April 8, 2024 • 49 mins
In this episode I talk with the one and only @tarynneves about her story including not feeling good enough, always working hard and shutting down emotions, discovering her purpose, struggles with infertility, overcoming, and the creation of her life-changing group Gentle Warrior. Taryn is Truly an 8th Wonder!
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Episode Transcript
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(00:00):
In the darkness, I found mylight.
In the broken, I found my fight.
Through the struggles, I learnedto soar.
I rose above and I wanted more.
I am the eighth wonder.
Standing tall, I won't be tornasunder.
(00:23):
I've healed the wounds I'veovercome.
I am the eighth wonder.
The strongest one.
Hello, and welcome to the 8thWonder Podcast, inspiring you to
be proud of where you're at, onestory at a time.
I'm your host, Ashley.
(00:43):
Let's get started.
Welcome to episode four.
We have the one and only TarynNevis.
She is my coach, my mentor, myfriend, my sister, all the
things, and I just adore her andI'm so excited for her to be
here.
So say hi, Taryn.
Hi, thanks for having me.
Of course.
I'm so excited.
I just kind of want to startwherever, like in your
(01:05):
childhood, and tell your story.
We'll just have a littleconversation and all the things
you've learned.
I know.
It's like, oh, that's so manydifferent directions we could
go.
It's so true.
I'm just going to trust you andlet you go whatever direction
you feel.
All right, let's do it.
born in California, but raisedin Utah most of my life,
seemingly normal home.
(01:26):
LDS home.
Uh, we were very religious.
I have an older brother, alittle brother, a little sister,
and then my parents were stillmarried.
I was the second oldest and justas a kid learned really early on
that I needed to be quiet andperfect and not cause any
(01:47):
issues.
In order to receive love.
My older brother was a challengefor my parents.
He still is.
Um, and bless his heart, youknow, here's this little two
year old, and then all of asudden he's got this little
sister that comes in and iswhatever reckoned his life,
right?
(02:08):
but I learned, I think from himand my mother that.
I just needed to be seen and notheard, you know, I, from a young
age made sure everybody washappy around me.
And as I progressed into, ateenager and a young adult, I
(02:31):
just managed.
everything that was going onemotionally in the house, right?
Like if my parents werefighting, I was in the middle of
it making sure everybody washeard, or I was who they talked
to about their problems, right?
That's so much for a child.
Yeah.
Oh, I can just like feel howheavy that is.
(02:52):
It was a, it was a lot, right?
And my older brother, who I havea very good relationship with
now, but.
I think it was just challengingfor him, like I said, to have a
little sister.
And so I even remember, it'sactually so funny to think of,
he is two years older than me.
So when I went into junior high,which is 7th grade here in Utah,
(03:14):
so it's 9th where I went toschool, right?
And so I went into 7th grade andhe was in 9th grade.
And if I walked down the samehall as him, I would get beat up
at home later that day.
Are you serious?
Yeah.
Which is like really sad butalso kind of funny, you know,
later on in life.
You can't even walk down thestreet.
I like could not.
I had to like know where hisclasses were or else I was gonna
(03:36):
get beat up, like, I was gonnaget yelled at, so, yeah.
Add that to your plate of likeworry.
You're like literally have thislist of things you're, as a
child, you're worried about.
That's so hard.
Yeah.
So just, yeah.
I took a lot on and became apeople pleaser and became a
perfectionist.
I never felt like I was goodenough, which is a super common
(03:58):
thing, you know, and I just,Became a very closed off, non
emotional, armored up woman.
Yeah.
In my young adult life.
Yeah.
Because of that.
(04:18):
So, how did that play out, like,when you met Jeremy?
Oh, Christ.
Jeremy and I are both very typeA personalities.
Like, we are passionate people.
I was working three jobs andgoing to college, and I didn't
live at home, but I actually metJeremy at church.
I had gone home for sacramentmeeting, um, on Christmas Sunday
(04:41):
and Jeremy was there with hisfamily and our parents were in
the same ward.
And so I saw him there andthat's how I met him.
But At the time, obviouslybecause of being a people
pleaser, I actually took being apeople pleaser a little bit of
an opposite direction than Ithink most women do.
Like, I was so direct with whatI expected of people.
(05:03):
And because I was so hard onmyself, I was really hard on
others.
And so I had a hard timeconnecting to a lot of people.
but because of that, I was alsovery successful in everything
that I was doing, right?
I was dancing professionally,doing well in school, getting, I
mean, I remember, gosh, it wasmy Freshman year of college and
(05:24):
I performed a solo with theseniors for dance because I just
like knew how to get thingsdone.
You worked really hard.
I worked my butt off.
Yeah.
Right.
and so then bringing Jeremy whowas a successful entrepreneur at
the time, we hit it off becausewe both just understood like
drive and like getting thingsdone.
And we were both these type apassionate people about what we
(05:47):
did.
And so a lot of really goodtraits and that's what kind of,
Attracted us to each other untilwe got married.
he proposed and we got marriedand I think after the first week
of marriage, it went like Southreal quick.
I can totally relate.
I have a feeling I know thatactually, but, yeah, it was
(06:11):
just, and you know what, it's sosad to even think about, I
remember getting married And theadvice that I would get, did you
ever do that?
Like at a bachelorette party, itwas like, give the friend your
best advice, right?
The advice I would get was like,you only have a year to train
him.
Oh, did you ever get any advicelike that?
I was like, train him to put thetoilet seat down.
(06:32):
Like you have to train yourhusband to like, be a good
husband within the first 12months of marriage.
So like.
All about control.
All about control.
And I believed it.
Yeah.
Because that's the, I genuinely,like, that's a lot of the advice
that I got.
Oh yeah.
I believe that.
You gotta, like, teach this manhow to treat you, like, all
these, all these things.
(06:52):
And so I did.
And coming from my childhoodthat was very controlling, I was
like, Oh yeah, this makes totalsense.
You know?
Yeah.
It fit in perfectly.
Yeah.
So bless his little heart.
Jeremy actually.
I would get so mad when he wouldleave the toilet seat up.
So he got a piece of lime greenduct tape and would put it
(07:13):
underneath the toilet seat tolike teach him how to put it
down.
Oh, so he learned and he stillputs it down and I'm so
grateful, but point being isthat I was so controlling about
the stupidest shit, you know?
But you didn't know any better.
You were doing the best youcould.
I was doing the best that Icould.
And, and he had his own stuff,right?
that he was bringing to thetable, but we fought stop about
(07:37):
every single thing.
and it just created contentionand anger and frustration.
We actually separated for ashort time, our first year of
marriage, because it was just sotoxic.
Yeah.
What was the turning point foryou guys?
So when we separated, withinthat first year of marriage, I
think we just realized like,Okay.
(07:59):
This is my person.
Yeah.
We'd like go back on dates andwe'd make out and then we'd have
sex.
Yeah.
We're married.
Yeah.
And then it was like, Oh, Iactually like really do love
this person.
Yeah.
and so at that point we justlearned to stuff everything
under the rug.
Like I'm going to pretend thateverything's fine.
(08:19):
I'm going to like communicatethe right way.
We went, we went to which isreally funny to think about.
12 years later.
We went to a therapist, uh, thatwas under LDS Family Services
and it was a woman and she hadnever been married.
Oh.
So she was the worst therapistof all time.
I can only imagine that.
Oh my gosh.
worst therapist of all time, itdidn't go very far with therapy.
(08:42):
Like she would give us the worstadvice.
And from my perspective is Jer,if Jeremy was here, he would say
something else.
But from my perspective, shewould always take his side and
from his perspective, she wouldalways take my side.
Yeah.
but it was just so bad.
Like we'd go to therapy and we'dlike hash out some stupid fight
that we had just had, and thenwe'd leave feeling like crap.
Like it wasn't even solved.
(09:03):
It was just, here's this like.
dumb fight up, up in the smoke.
It's not even like the realproblem of how we believe about
ourselves or anything like that,you know?
so after that we just learned tostuff everything under the rug.
So we did that for five, sixyears until, everything just
kind of blew up when we hadNixon.
(09:24):
Oh, okay.
Nixon is, and you know Nixon,just like a very special spirit.
He came to this earth, and I'veshared this story on many
podcasts before, but, he's veryfeminine.
Like, he's very loving.
He just is who he is.
I love him so much.
And, um, Parenting a feminineboy, like through a wrench in
(09:47):
our belief system and how wehandled situations and how we
handled each other because itwas like, this is abnormal.
Right.
And, I would say that he reallywas the turning point for each
of us because it caused us tolook at our own belief systems
around everything.
(10:08):
When you have a kid that definesthe norm and you have to parent
them differently.
Yeah.
Because we just loved thislittle kid, but he was being
raised in a society where who hewas wasn't loved.
Yeah.
And so when we could start tolook at that belief system, we
could start to look at otherbelief systems.
Yeah.
So that's really what shifted.
That's so beautiful.
(10:30):
And it's beautiful that youstepped up.
Like you're like, I love this,my child unconditionally.
Instead of like looking at whatwas wrong with him and like
blaming him, you were like,actually, what have I been
taught that I don't actuallyresonate with, you know?
So that's super cool.
Yeah.
Good job.
It wasn't easy.
Yeah.
I made lots of mistakes, but,Oh, but you're doing such a good
(10:50):
job.
Thanks.
I really believe that.
You're like, Oh, you got thatlook in your eye.
Let's talk more like I want toget to Gentle Warrior and like
how you got to where you're atnow Let's talk more of like some
beliefs that you learned maybeas a child or some things that
you struggled with as well Let'sjust go a little deeper.
(11:13):
I love it.
Okay, so I would say just like Isaid before the core belief of
what I Believed of myself as achild was that I wasn't good
enough that You It didn't matterhow hard I tried, I wasn't
loved.
I remember, in high school Iactually took Just because
(11:36):
number one, I danced my wholelife, which isn't the healthiest
environment.
but I actually did pertaining toa lot of other people that have
that career, have thatupbringing, had a somewhat
healthy environment in the danceworld, but, and then my home
life as well.
More particularly with my mom,but my dad, my dad and I have a
great relationship and it'sinteresting.
(11:57):
Both my parents parented very,very young.
Polar opposites, but my dad wasgone a lot, working.
And so my mom's belief systemsand how she raised me are really
what took predominantly, over mybelief system and the stories
that I told myself.
Okay.
Like my dad, constantly told mehow Good I was like you can do
(12:20):
anything you put your mind tolike I don't care if this person
is more talented You know arethan like work harder, you know,
yeah, but he was gone a lotYeah, so I had another parent my
mother who was just like she'stalented like you'll never have
that talent right and Sadly, mymother just didn't believe in
(12:43):
herself and, and wasn'tnurtured.
So she didn't know how to holdthat space for her own kids
because she couldn't hold thatspace for herself.
Right.
Totally.
She was so concerned about whatother people thought of her that
she projected that onto herkids.
Right.
So, I even remember one of myvery first dance competitions
(13:03):
when I started doing competitivedancing.
I placed first and thecompetition was really close to
home.
And I told my mom, don't come tomy competition.
And she came and she watched andI placed first and I got a
scholarship.
And the first thing she said waslike, I didn't really like your
facial expressions in thatdance.
So I was like, gosh, like I cannot, it doesn't matter what I
(13:27):
do, like I can never measure upto what is expected of me.
And so those became my stories.
Yeah.
Coming back, the story that Iwas originally saying is in high
school, because of these thingsI was told, I thought if I
believed them about myself, itwould be easier when somebody
else would tell me.
So I wrote, I am statements onmy wall in Sharpie, but they
(13:49):
were all negative things.
I was like.
You're not good enough.
You're not beautiful enough.
Because it was so painful tohear people say those things to
me.
It was like, if I startbelieving them, if I look at
those every single day, then itwon't be as painful.
Darn.
Right?
Yeah.
(14:10):
So, a lot of stories, butunderneath most of it, Was just,
Like, you're not, you're notgood enough.
Yeah, you'll never measure up.
You'll never measure up.
Like, it doesn't matter how hardyou work, or what you do, like,
you'll never be enough.
So hard.
I'm so sorry.
Also, also though, like, youknew those things weren't true.
(14:33):
Like, you literally just said,if I put them on my wall and I
looked at them every day, maybethey'd be less painful.
Yeah.
What's beautiful about that isyou knew.
Like, deep down, you did know.
And so you came back to thateventually.
You let go of those stories.
And how did you get there?
How'd you let go of thosestories?
How'd you become who you are?
Because you're incredible.
And you do believe in yourselfnow.
(14:53):
I do.
I think I'm pretty badass.
You are.
Thank you.
You know, I'm so grateful for mylife.
Like, now, even at the time, Um,like I felt grateful, like I
knew I was strong because of thethings that I went through.
And I do genuinely believe that,that whatever the life before
(15:18):
this looked like, I do genuinelybelieve that my mom volunteered
to be the villain in my story soI could become who I am.
Right.
And I do think that's love.
I do too.
At its deepest level.
Oh yeah.
Right.
Right.
Right.
But how did I heal?
Just fast forward, right here.
(15:39):
I have my kid who are all thesethings that to the world and to
say society aren't good enough,especially the culture you were
raised.
Oh my gosh.
Actually Mormon culture.
Yeah.
Right.
And, I saw him and I was like, Ican either project what happened
(16:01):
to me and like force this kid tobe something Or I can just
accept and love him as he is,and I did, like, I just loved
him.
Like, even when Nixon waslittle, there were people in our
life that said, like, Well, ifyou were in a stay at home mom
and Jeremy was around him more,he wouldn't be this way.
And it's like, no, or he justcame this way.
(16:22):
Yeah, like, that's your own shitthat you're projecting on me.
Yeah, right.
but I did accept and love him.
Just as he was, just like most,most moms do, like, you just
love this little thing so much,you know.
And you can't even imagine themany other way.
No, like, you're like, this iswho you are.
This is who you are.
we did go through a period wherewe tried, it just caused a lot
(16:44):
of issues in my marriage and,and Jeremy faced his own stuff.
And he talks a lot about that,but, where we did try to go full
the opposite way, right?
Like we took all the Barbiesaway, all the things away and
like tried to force him to be inthis little box.
And he was, Angry, like thislittle one and a half year old,
two year old at the time.
hated everyone.
(17:04):
He would just yell and thrashand it was not him at all.
It's not him at all.
Overnight became that, you know?
And so I just learned like,okay, I can, like, this is what
has to be done.
I have to love my kid exactly ashe is.
Right.
And that's what started myjourney.
And through that, reallylearning to like, sit with my
(17:26):
emotion.
look at what happened to me,take accountability for what
happened to me.
I do believe.
That's what I teach.
That's like the foundation ofwhat I teach in Gentle Warrior
and it's really the foundationof what changed my own life.
It's like finally takingaccountability for all the
stories, right?
(17:47):
I'm not good enough.
Like, okay, a part of me doesbelieve that like genuinely a
part of me believes that, right?
And then there's this whole, mysoul part of me, right?
That knows that that's not true.
Like, how do I, bridge this gapbetween this or how do I remove
this one and like let the actualone, my soul, come forward,
(18:09):
right?
And so I just started takingaccountability for my life.
Like, okay, this happened to mewhen I was a kid.
This is how my mom handled me.
This is what I went through.
This is whatever.
Yeah.
But I'm the one that created thestory that's carried on for the
last 25, 30 years of my life.
Yeah.
Nobody else created that story.
No.
I did.
Totally.
(18:29):
And when I started to takeaccountability for those things,
that's when I was able to heal.
That's when I was able to like,feel the emotion, right?
When I would sit with like,you're not good enough.
And like, genuinely, right?
Like that story.
Genuinely sit with like thesestories and, and I'm not good
enough is really like a basis.
Like that's like a real rockbottom of, of them, but like,
(18:54):
Um, let's think if you don't,Oh, no, no.
I feel like a lot of womenresonate this one.
If your house isn't perfectlyclean, you're a crappy mom.
Yeah.
Right.
You're like, you're a crappywife.
Like you are incapable of thesimplest task, right?
Yeah.
which is a simple one.
There's thousands that we couldgo into, but it's like, okay,
(19:15):
can I just like sit with, am Ireally a crappy wife because I
can't keep my house clean?
Yeah.
The answer is no.
No, but feeling through that isdifferent.
And I actually think that's sucha huge tool Because so often
even when I had coaches somecoaches or some therapists They
I'd be like, well, this is howI'm feeling.
(19:37):
Like I feel like I have to dothis to receive this I feel like
I have to be kind in order toreceive love.
Yeah, but then I don't feel kindright now Yeah, I want to be
pissed.
I want to be pissed.
Yeah, right and they'd be like,well just know that you're not
You're not.
So it's just like bypassingthis, like all of it.
Right.
Or if it's like, I feel like I'mnot good enough.
And they're like, but you aregood enough.
(19:57):
Yeah.
I was like, Oh, I did nothelping.
You're not bridging the gapthere at all.
Like, okay.
I could sit here and tell myselfover and over and over again,
like, you're good enough.
You're good enough.
You're good enough.
But some part of me wasn'tbelieving it.
Totally.
Right.
And it's the wounds.
It's the holes.
Yeah.
So I had to bridge that gap.
And the way that I did that wasfeeling the not good enough.
(20:20):
Yeah.
Like allowing yourself to feelthat.
Yes for the first time.
Yes, and I will never forget Youknow this but I will never
forget the first time I triedfeeling emotion Because through
all of this stuff, like I said,I wrote these things on my wall.
What I did was shut downEmotion.
Yeah, I shut down negativeemotion, but I also shut down
positive emotion Right?
(20:42):
So I was just this, like,robotic person walking through
life.
but I remember the first time I,like, tried to tap into an
emotion.
Something happened, I don't evenremember what, but I was sitting
downstairs in my house and I waslike, I feel sad.
I was like, normally somebodywould cry if they're sad or
like, Something and I couldn'tdo it.
Yeah, I remember sitting therewas like you you fucked up
(21:04):
feeling sad That's how I feltyeah, and then I just realized
okay, this is something I've gotto practice like the fact that I
feel sad And I can't even cry.
Yeah right now.
Yeah is like, holy crap.
It's huge.
So I just started practicingthat Yeah, like okay.
I'm just gonna sit in thesefeelings like I'm not good
(21:26):
enough right now.
I don't feel good enough rightnow.
That makes me feel sad.
It makes me feel like grief thatmakes me feel like, why don't I
feel this?
And that started bringing up allthose stories from my childhood.
Right.
And then sitting in thoseemotions.
And let him actually come out iswhat bridged the gap.
Because once I start feelingthose, I build trust within
(21:48):
myself.
Once I build trust with myself,I count on myself and if I can
count on myself, I must be goodenough.
Totally.
I love that.
And that's when my soul startscoming through.
Yeah.
It's interesting.
We just did the episode with mymarriage counselor and he talked
about the stories that we createand he made a point of like, We
(22:08):
did that when we were like, saywe were 11, whatever.
That was the best that we coulddo at the time.
But those stories don't grow upwith us.
Like they stay at 11 years old.
So then when we're 33 and we'retrying to like, we're back at 11
years old, we actually have tofeel that it's never going to go
anywhere.
Yes.
You're going to be stuck in 11year old Ashley and Taryn and
thinking.
(22:29):
I'm not good enough.
Yeah.
So that's what you have taught.
And it's been so beautiful toimplement that my life to not
use distractions.
Right.
Cause that's the main one thatwe do is like, we bury it.
We're like, Oh, if I get busy,if I go clean my house, if I go
help somebody, if I be a martyr,if I be whatever, like, then I
don't have to feel what I'mactually feeling and that feels
(22:51):
safe, but it's not that'scontrol.
Yeah.
And it doesn't help you heal atall.
Yes.
It's so funny that you say thatbecause it makes me think of
like going to the gym Yeah Howoften do you see on social media
that people are like going tothe gym is my therapy going to
the gym helps me Get theseemotions out and it's like Yeah,
(23:12):
like no you're doing an actionthat makes you feel better the
point of you doing it is becauseit makes you feel better Yeah,
that's what we're avoiding.
Like we're all humans trying toavoid Feeling bad.
Yeah.
That's why we created thosestories.
I wrote those things on my wallthat were painful to avoid pain.
Right.
Yeah.
It's so funny.
(23:33):
Like, we're like, we actually dowhat we don't.
Yeah.
Like we actually bring tofruition what we don't want to
bring to fruition because it'swhat we're focused on.
Yes.
100%.
Yeah.
And so people use even healthythings.
Yeah.
Going to the gym.
Yeah.
As, a distraction from what's,Actually going on.
Yeah.
(23:53):
Right.
Not saying they're going to thegym and working on promotions
isn't a great thing, but knowingwhat you're doing, why you're
doing it, and actually feelingthose is the massive shift.
Yeah.
It's the intention behind it,right?
If you're actually going to thegym to clear the energy that
you've already felt, that'sdifferent than going to the gym
to avoid the feeling that youdon't want to feel.
Yeah.
Yeah, totally.
I love that.
(24:14):
And you've taught that so well.
It's been huge.
Like really it's changed mylife.
So I'm so thankful for that.
Yeah, how'd you get, let's get,let's like dive into Gentle
Warrior.
GW?
Yeah, the amazing group thatyou've created.
It's so incredible.
You know, I've actually nevertold this story that I'm going
to tell here in a minute but,through my process, like, At the
(24:39):
time I was going through this, Ididn't have the tools, and I
didn't even have, I didn't havethe coaches, I didn't have the
therapists, the therapists thatI had gone to were not teaching
me these skills.
Yeah.
I'm not saying that there's nottherapists out there that teach
those, but the ones that I wasaround did not.
Yeah.
I genuinely figured it out bymyself, right?
And, Through trial and error andlike sitting in the dark and
(25:02):
like figuring out what workedand, and wanting like just
connection, you know, and I willsay I didn't fully do it by
myself.
I had, three very special peoplein my life.
Well, four, including myhusband, Andy and Stacey
McEvins, Jimmy Rex and Jeremywere four insanely important
(25:24):
people in my life who When I wasfinally sitting with painful
things, Jess loved me.
Like, there was zero comment ortrying to change who I was or
how I was doing it or trying to,like, fix.
They weren't even like, I waslike, I'm feeling this and
they're like, oh, you should dothis and this and this to avoid
(25:46):
this feeling.
They just were like, sister.
I love you.
I love you.
And that changed my life.
And, throughout this process, Ijust became really passionate
about women because as Iobserved all of these things
(26:06):
that I had gone through, Sadly,I mean, I'm a woman and my
relationships with women,magnified those stories in a
negative way for me.
Yeah.
Right.
My relationships with my friendsin high school, in college, when
I was early married, all theydid was like, highlight.
(26:28):
You're not good enough, right?
Like, sadly, I do believe thatmost women, we, we, most of us
feel a lot of these things,regardless of what your trauma
was.
Most, most of us are facingthese things, right?
And so we just project ontoothers, like, well, if you, if I
have a nicer house than you,then I'm better than you, then
I'm better than you.
Right.
(26:48):
Or like if I'm more fit thanyou, or if I, like my friends in
my young adult life, We're like,so when are you gonna build your
dream home?
And I'm like, you know, I'm 24.
Yeah, I don't wanna build mydream home.
Stop putting pressure on me.
But like, that's how it was, youknow?
Or, or, just Like, what's thenext purse you're going to buy?
(27:08):
Yeah.
Competition.
How are your kids, like, justgossip?
Like, just so yucky.
Ugh.
You know?
And throughout this process, Ibecame really passionate about
women because I was like, if wecan, like, change this game for
women the way that I justchanged this game for myself,
like, this is life changing.
Yeah.
Like, for everyone.
It is.
Marriages, children.
Literally everyone.
(27:28):
Everyone.
It's a trickle.
Like, it literally, yeah.
So, I became really passionateabout women, like women
empowerment, not, not feminismwomen empowerment, like genuine
women empowerment, right?
Like really showing women howbeautiful, how special, how
magical, how powerful, like, howcreative, how godlike they
(27:53):
genuinely are just at the core.
Yeah.
Yeah.
So, that became my life'smission, and the story that I
have never shared is, a reallydeep connection to God.
I always have, even when I was amember of the church, which I'm
not anymore, but that doesn'ttake away the fact that I had a
lot of spiritual experiences inthe church.
(28:16):
And I've now had a lot ofspiritual experiences outside of
it.
And, I got my patriarchalblessing when I was 18.
And do I believe all patriarchalblessings are magical?
Whatever.
No.
And what a patriarchal blessingis, is, you know, it's a
blessing from, somebody in thechurch that, that basically goes
into like what your life'spurpose is, right?
(28:37):
And I know enough people thattheir patriarchal blessing is
nothing special, but mine was.
My, when I got my patriarchalblessing when I was 18, the man
that gave me my blessing wasbawling.
It was like, whatever you do,like you have to do this.
My patriarchal blessing says youwill lead millions of women back
home.
Oh my gosh.
(28:58):
And that was years ago.
Years ago.
Yeah, right.
And I remember when I got that Iwas like me I'm doing that You
know, yeah, and and I loved itand to be honest, I didn't think
about that for years Yeah, rightand then here I am fast forward
(29:18):
20 not 20 years.
I'm not that old 10 years, 18 to28, right?
I was like, Oh my gosh, I'mpassionate about these women.
And here we are.
Yeah.
Right.
That's so freaking cool.
Yeah.
That's way cool.
So did you know, like, when didyou know you were going to,
(29:40):
Create something like gentlewarrior.
So one of my very first coaches,he took me through a lot of, not
a whole lot of healing, but alot of like personal development
programs that helped me piecetogether, like, what is my
purpose?
Which is such a big thingnowadays.
Like it's such a trendy topic,which I have my own beliefs on.
Yeah.
(30:01):
At the time it was like, yeah, Iwant to figure out what my
purpose is.
So he like took me through theseprograms and we did this like
process of elimination,essentially like what lights you
up?
And we would just write it alldown, like a whole whiteboard
filled with things.
And basically what it came downto is like women, like I said,
but.
but warrior women.
(30:22):
And so during that and throughall my healing and through what
I was passionate about, and thisis four or five years ago now, I
was sitting down with this coachand we wrote on my purpose.
And my purpose statement is Iinspire millions of women around
the world to find a little bit.
Find and live into their gentlewarrior selves by while putting
God, myself, and my family firstin my life.
(30:45):
And so gentle warrior was theterm.
Yeah, and what it originally wasis I was like crossing out all
these things It was like likewomen like warriors like no It
can't just be warriors like ithas to be this like soft
feminine side And I think I wentthrough a few terms and sat with
them for weeks and then finallylanded on gentle warrior Yeah I
actually remember him.
(31:06):
He was like, well, do you wantto coach?
And I was like, ah, I don't knowcoach.
I don't know what this is goingto look like.
Yeah.
but then, you know, that wasfive years ago.
Fast forward as I just started,really spreading my light.
Like what happened was As youheal, you settle into what your
(31:27):
spiritual gifts are becauseyou're in alignment with your
soul, not aligned with, theconditioning that you have or
the masks that you've put on,right?
So as I began aligning with mysoul and living from that space,
things just began happening inmy life.
So, Women specifically wouldcome to me and talk to me about
things.
I started just sharingvulnerably on social media years
(31:48):
ago around my miscarriages orthings that I was going through,
adoption, infertility, whatever.
And people would connect tothat.
And so people would.
would send me long messages onsocial media of things that they
were going through in their lifethat they couldn't talk to
anybody else about except forme.
Jeremy and I would go to Mexicofor a trip and somebody, some
girl would be crying in my armswithin five minutes of sitting
(32:11):
in the hot tub or like multipletimes where I just noticed like
women are attracted to me and Ifeel safe to them for whatever
reason.
Right.
I don't even know this person.
Yeah.
Yeah.
And they're crying in my arms.
I had another experienceliterally three weeks ago.
We were invited to a birthdaydinner by somebody that we just
(32:33):
had met recently and all theirfriends were there and something
had happened and she had beentriggered by something and she
walked in and walked past allher friends and came to me and
hugged me and just startedsobbing.
And I was like, I just met you.
I don't even know you.
But I looked over at Jeremy and,and we were both like, of
(32:53):
course.
So normal now, because that justwas my purpose.
Like it's just what my soul isaligned with.
And so as I began seeing thesethings come on, it was like,
okay, this is my gift.
How can I monetize this?
Right.
Not that it's about money.
It's like, how can I createthis?
Because the sad thing is peopleinvest in what they invest in.
(33:16):
Oh, totally.
Like if I were just doing thisfor free.
I can help somebody processthrough something, but they may
or may not go totally apply itto their life and integrate it
to who they are.
Yeah.
Right.
So it's like, how can I monetizemyself essentially?
How can I monetize this gift andbring women in this community
together?
So it's not just me.
(33:37):
Like, so it actually is a rippleeffect because I can't touch a
million people.
No.
Right?
Right.
Like, I guess I could.
But I, but I'm not.
Like, that's a lot.
That's like really far off forme.
Yeah.
You know?
But I can touch a hundred andwhoever they touch can touch
people, right?
Yeah.
So that's where Gentle Warriorwas born.
Love it so much.
Um, yeah.
(33:58):
It's so cool to hear like your,like your process of getting
there, because as I've been inyour group for the past year,
it's been literally like, I, I'mnot joking when I say it's
changed my life, my kid's life,my husband's life, like it has
been.
So when you say like you touchedme, I touch, like it is a ripple
effect and you have taughtexactly what you taught yourself
(34:22):
to us.
And it works.
It totally works.
Like it has literally.
Changed my life two years ago.
I couldn't talk on the phone andhere we are Like it's because of
you dude like so thankful likethankful doesn't even cut it but
You did talk a little bit.
You mentioned your miscarriagesand infertility Do you want to
(34:44):
talk about that a little bit?
Sure.
Sure.
I am I've had four miscarriages.
My second son is adopted Myfirst son was like first try Oh,
wow.
Right?
Yeah.
So, my miscarriages, I'm sograteful for them now.
They've been such a goodteaching experience for me, but
it was really hard, right?
(35:04):
Jeremy's sisters, my husband,Jeremy, his sisters all
struggled with infertility.
And I remember when I gotpregnant, like right after I
took my IUDL, I was like, yes,this is not going to be a
struggle for me, right?
And then here we are, eightyears later.
But, essentially.
Nixon taught me so much like,right, which is what I shared.
(35:28):
But I had a miscarriage rightafter Nixon.
I got pregnant when I was six,when he was six months old and I
miscarried that baby at 12weeks.
and then after that I had threemore.
One of them was cancer.
And It was hard.
Yeah.
It was just really hard.
You know?
Yeah.
It's like, as a woman, whenyou're going through that, it's
(35:49):
like, this is the one thing mybody is supposed to be able to
do, and I can't do it.
Yeah.
Right?
And it plays into that story ofI'm not good enough.
Oh yeah.
Oh.
Oh yeah.
Yeah.
It just brought so many morethings to the surface, right,
around that.
So many more stories around mylike, core belief of you're not
good enough.
(36:09):
and so yeah, I just really, Ireally resonate and I really
want to say that like, it's noteasy, you know, and Each of
those four miscarriages taughtme and brought emotions and gave
me another chance actuallyprocess through things instead
of stuffing them under the rug.
(36:31):
Like my first miscarriage Iactually like so funny to me now
it's sad but it's so funny whenI found out it was over um an
ultrasound it was supposed to bemy first ultrasound and laying
there and they like could notfind the heartbeat yeah and the
doctor's like I'm so sorry likeAnd I went, like, stone faced,
(36:53):
stood up, walked out of thatbuilding as fast as I possibly
could, and, like, did not shed atear.
Oh, wow, yeah.
Like, nothing.
Like, went straight into myarmored up, I am fine, right?
Yeah.
Until my last miscarriage, thisis why I say each one was, was
so important for me to practiceletting people in, letting
(37:16):
people take care of me, crying,feeling grief, feeling sadness,
right?
And I do genuinely believe atthis point I created those
miscarriages because of otherbelief systems that I had
stored, right?
Anything that we don't feelthrough becomes disease.
(37:40):
And I had that.
Yeah.
Right?
Yeah.
I had this dis ease in my body.
And if you have dis ease in yourbody, how in the hell are you
supposed to create something?
Yeah.
Right?
Yeah.
And so am I hopeful that stillone day I can have another child
for sure, right?
I'm now at a space where I'mlike, this will happen or it
(38:01):
won't.
But those four miscarriagesbrought me to Gentle Warrior
just as much as anything elsedid, right?
If I had five kids right now,there's no way in hell I'd be
doing what I'm doing.
Yeah.
Number one.
But number two, I learned whatmy power was, and I learned how
(38:25):
I was standing in my own way bynot processing through those
things, right?
Yeah.
So, Yeah, it brings me back toyou just saying like how you've
healed is bringing like takingresponsibility and for you to
say like To have that beautifulbeautiful perspective of like
actually those taught me and Ineeded those to get to where I'm
(38:47):
at Like that's so cool And itgives other people hope of like,
I actually can heal from thisand I can have a perspective one
day, that same perspective ofbeing grateful because it got
you to where you're at.
Yeah.
So I love that.
I mean, my miscarriages are sucha huge part of why I'm here,
right?
Like back then when I had myfirst miscarriage, it was like,
okay, let's do all thesefertility tests to see what's
(39:09):
wrong with you.
Yeah.
Right.
Nothing was wrong with me.
I've had so many surgeries, somany fertility treatments, not
one fertility treatment got mepregnant.
Right.
Yeah.
Okay.
And so it got me to this pointwhere I was like, if nothing's
wrong with me physically.
Yeah.
Something has to be wrongemotionally and let's dive into
what that is and actually howmuch power our emotions have
(39:34):
over what we create, right?
So yeah, I'm so, so beyondgrateful and I just feel like
it's so much more empowering.
You know what?
Like if I die and I leave thisearth and like what I believed
isn't true, you know, but like Icreated these miscarriages in my
life.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Like, I don't even care becausehow much more empowering is it
(39:55):
for me to be like, yeah, Icreated those.
How can I change what I'mcreating?
How can I heal?
How can I shift?
How can I like take my powerback?
So I can live a peaceful, happy,joyful, grieving, sad, like all
the range of emotions life,rather than being like, Oh!
Something's wrong with me.
Yeah.
I love that.
(40:16):
Because when you do pass awayand die, like, you're not gonna,
that didn't hurt you to havethat perspective.
No! That didn't do anything.
It made my life way better.
It made your life way better.
Yeah.
Way more beautiful.
Yeah.
I love that.
tell us about where, tell uswhere you're at right now.
Like how we talked about how yougot here.
Let's talk about where you're atnow, what you're excited about,
those types of things.
(40:39):
Where am I at?
Where am I at now?
I'm, I'm happy.
I live such a peaceful life, andthe reason that I live a
peaceful life is not becauseit's happy all the time.
Yeah.
It's because I have learned tolike ride the wave of this life.
(41:02):
And like, it's actually reallyfun when you can learn to do
that.
Yeah.
Right.
I cannot tell you how many womenI coach that are like, this is
really hard.
I was supposed to start.
Coaching.
And it was supposed to make mylife like happy all the time.
And it was like, you thinkchanging your life and like
taking accountability andhealing is just so you can be
happy all the time.
(41:22):
Like you are 100 percent missingthe mark.
It's so you can learn to feelthrough the range of every human
emotion, because that's whywe're here in this human
experience and like.
Love it.
Yeah.
You know?
Yeah.
And.
I've learned usually after,something is challenging,
something really awesome iscoming.
(41:44):
And if we just like ride thatwave of that low instead of
resisting it, resisting it,resisting it, resisting it, we
can flow through.
Right?
Faster too.
100 percent faster.
It's one of the massive toolsthat we learn is like actually
how fast we move through thingswhen we learn to do that.
Oh my gosh.
I saw a quote the other day thatsaid, emotions last 90 seconds
in your body if you actuallyfeel them.
And I was like, are you kiddingme?
(42:06):
We've stored these emotions whenit took 90 seconds to feel.
Like that's insane actually.
It really is.
It's so crazy.
We just made 90 seconds last 30years.
Yay us.
I know.
It's so true though.
so now I'm just.
present.
Like, I love where I'm at.
I love, I love coaching thewomen that I'm coaching.
(42:29):
I love making my relationshipwith Jeremy that much better
every single day and like livingand relishing in all of the work
that we've done.
Does that mean it's perfect?
No.
Like we fight and we argue andwhatever, but we also are like
super happy and have play andhave the best time together.
Right.
(42:49):
Yeah.
And I'm just so grateful for allof it.
Like I genuinely live such apeaceful life because I've
learned to feel peace throughevery range of the human
experience.
Right.
Yeah.
where am I going?
Just impacting more people.
(43:10):
I do believe that.
That what I have created withGentle Warrior and whatever else
I create is God's work.
I'm just the tool.
I love that.
And I have learned that thesecond that I try to control
outcomes, I fail miserably.
(43:30):
And the more that I trust and Itake action when I'm supposed to
take action, it moves, right?
Yeah.
I launched Gentle Warrior and Isold over 100, 000.
in three days of my coachingprogram.
Yeah.
Because I trusted and I flowedand I moved when I was supposed
(43:50):
to move.
Yeah.
Not because I forced outcomes.
And that is a really interestingway to create something on this
planet right now, especially abusiness.
Oh, totally.
Because you're creatingbusinesses and hustle culture.
Right.
And I've actually had to battlethat.
Like how many men have beenlike, are you doing this?
Are you on top of this?
How, like what's next?
Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah.
Right.
And I'm like, I telling you,like it's going to get there,
(44:14):
but it's going to have to go myway.
And so that's what I'm doing.
I mean, there's a lot comingthat is, that is in the works
right now.
We've got a course coming,really just honing in on the
women that I have in my programnow and making it better because
my priority, just like in mymission statement says, putting
(44:36):
myself, God and my family firstin my life.
And as much as I love my work,they are first.
Yeah.
And I have to allow people in tocreate infrastructure so I can
continue to do what is importantfor me to do.
So, a lot of infrastructures arecoming, a lot of courses are
coming, a lot of ways that wecan reach more people without
(44:56):
taking more time away from work.
My life is what's coming.
So that's so exciting.
It's super fun.
I was actually talking to Nickjust like yesterday, I think
about like the, you were justtouching on it of like feeling
the range of emotions.
And we've been taught like as asociety that like, Emotions are
some emotions are bad, but whyare they bad?
(45:17):
Like they're just emotions andlike we are a human.
We do have the human experience.
We are supposed to feel thosethings.
And when we label them as bad,then we introduce shame and
judgment and all of the thingsthat are just so.
toxic to us.
And so it's just super cool tolike be in your program, to
learn, like, actually theseemotions aren't bad to have my
(45:37):
husband learn that theseemotions aren't bad to like
support each other in that tosupport our children when
they're having meltdowns or likefeeling things really strongly
and be like, actually, it's okayif you cry.
It's okay.
If you're upset, you actuallyhave every right to be pissed at
me right now.
I enforced a rule that youdidn't like.
Yeah.
That's okay.
100%.
Like that's totally fine.
100%.
Aren't kids such a good mirrorfor us too?
(45:57):
Oh, so.
I have to tell you the funniestthing.
Last night, um, Nixon was upset.
Why was he upset?
Oh, I made him eat four carrots.
He's the worst eater ever.
But I was like, you have to eatfour carrots.
Like I'm trying.
Yeah.
To like make him get somevegetables.
Totally.
And, he was so angry and Jeremycomes home and he's like, buddy,
(46:19):
you gotta eat the four carrots,you know?
Yeah.
We were even like, you can havea treat after you Yeah, just eat
the four carrots.
You know?
Nixon goes, hey dad?
I can't even laugh.
Do you have a picture ofyourself?
And he was like, probably why?
He was like, I'm gonna put it onmy pillow.
He was like, how come you'regonna put it on your pillow?
He's like, so I can punch it.
(46:41):
And Jeremy and I just busted uplaughing.
Oh, that's so funny.
Yeah, dude, we'll get you apicture so you can go take out
your anger on us on the pillow.
What a healthy way though.
Yeah.
Like that's so healthy.
He's like, I'm actually angry.
I'm going to go punch a pillowwith your face on it.
Yeah, yes.
And like creating a safe space.
I think that's one of thecoolest parts of Gentle Warrior,
(47:06):
right?
Like how has it been to havewomen where you're just like, I
mean, how many times have weobserved conversations where
it's like, I'm triggered rightnow.
I've done, I've told people thatthey've told me that like you
you're triggering me or youtriggered me.
And it's actually so cool to nothave the women get offended.
Because that's what the societyis right now.
(47:26):
But you've created this spacewhere everyone feels safe enough
that when I say, Hey, youtriggered me, they're like, Oh,
that's interesting.
Why let's dive into that.
Yes.
And we.
Yes.
Like, feel it out.
Yes.
It's so cool.
It's so cool that, like, here'sthis trigger, and this person
triggered you, but can also helpclose the gap.
Yes.
And, like, heal the wound.
Yes.
And close the circle, becauseit's like, okay, let me actually
(47:47):
hold space for you.
Yeah.
Of why I'm triggering you.
Yeah.
Instead of getting defensive andmad and projecting, instead it's
like, oh, let's figure that out.
It's so cool.
And you've done that.
So you should be so proudbecause it's really freaking
cool.
I am.
I love it.
So it's different here, guys.
If you're looking for something,Gentle Lawyer is the thing.
(48:08):
So, where can people find you?
Taryn Nevis on Instagram, T A RY N N E V E S.
And that's where I'm mostactive.
If they're feeling called toGentle Lawyer, when are you
opening up, are you opening upanother group?
Good question.
You don't have to answer.
I'm, I'm not sure if I'm openingup another group.
Okay.
I mean, there will be anothergroup opening, I'm not sure.
(48:30):
What it will look like when.
Yeah.
so follow along.
We're bringing on some coachesto help cool.
Expand that.
Yeah.
three groups is a lot for me.
It is a lot.
Yeah.
So, especially how well you'redoing at it.
It's a lot.
Yeah.
It's a lot, but, and I just,I'm, I'm passionate about
pouring into what's there.
Not.
Focusing on what's next,necessarily, but there is stuff
(48:50):
coming to make it easier.
So just follow along and it'llall be there.
I love that.
One last thing.
If you could tell Taryn 20 yearsago something, what would that
be?
Oh, that's a great question.
I could tell Taryn 20 years agosomething.
Man, I don't know if I'd just,I'd say anything.
I think I'd just hug her.
I love that.
(49:12):
Help her know that she's, isworthy of love.
Like you're perfect exactlywhere you're at.
Yeah.
Right?
Yep.
I love that.
Thanks.
Thank you so much for beinghere.
Thanks for having me.
Doing this.
It's been so fun.
Yeah.
Love you.
Love you.
Thank you Thank you so much fortaking the time to listen.
It means the world to me.
If you liked this episode,please subscribe, leave a
(49:34):
review, and share on Instagram.
If you're not following us,follow at eighthwonderdesigns,
and remember, be proud of whereyou're at.
In the darkness, I found mylight.
In the broken, I found my fight.
Through the struggles, I learnedto soar.
I rose above and I wanted more.
I am the eighth wonder.
Standing tall, I won't be tornasunder.
(00:23):
I've healed the wounds I'veovercome.
I am the eighth wonder.
The strongest one.
Hello, and welcome to the 8thWonder Podcast, inspiring you to
be proud of where you're at, onestory at a time.
I'm your host, Ashley.
(00:43):
Let's get started.
Welcome to episode four.
We have the one and only TarynNevis.
She is my coach, my mentor, myfriend, my sister, all the
things, and I just adore her andI'm so excited for her to be
here.
So say hi, Taryn.
Hi, thanks for having me.
Of course.
I'm so excited.
I just kind of want to startwherever, like in your
(01:05):
childhood, and tell your story.
We'll just have a littleconversation and all the things
you've learned.
I know.
It's like, oh, that's so manydifferent directions we could
go.
It's so true.
I'm just going to trust you andlet you go whatever direction
you feel.
All right, let's do it.
born in California, but raisedin Utah most of my life,
seemingly normal home.
(01:26):
LDS home.
Uh, we were very religious.
I have an older brother, alittle brother, a little sister,
and then my parents were stillmarried.
I was the second oldest and justas a kid learned really early on
that I needed to be quiet andperfect and not cause any
(01:47):
issues.
In order to receive love.
My older brother was a challengefor my parents.
He still is.
Um, and bless his heart, youknow, here's this little two
year old, and then all of asudden he's got this little
sister that comes in and iswhatever reckoned his life,
right?
(02:08):
but I learned, I think from himand my mother that.
I just needed to be seen and notheard, you know, I, from a young
age made sure everybody washappy around me.
And as I progressed into, ateenager and a young adult, I
(02:31):
just managed.
everything that was going onemotionally in the house, right?
Like if my parents werefighting, I was in the middle of
it making sure everybody washeard, or I was who they talked
to about their problems, right?
That's so much for a child.
Yeah.
Oh, I can just like feel howheavy that is.
(02:52):
It was a, it was a lot, right?
And my older brother, who I havea very good relationship with
now, but.
I think it was just challengingfor him, like I said, to have a
little sister.
And so I even remember, it'sactually so funny to think of,
he is two years older than me.
So when I went into junior high,which is 7th grade here in Utah,
(03:14):
so it's 9th where I went toschool, right?
And so I went into 7th grade andhe was in 9th grade.
And if I walked down the samehall as him, I would get beat up
at home later that day.
Are you serious?
Yeah.
Which is like really sad butalso kind of funny, you know,
later on in life.
You can't even walk down thestreet.
I like could not.
I had to like know where hisclasses were or else I was gonna
(03:36):
get beat up, like, I was gonnaget yelled at, so, yeah.
Add that to your plate of likeworry.
You're like literally have thislist of things you're, as a
child, you're worried about.
That's so hard.
Yeah.
So just, yeah.
I took a lot on and became apeople pleaser and became a
perfectionist.
I never felt like I was goodenough, which is a super common
(03:58):
thing, you know, and I just,Became a very closed off, non
emotional, armored up woman.
Yeah.
In my young adult life.
Yeah.
Because of that.
(04:18):
So, how did that play out, like,when you met Jeremy?
Oh, Christ.
Jeremy and I are both very typeA personalities.
Like, we are passionate people.
I was working three jobs andgoing to college, and I didn't
live at home, but I actually metJeremy at church.
I had gone home for sacramentmeeting, um, on Christmas Sunday
(04:41):
and Jeremy was there with hisfamily and our parents were in
the same ward.
And so I saw him there andthat's how I met him.
But At the time, obviouslybecause of being a people
pleaser, I actually took being apeople pleaser a little bit of
an opposite direction than Ithink most women do.
Like, I was so direct with whatI expected of people.
(05:03):
And because I was so hard onmyself, I was really hard on
others.
And so I had a hard timeconnecting to a lot of people.
but because of that, I was alsovery successful in everything
that I was doing, right?
I was dancing professionally,doing well in school, getting, I
mean, I remember, gosh, it wasmy Freshman year of college and
(05:24):
I performed a solo with theseniors for dance because I just
like knew how to get thingsdone.
You worked really hard.
I worked my butt off.
Yeah.
Right.
and so then bringing Jeremy whowas a successful entrepreneur at
the time, we hit it off becausewe both just understood like
drive and like getting thingsdone.
And we were both these type apassionate people about what we
(05:47):
did.
And so a lot of really goodtraits and that's what kind of,
Attracted us to each other untilwe got married.
he proposed and we got marriedand I think after the first week
of marriage, it went like Southreal quick.
I can totally relate.
I have a feeling I know thatactually, but, yeah, it was
(06:11):
just, and you know what, it's sosad to even think about, I
remember getting married And theadvice that I would get, did you
ever do that?
Like at a bachelorette party, itwas like, give the friend your
best advice, right?
The advice I would get was like,you only have a year to train
him.
Oh, did you ever get any advicelike that?
I was like, train him to put thetoilet seat down.
(06:32):
Like you have to train yourhusband to like, be a good
husband within the first 12months of marriage.
So like.
All about control.
All about control.
And I believed it.
Yeah.
Because that's the, I genuinely,like, that's a lot of the advice
that I got.
Oh yeah.
I believe that.
You gotta, like, teach this manhow to treat you, like, all
these, all these things.
(06:52):
And so I did.
And coming from my childhoodthat was very controlling, I was
like, Oh yeah, this makes totalsense.
You know?
Yeah.
It fit in perfectly.
Yeah.
So bless his little heart.
Jeremy actually.
I would get so mad when he wouldleave the toilet seat up.
So he got a piece of lime greenduct tape and would put it
(07:13):
underneath the toilet seat tolike teach him how to put it
down.
Oh, so he learned and he stillputs it down and I'm so
grateful, but point being isthat I was so controlling about
the stupidest shit, you know?
But you didn't know any better.
You were doing the best youcould.
I was doing the best that Icould.
And, and he had his own stuff,right?
that he was bringing to thetable, but we fought stop about
(07:37):
every single thing.
and it just created contentionand anger and frustration.
We actually separated for ashort time, our first year of
marriage, because it was just sotoxic.
Yeah.
What was the turning point foryou guys?
So when we separated, withinthat first year of marriage, I
think we just realized like,Okay.
(07:59):
This is my person.
Yeah.
We'd like go back on dates andwe'd make out and then we'd have
sex.
Yeah.
We're married.
Yeah.
And then it was like, Oh, Iactually like really do love
this person.
Yeah.
and so at that point we justlearned to stuff everything
under the rug.
Like I'm going to pretend thateverything's fine.
(08:19):
I'm going to like communicatethe right way.
We went, we went to which isreally funny to think about.
12 years later.
We went to a therapist, uh, thatwas under LDS Family Services
and it was a woman and she hadnever been married.
Oh.
So she was the worst therapistof all time.
I can only imagine that.
Oh my gosh.
worst therapist of all time, itdidn't go very far with therapy.
(08:42):
Like she would give us the worstadvice.
And from my perspective is Jer,if Jeremy was here, he would say
something else.
But from my perspective, shewould always take his side and
from his perspective, she wouldalways take my side.
Yeah.
but it was just so bad.
Like we'd go to therapy and we'dlike hash out some stupid fight
that we had just had, and thenwe'd leave feeling like crap.
Like it wasn't even solved.
(09:03):
It was just, here's this like.
dumb fight up, up in the smoke.
It's not even like the realproblem of how we believe about
ourselves or anything like that,you know?
so after that we just learned tostuff everything under the rug.
So we did that for five, sixyears until, everything just
kind of blew up when we hadNixon.
(09:24):
Oh, okay.
Nixon is, and you know Nixon,just like a very special spirit.
He came to this earth, and I'veshared this story on many
podcasts before, but, he's veryfeminine.
Like, he's very loving.
He just is who he is.
I love him so much.
And, um, Parenting a feminineboy, like through a wrench in
(09:47):
our belief system and how wehandled situations and how we
handled each other because itwas like, this is abnormal.
Right.
And, I would say that he reallywas the turning point for each
of us because it caused us tolook at our own belief systems
around everything.
(10:08):
When you have a kid that definesthe norm and you have to parent
them differently.
Yeah.
Because we just loved thislittle kid, but he was being
raised in a society where who hewas wasn't loved.
Yeah.
And so when we could start tolook at that belief system, we
could start to look at otherbelief systems.
Yeah.
So that's really what shifted.
That's so beautiful.
(10:30):
And it's beautiful that youstepped up.
Like you're like, I love this,my child unconditionally.
Instead of like looking at whatwas wrong with him and like
blaming him, you were like,actually, what have I been
taught that I don't actuallyresonate with, you know?
So that's super cool.
Yeah.
Good job.
It wasn't easy.
Yeah.
I made lots of mistakes, but,Oh, but you're doing such a good
(10:50):
job.
Thanks.
I really believe that.
You're like, Oh, you got thatlook in your eye.
Let's talk more like I want toget to Gentle Warrior and like
how you got to where you're atnow Let's talk more of like some
beliefs that you learned maybeas a child or some things that
you struggled with as well Let'sjust go a little deeper.
(11:13):
I love it.
Okay, so I would say just like Isaid before the core belief of
what I Believed of myself as achild was that I wasn't good
enough that You It didn't matterhow hard I tried, I wasn't
loved.
I remember, in high school Iactually took Just because
(11:36):
number one, I danced my wholelife, which isn't the healthiest
environment.
but I actually did pertaining toa lot of other people that have
that career, have thatupbringing, had a somewhat
healthy environment in the danceworld, but, and then my home
life as well.
More particularly with my mom,but my dad, my dad and I have a
great relationship and it'sinteresting.
(11:57):
Both my parents parented very,very young.
Polar opposites, but my dad wasgone a lot, working.
And so my mom's belief systemsand how she raised me are really
what took predominantly, over mybelief system and the stories
that I told myself.
Okay.
Like my dad, constantly told mehow Good I was like you can do
(12:20):
anything you put your mind tolike I don't care if this person
is more talented You know arethan like work harder, you know,
yeah, but he was gone a lotYeah, so I had another parent my
mother who was just like she'stalented like you'll never have
that talent right and Sadly, mymother just didn't believe in
(12:43):
herself and, and wasn'tnurtured.
So she didn't know how to holdthat space for her own kids
because she couldn't hold thatspace for herself.
Right.
Totally.
She was so concerned about whatother people thought of her that
she projected that onto herkids.
Right.
So, I even remember one of myvery first dance competitions
(13:03):
when I started doing competitivedancing.
I placed first and thecompetition was really close to
home.
And I told my mom, don't come tomy competition.
And she came and she watched andI placed first and I got a
scholarship.
And the first thing she said waslike, I didn't really like your
facial expressions in thatdance.
So I was like, gosh, like I cannot, it doesn't matter what I
(13:27):
do, like I can never measure upto what is expected of me.
And so those became my stories.
Yeah.
Coming back, the story that Iwas originally saying is in high
school, because of these thingsI was told, I thought if I
believed them about myself, itwould be easier when somebody
else would tell me.
So I wrote, I am statements onmy wall in Sharpie, but they
(13:49):
were all negative things.
I was like.
You're not good enough.
You're not beautiful enough.
Because it was so painful tohear people say those things to
me.
It was like, if I startbelieving them, if I look at
those every single day, then itwon't be as painful.
Darn.
Right?
Yeah.
(14:10):
So, a lot of stories, butunderneath most of it, Was just,
Like, you're not, you're notgood enough.
Yeah, you'll never measure up.
You'll never measure up.
Like, it doesn't matter how hardyou work, or what you do, like,
you'll never be enough.
So hard.
I'm so sorry.
Also, also though, like, youknew those things weren't true.
(14:33):
Like, you literally just said,if I put them on my wall and I
looked at them every day, maybethey'd be less painful.
Yeah.
What's beautiful about that isyou knew.
Like, deep down, you did know.
And so you came back to thateventually.
You let go of those stories.
And how did you get there?
How'd you let go of thosestories?
How'd you become who you are?
Because you're incredible.
And you do believe in yourselfnow.
(14:53):
I do.
I think I'm pretty badass.
You are.
Thank you.
You know, I'm so grateful for mylife.
Like, now, even at the time, Um,like I felt grateful, like I
knew I was strong because of thethings that I went through.
And I do genuinely believe that,that whatever the life before
(15:18):
this looked like, I do genuinelybelieve that my mom volunteered
to be the villain in my story soI could become who I am.
Right.
And I do think that's love.
I do too.
At its deepest level.
Oh yeah.
Right.
Right.
Right.
But how did I heal?
Just fast forward, right here.
(15:39):
I have my kid who are all thesethings that to the world and to
say society aren't good enough,especially the culture you were
raised.
Oh my gosh.
Actually Mormon culture.
Yeah.
Right.
And, I saw him and I was like, Ican either project what happened
(16:01):
to me and like force this kid tobe something Or I can just
accept and love him as he is,and I did, like, I just loved
him.
Like, even when Nixon waslittle, there were people in our
life that said, like, Well, ifyou were in a stay at home mom
and Jeremy was around him more,he wouldn't be this way.
And it's like, no, or he justcame this way.
(16:22):
Yeah, like, that's your own shitthat you're projecting on me.
Yeah, right.
but I did accept and love him.
Just as he was, just like most,most moms do, like, you just
love this little thing so much,you know.
And you can't even imagine themany other way.
No, like, you're like, this iswho you are.
This is who you are.
we did go through a period wherewe tried, it just caused a lot
(16:44):
of issues in my marriage and,and Jeremy faced his own stuff.
And he talks a lot about that,but, where we did try to go full
the opposite way, right?
Like we took all the Barbiesaway, all the things away and
like tried to force him to be inthis little box.
And he was, Angry, like thislittle one and a half year old,
two year old at the time.
hated everyone.
(17:04):
He would just yell and thrashand it was not him at all.
It's not him at all.
Overnight became that, you know?
And so I just learned like,okay, I can, like, this is what
has to be done.
I have to love my kid exactly ashe is.
Right.
And that's what started myjourney.
And through that, reallylearning to like, sit with my
(17:26):
emotion.
look at what happened to me,take accountability for what
happened to me.
I do believe.
That's what I teach.
That's like the foundation ofwhat I teach in Gentle Warrior
and it's really the foundationof what changed my own life.
It's like finally takingaccountability for all the
stories, right?
(17:47):
I'm not good enough.
Like, okay, a part of me doesbelieve that like genuinely a
part of me believes that, right?
And then there's this whole, mysoul part of me, right?
That knows that that's not true.
Like, how do I, bridge this gapbetween this or how do I remove
this one and like let the actualone, my soul, come forward,
(18:09):
right?
And so I just started takingaccountability for my life.
Like, okay, this happened to mewhen I was a kid.
This is how my mom handled me.
This is what I went through.
This is whatever.
Yeah.
But I'm the one that created thestory that's carried on for the
last 25, 30 years of my life.
Yeah.
Nobody else created that story.
No.
I did.
Totally.
(18:29):
And when I started to takeaccountability for those things,
that's when I was able to heal.
That's when I was able to like,feel the emotion, right?
When I would sit with like,you're not good enough.
And like, genuinely, right?
Like that story.
Genuinely sit with like thesestories and, and I'm not good
enough is really like a basis.
Like that's like a real rockbottom of, of them, but like,
(18:54):
Um, let's think if you don't,Oh, no, no.
I feel like a lot of womenresonate this one.
If your house isn't perfectlyclean, you're a crappy mom.
Yeah.
Right.
You're like, you're a crappywife.
Like you are incapable of thesimplest task, right?
Yeah.
which is a simple one.
There's thousands that we couldgo into, but it's like, okay,
(19:15):
can I just like sit with, am Ireally a crappy wife because I
can't keep my house clean?
Yeah.
The answer is no.
No, but feeling through that isdifferent.
And I actually think that's sucha huge tool Because so often
even when I had coaches somecoaches or some therapists They
I'd be like, well, this is howI'm feeling.
(19:37):
Like I feel like I have to dothis to receive this I feel like
I have to be kind in order toreceive love.
Yeah, but then I don't feel kindright now Yeah, I want to be
pissed.
I want to be pissed.
Yeah, right and they'd be like,well just know that you're not
You're not.
So it's just like bypassingthis, like all of it.
Right.
Or if it's like, I feel like I'mnot good enough.
And they're like, but you aregood enough.
(19:57):
Yeah.
I was like, Oh, I did nothelping.
You're not bridging the gapthere at all.
Like, okay.
I could sit here and tell myselfover and over and over again,
like, you're good enough.
You're good enough.
You're good enough.
But some part of me wasn'tbelieving it.
Totally.
Right.
And it's the wounds.
It's the holes.
Yeah.
So I had to bridge that gap.
And the way that I did that wasfeeling the not good enough.
(20:20):
Yeah.
Like allowing yourself to feelthat.
Yes for the first time.
Yes, and I will never forget Youknow this but I will never
forget the first time I triedfeeling emotion Because through
all of this stuff, like I said,I wrote these things on my wall.
What I did was shut downEmotion.
Yeah, I shut down negativeemotion, but I also shut down
positive emotion Right?
(20:42):
So I was just this, like,robotic person walking through
life.
but I remember the first time I,like, tried to tap into an
emotion.
Something happened, I don't evenremember what, but I was sitting
downstairs in my house and I waslike, I feel sad.
I was like, normally somebodywould cry if they're sad or
like, Something and I couldn'tdo it.
Yeah, I remember sitting therewas like you you fucked up
(21:04):
feeling sad That's how I feltyeah, and then I just realized
okay, this is something I've gotto practice like the fact that I
feel sad And I can't even cry.
Yeah right now.
Yeah is like, holy crap.
It's huge.
So I just started practicingthat Yeah, like okay.
I'm just gonna sit in thesefeelings like I'm not good
(21:26):
enough right now.
I don't feel good enough rightnow.
That makes me feel sad.
It makes me feel like grief thatmakes me feel like, why don't I
feel this?
And that started bringing up allthose stories from my childhood.
Right.
And then sitting in thoseemotions.
And let him actually come out iswhat bridged the gap.
Because once I start feelingthose, I build trust within
(21:48):
myself.
Once I build trust with myself,I count on myself and if I can
count on myself, I must be goodenough.
Totally.
I love that.
And that's when my soul startscoming through.
Yeah.
It's interesting.
We just did the episode with mymarriage counselor and he talked
about the stories that we createand he made a point of like, We
(22:08):
did that when we were like, saywe were 11, whatever.
That was the best that we coulddo at the time.
But those stories don't grow upwith us.
Like they stay at 11 years old.
So then when we're 33 and we'retrying to like, we're back at 11
years old, we actually have tofeel that it's never going to go
anywhere.
Yes.
You're going to be stuck in 11year old Ashley and Taryn and
thinking.
(22:29):
I'm not good enough.
Yeah.
So that's what you have taught.
And it's been so beautiful toimplement that my life to not
use distractions.
Right.
Cause that's the main one thatwe do is like, we bury it.
We're like, Oh, if I get busy,if I go clean my house, if I go
help somebody, if I be a martyr,if I be whatever, like, then I
don't have to feel what I'mactually feeling and that feels
(22:51):
safe, but it's not that'scontrol.
Yeah.
And it doesn't help you heal atall.
Yes.
It's so funny that you say thatbecause it makes me think of
like going to the gym Yeah Howoften do you see on social media
that people are like going tothe gym is my therapy going to
the gym helps me Get theseemotions out and it's like Yeah,
(23:12):
like no you're doing an actionthat makes you feel better the
point of you doing it is becauseit makes you feel better Yeah,
that's what we're avoiding.
Like we're all humans trying toavoid Feeling bad.
Yeah.
That's why we created thosestories.
I wrote those things on my wallthat were painful to avoid pain.
Right.
Yeah.
It's so funny.
(23:33):
Like, we're like, we actually dowhat we don't.
Yeah.
Like we actually bring tofruition what we don't want to
bring to fruition because it'swhat we're focused on.
Yes.
100%.
Yeah.
And so people use even healthythings.
Yeah.
Going to the gym.
Yeah.
As, a distraction from what's,Actually going on.
Yeah.
(23:53):
Right.
Not saying they're going to thegym and working on promotions
isn't a great thing, but knowingwhat you're doing, why you're
doing it, and actually feelingthose is the massive shift.
Yeah.
It's the intention behind it,right?
If you're actually going to thegym to clear the energy that
you've already felt, that'sdifferent than going to the gym
to avoid the feeling that youdon't want to feel.
Yeah.
Yeah, totally.
I love that.
(24:14):
And you've taught that so well.
It's been huge.
Like really it's changed mylife.
So I'm so thankful for that.
Yeah, how'd you get, let's get,let's like dive into Gentle
Warrior.
GW?
Yeah, the amazing group thatyou've created.
It's so incredible.
You know, I've actually nevertold this story that I'm going
to tell here in a minute but,through my process, like, At the
(24:39):
time I was going through this, Ididn't have the tools, and I
didn't even have, I didn't havethe coaches, I didn't have the
therapists, the therapists thatI had gone to were not teaching
me these skills.
Yeah.
I'm not saying that there's nottherapists out there that teach
those, but the ones that I wasaround did not.
Yeah.
I genuinely figured it out bymyself, right?
And, Through trial and error andlike sitting in the dark and
(25:02):
like figuring out what workedand, and wanting like just
connection, you know, and I willsay I didn't fully do it by
myself.
I had, three very special peoplein my life.
Well, four, including myhusband, Andy and Stacey
McEvins, Jimmy Rex and Jeremywere four insanely important
(25:24):
people in my life who When I wasfinally sitting with painful
things, Jess loved me.
Like, there was zero comment ortrying to change who I was or
how I was doing it or trying to,like, fix.
They weren't even like, I waslike, I'm feeling this and
they're like, oh, you should dothis and this and this to avoid
(25:46):
this feeling.
They just were like, sister.
I love you.
I love you.
And that changed my life.
And, throughout this process, Ijust became really passionate
about women because as Iobserved all of these things
(26:06):
that I had gone through, Sadly,I mean, I'm a woman and my
relationships with women,magnified those stories in a
negative way for me.
Yeah.
Right.
My relationships with my friendsin high school, in college, when
I was early married, all theydid was like, highlight.
(26:28):
You're not good enough, right?
Like, sadly, I do believe thatmost women, we, we, most of us
feel a lot of these things,regardless of what your trauma
was.
Most, most of us are facingthese things, right?
And so we just project ontoothers, like, well, if you, if I
have a nicer house than you,then I'm better than you, then
I'm better than you.
Right.
(26:48):
Or like if I'm more fit thanyou, or if I, like my friends in
my young adult life, We're like,so when are you gonna build your
dream home?
And I'm like, you know, I'm 24.
Yeah, I don't wanna build mydream home.
Stop putting pressure on me.
But like, that's how it was, youknow?
Or, or, just Like, what's thenext purse you're going to buy?
(27:08):
Yeah.
Competition.
How are your kids, like, justgossip?
Like, just so yucky.
Ugh.
You know?
And throughout this process, Ibecame really passionate about
women because I was like, if wecan, like, change this game for
women the way that I justchanged this game for myself,
like, this is life changing.
Yeah.
Like, for everyone.
It is.
Marriages, children.
Literally everyone.
(27:28):
Everyone.
It's a trickle.
Like, it literally, yeah.
So, I became really passionateabout women, like women
empowerment, not, not feminismwomen empowerment, like genuine
women empowerment, right?
Like really showing women howbeautiful, how special, how
magical, how powerful, like, howcreative, how godlike they
(27:53):
genuinely are just at the core.
Yeah.
Yeah.
So, that became my life'smission, and the story that I
have never shared is, a reallydeep connection to God.
I always have, even when I was amember of the church, which I'm
not anymore, but that doesn'ttake away the fact that I had a
lot of spiritual experiences inthe church.
(28:16):
And I've now had a lot ofspiritual experiences outside of
it.
And, I got my patriarchalblessing when I was 18.
And do I believe all patriarchalblessings are magical?
Whatever.
No.
And what a patriarchal blessingis, is, you know, it's a
blessing from, somebody in thechurch that, that basically goes
into like what your life'spurpose is, right?
(28:37):
And I know enough people thattheir patriarchal blessing is
nothing special, but mine was.
My, when I got my patriarchalblessing when I was 18, the man
that gave me my blessing wasbawling.
It was like, whatever you do,like you have to do this.
My patriarchal blessing says youwill lead millions of women back
home.
Oh my gosh.
(28:58):
And that was years ago.
Years ago.
Yeah, right.
And I remember when I got that Iwas like me I'm doing that You
know, yeah, and and I loved itand to be honest, I didn't think
about that for years Yeah, rightand then here I am fast forward
(29:18):
20 not 20 years.
I'm not that old 10 years, 18 to28, right?
I was like, Oh my gosh, I'mpassionate about these women.
And here we are.
Yeah.
Right.
That's so freaking cool.
Yeah.
That's way cool.
So did you know, like, when didyou know you were going to,
(29:40):
Create something like gentlewarrior.
So one of my very first coaches,he took me through a lot of, not
a whole lot of healing, but alot of like personal development
programs that helped me piecetogether, like, what is my
purpose?
Which is such a big thingnowadays.
Like it's such a trendy topic,which I have my own beliefs on.
Yeah.
(30:01):
At the time it was like, yeah, Iwant to figure out what my
purpose is.
So he like took me through theseprograms and we did this like
process of elimination,essentially like what lights you
up?
And we would just write it alldown, like a whole whiteboard
filled with things.
And basically what it came downto is like women, like I said,
but.
but warrior women.
(30:22):
And so during that and throughall my healing and through what
I was passionate about, and thisis four or five years ago now, I
was sitting down with this coachand we wrote on my purpose.
And my purpose statement is Iinspire millions of women around
the world to find a little bit.
Find and live into their gentlewarrior selves by while putting
God, myself, and my family firstin my life.
(30:45):
And so gentle warrior was theterm.
Yeah, and what it originally wasis I was like crossing out all
these things It was like likewomen like warriors like no It
can't just be warriors like ithas to be this like soft
feminine side And I think I wentthrough a few terms and sat with
them for weeks and then finallylanded on gentle warrior Yeah I
actually remember him.
(31:06):
He was like, well, do you wantto coach?
And I was like, ah, I don't knowcoach.
I don't know what this is goingto look like.
Yeah.
but then, you know, that wasfive years ago.
Fast forward as I just started,really spreading my light.
Like what happened was As youheal, you settle into what your
(31:27):
spiritual gifts are becauseyou're in alignment with your
soul, not aligned with, theconditioning that you have or
the masks that you've put on,right?
So as I began aligning with mysoul and living from that space,
things just began happening inmy life.
So, Women specifically wouldcome to me and talk to me about
things.
I started just sharingvulnerably on social media years
(31:48):
ago around my miscarriages orthings that I was going through,
adoption, infertility, whatever.
And people would connect tothat.
And so people would.
would send me long messages onsocial media of things that they
were going through in their lifethat they couldn't talk to
anybody else about except forme.
Jeremy and I would go to Mexicofor a trip and somebody, some
girl would be crying in my armswithin five minutes of sitting
(32:11):
in the hot tub or like multipletimes where I just noticed like
women are attracted to me and Ifeel safe to them for whatever
reason.
Right.
I don't even know this person.
Yeah.
Yeah.
And they're crying in my arms.
I had another experienceliterally three weeks ago.
We were invited to a birthdaydinner by somebody that we just
(32:33):
had met recently and all theirfriends were there and something
had happened and she had beentriggered by something and she
walked in and walked past allher friends and came to me and
hugged me and just startedsobbing.
And I was like, I just met you.
I don't even know you.
But I looked over at Jeremy and,and we were both like, of
(32:53):
course.
So normal now, because that justwas my purpose.
Like it's just what my soul isaligned with.
And so as I began seeing thesethings come on, it was like,
okay, this is my gift.
How can I monetize this?
Right.
Not that it's about money.
It's like, how can I createthis?
Because the sad thing is peopleinvest in what they invest in.
(33:16):
Oh, totally.
Like if I were just doing thisfor free.
I can help somebody processthrough something, but they may
or may not go totally apply itto their life and integrate it
to who they are.
Yeah.
Right.
So it's like, how can I monetizemyself essentially?
How can I monetize this gift andbring women in this community
together?
So it's not just me.
(33:37):
Like, so it actually is a rippleeffect because I can't touch a
million people.
No.
Right?
Right.
Like, I guess I could.
But I, but I'm not.
Like, that's a lot.
That's like really far off forme.
Yeah.
You know?
But I can touch a hundred andwhoever they touch can touch
people, right?
Yeah.
So that's where Gentle Warriorwas born.
Love it so much.
Um, yeah.
(33:58):
It's so cool to hear like your,like your process of getting
there, because as I've been inyour group for the past year,
it's been literally like, I, I'mnot joking when I say it's
changed my life, my kid's life,my husband's life, like it has
been.
So when you say like you touchedme, I touch, like it is a ripple
effect and you have taughtexactly what you taught yourself
(34:22):
to us.
And it works.
It totally works.
Like it has literally.
Changed my life two years ago.
I couldn't talk on the phone andhere we are Like it's because of
you dude like so thankful likethankful doesn't even cut it but
You did talk a little bit.
You mentioned your miscarriagesand infertility Do you want to
(34:44):
talk about that a little bit?
Sure.
Sure.
I am I've had four miscarriages.
My second son is adopted Myfirst son was like first try Oh,
wow.
Right?
Yeah.
So, my miscarriages, I'm sograteful for them now.
They've been such a goodteaching experience for me, but
it was really hard, right?
(35:04):
Jeremy's sisters, my husband,Jeremy, his sisters all
struggled with infertility.
And I remember when I gotpregnant, like right after I
took my IUDL, I was like, yes,this is not going to be a
struggle for me, right?
And then here we are, eightyears later.
But, essentially.
Nixon taught me so much like,right, which is what I shared.
(35:28):
But I had a miscarriage rightafter Nixon.
I got pregnant when I was six,when he was six months old and I
miscarried that baby at 12weeks.
and then after that I had threemore.
One of them was cancer.
And It was hard.
Yeah.
It was just really hard.
You know?
Yeah.
It's like, as a woman, whenyou're going through that, it's
(35:49):
like, this is the one thing mybody is supposed to be able to
do, and I can't do it.
Yeah.
Right?
And it plays into that story ofI'm not good enough.
Oh yeah.
Oh.
Oh yeah.
Yeah.
It just brought so many morethings to the surface, right,
around that.
So many more stories around mylike, core belief of you're not
good enough.
(36:09):
and so yeah, I just really, Ireally resonate and I really
want to say that like, it's noteasy, you know, and Each of
those four miscarriages taughtme and brought emotions and gave
me another chance actuallyprocess through things instead
of stuffing them under the rug.
(36:31):
Like my first miscarriage Iactually like so funny to me now
it's sad but it's so funny whenI found out it was over um an
ultrasound it was supposed to bemy first ultrasound and laying
there and they like could notfind the heartbeat yeah and the
doctor's like I'm so sorry likeAnd I went, like, stone faced,
(36:53):
stood up, walked out of thatbuilding as fast as I possibly
could, and, like, did not shed atear.
Oh, wow, yeah.
Like, nothing.
Like, went straight into myarmored up, I am fine, right?
Yeah.
Until my last miscarriage, thisis why I say each one was, was
so important for me to practiceletting people in, letting
(37:16):
people take care of me, crying,feeling grief, feeling sadness,
right?
And I do genuinely believe atthis point I created those
miscarriages because of otherbelief systems that I had
stored, right?
Anything that we don't feelthrough becomes disease.
(37:40):
And I had that.
Yeah.
Right?
Yeah.
I had this dis ease in my body.
And if you have dis ease in yourbody, how in the hell are you
supposed to create something?
Yeah.
Right?
Yeah.
And so am I hopeful that stillone day I can have another child
for sure, right?
I'm now at a space where I'mlike, this will happen or it
(38:01):
won't.
But those four miscarriagesbrought me to Gentle Warrior
just as much as anything elsedid, right?
If I had five kids right now,there's no way in hell I'd be
doing what I'm doing.
Yeah.
Number one.
But number two, I learned whatmy power was, and I learned how
(38:25):
I was standing in my own way bynot processing through those
things, right?
Yeah.
So, Yeah, it brings me back toyou just saying like how you've
healed is bringing like takingresponsibility and for you to
say like To have that beautifulbeautiful perspective of like
actually those taught me and Ineeded those to get to where I'm
(38:47):
at Like that's so cool And itgives other people hope of like,
I actually can heal from thisand I can have a perspective one
day, that same perspective ofbeing grateful because it got
you to where you're at.
Yeah.
So I love that.
I mean, my miscarriages are sucha huge part of why I'm here,
right?
Like back then when I had myfirst miscarriage, it was like,
okay, let's do all thesefertility tests to see what's
(39:09):
wrong with you.
Yeah.
Right.
Nothing was wrong with me.
I've had so many surgeries, somany fertility treatments, not
one fertility treatment got mepregnant.
Right.
Yeah.
Okay.
And so it got me to this pointwhere I was like, if nothing's
wrong with me physically.
Yeah.
Something has to be wrongemotionally and let's dive into
what that is and actually howmuch power our emotions have
(39:34):
over what we create, right?
So yeah, I'm so, so beyondgrateful and I just feel like
it's so much more empowering.
You know what?
Like if I die and I leave thisearth and like what I believed
isn't true, you know, but like Icreated these miscarriages in my
life.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Like, I don't even care becausehow much more empowering is it
(39:55):
for me to be like, yeah, Icreated those.
How can I change what I'mcreating?
How can I heal?
How can I shift?
How can I like take my powerback?
So I can live a peaceful, happy,joyful, grieving, sad, like all
the range of emotions life,rather than being like, Oh!
Something's wrong with me.
Yeah.
I love that.
(40:16):
Because when you do pass awayand die, like, you're not gonna,
that didn't hurt you to havethat perspective.
No! That didn't do anything.
It made my life way better.
It made your life way better.
Yeah.
Way more beautiful.
Yeah.
I love that.
tell us about where, tell uswhere you're at right now.
Like how we talked about how yougot here.
Let's talk about where you're atnow, what you're excited about,
those types of things.
(40:39):
Where am I at?
Where am I at now?
I'm, I'm happy.
I live such a peaceful life, andthe reason that I live a
peaceful life is not becauseit's happy all the time.
Yeah.
It's because I have learned tolike ride the wave of this life.
(41:02):
And like, it's actually reallyfun when you can learn to do
that.
Yeah.
Right.
I cannot tell you how many womenI coach that are like, this is
really hard.
I was supposed to start.
Coaching.
And it was supposed to make mylife like happy all the time.
And it was like, you thinkchanging your life and like
taking accountability andhealing is just so you can be
happy all the time.
(41:22):
Like you are 100 percent missingthe mark.
It's so you can learn to feelthrough the range of every human
emotion, because that's whywe're here in this human
experience and like.
Love it.
Yeah.
You know?
Yeah.
And.
I've learned usually after,something is challenging,
something really awesome iscoming.
(41:44):
And if we just like ride thatwave of that low instead of
resisting it, resisting it,resisting it, resisting it, we
can flow through.
Right?
Faster too.
100 percent faster.
It's one of the massive toolsthat we learn is like actually
how fast we move through thingswhen we learn to do that.
Oh my gosh.
I saw a quote the other day thatsaid, emotions last 90 seconds
in your body if you actuallyfeel them.
And I was like, are you kiddingme?
(42:06):
We've stored these emotions whenit took 90 seconds to feel.
Like that's insane actually.
It really is.
It's so crazy.
We just made 90 seconds last 30years.
Yay us.
I know.
It's so true though.
so now I'm just.
present.
Like, I love where I'm at.
I love, I love coaching thewomen that I'm coaching.
(42:29):
I love making my relationshipwith Jeremy that much better
every single day and like livingand relishing in all of the work
that we've done.
Does that mean it's perfect?
No.
Like we fight and we argue andwhatever, but we also are like
super happy and have play andhave the best time together.
Right.
(42:49):
Yeah.
And I'm just so grateful for allof it.
Like I genuinely live such apeaceful life because I've
learned to feel peace throughevery range of the human
experience.
Right.
Yeah.
where am I going?
Just impacting more people.
(43:10):
I do believe that.
That what I have created withGentle Warrior and whatever else
I create is God's work.
I'm just the tool.
I love that.
And I have learned that thesecond that I try to control
outcomes, I fail miserably.
(43:30):
And the more that I trust and Itake action when I'm supposed to
take action, it moves, right?
Yeah.
I launched Gentle Warrior and Isold over 100, 000.
in three days of my coachingprogram.
Yeah.
Because I trusted and I flowedand I moved when I was supposed
(43:50):
to move.
Yeah.
Not because I forced outcomes.
And that is a really interestingway to create something on this
planet right now, especially abusiness.
Oh, totally.
Because you're creatingbusinesses and hustle culture.
Right.
And I've actually had to battlethat.
Like how many men have beenlike, are you doing this?
Are you on top of this?
How, like what's next?
Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah.
Right.
And I'm like, I telling you,like it's going to get there,
(44:14):
but it's going to have to go myway.
And so that's what I'm doing.
I mean, there's a lot comingthat is, that is in the works
right now.
We've got a course coming,really just honing in on the
women that I have in my programnow and making it better because
my priority, just like in mymission statement says, putting
(44:36):
myself, God and my family firstin my life.
And as much as I love my work,they are first.
Yeah.
And I have to allow people in tocreate infrastructure so I can
continue to do what is importantfor me to do.
So, a lot of infrastructures arecoming, a lot of courses are
coming, a lot of ways that wecan reach more people without
(44:56):
taking more time away from work.
My life is what's coming.
So that's so exciting.
It's super fun.
I was actually talking to Nickjust like yesterday, I think
about like the, you were justtouching on it of like feeling
the range of emotions.
And we've been taught like as asociety that like, Emotions are
some emotions are bad, but whyare they bad?
(45:17):
Like they're just emotions andlike we are a human.
We do have the human experience.
We are supposed to feel thosethings.
And when we label them as bad,then we introduce shame and
judgment and all of the thingsthat are just so.
toxic to us.
And so it's just super cool tolike be in your program, to
learn, like, actually theseemotions aren't bad to have my
(45:37):
husband learn that theseemotions aren't bad to like
support each other in that tosupport our children when
they're having meltdowns or likefeeling things really strongly
and be like, actually, it's okayif you cry.
It's okay.
If you're upset, you actuallyhave every right to be pissed at
me right now.
I enforced a rule that youdidn't like.
Yeah.
That's okay.
100%.
Like that's totally fine.
100%.
Aren't kids such a good mirrorfor us too?
(45:57):
Oh, so.
I have to tell you the funniestthing.
Last night, um, Nixon was upset.
Why was he upset?
Oh, I made him eat four carrots.
He's the worst eater ever.
But I was like, you have to eatfour carrots.
Like I'm trying.
Yeah.
To like make him get somevegetables.
Totally.
And, he was so angry and Jeremycomes home and he's like, buddy,
(46:19):
you gotta eat the four carrots,you know?
Yeah.
We were even like, you can havea treat after you Yeah, just eat
the four carrots.
You know?
Nixon goes, hey dad?
I can't even laugh.
Do you have a picture ofyourself?
And he was like, probably why?
He was like, I'm gonna put it onmy pillow.
He was like, how come you'regonna put it on your pillow?
He's like, so I can punch it.
(46:41):
And Jeremy and I just busted uplaughing.
Oh, that's so funny.
Yeah, dude, we'll get you apicture so you can go take out
your anger on us on the pillow.
What a healthy way though.
Yeah.
Like that's so healthy.
He's like, I'm actually angry.
I'm going to go punch a pillowwith your face on it.
Yeah, yes.
And like creating a safe space.
I think that's one of thecoolest parts of Gentle Warrior,
(47:06):
right?
Like how has it been to havewomen where you're just like, I
mean, how many times have weobserved conversations where
it's like, I'm triggered rightnow.
I've done, I've told people thatthey've told me that like you
you're triggering me or youtriggered me.
And it's actually so cool to nothave the women get offended.
Because that's what the societyis right now.
(47:26):
But you've created this spacewhere everyone feels safe enough
that when I say, Hey, youtriggered me, they're like, Oh,
that's interesting.
Why let's dive into that.
Yes.
And we.
Yes.
Like, feel it out.
Yes.
It's so cool.
It's so cool that, like, here'sthis trigger, and this person
triggered you, but can also helpclose the gap.
Yes.
And, like, heal the wound.
Yes.
And close the circle, becauseit's like, okay, let me actually
(47:47):
hold space for you.
Yeah.
Of why I'm triggering you.
Yeah.
Instead of getting defensive andmad and projecting, instead it's
like, oh, let's figure that out.
It's so cool.
And you've done that.
So you should be so proudbecause it's really freaking
cool.
I am.
I love it.
So it's different here, guys.
If you're looking for something,Gentle Lawyer is the thing.
(48:08):
So, where can people find you?
Taryn Nevis on Instagram, T A RY N N E V E S.
And that's where I'm mostactive.
If they're feeling called toGentle Lawyer, when are you
opening up, are you opening upanother group?
Good question.
You don't have to answer.
I'm, I'm not sure if I'm openingup another group.
Okay.
I mean, there will be anothergroup opening, I'm not sure.
(48:30):
What it will look like when.
Yeah.
so follow along.
We're bringing on some coachesto help cool.
Expand that.
Yeah.
three groups is a lot for me.
It is a lot.
Yeah.
So, especially how well you'redoing at it.
It's a lot.
Yeah.
It's a lot, but, and I just,I'm, I'm passionate about
pouring into what's there.
Not.
Focusing on what's next,necessarily, but there is stuff
(48:50):
coming to make it easier.
So just follow along and it'llall be there.
I love that.
One last thing.
If you could tell Taryn 20 yearsago something, what would that
be?
Oh, that's a great question.
I could tell Taryn 20 years agosomething.
Man, I don't know if I'd just,I'd say anything.
I think I'd just hug her.
I love that.
(49:12):
Help her know that she's, isworthy of love.
Like you're perfect exactlywhere you're at.
Yeah.
Right?
Yep.
I love that.
Thanks.
Thank you so much for beinghere.
Thanks for having me.
Doing this.
It's been so fun.
Yeah.
Love you.
Love you.
Thank you Thank you so much fortaking the time to listen.
It means the world to me.
If you liked this episode,please subscribe, leave a
(49:34):
review, and share on Instagram.
If you're not following us,follow at eighthwonderdesigns,
and remember, be proud of whereyou're at.
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