This isnt resentment. Its abuse pt2 S3 Ep.44

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Episode Transcript

Speaker 1 (00:00):
Look up, We've come all the things, we beat it
on the bottom, all our wold it is you, You're
my favorite views, but it's not.

Speaker 2 (00:22):
And we are back.

Speaker 3 (00:23):
Welcome back, you beautiful bitches.

Speaker 4 (00:25):
Season three, episode forty four of the two Be Better Podcast.
This week, we are continuing a horrific email that we
sent in last week that was full of abuse, really
poor behavior.

Speaker 2 (00:37):
Yeah, that you actually got mad about.

Speaker 3 (00:39):
I did. I got I got really mad about it.
And you know, it's been twenty four hours since we
read the email. I've calmed down, I've processed a lot.
Get stupid when we get mad. So I'm so glad
that we took a break. I want to clarify that
I'm not mad at the emailer. I'm mad at the situation.

(01:01):
I'm mad at the actions that are happening. That there
is an entitlement to treating somebody the way that she's
being treated. I am mad about the tolerance of it. Oh,
I want to the same way you want to shake
me and love yourself. I wanna.

Speaker 4 (01:22):
It's disappointing, Yeah, it breaks my heart. Yeah all right,
so let's jump into the part two of yesterday's email.

Speaker 3 (01:31):
So I'm just gonna read a little bit of where
we left off in the last email, and then continue
I'm so stressed that I literally feel like I'm gonna
throw up when I try to eat, and I have
no motivation to eat or cook or really take care
of myself that much. I do take steps to try
to maintain my physical appearance as best as I possibly can,
but I guess my brain blames him in a sense

(01:52):
for the rapid and drastic decline of my health. So
now to the main question. Am I ever going to
be able to heal from this resentment while I'm still
in a relationship with him? And do we have a
chance at having a happy future.

Speaker 4 (02:06):
I'm a firm believer that anybody can have a new
relationship with the same person. However, I believe that there's
too much trauma here from the last three years for
things to ever actually change. I think that we see
who his true character is. He's had no reason to
like fake it or hide who he is, and regardless
of what's currently happening in a relationship, I personally wouldn't stay.

Speaker 3 (02:26):
I wouldn't be able to move past all of it. Continuing,
his actions in the last six months have forced me
to start making a game plan if he chooses not
to commit to me, which entails moving back to my
home state and trying to build my dream there. But
through everything that we have been through, I still love
this man to death. And I don't know at what
point I'm being stupid for sticking around, or if I'm

(02:47):
making the right choice by staying around.

Speaker 2 (02:49):
I don't think that.

Speaker 4 (02:51):
I don't understand how you can love somebody who abuses
you like this is a version of Stockholm syndrome. To me,
I view the entire episode that we read yesterday, which
was last week. For the people who are listening or
watching everything that was going on in that is abused to.

Speaker 3 (03:04):
Me, I agree. I you know, after experiencing abuse and
witnessing the repeated pattern, having to be caught in that
whirlwind of that repeated pattern, I can see why people
with no self worth love the people that abuse them.
It's all like I view them as like brainwash, psychologically controlled.

(03:29):
I also don't understand it.

Speaker 4 (03:31):
I don't either, But I've also never allowed somebody to
manipulate me the way that he manipulated her. Yeah, and
if you listen to the if you guys didn't catch
the last week's episode. You'll be fine listening to this,
but you'll want to go back and watch the first
one when we're done, or last week's. I mean, if
you look at the way things started, it started with
him questioning her character. Yes, and then it started with

(03:53):
him making like big scenes over questioning her character and
then implementing cameras in her home and making her pay
for shit and take light tector tests, and like it
starts with just a little bit. The more you tolerate
from somebody, the more they're going to try to take.
Givers can only give so much, Takers will fucking take
everything they can.

Speaker 3 (04:13):
I also think people who control will control in extreme
ways if somebody allows them.

Speaker 4 (04:18):
To, of course they will, and when the control no
longer works, they'll find new ways to manipulate and continue
controlling people.

Speaker 3 (04:23):
Yeah, so you said, I don't know at what point
I'm being stupid for sticking around, or if I'm making
the right choice by staying around. I think by calling
yourself stupid for sticking around diminishes your self worth. I
can understand at a certain point looking at everything that's
been laid out and be like, wow, I've really turned
a blind eye to all of it and wanting to

(04:46):
self degrade. People carry a lot of hurt in them.
People pleasing fear of retaliation getting quote unquote in trouble.
The amount of adults who believe that if they go
against somebody that they're gonna get in trouble is astonishing.
You're an adult, You're in control of your life. There's
really nothing unless they're financially funding you or you're living

(05:07):
in their house. There's really gonna be no big consequences
besides them causing a stink with running a MUK to
family members or something.

Speaker 4 (05:15):
Right, Well, people who manipulate with fear, it doesn't matter
if there's actually going to be a consequence. The fear
of the situation is what keeps people in check.

Speaker 3 (05:23):
Yeah, and that's what I'm trying to point out to
help people realize. It's it's literally just a fear.

Speaker 4 (05:27):
Yeah, that's negative self talking. A situation like this just
further instills everything from the abuser. Right, So I think
that that matters too. Let me respond to something that's
happened on Patreon real quick. Somebody's having a hard time
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(05:48):
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(06:08):
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Speaker 2 (06:41):
They can see all the flirting.

Speaker 4 (06:42):
The outtakes, the hot topic conversations that never actually make
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(07:03):
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Speaker 3 (07:23):
The best way to support what we are doing is
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check out our Patreon. Thank you guys for being here.
I wouldn't be asking myself. I don't know at what
point I'm being stupid for sticking around. I would be
asking myself, at what point am I going to say?

Speaker 2 (07:39):
Is?

Speaker 3 (07:39):
Like? Enough is enough? I'm not gonna live this way anymore.
I don't want to tolerate this anymore. I don't like
feeling this way. I don't want to force him to
be in an unhappy relationship where I'm just resentful and
angry all the time, no matter what he tries to
do to fix it. So you made that statement on
the flip side of that coin, shouldn't he feel like

(08:01):
I don't want her to feel forced into a relationship
that makes her unhappy because I'm not willing to do
things like stop looking at their straps, Hey my own rent.

Speaker 4 (08:10):
Right, He's not looking at it from that side. She
should be looking at it from that perspective, like what
is he doing or what has.

Speaker 2 (08:17):
He been doing? Yeah, this is I don't know. I
gotta be honest.

Speaker 4 (08:22):
I didn't read this email at all, Like, I have
no idea what's going on in the next six pages,
But I can tell you that from the first six
pages there is zero redeeming qualities here. Where I would
ever tell somebody that they should stay in that relationship.
I agree, period. I don't give a fuck if he's
on a full three sixty. He showed you who his
true colors were. Yeah, I guess I said three sixty
instead of one eighty in a second ago.

Speaker 2 (08:42):
Yeah, whatever.

Speaker 3 (08:46):
I was gonna say. Knowing that people in a growth journey, right,
they don't have solidified new behaviors to revert back to.
So if there is a stressor in life, or he
gets triggered or something traumatic happens, knowing that is going
to be his reverted baseline for a while would terrify me. Yeah,

(09:06):
I feel like I'd be walking on eggshells. I don't
want to say anything to trigger him to be upset,
and pray to God that life works out in our
way for the best case scenarios. I've tried to explain
to him that it's not possible for me to heal
from all of these things that I've experienced over the
last three years when we're living in a situation that
is a constant reminder of it, or constantly reminding me
of these things. I know that part of this is

(09:29):
my problem, and I'm going to take full responsibility for
my partner this. I understand that I was the one
who made the choice to move out here, and I
was the one that made the choices to stay with
him all these years. I'm just finding myself turning into
a very unloving and bitter partner. What would your guys's
advice be on how to figure out if this resentment
is something that we can love each other through and

(09:49):
become better. Is it deep seated resentment like that even
possible to get over? Is it even possible to get over?

Speaker 4 (09:58):
Why does she keep saying resentment? Does she think that
the resentment that she's feeling about her pass is the
issue in a relationship and not the fact that he
fucking abused her for three years?

Speaker 3 (10:07):
That is what I'm taking away. Yes, I think that
she wants to move past the resentment of it.

Speaker 2 (10:11):
I need to move past him.

Speaker 3 (10:13):
Yeah, I don't think it's the situations that are triggering.
I would believe that it's he who is triggering.

Speaker 2 (10:19):
Yeah.

Speaker 4 (10:21):
I fully believe he's been fucking other people this entire time,
and like hiding her solidifies that whether he was still
with his ex like that the mother of his children,
or if he's been sleeping with other people. All of
the shit that he was doing screams lack of lack
of security. I'm doing foul shit, and I'm projecting my
shit onto you. I need to control you and keep

(10:41):
you underr thumb to make sure you could do whatever
it is that I want you to do. Yeah, and
like she just gave and gave and gave and gave
and gave, and he just kept kept taking.

Speaker 2 (10:48):
Like.

Speaker 3 (10:49):
So we said this pretty heavily yesterday, and I want
to say an analogy or metaphor that I said yesterday
today just to really like sell it. The abuse that
we're referring from the first half of the email looked
like the emailer went from having the world to look
at to being backed into a room of a basement.

(11:09):
And now there's the last six months. Things have been
a little bit better. Now that you have been beaten
into submission and there's no more kicking and screaming, and
now you can roam the whole basement. You're not just
stuck in the bedroom of the basement continuing. Honestly, I
didn't even cover every single topic I wanted to win
this email, but those points that I mentioned are the
main ones. Again, I absolutely love and appreciate your guys's

(11:33):
time so much. If you guys had one on one
personal coaching, I would pay for it in a heartbeat.
But for now, I'll just continue paying for Patreon to
be able to support you in your content. I'm a
firm believer in the same thing you guys believe in,
which is an unbiased opinion, and that's why I'm here.
I'm sure you can only imagine what my father and
my best friend's opinion is.

Speaker 4 (11:53):
I don't know how your father hasn't put in this
dude like real shit, like as a father of a woman,
of a woman like the The response for me in
a situation like this would have been very violent.

Speaker 3 (12:05):
Yeah. As a mother, I would have been showing up
at your doorstep. Yeah. Try, I would like to see
him try to reason all of that past behavior with me.

Speaker 4 (12:19):
I'm willing to bet it would be different with you
than it would be with me. Elaborate men, males who
act like this don't do this towards other men.

Speaker 3 (12:29):
Men because he knows that you'll kick his ass.

Speaker 4 (12:32):
Yeah, I'd put him through a fucking wall. Ye, heartbeat.
There is a weakness in men. Who manipulate and control
women like this. They can't do it to other men
because other men would stop a hole in them and
they know it. So they exert control where they can
exert control, and it's normally over people that love them
or think they love them, because now they've got them

(12:52):
under thumb and they just start taking things a little
bit at a time.

Speaker 3 (12:54):
Yeah, I think you having a conversation with somebody who
has had behaviors like those, or it continues behaviors like
this because there are still accusations of cheating happening. I
think it would be like, uh, like a dog whimpering
like I'm not gonna say shit. And then I believe
that if I were to have a conversation with somebody

(13:15):
like this, I would piss him off very quickly, of course,
because your Jedi mind tricks are not going to work here.

Speaker 2 (13:22):
Yep. He would try to blow up to you at first.

Speaker 3 (13:24):
Yeah, I would challenge the fuck out of him, and
then eventually he would either get so pissed off he would.

Speaker 2 (13:29):
Walk away or he put his hands on you.

Speaker 3 (13:30):
Yeah, we have an update. I'm gonna jump into it.
Final thoughts for the first tamail.

Speaker 4 (13:35):
I mean There's nothing that's going to be said in
this update that's going to make me change the way
I feel.

Speaker 2 (13:40):
About the whole situation.

Speaker 3 (13:42):
Oh it makes it worse.

Speaker 2 (13:43):
Oh great, Okay, let's go.

Speaker 3 (13:44):
So. I don't know if the emailer is still in
the chat with us right now.

Speaker 2 (13:48):
She is.

Speaker 3 (13:51):
Yesterday, I commented on the universe has given you so
many opportunities to recognize that this guy isn't the one
for you, and this update is going to be another
one of those signs. So for an update, I've had
a major event with my boyfriend that happened over the
course of the last month. I found out weeks ago
that he has been secretly telling his ex girlfriend slash

(14:11):
baby Mama that we are no longer together. Called that
he's been flirting with her and shit talking me behind
my back. He's been sleeping in her house, he claims
us not when she's there, but I still don't think
it's acceptable she's there.

Speaker 4 (14:25):
They're still Yeah, I called that yesterday. Yeah, we actually
went in length and at length about that yesterday, starting
from when the fact that the cameras weren't put in
his house. This this is a fucking mess, man.

Speaker 3 (14:39):
Yeah, he's been helping her with her emotional baggage and
all this other stuff and making her all kinds of promises.
I really hope you're still not considering getting a house
with this man.

Speaker 4 (14:50):
A three year relationship and she's not the priority of
the other woman.

Speaker 3 (14:53):
Is? I found out because this oldest daughter that has
been hanging out with me for the last year got
caught with her phone that has conversations which me and
her on it with her mother. Her mother lost her
shit and proceeded to send me all of the proof
I needed on exactly what he's been doing the last
few months. Him and his daughter both claim that it's
a ploy, or at least was a ploy, to get

(15:13):
her to sign over full custody. He said he was
doing it for our future because he knew we were
planning on moving in together with the children, and he
wanted to make sure she could legally not take them
away from him. He already has fifty to fifty custody.

Speaker 4 (15:25):
She can't legally take them away from him, now, right?
Is that's all bullshit? It's all lip service?

Speaker 3 (15:31):
Yeah, all of that. I've said this, I said this before,
I'm gonna say this again. He is hoping that you
have a low enough IQ to overlook this and believe
what he's saying to you.

Speaker 4 (15:44):
Well, he's proven over the last three years that he
can do and say whatever he wants and get away
with it. You look at with the house, the moving
in together, the rental, the now selling the house to
buy another house, and then backing out like he is
able to do whatever the fuck he wants because there's
no consequences. And I called it yesterday about the oldest
daughter being as fucking homie and like being able to

(16:05):
keep secrets for the youngest wouldn't.

Speaker 3 (16:08):
I would end this relationship today. I would move back home,
I would get situation. I would get situated back with
my friends and family and heal. The worst part out
of all of this is he wrote his thirteen year
old daughter into it and bribed her with gifts to
not tell her mom things and not tell me things.

(16:28):
I think that's the most disgusting thing I've ever seen,
especially considering he has shit talked his baby mama for
years because she does the same thing with her children.
I don't have any children, but I definitely do not
believe in roping them into your personal dramas of your life.
And they should be nowhere near your personal secret. Bullshit
missions and lying and manipulating. I think it sends a

(16:48):
very very negative signal to them, and it's not a
good example for children. I was also raised with an
extremely stand up father though, and a mother who also
didn't accept lying. So why are you right if you
were raised this way and this is what your parents believe,
and why are you tolerating all of this? I wouldn't
be able to trust that thirteen year old. Say he

(17:10):
does end things with the child's the children's mother, he's
going to be in contact with her until that youngest
one is eighteen years old at the minimum, yep, doing pickups,
drop off, birthday parties, holidays, family vacations. If he can
convince you to that and you not going there, I
wouldn't be able to trust anything in that situation.

Speaker 2 (17:33):
She's a side chick.

Speaker 4 (17:34):
Yes, she's a three year long side chick that he's
been able to string along and get her to do
whatever he wants her to do.

Speaker 2 (17:40):
That's all there is.

Speaker 3 (17:41):
To this continuing. I'm going to try to not make
this one as long as the previous email. I just
wanted to fill you guys in on our current events.
The night that I found all this out, I was
getting screenshots from his ex. I literally told him we
were done. I told him there's nothing left for us.
There's nothing left here for us. I'm done, and I'm
not going to accept a partner that lies and manipulates

(18:03):
and is borderline cheating on me behind my back.

Speaker 4 (18:06):
It's a pretty pretty unfair assessment to think borderline cheating.
What would make you think it's borderline cheating because you
don't have proof that he's not fucking this chick? Yeah,
why not ask her, Hey, when was the last time
you guys slept together? He said that he's been sleeping
there when you're not there. We've been fucking for three years. Yeah, right, Like,
I gotta be honest with None of that matters. Even

(18:28):
if even if everything he's saying was factually like true
and they weren't sleeping together and doing what he's what
they're what I believe they've been doing. The abuse that
happened from the first email is enough to not be there. Yeah,
I agree, there's no trust in any of this.

Speaker 3 (18:44):
No, and at this point I wouldn't want to try
to rebuild any of it. All of the trauma and
the abuse that happened in the first half of this email.
And now you're going to try to pull the wool
over my eyes again. You accuse me of all of
this nasty shit. I had cameras in my house, I
paid the pentance of not responding to a text message
in a timely manner. And you've been getting in and

(19:06):
out of your children's mother's house without letting me know.
You're telling her that we're not in a relationship anymore.
That everything from the first email. Now, the first time
he read it, it did feel like projection of him
doing foulshit. Now it's solidified for me. He's been with
her this whole time. Yeah, they may have separated, but

(19:26):
I bet I don't know. I wouldn't be surprised if
she's spent the night in the rental house that you're
paying for.

Speaker 4 (19:30):
Probably she said that, she says that they sleep together,
but she lies just as bad as he does.

Speaker 2 (19:37):
I'm willing to bet that all of those lies come.

Speaker 4 (19:39):
From him, which she's been able to manipulate his thirteen
year old daughter to get the daughter to a lie
like this. This whole situation is fucked up, and it
all stems from him. Yeah, so if she's if the
email or has never actually caught her in a lie,
like personally caught her in a lie, there's a very
strong possibility the woman's telling the truth and the dude
is trying to make his excellent psychopath. Yeah, because it's
easier to manipulate both women if they hate each other.

Speaker 3 (20:03):
Yes, it is. He may not have actually slept with her,
but having his hand on her leg in the car
and sleeping in her bed and being her emotional support
buddy is cheating in my eyes, it is. I agree.
I also don't accept him talking about me and using
my emotional turmoil to his benefit to try and convince
her that we're no longer together. I told him that
he should have been a man about it, and if

(20:23):
he wanted to get full custody of his children, he
should have told me that prior to him doing any
type of actions like this. I understand their mother can
be dangerous to their well being, but he did not
have to go behind my back.

Speaker 4 (20:34):
If that was true, he would be able to just
go to the courts and prove she's unfit. Yeah, all
that courtshit's changed fifty to fifty is now the normal
across the board in almost every state. You have to
prove the other parent unfit in order to take the kids.
And if she's done anything to actually put the kids
in danger, and he could prove it, that's proving her unfit.
It could go to visitation time visitation, Like, that's another lie. Yeah,

(20:59):
I'm gonna I'm gonna use my kids as a chess
piece to get you to relax, because now it's about
the children. And you're a woman, so you got to
understand it's about the kids.

Speaker 3 (21:07):
Can't be mad at the kids or the kids.

Speaker 2 (21:09):
Yeah.

Speaker 3 (21:10):
Saying that he's playing house with her to try and
get her to agree to full custody or whatever, that
however that was phrased, is complete bullshit. He knows that
it's bullshit, and he's trying to sell it to you,
hoping that it's going to be taken.

Speaker 4 (21:25):
Let's talk about the intimacy of driving with somebody's hand
on you, Like that physical intimacy in a car is
like intimate intimate? Yes, Like that's like I love you. Shit,
I'd be fucking livid.

Speaker 3 (21:36):
I held another man's arm off.

Speaker 4 (21:38):
Oh my god, dude's thinking about that. It's making my
heart race.

Speaker 3 (21:41):
I get that.

Speaker 2 (21:42):
I'd set that fucking car on fire.

Speaker 3 (21:44):
I believe it. Speaking of inappropriate things that's done outside
of a relationship, Pedra Pascalagan, Oh God, William Dafoe and
his wife, this is circulating. I don't know how recent
this was, but something on the Hall of Fame, star
Walk whatever in hall would William Dafoe, his wife is
behind him. Pedro Pascal turns around and does this to

(22:06):
his wife and such.

Speaker 2 (22:08):
As William Dafoe's face her, his wife's face, Yeah.

Speaker 3 (22:10):
Like like does that like caresses her? Ten? Yeah, and
like the Foe turns around and like fucking like I
don't know if he swatted his hand or something, but
he looked at him like he was checking him. In
the moment, I was like, Nah, that would not be
my husband.

Speaker 4 (22:21):
I'd grab that fucking thumb and break that bitch. Yeah,
joint lock his ass. Yeah, we're gonna have some We're
gonna have a some pop ROSSI. He's gonna get some photos.
I'm over that ship's gonna rea. William Defoe is still
a big actor. That shit would have shot my career
in the fucking stratosphere because I'd have broken that motherfucker's hand. Yeah, yep,
I don't like Pedro Pascal.

Speaker 2 (22:43):
I haven't.

Speaker 4 (22:43):
The only thing that he's ever done that I've ever
fucked with was when he was in Game of Thrones,
and and even then, like after that he he started
getting political and like, yeah, he's he's fake as fuck.

Speaker 3 (22:54):
He makes me very uncomfortable. Would you have even been
on board? Right, So let's let's say that this wild
concoction of I'm going to sleep in the same bed
as her, but we're not gonna have sex, and I'm
gonna play family and I'm gonna duper and I'm gonna
get full custody, and then we're gonna run away into
the sunset with the kids and live together in the

(23:14):
house that you buy for us. Would you have been
okay with it?

Speaker 2 (23:18):
No?

Speaker 3 (23:19):
Would you have been like, yes, I'm on board. I
trust you to not put your hands on her. I
trust you to not fall back in love with her.

Speaker 2 (23:26):
No.

Speaker 4 (23:27):
The moment he was like I'm gonna go back, I'm
be like cool, you go back a deuces.

Speaker 3 (23:32):
Yep.

Speaker 4 (23:34):
There's not a single scenario but other than we're going
to get a lawyer and go to court and we're
gonna fight for custody of my kids that I'm gonna
be okay with when it comes to shit like that. Correct,
there is a civility that needs to be there because
you have to have conversations with your ex about the child.
But if you were like, hey, we're going to lunch,
the fuck you are right, we are going to lunch
and if they would like to come along, they can. Yeah,

(23:56):
you guys don't need to be alone together like that,
Like we're a family.

Speaker 2 (24:00):
They're not.

Speaker 4 (24:00):
They're they're dating, they're not even living together. So in
that situation, she doesn't have a right to demand that
kind of shit. But like, now, fuck that we've got.
We've got a whole lot of borders happening around our
relationship to make sure that we're secure and ain't no
fucking bullshit happening. Yeah, because even even if you did
nothing wrong and he overstepped, you shouldn't have been alone
with him. Mm hmm yeah, yep, that's the choice. Everybody's

(24:24):
like you, Well, if he did something, she'd have a choice.
She made a choice to be there in that situation.
She had a choice. She could have been like, Hey,
we're going to lunch. I would like you to come
along for my safety.

Speaker 2 (24:33):
Right. Yeah, somebody in.

Speaker 4 (24:35):
Chat said as soon as he applies for full custody,
she'd be notified. So how would he do her? They
were trying to get her to sign over custody. You're
not gonna get a woman to sign over custody of
her kids.

Speaker 3 (24:43):
No, continuing, Yeah, I've never felt more betrayed and heartbroken
in my life. I literally told him it was done,
and I called my friend in Wyoming and told her
I was coming back. He begged me for three days
to take him back. He made all these promises and
told me he would do everything and anything I ever
wanted him to do, and he would literally do anything
to save the relationship.

Speaker 2 (25:04):
His word means nothing, though.

Speaker 3 (25:05):
Absolutely nothing. This isn't a oh I'm losing everything. So
now I'm going to behave the way I should have
behaved the last three years. It's his faith and lack
of consequences and his actions for me. Everything has been
lip service up until this point.

Speaker 4 (25:22):
You know, I mean, women get their ass beat like
beat beat and then go.

Speaker 2 (25:27):
But baby, I love you.

Speaker 4 (25:28):
I'm sorry. It'll never happen again. I was just mad
until it happens again.

Speaker 3 (25:32):
Yeah.

Speaker 4 (25:32):
Yeah, I'm fucking aggravated all over again.

Speaker 3 (25:35):
Me too, Continuing, he told me it was the biggest
mistake of his life and he would never do it again.
He literally sat in front of me, face to face.
It's only the second time I've ever seen this man
cry in three years. The last time I saw him
cry was when his ex tried to force the children
away from him and take them away. I don't know
if this is another manipulation tactic. I don't trust this
man one bit. For some reason, I made a deal

(25:58):
with him that if he did these things that I
was asking him to do to build back trust and
understand that it is now his job to build back
trust because he broke it, I would still buy a
house for us.

Speaker 4 (26:11):
I would hit him back with you know, I've been
thinking about this for the last three days or however
long it's been since his email is written. And I
understand you think you've been trying to do things, but
you did a whole lot of shit in the beginning
of this, and I just don't trust you.

Speaker 2 (26:21):
Yeah, And I can't get over that. So I'm not
buying us a house.

Speaker 4 (26:24):
I'm gonna go ahead and move back and fucking I
hope you have the best in your life or whatever.
If you get gusty of your kids, I'll hope you
raise them good and then fucking move on. My grandmother
had a guy that never put his hands on her,
but tried to manipulate her. And shit, my grandma, she's
an animal person. She got horses, cats, dogs, fucking goats,

(26:44):
And she went out one night and when she came
back home, he broke the cat's legs, Like every single
one of the cats had broken legs, and like he
ripped their jaws and ripped the skin off their mouth,
and like he fucked these cats up so bad that
my stepdad had to build a cage with individual containers
inside of our house to nurse the cats back to health.
People that control and do shit like that will always

(27:06):
take it a step further as long as you're allowing
them to do it. So, like, I don't fuck around
when it comes to this shit. When it comes to
any type of abuse, it's a no. Like there's not
a acceptable level, and acceptable level when it comes to abuse,
that acceptable level is zero.

Speaker 2 (27:24):
Yeah, I'm not. I just don't fucking get it.

Speaker 3 (27:26):
Manu, the emailer said. I don't have much of a choice.
I only bought. I've already bought the house and he's
not moving in. Yeah, it's his name on it, it's
in her name.

Speaker 4 (27:34):
Then you sell the fucking house, or you rent it
and keep that shit as a property and fucking go home. Yeah,
or you just sever ties and stay in the same area.
It doesn't matter. You've got a lot of fucking options.
You can't say you don't have a choice. Yeah, you
have a lot of fucking choices. I'd put it. Depending
on where you're at. I mean, she said, Wyoming. I
don't think she's there now, But depending on where you're at,
if you're in your national parks, I'd sell. I'd rent
that motherfucker as an Airbnb. You already got the house.

(27:57):
I would fucking deck that thing out and make it
coole as shit and put it up on Airbnb for
like a thousand dollars a night, depending on the house.
People spend a lot of money on airbnbs. We spent
over seventy thousand dollars on Airbnbs this year. YEP, a
whole lot of options. Always always, always have options. To
be clear, we spent that much money on Airbnbs because
of the retreats. It's not like we're going in renting

(28:17):
airbnbs for the weekends. No, yeah, it's it's all work related.
But that doesn't matter because people still do that, and
when we do go on vacation, we do rent airbnbs
for ourselves. It's still four or five thousand dollars for
a weekend. Yeah, unless you know we're in a fucking podunk,
middle of nowhere town and then you're getting whatever the
fuck you can get.

Speaker 3 (28:35):
But you can call it being fake, you can call
it I don't know, shitty person. You give a gift,
give it back whatever. I am renixing my offer. I
have come to realize there is absolutely nothing you can
do for me to move past what's happened in our relationship.

Speaker 2 (28:51):
Yep.

Speaker 3 (28:51):
I am gonna see if I can break the lease
on that rental contract. You need to get a job,
figure your life out. I'm no longer funding you, and
you're not moving into this house with me.

Speaker 4 (29:02):
Is he on the lease for the rental as well?
Because if he's not on the least for the rental
and you bought a house, I would just move into
the rental and sell the house. Or put the house
up for an AIRBNBA. Oh yeah, and I'd get a
restraining order.

Speaker 3 (29:13):
Honestly, I wish this decision wasn't so rushed. I had
no idea any of this was going on, and when
I found out I was literally a month away from
closing on my current house and even have time to
move back to Wyoming. I didn't have time to sit
and think about it. I literally just had to make
the choice of either buying a house closer to him,
which I had three days to the side, or pack

(29:33):
all my stuff and move to Wyoming and forget about
this man for the rest of my life. He managed
to convince me to get the house closer to him.

Speaker 4 (29:41):
Guys, if you were a member of our Patreon or
our Discord and you're put in positions like this where
you have three days to make decisions, for the love
of fucking God, reach out for help in the Discord.
There are so many people in the Discord that are
there to help. We built a community that is just
literally there to fucking be support systems for people like
that's what we.

Speaker 3 (30:00):
Yeah, I've stayed up until eleven o'clock midnight talking to
people in Discord.

Speaker 2 (30:04):
I know you have. I've seen it.

Speaker 4 (30:06):
I've seen you dealing with your women's groups at fucking
all kinds of crazy hours. It's just absolutely fucking insane
to me. Like this is we have built a tribe,
like we are here for each other. If you're a
part of this community, do not allow yourself to make
decisions that is going to majorly impact your life on
a fucking whim. Right, get non bias feedback, explain your situation.

(30:27):
We have live calls coming soon m hm. So we
have internet being installed two days from now.

Speaker 3 (30:33):
Yeah.

Speaker 4 (30:33):
Oh and as of today, today's recording is July twenty ninth.
I was supposed to at the beginning because I wanted
to say when the recordings are happening all the time,
so you know, if you guys are, especially in the
higher tiers, if you guys are in the higher tiers
the private men's group women's groups, like do you fucking
at us, Like, let's go, we will help you problem solve.
You can fucking add a moderator too. Did we have
a whole fucking group of moderators that are like, legitimately

(30:56):
some of the best people I've ever fucking met.

Speaker 3 (31:00):
I say this to not be a bitch. I say
this to give perspective. Nobody convinces you of anything. You
allowed them, You allowed them to convince you. I'm skeptical
at I'm skeptical about everything. Skeptical, Fuck me, skeptical about everything.
Don't take anything at face value. Been too gullible, too naive,

(31:21):
burned one too many times because I took everything at
face value. And there's there's so much evidence in his
track record of why you shouldn't have listened to him.
As humans and as women, we really need to start
trusting our intuition in our bodies. If you don't want

(31:41):
to do something, you don't have to fucking do it.
It doesn't matter if he gets upset, It doesn't matter
if your parents think that, well, I wouldn't have made
that decision.

Speaker 4 (31:50):
Hope you am as a motherfucker, Yes it is. We
actually talked about this yesterday before we jumped into the
first email. I live on that I want to give
everyone the benefit of the doubt, and I get burned
constantly because of it, and I'm okay with it because
I know that that there's a risk, right, but I'm
not going to let somebody burn me and then continue
to burn me over and over again. If I've touched
the stove and I know it's hot, I'm not touching
it again. That hopeium as a motherfucker.

Speaker 3 (32:11):
Though.

Speaker 4 (32:11):
We people want to believe that the people that they
are interacting with really are genuine and like love them
and want to experience life with them and to do
all those things.

Speaker 2 (32:20):
The reality is is people have their own agendas.

Speaker 3 (32:22):
Yes, continuing, I did create some rules for him though,
that he was supposed to abide by. Oh there's past
tense there, yep, that he was supposed to abide by.

Speaker 2 (32:33):
This means you already failed.

Speaker 3 (32:35):
The first one is don't ever lie to me. And
if you're caught lying or omitting details again, our relationship
is over. If you use your children as a means
to manipulate or lie to me, our relationship is over.
If you use your children to lie and manipulate your ex,
our relationship is over. You'll be sharing your location with
me at all times. This is how I can verify

(32:56):
and make sure that you are not spending a bunch
of time at your ex girlfriend's house. If I asked
to go through your phone, you will hand it over
with no questions asked. I don't like going through people's phones,
and I don't really believe in it. But he broke
the trust, so now he has to earn that back.
All of the lust accounts and half naked women that
he follows on all of his platforms must be removed.
He will put my name back on his Facebook relationship

(33:18):
status that he moved years ago. Those are just some
of the rules, well, the major ones. He agreed to
all of them, but this was a week ago and
he still has not done any of them.

Speaker 4 (33:27):
Right, because it's slip service. Why would he because you've
already agreed to stay. He's out of hot water.

Speaker 3 (33:32):
Yeah, the houses that already bought.

Speaker 4 (33:35):
Right, I called that. I called all of that yesterday.
There's no reason for him to do anything because she
keeps caving to everything.

Speaker 2 (33:43):
Right, I don't get it, man.

Speaker 4 (33:47):
She has issues with all the shit, issues with the lion,
issues with the manipulation, the issues of him using the
kids to manipulate and knowing that he does it, that's
in his character, Like he's totally cool with doing this.
Why would you give him an opportunity knowing that this
is who he is? Also, on the let me see
the phone thing, because of what we do, and like

(34:07):
the conversations that we have on the podcast. I get
all kinds of weird ads for shit. You know how
many apps are that you need a password to get
into that hide shit like pictures and fucking chats and
it's everywhere. Snapchat is the least of your fucking concern
when it comes to like digital privacy and like what
people can and can't hide. There's there's one that looks
like a calculator. Yeah, I've seen that, right, Like, come on.

Speaker 3 (34:29):
Dude, some people live on the high of that.

Speaker 4 (34:33):
Yeah, it does something for their attention and like, yeah, yep,
there's a word for that, and I can't think of it.

Speaker 2 (34:39):
But you're absolutely correct.

Speaker 3 (34:40):
Either continuing, he keeps saying when we move in together,
when we move in together, But I told him I
don't want to wait until we move in together. He
needs to start proving this now. I fought him for
the last week on the location sharing app. He's the
one that offered it in the first place, and he
still hasn't done it because.

Speaker 2 (34:58):
He was lying. And you get you to cave.

Speaker 3 (35:00):
Yeah, I won't even say I dated a dude once.
I hung out with a dude for like two weeks
we worked together at a place I was working at,
and it started with us getting dinner together and him
like inflating me with comments and making me feel good.

(35:23):
I was definitely an insecure, little eighteen year old girl.
He was older than me, not substantially older than me,
but looking back, I was definitely taken advantage of. And
you can smell that shit on somebody for miles away,
the low self worth, the lack of security, the lack
of confidence in oneself. And I remember it was getting

(35:49):
to a point to where I was like, okay, so
are we dating? Like what is this that we're doing?
Like we've had sleepovers and all that other kind of shit.
And I can't remember what happened. He was getting day
drunk with his cousin and something popped up on his
phone and the context said like green eyes or something
like that, and then the message was I viewed inappropriate

(36:12):
for the kind of relationship that we were entertaining, and
I confronted him about it and he's like, well, if
you want to go through my phone, you can go
through my phone. And that was one of those moments
he was begging for me, like in his mind, don't
go through the fucking right, don't go through the phone,
Like I'm only offering this to make me do it.
Reassure you like I'm open. If you look at the phone,
you're the one and the wrong here. That is also

(36:32):
the guy who reaches out to me once a year
on different platforms with different accounts. I miss you. Yeah,
shit's wild.

Speaker 4 (36:41):
Do you remember when I said that that women are
prey to us?

Speaker 3 (36:45):
Yeah?

Speaker 2 (36:45):
Do you remember how much hate I got over that?

Speaker 3 (36:46):
Yes?

Speaker 4 (36:47):
When it comes to like the pursuit of a man
to a woman, that's exactly what it is. It's the
thrill of the hunt for a lot of men, and
there's an excitement in trying to like get you guys,
Like that's why dating this so fun, And like you
can even equate it to women not wanting to be
chased or wanting to be chased like they should they
should chase after me. There is a back and forth

(37:09):
that happens and all of that you mentioned a minute
ago about how men or how people can smell weakness
and frailty on people. That's part of that prey thing
to me. Like, if you have somebody that has nefarious
intentions and they are a predator. In that aspect, they
are going to look for the weakest, easiest target. Lions
don't go after the bulls. They go after the young calves,
and like the ones that have mothers, they isolate them

(37:32):
and get them away from the rest of the herd,
and that's how they take them down. It's no different
in human We are fucking animals.

Speaker 3 (37:38):
Yes, yes, we are.

Speaker 4 (37:40):
She's in the chat. She said, I'm struggling hard and
leaving it's so fucking hard. It's not hard.

Speaker 3 (37:44):
Is it harder than dealing with what you've been dealing
with for the last three years. Leaving wasn't hard. It
was the unknown beyond the leaving that was hard for me.

Speaker 2 (37:52):
Yeah.

Speaker 4 (37:53):
Yeah, the fear of the unknown is always a problem. Yeah,
that's one of those things that hold a lot of
people back. A lot of people don't want to hurt
somebody else either, you know what I mean. But you
can't live your life for somebody else.

Speaker 3 (38:05):
Continuing, it's just excuse after excuse. At this point, I'm
starting to feel like I made a major mistake. I
love this man to pieces, but I really think I
made a mistake agreeing to buy a house and staying
here and now, I don't have time to leave this state,
even if I wanted to before the closing of my
current house in July thirty first, not to mention, I'm
already under contract with another house and it would be

(38:27):
extremely difficult to get out of that contract. I guess
my question still remains the same. Can I get over
this resentment? Can love prevail? He says he wants to change,
and he made a very convincing argument. After all that
information I give you and I've given you, do you
think he can change?

Speaker 4 (38:44):
No?

Speaker 3 (38:45):
I think anybody can change. This guy doesn't fucking want.

Speaker 2 (38:48):
To, right, That's it.

Speaker 4 (38:49):
There's the want has to be there, and he doesn't
want to, So I don't believe you can change. Yeah,
something drastic in his life is going to have to
happen to snap him out of this and make him
realize he's a piece of shit. Yeah, And once that happens,
he's either going to go lean into it really fucking
hard to not get caught next time, or he's going
to have to change his entire personality to become a
different person. And I'm willing to bet because it would

(39:09):
be easier to lean into his bullshit that that's what
he would do versus changing, because change is fucking hard.

Speaker 3 (39:13):
Yeah, I would put big money on this relationship ends
you stop paying for his rental, he moves back in
with his children's mother, right, and they continue having issues.
Whatever the case may be, she may kick him out again,
and then their cycle is going to start all over,
and he's going to find another version of you who
will pay his way.

Speaker 2 (39:33):
I'm curious.

Speaker 4 (39:34):
So she closes on our house in two days to
the thirty first, she closes in the house in two
days on the house that you're selling. Are you turning
a profit and are you using that profit as a
down payment on the new house or world there'll be
money left over? And are you near something that you
can justify this being an airbnb? You know the type
of house matters, right? Does I closed on the house

(39:56):
I bought a few days ago? I gotta be honest.
I closing on the one I'm selling the thirty first,
So you've already moved. So whatever you get, are you
taking whatever you get from the one that you're closing
on on the thirty first and putting it into the
new house? And if there's a big enough overage, would
you be able to justify I was going to use
the profits to build a shop, So you have an option,

(40:18):
Like you have options, then if you have enough money
coming from the sale of your house to build a
diesel mechanic shop, there's nothing wrong with staying where you're at.
Just several ties. Yeah, get a fucking restraining order. Yep,
that's if you want to.

Speaker 2 (40:30):
Yes.

Speaker 4 (40:31):
See, she says she hates where she's at. I'd fucking
leave then take that money and go go back to
Wyoming and build a business there.

Speaker 2 (40:37):
That restraining order.

Speaker 4 (40:38):
Guys, for all of you who are listening, he's not
done anything to physically harmor I would get that restraining
order saying that he's threatened me over the phone, like
not text message, and I don't feel safe, and I
would have that just in case something goes wrong to
prove that it's documented that she's not safe.

Speaker 3 (40:55):
I want him to be a good man, not just
for me, but for the future son that he claims
he wants to have with me. I want him to
be a good man, to raise a good man. Honestly,
that's what's concerning me the most right now. I don't
want to raise a man that thinks lying and cheating
and being lazy and failing as a man is acceptable.
I was raised by a very strong father figure that

(41:15):
I loved to death, and I wouldn't trade him for
the world.

Speaker 4 (41:17):
Then why didn't you pick a man that similar to
your father? Because they say that every woman grows up
to marry their father, and every man grows up to
marry their mother. Yeah, so why did you pick something
that's the exact opposite of your father to be with?
She said, I didn't think it was going to be
like this, but it has been like this for three years. Yeah,
and you've seen it for three years, and you've chose
to overlook every single red flag that's come that way.

(41:38):
You paid eight hundred dollars for a light detector chest
test to prove that you weren't cheating.

Speaker 3 (41:42):
On it, and he still didn't believe it.

Speaker 2 (41:44):
I stand by what I said yesterday.

Speaker 4 (41:46):
Ladies, if you're dating with somebody and they're constantly saying
that you're cheating on them, and they're that insecure, just
be like, if you think I'm cheating, why are you here?

Speaker 3 (41:52):
Yeah?

Speaker 4 (41:52):
Kick rocks, dude, Like, fuck off, don't tolerate that shit.

Speaker 3 (41:56):
I'm not going to defend my existence to play Kate
the deluge that you're living in.

Speaker 2 (42:01):
That's such a weak ass man too.

Speaker 3 (42:03):
I agree. Yeah, continuing yep, I know you guys are
probably not going to see either of those emails for
the next four months. I guess maybe you can help
the audience out. Did I make a mistake taking him back?

Speaker 2 (42:14):
Yes?

Speaker 3 (42:15):
I would view that as a mistake.

Speaker 4 (42:16):
Yes, I think you made a mistake by going past
year one with this dude.

Speaker 3 (42:20):
I I yeah, everything that was overlooked, quitting your job
for him, putting up the cameras, paying for the recording
subscriptions so he can keep tabs on you. My inspection
is on the new house are Monday, and I'm fighting
with whether or not I will just deny everything and
try to get out of this house and move back
to Wyoming. I'm already a Patreon subscriber, and I love

(42:41):
your guys's content so much. I really appreciate what you
guys are trying to do here, and you guys have
changed my life a lot. I'm a female diesel mechanic
and I lived with this man for most of my life.
I've lived, oh, I lived the man life for most
of my life. Peaches is what gave me the acceptance
that it's okay to be a woman. There's nothing wrong
with wanting to cook a big meal for your family

(43:02):
and finding enjoyment in it. There's nothing wrong with gardening
and just I guess, finding joy and taking care of
your man and your family. Although I still love to
turn wrenches, I found a new love for being a woman,
especially because my mother makes fun of me for it
all the time and constantly tells me that I'm turning domesticated.
Thank you, guys for your time. So the next step
of this evolution of you falling into your womanhood is

(43:25):
not tolerating this. This isn't how humans are meant to
be treated by other humans. This is not This is
not how I expected to This is not how I
expect to be treated as a wife. And after getting
my shit together, courting and dating was about finding my husband.

(43:45):
It wasn't even if I didn't want to get married.
This is going to be a long term domesticated situation.
And I'm not I'm not trying to play games. You
need to stand up for yourself and you are somebody
who is healing, and I believe that somebody who is
healing cannot be with somebody who is choosing not to

(44:06):
do anything in that realm of healing.

Speaker 2 (44:08):
Well, yeah, because you're not going to move forward with.

Speaker 3 (44:09):
It, right, They're gonna drag you down bucket.

Speaker 2 (44:12):
Full of crabs.

Speaker 4 (44:14):
I can tell you that as a man who watched
his mom get her ass beat a lot, and and
being in situations where she was constantly in danger, like,
I really do have a zero tolerance policy for shit
like this.

Speaker 3 (44:26):
I agree.

Speaker 4 (44:27):
It's why I don't want to yell, right, Like, that's
why I don't like raising my voice. It's you know,
with us, I yell at other people all day long,
but when it comes to our dynamic me raising my
voice to you is just one of those things that
should never happen. And if I start getting to the
point where I start raising my voice and you call
me on it, you calling me on it is that
reality check of me becoming the man that I don't
want to be. It's fucking crazy to me that people

(44:49):
allow shit like that to go unchecked.

Speaker 3 (44:51):
As a woman who also watched her mom get beat,
that is why I will not tolerate that behavior.

Speaker 4 (44:59):
Yeah, she said he was physically abused, and so is
his mother. That doesn't mean anything. I was physically abused
and I didn't grow up to abuse people. Yeah, that's
an hour, Well it's less than an hour, especially with cuts,
probably forty five minutes. You want to do another one.
We didn't do a thank you email. We can end
with a thank you email. That way, we can at
least end with some breathing room.

Speaker 3 (45:19):
I'm tired of sitting here, okay, and.

Speaker 4 (45:22):
Just give like ten minutes a Q and A with
a chat. You can just make it a short episode
wrap up, come back tomorrow and record tomorrow.

Speaker 3 (45:29):
And we can do Q and A for a little bit, all.

Speaker 4 (45:31):
Right, guys. Well, so that's the email. For those of
you who are not a member of our patreon, you
should be. It means you're missing out on being able
to Q and A with us right now, although our
live streams will be back next week, so that is true. Now,
you hear this a lot, but you two are making
You two are amazing and you mean so much to
so many people. Well, thank you for that, Danny said. Tomorrow,

(45:53):
I turn eighteen for the thirteenth time.

Speaker 2 (45:56):
Is it November yet? Not yet?

Speaker 4 (45:59):
How many manyos do we have available? There's six spots total.
I think there's two bunks and four private rooms left
for the men's retreat. I actually spent the first six
or seven hours this morning putting together PDF files for
the men's group I have for the men's retreat. Everything
that I had to do for the men's retreat is done,
except for ordering journals. I stopped to order journals.

Speaker 3 (46:19):
Yeah, yeah, I am almost done with my women's retreat stuff.
I have to order all the things that I want
to do for the goodie bags. We are going to
be doing a tincture class for during the weekend. I
think I want to do like a Mondala rock painting
thing too. Kind of break up the intensity of what
we got going on while you're smork on.

Speaker 4 (46:38):
Because there's no way that we're getting through our weekend.
What do you mean we both both have all these things?
I picked seven things right, yeah, on my list of
things that I want to discuss. I have nine PDFs
plus pdf handouts, and I have other shit that I
want to do. There's no way I'm getting through the
entire weekend. There's going to be a whole lot of
leftover shit that they're going to get as downloadable content
after they leave, and it's going to be the same

(47:01):
thing with you with all the shit that you want
to do, there's no way you're getting to all of it. Yeah,
we're going to have to plan longer retreats.

Speaker 3 (47:06):
We are. I am. I'm creating take home binders for
all of the women with everything that's going to be
happening during the weekends. So they're going to have schedules
in their binder. They're going to have information of all
the topics, the key points that I want to hit
on our conversations. We're doing meal prep cooking classes throughout

(47:28):
the weekends. All the recipes are going to be in there.
There's going to be it's a lot definitely going to
be a fucking.

Speaker 2 (47:33):
Lot recovering nutrition too.

Speaker 3 (47:35):
Yeah.

Speaker 4 (47:36):
I actually just sent everybody an ebook about carb cycling
so they can do the diet aspect on their own.
So that's one less thing that I have to really
deep dive while I'm there. But the option is there
in case people really want it.

Speaker 3 (47:47):
I'm not going that far with it. I'm not dissecting
people's health, but we're doing meal prep with healthy options
that can be frozen to make life easy.

Speaker 4 (47:59):
Yeah, cooking one day a week and in eating the
leftovers is definitely the way to go toasta. TIFs said,
what do y'all think about people getting prenups to get married.
I think that it's a phenomenal idea. For everybody thinks
that a prenuptial agreement is there to protect the man's
money and therefore it's a bad thing, and that's not
how prenups work. You both get a lawyer, the prenuptial

(48:19):
agreement is drawn up, and then it's it's argued between
the lawyers so that everybody's taken care of all the
pre marital assets. Like if I had ten million dollars
before we got married, you could not touch that ten
million dollars, But everything that we built during our relationship
is a marital asset, and the marital assets you would
have access to. Prenumptial agreements could also make sure that

(48:40):
in the event that I had all the money and
you were a stay at home mom, there would be
an exit plan for you with finances and a car
and a place to live for X amount of time.
Blah blah blah blah blah. Anybody that tells you that
a prenuptial agreement is not a good thing it's because
they don't either don't understand it, or they're manipulating and
they're trying to take full advantage of you. Updates from
when I asked last week for a Q and A.

(49:02):
I've gotten more packing done for the big move to
North Carolina. I had to force myself to get up
and out of bed because of my depression. I chose
to do my laundry. I haven't folded it, but at
least it's clean. I'm going to pack anyway, so there's
no point in folding it. Thank you guys for helping
me through that stuff that goes for everybody in the
discord Chris and Peaches. I appreciate you guys a lot.
Any advice on how to get on the same page financially,

(49:23):
I better manage finances so I'm the one who makes
a budget and move money around. Hubbies has always bought
himself things right away if he wants something. We're not
on the same page, but we want the same goals,
but lack the same page on what things to do.

Speaker 2 (49:38):
It's a huge issue for us.

Speaker 4 (49:40):
So you need a joint bank account, and then if
you're the one that handles all the finances, you can say, Okay,
this is how much we have left over for the month,
for you to do whatever you want with it and
give him that money we made it. I posted a
TikTok yesterday that's got five hundred thousand views on it already,
and I'm getting fucking ripped apart because you use the
term allowance, because you were like, you give me an allowance,

(50:01):
and people are like, he gives you an allowance, and
like they're just fucking all up in arms over that
I handle the finances. If if you go I'm gonna
go buy this and you go spend one thousand dollars
and one thousand dollars was a check that I had
written yesterday or money that I was waiting to clear
the account, it would fuck us. And there's a lot
of people in relationships that don't have conversations over money.
And when both people are in the bank account, it's

(50:22):
very easy to bounce a bank account. So for you
to have a quote unquote allowance and I handle the
money and move things around, it works for us and
it keeps things safe. And we've never had a fucking
check bounce.

Speaker 3 (50:32):
Nope.

Speaker 4 (50:34):
If you have somebody that's a spender and one that's not,
and one person is super stressed over money and the
other person just wants to blow it all. You need
to get the joint bank account. All the money goes
into that bank account. The one who is responsible for
the finances and knows the budgeting make sure that all
the money that needs to be there is there with
an overage of like two or three hundred bucks just
in case. Then you move some money into savings, and

(50:55):
then you move everything else into either joint bank account
like a mutual spending account, into separate accounts. The problem
that I have with separate accounts is if one person
is budgeting and the other one is not, you will
never be able to go on vacation that way unless
the person who's who's more money smart is the one
paying for the vacation.

Speaker 2 (51:14):
And that's not fair.

Speaker 4 (51:15):
So then you would create another savings account for vacations,
and you'd put some money for vacations, and then there's
just there's a whole lot of ways to do that.
You just got to find a way to make it
work for everybody. CLSA said, you know how much the
retreat in Utah will be, We're not going to actually
have you guys come to the house in ut All,
we're going to do a meet and greet. We only
we only booked four nights there, five nights there, and
we're going to go do dark skyparks and take pictures,

(51:38):
and we're going to have a couple of people that
are like super super close to us come stay with
us while we're there. But we're not doing a retreat
while we're there. It'll be a dinner And I don't
have a date yet of when we're doing that. We
just know that we will be doing it the week.
It'll be during September twenty sixth to October second, somewhere
during that timeframe. So my boss is the owner of

(51:59):
a company and I is only employee and treats me
like a W two when I signed as a ten
ninety nine. He treats me well, but expects me to
be available seven days a week. How do I explain
to him that my time is more important to me
than his company. If he's treating you as a W two,
then you're not being That's not how that works. You're
being treated as a ten ninety nine because you're a subcontractor.

(52:21):
At that point, you are working when you deem that
you are able to work legally. A ten ninety nine
can't even have a schedule. So if he's asking you
to do things and that's you're technically off the clock,
you tell him this is a billable hour. If you
want me to answer emails at ten o'clock at night,
I'm on the clock. You're paying me for that. But
if you're on a very small company he's looking for
somebody to help you build a brand and do the shit,

(52:44):
I wouldn't do that for him. I would tell him
the fuck off, you're not his assistants assistant. You also said,
especially since I don't have a livable wage, why are
you working crazy hours for somebody that's not paying you
for it. That's fucking insane to me. Is there still
a retreat going on in North Carolina? It's sold out.
The North Carolina Retreat is sold out. The only retreat

(53:06):
that we currently have planned or retreats that we have
planned that are not sold out is my Men's Retreat
in March the Greece and Bali in May of next
year are both not sold I am going to book
another thing somewhere in the Southeast, probably in November or
December that will be a retreat weekend. I just haven't
done yet because I'm worried about it conflicting with people
who have kids around Christmas time. I also realize that

(53:28):
there are people who will prioritize this and have the
money that can still do Christmas and they'll still show up.

Speaker 2 (53:33):
Yeah, So we just.

Speaker 4 (53:36):
We've got a lot going on. We went through the
schedule two days ago, three days ago, and August. We've
got pretty much all of August opened, and we have
from the midway point of November until the beginning of
the year open, and then January obviously starts twenty twenty six,
and we're gonna fucking I want to go hard next year.
This is the retreats and the shit that we're doing,

(53:56):
and like the Trova trips and all that shit is
what's going to get us to the stage of like
doing seminars, like large scale seminars and shit. Yeah, we're
not able to do a vacation or dates. Haven't had
a vacation in three years. Money to reserved, expensive and saved,
and he sees the extra and spends it or wants
to spend I wouldn't allow that to happen Lorraine said,

(54:17):
Oh hey, Lorraine, it's been a while since we've seen you.

Speaker 2 (54:20):
Side note.

Speaker 4 (54:20):
You guys look so healthy and happy for you and
your garden. Garden's going good. I go out there every
day and look for cherries to pick off the Barbados
tree because nothing else is fruit and yet, and I
feel like such a farmer when I walk out there,
My little cup.

Speaker 2 (54:35):
It's it's funny.

Speaker 4 (54:37):
Tailoring Life said, it's my goal to do all trove
of trips with you two. We may end up trying
to book another one for next year. It'll be towards
the end of the year, though, but as of right now,
I'm more focused on twenty twenty five. I see you shifting.
I'm getting better. My back is not hurting nowhere near
as much as it was, and now yours is starting
to hurt. This fucking bullshit bullshit, all right, guys, Remember

(55:02):
you were the author of your own life. So grab
a pen and we will see you on the next one.

Speaker 3 (55:05):
Bye, guys,