November 27, 2024 • 10 mins
Corey discusses a part of his Recovery Journey live at Recovery Stories: Message of Hope | Part IV.
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Episode Transcript
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Speaker 1 (00:00):
This is the audio from Recovery Stories Message of Hope,
Part four, recorded on October seventeenth, twenty twenty four from
Traverse City, Michigan, courtesy of Months in Behavioral Health with
a grant from HRSSAY Health Resources and Services Administration. Here's
Corey Winfield with a story about his recovery journey.
Speaker 2 (00:20):
The story I'm going to tell is from Fortsmouth, Arkansas.
I was living there working for iHeartMedia. It was end
of November twenty fourteen, and I remember that because I
had saved up so much vacation time, I was taken
the whole month of December off and I was on
my way to this food drive that I had started
with the stations, and we had all of our stations
(00:41):
out there and I was wrapping it up. I was
the last broadcast after that. I was on vacation, and
I remember I was writing out there with our sales manager.
I was in his big four truck and it was
so cold and rainy, and the whole ride, I'm keeping
my hands in my pocket because I'm shaking. It had
been eighteen hours since I had a drink, so like,
oh my God, I can't wait to get there, to
(01:01):
get out to have the excuse of it's cold and rainy.
That's why I'm shaking tonight. You know, come bring some
canned food down, you know. I mean it was bad,
and the only way to get that to stop was
to buy more. And I knew, like, man, I just
got to make it through this like three four hour
shift whatever it was, and I get back to work
or drop the stuff off, and then I could go
on with my whole vacation. And while I was out there,
(01:25):
my plan worked. I got out there and the sales
guy was out there. He was this little marine dude,
and he wasn't stupid, you know. He saw me go
puke behind this trailer and I come back. He's like,
you're gonna be okay, You're gonna make it through this.
And I was like, yeah, man, yeah, that's just I've
been around so many people, you know, collecting all this food.
And he's like, you're gonna make it through this, you know,
cause that's all he cared about, was like, are you
gonna are you gonna put off for my client? You know, like,
(01:47):
don't don't make us come back. I have to do
another free one. So I was done.
Speaker 3 (01:51):
I went to the liquor store.
Speaker 2 (01:52):
It did my thing, and I don't remember anything about
that thirty day, that month long vacation in December of
twenty fourteen, getting a package for my mother. This was
the first time I'd never went home for Christmas. I
was thirty six years old. I had been home for
(02:12):
Christmas every single year except this one. And I waited
and I got it on like the twentieth or something.
I know, I not exactly as sure of the day,
but it was before Christmas, and I just set it
in a corner and on Christmas Eve that's when my
family would open presents. And I started opening it and
I was just bawling, and I couldn't figure out why,
(02:33):
you know, like drinking away all my emotions. I was
left numb. But I knew I was hurting. I knew
I was sad. I wasn't sure why, though. Was it
because I'm drunk? Was it because I missed being there?
You know, I wasn't sure. But I opened it, and
I'm not even sure if I called my mom. You know,
we weren't even talking. There was about a year we
(02:54):
didn't talk. We would talk and a few months though,
because I go back to work in January, right after
a whole month off, I go back to work and
my coworker we're outside smoking and he's like, man, Corey,
you look Joundae.
Speaker 3 (03:09):
I was like, well, so do you dude? You know
I did.
Speaker 2 (03:10):
I didn't even know what Johndace meant, you know. I
was like, you sure looks Johndae, bro. And he's like, no,
for real, man, you're you're Joundace, you know. And I
was like whatever, And I went and looked it up online. Oh,
it's Johndace. You was talking about liver failure. And I'm like, shit,
I'm thirty six, man, That's not gonna happen to me.
I'm not even an alcoholic or nothing, you know, Like
I'll just drink a half gallon every day in her
(03:32):
and a half or so. But that's all right. Yeah,
everybody does that, man, everybody everybody. My mom and dad
don't because they're stupid. But everybody else in the world does, though,
So that's not me. And so I started getting this
pain in my stomach and I got to the point
where I would I'd be moaning at my desk and
(03:53):
just moaning, and the fact that I would have to
record my my show when I was in two different markets.
I was in Fort Smith and in Fayettville doing Afternoon
and I would record that show all the time. But
then I had to start recording my Ford Smith show
because I could only stand up for like ten minutes
and I had to lay down for fifteen. I could
stand up for ten to lay down fifteen. And my
coworker came over to my desk and he picks up
my phone and we had the same doctor and he's like, man, here,
(04:13):
call the doctor. You got to make an appointment. I'm
tired of hearing you moaning. And so I did, and
I went and saw and he's like he was from
some other country. I don't know nothing against other countries,
but he was like, what's wrong with you? I was like,
I don't know, man. My co worker said, I'm Johnnis.
He was like, yeah, you're I'll give you this pill.
So give me this pill. It was like two hundred
and fifty bucks tw hundredo hundred ffy bucks, remember being expensive.
I'm like, man, that's a lot of liquor. I'm not
(04:34):
going to be able to buy now because that's how
we think. And I took the pill. It didn't help.
And he had also made me an appointment with a
gastrologist on that Monday, because it was a Friday when
to win salm. So I go see the astrologist on
Monday and I go into the office and I was
hurting so bad.
Speaker 3 (04:52):
I asked him out at the front desk.
Speaker 2 (04:54):
I said, please, can I just go in the back
of your office somewhere and stand in the closet. I
was like, I can't se out out in your lobby.
I was like, I'm hurting and I'm yellow, and I
was like, I just need to lean against a wall.
And the lady's just looking at me like, yeah, okay,
we could probably and they did. They put me in
this closet, just sitting and I was just leaning against
this closet, which seemed like for hours.
Speaker 3 (05:15):
I mean, I was in pain. It hurts so bad.
Speaker 2 (05:18):
And then the doctor comes and sees me, he draws
my blood. He comes back right away and he's like,
all right, we got to get you to the hospital.
We got you a room. I was like, I'm sorry
for doing what. I was like, I'm here from my
stomach hurting. He's like, well, your liver hasn't been working
for we're guessing about four days. Oh, your kidneys are
shut down as well. And I'm like, but you just
took a blood test, bro, Like how do you know that?
(05:41):
And he's like, oh no, because this is your numbers
and we know. So we got you over there. So
I went over there and I remember getting in there
and I had this like nasty beard. I mean I
had been gone on a vacation for a month in
my own house and probably not showering, maybe once a week,
I don't even know. But I was looking like a
hot mess. And they put me in this thing and
(06:03):
put the stin in my chest and I remember like, hey,
you're gonna numb me up, right, and.
Speaker 3 (06:06):
They're like oh yeah yeah, and they just put this
just stuck it right in my chest. I was like,
that hurt.
Speaker 2 (06:11):
And they're like, yeah, well, we didn't have time to
you know, numb me up and do all that, like
we have to deal with this right now, like we
have to give your liver steroids.
Speaker 3 (06:17):
I'm like, all right, cool.
Speaker 2 (06:19):
And the next day I'm laying there and I'm just like, man,
what can I get out of here? And this doctor
comes in and you know how the doctors are man,
they don't like joke sometimes. But this doctor came in
and he was real, like no nonsense. And I had
three doctors. I had a liver doctor, kidney doctor, and
I don't know what this guy was, but there was
like three of them. This guy comes in. He's like,
(06:41):
all right, well, let's start with some few questions. I
was like, all right, man, what's up. When can I
get out of here? And he's like, no, no, no,
I'm asking the questions.
Speaker 3 (06:49):
I was like, okay.
Speaker 2 (06:50):
He's like, first we'll ask how long you been an alcoholic.
I'm looking at him like, dude, you just call me
a bad name. I'm sorry, but I'm not an alcoholic.
I just had a good month. That's like I said,
I had a good month. I had a whole month off.
Speaker 3 (07:07):
Man.
Speaker 2 (07:07):
I woke up, it was six o'clock, it was dark.
AMPM who cares back to drinking. I didn't care, you know,
I was that gone. And I told him I just
had a good month. And he was like, you might
have had a good month, but you're here because your
liver is not functioning, your kidneys aren't functioning, and I've
seen pictures of your liver. You are an alcoholic and
I didn't like any of that. I didn't like anything
(07:28):
you had to say. And I was in the hospital
almost a month and it sucked. And I even told
him I'm gonna shave my beer and you you're not
gonna recognize me and I'll just walk right out of here.
And then it almost worked too, and they was like, oh,
if you would have told me your plan, I don't
think I would have known who you were. And I
was like, oh damn, I'm.
Speaker 3 (07:45):
Like, wow, that could have worked.
Speaker 2 (07:46):
But no, it was crazy, man, Like I didn't pee
for three or four days, and then the nurse had
told me, she's like, if you pee like this much
in this cup, you need to hit that button and
let us know. I'm like, okay, so I remember that
day I finally did.
Speaker 3 (07:58):
It was like sirrup, you know. And I finally I'm.
Speaker 2 (08:01):
Like, hey, I beat that much kind of go home
and she's like, what, okay, that's good, we'll be there.
Like they didn't act like it was this big accomplishment
like I thought it was, you know, like yeah, but no,
that was a good sign that, you know, my liver
was coming back on and my kidneys as well. And
I did do dialysis every day. They'd wheel me down
at five am thirty six. I'm not supposed to be here,
(08:22):
and there's older people there and they're all looking at me.
And of course they wouldn't let me ever control the TV. No,
it was always some cooking show or like this old house,
or it was always something like nothing I wanted to watch,
and they were like, what.
Speaker 3 (08:34):
Are you even doing in here? And I'm like an accident.
Speaker 2 (08:37):
The doctor gave me the wrong pill, which was I
told everybody, I told my work and everything that it
was bad. But back to the alcoholic thing though, because
it wasn't until years later that I realized that maybe
I am different, maybe I think different. I'm not the
kind of person who likes to beat myself up. I
don't look in the morning every morning and be like,
(08:57):
well I'm a piece of shit. Let's go to work
and get it done. That doesn't work for me, you know,
maybe I should think about it different. And just the
fact that I clearly was in the hospital because I
had a problem. Alcohol was what I reached for to
numb that problem, and I reached for a lot of it.
But just calling myself an alcoholic and I know there's
(09:17):
a person here today, and the person says, hey, I
have to call myself that, and you can call yourself
whatever you want.
Speaker 3 (09:22):
That's you. You know.
Speaker 2 (09:24):
If you have to go to a meeting and be like, hey,
I'm so and so I'm an alcoholic.
Speaker 3 (09:28):
Do it. Do it. If it works for you, do it.
Speaker 2 (09:30):
But for me, it's more powerful for me to walk
into a meeting and say, hey, what's up. I'm Corey.
I'm a person in recovery. You know, that for me
is moving forward. And I noticed, I don't know, maybe
you're a year or two ago about that word alcoholic
and being called something negative and how I frame it
in my mind. So that's kind of my message, you know,
just how you frame it in your mind. Man, if
(09:52):
you want to wake up and say you suck, do it,
but no, but for real, you know, do whatever works
for you, and you have to kind of maneuver your
way through it. And I'm not saying go do it
your way or go do it his way. I'm just
saying it's different ways for everybody, you know, and that's
kind of what we do at two seventeen Recovery. But
thanks for coming out, Thanks for.
Speaker 1 (10:13):
Listening to the two seventeen Recovery podcast. Listen to over
nine hundred episodes on the two seventeen Recovery app that's
free in your app store or online at two seventeen
recovery dot com
This is the audio from Recovery Stories Message of Hope,
Part four, recorded on October seventeenth, twenty twenty four from
Traverse City, Michigan, courtesy of Months in Behavioral Health with
a grant from HRSSAY Health Resources and Services Administration. Here's
Corey Winfield with a story about his recovery journey.
Speaker 2 (00:20):
The story I'm going to tell is from Fortsmouth, Arkansas.
I was living there working for iHeartMedia. It was end
of November twenty fourteen, and I remember that because I
had saved up so much vacation time, I was taken
the whole month of December off and I was on
my way to this food drive that I had started
with the stations, and we had all of our stations
(00:41):
out there and I was wrapping it up. I was
the last broadcast after that. I was on vacation, and
I remember I was writing out there with our sales manager.
I was in his big four truck and it was
so cold and rainy, and the whole ride, I'm keeping
my hands in my pocket because I'm shaking. It had
been eighteen hours since I had a drink, so like,
oh my God, I can't wait to get there, to
(01:01):
get out to have the excuse of it's cold and rainy.
That's why I'm shaking tonight. You know, come bring some
canned food down, you know. I mean it was bad,
and the only way to get that to stop was
to buy more. And I knew, like, man, I just
got to make it through this like three four hour
shift whatever it was, and I get back to work
or drop the stuff off, and then I could go
on with my whole vacation. And while I was out there,
(01:25):
my plan worked. I got out there and the sales
guy was out there. He was this little marine dude,
and he wasn't stupid, you know. He saw me go
puke behind this trailer and I come back. He's like,
you're gonna be okay, You're gonna make it through this.
And I was like, yeah, man, yeah, that's just I've
been around so many people, you know, collecting all this food.
And he's like, you're gonna make it through this, you know,
cause that's all he cared about, was like, are you
gonna are you gonna put off for my client? You know, like,
(01:47):
don't don't make us come back. I have to do
another free one. So I was done.
Speaker 3 (01:51):
I went to the liquor store.
Speaker 2 (01:52):
It did my thing, and I don't remember anything about
that thirty day, that month long vacation in December of
twenty fourteen, getting a package for my mother. This was
the first time I'd never went home for Christmas. I
was thirty six years old. I had been home for
(02:12):
Christmas every single year except this one. And I waited
and I got it on like the twentieth or something.
I know, I not exactly as sure of the day,
but it was before Christmas, and I just set it
in a corner and on Christmas Eve that's when my
family would open presents. And I started opening it and
I was just bawling, and I couldn't figure out why,
(02:33):
you know, like drinking away all my emotions. I was
left numb. But I knew I was hurting. I knew
I was sad. I wasn't sure why, though. Was it
because I'm drunk? Was it because I missed being there?
You know, I wasn't sure. But I opened it, and
I'm not even sure if I called my mom. You know,
we weren't even talking. There was about a year we
(02:54):
didn't talk. We would talk and a few months though,
because I go back to work in January, right after
a whole month off, I go back to work and
my coworker we're outside smoking and he's like, man, Corey,
you look Joundae.
Speaker 3 (03:09):
I was like, well, so do you dude? You know
I did.
Speaker 2 (03:10):
I didn't even know what Johndace meant, you know. I
was like, you sure looks Johndae, bro. And he's like, no,
for real, man, you're you're Joundace, you know. And I
was like whatever, And I went and looked it up online. Oh,
it's Johndace. You was talking about liver failure. And I'm like, shit,
I'm thirty six, man, That's not gonna happen to me.
I'm not even an alcoholic or nothing, you know, Like
I'll just drink a half gallon every day in her
(03:32):
and a half or so. But that's all right. Yeah,
everybody does that, man, everybody everybody. My mom and dad
don't because they're stupid. But everybody else in the world does, though,
So that's not me. And so I started getting this
pain in my stomach and I got to the point
where I would I'd be moaning at my desk and
(03:53):
just moaning, and the fact that I would have to
record my my show when I was in two different markets.
I was in Fort Smith and in Fayettville doing Afternoon
and I would record that show all the time. But
then I had to start recording my Ford Smith show
because I could only stand up for like ten minutes
and I had to lay down for fifteen. I could
stand up for ten to lay down fifteen. And my
coworker came over to my desk and he picks up
my phone and we had the same doctor and he's like, man, here,
(04:13):
call the doctor. You got to make an appointment. I'm
tired of hearing you moaning. And so I did, and
I went and saw and he's like he was from
some other country. I don't know nothing against other countries,
but he was like, what's wrong with you? I was like,
I don't know, man. My co worker said, I'm Johnnis.
He was like, yeah, you're I'll give you this pill.
So give me this pill. It was like two hundred
and fifty bucks tw hundredo hundred ffy bucks, remember being expensive.
I'm like, man, that's a lot of liquor. I'm not
(04:34):
going to be able to buy now because that's how
we think. And I took the pill. It didn't help.
And he had also made me an appointment with a
gastrologist on that Monday, because it was a Friday when
to win salm. So I go see the astrologist on
Monday and I go into the office and I was
hurting so bad.
Speaker 3 (04:52):
I asked him out at the front desk.
Speaker 2 (04:54):
I said, please, can I just go in the back
of your office somewhere and stand in the closet. I
was like, I can't se out out in your lobby.
I was like, I'm hurting and I'm yellow, and I
was like, I just need to lean against a wall.
And the lady's just looking at me like, yeah, okay,
we could probably and they did. They put me in
this closet, just sitting and I was just leaning against
this closet, which seemed like for hours.
Speaker 3 (05:15):
I mean, I was in pain. It hurts so bad.
Speaker 2 (05:18):
And then the doctor comes and sees me, he draws
my blood. He comes back right away and he's like,
all right, we got to get you to the hospital.
We got you a room. I was like, I'm sorry
for doing what. I was like, I'm here from my
stomach hurting. He's like, well, your liver hasn't been working
for we're guessing about four days. Oh, your kidneys are
shut down as well. And I'm like, but you just
took a blood test, bro, Like how do you know that?
(05:41):
And he's like, oh no, because this is your numbers
and we know. So we got you over there. So
I went over there and I remember getting in there
and I had this like nasty beard. I mean I
had been gone on a vacation for a month in
my own house and probably not showering, maybe once a week,
I don't even know. But I was looking like a
hot mess. And they put me in this thing and
(06:03):
put the stin in my chest and I remember like, hey,
you're gonna numb me up, right, and.
Speaker 3 (06:06):
They're like oh yeah yeah, and they just put this
just stuck it right in my chest. I was like,
that hurt.
Speaker 2 (06:11):
And they're like, yeah, well, we didn't have time to
you know, numb me up and do all that, like
we have to deal with this right now, like we
have to give your liver steroids.
Speaker 3 (06:17):
I'm like, all right, cool.
Speaker 2 (06:19):
And the next day I'm laying there and I'm just like, man,
what can I get out of here? And this doctor
comes in and you know how the doctors are man,
they don't like joke sometimes. But this doctor came in
and he was real, like no nonsense. And I had
three doctors. I had a liver doctor, kidney doctor, and
I don't know what this guy was, but there was
like three of them. This guy comes in. He's like,
(06:41):
all right, well, let's start with some few questions. I
was like, all right, man, what's up. When can I
get out of here? And he's like, no, no, no,
I'm asking the questions.
Speaker 3 (06:49):
I was like, okay.
Speaker 2 (06:50):
He's like, first we'll ask how long you been an alcoholic.
I'm looking at him like, dude, you just call me
a bad name. I'm sorry, but I'm not an alcoholic.
I just had a good month. That's like I said,
I had a good month. I had a whole month off.
Speaker 3 (07:07):
Man.
Speaker 2 (07:07):
I woke up, it was six o'clock, it was dark.
AMPM who cares back to drinking. I didn't care, you know,
I was that gone. And I told him I just
had a good month. And he was like, you might
have had a good month, but you're here because your
liver is not functioning, your kidneys aren't functioning, and I've
seen pictures of your liver. You are an alcoholic and
I didn't like any of that. I didn't like anything
(07:28):
you had to say. And I was in the hospital
almost a month and it sucked. And I even told
him I'm gonna shave my beer and you you're not
gonna recognize me and I'll just walk right out of here.
And then it almost worked too, and they was like, oh,
if you would have told me your plan, I don't
think I would have known who you were. And I
was like, oh damn, I'm.
Speaker 3 (07:45):
Like, wow, that could have worked.
Speaker 2 (07:46):
But no, it was crazy, man, Like I didn't pee
for three or four days, and then the nurse had
told me, she's like, if you pee like this much
in this cup, you need to hit that button and
let us know. I'm like, okay, so I remember that
day I finally did.
Speaker 3 (07:58):
It was like sirrup, you know. And I finally I'm.
Speaker 2 (08:01):
Like, hey, I beat that much kind of go home
and she's like, what, okay, that's good, we'll be there.
Like they didn't act like it was this big accomplishment
like I thought it was, you know, like yeah, but no,
that was a good sign that, you know, my liver
was coming back on and my kidneys as well. And
I did do dialysis every day. They'd wheel me down
at five am thirty six. I'm not supposed to be here,
(08:22):
and there's older people there and they're all looking at me.
And of course they wouldn't let me ever control the TV. No,
it was always some cooking show or like this old house,
or it was always something like nothing I wanted to watch,
and they were like, what.
Speaker 3 (08:34):
Are you even doing in here? And I'm like an accident.
Speaker 2 (08:37):
The doctor gave me the wrong pill, which was I
told everybody, I told my work and everything that it
was bad. But back to the alcoholic thing though, because
it wasn't until years later that I realized that maybe
I am different, maybe I think different. I'm not the
kind of person who likes to beat myself up. I
don't look in the morning every morning and be like,
(08:57):
well I'm a piece of shit. Let's go to work
and get it done. That doesn't work for me, you know,
maybe I should think about it different. And just the
fact that I clearly was in the hospital because I
had a problem. Alcohol was what I reached for to
numb that problem, and I reached for a lot of it.
But just calling myself an alcoholic and I know there's
(09:17):
a person here today, and the person says, hey, I
have to call myself that, and you can call yourself
whatever you want.
Speaker 3 (09:22):
That's you. You know.
Speaker 2 (09:24):
If you have to go to a meeting and be like, hey,
I'm so and so I'm an alcoholic.
Speaker 3 (09:28):
Do it. Do it. If it works for you, do it.
Speaker 2 (09:30):
But for me, it's more powerful for me to walk
into a meeting and say, hey, what's up. I'm Corey.
I'm a person in recovery. You know, that for me
is moving forward. And I noticed, I don't know, maybe
you're a year or two ago about that word alcoholic
and being called something negative and how I frame it
in my mind. So that's kind of my message, you know,
just how you frame it in your mind. Man, if
(09:52):
you want to wake up and say you suck, do it,
but no, but for real, you know, do whatever works
for you, and you have to kind of maneuver your
way through it. And I'm not saying go do it
your way or go do it his way. I'm just
saying it's different ways for everybody, you know, and that's
kind of what we do at two seventeen Recovery. But
thanks for coming out, Thanks for.
Speaker 1 (10:13):
Listening to the two seventeen Recovery podcast. Listen to over
nine hundred episodes on the two seventeen Recovery app that's
free in your app store or online at two seventeen
recovery dot com
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Football’s funniest family duo — Jason Kelce of the Philadelphia Eagles and Travis Kelce of the Kansas City Chiefs — team up to provide next-level access to life in the league as it unfolds. The two brothers and Super Bowl champions drop weekly insights about the weekly slate of games and share their INSIDE perspectives on trending NFL news and sports headlines. They also endlessly rag on each other as brothers do, chat the latest in pop culture and welcome some very popular and well-known friends to chat with them. Check out new episodes every Wednesday. Follow New Heights on the Wondery App, YouTube or wherever you get your podcasts. You can listen to new episodes early and ad-free, and get exclusive content on Wondery+. Join Wondery+ in the Wondery App, Apple Podcasts or Spotify. And join our new membership for a unique fan experience by going to the New Heights YouTube channel now!
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