Traditional Marriage Q&A Submission, Masculine Leadership & When the Stay At Home Wife Goes Back to Work 1-6

Episode Transcript
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Speaker 1 (00:01):
Look up with.

Speaker 2 (00:03):
All the things on the bottom. Oh oh, wild, it
is you. You're my favorite view. But that's nothing, and
we are back episode six. Could you believe it, babe?

(00:26):
It has been six weeks since we started this.

Speaker 1 (00:28):
It is absolutely insane. I'm gonna be honest. I didn't
think we would get past like maybe the three or
four week mark.

Speaker 2 (00:34):
I didn't think.

Speaker 3 (00:34):
I didn't think we're gonna get traction.

Speaker 2 (00:36):
I didn't think people would have the attention span to
listen to us repeating the same shit over and over
and over again. I will say that I do feel
like we're our podcast is evolving a little bit, like
we're not just regurgitating things, because we are. We are evolving.
We're doing work off camera until it grow a lot.
But it's wild that this is taking shape and our
subscribers are growing and aj and the Patreon and like,

(00:57):
it's wild to me, it is wild for those of
you on the podcast that is not watching on YouTube
or listening on YouTube. We do have a Patreon channel.
It is to be Better patreon dot com forward slash
to be Better. There's a lot of content on there
that is exclusive content. We highly recommend that you subscribe
to the Patreon. There is a fee for it to
be on there. It's not much. We have a five,

(01:18):
ten and fifteen dollars tier. Five dollars tiers, so thank you.
You get our gratitude. Ten and fifteen get you unlimited
unfettered access to the content that we're putting on there,
as well as live streams if you go to the
vip one, which we are working on. I have had
had luck with capture cards. I hate technology so real quick,
just to give you guys an update. I bought I

(01:40):
was supposed to have bought the camlink Pro from Algado
because it's got four hdmis because I want to eventually
be able to run three or four cameras, because I
want to grow this room. And I'm gonna put this
out there now. I believe that within six months AJ
is going to be here. I haven't talked him about it.

Speaker 3 (01:58):
I mean here like.

Speaker 2 (01:59):
An I'm willing, I'm I'm putting it into the universe,
and I know he's going to hear this. Yeah, I
think in six months, AJ will be here, even if
that means he's behind the scenes or he's on camera.
I believe he will be in Florida or he will
somehow be active on the podcast remotely. I'm not sure
how that's going to happen. I don't know if it's
even possible. I'm speaking that into the universe.

Speaker 3 (02:21):
That's crazy.

Speaker 2 (02:21):
I think it's going to happen.

Speaker 3 (02:24):
Why do I agree with you, though.

Speaker 2 (02:26):
Because there's things that he wants to do that we
are able to help him do. While he's helping us
with this, I have the ability to give him a
tatto apprenticeship and put him to work immediately, you know
what I mean.

Speaker 3 (02:36):
And it's not like he's never has he tattooed yet,
he knows.

Speaker 2 (02:40):
He's done a couple. But his apprenticeship was a sham.
It was manual labor. They wanted somebody to make T
shirts and do shit for the shop and had no
real intention of teaching him to do his job. And
I can I can navigate that very well. I've done it,
and I've had like I think we're at this point.
I think we've had like fourteen or fifteen apprentices and
some of them have gone on and open their own shops.
And I don't know, so I'm speaking that into existence.

(03:04):
Oh so the capture card we got the four port
capture card. The one that came was not the one
I ordered, so I had to send it back to
Amazon by AKA dropping it off at Col's and get
a refund. Bought the new capture card, got it to
the computer, and was like, I'm gonna have my guy
come and do all this, and I was like, you know,
it's not hard to put something a PCI slot. I'm
just gonna do that and I'll figure it out. Well,
for some reason, my motherboard is not powering my PCI

(03:27):
slot properly because I don't think there's enough juice running
from my twelve hundred watt PSU to the motherboard because
we didn't hook up all the connectors and I don't
know which ones go where. So he's still going to
have to come. He's coming Saturday night at six o'clock
to fix that. We got a stream deck, which I'm
super pumped about because instead of having to put all
of this into Premiere and then chop it all, I

(03:49):
can record us live on OBS and every time you
go to talk, I can push a button in your
camera be live right, And when I take back over,
I can push my button and it'll go live. And
when AJ's here AJ can sit right there to my
right and he can push those buttons and we can
have an organic conversation. Yeah. Yeah, speaking of AJ, he's
blowing my ship up right now. We just got an email.

Speaker 1 (04:10):
You're gonna be honest, Oh that whole time of year
down like parts of your computer.

Speaker 3 (04:14):
I'm over here nodding. I have no idea what the fuck.

Speaker 2 (04:15):
You're talking about, I said, So we are trying not
to do that, so let's try to be a little
more cautious. I'm I'm I'm using fudge and frickin' because
I need It's like the it's my verbal patch to quit,
quit my my cursings. Yeah, and it sounds so stupid
here in my big butt, go fudge.

Speaker 1 (04:37):
Yeah, I'm not gonna lie. You said that in the
last time, and it tickled me a little bit.

Speaker 2 (04:40):
Yeah, it's dumb, but I am actively trying. And and
though I don't have a problem with language, even in
my spirituality, it doesn't bother me because it's it's words
that we've created, so the the intent is there. But
it bothers my mom. And because it bothers my adopted mom,
I'm I'm trying to be better for her. So that's
the whole reason that we're not saying the F word.

Speaker 1 (05:03):
It's the onesie.

Speaker 2 (05:06):
All right, Okay, hopefully there's no more distractions. I'm gonna
start over with a disclaimer because I feel like I
need to know. Uh, we are not professionals. Everything that
we do is purely opinion based. We are giving tools
and tips and okay, I'll wait.

Speaker 1 (05:20):
On you to I'm so sorry. I'm so excited.

Speaker 3 (05:25):
It's pink.

Speaker 2 (05:26):
Yeah, you told me you're gonna redo your hair, so
I am.

Speaker 1 (05:29):
Yeah, I was. I was gonna surprise everybody, but you.

Speaker 2 (05:32):
Said, yeah, well I like the pink.

Speaker 3 (05:33):
So then why did you agree to the red?

Speaker 2 (05:37):
Because sometimes change is nice.

Speaker 1 (05:41):
Oh that's nice. Ooh, I'm gonna be I'm gonna have
to be careful with my pocket zipping this thing up.

Speaker 2 (05:49):
Yeah. I had a moment of understand that you just
called that your pocket.

Speaker 1 (05:57):
Well, I don't know if I could say vagina on you.

Speaker 2 (06:01):
Yeah, yeah, I don't think that's a problem.

Speaker 1 (06:03):
I have to be careful with my vagina and this, guys,
because the zipper it goes all the way down right
like that's.

Speaker 3 (06:12):
That's right there.

Speaker 2 (06:13):
There are going to be so many jokes in the comments.

Speaker 1 (06:17):
Well, I zipped it up like it like it was
a ball sack, and I was like, I understand what
it's like to be a man. Now, No, that's so funny,
Like you do you have to like consciously think about
that when you're zipping up your pants or something like
if you're freeballing.

Speaker 2 (06:32):
I don't free ball. I wear I wear really expensive
Tommy John underwear because my boys need to feel safe,
secure and in place at all times because I'm old
and I will sit on them.

Speaker 1 (06:41):
So for the men who do freeball it, like, do
you have to like constantly think don't zip up the ball?

Speaker 2 (06:45):
Yeah, because everyone has done it at least once. That
pinches is something you will never forget. I'm horrified of it. Yeah,
I'm so glad. I don't wear regular jeans. I wear jegging,
so I just pull them up. I don't have to
worry about a zipper. This dissolve devolved devolved very quickly.

Speaker 3 (07:00):
This just went down. Yeah, yep, So back to the disclaimer.

Speaker 2 (07:06):
I mean, at this point, what else can I say?
You guys know what you're getting yourselves into. This is
pure debauchery.

Speaker 1 (07:10):
At this point, we are not we are not licensed
by anybody to giving the advice that we are.

Speaker 2 (07:15):
Yeah, we're we're speaking on opinions, talking about the things
that has helped us and doing so. People have taken
the advice and used it, and some have not. In
either way, we just want you to enjoy our podcast.
In the event that you find value here, please share
the podcast. Give it to somebody that you think can
find value, Send it to a toxic family member, send
it to somebody that may trigger send it to someone

(07:38):
you love. Either way, we want to inspire people to
have better communication and just be better people. Yes, we
have three emails. One of them is extremely short. I
have topics of conversations that I would like to get into.
How would you like to navigate today's podcast?

Speaker 1 (07:57):
So I think we should say the two topics for
last okay out like the first update, like grateful email,
and then get into the other ones we discussed.

Speaker 2 (08:06):
Okay, Well, then'thing else do that. I'm easy with.

Speaker 3 (08:08):
That, all right.

Speaker 1 (08:10):
So the first one is HI from rainy Cold Indiana.
I wish I was there. That sounds so nice. I'm
the wife that went back to work full time. So
for context, if you guys haven't seen that episode, she
has been a stay at home mom. Her kids are grown,
she became a stay at home wife and she kind
of like lost her place in the universe. So she
was singing about going back to work full time, and
this is the update. I just wanted to update my

(08:33):
two favorite traditional marriage people.

Speaker 3 (08:36):
Thank you.

Speaker 1 (08:38):
I put my first seven days straight of work last week.
I was exhausted, but in a really good way. I
truly enjoyed being back around my customers and feeling a
different sense of purpose. My husband and fourteen year old
were amazing. I was surprised at how quickly we got
into a new routine. Every day, my husband tells me
how proud he is of me for we're doing such
a good job at work and at home. He's while

(09:01):
he's always felt pride in my homekeeping, somehow this feeling
of pride just hits different. With a little happy emoji.

Speaker 2 (09:07):
Yeah, I'm sure that it does.

Speaker 1 (09:11):
While we are still figuring out the details, we are
working as a team to make it work. We talk
every day n what we can do to make things
happen and keep our marriage a priority.

Speaker 3 (09:19):
Communication is key, kids.

Speaker 2 (09:21):
Yeah, it's crazy. It's like we say that all the time. Huh. Right.

Speaker 1 (09:24):
If anyone says different, they are nuts. Have a fantastic day,
both of you.

Speaker 2 (09:29):
So what do you think it is I'm asking you this,
not them. What do you think it is that that
would make that pride and being back into the workforce
different than the pride of being home. When he says
I'm proud.

Speaker 1 (09:39):
Of you, I think it's acknowledging a couple of different things.
So her going back into the work, don't do the
elaborate I'm allowed.

Speaker 3 (09:50):
Oh that makes me want to shut up.

Speaker 2 (09:52):
Oh yeah, is that all it takes?

Speaker 1 (09:54):
You know exactly what it takes, and I can't say
it on the internet. So her going back into the
work first was a source of anxiety for her, So
that I'm proud of you as acknowledging, like, even though
I know that this was a hard transition for you,
you're doing it. And then it's acknowledging that this new
happiness in her life, like I'm proud of you for
finding that happiness. It's a lot of things. Yeah, acknowledging

(10:17):
that she's still doing the at home work while doing
the outside sources of work. I'm pretty sure they talked
about splitting things as well. Yeah, And she's keeping up
on all of it. She could have just gone back
to work and said, screw this, I'm not doing anything
at home.

Speaker 2 (10:29):
She could have also stay at home and dealt with
the mental health issue she was dealing with. Yep, they
say that you will you will never create changing your
life until the discomfort of changing is less than the
discomfort you're going through. And you know, there's a lot
of I don't know why I sound so weird today,
there's a whole lot of things that come into play

(10:49):
when it comes to making change like that, especially in
that scenario, because she very easily could have just been like,
this is my life, I don't want to go back
to work, and then just dealt with the fact that
she was going through isolation issues and depression and depression.

Speaker 3 (11:01):
Right, we read a lot of.

Speaker 1 (11:04):
Emails, so I'm not recalling every detail, so I might
have this mix with another one. But wasn't she saying
that she also was like kind of losing herself?

Speaker 2 (11:10):
Yeah, okay, yeah, she said that. She she she was
a very I don't want to say extroverted person, but
she enjoyed having that interaction as a server. That was
one of her things. So she got a job, and
they hired her as a manager right off writ because
of previous experience. So she went right back into the
workforce after years of not working, right into a management

(11:31):
role and she's thriving, which I think is amazing.

Speaker 3 (11:34):
Because I love that for her.

Speaker 2 (11:36):
A lot of people wouldn't go back into that, you know.
Between the plandemic, yes that was intentional, and the hurricane,
I have isolated more in the last three years than
I have in the last ten combined, and I find
myself getting anxious going into public me too. Like today,
for example, I had to go to the tax collector's

(11:57):
office to deal with a homestead exemption for the house
because it didn't get done when we move in, and
knowing that I had to walk into that building and
talk to people like I was, I was like almost
having a panic attacker. Where turns out that the lady
that helped me was one of our customers and knew
who I was the moment I walked in the door,
which was super dope because it made the entire experience
really well. And when I left, you know, you know,

(12:17):
you never like you ever say things to somebody you
were like, Okay, that was really stupid. Why did I
say that constantly? I was like, thank you for being
so pleasant as I walked out the door, and I'm like,
that was the dumbest thing that I possibly could have said,
because who says that.

Speaker 3 (12:30):
Nobody says that.

Speaker 1 (12:31):
But I think that's what makes it special if somebody,
if I had an interaction with someone, they were like,
thank you for being so pleasant? Yeah, Like damn, you
won't go Yeah, well, I know there's a lot of
shitty people in the world, and there's a lot of
rough interaction. So for someone to tell me like, you've
been a joy to interact with, I would want to
hear that every day.

Speaker 2 (12:47):
She I mean, she told me about our kids and
her grandkids and like she's she's older than I am.
It was very cool, like we talked about photography and
vacations and like nothing that had anything to do. Like
she's just chatting me up while we were she was
doing the paperwork, and when we were done, she was like,
this should be everything, and in the event that it
gets kicked out of the system, you'll be notified. But
that's it. And I'm like, I don't have to do
anything else, Like yeah, because I brought my little packet

(13:08):
of paper that I printed off the internet, and I
was like, I don't know if this is what you need,
and she's like, you're further along than everyone else. But
it was literally a fifteen minute conversation about her kids
and tattoos and photography. Yeah, which was kind of cool.
But she was just very pleasant. Made the whole experience
very well for me, because normals people hate their jobs
and they don't want to have conversations.

Speaker 3 (13:24):
They're very like, don't interact with me. I just need
to get your work done and you.

Speaker 2 (13:28):
Can get out. Yeah. So it was very nice. And
I left and I was like I walked out the
door and I giggled and I was like, I can't
believe I just said you were very pleasant. Thanks for
being pleasant.

Speaker 3 (13:37):
I don't think that's.

Speaker 2 (13:40):
Nobody says that I was loud as shit about it,
because I was like three boosts down, yeah, yeah, whatever,
I love that.

Speaker 1 (13:47):
I love that you said that. I feel that probably
made her dad.

Speaker 2 (13:49):
It might have. I felt dumbest shit walking out of
that building, though.

Speaker 1 (13:52):
No, yep, see people feeling dumb like that after being
nice to another human beings? Why people aren't nice anymore?

Speaker 2 (13:57):
Probably?

Speaker 3 (13:58):
I think that's part of the reason.

Speaker 2 (14:00):
Probably I don't remember why that got brought.

Speaker 3 (14:02):
Up me either.

Speaker 1 (14:03):
I'm glad you said it. That made me happy. Yeah,
you want to go onto another email? Yep, let's go
Hello and good morning. I have so many questions, but
to start off, I will begin with one thank you,
because I can't take so much in one go, one
at a time.

Speaker 3 (14:19):
I'm like a fish, like, don't tap on the glass.
I'll panic.

Speaker 2 (14:23):
First.

Speaker 1 (14:23):
Here's some background info. I am a thirty one year
old female and I have been with my thirty year
old boyfriend for two years. Okay, cougar. I live on
my own, completely alone and very independent. I pay all
my own bills, maintain my own car, maintain my household,
protect my own household, etc. Of course, if I need him,

(14:46):
he is there. He does help me with some of
the household projects and things I need help with, and
is always my protector. I have always been very independent
and extremely proud of my independence and being able to
be successful on my own.

Speaker 3 (14:58):
I love that for her.

Speaker 1 (15:01):
My boyfriend lives at home with his parents and takes
on majority of the financials in that household and is
somewhat independent in his own ways.

Speaker 3 (15:08):
While there.

Speaker 1 (15:09):
We have no children together, and there are no plans
on taking the next step moving in together, at least
not anytime soon. It's not that I do not want
to take that step. I definitely do, but he is
not ready for that, partly because he does not want
to leave his parents, and partly because of the following.

Speaker 3 (15:25):
So I'm gonna pause.

Speaker 1 (15:26):
Okay, So she's saying that he lives at home with
his parents, has most of financial responsibility there, and he
doesn't want to leave his parents. Is it for like
a medical thing? Is he like a caretaker?

Speaker 2 (15:38):
I don't know.

Speaker 3 (15:38):
I feel like that's important context.

Speaker 2 (15:40):
It could be that they just don't have the finances
to survive on a retirement fund. Yeah, make me a
lot of things. But it could also be that he's
just not comfortable leaving, right.

Speaker 1 (15:50):
That's why I'm asking because if it's not like him
comfortable being an adult on his own, that's different from
his mom's on a ventil later and he needs to
be there all his dad.

Speaker 3 (15:58):
Works or something.

Speaker 2 (15:59):
Context.

Speaker 1 (15:59):
Man, he is very traditional in his ways and wants
a traditional relationship where I submit to him and he
is the man of the household.

Speaker 3 (16:07):
She did the quotation.

Speaker 2 (16:09):
Marks on submit or man of the household.

Speaker 1 (16:11):
Man of the household. At first, to me, this was crazy.
I could never see myself doing this. As I said before,
I'm very proud and have worked very hard to be
as independent as I am and was raised to not
depend on anyone to take care of me.

Speaker 3 (16:25):
Same and now look at me.

Speaker 1 (16:28):
However, I have been looking into it, into it since
this relationship. This is the first man I have ever
dated that wanted this. And listening to your podcast and
watching your tiktoks a lot, this has really helped me
better understand and appreciate the.

Speaker 3 (16:41):
Traditional way of life. Oh I love that. I like
sharing the happiness. I feel like tinker Bell, just like glitter.

Speaker 2 (16:49):
Your traps look pretty good over there.

Speaker 1 (16:51):
Oh yeah, I can't.

Speaker 3 (16:53):
I'm gonna do it. No, I can't.

Speaker 1 (16:55):
I was gonna plux my vice.

Speaker 3 (16:56):
That's I'm like, no, what if they look really? Won't
be you.

Speaker 1 (16:58):
I can't have men in the comments say you call
those traps.

Speaker 2 (17:01):
I'm a lady.

Speaker 1 (17:02):
I'm trying my best. Who that was a roller coaster
for me. Next time, I'm just gonna do it because confidence,
But not right now. I love the tiktoks are helping
The problem we are running into is my boyfriend. Oh oh,

(17:24):
he wants a traditional relationship now while he's not living
while we are boyfriend and girlfriend living separately.

Speaker 2 (17:30):
So so okay, I'll wait because she may get into it.

Speaker 3 (17:34):
Right what is he wanting?

Speaker 2 (17:35):
Right? There's a whole lot of questions learned through my
mind right now.

Speaker 1 (17:40):
I don't know how this would work, as from what
I've learned, in order for me to safely and comfortably submit,
I need to be safely and comfortably led.

Speaker 2 (17:48):
Yes, ma'am, that's it, Yes, ma'am.

Speaker 3 (17:50):
That is the sentence.

Speaker 2 (17:52):
Yep. Do not submit to a man that is not
comfort and do not submit to a man that you
cannot trust.

Speaker 3 (18:02):
I wish everybody knew that sentence.

Speaker 2 (18:03):
Read it one more time, just for those so that
they don't have to go back in thirty second listen again.

Speaker 1 (18:08):
So, from what I've learned, and order for me to
safely and comfortably submit, I need to be safely and
comfortably led.

Speaker 3 (18:15):
That's the sentence.

Speaker 2 (18:16):
That's good.

Speaker 1 (18:16):
I'm so glad she said that. It's giving me goosebumps.
I am not necessarily saying I need him to move
in and pay my bills and all of this in
order for me to submit true, but I am saying
I don't see how I can make this transition while
being just boyfriend and girlfriend living separately. I hope that
makes sense.

Speaker 3 (18:34):
It does.

Speaker 1 (18:35):
You know, when you are trying to navigate something you
never thought you would ever have and like never even
looked into it, it can be confusing. When you and
I were still in the dating phase, I feel like
I did things a wife would do.

Speaker 2 (18:47):
You treated me like a wife from day one. Yeah,
he who finds a wife finds a good thing. You
from day one, the very first date, after we had
that date and we decided we were going to make
a run at this, you have treated me as as
if you were my wife. Since the beginning. There has
not been a single day where I was like, yeah,
she's a girlfriend material, but yeah, not once, not a

(19:07):
single time.

Speaker 1 (19:08):
Yeah, So I'm going to read she has like one
more paragraph left, and then I'm going to elaborate on
the things that we did while dating and not living together.
We are at this point where we can just not
get on the same page, and it's causing a lot
of argument and questioning in our relationship. I do not
want this to be the cause of our breakup, and
it's not something I am not willing to work on.

(19:28):
I just don't currently know. How how did you as
a couple do this in the beginning of your relationship?
And what advice or assistance can you give us? This
will be greatly appreciated. If you need a more info,
please let me know. I can almost guarantee I will
have more questions.

Speaker 2 (19:41):
Well, and we will follow up email the shit out
of this, and we will go back and forth with
you and continue to make these recordings as long as
you're sending emails. We enjoy the follow up emails a lot.
It makes me feel really good me too. There's so
much did it say in the beginning how long they've
been together?

Speaker 3 (19:59):
They've been together for ti okay, so they're.

Speaker 2 (20:01):
Still relatively new. They're not living together, so they're not
playing house, which is a big deal that it's given
them a lot of time to get to know each other,
figure out the quirks. Obviously when they move in together,
if they if they move in together, that's going to
change things because you don't realize.

Speaker 1 (20:15):
How much you don't know about somebody until Yeah.

Speaker 2 (20:18):
Absolutely, man, there's so many questions that there's so many
things that don't understand. How are you how is he
damn slow down brain?

Speaker 3 (20:33):
So are you gonna say a question?

Speaker 2 (20:35):
No, I'm going to make a statement and I'm not
going to elaborate on it, but you'll know what I'm
talking about. And this is more for you than for
anyone else. All that's running through my head right now
is the whole Adam and Eve thing that we talked
about yesterday in the car, we're on the couch wherever
we were, when we had that discussion about how you know,
he finds a wife and how a husband is not
a husband until he has a wife. Anyways, That's that
was in my head the entire time you were reading

(20:56):
that email, because he's wanting her to treat him that
way when she's not a wife. But he's not giving
that right right, Yep, that's.

Speaker 3 (21:07):
A whole thing.

Speaker 2 (21:07):
It is, and that's a lot. That was my entire
thought process. Go ahead, though, because you might be able
to clear out some of my questions.

Speaker 1 (21:14):
So my questions are, what is he expecting you to do?
Like if he wanted you to come over when you're
done working and cook him dinner? Is he wanting to
to run and get his groceries while he's doing whatever.
There's a lot that goes into that.

Speaker 2 (21:28):
Let's let's let's elaborate on those. Okay, So he doesn't
live there, right, he lives at his parents. So in
order for that to work, the cooking aspect, that should
be done at her house, right, because she's the independent one.

Speaker 3 (21:43):
Yeah, so he should be coming over, right.

Speaker 2 (21:44):
And and I'm not saying that that she has to
cook for him every night, but to that would be
the first step, I think, because if you know, obviously
she works, she's she's doing the thing on our own.
She's got to make her own dinner, making a for
a second person and invite him over, you know, make
it during the daytime. Hey are you coming over tonight?

Speaker 1 (21:59):
So I'd like to have that are made by seven,
or you could even like cook dinner and then the
next day just take him as lunch, surprise them.

Speaker 2 (22:05):
Or have lunch ready to go when he leaves the
next morning if he stays to night, that kind of thing.
As for the grocery shopping thing, I don't think that
she should be grocery shopping and taking it to his
parents' house. I don't that sounds right.

Speaker 3 (22:15):
That's why I'm asking him, like, what does she want, right.

Speaker 2 (22:17):
You know, for her to maintain that life is different
if it's at her place. I honestly don't know how
this would work. Like in my head, there's not a
scenario where I'm like, Okay, this is what you need
to do, this is what you need to do, this
is what you need to do until you move in together.
Because it's all hypotheticals. I definitely think the cooking aspect
should be done in her house. I don't know how
far away they live from each other. If they live
in a town like we do, you can get anywhere

(22:39):
in our town in fifteen minutes. So to run somebody
a lunch or bring them the lunch at breakfast time
in the morning if he happens to go home, or
leftovers or something like that, that's easy. And I don't
care how this sounds on the internet. A woman making
like our lunch or our breakfast is a big deal
and there are a lot of people out there. Oh
I could do it myself. I have working hands. It's

(23:00):
not the point. It's a you know, an act of love.
I want you to make sure that you're fed. Here
you go baby, I got your food, so that would
be a big thing, you know, And if that's if
they're going for the traditional relationship, maybe that is something
he wants. Is he expecting her to come over and
do his laundry? I don't. I don't. I'm not okay
with that, like, because they're not living together.

Speaker 3 (23:21):
When we were dating.

Speaker 1 (23:22):
So she asked what we did. So when we were dating,
you moved into a new house. I went and I
did all the shopping for your new house. I got
you cleaning supplies all like the basic house need, trash bags,
garbage cans, that kind of stuff.

Speaker 3 (23:35):
You didn't ask me to do that, I did it
for you.

Speaker 2 (23:38):
They talk about a roller coaster, Yeah, because I went
from living as a roommate to somebody's house to get
in my own place and having my bedroom set up
and that was it. I had no living room furniture,
no kitchen furniture, no kitchen anything like. I was starting
back over again in life right as a pleasant thought,
I just haven't. I haven't thought about that since it's happened,
because we've been one thing after another, over and over

(23:58):
and over again.

Speaker 3 (23:59):
It's been NonStop.

Speaker 2 (24:00):
But you're right, you did do all that. Yeah, it
was super awesome.

Speaker 1 (24:03):
I deep cleaned the bathroom for you after you moved in,
because I'm sure it had n't been clean in a while.
I cleaned out the freezer for you in the ice box.
When I would spend the night, I would cook you dinner.

Speaker 2 (24:14):
Yep.

Speaker 1 (24:15):
I don't think I ever did your laundry when we
were when we weren't living together. Yes, I put your
clothes away for you. You absolutely did my laundry.

Speaker 2 (24:22):
Yep. You didn't do it a lot, but you absolutely
did do my laundry.

Speaker 3 (24:25):
Oh I did.

Speaker 1 (24:25):
I remember? I recall one time you were out doing
something for the shop I spent the night. I got up,
you were gone, you were working out.

Speaker 2 (24:30):
I came home and I'm like, did you start the laundry?
I did? I remember that conversation. You were like, yeah,
I needed to get done. I was like, thank you.

Speaker 3 (24:37):
Yeah, wow.

Speaker 1 (24:42):
One thing that I remember you doing when we were
still in the dating phase.

Speaker 3 (24:47):
Were we in the dating phase for that?

Speaker 2 (24:49):
I don't know what you're talking about, so I can't
say for sure.

Speaker 1 (24:54):
I don't remember if we were still just friends or
if we were dating at that point. But my car
battery wasn't starting.

Speaker 2 (24:58):
We were still just friends at that point. Yeah, so
there were a few things that happened when we were
just like, you know, I gotta be honest. Even though
we weren't intimate, we were I look back at that
in hindsight twenty twenty, it all looks like a cording
phase to me, because when you look at it, it
is like, you know, every time you had a problem,
you called me. Every time I had a problem, I
called you. If we wanted to do something, we did

(25:20):
it together, even though it was not an intimate thing.
It was just us building a foundation. But yeah, you
called because your your truck wouldn't start, and I went
and bought jumper cables so you could keep them in
your car and came over and jumped your vehicle. Yep,
you also had that problem with the neighbor. You called
me at like eleven o'clock at night, and I jumped
in the car and brought over my pupew make sure
you were safe. Yeah, I mean, that's that's very much

(25:45):
a thing. I was still a protector even though we weren't.
I wasn't committed to you in any way, shape or
form at that point. I just wanted to make sure
you were safe. You were important to.

Speaker 1 (25:51):
Me, And then when we actually started dating, we were
living separately, but we were committed to each other. I
was always readily available to you. There was never one
time I didn't answer my phone when you called.

Speaker 2 (26:02):
Yeah, that's true.

Speaker 1 (26:05):
And if you needed something for me, like to help
with the business or whatever, I would help. I would
go out of my way and help you.

Speaker 2 (26:10):
Yeah. Yeah, he treated me like away from the beginning.

Speaker 1 (26:14):
Yeah, It's a lot that goes into it.

Speaker 2 (26:17):
Yeah, I mean, but it's it's it really comes down
to it, like, so people are going to hear this,
and and it doesn't necessarily mean that that you were
submissive to me or anything in that aspect, Like we
were working as a team right off. Rip. Yeah, and
it was because you wanted to and it wasn't because
I needed it or because I like I mean, I
did obviously I needed help from time to time, but
there was never a time where I was like hey
and had to beg Like I would just mention something

(26:39):
You're like, yeah, I got you right, And that's the
way we had our foundation. There was never a time
where you needed something I was like, yeah, I can't
do that. Sorry, getrect like there was that was never
a thing. We just started working together effectively or efficiently
right away. Yeah, I don't. I really don't know how
they would do this living a part because other than
the food thing, I don't see away because he lives

(27:01):
with his parents. Like, how awkward would that be if
she was over there spending the night and doing his
laundry in his parent's house.

Speaker 3 (27:06):
Yeah, I wouldn't do that.

Speaker 2 (27:08):
That sounded really dick of me. Why because he's a
thirty two year old man living with his parents, or
a thirty year old man living with his parents. I
didn't mean. I guess maybe that might have been the
way it sounded in my head and there was not
an actual inflection there. But I wouldn't go to his
parents' house and do his laundry. It did not sound
like okay, good, because in my head it absolutely did.
I was like, okay, that might have been more harsh
than I intended.

Speaker 1 (27:28):
I agree, though I would feel uncomfortable, I don't. I
don't view anything wrong, like if he's there for a
reason like financial support, helping out sick parent, whatever, dope,
I would not feel comfortable having sex knowing that somebody's ill.

Speaker 3 (27:42):
Mother is upstairs. Yeah, no, thank you.

Speaker 2 (27:44):
I agree with that.

Speaker 1 (27:45):
I would not be okay with doing laundry and then
I have to have a conversation.

Speaker 3 (27:48):
With your dad.

Speaker 2 (27:49):
Yeah.

Speaker 1 (27:50):
Uncomfortable. Yeah, that's that's a really is it's a unique
situation to advocate.

Speaker 2 (28:00):
Yeah, it is. But and I also because we don't
have enough information on what he's trying to do that
he wants that traditional life. Is he trying to handle
your finances, because that would be a big red flag too,
because you've got your own place and you guys are
not living together. You know. I really feel like a
traditional relationship happens once you move in, because you're you're
you're playing marriage at that point, like you're you're getting

(28:21):
ready for that next step when you move in with somebody.
Obviously that's not the case for everyone.

Speaker 1 (28:25):
Right, I think even during the fading dating phase, like
if someone spending the night at their house three nights
a week, you could do it those three nights, you know.

Speaker 2 (28:32):
If he's staying there though, but because he lives at
his parents, she can't do those things there. Okay, here's
some other things. Is he opening the car doors for you?
That's a genuine thought, like is he when he Well,
it's her place. She's used to protecting herself, so I'm
sure she sleeps on the side closest to the door.
Where do you walk when you're walking near traffic? You know?

(28:54):
These are things from a man standpoint, Excuse me. I
would listen to the gentle episode that we did and
go through a mental checklist and be like, he does this, this, this, this,
and this, and if you go he doesn't do this, this, this, this,
and this and only does this and this, you're like, okay,
well wait a minute now, because then you can see
that he's not living the life of a gentleman. I

(29:14):
think that's gonna be my my answer to this.

Speaker 3 (29:17):
That's a good answer.

Speaker 1 (29:18):
The more that I think about it this, the more
I'm like, wow, this is like complicated. It is because
there's not a lot of background information. So I would
sit down and have a conversation of expectations in a
traditional relationship. And like she said, I can't comfortably submit
if I can't be led.

Speaker 2 (29:34):
Right well, and that comes down to him opening the doors,
paid right dinner.

Speaker 1 (29:37):
Not even just that if he's living at home, because
he's not comfortable living as an adult.

Speaker 2 (29:43):
He's no leadership there.

Speaker 1 (29:44):
That's not you're not stepping up to the role of
a traditional man. You can't expect a traditional woman when
you want to be babied at.

Speaker 2 (29:51):
Home, because then you're looking for a mommy.

Speaker 3 (29:55):
Right, Nobody out here's going to be a mommy.

Speaker 2 (29:59):
I disagree. You've seen the comments on articles.

Speaker 1 (30:02):
Oh yeah, No, nobody is willingly wanting to be a mommy.

Speaker 2 (30:05):
They don't want it, but that's what they fall into.

Speaker 1 (30:08):
There are preventative measures to that. But every single person
who views himself as a mommy and a relationship hates it.
So nobody's willing to be like, yeah, let me be
your mommy. It's like a fetish thing.

Speaker 2 (30:20):
Yeah, well, and that's that's a whole different conversation. You're
right on that. On the leadership thing, that's a damn
good point. If he's living at his parents because he's
just afraid to do it on his own, which the
email doesn't say why he's there, it just says to
help them. It could be financially. And if that's the
case and he moves in with you and is helping

(30:41):
you financially, it will eliminate some of the financial aspect
going to the parents, but he could still probably make
that work because you're already doing that, you know what
I mean. Like and if the parents are ill and
on their way out the door, how long is that
going to be? You know what I mean? If he's
got to stay there and you guys are just dating
for the next six years while he's living with his
parents house, and you guys haven't taken the next step?

(31:03):
Are you willing to do that? Because in your thirties, right,
do you really want to dedicate the next five to
ten years of living separately and not having that life
because you're now interested in having traditional values, traditional marriage
or traditional relationship because it's piquing your interest. And as
an independent woman like that, if you can be that
boss outside of everything and come home and be able

(31:23):
to just be in your feminine and enjoy your life
with a man that is comfortable leading that you trust,
it will change the way that you view the world
will at least you know you say that all the time,
so that I'm not speaking from my point of view.
I'm speaking from what you've told me.

Speaker 3 (31:37):
From what I've told you. All of that is accurate.

Speaker 1 (31:39):
Yes, I also want to piggyback on you, saying like,
are you okay with living separate for five to ten years?
If it came down to it and he's helping be caretaker,
would you be willing to move in with him and
be his wife while he's taking care of things as
a family as a man, right, because a real man
would step up and be like, you know, my mom's dying, right,

(32:00):
I need to be here for her. Like as a man,
I view it as my duty to be here and
help and take care. I do want to have this
life with you. I want to be your man and
do the traditional thing with you. Would you be willing
to move in if all of that plays out that
way and help him take care of his family.

Speaker 2 (32:16):
I think that in that scenario, I think that the
next steps of the relationship need to be discussed too,
and there definitely needs to be contracts drawn out. And
I don't mean that in terms of like legal documents.
I mean in terms of like expectations and this is
how this is going to play out. You're responsible for this,
I'm responsible for this, and screw that entire scenario. You

(32:39):
know how hard that would be for her to move
from being completely independent to living with a man, because
there's a whole lot of hurdles right there. Just moving
in together, that's a difficult thing. The excitement's there right away,
but when that excitement wears often and you're finding out
each other's quirks, and there's the frustration that starts to
set on, like the nonsense because it happens with everyone.
You also have to deal with the parents on top

(32:59):
of that. It's a whole new layer level of stress,
layer of stress that's I would I would if I
was her, I would want a whole lot of commitment
before I did that.

Speaker 1 (33:10):
Oh yeah, that could be a possibility because we don't
know why he's there. There's a whole plethora of scenarios here.

Speaker 2 (33:18):
Do you think that you would if if we never
lived together and I wanted to marry you, that you
would wait? Would you be willing to wait to marry
somebody and move in after the marriage.

Speaker 3 (33:31):
Like in this scenario?

Speaker 2 (33:32):
Like, yeah, well in any of them, because like when
I think of that, I I personally would not. No,
I would want to live with you first. I want
to know your I want to know your dirty habits.
I want to know if we're going to be able
to sustain this situation moving forward.

Speaker 1 (33:46):
I would not marry anybody without living with them.

Speaker 2 (33:48):
Right, God, No, that's what I was getting at.

Speaker 3 (33:51):
What if they wake up at three am every night
and cry?

Speaker 2 (33:54):
Why is it always coming down to crying?

Speaker 1 (33:56):
I don't know.

Speaker 3 (33:57):
Things I've experienced.

Speaker 2 (33:59):
You had a dude that would wake up in the
middle of the.

Speaker 3 (34:01):
Night and cry sometimes?

Speaker 2 (34:02):
Oh? Wow, no, thank you. I was more along the
lines of lake they pick.

Speaker 1 (34:08):
Their boogers and put it on the bathroom wall.

Speaker 2 (34:10):
Wow. Yeah, that's pretty specific too experience. I was going
to go along the lines of like leaving the bathroom
floor wet after a shower or not. You know, I
don't know. I wasn't going to go that disgusting, But
you're right. I mean there are some grossness out there.
I don't know.

Speaker 3 (34:28):
Yeah, people do some really weird shit. I could keep going.

Speaker 2 (34:31):
I please don't, I don't, I don't. I need a
follow up email?

Speaker 3 (34:38):
Yeah anymore.

Speaker 2 (34:38):
Yeah, I'm invested at this point, and I'm nosey as shit,
so I want to know how he plans on leading,
and that's what I would ask him. Oh, you want
a traditional value relationship, and this is what you're telling me.
You want tell me how you're going to make this
work in our living situations.

Speaker 3 (34:52):
I know what you want from me. What are you
willing to give me in return for what you write
from me?

Speaker 2 (34:55):
Because it is teamwork, and I don't see a way
for us to have teamwork when we're living in separate
houses without you know, me doing all the work and
you benefiting from it, right because there should be an
ebb and flow there. And if he's not financially supporting
or emotionally supporting.

Speaker 3 (35:10):
What are you doing moving to my back hurts.

Speaker 2 (35:12):
Or stepping up and doing all the car matenance and
all the things that you know, the blue jobs, things
that our manner are supposed to do. Then it sounds
like she would just be doing a whole lot of
extra work for nothing, right Yep, nothing appealing it does,
yet I don't say value in it at all. Sounds
like he gets the extra Mommy to bring him lunch.

Speaker 1 (35:28):
And that made me nauseous because I've been in that relationship,
Like I've done the whole independent woman thing. I lived
on my own with my kids and paid all the
bills and worked eighty hours a week and fixed my
own faucet. In this kitchen, all of I've done it all,
and I've done all of that while being with a man.
It's just like having a third child. No, thank you
too much, like a super chubby dog.

Speaker 2 (35:56):
Next email, I just really, I'm glad that you weren't
describing me as that. No, I heard that. I'm like, damn,
what is she going to ever say about me when
I'm not there.

Speaker 1 (36:07):
I'm not referring to one of my exes.

Speaker 2 (36:09):
Just promise me that if you ever refer to me
as an animal, it will be a grizzly bear.

Speaker 3 (36:14):
I've done that now.

Speaker 2 (36:15):
Okay, I'm just called you a polar bear. Yeah, grizzly
grizzly bear, because that can encompass the bigness of me
and not make me that mad about being fluffy.

Speaker 1 (36:26):
I'm not referring to one of my exes. Just in general,
a human is larger than a dog. They're gonna weigh
more than.

Speaker 2 (36:31):
A dog, said Chubby specifically, right, chunky.

Speaker 1 (36:35):
Boys, that's not a negative thing.

Speaker 2 (36:40):
Okay, I like them big Oh. I was so stupid.

Speaker 1 (36:48):
You said something about my traps and now I can
like feel them right here, and I'm like, yeah.

Speaker 2 (36:52):
I can see your collar bones. I work out, work out?

Speaker 1 (36:58):
Okay, want that? Sure, I don't have anything to elaborate on.

Speaker 2 (37:02):
I'm nosy. I need more. Please, for the love of God,
send more emails. So.

Speaker 1 (37:06):
I don't like drama and I don't like gossiping, but
I like hearing things because my life is boring. Like
I I'm such a peaceful person. I don't want to
argue with people. I want to know everything though, Like,
oh my god, Jessica did that. I want to know
if Jessica has a dog. Elaborate would be elaboratedoodle.

Speaker 2 (37:29):
Dad joke. It wasn't that funny.

Speaker 1 (37:35):
He's a laborate doodle. So the next one is, how
do you guys tackle conflict when you want to deal
with it differently?

Speaker 2 (37:48):
Wrestle?

Speaker 3 (37:50):
I've wanted to.

Speaker 2 (37:53):
Could you imagine if that's how we settle things rock
paper scissors?

Speaker 1 (37:57):
I would crush you, like eight out of ten times.

Speaker 2 (38:02):
That's how the kids determine who's taking a bath first.

Speaker 3 (38:04):
Yeah, it is.

Speaker 2 (38:04):
That's conflict resolution.

Speaker 1 (38:06):
I actually implemented that they like they told me they
learned rock paper scissors.

Speaker 3 (38:11):
They don't play it right, right, No.

Speaker 1 (38:13):
They throw scissors every single time, and I just pick
a child. They'll be like rock paper scissors, and they'll
both throw scissors and they'll look at me. I'll be like,
you won, You're going first. The other one gets also upset,
like I should have threw paper, he still would have lost.
But my partner is the type to tackle conflict head on,

(38:38):
no matter what it takes. I am the type that
when it's getting heated or I am too overwhelmed, I
like to take space and come back later.

Speaker 2 (38:44):
Good.

Speaker 3 (38:44):
That's the way to do it.

Speaker 1 (38:47):
He's wrong.

Speaker 2 (38:47):
How do they deal with it, though? Like, how do
they deliver that?

Speaker 1 (38:51):
Let's see, I feel like it. I feel like either way,
someone is giving up something what they need that they need.

Speaker 2 (38:57):
Because he needs conflict resolution immediately and he likes to calm.

Speaker 3 (39:00):
Down, right.

Speaker 1 (39:01):
So it sounds like in my experience when I needed
conflict resolution, like in the moment, is because I'm panicking, right,
Like I need this over now so I can feel better.
I feel like taking space. Oh well, now I feel bad.
So I've been saying he and it's a woman. Oh

(39:23):
so it's two women. I apologize. I hope it didn't
fanit anybody.

Speaker 2 (39:26):
No, I mean we didn't get to that far in
the email, right.

Speaker 1 (39:28):
So I feel like taking space leaves her hurting and
thinking I just don't want to deal with the issue
at hand. On the other hand, I feel like I
articulate my feelings properly or handle the situation the correct way.
When I'm overwhelmed and I'm taking the chance of making
it worse, what do you, guys?

Speaker 3 (39:43):
Do? We take space?

Speaker 2 (39:46):
Rock them sock them robots.

Speaker 3 (39:48):
I've never played that, so you would win.

Speaker 2 (39:50):
Every time you just thumb button mash. There's no rhyme
or reason to.

Speaker 3 (39:53):
It, so just thumb more. At that point, yeah, it was.

Speaker 2 (39:56):
That was more of a joke. I have a lot
of thoughts on this whole process, but ultimately it comes
down to compromise. Relationships are compromised, right, Everything that you're
going to do with your partner comes down to you
compromising unless one of you has final decision in something.
And if you have somebody that has final decision and something,
then that and you're going to live that way. That
person has ultimate say on the way things are going
to go.

Speaker 1 (40:16):
Right, So I want to clarify this isn't in an
argument where like I'm right, you're wrong. That's final decision, right,
That final decision on like you guys are talking about
buying a new house, right, and in our family, you're
the final decision maker. So I'll give you my opinions,
and what you've shown me in the past, you heavily
consider my opinion. Right, you handle finances, So that is
too far. It's far too overwhelming for me. I've done

(40:37):
the finances thing.

Speaker 3 (40:38):
I don't like it. It caused me to spiral.

Speaker 1 (40:40):
Right, So final decision is you decide whether or not
we'll be able to afward the house, and then from
there I unleash everything. I trust your decision making.

Speaker 2 (40:48):
So, but we don't have to compromise. So in the
event that we wanted that we're going to buy a
new house and you're against it and I'm for it,
and we are arguing over that, or you state your
peace that and I have final say in that scenario.
You've given me the the the you've granted me the
authority to make that decision. So there's not there's no
compromise in that aspect. Then that's what I was getting at.

Speaker 1 (41:07):
Okay, I just want to clarify that because I don't
want people in the comments saying, oh, so he gets
to decide whether or not if he's writ it, you know.

Speaker 2 (41:13):
That somebody would have done that.

Speaker 3 (41:14):
Oh yeah, I know. That's why we had.

Speaker 2 (41:16):
This conversation before we got on the podcast. I'm going
to say it. I'm going to say it. We've been
watching The Chosen, Yeah we have, and I'm hooked. We've
binge watched the first and second season. We're almost done.

Speaker 3 (41:27):
It hasn't even been a week.

Speaker 2 (41:29):
Yeah, yeah, which says a lot because we've been recording
dealing with kids, so like we're two or three episodes
a day at this point. Jesus in that show keeps
saying that my message isn't for everyone, and those who
need to understand it will, So before we sat down
on the podcast, I reiterated that point because we get
a lot of shitty comments, and I'm at the point
now where like those who need to hear what we're

(41:49):
saying hear us and send us email saying thank you
you just saved my marriage from divorce. You know.

Speaker 1 (41:53):
It's even people who have been against the shit that
we're saying. Yeah, we get a lot of that too,
Like people are hardcore by the things we say, but
it's those same people who are triggered are like Okay,
why is this bothering me so much?

Speaker 3 (42:05):
And then they do the work, dirty work and they realize.

Speaker 2 (42:07):
Like, damn, yeah, I needed to hear that.

Speaker 3 (42:09):
Yeah.

Speaker 2 (42:10):
So so for the people that wouldn't have understood what
I was saying just then, it was because you didn't
need to. You just mind your business. Yeah, go back
to I don't know, eating your pudding, you telling your
bland vanilla pudding. No, but I am glad that you
actually reiterated that point because there would have been comments
like that and now I don't have to read them,
so dope. But it does come down to compromise. And

(42:33):
if you are one of those people that need that
instant I'm sorry. If she is the one that needs
that instant resolution of conflict and you are somebody who
shuts down in conflict, you have to find that medium.
So in conflict, are you saying I can't do this
right now, and then you walk out of the room,
because in that scenario, you are not ending things. You
are you were storming off right, you're storming off stone walling. Yeah,

(42:58):
that is a whole nother problem in itself. Now in
the middle of conflict, because I am that person, I
want conflict resolution immediately, I am right. So this is
a good way for us to deal with this conversation
because when you are processing and you're like, I need
time to process this, I'm like, okay, cool, because you're
not mad about it, you're not mean about it, you're
not shitting on me in any way. We're just having

(43:19):
a conversation. Even if you are a vehemently angry with me,
which I have pissed you off a couple of times.
Let's be honest, we don't fight, but I have definitely
pissed you off. You're like, I need a moment to
process this, And when you say that, I'm like, okay,
she's got to getr thoughts together, so we're not gonna argue.
That's immediately when my brain goes I'm like, yes, I'm

(43:40):
not gonna fight.

Speaker 3 (43:40):
Yeah.

Speaker 2 (43:41):
I love that, And it's not a It changes the
entire feeling of the day because if you're like super
pissed off and giving me the silent treatment, I'm a
match that energy. And now we're both gonna be at
odds all day long until you're ready to deal with things,
or the next day when you're ready to deal with things,
and we don't do that, So being able to be like,

(44:01):
I need time to process how I want to deal
with this. I'm not mad at you right now. I
don't want to fight. I just need to understand what's
happening so that we can move forward. You were diffusing
the situation. You were making the conflict and the feeling
of tension dissipate, which is a big deal. And they're
going to feel like there was some sort of conflict

(44:21):
resolution because they're not going to feel like you're harboring
ill will or resentment towards them.

Speaker 3 (44:26):
During that you're thinking of leaving them.

Speaker 2 (44:27):
Which very much could be a thing. It very much
could be a thing.

Speaker 1 (44:30):
So I'm gonna throw myself under the bus right now,
do it. We had a very tense discussion a few
weeks ago and we were standing in the kitchen. We
made an exchange. At that point, we were on the
same page of things, like we had an understanding what happened.
And I was like, okay, I'm leaving, and I walked
away from you. And as I was trying to walk away,

(44:51):
I saw the look on your face and I was like,
I just did a really shitty thing. So I grabbed
my purse. I turned around, I came back into the kitchen.
I'm like, I'm sorry that I just did that, and
I said, I'm not leaving because I'm angry. I'm leaving
because I need a process. And I was like, I
love you, I'm not thinking about leaving you. I just
need to walk away for a minute.

Speaker 2 (45:09):
It sounded almost exactly like that, yeah, because.

Speaker 1 (45:12):
I caught like, even when I walked away and said, okay,
I'm leaving, I said, it's super shitty, Like I had
a really bad tone, and in the moment when I
was saying it, I didn't realize how shitty it was
until after it left my mouth and I saw the
look on your face. So that was kind of like
I checked myself and I came back and I corrected
it and I apologized. I never want to leave like that.

Speaker 2 (45:33):
To be fair, you also had to leave. It wasn't
like you had something you had to do, so you
were leaving because you had to, not because you wanted to.
Although it was a beneficial because it did give you
time to process. You also said that I'm going to
process this, and when I come home, I'm going to
be in a better mood. I did say that yet
although at the time that's not what I heard. I
heard fu I'm leaving because of the tone of your

(45:54):
voice when you walked down the door, and even though
you turn around and corrected it, because that had already
been stated, the tone was set. And I'm gonna throw
myself under the bus because when you got home, I
was livid.

Speaker 3 (46:05):
Yeah you ignored me.

Speaker 2 (46:06):
Yeah, I was pissed, and I don't get mad like that.
Like it took everything I had not to blow your
phone up the entire time that you were gone doing
what you were doing, because I was so angry, and
I don't because we don't do that like you. I mean,
you actually yelled at me, and that's a whole nother discussion,
but it's not because you were intending to yell at me.
Because of your autism. You don't check your volume sometimes.

Speaker 1 (46:26):
I have really poor volume control, so when I'm super emotional, like,
I can't hear myself. So when I'm yelling at you,
I think I'm talking like this, I literally can't gauge it.
That's why I need the reminders of like, even when
we're intense discussions, if you say like you don't have
to yell at me. Right now, I'm like, oh damn,
im yelling, and I check myself. I don't get mad
at you, even if you say it's super shitty, because

(46:48):
in that moment, I'm in the wrong, I'm raising my voice.

Speaker 2 (46:50):
Well, it's easier to say something along the lines of like,
you're at an eleven right now, babe, because now you
realize you're yelling, and I'm not being like, quit yelled
at me, because you know that's never gonna solve anything.
But I like you yel because I know that you
do that. We've had this discussion since the beginning. I
know that you can't volume check when you're emotional. Your
emotional mind doesn't allow you to do that. And you're
learning things about my borderline that you'd never known because

(47:12):
I had a full meltdown the other day. You got
to see aside of me the other day that you've
never seen before. No, A, what a roller coaster that
day was. Anyways, that whole scenario with the kitchen thing
really did come down to tone and inflection, and that
was a perfect example. That was the absolute perfect example
of what I was describing.

Speaker 1 (47:34):
So and I want to point out even though I
came back and I corrected myself and I had a
better tone about things.

Speaker 3 (47:38):
You were still pissed at me.

Speaker 2 (47:39):
Yeah, because of the initial engagement.

Speaker 1 (47:42):
That's why it's important to work on yourself. I don't
ever want that to happen again. I don't either, So
even when we're in a tense moment, I'm going to
check myself and say, even though I'm mad, do not
walk away shitty.

Speaker 2 (47:52):
Yeah, it's also the first time you've ever left without
giving me a kiss.

Speaker 3 (47:55):
Oh, I didn't even recognize that.

Speaker 2 (47:58):
There's also part of my anger. Sorry, it is what
it is. Oh No, we had a whole lot back
and forth that day. That was a very and it
was a very intense conversation that went on and on
and on.

Speaker 1 (48:08):
That Legit makes me want to cry, Like I feel myself.
I am so sorry.

Speaker 2 (48:12):
You were angry.

Speaker 3 (48:13):
That doesn't excuse it.

Speaker 2 (48:14):
No, I know you're gonna ruin your makeup.

Speaker 1 (48:20):
I know I'm trying to look at the light.

Speaker 2 (48:22):
Does that work? Yeah? Sometimes, For those of you who
are listening on the podcast right now, you are missing
a hell of a face. It's just pulling her eyelids down.

Speaker 1 (48:30):
Because it helps it. Well, when that spill over onto
my makeup.

Speaker 2 (48:36):
I am so glad I don't wear makeup.

Speaker 3 (48:40):
I want to snickers. It will make me feel better.

Speaker 2 (48:42):
Yeah, yeah, you want me to door dash you a
candy bar? No, because I can't eat chol We have
Keto ice cream that.

Speaker 3 (48:47):
I can't ruin my traps.

Speaker 2 (48:52):
Yep.

Speaker 3 (48:53):
I'm so sorry, babe.

Speaker 2 (48:55):
That day was a ship show.

Speaker 3 (48:56):
I know, but I still feel awful.

Speaker 2 (48:58):
You know that even in that entire scenario, because that
was our third argument that we've had. That was the
third time that I viewed a conversation as an actual argument.
It wasn't There was other than the moment before you left.
There was no yelling. You did catch yourself yelling on
the couch. When you started to raise your voice. You
were like, oh my god, I'm so sorry to me
to do that. So you were catched. So now you're

(49:19):
starting to become aware of how you're talking. We also
learned that what each other say and what each other
hears might not be the same thing. So we have
to start working on defining, defining things, and then repeating
and validating. That was that was pretty much the entire

(49:40):
argument was the lack of validation because I thought the
situation was over with and you didn't. It's kind of irrelevant,
but even in that scenario we had, we had a
two or three minute engagement right before you left, where
there was like anger hostility, and then when you came back,
I had anger and hostility. You took a bath, had
a meltdown because I ignored you. And then when you

(50:02):
came back out, you're like, I want to talk to you,
and like I sat my phone down and you were like,
are you calm, and I'm like I am now. I
wasn't a minute ago. I was still fuming. I needed
that time to process everything. But even in my anger,
I didn't didn't lash out. I wasn't mean to you.
I just didn't put my phone out when you walked
in the door and acknowledge you right away, which bothered.

Speaker 1 (50:20):
You because you always It made me feel like your
respect changes for me when you're upset with me.

Speaker 2 (50:26):
No, I just there are.

Speaker 3 (50:29):
It's the ice maker.

Speaker 2 (50:30):
I hate that thing so much. It's a safety mechanism
for me. Like when I get mad mad like that,
I don't want to talk and I don't just like
that that that chick like I either need to resolution
of what's going on, like I need to resolve the
conflict or I need time to really calm down because

(50:50):
I'm too angry to deal with things. And in the
moment when you walked in, I was I was like angry, angry,
And in the event that you came in and tried
to talk to me in that moment, I would have
been like, I can't right now. I would have absolutely
been like I need a minute.

Speaker 3 (51:04):
But I feel like that should have been stated anyway.

Speaker 2 (51:05):
They should have. But you know, this is there's growing pains.
You know, even though we have this awesome communication in
this right back and forth and we don't really have
a lot of conflict, there are times where there's still
going to be tension. It's going to be like that
for everyone. But our levels of tension is so much less.
It's never gone above a three as far as I'm
conserved on a scale like one to ten and those
threes because it is such a small scale, and that's

(51:28):
the worst we've ever felt like still feels like a lot,
but I know it could be so much worse than
it is. But we are still navigating things and trying
to learn how to course correct when things start to
go bad between the two of us, and it's going
to take a lot longer for us to have those
conversations because we hardly ever have them. So when we
do have them, it's like, oh God, what did I do?
How do I fix this on my old what? You know?

(51:49):
But I couldn't imagine being in a scenario because of
how peaceful all of this is where there's constant tension
and conflict. Yeah, me either, that's wild. We're fifty four
minutes in. Oh wow, and we've hit three emails?

Speaker 3 (52:04):
Have we hit three emails?

Speaker 2 (52:05):
Wow?

Speaker 3 (52:07):
I feel really bad about not kissing you before.

Speaker 2 (52:08):
I love that.

Speaker 1 (52:09):
I feel awful because I still make it a point
even when I'm like frustrated with you or there's tension
between us, I make it a point to kiss you goodbye,
to kiss you when I come home, to surveyor your
food for lunch or whatever, like.

Speaker 2 (52:19):
Yeah, you do still do the food thing. You do conflict.

Speaker 1 (52:23):
I ask you if you need anything when I'm going out,
because even though I'm frustrated.

Speaker 3 (52:27):
With you, you're.

Speaker 1 (52:28):
Still my husband, right, Well, it's not going to treat
you differently.

Speaker 2 (52:31):
It's because we still love each other too. We don't
and I think that that comes down to remembering that
it's the two of us versus the problem instead of
us versuting each other. And it's also important to remember
that if you're in a conflict where you feel you're
right and your partner's wrong, you're not winning. Even if
you're right and you make them feel like you're right
and you won the argument, you lost because when how

(52:52):
is that going to play out? You're be They are
going to be pissed at you for the rest of
the day because you won the argument. That's not winning.
I would rather resolve to situation both of us be
right and have a great day, because if one's wrong,
you're both wrong right. There's just not a way to
win that scenario.

Speaker 1 (53:07):
So in this scenario where she's talking about what our
opinions are on it, I would ask her sit down't
have a conversation to say I know this. When we argue,
you need instant resolution, right, Why is that? Why do
you view that it's a not okay or it's going
to add to the argument if I need five minutes
to calm down. Yeah, for me, that's a childhood thing.

Speaker 2 (53:28):
It could be it could be it could be a
trauma response. It could be abandoned issues. It could be
a lot of things.

Speaker 3 (53:32):
So I don't know.

Speaker 1 (53:35):
She didn't really elaborate on anything in the relationship. Just
that's a problem for them if you know their past,
try to connect dots together.

Speaker 2 (53:43):
Yeah, absolutely, you know. Damn good point, babe.

Speaker 1 (53:46):
Like if you experience this in your childhood, maybe that's
why it's bleeding into your adult life and you feel
like I can't walk away because you think I'm gonna
be mad at you forever, or I'm thinking about leaving
you due to your abandonment issues. Every time we're in
an argument. I sometimes I'll go sit in the car
and cry because I'm a very emotional person. I need
to cry to feel better, or I go for a
drive before I leave. I always tell you I'm not

(54:08):
thinking about leaving you, like I'm gonna come.

Speaker 2 (54:10):
Home those scenarios where you leave to cry. Though. This
is going to sound really shitty. Oh, this is gonna
sound so bad. I appreciate you doing that.

Speaker 3 (54:18):
I know because of your childhood you can't handle it.

Speaker 2 (54:20):
I cannot handle when a woman cries around me. I disassociate,
I shut down, I shut off my emotional brain completely.
It gets it can get very bad for me when
that happens. I don't do well with that. And it
doesn't matter who the woman is. I cannot know you.
And if you start crying in front of me, I'm like, oh,
oh God, what do I do? I don't make the stuff.

Speaker 3 (54:38):
It's a straight panic.

Speaker 2 (54:39):
Oh it's bad. So I actually appreciate that you do that.
But you do that because you know my trauma, my childhood.

Speaker 1 (54:44):
I don't want to be sitting in the bathroom with
you listening to me crying. Why would I do that
to you? This as a me problem. That's how I
cope with my emotions is I scream and I cry,
and I ugly sob and I have snot on my
face sometimes, like when I feel intense motions, that's the
only outlet I have. Just because I have to go
through that doesn't mean you have to sit there and
listen to me go through it.

Speaker 2 (55:04):
I think it's important that you say that because that's
going to be people in the comments. Oh you don't
come for your girl when you cry. I've watched you
get angry and cry. I've watched you watch TV and cry.
Like some people are just criers.

Speaker 1 (55:15):
There are times that you've held me while I'm sobbing.
Those are different scenarios, though, When you and I are
in an argument and I'm crying because of whatever situation
we're in, I don't want you to correlate that to
you're the reason I'm crying. That's another big deal for me.

Speaker 2 (55:29):
Most of the time. You tell me that, right, because
that makes it so that we're not like at odds
over the fact that I've hurt you. And I think
it's important that people know that comes down to know
how to community can communicate with your partner. I know,
I know, like I can tell when you need to
be held cried, and like when you're just frustrated and
you don't know how to find your words. I've seen
it happen while we were driving, you know, like you

(55:51):
just get to that point sometimes where you you know
it could be your autism, it could be that your trauma,
it could be a lot of things. I don't know
what makes you do that, but I always just chalk
it up to that's the way you deal with shit.
I'm not a crier, Like it takes a lot to
get me to that point. And when I'm getting to
that point, there's a lot going on in my brain
and I just don't know how to process what's happening.
So I assume that's what's happening with you, right.

Speaker 1 (56:11):
I think growing up, crying was like the one thing
that I could do. I didn't feel like I had
anybody to talk to, you know, if I had issues
going on where I would like go to my dad,
my dad wasn't there, so I would just cry.

Speaker 3 (56:28):
That was my outlet.

Speaker 1 (56:29):
And I think now that I'm going through this whole
journey that I'm on, I'm starting to realize I have
different outlets now. Yeah, Like I'm allowing myself to recognize
that I have other outlets. I don't just have to
cry to feel better. It's important, right, So I think
I'm coping with that a little bit more better.

Speaker 2 (56:47):
Personal growth is wild, isn't it? It is insane, I
have I So, I haven't spoke to my biological mother
in thirteen years, not a word Before that, I was
radio silent for like six so we had like a
two year spam where we talked again and in radio silence,
there was a time where I didn't speak to my
biological or my adopted mother either, and it wasn't because

(57:09):
of a falling out or anything, which just life happens.
And like they weren't they weren't here, they moved to Tennessee,
and like that closeness had dissipated because they moved away.
And now I have somebody to call, right and now
I also realized last night, at three o'clock in the morning,
while I was staring at the ceiling wide awake, that
I could have gotten up and walked out here and
called JJ because he drives all night long and while

(57:31):
he's on the road with his bluetooth in his ear,
I could have actually called and talked him on the
phone for the full two hours that I was awake
last night, instead of laying there freaking out over everything
that I was freaking out that had nothing to do
with anything that I absolutely could I was stressed out
over insurance at two thirty in the morning last night
because I put in for the million dollar Umbrell policy
on the house for the solar panels so that I

(57:52):
can get the solar panels engaged to Florida Power at
two thirty in the morning, Who does that? That was?
That was my entire two our thought process last night.
I laid awake, freaking out over insurance, freaking out over
car payments, couldn't remember if I paid them, so of
course I had to get on my phone. So now
that I've got my phone in my hand and I've
got the light in my eyes, I'm definitely not going
back to sleep. And then I spent about forty five

(58:12):
minutes praying, talking to God about JJ and my mom
because I felt like they were going through something. Obviously
my mom was asleep, but I knew JJ was at work.
And then this morning at six o'clock, she messaged me
and she's like, hey, if you get a chance to
pray for JJ today, Oh wow. I'm like, I did
that last night, but what's going on? And she told me,
And had I known, I could have just called him
last night, we'd have been able to resolve both of
our bullshit because I was going through it. I don't know.

Speaker 3 (58:36):
Maybe that's why you woke up.

Speaker 2 (58:37):
I believe that was, but I think that I didn't
correlate being able to cost someone at two o'clock in
the morning because the only people that I know that's
up that late is not going to understand my need.
So and I wouldn't put that on those people anyways,
So I don't.

Speaker 3 (58:52):
Know, don't touch on your two points in your notebook.

Speaker 2 (58:54):
I have Actually those are gonna be long discussions, but
I have a sinus thing going, so I'm gonna blow
my nose before we do that. I'm not snorting. Snot
back up there.

Speaker 3 (59:02):
I appreciate that.

Speaker 2 (59:04):
All right, huh. Let's see.

Speaker 1 (59:06):
Holy shit, So we got another email. So do you
remember the person that comments and said, how does it
work when she's injured? Like stuck in a bed with
a broken leg? Do you remember responding to that in
one of your.

Speaker 2 (59:14):
Tiktoks say that again, how does it.

Speaker 1 (59:19):
Work when she's injured like stuck in bed with a
broken leg?

Speaker 2 (59:22):
Yes?

Speaker 1 (59:22):
I do remember that she emailed us. No, she did
read it. Let's go okay, are we gonna clue this?

Speaker 2 (59:28):
Yeah? Fuck it? When fudget freaking a Okay, hang on,
I made it this entire podcast without the F bomb
until just now. Okay, at least I don't think I
did it.

Speaker 3 (59:38):
So are we gonna pick it up here?

Speaker 2 (59:42):
I'm gonna include all that little back and forth just now?
Absolutely okay, So do you want to elaborate on that TikTok?

Speaker 1 (59:49):
So I don't remember the TikTok specifically, but you were
a little offended that they asked this question.

Speaker 2 (59:53):
I was offended because it's a gotcha. Everybody's a gotcha
to me.

Speaker 3 (59:57):
It's not though, Oh it's not a gotcha.

Speaker 2 (01:00:00):
Okay, run it.

Speaker 1 (01:00:01):
So she said, dear Chris, and Chris, I just wanted
to offer an apology if there was an insult or
rudeness in my question. How does it work when she's injured,
like stuck in the bed with a broken leg? Thank
you for your reply back. I was curious, as I
know similar couples who practice traditional values, as each relationship
is different, I had a genuine curiosity. I know one
couple who hires a maid. I know another who has

(01:00:23):
a relative come to help. I know one man who
told his wife those were her duties and she needed
to find a way to make sure they were complete. Wow,
my husband and I have been together for twenty years.
My parents were in a May December relationship. So she
says there was a twenty five year age difference between them.

Speaker 2 (01:00:41):
Oh, well, there you go.

Speaker 1 (01:00:43):
Married for thirty seven years before his passing. At the
time of his death, my father was eighty six my
My mother was sixty one, so vast differences in what
traditional meant. My father was a welder, my mother was
a heavy duty.

Speaker 2 (01:00:55):
McKenna, heavy dude, mechanic.

Speaker 3 (01:00:58):
McCant, it says, mechanist, machinist, machinist.

Speaker 2 (01:01:03):
I'm just guessing. I can't. I don't have the email
pulled up this machinist. Oh, well, there you go, I.

Speaker 1 (01:01:11):
Said, mechanis. My husband and I do not have a
traditional role marriage. We share all the duties of everything
in our lives. We raise five wonderful beings who are
now adults. But in raising them, it was not uncommon
for Dad to cook or bake with the boys while

(01:01:33):
I had our daughters outside working on our cars. We
raise our children to understand both roles as a way
to help their partner when the other one needed the
extra support.

Speaker 2 (01:01:41):
Good, it's smart, yep.

Speaker 1 (01:01:43):
Our boys can bake one hell of a cheesecake cheesecake,
and our girls can change out breaks and rotors like
nobody's business.

Speaker 2 (01:01:51):
That's good too.

Speaker 3 (01:01:52):
I wish I could do that.

Speaker 1 (01:01:53):
Well, I can say I never touched door, he tells
the white staff. My order makes me walk on the
inside of the sidewalk. And huffs at me if I
don't let him. We raise our boys to do the
same and give that respect for their partners, and our
girls accept nothing less in respect.

Speaker 2 (01:02:09):
I love that me too.

Speaker 1 (01:02:12):
When I was recovering from surgery, I was not allowed
to leave the bed. He carried me everywhere, and I
mean everywhere. Got some interesting looks from the neighbors at
him hauling me around. To give context, I am six
four and he is five ten. What good for him?
He's out here literally walking around a goddess. I bet
he felt like the big dig on the block. My

(01:02:35):
husband and I are complete opposites. My weakness and his
strength and vice versa. Oh, my weakness is his strength
and vice versa. We work well off and with each other.
We work well off and with each other like when
they're individual. Okay, he's my best friend. I hate to
cook was used as a form of punishment when I
was younger. My husband loves to cook. So our deal

(01:02:57):
is he cooks an eye clean.

Speaker 2 (01:02:59):
Sounds like team it does.

Speaker 1 (01:03:01):
I think that your openness and your relationship is refreshing.
It helps others see things that could be a benefit
in their own lives. I really enjoy your content, and
I follow both of you. I have shown my husband
several of your videos. He commented, not too long ago. Oh,
I just the whole email's gone, he commented, not too
long ago. On a household chore. He laughed and said

(01:03:23):
he knew the real reason why I would not never
let him do laundry. Men can't fold towels the right way.

Speaker 2 (01:03:28):
Come but wait a minute, because our mothers teach us
how to fold towels, so you're talking about my mama.

Speaker 1 (01:03:43):
Let's see, men can't fold towels the right way. Men
do not know sheet witchcraft, shoulding folding fish that.

Speaker 2 (01:03:50):
Get bald up and thrown in the back of the closet.
I'm not folding that same Yeah, it doesn't matter if
it's wrinkled, because it can get stretched over the bed.

Speaker 1 (01:03:57):
Right, you're gonna lay on it, yep. And they don't
care if their white underwear and socks are pink. Just
throw it all in, yeah, because nobody'snna see them at you.
But I wear black socks, so that'll never happen. I
just felt like something was missing from the origin of
where my question came from. Again, no insult behind it,
just a genuine curiosity about how you two make it
all work. I just started listening to your podcast and

(01:04:19):
have several of my coworkers hooked.

Speaker 2 (01:04:21):
Yeah, it's gonna be a dooozy when you hear this
one ran.

Speaker 1 (01:04:24):
You guys are amazing and I'm sorry if my question
came across as cross are rude.

Speaker 2 (01:04:28):
So your email, your your question on the TikTok. I
remember the question didn't read as anything other than the
way it read. I took it that way because we
get so many emails like, well, what are you gonna
do if she does this? I'm gonna help. Yeah, because
I'm not a piece of shit and like it. It's
a me thing. I get angry at those emails, and

(01:04:50):
that's something that you and I have talked a lot
about over the last two or three days. I'm I'm
i am getting past the shitty comments. It's taken a lot.
I'm letting go of a lot of things and give
and a lot of it to God. I'm like, I'm
just not going to deal with this. If you want
me to keep doing this, I'm gonna keep doing it.
I know the attacks are going to come. That is
what it is, and it's why this is so light
now these none of our podcasts before today will sound

(01:05:12):
like this one has, because we are a lot more
lighthearted and we're not angry. We're not absorbing this. We're
just having the conversations that we're supposed to be having.

Speaker 1 (01:05:22):
I want to say that I love that you responded
so rudely to her question and she still enjoys our content.

Speaker 2 (01:05:27):
I do too. It means she's the better person than
I am. Because I didn't like, screw these guys. I
was serious, just asking a question. Actually, i'd have been
in the comments. I like, damn. I just needed to
know my husband carries me around and he's like five
inches shorter than me. I just needed to know if
I was doing the right thing. I don't know. I
had totally felt bad over there. I know that traditional

(01:05:50):
values to everyone means that a man doesn't do dishes
and a man doesn't doesn't do laundry. I don't. I don't.
I don't agree with that. I do believe blue jobs
and pink jobs. Most of the time.

Speaker 3 (01:06:04):
It's also about teamwork.

Speaker 2 (01:06:05):
But it's about teamwork. The more time that you are cleaning, cooking,
doing laundry, homework, getting the kids in the bath. It's
less time that you and I get to spend together.
So let's say you get home at six thirty after
you pick the kids up, and and little man's got
homework right, and you gotta the young the young lady

(01:06:28):
in our life I'm trying really hard to say their name.
The young lady in our lives has to have a
bath while little man does his homework, and the dishwasher
still needs to be read ran and food needs to
be figured out. I'm gonna help a little man with
the homework while you give the bath, because I don't
do baths. That's that's that's mom's apartment. Homeworks can get done.

(01:06:49):
You're gonna to be clear, if they were my kids,
I would have no problem giving them a bath, But
because i'm stepped out, I'm not. I'm not doing that right. Okay,
So I'm doing homework, you're doing the bath. I'm gonna
show man how to throw a dishwasher pot in the
dishwasher because that would be fun for him. Hit the
button on the dishwasher. Now that's three of the four
things taken care of. While he's looking at his paper

(01:07:09):
for homework on a hit door dash because now while
you're giving the bath, the food is being picked up.
We just covered four instances that would have taken you
all night to do by yourself, and I get three
hours with you where we get to lay around, watch TV, cuddle,
talk shit to each other, make fart jokes, eat cheese
out of a bowl with a spoon, l likekets cereal.

Speaker 3 (01:07:29):
Are you saying you like me?

Speaker 2 (01:07:30):
I love you. I think that the way that we
operate is the most impressive thing that I've ever had
because a lot of the times it happens in silence.
Every once in a while, you're like, babe, I really
don't want to cook then, and I'm like cool. When
we getting into a buffalo lodd wings, I love my
little chicken nuggets, you know what I mean. Like, I'm
a forty year old who eats chicken nuggets because my

(01:07:50):
wings are bumbless. I'm okay with it, damn chicken nugget. Yeah,
their flavored chicken nuggets, and I don't have to get
nothing on my hands. I can just fork them.

Speaker 3 (01:07:58):
Yeah. I love that.

Speaker 2 (01:08:00):
But that's the goal. So when I see questions like that,
it comes from a place of the frustration, comes from
a place of knowing that there are men out there
who refuse to do the jobs simply because they don't
want to do them. I hate doing dishes. I would
rather you punch me in the face than have to
do the dishes. But I have a dishwasher and it's
brand new, it's two years old, and it works. So

(01:08:20):
in the event that I got to quickly rinse things
off in really hot water and throw them in the
dishwasher with a dishwasher pot or two whatever, I don't care,
I'll do it. If I had to stand there at
hand wash them the entire time, I would complain the
entire time. But I don't have a problem doing dishes.
And I really enjoy helping little man with his homework
because I'm able to relate to him and his homework
goes faster that way, and I'm teaching him cognitive memory.

(01:08:41):
So because for example, he's learning his letters right now,
and one of the things that he has to do
is he has a front and back paper and it's
based off the letter. So if he has L, there's
lemons and limes, and there's all these things on the
paper that starts with L, and he has to color
them on the back page, there's a lot of the
same things. There's a ladder all locket. So I'm like,

(01:09:02):
all right, bro, which ones do you remember from the
other page. He's like this one, this one, this was
like goes off stut with l yep, and he just
colors them real quick and then we have to figure
out the rest of them. But I'm teaching him that
pattern recognition, so he now knows these things because it's
how he's going to learn, and it makes me feel
like I'm raising a young man. I'm doing a good thing.

Speaker 3 (01:09:18):
So he also does this thing.

Speaker 1 (01:09:20):
So he's in speech therapy and he's really big on
like for g he'll like touch the stro and good, yeah.

Speaker 3 (01:09:27):
He'll do that.

Speaker 1 (01:09:28):
So you you noticed that because he's learning that. In
the speech therapy, we were working on the letter H
and you were holding his hand in front of your
mouth and going yeah, so you could feel yeah. And
then he started doing it. So every time he found
something that started with H, you'd be like, okay, do
it that telling me I'm right yeah. So like you
were able to connect with him in a way that

(01:09:49):
he understands. So he's actually retaining information and he.

Speaker 2 (01:09:52):
Does that now. Yeah, it's exciting and it's good to
see that he's able to do these things. So when
I get emails like that, I get comments like that,
it does come from a place of frustration because I
know that there are men out there who are not
holding up their end of things, right, and oh, I
don't mean good.

Speaker 1 (01:10:07):
And with those men not holding up their end of things,
you get a lot of the brunt of the negativity
that should be going to those men, and get a
lot because people like to group all men together. Well,
I know a man who's the piece of shit. All
of them men in the world are like that.

Speaker 2 (01:10:20):
You know.

Speaker 1 (01:10:20):
It really hurts my heart to see because I know
how good of a man you are and how you
go above and beyond and you do all of these
great things in the shadows and never expect anyone to
say thank you.

Speaker 2 (01:10:30):
Right. Well, I don't want the gratitude, right, I just
want life to be happy. I want people to enjoy themselves.

Speaker 1 (01:10:34):
You're a good man, and knowing that you're getting the
brunt of the anger for the men who actually deserve that,
just it sucks to see, right.

Speaker 2 (01:10:42):
And you got to keep in mind too, that people
have had shitty relationships, right, And every one of those
shitty relationships, they're only blaming the other person. Instead of
being like, well, you know, I did X y Z
and then they did X y Z and we were
both at fault. They're just like, well, screw them and
they did this and blah blah blahah and know there's
no accountability there. And that's also a problem for me.
So when I hear that, that frustrates me. But I'm
learning to let a lot of that go because it's

(01:11:03):
not my job to hold that. I don't have to
hold the weight to the world. Somebody's done that for
us already. I get to just relax, right, And that's
what I'm doing. I'm giving it up and I'm just
doing my thing now. And I hope that I'm changing
lives and I hope that people can see this and
realize that you can have a traditional relationship. JJ does
dishes and on holidays, you know, Brandon, my brother, will

(01:11:24):
do dishes as well. So in the event that sorry
for that cut, guys, I said something I shouldn't have
said because we have an agreement not to disclose certain
things about our lives, and I slipped, So that weird
cut is going to be in That is one hundred
percent my fault, and she caught it. So good on you, babe,
So sorry I did that. But on holidays when Danielle
and Amy cook, Brandon and JJ do dishes, And the

(01:11:47):
one time that I was there for a holiday for
you know, a meal, Brandon was like, Mom, Chris isn't
doing dishes. I'm like, I'm a guest, I ain't doing dishes.
And I totally weaseled my way out of having relations
because I'm not. I don't want to do that. I
would have taken the trash out, I.

Speaker 3 (01:12:01):
To wash your car, done their laundry.

Speaker 2 (01:12:03):
Yeah, you want to talk about us being on a
weird wavelength? Have we talked about the car thing on
the podcast yet?

Speaker 3 (01:12:10):
I don't think so.

Speaker 2 (01:12:13):
I don't about it. I do, I don't. So you
and I have this This for everybody that's listening right now.
The rest of this podcast is going to be completely
irrelevant to emails. Yes, we're about to have some conversations
that are in my little handy dandy positivity notebook over here.
I have to name my notebook. He's going to get
a name. I don't know what it'll be yet, Frank Okay, well,
Frank has got some some pertinent information that I want

(01:12:34):
to give out. But you and I get on the
same wavelength a lot, and it's freaky, Like I will
send you a text message you were like, I was
just typing that, yeah, Or we'll be driving and you'll
say something that I like, get out of my head.
It happens constantly.

Speaker 3 (01:12:50):
Just happened on the couch.

Speaker 2 (01:12:51):
It did happen today. It happens a lot. So oh,
I don't I'm going to say this, and she's going
to hear this.

Speaker 3 (01:13:00):
Do you want to skip it?

Speaker 2 (01:13:01):
No, because I haven't made the decision yet, and I'm
gonna get a lecture anyways. I'm gonna do it anyways
because it's I've already started it, so now I can't
just cut it out.

Speaker 3 (01:13:09):
Okay.

Speaker 2 (01:13:12):
We were there one day and I asked her about
the car situation because they have one pickup truck. JJ
has a vehicle this in the shed that's not working,
and I wanted to know why and how they navigate
their day. If he's at work and my mom needs
to go to a doctor's appointment or whatever, how does
that work if she needs to go out of town
for something? He has to go to work? How do
they do it with one car? And so I was
just generally asking questions. And we got in the car

(01:13:33):
and the moment the door shut, you looked at me
and was like, you're gonna buy your mama car? And
she es, what how did you do that? What are
you doing? And I was like, did I did that?
Was that obvious? I was like, how do you even
get to that point? Because I didn't say anything about
wanting to buy her a car? And you were just
on it. I just knew you were so on it. Yeah,

(01:13:54):
it's wild to me how in tune we are with things? Yeah,
like crazy. I don't even remember why I brought that
up at this point. I don't either, Probably because I said,
wash the car if that's what she wanted. Maybe, yeah,
I'm she's gonna hear this. Some one get a text message,
do not buy me a car? Well, I haven't yet,
so also can't tell me what to do. I am

(01:14:16):
an adult. I am an adult with my own adult money.

Speaker 3 (01:14:19):
That is correct.

Speaker 2 (01:14:21):
Man. All right, let's get into the frank over here.
Let's open up. Frank.

Speaker 3 (01:14:28):
Are you hungry?

Speaker 2 (01:14:29):
I'm always hungry? But yeah, I actually ate right before
we sat down.

Speaker 3 (01:14:32):
I'm getting packish.

Speaker 2 (01:14:33):
Yeah, what are you gonna a door to ask something?

Speaker 3 (01:14:35):
Maybe?

Speaker 2 (01:14:36):
So I have two things that I want to talk about.
I'm so glad I was talking. And I have to
remember that I was talking and cutting that because I
just watched you swipe your phone across your tit there
was dust. I made a TikTok while we were at
the beach that said, uh, when was the last time
that you went on and a date? Yeah, a spontaneous,

(01:14:58):
spontaneous date and had a moment with your partner. And
I got a lot of positive feedback on TikTok because
we were smiling and having a good time. We were
on the other coast, like we just got a hotel
for a night. And because I have a Marriott bomb
Boy card like credit card, I get free points every
time I do stuff, and we get a lot of
free night coupons we do. So when I get the

(01:15:20):
email that there's a free night coupon, we're going to
go somewhere in Florida and use that coupon. I'm not
going to let that expire. I'm using that coupon because
it's free. All it's going to cost me is gas.
Let's go. Like that's a super cheap adventure. And we
were over there and like, we ended up hitting up
a Barnes and Noble, which we don't even have one
of those in our town. We have books a million
and it's a rundown shithole, yea. So we hit up

(01:15:41):
at Barnes and Noble and walked around and bought a
couple of books and some magazines and you got Bible
tabs for your Bible, and you know, you looked at
cases and we had a good time. It was a
good trip. Had some KFC chicken pot pie, which is
not as good as your pop pie, but it was
real crust, which was nice for me because carbs.

Speaker 1 (01:15:58):
So also the first time in a while because they
we don't have a Chick fil A and not Chick
fil A AKFC near us. The closest one is like thirty
minutes away.

Speaker 2 (01:16:04):
We have one that's a Taco Bell KFC combined and
I'm not eating that.

Speaker 1 (01:16:06):
They removed it. It's just a TC rebility.

Speaker 2 (01:16:09):
Well it's probably because other people are like, I'm not
eating that. Damn. I didn't realize that was the thing.
We have a Popeyes, Yeah.

Speaker 1 (01:16:17):
But Popeyes, I had it the first day that they opened,
because I never had Popeyes. After that first day, it's
been shit. You can tell it was run by a
bunch of teenagers.

Speaker 2 (01:16:25):
Yeah, most fast food places are. So Anyways, I want
to talk about date nights and I want to get
in depth a little bit because I know that there
are people that don't watch the YouTube videos and there's
a lot of this content on YouTube, but for people
who only listen to our podcast, I feel like this
is good to do. We've talked at length about people
who have a stay at home person, whether it be

(01:16:46):
the man or the woman, getting burnt out because they're
no longer doing things that bring them enjoyment. Everybody gets
into the roommate phase at some point in a relationship,
and there's an importance in making sure that you continue
the spontaneous dates, that you continued to do things that
make you want to dress up and to get back
to that dating phase. And I wrote down here date

(01:17:07):
nights slash date your wife, because once you land that
woman and you are now married, and you're both working
and grinding, and you're getting older and you're not you know,
as energetic, and you find yourself tired at five o'clock
in the afternoon, you just want to go home and
eat and go to bed. Because a lot of hard
working people feel that way on both sides of the fence.
Do you remember what it felt like to date, to

(01:17:29):
go out and like have dinner and have conversations and
hold each other's hands and sit in the same side
of the booth and pay for their meal and like,
you know, open the door for him and smack their
butt when they walk by, or give them the compliments,
and like that is the lusting phase. That's when men
are willing to chase what they lust for because you know,
they say men will chase what they lust, not what

(01:17:50):
they love, because chasing what you love hurt you. So
when men are trying to land a woman, they'll chase
that lust. But that lust is the most exciting part
of the honeymoon phase. It's the want to be around
that person and the want to experience life with them.
When we get to that point where we are run
down all the time, that goes away. And I've said

(01:18:11):
over and over and over again in these podcasts, when
you have no energy for anything, it certainly means you
have no energy for intimacy. So when you're overworked, you're underplayed.
You don't want to do shit. You just want to
get the kids in bed and go to sleep. You're
touched out because kids are a mess. All of these
things that happen men for the case, if you work outside,
you're drained. By the time you get home, you're dehydrated.

(01:18:31):
You just want a hot meal and to get your
boots off. It's hard. But if you know you're not
working Saturday and Sunday, you need to pull that time,
even if it's two hours. I'm gonna take two hours
and like thirty minutes before you leave, be like, hey,
I gotta sit or I need you to go get
ready and be like what, Yeah, go get ready. Where
are we going? Just go get ready and then get
in the car and just drive somewhere, even if it's

(01:18:52):
even if it's to a pizza place, it doesn't matter.
It's the excitement of you guys are about to go
on a date. There's no kids. You get to have
intimacy with your partner. This is the last time you
had a spontaneous date with your partner. I want it
in the comments. I want dialogue. I want you guys
to tell me what it was. Tell me what the
dates were, tell me how you felt, tell me what
you wore, tell me what you had at dinner, what
they drank. I want all of the details. I want

(01:19:13):
you to relive that moment over and over and over again.
If that was the last time, and if it's been
more than a week, and if it's been more than
a week, it's your turn to spontaneously take your partner
on a date. I don't care if you're a woman
making a date for a man. Go.

Speaker 1 (01:19:24):
You're trying to tell me something. No, let us say
it's been a week. Well you did the last one.

Speaker 2 (01:19:29):
It hasn't been a week. We got we got back Monday.

Speaker 3 (01:19:33):
Right, we're coming up on a week.

Speaker 2 (01:19:34):
It's Thursday, babe, I know that.

Speaker 1 (01:19:36):
Give me like three days of plans.

Speaker 2 (01:19:39):
It's it's been three days. Breathe. I want to go
to the Keys.

Speaker 3 (01:19:46):
I'll drive you to the Keys.

Speaker 2 (01:19:47):
I no, you won't.

Speaker 3 (01:19:47):
Let's leave Saturday night.

Speaker 2 (01:19:48):
We can. We can go to the keys. That's fine
this weekend. Yeah, we'll do it. I don't care. I've
never been to the keys. It. I want to go
take pictures so it's very colorful. We can make that work.
That wasn't the point though.

Speaker 1 (01:20:00):
Right, I know, I was joking, I know, but it's
just led into something and I'm super excited about.

Speaker 2 (01:20:04):
I want people to feel what you're feeling right now, right,
that's what I want. I want you to be married
for twenty years and to be like infatuated with your
partner again.

Speaker 1 (01:20:13):
I want people who've been married for five years to
feel this way.

Speaker 2 (01:20:16):
Yeah, Like.

Speaker 1 (01:20:19):
I feel like after that three year mark, that's when
things kind of start to, yeah, I think fall off.
That's what I've noticed with the people in my life.

Speaker 2 (01:20:25):
I've seen it happen as quick as a year. If
people start dating to move in right away and they
don't know each other and they have those quirks, and
if they have kids, it falls off. Like there's a
whole lot of things that can happen, right, But for
people who have served the life sentence in marriage twenty years,
it is a life sentence, right, you could kill somebody
and do less time at that point, you know. Not

(01:20:47):
advocating that disclaimer, but I do want I want people
to enjoy that and have that passion and that intimacy
and that enjoyment because I genuinely enjoy you. I have.
We're way past the honeymoon phase and I'm not Oh yeah,
it's still going for me. There are days where I'm

(01:21:08):
run down and I have to force that initial engagement.
But once it happens, I'm like, oh, this is why
I feel like this, I remember, this is why I
do these things. Yeah, And even if it's even if
it's a bad borderline day where I'm having a day
and I'm having one, if I message you this morning
like I'm falling apart today, you got home and I
made it a point to lay on top of you
and kiss you on the couch while we watched TV. Yeah,

(01:21:31):
I didn't have to do that. I could have stayed
on my side of the couch and dwelt on my bullshit.
But that little bit of intimacy you sitting into my
lap or me laying on top of you.

Speaker 1 (01:21:40):
Yeah, I did make it a point when I got
home to sit on your lap.

Speaker 2 (01:21:42):
Right. It just you're throwing logs and pine needles and
pine cones and all the things that are going to
make that fire really start to go again. And it
doesn't take much. And I know that people get burnt
out and stressed out. I get it, especially when it
comes to finances. Believe me, I get it. That little
bit hour two hours once a week where you're with

(01:22:05):
your partner and you're making them a priority. The kids
don't matter right now. The house doesn't matter right now,
the car payments, the businesses, the shitty employees that you
work with, all your co workers, the dumb arguments that
you had during throughout the week, cell phones, none of
that matters because you have two hours with the person
that you love the most in this world that you
can be completely engaged with, right Like, I don't know.

Speaker 3 (01:22:26):
Do you want to know something? I think about a lot.

Speaker 2 (01:22:27):
Yes, because I've been rambling over here.

Speaker 1 (01:22:31):
When we agreed that we were dating and we were committed.
The first night that you came over to my apartment,
we just sat on the couch and watched TV. You
held my feet, like that's all we did. We got
a I gave you a kiss, I hugged you, you
walked out. I had that full fucking eighties moment, like
my back against the wall, swooning, sliding to the floor.

Speaker 2 (01:22:53):
Did you actually do that?

Speaker 1 (01:22:54):
Oh my god? Like that man just kissed me. Yeah, yeah,
I'm getting goosedy.

Speaker 2 (01:22:59):
That's so funny because I can I can see your
apartment and I can see you sliding down the wall.

Speaker 1 (01:23:03):
It happened.

Speaker 2 (01:23:04):
But how is it that we were actually seeing each
other at that point and I hadn't tried to sleep
with you yet? Right?

Speaker 1 (01:23:09):
Oh that was absolutely insane. That was wild for me,
Like there was flirting. Yeah, of course we would say
things to each other. It took a few hangouts before
you actually made a move. I was blown away. It
was crazy for me. But I bring up that memory
of me being like, oh my god, like he just
kissed me, like this is happening, Like this is my

(01:23:29):
real life. I still get moments like that and yeah, yeah,
like when you walk out of the bathroom after brushing
your teeth before we lay down, Like I'll watch you
in the mirror and be like, oh my god, it's him.
He was leaving my apartment and now he's heading to
our bed. That's a cool.

Speaker 3 (01:23:45):
Fuck.

Speaker 2 (01:23:45):
Oh sorry, well you hit the F bomb down too.
Jeff started working on your silly goose yep. I got
a photo of it this morning. I got top hat, moncle,
curly mustache, cane, the whole line.

Speaker 3 (01:23:58):
Can he had like a little goateee.

Speaker 2 (01:23:59):
I want to go to I told him to just
do the French mustache thing.

Speaker 3 (01:24:02):
Can we out go to you?

Speaker 2 (01:24:03):
Maybe we'll see what he's done with He's working right now.
So I'm gonna get a new Gatorade because I'm out
of fluid and I'm thirsty.

Speaker 1 (01:24:10):
Actually, I'm just gonna surprise you for lunch.

Speaker 2 (01:24:16):
I love that you trust me. It's not like I'm
hard to Oh, it's also I know what you like. Yeah,
that's what I'm saying. I eat the same four things
over and over and over again. AJ wanted me to
make some content about the divorced situation, okay, and I
I'm going to appease him because I understand why he

(01:24:38):
wants us to make the content, but I think that
it's going to benefit people. We have had a lot
of tiktoks where we've explained this. So for the people
that follow us on TikTok, I know that you've heard
this conversation, So bear with me. If you don't follow
us on TikTok and you're new to the podcast, it's
may be value to you. And if not, then listen
anyways because it continues to drive us in the algorithm.

(01:25:00):
Do you want to elaborate on that, or would you
like me to just jump into.

Speaker 3 (01:25:04):
That so I can elaborate on it. We don't.

Speaker 1 (01:25:08):
We had one discussion of what would happen if we
ever got divorced, and that was in regard to the prenup,
and the prenup benefits both of us, which I want
to clarify because I want people in my comments, oh
my god, you just signed a prene up and nothing. No, no,
it benefits both of us. That was the only time
we've discussed a divorce. This is actually the first time
we're saying that word since that conversation.

Speaker 2 (01:25:29):
It is well, unless we're talking specifically about other people, yeah, right,
this is.

Speaker 1 (01:25:36):
The first time we're referring it to like, in this
context about us. I agree, we don't have that conversation.
Even in arguments. It's not well if you don't like it,
there's the door we are in this We we are
not going to plant the seeds of one day. I'm
going to mess up and that's going to be the
final straw. They're going to walk away.

Speaker 2 (01:25:54):
You've actually had it, and it was our first real argument.
You actually said you said it twice the first time.
I let it ride because you were crying, and I
don't do the crying thing. Second time, you were not crying,
and you were still emotional, but you weren't sobbing, and
you were like, why do you even want to be
with me? And I'm like, don't you ever say that
to me again? And I was mean about it, like
I was very matter of fact, if you don't you

(01:26:16):
ever talk to me like that again, because I don't
want that. I don't want that to be on the table.
I don't want to be weaponized. I don't want it
to be a seed that's planted, that's growing in our brain,
the idea because we've both been divorced, we've both failed.
I don't want to do that again. I don't want
and I'm guilty of this. I'm not saying anything that

(01:26:37):
I haven't done before. I've done all of this. I
believe that I traumatize my ex wife with divorce jokes.
And I know because I would see a sign on
the side of the road and be like, divorce three
p fifty because they're everywhere down here cheap divorce prices,
and I'd pointed out and be like, only three hundred
and fifty bucks, that's a deal, we should do that

(01:26:58):
like trying to be funny. It really wasn't funny. And
she told me later on, like stop making divorce jokes
or hurt my feelings. I never it never even dawned
on me that that was a thing for her until
she said something. And you know, I'm also notorious for
being mister. I can do this on my own. I
don't need anyone. And if you don't want to be
in my life, the door is right there. Do you

(01:27:18):
want me to open it for you because I'm a gentleman,
and I'll close it behind you when you walk out.
Just know that you're not coming back in that door.
And I've said like that to ex's, I've said it
to friends, and you know, like all hindsight, it's crystal clear.
I see how much damage those things have done. So
when we started courting, I made it very clear that

(01:27:40):
it's not something we're going to do. And I told
you ahead of time like we were going to have
to discuss the potentiality of a divorce because of a prenup.
And when we do that, we need to know you
were entitled to get this. Everything else is mine because
it was mine when you came into the picture. They
were my businesses. You didn't help build them. For everybody
that doesn't know, the life that you are having right

(01:28:01):
now is because of the work that I've previously done
and I'm still doing and now you're helping me with.
In the event that we open other businesses like this,
if this actually becomes a big thing and we ever
got divorced, we would have to figure out who gets
the podcast if we wanted to do that, or continue
doing it, or shut it down. If this actually becomes
like a legitimate business, in the event that we kept it, it

(01:28:21):
would be a fifty to fifty business. Everything that I
owned coming in is mind. Everything that we build together
is ours. And then we would figure that out. And
there's things in there that guarantee you that you are
never going to be out on your ass because you're
a stay at home wife. You know, you have a
contention plan for months while you get back on your feet.
Although we are going to continue to do your apprenticeships

(01:28:41):
that you can actually have a trade because trade jobs
pay better than regular jobs. I believe that that divorce
and having that on the table is a weaponized scenario.
It is because then you can use it as a
tool manipulation. You don't like the way something's going a
man or woman, you could like, if you don't like it,
we can get divorced. And then if the other person

(01:29:04):
is madly in love and infatuated still then be like,
oh wait, wait, wait, wait, I don't want to do that.
Now you have control because you are threatening divorce and
the other person doesn't want that, and it's forcing them
to change.

Speaker 3 (01:29:14):
Yeah, it's forcing them to submit to you.

Speaker 2 (01:29:16):
Right, And that's not submission the way that I see it.
That's not a good submission. That's slavery. And that's the
difference between what we have in our traditional values and
the decision to submit. Almost stuttered that one out. Yeah,
because submitting because you're in love and you want to
is a very different thing than a forced submission. So
because it's not on the table, it cannot be weaponized.

(01:29:39):
There's not going to be a scenario where either one
of us are ever going to throw that into each
other's face. And the event that that gets brought up,
it's because we're initiating documents. That's not a thing. I
don't want that. I don't want to have a conversation
of I don't even want you sleeping on the couch.
If you're mad at me, you're gonna have to get
over that. Like my big ass hand is going to
rest on your hip and you ain't going nowhere. I

(01:29:59):
understand it. You have like a cough thing gona.

Speaker 1 (01:30:02):
So I have asthma, and when I get into coughing fits,
they become intense. So at night that's when they mainly happen.
Like if I'm sick and I start coughing, it turns
into a coughing fit almost every time. I Am not
going to lay in bed and keep you awake with
my coughing fits. So I go and I sleep on
the couch.

Speaker 2 (01:30:17):
And it bothers the shit out of me every time.
I respect it, and I love that you let me sleep,
because I barely sleep as it is, And when I
do sleep, I'm very rarely in rim sleep. I don't
dream very much. I don't ever get into that deep
of a sleep. I'm such a light sleeper that the
moment I snore, I can wake myself up almost every time.
And if I don't wake myself up, you know I'm out.
Like good dreams how happen or horrible ones either way

(01:30:39):
I'm sleeping, it doesn't matter. But I know when you
get up and go out of the room because I
can hear your feet on the wooden floor and the
door shut, and every time I'm like, Okay, I gotta
get up, go out there. But I know that you're
going out there because you can't breathe, and you're coffee
and you're trying not to keep me awake, and we're
trying to be respectful of each other. But I don't
like it when you're not in the room with me,
you know what I mean. I don't normally sleep in
much once you get up with the kids, when the

(01:31:00):
kids are here, And like, I'm getting to the point
now where I don't want to get out of bed
when I get up in the middle of the night
because I will start my day at two am. Sometimes
I don't give a shit if I go to bed
at ten and I wake up at two and I
can't go back to sleep. I'm up in my entire life.
I've just gotten out of bed and I've started my day.
I've played on the computer, I've played on my phone,
watched TV, journal whatever, went to the gym. In some
cases at three o'clock in the morning. But I know

(01:31:23):
that if I get out of bed, you're gonna come
out of bed, and you're gonna put on your eye shades,
and you're gonna lay on the couch with the feet
across me, and you're gonna sleep on the couch while
I'm doing what I'm doing, and the event that I
gotta get up, I'm in a weeke up and the
event that I come back and sit back down and
wake up. So I've gotten to the point where I'll
just lay in bed and play on my phone because
I know that you'll stay abed and sleep. And that's
what happened this morning between two and four o'clock because
I don't want you not in the room with me,
so like that's not even a thing for me. When

(01:31:44):
we get into heated discussions or arguments, I'm not letting
you go to sleep until we resolve whatever's going on.
You can still be frustrated with me, but I need
to know that we've resolved this because in the event
that we go to bed and you still are frustrated
and I die of a heart attack because I'm an
old man in my seventies. Somebody actually said that yes,
say that. Twads like yeah, well, as the other one

(01:32:09):
was going to start with a sea and I don't
want to get a flag. So that's exactly where my
mind went, same meaning just much more polite. Yeah, because
you know, it's all about your manners.

Speaker 3 (01:32:21):
We're gentlemen here.

Speaker 1 (01:32:24):
Uh.

Speaker 2 (01:32:26):
I hate people. I don't want our last conversation to
ever be one of hostility. I don't want one of
us to have to live on without the other one
knowing that we were a piece of ship to each
other because we couldn't control our emotions. So, you know,
we've never actually had a fight at night time. All
of our three arguments have all started between breakfast and lunch.

(01:32:47):
It's like, we know that we're going to want to
sleep that night, so we picked those fights early in
the morning so that we can get them over with.
It's tactical fighting. So that was what AJ wanted to hear.
He wanted to know why we don't use divorce and
why we don't talk about that and why that's not
an option. I also want to add that with my

(01:33:08):
borderline and my abandonment issues in the way that my
brain works, that is one of the hardest things that
I've ever had to overcome because in my brain, the
moment you were unhappy with me, you're leaving and there's
nothing that I can do logically to stop that. The
abandonment thing is such a prevalent thing with people with borderline,
and because of my past, it's expected.

Speaker 3 (01:33:32):
That's why I make it a point.

Speaker 2 (01:33:33):
Childhood past, like twenty five, and younger past. Obviously, as
I've gotten older, I've been able to deal with things
a lot differently, and people have been around longer, and
I have lifelong friends now and shit like that, and
I think that comes down with me being able to
handle my borderline differently. But that's a thing. So in
the event that we get angry, or you get angry
at me, or you're off or your processing which sometimes

(01:33:54):
looks like the silent treatment and feels like the silent treatment,
although you will still talk to me, it only happens
when I'm engaging you in conversation and it's calm. But
because I'm the one that has to constantly engage the conversation,
I feel like it's not wanted. It's no different than
when somebody has to constantly engage sex. They feel like
they're not wanted. And that's a whole other conversation that
I would like to have too, the engaging intimacy thing.

(01:34:17):
We should probably do that today.

Speaker 1 (01:34:19):
So while you're doing that, I want to. Can I
touch on the tattoo thing?

Speaker 2 (01:34:24):
You can touch whatever you want, hot pocket.

Speaker 1 (01:34:29):
So I got your name tattooed on me. It's on
my stomach. Worst tattoo I've ever gotten, super painful, pawise, Okay,
I sobbed.

Speaker 2 (01:34:38):
I was like, don't tell me you regretted.

Speaker 1 (01:34:42):
Growing up, That's something I asked for. I'd never do.
I would never get a man's name on me. Was
that it was gonna be my kids, and that's it. Yeah,
And then you came into my life and just.

Speaker 2 (01:34:55):
Freaking earthquake ripped everything up, uprooted everything, set it back
down in a new place and be like you over here.

Speaker 1 (01:35:00):
Now, and you're gonna grow healthy too, healthy, healthily.

Speaker 2 (01:35:06):
Healthfully, healthily, You're gonna live mo betta.

Speaker 1 (01:35:11):
So and I got your name tattooed on me because
I firmly believe, like I never thought I'd spend the
rest of my life with one person. I thought either
I was gonna have a string of bad relationships or
i'd end up alone and miserable. You coming into my
life the way you did and the way that things
are evolving, and how we're on the same path but
we're on it individually, but we're growing together. I just

(01:35:32):
know like you're gonna be the rest of my life.
And I got your name tattooed on me. I came
home that day with my fresh tattoo and you hit
me with it's really gonna suck if you ever have
to get that covered up.

Speaker 2 (01:35:45):
I was trying so hard to be funny in that moment,
and you were like, what the fuck did you just
say to me? And I'm like, oh, that was my
second F bomb too. That one was intentional though because
of the context.

Speaker 1 (01:35:54):
But that you saying that was a kin to meet
you telling me we're.

Speaker 3 (01:35:57):
Gonna get divorced.

Speaker 2 (01:35:58):
Yeah, I know you told me. That made me feel
like UT are trash because I was just trying to
be funny in the moment, right because you had such
a hard time with the tattoo.

Speaker 1 (01:36:05):
And in that moment, I don't think you realized how
impactful that was. Like how I don't think in the
past you realized how impactful it was to say, oh,
three hundred dollars for a divorce, right, So me telling
you that that hurt my feelings, that was me trying
to be like, hey, it's kind of the same thing,
and you apologize.

Speaker 2 (01:36:23):
I feel horrible.

Speaker 1 (01:36:24):
I don't think I even had to tell you that
it bothered me because I was doing something. I was
taking a bath or I love to go do something whatever.
You text me and said, shouldn't have said that.

Speaker 3 (01:36:33):
I'm sorry.

Speaker 1 (01:36:34):
And then that's when I told you, like, yeah, it
kind of hurt me a little bit.

Speaker 2 (01:36:39):
But you know, there's when people try to be funny. Yeah,
jokes are I'm one of those people that jokes are
always appropriate, even if they're dark and really like morbid
or wrong, as long as they're actually a good joke
because I'm not easily offended. So when I did that,
I was really trying to be funny. I was trying
to make fun of the fact that you were crying
while getting tattooed and had to drink a bunch of

(01:36:59):
my way to finish the job, and like, yeah, it
was totally about the process for you and having to
get another tattoo on your stomach. My torso's done. I
have like this much space on the front of my stomach. Yeah,
and I don't know what the hell I'm gonna put
there because it's such an odd space that I'm just
gonna fill it and I don't want dots or stars
like and at this point, I don't think I want
any more demons tattooed on me, because I have a

(01:37:20):
lot of them. You do. So it was like a Haha,
your stomach's still not done and what if you have
to get your stomach done again? And after it came out,
I was like.

Speaker 1 (01:37:30):
Ugh, yeah, yeah, so that's just me showing you, like,
even though you've recognized that there were things that you
wouldn't even correlate because you're just trying to make me
feel better. So even in those moments, that's a growth opportunity. Yeah,
it is, and it's super important. Like if your partner
says something and it bothers you or it hurts your feelings,

(01:37:50):
voice it, don't let that ride.

Speaker 2 (01:37:52):
Yeah, and do it in the moment. Don't do it
two or three days later when everything is going good
you've had time to dwell on it, because you're going
to decline emotionally because you're harboring onto something that's bothering
you and you're not letting it out. It's like swallowing
poison to harm your enemy. You can't do that.

Speaker 1 (01:38:05):
It could also be that in that scenario's wrong. If
it's a few days later and like you're really thinking
about it and then you recognize it starts to bother you,
don't bring it up in a shitty way. Just say like, hey, babe,
do you remember saying this the other day? And they
could say yes, they could say no, and just say,
you know, I've really thought about it, and I'm starting
to recognize that that really bothered me. It hurt my
feelings a little bit. And it's not the way that

(01:38:27):
you delivered it. I know that wasn't your attention. I
just want you to know in my mind, this is
how I define what you said, and I don't like that. Right,
And then it's upon your partner to either respect you
and say, okay, like I understand that wasn't my intention,
I won't do it again, or they can be a
complete asshole. Yeah, you can't control other people's actions, but
you can control how you conduct yourself.

Speaker 2 (01:38:45):
Yeah, you know, old me would have deflected that entire
scenario as well. Yeah, yeah, because I wasn't trying to
hurt your feelings or trying to be that way. I
was trying to crack a joke, and I would have
felt the need to defend myself and get defensive because
what I was saying and what you were hearing with
two different things, even though that's actually what I said.
But I'm willing to just stop. It doesn't matter how

(01:39:08):
or why or whatever. I'm willing to stop and be like,
I really shouldn't have done that. I'm sorry. I didn't
realize I was you know it was gonna come across
that way, or it was no different than the first
time I raised my voice. Immediate stopped. I'm so sorry.
I love you. I don't want to do that, but
it's a self recognition thing, Like I am actively trying
to be better because of all of the things that
I did wrong previously. I don't want to repeat those patterns.

(01:39:29):
And most people don't care to make the changes because
it's so easy to go, well, they did this, and
they did that, and I did this, but they did that,
and that doesn't justify It doesn't matter what they did
if you are not willing to accept what you did
and you did something. I guarantee you did something. Let
him without sand cast the first stone. Somebody every day

(01:39:53):
is doing something, so you don't get to be you
don't get to be the victim. Now. Am I saying
that everything is your fault? Absolutely not. People are responsible
for their own actions, but you have you have choices always.
There's always choices, even if that choice is simply the
way you respond. That is your choice, it is. This
thing has become like a little tinker toy for me,

(01:40:15):
So uh should I plug them? I've spent so much
money there, and they did send me a giant piece
of silver. I am a huge fan of clocks, of
clocks and colors. Their rings are super nice. That's this one.
I have like six other rings in there. I have
a ring for almost every one of my fingers besides
my wedding finger from them. And then I bought my

(01:40:37):
necklace from them, which they sent super fast. I got
it the next day, which blows my mind because they
never ship that fast from Canada. They sent me this
giant skull with a stamp on the back of it
for free. In your hands, it does look really small
and it stays heavy though, like it's solid still. I mean,
I saw solid obviously because it's hollow inside, but it's silver,
and they sent it as a thank you because I

(01:40:58):
keep buying their ship. And because of that, that falls
into what's known as the rule of reciprocation. When you
give somebody something as a business, they are more inclined
to spend money. Because they feel like you've given them something,
they have to tip better or give more money, so
they tend to buy more shit. And I got this
and was like, man, I have to buy something because

(01:41:20):
it came with my necklace. And obviously I'm not going
to because I've spent a lot of money with them,
And if they come out with a new ring that
I like, I might buy one, because I don't. I don't.
I mean, obviously I'm not even wearing my rings, but
I do wear them based off of how I'm feeling.
So in a day where I'm feeling like I want
to wear my hourglass death ring, I'll wear that one.
Or if i want to wear the other turquoise ring
that I have that's way bigger than this one, I'll

(01:41:41):
wear that one. And I've got one that's got like
an octopus skull thing on it, and like, I have
a lot of their rings, but I never bought one
of their necklaces until recently. I got this big old skull.
That's pretty random. For those of you who are not
on YouTube, you don't get to see what I'm holding. Haha.
We're an hour and forty six minutes in. Do you

(01:42:03):
want to do the intimacy conversation?

Speaker 1 (01:42:04):
Well, I wanted to elaborate a little bit on what
you just said. So you said that people can choose
how they react to something. So you said that to
me as a joke about my tattoo, Right, you could
one hundred percent been like you can't take a joke?

Speaker 2 (01:42:16):
Yeah, I could have.

Speaker 1 (01:42:17):
You definitely could have. When you react that way, you
are one hundred percent invalidating your partner.

Speaker 2 (01:42:22):
It's showing that you're not listening to what they're feeling.

Speaker 1 (01:42:24):
Right, It's super important to put yourself in their shoes,
even if they're coming at you in a hostile way. Like,
I can't believe you would have said this to me.
How could you have not known that what's going to
bother me? You can take it upon you to de
escalate that situation. You can say I'm inted as a
joke I hear that you're saying, it's bothering you. I
won't phrase it like that again, or I just won't

(01:42:45):
make jokes like that again. They're going to go from
one hundred to ten and be like, oh my god,
you're not going to argue with me about it. You're
actually listening.

Speaker 2 (01:42:54):
Most of the time. It would go from one hundred
and ten. There are going to be people who have
not ever experienced that who's going to continue to harpen
and freak out because of a trauma response, and they're
expecting that engagement, and in that scenario, they also have
to realize that they can choose to respond situations.

Speaker 1 (01:43:08):
The first time you hit me with I hear you,
I'm sorry, I was like, what the fuck did he
just say to me? Are you?

Speaker 2 (01:43:19):
I mean, that's kind of how that played out. You
did stutter quite a bit after it, and I was like,
are you okay? And You're like I don't know what
to say, and I'm like, what do you mean? I
was like, I'm sorry, Like I know that I messed
up or whatever it was at that moment, and you
were like you said something else. I'm like, babe, if
you want to fight we can fight, but there's not
a need like I realized what I did or said
was wrong.

Speaker 1 (01:43:37):
Like, let's I'm almost certain this conversation happened in the
car too.

Speaker 2 (01:43:39):
I'm almost positive. Yeah, I think it happened after lunch
that day.

Speaker 3 (01:43:43):
That was a crazy ride for me. Wow.

Speaker 2 (01:43:46):
But it doesn't take much in that scenario. Simply acknowledging
their emotions. You don't have to agree with what's going on.
You could be you could be right as rain, but
you're making yourself right in that argument is not winning shit.
You hurt your partner. You hurt your partner. And if
you stop from it and be like, Okay, she's hurting
or he's hurting, and be like all right, look, I'm
sorry that I said what I said. I obviously see

(01:44:08):
that you're hurting. I did not intend for that to
be the case. That's enough. Ninety percent of the time,
that's enough. You may still have a conversation afterwards, and
you may still feel like you're attacked, because that's going
to happen. People are going to feel like they're being attacked.
And it sucks when somebody you love is hurting because
of something you did, and when people feel bad about
something like that, they may not handle it the best,

(01:44:29):
but when you diffuse the situation immediately, if they choose
to respect that diffusion and they acknowledge the fact that
you are acknowledging they're hurt, you then can respond in
a normal, calm conversation, thank you for acknowledging that that
it hurt me. I appreciate that you're not never going
to do that again. At that point, in reality, the
conversation doesn't need to go on. You can change the subject.

(01:44:50):
You can have a normal conversation even if you're still
bothered by it, because the pain's not going to go
away just because somebody apologize. But the way that you
conduct yourself for the rest of the afternoon or evening
is going to dictate the way that your evening goes.
So once that has been resolved, even if you're still hurting,
try to make an effort to talk about something else.
Talk about the cars on the road, talk about your

(01:45:10):
favorite movie, talk about the date that you had three
days ago, talk about future plans. We could talk about Iceland,
we could talk about new cars that we want, whatever
doesn't matter, talk about anything, because you are basically letting
that person know that they their validation of your feelings
is heard and seen, and instead of continuing the harp

(01:45:31):
or nag because everybody loves to call their women naggers,
Like you can't believe you just nag all the time,
it's all you do. It's so tired of the nagging.
They're nagging for a reason. Right as those toxic behavioral
traits change, that nagging will decrease because there's no reason
to have an argument once the situation has been resolved
and both people have been heard grown up shit.

Speaker 1 (01:45:52):
I think it's also important for the person who's hurt.
If your partner is acknowledging that they've hurt you and
they're willing to change their behaviors, I think it's important
for you to hear them out on why they did
what they did. It's going to help you better understand
the way that their brain works. Like with you making
the joke, even though I took that as an attack
and like one day you're going to leave me me

(01:46:13):
hearing you say I just meant that as a joke,
it helps me understand your humor better. So in an
instance where there's an argument about something your partner hurts you,
after they've acknowledged your hurt, asked them, how did you
perceive what you did? What was your intentions with what
you did? Because nine times out of ten, like with
my trauma responses, I overreact to situations. I don't do

(01:46:36):
it anymore, but I did, and my overreactions were unwarranted.
It was not a logical reaction on my end. So
hearing somebody explain the intentions but behind what they were
doing help calm me down. Because if I'm viewing something illogically,
I need to know that.

Speaker 3 (01:46:55):
Does that make sense?

Speaker 2 (01:46:56):
Yeah? Yeah, But and that's the difference in the understanding
the way your partner communicates the thing that we talk
about all the time, because like you needed to know,
like I meant that as a joke. Excuse me? Had
I just said, all right, babe, sorry, this is not
a genuine apology. I was only trying to be funny.
I'm sorry I hurt your feelings. I love you. I

(01:47:18):
didn't mean it like.

Speaker 1 (01:47:18):
That, right, even said I don't want to plant the
seed for that.

Speaker 2 (01:47:21):
That is a very different conversation than you need to relax.
I was joking. The delivery, the tone, the inflection, the
words chosen to articulate the moment. Not validating that changes
the entire dynamic of the way that conversation has had.
We didn't fight over that. It was literally at thirty
second interaction and it was completely over with. We went

(01:47:43):
back to our lives just as normal, as right as rain.
We didn't have any type of conflict afterwards. It was
just a normal day. But you were legit bothered by it.
I was, but I didn't argue and fight with you.
I saw that you were bothered. I explained me so
because I did feel like I needed to explain myself.
But I did it in a way that was.

Speaker 1 (01:48:01):
Not it was. It was an explanation. Nobody was wrong
in that scenario.

Speaker 2 (01:48:12):
Sorry, I get so like mouth dry when we do this.

Speaker 1 (01:48:15):
I don't think anybody was wrong in that scenario.

Speaker 2 (01:48:17):
I was wrong because I made a joke after it
came out of my mouth. I know that that joke
was inappropriate because of the context. It was not wrong
because of the way we handled it. Had you blown
up on me and I've blown up on you, it
would have been a huge problem. Had you tried to
just say, I see what you're doing, but that you

(01:48:38):
just made me feel like divorce is now on the table,
and I was like, hey, it's a joke. Just calm down.
I'm wrong there, because instead of listening to what you're
saying and realizing that I hurt you, I'm defending myself
to try to make it seem like I'm in the
right and you're wrong for what's happening. And that is
so common in people's interactions. That also comes down to
having very controlling, abrasive, abusive parents where you don't get

(01:49:00):
to defend yourself to them because in the event that
you try to explain yourself to the parents, beatings would come.
That kind of shit. So that's a normal scenario for people.
All Right, we're back. Yeah, we're back. So as you
can see, she's got her onesie on. We are overly fed.
Chick fil A was very yummy. I'm stuffed. I was

(01:49:21):
going to just you know, we could have really just
ended the podcast there. I think that that was a
really good podcast, and I am excited to edit it
so that I can listen to it. But I want
to hit this last thing on intimacy. Okay, we get
comments about intimacy a lot because I talk about intimacy,
and the comments are always the same shit. There's always
people saying things like, oh, I'm so full. There's people

(01:49:43):
saying things like intimacy isn't just sex. I hear that constantly,
and I'm like, I never once said intimacy was just sex.
I have actually made multiple videos talking about spiritual intimacy,
physical intimacy, emotional. I've covered it a cambit like at length,
gam it's not the right word there. I don't know
where that came from, but it came out. We've heard

(01:50:08):
a lot of other things on intimacy like.

Speaker 3 (01:50:11):
It always just dies in a relationship.

Speaker 2 (01:50:14):
Yeah, or I'm touched out? What else? What else do
we get?

Speaker 1 (01:50:19):
Why would I want to be intimate with him when
he only does that during when he wants sex. He
only shows affection when he wants sex.

Speaker 2 (01:50:28):
The other ones are I see it a lot. Men
know that men don't don't know how to warm the
engine up, so to speak. I see that a lot
or a variation of that, that analogy, and.

Speaker 1 (01:50:42):
Why put that on the internet. Why not just have
a conversation with him? That's a real like what am
I gonna do for you? Janis? Why are you telling
me your husband doesn't know how to get you.

Speaker 3 (01:50:56):
Going tell him that.

Speaker 2 (01:50:58):
How does he give you that point?

Speaker 1 (01:51:01):
You know?

Speaker 2 (01:51:01):
And I how does it get to that point? I
don't like right laziness because you're doing it just because
it's your duty to do it at that point, or
because you feel like it's a chore or a task.
But you know you're obligated because you're married, and you
can't get it from somewhere else. There's not an intimacy there.
You're probably not attracted to your partner anymore, vice versa.

(01:51:23):
You are tired, the kids are a mess, the house
is a mess, the work is a mess, finances are
a mess. You're both probably overweight. You don't take care
of yourselves physically, which means your mental health is not
so great. All of these things factor into all of that.
Do you ever notice that when people get divorced they
get back in shape. They say that getting overweight is
a sign of a healthy marriage. No, it's not. It's complacency.

(01:51:43):
It's laziness. It's you letting yourself go because you don't
care enough anymore about much of anything. I am, and
I'm gonna catch flak for that. I don't give a shit.
I said what I said I believe that. And if
your life is different and that doesn't it doesn't relate
to your life, you can tell me about it in
the comments. Just let me have it, because all you're
going to do is build algorithm and people are going

(01:52:04):
to come to my channel to see what's going on.
So have at it. But when you have and we
talked about this earlier, when you have that lack of
when you're empty, when you've given everything you have to
give and you have nothing left in you, and for
some reason your partner is expecting intimacy and you've given

(01:52:24):
everything to the day, you are not going to have
anything left to give for intimacy. So it's important, and
I think to try not to give one hundred percent
every day, keep it in about eighty percent. That way,
in the event that things may pop off in the
bedroom or you need to have a really long, in
depth emotional conversation with your partner, or you want to
go on a date spontaneously, what happens if your partner

(01:52:47):
here's this podcast and goes I'm going to take my
partner on a spontaneous date, and it's eight o'clock at night.
He has a babysitter ready, to come over the kids
are in bed, because he feels more comfortable with a
babysitter there while the children is and he's like, all right,
be Ablet's go somewhere. You're like, no, I'm too tired.
I have a headache. I don't feel like going anywhere.
It's been a long day. I'm just gonna go to bed.

Speaker 3 (01:53:08):
I would never try again.

Speaker 2 (01:53:09):
There you go. And that's why intimacy dies, when somebody
tries to spark something up and it gets shut down.

Speaker 3 (01:53:16):
Oh you know.

Speaker 1 (01:53:16):
I was tagged in a thread on TikTok of women
making fun of the fact that they hype their man
up all day while they're at work, knowing that when
he gets home, they're not going to give out or
put out. However that phrases what That's how intimacy dies.
It absolutely is when you use it as a chess
piece psychologically fucking with your man.

Speaker 3 (01:53:37):
I know I said the F word, but that was intentional.

Speaker 2 (01:53:40):
What does that say about us as a species and
where we're going? You know they say that, what I don't.
I'm quoting an article and I don't remember where I
saw it, but it said that when it comes to dating,
American women are at the very bottom of the barrel
compared to the rest of the world, and that, you know.
So now we've got the passport bros. And people trying

(01:54:02):
to fly to other countries, and there's women on TikTok
shaming these dudes who do it, and then there's women
in other countries who were like, come on, let's go.
I'm ready for you, let's go.

Speaker 1 (01:54:11):
If I was a man in today's society in America,
i'd be single. No, I wouldn't even try. Forget that.

Speaker 2 (01:54:18):
You know that As the content gets pushed across social
media platforms and the narrative becomes more and more divisive
between the genders and more and more shunning one another,
it's going to further destroy any possibility of a nuclear family.
The population is already going down. We're not burthing babies

(01:54:40):
as fast as we used to, and that could be
a financial thing. Obviously, I wouldn't you know.

Speaker 1 (01:54:44):
Did you see that thing I sent you this morning
about that mice experiment?

Speaker 2 (01:54:48):
Was that on TikTok?

Speaker 1 (01:54:48):
Because so I didn't know it was on Facebook. This
is relevant to what you were just saying. So this
man performed an experiment, and he performed it twenty five times,
and every single time he got the same result. Okay,
so he created to utopia for mice, like they would
never run out of anything. They had places of exercise,
good places to sleep, all that kind of stuff, and
he just let them run their own society. And every

(01:55:11):
single experiment ended with females being aggressive, not willing to
mate with men, the boys or the male mice.

Speaker 3 (01:55:18):
And there was a.

Speaker 1 (01:55:19):
New like subdivision of male mice that were called like
the pretty boys that wouldn't fight further on territory, would
not fight to mate with a female, was just content
with sleeping and eating. That was their days. And over
time they stopped repopulating. Every single one of them died off.
Society collapsed like and.

Speaker 2 (01:55:38):
This happened every single time, every.

Speaker 1 (01:55:39):
Single time he did it twenty five times, I think
twenty six including the first one. They explained it and
every single time, every single night, like the generation stopped right.
And for the first experiment he had, there was one mice,
like one baby mice born at the end of the experiment,
and he ended up putting it down because that was
the last one in the colony, right, because they weren't

(01:56:01):
mating anymore. Because the females were too aggressive. The men didn't.
The male mice did not want to put up with
that aggression. And then they were the pretty boy mice
that were just content with sleeping and eating. They didn't
want a mate, they didn't want territory, and they ended
up killing themselves off.

Speaker 2 (01:56:14):
I'm gonna have to watch this now because it sounds
like they're making a mice reference about humanity.

Speaker 1 (01:56:19):
At the end of it, it said, this is exactly
what's happening in society right now.

Speaker 2 (01:56:22):
That's wild.

Speaker 1 (01:56:23):
But there's photos like I think it was like nineteen
fifties or nineteen forties. There's photos of him like doing
this experiment.

Speaker 3 (01:56:32):
And exactly what.

Speaker 2 (01:56:33):
You just said, how do you create a mouse utopia? Like?
How do we know exactly what mice like?

Speaker 3 (01:56:38):
It's a really good question, right You know.

Speaker 2 (01:56:40):
That Jordan B. Peterson said that mice in captivity are
the only mice that will become addicted to cocaine.

Speaker 3 (01:56:45):
I believe that.

Speaker 2 (01:56:46):
That if mice are free to do their own thing,
they won't they won't mess with drugs.

Speaker 3 (01:56:49):
Okay, so I just pulled up the thing. Do you
want me to read it?

Speaker 2 (01:56:52):
Uh?

Speaker 1 (01:56:52):
Sure, it's not that long, so the Universe twenty five
experiment is one of the most terrifying experiments in the
history of science, which, through the behavior of colony of mice,
is an attempt by scientists to explain human societies. The
idea of Universe twenty five came from the American scientist
John Calhoun, who created an ideal world in which hundreds
of mice would live and reproduce. More specifically, Calhoun built

(01:57:15):
the so called Paradise of Mice, a specially designed space
where rodents had abundance of food and water, as well
as a large living space. In the beginning, he placed
four pairs of mice in He placed four pairs of
mice that in a short time began to reproduce, resulting
in their population growing rapidly. However, over three hundred and

(01:57:36):
fifteen days, their reproduction began to decrease significantly. When the
number of rodents reached six hundred, a hierarchy was formed
between them, and then a hierarchy was formed between them,
and then the so called wrenches appeared. The larger rodents
began to attack the group, with the result that many

(01:57:56):
males began to collapse psychologically. As a result, we all
the females did not protect themselves and in turn became
aggressive towards their young. As time went on, the female
showed more and more aggressive behavior, isolation elements, and lack
of reproductive mood. There was a low birth rate and
at the same time an increase in more mortality in
younger rodents. Then a new class of male rodents appeared,

(01:58:20):
the so called beautiful mice.

Speaker 2 (01:58:21):
It should have called the neck beard.

Speaker 1 (01:58:24):
They refused to mate with the females or to fight
for their space. All they cared about was food and sleep.
At one point, beautiful males and isolated females made up
majority of the population. According to Calhoun, the death phase
consisted of two stages, the first death and second death.
The former was characterized by the loss of purpose in
life beyond mere existence, no desire to mate, raise young,

(01:58:47):
or establish a role within society. As time went on,
juvenile mortality reached one hundred percent and reproduction reach to zero.
Among the endangered mice, homosexuality was observed, and at the
same time cannibalism increased despite the fact that there was
plenty of food. Two years after the start of the experiment,
the last baby of the colony was born. By nineteen

(01:59:08):
seventy three, he had killed the last mouse in universe.
Twenty five, Calhoun repeated the same experiment twenty five more times,
and each time the result was the same.

Speaker 2 (01:59:17):
Wow.

Speaker 1 (01:59:18):
Calhoun's scientific work has been used as a model for
interpreting societal collapse, and his research serves as a focal
point for the study of urban sociology. We are currently
witnessing direct parallels in today's society, weak feminized men with
little to no skills and no protection instincts, and overly
agitated and aggressive females with no maternal instincts. I read

(01:59:42):
that this morning, and it Wow, my whole day was altered.

Speaker 2 (01:59:46):
So if we are, I mean, I agree that we
are right there?

Speaker 1 (01:59:52):
We are?

Speaker 3 (01:59:52):
Yeah?

Speaker 2 (01:59:53):
Could you imagine how bad that room that those mice
were in would smell? Six hundred of them and then
some of them dying and being cannibalized. That's that was
most of my fixation on that entire thing. I couldn't
get over the fact that somebody was in a room
with six order my smell like that. Yeah, I am,
I know that. Like the Joe Rogan has said this,

(02:00:15):
and a couple other people have have have made the
point that weak men make hard times. You know, he
explained that whole thing. I'm not going to reiterate that
point again, but essentially, we have cycles, and right now
we are in the phase of weak men and things
are starting to get real hard. We are on the
verge of an economic collapse, a depression. We're in a

(02:00:36):
recession by definition. I know that. I don't care what
your political affiliation is. If you look up the definition
of a recession, We've been in one for four years,
three years. Democrats are trying to redefine that term because
that's what politicians do. They try to make the narrative
fit their party. But we are on the verge of

(02:00:59):
a depression, great depression like we had in the nineteen hundreds.
We're also on the point of economic collapse, like true
economic collapse, because if we lose the petrol dollar, which
is traded oil on the market in the US dollar,
If we lose that, which is a very strong possibility
because what's going on in Russia, Iran, and China, that's
also going to destroy us. There's a lot of powers

(02:01:20):
that are trying to take over right now. Because the
chess game is coming to an end, and we don't
have strong men, and we are not in a position
to protect ourselves because they have destroyed us from the
inside out. I have hit on these topics a lot,
and like you can, I don't care what side of
the fence you fall on. If you really look at
history and see where things are going. We are repeating things.

(02:01:42):
Oh yeah, we are, and things are gonna get really bad.
And if we and you know they're doing, they're supposed
to to raise the debt ceiling again today today is
in the nineteenth they're supposed to vote on it because
we hit the debt ceiling today. And if they don't
take care of that, which they'll probably negotiate to raise
the debt ceiling, which means America is to spend more money,
sending money to other countries that don't need their money,

(02:02:04):
and continue to write bills that spend more and print
more because that's what they've been doing for the last
ten years. Well it's been longer than it's really been
a lot longer than that, but it's gotten bad over
the last ten years. As that continues, at some point,
we're going to have to stop spending as a country.
We have to stop printing money devalues the dollar, so

(02:02:25):
we're gonna be like Venezuela, where a lower bread is
a million dollars and everyone's millionaires because nothing has value anymore.
It's just paper. I've seen videos of people in other
countries where this is happening, chasing garbage trucks hoping to
get food out of the back of it. And obviously
we're not quite there yet. But if things don't change
with our and I'm not saying it's it's Democrat's faults

(02:02:47):
or Republican's fault, it's it's the whole of our government
that has been doing this for a very long time
and us allowing it to happen. This is going to
continue and eventually what was that for.

Speaker 1 (02:02:59):
We started talking about intimacy, now we're talking about the
government that's because of that stupid rap.

Speaker 3 (02:03:04):
I find it fine how we evolve.

Speaker 2 (02:03:06):
We really do fall apartment and I can't help myself
because I have such a hatred for it. And you know,
I'm a hardcore libertarian. I just want my freedom and
to be left alone. I would love to see us
back on the gold standard. I want to see the
dollar backed by actual gold. I don't want to go
to a digital currency. I don't want more irs agents.
I don't want them in my business. They don't need

(02:03:26):
to be in marriage, they don't need to be anything.
The government needs a whole lot less power, and they
need to represent us, not try to govern us, because
that's what their job is. I just I don't understand
how we've I know, I know exactly how we've gotten
to this point because they take it two inches at
a time. We'll hold our line and they'll take two
more inches, and they'll wait a little while, and then
they'll take two more inches, and every time we're like,

(02:03:46):
we're not letting, we're not giving up any more ground,
and they'll go, no, you're right, you're right, And then
they'll wait a couple of years, and they'll take two
more inches, and then we'll rapidly take four or five inches,
and then they'll back off a little bit, and then
it'll do it again, and eventually, you know, you're looking
at where you were. How do we get here two
inches at a time?

Speaker 3 (02:04:02):
Right, I don't know a distraction tactics.

Speaker 2 (02:04:05):
Yeah, constantly, constantly. I don't even watch the news anymore.

Speaker 1 (02:04:08):
Yeah, it's look over there while we're doing this shit
over here.

Speaker 2 (02:04:11):
Yep. I gotta be honest. I get more news from
what I see on TikTok and then googling things to
find it because American news outlets doesn't cover shit. No,
they don't, and what they do cover is exactly what
you said. It's just it's distraction tactics, right. Yeah, I'm
this was supposed to be an intimacy conversation because we

(02:04:33):
just derailed. I'm gonna end the podcast with this, and
I'm absolutely putting this up there. I love that, but
I would like to do some more. We have plenty
of time. It's only four thirty and I'm overly full,
so like, I don't want to do shit other than
sit here. So do you want to call this one
and maybe do some Patreon content? Okay, dope, We'll see
you guys on the next one.

Speaker 3 (02:04:49):
Bye,

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