September 1st, 2025 - Looking Back With Kenton

Corey sits down in the studio with Kenton to discuss key points from his early recovery journey.

Episode Transcript

Speaker 1 (00:03):
Welcome to the two seventeen Recovery Podcast.

Speaker 2 (00:06):
If you don't make mistakes, you won't learn. With your
host Corey Winfield, you know, there was a reason why
that didn't work out, and you can look back at
it and go, yep, I'm glad that didn't work out
how I wanted it, because I would have been got
your ass. It is the first of September twenty twenty five.
My name's Corey Winfield, and this is the two seventeen

(00:29):
Recovery Podcast. A very special guest in the studio with
me today, Kents and Gore. Corey, how you doing. You're
doing well?

Speaker 1 (00:36):
Man.

Speaker 2 (00:37):
I always have to say people's names like that, Kits
and Gore. No, dude, you're back in Traverse City. What look,
you're in studio, like you're at the office studio. Yeah,
what the hell? You don't live here? You're not from here?
What are you doing on vacation? Oh yeah, yeah, yeah, definitely.

Speaker 3 (00:53):
I was like, man, whenever I got out of recovery,
out of rehab in recovery, I was like, you know,
I have to come back up here. You know, ever,
you know, at least.

Speaker 2 (01:03):
Once, if not more than more than that. Yeah, just
because it was a place where you found help and
good things happen here for you, like you'll always love
the city.

Speaker 3 (01:11):
Yeah, man, I love it. I mean it's it's been
amazing for me.

Speaker 2 (01:16):
Amazing. Now let's talk about how you got to Traverse City.
So I tell my story first. So I was sitting
at home and I got a text from my sister
in law. Hey, it might have been a call, I
can't remember, but yeah, So my sister in law, she's
married to my brother Travis, and it's your sister Kendra,
who love her and you And this is kind of crazy.

(01:40):
I was thinking about this morning. You benefited from me
being drunk, do you know that? Because all the shit
that I had to go through, like, and your sister
saw it, you know, she saw me struggle and just
kind of I don't know what she thought about or
what was going on in her head then, but then
to have you all of a sudden maybe had a
little problem or something. You get into it now.

Speaker 3 (02:01):
Yeah, So I honestly did not think I had a
drinking problem at all.

Speaker 2 (02:07):
Most people don't, not at all.

Speaker 3 (02:10):
But whenever my sister Kendra had told me, you know,
you don't look good. You need you need to get
you need to get serious help. And some people knew
that I was starting to look differently, and I was like,
you know, and that's the crazy thing with alcohol is

(02:31):
that it doesn't it doesn't tell you what you take,
what takes, what it's taken away from you. And it's
taken a lot away from me. I mean it started
with you know, I lost my dad back in twenty twenty,
and you know, that day it was just like, you know,
I didn't I didn't care about life, I didn't care

(02:53):
about about nothing at all, and I just just assumed.
That same night I got home from the hospital after
he passed, I just I went into my room, shut
the door, and I just I cranked out the bottle
and it just it was to the point where it's like,
you know, I just kept going and going, and it's like,

(03:14):
you know, one wasn't enough. I was like, well, let's
open up another one. Let's open up another one. And
then before you know, it was like maybe I want
to say, four or five am that next morning, and
I was passed out downstairs in the basement, and in
the basement and.

Speaker 2 (03:33):
I was looking up. I was like, what in the
world am I doing? Down here. I thought I was upstairs.
No I was.

Speaker 3 (03:39):
I was literally on the floor in the basement, and
I you know, went back upstairs and I looked in
my room and there was like alcohol cans galore, and
I was like, man, I was like I had it
was a rough time.

Speaker 2 (03:59):
And you were a beer drinker, right, like you didn't
really mess with hard liquor or oh I it.

Speaker 3 (04:04):
So I never really really drank alive. I never drank
beer like the like bud Light, Budweiser. I was never
any of you know, never drinking those. I might had
once once, uh maybe one or two every once a
bloom mom, but it was like more of the uh,
the sugary Mike's hard alcohol. And then it was always uh,

(04:30):
always hard liquor too yeah.

Speaker 2 (04:33):
And I zeemas you might be too young for that.
But there was a drink back in the day where
it was it almost tasted like I don't want to
say it sprite, but but it was it was something
that did not taste like beer. And so like I
kind of when I was your age, kind of went
through that phase. And I always thought that if I
was drinking just beer or just those other little coop

(04:56):
wine cooler or whatever you want to call them drinks.
I couldn't an alcoholic. And because everybody knows that liquor
will do some damage to you. Everybody knows that, like
the hard liquor, like ooh, the one hundred and one
prove too. Like so when someone says to you, oh, well,
just stay off the liquor and you'll be fine, you think, oh, well,
that does make sense because I won't get as drunk
as quick now you and I, it doesn't matter, because

(05:19):
the end result is we are going to drink it
all as we can until we pass out, until we
fall asleep past it whatever, like that's end results. So
it doesn't matter if we start at six eight, we're
stopping at the same time. When we pass out, we
will cram much much as we can in there. So
like we're gonna drink the same amount, whether we drink
a pint or a half gallon or whatever before that,

(05:40):
Like your mission is getting blackout drunk. And you brought
up a good point that your father had passed. Yeah,
that hurt and that pain. How do you make it
go away? How do you make it just be numb?
Because you can't make a goal away. You can make
it numb, or at least attempt to. And alcohol seem
to be your friend with that, at least what you thought.

Speaker 3 (06:00):
Yeah, so I thought, and uh, that's what I had
always thought this, you know, the entire time during my
addiction with alcohol, it was like alcohol is my best friend.

Speaker 2 (06:11):
It was.

Speaker 3 (06:11):
It was a coping mechanism for me to get get through.

Speaker 2 (06:16):
The hard days.

Speaker 3 (06:17):
I mean, even after months and you know, years of
my dad passing, it was still I always had to,
you know, go go drink, and I know, and then
a couple of months so in a couple of months
after I had my dad had passed, I commended a

(06:40):
h an incident where I was drinking driving and I
crashed into a sideswipe into someone's mailbox. Da'mon didn't even
know the person, and they had, uh had immediately called
the police. And I actually had took the meal off.

(07:00):
And this actually happened in my dad in the in
my dad's car, like it was. I was driving down
the road and I actually turned back around to go
pick up the mirror that fell off the car.

Speaker 4 (07:15):
And and and I stopped and I picked up and
this guy was like wail in his hands He's like, hey, man,
you took out my mailbox. And he's like, I already
called the police and so and I had so I
knew I was going to be in trouble, but I

(07:36):
didn't know the extent of it because I was under
I was under the influence, of course. And so whenever
the police had shown up, they you know, they immediately knew.

Speaker 2 (07:52):
Right off the bat.

Speaker 3 (07:52):
Whenever I walked up to them and I was starting
to talk to him, giving them my my side of
the story, they had said, sir, you're drunk.

Speaker 2 (08:03):
You' I can already tell you right now, you're drunk.
How much have you been drinking?

Speaker 3 (08:08):
I was like, I don't know, and that's that, and
that's the exact way I responded, I don't know. I
just know I had some drinks, you know, before I
started driving. So they did, you know, the standards field
sobriety tests, they did all that, and they did the
break the laser and I blew. I want to say

(08:31):
it was too I want to say it was more
than twice the legal limit in the state of Michigan.
And they immediately slapped the cuffs on me, said you
know you're you're under arrest. And they took me to
the jail. And I went to the jail and they
got me booked in the in the police officer that

(08:53):
had actually arrested me knew a little bit about my family,
and he even told the officers at whenever at the
jail said, you know, he's in a rough spot right.

Speaker 2 (09:08):
Now with losing his dad and just.

Speaker 3 (09:12):
He's a good kid. Just take care of you know,
make sure that he's taking care of it in here.
And whenever I was sitting in the hold holding tank there,
I was like, I I never knew that this could happen.
I never knew it could happen. And I remember two people,
there's two other guys in the holding tank with me,

(09:35):
and they had said asked me what I was in
there for. I was like, I was drinking driving, and they,
you know, started to ask me, well, what did you Well,
I was like it was probably about well over two
times the legal limit in the state of Michigan. And
they just like were just shocked at that. And I

(09:59):
had h whenever I had went, uh, you know, got discharged,
I had went home that same night and I did
I got on a shoot. I did go back and
have a drink. But the next day I was like,
you know, I got to take a little hiatus from it.

(10:22):
And I had found a I found a bottle of
some whatever liquor I had at the time, and drop
and opened it up and I just immediately poured it
out because I knew that I was having to go
under some kind of probation or alcohol substance abuse classes,

(10:45):
and which in fact, thankfully I didn't have to have
any probation, but I did indeed have to go through
alcohol substance abuse classes and it was and it was
during COVID, so I didn't have to go to the
facility to go to do any of the classes. That
was just either over zoom or over the phone. And

(11:08):
that made it like to me, that made it like
almost was like defeating the purpose of even going through it,
because it's like, well, I could be, you know, be
on the phone talking to talking to the counselor, and
he doesn't even know what I'm doing. I can I
could be drinking, you know, while we're talking about you know,

(11:31):
talking about the absence of staying away from alcohol and
drug use. And so I had underwent that for I
want to say, I think it was like three months
I was in and that and that was back in
twenty twenty and they had uh or no, twenty twenty one,

(11:53):
I should say, and they had discharged me, and I
immediately went back to drinking. I was like, well, I
finished this. I can't believe I didn't, you know, to me,
it was almost like a reward that I completed. It,
completed something that was supposed to do because it was
either but I didn't complete it. I was gonna be

(12:15):
back in jail, and I completed it. And as soon
as I got discharged, I immediately just went back into
into drinking and that and I did not know how bad,
how bad I was, you know, an alcoholic, until I
get you know, started getting into recovery, which was you know,

(12:37):
back in November, whenever I was hospitalized for alcohol cirrhosis.
And that was and my sister has been my saving grace.
She knew that something was wrong and it was a couple, uh,
it was a couple of days prior to that. I

(12:59):
started noticing my body, you know, my demeanor and life
started changing a lot. And I noticed that my you know,
every my whole body was you know, not looking like
it should you know, and my sister. As a matter
of fact, I was actually going to the grocery store

(13:21):
for my for my mother, and my aunt Sheila had
called me and had told me, you know, asked me,
you know, how are you doing? You're holding up, and
he told me that you don't ask, you know, saying that,
you know, telling me that my mom had noticed that

(13:42):
I wasn't looking good and she had called my aunt
Sheila or had texted her pictures of how badly swollen
my legs and feet were from the fluid that I
was retaining, and so I told her. I was like, yeah,
I know I need I'm I'm gonna go get checked out,

(14:04):
which I wasn't really thinking about getting checked out. I
almost wanted to put it back on the backshelf. And
because it was like I didn't know what.

Speaker 2 (14:15):
Was going to happen. And how old are you? I
am thirty, just turned thirty one, and yeah, so you're
way too young to have a problem, right, Yeah, did
you still think that like, oh, like, oh I drunk,
I drove drunk, so oops, that wasn't and that was
a mistake. So like your punishment was like don't drive drunk,
like or that was your they wanted to get out
of your punishment for you to realize, don't drive drunk. Unfortunately,

(14:38):
when we're drunk, a lot of times we don't remember
and we don't think clearly. Yeah, so that's the whole
problem with it. But so like I could see where
you would have went through that and be like, all right, cool,
I am never getting behind the if I'm drinking, I'm
not drying, like I'm putting my foot down, like I
could see myself doing some kind of like thing like that, Like, no,
drinking is the problem, but I'm not gonna mess with that.
I'm just gonna not drink and drive because that's the problem.

(14:59):
That it's not the alcohol is the problem, that's what.
And you said it earlier too, like you didn't even
know you had a problem. And that's what is so
hard about alcohol because it tricks you. And when it
starts taking things away from your life, friends, family, jobs, money, whatever,
that's fine. I didn't need it anyway. I don't even
like that guy. I don't even like her. You start
going up because you got your bottle right here, as
long as you got some zeros or some not zeros,

(15:20):
but you got some numbers in your bank account, you
go get some more of them, and so it's fine.
I don't need the girlfriend. I don't I don't even
need cable, I don't need lights, I don't need anything like.
I can live without it. And you start to adapt
to it. And it's the weirdest, craziest thing where if
you would have asked me if I was when I
was sixteen seventeen, hey, do you want to live in
your car? Then that sounds fun? I say no, Hey,

(15:41):
do you want to like alienate your whole family and
have people hate you? No, well, that's what's gonna happen
because you like alcohol. You know, if it would have
been in I guess explain to me. I don't know.
I don't think I would have listened to it. Alcohol
is so powerful, it really is, like really is what
other hand you a brownie right now and say if

(16:01):
you eat this, it's gonna kill you. You probably wouldn't eat it,
oh god, But I can hand you a bottle and go, hey, drink,
that's gonna kill you? What like you my ass? Well,
just give me a couple more or two. But that's yeah,
it doesn't kill you today. Well, alkohol can kill you today.
Oh yeah, yeah, definitely.

Speaker 3 (16:20):
And even the doctors had even telling me whenever I
got hospitalized with the cirosis back in November, see that
day that I had, you know, finally threw in the towel,
I was, you know, I went to the to the
walk and clink and they actually referred me over to
the emergency room and they ran blood test and they

(16:43):
ran you know, an ultrasound and and they did a
couple other couple of other tests just to make you know,
see what was what was the problem. And you know,
they told me that you're is there's something wrong with
your liver and it's not function and like it should.

Speaker 2 (17:01):
So when they told you that, I'm gonna stop it here.
When they told you that, did you believe them or
did you think they were trying to ruin your fun?
Or were you just like, oh shit.

Speaker 3 (17:09):
I was thinking like whenever they told me that, at first,
I didn't want to believe them, Yeah, because it was
like I never thought that, you know, it.

Speaker 2 (17:21):
Could ever happen to me, not even forty yet yet.
I mean maybe now I would think maybe if I
got was older and I was experiencing these symptoms.

Speaker 3 (17:34):
Yeah, I most likely would believe them. But you know,
like everyone says, you're too young to be going through
all this. You're only thirty one and you and knew,
now how have sorrhosis. And whenever they told me that,
I was like almost didn't really want to believe them.

(17:54):
And then they start asking me questions about the alcohol
and how much you drank, and I was like, well,
if I had to be honest, there's there. I don't
have an exact number, and they're like, well, just give
us one. I was like, well, maybe maybe three or four,

(18:15):
five six tall boys and maybe a fifth fit the vodka,
maybe maybe even a half gollon.

Speaker 2 (18:24):
So you're honest with them, Yeah, I was. I was
brutally honest with them.

Speaker 3 (18:29):
And they said and so they had to admit me
to another hospital to undergo all these you know, to
undergo everything else with my health. And they said, you know,
told me that if you take one more sip of alcohol,
even like a drink sip, doesn't even matter how much

(18:52):
you have, it's your five years tops of you survival.
And I was in the hospital and I was and
that absolutely scared me, terrified me. Whenever they were telling
me that you're gonna you will die if you do

(19:13):
not stop drinking. And I just you know, stay, you know,
laid there. It's like, you know, do I keep going
with what I with what I've been accustomed to and
with everything for you know, for the rest of my life,
or do I take that step forward and and cry,

(19:33):
you know, say I need help?

Speaker 2 (19:36):
And I I do. And I still remember to this
to this day.

Speaker 3 (19:40):
In the hospital that you know, my sister Kender actually
had reached out to you and we started talking about
about it, and uh, you know, that's whenever I said
I wanted to get help, I really wanted to get help.

Speaker 2 (19:55):
And for me, it was important for you to get
the hell out of south West Michigan. Not that there's
places that aren't good in southw Michigan, but my path
was through the south Southwest Michigan. And going to a
treatment center is like a class reunion, you know, and
there's people there that I can't open up and be
honest because that guy knows me, These people know me
that there's just too many people that know me. I

(20:15):
had to go to a kind of like you. And
then that's why I was like, you got to get
him out of there, like get him up here where
you can walk into a place where you know nobody.
You don't have to sell anything to this guy, to
that guy. You're just there being you, trying to get help,
you know, And I think that really makes a difference,
you know, just to know that nobody in there is
going to come in and know you, and by the
time you're in there uncomfortable, you probably welcome somebody and hey,

(20:35):
come on in. I hope somebody does come from Southwest Michigan,
because that's great. Yeah, at first, it can be scary.
Who's going to know me, Who's going to tell this
Who's going to be saying I was here?

Speaker 3 (20:45):
You know, like yeah, And that's the other other thing too,
is like at first I was like kind of going
back and forth, like well, do I need to shit?

Speaker 2 (20:57):
Do I say?

Speaker 3 (20:59):
You know, I wanted to get help, but I didn't
know how to get the help because I was always
so close to Southwest Michigan, and to be honest, I did,
you know, I looked around and see if there was
even anything down Southwest Michigan.

Speaker 2 (21:18):
And there there was.

Speaker 3 (21:19):
But I also wanted to put it, you know, take
what you had said to Kendra, and wanted to go
somewhere far away, somewhere, you know where, Like you said,
people don't know me. And whenever I got up here
and got into the in the rehab, people did not

(21:43):
know me. They asked they asked, me, well, where are
you from? And you came all the way up here?
And I was I was like, yeah, it's you know,
and I and I remember in rehabit and whenever I
was and rehab back in uh was it December? Actually

(22:05):
I was in. I was in there for Christmas and
there for.

Speaker 2 (22:08):
The New Year. Just got got out just a few
days after the New Year. And there was a guy.

Speaker 3 (22:15):
There was a a guy in there, and I, you know, I,
you know, I I wanted to wanted to make an
impact on people in there and let them know that
they're not alone, and you know, kind of you know,
try and ease my way into talking to them about well,

(22:36):
what where are you going through?

Speaker 1 (22:38):
Wait?

Speaker 3 (22:39):
Where are you from? I had there was a guy
that was there and he came all the way from
South Carolina and I was like, you came all the
way from South Carolina. And I can't I can't hardly
remember the the extent of how of the conversation or
how far the conversation.

Speaker 2 (23:00):
She went, but.

Speaker 3 (23:03):
Yeah, it was he told me he came from South Carolina.
And even I was even in shocked by some of
the peep some of the people in there. Like whenever
I first got up into into the facility, I was
probably I was thirty. Whenever got up there and I
had I looked around and it was all of these

(23:27):
old people.

Speaker 2 (23:27):
I was like, wow. I was like, I was like,
I hope I'm not. I hope I'm not the I'm not.
I hope I'm not the only you know, I guess
I would say, young stud in there, what's old to you? Well,
but now it's he's thirty one, you know, everybody's old.

Speaker 3 (23:53):
Well I'm like, I said, you know, just turned thirty one.
And I always tell the people ask me, well how
old are you? I'm thirty one, but my back feels
like it's seventy five. My But now, whenever I first
got up in the rehabit was like I looked around
and it was like these older people were were looked

(24:21):
crazy to me. They obviously yeah, they they look like
and it's like, well, I looked like I was the
only normal one in there, And I was like, man, oh, man,
I was like, this is gonna be this, this is
gonna be interesting. But and all honestly, whenever I first

(24:41):
got there, I was like, I don't know how well
I'm going to do in here.

Speaker 2 (24:45):
I remember Kendres said something like that, and I was like, no,
he'll be fine.

Speaker 3 (24:48):
Yeah, And but it it took it took me a
couple of days to realize where I was at and
what I was doing.

Speaker 2 (24:56):
And the first time you went to treatment, oh yeah,
like an impatient fay, you know. And it can be
scary because it's when I first I'm like, oh my god,
what am I going to expect in the same thing man?
And then it was a guy that had it was crazy.
I had to leave. And I use that as an
excuse because I'm like, Nope, can't deal with that. He
was doing that with puppies and dogs. Don't want that. Nope,
don't even want around that, dude. I'm going home back

(25:18):
to Michigan because I was in California, so ickon. So
I know I know what you're talking about. And yeah,
people look crazy because they are, ah, but they're they're
good dudes. So I'm sure you found out by the
end of it you're like, oh crazy, times crazy, but
I love them. That's my guy, you know, like it's
a beautiful, beautiful thing. And when you let that guard
down and see people for who they are. And but

(25:38):
at first, it's scary when you go into a place
and at least you didn't have to have that like, oh,
someone's going to see me and tell people I'm here.
You were in a new place, which is scary and
a whole different light, but going in it and going
through it and seeing that, hey, this is all right.
So you're settling in everything's going on, and you start
to learn, like are you starting put things together when

(26:00):
you're in the treatment center? Yeah? Yeah.

Speaker 3 (26:03):
So whenever I first started, uh in rehab, I didn't
know nothing about recovery. I didn't know like what recovery was.
I didn't know. And honestly, I found out things in
recovery and rehab that I didn't even know about myself.

(26:26):
And it was, you know, through through the therapy and
through talking to other people in there. And that's the
crazy thing about whenever you whenever you're so addicted to
alcohol for so long, it's like alcohol knew who you were.

(26:46):
It knew who you were because it knew what it
what it could take from you. But and then I
and I remember one of the uh, one of the navigaters,
and there he'd always told he would always say, whenever
you leave here, no matter, no matter, like as soon

(27:10):
as you walk out those walk out those doors to
lead to go home, or to go into sobriety living
or what whatever you plan on doing after you know,
rehab your addiction or what was trying to kill you,
is going to be out there doing the put doing
those push ups, doing doing those push ups, trying to strengthen,

(27:34):
to get you.

Speaker 2 (27:36):
To to use them again. And I took that.

Speaker 3 (27:42):
I took that, and I thought of it, and no
matter and everywhere I go now like even whenever.

Speaker 2 (27:48):
I walk out walk out of.

Speaker 3 (27:50):
Here, it's I it's gonna be out there because there's
you know, there's liquor stores around. It's like, what that's
gonna what what is gonna The only thing, like, nothing's
going to stop me from from going to a liquor
store a gas station and buying buying a case of

(28:11):
beer or or a bottle of liquor. But with being
in recovery, it's I think of those think of those uh.

Speaker 2 (28:22):
Coping mechanisms I've learned in there, and one of my
favorite ones is think about how far you've came in recovery.
And they've always said that I can't remember it now.

Speaker 3 (28:41):
That's part about getting old, you forget stuff, obviously, but yeah,
recovery has been amazing, and I think what it was
is my favorite coping mechanism is you know, just you know,
thinking about how you how far you've made made it
into recovery, it'll.

Speaker 2 (28:58):
Pop in your head that you can drink this weekend
and no one will know it will Now I feel
I have so much power over alcohol because I have
a choice. Today. I could go next door to the
store and get a case of beer and get drunk.
I'd get a fit whatever. I could do that today,
but I'm not going to ye I don't. I have
shit to do. I got a movie to make, I
got booked to write. I got so much stuff I
want to do. I don't have time for that. I

(29:20):
wasted enough time on the couch getting blitzed every single
night for fifteen twenty. I don't even remember how many
years it was. Stupid. The goals I have today, I
can show you that I have this big uh it's
what do they call them? Sound proofing boards? And I
don't even know what they're going. I ordered them, but
I made it a picture of my son and it
hangs over my desk. It's huge, it's big. I like that.

(29:41):
That's something that means something to me, you know, like
like that. I want to do something good for him.
I want him to look back after I'm dead and
gone and be like, my dad was a good dude
and he did something, you know, like I want to
make him proud, you know. That's that's what I live for.
And I want to make a movie. And I'm so
close to finishing writing it. And I was listening to
this podcast That's This Morning, and this guy hit it

(30:02):
right on the head. I'll start to write it and
I'll get it. But A, I don't have a deadline
set for myself. I need deadlines, and B even if
I get it finished, it's never gonna be good enough.
There's always something I'm gonna want to add to it.
So I don't think i'll ever get it done unless
I set that deadline and then just go, Nope, that's
the deadline. It's done. It's done. If you want to

(30:24):
add something to it, make another movie, you know, like
I don't know, but everything has to be so perfect
for me, and so it actually stalls me down. But
learning about yourself and knowing where you want to go
and what you want to do is huge for you.
I was going to bring this up because, well, there's
two things. First, I remember the trip home. I remember
saying to you, Look, you're not somebody with a drink problem.

(30:47):
You're not an alcoholic. You're in recovery. You know, like
when you say that, because when I say I'm in recovery,
it means something different. Oh and I even told you
when I go to AA meetings. So I'm like, hey,
what's up on Corey M person recovery because alcoholic was
a bad term. It was bad. You're a bad person.
I'm I'm doing the finger wave at chet, you know,
like you're bad, you bad alcoholic. No, I'm in recovery.

(31:08):
I've changed my life. That person you're waving your finger
at that's not me. It is it was me, but
I changed, I got my shit together. I changed. Now
this is me. And so the people that want to
knock you down for the stuff that you did in
the past, that you can't change. I mean you can
say I'm sorry about that. Yeah, here's how I'm living
now to prove that.

Speaker 3 (31:28):
Yeah, it's kind of like what you're what you're saying
about that. It's it's it's really amazing, like what you know,
how alcohol can you know, can personally affect you.

Speaker 2 (31:44):
Yeah, and this doesn't make you a bad person. I
mean it can make you do bad things drink, driving, drunk,
or you know, maybe yelling at people. Violence. It can,
it can cause and it does lead. If you call
the police station right now and say, hey, how many
of your calls did you go on because of alcohol,
they would probably say eighty eighty maybe even more. I
don't know. I mean it's ridiculous, And yet there it

(32:04):
is out there at the store. You can walk up
to the gas station, steal your little bottle from the counter.
Like the last time I was in the gas station,
they had them at the counter. Now you couldn't get
a cigarette, you couldn't get vape juice. But alcohol is
sitting right there. You can snag it put in your pocket.
No one even know. Twelve year old, ten year old,
eight year old, They don't care. It's right up there
by the candy, it's all fruity looking the other band
and all the stuff. Because they're like, oh no, they're

(32:25):
targeting kids. But yet alcohol out there straight up targeting kids,
targeting everybody.

Speaker 3 (32:30):
Yeah, it's targeting young people's, young people's lives.

Speaker 2 (32:35):
But in America, that's how they want it. Yeah, because
it makes some money and they throw it out there.
Drink responsibly, that's your fault. You didn't drink responsibly. Yeah,
and look what it did to you if you just
will listen to us. Unfortunately, our brains don't work that way.
Our brains, Like when you lost your father, you wanted
to numb that. Everybody. If you don't understand that, I'm

(32:58):
sorry you don't. What are they call that where people
don't have any feelings? I can't remember, but it's bad
and you should probably get some help. It was called
cold hearted. Yeah, but that would make you lose your shit.
And I've already like started prepping myself. I'm fortunate I
still have my parents, and I'm mentally telling myself Corey

(33:21):
drinking not going to bring him back. No, And what
would they Yeah, sorry, I'm gonna get teared up here.
You know, what would they think about me if I
did drink at that moment, you know, like, yeah, this
is not worth it. So it's gonna be a sad day.
I'm already getting choked up over it. But like so

(33:43):
I could imagine, dude, Like I can't imagine, and I
don't want to and I but I will. But and
this is something that you can help people with, because
there are people that come to me and they're like, man,
I just had to relax. I lost my parents, you know,
and I don't have I don't know what to say
except oh my god. That sucks, you know. And actually,
I there are other people that I know and I'm like, hey,
talk to this person. They kind of went through some

(34:03):
of the same stuff. And but you will help somebody.
I can guarantee you there. It will be somebody that
comes into your life that will lose a parent or
loved one and you will be like hey man and
give them a hug or whatever. I mean, you'll help them.
You will, I guarantee it. Yeah, absolutely. I Mean.

Speaker 3 (34:22):
The thing with with being you know, an alcoholic is
you are I should say alcoholic and recovery. See that's
the other thing too, is like people whenever people tell
me they're like, you know, like you're an alcoholic. I was,
like I once was, I'm a alcoholic and recovery. Now

(34:44):
there's two different meanings there. And it's it's amazing how
how whenever you get into recovery, it gives you something
something to be proud of. And I know, my dad
he's he's looking down, he's watching me, watching, you know,

(35:09):
and even even my sister would always tell me, you know,
your dad, Dad's so proud of you right now for
taking this step.

Speaker 2 (35:18):
Forward and going back to what you had said.

Speaker 3 (35:24):
About about someone coming into my life, about you know,
losing a parent and stuff. And it's like the the
the hurt is still there, but the way you grieve
about it gets to me gets better and better as
the days go on. I mean, though it's though it's

(35:48):
still sad, it's still sad, but you find better ways
to get over it. Like I mean, you'll never get
over losing to parents, just the way that you cope
and you grieve with that. And what I always say is,
you know, the reason why I put my story out

(36:09):
there is it because I want everyone to know or
even someone or that knows of somebody that's you know,
having a problem, whether if it's an alcohol addiction, drug addiction,
or if they're across addicted, that.

Speaker 2 (36:24):
You're not alone. You were, You were not alone.

Speaker 3 (36:28):
I thought I was alone whenever I was an alcoholic,
but it was you just have to take that step,
that one step forward and say I have a problem
that I need help.

Speaker 2 (36:39):
Yeah, and for you too to get out to go
back home to like all I'm going to do this
and sober living? Oh is he going to do sober living?
Is he going to stay here? And that was that
was the thing too that probably had you freaked out,
like where am I gonna stay? Where am I gonna live?
What I'm gonna do? But you didn't a drink. You
stayed the course and you figured it out, and all right,

(37:00):
pay yourself on the back for that. You know how
easy easy would have been for you just to turn
right back to drinking, because well, this happened to me
and I don't know where I'm going home, stay poor me,
put me another drink, you know, But you didn't. So
I'm proud of you for that because I was. I
was nervous. I was like, oh, like man, because it's
it's it's a very yeah, I don't even especially understand

(37:21):
what face I just made, but it's like it's very tense.
It's it's because everybody wants you to make it, man,
you know. And it's just like when your son, when
your son starts walking for the first time and he's
stumbling over and you see the table and you're like,
oh shit, and then he just sits down. You're like, Okay,
he didn't bust his head. That's that's the relief that

(37:42):
you have that I have with you anyway, you know,
it's that same like okay, good. And then to see
your Facebook you are into photography. Yes, thank you. You're
doing something with that energy that used to sit on
the couch and drink and get drunk and wasted. Now
you're going out and you're taking beautiful pictures. You're having
And I would be honest too, like I would even

(38:04):
like I was still doing the photography, doing pictures even
back whenever you know, I was, you know, an alcoholic.

Speaker 3 (38:11):
I mean even like I might you know, have a
what they say road beer and have you know, have
one of those, and uh though it would though I
wouldn't have it, you know, as I'm driving, I would
wait till I'm until I'm part I. I I kind
of I pretty much guzzle the thing down and then

(38:34):
I go out and take these pictures. But whenever I
take the pictures, I see something more different. I see things.
And it's hard to explain that how you look at
a picture differently now that you for me anyway that
I that I take, you know, with you know, going

(38:55):
out to like the beach and uh the beach jour
no matter where I'm at. And my sister, as a
matter of fact, had sent me a this link on
Facebook over a messenger and I don't know what state
it was in, but this photographer had had a true

(39:18):
inspiration or a or was a photographer and had a
was inspired to help recovering addicts with sobriety photos and
where they take a mugs where they take a mug
shot of them whenever they were arrested or if or

(39:42):
even if and I say, if you never got arrested,
but you were still had a problem, take a photo
of whenever you were in you know, whenever you were
in an active addiction frame it, and take pictures with
who you are in recovery now. And I looked at

(40:03):
and and I'll be brutally honest. I didn't think nothing
about it. And here I am taking all these twenty
you know, all these all these photos of you know,
of the beach and the sunset and even coming up
to Traverse City. No matter where I go up it's

(40:25):
I got to take the camera with me. Gotta take
the camera with me. And even before I had, even
before I had left to come up here, I've had
you know, my sister tell me. I even had a
best friend of mine that told me, make sure you
fill up that SD card or empty that SD card

(40:47):
out before you before you head up there. I was like, oh, yeah,
I plan on it. As a matter of fact, I
brought to just in case if one wasn't enough.

Speaker 2 (40:55):
Nice.

Speaker 3 (40:56):
And I know the first day I came up here,
I I think, yeah, it was the first day I
came up here, or on the way up here, I
probably took about God, I want to say, like two
three hundred photos, wow, And even and then yesterday I
took I mean I took maybe like sixty or seventy

(41:21):
rough estimate. But but it's just you know, you look
at those photos that you take and it's you know,
I'm capturing something that God created for me to see
and like I say, I look at those pictures now

(41:43):
being in recovery, and I see him so much differently.

Speaker 2 (41:46):
Because life is so different, like you're actually you're actually
living life now. Yeah, And to see that play out
and on social media and Facebook, it's great. Man, Like
I don't get on Facebook that often, but I'll see
your stuff every once in a while and I'm like, oh,
I like it, or put a big heart on it,
or tell you a good job, or I don't know
what I do.

Speaker 3 (42:03):
But and sometimes and it doesn't. It used to bother me,
but it doesn't anymore.

Speaker 2 (42:10):
But some people.

Speaker 3 (42:12):
Will will I ask me, well, you know you post
too much, you you post too much about It's like, well,
it's not for you, it's for me.

Speaker 2 (42:23):
It's it's for me because I want to it.

Speaker 3 (42:25):
It gives me the accountability that I need. And and
plus people will ask me, well, how are you doing,
how's you know, how's your sobriety doing? And nine months it's,
you know, nine months of being sober. It's it's amazing,
really amazing.

Speaker 2 (42:46):
Get that year that year hopefully, you know, I mean,
fingers cross, you gotta make it today. We all know
that but yeaheah, I mean it's just right around the corner.
And I don't know that year was something for me.
And you're still getting your coins every month, right, yeah,
And but that was something that you know, I think
I shared with you. I gave those coins to my
mom and I still mailer a coin every year. But

(43:09):
when I hit that year, everything seemed to speed up,
Like I don't know if it was because every month
I was looking for that coin, so like every month
I was tracking it, Whereas when I hit the year,
it was just like all right, boom, you're sign cruise control.
And then I think I got an NA tag at
year and a half, but then I had to wait
the whole year for that second year, you know, so
it seemed like it flew by the second year and
I was like, whoa, I got two years now, Like

(43:31):
that's crazy.

Speaker 3 (43:32):
Yeah, yeah, it's crazy. And seeing when you whenever you're
in recovery, because it starts out as like as seconds
and then it turns into minutes.

Speaker 2 (43:46):
Hours, days, weeks, months, and then years, you know, and
then your kids won and you're like, how did he
turn one already? And he was like, oh my god,
it's flying by but yeah, man, I remember leaning in
the Hi hospital bed and thinking hours had went by
and it had only been a minute. And I was
like what, like no, like this can't be like it was. Hell,

(44:11):
we felt every minute of that, man, Like people know
what I'm talking about. You know what I'm talking about,
Like it's yeah, you just said it, you know, so
to see you turn it around, man, it is. This
is a beautiful thing, man, And not everybody can do it. Unfortunately,
you know, it doesn't happen. It took me fifteen times man.

Speaker 3 (44:29):
And and I think, and now that you say that,
I look back and you know, at myself, and it's like,
I'm surprised how well I'm doing so far in recovery
and with not even not even one relapse. I have

(44:49):
not re relapsed once. And whenever I was in rehab,
there was there was there was a gentleman and I
stayed there with and he had asked me, well, how
many times have you been into rehab? I was like,
this is my first time and he he was like,

(45:10):
this is your first time? And I was like, yeah,
this is this is my first time. He's like, well,
what made you come? What made you get into rehab?
I was like alcohol did alcohol and alcohol.

Speaker 2 (45:26):
Really you know, put a strain on my life.

Speaker 3 (45:29):
And whenever I was in uh, now I'm thinking about
all these things that I did in rehab. I my
therapist I had in there, he had us do a
write a thank you and goodbye letter to our drug
or choice, which mine was mine was alcohol. Yeah, I might,

(45:52):
you know, I smoked weed and everything. But that wasn't
like that wasn't my go to.

Speaker 2 (45:57):
It wasn't ruining your life. It wasn't ruining my killing.
It wasn't ruining my life.

Speaker 3 (46:01):
I mean it could yeah, it could have, but you know,
but but they he added me to a thank you
goodbye letter, and I can't remember like and I whenever
I was in rehab, I was always writing. I was
always writing my thoughts, collecting my thoughts, and I had

(46:26):
uh talked about in my thank you goodbye letter, like
you know, thank you for giving me the what I
thought was a good time back then, and but now.

Speaker 2 (46:40):
It's I guess I have to say goodbye. You.

Speaker 3 (46:43):
You were you were never a best friend to me.
You were never you were nothing. You were you were
nothing for me. You were you're something that was holding
me back. Stabbing me in the back, taking things away
out of my life that I ye, were slowly coming
out of my life, like he even said earlier, it

(47:05):
was you know, friends, family, job, money, and.

Speaker 2 (47:12):
It was you know.

Speaker 3 (47:14):
And as soon as alcohol or your addiction takes all
that away from you, what else, what else does it
have to take.

Speaker 2 (47:22):
Away from you? Your life? And they'll get that too, Yeah,
it does. And then you know, I don't know if
they classify it as an alcohol related death. Probably not,
But like if your liver fails and you die, do
they just go liver failure or do they chalk it
up to it's alcohol death. I don't know they should
be because if you want to go back and just

(47:44):
go how crazy alcohol is, let's just take this story
I'm gonna set up for you, right, all right, you
got Jack and Jill. They're at a party. Now, it's
twenty twenty, twenty twenty. They're at a party before COVID
or I guess twenty twenty was all COVID. So let's
go back to twenty eighteen. All right, let's go, let's
go back pre COVID. So Jack and Jill at a party,

(48:05):
Jack and Jill drinking and yeah, they're twenty one, let's say,
you know, and they're in college. They're having a good
time and Jack falls on Jill peepee goes in oop
to have baby or if you want to do it.
They start making out, have some sex, have baby. That
a little better, Okay. So she comes to him and like, hey, Jack,

(48:28):
I don't even know you, dude, but I'm in college
and I'm gonna be this lawyer thing, so I'm gonna
go ahead and have an abortion. Oh well. Jack's like, well,
but you're you're hot, and I thought I just landed
you for eighteen years, Like what are you talking about?
You know? Oh no. So since Jack down a spy
roll because he's thinking, oh my god, like what I

(48:50):
can't have no, say, I can't do that, like what,
it's my son, She's gonna kill him, like this is crazy.
And then she gets it done and he goes on
his wippit. He starts turning into alcohol because it helps
him numb the pain, and then her I'm sure having
an abortion's got to mess people up. I'm obviously a guy,
but still are I've never had this in my life,

(49:12):
so again I'm speaking of stuff I don't know. But
again this is just a story. So then she starts
struggling because she's having these thoughts of oh what if.
And then a year goes by, Oh, he would have
been in one today, two, three, four, Every birthday. The
drinks come a little bit more, a little bit more,
and now the cope with her pain of having that abortion.

(49:34):
She's drinking. Jack's drinking too. They're on there, they're not
they don't even know each other anymore. They're on an
alcohol destructive path. And then Jack gets into an accident
that kills people. Oh that drunk, alcoholic, he's so bad.
But it all stems back to when they didn't have
a problem. Is when it started, and it all had
to do with alcohol. If they wouldn't have been drinking

(49:57):
and drunk, maybe Jack wouldn't have filled on Jill. Maybe
the wouldn't have had sex. Yeah, you know, but they
did because alcohol makes it lowers your ambitions and you
do things you normally would not do, and all because
of alcohol. But that this death or that death, or
maybe the accident death would be attributed to alcohol because

(50:17):
it was related. But you know, maybe Jill takes her life,
Maybe she takes her own life. Oh, that's just Yeah,
there's suicide, but that's not even related to alcohol, you know,
And it's like, no, it needs to. But there's so
many stories like that that are interwoven. But it all
go back to alcohol. And I'm not saying pan alcohol.
That's not gonna happen. They tried that. And there are

(50:37):
people my brother he can have a beer. I can't.
I cannot. Why would you have a beer that's stupid?

Speaker 1 (50:44):
You know?

Speaker 2 (50:44):
How big is it?

Speaker 1 (50:45):
Like?

Speaker 2 (50:46):
Is it a whole keg? Like?

Speaker 3 (50:48):
Yeah, it would have to one beer could be one beer,
could be could mean ninetyeen like it could be just
like a little old tiny bottle, or it could be
like you just said, a whole keg.

Speaker 2 (50:58):
It would have to be for me to have one beer,
Like are you talking about a keg of beer?

Speaker 1 (51:01):
Like?

Speaker 2 (51:01):
I will have one keg? Like if I have one
beer for me as pointless? Like why would we have
one beer? That's stupid? You need at least fifteen twenty
let's get three cases, let's go. It would not be
just but but Travis he can have a beer with
his dinner. He probably might even finish it. Come for
the rest, who does that? Yeah, because they are different,

(51:22):
I can go into a casino. I don't know why
I would want to lose twenty dollars, but whatever, I
could do that. And you know, then when they say
gamble responsively. Martie and I were talking about this yesterday
and she's like, yeah, but there's responsible gambling. I said,
not for an addict, you know, because they do the
whole harm reduction thing, which okay, cool, do whatever you
need to do. Whatever works for you, is what I say.

(51:43):
But for me that that wouldn't been important. Nah and
one bit. And I see it different in the light
of you take what you're telling the normal people, Hey,
drink responsibly, gamble, don't don't gamble what you can't afford
to lose like that. That's the dumbest shit I've ever heard.
Gamble response possibly, What will you tell my brain that?

(52:04):
Because when that serotonin fires after I just won that
ten grand, you come and tell me gabled responsibly, and
I'm gonna be doing dancing ten throwing money at you.
You know, like, can you get on my face because
your brain so you can say all the stuff. Don't
drink and drive. We've been saying that for hundreds of years, right,
probably not that long because you know I was being sarcastic,
but forever yet people still do it. So I click,

(52:28):
it doesn't work. Take it off your lottery ticket, take
it off whatever. Like putting it on there is just
a waste of ink. You can make that a little
cheaper if you just use less ink. Yeah, because it
doesn't make sense because like I cannot drink responsibly, you know,
you know, however, they say I can't have another drink.
And I know that. I know that because I've seen

(52:49):
people go through that treatment center that you went to,
that had twenty years and when COVID hit, it took
away their meeting that they only went once a week
to their Saturday meeting. Well o, their meeting closed down,
and guess what, started drinking again. And he said he
lost it quicker than he could have ever imagined. Yeah.
I was like, yep, I believe you dude. History does
repeat itself, and I will listen to what you're saying.

(53:10):
And I've heard too many stories like that, So I
know that in ten years, twenty years, one hundred and
fifty years, if I'm I'm a life in fifty years,
what's I won't be. I know that I cannot have
a drink. Yeah, and at least I know the result
of it. But I will have that option always the
rest of my life. I could go to the store

(53:32):
right now.

Speaker 3 (53:33):
Yeah I can. I mean absolutely, like whenever I got
up here, got up here, I mean I I've done
so many things up here, like walking downtown and seeing
like you know, these bars and people walking in and
out of it. They're either walking in there, you know,

(53:56):
walk in they're sober, but they're not going to walk out.
They're not going to walk out of that place sober.
And I uh, I can't remember which, which, which grill
and bar it was, but it was it was. It
was downtown and I was just taking you know, taking.

Speaker 2 (54:16):
Up and I do a lot of walking.

Speaker 3 (54:19):
Now, do a lot of walking and go hit up
the gym whenever I can. And I remember I was walking.
It was, uh the thing. It was the first night
I uh, I got here and I had walked downtown
and I walked in front of this this bar and

(54:43):
these people were just walking out of it one of
and I don't know if if it must have been
like a wedding party or something, I don't, I don't know,
and they were just they were you know, hootl and hollering.
One of them ended up falling out and front of
the on the sidewalk, and I was like that and

(55:07):
that was me, Like, oh, that was pretty much me
back then. Whenever, you know, if I went to the
bar after work, and I I never I drank more
at home by myself than I did going to the bar.
I mean I still went. I still went to the bar.
I mean I went to a h went to the

(55:28):
bar with a couple of friends, you know, after work
and going and we have you know, just like maybe
like two or three drinks and then but and then
we went our separate ways. But I stayed there. I
paid my tab and I was like, eh, I'll just
stay here.

Speaker 2 (55:47):
I mean, I mean I'm only I'm only like maybe
like a couple of blocks away from from the bar.
So I was like, I'll be fine to drive home. Well.

Speaker 3 (55:58):
And I always remember, now, before going to the bar,
there was a liquor store apart across from from the bar,
and I would always go in there before going inside
the bar, because I.

Speaker 2 (56:16):
Knew whenever I got home from the bar I was
going to I was was that's where the real drinking happened.

Speaker 3 (56:21):
That's that's where it's like all bets are off. You
can there's there there's no limit on how much how
much you can drink. So I, you know, went to
the liquor store.

Speaker 2 (56:34):
But whatever I whatever.

Speaker 3 (56:37):
I thought I could could have and whatever I thought,
you know, I could finish in the night. And you know,
I take out to my car, and there might have
been a time or two it's like, you know, I
can't wait till I get inside the bar.

Speaker 2 (56:52):
I'll take this, I'll take the stuff out to my car.

Speaker 3 (56:54):
You know, maybe crack when open, have a little sip,
you know, a couple of SIPs and put it back,
you know, put in my car, walking side the bar,
you know, do what you know, have have my drinks
in there, and you know, meet up with my friends.
And whenever they left, I still stayed there. And after
that I went back out to my car, finished that,

(57:18):
finished the one that I opened up before, go walking
inside the bar, and then drove home. And there's been
a numerous amount of nights where I get home and
I'd either be watching TV, playing video games, just do
stuff that I can drink with. So and if I
ran out of alcohol, I was like, well, I'm still

(57:40):
going to be up. I was like, I gotta go
back to the gas station, get more did like the
adult things like going to you know, going to the store,
going you know, doing stuff, doing boring stuff around the house,
like laundry. It's like, well, what man does laundry?

Speaker 2 (57:57):
I used to do laundry at five am on Sunday, man,
because I have to drink. Like you said, with the
video games, like you you like morph your whole world
into things that you necessarily don't like. But as long
as you're drinking while you're doing it, it's fine and
you're accepted and it's cool. It's good. Hey, I'll do
I've got to clean the house. You gotta do laundry.
I mean I gotta do it on Sunday at five am.

(58:18):
Now every other day of the week, I'm rolling out
of bed nine, get to the radio season like ten,
barely make it. But on Saturday and Sundays four or five,
as soon as I wake up, it's it's on and
popping to the freezer to get the half gallon and
let's go and then we'll start the laundry.

Speaker 1 (58:37):
Yeah.

Speaker 2 (58:37):
And it was like passed out by ten.

Speaker 3 (58:40):
Oh yeah, and yeah, I still remember, like I didn't
wait until after work to get to get tanked up.
It was it was if I need to go to
the store for something, or and I and I would
go to the store or make some excuse to go
till lead the house to be like, well, I gotta

(59:04):
go fill up my car. I need to get gas
from my car because if not, I'm gonna forget. Well,
little did people, little did people that you know, my mom,
I should say, not really on speaking terms with her situation,
but not going to get into that, but she would
ask me, well, we're you off to well, I'm gonna

(59:27):
go fill up my car before, you know, before I
go to work, because if not, I'm gonna forget. But
little did she know that my car was either let's
just say my car didn't need to have gas, did
not need to have gas. And it's like, well it was,
you know, go to the liquor store, you know, sit

(59:47):
out in the parking lot and drink there and then
go back home. And she and then there was even
times where she would me, too, well, will you go
to the store for me? Will you will you by
get me? Will you buy go and get me stuff?

(01:00:07):
So you know, so I can make dinner. Yeah, okay,
I will.

Speaker 2 (01:00:11):
You got excited when you heard that. Yeah, I was like,
oh yeah, well you go yeah yeah, yeah. Don't don't
tell me you twice. I'll go right, get right in
my car and go go on ahead. Yeah. It's it's
the same thing, like if you like. But I just
said about getting up on the Monday, Tuesday wednesay. Oh
oh wait, was there drinking of Oh yeah, am I
gonna drink yeah? Yeah, And it's the same. And I
wonder how because gambling it works the same way with

(01:00:33):
the serotonin and dope mean and all that. I wonder
how tolerance because alcohol obviously if you because if you're like, oh,
I just drink two beers every night. I had a
lady say that she drinks two glasses of wine every
single night. I said, that's impossible. Your glasses have to
get bigger because your body is gonna go. I just
I need more, a little bit more, a little bit more.

(01:00:55):
That's why I like, you could never say I'm just
gonna drink half a pint every night, because then it's
gonna be well, I'm gonna need it a little bit more.
And maybe I'll just do a pint and a half
and or half pine. It's gonna grow because of the tolerance.
And I remember, you know, back in the day, one
beer he gets you whoa he tore up from one
to two beers, Oh my god. And then he can

(01:01:17):
handle a whole six fact cool. And then it becomes
a badge of honor like, oh he can drink a
whole case bohmself yep.

Speaker 3 (01:01:23):
And I remember talking to A to a good friend
of mine. I pretty much call uh, pretty much call
him you know or pretty much you know, brothers since
I've known him for I would want to say the
past fifteen years. And I remember UH having conversations with
him about you know, about you know, me being an

(01:01:47):
alcoholic and everyone and and not just and it wasn't
just him, but everyone else didn't even think I had
a had a drinking problem.

Speaker 2 (01:01:59):
Well am I opinion as a professional radio broadcaster, it's
it is Okay, it is the alcohol. Yeah, okay, that's
because it's poison and that's what we turn to. But
it's the underlying issue, Like this is what I think
keeps people afraid because they don't want to be labeled alcoholic.
But everybody has problems some people deal with them in

(01:02:19):
different ways. Some people have unhealthy ways but it's not alcohol,
but it's still unhealthy. You know. They have other different
outlets that they use. We chose alcohol again for us,
it made sense easy right down the road. Just need
some money to buy it. Okay, good, makes it go
away for now. Okay cool? And I see commercials and
its accepted. But when you realized that you had a problem,

(01:02:42):
was like, oh, going to the hospital. And it's kind
of like it shouldn't have to get to that level.
But I think it's we fight so hard against that
label of being called an alcoholic and being that person
that has a problem. You know, there's a person in
my life right now and I wish this person would
would just listen to me and those chance. About three
weeks ago, I thought I was going to talk to

(01:03:02):
this person. I was going to have this one on
one where I was going to say, look like, I
can tell you what's going on, and I'm not, no Tredymus,
I'm not. I cannot predict the future, but I can
predict yours. That's what I want to say. You know,
but it's not because the person's bad person. It's not,
but I think this person is afraid to like drop
their guard to go, okay, help me because they don't

(01:03:24):
want to be labeled that bad person and they don't
want people to think bad about them. And it's not
about that, it's I don't know. It's so frustrating, and
I can see where my mom was probably like wanting
to lose her shit. Everybody in my life was probably
wanting to lose their shit. Is so frustrating, and what
comes around goes around, you know, Like here I am

(01:03:48):
with someone who I love dearly that I just can't
I don't and I don't know. Just because I helped
myself and changed my life doesn't mean that I can
help you or help anybody else. You know, I can
tell you what worked for me. Yeah, but you know,
so like when family members will look at me and go, well, hey,
how can you not helping this person, It's like, well,

(01:04:09):
he the person never asked me for it. And you know,
they say that only a person like they saw this
in AA anyway, like and maybe they say in other
areas or different avenues too. But I'm the only one
that can say that I'm an alcoholic. Yeah, now you
throw a huge question mark up there. I'm like, well,
what do you mean because your mom obviously knew an

(01:04:31):
alcoholic kid. But they say A but as far as
you getting help, like that's step one. You have to
admit you have the problem. Yeah, but I think step
one should be admit that I have trauma that I
haven't dealt with, and I and to understand that I
am using the alcohol to help me through it. That's tough,
especially if you're talking to someone who's currently drinking. That

(01:04:52):
is impossible because they're gonna They're gonna do the same
thing that I did. Probably you did too. Throw the
double birds up. Don't need you anyway, Go live your life.
F you see, I got my bottle.

Speaker 3 (01:05:03):
I always whenever someone told me that I was you know,
like even like family members told me, you know, yeah
I was drinking too much, and it was like yeah, yeah, yeah,
I'm I'm no, I know what my limit is.

Speaker 2 (01:05:20):
But that was the alcohol that was telling me. Tell
me that I knew my limit. I didn't.

Speaker 3 (01:05:28):
I didn't have a limit, nor did I even know
I had. You know, there was you know I had
a limit.

Speaker 2 (01:05:33):
He was having fun. You having fun? Man, Get off
my back. Yeah, I was in.

Speaker 3 (01:05:39):
Going back to talking with a good friend of mine,
I was u whenever I was talking to him about
you know, like recovery. Like every once in a while
he'll talk and say, you know, well, you know how
you doing, how you're holding up, you know, and he
and I remember telling him one night, you know, talking

(01:06:02):
about my uh time in act in an alcohol addiction.
I had, uh, I had pretty much didn't really care
about what people thought of me, because I mean it
was just like, I mean, oh well, it's it's another day,

(01:06:23):
It's another day.

Speaker 2 (01:06:24):
I don't care.

Speaker 3 (01:06:25):
And I remember telling, telling my telling a good friend
of mine that I remember back whenever I didn't even know.
This is before my dad even passed away. So I
I was, you know, didn't think, you know, didn't think
nothing about it until un though after I'm getting into

(01:06:47):
you know, into recovery. That I would save. There was
a time where I saved like all my hard liquor bottles,
whether if it was a pint or a fifth, and
I put those on a shelf as almost like a like.

Speaker 2 (01:07:06):
A trophy, like a trophy.

Speaker 3 (01:07:10):
And I remember telling him, you know, saying that it's
like before then, I was like, well, I don't know
if I thought it was like now I now, I
think that's number one, plain and stupid. It's it's it's
dumb for someone to do that. But back then it
was like, you know, I was proud of that, and

(01:07:34):
but now it's like, I'm not proud of that at all.
I mean, and thinking about and I always say it,
but thinking back, whenever I'm thinking, you know, how far
in recovery and my sobriety, I look back and think
about all the times I was I was an alcoholic

(01:07:55):
and these situations I put myself in at the time,
whether if it was you know, I didn't know where
I was at or I blacked out.

Speaker 2 (01:08:06):
I think of those times and I use it as
as fuel to my to my fire to keep going.
And whenever.

Speaker 3 (01:08:21):
I think about those, it doesn't it doesn't trigger me.
It doesn't, it doesn't trigger me at all. It in fact,
it helps me because it helps me become the newer,
the better you know, a new person. It gives gives
me something to well, what like people ask me, what

(01:08:43):
could you have done differently with being an alcoholic?

Speaker 2 (01:08:47):
I mean, God on.

Speaker 3 (01:08:48):
A street and I just and I talked to my
therapists about this a couple of weeks ago and he
asked me a question. I can't remember how he had
worded it, but he asked me, would you have changed
anything in your recovery or your sobriety. Would you have
changed like even back whenever you're an alcoholic, would you

(01:09:10):
have changed anything?

Speaker 2 (01:09:11):
I said absolutely not, And he was.

Speaker 3 (01:09:14):
Like, like what you even even you still want? I
was like, well, number one, I didn't know. I mean
I didn't know I had a drinking problem, that's one thing.
And maybe this is the path that God wanted me
to take, because it was either it was either he

(01:09:37):
uh puts me through the storm and that or it's
just it's it was life or death. And I, you know,
think about how far I've went, and it's just it's
amazing how far, how far I've came. And they say
that you know, taking you know, it's just taking that

(01:10:01):
first step into recovery.

Speaker 2 (01:10:05):
It's the greatest feeling in it. Yeah, it really is.
God's great And that's the way to handle that man,
that question, would you change anything? No, because he wouldn't
be exactly You're right here today, this is exactly where
you're supposed to be. This where God wanted you today.
He wanted me here too. And if you change any
little thing, I'm not going to be married. I'm not
gonna have a kid. You know, like, no, no I will.

(01:10:28):
I had to go through that pain to learn at all,
and I was stubborn. But when we go through those
things and we learn, yeah, now we know. Now you
know you have a problem. Now you know the danger
of alcohol. It's not just oh, go have a beer
like the commercials on TV. Hey go good down the
boat and have some fun. No, it's not like that
for you. For some people. Sure, Travis, he can go out,
my little brother, he can go out and have a beer.

(01:10:49):
He can have two or three. He can go get
drunk if he wants. But guess what that next morning,
he's not going to the freezer getting his half gallon out,
you know, like he'd be like, no, I got shit
to do, you know. And maybe that's his addiction. I
think hunting is Travis's addiction. Actually, oh oh, talk to
him about that one. But I don't think it's addiction.
I think it's a it's a hobby. I think it's

(01:11:10):
anything can become unhealthy. You know, people work out, people
go to church too much, people do all that. You know,
there's so many things that people can do too much of.

Speaker 1 (01:11:20):
That.

Speaker 2 (01:11:20):
You just have to kind of know yourself, know your role,
and just know God's good, yeah, you know, and to
look at the blessings of life today and the things
that we have. When when I first brought you, or
actually justin brought you up here, but when when I
took you home, you know, like, I mean that was
probably you were feeling way different when you I really

(01:11:43):
was the oling way different. It was like.

Speaker 3 (01:11:46):
It was whenever I hit like on the way up here,
it was like I didn't know what to expect.

Speaker 2 (01:11:55):
Going to rehab, did not expect you know what.

Speaker 3 (01:11:59):
I was like the holding tank, you know, is it
is it gonna be? Is it gonna be like prison?

Speaker 2 (01:12:06):
Is it gonna be?

Speaker 1 (01:12:07):
Like?

Speaker 2 (01:12:08):
Is it gonna be? Are they? Are these people going
to be like like a prison? Like a selling made Yeah,
And some people in there do have that prison mentality,
and you have to I mean I don't check them,
but I'll be like, hey man, you have to live
that way no more. Yeah, that's a lot of people.
Will you'll hear that you don't have to live that
way no more? You know, And that means a lot
of different things, but that prison mentality sometimes is in there,

(01:12:29):
you know, because people do get locked up for drugs,
and we take people from from jail to treatment a lot,
and we love it because as a person who was
locked up, going this is the help I need for
my mental problem, Like I I need help. And I
think that's a good thing to get people who are
locked up for drug charges would be alcohol, meth, whatever,

(01:12:52):
and to get them in a place where they can
help them. I think that's huge for society. For your kid, Yeah,
your kid, I said, your kid. You're listening right now.
Your kid, your husband, your wife, your grandma, everybody. We've
taken eighty I took an eighty five year old over
to Detroit one time woman then had to go pick
her up a week later because she had COVID drove
the wreck as she had COVID in the back seat.

(01:13:14):
Oh wow, yeah, that's I mean. We've taken many people
that have full blown COVID right on in the start
of COVID, you know, and it's just like, oh damn, okay,
we'll get them there. But I don't even know what
I was talking about now. That get the old thing yeah,
I don't know. Life is great though, it's beautiful. And

(01:13:35):
I did remember something I was talking about earlier that
I didn't want to mention before we in the podcast,
and I was talking about the gamblers and if there's dope,
you know, the tolerance, and I do remember hearing that
for them, steaks have to get higher. Yeah you know where,
Oh this black giant, it's not it's just not good enough.
I got to go to the other tables where the

(01:13:55):
stakes may be higher. Or yeah, this thing. I was
watching a movie on this stuff. But anyway, it was
crazy and that they were talking to this one guy
who was gambling addict and he had he was just
want nuts and almost blew his whole retirement family all that.
It's so similar to the to the alcohol person. But

(01:14:17):
then he got his stuff together and become an alcoholic.
That's what he said. Just like that. He was like,
got my stuff together. I wasn't gambling no more, but
I substituted. He turned to drinking, and then he went
back to gambling, and now he was gambling and drinking,
and so he's like that was even worse, you know,
but he ended up he had when he did the
movie or whatever. He had five years cleaned from everything,

(01:14:38):
so that was good. But like, you gotta be careful
of the substitutions. And oh, I'll just do this, so
I'll just smoke pot. People have said that, and it's like, okay,
well I can't smoke pott it because I tried that
method too. I'll just smoke pot and let me right
back to alcohol. Oh yeah, yeah yeah.

Speaker 3 (01:14:52):
And that's another that was another thing too, And I'm
glad you brought that up because I had someone had
asked me to even whenever I got out of the hospital,
because you know, I smoked weed too. I mean I
whenever I first started. I was a straight up pothead, really,
I mean and whenever, and I still was a pothead,

(01:15:16):
but not like I wasn't like, you know, oh, let
me go, you know, smoke, smoke four or five bunths
or how or however I chose to do it. And
I remember getting out of the hospital and whenever I said,
you know, I can't. I can't drink no more, No,
absolutely not. And someone had asked me, well, are you

(01:15:40):
still going to smoke weed?

Speaker 1 (01:15:41):
No?

Speaker 3 (01:15:44):
Why would I? And I always and I said, because
it's like and I think about it back whenever I
was an alcoholic, that whenever I would smoke weed and drink,
smoking weed actually made me want to drink more.

Speaker 2 (01:16:05):
So It's like, well, would.

Speaker 3 (01:16:08):
I if I, you know, take a hit off of
a half of a joint after being sober for nine months?
Is it going to trigger me into going to the
liquor store while I'm up in Traverse City to go to.

Speaker 2 (01:16:22):
Go get a bottle? Nobody will know? Yeah, yeah, nobody, Yeah,
nobody will know.

Speaker 1 (01:16:28):
No.

Speaker 2 (01:16:28):
One doesn't know me up here. And that was enough.

Speaker 3 (01:16:32):
I thought that I was sinking on the way up here,
was like, well, I mean, yeah, I'm I'm up here.
I can you know. I could drink if I wanted to,
But I'm not going to because why would I go
back to the to to this same broken cycle that
I've already been in. And I already know what's going

(01:16:53):
to happen if I keep drinking. Because there, like I said,
there was there was no there was no limit for me,
and they always and I've learned that. And I've seen
a quote on Facebook, because I follow all these recovery
addiction groups, and I've seen one on there, a quote

(01:17:16):
on there. It says, the man takes the drink, their
drink takes the drink, and then the drinks take the man.
And I think about that, and it was, you know, yeah,
I take one drink, and then that first drink could
make me want to take, you know, another drink, and
then before you know it, the drinks have already taken me,

(01:17:39):
taken my life, taken, taken every bit of everything I have.
And for what recovery has given me back, it's given
me back weight, so much more than what alcohol was
giving me giving me. And it was, you know, it's
a bit, it's it's man, it's such a good feeling

(01:18:03):
because you can't it's like you know how you think
of uh, you know how you think of like many
feel so good but you don't know like why, But
I mean, with being in recovery, it's like I feel
so good. It's just I don't know if it's just
because I've been in recovery for so long, or if
it's like you know, I know, I know, I don't

(01:18:25):
have that urge to drink anymore. And a couple of months,
it was a couple it was, I want to say,
maybe a couple of weeks ago, I went to the
store after going to the gym, just you know, to
UH to get groceries, and I was going by the
UH by the alcohol liquor section, and I looked and

(01:18:50):
it was like, you know, the more that I get
further into recovery and think about my sobriety and how
far I came, the less appealing that alcohol section is
to me.

Speaker 2 (01:19:02):
I used to get sick. I like, I almost vomit
when I would see it just a thought because it
was that very bottom shelf vodka that I just think,
I don't even to think about it because it makes
me want to puke. Yeah. So yeah, like just seeing that,
you know, it's not fun and that brings back bad times.
And the reason why I think we appreciate life so
much is because we we went through the dark, and

(01:19:23):
you have to go through the dark to appreciate that light,
you know, like people that didn't go through the struggles
we went through. And there are people that went through
million times as the struggles that we went through and
that see the light even brighter than we do. So
I'm not saying that, hey, we're the greatest people ever
because we used to be alcoholics. I'm not saying that,
But I'm saying we went through very dark times in
our lives, times that we thought we probably would never

(01:19:45):
get out of, and we did. And now we got
out and we have changed our lives and we are
living better and life is happening to like real life
is happening to us now and we appreciate it. And
it scares me. There's a lot of things that scared
me about it because I know how much I have

(01:20:07):
to lose now, you know. And yeah, but it's a
great feeling, like we could go to the bar right
now and go in there and just get people help,
Like wouldn't that be fun? Oh yeah, Like I mean,
I want to help everybody, anybody. Like there's people I
see walking on the street sometimes I'm like, man, I
should stop and get that guy some help, because I
want everybody to feel this, and especially when it comes

(01:20:28):
to people that I know, and people from water vel
Eat and Coloma and Hartford will reach out to you
because you're posting that stuff. And there was a guy,
Jason Voter. I saw him and I remember I was
driving home from Grand rap As after I took someone
to treatment that it had nothing to do with too
seven I mean that was in my active addiction back then,
and I saw him post on Facebook. I was driving
and I'm looking at my phone and he had posted

(01:20:49):
that he had so many days sober, and I'm like,
lucky bastard. I remember thinking of that. But we ended
up talking and he's been on the podcast a few times,
but I think he's got it like nine years now. Wow.
But but it's crazy because I reached out to him later.
You know, it wasn't for help, but but it was
to tell him that his message that I saw that
day didn't it did impact me, you know, so all

(01:21:11):
those people that whatever, dude like I'm following me then
like I don't care, Like that's what and yeah, and
it was whenever people say that, and you never know
who's going to see it. Yeah, you never know who's
going to see it. And it's like it might be someone.

Speaker 3 (01:21:27):
That has that has a problem that sees it and
they're like, I'm out alone.

Speaker 2 (01:21:33):
I'm not alone.

Speaker 3 (01:21:34):
And I might have and I've had might have had
one per I've had some people asked me, well, where'd
you go to rehab at? And I I tell him,
I went up to Traverse City and I I and
they said, well, what made you go up there? And
it's like, because I wanted to you know, I needed

(01:21:56):
first and foremost I wanted I didn't want no one
to know me.

Speaker 2 (01:22:02):
Pretty much like you said.

Speaker 3 (01:22:04):
And then it was like I needed to break from
Southwest Michigan. And they in they had told me, you know,
asked me like you know, then people and then there's
other people ask me, well, what made you want to
get sober? Because I wanted to have a life. I

(01:22:25):
didn't have a life whenever I was whenever I was drinking,
and I thought, I mean, and that's the crazy thing
with alcohol is that you know, it makes you think
all these things, but it's not it's not, you know,
not necessarily true. Like it makes you think, oh, well,

(01:22:46):
you're capable of doing that and anything and everything, and
you can do this or you can have a good life. No,
you can't have a good life, especially whenever you don't
know that you don't know your limit. And I and
I've said this to people, and it's like, you know,
there are some people out there that need help and recovery,

(01:23:10):
need the help and the recovery like like like how
I needed it, And it's not for those that need it.
It's for those that want it. Yeah, Like I can
tell someone you know off the streets like, hey, you
you need help. You need you have a serious struck

(01:23:30):
problem or a serious alcohol problem. You need to go
get help. I can't make that person go get help.
They have to want it first.

Speaker 2 (01:23:38):
Yeah, he may not even know he has a problem. Yes,
that you know. And if you don't want it, if
you don't think it's a problem in your life and
it's telling you it's not, then who are you to
tell somebody? And that's that's what makes it so hard,
you know, when you're when people do reach out, then
it makes it easier because heyt listay're asking for help,
But that those other ones you don't know who's going
to see it, and you don't know it could be

(01:23:59):
ten thousand people. I think it's wasted time and it's stupid.
But that one person that sees it, you know, that's
what it's for. And yeah, you're you're just showing off
what you're you're living life, man, you know, like, yeah,
life's been and life's been Like like I've always said,
life's been been beautiful.

Speaker 3 (01:24:17):
It's it's more I appreciate it more now than I
did back then, because I I easily could have not
have went to the hospital. I mean I could have
easily not went to the hospital and gotten the help
and found out you know, oh, well you have alcohol.

(01:24:38):
You have thorrosis of the liver from heavy alcohol usage.
And then I remember, I remember a couple couple months
after getting out of the hospital or not hospitals to
say I rehab I had uh hadn't had an inset.

(01:24:59):
And this is what scared you know, scares me, you know,
scares me makes me want to do more, do more
as far as getting staying sober, is you know, because
of my health, Like my health has been one of
the number one things that gives me. The anxiety, the
depression that I've been been you know, fighting and going through.

(01:25:22):
And a couple of months, you know, back in April,
I had an incidant where I just you know started
you know, not to get you know, too descriptive, but
you know I started getting you know, start throwing thrown
up blood and went to the hospital and they and

(01:25:43):
they said that you know, my with having I guess
they said that with uh, with having the uh, the cirrhosis.
It leads to like the esophageal verses like in u esophagus.
And I was at grade two and they said that
if I and one of them was pretty much about

(01:26:04):
the rupture and meaning that it was, you know, I
could have I could have bled out in my sleep.

Speaker 2 (01:26:10):
Family could have bled out in my sleep. And they
had said, you know, you know, you probably would have
bled out your sleep and most likely could have died.
That's that was one thing that scared me. And then
as a matter of fact, and then just.

Speaker 3 (01:26:29):
Before that March, I went to seeing a liver transplant
clinic up in Grand Rapids just to talk a little
bit more about my liver. And they said, had you have,
you know, not stopped, you would you would have needed
a liver transplant to have any chance of survival. And
they talked about the scoring chart with liver disease and

(01:26:55):
they and with being you know, six being the lowest,
forty being the highest, you know, and then between fifteen
and forty would put you on the list for a transplant.
I was out of twenty five back then, and they
said that you most likely wouldn't need to have a
transplant back then. But then they said, well, you know,

(01:27:19):
with your with staying sobers, you know, staying active, keeping
your body healthy. You're now back down two and eleven.
And that was and that was like one of the
a good feeling, but it also still scared me because
it's like a transplant and I've looked, you know, I honestly,

(01:27:44):
I honestly looked up on YouTube about a transplant. I
was like, oh shoot, I was like, I yeah, I'm
And then just a couple of weeks ago, I went
to go see a cardiologist and they and they're just
you know, talking about my heart and they they I

(01:28:05):
can't remember the exact name of what it is, but
they asked me, well, when did you start having these
symptoms or when did you start going to the hospital
for your cirrhosis as I went back in November, and
they said, had you not went, then you most likely
would have been in heart failure right now and you

(01:28:29):
potentially could have been dead or be dying. And I
and that's still, like I said, the health, My health
has been the number one thing that scares me to
death almost every single day because it's like I don't
know if I'm going to you know, if I'm going
to survive That's why I'm so more passionate every day

(01:28:51):
about you know, staying sober and making all the you know,
all the posts I make about you know, recovery is possible,
and I want people to know that it's possible. It's
just all about changing your whole perspective on life and
taking that first step forward, because I'd much rather have

(01:29:14):
the worst sober day than the best drunk night.

Speaker 2 (01:29:19):
Yeah yeah, or worst sober day is way better. Yes.
And I'll tell you, man, it's great to see again
you've lost a lot of way you're you're doing things.
And that's the other thing too.

Speaker 3 (01:29:30):
Like everyone's like it's funny because I, uh just the
day before I came up here, I uh went to
uh went to the gas station to get fill my
fill the car up before heading up here. And it
was a gas station where I always I say my
go to gas station because that's where I went to

(01:29:52):
go get my alcohol. And the gentleman was.

Speaker 2 (01:29:56):
Like, is that you. I was like, yeah, that yeah,
it's me. He's like, you look good. You lost the way.
I was like, yeah, man, I had to quit drinking.
It's either I quit drinking or I was gonna die. Yeah.
People don't. People don't. I guess some people realize, but
it really swells your face up. Oh, it does big time.

Speaker 3 (01:30:16):
And I mean even posting like like before and after
photos of like before photos of whenever I was and
you know, an alcoholic to me now, it's like people
they're like, I can hardly recognize you. And as a
matter of fact, the whenever I went up and visited

(01:30:39):
the uh the facility I was in, I actually stopped
there yesterday and I'm gonna stop back over there again
later today. And uh, yesterday I stopped there, talked to
one of the navigators and he didn't He hardly recognized
me until I started, you know, I started talking to

(01:31:01):
and he's like, I thought that was you. You look
amazing you. You look so much healthier. And he even
said that you look way better now and you did
whenever you first were in treatment. Yeah, And it was
like it was like, yeah, man, I'm just taking care

(01:31:21):
of myself, taking care of you know what's most important
to me now and that's life.

Speaker 2 (01:31:27):
Well, you keep on doing that, and I don't know,
next time when you come up you have to pop
in do another podcast. Okay, this on your goals and
your dreams and your visions and we'll do all that
stuff next time, but do this good scene. Yeah, I'm
glad that you came back. And yeah, it's fun. I
love it when people get it and you can have
that same feeling of like.

Speaker 3 (01:31:45):
Yes, it's always amazing to talk to somebody who had
the same struggles as you, because it's like, you know,
you could have been you could benefit from something that
I say, or I can benefit something from what you said,
and it's just it's you know, it's just amazing talking to,
you know, to other recovering alcoholics, because it's like you

(01:32:10):
never know what you say might be their survival guide.
And that's how I always say, is that, you know,
first year of sobriety and recovery is all about survival.

Speaker 2 (01:32:21):
Man, Yeah it is. You got too. But I'm proud
of you, man, and I appreciate you coming to see
me and there showing on the podcast. Yeah, thanks, it
is awesome. Appreciate you well. Thanks and be in touch
and we'll do part two next time. Oh yeah, it's
part two.

Speaker 1 (01:32:40):
Thanks for listening to the two seventeen Recovery podcast. Listen
to over nine hundred episodes on the two seventeen recovery
app that's free in your app store or online at
two seventeen recovery dot com.