June 5, 2025 • 42 mins
Have you ever caught yourself scrolling through social media and suddenly feeling inadequate? Or glanced sideways at a colleague's success while trying to stay in your lane? The comparison trap has a sneaky way of creeping into our lives, stealing our joy and zapping our confidence in milliseconds.
In this deeply relatable conversation, we unpack the various ways comparison manifests in our lives – from coveting the seemingly perfect lives of social media influencers to measuring ourselves against colleagues' successes and even comparing our current selves to who we once were. We explore how comparison operates on multiple levels and why it can feel so difficult to escape its clutches.
The discussion takes an honest turn as we share personal struggles with comparison and the self-doubt that follows. We examine how social media creates unrealistic benchmarks for success and happiness, showcasing curated versions of reality that nobody – not even the influencers themselves – can actually maintain. But this isn't just about identifying the problem; we offer practical strategies to break free: unfollowing accounts that trigger negative feelings, focusing on your unique journey, practicing gratitude, and celebrating others' successes without feeling diminished.
Perhaps most powerfully, we discuss the importance of extending grace to ourselves. As one host notes, "The comparison trap is the opposite of grace." Learning to accept where we are right now doesn't mean giving up on growth – it means acknowledging our humanity and treating ourselves with the compassion we'd easily offer others.
Ready to break free from the comparison trap? Listen now, and remember this powerful affirmation: "My worth isn't up for comparison. My story is mine alone." Subscribe, share your experiences with comparison, and let us know what topics you'd like us to explore in future episodes!
Amy, Kitty & Stacey
P.S. Isn't our intro music great?! Yah, we think so too. Thank you, Ivy States for "I Got That Wow".
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:19):
All right, running, get me to the top.
Speaker 2 (00:21):
I don't need a and good evening and welcome to
another episode of threecocktails in make an appearance
yeah, we do have three.
Speaker 3 (00:41):
Yeah, she's my cocktail.
Speaker 4 (00:41):
Oh oh, she just wanted to make a cocktail.
Speaker 2 (00:45):
Oh, she just wants to make a dramatic entrance, yeah
evidently, evidently, yeah,cheers.
Speaker 4 (00:54):
Cheers, sisters and misters, if there are some
listening, and we know there are.
Speaker 2 (01:00):
There are Sisters and misters.
I love it.
Good evening everyone, welcome.
This is Three Cocktails In.
You've got Amy Stacey andmyself.
We get together once a week andhave these chats, and so two
years ago we decided to turn itinto a podcast and we're having
(01:21):
a blast.
So we cover lots of differenttopics and I just want to put
this in here right at thebeginning we do want your input
and your suggestions, so if youhave ideas for future episodes,
please send them our way.
Speaker 4 (01:37):
Please do.
Speaker 2 (01:39):
Write them.
Please do so today, ladies.
We are talking about a topiccalled the comparison trap.
Speaker 4 (01:51):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (01:56):
And this is different from imposter syndrome, and I
don't think we've ever reallytalked, have we talked about the
imposter syndrome.
I don't think we've ever reallytalked, have we talked about
the imposter syndrome?
Speaker 3 (02:06):
I don't think, really , not really.
We'll write that down as anepisode, yeah.
Speaker 2 (02:14):
We're going to dive into this topic that really
probably everybody deals with.
Everybody probably wrestleswith it at some point.
Whether you're scrolling yoursocial media, you're maybe
watching someone else's success,kind of glancing sideways when
you're trying to stay in yourown lane it's it.
(02:37):
The comparison trap has asneaky way of creeping in.
And let's, let's be real, it's.
It can steal joy, right?
Yes, absolutely.
Just suck it right out of youand it can.
It can zap your confidence in a, in a millisecond.
It can zap your confidence, um,and and your peace.
(02:58):
So kind of the big question iswell, what is it, what?
What does that mean to you guys?
Let's maybe, Maybe we'll startthere.
We're going to talk about whatdoes that mean?
Why do we do it?
What does it cost us and, mostimportantly, how do we break it?
How do we break out of it?
How do we push it away?
Because we need to?
(03:20):
So what does it mean to youguys?
Speaker 4 (03:31):
to.
So what does that mean to youguys?
I guess I look at.
When we started talking aboutthis as a topic, my mind kind of
went in three differentdirections, which is not unusual
.
You know the whole focus thingComparison with online media,
media via online media, whetherit's influencers or celebrities
or um people that I'm nearlyacquaintances with.
(03:55):
So that's one.
The the other was, um,comparing my life now to my life
as it was.
So comparisons in my own lifeagainst myself.
And then I also thought alittle bit about work and the
(04:15):
comparison, especially becauseI'm in sales.
We've talked about this.
You know we get, every timesomebody sells a home, they send
out the board of who sold what,and it's great because I had
got a lot of people that cheeryou on.
But at the same time, it can bevery frustrating to see.
Speaker 2 (04:35):
Yeah.
Speaker 4 (04:36):
So you know, to me that's a short term comparison.
So there's long termcomparisons, there's personal
comparisons, there's I mean,it's everywhere yeah, yeah, yep,
it is, it is, it is everywhere.
Speaker 2 (04:52):
And so I think it is good that I'm glad that we're
talking about it, because evenif we can, just if this episode
for somebody helps themrecognize the fact that they
they're doing it oh yeah, rightthat that that could be just
huge and being able to identifyit.
(05:15):
And then, of course, we have tofigure out ways to, you know,
squash it, but at leastidentifying the fact that, oh,
that's what's happening.
That's why I feel like shitwhen I pull up social media and
I look at so-and-so andso-and-so and these people who I
don't even know I don't evenknow them and we all know that
what we see on social mediaisn't necessarily real life but
(05:39):
anyway, being able to address itand acknowledge it and push it
away, what about?
Speaker 4 (05:53):
okay, we'll get to that.
Maybe Do you find yourselfcomparing to people that you
don't even know, that are onsocial media.
Speaker 2 (06:04):
I don't.
I can answer.
So here's one area where I do,and Bill hears this from me all
the time.
So, and maybe the biggestmistake, is that I follow these
influencers who are in theirmid-30s.
So they're all having babiesand they're printing money.
(06:27):
So let's just recognize thefact that these people are
living with different means thanwe did when we were in our 30s,
having babies.
So everything is gigantic.
You know, they're grandiose,everything is grandiose.
(06:50):
They're building thesemulti-million dollar homes
they're having.
You know, just everything isgrandiose, everything,
everything.
And what I find myself doing isfeeling like you know what I
hear.
These are the exact words thatpop into my head.
(07:11):
I could have been fabulous thentoo.
Speaker 4 (07:18):
You're fabulous now, sister.
You are fabulous now.
Speaker 3 (07:22):
And you were fabulous then.
Speaker 2 (07:30):
Well, just different, different, right.
I mean I look back and I'll goand look at pictures and I'll be
like what the hell was Iwearing?
What?
I mean, I don't know.
We didn't, we didn't have the,the fashion then that we have
now, and I know, I know thattime does that.
I mean fashions of the fortieswere different than the fifties,
(07:51):
but you guys know what I meanhere by this right.
Speaker 4 (07:57):
I get it.
I have to say that you couldnot pay me to live that life.
I don't find that to be acomparison that I'm interested
in at all.
I think back to when, if wewere to go back during that time
(08:18):
, raising kids being this great,I couldn't keep my little house
clean.
I couldn't keep my little houseclean.
I couldn't keep.
I.
I struggled on a day-to-daybasis to keep my shit together.
I am so thankful, I amroutinely thankful that there
was no social, because I now Irealize, 30 years later, I think
(08:46):
I had a lot of anxiety issuesand if I would have had to
compare myself then or live thatsort of life, I would have been
a complete and total basketcase, even more than I was.
Yeah, I think that those again,I think that a lot of that is
for show.
I don't know how you live thatlife.
Speaker 3 (09:08):
I don't know Beyond filming the time it would take
the pressure to keep it up.
You know all those things Idon't know how.
I don't know how they do it.
They have to have more helpthan we think do it.
They have to have more helpthan we think.
I'm guessing women of that agenow seeing it.
(09:32):
That's a lot to try to live upto.
Speaker 1 (09:36):
You know what?
Speaker 3 (09:36):
I mean Kids of that age.
Speaker 4 (09:40):
I look at the women who are going in to have a baby
and they're getting their hairand makeup done.
I'm like are you kidding me, Doyou not?
Realize you're going to sweatthat off in about six seconds
when it really gets into it, youknow.
So I feel bad that you findthat that is a comparison point.
(10:03):
Yeah, that you find that thatis a comparison point.
Yeah Well um, yeah, does itmake you feel bad?
Um, does it just irritate?
Speaker 2 (10:19):
you, it's, it's.
I find it to be mildlyirritating.
It doesn't make me feel bad.
I mean Okay, good.
No, I don't feel bad aboutmyself because I also.
I also say that there reallyisn't any time period in my life
that I would like to go backand live over again.
(10:40):
Because I do love, I do love,love, love this stage of life
that we're in.
Yes, so many reasons why, and Ithink we all agree, we all
agree on that.
So I mean, sure, there'sprobably there's a little bit of
jealousy in there, for sure,which I think is probably normal
, but because, because socialmedia is there, it's just so in
(11:06):
our face, and I mean that takesdiscipline.
I mean I really do, especiallynow that I'm working at home and
so much of my, so much of mywork is, I might, I mean my
phone is in my hand or my tabletis in my hand pretty much all
day.
If I'm not doing a show, I'm,you know, I'm working in the app
(11:28):
or on the website or whatever.
So I really have to disciplinemyself to not click on Instagram
, to not click on Facebook andjust don't, just don't go in
there.
Speaker 4 (11:41):
Okay.
So part of this conversation iswhat can we do about it?
To push it aside, I'm going tooffer up the idea unfollow those
influencers, yeah.
If it, no, if it is not servingyour purpose, unfollow them.
(12:02):
Yeah, I can understand.
Follow, like in your particularcase, following people that are
in the similar business as you,that are you know that you can
look at as mentors or or as howto you know to learn from that.
You're in the same stage, yeah,as them, but you're not having
(12:31):
babies, you're, you know.
I mean if and if it is a bother, I mean you can always go back
to them, but that's somethingthat we can choose to do all of
us.
If it is a bothersome thing toyou, unfollow them.
I mean, that's not just you.
Speaker 3 (12:52):
Yeah, my research on this topic.
Of course, I went to AI andasked the question you know, how
do you, how do you mentally notcompare yourself to others?
You know, give me some tips.
So number one was recognizethat everyone is on their own
unique journey.
So we're on a journey, they'reon a journey totally different,
(13:14):
right, you know?
And?
And, like you said, you knowthe little bit of jealousy part
and you know we don't know whattheir life is really like.
They show the good part, youknow, on social media, and
that's it.
I think a big one would be focuson your strengths and
accomplishments.
You know what you know, we'redoing what we're doing, and,
(13:36):
well, we don't need to compareto anybody else.
Yeah, um, practice thegratitude for what you have.
That's probably a big one.
And then the next one was limityour exposure to social media.
So that's what you're saying.
Um, you know, kitty, just youknow.
And, and again, we're all aboutsocial media, but, and like amy
(13:59):
said, move away from the peoplethat you know just seem too
unreal, you know, unrealisticmaybe.
Speaker 4 (14:07):
Yeah, or look at them with a little bit more critical
eye, not not to say whatthey're doing wrong, but, um,
what are some of the techniquesthat they're using?
What's the music that they'reusing, so that you can at least
garner something good, learnsomething from what they're
(14:28):
showing?
So it isn't necessarily abouttheir lifestyle, but it's more
about how have they been able toprofit?
Eyes, prop, prop.
What's the word?
Monetize?
Speaker 3 (14:40):
Monetize.
Speaker 4 (14:41):
There we go.
That was a George BushProfitize.
Speaker 1 (14:44):
Profitize.
Speaker 4 (14:45):
Monetize Um that lifestyle into current social
media.
Speaker 3 (14:52):
Yeah yeah, learn instead of compare.
That's a good one, that's good.
Yeah, yeah.
Next one um, celebrate othersuccesses without feeling
inadequate.
So, amy, your example from workyes, you get to celebrate what
everybody else is doing and thenyou think, oh shoot, you know
I'm not, I'm not meeting thisgoal fast enough for myself, and
(15:15):
that that is hard, you know.
Know that is hard to do to seesomebody else being successful
at whatever and not feeling downabout you know how fast you're
meeting goals.
Speaker 4 (15:28):
yeah, it's that I look at that as a short-term
comparison.
In our particular sales team,our vice president loves to say
that everybody gets a chance tobe flavor of the month, and it's
pretty much true that over thecourse of a year or over the
course of a few weeks, somebodygets on a roll and that momentum
(15:53):
goes and you are the flavor ofthe week or the flavor of the
month.
You got everything cooking foryou and you are the flavor of
the week or the flavor of themonth.
You got everything cooking foryou.
And so to look at that littlepiece, that little week or a
couple weeks that you're notwhere you wanna be, and to be
able to recognize that I'm doingthe work, I'm doing what needs
to be done, my turn will come.
Speaker 3 (16:15):
Yep.
Speaker 1 (16:18):
Go ahead.
Speaker 4 (16:20):
I just going to say perspective, to step back from
the emotion, because it'softentimes it's that first gut
thing is like why not me?
Why am I not being able to doit?
But then, to you know,sometimes I finally figured out
how to turn the bell off thatnotifies me when I get work
emails, because I was trainingmyself like Pavlov's dog.
(16:43):
I'd hear the bell and I'dimmediately get an upset stomach
.
I'm like what the hell?
Why am I doing this to myself?
So I turned off the sound forthe notifications.
Yeah, that's smart, you knowwhat little things can we do.
If it is, if we're unable toseparate the emotion from the
(17:05):
intellectual side of it.
Speaker 3 (17:07):
You know, yep.
The next point was setrealistic goals for yourself,
and you know that would that tome would be more personal.
You know set goals personally.
You know you get.
You get your work goalssometimes set for you or you
have to agree to something, butset realistic goals for yourself
(17:29):
.
You know you're not going to bea millionaire in a year.
You know what I mean.
Your social media may not blowup.
You know our podcast after ayear and a half isn't going
viral.
Did we expect it to?
You know?
Did we set that goal?
Speaker 4 (17:46):
I don't know, you know did we put in the work to
get it there?
Speaker 3 (17:49):
Yeah, there's, and there's a good one too.
Exactly, I think this is themost important one.
Remember that comparingyourself to others is often
based on superficial appearances, and I would say that's the
social media thing.
You know, they're not showingthe really crappy days.
(18:13):
Some do.
There are some influencers orjust people on, you know, tiktok
reels, whatever that are reallyshowing this is, how bad this
is today.
You know kind of things thatthose are the ones I like the
most, not just because I'm, youknow, haha, you're, you know,
really having a crappy day, butjust that it's realistic.
Speaker 1 (18:37):
Authentic you identify with.
Speaker 3 (18:39):
Yeah, yes, authentically showing what
they're, what's going on?
Yep, last one Seek support fromfriends, family or a therapist
if needed.
Where's Deanna?
There you go.
Speaker 4 (18:56):
The free cocktail's in Therapist on call right um,
yep, I think those were good.
Speaker 3 (19:04):
You know good things, to just remember.
You know, I wouldn't say um, Icompare myself to others and let
it, you know, let, let itbother me much, but these are
always good things.
Just to remember, you know noteverything on social media is
100% true accurate.
Speaker 2 (19:27):
Well, and this is another reason why our
friendships are so important.
I mean, hopefully you havefriends that you're not
comparing yourself to yourfriends and feeling bad about
yourself, and hopefully yourfriend group they are the people
who can you know.
If you are having a tough dayor a low self-esteem day or
(19:49):
whatever, there are people thatyou can reach out to and they'll
be your biggest cheerleader andthey'll pump you up.
And you know, and not everybodyhas that, which is unfortunate,
but that's you know.
As we're talking so much aboutfriends and developing our
friend network, that's a truefriend.
Speaker 4 (20:09):
That takes a lot of vulnerability and I think a lot
especially Gen Xers.
We're very stoic, we I got it,I'm fine, I got it, I'm fine, I
got it, I'm fine.
So to be able to, if you arehaving that low day, if you are
finding yourself comparing tosomebody else, for you to call a
(20:29):
friend and say I'm feeling justreally awful today, or I'm
having a bad day or I'm feelingblue, you've got to open
yourself up to somebody.
Yeah, and I think, whetherthat's a Midwest thing or
whether it's our age thing or awoman thing or whatever, you
(20:50):
have to be vulnerable aboutwhere you're at, and that
requires trust, but it's one ofthose circle things.
How do you gain trust if you'renot?
And that requires trust, butit's one of those circle things
how do you gain trust if you'renot authentically yourself?
How do you ask for help?
It you know chicken or the egg,it ultimately it doesn't matter
.
You you have to do it.
Yeah, so that you can havethose friends, and I think it's.
(21:17):
I think it's hard with family.
Do you find it's hard to get agood?
I mean, are my sistersupportive?
I'm sure your sister Stacy?
Speaker 3 (21:28):
you've got brothers, I don't yeah, but I think it's
harder with family than it iswith friends.
You know what I mean.
I would tell you guys way morethan I would ever probably tell
my family.
Speaker 4 (21:45):
Because they've got a different idea of you.
Yeah true, you know.
There's such a history there.
They remember when X Y Zhappened.
What are you complaining about?
I remember when blah blah, blah, blah, you know yeah okay, I
have.
I have a question.
So, in addition to comparingourselves to others, do you ever
(22:10):
compare yourself to whereyou're at now, to where you were
?
This is where I fall into it.
This is my big problem righthere.
Speaker 3 (22:20):
Okay, as in, it's worse than it used to be.
See, that's the.
That's the part I would.
I know Kitty's going to say oh,this is so much better because
she says it all the time.
I would say the same thing mylife today so much better than
you know, even 10, 20, 30 yearsago, so much better.
Speaker 4 (22:45):
I will say that I am a much happier person in general
now than I was at various times, but I do find myself thinking
um, my god, if only I would doxyz, I could look like, have
energy like.
You know, um, if I would havetaken this job five years ago, I
(23:11):
would have been where I'm atnow.
So I find that there is I don'tknow if it's comparison per se,
but a lot of looking in therearview mirror to see where I
could have made changes.
That would have made lifebetter now, equally as helpful
as comparing yourself tosomebody on social media.
(23:33):
You can't go back and changethings now again.
Identify and learn yes, yeah,yes.
Speaker 3 (23:46):
Well, my thoughts on that are first change is hard
and it probably takes us a lotlonger than it should to adapt
to the new yeah, no, I think,just to make the decision, to
make the change, that takes along time for me.
I'm speaking for you, but that'sprobably part of it.
And, just like you said, well,why didn't I do this five years
(24:08):
ago, right?
Two, I don't remember what.
My second, you know, here's theday.
Oh, second, are you, are wesure this isn't an aging thing,
you know?
Because sure, I would love tohave my, you know, 30 year old
body again, right?
Speaker 1 (24:30):
yeah, I'm not going back that far.
Speaker 3 (24:33):
No, you're not going back that far.
Well, I need to go back thatfar.
Yeah, pre-medicine oh yeah, youknow what I mean.
Is it that that's you know?
We just want to be younger, isthat what you're thinking?
Speaker 4 (24:50):
No, it's not a younger thing, it's.
How did I do?
Yes, I'm sure it's aging.
Our bodies are different, ourmetabolism is different, our
everything is different than itwas.
But I keep going back to.
Well, if I could just do X, y,z like I did six years ago, 10
(25:14):
years ago now, then I could, andI don't know that that's
realistic either.
I mean, do I beat myself upabout it or do I love myself for
where I'm at?
Speaker 1 (25:31):
Yep.
Speaker 4 (25:32):
Adapt to where I'm at and try and move forward.
Speaker 3 (25:39):
Yeah, yes and yes.
Speaker 4 (25:43):
I'm seeing some overlap again with the one thing
that we've talked about fromthe very beginning, and that is
expectations.
Speaker 3 (25:51):
Yes.
Speaker 4 (25:51):
Matching reality.
You know what we expect, whatwe expected when we started the
podcast, what we thought thisage was going to be like, what
the expectation was of quittinga full-time job, taking a new
job, being a grandma having kidsout of the house.
(26:11):
The expectation is differentthan the reality and I think
that that's very much true inthe whole comparison thing again
.
Speaker 3 (26:22):
Right, right, the whole comparison thing again
right.
Speaker 4 (26:27):
So when I say something, I'm looking to you,
two lovelies, to help me getover like still, I just snap out
of it.
You're anymore.
Oh, is that what you want to be?
Is 48?
No, I'm just saying that thatwas a year.
(26:48):
Yeah, I know.
Speaker 3 (26:51):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (26:54):
It's like.
It's like the saying aboutworry, worrying, worrying about
tomorrow robs today of its joy.
Yes, and so what you're doingby all of those things, if I,
just if I just that's sappingthe joy out of who you are and
(27:18):
what you are and what you aredoing right now, Now.
So ask yourself the question,and you don't have to share it
here.
You can if you want to, butlike what is it?
Is there like, if you couldpick one thing that you are
always thinking about, if I?
Just what would the sacrificebe to do that?
(27:38):
Are you willing to do that?
And if you're not, then stopbeating yourself up about it.
Speaker 4 (27:45):
Yeah.
Choice identification, choiceexpectations.
These are overriding themeswhere we just really have to
take control of our own life.
Speaker 2 (28:00):
Absolutely so.
One thing when I was you knowlike, maybe like six months
before I knew I was going toquit my job um, I would.
When I would be driving to workin the morning, one of my
favorite things to do wasdreaming about that day when I
(28:20):
was ready to be done and let itgo, and then what my day would
look like.
And I talk to myself likepretty much all the time so I
would.
It's good.
I think it's a good, healthything.
I'm sure you live by yourself.
Speaker 3 (28:39):
Who else is there to talk to your neighbors?
Speaker 2 (28:42):
probably always think that you have people over.
Speaker 4 (28:46):
My favorite meme is I don't know why you need other
friends, I would have thought myeight personalities are enough
to keep you occupied.
Speaker 3 (28:53):
It's so good.
Speaker 2 (28:54):
Yeah, yep, so I completely laid out my day and
it started with every morningI'm going to get up at and I
like to get up early, right, sothat's not the issue.
But I'm going to get up everyday at six o'clock and I'm
either going to but we have awhole workout room in our house,
right, I can work out righthere or, when it's nice out, I'm
(29:15):
going to go walk like I used toevery day day religiously and
I've maybe done it twice.
Speaker 3 (29:30):
Okay, well, that's putting it out there.
I mean that's, that's a hardthing to make yourself do but
does it bother you now that you?
Speaker 2 (29:37):
don't.
Well, it does kind of bother methat I don't, because because I
know I have time.
I know I have time to do it, I.
But you know, now, when I myalarm goes off at six and I love
to get up and make coffee Right, I love to, not just because
(29:58):
when I used to do that, it wasout of necessity you get up, you
, you work out, you race to getto work and you know and that
was that was the only time thatI could ever fit it in and then.
But so now it's like I justfeel like it's such a luxury to
have the alarm go off at six.
(30:19):
That never changed but then makemy coffee and relax a little
bit.
Check my messages, look at myday.
I don't want to wake up at sixo'clock in the morning, and so
then I don't, and then I getinto the day and then I just
don't do it.
And so this is where thatquestion comes.
Well, do you want it bad enough?
(30:41):
Because if you wanted it badenough, you would.
You would carve out the timeand you would make it happen.
Speaker 4 (30:49):
So I have two, well, and I have two thoughts about
this.
One, just because you're notdoing it now doesn't mean you
won't do it in the future.
Yeah, right now you're enjoyingthat me moment, that, like you
said, the luxury of having time,and I I think that you, that's
(31:10):
probably what you need.
You got up and and hustled yourbutt for decades.
Yeah, take six months, you know.
And and then the other thingwhich I always enjoyed when it
came to those walks is making ita social activity.
So, now that the bling boss ishome, maybe it's a walk you guys
(31:31):
take at night.
Yeah, maybe it transitions fromthis workout walk to this recap
of the day at the end of theday.
So, so you still get the walkin, it might not.
I mean, you know you can walkas fast as you want or as far as
you want, but I think that andI should take my own advice,
(31:55):
because I have so much time inthe morning, so much time, but I
don't go do it, but to look atwhat we want and see how it
works for us now yeah becausejust because this is how it's
working now doesn't mean it's aforever thing.
give yourself grace.
I think we are so hard onourselves about everything and
(32:19):
the comparison trap is there'sno grace, it's the opposite of
grace yes it is.
Because the comparison trapisn't inspiration.
It isn't looking at somebodyand trying to be inspired by
them.
You know, I would like tofollow their regime or whatever
(32:41):
it is.
It's usually they're better.
I'm not.
Why do they?
Why am I not?
Mm-hmm.
Yep, there's no trap, don'tfall in it.
Yeah, it's hard to be us, sohard.
(33:15):
It is hard to be in your 50s, a50 year older no well, and you
know, I mean like you said,kitty.
I'm sure that those women,those influencers, are comparing
themselves to other influencers.
Probably we know that youngerkids are comparing themselves to
(33:40):
other people on social media.
We know that neighbors alwaysnotice who's got a new car,
who's going on a vacationsomewhere.
I mean, yeah, gotta realizethat we're not living with them.
We don't know everything that'sgoing on.
Speaker 2 (33:58):
Mm-hmm, yeah, and this has always been a thing.
Yes, I mean you could go backdecades.
I mean we could ask our parents, we could ask our grandparents
what did it look like for you?
What does it look like now?
Speaker 4 (34:22):
It's a thing for everybody yeah, social media,
like many things, makes itharder because it's right there.
Yeah, yep, so maybe, maybe it'sa hiatus, not of total social
media, but, um, the things thatdon't serve your purpose.
(34:42):
I went through and I unfolloweda bunch of people, bunch of
people, last weekend.
A lot of them were, I don'tknow, celebrities or influencers
or whatever.
I'm like I don't need to know,I don't interact with them, I
don't, and you know what?
(35:03):
This is just a weird aside.
I've started seeing more peoplethat are actually people that I
know in my feed now.
Speaker 3 (35:10):
It's like I got rid of some.
Speaker 4 (35:12):
So now I've got more actual people I know showing up.
So I wonder if all the ads andthose sponsored things were
taking up space in my world.
Speaker 3 (35:25):
Could be.
Yeah, good tip of the day,there's your shot.
Speaker 1 (35:30):
There's the shot, get rid of 25 entities that you are
following and see what happens.
Speaker 3 (35:42):
There you go, there's a shot.
Speaker 2 (35:51):
Okay, well, we are at about time.
Anybody else have a shot?
I just so this is funny.
So I just started watchingSirens.
Oh, I did too.
Okay, so I pulled it up thismorning while I was having my
coffee, right, I couldn't get.
So Hulu is our live TV.
(36:12):
We have Hulu live and itwouldn't.
Something was funky with itthis morning Because usually I
like to watch the local morningnews from 6 to 630.
So pull up Netflix.
I start sirens.
Bill comes home from runningthe dog, he sits down and he
(36:32):
binged the entire thing today.
Speaker 1 (36:35):
So I got it.
Speaker 4 (36:45):
I'm only probably four episodes in.
I find that there's some cringestuff in there that I can't
binge it and stay true.
I need to take a step back.
I need to let it float awayfrom my train of thought.
Speaker 3 (37:01):
Oh, that's funny.
That is, I wouldn't haveguessed bill for, uh, sirens,
you know barney didn't make itpast the first episode and I
have the last one left.
Okay, that doesn't surprise meall he went and we literally had
this conversation.
Right after that one, he goes.
I just want.
And I said I know this is notfor you, I already know.
(37:23):
Yeah, I just want guns andshooting and it's like I know.
That's why I get tired of everytime just give me yellow stone
every time.
That's all.
That's all he wants to watch.
Okay, so we can always tellafter about a half an episode of
something new.
Nope, he's out, he's out.
Speaker 4 (37:46):
I think that we need to persevere, cause I found this
with myself Like it took mefour episodes to get into
Schitt's Creek and now that islike a classic.
It took me a couple episodes ofTed Lasso to get into it.
I now am thinking that I haveto watch at least three episodes
before I can decide that it isnot for me, because you can't
(38:11):
get into the meat of it in oneepisode.
Speaker 3 (38:14):
Yeah, first few episodes is character building.
You know, it's introducing thecast.
Yeah, yeah, oh well, I'll makesure to tell barney that he has
to give four episodes toeverything.
He'll three.
Speaker 4 (38:28):
he's got to go three okay three sure whatever but you
don't have to watch them allthree in a row because you could
easily get turned off by that.
Speaker 3 (38:35):
But yeah, yeah, but bill hitting the silence all in
one day.
That's interesting.
He must have liked it.
Yeah, I liked it too.
I'm liking it Like I said Ionly have part of the last one
left.
Speaker 4 (38:55):
I'm really looking forward to and I'm going to have
to get the Hulu pulled up,because I want to see that.
Speaker 3 (38:58):
Is it Nine Perfect Strangers?
Is that the name?
Speaker 4 (39:00):
of it.
Season number two yeah, okay.
Season number two yeah, okay.
I think both bill and barneyshould enjoy that, because it's
a no, it's, there's men in it,there's weird shit that goes on,
there's intrigue, there's alittle mystery.
It's not touchy-feely, youdon't think you'll go for it
stacy.
Speaker 3 (39:20):
oh, I know, because we started I started over on eps
on the first season just so hecould watch it.
Nope, we didn't Made it throughone, and that's nope, nope.
Speaker 4 (39:29):
Oh come on.
That's like watching onequarter of a football game.
I'm telling you.
Speaker 3 (39:34):
You're too soft, can you?
Speaker 4 (39:35):
turn it off.
No.
Four quarters in a footballgame, four episodes in a series.
Speaker 3 (39:41):
Yeah, he really liked Ted Lasso.
So it either has to be veryfunny and sports related, or
guns and shooting and mysterymaybe, or he'll go to the
basement and watch golf.
That's the choice.
Oh, because that's thrilling.
Speaker 4 (40:02):
No, there is so much action in a golf match Holy hell
.
Speaker 3 (40:09):
None Talk about wanting a gun.
That's why he goes to thebasement and I stay and keep
watching whatever we werewatching.
Speaker 4 (40:18):
Yes.
The beauty of two TVs, yes, andlaptops and iPads.
Speaker 3 (40:23):
And cell and iPads, and cell phones Yep, all right,
yeah, all right.
So, yes, we are all threethumbs up for Sirens.
If anybody's made it this farin this episode, give it a shot.
Speaker 2 (40:36):
Give it a shot.
Yep, I mean Julianne Moore,right, we love her.
Oh, is she not fabulous.
Speaker 4 (40:45):
Yeah, she is fabulous .
She's always so kevin bacon'sin it.
It took him a while to get intothe movie.
I think he was episode three,wasn't he?
Speaker 2 (40:53):
two midway through two or three I think it might
have been midway through two,because that's really all the
far, that's all the further.
I got today and then, oh um, Ihad to go to work oh yeah bill
just did nothing.
Speaker 3 (41:10):
The rest of the day did he put on?
Speaker 4 (41:13):
his slippers and make himself a cocktail while he
watched it.
No, he did not.
No, but that sounds good doesn,doesn't it?
Speaker 1 (41:22):
Yeah, all right, my dear friends comparing ourselves
.
Speaker 4 (41:27):
No, you're all fabulous the way you are.
Speaker 2 (41:30):
Yes, we are, we're spectacular.
Oh, I did have a quote.
Let's close with this quote.
My, my worth isn't up forcomparison.
My story is mine alone.
Speaker 3 (41:45):
I like it, I do too.
Perfect, perfect closing Good.
Speaker 4 (41:50):
We bid you farewell.
Speaker 3 (41:54):
It's a do.
I know it's a do.
I was going to say We'll seeyou next week.
Speaker 1 (42:15):
Bye-bye, We'll see you next week.
Bye, I got that wild, here I go.
Here I go, coming.
I can't ever stop.
I'ma tour the forest running,Get me to the top.
I don't need an invitation.
I'm about to start acelebration.
Let me in Brought a good timefor some friends.
Turn it up loud past ten.
All right, running, get me to the top.
Speaker 2 (00:21):
I don't need a and good evening and welcome to
another episode of threecocktails in make an appearance
yeah, we do have three.
Speaker 3 (00:41):
Yeah, she's my cocktail.
Speaker 4 (00:41):
Oh oh, she just wanted to make a cocktail.
Speaker 2 (00:45):
Oh, she just wants to make a dramatic entrance, yeah
evidently, evidently, yeah,cheers.
Speaker 4 (00:54):
Cheers, sisters and misters, if there are some
listening, and we know there are.
Speaker 2 (01:00):
There are Sisters and misters.
I love it.
Good evening everyone, welcome.
This is Three Cocktails In.
You've got Amy Stacey andmyself.
We get together once a week andhave these chats, and so two
years ago we decided to turn itinto a podcast and we're having
(01:21):
a blast.
So we cover lots of differenttopics and I just want to put
this in here right at thebeginning we do want your input
and your suggestions, so if youhave ideas for future episodes,
please send them our way.
Speaker 4 (01:37):
Please do.
Speaker 2 (01:39):
Write them.
Please do so today, ladies.
We are talking about a topiccalled the comparison trap.
Speaker 4 (01:51):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (01:56):
And this is different from imposter syndrome, and I
don't think we've ever reallytalked, have we talked about the
imposter syndrome.
I don't think we've ever reallytalked, have we talked about
the imposter syndrome?
Speaker 3 (02:06):
I don't think, really , not really.
We'll write that down as anepisode, yeah.
Speaker 2 (02:14):
We're going to dive into this topic that really
probably everybody deals with.
Everybody probably wrestleswith it at some point.
Whether you're scrolling yoursocial media, you're maybe
watching someone else's success,kind of glancing sideways when
you're trying to stay in yourown lane it's it.
(02:37):
The comparison trap has asneaky way of creeping in.
And let's, let's be real, it's.
It can steal joy, right?
Yes, absolutely.
Just suck it right out of youand it can.
It can zap your confidence in a, in a millisecond.
It can zap your confidence, um,and and your peace.
(02:58):
So kind of the big question iswell, what is it, what?
What does that mean to you guys?
Let's maybe, Maybe we'll startthere.
We're going to talk about whatdoes that mean?
Why do we do it?
What does it cost us and, mostimportantly, how do we break it?
How do we break out of it?
How do we push it away?
Because we need to?
(03:20):
So what does it mean to youguys?
Speaker 4 (03:31):
to.
So what does that mean to youguys?
I guess I look at.
When we started talking aboutthis as a topic, my mind kind of
went in three differentdirections, which is not unusual
.
You know the whole focus thingComparison with online media,
media via online media, whetherit's influencers or celebrities
or um people that I'm nearlyacquaintances with.
(03:55):
So that's one.
The the other was, um,comparing my life now to my life
as it was.
So comparisons in my own lifeagainst myself.
And then I also thought alittle bit about work and the
(04:15):
comparison, especially becauseI'm in sales.
We've talked about this.
You know we get, every timesomebody sells a home, they send
out the board of who sold what,and it's great because I had
got a lot of people that cheeryou on.
But at the same time, it can bevery frustrating to see.
Speaker 2 (04:35):
Yeah.
Speaker 4 (04:36):
So you know, to me that's a short term comparison.
So there's long termcomparisons, there's personal
comparisons, there's I mean,it's everywhere yeah, yeah, yep,
it is, it is, it is everywhere.
Speaker 2 (04:52):
And so I think it is good that I'm glad that we're
talking about it, because evenif we can, just if this episode
for somebody helps themrecognize the fact that they
they're doing it oh yeah, rightthat that that could be just
huge and being able to identifyit.
(05:15):
And then, of course, we have tofigure out ways to, you know,
squash it, but at leastidentifying the fact that, oh,
that's what's happening.
That's why I feel like shitwhen I pull up social media and
I look at so-and-so andso-and-so and these people who I
don't even know I don't evenknow them and we all know that
what we see on social mediaisn't necessarily real life but
(05:39):
anyway, being able to address itand acknowledge it and push it
away, what about?
Speaker 4 (05:53):
okay, we'll get to that.
Maybe Do you find yourselfcomparing to people that you
don't even know, that are onsocial media.
Speaker 2 (06:04):
I don't.
I can answer.
So here's one area where I do,and Bill hears this from me all
the time.
So, and maybe the biggestmistake, is that I follow these
influencers who are in theirmid-30s.
So they're all having babiesand they're printing money.
(06:27):
So let's just recognize thefact that these people are
living with different means thanwe did when we were in our 30s,
having babies.
So everything is gigantic.
You know, they're grandiose,everything is grandiose.
(06:50):
They're building thesemulti-million dollar homes
they're having.
You know, just everything isgrandiose, everything,
everything.
And what I find myself doing isfeeling like you know what I
hear.
These are the exact words thatpop into my head.
(07:11):
I could have been fabulous thentoo.
Speaker 4 (07:18):
You're fabulous now, sister.
You are fabulous now.
Speaker 3 (07:22):
And you were fabulous then.
Speaker 2 (07:30):
Well, just different, different, right.
I mean I look back and I'll goand look at pictures and I'll be
like what the hell was Iwearing?
What?
I mean, I don't know.
We didn't, we didn't have the,the fashion then that we have
now, and I know, I know thattime does that.
I mean fashions of the fortieswere different than the fifties,
(07:51):
but you guys know what I meanhere by this right.
Speaker 4 (07:57):
I get it.
I have to say that you couldnot pay me to live that life.
I don't find that to be acomparison that I'm interested
in at all.
I think back to when, if wewere to go back during that time
(08:18):
, raising kids being this great,I couldn't keep my little house
clean.
I couldn't keep my little houseclean.
I couldn't keep.
I.
I struggled on a day-to-daybasis to keep my shit together.
I am so thankful, I amroutinely thankful that there
was no social, because I now Irealize, 30 years later, I think
(08:46):
I had a lot of anxiety issuesand if I would have had to
compare myself then or live thatsort of life, I would have been
a complete and total basketcase, even more than I was.
Yeah, I think that those again,I think that a lot of that is
for show.
I don't know how you live thatlife.
Speaker 3 (09:08):
I don't know Beyond filming the time it would take
the pressure to keep it up.
You know all those things Idon't know how.
I don't know how they do it.
They have to have more helpthan we think do it.
They have to have more helpthan we think.
I'm guessing women of that agenow seeing it.
(09:32):
That's a lot to try to live upto.
Speaker 1 (09:36):
You know what?
Speaker 3 (09:36):
I mean Kids of that age.
Speaker 4 (09:40):
I look at the women who are going in to have a baby
and they're getting their hairand makeup done.
I'm like are you kidding me, Doyou not?
Realize you're going to sweatthat off in about six seconds
when it really gets into it, youknow.
So I feel bad that you findthat that is a comparison point.
(10:03):
Yeah, that you find that thatis a comparison point.
Yeah Well um, yeah, does itmake you feel bad?
Um, does it just irritate?
Speaker 2 (10:19):
you, it's, it's.
I find it to be mildlyirritating.
It doesn't make me feel bad.
I mean Okay, good.
No, I don't feel bad aboutmyself because I also.
I also say that there reallyisn't any time period in my life
that I would like to go backand live over again.
(10:40):
Because I do love, I do love,love, love this stage of life
that we're in.
Yes, so many reasons why, and Ithink we all agree, we all
agree on that.
So I mean, sure, there'sprobably there's a little bit of
jealousy in there, for sure,which I think is probably normal
, but because, because socialmedia is there, it's just so in
(11:06):
our face, and I mean that takesdiscipline.
I mean I really do, especiallynow that I'm working at home and
so much of my, so much of mywork is, I might, I mean my
phone is in my hand or my tabletis in my hand pretty much all
day.
If I'm not doing a show, I'm,you know, I'm working in the app
(11:28):
or on the website or whatever.
So I really have to disciplinemyself to not click on Instagram
, to not click on Facebook andjust don't, just don't go in
there.
Speaker 4 (11:41):
Okay.
So part of this conversation iswhat can we do about it?
To push it aside, I'm going tooffer up the idea unfollow those
influencers, yeah.
If it, no, if it is not servingyour purpose, unfollow them.
(12:02):
Yeah, I can understand.
Follow, like in your particularcase, following people that are
in the similar business as you,that are you know that you can
look at as mentors or or as howto you know to learn from that.
You're in the same stage, yeah,as them, but you're not having
(12:31):
babies, you're, you know.
I mean if and if it is a bother, I mean you can always go back
to them, but that's somethingthat we can choose to do all of
us.
If it is a bothersome thing toyou, unfollow them.
I mean, that's not just you.
Speaker 3 (12:52):
Yeah, my research on this topic.
Of course, I went to AI andasked the question you know, how
do you, how do you mentally notcompare yourself to others?
You know, give me some tips.
So number one was recognizethat everyone is on their own
unique journey.
So we're on a journey, they'reon a journey totally different,
(13:14):
right, you know?
And?
And, like you said, you knowthe little bit of jealousy part
and you know we don't know whattheir life is really like.
They show the good part, youknow, on social media, and
that's it.
I think a big one would be focuson your strengths and
accomplishments.
You know what you know, we'redoing what we're doing, and,
(13:36):
well, we don't need to compareto anybody else.
Yeah, um, practice thegratitude for what you have.
That's probably a big one.
And then the next one was limityour exposure to social media.
So that's what you're saying.
Um, you know, kitty, just youknow.
And, and again, we're all aboutsocial media, but, and like amy
(13:59):
said, move away from the peoplethat you know just seem too
unreal, you know, unrealisticmaybe.
Speaker 4 (14:07):
Yeah, or look at them with a little bit more critical
eye, not not to say whatthey're doing wrong, but, um,
what are some of the techniquesthat they're using?
What's the music that they'reusing, so that you can at least
garner something good, learnsomething from what they're
(14:28):
showing?
So it isn't necessarily abouttheir lifestyle, but it's more
about how have they been able toprofit?
Eyes, prop, prop.
What's the word?
Monetize?
Speaker 3 (14:40):
Monetize.
Speaker 4 (14:41):
There we go.
That was a George BushProfitize.
Speaker 1 (14:44):
Profitize.
Speaker 4 (14:45):
Monetize Um that lifestyle into current social
media.
Speaker 3 (14:52):
Yeah yeah, learn instead of compare.
That's a good one, that's good.
Yeah, yeah.
Next one um, celebrate othersuccesses without feeling
inadequate.
So, amy, your example from workyes, you get to celebrate what
everybody else is doing and thenyou think, oh shoot, you know
I'm not, I'm not meeting thisgoal fast enough for myself, and
(15:15):
that that is hard, you know.
Know that is hard to do to seesomebody else being successful
at whatever and not feeling downabout you know how fast you're
meeting goals.
Speaker 4 (15:28):
yeah, it's that I look at that as a short-term
comparison.
In our particular sales team,our vice president loves to say
that everybody gets a chance tobe flavor of the month, and it's
pretty much true that over thecourse of a year or over the
course of a few weeks, somebodygets on a roll and that momentum
(15:53):
goes and you are the flavor ofthe week or the flavor of the
month.
You got everything cooking foryou and you are the flavor of
the week or the flavor of themonth.
You got everything cooking foryou.
And so to look at that littlepiece, that little week or a
couple weeks that you're notwhere you wanna be, and to be
able to recognize that I'm doingthe work, I'm doing what needs
to be done, my turn will come.
Speaker 3 (16:15):
Yep.
Speaker 1 (16:18):
Go ahead.
Speaker 4 (16:20):
I just going to say perspective, to step back from
the emotion, because it'softentimes it's that first gut
thing is like why not me?
Why am I not being able to doit?
But then, to you know,sometimes I finally figured out
how to turn the bell off thatnotifies me when I get work
emails, because I was trainingmyself like Pavlov's dog.
(16:43):
I'd hear the bell and I'dimmediately get an upset stomach
.
I'm like what the hell?
Why am I doing this to myself?
So I turned off the sound forthe notifications.
Yeah, that's smart, you knowwhat little things can we do.
If it is, if we're unable toseparate the emotion from the
(17:05):
intellectual side of it.
Speaker 3 (17:07):
You know, yep.
The next point was setrealistic goals for yourself,
and you know that would that tome would be more personal.
You know set goals personally.
You know you get.
You get your work goalssometimes set for you or you
have to agree to something, butset realistic goals for yourself
(17:29):
.
You know you're not going to bea millionaire in a year.
You know what I mean.
Your social media may not blowup.
You know our podcast after ayear and a half isn't going
viral.
Did we expect it to?
You know?
Did we set that goal?
Speaker 4 (17:46):
I don't know, you know did we put in the work to
get it there?
Speaker 3 (17:49):
Yeah, there's, and there's a good one too.
Exactly, I think this is themost important one.
Remember that comparingyourself to others is often
based on superficial appearances, and I would say that's the
social media thing.
You know, they're not showingthe really crappy days.
(18:13):
Some do.
There are some influencers orjust people on, you know, tiktok
reels, whatever that are reallyshowing this is, how bad this
is today.
You know kind of things thatthose are the ones I like the
most, not just because I'm, youknow, haha, you're, you know,
really having a crappy day, butjust that it's realistic.
Speaker 1 (18:37):
Authentic you identify with.
Speaker 3 (18:39):
Yeah, yes, authentically showing what
they're, what's going on?
Yep, last one Seek support fromfriends, family or a therapist
if needed.
Where's Deanna?
There you go.
Speaker 4 (18:56):
The free cocktail's in Therapist on call right um,
yep, I think those were good.
Speaker 3 (19:04):
You know good things, to just remember.
You know, I wouldn't say um, Icompare myself to others and let
it, you know, let, let itbother me much, but these are
always good things.
Just to remember, you know noteverything on social media is
100% true accurate.
Speaker 2 (19:27):
Well, and this is another reason why our
friendships are so important.
I mean, hopefully you havefriends that you're not
comparing yourself to yourfriends and feeling bad about
yourself, and hopefully yourfriend group they are the people
who can you know.
If you are having a tough dayor a low self-esteem day or
(19:49):
whatever, there are people thatyou can reach out to and they'll
be your biggest cheerleader andthey'll pump you up.
And you know, and not everybodyhas that, which is unfortunate,
but that's you know.
As we're talking so much aboutfriends and developing our
friend network, that's a truefriend.
Speaker 4 (20:09):
That takes a lot of vulnerability and I think a lot
especially Gen Xers.
We're very stoic, we I got it,I'm fine, I got it, I'm fine, I
got it, I'm fine.
So to be able to, if you arehaving that low day, if you are
finding yourself comparing tosomebody else, for you to call a
(20:29):
friend and say I'm feeling justreally awful today, or I'm
having a bad day or I'm feelingblue, you've got to open
yourself up to somebody.
Yeah, and I think, whetherthat's a Midwest thing or
whether it's our age thing or awoman thing or whatever, you
(20:50):
have to be vulnerable aboutwhere you're at, and that
requires trust, but it's one ofthose circle things.
How do you gain trust if you'renot?
And that requires trust, butit's one of those circle things
how do you gain trust if you'renot authentically yourself?
How do you ask for help?
It you know chicken or the egg,it ultimately it doesn't matter
.
You you have to do it.
Yeah, so that you can havethose friends, and I think it's.
(21:17):
I think it's hard with family.
Do you find it's hard to get agood?
I mean, are my sistersupportive?
I'm sure your sister Stacy?
Speaker 3 (21:28):
you've got brothers, I don't yeah, but I think it's
harder with family than it iswith friends.
You know what I mean.
I would tell you guys way morethan I would ever probably tell
my family.
Speaker 4 (21:45):
Because they've got a different idea of you.
Yeah true, you know.
There's such a history there.
They remember when X Y Zhappened.
What are you complaining about?
I remember when blah blah, blah, blah, you know yeah okay, I
have.
I have a question.
So, in addition to comparingourselves to others, do you ever
(22:10):
compare yourself to whereyou're at now, to where you were
?
This is where I fall into it.
This is my big problem righthere.
Speaker 3 (22:20):
Okay, as in, it's worse than it used to be.
See, that's the.
That's the part I would.
I know Kitty's going to say oh,this is so much better because
she says it all the time.
I would say the same thing mylife today so much better than
you know, even 10, 20, 30 yearsago, so much better.
Speaker 4 (22:45):
I will say that I am a much happier person in general
now than I was at various times, but I do find myself thinking
um, my god, if only I would doxyz, I could look like, have
energy like.
You know, um, if I would havetaken this job five years ago, I
(23:11):
would have been where I'm atnow.
So I find that there is I don'tknow if it's comparison per se,
but a lot of looking in therearview mirror to see where I
could have made changes.
That would have made lifebetter now, equally as helpful
as comparing yourself tosomebody on social media.
(23:33):
You can't go back and changethings now again.
Identify and learn yes, yeah,yes.
Speaker 3 (23:46):
Well, my thoughts on that are first change is hard
and it probably takes us a lotlonger than it should to adapt
to the new yeah, no, I think,just to make the decision, to
make the change, that takes along time for me.
I'm speaking for you, but that'sprobably part of it.
And, just like you said, well,why didn't I do this five years
(24:08):
ago, right?
Two, I don't remember what.
My second, you know, here's theday.
Oh, second, are you, are wesure this isn't an aging thing,
you know?
Because sure, I would love tohave my, you know, 30 year old
body again, right?
Speaker 1 (24:30):
yeah, I'm not going back that far.
Speaker 3 (24:33):
No, you're not going back that far.
Well, I need to go back thatfar.
Yeah, pre-medicine oh yeah, youknow what I mean.
Is it that that's you know?
We just want to be younger, isthat what you're thinking?
Speaker 4 (24:50):
No, it's not a younger thing, it's.
How did I do?
Yes, I'm sure it's aging.
Our bodies are different, ourmetabolism is different, our
everything is different than itwas.
But I keep going back to.
Well, if I could just do X, y,z like I did six years ago, 10
(25:14):
years ago now, then I could, andI don't know that that's
realistic either.
I mean, do I beat myself upabout it or do I love myself for
where I'm at?
Speaker 1 (25:31):
Yep.
Speaker 4 (25:32):
Adapt to where I'm at and try and move forward.
Speaker 3 (25:39):
Yeah, yes and yes.
Speaker 4 (25:43):
I'm seeing some overlap again with the one thing
that we've talked about fromthe very beginning, and that is
expectations.
Speaker 3 (25:51):
Yes.
Speaker 4 (25:51):
Matching reality.
You know what we expect, whatwe expected when we started the
podcast, what we thought thisage was going to be like, what
the expectation was of quittinga full-time job, taking a new
job, being a grandma having kidsout of the house.
(26:11):
The expectation is differentthan the reality and I think
that that's very much true inthe whole comparison thing again
.
Speaker 3 (26:22):
Right, right, the whole comparison thing again
right.
Speaker 4 (26:27):
So when I say something, I'm looking to you,
two lovelies, to help me getover like still, I just snap out
of it.
You're anymore.
Oh, is that what you want to be?
Is 48?
No, I'm just saying that thatwas a year.
(26:48):
Yeah, I know.
Speaker 3 (26:51):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (26:54):
It's like.
It's like the saying aboutworry, worrying, worrying about
tomorrow robs today of its joy.
Yes, and so what you're doingby all of those things, if I,
just if I just that's sappingthe joy out of who you are and
(27:18):
what you are and what you aredoing right now, Now.
So ask yourself the question,and you don't have to share it
here.
You can if you want to, butlike what is it?
Is there like, if you couldpick one thing that you are
always thinking about, if I?
Just what would the sacrificebe to do that?
(27:38):
Are you willing to do that?
And if you're not, then stopbeating yourself up about it.
Speaker 4 (27:45):
Yeah.
Choice identification, choiceexpectations.
These are overriding themeswhere we just really have to
take control of our own life.
Speaker 2 (28:00):
Absolutely so.
One thing when I was you knowlike, maybe like six months
before I knew I was going toquit my job um, I would.
When I would be driving to workin the morning, one of my
favorite things to do wasdreaming about that day when I
(28:20):
was ready to be done and let itgo, and then what my day would
look like.
And I talk to myself likepretty much all the time so I
would.
It's good.
I think it's a good, healthything.
I'm sure you live by yourself.
Speaker 3 (28:39):
Who else is there to talk to your neighbors?
Speaker 2 (28:42):
probably always think that you have people over.
Speaker 4 (28:46):
My favorite meme is I don't know why you need other
friends, I would have thought myeight personalities are enough
to keep you occupied.
Speaker 3 (28:53):
It's so good.
Speaker 2 (28:54):
Yeah, yep, so I completely laid out my day and
it started with every morningI'm going to get up at and I
like to get up early, right, sothat's not the issue.
But I'm going to get up everyday at six o'clock and I'm
either going to but we have awhole workout room in our house,
right, I can work out righthere or, when it's nice out, I'm
(29:15):
going to go walk like I used toevery day day religiously and
I've maybe done it twice.
Speaker 3 (29:30):
Okay, well, that's putting it out there.
I mean that's, that's a hardthing to make yourself do but
does it bother you now that you?
Speaker 2 (29:37):
don't.
Well, it does kind of bother methat I don't, because because I
know I have time.
I know I have time to do it, I.
But you know, now, when I myalarm goes off at six and I love
to get up and make coffee Right, I love to, not just because
(29:58):
when I used to do that, it wasout of necessity you get up, you
, you work out, you race to getto work and you know and that
was that was the only time thatI could ever fit it in and then.
But so now it's like I justfeel like it's such a luxury to
have the alarm go off at six.
(30:19):
That never changed but then makemy coffee and relax a little
bit.
Check my messages, look at myday.
I don't want to wake up at sixo'clock in the morning, and so
then I don't, and then I getinto the day and then I just
don't do it.
And so this is where thatquestion comes.
Well, do you want it bad enough?
(30:41):
Because if you wanted it badenough, you would.
You would carve out the timeand you would make it happen.
Speaker 4 (30:49):
So I have two, well, and I have two thoughts about
this.
One, just because you're notdoing it now doesn't mean you
won't do it in the future.
Yeah, right now you're enjoyingthat me moment, that, like you
said, the luxury of having time,and I I think that you, that's
(31:10):
probably what you need.
You got up and and hustled yourbutt for decades.
Yeah, take six months, you know.
And and then the other thingwhich I always enjoyed when it
came to those walks is making ita social activity.
So, now that the bling boss ishome, maybe it's a walk you guys
(31:31):
take at night.
Yeah, maybe it transitions fromthis workout walk to this recap
of the day at the end of theday.
So, so you still get the walkin, it might not.
I mean, you know you can walkas fast as you want or as far as
you want, but I think that andI should take my own advice,
(31:55):
because I have so much time inthe morning, so much time, but I
don't go do it, but to look atwhat we want and see how it
works for us now yeah becausejust because this is how it's
working now doesn't mean it's aforever thing.
give yourself grace.
I think we are so hard onourselves about everything and
(32:19):
the comparison trap is there'sno grace, it's the opposite of
grace yes it is.
Because the comparison trapisn't inspiration.
It isn't looking at somebodyand trying to be inspired by
them.
You know, I would like tofollow their regime or whatever
(32:41):
it is.
It's usually they're better.
I'm not.
Why do they?
Why am I not?
Mm-hmm.
Yep, there's no trap, don'tfall in it.
Yeah, it's hard to be us, sohard.
(33:15):
It is hard to be in your 50s, a50 year older no well, and you
know, I mean like you said,kitty.
I'm sure that those women,those influencers, are comparing
themselves to other influencers.
Probably we know that youngerkids are comparing themselves to
(33:40):
other people on social media.
We know that neighbors alwaysnotice who's got a new car,
who's going on a vacationsomewhere.
I mean, yeah, gotta realizethat we're not living with them.
We don't know everything that'sgoing on.
Speaker 2 (33:58):
Mm-hmm, yeah, and this has always been a thing.
Yes, I mean you could go backdecades.
I mean we could ask our parents, we could ask our grandparents
what did it look like for you?
What does it look like now?
Speaker 4 (34:22):
It's a thing for everybody yeah, social media,
like many things, makes itharder because it's right there.
Yeah, yep, so maybe, maybe it'sa hiatus, not of total social
media, but, um, the things thatdon't serve your purpose.
(34:42):
I went through and I unfolloweda bunch of people, bunch of
people, last weekend.
A lot of them were, I don'tknow, celebrities or influencers
or whatever.
I'm like I don't need to know,I don't interact with them, I
don't, and you know what?
(35:03):
This is just a weird aside.
I've started seeing more peoplethat are actually people that I
know in my feed now.
Speaker 3 (35:10):
It's like I got rid of some.
Speaker 4 (35:12):
So now I've got more actual people I know showing up.
So I wonder if all the ads andthose sponsored things were
taking up space in my world.
Speaker 3 (35:25):
Could be.
Yeah, good tip of the day,there's your shot.
Speaker 1 (35:30):
There's the shot, get rid of 25 entities that you are
following and see what happens.
Speaker 3 (35:42):
There you go, there's a shot.
Speaker 2 (35:51):
Okay, well, we are at about time.
Anybody else have a shot?
I just so this is funny.
So I just started watchingSirens.
Oh, I did too.
Okay, so I pulled it up thismorning while I was having my
coffee, right, I couldn't get.
So Hulu is our live TV.
(36:12):
We have Hulu live and itwouldn't.
Something was funky with itthis morning Because usually I
like to watch the local morningnews from 6 to 630.
So pull up Netflix.
I start sirens.
Bill comes home from runningthe dog, he sits down and he
(36:32):
binged the entire thing today.
Speaker 1 (36:35):
So I got it.
Speaker 4 (36:45):
I'm only probably four episodes in.
I find that there's some cringestuff in there that I can't
binge it and stay true.
I need to take a step back.
I need to let it float awayfrom my train of thought.
Speaker 3 (37:01):
Oh, that's funny.
That is, I wouldn't haveguessed bill for, uh, sirens,
you know barney didn't make itpast the first episode and I
have the last one left.
Okay, that doesn't surprise meall he went and we literally had
this conversation.
Right after that one, he goes.
I just want.
And I said I know this is notfor you, I already know.
(37:23):
Yeah, I just want guns andshooting and it's like I know.
That's why I get tired of everytime just give me yellow stone
every time.
That's all.
That's all he wants to watch.
Okay, so we can always tellafter about a half an episode of
something new.
Nope, he's out, he's out.
Speaker 4 (37:46):
I think that we need to persevere, cause I found this
with myself Like it took mefour episodes to get into
Schitt's Creek and now that islike a classic.
It took me a couple episodes ofTed Lasso to get into it.
I now am thinking that I haveto watch at least three episodes
before I can decide that it isnot for me, because you can't
(38:11):
get into the meat of it in oneepisode.
Speaker 3 (38:14):
Yeah, first few episodes is character building.
You know, it's introducing thecast.
Yeah, yeah, oh well, I'll makesure to tell barney that he has
to give four episodes toeverything.
He'll three.
Speaker 4 (38:28):
he's got to go three okay three sure whatever but you
don't have to watch them allthree in a row because you could
easily get turned off by that.
Speaker 3 (38:35):
But yeah, yeah, but bill hitting the silence all in
one day.
That's interesting.
He must have liked it.
Yeah, I liked it too.
I'm liking it Like I said Ionly have part of the last one
left.
Speaker 4 (38:55):
I'm really looking forward to and I'm going to have
to get the Hulu pulled up,because I want to see that.
Speaker 3 (38:58):
Is it Nine Perfect Strangers?
Is that the name?
Speaker 4 (39:00):
of it.
Season number two yeah, okay.
Season number two yeah, okay.
I think both bill and barneyshould enjoy that, because it's
a no, it's, there's men in it,there's weird shit that goes on,
there's intrigue, there's alittle mystery.
It's not touchy-feely, youdon't think you'll go for it
stacy.
Speaker 3 (39:20):
oh, I know, because we started I started over on eps
on the first season just so hecould watch it.
Nope, we didn't Made it throughone, and that's nope, nope.
Speaker 4 (39:29):
Oh come on.
That's like watching onequarter of a football game.
I'm telling you.
Speaker 3 (39:34):
You're too soft, can you?
Speaker 4 (39:35):
turn it off.
No.
Four quarters in a footballgame, four episodes in a series.
Speaker 3 (39:41):
Yeah, he really liked Ted Lasso.
So it either has to be veryfunny and sports related, or
guns and shooting and mysterymaybe, or he'll go to the
basement and watch golf.
That's the choice.
Oh, because that's thrilling.
Speaker 4 (40:02):
No, there is so much action in a golf match Holy hell
.
Speaker 3 (40:09):
None Talk about wanting a gun.
That's why he goes to thebasement and I stay and keep
watching whatever we werewatching.
Speaker 4 (40:18):
Yes.
The beauty of two TVs, yes, andlaptops and iPads.
Speaker 3 (40:23):
And cell and iPads, and cell phones Yep, all right,
yeah, all right.
So, yes, we are all threethumbs up for Sirens.
If anybody's made it this farin this episode, give it a shot.
Speaker 2 (40:36):
Give it a shot.
Yep, I mean Julianne Moore,right, we love her.
Oh, is she not fabulous.
Speaker 4 (40:45):
Yeah, she is fabulous .
She's always so kevin bacon'sin it.
It took him a while to get intothe movie.
I think he was episode three,wasn't he?
Speaker 2 (40:53):
two midway through two or three I think it might
have been midway through two,because that's really all the
far, that's all the further.
I got today and then, oh um, Ihad to go to work oh yeah bill
just did nothing.
Speaker 3 (41:10):
The rest of the day did he put on?
Speaker 4 (41:13):
his slippers and make himself a cocktail while he
watched it.
No, he did not.
No, but that sounds good doesn,doesn't it?
Speaker 1 (41:22):
Yeah, all right, my dear friends comparing ourselves
.
Speaker 4 (41:27):
No, you're all fabulous the way you are.
Speaker 2 (41:30):
Yes, we are, we're spectacular.
Oh, I did have a quote.
Let's close with this quote.
My, my worth isn't up forcomparison.
My story is mine alone.
Speaker 3 (41:45):
I like it, I do too.
Perfect, perfect closing Good.
Speaker 4 (41:50):
We bid you farewell.
Speaker 3 (41:54):
It's a do.
I know it's a do.
I was going to say We'll seeyou next week.
Speaker 1 (42:15):
Bye-bye, We'll see you next week.
Bye, I got that wild, here I go.
Here I go, coming.
I can't ever stop.
I'ma tour the forest running,Get me to the top.
I don't need an invitation.
I'm about to start acelebration.
Let me in Brought a good timefor some friends.
Turn it up loud past ten.
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