Wednesday throw back S1. Ep.5

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Episode Transcript

Speaker 1 (00:00):
Look out.

Speaker 2 (00:02):
We've come all the things, we will be on the bottom.
All our world is you. You're my favorite view. But
there's nothing.

Speaker 3 (00:22):
We are not professionals, Nope.

Speaker 1 (00:24):
Everything that we speak on is opinions derived from experiences
and outside knowledge we've gotten from other resources. If you
get any value or something we said resonates with you,
share this.

Speaker 3 (00:37):
Yes, that's how we grow. And if you're not subscribed,
why not? Yeah, that's a good question. If you're not.

Speaker 1 (00:43):
Subscribed, you're going to miss out on this whole experience.
That's the christis. Please leave a comment. Your comments are
actually super dope to read. Knowing how that we've impacted
you or your relationship, it just helps us continue to
what we're doing and it shows that what we say
works sometimes. And to submit a question or just to
email us and say how we've helped or maybe constructive

(01:04):
criticism email us at to be beetter co at gmail
dot com. The number two The number two emails will
be read anonymously on this podcast unless specified otherwise by
the sender. So if you don't want us to put
your story out there, tell us that correct. If you're
going to send emails, please be as detailed as possible.
If you give us a one sided email about how

(01:25):
your partner is the problem, that is all we will address.

Speaker 3 (01:27):
You will get a one sided reply.

Speaker 1 (01:29):
Yes, nobody is perfect. Take accountability. Everybody can grow oo preach,
and we are giving unbiased, honest opinions. We are not
yes men. So if you submit something to us, be
prepared for an answer that you might not like getting.
But we are going to give you a very honest

(01:49):
outside perspective.

Speaker 3 (01:50):
That's a full disclaimer. Yeah, now to the episode. I
really enjoy that.

Speaker 1 (02:07):
I'm really vibing over here.

Speaker 3 (02:08):
Like every once in a while you find gyms on
soundclouds or not SoundCloud, but a epidemic sound not sponsored
by just paid for service. So we are doing episode five.
Holy shit, five weeks we've been doing this and in
the five weeks we've upgraded equipment. We've created the Patreon,
which is doing really well for three days. Blows lows

(02:29):
my mind, dude, I've jumped thirty thousand subscribers on TikTok
crazy in that like last two weeks. You're up to
like one eighty. Now, yeah, coming for you.

Speaker 1 (02:40):
Oh, I know you're gonna pass me. I've gotten super
relax with my TikTok because I don't want to deal
with the idiocracy anymore.

Speaker 3 (02:46):
Yeah, no, it's difficult. That So that kind of kind
of leads into what we're going to be talking about today.
So for those of you who don't know, I am
leaving the disclaimer up because I need to leave the disclaimer,
which we actually need to re record because it's changed.
We are, you know, we're doing a lot of paid
on stuff now and like we are doing exclusive content,
and there's things that are not relevant to that anymore.
So we may need to to reevaluate our little disclaimer

(03:07):
at the beginning of this. But I am Chris. She
is Chris. We are the Chriss that was I think
is in the disclaimer. I don't remember, but I feel
like I need to say that again. For those of
you who don't know, I am c H. Chris. There
you go, so that when you guys see the emails,
you know who to address it to if you want
to talk to one or the other. Most of you
have that knocked down to a science. All right, well,

(03:30):
then let's let's just jump into the emails. You know
it would be really cool, and I know it won't
happen but if Andy Friscilla ever happens to see this
and would like to sponsor our podcast, you know First
Form Energy Drinks, I would kill for that kind of sponsorship.

(03:51):
You know. It's not like I spend five or six
hundred dollars every six weeks on ship from them. No,
who does that? Well?

Speaker 1 (03:57):
To say you're because I do. I like the workout
shirts that I got from oh Man.

Speaker 3 (04:03):
Their clothes are comfortable, yeah, like, and you know I
kind of prided myself on our shop clothes. Right, it's
not the same and there's no tag on it, so
I can't even figure out what brand of shirt it
is because I would spend the extra money for it.

Speaker 1 (04:17):
All right, So first email, this is someone who has
emailed us prior, but all details weren't there, so this
is like that final comprised one. So she said, I
had sent an email prior, but I feel like I
didn't explain very well and did not proof read my email.
And then I apologize. She said, my apologies, But my Maraine,
just my boyfriend is thirty three and I am thirty two.
We have been together since March of twenty twelve. We

(04:39):
have an eight year old nonverbal autistic son.

Speaker 3 (04:42):
That's rough. That is very rough.

Speaker 1 (04:44):
My son. He was born twenty seven weeks. He was
two pounds nine ounces when he was born, and the
first thing the doctor told me was that the likelihood
of him being autistic and nonverbal was high, and him
having cerebral palsy was high. So he didn't start speaking
until he was like two and a half years old.
I was fully convinced that my son was going to

(05:05):
be nonverbal for the rest of his life. So I
can't imagine like actually having to live that. And I
don't know if you know sign language or if he's
able to communicate at all. I know there's some kids
that just grunt.

Speaker 3 (05:18):
Yeah, Well, we have people in our life who have
a nonverbal six year old and I'm not going to
get this in our personal life, but you know, seeing
them with him, that's very much a struggle.

Speaker 1 (05:29):
Yeah, it takes a lot of patience, Like you have
to be a saint to be able to be as
understanding and calm and not like s gets that surface frustration,
Like you keep all that internally. I respect people who
aren't shitty to kids who are on the spectrum or
whatever is going.

Speaker 3 (05:47):
On, Hey, can we pause this for a minute. And
I'm not saying, like, pause the whole podcast, but I
want to give a shout out to aj. Yeah, I
feel like it's necessary. I mean, we got somebody that
reached out. For those of you who aren't caught up,
we got kind of an intern apprentice thing going on
right now with somebody who reached out to us and
started doing a whole lot of work for us and

(06:07):
is not taking payment. And if I can't do anything
else other than say thank you on the podcast for now,
like that's I feel it's necessary. The last email that
we're going to read today, he cleaned up a lot
to make it more cohesive for us. Oh that's so dope.
And if that goes over really well on the podcast,
it's going to be something he's going to be doing

(06:28):
a lot for us moving forward. And I just I
felt the need to address that and I should have
done it when we opened and I forgot.

Speaker 1 (06:34):
Well, I also want to say thank you for cleaning
that email up, because reading emails and you know, we're busy,
so we don't really have the time to sit down
and type things up and clean things up. So the
fact that he's going out of his way just to
help us to have like a cleaner podcast.

Speaker 3 (06:48):
I didn't realize how much time this was going to
take up. Yeah, I really didn't like when we started
doing this. It was because TikTok's take a few minutes
on Thursdays, we record for seven or eight hours. This
is a full time job on Thursdays. It's exhausted, and
it's fine.

Speaker 1 (07:00):
I mean, we're not just doing it on Thursdays, though,
We're recording three or four hours right every other day
to keep up content to make sure we have stuff
to post.

Speaker 3 (07:08):
It's going to slow down, especially as we move in
more onto Patreon. I don't expect to post to YouTube
every single day, but we did get ahead, like we
have content coming out tomorrow that we recorded previously, and
then the other things that should have went on YouTube
went to Patreon already. So we are, we are doing
the thing and it's going to continue. But if it
got to the point where we could do this every day,
I would love that. That would be amazing. If this became

(07:31):
like a you know, one hundred thousand dollars a month
or deal because of the I mean, you know, obviously
Joe Rogan and those guys are making a killing. I
don't expect to get to that level. I don't know
if I would want to get to that level. I
do not want to get to that level. But I
have a it's almost like a sinking feeling.

Speaker 1 (07:47):
Yeah, like I really feel like we're gonna pop off
and having aja wanting to like help us with this.
And he has I can't recall his name, but it's
Joe Grogan's producer, right, yeah, yeah, like he has aspirations
to be that dude. Like this guy sounds very knowledgeable
on everything that comes with us.

Speaker 3 (08:03):
He's doing the work. He's doing more back end work
than I was willing to do. I wasn't willing to
do it. And when he was like you need to
do this, you need to do that, I'm like, yeah,
I really don't because I don't care enough to do that.
I don't want.

Speaker 1 (08:14):
This is somebody who is really thinking we're gonna pop off.

Speaker 3 (08:17):
Yeap.

Speaker 1 (08:18):
I just think that's dope. My boyfriend is thirty three.
I am thirty two. We've been together since March of
twenty twelve eight year old non verbal autistic son. My
boyfriend works full time and I work part time. I
take care of our son also do the household chores,
cook and do laundry. We both pay rent, So his
only responsibilities are paying his half of the rent and
the phone bill. Okay, so I'm gonna pause on that.

(08:40):
He works full time, you work part time, but he's
only paying rent and a phone bill. Well, it depends
on what the rent is, right, Well, what about like utilities?
Are utilities included in the rent?

Speaker 3 (08:48):
And well, no, if he's paying the rent in the
half the rent, oh said half?

Speaker 1 (08:52):
Yeah, they split the rent.

Speaker 3 (08:54):
Well that's a problem, and I can't see the email.
I have a pop up on my window that won't
go away. Right, it's working, I'm working on it, but
oh wait, my computer's not responding now. Yep.

Speaker 1 (09:08):
So he pays half the rent and he pays a
phone bill. Okay, So if utilities are not being spent
split evenly, right, that doesn't make sense to me. Why
is why are you working a part time John to
take on more of the financial responsibilities, especially if you
guys are married.

Speaker 3 (09:24):
They did it?

Speaker 1 (09:25):
Say No, they're not married. They've been together since March
or twenty twelve.

Speaker 3 (09:29):
I mean, at this point they might as well be
the autistic sun together and they're they're living that married life, right.
But yeah, that I mean, that's a problem. She takes
the care of sun, does the household chores, cooks, and
new laundry. We both pay rent, so.

Speaker 1 (09:44):
His only responsibilities financially is his half of the rent
and the phone bill.

Speaker 3 (09:47):
Yeah, that's that's not an equal share of life, especially
if he's working full time. Where's the rest of the
money going.

Speaker 1 (09:54):
He does not help take care of our son. He
doesn't clean, doesn't take out the trash, clean the yard,
and so on. I am also responsible for filling up
my gas tank or any other car issues.

Speaker 3 (10:02):
Fucking scrub. I hate that. I hate that so much.
I don't care how you guys feel about this. I've
said it a thousand times. Man, it is your fucking
duty to make sure that your woman's cars are taken
care of. In the event that your woman has to
go to a mechanic or do anything mechanic related, there's
a strong possibility, unless she's going somebody very reputable, that
she's gonna get ripped off. They're gonna make a paper,
a whole bunch of shit. She doesn't need, et cetera,

(10:23):
et cetera. Fucking stop it. Or she's gonna go to
a gas station, have fill the gas tank up and
do all that shit by herself and get fucking harassed
by people at the gas station because you're not there
doing your job. I fucking hate that so much.

Speaker 1 (10:35):
That reminds me of my car needs gass.

Speaker 3 (10:37):
I got you. Why did I'm sweating now like that
instantly frustrates me.

Speaker 1 (10:43):
It's because that's little boys shit.

Speaker 3 (10:45):
No, it's because I've seen people try to grab you
at a gas station. I have seen people start to
engage you until they realize that I was with you,
and then like sidestep. And I have seen people get
uncomfortably close to our vehicle to try to get near
you to say shit. Even though I've been there, I
understand the gas station threat differently now than I did before,
because hearing it is one thing, seeing it as another.

(11:06):
When you live in experience, it changes your view of things.
It frustrates me. I mean, I guess it's others do that.

Speaker 1 (11:15):
He expects sex. We have not had sex in almost
a year because I'm just drained and is not attractive
when someone who wants to drink and never communicate. Oh,
and it's not attractive when someone who when somebody wants
to drink and never communicate and his attitude is horrible.

Speaker 3 (11:30):
Pause. So I wouldn't want to have sex with them either, right.
Could you imagine me coming home alcohol and the breath stinking,
fucking shitty attitude going, Come on, baby, put out right?
That's not a thing. And I would like to point
out that when you have stretched yourself extremely thin with
an eight year old autistic nonverbal child, doing all of
the housework and working a part time job, and you're

(11:52):
not having the help that you need, you don't get
a break. When you don't get a break, you have
no energy. When you have no energy, you have no
energy for anything, including intimacy.

Speaker 1 (12:00):
She sounds like a single mom with a roommate.

Speaker 3 (12:01):
Right, It's exactly what it sounds like. You can't. If
you can't leave enough in the tank to provide an
intimacy with your partner, you will absolutely become roommates. It
doesn't matter if your male or female taking on those roles.
When there's nothing left in the tank, there's nothing left
in the tank. Period. People need to realize that you
need to have two or three things, four or five things,

(12:23):
ten things a day that are small victories, things that
make you feel good about yourself, that give you that
little bit of pep, a little bit of I did
the thing, Yeah, a little bit of fun, so that
at the end of the night, when you're exhausted, you
feel like you accomplish something. Throughout the day, you have
a couple of moments where you smiled and things were good.
Not the kid was screaming all day because of whatever.
A fucking house didn't get clean because I was dealing

(12:44):
with this over here, I'm dealing with bills on top
of that, he doesn't take care of the yard, doesn't
take care of the trash, and now she's doing all
of that shit as well, or having to find somebody
else to come and do these things, and then having
to deal with them on top of negotiating payment, making
sure they're paid. Do you see how like? Yeah, not
obviously you do. But the people who are listening, there's
a constant ebb and flow in all of this. And

(13:07):
he's sitting around doing living the fucking dream where he's
going to get to just drink and hang out all
day while she's fucking handling everything. This is that man
boy shit, All right, I'm so fucking glad that we
have what we have.

Speaker 1 (13:18):
Me fucking too. You know, I want to touch on
before we continue. In the email, you said, like ten
little victories throughout the day that just make you happier,
make you feel good about yourself. I do that constantly.

Speaker 3 (13:28):
It's huge.

Speaker 1 (13:29):
I made a TikTok last night and people really enjoyed it.
I was stone sitting on the couch watching Bar Risk
You eating shredded cheese out of a bowl. In that moment,
I was living my best life. Yeah, Like I was
so happy to be existing, and like life is stressful,
So like little moments like that where I'm like, oh,
I could be sex trafficked and I could be living
a really awful life. But instead I'm sitting on my

(13:50):
couch and air conditioning, eating shredded chee out of a
bowl like it's cereal.

Speaker 3 (13:55):
It's a small things, shredded cheese out of the Bowling series.

Speaker 1 (13:58):
It makes me so happy. And like this morning, I
was editing photos that we took yesterday. We took these
photo yesterday. It's not even my present reality, and I'm
flipping through these photos and those little dirty bird faces
make me so happy. You even walked over and I
was like, it just makes me happy and I'm fucking smiling. Idiocracy.

Speaker 3 (14:14):
Those those small victories can be other things as well, though,
like your general health. This morning when we got up,
I got up at six thirty and immediately started responding
and going back and forth with AJ, this fucking kid
is on his game.

Speaker 1 (14:27):
Yeah, I want to clarify. You say kid, but he's
in his thirties.

Speaker 3 (14:31):
Everybody's a kid to me unless you're older than me,
and then you're my elder. So it's not a disrespect thing.
I know.

Speaker 1 (14:36):
I just want to clarify it's not like a sixteen year.

Speaker 3 (14:38):
Old he No, he's a full grown adult, military veteran,
the whole nine. But it's one of those things that
I got up and immediately started dealing with that. I
didn't hit social media this morning until eight o'clock, two
and a half hours of no social He's so on
top of shit that he recognized that our ad sense
didn't get approved and message me was like, Bro, your
ad sense didn't get a pro You need to take

(14:58):
care of that. I was dealing with it, but he
caught it. Like so the first two and a half
hours this morning, I wasn't doing anything, and we train
at eight. So by the time we walked out to
the gym, I'm like, I don't want to do this.
My brain was not in workout mode, and you were
like I do, let's go, come on, you know, and
we did it, and we had a decent little workout
and almost like forty five minutes. It wasn't a big deal.

(15:19):
We have a gym on our property, so we literally
just have to walk one way over. So but that
forty five minutes, because we're not driving anywhere, saves this
half hour to an hour of time in the morning
and I'm able to answer emails and do shit while
we're out there. But that victory for me today so
far was the gym, because I didn't want to do it.
If I was by myself today and I didn't have
you here, I would have been like, hey, bro, I
don't feel like training. I'd text Sean and be like,

(15:40):
I don't want to want to do this today because
I need There's other shit that I need to be
taken care of, and that's going to play into a
video that we're going to make later for YouTube in
terms of hyperfixation. But the other small victory that I've
had so far for the day is that I ordered
a stream deck because I have the capture card coming tomorrow.
The stream deck will be delivered today, and once all

(16:01):
of this gets running through OBS, I can just push
buttons to change camera angles, so if you're talking, I
can go to your camera. If I'm talking, and go
to my camera. And that's make editing so much use.
Oh yes, it's crazy how much money we've put into this,
and like, how how far this is going. I really
think that by the end of the month, I want
couches in here and to have a better set up.

Speaker 1 (16:22):
That would be so much more. I can be wrapped
up in a blanket. Yeah, comfy.

Speaker 3 (16:27):
I just don't know how it's going to work because
we have our tables and like, this is very functional,
and I do have another camera that I want to
put over to the side so that I can hit
both of us at the same time, so that I,
you know, if we're both having a quick back and forth,
I can go to that camera, and if I'm going
to have a diatribe of nonsense, I can go to
mine and then yours. While you're reading emails, and the
more camera switches the better it is for people's brains.

Speaker 1 (16:50):
I like hearing your wins of the day, and that
makes me happy.

Speaker 3 (16:53):
I mean, it's it's ten o'clock, right, so it's not
like we're very far behind on the day, you know
what I mean. And we had a great breakfast. That
was good. Oh that's so good.

Speaker 1 (17:01):
Oh, I just want to throw in. You asked me
what I wanted to eat this morning, and I told.

Speaker 3 (17:05):
You, yeah, wild be jealous men, because you know your
woman don't do that shit.

Speaker 1 (17:12):
It felt good to just say what I wanted and
you were.

Speaker 3 (17:14):
Like, okay, yeah, I don't want to think about it.
That's great. I have enough decisions I have to make
every day. The last thing I need to think about
is keeping myself alive.

Speaker 1 (17:23):
I'll do that for it. I got you. He comes
home after work and goes straight in the room to
play video games or stays out at the bars with
his coworkers till the bar closes.

Speaker 3 (17:33):
Now it's like I just said something about video games.
It was the very next sentence.

Speaker 1 (17:38):
I work from home, and he gets, oh, I'm sorry.

Speaker 3 (17:40):
No, you don't need to be sorry. I just I
don't I guess because I've had a problem with drinking,
and I did the bar thing when I was really young, Like,
I can't imagine not coming home after work, all right,
especially with children at home. Like I gotta be honest though,
and I'm gonna catch flak for this. I don't care
will never love their kids the way women do. And

(18:02):
I'm not saying that we don't love our kids, because
we absolutely love our children. But there is an emotional
bond from you carrying your kid that men will never understand.

Speaker 1 (18:11):
I wouldn't even say it's just from me carrying my children.
Women are just more inclined to be emotionally.

Speaker 3 (18:20):
But every time I say that, there's always some fucking
weird dude in a comic going, you're wrong. I love
my kids unconditionally, and I'm not saying that. I'm saying
that it's just a it's different. But because they have
an eight year old nonverbal kid, not saying that he
doesn't love his child, but in the event that he
goes home and goes right into a room and plays
video game, ignoring the child, We're staying out at a
bar all night with his coworkers until the bar closes

(18:40):
at two o'clock in the morning, and then coming home drunk.
He's negating that entire aspect of his life that could
be a problem for him, and he just doesn't want
to admit it. Yeah, it's a shitty thing to say.
It is very shitty thought to have, but I mean,
people are shit, so you know, I always think the
worst of everyone.

Speaker 1 (18:59):
I work from home and he gets very loud while
playing video games and I tell him to lower it
down and he refuses to. He gets drunk to the
point where he wants to yell and break things, waking
your son up. I know that one of the issues
on my part is my nagging, which I'm trying to
work on, and I know that not having sex as
an issue, but it's very frustrating feeling like I'm doing
almost everything by myself. I've tried showing him your YouTube

(19:20):
content and he refuses. I've even asked him about couple's
therapy and he says, no, I know for a fact
that I need therapy for myself. He always tells me,
if you don't like it, you can leave. Obviously he's
not willing to. He's not willing to change. All I
can do is my part to try to be a
better person overall. And try changing myself. I just don't
know what to do anymore. Thank you for taking your

(19:41):
time to read this. Y'all's content has been a big
eye opener.

Speaker 3 (19:44):
He always tells me, if I don't like it, I
can leave. He doesn't want you there. That's it. You're
a convenience to him, or a comfort. There's nothing more there,
or just a routine, right, Yeah, you know you are
a comfort. We have this life together, and we're making
the bills meet and I get to live this life.
And whether you're here you're not here. Whether you're here
you're not here, doesn't matter to me. So if you
don't like it, leave I can find somebody else who

(20:05):
gives a shit. That's what I That's what I took
from that sentence.

Speaker 1 (20:08):
I think that boy needs a better father. I think
are a better parental figure.

Speaker 3 (20:12):
I think a lot of things. I think first and foremost. Yeah,
another one, I'll mute it, Okay, I think first and
foremost when it comes down to it. Do your therapy,
Oh yeah, absolutely.

Speaker 1 (20:25):
Do everything. You can't grow as a person.

Speaker 3 (20:28):
Him refusing to do that, and refusing to watch the
videos and refusing to acknowledge any type of change means
he's not willing, he doesn't see anything wrong with what
he's doing. And unless he's able to see what what?
That just frustrates me.

Speaker 1 (20:40):
Okay, Like, how do you think you're this big, old,
mighty person when your wife is absolutely miserable, You're not
giving her any attention. You're going to bars until two
o'clock in the morning, like you're the single bachelor. Not.

Speaker 3 (20:51):
I fully acknowledge that sometimes people just don't give a shit, right,
Like that's a fact.

Speaker 1 (20:55):
Yeah, if that's the case, so just say it, right, Like,
don't be a coward and mask behind things and beat
around the bush and say, well, if you don't want
to be here, you can leave. How about you say
I'm not happy anymore and I don't want to be here? Right?

Speaker 3 (21:05):
But how would that work out for him? In the
event that she leaves, he's only paying half the rent
in the cell phones, spending the rest of the money
going to the bar. He doesn't he doesn't take care
of the kid at all. In the event that she
leaves and has to pay child support with an autistic child,
he's now responsible for medical bills, and in whatever state
he's in, that may not be the case. But in Florida,
you have to pay the medical is the dad. It's
core ordered. The medical goes to the dad. So have

(21:25):
to provide insurance, which for an eight year old non
verbal autistic child is going to be high. He's going
to have to pay child support. I don't know if
they're actually married or not. And if they're not married,
he won't have to pay alimony. But he's going to
get hit with all that money. And if he can
barely take care of his side of shit, Now, how
is that going to work when he's got to pay
out all this money? And that's a fear. It could
be maybe he fears that if they leave, he's going

(21:47):
to owe them a bunch of shit, or he's not
going to be able to make ends meet, he's not
gonna be able to live his life. That you know,
Devil's advocate everything. I'm not saying that this is the case.
I'm just saying that, you know, I think people are
shitty people, and I'm gonna look at everything from the
worst case scenario. You know.

Speaker 1 (22:01):
It's also the kind of thing where she has a
nonverbal autistic son, Yeah, like he can't go to a
regular public school. How is she going to make ends
meet on her own. Yeah, you know, if this is
the kind of thing where he really sounds like he
doesn't give a fuck to be a better person.

Speaker 3 (22:18):
No, it absolutely sounds like that.

Speaker 1 (22:20):
So it's not out of the realm of possibility to
where you guys can just remain roommates. You know, you
guys are paying your end the rent, whatever is going on,
and then like if you want to see other people,
that needs to be conversation that needs to be had.
It is very hard being a single mother of a
special needs child.

Speaker 3 (22:36):
Right when you got to think of the routine for
the autistic child as well, because a lot of autistic
children thrive on routine. So right now, being that the
dad is going to the bars or playing video games
and not really present when he is there, I'm sure
that it creates some sort of emotional conflict with the
child because his routine is getting disrupted.

Speaker 1 (22:55):
It's also this man is yelling and throwing things and
breaking things, like I.

Speaker 3 (23:01):
Do this sucks, This really sucks. I I you know,
I understand that people play video games as a hobby,
and I know a lot of people who are who
are adults. I have a friend of mine that works
in tech that is a a a big deal at
one of where he works. I'm not gonna throw him
under the bus, but and I know that he makes
more than six figures that you're doing what he's doing.
And I know that he plays video games because I've

(23:23):
played video games with him. But he will stop what
he's doing and engage with his child and engage with
his woman, and like, only spend two hours playing video
games instead of all night, and it'll be.

Speaker 1 (23:32):
Like Tuesday, that's his dedicated night to.

Speaker 3 (23:36):
Right, and it's it's the only time that he gets
to play the video games and decompress and hang out
with his friends. And it's scheduled, and I bet it's
uninterrupted to most of the time. She does not interrupt him.
We are playing We were playing Destiny, the first Destiny
when it came out, and she came home and I
think she hit her head on the counter and like

(23:57):
or on like a cabinet corner or something, and I
her blood curdling scream and I don't know where his
computer was at the time in comparison, but it sounded
like she was screaming into his microphone and she's having
a full melt down. He's like, I gotta go all
right back, and he put his headphone down and I
can hear everything that's happening in the background. She hit
her head on the cabinet. She had a really bad
day at work, full meltdown. He comes back to the

(24:20):
computer and he's laughing his ass off because she's screaming
and cursing about everything. She literally just hit her head
on the corner of the cabinet. But like was in
the kitchen on the floor, fucking melting down.

Speaker 1 (24:29):
I don't mean to laugh. I've had moments like that.

Speaker 3 (24:31):
But you know who I'm talking about. So hearing her
do that, like, that's not who she is as a person.
And he got back on laugh and he's like, I
have to go guys, because it comes down to it.
It is still your family first, you know what I mean.
You have to put your wife as a priority or
your woman as a priority. This doesn't sound like there's
a priority here other than I want to drink and
play video games. Right.

Speaker 1 (24:53):
If this is the kind of thing that she wants
to try to make it work, I would have I
don't know if there's any grandparents in the picture, if
there's any aunts, or uncles, if there's somebody that that
child is familiar with they feel safe with, have spend
the night at grandma's house.

Speaker 3 (25:09):
Yeah something.

Speaker 1 (25:10):
Y'all need to have a sit down, in depth conversation
and talk about what you want going forward, because what
you have now is not.

Speaker 3 (25:16):
Working while sober.

Speaker 1 (25:17):
While sober, and you know, if it's the kind of
thing where he's like, well, I'm going to go out
and drink, say I think we need to have a conversation.
You know, our son's not going to be here tonight.
We really need to figure out what we're doing. And
if he says, well, I'm going to go drinking anyway,
that that's your answer.

Speaker 3 (25:32):
There's nothing else to be said. He's told you everything
at that point.

Speaker 1 (25:35):
And if he's like, if he's on board with it
and he does want to have that conversation, I would
start it with I don't recall if she said things
were good prior to the child or not, but I
would say, no, things things have changed. I don't know
if you are unhappy with me. I don't know if
you're frustrated that our son can't speak. I don't know
if you're unhappy at work, Like what is happening because

(25:57):
I don't feel connected to you anymore. I don't feel
we're in a relationship anymore. What can we do to
remedy the situation? Do you need like designated nights to
go out and hang out with the boys. And if
he says, yes, you're not staying out until to o'clock
in the morning anymore, right, And if he's not okay
with that boundary, that's it. If he's not willing to

(26:18):
compromise and take a step back and be like, Okay,
this is why I'm unhappy. These are the steps that
we can take. And it's logical, rational steps. Not you
have to allow me to go out five nights a
week to pop party and whatnot. That shows an initiative,
like he's realizing that you're right, it's not working, but
he wants it to.

Speaker 3 (26:40):
So she said in here that he gets drunk to
the point where he wants steal and break things. That
leads to other DV happening, especially if they're drunk to
that point that they're starting to break shit. It may
not be in him as a person to physically harm you,
but I actually see that as a sign of abuse,
especially when there's a child involved said the issues on

(27:02):
her part is her nagging, which she's trying to work on,
and the sex issue is frustrating. So the nagging situation.
Ways that you can deal with that is to instead
of harping, just give gentle nudges, Like if you need
him to take the trash out and he doesn't, just
let it sit until he does it. And if he
doesn't do it and you guys go to bed, be like, hebee,

(27:23):
I forgot did you take the trash out earlier? Like
I asked you to? And if he's like, no, I'll
do it in the morning and it doesn't get done
in the morning, just leave it. Let it pile up
for a little while. You know, it's kind of petty.
It could create bugs and that would be a problem
for me. But if it goes on another day with that,
it be like, hey, you know, I've asked you and
even reminded you to take the trash out and you didn't.
So now it's piling up in there and there's bugs

(27:43):
and it's getting gross in the house. Can you please
take care of that? So, I mean, that's one way
to do it, because you're not nagging, you're not harping
on him. You're just trying to be gentle with the reminders.
The other things that you can do is to give
the end result you want instead of the details on
how you want to get there. So like I'm trying
to think of an example that's relevant to what she said,
but I really don't, you know, really could come down

(28:05):
to like, I would like you to play less video games.
I would like to spend more time with you. And
in doing that, like you know, maybe a little bit
less video games. Yeah, him with that, I miss you, right,
But in doing the less video game things, you're not
telling him like, hey, I don't want you playing video
games every night of the week. You're on there five nights,
five hours at a time, Like you're just giving him
the opportunity to correct things of his own own accord,
versus trying to dictate his life. And when people feel

(28:26):
like you're trying to control him and dictate the life,
you're looked at as a nagging mom. So the end
result is more impertinent up to men most of the
time than hearing the house and the once just you know,
give us what you want us to do and let
us work on it. I don't think he will work
on it. From what I'm reading, it sounds like he
just wants to do what he wants to do. It
doesn't give a shit otherwise that if you don't like it,

(28:49):
you can leave. Comment that, I mean, that's everything you
need that as far as I'm concerned, that tells you
everything that you need to know. You know, I fully
would never beg somebody to stay. I wouldn't like and
in the event that I feel like I'm the problem,
I'm not chasing somebody. So, like you know, in a
scenario where you and I were arguing, that would be

(29:10):
the last thing I ever said. I'm not trying to
push you out the door. I'm not We're not having
conversations like that period because I'm not trying to submit
those thoughts into your mindset. In the event that you
were like, I'm leaving, I'd be like, Okay, I'm not
going to beg you to stay if you don't want
to be here. I don't want you here, like I
want you to be happy and I want you to
be where you want to be. But I would never
fucking tell you if you don't like to get out.

Speaker 1 (29:31):
So there was one time you said that to me.

Speaker 3 (29:34):
No, when we were new.

Speaker 1 (29:36):
I would say we were probably like three or four
months into it, that's probably why. And you said that
to me, and I thought for a split second, like,
what the fuck would you do if I did? Yeah,
And a few days after that conversation, you pulled me
aside and you were like, I'm sorry that I said that.

Speaker 3 (29:51):
Yeah, I don't remember the scenario at all. I was
probably going through an episode. Yeah, not that that makes.

Speaker 1 (29:56):
It right, right, But still you recognize that you said that,
and you were like, I don't want to say that.

Speaker 3 (30:00):
To you, right, So it makes me feel like, shit,
I'm sorry. It's not your fault. I said it. I
said it.

Speaker 1 (30:06):
Well, this is me showing a correction. And you realize
what you said in the impact of those words, right,
And you now know going forward, you don't want to
say that to me because no matter what we're going through, like,
that's not an.

Speaker 3 (30:17):
Option for us, right, Yeah, I don't want that to
be an option. I don't want that to be a
thought or a scenario. I don't want that to be
on the table at all. Like, that's not how we're
going to last until we're old and dead.

Speaker 1 (30:28):
I think that's also a shine of a sign of
your own growth.

Speaker 3 (30:31):
Yeah, I mean because because.

Speaker 1 (30:33):
I've heard you say that to other people.

Speaker 3 (30:34):
Well, I'll tell somebody else to kick quick as fuck.
Like I'm going to live my life whether you like
it or not. I don't give a shit if you're
in it or not. Like I don't owe anyone anything,
but you and I have made a decision that we
are going to do this until the end. And I
want to try to make sure that I'm taking every
avenue I can to not sabotage that. And like my
BPD does sometimes self destruct, and I tell you, like

(30:56):
I I've woken up and be like I'm in full
self destruct mode, Like and those are days that are
dangerous for me because I will make really brash decisions
and like I will do things that I are very
out of character. And when I know that I'm going
through that, I tend to not go out. I tend
not to do shit. I tend to not really engage
with my employees or my managers. I tend to kind
of just sit at the house and watch TV because

(31:17):
in the event that somebody says wrong something wrong, I'm
going to fly off the handle or if I have
to make a business decision when I'm in that mode,
I'm not making it on a logical brain and making
it on emotional brain. I don't make decisions when I'm
like that. So I don't even remember why I got
to that topic or why it went that far.

Speaker 1 (31:37):
Because he said that, you know, if you don't like it, leave, Yeah,
and you're explaining how your BPD expect affects you. Right,
But the reason I brought up that you've said it prior,
but you haven't said it since it is a choice
on a verbal things. So if he's saying that, and
he tries to backpedal and says, well, I do want
you here, but if you don't want to beat no,
that's not what you're saying. You're saying I'm not going

(32:00):
to ask you to stay. I'm not going to try
to change things and make things easier for you. If
you don't like who I am as a human being.

Speaker 3 (32:05):
Fuck off except it or go right.

Speaker 1 (32:07):
I really don't have much more to say on the email.
It's a really shitty position to be in. I hate
that there are people out there you can just have it.
I don't care attitude, especially towards the people that they
claim to love and.

Speaker 3 (32:18):
It's not okay. So before we got there's like, I
need to put my phone on your on asturb I
think I was going to say before your phone ring
that things are not fifty to fifty in a relationship, right,
They're one hundred and one hundred, and that one hundred
percent sometimes doesn't look like one hundred percent. There are
days that my one hundred percent efforts only going to
look like twenty percent, And there are days that my
one hundred percent is going to look like I've given

(32:40):
everything and I'm coming home with bloody feet because I'm
just running crazy trying to get shit done. That's going
to shift based off of my mental health. It's going
to shift off of what I've got going on in
the world. It's going to shift off of our money
on the podcast, what's going on in the other businesses, employees,
Everything that comes into my life factors into what I'm
able to give in the home. Some times it's a lot,

(33:00):
sometimes it's not, but we make that work. And on
those days that I'm only able to give twenty percent,
you're the other eighty. This is not that there's no
balance here, and it's like they're two separate people right
live in his roommates.

Speaker 1 (33:13):
Yeah, and you know, I'm fully aware that you and
I are. We're independent of each other, right, you know,
we we're not codependent. With the way that our relationship
is set up. I don't view I'm going to go
do this, it's we are going to go do this.

Speaker 3 (33:26):
What we do do what we do? Do we do child,
We do everything together. Anyways, We very rarely are separated
because we do enjoy each other's company and I want
you around and in the event that I can go
and do those things with you, I'm going to. Right,
what are you laughing at me? Because it said Dodo
and laughed at myself.

Speaker 1 (33:47):
No, I just think you're cute.

Speaker 3 (33:48):
Okay.

Speaker 1 (33:49):
What I was meaning by that is when it comes
to household chores, there are things that are designated for
you to do, and there's things that I'm designated to do.
But us doing those things together creates a harmony in
the home.

Speaker 3 (34:00):
Absolutely.

Speaker 1 (34:02):
This This is the only way I can think to
describe this. Of everybody's mind works differently. Right in my
mind hearing this email, like in our household, when I
think of our home, I hear like beautiful music and
harmony and shit playing. My mind's crazy. I hear this
email and I'm putting myself in her shoes and it
just sounds like fucking cat noises on a violin.

Speaker 3 (34:26):
That's not a pleasant sound. It's not we You know,
we do have our jobs inside of the house, and
we actively do those, but you know, we also help
each other in those jobs because they got to get done,
and knowing that they've got to get done allows us
to have a lot of free time because we work
in unison to get them accomplished. Right. I get emails
or we get emails, and I get comments constantly about

(34:48):
how busy women are that are stay at home moms
and how they've got very little time, and how men
are always playing video games, are out with their friends,
are doing whatever it said they're doing. And I don't
get emails where like you know, we get to watch
TV for two or three hours night, or we go
on date nights, like we don't see those And I
couldn't imagine not having the time that I have with
you because we have a lot of downtime together. And
I think that's why we have the intimacy that we have,

(35:10):
and we have the stupid conversations and we can laugh
and snort and like be children because we're able to
just decompress and have that time together.

Speaker 1 (35:19):
Oh, we make a point to have that time together.

Speaker 3 (35:21):
It's important. But we're not seeing that from a lot
of people, right.

Speaker 1 (35:25):
It's because we make each other a priority. Our time
management is dope as fuck. You know, I have the
house cleaning down to a science. You take care of everything,
you take care of in the morning, so that way
we both make sure by about two or three o'clock
we're free.

Speaker 3 (35:38):
Yeah.

Speaker 1 (35:38):
You know, we start our days early. We're up at
like six or something.

Speaker 3 (35:41):
Yeah, sometimes way earlier than Yeah.

Speaker 1 (35:45):
So at two or three o'clock, when we're both done
with our days, you have the option. You can go
do whatever you want to do. You could go take
photos by yourself. You can go hang out with whoever
you want to hang out with. You could go see
a movie by yourself. Whatever you want to do. What
you choose to make right time for us. I could
go and sit in a park for three hours and look.

Speaker 3 (36:04):
At the sun. You are the type of person that
could do that. I really you know, you've just laid
in the driveway staring at the sky in the past,
so it's.

Speaker 1 (36:12):
So nice, like hearing the breeze and the trees whispering
to each other and all these fluffy clouds and the atmosphere.
I'm not a hippie. I'm just connected to the energies
in the universe, and I appreciate small things like the
sky is blue, but it's different from the blue that's
in the lights in the background.

Speaker 3 (36:31):
That was pretty specific. I know.

Speaker 1 (36:33):
I say a lot of specific things, like how I
said last night. I send you a text message, so
I get a lot of comments, and I get a
lot of preach girl, And I appreciate you guys are
acknowledging the things I'm saying, like you agree with it.
I just I don't know something about that. Preach girl
just doesn't do it for me.

Speaker 3 (36:54):
Yeah, I hate it. What about to hear you dropped
your crown?

Speaker 1 (36:59):
And even it's some of the message, I'm like, I'm
not a queen. I'm just someone with logical ideologies and
shit and I spew them on the internet when in reality,
all I want to be is a miniature cow in
a meadow full of mostly yellow.

Speaker 3 (37:09):
Flowers, specifically yellow flowers.

Speaker 1 (37:10):
Yeah, I hate the color yellow, but like the yellow
and green contrast with the blue sky just does it
for me. And I'm a nice ginger, fluffy cow.

Speaker 3 (37:17):
Hell yeah, those are all colors that contrast well. So
the person that asked about the meal thing is who
we just responded to. So I would like to say
my meal when I'm dieting versus when I'm not dieting
is very different. When I'm on a specific meal plan,
I will not have anything. I'll wait train and do

(37:39):
cardio fasted. I have a protein shake that has two
scoops of protein, three quarters of a cup of oats,
a cup of berries, a triple berries specifically from publics
that are blueberry, strawberries, and raspberries. I do.

Speaker 1 (37:53):
I'm going to correct you. It's blueberries, blackberries, and.

Speaker 3 (37:56):
Raspberries, right. Well, the organic one is strawberries.

Speaker 1 (38:00):
Right, but that's not the one we usually use.

Speaker 3 (38:01):
Okay, Well that's when we're using today, right, we usually
use a triple berry. Okay, So yeah, whatever you just said.
Those are the berries, a tablespoon of peanut butter, a banana,
and a bottle of water with al glutamine, creatine, collagen, collagen.
When when I was using it to try to get
my skin to retract, which I don't think it really
helped much. I think that's it. And I put relyte

(38:23):
r E l y t E in there, which is
just basically Himalayan sea salt to help hydrate me because
I cramper bad. And that's my first meal of the
day post workout, and then I'll normally do one or
two whole eggs into one cup of egg whites and
that'll be my breakfast and then I won't have I
normally won't really have carbs again for the rest of

(38:43):
the day after that that one meal, So like I'll
do that and then I'll do eight ounces a chicken
three times after that. Or you're doing it's a chicken. Yeah,
well ask because I was trying to gain weight or
trying to gain muscle and not not body fat.

Speaker 1 (38:56):
I want to clarify that just what you eat is
not what somebody who's like one hundred and thirtynge.

Speaker 3 (39:00):
No, No, you shouldn't yah. I eat. I eat a
lot for trying to lose weight, Like it's not normally
conducive for people, but the way that I train and
do cardio it works for me. But I do low
carbs and low fats. Right, so in near meal plan,
I don't remember what you were doing, So I was doing.

Speaker 1 (39:16):
I also had a shake after working out, so I
would do a half cup of oats, ta scoops of
the protein powder. I would do less berries just because
I don't like the texture that changes the way it
feels in my mouth.

Speaker 3 (39:27):
I like to have to chew my my my shake
because it's thick. Like you'll ask me a question. It
takes me again thirty seconds to show it. Yeah, it
fills me.

Speaker 1 (39:37):
Though, I would do like a third of a cup
of berries. There are times I wo'd add the peanut
butter because the peanut butter also changes the texture of it.
And then I do a full bottle of water. I
want to feel like I'm drinking.

Speaker 3 (39:49):
I don't know.

Speaker 1 (39:49):
Yeah, I don't do a full bottle. I do like
I don't want to chew my beverage eighty percent.

Speaker 3 (39:54):
Yeah, well I do because I want to thick in
my stomach, because then I can go a couple, you know,
an hour or two without eating. I also think it's
important to know that when I do carbs, it's either
brown rice or bosmodi rice because it's lowest glycemic index.
Sweet potatoes, oats, cream of rice. I love cream of rice.
I throw some peanut butter and neut shit and yeah,
so filling, so filling. I can eat that in the
morning with my eggs and I won't have any carbons

(40:15):
for the rest of the day and I'm not ever
really hungry. And then all my meats are lean. When
I'm dieting, I'll stay away from red meat. I eat
just chicken and fish, which I hate both of so
it's really hard to eat it.

Speaker 1 (40:29):
So at that time, when we were doing the chicken
and fish, you were getting about six ounces and I
was doing about four ounces for myself. But there's a
massive weight difference between you and I.

Speaker 3 (40:39):
Well, yeah, but I also lost. I mean even at
that when we were doing that, I lost almost one
hundred pounds in six months. Right, it's not healthy to
do that to your body. But I've kept it off.
I went from two ten to I'm bounced between two
fifteen and to twenty. And I'm not really dieting right now.
I'm not even doing cardio. We've done cardio once since
the hurricane.

Speaker 1 (40:56):
Yeah, so we've done it a couple of times. But
the place that we walk is trashed right now.

Speaker 3 (41:01):
Right, we didn't. I haven't done cardio at austince then
since we got back from Tennessee, I haven't done cardio once.

Speaker 1 (41:06):
We've been out to Mayaka hat you twice. Are you
sure yes, and say we've opened it. We've been out
there twice.

Speaker 3 (41:15):
I only remember going once.

Speaker 1 (41:16):
Wow, we went the first time and you were like
talking about how all the trees and stuff. We went
at that second time and you were like, it really
sucks that the canopy is gone.

Speaker 3 (41:24):
It's one memory, yeah, because it's my brain's off when
I'm out there. I'm just there to get the cardio in.
That's crazy how our brains remember shit. Yeah, it's not
important to me, so I don't save it. I want
to say it's important. Yeah, old, getting into my mid
seventies now.

Speaker 1 (41:41):
Yeah, getting old your mid seventies.

Speaker 3 (41:44):
So what somebody said? They were like, somebody on one
of the shorts were like, I can't believe he said
he's only forty two. He looks like he's in his
mid seventies. Yep.

Speaker 1 (41:52):
I had someone tell me I was eighteen. Yeah, that's nice,
thanks for the compliment. I'm almost thirty. Could you imagine
maybe thirty five, and people are still like you're nineteen.

Speaker 3 (42:04):
I wish, I wish I looked like I was nineteen.
So you want to get into the next one.

Speaker 1 (42:11):
I mean, do we really answer her question of what
we eat? Well?

Speaker 3 (42:14):
I mean, there's my diet. It's the same. When I'm
dieting to lose weight. I eat the same shit over
and over and over again, and it will well car
pie protein. Yeah. But for you, like when we're doing
keto stuff and you're doing your cooking meals and I'm
not dieting, I've kept my weight off because of the
way that you're cooking.

Speaker 1 (42:28):
All right, it's maintaining, but I.

Speaker 3 (42:29):
Don't know anything about any of that. You give me
my food and I eat it and you're like, is
it good? No, whole long shit in my face.

Speaker 1 (42:36):
It's all keto. It's low carb, high protein, and some
of the recipes I make are high fat. But it's
not high fat like something you shouldn't be eating. It's
just higher because I'm doing three ounce of cream.

Speaker 3 (42:49):
Cheese in it. I like food me too.

Speaker 1 (42:54):
I like it when food tastes good.

Speaker 3 (42:55):
Your chicken pot pie is the shit.

Speaker 1 (42:57):
Oh thank you. I love that means if you're really
good about myself.

Speaker 3 (43:02):
And like, I think the only thing that we could
do to make that better, but it woul add so
much more carbs is to put the crust on the
top and the bottom instead of just on the top.
M what, No crust is the favorite part, right, But with.

Speaker 1 (43:13):
The crust you're serving size is only about eight grams
of carbs. So if I doubled that, you're getting almost
twenty grams of carbs and your one dinner.

Speaker 3 (43:21):
I know it'd be a big fucking bowl too.

Speaker 1 (43:23):
If you still love that bread, if you skipped your
protein shake, I would do that.

Speaker 3 (43:26):
I wouldn't do that bad. That protein shake is the
only thing that keeps me from, like, yeah, breaking my
diet because it's a thick ass smoothie. It's sweet banana. Yeah,
it's amazing. It's it's like I'm having a sheet meal
every day and realistically it's it's two of my meals.
But I don't know. I love my protein shake, especially

(43:47):
with that accent, sledge elf shit.

Speaker 1 (43:50):
The white spot, the hot white hot spice.

Speaker 3 (43:52):
Whatever. Yeah, whatever it is tastes like gram crackers.

Speaker 1 (43:55):
So I'm gonna plug myself here real quick. So you
mentioned my chicken pot pie. Yeah, for the people who
want to see you make that, go subscribe to our Patreon.

Speaker 3 (44:01):
Are you going to do that this weekend?

Speaker 1 (44:02):
I am. I'm going to cook it on Sunday. I
might actually do it tomorrow night. It's Mars Friday.

Speaker 3 (44:07):
That works. It just means I get chicken by this. Yay,
you gonna get to the next one. Yeah, all right.
For those of you who do subscribe to the Patreon,
I know that I said thank you yesterday in the
video that we uploaded exclusively to it. You guys are
really helping us drive this channel.

Speaker 1 (44:22):
Yeah, you're making it. It's already worth it for us
when people give us the positive feedback. But knowing that
people want to support us and help contribute to equipment
and setups and us being able to go places and
do shit like.

Speaker 3 (44:35):
Well, there was things that we did last night based
off of the fact that we have the Patreon subscriber
based that we have right now, and that's paying for Vimeo,
like because I can put Vimeo content up that can't
be shared, so once it's there, it's there, you know
what I mean. And putting our content on Vimeo is
not searchable, so like it's just hidden. But we have

(44:56):
to pay for that, and it's almost a thousand bucks
a year. So having the Patreon subscribers knowing that we're
making the monthly payment just off the Patreon makes that worthwhile.
So we're not having to pay for it because we're
having to pay for a lot, right, it's not a
bad thing. I would have done this with or without
the support because I enjoy this and I'm having fun
doing it, so it's worthwhile to me. But now I
know that there's revenue coming in, even if it's minor,

(45:17):
we can continue to do shit. I don't feel bad
about it because we are still making it back slowly.

Speaker 1 (45:22):
I think it also opens doors for us, like if
we really take off and get a bunch of suscribers,
we can start doing like pop ups.

Speaker 3 (45:27):
Yep, it would be kind of cool to do, like
like if we could get sponsors, like I know that
we talked a little bit like about till Valhalla project,
Like if they were to send me free T shirts,
I would wear them on all the podcasts. Yeah, and
that's not even something that's going to benefit as financially.
I think it would just be cool to do. But
I also know that there are a lot of podcast
groups that get reached out to for sponsorships. And I
know that there are podcast websites where you can punch

(45:49):
your podcast in and they find sponsors that align with
you for you, Right. The problem is is they don't align.
And I'm getting emails like, hey, we found twenty two
new possible sponsorships. And I looked at it and I'm like,
I'm not, no, No, I would rather sponsor someone for
free that I believe in and just shout him out
every time we do a podcast and take someone's money

(46:09):
for something that I don't agree with. Right, My integrity
means more to me than any of this does, So
I agree.

Speaker 1 (46:16):
So this person sent two separate emails. My husband keeps
saying he wants his wife back. We used to be
very affectionate and infant almost every day. When our son
was born, who is now too, everything changed. I went
through postpartum really bad, and since then it's just been rough.
My husband says he wants a traditional marriage, but never
follows through with anything. He tells me he is going

(46:37):
to do something, For example, build the end tables I
got for Christmas and they are still sitting in a box.
I worry about finances because he forgets to pay things
and we have a lot of debt. He says his
job is provide and protect, but he's not doing it.
So my question is how do I bring this up
without him feeling like crap? And how do we reconnect
when we don't go on dates anymore? We do everything
with our son. I am a stay at home mom

(46:59):
and I'm trying to take care of everything and I'm
stressed and overwhelmed. Do you want to touch on anything
that before I read the next part?

Speaker 2 (47:06):
Yeah?

Speaker 3 (47:07):
Because I don't want to. I don't want to have
to go back. I want to win the lottery, but
I don't buy lottery tickets, right.

Speaker 1 (47:18):
Yeah.

Speaker 3 (47:20):
If you really want to win the lottery, or you
believe that you have the capability of winning the lottery,
or you believe that there's a small percent chance that
you're going to win the lottery, you're going to waste
that money buying lottery tickets. You're going to gamble. If
you think that you are capable of being a provider
and a protector on even a small level, you're going
to step up and try. It may take you three

(47:40):
months to build those fucking end tables, but you're going
to get them built. It may take you a day
to get them out of the box and then a
couple of days to start putting them together, and it
may leave a mess, but you're going to do it.
The fact that she stays at home by herself and
is a stay at home mom, but they do everything
with their son means she doesn't get a break. If
she doesn't get a break, she's not hitting those small
victories that we talk about earlier. She's burnt out. Of course,

(48:01):
there's no intimacy. You're fucking exhausted all the time, right,
where's your passion for life? Where's the excitement in your
day to day? If you don't have that, you can't
have that intimacy because you're run down. You are doing
the same thing over and over and over again like
a slave. Right.

Speaker 1 (48:16):
I would have a very big problem with he forgets
to pay things.

Speaker 3 (48:21):
Yeah, yeah, that's a problem.

Speaker 1 (48:23):
Like if you're supposed to be if you want traditional,
and our version of traditional is the man handles the
finances and pays all the bills so the wife doesn't
have to stress about it. What is he doing what
is he's not doing that and they have a lot
of debt. I feel like where the debt came from
is an important part.

Speaker 3 (48:42):
Yeah, I mean, I don't know their lives. If he's
a business owner, there's always going to be revolving down
things like that. But if this is personal debt that
they're just racking up and being irresponsible with their money,
that's a different a different problem.

Speaker 1 (48:52):
It's also the kind of thing this is making me
question because he's forgetting to pay things. Is he's spending
money right, and then there's left in bank account when
the electric bills? Do are you putting that on card?
Is that while you're in debt?

Speaker 3 (49:01):
It's a good question where is the money going? The
next question that that line of thought though, is is
is he as the only provider financially or the only
working income financial support. My brain just shuts straight off.
If he's the only person that is providing financially, That's
where I was going with that. Geez, that was rough.

(49:26):
I heard the the nuclear bomb radiation thing. My brain
as I was trying to think, nothing was coming through.
If he's the only only financial, only person bringing an income,
does that mean that there's not enough money in the
house for you guys to really thrive and you're merely
staying afloat. Because if that's the case, you are going

(49:47):
to be living off of credit and you're going to
be rotating those debts. You have to keep in mind
that if you're not making enough money to pay your
credit cards off at the end of the month, off,
not make the minimum payment, you are not making enough
money to live because if you're using your credit cards
to survive, that twenty percent, fifteen percent, twenty seven percent
if your credit sucks is adding on every single month,

(50:10):
and now you're just making the minimum payments and they're
getting their interests, and that debt is occurring. What happens
when you run out of credit and all you're doing
is making those minimum payments and you can't use those
cards anymore, and you know you're three or four and
dollar months credit card payment. Yeah, it's just it's just debt,
you know what I mean. You're going to always owe
that money. You're never going to climb out of debt
if that's the case.

Speaker 1 (50:30):
So before I make any points, she adds on, you know,
kind of her faults in the relationship. So she says,
I do also want to add that I get very
stressed out, very easily, and I often need my husband's
help with the kids. My anxiety is through the roof
and them having a hard time. I know, though, the
debt we occurred is from both of us making bad decisions.
There you go, and I want to do my part

(50:51):
to make it easier for my husband as well. He
says he doesn't feel appreciated or heard or valued. I
don't know what else to do. I'm always telling him
and I appreciate him. So I'm gonna pause there. You're
telling him appreciate him, but do your actions.

Speaker 3 (51:02):
Share that actions speak louder than words.

Speaker 1 (51:04):
I don't know what else to do. I'm always I
just want our old life back. He is still caring
and loving, and I just miss him. I want to
tell the entire story.

Speaker 3 (51:13):
Positive affirmations matter for help, but it's not enough. Yeah,
it's not. You have to show these things. And in
the in the event that you're always stressed out and
having anxiety, and you know, the debt is both of
y'all's fault, and you're not doing the things that you
need to make his life a little bit easier. In
that aspect, you're not showing him that has appreciated her

(51:35):
valued especially if when you get the anxiety, you complain
and you know, and you bitch at him, and you know,
you tell me, you know, i'man Obviously, there's nothing on
here that says what she may say to him, so
I be pure speculating at that point, but I can't
imagine that you're having anxiety and being completely calm.

Speaker 1 (51:49):
So at the end of the email, she said, I
wanted to tell the entire story.

Speaker 3 (51:53):
This is not an entire.

Speaker 1 (51:54):
Story, not even close. I feel like these are bullet points. Yeah,
that can definitely detto more things. You say that he's
the only provider. Is he working multiple jobs? Is he
working twelve hour days? Is he working eight hour days?
Does he get any days off? I feel like that's
important because it sounds like both of you are stressed.

Speaker 3 (52:14):
Yeah, I mean, and he has ass that she needs
her husband's help with the kids. It sounds like he's helping,
so he is trying. It's not like he's a deadbeat,
you know, at least that's what it sounds like when
we get when we get emails, and we don't have
like we're always going it's always going to be one sided.
There's not going to ever be a scenario unless the

(52:34):
email is written by two people where we're not getting
a biased because you're only telling the story from your standpoint, right,
from your perspective to right. So in the event that
we had the first monster in law email that we
got that was super long, that you you're friends with
on Instagram, if we had the husband send that email

(52:55):
with her, and like she told her side, he read
it and then told his side, and we read it,
we would be able to find some sort of common
ground in there, right, Because that's never the case. We
always have to just based off of the facts of
the email that we've gotten. That's how we have to
address the situation. The fact that she says that she
needs help from her husband with the kids because her

(53:16):
anxiety is to the roof and having a hard time.
She doesn't say that he doesn't help, which means he does,
so he is trying and I, I don't know, So
it sounds like you guys need more money.

Speaker 1 (53:29):
It sounds like I would recommend therapy. She said all
of this started because she had postpartum depression. She said
it was really bad, and since then it's just been rough.
So that's on her end. There's nothing he can do
to help your postpartum. He can, I don't want to
say like handle you delicately, because that's almost insulting. But
he can be more gentle with you. He can be

(53:51):
in moments where you're like really going through it, he
can recognize it and just step in, right. But you
have to sit down and either get with a therapist
or you know, do YouTube videos on how to cope
with postpartum depression and how to deal with the aftermath.
There's a lot of self work that needs to happen there.
And I'm saying that as a woman who had postparum
depression for almost two years.

Speaker 3 (54:08):
So okay, I'm glad that you said that, because I
read something the other day that said hormonally, postpartum depression
can only last for about a year. So in the
rare occasion that it lasts for two years or more like,
at that point, I don't believe it's postpartum anymore. I
believe it's just depression because your body regulates your hormones
after a year of birth, So that first year when
postpartum is really bad, it's because your hormones are fucked
up too, so like there's a compounding problem there, right,

(54:30):
So is it really postpartum after a year or is
it just depression now and you haven't been able to
recover from that. I don't know these things because I
don't have I will never have postpartum depression.

Speaker 1 (54:41):
So that first year where my hormones were out of whack,
I could tell it was my hormones. Like small things
that usually when it set me off, were setting me off. Right,
I'm an emotional person now, like if I see a
commercial with a kitten, the kitten dies, I'm gonna cry.
But when I was in my postpartum I was like
breaking down, sobbing, snock coming out of my nose like
it was intense.

Speaker 3 (55:01):
It was hormonal.

Speaker 1 (55:02):
And after that first year I could kind of tell
when my hormones were getting regulated again because I was
noticing changes. I could feel the differences that the second
year of it. I think it is kind of a
I just went through all of that. My whole life
has changed. I had all of these thoughts while I
was in that depression. Now I'm just thinking on those

(55:23):
thoughts on repeat. Like my body regulated itself, but I
didn't regulate my mind. Does that make sense?

Speaker 3 (55:31):
But can you actually call that postpartum depression at two
years because it doesn't sound like it. It sounds like
you had postpartum and hormonal issues and then you just
never bounce back from it, because well, I could change
so much.

Speaker 1 (55:43):
I already have depression. I think the postpartum depression worsened
my depression. Yea, because that postpartum depression put me into
a darkness I never thought I would experience, right, and
after that it is very hard to climb out of
that hole. I would say the depression I had could
have been a byproduct of the hormonal changes that I
went through my body trying to stabilize and regulate. I

(56:05):
wouldn't say it's postpartum, because the postpartum is the hormonal aspect.

Speaker 3 (56:09):
That's what I was getting at. I just didn't want to,
you know, I didn't want to invalidate your your thought
process there. I was just trying to talk about it.

Speaker 1 (56:16):
I guess I would say the depression after the postpartum
is a byproduct, byproduct of everything that I went through.

Speaker 3 (56:22):
Which makes sense, right. It makes a lot of sense.
A lot of relationships when young relationships, when there's a
child involved, they don't make it the first year statistically,
like a lot of young couples don't make it the
first year with a child because everything changes. The hormones,
the postpartum, the fact that there's another life in the house,
the fact that there's no longer free time, the nagging

(56:43):
and arguing and oh my god, it's your fucking turn.
You don't get to sleep. Like. There's a lot that
plays into that, and you can't prepare people for that.
You can try, you can try to tell people like, hey,
your life's about to change, but until they experienced that
change it they think they know. But you've got no idea.

Speaker 1 (56:58):
I remember my mom telling me life is about to change,
and I was like, Okay, I'm gonna.

Speaker 3 (57:02):
Have a kid, no big deal.

Speaker 1 (57:06):
And my body changed, my mental state changed, my hormones changed.
Even now, you know they're not even ten yet, my
life is still going to change, Like once they start
hitting puberty, my life is going to change again.

Speaker 3 (57:20):
Your life is going to change again next year when
one goes to regular school, Like you're going to be
constantly going through life changes because now you're not responsible
for just keeping you alive anymore. I have to blow
my nose.

Speaker 1 (57:31):
Okay, So I would start looking into how to process
everything you went through with the postpartum, because you said
you're still going through it. It's been rough ever since. I
can't imagine how hard that is on the husband.

Speaker 3 (57:42):
Yeah, it is hard on the husband.

Speaker 1 (57:44):
Seeing the woman that you love, it's his wife. Seeing
your wife changed like that and knowing there's absolutely nothing
that you can do to help her mental state.

Speaker 3 (57:53):
That shit's hard, especially because most men are fixers. We
want to fix the problem. When you come to us,
first thing that we do is try to fix the problem,
try to solve the puzzle, not listen to you vent
and emotionally, you know, console you.

Speaker 1 (58:05):
Yeah, there are times now where I have to tell you, like,
I'm not looking for a solution.

Speaker 3 (58:08):
I just need you to hear me. Event No, you
have to tell me that almost every time, because if
you come to me any kind of thing that I
view as a problem, trying to solve it, right, and
that's something a problem, you'll solve it.

Speaker 1 (58:18):
And you know that's something I took upon myself to
start doing because I would notice I would get frustrated
with you because you're trying to give me all these
solutions and you just want to vent and I just
wanted to vent. And I recognize to avoid a frustration
on both of our ends because in turn of me
getting frustrated, you're going to start to get frustrated because
I'm just repeating myself to you and you're like, I'm

(58:39):
literally giving you the solution, but I don't want a solution. Yeah,
it's so easy to avoid conflicts.

Speaker 3 (58:45):
We actually went through that, I think twice, and it
was a lot of back and forth and finally were like,
I feel like you're lecturing me, and I'm like, I'm
just trying to help.

Speaker 1 (58:52):
I don't know what you do.

Speaker 3 (58:54):
I remember that conversation.

Speaker 1 (58:57):
I really did feel like I was being lectured.

Speaker 3 (59:00):
Crazy. Yeah, you can be mad about it for a
few days or laugh about it for a lifetime.

Speaker 1 (59:06):
Right. It sounds like you both miss each other because
she said I want him back, I want our old
life back, and he said that he wants his wife back. Yeah,
so y'all know what you want. You know what the
end you know what your end goal is.

Speaker 3 (59:18):
Have you implemented check ins yet?

Speaker 1 (59:20):
Check ins? Yes? They need to have him Ye, yep.
I would recommend this person check out our check, pert card,
video check, and video sit down with your husband and
have him watch it and discuss how it makes you feel.
I like, sit down watch that video together, don't talk

(59:41):
during it, just absorb, and then once the videos over,
discuss what you think it would do for you guys,
what you want to implement, what you don't think would work, and.

Speaker 3 (59:49):
Then find your own questions if you need to right,
get a fucking date night going, for God's sake, Like
it is not hard to spend two hours a week
together uninterrupted, even if that that means the kid is there.
You can take the kid to a park. You can
sit on the bench while they play on the playground
and have an intimate conversation about life while the kids
run and play. You don't have to go to dinner.

(01:00:10):
You don't have to go to the movies, you don't
have to go shopping. There are tons of free things
that you can do while the kids are involved, where
you can watch them play at a distance and have
time together. It doesn't have to be sexual.

Speaker 1 (01:00:21):
You could do a family movie night where you guys
are cuddling on the couch and.

Speaker 3 (01:00:24):
It could absolutely happen after the kids go to bed.

Speaker 1 (01:00:27):
These emails are starting to make me depressed. Really yeah
this the next one's really going to get to you then, fantastic.
You know, I'm getting better about separating myself from these
emails because I hear these things and I know that
I would never be in that position because I have
expectations and I have self worth. My self esteem sucks,

(01:00:48):
but I know that I have value in life and
I know what I bring to the table.

Speaker 3 (01:00:52):
So knowing that I do bring a lot to the table,
I won't accept anything less than the exact same thing
from apart. So like you bringing what you bring to
the table balances my life. But if I was in
a scenario like this and and we were just in
a dating phase, I definitely wouldn't stay. Oh no, And
if we were in this situation ten years from now,

(01:01:13):
where we've got this going on and all the intimacy
is gone and we're two ships in a night passing, like,
I know that that's not sustainable.

Speaker 1 (01:01:21):
I don't know, the thing is that we wouldn't even
get to that point. We would catch that shit immediately.
There's times now where like where you're having a hard
day or you're having like a hard week because of
what you're going through. On day three or four, I've
actually done this and I would ask you, do you
feel like things are changing between us?

Speaker 3 (01:01:36):
Right?

Speaker 1 (01:01:37):
And you would say, no, it's just I'm going through it.
I just have to work through what I'm going through.
Nothing is changing between us. I catch that shit because
I don't want to end up in this point where
we're roommates.

Speaker 3 (01:01:47):
I don't understand how it gets to this point. You guys,
got you guys, remember the golden rule when you were
in school, do unto others as you would have them
do unto you.

Speaker 1 (01:01:55):
That's not how it was where to treat.

Speaker 3 (01:01:56):
But yeah, we treat others the way you want to
be treated. I was going to continue with a whole
bunch of the same phrase over and over again, and
I was you know, it's biblical. They teach you it
in school, they teach you it in life, and somewhere
along the lines we find partners and forget that. Treat
your partner the way you want to be treated. Don't
harp on them, don't nag on them, don't treat them
like shit. Treat them like you want to be treated.
If you want to be loved, love your partner. And

(01:02:17):
if you if you go that route and you're giving
them all the love, not saying just taking care of
them and cleaning up after them and being the mom,
because I know there's gonna be some fucking asshole in
the comments going well I did all that and he's
still left. Well, you didn't do all that, because if
you did all that and your life was perfect and
you were being the perfect partner, they wouldn't have left.

(01:02:38):
People don't leave people that they're happy with. So look
in the mirror, make the adjustments that you need to make,
course correct and get your life back in order. Men
do it too, but women. That's how I fucking read
those comments.

Speaker 1 (01:02:53):
And at some point I want to make a short
about the TikTok that I made yesterday because that whole
it's not a fucking competition of who has it worse
in the world. It's really not. And people want to
make it that way.

Speaker 3 (01:03:09):
Yeah, they want to deflect. They want to deflect. They
want to be like, oh, well, if they did it
and we do it, it's okay, No, no, it's not
not no, it's.

Speaker 1 (01:03:17):
Not Oh it makes me so angry.

Speaker 3 (01:03:20):
We could do that today after we do this podcast.
We can take a break and have lunch and then
do the thing.

Speaker 1 (01:03:25):
Okay, So is there anything else you want to say
on this email?

Speaker 3 (01:03:29):
No, nope, I'm done with that one because there wasn't
a whole lot of information there, and like I can,
I feel like I've exhausted all of my points in that. Okay,
do you because now that you did that to me,
somebody's gonna be like, I can't believe she did that.
She just that was just blatant, That was passive aggressive.
Do you have anything of value to contribute to the conversation?

Speaker 1 (01:03:55):
I really feel like you're just nailing it.

Speaker 3 (01:03:58):
Well, that's how I see it in my head when.

Speaker 1 (01:04:00):
When I read comments like that, they just sound like
the sweetest chef in the Muppets.

Speaker 3 (01:04:04):
Yeah. For me, it's it's always Ace Venture when he's
got the monopoly guy.

Speaker 1 (01:04:11):
Yeah. The last thing I would add, like I said,
you guys already know what you want the end goal
to be. Yeah, now it's just to take the steps
to get to that point. And it's not arguing and
it's not frustration. It's we both want this, how do
we get to that? And it has to be open minded.
If your man tells you that you need to step
your game up and you need to get you need
to get your mental health in order.

Speaker 3 (01:04:32):
You need to do that.

Speaker 1 (01:04:33):
And if it's the kind of thing where you need
to tell him, like you're not handling the finances right,
we can do it together. He needs to accept that.

Speaker 3 (01:04:40):
I'm curious if she actually has access to the finances,
because it's one thing to let your man handle it
completely and trust him to handle it completely. It's another
to have access to it, like you trust me completely
to handle everything, and I still gave you access to
everything because I don't want to have to answer eight
hundred questions like you can just look and see. But
I mean, I also don't just spend like I always

(01:05:02):
tell you what I'm doing before I do it. I
don't ever just spend money like that. Nothing over like
five hundred bucks, anything under five hundred dollars I'm just
gonna do because it's not that you know where we're
at financially, it's not a big deal like that loop
Deck today was like one hundred and forty bucks. I
wasn't like, Babe, I'm gonna spend one hundred and forty
dollars on this device, Like, I just.

Speaker 1 (01:05:18):
Did spend a couple of times you spent money without telling.

Speaker 3 (01:05:20):
Me, big money, Yeah, like what.

Speaker 1 (01:05:22):
Like some extra stuff for your jeep. I remember there
was one day I walked to your computer and You're like,
I just spent six thousand dollars on jeep parts and
I'm like you what.

Speaker 3 (01:05:30):
Yeah, we were still early on. I think anything that
happened before year one is not relevant. It doesn't count.
It's see things differently. Get a mulligan on that. Could
I start over that fucking jeep.

Speaker 1 (01:05:48):
I loved it.

Speaker 3 (01:05:49):
Yeah, it was awesome until I got eight miles of
the gallon.

Speaker 1 (01:05:52):
It got us out of here for Hurricane Eya.

Speaker 3 (01:05:53):
It did, it really did. It was so fun driving
that thing down the water. It was like driving it
in a lake.

Speaker 1 (01:05:58):
I was having a panic attack the whole time.

Speaker 3 (01:06:00):
I was having fun.

Speaker 1 (01:06:01):
Oh my god, that she was lifted high and the
water was still coming over the hood of it. Like
what an experience I will never exp Oh my god,
that was a moment for me.

Speaker 3 (01:06:11):
Yeah.

Speaker 1 (01:06:11):
Yeah, when we pulled up and the house was not
destroyed and the water wasn't even touching the top of
the driveway. Yeah, you hugged me and I was like, fuck.

Speaker 3 (01:06:20):
All right, So I did have AJ go through this
and clean all this up so that it just reads.
So I'm going to read it, and then there's there's
bullet points. This is a new thing for us. So
he says, I am forty four years old. I lost
my wife of twenty years when I was thirty nine

(01:06:40):
years old. She was my wife of twenty years, but
she was my lifelong friend. I met her when I
was three months old and she was two days old,
so literally his entire life, he's known this person. We
dated when we were sixteen, neither of us ever having
been in another intimate relationship before. Our relationship blew boomed,
and we had our first child on the way when

(01:07:01):
we were only seventeen, and second at nineteen, a quick
turnaround for our third at twenty, and got married when
we were eighteen years old. I was always the provider,
and she always supported me in my endeavors, from my
first job to starting first business using all of the
ten thousand dollars of savings, all the way up to
when she passed, at which time we had six business
all in closely related areas. In thriving that usually meant

(01:07:25):
long hours for me. We had a routine. I was
home every night between five thirty and six. I would
greet her first and have a quick two minute rundown
on how she was, give kids, hugs and shower. Depending
on how her day was, I would give either I
would give her thirty minutes to herself or help with
whatever she needed. Finally, we would sit down as a
family and have dinner. We talked about any problems or needs.

(01:07:47):
Then it was our time together until bed. Her role was,
as you can guess, the traditional wife. She looked after kids,
homeschooled them, and took care of the house. Aside from repairs.
Her role was as important as mine was. I'm going
to pause there, because that is our life minus the loss. Obviously,
I have said over and over and over again how

(01:08:09):
important your role in the house and the things that
you do is to me, And like having somebody else
articulate that to me the way that I've been trying
to articulate it to you validates everything that I've ever said.
And I'm already relating to this email, right my well,
excuse me. My wife fell ill with what turned out

(01:08:29):
to be inoperable brain tumor. The doctors gave her three
months to live. I rarely left her side for those months.
She showed her affection any way she could. She was
strong while I panicked. Towards the end, she made me
swear I wouldn't stay single. I protested, and she said
she would haunt me if I didn't find someone in
five years. There were other things that were in this

(01:08:52):
email that were removed because there's no way that I
was going to be able to read that without crying.
So I have the original email. If you want to
read it later you can. But like, yeah, there's no
way I was surviving. I'd say barely living honestly. Per
my late wife's wishes, I started dating someone. She had
two kids of her own. We were dating for about
six months and she lost her job. She asked if

(01:09:14):
she could move in with me. I felt bad and
I said yes, her kids, her and her kids living
with me. I had one condition, she had to sign
a prenuptial agreement. She signed it. I bonded with her
kids and I treated them like my own. I paid
off all her debts and I bought her a new car.
Eighteen months after she moved in, she started to change

(01:09:35):
got lazy for lack of better words. She was always out,
like she was always out, just leaving the kids with me.
No amount of communicating I did could change this. So
he would talk about It would last for a week,
and then it would go right back to the way
it was years and two years and two days after
she moved in, she breaks up with me and she
moves out the very same day. The next day, I

(01:09:57):
get a letter from her lawyer saying that she wants
half of everything. I try to be more than fair.
Were they even married, It doesn't say they were married.
I don't so he's not in the United States. I'm
not gonna say where he's from. Yeah, I don't know
the laws in that country. I don't know if because
they moved in together, it has like some sort of
weird fucking like law where you guys are like assumed

(01:10:19):
married because I know they have a common law marriage
in some states of the US, So I don't know
how that works. But she did sign paperwork saying that
she wasn't entitled to shit, right. I tried to be
more than fair and offer her half of all income,
not money saved or asset growth, but half of all
income earned. During those two years, You're way better than
I would have I wouldn't offered her a fucking dime.

(01:10:41):
She took me to court three times. She argued with
a judge that for those two years, only getting eight
hundred and seventy thousand dollars was a hardship. Eight hundred
and seventy thousand dollars in two years, four hundred thousand
dollars a year is a hardship. Luckily, the judge laughed
at her. She actually ended up owing fifty thousand dollars
in a lawyer, and she got nothing. I love that,

(01:11:02):
other than the new car, jewelry, and clothing. I almost
lost all of what my life, late wife and I
built together. This woman tried to take it. I would
add that I told a judge to wipe the fifty
k he said she owed me. After all of this,
I was not interested in making her and her kid's
destitute good word, but she had to agree that if
her kids wanted to contact me, see me, etc. She

(01:11:25):
would not stop it. Her kids still ring me daily.
I have agreed to continue paying for their education, as
none of this is their fault and the slightest. I'm
a very logical thinker, and I like to be fair
in everything that I do. The only reason that she
got nothing was because she fought to get something she
was not entitled to, in my book, creating a lot
of stress. This email that what I just read is

(01:11:47):
very condensed from what he actually sent, and I went
back and forth with him for a while when I
got this email. I liked the format that AJ did
with this, which is going to make the bullet points
that we're going to talk about a little easier, he wrote.
So now for the question, simply put, how the heck
am I to move on from all of this?

Speaker 1 (01:12:08):
I wouldn't try to date anybody he is.

Speaker 3 (01:12:12):
In the conversation that I had with him, he made
it very clear that he promised his ex wife, his
late wife, I'm sorry, that he was going to move
on and within five years he would have another committed relationship.
So she said if she didn't, if he didn't have it,
she was going to come back and haunt him. I
think that's kind of fucked up.

Speaker 1 (01:12:31):
If I'm on my deathbed, I'm not going to give
you a dead Like what's the fucking word? When some
things do a deadline, I'm not going to give you
a deadline on how when you grieve, when you move
on when you're with somebody else.

Speaker 3 (01:12:42):
I'm not going to do that to you. I understand
that this is one of those things that the context
of the email really matters, and why we say things
are one sided. If you read the rest of the email,
you wouldn't feel like you're feeling right now. You might
probably a little bit because of the whole deadline thing.
I just think that it would change your perspective on it,
because you and I agree on a most everything, and
I don't think it would change my prescription.

Speaker 1 (01:13:02):
Really, Yes, if I were dying, I would not tell
you in five years you need to move on. I
would say, I hope that you're able to grieve and
process and one day you're able to find somebody else
who makes you as happy as I do. But I'm
not going to say in five years, if you don't
move on, I'm gonna haunt your ass. That that bothers
me a little bit, because now this man feels pressure
like I'm going to break a promise I made to

(01:13:23):
my wife.

Speaker 3 (01:13:24):
I wouldn't do that. I can see that you're right.
I can see that if if I'm on my deathbed.
I'm giving you an ultimatum.

Speaker 1 (01:13:30):
You're what's your ultimate?

Speaker 3 (01:13:32):
I have no idea because I'm not on my deathbed,
But now that i know that that's going to bother you,
I'm going to do it just so you think about me.
I want to I want to be membered, remembered as
long as I can. Why would you do that to me? Why?

Speaker 1 (01:13:43):
Because I'm gonna have to live like thirty years without you.

Speaker 3 (01:13:45):
That's not right and all that. Don't do that to me.
There's no guarantee that you're good, that I'm gonna go
before you. Oh man, right, there's no guarantee in that.
I understand that I'm older than you, but that's only
if I die of old age. Right. Men don't live
as long as women anyways, But it's because we're more
reckless and do higher danger jobs and are dumb. But
there's no guarantee.

Speaker 1 (01:14:05):
Yeah, I want to clarify. I'm not pissed off at
his late one.

Speaker 3 (01:14:09):
No, I get that.

Speaker 1 (01:14:09):
I just I think from from my perspective and my
opinion on it, I think her giving that deadline put
a lot of pressure on him. I agree with that,
and he is like he was obsessed with her. They
built this life together from birth, from birth, from birth,
they build a life together, and it's very clear they loved,
they respected each other. They had an amazing relationship. He's

(01:14:31):
never gonna find that again. No, And I hate to
say that, that's a once in a lifetime relationship.

Speaker 3 (01:14:37):
That's a once in like five or six generation relationship.
Like there's most people will never experience that kind of
connection with anyone because you have a lifelong bond with
that person and that woman. Like I'm telling you the
things that I read in the email that I omitted
from this she was an incredible fucking person and you'll
have to read it. It's gonna make you cry. I
don't even to talk about it because it's gonna make
me cry. But that that I don't I don't know

(01:14:58):
how to tell you how to move on, dude, Like.

Speaker 1 (01:15:00):
Feel like I should have read that email before we
did this.

Speaker 3 (01:15:03):
It's a lot, it's a lot. This was the hardest
email out of everything that we've gotten. This was the
hardest one to read.

Speaker 1 (01:15:09):
Yeah, I feel like you have a lot of background
information that I don't.

Speaker 3 (01:15:12):
Yeah, should I even bother dating? Should I even bother trying?
To date again. Considering the dating scene, my wife might
hot me if I don't. I know that that's kind
of a joke thing. It could be a very serious
thing for him because of his culture. I don't know.
I don't I would rather drink bleach and then go

(01:15:32):
back into the dating game.

Speaker 1 (01:15:33):
If I were this dude, I had this amazing ass relationship,
I wouldn't try to seek it out again. I wouldn't
try to seek somebody and try to date somebody. If
it happens, it happens. But like I had the great
love of my life.

Speaker 3 (01:15:46):
Do you do you really believe that? Do you think
that you could just live alone forever if that was
the case? Like, yeah, because you've told me that you
think I'm home. So in the event that I passed
in a year, if anything happened to you, I'm done.
You really believe that? Yeah? I do.

Speaker 1 (01:16:00):
I'm not interested in anybody else after what I've experienced
with you. Nothing is going to match up to that.
I'm going to be constantly comparing them to you and
the life that we had together. Why would I do
that to myself?

Speaker 3 (01:16:10):
I've ruined you for other men.

Speaker 1 (01:16:12):
Oh yeah, I had to make light of the subject.

Speaker 3 (01:16:15):
I like that. I don't know. That's you know, when
you think about it, you can always what if scenarios
as much as you want, but that's that's a lot
to process. And in his scenario, I gotta be honest,
I kind of agree with you and that, you know,
if I was to ever date again, if I was
this dude, it would be one of those organic things
that played out with us. But I had no intention
of dating again, Like after my divorce, I didn't want

(01:16:37):
to be in a relationship and I definitely didn't want
to get married again. I saw no value in it,
like and then here I am right, But I still
I see the only value in marriages companionship and the
covenant between me and God. Like that's it for me.
So everything that that marriage provides I can get on
my own. I can do on my own. I don't
need marriage for these things. And I have I have money,

(01:16:59):
and I have and I have all the cool shit
that I want, so I don't need to share that
with anyone. And I can share my time with my
friends and I can do these things and have fun.
I don't need a woman for that. You came along,
and I wanted you on my adventures and to live
my life with. So it's not the same thing. Obviously,
it's not the same thing as this. But I gotta
be honest, dude, you had this fucking incredible life that

(01:17:22):
they would make movies about. Like this is some ps.
I love you shit like you have. You have a
life that literally belongs on Hallmark. Six six successful businesses, Dude,
that's hard to say. Six successful businesses. You nailed up,
financial stability, an amazing life with one woman, your entire life. Yeah,

(01:17:46):
like that's not That is fucking unheard of. I have
never heard of that before.

Speaker 1 (01:17:50):
No, And I love that for them, Like I love
that he was able to provide that life for her
and he knew that she was happy and she was
doing everything to make him happy. Yeah, shit doesn't just
happen like And I'm sure that they had like tumultuous
times where they didn't see eye to eye of course,
and they still worked with that shit and they still
had amazing times together.

Speaker 3 (01:18:10):
And what does it say about this man that he's
willing to pay for these women's kids to go to
college still and like pay for their schooling. He's obviously
a good person. Yeah, I'm on board with you on that.
I don't think that you should look for it. I
think that you should just let things organically evolve. And
in the event that you find somebody and you really
mesh with them and you want to try to make
things work, you can do like we did. Will I

(01:18:31):
will push for our opening as much as I can,
because I've never had an opening the way that we did.
I've never became as close to somebody as close as
I came to you before we decided to start doing shit.
It's always been you know. I granted I am an
eighties kid, like I remember life without internet, but when
the Internet became available in my space and Facebook, dating changed,

(01:18:52):
there was no longer you know, playing the phone telephone
game and like trying to spend a little bit of
time and hook up and do all that shit. Everything
became very fast paced. So most of the life is
finding somebody, fucking them and within a week going yeah,
I don't like that person, and then moving on like
that's you know. So because of the success that you've had,
I'm assuming that you're old like I am, you know,

(01:19:12):
in your forties.

Speaker 1 (01:19:13):
I'm pretty sure you said he's in his forties and
forties not old. Shut the fuck up with that.

Speaker 3 (01:19:20):
I am. I am in my mid seventies. According to YouTube,
he's forty four years old. So yeah, he's two years
older than I am. He's middle aged, most in his prime.
He's not old. He's in his prime. I'm in my prime.
You are in your prime. I I got another ten
years before I can really start calling myself old. You
think fifty is old, I do. I think that two

(01:19:42):
hundred years ago people weren't living past fifty years. Our
bodies and brains are not meant to live for one
hundred years, you know what I mean? Like, we're just not.
And there's obviously all these new diseases and new problems
that we have because of the food that we're eating
and all the shit that's going on. And even though
people are living to be one hundred now, we're not
meant to do that.

Speaker 1 (01:19:59):
So we are organic beings that start to decay after
a certain point.

Speaker 3 (01:20:03):
Time catches up with all of us. His next question was,
how can I tell early on if someone is just
trying to use me?

Speaker 1 (01:20:12):
That's an all you thing.

Speaker 3 (01:20:13):
That is not an easy thing to do because people
are fake. They're very good at lying and manipulating. I
would not disclose your financial stability to anyone. In the
event that somebody asks you what you do for a
living and on a date, I would just tell them.
I wouldn't even tell them that. I would be like, so, okay,

(01:20:33):
when you own a business, it's easier to put down
that you're the general manager to get a car loan.
So I would just tell them I'm a general manager
at one of the businesses. They don't need to know
what you do. They don't need to know that you're
the owner, they don't need to know your CEO, they
don't need to know your finances in any way, shape
or form. And in the event that you're a well
known person because you might be go somewhere else, yeah,

(01:20:56):
I would be I would be very skeptical. That was
one of the reasons why I did I want to
date again. It's why after my divorce, I said I
wasn't going to get into a relationship. Told you that
several times. I didn't want to get into a relationship
because I don't trust women. I know the kind of
money I make, and I know how we're looked at.
I'm that guy. Well, I'm not really six foot, I'm
like five or eleven, but I make the six figures

(01:21:18):
a year, and I have my own businesses, and I
own my own home, and I have my own cars.
So all the shit that women see on TikTok that
they want, I'm that guy in terms of the statistics.
And when I hear people talk like that, and they
hear that those are the qualities that they want in
a man, those aren't qualities. That is you looking for
a man that can support you and use you so
that you're basically you got a sugar daddy. I don't

(01:21:41):
want that. So when I ask a woman the qualities
they seeking a man, I don't want to hear that
he can provide. That's the last fucking thing that I
want to hear. I want to hear, you know, oh,
that he's funny, or that you know, he's could be
a good father, or he's marriage material. Like I want
to hear the things that are going to make me
feel like the person that I'm interviewed, because it dates
our interviews, and if you treat them as such, you

(01:22:04):
know you're a businessman, you're successful, treat them as an interview.
I want to know that the qualities that the woman
that I've been talking to is is not financially based.
I want to know that any event that I didn't
have any of this ship, would they still be sitting
across the table talking to me? What would you do
in that scenario if you were if you were financially comfortable,

(01:22:26):
Like I don't want to say well off because I
don't know his finances, but if he was willing to
give this chick almost a million dollars for two years
of her time, like, he's definitely doing better in life
than I am.

Speaker 1 (01:22:35):
Right, So I would date with in my tax bracket.

Speaker 3 (01:22:39):
How but how do you do that? I mean, I
agree with that. I fucking agree with that, because then
then a prenuptial agreement, it's never going to be a problem.
You both have your own lawyers, Like there's you know
if you that's that's the smartest thing I've heard on
any of these podcasts. YEA, yeah, because and that's that's
the answer. The problem is what I would do? How
do you find that person?

Speaker 1 (01:23:01):
Exclusive clubs? We have to pay your way in. You know,
somebody's making thirty thousand dollars a year and it takes
ten thousand dollars a year to be part of a
club thirty thousand dollar. People an't gonna paying for that.

Speaker 3 (01:23:12):
Yeah, is that really a thing? Is that a thing
that exists?

Speaker 1 (01:23:14):
I assume so elite clubs that only the rich can
get into. I would you know? There's also dating apps
now to where you have to enter in your tax information.

Speaker 3 (01:23:25):
Really Yeah, like if you're if.

Speaker 1 (01:23:28):
You make less than like six figures a year, you
can't be on that dating app.

Speaker 3 (01:23:31):
Wow. Yeah, that makes me sick to my stomach. I mean,
obviously that's it's good, right, but like it does come
I guess No, I guess maybe another that I think
about it doesn't make me sick to my stomach because
both parties have to make that right.

Speaker 1 (01:23:44):
Both parties have to be somewhere above whatever minimum they
have to be able to be on that app.

Speaker 3 (01:23:50):
Yeah, that's that. I actually think that's a good idea.
When you first said that, I thought that men have
to be over that and like fuck that. Yeah. No,
obviously that was my own bias in my head because
all the shit I see on the internet.

Speaker 1 (01:24:02):
I would be honest with the type of person that
I am, I would just stay single. I wouldn't try
and I don't know if this man is spiritual, I
don't know if he feels like he's breaking a promise
to his late wife if he doesn't do that, and
if that's how you feel about it like that, I.

Speaker 3 (01:24:19):
Would talk to her.

Speaker 1 (01:24:20):
I fully believe that souls are real in their spirits,
and once your body is dead, your soul is not.
And you know, people can disagree with me on that whatever.
I've had my own experiences, and I would speak out
loud to the universe and just say, I know you
told me you want me to do this. I just
I can't right now. And it's not that I'm disrespecting
you or your wishes. I'm just mentally not in that place.

Speaker 3 (01:24:43):
Right You know, there's a difference between moving on and dating,
you know what I mean. Like he could get past
that and be like, all right, I'm ready and when
God or the universe puts that person in my life,
I'll take that step. But I can't put myself in
a position where I'm going to go through what I
just went through again just to try to make you happy.
I think that's a good point too. I think it's

(01:25:03):
a shitty situation either way. And the more I think
about the ultimatum thing on the five year deadline. Yeah,
I don't think that's fair. The more I think about that, like,
at the time, it right, and at the time, that's
how I took it. It was her dying wish, like
all right, I'm gonna get back on the horse, like
she wants me to be happy, and that's how I
took that. But the more I think about it, like, what.

Speaker 1 (01:25:22):
If it takes you ten years to grieve?

Speaker 3 (01:25:23):
Man, what if it takes you that long to find
a quality human being? Like they've never been in the
dating game, they've had each other their whole lives. And
seeing the dating game and seeing what we see in
the emails, we get like it could take you five
or ten years to find a quality person. And dude,
no offense, no offense to you. You're a fucking solid dude.
We've spent multiple emails back and forth, and I highly

(01:25:45):
respect you as a man. But when you're in your forties,
finding a quality woman is not an easy thing to do.
Women are coming with so much baggage. They're coming with
X marriages, they're coming with alimony and child support and
fucking you know, past Trump and all the nonsense that
comes along with it. So finding women who are in
their forties and fifties who have not been, you know,

(01:26:05):
completely just fucking ravaged by life is difficult. I gotta
be honest. Part of the thing that works so well
for us is you don't have any of that.

Speaker 1 (01:26:13):
I do have that. I'm just not bitter about it.

Speaker 3 (01:26:15):
Yeah, but you don't have it to that level like
you really don't. I have seen some fucking, really, really
spiteful women and that's just not who you are.

Speaker 1 (01:26:23):
It's because they're bitter. Spiteful women are bitter from experiences
they've had in their life and they want to play
the victim in it. I don't do that. I've had
really shitty things happen to me.

Speaker 3 (01:26:32):
Right. But if you were that woman, right, but I
want to be here, right, then that's what I was
getting at, right.

Speaker 1 (01:26:37):
That's why I said it's a bitterness.

Speaker 3 (01:26:39):
Yeah, Do you have anything else on that bullet point
on the use thing, because that's he's got more points here.
He said, how can I protect my wife? What can
I protect what my wife and I built for our
kids When a prenuptial can be contested so easily, Yes,
prenuptial agreements can be contested. They need to be written
up by lawyers, and then they to be addressed by

(01:27:01):
lawyers and then signed in front of lawyers, so that
there can't you know, it does make the contesting a
little easily easier, I guess less easy. Protecting what you
guys built is going to be one of those things
where don't marry. I wouldn't marry. You know, in the States,

(01:27:21):
if you and I were just dating and we built
a whole bunch of life together and we broke up,
you're not entitled to a fucking thing. I don't have
to give you half my shit. You're not entitled anything.
If my car is on the note or my name
is on the note for the car, we have to
figure that out. It's not guaranteed that you get the car.
Like you can build a life with somebody and not
be married to them and just sever tize and that's it. However,

(01:27:42):
if you get married and you've only been together for
six months, they have the ability to take half your shit.
Obviously you're not in the US. You've made that clear,
but you know, I don't know how that works in
your country. If you need a prenuptial agreement to be
in a relationship with someone that's a problem.

Speaker 1 (01:27:58):
Yeah, I would never date again.

Speaker 3 (01:27:59):
I don't think I would eat. I really don't the
risk of me losing everything that I've put my life
into so somebody could take it and fuck that, right,
I would. I would a passport. Brow that shit, find
another country where they've They've got people that just want
to get a passport to where you live green card. I.

Speaker 1 (01:28:17):
I guess I'm the type of person to where I
don't need a companion. It's nice. Yeah, it's like I
love spending my time with you and my best friends.
It's what I If you died in a year from now,
I would be content with living my life and doing
the things that I enjoy. I would probably have like
one of your finger bones or something and take it
somewhere with me all the time.

Speaker 3 (01:28:36):
That's a little weird. I would do it. Why my fingers?

Speaker 1 (01:28:41):
You know, my mom had her pinky AMPUTATD and I
asked for it and they wouldn't let me have it.

Speaker 3 (01:28:44):
Yeah, no they wouldn't, But you just deflected why my fingers,
I don't know.

Speaker 1 (01:28:49):
I have a fascination with the fingers. I like the
way the bones look.

Speaker 3 (01:28:53):
Could take my thigh bone and make like a booie
knife handle out of it or something.

Speaker 1 (01:28:57):
I want you, yeah, yeah, I want the one that
broke Yeah, my right leg, that's the one I want.
I can you write that into your will?

Speaker 3 (01:29:07):
I mean, I don't know if. I mean, actually, I
know that Shannon Lurette from BME had written into his
will that people could have parts of his Take you
on adventures with me. You just put me in a necklace,
take me that way. I mean, I can still do that,
but I okay, I don't do that. I don't know

(01:29:29):
about the prenuptional thing. I don't know that. I don't
know the laws in the part of the world that
you live in. But I really feel like if just
being in a relationship with somebody entitles them to your shit,
then don't date. It's not worth it. At that point,
it's really not worth it. I would move to another
country or get like I said, get a passport and
get married in the Dominican Republic or something or wherever
your uh country won't recognize marriage. I know somebody that

(01:29:55):
did that. They win and got married in a country
that the US doesn't recognize their marriage laws. So that
they could just break up if they needed to break up.
I love that for them. Yeah, it's weird, all right,
he said. I feel like I'm letting my wife down
for the first time in my life by not fulfilling
my promise to move on or be able to process
I'm sorry, or being able to protect things the way
that I thought I could, et cetera. I said it

(01:30:18):
a little bit ago that there's a difference from moving
on and dating. You can move on from the loss
of your woman and like be ready for that. I
don't know. If you're religious, you might be able to,
you know, to prey on it or whatever you need
to do. But moving past the loss I think is
more important than you dating somebody. And I think that's
more what she wanted, right.

Speaker 1 (01:30:38):
I don't think she meant it as an ultimatum, like
if you don't do this to me, you're going to
break a promise to me. Right, she meant it.

Speaker 3 (01:30:44):
I don't want you to be miserable, right, I want
you to live your life. I want you to be happy.
I really believe that, And because of what we read,
I don't.

Speaker 1 (01:30:50):
Think she realized that in her doing that, even though
she had good intentions behind it. She just put a
lot of pressure on this man. And that's a very
high emotional situation. You know, she knows she's going to die.
You know she's going to die. Both of you know
your time is limited, so many things need to be
said in a timeframe that you just don't have anymore, right,

(01:31:10):
And she had good intentions. She doesn't want him to
be miserable for the rest of his life knowing that
he's losing his wife. I don't know, like you said,
there's a difference between moving on and dating. Forcing yourself
out there because you want to keep a promise to
your wife when you're not ready for that, you're going
to get yourself into a lot more situations like the

(01:31:32):
one you just got out of. And you were lucky
to get out of that one. Right that judge laughed
in her face. Next time the judge might not do
that right.

Speaker 3 (01:31:40):
You know. And that's a really good point. I think
it's important to remember that if you start dating because
you feel you're obligated to, you will find yourself unhappy
as fuck. Yeah, because you're doing it because you feel
obligated for your your your wife.

Speaker 1 (01:31:51):
And I don't think she would want you to feel
that way either.

Speaker 3 (01:31:53):
I don't think that she would want you to be
unhappy at all.

Speaker 1 (01:31:56):
Right, from what we've from the snippet that you've read
from the emails, I haven't read this email. I don't
know all of the background. She wouldn't want that for you,
for you to fight to protect the things that you
guys built together. Yeah, and if that's if that I,
like I said, if you feel like you might feel
silly doing it, just speaking it to the air, but
I promise you, if you say those things out loud

(01:32:17):
and address her like she's still here, it's going to
bring you a type of piece.

Speaker 3 (01:32:20):
Yeah. I'm one of those people. I've lost a couple
people in my life that I was very very close to,
and I talked to them a lot for probably the
first two or three years after they passed. Yeah, obviously
I don't anymore because I've over that in process at all.
But I don't think that that's an unhealthy thing at all.
I think that when you speak things out into the universe,

(01:32:41):
it definitely matters. It absolutely matters somebody's hearing it. Right,
this was a lot. So we're two hours, right, and
we've done three hour episodes. We can read that one
hundred and eighty seven stitch email if you want, or
we can end the podcast and do that. There's a
separate thing. It doesn't really matter.

Speaker 1 (01:32:58):
I need to take a break.

Speaker 3 (01:32:58):
This was a lot. It was a lot, I dude.
I don't have a lot of people in life that
I have not spent a lot of time with, like
intimate time with that I can say that I respect
as a person. But because of the back and forth
that I've had with him in the way that he's
handled his life and with this woman, like, I have
an immense amount of respect for this man, and I wish,
I wish that I could actually spend like face time

(01:33:19):
with this dude, not on the phone FaceTime, but like
in face in person time with this dude, and just
have conversations with him, sit down, go to lunch, like
I feel like, I gotta be honest, I feel like
there's a lot I could learn from him. You want
to go on vacation, I would love to go there,
Oh my fucking god, because I know where he is.
I would cut my fucking pinky toe off to be
able to visit that. On whim bolt cutters, there'd be

(01:33:42):
your bone. Let's go. You gotta go to Iceland first,
Black Sand Beaches. But you know, I also got to
be honest, like I would like to give this dude
a hug. Reading this email kind of broke me a
little bit.

Speaker 1 (01:33:53):
Yeah, I hate that he's going through it and that
a woman did him already like that, especially if she
knows the background and he's opened up to her and
she still pulled that shit.

Speaker 3 (01:34:06):
I couldn't imagine spending my entire life, literally my entire
life with one person and that being it, like that
was it, and then to lose them the way that
he did. I don't know. It's a lot, And yeah,
I definitely I would like to take a break because
I can start to feel myself getting emotional. So you

(01:34:28):
donna call it all right, We'll see you guys next time.