December 2, 2024 • 47 mins
Corey, Justin, Mitch, and Cori sit down and talk about their holiday and what it means to be in Recovery.
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Episode Transcript
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Speaker 1 (00:03):
Welcome to the two seventeen Recovery Broadcast. If you don't
make mistakes, you won't learn. With your host, Corey Winfield,
you know how you know fish as bad if you
can't put it on pizza and special guests Justin.
Speaker 2 (00:17):
Burke, the thumb nail totally does not dictate the move
at all.
Speaker 1 (00:21):
Corey Smokers.
Speaker 3 (00:22):
Maybe one day I can make it onto the TV.
Speaker 1 (00:25):
I'll count and Mitchell O'Brien he goes, you recorded me
a little sleep it and I was like nope. He goes,
Winfield dead. I got this harror in his eyes and
I was like nope, and then he's like it was Smoker,
got yours. It is the second of December twenty twenty
(00:47):
four of My name is Corey Winfield, I'm Justin Burke,
I'm Mitchell.
Speaker 3 (00:53):
O'Brien and I'm Corey Smoker. What up?
Speaker 1 (00:56):
That's up? The first time we've done a podcast together,
and I don't know since summer probably yeah, the fishing
event of moon Bro. So it's been forever. It's been
forrever Sins. I've done a podcast in general. Yes, Marnie
over the weekend was like, let's do a podcast. I
says sure we didn't. You got a little one.
Speaker 2 (01:14):
Man.
Speaker 1 (01:15):
It's it's tough because like she's on this Betty Crocker
thing where she wants to be Betty Crocker. She wants
to be Marnie Winfield aka Betty Crocker or the other
lady who went to jail Snoop Dogg's friend, Martha Stewart. Yeah,
she wants to be like her, but better. She's called
her age Bima. Oh, I don't think we're gonna do that, Mitchell.
(01:36):
That's insensitive nowadays. Yeah. You know, if you're talking to
me in my radio show back in twenty twenty or
twenty four oh four, I guess that's a better way
to say that. Then, Yes, I would have been all
over that. But I'm a changed man. I have a son.
Speaker 3 (01:49):
Now, iust tell your wife keep on going. She I
think she's better than all of them.
Speaker 1 (01:56):
Yeah, she's she's really good at it. And so when
she gets free time, like when Parker is on me sleeping,
she's like, Okay, she goes in there and starts cooking stuff,
like she made breakfast sandwiches. I don't know why I
didn't get one this morning? What, Yeah, you didn't get one. No,
last night, it was good and she's like, I'm gonna
freeze them and put them in this and them okay,
(02:18):
so yeah, and then when I get my free time, poop.
I don't. I don't know what I do in my
free time at home, nap.
Speaker 3 (02:28):
Make fit, put videos together at it. I would create some.
Speaker 1 (02:32):
Stuff I want to do, but I don't do at home.
Build shelves. No, that's that's me watching Parker. Oh yeah,
got a whole new room downstairs thanks to my wife,
which is cool. But now we had the holiday, and
I was gonna do a podcast before the holiday talking
about how it's so tough for people who use and
blah blah blah, but every day is tough. Like if
(02:55):
you are looking for an excuse, it's snowing right now.
I used to love get drunken look at the snow
or whatever. Apparently I like driving in it too, because
that's when I got me DUI actually, six years ago
to this day, I was in jail for this and
I think I just saw it was snowing and rory,
I don't know, it was blacked out. It was crazy,
and that's the scary part of it that woke me up.
(03:16):
To realize this isn't a game anymore and you're driving
a vehicle and you don't remember it. Yeah right, I'm
glad I don't have any STDs. It's tis looked out
on that one. But I'm just saying excuses are everywhere.
So if you want to look at it, like, oh,
it's the holiday, and I used to, you know, get
(03:37):
really depressed and the holiday when I was drinking, because
it's a depressant. Alcohol does that. So I don't know
what was your guys' holiday, Like, was it pretty good?
You talked to your brother in jail you said that
was good? Or Ever since I was a.
Speaker 4 (03:51):
Kid, Thanksgiving has had this supernatural negativity to it, and
there was never really anything that happened on Thanksgiving because
if somebody was sick, somebody was angry, there was an
argument happening, something would happen.
Speaker 1 (04:04):
And this year was no different.
Speaker 4 (04:06):
I ran away from it, went and did my own
thing with my own kid and friends, and like had
her own little family thing. But all the chaos still
happened in my family. So, yeah, we had a fight
in the family that landed my brother in jail.
Speaker 1 (04:25):
Oh yep. We had.
Speaker 4 (04:29):
My father and his Shenanigans, drunk dialing people obviously yep.
And then the incident that I'm just gonna call the
Brown Fridays Sale.
Speaker 1 (04:42):
I don't even have a drop for that.
Speaker 4 (04:43):
I don't even know a Brown Friday sale, the Brown
Friday sale, So there was a that's a good one
for it. All I can say is that I'm glad
that new Dad Jerry was there.
Speaker 1 (05:02):
Oh I don't know, not for that either, what no way.
Speaker 4 (05:08):
He's a repair man wizard and was able to fix
the burst pipe in the basement where the Brown Friday
sale happened.
Speaker 1 (05:20):
And then they were able to clean it up. But
I was that was the part of.
Speaker 4 (05:24):
The family that I kind of would have wanted to
be around, But then was then glad that I wasn't
because of that because they spent like four hours cleaning
that up on Black Friday.
Speaker 1 (05:35):
Damn. That's why I call it the Brown Fridays. Wow,
that's a pretty crappy thing to happen.
Speaker 2 (05:42):
Well, at least they were able to fix the pipes
cheap with it being Black Friday.
Speaker 1 (05:45):
Huh time they got to sail on parts maybe yeah,
So I don't know, but it just always is something
always on Thanksgiving, and I got to excuse my sell
from it this year. But it's like still happening and
all that. It's good they didn't You didn't drink or anything.
(06:08):
You didn't use drugs or nothing. So you handled it
like an adult, and you chose not to be a
part of what you didn't want to be a part of.
And that is sometimes is hard for us. I'm supposed
to be there. I'm glad, da da da, you know.
And like if I go downstate to see my parents,
you know, if my mom's tripping or something, I have
to remove myself from that situation, you know. And and
I am deep in my sobriety now where I can
(06:31):
I can do that. Well, same thing with my you know,
my dad or brother, whoever, you know, whoever wants to
throw me off my game. I have the choice to
either feed into that or go no, no, this isn't my problem,
this isn't my thing. I'm not even in it is.
I'm out see you, you know, and then we preserve
our sobriety, right, That's the way I look at it.
(06:54):
That's what I did this year. So good for you.
Speaker 4 (06:56):
It's actually a really big part of my recovery story.
The first two holiday seasons of my recovery, I chose
to stay away from family. I had some very supportive
family members that were in support of my recovery, but
I also had some very toxic family members that were
very critical and in substance use disorder themselves, So my
(07:23):
mental health was really bad back then. I decided that
I had to stay away, and people were very critical
of that. Some of them were supportive, but I look
back and I don't I wouldn't do it any other way.
And like you said, like it's different now, but it's
a holiday. I can choose to have a good time,
(07:46):
and there are some people in my family that don't
seem to have that ability. So I'm making decisions with
my son to go and have a good holiday. And yeah,
so good for you man. Pivot, good pivot, But you ja.
Speaker 2 (08:03):
Dog Mine was great. I couldn't asked for a better holiday. Yeah, yeah,
really it really was. I went to my old roommate's
mom's house for Thanksgiving with his family. I can't hear
the drops, so I don't have had phones like but anyways, yeah,
(08:23):
we went to his mom's house. We watched Lions game,
had a nice little meal. It was nice. I'm known
her for a couple of years now. His family like
to meet his sister and her husband, and they invited
us out to go like fishing for charter fishing for
(08:44):
walleye down by Detroit. I don't like heron and stuff,
and then went back to his house. He caught a flight.
I gave someone a ride on Friday that was getting
out of jail, So that felt very good. I'm kind
of rewarding to be able to help someone out during
the holiday weekend because most places ain't open like that.
Speaker 1 (09:07):
So and they're not going to release them to just anybody.
Sometimes they're going to treatment. They went to treatment, so
it's like, yeah, no one else is picking his ass
up on Black Friday, So yeah, exactly, And then that's
why we do what we do. But that's good that,
you know, because you didn't have to do that.
Speaker 2 (09:22):
No, I mean, I could have took my four day weekend,
but you know, I mean to give back to people
that's trying to get into the program.
Speaker 1 (09:29):
Feels very rewarding.
Speaker 2 (09:31):
To have that conversation with those people because I know
what it was like when I got released from jail
to go to treatment the nerves and everything else. And
I didn't have that someone that had already gone through treatment,
that just that just got out of jail to go
to treatment. Like, I didn't have that person to talk
to on the way up. I had my mom and
(09:51):
my brother, but I mean they were supportive, but at
the same time, they didn't know what to expect, you know.
Speaker 1 (09:58):
Near did.
Speaker 2 (09:59):
My brother went, but I mean he fell right back
off the wagon soon as he got home, you know,
so he didn't really know what to expect. And they're
all kind of different. And then my son came up
Friday night, was able, went and got everything to do
with Thanksgiving dinner at my house and ended up hanging
(10:22):
out with him cooking turkey and stuff on Saturday. Then
when my daughter came back up, she helped me clean
up the mess and just kind of chilled up a
little bit Sunday night. So it's kind of peaceful, fills
with entertainment. My son's a trip to be around.
Speaker 1 (10:41):
Yeah, Yeah, that's awesome. You guys have that relationship back. Yeah,
but you smoke her. Did you hang out with your daughter?
Speaker 3 (10:50):
I did get to see my daughter for a little bit, yeah,
kind of a holiday.
Speaker 1 (10:55):
Yeah, yeah, you don't want to talk about it, that's cool.
Speaker 3 (11:00):
I just experienced a loss, and then it was also
too just kind of more eye opening on this illusion
that I see my family or that expectations that I
had maybe just naturally put on my family. And then
(11:21):
it was also then I went down the list of
like feeling entitlement and so just I have to be
religion of that in what I see and how I'm
processing that, and just remember that, you know it. The
biggest thing is is that I got to remember two
(11:41):
things like I can't use over this, and that I
also like my behaviors, because then I go into really
anger and then I want to go and act a fool.
And my husband said he wouldn't bail me out of jail,
that he would leave me to cool down, and so
(12:02):
I just kinda I stayed real neutral, and because like
of my attitude and where I was kind of feeling,
I really just stayed home.
Speaker 1 (12:15):
It's chilling, and death is a tough one man. People
act weird, and it's it's weird because you can't really
tell someone how to act or how to grieve, and
they grieve differently. Some people are angry at it. Some
people don't want to deal with it, and they're putting
situations where they have to, and I know, like, yeah,
(12:35):
it's just tough, man.
Speaker 3 (12:37):
I did have a good Thanksgiving meal though, that's good.
Speaker 1 (12:41):
That's good. I had a guy reached out to me
over the weekend too, and he's afraid to go to treatment.
And it took me back to a day where before
I went anywhere, like does this person tell me that
I had to go or that I should go to
this place in Grand Rapids called Pine Rest And it
(13:02):
was like not really a treatment center, but it was like.
Speaker 2 (13:07):
A cold occurring place, isn't it.
Speaker 1 (13:09):
Yeah, or mental health and that that really scared me.
Going to California for the first time. I was just like,
where am I going whatever? You know, it didn't I
don't know. Maybe I was a little afraid, I guess,
but not really, not like it was when the mental
health one, when I'm like, oh my gosh, I'm going
into a place and there could be people like talking
(13:29):
to walls, and there was some of that, but it
was it was still pretty cool, like there was still
cool people in there, and you know, a lot of
people in there for depression. That's what I was going
there for so it was it was a good thing,
but I remember being really nervous and being hesitant, like
I don't want to go there, like I don't don't
think so, And especially since how I left California, is
(13:49):
this dude who definitely needed to be somewhere because it
was this puppy and yeah, and he's like no, he's
trying to blame in his girl friend. And I'm like,
you're mad at her because she called the police. That's
what she's supposed to do, right, And you can't you
can't hear that, you know. So I'm like, I'm out
of here. That dude lives above me in this duplex
(14:11):
that's too close. I'm out. I can't nope, nope, I
just I got a drinking problem. You guys got other
kind of issues. I'm out. I can't stay here with
that dude. So I left, so thinking like, now I'm
going to a place where there's gonna be a hundred
of these guys, you know, like what's going on, which
it wasn't the case, but they go to actual treatment center.
And if someone's afraid to do that, I could kind
(14:33):
of see, I guess. But at the end of the day.
The whole addiction thing, A lot of it is about control,
and we want to do what we want to do.
We want to go where we want to go, we
want to see who we want to see. We're going
to buy what we want to buy because that keeps
us going. And most of it's our addiction and fuel
by our addiction. So part of that is I'm not
(14:55):
gonna be able to drink. I'm not gonna know anyone.
I'm not gonna have any money, I'm not gonna drink.
I can't smoke we I can't do this. I can
not gonna know anybody. I can't smoke weed, can't drink,
can't use anything. I'm not gonna know anybody. Nobody's gonna
bring me home. It's way four hours up north. What
am I gonna do? Oh my god, I can't drink,
you can't smoke weed, You don't know anybody that's gonna
(15:16):
bring me back here, don't have any money. And I
think a lot of that is that you know, because
if you think, oh, I'm gonna go in, there's gonna
be some bad people in there. Now, you got sure
there's bad people at the store right now that you
pass every single day in your job, on your way
to work, whatever. There's bad people everywhere, but majority of
(15:36):
the people in treatment centers are good people. And I
told them that. I was like, you're gonna meet some
really cool people from all different walks of life and
from different parts of the state, and you're gonna you're
gonna hear their story and you're gonna go that sounds
just like mine, and you're gonna you're gonna be able
to relate to those people, and you're gonna not feel
so alone. So I don't know what it's gonna happen
(15:59):
of this, but I just kind of said, look to
the person that was asking me, Hey, will you help him,
I was like, yeah, sure, but the only thing I
can do to help him is I can point them
where to go, set them up. Hey, get on Medicaid,
call this, do that, call these people, don't call those people.
You know kind of thing. He's got to want it,
he's got to want to go somewhere, and that fear, sure,
(16:21):
it's there, but you got to overcome that, and you
got to want that change more than that fear is
making you not want to go. And if he truly
wants that change and maybe he's not there yet. This
guy just had this first awakening, I guess you could say.
And I had my first awakening. I was the hospital
and I still came out three months later like I
can drink again, you know, like I wasn't prepared. I
(16:44):
wasn't ready. No one told me about addiction. They told
me I was an alcoholic. Yeah.
Speaker 3 (16:49):
I always asked him too, like what it okay? I
know you're you're feeling scared of the on and on
of going to treatment. Bo I mean, what do you
really have to lose if you go? Yeah, try it out?
Speaker 1 (17:01):
Yeah yeah, And maybe I gave him bad advice at
this point of it, and I'll throw it out there
to you guys. But he's like, well, I make too
much in my job to get out of Medicaid. So
where's your job, he told me. And I was like, okay,
we'll quit, you know, like these hospital bills are gonna
add up, and that's gonna make you drink too, you know,
(17:23):
like like seriously, and this is a job. You could
probably get back or find a better one somewhere else.
That's very, very similar. Yep.
Speaker 4 (17:31):
You hear that a lot, though. You know, I can't
go treatment because of my job. I can't go to
the treatment because my dog. Yeah, but my dog, yeah.
All the dogs are a good one too. I had
a guy he's probably dead now. I haven't heard from
a long ass time, so he probably is dead, and
that's what happens.
Speaker 1 (17:50):
But I was like, dude, he was leaving treatment is
when I was working at Addiction Treatment Services, And I
was like, she really think about sober living man, because
you know, I know the situation going to it's empty house,
my dog, Like, so we're living. Oh, I can't leave
my dog. Well, you're gonna die if you don't leave
your dog. My dog's been at my mom's. Well, let
(18:11):
the dogs stay at your mom's house for another ninety days, man,
Like do some sober living, Like hit the ground running
with this sobiety thing, man, change your life.
Speaker 2 (18:18):
But it also plays into the fact, you know, if
you can't take care of yourself, are you going to
take care.
Speaker 1 (18:23):
Of that dog?
Speaker 2 (18:24):
You know, if all you're worried about drinking, you're not
gonna go buy dog food because you're gonna go to
the liquor store to go get more alcohol or dope.
You know, it doesn't matter what your vice is in life,
your vice is gonna come first before dog food. And
it's like these people just don't understand that, you know,
And it's just like, dude.
Speaker 1 (18:44):
You got to do this.
Speaker 2 (18:47):
Otherwise your dog's not gonna be there to even be
with you. It's gonna run away to go find food.
Speaker 1 (18:53):
But then you can always ask mom or cousin or brother, whoever,
can you give me twenty bucks? Leeword doesn't have any food, okay?
And then you're buying the cheap ass ninety nine percent
food and get yourself a fifth and you're on the way.
It could be another excuse. I don't know, but it
doesn't make It doesn't make sense. And there are people
that will take your dog or watch your dog or whatever,
(19:14):
you know, and if not, I don't not say it.
But there's apps out there too. The neighborhood or something
I don't remember. I told her neighbor about it. She
was like, coming over here, being loud. Have you met
the neighbor here over here? Briefly, it's loud. I don't
remember her name, but she came up. She was loud.
I was like, what is going on in the lobby.
(19:35):
I think it starts with an her and Corey know
each other really very smoker. Yeah, because are buddies right
for black in the day. She's loud. Do you ever
tell her like hey, inside voice, Yeah, you do what.
I know?
Speaker 3 (19:48):
Her name just read at the.
Speaker 1 (19:52):
Well we put her on blast. It rhymes with my name.
I thought it was Michelle. Yeah, she loud, but she
came in here one day and she was talking about
this dog she's trying to get rid of or something.
Somebody was here with me, justin and I was like,
I remember, don't go on this app. It's neighborhood or
(20:12):
the hood or I don't know, some app where you
can post stuff on there, and people like in my
neighborhood are always like, oh, could someone shovel my driveway?
I need some snow tires now, or we're collecting cans
to save kids, or I don't know something that's always like, well, sorry,
I found Bob the painter. Nice. But there are things
(20:34):
down there you could put like, hey, I can't afford
this dog, can't take care of this dog. Does anybody
want it? They can get the word out. There's ways
you can do it. But again, if that's your excuse
and you're holding on to it. My cat had to
stay in a room by herself for nine months until
I could get her back, and I well for Christmas.
One time, Mom was like, you're not gonna go see
your cat. I said no. I was like, that will
(20:57):
scar me and it'll scar her. She can already hear
my voice down here, but I don't want to see
her because it was it was tough for me to
do that, but I had to do that. I had
to save my life and I gave Nico what six
more good years sober. Yeah, you know, and she would
trade that. She would she would be like may she
(21:17):
would take it that, that's how she says that. But
she would be like, thank you, I'm glad I got
to die. See in my homeboy, Corey Sober. I think
she called me daddy though, but not in a sexual way.
Speaker 3 (21:32):
I believe that. And I always tell the people too, like, Okay,
you're you don't want to go because of your dog,
your kid's your job. But you continue to stay out
here drinking, you're going to lose all that anyways.
Speaker 1 (21:45):
Yep, yep. But she you're that one who figured it out.
He didn't. It's not you. You haven't figured it out.
Speaker 2 (21:57):
Yeah, I haven't quite figured it out yet, So I
mean every day is a battle. I mean, it just
takes one poor decision, you know.
Speaker 1 (22:05):
But I mean that person though, that's like and MITCHI
probably were the same way. Corey probably the same way too. No,
I'll just drink on the weekend, like you start thinking
of these plans of No, I'll just do this and
i'll do this like you like it's gonna work, because
I'm gonna make it work and I'll know when to
stop and I'll just drink that one day. Yep, doesn't work,
you can ever do it. I'm different. Okay.
Speaker 4 (22:28):
When I first got my job at the hospital, I
stayed sober for four months, five months, and it's when
my health was starting to get bad. But then and
I lost the job. But then I found work in
a temporary position at the hospital and it helped my
health in my walking and stuff like that, and I
(22:49):
stayed sober. And then that position was no longer needed
because it was only during some construction. Yeah, So then
I transferred to my other job and it department, and
I liked it at first, and eventually I absolutely hated it.
And then that's when, okay, I can do this on
the weekends. Oh yeah, and then just like back into it.
(23:10):
And then that was my final downfall before eventually getting sober.
Speaker 1 (23:15):
He lost that job, stopped showing up. Yeah, yeah, sick,
you know, oh snowday from my kid. Oh my kids
sick and use all your your sick time and vacation
time on yep, yep. Then it was like, Mitch, you're
coming to work. That was funny.
Speaker 4 (23:31):
That was during COVID the early parts twenty twenty. I
lost my job in August and I called him because there.
Speaker 1 (23:41):
Was like we'll call uneployment.
Speaker 4 (23:46):
I was like, oh, I didn't lose my job because
of COVID, Like you know, I was laid off at
one time because of COVID and then brought back and
then that's when things got really bad. And then I
got fired for you know, being a shitty employee. Yeah,
you know, being drunk. So the uh yeah, So finally
I'm just like whatever, and I called them and it
took forever to get hold of them, like days sitting
(24:06):
on holding stuff like that. But then you know, you're
talking to somebody and it's like, Okay, I lost my
job and they're like, you lost your job because of COVID,
and I was like, no, I lost my job during COVID,
not because of COVID. They're like, so, you lost your
job because of COVID.
Speaker 1 (24:20):
I was like no.
Speaker 4 (24:21):
I Like we went like round in circles like three
or four times, and then finally they're like I'm just
like whatever, man, and then starts sending me money.
Speaker 1 (24:28):
And that was the worst thing. Possibly. Yeah. Yeah. I
always said, man, if I was getting that money like
that and I was drinking still, I would be dead
August January like avoid everybody, Okay what I wanted, Okay,
(24:48):
perfect and I don't have to talk to nobody. Can
wear this mask too. Oh this is perfect. Yeah, that
would have been the end of Corey Windfield. That would
have died. So God pulled me out of that just
in time. Got real close.
Speaker 2 (24:58):
I remember when I was in rehab, people are like,
you're getting filed from an employment yet I'm like unemployment
for what They're just giving away money and I'm like, no,
not doing that trick because they're not coming back after
me because I haven't worked a job in like two years.
You know, being self employed, you can't get no money
out of being self employed.
Speaker 1 (25:18):
Obviously, well, I mean you can. I don't think they
came back after anybody for the Trump one, the Trump money,
because you're getting going to give us money again? Justin
probably not. I didn't vote for him, so whatever, Ah
got your ass Green Party. Don't vote for the Rock.
(25:43):
You smell what the United States is cooking. I want
to say, just come on, man, if we can get
him in the office, like, that's all I want think. Well,
mean Jesse Ventura, Yeah, Arnold Schwarzenegger, Nah, I don't know,
can't because he's not from America. Yeah, but I mean
he became a governor and can't be president. But the
(26:06):
Rock can. I wrote your name in Oh thank you.
I was wondering who voted for me. I was looking
at the results. Hell yeah, it's gonna be a Parker's name,
Murnie Nick's that can you imagine? Hey, do you bring
the president today? Well that'd be so awesome. Yeah, the
President's coming? What who? What would be freaking everybody out?
(26:29):
I'm sorry, Parker. Well, at least you to name them
like Northwest or something. Yeah, Cherry Bottom. There's some weird
celebrity names out there. But back to the job thing though,
And I think I've talked about this. I would be
surprised I didn't. But one of the last times I
lost the job, and it's a job I didn't want.
(26:51):
And this is the thing. Man, If you are in recovery,
early recovery and you just go, I'm gonna get a job,
pay these bills and I'll be happy, No, you won't.
It's not about the money, and the more money you have,
the more you're going to spend on your drug choice.
So think wisely when you go get that job and
think is this something that I can live with? Is
it working at the movie theater or something I just
show up and run a movie. I don't have to
run the place. I just show up, do little, and
(27:13):
go home, get paid. Do good. If you can be
good with that as you're working on your goal, do it.
But to go out and get this job, to do
this and do that, just make some money. Now, if
you're a tooling die maker, you're making dies and trim
dies and molds and stuff, you probably want to keep
doing that. But at the same time, like figure out
what you need to do. But if you're in this
(27:33):
cycle that we're in, you know, I took this job
answering phones at the newspaper, yelled at a bunch because
these so I can't find my papers, like did you
look in the box, God, dang, oh there it is, dude,
stop throwing my paper in the bushes. I'm not throwing
your paper anywhere, lady like yelling at me like I
(27:55):
did it. And so my answer is sometimes when the
company then like and I was getting nine bucks an hour,
nine twenty five. Maybe I can't remember. It was something
I was just like I used a program or radio
station and here I am answering the phones. The old
people can't find the newspaper like it was. It was
to me degrading almost, you know, like what am I
doing with my life? And yeah, I was going back
(28:16):
to school, but for what I don't know. It was stupid,
and I started on my vendor like I thought I
was good. I even told the dude in an interview,
I'm in recovery. Things are good, blah blah blah. I
don't think I told him I was in recovery. I
wasn't using that term yet. I told him I was
an alcoholic, but you know, I have thirty days sober,
and you know, he's like, oh, I know somebody, because
(28:36):
of course you do. Everybody knows somebody. And when I
fell off, man like it fell off, it was probably
just a hey, I'm gonna drink this weekend. And I
just remember waking up going shit, what day is it?
And I called him and I was like, hey, do
I still have my job? The guy's like, of course
you don't have your job this Thursday. It was Monday, Tuesday, Wednesdays,
(29:00):
three days, no call, no show. You're no, you don't
work here anymore. I said, oh, so I can't just
come in for the like the rest of the week.
And he's like, no, you don't work here, okay, get
on this ship. Then I lost my stars because like
the people who did ship man like, if you call
(29:21):
them to say, hey, my eggs are broken, okay, and
then they ding the driver and then they get their
ship for free. So like places I was delivering to,
not talking bad about trailer parks, I'm just saying there
was always something wrong with the shit. I'm like, I
brought you exactly what you wanted, Like, what are you
talking about? And they ding me? So once you like
get ding so many times you can't drive for them
(29:43):
or deliver groceries for them anymore, which is a sweet
little deal. Man. I take the ones like three in
the morning, there'd be extra money on it. Yeah, I'll
go do that. I did the door Dash.
Speaker 4 (29:52):
I almost switched the ship, yeah, because I heard you
can make So one time the ship driver and me
were coming to the same house and we were like,
start talking. Is walked away and he's like, I used
to do door Dash. He's talking about how he gets
more money doing chips, and I was like, oh, but
I had like all the perks in the door Dash.
Speaker 1 (30:13):
I could do it when I wanted.
Speaker 4 (30:14):
I didn't have to schedule, I got the priority like
high paying one, stuff like that. So I just stuck
with it. But that was like the second money making
thing I did in recovery was driving door dash. Yeah,
so I actually had a lot of fun.
Speaker 1 (30:32):
Yeah, the ship was all right, you know, I got
to figure out myer stores pretty good. That's right. When
they switched it around too, Yeah, it messed me up.
So that was but yeah, but it was easy money,
I guess at the time sort of you know, but
I don't know. I did uber for a minute that
it's worthless, like that doesn't pay for anything like you're like, wait,
(30:54):
so I got fronted gas that now now I actually
have to pay if I'm just I'm paying for gas.
When you guys pay me back, I just pay the
gas bill and then that's it.
Speaker 4 (31:05):
Like half the doordaskimoney, I made one to guess pretty much.
Speaker 1 (31:09):
Yeah, it's tough though, but finding that job, man, it's
very important that you, like, like I said, get something
that you can just kind of ease into at first.
If you're like not sure what you want to do,
if you don't have a career path already, like laid
out in Stone, if you've been doing something for twenty years,
like I was doing radio, you know, I didn't want
to go back into radio, so I knew I had
to find something else. But if you're a tool, a
die maker, or if you're a doctor or a vet,
(31:32):
you're probably gonna want to go back to that job again,
you know. But just take it easy when you do
go back, is what I would say. And just really
lay it, lay it out, you know, for yourself. This
is not going to stress me. I'm just gonna go
do my job and go home. But I think a
lot of those people have different problems. They will go
out by their drug of choice. Looks like, if you're
(31:57):
a Hollywood movie star, you're an actor, and you're making
two million dollars of film, no thanks, I would be dead,
you know, back in my using days, because that's all
that's the only thing I was missing was the money
to go get more and if I had access to it,
Like they were saying, the dudes the guy from Friends
that died, Matthew Perry, like they charged him like fifty
(32:20):
thousand dollars for like five hundred dollars bag of drugs,
and they kept doing that, you know, because they knew
they could get it from him, you know, and he
had tons and tons of money, so it didn't matter
to him. He just wanted some shit. Yep. So like yeah,
that I think a lot of those people go out
that way, you know, because it ticks, so you don't
have enough to get anymore to hit that rock bottom
(32:41):
or least start to chip away at the rock bottom.
Speaker 4 (32:44):
Can I ask a question you mentioned, and that's for
all of us. You mentioned in there, when you're talking
about the newspaper job that you didn't like, say that
you were in recovery, said you were an alcoholic and
he hits overtime. Yep, when did you gut switch over
into identifying as.
Speaker 1 (33:03):
Being in recovery?
Speaker 4 (33:04):
And I'll give like an example for like My answer is,
there was a couple of times that I got sober
and it was just me getting my shit together, is
what I called it, because I just knew that I
drank too much. I wouldn't even identify as an alcoholic yet.
And then there was like when I was reaching like
that time going into working at the hospital, I started
(33:25):
to call myself an alcoholic and I knew that I
had to quit drinking. But it wasn't until I got
sober this last time where the program I was in
started saying there using the recovery terminology, and it was
kind of new to me, and I didn't use it
a lot still because of the stigma. And it was
really when I met Corey in two seventeen recovery that
(33:48):
became a really big deal in a really big term
and something that I really identified with, you know, in a.
Speaker 1 (33:55):
Community that I engaged with. How did that work for
you guys?
Speaker 2 (34:01):
For me, it was meat and Corey and treatment. I
mean I didn't, I mean, I'd get my shit together
like you said a couple of times throughout my life,
but I didn't realize I had a problem till probably
a year before I got arrested. And then once I
got arrested, I'm like, well, shit, I gotta get my
life together, Like, don't want to be doing this on
(34:21):
repeat cycle, like nine months in counties bullshit, Like like
I'd much rather go to prison than set any more
County time in my life.
Speaker 1 (34:29):
Obviously. You know, there's just you guy should get to
move around.
Speaker 2 (34:33):
You know, it's still your lockdown, but you just be
able to get to move around.
Speaker 1 (34:38):
And I didn't want to go to.
Speaker 2 (34:39):
Prison and find out what prison was like. You know
what horror stories about dropping the soap, so I didn't
want to find that out. It was shower with twenty
other guys, just not my cup of tea. Went to
treatment mister Winfield, and it just that's when everything just
kind of fell into place, and he's like, no, dude,
you're serious. You need to go here. You need to
(35:01):
go here and do the right things in life. And
like you said, you know, getting a job just ease
back into things. I got a little BS gas station
job in Pointe City where they didn't sell alcohol. And
that was great because even though alcohol wasn't my choice,
I mean, if I would have probably sold enough of it,
I would have probably ended up buying a bottle tastes
(35:23):
like right, oh, that's still snaking choice.
Speaker 1 (35:26):
I can drink that. That bottle is.
Speaker 2 (35:27):
Really cool, you know, yeah, because some people that drink
alcohol buy it because of the bottle looks cool, like
they don't care what it is. Well, that bottle looks cool,
kay of like the skullhead and you know it's just
like whatever. But that's what it really took effect is
what I went into residential treatment, and at first it
was identifying myself as a drug addict. But after a
(35:53):
couple of weeks of being there, me and you sat
down and talked about You're like, no, you, this is
how you need to say it, like you're a person
in recovery, and you actually showed me how to use
the words properly versus just doing what everyone else was
in there doing.
Speaker 1 (36:12):
About you, Corey, when.
Speaker 3 (36:16):
I first came, when I first got sober, I did
not think I was an alcoholic a drug I really
didn't think I had a problem. I was just twenty seven.
I like to drink and drive, I knew that was
my problem, so I was like trying to figure out
the ways, right of, like when I get done with probation,
(36:38):
I'm gonna drink responsibly. Yeah. Well, then the more of
that time that I stuck around I did start out,
I was forced to go to AA. So that's where,
like my first two and a half years of my
sobriety is in AA. I started to say like that
(37:00):
I was learning and I was an alcoholic because I
had to. I had to learn like what I did
that was wrong. And then as time went on, like
I still identify as an alcoholic at times because really
that is my main my main problem, but more and more,
(37:24):
like in the last couple of years, I've learned that
I am a person in recovery because there's like the
driving factors of why I drink, and you know, the
behaviors that I did or that I still do. There's
them behaviors that drove me to the drink, which then
opened the world to being a drug addict because I
(37:47):
do drugs too. I did anything to I'd say, I
didn't mind being who I am. What I wanted to
do was to just scape the reality part. I wanted
to have fun, and I put drinking and doing drugs
was more fun for me because it intensified it. Right,
(38:08):
and then it also like I was going places with
it where when I wasn't doing any drugs or drinking
that I'm working or being a or at home being
a single mom, and I wanted to be out and
about having fun.
Speaker 1 (38:23):
Sounds like my sister, like Kylie, So you said the
text message about this one like in the.
Speaker 4 (38:33):
Last two two and a half years started, You've got
like thirty seven years of.
Speaker 1 (38:36):
Sobriety, right.
Speaker 3 (38:40):
I have. I'll be ten years sober on Saint Patti's Day.
Speaker 1 (38:44):
That blows my mind. I can't wait. Yeah, almost four.
So I don't know if she answered your question kind of.
Speaker 4 (38:53):
She started to consider being in recovery like in the
last two two and a half.
Speaker 3 (38:57):
Years, because it's really it's more about not just being
like an alcoholic. I'm a person that's recovering from several things. Right.
Speaker 1 (39:06):
The question was hard to because it's.
Speaker 3 (39:08):
Like, why do you identify the process.
Speaker 4 (39:14):
Of going from I just drink too much too, I'm
an alcoholic to a person in recovery, you know, because
I see like how we all identify ourselves as being
people in recovery, and that took steps of I'm an
alcoholic and all the other stuff. But like you mentioned
in your story earlier, where you're working at that job
(39:34):
and you didn't even identify with recovery, you did call
yourself an alcoholic and your sober, you know, but being
able to live my life out loud in recovery kind
of happened because I saw you doing it, and so
(39:54):
I was just kind of wondering and wanted everybody else's
idea of kind of how it worked for them, I think.
Speaker 1 (39:59):
And for me it was when I wasn't going into
treatment that last time too, because I realized, Okay, I've
been doing this shit wrong. Like I've been calling myself
an alcoholic, I've been going to AA meetings, I'm beating
myself up. And I don't know if it was somebody
in Bear River maybe said something. I have no idea,
but I know for me though, it was like a student,
(40:19):
I just started thinking, how am I going to do
this different? I was like, first of all, and I
remember when I walked into Bear River too, I was like,
I'm done beating myself up. And I think that's when
it hit me like, I'm not going to be Corey
the alcoholic. I'm going to be Corey the person who's
in recovery. And I'm not ashamed that I'm in recovery.
That I changed my life, going to live a new
life that I create. There's nothing wrong with that. No,
(40:45):
why don't I have to say I'm an alcoholic. Oh,
I'm in recovery. That old me is done. I'm done
with that guy. I'm moving on. And it was scary,
not knowing what I was going to create or what
I was going to do, but I knew I had
to do something and just changing the way I thought
about things in my own head. I wake up in
the morning, I don't beat myself up. Well I'm just
an alcohol No, I'm in recovery. I'm living a different
(41:08):
life and I get to build something new today. Yeah,
And it became exciting for me. And like when I
worked at ATS TOO, I would tell people, you know,
like they would say, oh, I'm a drunk junkie. They
would say all this stuff to identify themselves, and I
was like, stop doing that. Yeah, negative, if you want
to fine, but if you want to get on top
of this and live different, think different. You gotta be
in recovery, man, you gotta change that, because then I'd
(41:30):
always say, raise your hand if you have. But anybody
used drugs today? No, well then you're in recovery. You know, like,
let's go move it forward. You know what's the next step.
And I would say that kind of stuff to them
to kind of get to move them forward, because it's
easy to be stuck and well, an alcohol it comes
just what I do know.
Speaker 2 (41:49):
My part, my biggest part was realizing that everyone who
I thought was friends weren't really friends. I think that
was my hardest part of about coming into recovery, was
having to let go of everyone from the past and
move forward and create new people to associate, socialize with.
Speaker 1 (42:11):
And someone Okay, throw out there to you guys, someone
who's an alcoholic. You expect them to go to the
liquor store to get some liquor if something bad happens, right, Yeah,
they're an alcoholic, so they do. Would you expect a
person of recovery to do that? No? I expect them
to go to a meeting. Yeah, I mean, it's just
something so simple. Is just changing how you say it
(42:32):
and how you feel about it.
Speaker 3 (42:34):
I also too. I think it's when we tell her,
tell ourselves that, oh, you're just an alcoholic, right, we
automatically go to all the bad words that go with
the alcoholic, like that you're not good enough, you're this,
you're that, you're a cursor, you're not a good worker,
you're a thief, you're a liar, you're a cheating jokester,
(42:55):
or same with drug addict. We go to all the
stigmatizing words that have people have put us on. You're
nothing but a drug addict and all this stuff. So
then when we all of a sudden we tell ourselves
that we are a person in recovery, I think that's
it changes too, Like.
Speaker 1 (43:11):
Take those options out, like I'm gonna I'm gonna go
get some drugs. I'm gonnaet a bottle. You don't even
think about because you're in recovery. You told yourself that
all day, last two months, last two years, you're in recovery.
And so the start something bad happens like this, it's
not an option. And I did take that option off
the table. I think by doing that, and that was
one of the things I wanted to do.
Speaker 2 (43:31):
Well, you've said multiple times even you've brought this instance,
up you had a disagreement with somebody, you got upset,
and instead of going to the liquor store, the first
place you found yourself was at a meeting hall and
you stayed for two meetings.
Speaker 1 (43:46):
Yeah, back to back, that shit, and then the way home.
That's what it hit me. I'm like, I did not
one time think about getting a bottle. No, not one time,
you know, That's what I was like, Holy shit, this
is what it is. This is this is that recovery stuff,
you know, Like I finally turned the page.
Speaker 4 (44:03):
What I like about it is you're not sitting in
the negative of calling yourself an addict or an alcoholic.
You're not ignoring it and kind of shucking the accountability,
Like if you just kind of ignore it and like
act like it didn't happen. Being in recovery is like
a positive progression forward since it's empowering too. Yeah, so
(44:29):
you explain that, but yeah, I like it too.
Speaker 3 (44:33):
I think so too, because I mean, look at our
recovery community that we have, Look at the people that
are putting the hard work and recovery and standing together
and showing and you know, for me today, like if
I didn't have my recovery. After Thanksgiving morning, I wouldn't
be sitting here. I wouldn't have showed up to have
(44:55):
a Thanksgiving dinner meal. I wouldn't have.
Speaker 1 (44:59):
No. Yeah. And six years ago, when I was sitting
in jail, as somebody was like, hey to you here,
Corey Winfield got arrested for drunk driving, they'd be like, yeah,
he's an alcoholic today. Oh here Corey Winfields. Oh yeah, yeah,
he's in recovery. Like they're they're saying two different things.
Well today people would be like, what, cryinfind's in recovery. No,
(45:20):
but the would be like Corey Winfields in recovery, and
they wouldn't be like Corey Winfield, Yeah he's in recovery, right,
you know, like they would before. And we'll always have
our haters. Yeah, there's people that hate me.
Speaker 3 (45:32):
Yeah, but I think they're just jealous because they don't
know how to how to get to that step and
seeing us living a joyful, free we're not being controlled
by a substance or a drug.
Speaker 1 (45:45):
There's more haters than there are celebrators, man, and you
just have to kind of deal with it, you know.
And someone said this a long time ago, and treatment
it's no new there. It's your What they think about
you is love your business. Yeah, And the only way
you can change they think about you is by how
you act. M And like I said, people can't call
me alcolic today. They can, but it wouldn't make much sense,
(46:07):
you know.
Speaker 3 (46:08):
Like, Okay, that's what I was saying about. Earlier. I
was talking to one of my recoveries you know about,
and I was just saying, you know, like I had before,
I want to go out and start a dumpster fire.
I have to think about my actions because I'm in
recovery and that's what people are expecting me to do
right now. These people that aren't in recovery that know me,
(46:29):
they're waiting for me to come up and blow up
a situation. And so that's where I just need to
practice what my recovery has taught me, and that's you
don't get to behave like that anymore.
Speaker 4 (46:42):
Wait a minute, So I have to not drink and
I can't start dumpster fires. I didn't sign up for that.
Speaker 3 (46:53):
What we do we practice to do better to not
like the dumpster fire.
Speaker 1 (46:58):
Yeah, that you should be your goal every day. Don't
like the dumpster fire. But we will end on that.
No dumpster fire, Okay, no dumpster no, all right, we'll
end on that then, all right, thanks for listening to
seventeen Recovery dot com is the website, and of course
the guy that's going to come on NeXT's go and
talk you about all the episodes you can listen to
(47:19):
and where you can find them. But I appreciate you listening.
Thank you so much. Later, thanks for listening to the
two seventeen Recovery podcast. Listen to over nine hundred episodes
on the two seventeen Recovery app that's free in your
app store or online at two seventeen recovery dot com
Welcome to the two seventeen Recovery Broadcast. If you don't
make mistakes, you won't learn. With your host, Corey Winfield,
you know how you know fish as bad if you
can't put it on pizza and special guests Justin.
Speaker 2 (00:17):
Burke, the thumb nail totally does not dictate the move
at all.
Speaker 1 (00:21):
Corey Smokers.
Speaker 3 (00:22):
Maybe one day I can make it onto the TV.
Speaker 1 (00:25):
I'll count and Mitchell O'Brien he goes, you recorded me
a little sleep it and I was like nope. He goes,
Winfield dead. I got this harror in his eyes and
I was like nope, and then he's like it was Smoker,
got yours. It is the second of December twenty twenty
(00:47):
four of My name is Corey Winfield, I'm Justin Burke,
I'm Mitchell.
Speaker 3 (00:53):
O'Brien and I'm Corey Smoker. What up?
Speaker 1 (00:56):
That's up? The first time we've done a podcast together,
and I don't know since summer probably yeah, the fishing
event of moon Bro. So it's been forever. It's been
forrever Sins. I've done a podcast in general. Yes, Marnie
over the weekend was like, let's do a podcast. I
says sure we didn't. You got a little one.
Speaker 2 (01:14):
Man.
Speaker 1 (01:15):
It's it's tough because like she's on this Betty Crocker
thing where she wants to be Betty Crocker. She wants
to be Marnie Winfield aka Betty Crocker or the other
lady who went to jail Snoop Dogg's friend, Martha Stewart. Yeah,
she wants to be like her, but better. She's called
her age Bima. Oh, I don't think we're gonna do that, Mitchell.
(01:36):
That's insensitive nowadays. Yeah. You know, if you're talking to
me in my radio show back in twenty twenty or
twenty four oh four, I guess that's a better way
to say that. Then, Yes, I would have been all
over that. But I'm a changed man. I have a son.
Speaker 3 (01:49):
Now, iust tell your wife keep on going. She I
think she's better than all of them.
Speaker 1 (01:56):
Yeah, she's she's really good at it. And so when
she gets free time, like when Parker is on me sleeping,
she's like, Okay, she goes in there and starts cooking stuff,
like she made breakfast sandwiches. I don't know why I
didn't get one this morning? What, Yeah, you didn't get one. No,
last night, it was good and she's like, I'm gonna
freeze them and put them in this and them okay,
(02:18):
so yeah, and then when I get my free time, poop.
I don't. I don't know what I do in my
free time at home, nap.
Speaker 3 (02:28):
Make fit, put videos together at it. I would create some.
Speaker 1 (02:32):
Stuff I want to do, but I don't do at home.
Build shelves. No, that's that's me watching Parker. Oh yeah,
got a whole new room downstairs thanks to my wife,
which is cool. But now we had the holiday, and
I was gonna do a podcast before the holiday talking
about how it's so tough for people who use and
blah blah blah, but every day is tough. Like if
(02:55):
you are looking for an excuse, it's snowing right now.
I used to love get drunken look at the snow
or whatever. Apparently I like driving in it too, because
that's when I got me DUI actually, six years ago
to this day, I was in jail for this and
I think I just saw it was snowing and rory,
I don't know, it was blacked out. It was crazy,
and that's the scary part of it that woke me up.
(03:16):
To realize this isn't a game anymore and you're driving
a vehicle and you don't remember it. Yeah right, I'm
glad I don't have any STDs. It's tis looked out
on that one. But I'm just saying excuses are everywhere.
So if you want to look at it, like, oh,
it's the holiday, and I used to, you know, get
(03:37):
really depressed and the holiday when I was drinking, because
it's a depressant. Alcohol does that. So I don't know
what was your guys' holiday, Like, was it pretty good?
You talked to your brother in jail you said that
was good? Or Ever since I was a.
Speaker 4 (03:51):
Kid, Thanksgiving has had this supernatural negativity to it, and
there was never really anything that happened on Thanksgiving because
if somebody was sick, somebody was angry, there was an
argument happening, something would happen.
Speaker 1 (04:04):
And this year was no different.
Speaker 4 (04:06):
I ran away from it, went and did my own
thing with my own kid and friends, and like had
her own little family thing. But all the chaos still
happened in my family. So, yeah, we had a fight
in the family that landed my brother in jail.
Speaker 1 (04:25):
Oh yep. We had.
Speaker 4 (04:29):
My father and his Shenanigans, drunk dialing people obviously yep.
And then the incident that I'm just gonna call the
Brown Fridays Sale.
Speaker 1 (04:42):
I don't even have a drop for that.
Speaker 4 (04:43):
I don't even know a Brown Friday sale, the Brown
Friday sale, So there was a that's a good one
for it. All I can say is that I'm glad
that new Dad Jerry was there.
Speaker 1 (05:02):
Oh I don't know, not for that either, what no way.
Speaker 4 (05:08):
He's a repair man wizard and was able to fix
the burst pipe in the basement where the Brown Friday
sale happened.
Speaker 1 (05:20):
And then they were able to clean it up. But
I was that was the part of.
Speaker 4 (05:24):
The family that I kind of would have wanted to
be around, But then was then glad that I wasn't
because of that because they spent like four hours cleaning
that up on Black Friday.
Speaker 1 (05:35):
Damn. That's why I call it the Brown Fridays. Wow,
that's a pretty crappy thing to happen.
Speaker 2 (05:42):
Well, at least they were able to fix the pipes
cheap with it being Black Friday.
Speaker 1 (05:45):
Huh time they got to sail on parts maybe yeah,
So I don't know, but it just always is something
always on Thanksgiving, and I got to excuse my sell
from it this year. But it's like still happening and
all that. It's good they didn't You didn't drink or anything.
(06:08):
You didn't use drugs or nothing. So you handled it
like an adult, and you chose not to be a
part of what you didn't want to be a part of.
And that is sometimes is hard for us. I'm supposed
to be there. I'm glad, da da da, you know.
And like if I go downstate to see my parents,
you know, if my mom's tripping or something, I have
to remove myself from that situation, you know. And and
I am deep in my sobriety now where I can
(06:31):
I can do that. Well, same thing with my you know,
my dad or brother, whoever, you know, whoever wants to
throw me off my game. I have the choice to
either feed into that or go no, no, this isn't my problem,
this isn't my thing. I'm not even in it is.
I'm out see you, you know, and then we preserve
our sobriety, right, That's the way I look at it.
(06:54):
That's what I did this year. So good for you.
Speaker 4 (06:56):
It's actually a really big part of my recovery story.
The first two holiday seasons of my recovery, I chose
to stay away from family. I had some very supportive
family members that were in support of my recovery, but
I also had some very toxic family members that were
very critical and in substance use disorder themselves, So my
(07:23):
mental health was really bad back then. I decided that
I had to stay away, and people were very critical
of that. Some of them were supportive, but I look
back and I don't I wouldn't do it any other way.
And like you said, like it's different now, but it's
a holiday. I can choose to have a good time,
(07:46):
and there are some people in my family that don't
seem to have that ability. So I'm making decisions with
my son to go and have a good holiday. And yeah,
so good for you man. Pivot, good pivot, But you ja.
Speaker 2 (08:03):
Dog Mine was great. I couldn't asked for a better holiday. Yeah, yeah,
really it really was. I went to my old roommate's
mom's house for Thanksgiving with his family. I can't hear
the drops, so I don't have had phones like but anyways, yeah,
(08:23):
we went to his mom's house. We watched Lions game,
had a nice little meal. It was nice. I'm known
her for a couple of years now. His family like
to meet his sister and her husband, and they invited
us out to go like fishing for charter fishing for
(08:44):
walleye down by Detroit. I don't like heron and stuff,
and then went back to his house. He caught a flight.
I gave someone a ride on Friday that was getting
out of jail, So that felt very good. I'm kind
of rewarding to be able to help someone out during
the holiday weekend because most places ain't open like that.
Speaker 1 (09:07):
So and they're not going to release them to just anybody.
Sometimes they're going to treatment. They went to treatment, so
it's like, yeah, no one else is picking his ass
up on Black Friday, So yeah, exactly, And then that's
why we do what we do. But that's good that,
you know, because you didn't have to do that.
Speaker 2 (09:22):
No, I mean, I could have took my four day weekend,
but you know, I mean to give back to people
that's trying to get into the program.
Speaker 1 (09:29):
Feels very rewarding.
Speaker 2 (09:31):
To have that conversation with those people because I know
what it was like when I got released from jail
to go to treatment the nerves and everything else. And
I didn't have that someone that had already gone through treatment,
that just that just got out of jail to go
to treatment. Like, I didn't have that person to talk
to on the way up. I had my mom and
(09:51):
my brother, but I mean they were supportive, but at
the same time, they didn't know what to expect, you know.
Speaker 1 (09:58):
Near did.
Speaker 2 (09:59):
My brother went, but I mean he fell right back
off the wagon soon as he got home, you know,
so he didn't really know what to expect. And they're
all kind of different. And then my son came up
Friday night, was able, went and got everything to do
with Thanksgiving dinner at my house and ended up hanging
(10:22):
out with him cooking turkey and stuff on Saturday. Then
when my daughter came back up, she helped me clean
up the mess and just kind of chilled up a
little bit Sunday night. So it's kind of peaceful, fills
with entertainment. My son's a trip to be around.
Speaker 1 (10:41):
Yeah, Yeah, that's awesome. You guys have that relationship back. Yeah,
but you smoke her. Did you hang out with your daughter?
Speaker 3 (10:50):
I did get to see my daughter for a little bit, yeah,
kind of a holiday.
Speaker 1 (10:55):
Yeah, yeah, you don't want to talk about it, that's cool.
Speaker 3 (11:00):
I just experienced a loss, and then it was also
too just kind of more eye opening on this illusion
that I see my family or that expectations that I
had maybe just naturally put on my family. And then
(11:21):
it was also then I went down the list of
like feeling entitlement and so just I have to be
religion of that in what I see and how I'm
processing that, and just remember that, you know it. The
biggest thing is is that I got to remember two
(11:41):
things like I can't use over this, and that I
also like my behaviors, because then I go into really
anger and then I want to go and act a fool.
And my husband said he wouldn't bail me out of jail,
that he would leave me to cool down, and so
(12:02):
I just kinda I stayed real neutral, and because like
of my attitude and where I was kind of feeling,
I really just stayed home.
Speaker 1 (12:15):
It's chilling, and death is a tough one man. People
act weird, and it's it's weird because you can't really
tell someone how to act or how to grieve, and
they grieve differently. Some people are angry at it. Some
people don't want to deal with it, and they're putting
situations where they have to, and I know, like, yeah,
(12:35):
it's just tough, man.
Speaker 3 (12:37):
I did have a good Thanksgiving meal though, that's good.
Speaker 1 (12:41):
That's good. I had a guy reached out to me
over the weekend too, and he's afraid to go to treatment.
And it took me back to a day where before
I went anywhere, like does this person tell me that
I had to go or that I should go to
this place in Grand Rapids called Pine Rest And it
(13:02):
was like not really a treatment center, but it was like.
Speaker 2 (13:07):
A cold occurring place, isn't it.
Speaker 1 (13:09):
Yeah, or mental health and that that really scared me.
Going to California for the first time. I was just like,
where am I going whatever? You know, it didn't I
don't know. Maybe I was a little afraid, I guess,
but not really, not like it was when the mental
health one, when I'm like, oh my gosh, I'm going
into a place and there could be people like talking
(13:29):
to walls, and there was some of that, but it
was it was still pretty cool, like there was still
cool people in there, and you know, a lot of
people in there for depression. That's what I was going
there for so it was it was a good thing,
but I remember being really nervous and being hesitant, like
I don't want to go there, like I don't don't
think so, And especially since how I left California, is
(13:49):
this dude who definitely needed to be somewhere because it
was this puppy and yeah, and he's like no, he's
trying to blame in his girl friend. And I'm like,
you're mad at her because she called the police. That's
what she's supposed to do, right, And you can't you
can't hear that, you know. So I'm like, I'm out
of here. That dude lives above me in this duplex
(14:11):
that's too close. I'm out. I can't nope, nope, I
just I got a drinking problem. You guys got other
kind of issues. I'm out. I can't stay here with
that dude. So I left, so thinking like, now I'm
going to a place where there's gonna be a hundred
of these guys, you know, like what's going on, which
it wasn't the case, but they go to actual treatment center.
And if someone's afraid to do that, I could kind
(14:33):
of see, I guess. But at the end of the day.
The whole addiction thing, A lot of it is about control,
and we want to do what we want to do.
We want to go where we want to go, we
want to see who we want to see. We're going
to buy what we want to buy because that keeps
us going. And most of it's our addiction and fuel
by our addiction. So part of that is I'm not
(14:55):
gonna be able to drink. I'm not gonna know anyone.
I'm not gonna have any money, I'm not gonna drink.
I can't smoke we I can't do this. I can
not gonna know anybody. I can't smoke weed, can't drink,
can't use anything. I'm not gonna know anybody. Nobody's gonna
bring me home. It's way four hours up north. What
am I gonna do? Oh my god, I can't drink,
you can't smoke weed, You don't know anybody that's gonna
(15:16):
bring me back here, don't have any money. And I
think a lot of that is that you know, because
if you think, oh, I'm gonna go in, there's gonna
be some bad people in there. Now, you got sure
there's bad people at the store right now that you
pass every single day in your job, on your way
to work, whatever. There's bad people everywhere, but majority of
(15:36):
the people in treatment centers are good people. And I
told them that. I was like, you're gonna meet some
really cool people from all different walks of life and
from different parts of the state, and you're gonna you're
gonna hear their story and you're gonna go that sounds
just like mine, and you're gonna you're gonna be able
to relate to those people, and you're gonna not feel
so alone. So I don't know what it's gonna happen
(15:59):
of this, but I just kind of said, look to
the person that was asking me, Hey, will you help him,
I was like, yeah, sure, but the only thing I
can do to help him is I can point them
where to go, set them up. Hey, get on Medicaid,
call this, do that, call these people, don't call those people.
You know kind of thing. He's got to want it,
he's got to want to go somewhere, and that fear, sure,
(16:21):
it's there, but you got to overcome that, and you
got to want that change more than that fear is
making you not want to go. And if he truly
wants that change and maybe he's not there yet. This
guy just had this first awakening, I guess you could say.
And I had my first awakening. I was the hospital
and I still came out three months later like I
can drink again, you know, like I wasn't prepared. I
(16:44):
wasn't ready. No one told me about addiction. They told
me I was an alcoholic. Yeah.
Speaker 3 (16:49):
I always asked him too, like what it okay? I
know you're you're feeling scared of the on and on
of going to treatment. Bo I mean, what do you
really have to lose if you go? Yeah, try it out?
Speaker 1 (17:01):
Yeah yeah, And maybe I gave him bad advice at
this point of it, and I'll throw it out there
to you guys. But he's like, well, I make too
much in my job to get out of Medicaid. So
where's your job, he told me. And I was like, okay,
we'll quit, you know, like these hospital bills are gonna
add up, and that's gonna make you drink too, you know,
(17:23):
like like seriously, and this is a job. You could
probably get back or find a better one somewhere else.
That's very, very similar. Yep.
Speaker 4 (17:31):
You hear that a lot, though. You know, I can't
go treatment because of my job. I can't go to
the treatment because my dog. Yeah, but my dog, yeah.
All the dogs are a good one too. I had
a guy he's probably dead now. I haven't heard from
a long ass time, so he probably is dead, and
that's what happens.
Speaker 1 (17:50):
But I was like, dude, he was leaving treatment is
when I was working at Addiction Treatment Services, And I
was like, she really think about sober living man, because
you know, I know the situation going to it's empty house,
my dog, Like, so we're living. Oh, I can't leave
my dog. Well, you're gonna die if you don't leave
your dog. My dog's been at my mom's. Well, let
(18:11):
the dogs stay at your mom's house for another ninety days, man,
Like do some sober living, Like hit the ground running
with this sobiety thing, man, change your life.
Speaker 2 (18:18):
But it also plays into the fact, you know, if
you can't take care of yourself, are you going to
take care.
Speaker 1 (18:23):
Of that dog?
Speaker 2 (18:24):
You know, if all you're worried about drinking, you're not
gonna go buy dog food because you're gonna go to
the liquor store to go get more alcohol or dope.
You know, it doesn't matter what your vice is in life,
your vice is gonna come first before dog food. And
it's like these people just don't understand that, you know,
And it's just like, dude.
Speaker 1 (18:44):
You got to do this.
Speaker 2 (18:47):
Otherwise your dog's not gonna be there to even be
with you. It's gonna run away to go find food.
Speaker 1 (18:53):
But then you can always ask mom or cousin or brother, whoever,
can you give me twenty bucks? Leeword doesn't have any food, okay?
And then you're buying the cheap ass ninety nine percent
food and get yourself a fifth and you're on the way.
It could be another excuse. I don't know, but it
doesn't make It doesn't make sense. And there are people
that will take your dog or watch your dog or whatever,
(19:14):
you know, and if not, I don't not say it.
But there's apps out there too. The neighborhood or something
I don't remember. I told her neighbor about it. She
was like, coming over here, being loud. Have you met
the neighbor here over here? Briefly, it's loud. I don't
remember her name, but she came up. She was loud.
I was like, what is going on in the lobby.
(19:35):
I think it starts with an her and Corey know
each other really very smoker. Yeah, because are buddies right
for black in the day. She's loud. Do you ever
tell her like hey, inside voice, Yeah, you do what.
I know?
Speaker 3 (19:48):
Her name just read at the.
Speaker 1 (19:52):
Well we put her on blast. It rhymes with my name.
I thought it was Michelle. Yeah, she loud, but she
came in here one day and she was talking about
this dog she's trying to get rid of or something.
Somebody was here with me, justin and I was like,
I remember, don't go on this app. It's neighborhood or
(20:12):
the hood or I don't know, some app where you
can post stuff on there, and people like in my
neighborhood are always like, oh, could someone shovel my driveway?
I need some snow tires now, or we're collecting cans
to save kids, or I don't know something that's always like, well, sorry,
I found Bob the painter. Nice. But there are things
(20:34):
down there you could put like, hey, I can't afford
this dog, can't take care of this dog. Does anybody
want it? They can get the word out. There's ways
you can do it. But again, if that's your excuse
and you're holding on to it. My cat had to
stay in a room by herself for nine months until
I could get her back, and I well for Christmas.
One time, Mom was like, you're not gonna go see
your cat. I said no. I was like, that will
(20:57):
scar me and it'll scar her. She can already hear
my voice down here, but I don't want to see
her because it was it was tough for me to
do that, but I had to do that. I had
to save my life and I gave Nico what six
more good years sober. Yeah, you know, and she would
trade that. She would she would be like may she
(21:17):
would take it that, that's how she says that. But
she would be like, thank you, I'm glad I got
to die. See in my homeboy, Corey Sober. I think
she called me daddy though, but not in a sexual way.
Speaker 3 (21:32):
I believe that. And I always tell the people too, like, Okay,
you're you don't want to go because of your dog,
your kid's your job. But you continue to stay out
here drinking, you're going to lose all that anyways.
Speaker 1 (21:45):
Yep, yep. But she you're that one who figured it out.
He didn't. It's not you. You haven't figured it out.
Speaker 2 (21:57):
Yeah, I haven't quite figured it out yet, So I
mean every day is a battle. I mean, it just
takes one poor decision, you know.
Speaker 1 (22:05):
But I mean that person though, that's like and MITCHI
probably were the same way. Corey probably the same way too. No,
I'll just drink on the weekend, like you start thinking
of these plans of No, I'll just do this and
i'll do this like you like it's gonna work, because
I'm gonna make it work and I'll know when to
stop and I'll just drink that one day. Yep, doesn't work,
you can ever do it. I'm different. Okay.
Speaker 4 (22:28):
When I first got my job at the hospital, I
stayed sober for four months, five months, and it's when
my health was starting to get bad. But then and
I lost the job. But then I found work in
a temporary position at the hospital and it helped my
health in my walking and stuff like that, and I
(22:49):
stayed sober. And then that position was no longer needed
because it was only during some construction. Yeah, So then
I transferred to my other job and it department, and
I liked it at first, and eventually I absolutely hated it.
And then that's when, okay, I can do this on
the weekends. Oh yeah, and then just like back into it.
(23:10):
And then that was my final downfall before eventually getting sober.
Speaker 1 (23:15):
He lost that job, stopped showing up. Yeah, yeah, sick,
you know, oh snowday from my kid. Oh my kids
sick and use all your your sick time and vacation
time on yep, yep. Then it was like, Mitch, you're
coming to work. That was funny.
Speaker 4 (23:31):
That was during COVID the early parts twenty twenty. I
lost my job in August and I called him because there.
Speaker 1 (23:41):
Was like we'll call uneployment.
Speaker 4 (23:46):
I was like, oh, I didn't lose my job because
of COVID, Like you know, I was laid off at
one time because of COVID and then brought back and
then that's when things got really bad. And then I
got fired for you know, being a shitty employee. Yeah,
you know, being drunk. So the uh yeah, So finally
I'm just like whatever, and I called them and it
took forever to get hold of them, like days sitting
(24:06):
on holding stuff like that. But then you know, you're
talking to somebody and it's like, Okay, I lost my
job and they're like, you lost your job because of COVID,
and I was like, no, I lost my job during COVID,
not because of COVID. They're like, so, you lost your
job because of COVID.
Speaker 1 (24:20):
I was like no.
Speaker 4 (24:21):
I Like we went like round in circles like three
or four times, and then finally they're like I'm just
like whatever, man, and then starts sending me money.
Speaker 1 (24:28):
And that was the worst thing. Possibly. Yeah. Yeah. I
always said, man, if I was getting that money like
that and I was drinking still, I would be dead
August January like avoid everybody, Okay what I wanted, Okay,
(24:48):
perfect and I don't have to talk to nobody. Can
wear this mask too. Oh this is perfect. Yeah, that
would have been the end of Corey Windfield. That would
have died. So God pulled me out of that just
in time. Got real close.
Speaker 2 (24:58):
I remember when I was in rehab, people are like,
you're getting filed from an employment yet I'm like unemployment
for what They're just giving away money and I'm like, no,
not doing that trick because they're not coming back after
me because I haven't worked a job in like two years.
You know, being self employed, you can't get no money
out of being self employed.
Speaker 1 (25:18):
Obviously, well, I mean you can. I don't think they
came back after anybody for the Trump one, the Trump money,
because you're getting going to give us money again? Justin
probably not. I didn't vote for him, so whatever, Ah
got your ass Green Party. Don't vote for the Rock.
(25:43):
You smell what the United States is cooking. I want
to say, just come on, man, if we can get
him in the office, like, that's all I want think. Well,
mean Jesse Ventura, Yeah, Arnold Schwarzenegger, Nah, I don't know,
can't because he's not from America. Yeah, but I mean
he became a governor and can't be president. But the
(26:06):
Rock can. I wrote your name in Oh thank you.
I was wondering who voted for me. I was looking
at the results. Hell yeah, it's gonna be a Parker's name,
Murnie Nick's that can you imagine? Hey, do you bring
the president today? Well that'd be so awesome. Yeah, the
President's coming? What who? What would be freaking everybody out?
(26:29):
I'm sorry, Parker. Well, at least you to name them
like Northwest or something. Yeah, Cherry Bottom. There's some weird
celebrity names out there. But back to the job thing though,
And I think I've talked about this. I would be
surprised I didn't. But one of the last times I
lost the job, and it's a job I didn't want.
(26:51):
And this is the thing. Man, If you are in recovery,
early recovery and you just go, I'm gonna get a job,
pay these bills and I'll be happy, No, you won't.
It's not about the money, and the more money you have,
the more you're going to spend on your drug choice.
So think wisely when you go get that job and
think is this something that I can live with? Is
it working at the movie theater or something I just
show up and run a movie. I don't have to
run the place. I just show up, do little, and
(27:13):
go home, get paid. Do good. If you can be
good with that as you're working on your goal, do it.
But to go out and get this job, to do
this and do that, just make some money. Now, if
you're a tooling die maker, you're making dies and trim
dies and molds and stuff, you probably want to keep
doing that. But at the same time, like figure out
what you need to do. But if you're in this
(27:33):
cycle that we're in, you know, I took this job
answering phones at the newspaper, yelled at a bunch because
these so I can't find my papers, like did you
look in the box, God, dang, oh there it is, dude,
stop throwing my paper in the bushes. I'm not throwing
your paper anywhere, lady like yelling at me like I
(27:55):
did it. And so my answer is sometimes when the
company then like and I was getting nine bucks an hour,
nine twenty five. Maybe I can't remember. It was something
I was just like I used a program or radio
station and here I am answering the phones. The old
people can't find the newspaper like it was. It was
to me degrading almost, you know, like what am I
doing with my life? And yeah, I was going back
(28:16):
to school, but for what I don't know. It was stupid,
and I started on my vendor like I thought I
was good. I even told the dude in an interview,
I'm in recovery. Things are good, blah blah blah. I
don't think I told him I was in recovery. I
wasn't using that term yet. I told him I was
an alcoholic, but you know, I have thirty days sober,
and you know, he's like, oh, I know somebody, because
(28:36):
of course you do. Everybody knows somebody. And when I
fell off, man like it fell off, it was probably
just a hey, I'm gonna drink this weekend. And I
just remember waking up going shit, what day is it?
And I called him and I was like, hey, do
I still have my job? The guy's like, of course
you don't have your job this Thursday. It was Monday, Tuesday, Wednesdays,
(29:00):
three days, no call, no show. You're no, you don't
work here anymore. I said, oh, so I can't just
come in for the like the rest of the week.
And he's like, no, you don't work here, okay, get
on this ship. Then I lost my stars because like
the people who did ship man like, if you call
(29:21):
them to say, hey, my eggs are broken, okay, and
then they ding the driver and then they get their
ship for free. So like places I was delivering to,
not talking bad about trailer parks, I'm just saying there
was always something wrong with the shit. I'm like, I
brought you exactly what you wanted, Like, what are you
talking about? And they ding me? So once you like
get ding so many times you can't drive for them
(29:43):
or deliver groceries for them anymore, which is a sweet
little deal. Man. I take the ones like three in
the morning, there'd be extra money on it. Yeah, I'll
go do that. I did the door Dash.
Speaker 4 (29:52):
I almost switched the ship, yeah, because I heard you
can make So one time the ship driver and me
were coming to the same house and we were like,
start talking. Is walked away and he's like, I used
to do door Dash. He's talking about how he gets
more money doing chips, and I was like, oh, but
I had like all the perks in the door Dash.
Speaker 1 (30:13):
I could do it when I wanted.
Speaker 4 (30:14):
I didn't have to schedule, I got the priority like
high paying one, stuff like that. So I just stuck
with it. But that was like the second money making
thing I did in recovery was driving door dash. Yeah,
so I actually had a lot of fun.
Speaker 1 (30:32):
Yeah, the ship was all right, you know, I got
to figure out myer stores pretty good. That's right. When
they switched it around too, Yeah, it messed me up.
So that was but yeah, but it was easy money,
I guess at the time sort of you know, but
I don't know. I did uber for a minute that
it's worthless, like that doesn't pay for anything like you're like, wait,
(30:54):
so I got fronted gas that now now I actually
have to pay if I'm just I'm paying for gas.
When you guys pay me back, I just pay the
gas bill and then that's it.
Speaker 4 (31:05):
Like half the doordaskimoney, I made one to guess pretty much.
Speaker 1 (31:09):
Yeah, it's tough though, but finding that job, man, it's
very important that you, like, like I said, get something
that you can just kind of ease into at first.
If you're like not sure what you want to do,
if you don't have a career path already, like laid
out in Stone, if you've been doing something for twenty years,
like I was doing radio, you know, I didn't want
to go back into radio, so I knew I had
to find something else. But if you're a tool, a
die maker, or if you're a doctor or a vet,
(31:32):
you're probably gonna want to go back to that job again,
you know. But just take it easy when you do
go back, is what I would say. And just really
lay it, lay it out, you know, for yourself. This
is not going to stress me. I'm just gonna go
do my job and go home. But I think a
lot of those people have different problems. They will go
out by their drug of choice. Looks like, if you're
(31:57):
a Hollywood movie star, you're an actor, and you're making
two million dollars of film, no thanks, I would be dead,
you know, back in my using days, because that's all
that's the only thing I was missing was the money
to go get more and if I had access to it,
Like they were saying, the dudes the guy from Friends
that died, Matthew Perry, like they charged him like fifty
(32:20):
thousand dollars for like five hundred dollars bag of drugs,
and they kept doing that, you know, because they knew
they could get it from him, you know, and he
had tons and tons of money, so it didn't matter
to him. He just wanted some shit. Yep. So like yeah,
that I think a lot of those people go out
that way, you know, because it ticks, so you don't
have enough to get anymore to hit that rock bottom
(32:41):
or least start to chip away at the rock bottom.
Speaker 4 (32:44):
Can I ask a question you mentioned, and that's for
all of us. You mentioned in there, when you're talking
about the newspaper job that you didn't like, say that
you were in recovery, said you were an alcoholic and
he hits overtime. Yep, when did you gut switch over
into identifying as.
Speaker 1 (33:03):
Being in recovery?
Speaker 4 (33:04):
And I'll give like an example for like My answer is,
there was a couple of times that I got sober
and it was just me getting my shit together, is
what I called it, because I just knew that I
drank too much. I wouldn't even identify as an alcoholic yet.
And then there was like when I was reaching like
that time going into working at the hospital, I started
(33:25):
to call myself an alcoholic and I knew that I
had to quit drinking. But it wasn't until I got
sober this last time where the program I was in
started saying there using the recovery terminology, and it was
kind of new to me, and I didn't use it
a lot still because of the stigma. And it was
really when I met Corey in two seventeen recovery that
(33:48):
became a really big deal in a really big term
and something that I really identified with, you know, in a.
Speaker 1 (33:55):
Community that I engaged with. How did that work for
you guys?
Speaker 2 (34:01):
For me, it was meat and Corey and treatment. I
mean I didn't, I mean, I'd get my shit together
like you said a couple of times throughout my life,
but I didn't realize I had a problem till probably
a year before I got arrested. And then once I
got arrested, I'm like, well, shit, I gotta get my
life together, Like, don't want to be doing this on
(34:21):
repeat cycle, like nine months in counties bullshit, Like like
I'd much rather go to prison than set any more
County time in my life.
Speaker 1 (34:29):
Obviously. You know, there's just you guy should get to
move around.
Speaker 2 (34:33):
You know, it's still your lockdown, but you just be
able to get to move around.
Speaker 1 (34:38):
And I didn't want to go to.
Speaker 2 (34:39):
Prison and find out what prison was like. You know
what horror stories about dropping the soap, so I didn't
want to find that out. It was shower with twenty
other guys, just not my cup of tea. Went to
treatment mister Winfield, and it just that's when everything just
kind of fell into place, and he's like, no, dude,
you're serious. You need to go here. You need to
(35:01):
go here and do the right things in life. And
like you said, you know, getting a job just ease
back into things. I got a little BS gas station
job in Pointe City where they didn't sell alcohol. And
that was great because even though alcohol wasn't my choice,
I mean, if I would have probably sold enough of it,
I would have probably ended up buying a bottle tastes
(35:23):
like right, oh, that's still snaking choice.
Speaker 1 (35:26):
I can drink that. That bottle is.
Speaker 2 (35:27):
Really cool, you know, yeah, because some people that drink
alcohol buy it because of the bottle looks cool, like
they don't care what it is. Well, that bottle looks cool,
kay of like the skullhead and you know it's just
like whatever. But that's what it really took effect is
what I went into residential treatment, and at first it
was identifying myself as a drug addict. But after a
(35:53):
couple of weeks of being there, me and you sat
down and talked about You're like, no, you, this is
how you need to say it, like you're a person
in recovery, and you actually showed me how to use
the words properly versus just doing what everyone else was
in there doing.
Speaker 1 (36:12):
About you, Corey, when.
Speaker 3 (36:16):
I first came, when I first got sober, I did
not think I was an alcoholic a drug I really
didn't think I had a problem. I was just twenty seven.
I like to drink and drive, I knew that was
my problem, so I was like trying to figure out
the ways, right of, like when I get done with probation,
(36:38):
I'm gonna drink responsibly. Yeah. Well, then the more of
that time that I stuck around I did start out,
I was forced to go to AA. So that's where,
like my first two and a half years of my
sobriety is in AA. I started to say like that
(37:00):
I was learning and I was an alcoholic because I
had to. I had to learn like what I did
that was wrong. And then as time went on, like
I still identify as an alcoholic at times because really
that is my main my main problem, but more and more,
(37:24):
like in the last couple of years, I've learned that
I am a person in recovery because there's like the
driving factors of why I drink, and you know, the
behaviors that I did or that I still do. There's
them behaviors that drove me to the drink, which then
opened the world to being a drug addict because I
(37:47):
do drugs too. I did anything to I'd say, I
didn't mind being who I am. What I wanted to
do was to just scape the reality part. I wanted
to have fun, and I put drinking and doing drugs
was more fun for me because it intensified it. Right,
(38:08):
and then it also like I was going places with
it where when I wasn't doing any drugs or drinking
that I'm working or being a or at home being
a single mom, and I wanted to be out and
about having fun.
Speaker 1 (38:23):
Sounds like my sister, like Kylie, So you said the
text message about this one like in the.
Speaker 4 (38:33):
Last two two and a half years started, You've got
like thirty seven years of.
Speaker 1 (38:36):
Sobriety, right.
Speaker 3 (38:40):
I have. I'll be ten years sober on Saint Patti's Day.
Speaker 1 (38:44):
That blows my mind. I can't wait. Yeah, almost four.
So I don't know if she answered your question kind of.
Speaker 4 (38:53):
She started to consider being in recovery like in the
last two two and a half.
Speaker 3 (38:57):
Years, because it's really it's more about not just being
like an alcoholic. I'm a person that's recovering from several things. Right.
Speaker 1 (39:06):
The question was hard to because it's.
Speaker 3 (39:08):
Like, why do you identify the process.
Speaker 4 (39:14):
Of going from I just drink too much too, I'm
an alcoholic to a person in recovery, you know, because
I see like how we all identify ourselves as being
people in recovery, and that took steps of I'm an
alcoholic and all the other stuff. But like you mentioned
in your story earlier, where you're working at that job
(39:34):
and you didn't even identify with recovery, you did call
yourself an alcoholic and your sober, you know, but being
able to live my life out loud in recovery kind
of happened because I saw you doing it, and so
(39:54):
I was just kind of wondering and wanted everybody else's
idea of kind of how it worked for them, I think.
Speaker 1 (39:59):
And for me it was when I wasn't going into
treatment that last time too, because I realized, Okay, I've
been doing this shit wrong. Like I've been calling myself
an alcoholic, I've been going to AA meetings, I'm beating
myself up. And I don't know if it was somebody
in Bear River maybe said something. I have no idea,
but I know for me though, it was like a student,
(40:19):
I just started thinking, how am I going to do
this different? I was like, first of all, and I
remember when I walked into Bear River too, I was like,
I'm done beating myself up. And I think that's when
it hit me like, I'm not going to be Corey
the alcoholic. I'm going to be Corey the person who's
in recovery. And I'm not ashamed that I'm in recovery.
That I changed my life, going to live a new
life that I create. There's nothing wrong with that. No,
(40:45):
why don't I have to say I'm an alcoholic. Oh,
I'm in recovery. That old me is done. I'm done
with that guy. I'm moving on. And it was scary,
not knowing what I was going to create or what
I was going to do, but I knew I had
to do something and just changing the way I thought
about things in my own head. I wake up in
the morning, I don't beat myself up. Well I'm just
an alcohol No, I'm in recovery. I'm living a different
(41:08):
life and I get to build something new today. Yeah,
And it became exciting for me. And like when I
worked at ATS TOO, I would tell people, you know,
like they would say, oh, I'm a drunk junkie. They
would say all this stuff to identify themselves, and I
was like, stop doing that. Yeah, negative, if you want
to fine, but if you want to get on top
of this and live different, think different. You gotta be
in recovery, man, you gotta change that, because then I'd
(41:30):
always say, raise your hand if you have. But anybody
used drugs today? No, well then you're in recovery. You know, like,
let's go move it forward. You know what's the next step.
And I would say that kind of stuff to them
to kind of get to move them forward, because it's
easy to be stuck and well, an alcohol it comes
just what I do know.
Speaker 2 (41:49):
My part, my biggest part was realizing that everyone who
I thought was friends weren't really friends. I think that
was my hardest part of about coming into recovery, was
having to let go of everyone from the past and
move forward and create new people to associate, socialize with.
Speaker 1 (42:11):
And someone Okay, throw out there to you guys, someone
who's an alcoholic. You expect them to go to the
liquor store to get some liquor if something bad happens, right, Yeah,
they're an alcoholic, so they do. Would you expect a
person of recovery to do that? No? I expect them
to go to a meeting. Yeah, I mean, it's just
something so simple. Is just changing how you say it
(42:32):
and how you feel about it.
Speaker 3 (42:34):
I also too. I think it's when we tell her,
tell ourselves that, oh, you're just an alcoholic, right, we
automatically go to all the bad words that go with
the alcoholic, like that you're not good enough, you're this,
you're that, you're a cursor, you're not a good worker,
you're a thief, you're a liar, you're a cheating jokester,
(42:55):
or same with drug addict. We go to all the
stigmatizing words that have people have put us on. You're
nothing but a drug addict and all this stuff. So
then when we all of a sudden we tell ourselves
that we are a person in recovery, I think that's
it changes too, Like.
Speaker 1 (43:11):
Take those options out, like I'm gonna I'm gonna go
get some drugs. I'm gonnaet a bottle. You don't even
think about because you're in recovery. You told yourself that
all day, last two months, last two years, you're in recovery.
And so the start something bad happens like this, it's
not an option. And I did take that option off
the table. I think by doing that, and that was
one of the things I wanted to do.
Speaker 2 (43:31):
Well, you've said multiple times even you've brought this instance,
up you had a disagreement with somebody, you got upset,
and instead of going to the liquor store, the first
place you found yourself was at a meeting hall and
you stayed for two meetings.
Speaker 1 (43:46):
Yeah, back to back, that shit, and then the way home.
That's what it hit me. I'm like, I did not
one time think about getting a bottle. No, not one time,
you know, That's what I was like, Holy shit, this
is what it is. This is this is that recovery stuff,
you know, Like I finally turned the page.
Speaker 4 (44:03):
What I like about it is you're not sitting in
the negative of calling yourself an addict or an alcoholic.
You're not ignoring it and kind of shucking the accountability,
Like if you just kind of ignore it and like
act like it didn't happen. Being in recovery is like
a positive progression forward since it's empowering too. Yeah, so
(44:29):
you explain that, but yeah, I like it too.
Speaker 3 (44:33):
I think so too, because I mean, look at our
recovery community that we have, Look at the people that
are putting the hard work and recovery and standing together
and showing and you know, for me today, like if
I didn't have my recovery. After Thanksgiving morning, I wouldn't
be sitting here. I wouldn't have showed up to have
(44:55):
a Thanksgiving dinner meal. I wouldn't have.
Speaker 1 (44:59):
No. Yeah. And six years ago, when I was sitting
in jail, as somebody was like, hey to you here,
Corey Winfield got arrested for drunk driving, they'd be like, yeah,
he's an alcoholic today. Oh here Corey Winfields. Oh yeah, yeah,
he's in recovery. Like they're they're saying two different things.
Well today people would be like, what, cryinfind's in recovery. No,
(45:20):
but the would be like Corey Winfields in recovery, and
they wouldn't be like Corey Winfield, Yeah he's in recovery, right,
you know, like they would before. And we'll always have
our haters. Yeah, there's people that hate me.
Speaker 3 (45:32):
Yeah, but I think they're just jealous because they don't
know how to how to get to that step and
seeing us living a joyful, free we're not being controlled
by a substance or a drug.
Speaker 1 (45:45):
There's more haters than there are celebrators, man, and you
just have to kind of deal with it, you know.
And someone said this a long time ago, and treatment
it's no new there. It's your What they think about
you is love your business. Yeah, And the only way
you can change they think about you is by how
you act. M And like I said, people can't call
me alcolic today. They can, but it wouldn't make much sense,
(46:07):
you know.
Speaker 3 (46:08):
Like, Okay, that's what I was saying about. Earlier. I
was talking to one of my recoveries you know about,
and I was just saying, you know, like I had before,
I want to go out and start a dumpster fire.
I have to think about my actions because I'm in
recovery and that's what people are expecting me to do
right now. These people that aren't in recovery that know me,
(46:29):
they're waiting for me to come up and blow up
a situation. And so that's where I just need to
practice what my recovery has taught me, and that's you
don't get to behave like that anymore.
Speaker 4 (46:42):
Wait a minute, So I have to not drink and
I can't start dumpster fires. I didn't sign up for that.
Speaker 3 (46:53):
What we do we practice to do better to not
like the dumpster fire.
Speaker 1 (46:58):
Yeah, that you should be your goal every day. Don't
like the dumpster fire. But we will end on that.
No dumpster fire, Okay, no dumpster no, all right, we'll
end on that then, all right, thanks for listening to
seventeen Recovery dot com is the website, and of course
the guy that's going to come on NeXT's go and
talk you about all the episodes you can listen to
(47:19):
and where you can find them. But I appreciate you listening.
Thank you so much. Later, thanks for listening to the
two seventeen Recovery podcast. Listen to over nine hundred episodes
on the two seventeen Recovery app that's free in your
app store or online at two seventeen recovery dot com
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