Well, I can't. I can't say one way or another
what's gonna happen with a little miss But I know
what little man's future is going to look like. I
got to see that, so Jay said. One of the
sweetest things my wife has ever said to me was
I can't wait to have a kid with you so
that I can see what little Jay would have been
like without all the bullshit. Fuck Taylor said, Chris, my
seven year old, asked to listen to, in his words,

(57:58):
the how to be a man when he's struggling to
emotionally regulate himself. Thank you for putting that content out there,
Jillian said, absolutely. He's over thirty, we have a large
age gap, and he's very blue collar worker. If it
was so tender to see that side of him, so
fucking stupid that I'm getting emotional over that?

Speaker 2 (58:16):
Why why would you say that?

Speaker 1 (58:18):
Because I'm I guess stupid. It's probably not the right word.

Speaker 2 (58:21):
Not probably, it's not it's not the right word.

Speaker 1 (58:24):
It's it's silly that I'm getting emotional over it. I
just don't I wish that people could understand, like I'm
getting emotional over it because I've got to experience it,
but people don't understand how we don't have that. And
my crying is frustration because there's men out there who
will never experience having a partner that they can they
can let themselves be themselves with. And I hate to

(58:45):
reference TikTok videos because it's so you know, it is
a cesspool. But the TikTok that we saw the other
day of the kid that was like, look, babe, of
milk mustache and she's like, well, you grow the fuck up.
And the next like nine videos of where we're them
at room cool places where she's like, Babe, look at
this and he's like, yeah, sel neat and he's he's

(59:05):
just completely fucking detached, Like it took that one, for instance,
to kill that side of him. And I know that
that was put out there in a very intelligent way
to show people how fucking like fragile that can be.

Speaker 2 (59:16):
Right.

Speaker 1 (59:17):
So my emotional fucking and shit in this is because
I get to be that person. I'm gonna learn to
I'm gonna teach myself to play the drum in front
of my wife, and I'm not worried about looking like
an idiot.

Speaker 2 (59:28):
You know what I get to do while you play
the drum.

Speaker 1 (59:30):
Learn to play your other drum.

Speaker 2 (59:31):
I can do that, and I can also dance.

Speaker 1 (59:33):
Yeah, there's the support there. There's a love that comes
from knowing that you have somebody that you can just
let it go. You shouldn't have to fight inside your
home the way that you fight the outside world. That's
why we've been so very adamant about keeping your sanctuary peaceful.
It's why you've made numerous comments about how you won't

(59:53):
let somebody sit in my chair, or if somebody comes uninvited,
you'll make them leave, Like, I don't know. It's just
so much to that and have the podcast and having
little clips where people will listen to that one little
set segment and then I'll get ripped apart because of
how emotional, unstable or controlling I am. Well, there's a
whole fucking truth in that. And because you got this
much of a conversation, you want to rip the conversation apart.

(01:00:15):
You're missing the broader subject. Don't act like you've never
felt like your fucking wife or your husband has put
somebody before you. It's not an insecurity motherfucker. It happens,
and it makes you feel like complete dog shit when
it does. It doesn't take much to destroy somebody, It
really fucking doesn't, especially in the world that we live in.
Because the world we live in is ugly. Everybody fucking

(01:00:35):
hates each other. It's more divided than it's ever been. Like,
there's no love anymore, there's no peace, there's no unity.
You can't even fucking you know, have Christians having conversations
about what faith looks like without people being disowned Like
I'm just I don't know, I fucking so that's why
I'm getting emotional. It's frustrating to me.

Speaker 2 (01:00:56):
I love you.

Speaker 1 (01:00:57):
I love you too. I'm grateful for the life we have.
I almost didn't get to like experience this, Sorry, Carrie.

Speaker 2 (01:01:11):
I was fourteen years old when I try to take
my life. Yeah, looking back, I was so young and
in that moment, thankfully I didn't succeed, but I knew
that nobody would have checked on me until the morning.
I check on the kids multiple times a night, every
time I get up, and that's one of those moments

(01:01:32):
where it is crazy. One of the things that kept
me going. It's so stupid. I was fourteen years old.
I can't remember. It was some social media. It was
archaic as fuck, but it was a post that said,
at one point, I almost gave up my life, and
now it's Sunday morning, I'm making pancakes for my family.

Speaker 1 (01:01:58):
But Carrie's going through it too. It was all of
us at one point. The problem is is most people
won't admit it and they won't talk about it.

Speaker 2 (01:02:06):
We are all one that that's saying that we heard
on our first retreat, I'm sorry for all the things
I did to you and I didn't realize I was you. Yeah,
that's it. We are all living the human experience, trying
the best we can.

Speaker 1 (01:02:26):
There's that comedic relief. Guys, if you're listening to this
and you've been in that position.

Speaker 2 (01:02:32):
Or are currently in that position and.

Speaker 1 (01:02:35):
You survive it, you owe it to have the conversations
with people because you don't know who's not going to
make it through what you went through. And for those
of us who have been through a world of shit,
we have a life that we can give our testimony
to in a way that others can't. I don't give
a fuck what degrees you have if you haven't been
in the trench. You don't know what it feels like
to fucking be there. If you've never been in a

(01:02:57):
position where you've you've tried to eliminate yourself, you have
theory it's you don't know what it's like. You don't
know what it is to sit in silence with your
best friend, not knowing if he's going to make it
through the day. There's something to be said about what
we owe the world after we've survived these things. Well,

(01:03:20):
that's the end of the podcast, guys, because I don't
want to sit here and do this anymore. I'm a
little too emotional now and I'm ready to go home.

Speaker 2 (01:03:25):
The last thing that I want to say is a
lot of people because of who we are and the
things that we say, there are people who have accused
of of Oh, you think you're better than me, you
think you're on higher ground than me. No, I don't,
because I am you.

Speaker 1 (01:03:37):
Yeah, I definitely don't think that we're better than anyone.
We might have a following and that's pretty cool, but
like it doesn't. That's why. That's why I don't think, Like,
I don't think that we're anything special. When people start
crying over us, I don't know how to handle that. Like,
I don't think that we're doing anything different. We are
just normal people living our fucking lives. We just are relatable.
You guys are seeing something in us that's healing a

(01:03:58):
part of you, and that's fucking amazing.

Speaker 2 (01:03:59):
And we love that we're putting ourselves out there against
all the scrutiny. Yeah, we are doing something in a
vast maturity of people don't want to do because of
the hate that we receive for it being on our positions.
There is a lot of positivity that comes from it.
We get a lot of love, and we get to
see the positive ripples that we have in other people's lives.
There's also a lot of ugliness that comes with it,

(01:04:19):
and like we get people watching this, you know how
this feels. We get enough ugliness from ourselves. Yeah, and
getting that confirmation from the outside world, people who don't
even know you, shitting on you, telling you that you're
worthless and you should kill yourself and all of these
other kinds of things. It hits deep because that's just
a reaffirmation of the things that your demons are telling you.

Speaker 1 (01:04:40):
Right, that's exactly what it is, and it doesn't matter
how much good you have. It doesn't. It really doesn't.
It's like I said earlier, there could be a thousand things,
and it takes one thing from your partner to shatter
that existence for you. And unfortunately, we allow people that
we've never met before, that has no stak and no
skin in the game, like no nothing in our reality whatsoever,
to still be that waste, that fucking rips us apart

(01:05:02):
because that self doubt is already there. Yeah, it's a lot,
it's a lot. Well, guys, we thank you all for
tuning in. We are not going to record another episode today.
I think that we're gonna wrap up and actually take
the rest of the week off because it's Wednesday and
we have the kids this weekend, so this week. Yeah,
so we'll see you guys Monday or Tuesday at some point,
and there might be a vlog later today. I recorded

(01:05:23):
something this morning. So otherwise we're we're signing off until
next week. So thank you guys for being a part
of the discord. For those of you who are watching
right now, we really appreciate you guys tuning in. It's
nice to be able to read the comments and get
positive affirmations while we're recording. It's also nice to have
other perspectives because sometimes you guys who are part of
our Patreon watching gives us a thought or a viewpoint

(01:05:45):
that we are not seeing in the moment, and it
adds value. You guys are giving back to the tribe
and that means a lot too.

Speaker 2 (01:05:51):
They also catch things that we miss while we're reading.

Speaker 1 (01:05:54):
So yeah, yep they do. With that being said, guys,
remember you're the author of your own life. Grab a
pen and we will see you on the next one.

Speaker 2 (01:06:02):
Bye, guys.

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.css-r6mb8g{margin:0;word-break:break-word;display:-webkit-box;-webkit-box-orient:vertical;box-orient:vertical;-webkit-line-clamp:1;overflow:hidden;}New Heights with Jason & Travis Kelce

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The lost squishy moments. S3 Ep28

New Heights with Jason & Travis Kelce