Traveling Artist Issues S3 Ep27

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Episode Transcript

Speaker 1 (00:00):
Look up for all the things. We will the bottom
all o. Wow is you You're my favorite views, but
that's not.

Speaker 2 (00:20):
Me.

Speaker 1 (00:22):
And we are back.

Speaker 2 (00:24):
Welcome back, you beautiful creatures, and we are here.

Speaker 1 (00:27):
Welcome back to two B of our podcast. Thank you
for tuning in. I am your host, one of your hosts.
I am I'm the co host. I am I am
the man of the show. My name is Chris, and
I'm Peaches. I just figured i'd wing it and see
how it felt. Yeah, felt entertaining, felt fun. I liked
it that spry oh man. So we uh we just

(00:52):
announced our our Grease Trip for twenty twenty six live
on YouTube. Yeah, today is April fourteenth. By the time
you guys see this, that trip will be live for everybody.
And I'm sure there'll still be slots because we're doing
twenty four people on this one. There's currently five sold.
So Chelsea said, the energy is wild today. The energy

(01:12):
is wild today because we are having a fucking good weekend,
like we had a really good day yesterday. Gree Scott
confirmed that's live, Like, yeah, we have ayahuasca ceremony in.

Speaker 2 (01:21):
Two weeks, less than two weeks, less than.

Speaker 1 (01:23):
Two weeks now, Yeah, like things are just doing life
is just doing life. The universe is on our side
right now and it feels good. So the energy's there.
We're going to read a thank you email today and
then we're going to get into some other emails. We
wanted to let you guys know that we do record
in front of our live Patreon audience, so that as
we were reading chats. That's why if you would like
to be a part of the conversation, we highly recommend

(01:43):
that you go join our Patreon. It is ad free
entertainment because we turn the ads off of YouTube when
we record these things. And if you don't want to
watch you and want to listen, you have YouTube Premium.
You can just go and close your phone and listen
to it like it's a podcast anyways, but you can
do it to our Patreon. Highly recommend that you guys
go and do the Patreon thing because that.

Speaker 2 (02:00):
Is uncut, unedited us.

Speaker 1 (02:03):
Lots of debauchery. Yeah, but it is how we're able
to continue doing what we're doing. Yeah, So we want
to talk about Grease, have anything you want to add?
I mean to talk about the miss Beast for the yeast.

Speaker 2 (02:16):
I can't even begin to fathom what grease is going
to be like.

Speaker 1 (02:19):
I can't either. I wonder what the temperature is like
in Greece.

Speaker 2 (02:21):
Oh that's a good question, isn't it.

Speaker 1 (02:23):
Let's let's google average temperature and Michanse.

Speaker 2 (02:27):
Oh my gosh, sixty eight to seventy seven degrease fahrenheit.

Speaker 1 (02:31):
Yeah, average highest seventy.

Speaker 2 (02:33):
Two, average low is fifty nine.

Speaker 1 (02:35):
I mean that's that sounds like a great fucking time
to me.

Speaker 2 (02:38):
I love it. Bring me the nice days.

Speaker 1 (02:41):
Yeah, no, shit. People are like, it's hot there, it ain't.
It ain't hot like Florida hot.

Speaker 2 (02:47):
I think we got varying definitions of hot.

Speaker 1 (02:49):
Yeah. Yeah. If it doesn't feel like one ten outside
and standing in front of a dryer full of wet clothes,
it ain't Florida.

Speaker 2 (02:54):
Yeah.

Speaker 1 (02:55):
Um. Aaron said that would be cool another Ia retreat breakdown,
and if they're up for it, maybe it'll probably be
another Patreon thing. We absolutely talked about that pretty long
on the Patreon episode. That was a good time. We
actually want to do a zoom call with the other
people from our tribe who are going yes and be
able to run through everybody's experience Florida's swamp ass hot.

(03:20):
Yes it is, yes, it is. So what are you
looking forward to most with Greece. I'm looking forward to
the down day on the beach, yeah, yep, even if
it's just the resort on the beach.

Speaker 2 (03:33):
Oh do you mean the beach club day because we're
forty five minutes away from the beach.

Speaker 1 (03:38):
Yeah. Well, the day that we have is like a
beach day on day five where we have the total
down day. I think that the resort itself has like
a big pool, and oh do I'm looking forward to
the downtime.

Speaker 2 (03:48):
Yeah.

Speaker 1 (03:49):
The most memorable things that I have from Thailand where
the boat trips like to and from and then the
downtime around the pool like that's yeah.

Speaker 2 (03:58):
I'm very excited for that as well.

Speaker 1 (04:00):
Well.

Speaker 2 (04:01):
Every time I went down to the pool, I added
everybody in our in our discord chat. Yeah yeah, and
I was like, who gonna meet me down there? Let's go. Yeah. Really,
the only alone time that you and I had was
when we were in our room. Otherwise we were hanging
out with other people.

Speaker 1 (04:16):
It was good though, Yeah.

Speaker 2 (04:18):
And it didn't feel like it was an obligation.

Speaker 1 (04:20):
Either, No, not at all, not at all. It was
really good.

Speaker 2 (04:28):
I don't like lemon grass in my food, though, I
figure that out in Thailand that was did something to
my stomach with the other flavors. Yeah, I'm also very
excited for the food.

Speaker 1 (04:41):
Whatever that hard thing was that was in our soup
that you're not supposed to eat.

Speaker 2 (04:46):
I ate that, Yeah you did. It was some type
of root. Yeah, I can't remember what they called it.

Speaker 1 (04:51):
I ate it. It was not good. I didn't know.
I wasn't supposed to eat it. It didn't puncture anything,
but yeah, Iggy said, the excitement from travel plans is
like a drug. It is. It's a dopamine response, and
you know why it's dobin response because you get to
look forward to something for the next year. We've been
looking forward to Costa Rica for almost a year. Yeah, right,

(05:11):
we booked that in Thailand, so it's been October. It's
not quite been a year. It's it's been a while though, Yeah,
September October, been in October, okay, But that whole situation
has been something that we've been looking forward to since.
And now it's a month away. By the time this
drops will either be in Costa Rica still or have
just gotten back from it. But knowing that we have

(05:32):
something to look forward to in twenty and twenty six,
like we have an international destination that we get to
go where we've never been before, with people that we
know we enjoy being around. Like it's it's fucking gangster,
I'm ready to go. I don't want to live my
life behind a screen. All right, let's get into emails,
because otherwise I'm just going to keep going on and
on and on about Greece, and that's not why people

(05:53):
are here, all right, So before you start, guys, we
have decided that we're going to start doing all of
our podcasts with a thank you email first. So if
you have sent in to thank you emails, possibilities can
be read. If you have not sent in to thank
you email, we have somehow changed your life or impacted
you in a meaningful way, and you would like to
send and thank you email in you can do that.
To be Better CEO at gmail dot com, if you
would like to have any type of advice to be

(06:15):
better CEO at gmail dot com. If you just want
to send an email and say hello to better Ceo
ceo ah to be better coo at gmail dot com.
Just know that we won't be the ones to read it.
We have email screeners.

Speaker 2 (06:26):
Yes, our eyes will not be the first ones to
glance it.

Speaker 1 (06:29):
Yep, Green Flag Friends.

Speaker 2 (06:33):
Christ and Peaches. I felt I need to share this
with you guys, as I would love your commentary as
well as the opportunity to bring light to Green Flag
friends of your spouse slash person. Quick details. My fiance
plays video games with a few of his old buddies
a few times a week. One of the times they
were in a match with a few random girls. No
big deal, but one of those girls, hours after the match,

(06:54):
decided to friend request all the guys. Upon discussion, I
told my fiance I wasn't comfortable with random girls on
his friend list, so we decided to ignore her and
remove the request. I second that sentiment.

Speaker 1 (07:06):
I like that. Yeah, so there's a lot of people
that would create conflict there. Well, why would you want
to do that there? Just it's some stranger on the thing,
it's somebody more that I can play games with. Excuse excuse, excuse,
excuse excuse, instead of hearing what's really happening is I'm
uncomfortable in this and I think they have nefarious dealings
or whatever. You don't know who this person is. There's

(07:26):
no emotional attachment there. Why why not just do this
to make me happy? Right?

Speaker 2 (07:32):
I think people also don't recognize how often people meet
up in video games and form relationships.

Speaker 1 (07:37):
Oh, it happens a lot often.

Speaker 2 (07:39):
Fast forward a month or so and my fiance hops
on the game as the boys said that they were on,
and he finds them in a game with this girl.
I said, no worries, are already playing with her. Just
keep her off of your friend's list. My fiance tells
the boys in their off game group chat that he's
just going to pretend his mike is broken, here's the
green flag. His friends straight up ditched the game with

(08:01):
her entirely, and my fiance finally got in a game
chat on the mic with them. They say they were
saying things like, oh, fuck that chick, you're our boy,
and if your girl doesn't like her, we don't like her.

Speaker 1 (08:11):
I love that.

Speaker 2 (08:12):
I love that too, And while I don't recall being
so dramatic myself, lol, it was so nice to see
these guys who owe me nothing are being so respectful
to not just my fiance but our whole relationship. They
even blocked her.

Speaker 1 (08:26):
As well before we go on. It's important to know
that when you game with the same group of people
and you get that little friendship going, you can build
lifelong friendships over a video game. We had a I
used to play Ghostry Con Advanced Warfighter. That was my
game way back in the day. It was on I
think it was on the Xbox three sixty, but I

(08:48):
had a friend on there who was his name was Whitey,
And when we elevated into other consoles, eventually we moved
away from Xbox on a PlayStation. I bought him a PlayStation,
had him go pick that shit up as local game
stop so that he can at any playing games with us,
because he was one of my best gaming buddies. It
was one of those things that if I got was
going to get on the game, and I send him

(09:08):
a message like yo, I'm getting on the game, He's like,
I can't play right now. I turned my shirt off.
Like so there is very real friendships that can be
built and bonded on on those games like that. So
I love that their friendships across everything. There was like,
you know, we're going to respect your relationship and not
create problems. Ivy, that is enough. When we when we
move all the ship to the studio, yeah, and we

(09:30):
have our to the house, I'm probably going to to
leave them enough in the actual house while we yeah record.

Speaker 2 (09:38):
I also don't trust women who only want to play
with men by themselves, Like if they are so vehemently
against about other girls playing with the group of guys
that they play with, Yeah yeah, like they have to
be the only chick in the in the squad of men.
Tiny add on, when we first got together, he had
a friend who insisted on trying to take him out
for guys' night so that my fiance could be as

(09:59):
way man vomit emoji. Thank you for taking the time
to read this, and I hope that one day my
fiance and I can meet the couple who changed our
lives for the better.

Speaker 1 (10:09):
Thank you for that email, nice little, easy, short one
that was green flags. It was that's the type of
people you want in your life. Moving on to the
information that you guys are all here for, we're going
to jump into some emails now. This is called am
I wrong?

Speaker 2 (10:23):
So to make a long story short, my lifetime childhood
best friend families are like family and have been since
before my marriage and my father is now in a
relationship with her grandmother. Okay, cougar and my husband had
an affair and I caught him. No, we messed around
behind grandma's back. Wait, and my husband had an affair

(10:46):
and I caught them. My husband and I got back
together after a year of separation. After I found them together,
we began working on us, and here we are four
years later. We are great. I forgave him and we
are thriving with our marriage and family. Now Here is
where I want to know if I am wrong. She

(11:09):
now lives in my childhood home with my father and
her grandmother.

Speaker 1 (11:14):
Cool.

Speaker 2 (11:14):
It is what it is. As I said, our families
are like families, so holidays, family gatherings and so on.
I'm put in the most awkward positions, but I always
put my feelings aside and enjoyed everything. And I am
civil to her. Oh, your childhood best friend slept with
your husband, So that's the problem. I wouldn't be going
to family gatherings anymore. I don't understand that I'm going

(11:37):
to put my feelings aside to sacrifice for the greater good.
Fuck that my marriage is my greatest good and I
am not going to try to put us in any
type of compromising position, whether I get upset or it
opens a door for you. Again, We're not doing that.
I am the greatest good you are ever gonna get. Continue.

(12:00):
Everyone knows my feelings on it. I am very vocal
that about that. Although I forgave my husband's mistake, I
cannot forgive her betrayal.

Speaker 1 (12:08):
Okay, so let's how is it that you can forgive
your husband not but not your best friend? Right?

Speaker 2 (12:13):
Because they both made the same mistake.

Speaker 1 (12:15):
Right? And I only asked that because do you see
the betrayal of the best friend is worse than the
betrayal of your husband?

Speaker 2 (12:22):
And if so, why because I think the betrayal of
the husband would hurt more than the best friend.

Speaker 1 (12:26):
You would think that, right. I'm not saying to have
her around, right, but by no means that's not what
I'm getting at. I'm just saying, like, if you're gonna
be upset about it, it should be upset about both of them.
But why would you not forgive her and just let
her go about her life instead of Yeah?

Speaker 2 (12:44):
I acknowledge to some that sounds ridiculous, but I find
my feelings and reasoning very valid. This isn't a random
girl that did not know me. This was my best friend,
my child's mother, my for so long little sister. What
do you mean your child's mother. That doesn't make sense
to me.

Speaker 1 (13:03):
This email doesn't make sense to me.

Speaker 2 (13:06):
Yeah, I'm having a hard time with this. Read your
husband should also be your best friend though, right? And
I don't understand that my child's mother statement. But if
you have children, wouldn't your husband be the father to
those children?

Speaker 1 (13:19):
Right? She would be the mother?

Speaker 2 (13:21):
Right?

Speaker 1 (13:21):
Yeah?

Speaker 2 (13:22):
And for so long my little sister, and this is
your husband, So there's a betrayal on both aspects. Is
it different levels? Yes? In my mind, my husband comes
before anybody right, supposed to be, including my best friend.
So would my best friend? Would that be a betrayal? Yes,
but it wouldn't hurt as much as my husband doing

(13:42):
something right, So me forgiving my husband would be much
harder than me for giving said friend or whatever.

Speaker 1 (13:49):
Right, I still wouldn't want either one of them around, right. Well,
that the friend, especially forgiving the husband, is a different
conversation because they're married, right. But the best friend aspect,
like once that betrays there, I wouldn't be a to
allow that back into my life. Yeah, I would forgive them.

Speaker 2 (14:02):
Yeah, that level of friendship's gone.

Speaker 1 (14:04):
But I couldn't allow them to be around my person
knowing that there was infidelity there, and like, this is
just I couldn't allow it.

Speaker 2 (14:10):
Right, I agree with that. But recently we bought our
first house. Of course I make an invitation list and
an event page. I figured it was common sense. If
you weren't invited, you weren't. But as guests are arriving
and my father walks in, the voice of my once
best friend is heard coming behind him, I'm baffled that
they assumed that it was okay. No one asked me,

(14:31):
no one even thought to run it by me. You
are leaving. I didn't invite you for a reason, and
if they want to, my dad and her grandmother want
to start throwing a foot about this, You guys are
more than welcome to leave as well.

Speaker 1 (14:43):
Right, Yeah, door, you can walk in and out of that, bitch, Right.

Speaker 2 (14:49):
I'm not playing that game. And it's not about choosing sides.
It's not about right or wrong. This is my household.
There are certain people that I am going to allow
to be in here, and there's certain people I'm not
going to allow that, And I'm going to delve into
a little bit of the energies of those kinds of things.
This is a new house where nothing has been soiled yet,
and you're going to try to bring that energy into

(15:10):
my new sanctum. No, you are incorrect. Yep, Okay. I
understand people have their own opinions, but I genuinely want
to know am I still being bitter over something I
feel so strongly about?

Speaker 1 (15:23):
Would it matter? Would it matter if she's being bitter,
if she's not over it is? This is her house.

Speaker 2 (15:29):
I need to know the definition of bitter when it
comes to emotions, to see if I can all right better.
Is a feeling of intense anger, resentment, and unhappiness, often
simming from a past event or situation. No, I don't
think you're I want to know am I still being
bitter over something? I would still be bitter? Right? And

(15:50):
we just had a conversation about like the husband being
up higher than the best friend and in the hierarchy
of what a relationships are. And I do agree with
what you just said, babe, about how forgiving the husband
is different than forgiving the best friend because of the marriage.
That's happening. So, if there's anybody in this situation, either

(16:12):
my best friend or my husband who I'm going to
try to repair a relationship with, is going to be
my husband, right, and I did. I'm sorry best friend who,
like I've forgotten your name. Everything that we've had is
now gone because of the decision you made to sleep
with my husband. And of course there would be feelings

(16:36):
towards my husband about all of this, but like I said,
because of the pretense of the marriage and what a
marriage means to me, I would be more at to
try to work things out with my husband than I
would be my best friend.

Speaker 1 (16:48):
Right.

Speaker 2 (16:50):
So it doesn't matter if you're still bitter or not.
You're allowed to feel however you feel about your best
friend in this context. And nobody, your father, the grandmother,
the family ties that are going on, they have no
say about how you are going to move forward in
the relationship that you have or don't have with this woman.
And over my dead body, is anybody gonna tell me

(17:13):
who I can and cannot have in my own household?

Speaker 1 (17:17):
I don't see. I don't think that this even matters. Yeah,
you're allowed to feel how you feel, period, and it's
your fucking house. That's it. You can save that registry.
It's a fly, babe. It's not gonna get you. I mean,
it might land on you, but it's not gonna be
the end of the world. All they do. I understand
they throw up on things to like eat it, but.

Speaker 2 (17:40):
Every time I see a bug flying out my face,
it's that thing from Avatar that they fly around on,
or like a pterodactyl from Durastic Worlds. My goodness.

Speaker 1 (17:50):
I think that you have to protect the sanctity of
your home. And if somebody shows up at our home,
whether they were invited by another person or not, if
I don't want them there, they're not coming in period,
full stop. Right. So the fact that she allowed this
to happen and the girl wasn't asked to leave, that's
the you problem. You did that shit to yourself. I
made it real fucking clear. You're not welcome here.

Speaker 2 (18:12):
I didn't invite you for a reason.

Speaker 1 (18:13):
I understand that you're related to to people now in
this family, but this is my fucking home.

Speaker 2 (18:19):
Yeah yeah, sit, others do that. You've already tried to
disrupt this once. Ye, You're not gonna come in here again.

Speaker 1 (18:26):
It's only warm repair.

Speaker 2 (18:29):
I'm genuinely over the situation and the affair. What I'm
not over is betrayal I feel from her, especially since
she's never had the decency to see down and apologize
and this and speak to me about it. Oh, that
would make it even worse. That would make it even
harder for me to look this person in the face.
Right right, I can respect having what's.

Speaker 1 (18:51):
That just pretend it wasn't going to happen, right, it
didn't happen.

Speaker 2 (18:53):
I can respect having a conversation and owning what that
person did was wrong and be like, I forget people
make mistakes, but you can get the fuck out of
my life. Like the trust is gone. We will never
have what we had before because what you just did,
the decision or decisions if this happened more than once,
has soiled anything that we could have salvaged from this.

(19:15):
And she refuses to admit that wasn't the only time
my husband has been open and honest to a point
I could have left all over again. But where we
are now and how much he has worked for us,
I know he realized his mistakes and we have moved on.
But to me, the situation between them two is just different. Yeah, no,
that would be if you even look in her direction,

(19:37):
we're gonna have issues.

Speaker 1 (19:38):
Yeah, yeah, So there's a lot. This is first and foremost,
this is why you have to set boundaries and then
hold those boundaries. We'll stop knowing that your husband was
cheated with her, probably more than once, because it sounds
like that's what was going on. Yeah, and there was

(19:58):
something there that alone would be enough reason to not
allow her into the house because there was obviously something
going on there. You don't know if that's if there
was an emotional attachment or not. Whether he decided to
stay or not stay as irrelevant because you don't know
if they were like I love you's being said. You know,
for women that matters a lot more than it does
for men, Like women will ask did you love her?

(20:19):
Men will ask did you fuck him? Right, Like, that's
a very different scenario. So like those conversations need to
be had. But this is your house, and that's that's
the hell I'm gonna die on. I wouldn't allow that
person back inside. And then on all of this, like
the fact that they moved on and he's she's not
willing to let it go with a friend till death
do us part, right. I never said vows to my

(20:42):
best friend. She did some dirty shit. I'm in it
with this motherfucker. Like, we're trying to make this work.
He's owned his mistakes, he's told me everything. She's not
even acknowledged that it happened. Good on that. Yeah, I
don't think you're wrong email her.

Speaker 2 (20:57):
Yeah, I.

Speaker 1 (20:59):
Think you should have way further.

Speaker 2 (21:00):
She can kick rocks, and everybody who wants to have
an issue with the fact that you don't want to
have a relationship with her can kick rocks too.

Speaker 1 (21:06):
Yep.

Speaker 2 (21:07):
I am not willing to sacrifice the peace of mind
that I have in my relationship to make my dad
feel better about the relationship that I may have with
his step granddaughter or whatever she is to him now
that he's with the grandmother, step sister slash cousin. Like,
I don't even know what that makes him at that

(21:28):
point family relation wise, because he's with the grandma.

Speaker 1 (21:32):
What's her dad with with her grandma? With her grandma.
I didn't enjoy that email. The skinny of it is,
I think you're justified in the way that you're feeling.
You should protect your home period.

Speaker 2 (21:44):
I'm gonna smack that fly. I'm gonna ruin his day?
Seen me hit him?

Speaker 1 (21:50):
I didn't a little bit.

Speaker 2 (21:51):
She's right, you stay over there.

Speaker 1 (21:56):
All right, let's get into a different one. This one's
called internal conflict and partnership.

Speaker 2 (22:01):
All right. Hi, Chris and Peach, I hope you're both
doing well. I'm reaching out because I know you have
the wisdom to help me navigate a challenging situation in
my life. I've listened to every episode of your podcast
and I'm currently re listening, and I've learned so much
about myself, my relationship, and how to work through difficulties.
I'm constantly striving to improve both personally and in my

(22:22):
relationship with my fiance, and I truly appreciate everything you've
shared so far.

Speaker 1 (22:27):
I love that people go through and can listen to
our content more than once. Me too. It says a
lot about what we're doing right, because, like, if people
were to listen through one time and be like, Okay,
I got everything I needed and stop listening to the podcast,
It's very different than somebody going, oh no, I'm out
of episodes episode one.

Speaker 2 (22:43):
Yeah you know what I mean.

Speaker 1 (22:44):
Yeah, it's wild.

Speaker 2 (22:45):
Yeah, when you're something crazy always there's times where I'll
be actively reading and I'm not retaining what I'm reading,
so I'm like pure autopilot, just saying things.

Speaker 1 (22:55):
I get that. Yeah, that's why audiobook.

Speaker 2 (23:02):
To start, I want to make it clear that my
fiance is not the problem.

Speaker 1 (23:05):
I am love that. That's the greatest thing that you
can say in an email, right, because you can fix
you right Yoh, it's also what he said. It's also I.

Speaker 2 (23:18):
Don't remember, you got excited and said something smart and
I agreed with you. And to start, I want to
make it clear that my fiance, Oh, I just read that. See,
he is the best man I know. He works very
hard at his job as a mechanic to provide for us.

(23:38):
I work too, but I'll get to that later. And
he makes the majority of our money most of the time.
He listens to me, loves me, and really just wants
to make me happy. The issues we're facing, however, have
a lot to do with me and my own mental health,
my unspoken expectations, and some deeply rooted dreams and desires
that seem to be at odds with our current life together.

(24:01):
I love that you know what it is, right, like
you you can't fix something if you're not willing to
acknowledge it.

Speaker 1 (24:07):
But why do you have unspoken expectations?

Speaker 2 (24:10):
Right? Is there a fear of backlash? Does it cause arguments?

Speaker 1 (24:14):
That's such a That's one of the biggest red flags
you'll ever see in a relationship, in my.

Speaker 2 (24:18):
Opinion, unspoken expectations.

Speaker 1 (24:20):
Tom got the job.

Speaker 2 (24:22):
Shut up. Yeah, twenty k increase on his salary. Good
for it.

Speaker 1 (24:27):
That's a big jump depending on where he was. That's
an aw tax bracket.

Speaker 2 (24:31):
It can be right, it can be definitely. It puts
you close enough to it.

Speaker 1 (24:36):
Yep. Hey, Abby, does this mean that you and Tom
are coming to Greece?

Speaker 2 (24:42):
I'm just saying, just throwing it out there.

Speaker 1 (24:44):
You guys got the money down, all right, get back
to it.

Speaker 2 (24:47):
All right? Continuing, I want to share our story because
I believe it helps explain where things stand now. We
started as great friends. He moved across the country for
a small time. When visiting my area, he stayed at
at my house. At the same time, I was starting
to build out my camper van.

Speaker 1 (25:04):
I love that me too. We're doing that.

Speaker 2 (25:07):
Yeah, I bought a van and my dream was to
paint murals and do art shows all over the country.
I planned to build it out myself, and I really
had no experience with handiwork. He is amazing at all
the cut that. He is amazing at all things handy.
So when he would visit, he would help me build

(25:27):
out my van. Okay, so he knew this was a thing.
I'm not even going super far into this. He knew
that this was a dream of yours and that this
was going to be a reality for you one day,
all right. Eventually he made the decision to move back,
so he moved into my place while he was looking
for his own. Little did we know he would never
be moving out. I don't think it was little. Did

(25:49):
you guys know this man's coming and staying at your
house and helping you do things to help make your
life easy and make you happy. I think that there
was an inkling in both of you, and maybe there
was a fear of admitting it.

Speaker 1 (26:02):
I agree.

Speaker 2 (26:05):
Over many months we really fell in love. I think
we loved each other for a while before emitting it
out loud, called it yep. While we were building the van,
we would take little road trips here and there. You mother,
you fucking bold bitch. It was near my ear I
heard it going. When I say I hate bugs, I.

Speaker 1 (26:29):
Can see that you're fucking going through it over there.

Speaker 2 (26:35):
Oh my god, I've put my blood pressure rising. Good thing,
I wore this bloodstone to day. Do the thing with
my circulation. Calm me down, Okay. Working on the van
and traveling with him in these months were probably the
happiest I've ever been. Mind you, he was not working
at the time. He is not a workless He left
his job of fifteen years to move states, and he

(26:55):
took time off to figure out what he wanted to
do next. I think that's healthy.

Speaker 1 (26:59):
I think so too.

Speaker 2 (27:01):
Fifteen years dedicated to one spot that that is your
whole life feels like it. Yeah, And I think taking
a break from that and trying to really figure out
what you want to do for the rest of your
life is necessary. Now. I'm not saying take three years
from working and put everything on your spouse so you
can figure out what you want to do. If you're

(27:22):
going to take a six month break and dabble in
things and really trying to maybe even start your own
business and start mapping out what that looks like, I think.

Speaker 1 (27:28):
A lot of that depends on your savings I agree.

Speaker 2 (27:31):
Hey guys, a little quick interruption. If you're enjoying the content,
please leave alike, and also don't forget to comment. We
enjoy interacting with you guys and hearing your opinions, and
it helps the algorithm.

Speaker 1 (27:40):
It's also free to do, and if you really want
to help make sure the show continues to do, hit
the subscribe button and share the content across your social media's.
It costs you nothing and it greatly helps the show.

Speaker 2 (27:51):
He left his job blah blah blah. This ended up
taking a lot of time, and he took out money
from his four oh one K to get by In
the meantime. I was a bar tender at the time
and also was working on my art business on the side.
I had a good amount of money saved and my
hours were really flexible. All of this made it possible
for us to take our trips and spend time on

(28:11):
the van. We were pretty irresponsible with our money at
the time and blew through it due to spending more
than we were making. We don't regret it, though, because
we had a great time and made some amazing memories.

Speaker 1 (28:21):
It doesn't sound like you wasted anything, then, yeah, I
don't even think that's irresponsible. There are people out there, Oh,
you should save and you Shoulday, you should absolutely do
all that stuff. But if you would have died right
after you did all that, would you've rather had the
money in the bank or the memories that you created?

Speaker 2 (28:35):
Right?

Speaker 1 (28:36):
Yeah?

Speaker 2 (28:37):
He knew I wanted to travel full time, so he
started his own wood working business so that we could
do art shows together. Oh hell yeah, Okay, I love that.
I eventually quit my bartending job to pursue art full time.
We did this for about a year, and as you
can imagine, building two small businesses from the ground up,
especially when we were both adjusting to new reality, was tough.

(29:01):
I ended up supporting us financially for a while, and
though we struggled, I didn't mind because I knew he
was working so hard on his business and he would
eventually be able to contribute more. His woodshop was at
a family member's house, and about a year ago he
lost access to all of his tools. This and the
money factor, led us to the decision that he would

(29:22):
go back to work as a mechanic. Okay, I want
to pause there. That doesn't make sense. How did he
lose access to all of his tools. Were they not
his tools?

Speaker 1 (29:33):
It sounds like it was probably a family member's wood
shop and he was doing the woodworking there using their shit.

Speaker 2 (29:38):
Okay, so they were not his tools. He was borrowing
somebody else's equipment to be able to do what he
was doing.

Speaker 1 (29:43):
Yeah, utilizing somebody else's space. Okay. It could be that
it was all his shit and they had a falling
out and they weren't he was never able to go
get them.

Speaker 2 (29:50):
I'm gonna take them at quarter.

Speaker 1 (29:51):
Now, here's a bigger thing for anybody that wants to
start a business. If you have a real job that
pays good money, like a mechanic, and you want to
start a woodworking business, don't quit your job. You get
a job as a mechanics so that you have steady
income coming in while building your brand, and you start
doing custom jobs and taking commissions. And when you can
supplement the income that you were making as a mechanic

(30:13):
by doing your woodwork business, then you were successful in
business and you can quit your job. Until then, it's
not viable for you to just fucking bounce and go.
There's nothing wrong with swinging for the fences, but there
was no savings there like he pulled money from his
four oh one k in order to make ends meet,
and she was paying for a lot of their life. Yeah,

(30:35):
there's a lot that goes into that. I am somebody
that truly believes that people should be in business for themselves,
but I also understand that not everybody is meant to
be in business for themselves, and the amount of people
who think that you can just open a door and
click an open sign and that people are going to
flock to you. It doesn't work that way.

Speaker 2 (30:50):
So continuing, yes, it was ultimately his decision, but we
also didn't have much of a choice. This already felt
like my traveling dreams were being taken away. But who
was I to complain about a man sacrificing so much
and basically manning up to provide for us. But your

(31:12):
traveling dreams weren't taken away because that's all you guys did.
That's why you don't have a savings anymore.

Speaker 1 (31:17):
Right, it's also put on hold. There's a difference, Yes,
there is. So there's a whole lot that could be
looked at in different perspectives on this, one of them
being that they could just go live in the van
they built a van out. She's a full time artist.
She's not doing the bartending thing anymore. She wants to travel,
do murals and sell art. That's not an expensive life

(31:41):
to live. If you own the van, you're looking at
your yearly insurance, food and gas. That's way fucking cheaper
than living in an apartment or a house. So that
could have been the question. And if he's a handyman
and can do mechanic and build and build a van out,
you can get a job anywhere. Yeah, you just go
to whatever town that she's going to be doing her shit,

(32:02):
get on Facebook, Marketplace and be like handyman in town
looking for work. Can do everything from hanging TVs to
building houses. Yeah, hourly rates forty bucks, whatever it is
that you charge for an hour worth of your time.
And you can go work and do that shit while
she's selling her paintings. And you guys can go surf
at nighttime or go fucking stare at the stars. Right,
So there's a whole lot of This is why I

(32:23):
think people need mentorship. I agree, because we get so
wrapped up in our view of the world that we
forget that there are other options.

Speaker 2 (32:31):
Right, there's different solutions yes, I supported his decision, and
I was extremely sad about it at the same time.
As much as I wish he could have found a
remote job, it's just not something that was in his nature.
He has amazing had a lot of things, but computers
are not one of them. He went back to work
and quickly started making good money. It took us a

(32:51):
long time to build back up from being pretty much broke,
and we are now just getting to a comfortable spot.
He works so hard, he works his days off, He
works more than any other employee, and he's great at
his job. I have my art career but don't make
nearly as much as him now, so he pays for
the majority of things. He doesn't mind, and he sees

(33:13):
his money as our money.

Speaker 1 (33:14):
Okay, so then we really need to talk about the
sacrifices being made here because you may not be able
to travel and do the things that you want to do,
but you are getting to work a job doing what
you love, selling your art, working as you see fit,
while somebody else is sacrificing all of their time and
energy to make the other thing.

Speaker 2 (33:31):
Yeah, we have always had a great relationship and we
were great at communicating in the beginning. Because we already
had so much great friendship within the past couple of years,
it's been harder to communicate with each other. We fight,
we don't connect as much. I know that all of
this is on me, and I can make it better.
As you always say, the woman controls the intimacy and
the relationship.

Speaker 1 (33:51):
I think that there's more to this than just that
I agree with the intimacy thing. We know that. I'm
willing to bet that there's a bitterness here on both
of them. There's rezis she wants to travel and do
the thing, and he wants to be able to not
work as a mechanic full fucking time. And I'm willing
to bet that, even though he has no problem doing it,
or didn't have a problem doing this in the beginning,
he's killing himself to provide the life that she's getting

(34:12):
to live, and he's not getting a benefit from it.

Speaker 2 (34:15):
Continuing sure, my plan from the day I moved into
the last house was that from there I would move
into the van. Then we got together and ended up
living in that house for much longer than we had planned.
We recently moved to a new rental house, and moving
there felt like that dream was just completely taken off
the table. He has worked so hard to get us here,

(34:35):
He has sacrificed all of his time and still continues
to support my art career. My depression is at an
all time high. I am disassociating so badly to get
to the point where my entire life doesn't feel real.
I'm struggling to find my sense of self and purpose
within the life we've built. The fact that a venture
and travel seems out of reach right now is creating

(34:56):
a deep sense of loss and grief in me.

Speaker 1 (35:00):
You're at a point where, like you really were ready
to go do the thing and you put your life
on hold. Of course, there's going to be a bitterness
and a sense of loss you were ready to go.

Speaker 2 (35:08):
You guys also blew through all of your money. Right
If you had a home base and went somewhere for
a month or two and then came back and he
worked odd jobs or whatever he needed to do, and
then went and traveled for two or three months at
a time, and then came back for a month or two,
you would still be able. I mean, I would hope.
It depends on circumstances, but the likelihood of you still
being able to travel would have increased versus being gone

(35:30):
for a year and a half or however long I
did that. For this is all speculation, should not clarify
any of this, just perspective.

Speaker 1 (35:39):
I suppose you think that she would be able to
support her life traveling in her van without an apartment
or a home. She got gotta have somewhere to create
the art, right, right, So like what are you? Are
you painting? Are you an artist like a painter or
are you a tattoo artist? Like what kind of are
you creating? But you need a studio or space for
that to be able to create it? And like, I
know what it is artists studio looks like I've had them.

(36:02):
They're a fucking disaster, yea, And they're normally not very big.
Imagine trying to live your life in a van and
having your art space in there. And that's a question
that needs to be asked. Can I do this without
the help of this man? Right? Because if you can't
do this, your fucking dream is lost anyways.

Speaker 2 (36:16):
Right, she was already working as a bartender, selling her
artwork building out the van. So if this is something
like my husband just said, if you weren't able to
do it without him, it would have remained a dream anyway. Right,
you said you quit your job. Scroll back up a
little bit. I don't want to get this wrong. I
eventually quit my job so we could do art shows together.

(36:39):
He knew that you wanted to travel full time, so
he tried to get into woodworking. So he's already tried
to make the dream happen and it just didn't pan
out because of life circumstances, which that.

Speaker 1 (36:53):
Would have worked either, what are you man? He didn't
have his own workshop.

Speaker 2 (36:57):
Right, he was using somebody else's right.

Speaker 1 (36:58):
So in the event that they had to and they
were paying rent at a house or an apartment or whatever,
still he would still have to go back to the
area to do the thing. So it sounds to me
what they did is built a van to travel in
but not live in. Yeah, so you would still have
to pay for your life, and if your art's not
selling in a way that does that, you have to
pay for convention fees. You know, all that shit.

Speaker 2 (37:17):
Applies supplies your life, right, And she said that she
eventually quit her bartending job to do art full time.
But she also just said that if he wasn't making
the money that they were making, their life would not
be a float right now, right, So it sounds like
this would have this would have been a prolonged thing.

Speaker 1 (37:36):
Anyway, I agree.

Speaker 2 (37:39):
And if he wasn't pulling from his four oh one k,
you would have just had your savings, and after your
savings was depleted, you'd have to go and get another
job the way that he has.

Speaker 1 (37:48):
Right. Okay, why is it that people have such a
hard time having his conversations?

Speaker 2 (37:55):
What do you mean?

Speaker 1 (37:56):
I don't because I don't understand it. I want to travel, Yeah,
I am not fucking shy about that. We're gonna have
this conversation until I'm blue in the face. This is
what I want to do with my life. However, I'm
also not an idiot, and I know that there are
things that we have to deal with in life, because
that's life. We are not in a position where we
can just go jump into the van and go travel

(38:17):
for the next six months. If the kids were adults,
we absolutely could, but they're not. They're six and seven
years old. I also understand that we are at a
point financially with what we've done for a living that
we can travel and do this from the van. We
could record in the middle of the desert with no internet.
We wouldn't be able to go live, but we could
still record. And that's a very real thing. That's the

(38:38):
beauty of content creation. I am not a handyman, but
I have watched my cousin Joey move from place to
place to place to place to place and find a
job the same day that he lands. Because he's a
very skilled tradesman. He can fucking do everything. Same thing
with my stepdad. So for people who have that skill,
they can go anywhere and work.

Speaker 2 (39:00):
Is always being looked for.

Speaker 1 (39:03):
If they want to have a home base and can
go and do this and come back to home base,
then they have to figure out travel schedules, work around
the days that he should have days off and be
able to go and do that. But if her art's
not making enough money to supplement the days off that
he's taking, you couldn't do this anyways. Yeah, But so
the question that I had is why do people have

(39:24):
such a hard time having these conversations. If you really
wanted to homestead, which you do, you want a garden
and do all that shit, if you never mentioned or
you mentioned it at one time and never brought it
up again and got mad because I wasn't providing the
ability for you to do that. Would you be able
to do that on your own if I'm not the
one making the money in a situation like this, like
you have to constantly say in remind like there are

(39:46):
specific shrubs that I bought seeds for that I want
on the property. I have pants that I want to
wear a ceremony that need to be sold. If I
mentioned it once and never reminded you again, that's not
important to you. That's important to me. So this morning,
on the way out the door, I'm like, hey, can
we pin those pants that you can hear them tonight?
I really warm, Serma, you're absolutely right A good idea,
And we pinned him and that was the end of it.
While we were out yesterday, I was like, we needed

(40:07):
home depot because I want to get the pot mix
to plant those shrubs. I want them on the property,
And like, good call, we got things that we needed.
That is on me. And if I have said this
shit once and then get mad at you because I
never brought it up again, that's a me problem. Like
that's fucking childish, You guys know, I'm getting loud. I'm
not like, I'm not angry, I'm just I don't understand

(40:27):
why people have a hard time talking to their person.
And it's mildly, mildly annoying to me. Yeah, because Squeaky
Wheel gets the grease. How can you expect to have
a good relationship with your person if you can't fucking
talk to them right And then you wonder why there's
stress and depression and angst, Like, I.

Speaker 2 (40:47):
Don't know, it also sounds like she wants something that's
not feasible right now.

Speaker 1 (40:51):
It absolutely does sound like that.

Speaker 2 (40:52):
And if you're having arguments about this and he's feeling
blamed because you can't live the life that you want
to live right now, you did live that life with him.
He tried to take up woodworking and he tried to
make that dream of reality for you, and you, guys,
did it. You squandered your money and you said that
it didn't feel like a waste because you were able

(41:13):
to live life. And that's dope. So why can't you
remember that in the moments where you're like, oh my gosh,
we're not doing it right now, Well, you did do it.

Speaker 1 (41:23):
Yeah, I didn't think about the whole poudiness aspect of
all of that. I'm now depressed because that dream feels
like it's off the table. That seems very much like
I want it rukas Sault from Marijuanka, I want it Dad,
I want it now. Yeah.

Speaker 2 (41:37):
Yeah, And you know, if that is if he's feeling blamed,
there could be like, well, I should have never came
into her life because she can't have what she wants
because I'm here and now there could be questions of
does she feel like she's tied to me because I'm
supporting her life right now? Does she actually want to
be with me. There's a whole lot that goes into this,
and I could imagine that if the arguments are based,

(42:00):
I can't live the life that I want to live
because you have to be a mechanic. I would, I would.
It would be really hard for me to not be
like I'm the fucking problem in this relationship.

Speaker 1 (42:12):
Chelsea in the chat said, I think the reason is
it's hard. The reason it's hard is due to possible
rejection of the idea. The idea is just an idea,
it's a dream, and you have to have the conversations
in order to make that dream a reality and they're
not in a position to do that, and because of
the way that they're living their lives. If you don't

(42:33):
have the conversation, you can't devise a plan when you
were super stressed out with the work schedule and you're like,
I don't know if I can keep doing this, Like
I got you just let me figure it out, and
within twelve hours, I've reworked our entire fucking life. But
if you were biting your tongue and not talking to
me about it because you're afraid that I was going
to reject the idea of us working less, how could
I have solved that problem? Also, Vibes said, if she

(42:56):
was more patient, and he could have built a business
big enough to get his own shop space and grow
to the point where and she can implement her art
into his work and build it together and get that
home base and then travel and that's how that should
have worked. Yeah, you know, we we've talked at length
about this because we wanted to move. We wanted to
go to Tennessee, and I don't think that's going to happen.
I think that we might rent a space up there

(43:18):
for a year and move around from place to place
while we're there as a second home. But it's looking
like the reality is is we're keeping our home here
in the area that we're in and buying a Class
C so that when we want to travel we can
just jump in the fucking van and go. Although the
sprinter's built now it is it doesn't have a shower,
but that's an easy solution, you know what I mean,
like six hundred bucks to put water in there that

(43:39):
we'd be able to shower in parking lots.

Speaker 2 (43:41):
I think the RV would be easier with the children.

Speaker 1 (43:43):
Absolutely, and for the cost of them as soon as
we pay off the Broncos game on. Oh yeah, you
know what I mean. I would rather have that anyways.

Speaker 2 (43:53):
Easier with the dogs absolutely, six of us, all of
us in the van is a lot, yep, especially because
the dogs enjoy being near us constantly. Yeah, so it's
a lot of beings confined to one area for long drives. Yep, yep,
all right. I do want to touch on the drowning

(44:16):
aspect of this. I know what that feels like. I
also recognized that I was the person holding my head underwater,
so being able to sit back and look at my
being able to look at my life as a third person,
be like, Okay, I'm not me right now, I'm just
an onlooker of what's going on in my life, and

(44:36):
being able to gain different perspectives of oh, you know what,
this really wouldn't work out right now, even if we
wanted it to, or if I were to do this
by myself, well, I couldn't. I had to have my
bartending job. And the only reason I quit my job
is because he was going to take on another job
to bring income in and we were going to make
it work together. He supplemented the income that you were

(44:57):
having going on with the bartending.

Speaker 1 (44:59):
Yep.

Speaker 2 (45:02):
Not getting what you want in life sucks absolutely. I
love getting gratification about things. When I hear no, I
say okay, but my heart's like.

Speaker 1 (45:13):
Damn, it's normal though it is.

Speaker 2 (45:17):
It's that disappointment of not getting what you want. I
also recognize that things in life take time. We live
in a world now where everything is instant gratification. I
ordered new welcome mats for the front porch and they
were shipped and here in ten hours on Amazon, and
that little dopamine hit, knowing, oh I can have it tomorrow.

(45:40):
I can go to the store and grab it right
now instead of ordering it on two day processing for Amazon. Yep,
it's become a really big thing in our lives and
our society. So it's okay to say we have a
five year plan, right, It's okay to go, you know what,
in six years, this be more manageable for us, and

(46:01):
we won't be stressed and we'll have a steady income
so we don't have to worry about draaning our savings.
There needs to be a perspective shift on life right now, right.
And there's also not a lot included in this email,
like how much savings did they have in Squander? How
long were they out traveling for did they ever come

(46:21):
back to home base and go back out? What did
the money income look like with you selling your art?
In him doing the woodworking, was he even making any
money doing that?

Speaker 1 (46:31):
Right?

Speaker 2 (46:31):
How much is left in his four oh one K.
There's a lot of questions there that would add context
to me personally. Am I stressed out right now? Or
am I just in my head about things because I'm
not getting what I want? And that back and forth,
and then the perspective of I can't remember where I

(46:55):
was going with that. Did I make my point?

Speaker 1 (46:57):
He did?

Speaker 2 (46:57):
Okay, I'm going to add to it though, okay.

Speaker 1 (47:00):
And I was waiting because I don't want to interrupt
train of thought, because I'm really good at derailing you.
We live in a world where you don't have to
go to conventions to sell your art, and here's a
really harsh reality that's going to piss off a lot
of people. If your art, your jewelry making, your woodworking,
your leather working, your fucking tie dye tapestries, or whatever

(47:23):
it is that you're making, that is your art, is
really that good, people will buy it. They'll buy it
off the internet. I spent three hundred and fifty dollars
on a fucking sheet that was tie died. I bought
that fucking ice dyed thing. I couldn't get that the
colors make you absolutely are going to make a bunch
of them, but that one that was up there spoke

(47:44):
to me and I bought it. I bought a fucking
bed sheet that was dyed for three hundred something dollars
because I wanted it and it was amazing. We spent
almost a grand yesterday on fucking rocks. I almost spent
six thousand dollars on a sculpture like I was ready to,
cause we're getting ready to move all of this into
a space and I want it to be amazing, So

(48:06):
I'm willing to max out credit cards or do whatever
the fuck I gotta do to make that space look
the way that I want that space to look. People
who are good at what they do don't really have
to sell their product. Their product sells themselves. If you're
out there trying to push your wares and like get seen,
it means you're probably not that good yet, And that's
a really shitty thing to say, but that's the reality

(48:28):
of it. It's also okay, everything worth doing is worth
doing poorly in the beginning. And if you want to
make a living selling art and doing it from your
house where you're already paying rent, and like selling your
shit on Instagram and TikTok and Etsy and Facebook marketplace
and on your website and doing all of those things
is doable. You want to make real money as an artist,

(48:49):
make content of you doing your art, because you can
get paid from the content, get paid from the fucking
thing when it sells, and you are generating reciprocal income
that continue used to go and go, and you build
a fucking name for yourself. I found a tattoo artist
last night that does geometric shape paintings, and like the

(49:09):
one that he's working on is only probably this big
oil paint. It's thousands of colors. It's amazing. I am
fully convinced that when he sells that it's going to
go for ten or fifteen grand, and I'm willing to
bet that it sells within ten hours because it's fucking incredible. Now,
if I tried to paint that, it would probably never sell,

(49:30):
and I would likely give it away because that's not
my art style. Right. So, if you have the ability
to do all of these things, and you have the
reach that you have right now, the way that the
internet works, we live in a time that is unlike
any other in history. You're no longer stuck to just
your community or where you can drive to. I had
a painting that I bought from a tattoo artist in

(49:53):
Brazil that's actually sitting over there, that giant skull. I
paid five grand for that, and that was before framing it.
All I got was a canvas rolled up, but it
took him like three months to paint that thing, and
I had it hanging in the tattoos shop forever. It
was a tax right off right, it was a whole thing.
But I sought him out because of what I wanted
in the shop. He's really good at what he does,
and that's the thing. If that would have found him

(50:15):
ten years ago, I wouldn't have spent that kind of
money on that print. I probably wouldn't have bought it.
I'd have been like, hey, can you just make like
a Can you give me a downloadable PDF and I'll
just have it printed and sent here for a couple
hundred bucks Like that would have been doable. But that's
the reality of it. You have to build your brand
and your name and who you are in order to
be able to sell your pieces like that. The idea

(50:36):
of just giving up everything and going to try to
do the thing, though it's a dream and it's exciting
for people, the reality is is when you do that,
ninety nine percent of people are going to fail. So
I don't know. I want to see people do things,
and I want to see them go after their business

(50:56):
ventures and shit, but you need to be smart about it.
And if you've never done this for you've never run
a business. Selling your art is not enough. Now. If
you want to be a hippie that fucking drives around
from place to place and lives in your van and
you're painting in Walmart parking lots at night time and
you have people that are commissioning you to paint things,
you can still do that and sell that shit online
and just hit it at a post office when your
fucking paint dry. Is like, I don't know, I don't know.

(51:19):
There's other ways to make money and to make this
a viable option just giving up your life jumping in
your van and working conventions, right, But we also don't
even know what type of artist she is. True.

Speaker 2 (51:29):
I recently listened to a podcast from my therapist and
what he said kind of stuck with me. He said,
to take a look at your life from a bird's
eye view? What does it look like? Does it look
like someone with a good life?

Speaker 1 (51:41):
Oh?

Speaker 2 (51:41):
I I just talked about that, dope.

Speaker 1 (51:47):
Just where are you at? Did you read this? Yeah? Okay,
oh you were on this paragraph. Yeah, Okay, we're not
on the same page. Okay we are now I'm caught up.
Go team, all right.

Speaker 2 (52:01):
My answer was, yes, I'm pursuing my art career. I
have a great house, I have a great partner who
loves me. Next, he said, if anything looks good and
you are still feeling this way, it is one of
two things. First being that there is something chemically off
in the brain. This made sense because I've always had
mental health issue since i was young, and I always
thought this to be the case.

Speaker 1 (52:21):
Yeah, they prove that it's not a thing. What the
chemical imbalance in the brain. It's not a thing to
prove that. It's never been proven that it was. It
was a theory. Oh and they've never proven that a
chemical imbalance in the brain is what causes depression or
any of that shit.

Speaker 2 (52:36):
I think it's neuropathways being damaged. It could be things
being cut off, the nervous system being disrupted.

Speaker 1 (52:42):
Yeah, I think the reality is is people are just exhausted, bored,
and not happy with their life and they're calling it depression.
Your life is what you make it, Yes, it is.
That's really what it comes down to.

Speaker 2 (52:54):
Second, there is something this in your life that you
are meant to have. I immediately stopped in my tracks
and haven't able to think about anything else since something
that you are meant to have, He said, I fear
that I am meant to have the van life thing.
That the van life thing, it's always in the back
of my head. It's something I feel called to do.

(53:15):
So if that's something that you were meant to have,
you would be able to do it without him in
your life.

Speaker 1 (53:20):
If she did the work to get there right.

Speaker 2 (53:24):
But the way that things were standing, you were bartending
trying to do your art, and you only quit bartending
when there was a second possible income happening.

Speaker 1 (53:33):
Let's say that you wanted to do this and I
was a tattoo artist still and that was my job.
We didn't have the podcast. Your dream was to make
him sell crystal jewelry. It's not a far fetched idea.
You love crystals and chiny stuff, and I used to
love tattooing. And you were like, I want to build

(53:53):
this van out and I want to travel and do things.
I'd be like, okay, well, I'm a tattoo artist, so
I have options. I can go with you, and I
can try to guess spot whatever town we're in and
just come back here and operate this as on base.
That's one option. Another option is you go do all
that shit I'll stay here and work, and the weeks
that you're gone are two weeks or a month, or
however long you decide to go. I'm just gonna hold

(54:13):
down the fort and fucking do my thing. It'll suck
that you're not here, but I'll fucking miss you while
you're gone, and when you get back, the sex will
be amazing.

Speaker 2 (54:19):
Yeah.

Speaker 1 (54:19):
Right, we could have whole lots of conversations about that.
I don't have to go with you everywhere you go.
It's nice that we are able to spend time with
each other like that, but the reality is, most people
don't like each other enough to be around each other
twenty four to seven like we are. The other reality
is is that most people want time away from their person.
So there's an answer to this. There is, Yeah, if
you were really meant to do the van life thing,

(54:41):
whether you're meant to do it or not has no
bearing on the ability for you to do those things.
If you say I'm going to go do this and
you start taking the steps to fucking get there, you
can do that. I'm meant to be a multi millionaire,
I'm not, so should I just be depressed about it
and hope to God that he just gives it to me,
or do I need to take the steps to fucking

(55:01):
become a multimillionaire. Yeah, that's the reality of things.

Speaker 2 (55:06):
Meant to be doing something or having something as well,
doesn't mean you're supposed to have it right now.

Speaker 1 (55:12):
That's true.

Speaker 2 (55:13):
Like we said, there's five year.

Speaker 1 (55:14):
Plans, divine timing.

Speaker 2 (55:16):
Yeah, you could be meant to have something, but if
it was given to you right now, you would squander it.

Speaker 1 (55:22):
Right. You have no idea the trials that may befall
you in the future, and if you've got it now,
you may lose it. Yeah, I lost my first business
if I would you know what I mean? Like, there's
you have to think about that. Divine timing is a thing.
Sometimes it's just not meant to be right now. That
doesn't mean give up on your dreams, right, But there's

(55:42):
a difference between having a dream and a goal and
doing something versus just believing the world owes it to
you or the universe should give it to you.

Speaker 2 (55:49):
Can you scroll back up a little bit? There is
something missing in your life that you are meant to have.
So if he said verbatim, there is something missing in
your life that you are meant to have I think
of like peace or relationships. Right, meant to have and

(56:10):
meant to do our two different things. Right, I don't
know that that could be trying to fit what he
said and distorting it to what you want.

Speaker 1 (56:21):
Right, you're making it fit in a narrative. Yeah, We're
going to always assign meaning to things the way that
we want them to go to benefit us. That's why
horoscopes work for all of you who believe in astral horoscopes.
I'm sorry, but all of those apply to everyone. But
when you hear something, you go, I can relate that
to my life. That's it. So it works. And if
it gives you hope, and it gives you driving, it

(56:42):
makes you feel like you're going to have a great day,
then it's fucking doing its job to whin Yeah, tailoring life.
Who is actually living the band life? Right now? This
is action. Take control of your life. No time is
better than now, Be present and work towards your goals.
I have it. I have a very deep respect for
her because she did something that I was too fraid

(57:04):
to do in my entire life. And you know what,
it wasn't ready, I wasn't meant to do that, because
had I done that, we wouldn't have the podcast, we
wouldn't have our relationship, we wouldn't have the dogs, we
wouldn't have all the dope shit that. We wouldn't be
going to Greece. I would be living in my van.
I have my van. It's being built the way that
I want my van, and we are going to do

(57:24):
that shit together and it's going to mean so much
more to me being able to do it with you
than it would if I had have done it by myself.

Speaker 2 (57:29):
Yeah, they're still getting what you want, just right, just
not the timing you wanted it.

Speaker 1 (57:35):
Because it's not always about me. The universe has bigger
plans for a lot of us, and sometimes we have
to get our ship in order for the universe to
give it to us. Get it, babe, it flew you know?

Speaker 2 (57:44):
Did still?

Speaker 1 (57:45):
The Oh? Did it?

Speaker 2 (57:47):
How does how do they know?

Speaker 1 (57:49):
They have multiple eyes? They see everything like a kaleidoscope.

Speaker 2 (57:53):
Why did you make them like that, Lord and not
make me fast enough to catch them?

Speaker 1 (57:59):
You just got to it.

Speaker 2 (58:01):
I think I just hurt my back. I'm feeling it
between the scapulous.

Speaker 1 (58:07):
That's funny, all right?

Speaker 2 (58:10):
Next going on? Whatever we're doing next part continuing questions,
and that brings me to my main question, what do
I do? I know that I am starting to be
resentful towards my partner, and I also know how unfair
that is, considering that everything this man does is for me.
I know that I am not being a great partner
because of all of this. Because of all of this

(58:31):
I have built up in me. Okay, so I want
to pause there. So he knew this was a thing
for you. He helped you build the van, right, that's
the first step. You guys weren't even in a relationship together,
and he was helping you try to achieve your goals.
And then he quit his job and in the meantime,
he tried to do woodworking to help you achieve your goals,

(58:54):
your dreams, And you guys did it. You traveled, you
spent your savings, He pulled from his four oh one
k to make ends meet, to make your dreams happen.

Speaker 1 (59:05):
Yep.

Speaker 2 (59:07):
And now that that money's gone, the woodworking's not working out,
and you guys that have to stay in one place
for a little bit, you're growing resentful towards him for it.

Speaker 1 (59:16):
Well, yeah, exactly right, And.

Speaker 2 (59:18):
She said that it's she knows that it's unfair. So
you you are aware that this is a problem. This
is really just a perspective shift, like your life is
no longer about you anymore. It's about both of you.
You guys have joined your lives together, and he's going
above and beyond to provide you what you want. MS

(59:42):
say it again, A five year plan is not a
bad thing. No, it doesn't mean you're your dreams aren't
gonna come true. It doesn't mean that you're tossed to
the wayside and what you want doesn't matter. It's just
not possible right now. And that's okay.

Speaker 1 (59:55):
This is brouk assault, but I want it now.

Speaker 2 (59:59):
You could have it now, leave him, break the lease
and go struggle by yourself in the van trying to
sell your art.

Speaker 1 (01:00:07):
I know that I am a very different version of
me than I was before we went to that ceremony. Yeah,
because I would be talking so much Shita for all
of this. I've used this as very selfish behavior.

Speaker 2 (01:00:19):
I do do I do as well. From my perspective,
He's gone above and beyond to try and make this
a reality for you, and it was a reality for
a while. And now that you're not getting what you
want out of life, this seems like a temper tantrument.

Speaker 1 (01:00:37):
Away it does. Do you remember yesterday when we were
pulling in here, but when we came to pick up
that rock and we were talking about how easy it
is for people to be happy in relationships when things
are going good. Yeah, And the moment that things get
rough and people have to struggle financially or downsize their
life or living you know, out of their car for

(01:00:57):
a while, motherfuckers jump ship real fast. Yeah, And this
is one of those situations where she has the ability
and the want to go live this van life and
things are getting rough and she's wanting to jump ship
or she's resenting him over it because it's not going
her way. That I mean, I gotta be honest. Is
this situation? This is not This doesn't sound like a

(01:01:18):
healthy relationship. Laurna said, she's this is her depression depression talking.
She needs therapy. She's in therapy and she's manipulating the
advice or therapist is giving her to fit her needs,
and she's resenting her man because of it.

Speaker 2 (01:01:29):
Yeah, continuing, I didn't talk to him about it for
a long time, because it feels so unfair to even
say any of this. Now, it's creating distance between us, It's.

Speaker 1 (01:01:40):
Not it's creating distance. You You are creating distance.

Speaker 2 (01:01:43):
Yes, so this emailer is you are creating the distance
this problem is not. You are, And there has to
be some part of you that recognizes that what you're
feeling and what you're not talking about is selfish. Not
bringing it up and not talking about it as selfish
and feeling the way you're feeling and having the resentments

(01:02:06):
and in a way blaming him for not being able
to live the life that you're living is also selfish.

Speaker 1 (01:02:14):
Okay, I really wish she would have added what type
of art she does? Yeah, so that we could give
her solutions to the problem. Right, this is what I do.
I've owned eighteen businesses in my forty four years of life,
and almost all of them were successful, and by successful
I mean made profit. Right, Like you know, I don't know?

Speaker 2 (01:02:34):
All right, continuing, Oh, you have to score back up?
We don't?

Speaker 1 (01:02:37):
I thought you were No.

Speaker 2 (01:02:39):
I know. I can take responsibility for our relationship issues,
and I can improve things by setting the tone for
better communication into miscy and respect. But I feel like
my own internal struggle is standing in the way of that.
The truth is, I always believe that we need to
pursue our wildest dreams because life is short. The idea
of settling into a life that doesn't fulfill me feels suffocating.

(01:03:00):
I have a heavy passion in my heart to go
after the things we want in life. My partner doesn't
care about going to crazy places or doing crazy wild
adventures like I do. He loves going on trips with me,
but he would be happy sitting in the van in
the woods with a beer in his hand. I love
that too, but I crave more.

Speaker 1 (01:03:16):
So this is a compatibility issue then, and none of
this was mentioned in the beginning.

Speaker 2 (01:03:20):
Of the No it wasn't. So what more are you craving?
I really that? Okay, I hope that you elaborate on that,
because if you're looking to travel internationally, you're not using
your van to do that, and that's a different conversation, right, Okay,

(01:03:42):
we can take small vacations here and there, but otherwise
we are where we are. So I'm reaching out to
you both because I don't know how to reconcile these
conflicting desires within myself. I'm struggling with the guilt of
wanting more while knowing that my partner is content with
what we have. Okay, so I want to pause there.
You said something about chasing your wildest dreams, and we

(01:04:03):
even had a conversation about if you die tomorrow, would
you be happy with that money sitting in your bank
account or spending it to live your life? So we
are on that boat. We get that it also takes
money to live your wildest dream absolutely, So if you
don't have that money and you're not able to have
that income, it's unrealistic to expect him to jump on

(01:04:27):
the roller coaster of well, we need to do this
because we could die tomorrow. There is a reality that
has to be accepted of that's just not your life
right now. And I want to know what you guys
did on that time of travel, because you just said
that you both have conflicting ideas of what that travel
looks like. He wants to sit in the woods with

(01:04:49):
a beer and you want to do some crazy wild adventure.
Well what does that crazy wild adventure look like?

Speaker 1 (01:04:52):
Great? But why can't they do both right on the road?
Truckers work, come home four days a month. Yeah, and
are able to make that work relationship, is that's what
they really want. She's resenting something because she doesn't he's
not doing it the way that she wants him to
do it.

Speaker 2 (01:05:07):
Yeah, this also should have been discussion before you guys
got together.

Speaker 1 (01:05:11):
Compatibility. Yeah, what does his dreams matter any of this?

Speaker 2 (01:05:15):
Right?

Speaker 1 (01:05:16):
Like that? That's a question too, That's a good question.

Speaker 2 (01:05:18):
And if this wasn't discussed in the beginning of the relationship,
and one hundred percent needs to be discussed now because
not only is it unfair to yourself to put your
dreams aside because you want to be in the relationship
with this man, you're lying by omission to him. It's
not fair to him to be in a relationship with
somebody who hates him and he doesn't even know it.

Speaker 1 (01:05:41):
Right. It's also not fair to him of her to
ask him to give up his dreams for her. Right.
We talk about this all the time in the courting questionnaires.
Why when you first start dating somebody, what does your
retirement look like? What do you want to do with
your life? If your goal was to live on a boat,
my goal was to live in a sky rise. We're
not going to have a good situation.

Speaker 2 (01:05:59):
All right, continuing to read, I'm struggling with the guilt
of wanting more while knowing that my partner is content
with what we have. Am I being selfish?

Speaker 1 (01:06:07):
Yes?

Speaker 2 (01:06:07):
Should I just accept that we have a good life
and focus on making the best of it. I know
that I am the one who has to figure this out.
I'm working on my mental health and trying to regain
a sense of balance, but I'm lost on how to
move forward in my relationship without losing myself. So we
read Okay, I'm gonna finish two sentences. Any guidance you

(01:06:27):
can offer would mean the world to me. Thank you
so much for everything that you do. So before I
say this, she's a mural artist.

Speaker 1 (01:06:36):
Okay.

Speaker 2 (01:06:40):
Nothing we said in this was meant to be attacking
or to make you feel like a piece of shit
human being. We are purely just trying to provide perspective
and other avenues of thinking. We read a book and
I can't remember what book it was. It's somewhere on
our reading list. But the book said, if you have
to sacrifice your self to be in a relationship with somebody,

(01:07:01):
you don't need to be in that relationship, right.

Speaker 1 (01:07:06):
Fuck me?

Speaker 2 (01:07:07):
What book was it?

Speaker 1 (01:07:07):
No idea.

Speaker 2 (01:07:10):
It might have been the let them theory. If you're
in a relationship with somebody and they want to move
to England but you want to stay in Massachusetts them,
you have to choose between giving up your life and
your dreams of staying near your family for your whole life,
or going and living your life with this person and
doing something that could be an adventure.

Speaker 1 (01:07:27):
Right.

Speaker 2 (01:07:28):
So, now you're at a crossroads. You can either be
with this person who you said is amazing and great
and a good man and all of these other things,
and from what you've said, he has done a lot
to try to make you happy in life and maybe
wait a few years to get to the points where
you guys can do the traveling thing. Or you can
leave him and try to figure this out on your own.

(01:07:51):
That's the two options. You can have the conversations if
I'm not happy, what can we do to remedy this
in the future, because I don't want to stay in
one place for the rest of my life, and staying
in one place for five years, hopefully is not the
rest of your life, right, Right, you have to have
those conversations. You have to let him know how you
feel you are now holding your own head underwater and

(01:08:12):
making the choice to breathe it in.

Speaker 1 (01:08:15):
Yeah, this is one of those situations where having a
simple conversation and trying to devise a plan where you
both get what you want is doable. Yeah, but what
is your retirement going to look like? If his retirement
is going to be sit on his ass with a
beer in his hand, and you're still wanting to travel
in your retirement, this isn't gonna work. Be honest with yourselves.
This is one of those things where it's really cool
to be like, Hey, I love you, like I truly

(01:08:36):
fucking love you, but what we want out of life
is not compatible. I want to travel and see the world,
and you don't. You're very content working the mechanic job,
doing the thing, sitting around fucking drinking, having the life
that you enjoy, and I don't want to take that
from you. But I'm not going to give up my
life either, because I only get one shot at it.

(01:08:56):
So if you want to make this work with me,
we need to devise a plan that we both get
what we want. And if that means that I can
book jobs, travel the van and be gone for two
or three weeks at a time and do the job
and come back and you'll still be here working your
mechanic job and love me all the same. Then that's
the answer. If you're not okay with me doing this
without you, I'm not willing to give up my career
and my dreams if you're not willing to give up

(01:09:20):
yours either, Right, Like, that's just really what it comes
down to. I got nothing else on this. I think
that we've covered a lot in that email, and we're
an hour and a half in. By the time we're done,
it'll be probably cut down to like an hour. There's
a lot of cuts that have to be made from
this episode. But do you have anything you want to add?

Speaker 2 (01:09:38):
No, not that I can think of.

Speaker 1 (01:09:39):
Okay with that being said, guys, remember you are the
author of your own life. Grab a pen and we
will see you on the next one.

Speaker 2 (01:09:45):
Bye, guys,