August 25, 2025 • 39 mins
Ali makes a promise to Sam that he can’t keep and she doesn't take it well. Shorna travels to Albania to meet Adnan again, this time with an ultimatum. Marco and Sarah talk about where they’ll live once they’re married, as well as the all-important topic of dance. Andrew goes back to the Philippines for his wedding, but has some bad news for Arrah and her family.
Watch the full podcast on YouTube
https://www.youtube.com/@90dayfiancehonestly
https://90dayhonestly.wixsite.com/90dayfiancehonestly
Mark as Played
Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
(00:00):
Hi, Amy. Happy yesterday we watched 90
Day UK Season 4 episode 9 which I found to be slightly boring.
Thought it was so short. I.
Didn't write many notes at all and then when it said in the
next episode I was like but whathappened in this episode?
(00:20):
Oh dear. Not a very good sign.
Well, let's talk about it and see what happens first, though,
one and two one rate review and follow us wherever you listen to
the podcast 2 watch us on YouTube at 90 day fiance.
Honestly, let us begin. Was Sam and Allie my favorites?
(00:41):
Oh Lord, and this one was a hardone to watch.
This was. So difficult.
She's getting on my nerves. Again, they're both getting on
my nerves. Yes, but her more so than him.
Isn't this what happened last season?
He does a nice thing for her, like making a date night and she
just craps all over it. Yeah, she doesn't.
(01:01):
That she doesn't appreciate. I think the whole thing that
irritated me about him in this episode was the video games, and
he said he wasn't going to play video games.
OK, well, let's let's let's do do that then.
Well, I'm. Promised jumping because I feel
like I missed out on half the. Episode it doesn't really make a
(01:24):
difference, I think if you did miss out on half the episode
with this one because virtually nothing happened.
However, the promise that Ali makes to Sam, I will not play
video games for the two weeks that you were here in Turkey.
Is that a big deal? Did you feel like this was
important? I mean, it depends on how much
he plays. Yeah, but she she said.
(01:45):
I want 100% of your attention while I'm here.
As you. Would are you a child?
Are you an infant? Do you require constant
supervision? Who wants 100% attention all the
time unless they're, I don't know, a narcissist?
Because I like a little bit of time to myself, thank you very
much. Maybe a little routine in the
(02:06):
evening to wind down. Not, not Sam.
Not Sam. OK.
Not Sam. And you know, it's been 5 months
since I've seen each each other,so you'd figure that you know
they'd be all enamored with eachother and want to spend every
waking moment with each other. Possibly, depending on how long
she's. There just there two weeks.
(02:27):
But like both of them. I just felt like, why is the
gaming such a big deal to her that he's not allowed to have
any time to himself and she alsocan't spend any time alone
because she's not capable of amusing herself for longer than
10 minutes. Well, I think that might
actually be the issue. She has nothing else to do.
(02:49):
She wants him to grovel over herattention and he has to do
nothing but all the things that she says.
That this dynamic drives me crazy.
He's constantly trying to live up to her expectations.
She's not really communicating what her expectations are.
He is not trying to live up to her expectations, he's living up
(03:13):
to the absolute bare minimum. So the point where she quote UN
quote compromises so that he canmove to the UK.
OK. What I mean is he makes the
effort to take her out and do stuff with her.
We saw that in the first season.She is not appreciative of his
efforts. So he cannot live up to her
(03:34):
expectations no matter what he does, regardless of the amount
of effort that's actually going into those special things that
he plans for her. Like this date where they start
discussing the potential of her converting to Islam.
On the one hand, funny because we know that Sam has a thing
with pork and she probably will not convert just because of
(03:57):
that, or else she'll convert butnot observe that aspect of the
religion. And then Ali gives her a copy of
the Quran to read, which is great.
I was like OK, that's that's cool.
But. Even though he prefaces it with.
You know, I didn't want to download an English version of
the Quran, but here you are. Wait, so the one she's reading
(04:19):
is in Turkish or in Arabic? No, I think it's in English.
Yes, he didn't want to. Oh, he didn't want to, but he
did it all for her. That's what I got.
I could have been wrong. He has acknowledged in this
episode that she's been learningTurkish.
I mean, maybe she's fluent whilereading, I don't know.
But but he was just so hesitant.Oh, you know, I didn't want to
(04:41):
download the English version, but you know, here, here we go.
That makes more sense to me thathe doesn't want to download it
because it's probably lost something in translation.
It's better in the original, or it's better in whatever language
he could considers it to be better in.
It's probably just more traditional to read it in the
language and in which it was written to preserve the
(05:01):
authenticity and as you said, you know the meetings because
sometimes things are lost in translation.
Yes, and as sweet of a gesture as it is for him to give her
this first bit of his religious culture to explore, he then
takes off immediately so that they can't discuss it.
They can't go through it together.
It's just here you go have fun. Knock yourself out.
(05:24):
I'm I've got to do something which he lies about.
Of course we know he goes gaming.
He lies about being on a phone call with a friend of his.
She goes ballistic. She.
I can understand her frustrationwith it because he did just
ditch her. Though at the same time, it's
not like he said. I am ignorant when it comes to
(05:47):
the the Quran. I don't know how it's written.
But you know, with the Bible, it's, you know, a certain
passage. You know, why don't you read
this passage? Then we'll discuss it almost
like a Bible. Study but he.
Just like dishes her with it. Does he expect her to sit there
and drink what looks like delicious Turkish coffee and
(06:09):
she's going to read the whole thing and then come back and
she's going to be absolutely buzzing from all of that
caffeine and she's eventually going to find him or he's going
to come back in time? Like what?
What is? That it's bizarre beyond words.
I don't. I wanted to know how long was
she actually sitting in that cafe by herself before she
realized. He's taken off.
(06:31):
I bet he was 20 minutes I. I I have no doubt it was 5 to 20
minutes maximum. She probably didn't even have a
pee break. No, I'm sure she has 0 patience
whatsoever. And then the odd thing is that
she knew exactly where to go to find him.
Or maybe production LED her. OK, there could be that, but
(06:52):
she's in a town, a city she doesn't know very well, and yet
she manages to navigate to go exactly to the spot where Ollie
is playing video games, and he just.
Happens to be playing right in front of the window.
And also, does she not have a cell phone?
Yeah. Are they not tracking each
(07:12):
other's location? Maybe.
Maybe they are. That's how she found him.
If there are all kinds of holes in this, it did seem very much
like a setup to me. But I think it's a beautiful
illustration of how much she wants to control him and how
much he's finding the loopholes and finding his little passive
aggressive ways to manipulate her so that he could do the
(07:34):
stuff that he wants to do. And you know, the kid, he's a
lot smarter than what he leads on.
You know, he, you know, the lastepisode with him taking her to
the specific market, playing into the whole, you know, fish
gills thing. And and she plays right into it,
like he knows how to manipulate her like nobody else's business
(07:56):
business. Like this kid is not stupid.
He's an how do I even decipher between being an idiot versus
stupid? I don't even know.
But he's he's an idiot. But you know, she was saying to
him, I think it was when they were having dinner.
Oh, yeah. When, when I moved here.
And he doesn't correct her. He's going to wait because he's
(08:20):
going to tarnish anything that'sgood about living in Turkey
because that's in his best, bestinterest, because he wants to
move to the UK. Also very disappointed today,
UK, because we didn't see what they were eating and they were
both like, oh, this is really good.
OK, now you're now you're just teasing anyway.
(08:41):
And then he has that individual interview where he says I never
lied to Samantha about gaming. But he just did.
Oh. So now you have to specify what
you lied to her about. Yeah, specifically gaming.
(09:02):
And then I even said, I bet you any money that he's he wants her
to read the Quran so that he cango and play games.
Sure enough, he did. And then my last comment is he
of you? We, we know this.
We know this so well. I know that's.
First season that they were on made us see that very, very
(09:24):
clearly. This is all about opportunity.
The last comment that I will make about Sam is that she was
absolutely horrible to Ali when she confronted him at the gaming
place. She was belittling him.
She was mocking him. She was taunting him, pretending
to do his voice. And this is so childish and so
(09:48):
ugly and so detrimental to a relationship.
There's no way in hell there this is.
This is beyond crazy. They're not suited to be
together. She is a horrible, horrible
woman and he is an evil little manipulative dude.
I think that they are very well matched because he laughs at
her, which feeds into her infuriation.
(10:12):
Well, that yes, that is for our joy and and amusement.
Maybe we watched a different show because I found none of
that enjoyable. I see what you're saying, but I
I did laugh quite a lot when shecame and found him at the gaming
place. I was like, of course, of course
that's where he is, Sam. Where else would he have been?
(10:34):
On the phone with his friend, hejust.
Just made this lie right to yourface.
And now he's got to do the thingthat he always wants to do,
which is not to spend time with you.
His wife is only there for two weeks.
It's to game with friends online.
All right, let's move on. Because they're yes, sure or no.
And Adnan, well, what's new withthese two?
(10:56):
I was very, very surprised to hear that she is packing,
getting ready to go to Albania to go see Adnan.
I was more surprised that he allowed it.
Well, this is the thing. At first I thought, does he even
know that she's coming? Because it wasn't explicit as to
whether or not she had told him and he was in on this trip, I
(11:20):
thought, I thought. She said he agreed and now I'm
going to meet him in Albania. Otherwise, how else would she
know that he was in Albania? Yeah.
Well, later on there was contactso that we found out.
Yes, he is. He is aware and of course we
know he goes to meet her at the airport reports.
So yes, he's in on it. But she has this ultimatum that
(11:40):
she wants to give to Adnan, which is that she wants to get
engaged. To which I say why on earth
would he propose you have 0 relationship?
At the moment there is nothing. She lacks IQ, she's delusional.
Yes, and also she looks absolutely awful.
What? Was going on with her like she
(12:02):
looked so tired and stressed anddrained.
Yeah, I said she looks awful. Is she tired?
And is it her eyelashes? Because her eyelashes almost had
like a blue hue to them, but thebags under her eyes.
So it wasn't just me. No, I noticed that as well.
And I was like, OK, what's goingon with her?
(12:23):
Is she I'll? Is, is she praying too much?
Is she doing too much Mormon stuff?
Like is she reading too much? Yes, maybe that's it.
She's reading the Book of Mormonlate at night without her
glasses. She's straining her eyes.
I don't know. She doesn't look healthy.
She doesn't look well. And who would in this type of
relationship where she's basically manipulating him into
(12:48):
loving her if you 20. Five year old A. 25 year old
Jesus, immediately when she saidI'm going back there, I asked
does he even know you're coming?And then I thought, is this time
for another round of manipulation?
Is this just so that you can putyour body in front of him and he
is a man of 25 years so that he will do basically anything you
(13:11):
say if you promise or if you give him enough that you can
then mold him into the person that you want him to be, which
at this moment is her fiance? And I actually one of my
comments was more of, I was going to say sexual comment, but
it was more of a sing song comment.
Sexual manipulation, yeah. That's where we are.
(13:33):
That's that. That's the the gist of this
relationship. And in the taxi on the way to
the airport, she calls him her fiance.
And I just like always know my fiance, yet he hasn't proposed.
But talk about putting the cart before the horse.
And then I was like, dude, you were 100% going to sexually goad
(13:55):
this guy. Yep.
And we haven't seen any of theircorrespondence, any of their
communication from, you know, when they didn't talk for three
weeks versus now. So what has she been doing?
Has she been having phone sex with him?
Has she been sending dirty photos?
She's totally playing into this because her end game is to get
him to marry her and then she's going to convert him.
(14:17):
Yes, it's exactly what her plan is.
And I think he's thinking as a 25 year old man, I'm going to
get laid and I'm not going to marry you because your brain is
filled with. Rocks, just as you were saying
that, I was thinking to myself, yeah, he's a 25 year old man, so
he has certain needs. She's a 45 year old woman.
(14:39):
She's probably at that peak, youknow what I'm saying?
But after that actual peak, you're very, very, very, very
rapidly decline. So as she approaches the 50 year
mark, it's going to be so hard for him, literally and
figuratively, I must add. Yes, fair.
Yeah, fair. No.
(15:01):
I I just wish somebody would educate Adnan on what menopause
and perimenopause do to women, women's bodies and brains and
everything, because I think he'sin for a whole world of hell in
a couple of years or so. I was going to say regret, but.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. But the word that really best
(15:24):
describes both of these people. And like Sam and Ally, they
deserve one another. Shorna and Adam are both
delusional. I think that Adnan gets a little
bit more of a leeway than Ali does because Ali is very
(15:46):
calculated with what he's doing.He is playing her for who she
is, whereas Adnan is more like, I really do believe that he
thinks he's in love with her, orat least the idea of her.
And I think he wants to believe that this can be a thing because
the sex has been so great and hedoesn't understand that it's
(16:09):
only temporary. OK, let's look at what happens
when she's there in Albania. I found this so infuriating
dude. So infuriating.
Tell me why? Because, you know, before when
she first arrived, before she told him about being a Mormon,
she kept dodging his kisses. She, Oh no, she was just so, so
(16:31):
dodgy about everything. And then now she's openly
kissing him in public and then all of a sudden they're
drinking. So now they're drinking in
public. And my comment is she's breaking
all the fray and rules. And that was before we found out
that they fooled around. Now, neither of them confirm
(16:53):
that they had copulated, but they both said that they were
happy. So I believe that there was oral
sex involved, and I'm pretty sure the Mormon church sees oral
sex as sex. Yes.
What did she call it? It was a cross between fucking
and cuddling. Fuddling.
(17:14):
She called it is that. What she called she.
Called it fuddling. And I was like, that's very
interesting, I believe Adnan, hesays.
They were intimate, yeah, but whatever his definition is, it
doesn't have to be penetration of the vagina.
Let's get technical today. I mean, it could be penetration,
but it could also be digital penetration.
(17:35):
Indeed it could, yes. Well it is very interesting how
Shornas rules have shifted so very.
Much gone out the friggin window.
We've gone from. She's desperate.
We can't even be under the same roof when we're not married,
which we know that they broke when they were in Greece because
they were staying at the same hotel unit, because it wasn't a
(17:59):
room. There were two separate rooms
and they're doing the same thingnow, under the same roof.
They were kissing, not allowed. They were fuddling, whatever
that is. Not allowed.
Anything else. Can we add more?
No. She does everything under the
sun that the Mormon church frowns upon.
And you know, what's really funny is if they had a friend
involved, they could have made this like Mormon accepted.
(18:24):
They there's this thing called stealthing.
You know what that is? Oh my God, do I want to know.
It's when the man inserts his penis into the vagina and then
they have friends bounce on the bed.
Oh, that's right. Yeah, they're not.
They're not having. Sex.
They're not causing the frictionthemselves.
The bed is. Yes, I have heard of that.
(18:48):
So maybe they went to a cheap hotel and put their little Dimes
and Oh my God how old am I? I've never been to a place like.
That but sure happened. Yeah.
And then it just like jiggles the bed and you're like, oh, now
it's it's fine. Everything is fine.
Because somebody else is making the bed move, right?
(19:09):
Who knows? Maybe they hired a bellhop.
Oh, let's not go there. However, I would.
Like to maybe they gave the bellhop a little bit more than
just the tip. OK, that's not a thing.
I just, I had to play into that.Anyway, let's continue.
I just think Shorna is going to get this proposal one way or the
(19:30):
other, and she's willing to do absolutely anything to do that,
including breaking her own sacred rules of her deeply held
religion. So many things to say about
that, but I shall not. Because I just.
Don't want to talk about it? Let's move on then.
OK, great. Sarah and Marco.
This will be short. Will So she's meeting up with
(19:53):
Marco's friends again and the topic of dancing comes up.
My Lord. Seriously, do make people
actually go around having conversations like this?
Do you love dance or do you loveMarco more for freak's sake?
It's not black and white, it's not a one or the other.
You can actually love both at the same time.
We're on also not talking about exotic dancing.
(20:16):
We are talking about leisure dancing, the salsa variety with
clothes on in public in front ofother people.
This is just so ridiculous. And and she even says in her
little aside, they're only bringing this up because they
(20:37):
know that it's going to set themoff.
And I'm like, honey, sweetie, I hate that people call me
sweetie. Don't call me sweetie, sweetie.
Don't do it. Why?
Why are you dancing with all these other people?
And then to ask how many people do you dance with in one what
night? And then make it seem as though
(20:58):
she's going to a sex club and she's sexually dancing with all
of these people and not even a strip club, like like an actual
sex club. It's absurd.
This is the. Stupidest.
Storyline I think that 90 day UKhas ever come up with.
Thank you. Yeah.
Especially when we hear Marco, Ithink it was Marco say that the
(21:19):
idea of her dancing is terrifying to him.
Terrifying, really. Terrifying.
Your fiance dancing terrifies you, and he won't dance.
He There was no way for them to get rid of this jealousy, to
dispel it, to send it into the ether, to wave goodbye by having
(21:43):
him participate in the dancing so that he can be there with her
and he can see how innocent it is and he can enjoy it with her.
So how do they get? Out of this.
Either she's going to stop dancing or he's going to stop
being terrified by her dancing, but it seems to me like he is
incapable of getting over his terror.
(22:03):
I've said this before, like, what about the compromise?
Why can't they go dancing together, which she suggests in
this episode? And he's like, absolutely not, I
can't see myself dancing. So first of all, his hips must
lie because he doesn't know how to use them.
And then the other one is, why are you so afraid of this dance?
(22:28):
It's not the forbidden dance, which I believe is the tango.
The Lambada. Oh, is that what it is?
I don't know, I can't remember. It's definitely not forbidden.
In no way, shape or form is salsa forbidden.
Don't have? Access to my searchability
things right now, but I just, I thought it was so incredibly
(22:49):
stupid for his friends to bring up knowing that there wasn't
going to be a possible resolution and it was just
poking the bear. Exactly, that's what this
episode seemed to be about, is poking the bear with every.
Couple and ignorance. That was my other one.
Ignorance. Well, the other topic that Sarah
(23:11):
and Marco get onto in this episode is where they should
live once they get married. This God.
This is such a thing for them, the failure, the failure of
compromise. He wants to bring her to this
beach where they met or they hadtheir first date or whatever.
And I thought it was absolutely beautiful.
(23:32):
But the sub context was, I need to convince you that this is so
much better than living in the UK.
He's never been. He doesn't know.
He is ignorant. Yes.
Why would you not even pretend to be like, yeah, I'll go to the
UK, I'll see if it works out forus :).
(23:54):
Be a good sport, Marco. Yeah, he can't eat.
No, he can't even play into it. Can't.
You know what? Maybe he should take some
pointers from Allie because he is doing his thing and he's
doing it so well, even though I really don't like the kid.
But Marco is just, he's so set in his ways.
It's Italy or it's nothing. And I wanted to ask you, because
(24:17):
you've been to both places, do you have an opinion?
I do. I mean not like, you know what I
mean? Do you know what the education
and all that stuff is like for kids?
No, I don't, I don't know what Imean.
She was bringing up a good and valid point.
What would their kids be like inthe Italian education system
(24:38):
versus English? What's the healthcare like?
All of the that's all very valid, but I mean, Italy as a
member of the European Union hasexcellent healthcare and
probably has excellent educationas well.
I don't know for sure because I've not ever looked into that.
I have been to Italy. I've been to many different
places in Italy and it is beautiful.
(24:59):
It's stakingly beautiful. For me, this was like a no
brainer. It's Italy.
The food, Oh my God, the wine, the weather, the weather, Amy,
it doesn't rain every day like adozen.
England. I mean, England is very, very
beautiful. And you know, I'm from England,
so my whole heritage is from there and I absolutely adore it.
(25:21):
But if I was given a choice, youcan live in England or you can
live in Italy, that would not bea hard one for me to make.
Well, I can't have a personal opinion on England versus Italy,
but I do have one of England versus Portugal.
And I think that my experience has been phenomenal for both.
(25:47):
Yeah, I, when I went to England,you were there.
Excellent, excellent weather. I really couldn't complain about
anything other than the short period of time that we had
there. We saw the beaches, we saw the
coves, we saw the history. The Castles.
Well, you saw more castles than I did, which I am still kind of
(26:11):
bitter about. Our castles next time.
I hope so, but like I can definitely see his point of
view. However, he is ignorant.
He doesn't know what the UK has to offer.
And I know Brexit has a big thing to, to do.
Well, I think that that has a big thing to do with his
(26:31):
concern. And also I, I was there before
Brexit, so I don't know how muchthat's impacted it, even though
I've studied it in law, I don't know the true impacts of like
what that looks like. So I can appreciate the fact
that he's all like, Oh yeah, Italy.
So I can appreciate the fact that this is where she's from.
And she's like, oh, yay, UK. And at what point do you come to
(26:56):
a compromise? There is no compromising with
Marco. You're absolutely right, this
relationship is all about her, him controlling her and her
caving to that pressure. Is she going to stop dancing
because he doesn't like it? Is she going to move to Italy
because he doesn't want to set foot outside of his country?
And he's very, very proud of hisheritage, his culture, his food,
(27:18):
all of that. Is he going to be jealous of her
having friendships with men who may in fact be friends of his?
There are so many flags that arestarting to go from like orange,
darker red now. We're talking about flaming red
flags with this guy. Flaming red flags, yeah.
(27:38):
And again, we know a little bit more about Sarah, that she's had
this history of being involved with men who want to control
her, who want to take away her autonomy.
Is that happening again? Is Marco the same guy?
Is she following falling into the same pattern once more?
I feel like she is hesitating about getting married.
(27:59):
You know how like, he wants to have the wedding date set and he
wants it as soon as possible. And she keeps saying no, no, no,
let's wait. It's OK, just be patient.
I think that she is starting to realize some part of her body is
recognizing this pattern that Marco is fitting into very well,
it seems. And she doesn't want to admit it
to herself yet or accept it. And so she's just kind of
(28:21):
delaying things. But soon enough she'll start
realizing that he's the same guythat she's dated before.
He's doing the same things to her.
And really, it might be better if she were to end it.
That's an extreme, but it it seems like we are being pointed
in that direction. No, I just I thought that their
entire segment and or both segments were short, as was this
(28:44):
entire episode. And it was.
He's ignorant. Why convince her?
Because he wants to convince herto move to Italy.
Why not have that compromise? Why not, you know, set up a
spreadsheet? This is what England has.
This is what we have. Look at our healthcare.
Look at this healthcare, look atthe school systems where our
(29:04):
values. There's nothing.
He's just like, no, it's Italy or nothing.
I'm like, OK, great. Look at your food, look at your
cheese. Like your wines.
England can't say the same thing, however.
In England, good cheese in England I have.
No complaints about England. Again when I was there we had
phenomenal weather, excellent cheese, but we also had a person
(29:30):
who hand picked said cheese. Yes and and the champagne.
Champagne. Champagne, which is not from
England. No.
It's French. That, that is French, but you
also can get that in both England and in Italy.
Anyway, I haven't been there, soI can't say.
I'm just, I like to pinpoint thefacts that, you know, we've been
(29:52):
places, we've done things. Anyway, enough about that.
Shall we move on? Yes to Andy and Ara.
I this bothered me a lot. Oh, no.
OK. What what bothered you about
Andy? Because you know at the very
beginning R was saying, you know, he's moving too fast.
His her mom, when she said, you know what if he wants to propose
(30:17):
to you and she's like, oh, no, it's way it's way too fast.
We don't know enough about each other.
And then they get to know each other and he proposes and he
says yes. And he makes a point of saying
we're going to get married in the Philippines because we
cannot get divorced, which we talked about in the last
(30:37):
episode. And now we find out that he he
says he cannot. And I think medically he can't.
So technically he can, but medically, he cannot move to the
Philippines because of the medical care that he's going to
require. And my reaction to that was
(30:59):
you're impulsive. You didn't look into this.
This is your fault. You really should have looked
into this before you proposed toher, before you gave her the
promises, before you promised any of the shit to her family.
And yet. Now you're reneging on it
because you actually looked intoit.
That's valid. I can I can understand him, you
(31:21):
know, just diving head first. I'm so in love.
I so want to be with her, but then for him to make all of
these decisions without thinkingabout his very valid and
expensive, potentially expensive, but realistically
expensive healthcare. But I have another scenario for
you to suggest as a possible when he went to the Philippines,
(31:45):
fell in love with her and proposed to her.
Perhaps at that point before he got the yes, it was his
intention for them to move back to England together.
But then when he got to that point of having her say yes and
getting closer to the family, herealized, oh, that's really not
the best decision for her. She needs to stay in the
Philippines with her family. So I will move here.
(32:07):
So when he went back to the UK after that initial trip, he
would have then started his research into, OK, we're going
to live there now. So what is what are the details?
What's the healthcare like? What's the situation?
How can I be looked after? At which point he discovers, and
not so great. But why wouldn't he look at that
before he proposes and he makes all of these promises?
(32:30):
Right, because perhaps he didn'tthink he was going to propose
until he got there and he met her and they had a good spark, a
good chemistry. And then perhaps he didn't know
where they were going to live until they talked about it and
he realized it has to be the Philippines.
It could be. I totally agree with you.
He is impulsive. And this has all happened in
extremely short order, which is worrisome.
(32:52):
And maybe it's a simple as he didn't do the research first,
which he should have. It is definitely on him to make
sure that he has the quality of care that he needs wherever it
is that he ends up living beforehe moves there.
And it also begs the question ofhow much research did he do
before he went there to begin with, because he was already
(33:14):
intent on proposing to her before he left.
So with his amount of disabilityand the projected required care
that he's going to need, why wouldn't that be his number one
priority? I can see him compromising on
(33:35):
his medical care in order to be with her, so that could be a
consideration. However, maybe things have
changed with his care and he needs a lot more than he thought
that he did before. We don't know because we're not
Privy to that information, nor should we be.
But he really should have had that forethought to look into
(33:58):
what is medical care like in thePhilippines?
What is this going to look like for me?
How much am I willing to compromise?
And if I'm willing to compromisemy own health, possibly safety
to move there and not like safety from a crime standpoint,
I mean from a medical standpoint, am I willing to
(34:20):
propose to this woman at that time?
But he didn't think things through.
And again, the impulsivity. Right.
So I think the picture is clear.He's an impulsive kind of
person. This has happened very, very
quickly. We don't know why he didn't
research this first. He should have.
The question is then when he tells her I can't live in the
Philippines because of the care I will need, will you come to
(34:43):
the UK? She takes it so well.
I thought she didn't immediatelygo into any kind of outburst.
She just started thinking about it, considering it, recognizing
that he needs the kind of medical care that he needs and
there's just no question about that.
And also that her family needs to be involved in this decision.
And I. Appreciated the fact that he
(35:04):
wanted to have her family involved in the conversation.
Think it should have been. They should have been involved
sooner though. I mean, it's kind of carved
before the horse. Again, why do they need to
consider this if they're not engaged?
This isn't an actual thing. So the fact that they are
engaged, this needs to be a consideration.
(35:25):
Though at the same time, I thinkit would have been better for
him. Or maybe not, because remember
how difficult it was for him to ask for her mom's hand in
marriage and then now? He didn't ask for her mom's hand
in marriage. I'm pretty sure he asked for the
daughter's. Hand in marriage.
(35:47):
I'm like, what is wrong with what just came out of my mouth
anyway? Had he said, you know, I need
ongoing care. I'm not sure if the Philippines
is going to be able to provide that for me and or if I can get
it nearby. Not locally, but like nearby.
Can I? Yeah, thank you.
Nearby words. There was none of that.
(36:13):
And you know, we were so excitedabout them to begin with.
And now I feel like he's just, he's so impulsive.
And maybe she is as well. It seems to me he's let us know
from the start that he's impulsive.
He's said before because of thisdisease that he has, it makes
him appreciate life more and want to take chances and to go
(36:35):
and do the things that he wants to do because he knows how
precarious his health can be. So it's understandable.
And I'm still excited about themas a couple.
I still really felt that they had a genuine connection when
they met at the airport. It was just lovely and
heartwarming the way that they hugged each other, the things
that they said to to one anotherseemed really genuine.
The thing that got me a little bit sidetracked in this episode
(36:58):
was not that he hasn't explored this idea of healthcare in the
Philippines before now. It's that when he got the family
all together in order to tell them we have to move to England,
we can't stay here, that he framed it so differently than
when he spoke to Ara. He just kind of said, he blurted
(37:19):
out right away we're moving to England rather than saying,
look, I have this issue of healthcare and my needs can't be
met here, so we have to explore moving to England.
There was that was not framed insuch a way that the family could
really understand where he was coming from.
And I thought that that was likely production driven and I
(37:40):
didn't appreciate it. I agree.
I agree. I think it was production driven
because based on what we've seenof him, he's been very upfront
about his disabilities and his, I wouldn't say his struggles
because I don't think he would ever see them that way.
More so like when he first got to the Philippines, how
(38:01):
accessible is it going to be? Like he's never tried to hide
any of that. So I can't see now that he's
going to be like, oh, we have toleave now because it's better in
England. And I can see her, her mom and
her family just having that response.
Well, yeah, that really sucks. Also, did no one else think
(38:22):
about that? I guess not.
It seems like a complete shock to absolutely everybody, and I'm
not envious of him having to deal with the fallout of this
announcement. It was very poorly made, the
announcement executed, and it was very poorly received.
So obviously we have to deal with that.
That's all I have to say about this week's episode.
All I. Said was great work Andy.
(38:44):
Whether or not it was it's his fault, I don't, I don't know.
But just the lack of research really sucked.
Do your research, kids, please. For me, for Amy.
Do your research for Amy. Specifically.
Before we go, if you're enjoyingthe 90 Day Fiance Honestly
Podcast, please subscribe to or give our show a follow.
If you have an additional moment, please rate US and help
(39:06):
other 90 Day fans to find our show.
Thanks for listening. Thanks everyone.
See you next week.
Hi, Amy. Happy yesterday we watched 90
Day UK Season 4 episode 9 which I found to be slightly boring.
Thought it was so short. I.
Didn't write many notes at all and then when it said in the
next episode I was like but whathappened in this episode?
(00:20):
Oh dear. Not a very good sign.
Well, let's talk about it and see what happens first, though,
one and two one rate review and follow us wherever you listen to
the podcast 2 watch us on YouTube at 90 day fiance.
Honestly, let us begin. Was Sam and Allie my favorites?
(00:41):
Oh Lord, and this one was a hardone to watch.
This was. So difficult.
She's getting on my nerves. Again, they're both getting on
my nerves. Yes, but her more so than him.
Isn't this what happened last season?
He does a nice thing for her, like making a date night and she
just craps all over it. Yeah, she doesn't.
(01:01):
That she doesn't appreciate. I think the whole thing that
irritated me about him in this episode was the video games, and
he said he wasn't going to play video games.
OK, well, let's let's let's do do that then.
Well, I'm. Promised jumping because I feel
like I missed out on half the. Episode it doesn't really make a
(01:24):
difference, I think if you did miss out on half the episode
with this one because virtually nothing happened.
However, the promise that Ali makes to Sam, I will not play
video games for the two weeks that you were here in Turkey.
Is that a big deal? Did you feel like this was
important? I mean, it depends on how much
he plays. Yeah, but she she said.
(01:45):
I want 100% of your attention while I'm here.
As you. Would are you a child?
Are you an infant? Do you require constant
supervision? Who wants 100% attention all the
time unless they're, I don't know, a narcissist?
Because I like a little bit of time to myself, thank you very
much. Maybe a little routine in the
(02:06):
evening to wind down. Not, not Sam.
Not Sam. OK.
Not Sam. And you know, it's been 5 months
since I've seen each each other,so you'd figure that you know
they'd be all enamored with eachother and want to spend every
waking moment with each other. Possibly, depending on how long
she's. There just there two weeks.
(02:27):
But like both of them. I just felt like, why is the
gaming such a big deal to her that he's not allowed to have
any time to himself and she alsocan't spend any time alone
because she's not capable of amusing herself for longer than
10 minutes. Well, I think that might
actually be the issue. She has nothing else to do.
(02:49):
She wants him to grovel over herattention and he has to do
nothing but all the things that she says.
That this dynamic drives me crazy.
He's constantly trying to live up to her expectations.
She's not really communicating what her expectations are.
He is not trying to live up to her expectations, he's living up
(03:13):
to the absolute bare minimum. So the point where she quote UN
quote compromises so that he canmove to the UK.
OK. What I mean is he makes the
effort to take her out and do stuff with her.
We saw that in the first season.She is not appreciative of his
efforts. So he cannot live up to her
(03:34):
expectations no matter what he does, regardless of the amount
of effort that's actually going into those special things that
he plans for her. Like this date where they start
discussing the potential of her converting to Islam.
On the one hand, funny because we know that Sam has a thing
with pork and she probably will not convert just because of
(03:57):
that, or else she'll convert butnot observe that aspect of the
religion. And then Ali gives her a copy of
the Quran to read, which is great.
I was like OK, that's that's cool.
But. Even though he prefaces it with.
You know, I didn't want to download an English version of
the Quran, but here you are. Wait, so the one she's reading
(04:19):
is in Turkish or in Arabic? No, I think it's in English.
Yes, he didn't want to. Oh, he didn't want to, but he
did it all for her. That's what I got.
I could have been wrong. He has acknowledged in this
episode that she's been learningTurkish.
I mean, maybe she's fluent whilereading, I don't know.
But but he was just so hesitant.Oh, you know, I didn't want to
(04:41):
download the English version, but you know, here, here we go.
That makes more sense to me thathe doesn't want to download it
because it's probably lost something in translation.
It's better in the original, or it's better in whatever language
he could considers it to be better in.
It's probably just more traditional to read it in the
language and in which it was written to preserve the
(05:01):
authenticity and as you said, you know the meetings because
sometimes things are lost in translation.
Yes, and as sweet of a gesture as it is for him to give her
this first bit of his religious culture to explore, he then
takes off immediately so that they can't discuss it.
They can't go through it together.
It's just here you go have fun. Knock yourself out.
(05:24):
I'm I've got to do something which he lies about.
Of course we know he goes gaming.
He lies about being on a phone call with a friend of his.
She goes ballistic. She.
I can understand her frustrationwith it because he did just
ditch her. Though at the same time, it's
not like he said. I am ignorant when it comes to
(05:47):
the the Quran. I don't know how it's written.
But you know, with the Bible, it's, you know, a certain
passage. You know, why don't you read
this passage? Then we'll discuss it almost
like a Bible. Study but he.
Just like dishes her with it. Does he expect her to sit there
and drink what looks like delicious Turkish coffee and
(06:09):
she's going to read the whole thing and then come back and
she's going to be absolutely buzzing from all of that
caffeine and she's eventually going to find him or he's going
to come back in time? Like what?
What is? That it's bizarre beyond words.
I don't. I wanted to know how long was
she actually sitting in that cafe by herself before she
realized. He's taken off.
(06:31):
I bet he was 20 minutes I. I I have no doubt it was 5 to 20
minutes maximum. She probably didn't even have a
pee break. No, I'm sure she has 0 patience
whatsoever. And then the odd thing is that
she knew exactly where to go to find him.
Or maybe production LED her. OK, there could be that, but
(06:52):
she's in a town, a city she doesn't know very well, and yet
she manages to navigate to go exactly to the spot where Ollie
is playing video games, and he just.
Happens to be playing right in front of the window.
And also, does she not have a cell phone?
Yeah. Are they not tracking each
(07:12):
other's location? Maybe.
Maybe they are. That's how she found him.
If there are all kinds of holes in this, it did seem very much
like a setup to me. But I think it's a beautiful
illustration of how much she wants to control him and how
much he's finding the loopholes and finding his little passive
aggressive ways to manipulate her so that he could do the
(07:34):
stuff that he wants to do. And you know, the kid, he's a
lot smarter than what he leads on.
You know, he, you know, the lastepisode with him taking her to
the specific market, playing into the whole, you know, fish
gills thing. And and she plays right into it,
like he knows how to manipulate her like nobody else's business
(07:56):
business. Like this kid is not stupid.
He's an how do I even decipher between being an idiot versus
stupid? I don't even know.
But he's he's an idiot. But you know, she was saying to
him, I think it was when they were having dinner.
Oh, yeah. When, when I moved here.
And he doesn't correct her. He's going to wait because he's
(08:20):
going to tarnish anything that'sgood about living in Turkey
because that's in his best, bestinterest, because he wants to
move to the UK. Also very disappointed today,
UK, because we didn't see what they were eating and they were
both like, oh, this is really good.
OK, now you're now you're just teasing anyway.
(08:41):
And then he has that individual interview where he says I never
lied to Samantha about gaming. But he just did.
Oh. So now you have to specify what
you lied to her about. Yeah, specifically gaming.
(09:02):
And then I even said, I bet you any money that he's he wants her
to read the Quran so that he cango and play games.
Sure enough, he did. And then my last comment is he
of you? We, we know this.
We know this so well. I know that's.
First season that they were on made us see that very, very
(09:24):
clearly. This is all about opportunity.
The last comment that I will make about Sam is that she was
absolutely horrible to Ali when she confronted him at the gaming
place. She was belittling him.
She was mocking him. She was taunting him, pretending
to do his voice. And this is so childish and so
(09:48):
ugly and so detrimental to a relationship.
There's no way in hell there this is.
This is beyond crazy. They're not suited to be
together. She is a horrible, horrible
woman and he is an evil little manipulative dude.
I think that they are very well matched because he laughs at
her, which feeds into her infuriation.
(10:12):
Well, that yes, that is for our joy and and amusement.
Maybe we watched a different show because I found none of
that enjoyable. I see what you're saying, but I
I did laugh quite a lot when shecame and found him at the gaming
place. I was like, of course, of course
that's where he is, Sam. Where else would he have been?
(10:34):
On the phone with his friend, hejust.
Just made this lie right to yourface.
And now he's got to do the thingthat he always wants to do,
which is not to spend time with you.
His wife is only there for two weeks.
It's to game with friends online.
All right, let's move on. Because they're yes, sure or no.
And Adnan, well, what's new withthese two?
(10:56):
I was very, very surprised to hear that she is packing,
getting ready to go to Albania to go see Adnan.
I was more surprised that he allowed it.
Well, this is the thing. At first I thought, does he even
know that she's coming? Because it wasn't explicit as to
whether or not she had told him and he was in on this trip, I
(11:20):
thought, I thought. She said he agreed and now I'm
going to meet him in Albania. Otherwise, how else would she
know that he was in Albania? Yeah.
Well, later on there was contactso that we found out.
Yes, he is. He is aware and of course we
know he goes to meet her at the airport reports.
So yes, he's in on it. But she has this ultimatum that
(11:40):
she wants to give to Adnan, which is that she wants to get
engaged. To which I say why on earth
would he propose you have 0 relationship?
At the moment there is nothing. She lacks IQ, she's delusional.
Yes, and also she looks absolutely awful.
What? Was going on with her like she
(12:02):
looked so tired and stressed anddrained.
Yeah, I said she looks awful. Is she tired?
And is it her eyelashes? Because her eyelashes almost had
like a blue hue to them, but thebags under her eyes.
So it wasn't just me. No, I noticed that as well.
And I was like, OK, what's goingon with her?
(12:23):
Is she I'll? Is, is she praying too much?
Is she doing too much Mormon stuff?
Like is she reading too much? Yes, maybe that's it.
She's reading the Book of Mormonlate at night without her
glasses. She's straining her eyes.
I don't know. She doesn't look healthy.
She doesn't look well. And who would in this type of
relationship where she's basically manipulating him into
(12:48):
loving her if you 20. Five year old A. 25 year old
Jesus, immediately when she saidI'm going back there, I asked
does he even know you're coming?And then I thought, is this time
for another round of manipulation?
Is this just so that you can putyour body in front of him and he
is a man of 25 years so that he will do basically anything you
(13:11):
say if you promise or if you give him enough that you can
then mold him into the person that you want him to be, which
at this moment is her fiance? And I actually one of my
comments was more of, I was going to say sexual comment, but
it was more of a sing song comment.
Sexual manipulation, yeah. That's where we are.
(13:33):
That's that. That's the the gist of this
relationship. And in the taxi on the way to
the airport, she calls him her fiance.
And I just like always know my fiance, yet he hasn't proposed.
But talk about putting the cart before the horse.
And then I was like, dude, you were 100% going to sexually goad
(13:55):
this guy. Yep.
And we haven't seen any of theircorrespondence, any of their
communication from, you know, when they didn't talk for three
weeks versus now. So what has she been doing?
Has she been having phone sex with him?
Has she been sending dirty photos?
She's totally playing into this because her end game is to get
him to marry her and then she's going to convert him.
(14:17):
Yes, it's exactly what her plan is.
And I think he's thinking as a 25 year old man, I'm going to
get laid and I'm not going to marry you because your brain is
filled with. Rocks, just as you were saying
that, I was thinking to myself, yeah, he's a 25 year old man, so
he has certain needs. She's a 45 year old woman.
(14:39):
She's probably at that peak, youknow what I'm saying?
But after that actual peak, you're very, very, very, very
rapidly decline. So as she approaches the 50 year
mark, it's going to be so hard for him, literally and
figuratively, I must add. Yes, fair.
Yeah, fair. No.
(15:01):
I I just wish somebody would educate Adnan on what menopause
and perimenopause do to women, women's bodies and brains and
everything, because I think he'sin for a whole world of hell in
a couple of years or so. I was going to say regret, but.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. But the word that really best
(15:24):
describes both of these people. And like Sam and Ally, they
deserve one another. Shorna and Adam are both
delusional. I think that Adnan gets a little
bit more of a leeway than Ali does because Ali is very
(15:46):
calculated with what he's doing.He is playing her for who she
is, whereas Adnan is more like, I really do believe that he
thinks he's in love with her, orat least the idea of her.
And I think he wants to believe that this can be a thing because
the sex has been so great and hedoesn't understand that it's
(16:09):
only temporary. OK, let's look at what happens
when she's there in Albania. I found this so infuriating
dude. So infuriating.
Tell me why? Because, you know, before when
she first arrived, before she told him about being a Mormon,
she kept dodging his kisses. She, Oh no, she was just so, so
(16:31):
dodgy about everything. And then now she's openly
kissing him in public and then all of a sudden they're
drinking. So now they're drinking in
public. And my comment is she's breaking
all the fray and rules. And that was before we found out
that they fooled around. Now, neither of them confirm
(16:53):
that they had copulated, but they both said that they were
happy. So I believe that there was oral
sex involved, and I'm pretty sure the Mormon church sees oral
sex as sex. Yes.
What did she call it? It was a cross between fucking
and cuddling. Fuddling.
(17:14):
She called it is that. What she called she.
Called it fuddling. And I was like, that's very
interesting, I believe Adnan, hesays.
They were intimate, yeah, but whatever his definition is, it
doesn't have to be penetration of the vagina.
Let's get technical today. I mean, it could be penetration,
but it could also be digital penetration.
(17:35):
Indeed it could, yes. Well it is very interesting how
Shornas rules have shifted so very.
Much gone out the friggin window.
We've gone from. She's desperate.
We can't even be under the same roof when we're not married,
which we know that they broke when they were in Greece because
they were staying at the same hotel unit, because it wasn't a
(17:59):
room. There were two separate rooms
and they're doing the same thingnow, under the same roof.
They were kissing, not allowed. They were fuddling, whatever
that is. Not allowed.
Anything else. Can we add more?
No. She does everything under the
sun that the Mormon church frowns upon.
And you know, what's really funny is if they had a friend
involved, they could have made this like Mormon accepted.
(18:24):
They there's this thing called stealthing.
You know what that is? Oh my God, do I want to know.
It's when the man inserts his penis into the vagina and then
they have friends bounce on the bed.
Oh, that's right. Yeah, they're not.
They're not having. Sex.
They're not causing the frictionthemselves.
The bed is. Yes, I have heard of that.
(18:48):
So maybe they went to a cheap hotel and put their little Dimes
and Oh my God how old am I? I've never been to a place like.
That but sure happened. Yeah.
And then it just like jiggles the bed and you're like, oh, now
it's it's fine. Everything is fine.
Because somebody else is making the bed move, right?
(19:09):
Who knows? Maybe they hired a bellhop.
Oh, let's not go there. However, I would.
Like to maybe they gave the bellhop a little bit more than
just the tip. OK, that's not a thing.
I just, I had to play into that.Anyway, let's continue.
I just think Shorna is going to get this proposal one way or the
(19:30):
other, and she's willing to do absolutely anything to do that,
including breaking her own sacred rules of her deeply held
religion. So many things to say about
that, but I shall not. Because I just.
Don't want to talk about it? Let's move on then.
OK, great. Sarah and Marco.
This will be short. Will So she's meeting up with
(19:53):
Marco's friends again and the topic of dancing comes up.
My Lord. Seriously, do make people
actually go around having conversations like this?
Do you love dance or do you loveMarco more for freak's sake?
It's not black and white, it's not a one or the other.
You can actually love both at the same time.
We're on also not talking about exotic dancing.
(20:16):
We are talking about leisure dancing, the salsa variety with
clothes on in public in front ofother people.
This is just so ridiculous. And and she even says in her
little aside, they're only bringing this up because they
(20:37):
know that it's going to set themoff.
And I'm like, honey, sweetie, I hate that people call me
sweetie. Don't call me sweetie, sweetie.
Don't do it. Why?
Why are you dancing with all these other people?
And then to ask how many people do you dance with in one what
night? And then make it seem as though
(20:58):
she's going to a sex club and she's sexually dancing with all
of these people and not even a strip club, like like an actual
sex club. It's absurd.
This is the. Stupidest.
Storyline I think that 90 day UKhas ever come up with.
Thank you. Yeah.
Especially when we hear Marco, Ithink it was Marco say that the
(21:19):
idea of her dancing is terrifying to him.
Terrifying, really. Terrifying.
Your fiance dancing terrifies you, and he won't dance.
He There was no way for them to get rid of this jealousy, to
dispel it, to send it into the ether, to wave goodbye by having
(21:43):
him participate in the dancing so that he can be there with her
and he can see how innocent it is and he can enjoy it with her.
So how do they get? Out of this.
Either she's going to stop dancing or he's going to stop
being terrified by her dancing, but it seems to me like he is
incapable of getting over his terror.
(22:03):
I've said this before, like, what about the compromise?
Why can't they go dancing together, which she suggests in
this episode? And he's like, absolutely not, I
can't see myself dancing. So first of all, his hips must
lie because he doesn't know how to use them.
And then the other one is, why are you so afraid of this dance?
(22:28):
It's not the forbidden dance, which I believe is the tango.
The Lambada. Oh, is that what it is?
I don't know, I can't remember. It's definitely not forbidden.
In no way, shape or form is salsa forbidden.
Don't have? Access to my searchability
things right now, but I just, I thought it was so incredibly
(22:49):
stupid for his friends to bring up knowing that there wasn't
going to be a possible resolution and it was just
poking the bear. Exactly, that's what this
episode seemed to be about, is poking the bear with every.
Couple and ignorance. That was my other one.
Ignorance. Well, the other topic that Sarah
(23:11):
and Marco get onto in this episode is where they should
live once they get married. This God.
This is such a thing for them, the failure, the failure of
compromise. He wants to bring her to this
beach where they met or they hadtheir first date or whatever.
And I thought it was absolutely beautiful.
(23:32):
But the sub context was, I need to convince you that this is so
much better than living in the UK.
He's never been. He doesn't know.
He is ignorant. Yes.
Why would you not even pretend to be like, yeah, I'll go to the
UK, I'll see if it works out forus :).
(23:54):
Be a good sport, Marco. Yeah, he can't eat.
No, he can't even play into it. Can't.
You know what? Maybe he should take some
pointers from Allie because he is doing his thing and he's
doing it so well, even though I really don't like the kid.
But Marco is just, he's so set in his ways.
It's Italy or it's nothing. And I wanted to ask you, because
(24:17):
you've been to both places, do you have an opinion?
I do. I mean not like, you know what I
mean? Do you know what the education
and all that stuff is like for kids?
No, I don't, I don't know what Imean.
She was bringing up a good and valid point.
What would their kids be like inthe Italian education system
(24:38):
versus English? What's the healthcare like?
All of the that's all very valid, but I mean, Italy as a
member of the European Union hasexcellent healthcare and
probably has excellent educationas well.
I don't know for sure because I've not ever looked into that.
I have been to Italy. I've been to many different
places in Italy and it is beautiful.
(24:59):
It's stakingly beautiful. For me, this was like a no
brainer. It's Italy.
The food, Oh my God, the wine, the weather, the weather, Amy,
it doesn't rain every day like adozen.
England. I mean, England is very, very
beautiful. And you know, I'm from England,
so my whole heritage is from there and I absolutely adore it.
(25:21):
But if I was given a choice, youcan live in England or you can
live in Italy, that would not bea hard one for me to make.
Well, I can't have a personal opinion on England versus Italy,
but I do have one of England versus Portugal.
And I think that my experience has been phenomenal for both.
(25:47):
Yeah, I, when I went to England,you were there.
Excellent, excellent weather. I really couldn't complain about
anything other than the short period of time that we had
there. We saw the beaches, we saw the
coves, we saw the history. The Castles.
Well, you saw more castles than I did, which I am still kind of
(26:11):
bitter about. Our castles next time.
I hope so, but like I can definitely see his point of
view. However, he is ignorant.
He doesn't know what the UK has to offer.
And I know Brexit has a big thing to, to do.
Well, I think that that has a big thing to do with his
(26:31):
concern. And also I, I was there before
Brexit, so I don't know how muchthat's impacted it, even though
I've studied it in law, I don't know the true impacts of like
what that looks like. So I can appreciate the fact
that he's all like, Oh yeah, Italy.
So I can appreciate the fact that this is where she's from.
And she's like, oh, yay, UK. And at what point do you come to
(26:56):
a compromise? There is no compromising with
Marco. You're absolutely right, this
relationship is all about her, him controlling her and her
caving to that pressure. Is she going to stop dancing
because he doesn't like it? Is she going to move to Italy
because he doesn't want to set foot outside of his country?
And he's very, very proud of hisheritage, his culture, his food,
(27:18):
all of that. Is he going to be jealous of her
having friendships with men who may in fact be friends of his?
There are so many flags that arestarting to go from like orange,
darker red now. We're talking about flaming red
flags with this guy. Flaming red flags, yeah.
(27:38):
And again, we know a little bit more about Sarah, that she's had
this history of being involved with men who want to control
her, who want to take away her autonomy.
Is that happening again? Is Marco the same guy?
Is she following falling into the same pattern once more?
I feel like she is hesitating about getting married.
(27:59):
You know how like, he wants to have the wedding date set and he
wants it as soon as possible. And she keeps saying no, no, no,
let's wait. It's OK, just be patient.
I think that she is starting to realize some part of her body is
recognizing this pattern that Marco is fitting into very well,
it seems. And she doesn't want to admit it
to herself yet or accept it. And so she's just kind of
(28:21):
delaying things. But soon enough she'll start
realizing that he's the same guythat she's dated before.
He's doing the same things to her.
And really, it might be better if she were to end it.
That's an extreme, but it it seems like we are being pointed
in that direction. No, I just I thought that their
entire segment and or both segments were short, as was this
(28:44):
entire episode. And it was.
He's ignorant. Why convince her?
Because he wants to convince herto move to Italy.
Why not have that compromise? Why not, you know, set up a
spreadsheet? This is what England has.
This is what we have. Look at our healthcare.
Look at this healthcare, look atthe school systems where our
(29:04):
values. There's nothing.
He's just like, no, it's Italy or nothing.
I'm like, OK, great. Look at your food, look at your
cheese. Like your wines.
England can't say the same thing, however.
In England, good cheese in England I have.
No complaints about England. Again when I was there we had
phenomenal weather, excellent cheese, but we also had a person
(29:30):
who hand picked said cheese. Yes and and the champagne.
Champagne. Champagne, which is not from
England. No.
It's French. That, that is French, but you
also can get that in both England and in Italy.
Anyway, I haven't been there, soI can't say.
I'm just, I like to pinpoint thefacts that, you know, we've been
(29:52):
places, we've done things. Anyway, enough about that.
Shall we move on? Yes to Andy and Ara.
I this bothered me a lot. Oh, no.
OK. What what bothered you about
Andy? Because you know at the very
beginning R was saying, you know, he's moving too fast.
His her mom, when she said, you know what if he wants to propose
(30:17):
to you and she's like, oh, no, it's way it's way too fast.
We don't know enough about each other.
And then they get to know each other and he proposes and he
says yes. And he makes a point of saying
we're going to get married in the Philippines because we
cannot get divorced, which we talked about in the last
(30:37):
episode. And now we find out that he he
says he cannot. And I think medically he can't.
So technically he can, but medically, he cannot move to the
Philippines because of the medical care that he's going to
require. And my reaction to that was
(30:59):
you're impulsive. You didn't look into this.
This is your fault. You really should have looked
into this before you proposed toher, before you gave her the
promises, before you promised any of the shit to her family.
And yet. Now you're reneging on it
because you actually looked intoit.
That's valid. I can I can understand him, you
(31:21):
know, just diving head first. I'm so in love.
I so want to be with her, but then for him to make all of
these decisions without thinkingabout his very valid and
expensive, potentially expensive, but realistically
expensive healthcare. But I have another scenario for
you to suggest as a possible when he went to the Philippines,
(31:45):
fell in love with her and proposed to her.
Perhaps at that point before he got the yes, it was his
intention for them to move back to England together.
But then when he got to that point of having her say yes and
getting closer to the family, herealized, oh, that's really not
the best decision for her. She needs to stay in the
Philippines with her family. So I will move here.
(32:07):
So when he went back to the UK after that initial trip, he
would have then started his research into, OK, we're going
to live there now. So what is what are the details?
What's the healthcare like? What's the situation?
How can I be looked after? At which point he discovers, and
not so great. But why wouldn't he look at that
before he proposes and he makes all of these promises?
(32:30):
Right, because perhaps he didn'tthink he was going to propose
until he got there and he met her and they had a good spark, a
good chemistry. And then perhaps he didn't know
where they were going to live until they talked about it and
he realized it has to be the Philippines.
It could be. I totally agree with you.
He is impulsive. And this has all happened in
extremely short order, which is worrisome.
(32:52):
And maybe it's a simple as he didn't do the research first,
which he should have. It is definitely on him to make
sure that he has the quality of care that he needs wherever it
is that he ends up living beforehe moves there.
And it also begs the question ofhow much research did he do
before he went there to begin with, because he was already
(33:14):
intent on proposing to her before he left.
So with his amount of disabilityand the projected required care
that he's going to need, why wouldn't that be his number one
priority? I can see him compromising on
(33:35):
his medical care in order to be with her, so that could be a
consideration. However, maybe things have
changed with his care and he needs a lot more than he thought
that he did before. We don't know because we're not
Privy to that information, nor should we be.
But he really should have had that forethought to look into
(33:58):
what is medical care like in thePhilippines?
What is this going to look like for me?
How much am I willing to compromise?
And if I'm willing to compromisemy own health, possibly safety
to move there and not like safety from a crime standpoint,
I mean from a medical standpoint, am I willing to
(34:20):
propose to this woman at that time?
But he didn't think things through.
And again, the impulsivity. Right.
So I think the picture is clear.He's an impulsive kind of
person. This has happened very, very
quickly. We don't know why he didn't
research this first. He should have.
The question is then when he tells her I can't live in the
Philippines because of the care I will need, will you come to
(34:43):
the UK? She takes it so well.
I thought she didn't immediatelygo into any kind of outburst.
She just started thinking about it, considering it, recognizing
that he needs the kind of medical care that he needs and
there's just no question about that.
And also that her family needs to be involved in this decision.
And I. Appreciated the fact that he
(35:04):
wanted to have her family involved in the conversation.
Think it should have been. They should have been involved
sooner though. I mean, it's kind of carved
before the horse. Again, why do they need to
consider this if they're not engaged?
This isn't an actual thing. So the fact that they are
engaged, this needs to be a consideration.
(35:25):
Though at the same time, I thinkit would have been better for
him. Or maybe not, because remember
how difficult it was for him to ask for her mom's hand in
marriage and then now? He didn't ask for her mom's hand
in marriage. I'm pretty sure he asked for the
daughter's. Hand in marriage.
(35:47):
I'm like, what is wrong with what just came out of my mouth
anyway? Had he said, you know, I need
ongoing care. I'm not sure if the Philippines
is going to be able to provide that for me and or if I can get
it nearby. Not locally, but like nearby.
Can I? Yeah, thank you.
Nearby words. There was none of that.
(36:13):
And you know, we were so excitedabout them to begin with.
And now I feel like he's just, he's so impulsive.
And maybe she is as well. It seems to me he's let us know
from the start that he's impulsive.
He's said before because of thisdisease that he has, it makes
him appreciate life more and want to take chances and to go
(36:35):
and do the things that he wants to do because he knows how
precarious his health can be. So it's understandable.
And I'm still excited about themas a couple.
I still really felt that they had a genuine connection when
they met at the airport. It was just lovely and
heartwarming the way that they hugged each other, the things
that they said to to one anotherseemed really genuine.
The thing that got me a little bit sidetracked in this episode
(36:58):
was not that he hasn't explored this idea of healthcare in the
Philippines before now. It's that when he got the family
all together in order to tell them we have to move to England,
we can't stay here, that he framed it so differently than
when he spoke to Ara. He just kind of said, he blurted
(37:19):
out right away we're moving to England rather than saying,
look, I have this issue of healthcare and my needs can't be
met here, so we have to explore moving to England.
There was that was not framed insuch a way that the family could
really understand where he was coming from.
And I thought that that was likely production driven and I
(37:40):
didn't appreciate it. I agree.
I agree. I think it was production driven
because based on what we've seenof him, he's been very upfront
about his disabilities and his, I wouldn't say his struggles
because I don't think he would ever see them that way.
More so like when he first got to the Philippines, how
(38:01):
accessible is it going to be? Like he's never tried to hide
any of that. So I can't see now that he's
going to be like, oh, we have toleave now because it's better in
England. And I can see her, her mom and
her family just having that response.
Well, yeah, that really sucks. Also, did no one else think
(38:22):
about that? I guess not.
It seems like a complete shock to absolutely everybody, and I'm
not envious of him having to deal with the fallout of this
announcement. It was very poorly made, the
announcement executed, and it was very poorly received.
So obviously we have to deal with that.
That's all I have to say about this week's episode.
All I. Said was great work Andy.
(38:44):
Whether or not it was it's his fault, I don't, I don't know.
But just the lack of research really sucked.
Do your research, kids, please. For me, for Amy.
Do your research for Amy. Specifically.
Before we go, if you're enjoyingthe 90 Day Fiance Honestly
Podcast, please subscribe to or give our show a follow.
If you have an additional moment, please rate US and help
(39:06):
other 90 Day fans to find our show.
Thanks for listening. Thanks everyone.
See you next week.
Popular Podcasts
CrimeLess: Hillbilly Heist
It’s 1996 in rural North Carolina, and an oddball crew makes history when they pull off America’s third largest cash heist. But it’s all downhill from there. Join host Johnny Knoxville as he unspools a wild and woolly tale about a group of regular ‘ol folks who risked it all for a chance at a better life. CrimeLess: Hillbilly Heist answers the question: what would you do with 17.3 million dollars? The answer includes diamond rings, mansions, velvet Elvis paintings, plus a run for the border, murder-for-hire-plots, and FBI busts.
Crime Junkie
Does hearing about a true crime case always leave you scouring the internet for the truth behind the story? Dive into your next mystery with Crime Junkie. Every Monday, join your host Ashley Flowers as she unravels all the details of infamous and underreported true crime cases with her best friend Brit Prawat. From cold cases to missing persons and heroes in our community who seek justice, Crime Junkie is your destination for theories and stories you won’t hear anywhere else. Whether you're a seasoned true crime enthusiast or new to the genre, you'll find yourself on the edge of your seat awaiting a new episode every Monday. If you can never get enough true crime... Congratulations, you’ve found your people. Follow to join a community of Crime Junkies! Crime Junkie is presented by audiochuck Media Company.
Stuff You Should Know
If you've ever wanted to know about champagne, satanism, the Stonewall Uprising, chaos theory, LSD, El Nino, true crime and Rosa Parks, then look no further. Josh and Chuck have you covered.