Recovery Stories IV - Jesse Smoker

Jesse discusses a part of his Recovery Journey at Recovery Stories: Message of Hope | Part IV.

Episode Transcript

Speaker 1 (00:00):
This is the audio from Recovery Stories Message of Hope,
Part four, recorded on October seventeenth, twenty twenty four, in
Traverse City, Michigan. This special presentation of the two seventeen
Recovery podcast is courtesy of Months and Behavioral Health. Here's
Jesse Smoker with a story about his recovery journey day.

Speaker 2 (00:25):
I love you too. I'm Jesse. I'm an alcoholic all right,
my people. My sobriety day is October twenty eight, twenty fifteen.
Thanks you know. And I want to say that I

(00:48):
decided I needed to get sober. What the fact was is,
I had no idea what I was about to do.
I know I was hurting. My life was unmanageable. I
really didn't like the person I was seeing in the mirror,
and the bitch was is. I didn't think it was
drugs or alcohol was the problem. I just thought life

(01:09):
was unfair. The cops were always out to get me.
Go figure. And I know that I had a I
had a pretty bad thinking problem. I like to blame everybody.
Never was my fault. I didn't like to take responsibility

(01:33):
for anything in my life. And I was definitely afraid
of commitment. I could never follow through on anything. So
I ended up going to Central Office in Traverse City,
down by Logan's Landing. And the reason I did that
is because my mother is in recovery. She's been sober,

(01:54):
coming up on forty one years forty years in January. Yeah,
when I got there, I was just thinking it would
just be her in the office, and sure to shit,
it was so busy. There was so many people, I

(02:17):
hesitate to even go in. I was pacing, I smoked.
I must have smoked like twelve cigarettes before I even
got out of the car, you know. And I finally
got out of the car and I walked in, and
you know, I said hi to my mom and she
asked how I was doing, and I said not good.
And that was kind of my code word of I

(02:38):
was destroying myself really with drugs and alcohol. And she
knew that. My mom had to kick me out when
I was sixteen years old, and I lived on my
own because that's what I wanted to do. I liked
the lifestyle. I liked the drugs. I like the money,

(03:00):
like the women. Sorry, honey, and uh. I finally asked
for help. My mom got me a phone number and
to be honest with you, I wasn't gonna call it.
I didn't want to. I was afraid, and I ended
up calling it and guy picks up the phone and

(03:21):
he's like, you're Jesse. I'm like, Jesus Christ, Yeah, this
is Jesse, you know. And he's like, where are you.
I'm like Central Office and he's like, i'll meet you
at Bob Evans. I'm like, all right, cool, Bob Evans
it is. And I went. I and to this day,
I really don't know why I went, which is okay,

(03:44):
I don't really have to I don't really have to
dissect that very much. And I walked in and this
gentleman was kind enough to tell me a story that
I could relate to. He's one of us, he's an alcoholic,
and he sat there and talked for I don't know
an hour, and I knew right away, I just I

(04:08):
had to ask this guy to be my sponsor before
I even knew what a sponsor did, because I know
I wouldn't ask and I know I wouldn't follow through
with anything. It was like I was at that point
where I just I had to try something. So I
trusted this guy. And he's still my sponsor today. I

(04:28):
have people in this room that have seen me when
I first came in to now and we've grown together.
But I want to say, you know, the biggest thing
for me is it's more than just not drinking and
not doing drugs. That's what I want you guys to know.
It's about becoming a good person. It's about following through.

(04:53):
I don't have any kids of my own that used
to bother me a lot, but with work and praying,
I'm kind of glad because I get to stop the
disease of alcoholism and drug addiction. It doesn't have to
carry on to the next person, So I get to
share this with people from all over. I get back

(05:13):
as much as I can because alcoholics and honest saved
my life. I got pretty uncomfortable. I did things that
I didn't want to do, and uh for a good reason.
I've learned a lot more than just not drinking and
drugging anymore. I've learned to tell the truth. Yeah, and
it's just really it's just a day at a time,
and if you're struggling, you know, I have to do

(05:34):
it alone. Reach out because we're here for you. That's
all I got Thanks.

Speaker 1 (05:42):
Thanks for listening to the two seventeen Recovery podcast. Listen
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