April 24, 2025 • 46 mins
Raw vulnerability takes center stage as we open our hearts about life's most difficult decisions and their lingering emotional impact. Jay Shetty's quote, "Feeling sad after making the right decision does not mean that it wasn't the right decision," serves as our touchstone while navigating deeply personal territory.
Amy bravely shares her recent dating disappointment—how a promising four-month relationship collapsed when her partner discovered her photo in Match.com marketing emails and jumped to conclusions about her honesty. Her story uncovers the specific challenges of dating after fifty, when experience makes us more cautious but doesn't shield us from heartbreak. Her candid questioning—"How could I be this wrong?"—echoes what many of us feel after relationship endings.
In perhaps our most vulnerable moment, Kitty confesses about walking away from her first marriage at age 28, a decision that, while ultimately right, left lasting emotional impact. "The who you are at 22 is not who you were meant to stay," she reflects, articulating how personal evolution sometimes necessitates painful choices. Despite knowing her current life with her husband and son is exactly where she belongs, she still carries the weight of having hurt someone deeply.
Stacey's reflections center on parenting regrets—wondering if she was present enough during her children's formative years, especially through divorce. Despite raising three successful adults, the question of "could I have done better?" continues to linger, a universal parenting doubt that transcends circumstances.
What emerges from our conversation is a powerful truth: none of us had adequate guidance navigating these major life transitions. "There's no manual for this stuff," we acknowledge, highlighting how talking openly about these experiences not only lightens our own burdens but potentially helps others feel less alone in their similar journeys.
Ready to hear how three friends support each other through life's most challenging reflections? Listen now, and perhaps find the courage to share your own story with someone who cares.
Amy, Kitty & Stacey
P.S. Isn't our intro music great?! Yah, we think so too. Thank you, Ivy States for "I Got That Wow".
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 2 (00:19):
All right running, get me to the top, I don't need
a.
Speaker 3 (00:26):
Hello, hello, hi everyone, hello, hello and
welcome to another episode ofThree Cocktails In.
We are all checking in heretonight.
Speaker 5 (00:37):
I can see myself Okay , that's a good start.
Progress, right Progress.
Speaker 4 (00:46):
We might be 100% technology.
Speaker 5 (00:52):
You should have said it.
Speaker 4 (00:54):
Yeah, you and your woo-woo, it's going to be fine.
Oh you guys.
Everything's working and isgoing to continue to work.
Speaker 5 (01:04):
Casey's manifesting.
We're throwing out some woo woo.
Speaker 3 (01:07):
Yeah, I just want to say that I am taking great
comfort in the fact that Amy andI are not the only ones who
count stairs.
So whichever one of you putthat poll up or pose that
question, thank you, because Ifeel so much better about my
porkiness.
Speaker 5 (01:24):
Yes, that there's like one and a half other people
?
Speaker 4 (01:30):
no, no, there were only a few, there were a couple.
And remember our favorite, youknow, deanna, who was a guest,
was one that says going up butnot down.
Speaker 3 (01:41):
She says why but she even?
Speaker 4 (01:43):
questions like why, why I still do?
Nobody had a real answer forwhy any of you count stairs.
No, there's no reason.
Speaker 5 (01:55):
It's just a little rain.
Man in me.
Speaker 3 (01:58):
Okay, that's the reason, oh man and let's see
this episode drops.
When does this episode drop?
Speaker 4 (02:09):
Stacey Next week, oh, in a week and a half, I don't
know, like I don't.
Okay, yeah, so last Thursday inMay or in April.
Speaker 3 (02:24):
Okay.
So when we're recording this,we are just a few days out from
Easter, and so the questiontoday was fresh peeps, stale
peeps, no peeps.
Speaker 5 (02:32):
Yeah, you know peeps are my thing.
I love peeps.
Speaker 4 (02:38):
But I was surprised that you like them stale, though
I prefer them stale, but assoon as I bring them stale,
though I prefer them stale.
Speaker 5 (02:45):
but I got as soon as I bring them home I cut that bag
open and I have two.
I have a little confession.
We'll just get into a littletheme.
Little theme the other morningI hardly had any food in my
house and I had a little bowlyou know just a little packet of
oatmeal and I threw someraisins in, tried to get
something.
You know just a little packetof oatmeal and I threw some
(03:08):
raisins in, tried to getsomething you know healthy going
, and I had six peeps left and Iate all of them.
I'm like, well, I'm ready toget up and take a shower and go
to work.
Speaker 3 (03:21):
I'm envisioning.
I'm envisioning a bowl ofcereal with peeps.
Speaker 4 (03:27):
Did you cut them up all into your cereal?
Speaker 5 (03:29):
No, they were like my breakfast dessert, so I ate my
oatmeal first, and then Irewarded myself with six yellow
stale peeps.
I was like well, at least Iwon't eat them tomorrow, because
they're all gone now.
Speaker 3 (03:46):
That's a good way to look at it.
I was going to eat them sooneror later.
Speaker 5 (03:51):
What's the difference ?
Speaker 4 (03:52):
I don't know that that's an odd confession.
You know, when I was eating myGirl Scout cookies I
rationalized well, if I eat thewhole row today, what's the
difference?
If I have the whole row today,or I have half today and half
tomorrow, I'm still going tohave them all You're still going
(04:13):
to eat a whole row.
Speaker 3 (04:14):
Yeah, pretty much you guys.
Wouldn't it be nice if thinmints actually made you thin?
Speaker 4 (04:23):
Oh, I know that's a good idea.
Speaker 3 (04:25):
I so blame the Girl Scouts.
Speaker 5 (04:32):
But what if peeps made you peep?
So I don't think I'm buyinginto the food doing what his
name is Peep, peep, I don't know, isn't that the whole thing
Like the little chick, littlechick?
Yeah, you couldn't call themcheeps, that would be a really
bad brand name.
Speaker 4 (04:49):
It's really kind of dumb that now the peeps which
were a little tiny, cute, littlechick, are now, you know, blue
bunnies.
Speaker 5 (04:58):
Oh no, there's only yellow, only yellow bunnies or
yellow peeps.
Only yellow, only yellowbunnies or yellow peeps.
I do not partake in theHalloween peeps or the green and
red Christmas peeps.
That's sacrilege.
Speaker 4 (05:15):
Yellow peeps or nothing, so okay.
Speaker 3 (05:20):
That was a funny start.
So clearly for those of youlistening or watching, we don't
talk much during the week, soyou get to see each other.
It's like we've got to getthese things out.
Speaker 5 (05:32):
Yeah.
Speaker 3 (05:33):
Well, to the task at hand.
All right, we're going to talkabout something.
I mean really we hope thateverything that we talk about
here is relatable to everyone.
We're going to talk a littlebit today about regrets and
confessions, and I came across aquote today.
(05:57):
Jay Shetty shared it, and thequote is feeling sad after
making the right decision doesnot mean that it wasn't the
right decision, and it just, Imean, I think we all know that,
but it's really good to bereminded of that, because
sometimes we do feel that whenwe are feeling sad because of
(06:19):
something that we did orsomething that we went through
did or something that we wentthrough, we need to remind
ourselves that it doesn'tnecessarily mean that that
wasn't a good thing that madechange.
And so we're going to dig intothis topic a little bit today
and share some things.
Speaker 5 (06:41):
I can totally relate to that quote.
It was really hard getting thedivorce, shaking my entire life
up, and I was sad about it.
I was very sad about it, but Ialso knew it was the right
decision.
Yeah, and I keep thinking.
(07:07):
You know, know, it's springtimeand this is.
We've had the conversation, acouple years running now, about
new year's resolutions, and I'mnot a new year's resolution
person, but I tend to do someserious reflection in the spring
.
This is when it seems like newstuff, new beginnings, green
grass, getting a lighter feeling, maybe planning vacations,
(07:29):
things like that, and so this isthe time of year when I do my
reflection and I find myselfsingle again.
So they're lovely people and itjust this one has kind of been
a punch in the gut Because I didthings differently this time.
(07:53):
I'm trying, I've done moreself-reflection in the last five
years than I've done in thefirst 50 of my life.
I just, you know, you just goand do yeah, but I'm trying to
be thoughtful about decisionmaking.
I'm trying to, if you can,think about a bigger picture and
(08:16):
not get stuck on the littlethings, because we all make
mistakes and we hope to learnfrom them.
But I approach thisrelationship completely
differently than anybody I haddated thus far.
On that I'd met on match oreven don't even get me started
on dating.
In college there was no thoughtto that process.
(08:38):
That was all you know, hormoneand situation driven basically.
But I got really.
I was really, I want to say,careful and thoughtful and what
I'd like to think of asdiscerning.
This man was older.
(08:58):
I mentioned that that he wasolder, he was nearing retirement
.
He'd had a very he still isalmost, you know, he's still
working, has a very great, verylong standing career with a lot
of responsibility.
He I was, if anything, a littleslow in deciding how I felt
(09:20):
about, about the whole thing,but then I was like you know
what I really enjoy being withhim.
I really enjoy, you know, and Ican see the track that we
wanted to go on was turning outto be the same turns out, he has
some chronic health issues thathe let me know about early on
(09:44):
and he's had some issues overmaybe the last six weeks and we
didn't see each other very often, which is understandable, but
his communication pretty muchstopped and I don't do well with
no communication.
Yeah, I loved my mom dearly, butshe gave us the silent
treatment.
If she was mad at us, it couldlast for more than one day and
(10:07):
it killed me as a kid and Istill equate no conversation as
there's something wrong.
And so, you know, I brought itup.
I said, hey, you know, if weare going to be a couple and
move forward with this, I'mgonna have to see, we're gonna
see each other and are down andare down points.
(10:28):
And he's like I'm not used tothat.
I still want to put my you know, my best foot forward and I'm
like, but but don't shut me out.
I mean yeah, yeah, whatever.
So I thought we were over it.
he had another kind kind offlare up issue and said I can't
(10:49):
do, called me, said I can't dothis, I can't do my job, I can't
be in this relationship, Ican't take care of my health.
And then he said I need to tellyou something and I need you to
listen without interrupting me.
And then you can, you canrespond.
Okay, that's never a good signin my you know.
(11:10):
He said um, I got a marketingemail from match on friday and
your picture was on it.
So either you didn't go out,you didn't cancel your um
subscription like you said youdid, or all my sickness has made
you have second thoughts andyou got back on.
But that was just really hurtful.
(11:31):
That was Friday.
He waited to bring it up tillMonday and he'd already decided
I lied, I, I had canceled mysubscription.
Those things are three months,you know.
But I had my setting private.
I hadn't gotten a singlemessage from anybody since, you
(11:54):
know, way back.
I hadn't responded to anybodysince I decided that I was going
to date him.
I mean from the first date,once we had our first date.
I didn't see talk to dateanybody else all the way back in
December.
So here I am again, again inthis situation.
(12:15):
Where is he really sick?
Is he trying to blow me off?
Did I misread?
Am I stupid?
Am I gullible?
And this is just not where Ithought it was gonna be five
years ago yeah it makes you feelreally shitty.
Mm-hmm, it was the rightdecision because earlier that
(12:39):
day I kind of put out to you toothat I was thinking that this
might be the time that thisprobably isn't going to be a
good relationship.
And I was even saying, I evenasked you guys is it wrong to
break up with somebody becausethey're sick and they don't want
you to be any part of theirlife?
And you two never answered.
(13:00):
By the way, I'm just going tocall you out on that one.
Speaker 4 (13:02):
Well, that's a hard answer.
It is hard to answer.
Speaker 5 (13:05):
It is hard to answer and nobody knows.
Speaker 4 (13:08):
There's not a right answer to that, it's all
situational and I just feel likesometimes you know, were you
really wanting to know ouropinion?
Speaker 5 (13:22):
or did you just want?
Speaker 4 (13:23):
to Get it out there.
Put it out there, yeah.
Speaker 5 (13:29):
Yeah, yeah, yeah, I know.
So Stacy asked me today whatdid you ask me?
How ask that question?
Speaker 4 (13:35):
again.
You know, are you really, nowthat it's over, are you really
that disappointed because youyou know you have to start all
over now and and you know it's adisappointment and that or you
really upset because you'regoing to miss him specifically?
(13:57):
You know, is it the feelingswith him or that it's just over
and you got to start again?
That was, I think, my question,and I'm sure it's just over and
you got to start again.
That was, I think, my questionand I'm sure it's some of both
yeah, if you would have asked me.
Speaker 5 (14:09):
That night.
Afterwards I was so pissed offthat he thought I lied and he
did not really give me a chanceto.
I mean, there was no discussionabout it and I even started to
say something and I could justtell from the tone.
I'm like okay, well, I don'tneed to argue with you about
something you've already madeyour mind up about.
(14:30):
Yeah, and then today I wasreally starting to feel really
sad about this.
Really sad because I it's yeahof course I don't want to start
over, but at the same time, howcould I be this wrong?
Speaker 3 (14:54):
That I, so I understand the question and the
emotion of that, but we each areunique individuals and he was
putting forth what he wanted youto see in the first months of
(15:15):
dating, as we do.
I'm not faulting him for that,we all do that.
You were doing the same thinguntil you get to a comfort level
and then you kind of startopening up a little bit, and so
how long were you seeing eachother?
Four months.
Four months is not a very longtime.
Speaker 5 (15:37):
It is in the dating world at 50 plus years old.
You pretty much know way beforethen then, whether or not
you're going to try and datesomebody long I mean yes,
whether whether this person isworth the effort to continue
dating.
So usually in the first couplemonths you you are smart enough
(16:03):
and you've had goodconversations where you know we
are on track on big things.
We're going the same direction.
Yes, you're right, it's not along time to get to really know
somebody, but this is the timewhen you start to get to know
them.
Speaker 3 (16:21):
Yeah, yeah, and you did.
Speaker 5 (16:29):
And now, and maybe that was it, maybe that this is
how he is and that it and itwasn't going to be a good match.
Yeah, yeah, um my, you know, wetalked last time about how we
love those millennials and Gen Zgirls and I was having a
conversation with Georgia andkind of telling her about it and
(16:53):
she goes Mom, that really sucks, but I think you brought the
match stuff up so he didn't haveto feel like he was the bad guy
.
Speaker 4 (17:02):
Hmm, could be.
Yeah, maybe If it was thatquick of a decision for him.
Maybe it wasn't really, andhe's been thinking about it and
he found a thing and that wasthe end.
That was a way he could end it,yeah.
Speaker 3 (17:20):
Maybe I don't know, I would be kind of mad at Match.
Yeah, I'm super pissed off.
Yeah, now I'm assuming thatwhen you go through the
registration process and thesubscription process, that you
probably signed something thatgave them permission to use your
(17:42):
image in marketing, right, yeah?
Speaker 4 (17:45):
but also explain to people if you see your, your
profile and if someone wouldclick on you, then what?
What happens?
Speaker 5 (17:54):
okay, so I know this from prior times.
You remember my, my one buddythat kept that.
We went out with each other fora while and I knew that one was
not going to work because heanyway um well, he would.
He would occasionally pop upbecause I get the marketing
emails and and I don't have acurrent subscription, and so I
(18:17):
clicked on him because he stillhad the same wrong age that he
had a year ago when I had methim, which was four or five
years younger than he was a yearago, you know.
So I clicked on it to seewhat's going on and it said this
profile is no longer available,right, so he might not be on,
but they might just be sharinghis picture, which could have
(18:39):
been very true.
If he would have clicked on mypicture, it would have said this
profile is no longer available,right?
So, yeah, I don't know.
I, my mom, told me many, manybillions of years ago the grass
isn't greener, and I thoughtthat that was a horrible piece
(19:00):
of advice to give somebody whowas hurting and upset.
And damn, if that doesn't comeback every once in a while I go.
Maybe she was right, maybe itisn't, maybe the devil, you know
, is better than the devil.
You don't, I?
Speaker 3 (19:18):
I yeah, it's hard to so.
When she gave you that advice,I mean, we were young and there
are so many things that youcould not tell us when we were
20, 25, you know et cetera.
You just as much as we, asparents, want to pass on this
(19:41):
knowledge that we have as adultsto our kids.
You know I'm always trying tohammer.
I gently try to transfer thesepieces of information to Bo, and
you know that some he takes andsome he doesn't, and don't
don't you just wish that youcould package up all of the
knowledge and experience that wehave and just pop it right into
(20:04):
their little brains so thatthey don't have to go through
some of this shit that we wentthrough, and I know that's all
life and they have to go throughthe things that we went through
as well.
But, yeah, it's.
Yeah, that was.
Speaker 5 (20:21):
That was good advice, but it's hard to take it's hard
to be on the receiving end ofthat as a young person.
Yeah Well, yeah, we'll justleave it there?
Yeah, it is, it's hard.
It's really hard.
So I don't know I might behaving to look for a therapist
that I don't have to counsel.
(20:42):
If you want to refer back tothe therapist that I was seeing,
you know a while back that shewould have to take a minute and
think about it and then, like,stop crying.
Speaker 4 (20:53):
Oh my.
Speaker 3 (20:58):
I don't mean to laugh , but that is really hilarious.
Speaker 4 (21:00):
Right Gosh yeah.
So yeah, that doesn't seemquite right.
Speaker 3 (21:05):
Yeah, oh, sorry, amy, but you know what it?
It wasn't right, wasn't rightfor you, Wasn't right for him,
and so you move on.
Speaker 5 (21:18):
Yeah.
Speaker 3 (21:19):
Yeah.
Speaker 5 (21:20):
And it's okay to feel sad about it, for whatever the,
even when you don't know whatthe real Right, yep, yeah, well,
and that's so.
Speaker 3 (21:31):
That's kind of where my, where my thought process was
going, as I prepared fortonight as well, and so I'm.
I'm going to share somethingfrom my past that hurt for a
very long time and as I, as Iwas thinking about the topic of
regrets and confessions, I thinkthe confessions, I think the I
(22:01):
don't necessarily look, I don'tlook at this as a regret.
My confession is that I feelhorrible that I hurt someone
deeply many years ago, and I'verarely talked about it.
But when I was 22, I married mycollege boyfriend and I thought
that I was doing everythingright, checking the boxes,
(22:22):
building a life, um, but by 28,.
Um, I walked.
I simply simply is not the rightword I walked away, I just
walked away, and for a long timeI didn't talk about it.
I don't talk about it veryoften, it rarely comes up, not
(22:43):
because I'm ashamed of it, butbecause I didn't know how to
explain something so personal,so layered and so full of both
love and loss.
Because that's what it is it'sboth, it's love and loss.
And so I'm sharing that storytoday, not just as a confession
(23:09):
and not exactly as a regreteither, but just as a reminder
that the who you are at 22 isnot who you were meant to stay,
and I think that's what I wokeup one day and realized.
Speaker 5 (23:22):
Yeah.
Speaker 3 (23:22):
And sometimes choosing yourself means walking
away from a life that you oncethought was the life that you
wanted.
So the yeah, the confession isagain.
I said I hurt.
I hurt him deeply because itcame from nowhere and I didn't
(23:44):
even do anything to try torepair it.
I just said this is not what Iwant.
Speaker 5 (24:09):
I think that's a really hard age.
I think that in that of thatera I didn't know anybody, that
really went to any counseling.
I didn't know people.
I mean nobody talked about it,nobody shared that stuff.
You and I never even shared it.
Yeah, I mean a little bit, Imean you know, but and that is a
(24:32):
huge weight, that's a hugeweight to carry.
Speaker 3 (24:35):
Yeah, that's a huge weight to carry.
Yeah, and it took a long timeto forgive myself for it and um,
and I, you know so, and Iremember.
I started dating right away,even when I didn't want to.
(24:57):
You know, saying no, you justneed to, you just need to, not
why do you need to be withanybody?
And started dating right away.
And so then that relationshipwas strained because I hadn't
(25:18):
even I hadn't even mourned therelationship, that I just walked
away from.
Um, so and I, I reached out tomy ex-husband a few years later
and we went and had lunch ordinner or something and I just
said I just have to say howdeeply sorry I am that I hurt
you and and I mean he was sokind and of course you know he
(25:41):
just said it's it's okay, it'sokay, but I just said it's not
okay with me and honestly I wishthat I could apologize every
year, like once a year, can I?
just here's my yearly apologybecause it's because it's still
(26:01):
heavy.
It's still heavy on my heart,not because I know it was.
I know it was the rightdecision.
I am married to who I wassupposed to be with.
I know that Beau is the childthat I was supposed to have.
I love the life that I have, soI know it was the right
decision.
But the heaviness is knowingthat I hurt someone so much and
(26:27):
also like if we hadn't gottenmarried, maybe his life would
have gone a different direction.
Speaker 4 (26:35):
Yeah, but even after all these years, you can't
second guess those things.
Yeah, I don't think you know,and again, you know it's.
How do I want to say it?
It's too bad that you're stillfeeling that much guilt over it,
(26:56):
honestly, or have that manyfeelings and think it was only
you, you know, only your faultin it, which I'm sure it wasn't.
You know what I mean it's, butthat's how it goes.
Everybody you know carries withthem the same.
You know deep feelings forsomething that important.
Yeah, yeah, but like you said,it's turns out it's the right,
(27:20):
it was the right decision andI'm sure at that age and you
know when that was that wasextremely difficult.
That's what no one else youknow would understand.
Yeah, you know, either for you.
Speaker 3 (27:34):
So I I remember too when I, when I got engaged, and
I told my parents and they werelike and you know they they
loved him, you know.
So of course you know whatthey're not gonna say no, you
can't do this.
But I know what they werethinking.
You know they're like you'retoo young, but there's that
(27:56):
thing again they couldn't tellme that.
Speaker 5 (27:59):
Nope, nope.
I too was engaged to a collegeboyfriend for a couple years of
college and I did break that offduring college.
And when you come home at 20and tell your mom and dad that
you want to get married andyou're a sophomore in college,
(28:25):
yeah, yeah, so I waited until Iwas 24.
Speaker 4 (28:32):
yeah, did that work any better?
Speaker 5 (28:33):
no, well, yeah, I am.
You know.
It's interesting because, uh,my ex and I are still friends
and we've talked about it withour girls, um, or I have I don't
know that he gets into thesekind of conversations with um
but I do consider a 29 yearmarriage a success.
(28:55):
We raised three really smart,great girls that are doing well
in their lives.
We were great parents together.
We've managed the divorce verywell.
We've not put them in themiddle, you know, and I consider
(29:19):
that one.
I consider that a success.
Did, I think?
Does anybody go into a marriagethinking they're going to get
divorced?
No, nobody does so.
Speaker 4 (29:36):
Interesting.
Okay, well, that brings me, um,mine centers, right, okay, so
first, I was even younger thanthese two when I first got
married.
Um, not a regret.
Um, I will never say that itcan't work when you get married
(29:57):
that young, and even for all ofus it could have worked out.
My regrets, however, revolvemore around feeling guilty or
how that affected the kids.
Honestly, I was honestly justtrying to get through it on
(30:22):
myself for myself.
You know, sounds maybe reallyselfish and and less worried
about them at the time, if thatmakes sense.
You know how old were old, werethey?
Well, let's see, mallory was in, I think she was even out of
(30:45):
college.
Trenton was just startingcollege, he was no, he was like
end of high school, and Madisonwas eight.
So you know all different, youknow, but I would say a lot of
that and I could list off a lotof things, not just even because
(31:07):
of the divorce, but you know,at different times when I I feel
like I didn't pay as muchattention to them, or you know,
you know what I mean Communicateas well as I could have with
them.
There's a lot of, there's a lotof you know things within just
(31:29):
raising them.
That, you know, I, just in myhead, just like Kitty, says, you
know, after years and years,when it was even right, still
say, gosh, that might not havebeen the best choice or the best
decision.
You know what I mean?
Does that make any sense?
Just based on raising them,just general stuff, where a lot
(31:53):
of the time, where a lot of thetime, you know, not from a
selfish point at all, but morefocused on what I was trying to
do, even career-wise, or jobs,you know, spend too much time at
work and not enough at home.
You know, we've talked aboutthat whole work-life balance
type of thing.
That's where my regrets centeris, you know, and they all three
(32:19):
turned out fabulous, so I don'tthink I totally wrecked them,
um right, but that's probablywhere my biggest regrets, you
know, lie, and I wouldn't say,you know, that's a huge
confession.
Speaker 3 (32:34):
I'm assuming everybody kind of feels that way
, for, you know, as they'reraising their kids, yeah, I
don't know well, I mean, it kindof falls into that category of
the fact that we, when we getmarried, when we we have kids,
(32:57):
um, if there's a divorce,there's no manual for this stuff
.
Like how do we know, how do weknow what to do or what's best
to do?
You, you just do what you needto do to survive and you just do
what feels right for you.
So have you ever talked to yourkids about it?
Like, why, why do you?
(33:25):
Why do you think that you havethat regret?
Because, like you said, andyour kids are great, just like
Amy's kids they're grown,they're all married, they're
having families of their own,they're all employed, they're
good, productive.
Speaker 4 (33:38):
They're all employed.
They're good, productive people.
Yeah Well, in spite of meprobably they'll say no, we have
never all sat down, or even youknow whatever on how they've,
you know, felt now at this point, based on it being quite a few
years ago.
Speaker 5 (33:55):
No, we've never said, I had a conversation with with
one of my daughters a coupleyears ago, where I apologized.
I didn't feel that I understoodwhat she was going through.
I didn't, I didn't, I didn'tknow how to parent what she was
(34:16):
experiencing, and I am a glasshalf full, and so I did all the
you know, the stupid things thatdon't get to the heart of what
the child's issue was, and I gotyou know.
Of course she's like no, no no,you are fine, you are a great
mom.
(34:36):
And I'm like no.
I didn't.
I didn't do a good job for you,I wasn't, I could have done
better and I felt.
And I felt really bad now thatI'm older and I have spent some
time learning and thinking.
I mean, the only parenting bookwe had was what to Expect when
(34:58):
you Were Expecting.
I mean, self-help wasn't anissue, it wasn't a section.
I got a couple books forvarious specific things, but
there's no manual.
There's no manual and you havethree kids and they're nature
versus nurture.
(35:18):
They all grow up in the samehousehold completely different
kids.
Speaker 4 (35:23):
But oh yeah, I think that having the conversation to
just say I think that it's goodright, I don't know, and and
that piece of what I'm saying isback at that time we didn't
have, we didn't have aconversation.
It was just going to happen, andhere's what we're all doing,
(35:44):
and you know, you know there wasno suggestion even of well, do
you think you need to talk to acounselor or someone?
That wasn't a thought one.
That wasn't a thought, you know.
It's just, here's how it'sgoing to be and move on.
(36:05):
You know what I mean, which youknow, I, I'm sure, is
absolutely positive.
That's not how it should havehappened and should have gone,
but so, like I said, that's,that's the regrettable part.
Speaker 3 (36:28):
Well, it's good to talk about these things and it's
nice to have people in yourlives that you can talk about.
Them can talk about thembecause it does feel you know
you can alleviate some weightthat you might be carrying
around Well just to note.
Speaker 5 (36:47):
I mean, yes, we all know we're not the only ones
that feel this stuff, but ifnobody ever talks about it, you
just sit with it, right, gottaget.
Gotta get the negative out tomake room for the positive yes
yep, not saying that our exes oror these feelings are negatives
(37:10):
, but we've I think all three ofus have worked hard to try and
address it.
You know, recognize what it is,think about it, process it, see
what we can do to be betterpeople.
Yeah, you know, to make amends,if amends are necessary, mm-hmm
(37:31):
and set ourselves up forgreater success, yeah, Yep, this
is our natural, this is ourevolution, and set ourselves up
for greater success.
Speaker 3 (37:38):
Yeah yeah, this is our natural, this is our
evolution as people.
Speaker 5 (37:43):
Yeah and sorry younger people if you're
listening.
There's still shit to gothrough when you get to be old.
Speaker 4 (37:51):
Yeah, Well, if anything, it at least shows them
that you know whatever they'regoing through.
You know we've all either beenthrough it or know someone who
has, and it wouldn't you knowwhatever they're feeling or
(38:11):
whatever's going on wouldn't beunusual for sure.
Yeah, Especially, you know,know through marriage and having
kids and raising kids would be.
Everybody goes through the samething.
So, yeah, all right, I knowthat was a heavy one, this was a
(38:33):
little more heavy than normal Ido feel a little better good
good, better, yeah.
So what's your?
Um?
I know it's been too soon, butare you going to turn your match
right back on and and maybe gotry a different one I have to
(38:54):
make a whole new profile.
Speaker 5 (38:56):
That sounds really hard.
Are you going to make myprofile?
Speaker 4 (39:02):
No, we could, but you wouldn't leave it that way.
Speaker 3 (39:11):
Have you watched?
Any of Farmer Needs a Wife.
Speaker 5 (39:16):
Okay first of all, if I could reach through the
screen and smack you upside thehead, I would no.
Speaker 3 (39:23):
It's good, these guys are hot, these guys are hot I
don't want to move, let alone afarm.
Speaker 4 (39:36):
I think you would if you saw the farmer.
Speaker 5 (39:41):
Oh my heavens, farmers only.
Speaker 4 (39:46):
I think you would get plenty of suitors if you
changed your pictures.
You know to all be holding afish, no.
Speaker 5 (39:57):
I don't have a single photo with me and a fish and I
already get fishermen reachingout.
That is not what I want.
I need to.
I need to get some freaking.
No, because I don't want togolf.
Speaker 2 (40:09):
I was gonna say I need to pose with like a golf
club or a tennis racket,pickleball.
Speaker 5 (40:12):
But I don't do any of those things.
I have to be true and authenticto myself yes, that's right and
no, not yet I am not ready tojust like they are.
Speaker 4 (40:23):
Is that how, yeah, yeah.
Speaker 5 (40:27):
I don't know.
Speaker 4 (40:30):
I just don't know.
I know I wish I could, we wishwe could help you out with that
but yeah, you're a little bit,you're too young for the golden
bachelorette.
Speaker 5 (40:39):
I'm just letting your heart You're too young?
Speaker 4 (40:42):
Yeah, and it would be the same thing.
What do you want to you know?
That's why I think the goldenbachelor whole thing, yeah, I
don't know.
No, I don't think that's a goodway to do it.
No, I don't know, I don't thinkthat's a good way to do it.
Speaker 5 (41:01):
No, I don't know.
Yeah.
So hey, if you're listening,you got somebody that sounds
like me Not exactly like me, butyou know.
Speaker 3 (41:13):
Send a message to our Facebook page.
Feel free to our Facebook page.
Speaker 5 (41:17):
Feel free to share a picture, and I don't know at
this point.
Speaker 4 (41:23):
I want a P and L statement.
Speaker 5 (41:28):
I think that's okay, I don't see why not.
Yeah, oh my gosh.
Oh, you guys, am I going togive love another shot?
Speaker 3 (41:39):
There's a cliffhanger A transition.
Speaker 5 (41:45):
I have no shots tonight.
I'm going to tell you there isno shot in hell that that is
happening tonight.
So you guys, have any shots?
Speaker 3 (41:55):
Well, I do, but I left the visual aid upstairs.
Speaker 4 (42:00):
Oh man.
So are you going to describe it, or do you want to wait and
show us?
Speaker 3 (42:07):
I'm going to wait until I have the visual aid.
Yeah.
Speaker 4 (42:11):
Okay, bummer yeah.
Speaker 3 (42:13):
But it'll be perfect for spring.
So even next week it'll beperfect for spring.
So even next week it'll be.
Speaker 4 (42:18):
It'll be good, good yeah, I don't, I was.
I was last week and the weekbefore and the week before when
I haven't had any shots.
I keep saying, this week I'mgonna have a shot and I don't
really have a shot.
That's okay.
It's easter coming up.
Um well, by the time this isaired, it will be after.
But I did.
(42:38):
You know, I did put my cheesypotato recipe out in the web.
Perfect.
Which is one that a lot ofpeople make Gosh A shot.
Otherwise, yeah, I don't.
Speaker 3 (42:52):
I've got.
Well, I think that's a greatthing to share, because that's
always a favorite at.
Easter yeah.
Speaker 4 (42:59):
That will be on our list.
What is everyone doing forEaster?
Speaker 5 (43:02):
I'm working Easter, we're going to Easter.
Sunday.
Yeah, we will, because lots ofpeople come into my homes on
Easter Sunday.
Speaker 4 (43:12):
I don't think they do .
Are you being facetious?
I think so.
Speaker 3 (43:19):
Nobody is going to come in on Easter Sunday.
Give me their number.
Speaker 5 (43:27):
I don't even have kids.
There are people you know nothappy and they got kids.
Speaker 3 (43:33):
Yeah, that's right.
Speaker 5 (43:35):
But the rationale is we don't like you're going until
noon so you can still go tochurch and have easter brunch oh
, oh and get to work at noon, soyou don't really get to do much
other than maybe go to churchyeah, I'll be working.
I'll be working, probablyeating a ham sandwich, maybe a
(43:59):
potato chip you should.
Speaker 3 (44:01):
Here's what we should do.
We should have Easter breakfast.
You come and then go to workthere you go?
Speaker 4 (44:11):
invited you to brunch .
I could probably do that nopressure putting out an
invitation on yeah, if anybodyneeds a place to go kitty, go
ahead, we'll talk yes, that'svery kind of you well, that is
(44:32):
good.
Yeah, I'm having the whole famdamley at my house on Saturday.
So how many people oh, Ihaven't counted lately With two
babies?
I think we're up to 16.
I don't know, I've lost track.
Fun, something like that.
Nice With girlfriends andbabies.
(44:53):
Yeah, yeah, good, that'll befun, I know.
Speaker 3 (44:54):
Cute All right, good, that'll be fun.
I know Cute, all right, well,shall we?
Shall we sign off?
Speaker 5 (45:03):
I think we should.
Speaker 3 (45:05):
Thank you all for a lovely conversation.
Thank you to the listeners andviewers.
Thank you for hanging in withus.
We are now.
What would this be?
77?
Speaker 4 (45:23):
77.
Speaker 5 (45:23):
77 episodes episodes oh my gosh, I know, oh my gosh,
we talked about this last, lasttime.
Speaker 4 (45:27):
We haven't really put this much effort into anything
else we've done okay, we'll seeyou guys next week.
Speaker 1 (45:41):
My friends bye cheers , I got that.
Wow, who wants some heads upright now?
Speaker 2 (46:01):
We got that turn it up loud.
I know you're wondering how Igot that.
Wow, here I go.
Here I go, coming.
I can't ever stop.
I'ma tour the forest running,get me to the top.
I don't need an invitation.
I'm about to start acelebration.
Let me in Brought a good timefor some friends.
Turn it up loud past ten.
All right running, get me to the top, I don't need
a.
Speaker 3 (00:26):
Hello, hello, hi everyone, hello, hello and
welcome to another episode ofThree Cocktails In.
We are all checking in heretonight.
Speaker 5 (00:37):
I can see myself Okay , that's a good start.
Progress, right Progress.
Speaker 4 (00:46):
We might be 100% technology.
Speaker 5 (00:52):
You should have said it.
Speaker 4 (00:54):
Yeah, you and your woo-woo, it's going to be fine.
Oh you guys.
Everything's working and isgoing to continue to work.
Speaker 5 (01:04):
Casey's manifesting.
We're throwing out some woo woo.
Speaker 3 (01:07):
Yeah, I just want to say that I am taking great
comfort in the fact that Amy andI are not the only ones who
count stairs.
So whichever one of you putthat poll up or pose that
question, thank you, because Ifeel so much better about my
porkiness.
Speaker 5 (01:24):
Yes, that there's like one and a half other people
?
Speaker 4 (01:30):
no, no, there were only a few, there were a couple.
And remember our favorite, youknow, deanna, who was a guest,
was one that says going up butnot down.
Speaker 3 (01:41):
She says why but she even?
Speaker 4 (01:43):
questions like why, why I still do?
Nobody had a real answer forwhy any of you count stairs.
No, there's no reason.
Speaker 5 (01:55):
It's just a little rain.
Man in me.
Speaker 3 (01:58):
Okay, that's the reason, oh man and let's see
this episode drops.
When does this episode drop?
Speaker 4 (02:09):
Stacey Next week, oh, in a week and a half, I don't
know, like I don't.
Okay, yeah, so last Thursday inMay or in April.
Speaker 3 (02:24):
Okay.
So when we're recording this,we are just a few days out from
Easter, and so the questiontoday was fresh peeps, stale
peeps, no peeps.
Speaker 5 (02:32):
Yeah, you know peeps are my thing.
I love peeps.
Speaker 4 (02:38):
But I was surprised that you like them stale, though
I prefer them stale, but assoon as I bring them stale,
though I prefer them stale.
Speaker 5 (02:45):
but I got as soon as I bring them home I cut that bag
open and I have two.
I have a little confession.
We'll just get into a littletheme.
Little theme the other morningI hardly had any food in my
house and I had a little bowlyou know just a little packet of
oatmeal and I threw someraisins in, tried to get
something.
You know just a little packetof oatmeal and I threw some
(03:08):
raisins in, tried to getsomething you know healthy going
, and I had six peeps left and Iate all of them.
I'm like, well, I'm ready toget up and take a shower and go
to work.
Speaker 3 (03:21):
I'm envisioning.
I'm envisioning a bowl ofcereal with peeps.
Speaker 4 (03:27):
Did you cut them up all into your cereal?
Speaker 5 (03:29):
No, they were like my breakfast dessert, so I ate my
oatmeal first, and then Irewarded myself with six yellow
stale peeps.
I was like well, at least Iwon't eat them tomorrow, because
they're all gone now.
Speaker 3 (03:46):
That's a good way to look at it.
I was going to eat them sooneror later.
Speaker 5 (03:51):
What's the difference ?
Speaker 4 (03:52):
I don't know that that's an odd confession.
You know, when I was eating myGirl Scout cookies I
rationalized well, if I eat thewhole row today, what's the
difference?
If I have the whole row today,or I have half today and half
tomorrow, I'm still going tohave them all You're still going
(04:13):
to eat a whole row.
Speaker 3 (04:14):
Yeah, pretty much you guys.
Wouldn't it be nice if thinmints actually made you thin?
Speaker 4 (04:23):
Oh, I know that's a good idea.
Speaker 3 (04:25):
I so blame the Girl Scouts.
Speaker 5 (04:32):
But what if peeps made you peep?
So I don't think I'm buyinginto the food doing what his
name is Peep, peep, I don't know, isn't that the whole thing
Like the little chick, littlechick?
Yeah, you couldn't call themcheeps, that would be a really
bad brand name.
Speaker 4 (04:49):
It's really kind of dumb that now the peeps which
were a little tiny, cute, littlechick, are now, you know, blue
bunnies.
Speaker 5 (04:58):
Oh no, there's only yellow, only yellow bunnies or
yellow peeps.
Only yellow, only yellowbunnies or yellow peeps.
I do not partake in theHalloween peeps or the green and
red Christmas peeps.
That's sacrilege.
Speaker 4 (05:15):
Yellow peeps or nothing, so okay.
Speaker 3 (05:20):
That was a funny start.
So clearly for those of youlistening or watching, we don't
talk much during the week, soyou get to see each other.
It's like we've got to getthese things out.
Speaker 5 (05:32):
Yeah.
Speaker 3 (05:33):
Well, to the task at hand.
All right, we're going to talkabout something.
I mean really we hope thateverything that we talk about
here is relatable to everyone.
We're going to talk a littlebit today about regrets and
confessions, and I came across aquote today.
(05:57):
Jay Shetty shared it, and thequote is feeling sad after
making the right decision doesnot mean that it wasn't the
right decision, and it just, Imean, I think we all know that,
but it's really good to bereminded of that, because
sometimes we do feel that whenwe are feeling sad because of
(06:19):
something that we did orsomething that we went through
did or something that we wentthrough, we need to remind
ourselves that it doesn'tnecessarily mean that that
wasn't a good thing that madechange.
And so we're going to dig intothis topic a little bit today
and share some things.
Speaker 5 (06:41):
I can totally relate to that quote.
It was really hard getting thedivorce, shaking my entire life
up, and I was sad about it.
I was very sad about it, but Ialso knew it was the right
decision.
Yeah, and I keep thinking.
(07:07):
You know, know, it's springtimeand this is.
We've had the conversation, acouple years running now, about
new year's resolutions, and I'mnot a new year's resolution
person, but I tend to do someserious reflection in the spring
.
This is when it seems like newstuff, new beginnings, green
grass, getting a lighter feeling, maybe planning vacations,
(07:29):
things like that, and so this isthe time of year when I do my
reflection and I find myselfsingle again.
So they're lovely people and itjust this one has kind of been
a punch in the gut Because I didthings differently this time.
(07:53):
I'm trying, I've done moreself-reflection in the last five
years than I've done in thefirst 50 of my life.
I just, you know, you just goand do yeah, but I'm trying to
be thoughtful about decisionmaking.
I'm trying to, if you can,think about a bigger picture and
(08:16):
not get stuck on the littlethings, because we all make
mistakes and we hope to learnfrom them.
But I approach thisrelationship completely
differently than anybody I haddated thus far.
On that I'd met on match oreven don't even get me started
on dating.
In college there was no thoughtto that process.
(08:38):
That was all you know, hormoneand situation driven basically.
But I got really.
I was really, I want to say,careful and thoughtful and what
I'd like to think of asdiscerning.
This man was older.
(08:58):
I mentioned that that he wasolder, he was nearing retirement
.
He'd had a very he still isalmost, you know, he's still
working, has a very great, verylong standing career with a lot
of responsibility.
He I was, if anything, a littleslow in deciding how I felt
(09:20):
about, about the whole thing,but then I was like you know
what I really enjoy being withhim.
I really enjoy, you know, and Ican see the track that we
wanted to go on was turning outto be the same turns out, he has
some chronic health issues thathe let me know about early on
(09:44):
and he's had some issues overmaybe the last six weeks and we
didn't see each other very often, which is understandable, but
his communication pretty muchstopped and I don't do well with
no communication.
Yeah, I loved my mom dearly, butshe gave us the silent
treatment.
If she was mad at us, it couldlast for more than one day and
(10:07):
it killed me as a kid and Istill equate no conversation as
there's something wrong.
And so, you know, I brought itup.
I said, hey, you know, if weare going to be a couple and
move forward with this, I'mgonna have to see, we're gonna
see each other and are down andare down points.
(10:28):
And he's like I'm not used tothat.
I still want to put my you know, my best foot forward and I'm
like, but but don't shut me out.
I mean yeah, yeah, whatever.
So I thought we were over it.
he had another kind kind offlare up issue and said I can't
(10:49):
do, called me, said I can't dothis, I can't do my job, I can't
be in this relationship, Ican't take care of my health.
And then he said I need to tellyou something and I need you to
listen without interrupting me.
And then you can, you canrespond.
Okay, that's never a good signin my you know.
(11:10):
He said um, I got a marketingemail from match on friday and
your picture was on it.
So either you didn't go out,you didn't cancel your um
subscription like you said youdid, or all my sickness has made
you have second thoughts andyou got back on.
But that was just really hurtful.
(11:31):
That was Friday.
He waited to bring it up tillMonday and he'd already decided
I lied, I, I had canceled mysubscription.
Those things are three months,you know.
But I had my setting private.
I hadn't gotten a singlemessage from anybody since, you
(11:54):
know, way back.
I hadn't responded to anybodysince I decided that I was going
to date him.
I mean from the first date,once we had our first date.
I didn't see talk to dateanybody else all the way back in
December.
So here I am again, again inthis situation.
(12:15):
Where is he really sick?
Is he trying to blow me off?
Did I misread?
Am I stupid?
Am I gullible?
And this is just not where Ithought it was gonna be five
years ago yeah it makes you feelreally shitty.
Mm-hmm, it was the rightdecision because earlier that
(12:39):
day I kind of put out to you toothat I was thinking that this
might be the time that thisprobably isn't going to be a
good relationship.
And I was even saying, I evenasked you guys is it wrong to
break up with somebody becausethey're sick and they don't want
you to be any part of theirlife?
And you two never answered.
(13:00):
By the way, I'm just going tocall you out on that one.
Speaker 4 (13:02):
Well, that's a hard answer.
It is hard to answer.
Speaker 5 (13:05):
It is hard to answer and nobody knows.
Speaker 4 (13:08):
There's not a right answer to that, it's all
situational and I just feel likesometimes you know, were you
really wanting to know ouropinion?
Speaker 5 (13:22):
or did you just want?
Speaker 4 (13:23):
to Get it out there.
Put it out there, yeah.
Speaker 5 (13:29):
Yeah, yeah, yeah, I know.
So Stacy asked me today whatdid you ask me?
How ask that question?
Speaker 4 (13:35):
again.
You know, are you really, nowthat it's over, are you really
that disappointed because youyou know you have to start all
over now and and you know it's adisappointment and that or you
really upset because you'regoing to miss him specifically?
(13:57):
You know, is it the feelingswith him or that it's just over
and you got to start again?
That was, I think, my question,and I'm sure it's just over and
you got to start again.
That was, I think, my questionand I'm sure it's some of both
yeah, if you would have asked me.
Speaker 5 (14:09):
That night.
Afterwards I was so pissed offthat he thought I lied and he
did not really give me a chanceto.
I mean, there was no discussionabout it and I even started to
say something and I could justtell from the tone.
I'm like okay, well, I don'tneed to argue with you about
something you've already madeyour mind up about.
(14:30):
Yeah, and then today I wasreally starting to feel really
sad about this.
Really sad because I it's yeahof course I don't want to start
over, but at the same time, howcould I be this wrong?
Speaker 3 (14:54):
That I, so I understand the question and the
emotion of that, but we each areunique individuals and he was
putting forth what he wanted youto see in the first months of
(15:15):
dating, as we do.
I'm not faulting him for that,we all do that.
You were doing the same thinguntil you get to a comfort level
and then you kind of startopening up a little bit, and so
how long were you seeing eachother?
Four months.
Four months is not a very longtime.
Speaker 5 (15:37):
It is in the dating world at 50 plus years old.
You pretty much know way beforethen then, whether or not
you're going to try and datesomebody long I mean yes,
whether whether this person isworth the effort to continue
dating.
So usually in the first couplemonths you you are smart enough
(16:03):
and you've had goodconversations where you know we
are on track on big things.
We're going the same direction.
Yes, you're right, it's not along time to get to really know
somebody, but this is the timewhen you start to get to know
them.
Speaker 3 (16:21):
Yeah, yeah, and you did.
Speaker 5 (16:29):
And now, and maybe that was it, maybe that this is
how he is and that it and itwasn't going to be a good match.
Yeah, yeah, um my, you know, wetalked last time about how we
love those millennials and Gen Zgirls and I was having a
conversation with Georgia andkind of telling her about it and
(16:53):
she goes Mom, that really sucks, but I think you brought the
match stuff up so he didn't haveto feel like he was the bad guy
.
Speaker 4 (17:02):
Hmm, could be.
Yeah, maybe If it was thatquick of a decision for him.
Maybe it wasn't really, andhe's been thinking about it and
he found a thing and that wasthe end.
That was a way he could end it,yeah.
Speaker 3 (17:20):
Maybe I don't know, I would be kind of mad at Match.
Yeah, I'm super pissed off.
Yeah, now I'm assuming thatwhen you go through the
registration process and thesubscription process, that you
probably signed something thatgave them permission to use your
(17:42):
image in marketing, right, yeah?
Speaker 4 (17:45):
but also explain to people if you see your, your
profile and if someone wouldclick on you, then what?
What happens?
Speaker 5 (17:54):
okay, so I know this from prior times.
You remember my, my one buddythat kept that.
We went out with each other fora while and I knew that one was
not going to work because heanyway um well, he would.
He would occasionally pop upbecause I get the marketing
emails and and I don't have acurrent subscription, and so I
(18:17):
clicked on him because he stillhad the same wrong age that he
had a year ago when I had methim, which was four or five
years younger than he was a yearago, you know.
So I clicked on it to seewhat's going on and it said this
profile is no longer available,right, so he might not be on,
but they might just be sharinghis picture, which could have
(18:39):
been very true.
If he would have clicked on mypicture, it would have said this
profile is no longer available,right?
So, yeah, I don't know.
I, my mom, told me many, manybillions of years ago the grass
isn't greener, and I thoughtthat that was a horrible piece
(19:00):
of advice to give somebody whowas hurting and upset.
And damn, if that doesn't comeback every once in a while I go.
Maybe she was right, maybe itisn't, maybe the devil, you know
, is better than the devil.
You don't, I?
Speaker 3 (19:18):
I yeah, it's hard to so.
When she gave you that advice,I mean, we were young and there
are so many things that youcould not tell us when we were
20, 25, you know et cetera.
You just as much as we, asparents, want to pass on this
(19:41):
knowledge that we have as adultsto our kids.
You know I'm always trying tohammer.
I gently try to transfer thesepieces of information to Bo, and
you know that some he takes andsome he doesn't, and don't
don't you just wish that youcould package up all of the
knowledge and experience that wehave and just pop it right into
(20:04):
their little brains so thatthey don't have to go through
some of this shit that we wentthrough, and I know that's all
life and they have to go throughthe things that we went through
as well.
But, yeah, it's.
Yeah, that was.
Speaker 5 (20:21):
That was good advice, but it's hard to take it's hard
to be on the receiving end ofthat as a young person.
Yeah Well, yeah, we'll justleave it there?
Yeah, it is, it's hard.
It's really hard.
So I don't know I might behaving to look for a therapist
that I don't have to counsel.
(20:42):
If you want to refer back tothe therapist that I was seeing,
you know a while back that shewould have to take a minute and
think about it and then, like,stop crying.
Speaker 4 (20:53):
Oh my.
Speaker 3 (20:58):
I don't mean to laugh , but that is really hilarious.
Speaker 4 (21:00):
Right Gosh yeah.
So yeah, that doesn't seemquite right.
Speaker 3 (21:05):
Yeah, oh, sorry, amy, but you know what it?
It wasn't right, wasn't rightfor you, Wasn't right for him,
and so you move on.
Speaker 5 (21:18):
Yeah.
Speaker 3 (21:19):
Yeah.
Speaker 5 (21:20):
And it's okay to feel sad about it, for whatever the,
even when you don't know whatthe real Right, yep, yeah, well,
and that's so.
Speaker 3 (21:31):
That's kind of where my, where my thought process was
going, as I prepared fortonight as well, and so I'm.
I'm going to share somethingfrom my past that hurt for a
very long time and as I, as Iwas thinking about the topic of
regrets and confessions, I thinkthe confessions, I think the I
(22:01):
don't necessarily look, I don'tlook at this as a regret.
My confession is that I feelhorrible that I hurt someone
deeply many years ago, and I'verarely talked about it.
But when I was 22, I married mycollege boyfriend and I thought
that I was doing everythingright, checking the boxes,
(22:22):
building a life, um, but by 28,.
Um, I walked.
I simply simply is not the rightword I walked away, I just
walked away, and for a long timeI didn't talk about it.
I don't talk about it veryoften, it rarely comes up, not
(22:43):
because I'm ashamed of it, butbecause I didn't know how to
explain something so personal,so layered and so full of both
love and loss.
Because that's what it is it'sboth, it's love and loss.
And so I'm sharing that storytoday, not just as a confession
(23:09):
and not exactly as a regreteither, but just as a reminder
that the who you are at 22 isnot who you were meant to stay,
and I think that's what I wokeup one day and realized.
Speaker 5 (23:22):
Yeah.
Speaker 3 (23:22):
And sometimes choosing yourself means walking
away from a life that you oncethought was the life that you
wanted.
So the yeah, the confession isagain.
I said I hurt.
I hurt him deeply because itcame from nowhere and I didn't
(23:44):
even do anything to try torepair it.
I just said this is not what Iwant.
Speaker 5 (24:09):
I think that's a really hard age.
I think that in that of thatera I didn't know anybody, that
really went to any counseling.
I didn't know people.
I mean nobody talked about it,nobody shared that stuff.
You and I never even shared it.
Yeah, I mean a little bit, Imean you know, but and that is a
(24:32):
huge weight, that's a hugeweight to carry.
Speaker 3 (24:35):
Yeah, that's a huge weight to carry.
Yeah, and it took a long timeto forgive myself for it and um,
and I, you know so, and Iremember.
I started dating right away,even when I didn't want to.
(24:57):
You know, saying no, you justneed to, you just need to, not
why do you need to be withanybody?
And started dating right away.
And so then that relationshipwas strained because I hadn't
(25:18):
even I hadn't even mourned therelationship, that I just walked
away from.
Um, so and I, I reached out tomy ex-husband a few years later
and we went and had lunch ordinner or something and I just
said I just have to say howdeeply sorry I am that I hurt
you and and I mean he was sokind and of course you know he
(25:41):
just said it's it's okay, it'sokay, but I just said it's not
okay with me and honestly I wishthat I could apologize every
year, like once a year, can I?
just here's my yearly apologybecause it's because it's still
(26:01):
heavy.
It's still heavy on my heart,not because I know it was.
I know it was the rightdecision.
I am married to who I wassupposed to be with.
I know that Beau is the childthat I was supposed to have.
I love the life that I have, soI know it was the right
decision.
But the heaviness is knowingthat I hurt someone so much and
(26:27):
also like if we hadn't gottenmarried, maybe his life would
have gone a different direction.
Speaker 4 (26:35):
Yeah, but even after all these years, you can't
second guess those things.
Yeah, I don't think you know,and again, you know it's.
How do I want to say it?
It's too bad that you're stillfeeling that much guilt over it,
(26:56):
honestly, or have that manyfeelings and think it was only
you, you know, only your faultin it, which I'm sure it wasn't.
You know what I mean it's, butthat's how it goes.
Everybody you know carries withthem the same.
You know deep feelings forsomething that important.
Yeah, yeah, but like you said,it's turns out it's the right,
(27:20):
it was the right decision andI'm sure at that age and you
know when that was that wasextremely difficult.
That's what no one else youknow would understand.
Yeah, you know, either for you.
Speaker 3 (27:34):
So I I remember too when I, when I got engaged, and
I told my parents and they werelike and you know they they
loved him, you know.
So of course you know whatthey're not gonna say no, you
can't do this.
But I know what they werethinking.
You know they're like you'retoo young, but there's that
(27:56):
thing again they couldn't tellme that.
Speaker 5 (27:59):
Nope, nope.
I too was engaged to a collegeboyfriend for a couple years of
college and I did break that offduring college.
And when you come home at 20and tell your mom and dad that
you want to get married andyou're a sophomore in college,
(28:25):
yeah, yeah, so I waited until Iwas 24.
Speaker 4 (28:32):
yeah, did that work any better?
Speaker 5 (28:33):
no, well, yeah, I am.
You know.
It's interesting because, uh,my ex and I are still friends
and we've talked about it withour girls, um, or I have I don't
know that he gets into thesekind of conversations with um
but I do consider a 29 yearmarriage a success.
(28:55):
We raised three really smart,great girls that are doing well
in their lives.
We were great parents together.
We've managed the divorce verywell.
We've not put them in themiddle, you know, and I consider
(29:19):
that one.
I consider that a success.
Did, I think?
Does anybody go into a marriagethinking they're going to get
divorced?
No, nobody does so.
Speaker 4 (29:36):
Interesting.
Okay, well, that brings me, um,mine centers, right, okay, so
first, I was even younger thanthese two when I first got
married.
Um, not a regret.
Um, I will never say that itcan't work when you get married
(29:57):
that young, and even for all ofus it could have worked out.
My regrets, however, revolvemore around feeling guilty or
how that affected the kids.
Honestly, I was honestly justtrying to get through it on
(30:22):
myself for myself.
You know, sounds maybe reallyselfish and and less worried
about them at the time, if thatmakes sense.
You know how old were old, werethey?
Well, let's see, mallory was in, I think she was even out of
(30:45):
college.
Trenton was just startingcollege, he was no, he was like
end of high school, and Madisonwas eight.
So you know all different, youknow, but I would say a lot of
that and I could list off a lotof things, not just even because
(31:07):
of the divorce, but you know,at different times when I I feel
like I didn't pay as muchattention to them, or you know,
you know what I mean Communicateas well as I could have with
them.
There's a lot of, there's a lotof you know things within just
(31:29):
raising them.
That, you know, I, just in myhead, just like Kitty, says, you
know, after years and years,when it was even right, still
say, gosh, that might not havebeen the best choice or the best
decision.
You know what I mean?
Does that make any sense?
Just based on raising them,just general stuff, where a lot
(31:53):
of the time, where a lot of thetime, you know, not from a
selfish point at all, but morefocused on what I was trying to
do, even career-wise, or jobs,you know, spend too much time at
work and not enough at home.
You know, we've talked aboutthat whole work-life balance
type of thing.
That's where my regrets centeris, you know, and they all three
(32:19):
turned out fabulous, so I don'tthink I totally wrecked them,
um right, but that's probablywhere my biggest regrets, you
know, lie, and I wouldn't say,you know, that's a huge
confession.
Speaker 3 (32:34):
I'm assuming everybody kind of feels that way
, for, you know, as they'reraising their kids, yeah, I
don't know well, I mean, it kindof falls into that category of
the fact that we, when we getmarried, when we we have kids,
(32:57):
um, if there's a divorce,there's no manual for this stuff
.
Like how do we know, how do weknow what to do or what's best
to do?
You, you just do what you needto do to survive and you just do
what feels right for you.
So have you ever talked to yourkids about it?
Like, why, why do you?
(33:25):
Why do you think that you havethat regret?
Because, like you said, andyour kids are great, just like
Amy's kids they're grown,they're all married, they're
having families of their own,they're all employed, they're
good, productive.
Speaker 4 (33:38):
They're all employed.
They're good, productive people.
Yeah Well, in spite of meprobably they'll say no, we have
never all sat down, or even youknow whatever on how they've,
you know, felt now at this point, based on it being quite a few
years ago.
Speaker 5 (33:55):
No, we've never said, I had a conversation with with
one of my daughters a coupleyears ago, where I apologized.
I didn't feel that I understoodwhat she was going through.
I didn't, I didn't, I didn'tknow how to parent what she was
(34:16):
experiencing, and I am a glasshalf full, and so I did all the
you know, the stupid things thatdon't get to the heart of what
the child's issue was, and I gotyou know.
Of course she's like no, no no,you are fine, you are a great
mom.
(34:36):
And I'm like no.
I didn't.
I didn't do a good job for you,I wasn't, I could have done
better and I felt.
And I felt really bad now thatI'm older and I have spent some
time learning and thinking.
I mean, the only parenting bookwe had was what to Expect when
(34:58):
you Were Expecting.
I mean, self-help wasn't anissue, it wasn't a section.
I got a couple books forvarious specific things, but
there's no manual.
There's no manual and you havethree kids and they're nature
versus nurture.
(35:18):
They all grow up in the samehousehold completely different
kids.
Speaker 4 (35:23):
But oh yeah, I think that having the conversation to
just say I think that it's goodright, I don't know, and and
that piece of what I'm saying isback at that time we didn't
have, we didn't have aconversation.
It was just going to happen, andhere's what we're all doing,
(35:44):
and you know, you know there wasno suggestion even of well, do
you think you need to talk to acounselor or someone?
That wasn't a thought one.
That wasn't a thought, you know.
It's just, here's how it'sgoing to be and move on.
(36:05):
You know what I mean, which youknow, I, I'm sure, is
absolutely positive.
That's not how it should havehappened and should have gone,
but so, like I said, that's,that's the regrettable part.
Speaker 3 (36:28):
Well, it's good to talk about these things and it's
nice to have people in yourlives that you can talk about.
Them can talk about thembecause it does feel you know
you can alleviate some weightthat you might be carrying
around Well just to note.
Speaker 5 (36:47):
I mean, yes, we all know we're not the only ones
that feel this stuff, but ifnobody ever talks about it, you
just sit with it, right, gottaget.
Gotta get the negative out tomake room for the positive yes
yep, not saying that our exes oror these feelings are negatives
(37:10):
, but we've I think all three ofus have worked hard to try and
address it.
You know, recognize what it is,think about it, process it, see
what we can do to be betterpeople.
Yeah, you know, to make amends,if amends are necessary, mm-hmm
(37:31):
and set ourselves up forgreater success, yeah, Yep, this
is our natural, this is ourevolution, and set ourselves up
for greater success.
Speaker 3 (37:38):
Yeah yeah, this is our natural, this is our
evolution as people.
Speaker 5 (37:43):
Yeah and sorry younger people if you're
listening.
There's still shit to gothrough when you get to be old.
Speaker 4 (37:51):
Yeah, Well, if anything, it at least shows them
that you know whatever they'regoing through.
You know we've all either beenthrough it or know someone who
has, and it wouldn't you knowwhatever they're feeling or
(38:11):
whatever's going on wouldn't beunusual for sure.
Yeah, Especially, you know,know through marriage and having
kids and raising kids would be.
Everybody goes through the samething.
So, yeah, all right, I knowthat was a heavy one, this was a
(38:33):
little more heavy than normal Ido feel a little better good
good, better, yeah.
So what's your?
Um?
I know it's been too soon, butare you going to turn your match
right back on and and maybe gotry a different one I have to
(38:54):
make a whole new profile.
Speaker 5 (38:56):
That sounds really hard.
Are you going to make myprofile?
Speaker 4 (39:02):
No, we could, but you wouldn't leave it that way.
Speaker 3 (39:11):
Have you watched?
Any of Farmer Needs a Wife.
Speaker 5 (39:16):
Okay first of all, if I could reach through the
screen and smack you upside thehead, I would no.
Speaker 3 (39:23):
It's good, these guys are hot, these guys are hot I
don't want to move, let alone afarm.
Speaker 4 (39:36):
I think you would if you saw the farmer.
Speaker 5 (39:41):
Oh my heavens, farmers only.
Speaker 4 (39:46):
I think you would get plenty of suitors if you
changed your pictures.
You know to all be holding afish, no.
Speaker 5 (39:57):
I don't have a single photo with me and a fish and I
already get fishermen reachingout.
That is not what I want.
I need to.
I need to get some freaking.
No, because I don't want togolf.
Speaker 2 (40:09):
I was gonna say I need to pose with like a golf
club or a tennis racket,pickleball.
Speaker 5 (40:12):
But I don't do any of those things.
I have to be true and authenticto myself yes, that's right and
no, not yet I am not ready tojust like they are.
Speaker 4 (40:23):
Is that how, yeah, yeah.
Speaker 5 (40:27):
I don't know.
Speaker 4 (40:30):
I just don't know.
I know I wish I could, we wishwe could help you out with that
but yeah, you're a little bit,you're too young for the golden
bachelorette.
Speaker 5 (40:39):
I'm just letting your heart You're too young?
Speaker 4 (40:42):
Yeah, and it would be the same thing.
What do you want to you know?
That's why I think the goldenbachelor whole thing, yeah, I
don't know.
No, I don't think that's a goodway to do it.
No, I don't know, I don't thinkthat's a good way to do it.
Speaker 5 (41:01):
No, I don't know.
Yeah.
So hey, if you're listening,you got somebody that sounds
like me Not exactly like me, butyou know.
Speaker 3 (41:13):
Send a message to our Facebook page.
Feel free to our Facebook page.
Speaker 5 (41:17):
Feel free to share a picture, and I don't know at
this point.
Speaker 4 (41:23):
I want a P and L statement.
Speaker 5 (41:28):
I think that's okay, I don't see why not.
Yeah, oh my gosh.
Oh, you guys, am I going togive love another shot?
Speaker 3 (41:39):
There's a cliffhanger A transition.
Speaker 5 (41:45):
I have no shots tonight.
I'm going to tell you there isno shot in hell that that is
happening tonight.
So you guys, have any shots?
Speaker 3 (41:55):
Well, I do, but I left the visual aid upstairs.
Speaker 4 (42:00):
Oh man.
So are you going to describe it, or do you want to wait and
show us?
Speaker 3 (42:07):
I'm going to wait until I have the visual aid.
Yeah.
Speaker 4 (42:11):
Okay, bummer yeah.
Speaker 3 (42:13):
But it'll be perfect for spring.
So even next week it'll beperfect for spring.
So even next week it'll be.
Speaker 4 (42:18):
It'll be good, good yeah, I don't, I was.
I was last week and the weekbefore and the week before when
I haven't had any shots.
I keep saying, this week I'mgonna have a shot and I don't
really have a shot.
That's okay.
It's easter coming up.
Um well, by the time this isaired, it will be after.
But I did.
(42:38):
You know, I did put my cheesypotato recipe out in the web.
Perfect.
Which is one that a lot ofpeople make Gosh A shot.
Otherwise, yeah, I don't.
Speaker 3 (42:52):
I've got.
Well, I think that's a greatthing to share, because that's
always a favorite at.
Easter yeah.
Speaker 4 (42:59):
That will be on our list.
What is everyone doing forEaster?
Speaker 5 (43:02):
I'm working Easter, we're going to Easter.
Sunday.
Yeah, we will, because lots ofpeople come into my homes on
Easter Sunday.
Speaker 4 (43:12):
I don't think they do .
Are you being facetious?
I think so.
Speaker 3 (43:19):
Nobody is going to come in on Easter Sunday.
Give me their number.
Speaker 5 (43:27):
I don't even have kids.
There are people you know nothappy and they got kids.
Speaker 3 (43:33):
Yeah, that's right.
Speaker 5 (43:35):
But the rationale is we don't like you're going until
noon so you can still go tochurch and have easter brunch oh
, oh and get to work at noon, soyou don't really get to do much
other than maybe go to churchyeah, I'll be working.
I'll be working, probablyeating a ham sandwich, maybe a
(43:59):
potato chip you should.
Speaker 3 (44:01):
Here's what we should do.
We should have Easter breakfast.
You come and then go to workthere you go?
Speaker 4 (44:11):
invited you to brunch .
I could probably do that nopressure putting out an
invitation on yeah, if anybodyneeds a place to go kitty, go
ahead, we'll talk yes, that'svery kind of you well, that is
(44:32):
good.
Yeah, I'm having the whole famdamley at my house on Saturday.
So how many people oh, Ihaven't counted lately With two
babies?
I think we're up to 16.
I don't know, I've lost track.
Fun, something like that.
Nice With girlfriends andbabies.
(44:53):
Yeah, yeah, good, that'll befun, I know.
Speaker 3 (44:54):
Cute All right, good, that'll be fun.
I know Cute, all right, well,shall we?
Shall we sign off?
Speaker 5 (45:03):
I think we should.
Speaker 3 (45:05):
Thank you all for a lovely conversation.
Thank you to the listeners andviewers.
Thank you for hanging in withus.
We are now.
What would this be?
77?
Speaker 4 (45:23):
77.
Speaker 5 (45:23):
77 episodes episodes oh my gosh, I know, oh my gosh,
we talked about this last, lasttime.
Speaker 4 (45:27):
We haven't really put this much effort into anything
else we've done okay, we'll seeyou guys next week.
Speaker 1 (45:41):
My friends bye cheers , I got that.
Wow, who wants some heads upright now?
Speaker 2 (46:01):
We got that turn it up loud.
I know you're wondering how Igot that.
Wow, here I go.
Here I go, coming.
I can't ever stop.
I'ma tour the forest running,get me to the top.
I don't need an invitation.
I'm about to start acelebration.
Let me in Brought a good timefor some friends.
Turn it up loud past ten.
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