TV Host and Relationship Expert Chancel Nicole Scott

TV Host and Relationship Expert Chancel Nicole Scott stops by the studio to talk new show, dating culture and tips on relationships and dating. 

Host: @alexandriaikomoni

Episode Transcript

(00:00):
What's up, guys? Is agirl Alexandria Ikimoni in the studio with the
one and only Chanelle Scott. Howare you doing today? I'm doing okay.
How about you? I am doingwell. Happy to have the fabulous
Mischonelle Scott in the studio today.I'm so excited to be here with you.
Yes. Yes, you do alot of amazing things like, oh
my gosh, you are booked andbusy doing great stuff, and I'm happy

(00:21):
are able to make some time tocome into the studio to talk about things
on my show. Yes, thisis your own shows. Yes, but
you have a lot of things thatyou're working on though, which is fantastic.
So you are here in Atlanta.Always like asking people from Atlanta or
who are coming to the city,favorite part of the city, favorite hotspots.
What do you like to do whenyou're in Atlanta? Why would you
ask me? Because I don't havea good work life balance. That's fair,

(00:45):
you know I have that. I'vebeen in Atlanta for nine years and
I that is the one thing thatI have been unable to achieve is a
good work life balance. While Ihave girlfriends, while we hang out and
do those things with I just havenot been six that's full. And I
have tried, you know, thespots too. Yeah you know, I
have tried to make those connections,but just not successful. Yeah. Smart

(01:10):
and Atlanta is a small but bigat the same time. Yes, so
everything is so spread out, soit's really hard to really find, you
know, things that you love becauseyou try things here, you try things
there. You never see the sameplace. I don't, you know,
because I don't hang out much,but I love to eat, so I
like to frequent different restaurants. ButI keep it simple. Yeah you know.
Yeah. So yeah, a goodmeal. You can always find me

(01:34):
having a great meal. That's meall day, every day. So I'm
with you one hundred percent. Greatmeals, great shows. You have a
few different shows that you have goingon. I want to start off with
the first one. Ground Yeah,so Bibica a Fox Selena Johnson Loriol.
How would you really describe that showfor people who haven't watched yet. Ah

(01:55):
the show, Uh so, Iwas brought off for the relationship aspect of
it, but it was it wasa geared towards women empowering each other and
just sharing our different perspectives, ourstory, our personal stories and even some
new different topics that were posed tous during the show. You know,
I learned some new things on theshow. I'm just thinking about I learned.

(02:19):
You know, I never heard ofthe concept pegging a man. Have
you ever heard of that? Ihave no idea with that? Okay,
so me either. So I'm greenbehind the ears and I was like,
what is that? So I wasenlightened about what that was. I won't
get too much into it because Idon't know if this show is rated or
not. But we talked about alot of different things in terms of lifestyle,

(02:42):
you know, our relationships, thepast, different traumatic stories, you
know, painful stories, things likethat, real life. Yeah. Absolutely,
and I love that you're brought ontoa relationship aspect because that's really what
a lot of your brand is focusedon. So I'm going to get into
that in just a second. Butthis next you are the EP for it?
Is that? Right? Okay?So that is something that we're working

(03:08):
on. It's okay, that isdefinitely something that we're working on. A
decision has not been made, itthough, praying on it. It has
been proposed. You know, Ilove the show, I love the concept,
I love what we've been able toaccomplish. So we're definitely working on
that absolutely, and maybe we won'tbe talking about pegging a man. I'm

(03:30):
going to transition that absolutely. Whatis it like being on the show,
Like, how is the dynamic withthe other ladies? You know, your
focus, like you said, ison relationships, Like how do you feel
that the show's been going in youropinion for you? The show for me,
uh, with this being my firstplatform with other like entertainers and people
like Vivoca A. Fox, SelenaJohnson and Lareo was absolutely amazing. I

(03:55):
mean I was just happy to bethere, you know what I'm saying,
because prior to that I kind offly solo and do my own thing.
But it was amazing just being intheir company. They welcomed me with open
arms. Vivica, myself and Selenawe're all members of Zeta Phi Beta Sorority
Incorporated, so we meshed right away. We meshed right away, So it

(04:15):
was an amazing time for me.Absolutely, I love it. It seems
like a great experience and a greatshow that we are all excited about.
Where can people watch that one?You can find Crown on in the Black
Network if you go to end theBlack Network. You can pull it up
through the app, or you canjust pull up the website in the Black
Network dot TV and you can findCrown. I love it. I love
it. So Crown is one ofthe shows. But you also have other

(04:38):
shows, Yes, talk about thoseothers. Now, I am EP of
my show, but yes, Iam EP of Commnistry. Commistry was first
premiered on Foxhoul and later you canfind those episodes. Actually can find Commistry
episodes on foxhol and in the BlackNetwork as well. Yeah, and then

(04:58):
on that I hold as well asI'm the creator and the executive producer,
and I invite celebrity influencers to comeon and just talk about their relationships and
I get all in their business andask all the hard questions and yeah,
it's a fun time. I lovethat one. And truthfully, now that
you're talking about how you are intorelationships and that's their talk that you typically
discussed with other people, how didyou really start getting into that space?

(05:23):
Like what was the moment where it'slike, yes, I want to really
hone in on this space. Soessentially I went through my own stuff.
Private little thing was abstinent for eightyears, people look at me and be
like what they stopped listening to that. And as I was transitioning just having
felt relationship at the failed relationship andjust having to do the work. I

(05:44):
never intended for it to be eightyears, but it was, and transitioning
back into the dating space, wantingto have that conversation, wanting to understand
the male perspective. I wanted tocreate a space where I could have conversations
with the men. Now you can'thave a wholesome conversation without men and women.
But I really focused in hone inon the men and just getting the

(06:04):
male perspective, understanding how they think, what they were looking for in a
relationship. Are you looking for arelationship? Why did you respond that way?
Like I try to get like mindedmen on men who I believe have
had those experiences and can answer ourquestions as women, you know. And
so that was where that was derivedfrom my own personal experiences and my inability

(06:28):
to sustain healthy relationship. I lovethat, And really, you're helping out
so many thousands of people across thecountry, not even just the country,
the world, honestly. So you'redoing a lot of great stuff that people
can really resonate with. And sinceyou asked a lot a question about people's
relationship, can I ask what isthe status like? What is your relationship
life like? Now? I'm single? Okay, I'm still very single.

(06:49):
Like I said earlier, I findit very difficult to create a good work
life balance and then the dating inAtlanta, it's just it's difficult, you
know, And I'm old school,so I don't. I haven't grasped the
whole idea of dating multiple people.I can't get with that. Not gonna

(07:09):
do it, not interested, don'tfriend me, don't don't do that.
So because I have that whole ideatoward that approach towards relationship, I find
it to be rather difficult. Andnot to mention, I just don't meet
people. That's fair, I don'tbecause you mostly work, so you don't
just go out for no, Idon't. I probably need to, but

(07:30):
I would like to have some goodgirlfriends to do that with. But like
I said, it's just it's difficult. And the older you get, the
more difficult it is to meet newpeople. You know, if you go
to a job every day or likea nine to five, you meet new
people, you engage new people youcan, you know, have friends,
and I don't. I'm not fromAtlanta, and so with me being in

(07:53):
this particular industry, well, Idon't encounter people on a daily basis.
I have made some attempts to connectwith some people in the industry that have
either done my show or I workwith. Aside from my Starwars, I
love Vivlicants, Selena, those aremy people, but aside from them,
and it just wasn't you know people, it's click is here? You know?
People like you? Oh, youknow, you can't get my circle.
You know. It's about this iswhat I do want to say,

(08:16):
because it's about influence. But whatpeople fail to realize a lot of people
that I work with, they workon somebody else's platform, somebody else's show,
their cast member. I own mystuff, he love, I'm the
executive producer. It starts with me. I'm the creator and I'm building from
the ground up. So I don'tthink I think people see me as a
host, not realizing that's her show, you know. So unfortunately, I

(08:39):
mean, I don't wear that onmy sleeve, you know, because I
don't. I don't move like that. But it forces you to think about
those things when you're being treated differently. Yeah, I get it. I
get it. So I'm assuming,Yeah, the business aspect really affects your
personal life. And yeah, it'sjust like you know, like I said,
I've had some influential, great womenwho have done my show, NHT

(09:00):
respect my platform, but just theconnection on the personal side, just like
I'm not going to say it wasjust like non existent. Like I might
reach out and I'm like a popularloaner, like I don't you know,
I kind of run alone when I'mnot doing my thing. You might find
me anywhere by myself. And forme to even reach out and say,
hey you want to grab lunch orhey let's do that, that's like a
miracle. And the two times thatI'm thinking about that I did do that,

(09:26):
I was met with a one witha no response, and then the
second time she responded, but thenshe stopped. So the friends I mean
I have, I've been here sinceI was five years old, so I've
been in Atlanta for a minute.But it seems like, you know,
I heard this common theme of likeit's hard to make friends in Atlanta,
it's hard to date in Atlanta.Atlanta's not the easiest place to be able

(09:48):
to do that in so I'm hearingfrom their friend groups. It's hard to
really just have people to hang outwith. For the men you touch on
it like generically though, but withdating these men, what are the biggest
things that you're experiencing with it's themost so when I was because I don't
even attend, you know, Ijust believe God He's gonna connect me with
the right man at the right time. That's just how as long as I'm
operating in purpose and doing my assignment, then I think it'll happen in due

(10:11):
time. But when I was outthere trying to do do it my own
way and do my own thing,the most the thing that I kept running
into is the multiple dating, likemore than one woman, or someone calling
my phone, or someone hit meon Instagram and I'm like, I know
you had because no one knows mehere, so I know if that person
hit me on Instagram, you hadto tell my name and they searched me

(10:33):
out. But then you know thatthat's not cool. So those were the
common themes that I kept running into. Or a person will tell you what
you want to hear and then yousay, well, OK, you give
them a little leeway. Then youfind out still there are other people.
I'm like, how many times?How many ways I'm gonna have to tell
you this, I'm not interested indoing this whole multiple dating thing, you

(10:54):
know, And then once they getin, they kind of switch up.
The talk is good at first,and you know, once they realize that
you put on your pants just likethey do, the situation becomes a little
common. They get comfortable, thenit's you know, the story changes.
I understand and I do understand it, and a lot of women are going
through a similar situation. So wehear you. We definitely do hear you.
I do have a quick question though, as a relationship expert in Guru

(11:18):
for Atlanta, specifically best dating adviceyou can give to people here in Atlanta,
because it's time. You know whatwhat I tell people, and this
is what I do. Find outbefore you even think about dating. Find
out what your purpose is, becauseif you are in alignment with your purpose
and you're doing what God called youto do, you're gonna get disappointment.
But when that disappointment comes, itwon't hurt as much. You'll be like,

(11:41):
Okay, you know it happened,but I'm cool with me. See
the problem is we live vicariously throughother people. We attach you'll value to
other people, and you know herein Atlanta, we like to pretend and
all that stuff. You know.I even had a situation where God was
driving a crowd that won't hear it'sfor five months. He had me food
for five for five months. That'sthe type of stuff that you run into.
But know who you are. Whenyou know who you are, then

(12:03):
you're like, I'm good with me. When you don't know who you are,
then you're not good with you.And you you know I One of
the lessons that I learned while I'vebeen living here is that there was a
season where I didn't love myself.And you'll ask someone do you love yourself?
And the answer, the right answerwould be yes, I do.
But look at your decisions, lookat how you allow other people to treat

(12:24):
you, and then ask yourself,do you really love yourself? Because if
you're allowing someone to mistreat you,mishandle you, then you do not love
yourself and you need to do somework. That's self reflection honestly is necessary
a lot of the time, sogreat advice there. So in order for
the Atlanta dating culture to get better. What do you think needs to happen?

(12:45):
What do I think? Jesus forme? But your opinion? Yeah,
Jesus, you said it. It'sJesus. No, seriously, like
and get your own, you knowwhat I'm saying. When you're not trying
that like your motive. When yourmotives aren't right, it always it never
works out in your favor, likeget for the ladies, get your own,

(13:05):
this whole idea of a man gottado this, and no, no,
no, get your own because he'son a journey just like you are.
He's human, just like you are. He got his own goals and
purpose and all that, just likeyou do. Get your own so that
when you connect with the right person, the moment you see a red flag,
you're like, okay, it's notfor me, you know. But
when you don't and you're looking yourmotives are on right, then you'll kind

(13:26):
of turn a blind eye to certainbehaviors and keep going and then you end
up getting your heart broke. Butwhen you got your own and you know
who you are, well that stuffdoesn't phaze you. You're like, okay,
okay, well this same for me. Then you go that's it.
And I feel like there's this conversationwhere it's kind of hard of like get
your own but the man being theprovider in the relationship or the dating space

(13:48):
provider in the marriage, see,they want to be provided. The day
we met. I saw this video. It was a second date and the
girl was like, he was like, I'm gonna take your shopping. She
was like, take me to LouisVatan and he was like, no,
just only our second day provided inthe marriage, we don't even have a
foundation. We don't even know eachother. Why am I spending me as

(14:09):
the man spending my money on youthousands of dollars? No, Like,
if you just want to throw yourmoney away, then that's fine, but
I personally don't require it. Likeif I was like a perfect date would
be taking a stroll in the park, let's go to Starbucks and get a
refresher, because I want to talkto you and get to know you.
I need to vet you to evenknow if I want to spend more time

(14:30):
with you. You know, whenyou got your own stuff, you don't
think about what he gonna get me. I don't care. You can't get
you can't buy me First of all, you know what I'm saying, you
gotta have good character values. Let'stalk about that first. That's real.
And I really love that you saidprovider in the marriage because a lot of
people in their twenties, sometimes eventhirties, they have the mentality which I

(14:52):
do not agree with it. Ihave to put that out there, like
for sure marriage, yes, butdaty wise, you know we're still on
people. So speaking of that,do you feel about fifty fifty relationships?
I don't know about that, okay. I think each relationship is different.
I think that what may work forone relationship may not work for the other.
There may be a season where itmay be fifty to fifty if we're

(15:15):
both building and trying to accomplish andattain a particular goal. Do I think
it should be like that? Always? Absolutely not, especially if he's able
to. Now, if he's notable to, then I'm gonna hold you
down, hold and it might beone hundred percent. You know, I'm
cool with that. But all seethat gets handled at the beginning, at

(15:35):
the vetting, because when you findout this person got good character that maybe
he falls on hard times. Igot you. You know what I'm saying,
because you're not trying to use meand take advantage. I mean,
we've already got that out the way. It's only when you have somebody who's
trying to take advantage and you havetakers and people who trying to take from
you and take and take and take, and they're not pouring anything into you.
But fifty to fifty not always,but there might be a season where

(15:58):
you have to do fifty fifty forsh And that's realistic. That's realistic.
Yeah, relationships. So that's greatadvice too. I always have these questions
and I like asking people their perspectiveson this. How long do you think
somebody should date before they get ina relationship, and then how long should
someone be in a relationship before theyget married. I feel like you should

(16:18):
only date for maybe I'm going tosay six months, and that's pushing it.
I think that, you know,I feel like for a woman,
you know within the first couple ofweeks if this has potential, and then
obviously you want to see that personin all the seasons, how they respond
to different situations scenarios. But Ithink you only get in a year my
time before we need to know whatwe're doing, I'm not going to be

(16:42):
dating, you know, three andfour and five two tops, two tops
before we're like, okay, we'retaking this to the next level. We're
going to get married. But you'renot getting more than that because next thing,
you know, you would have givenall of your youth to one person
and then it doesn't work out.You know what take for someone like me?
Now, I didn't give my youthaway to one person, but what

(17:03):
I did do was I continue tomake bad decision at the bad decision and
my youth I just see it,like even to this day, like oh
my god. You know, butit goes back to overstaying my welcome,
not knowing when to lead, attachingmy value to someone else, living vicariously
through what I've created in my head. It's not even real. It's it's

(17:26):
an illusion. It's what I inthe perfect world would I see this person?
But is he truly that? No? So no, six months to
a year, for sure, youneed to be in a committed relationship.
After six months, especially if you'resleeping together, you need to cut serious.
Hello, they don't want to hearthat. No act stuff relationship.

(17:47):
We'll be in a situationship STDs arereal Hello, so that's a real thing.
And Atlanta is on it real heavy. I'm just real heavy, and
people you know this. On socialmedia, people are starting to talk about
the pH balance and all. Thisis stuff that's been going on since the
beginning of time, but no oneever talked about it. I see people
talking about it more and more,and I think continue to do that because

(18:10):
when you hit people talking openly aboutyour pH balance and badge balance and badge
of noses and all those if thoseare real things that we do not talk
about, but it still happens,you know, and it comes from dating
multiple people at one time, itcomes from sleep back to doing it.
Yeah, we're not doing that.So I'm with you, and you're sharing
all this good information, but you'vealso put a lot of good information in

(18:32):
your book as well, Relationship Matters. Tell me more about the book,
but specifically, I also want toknow the biggest experience or a lesson that
you told in the book that youreally want people to understand. Who I
want people to understand. I thinkI'm home or learn from learn from.
Okay, Like I've been talking aboutit throughout the entire and I'll highlight it
again. But relationships matter really dealtwith some of my more traumatic experiences.

(18:57):
In terms of my relationship, I'veexperienced a tremendous amount of rejection, right,
And it didn't have to be thatway. But because there again,
living vicariously through other people, thinkingthat someone is better than me, you
know, seeing them is more valuablethan I see myself, putting more value

(19:17):
you know, on them than me, and allowing them to mistreat me or
allowing myself to be mishandled. Itled me to be I'll be very I'm
fifty right, never married, nochildren, and it's not because I didn't
want that. It was because Imade bad decisions over the years and it

(19:38):
just caught up with me. Idon't have a reason now as to why
I'm single other than I'm in Atlanta, and I just that's a valid reason.
I just work, you know,work, I work, and like
I said, I haven't been ableto create that work life balance. But
guys, we gotta find more valuein ourselves. Like some people just they're

(20:00):
like they can't I can't live withoutthem. I gotta be with them,
you know, because you can't seepast that person. But in every situation
when you've ever had your heart broken? Wasn't that someone better? Every time?
Like every time? Because you're notgonna go with somebody that's not better.
But wasn't it if someone better?But we don't see it that way.

(20:21):
We always think that the bucks stopwith this person. We gotta be
with this person, and it hasto be something traumatic before we walk away.
Why does it have to be traumaticbefore we walk away? No,
if it's not jobbing with what youwant out of the relationship, because it's
two people, we both got tobe fulfilled. It can't just be one

(20:41):
person. It has to go bothways. So if you find yourself continuously
sacrificing, compromise it and you're notgetting anything out of the situation, you
gotta walk away. You have to. You have to so much power in
it. You have to. AndI'm telling you like, but this goes
back to tapping into your purpose.If I can drive anything home during this

(21:06):
interview, it would have to bepleased. Tap into your purpose. Ask
God, what is it that I'msupposed to be doing? What is my
purpose? What is my God givenassignment? Because when you get in that,
you will find so much contentment withyou. You will no longer be
competing with anybody. You will nolonger be comparing yourself to anybody. You

(21:29):
will be fine because you will befulfilled. That will fill you up.
It will give you exactly what youneed. And while you're doing that,
that is when you're going to connectwith the right person, a like minded
purpose, with some person with similargoals and similar purpose. That's how that
works. Simple, simple, easy, easy, And you go into all
these details in the book. Sotell people how can they get the book

(21:52):
because it's good stuff. Yes,So you can get the book in several
places. You can get the bookon Barnes and Noble. You can get
the book Books a Million. Youcan also find a copy of Amazon,
and you can just go to mywebsite. You could go to Comministry dot
com, or you can go toRelationships Matter Live dot com. The book
is everywhere. I love it andI'm hoping you're gonna have some copies at

(22:14):
the event that you have coming upfor the book. The one year anniversary
of the show Relationship Matters. Tellus more about that and what people can
expect. Yeah, so August isour one year anniversary. I do the
show with Josh Powell. He's atwo time NBA champion, former an NBA
ballplayer. He plays in a BigThree now. But he and I we
partner to do Relationships Matter, andwe invite influencers. We don't have an

(22:34):
audience though. We invite influencers andwe have candid, transparent conversations about relationships
and we touch all kinds of topics. And so we're gonna be celebrating our
one year anniversary in August. We'regonna have a mansion party though, so
we're gonna make it fun. We'regonna have a chef, we're gonna have
games, and we're actually rolling outa new relationship card game. Yeah,

(22:56):
that'll be the first time that itwill make it debut at the party,
at the one year anniversary party,So that will be rolling out, and
we'll also have other games. It'sgonna be heavily branded Relationships Matter. We're
gonna be there. We're gonna inviteall of our guests that have worked with
us in the past, and it'sgonna be a good time. And it's
free. Oh yes, we gottalove a free event. A good free

(23:18):
event, I should say, Okay, on these cards, can you give
us like one thing on topic thatcan be on one of the cards,
so people can get an idea whatthey can expect in the game. Yes,
it's like we asked, So thecard game is the one that's being
rolled out now. One is dealingwith how do you navigate past pain in
trauma because that's something that you don'tdiscuss when you go into a new situation.

(23:41):
You kind of tuck that away becauseyou don't want them to know.
But those are questions to ask yourpotential partner so that we can work through
it together, because that will betriggers. Let's just be real. There's
certain things that remind you of certainsituations, but the game is created to
help support that so that we don'tself sabotage. And then the other one
is dealing with sex and intimacy.So a lot of times when we get

(24:03):
into these relationships, we don't talkabout sex candidly, like what do we
like? And that could be adeal breaker for someone like you could go
in and be like I don't likedoing that and he like, well I
like it. Well, if helike it, you better know, you
better learn how to do it,or that's not your person. So the
game is designed to ask those typesof intimate questions with your potential partner and
it kind of goes deep. Somaybe you can't think of questions, so

(24:26):
maybe you're having a difficult time communicatingwith this personal just opening up and being
comfortable pull out that card gang askthose questions. You can ask him,
and he can ask you and youcan answer. Those are great questions to
ask, getting deep from the twoYou already told me the game gets deep,
so be prepared. But I loveit. Those are conversations, like

(24:47):
you said, so it's a greatway to do it. Any other projects
or any other things in the worksfor this year or this is our focus
right now? This is our focusright now. I'm trying to think,
like, aside from what we've talkedabout, we're still trying to figure out
when Crown is going to make itsreturn. Yeah, relationships matter and ch
ministry in the card game, yes, and then in the books, yeah

(25:07):
for sure. Fact well, thankyou so much for coming into the studio.
Any last word you want to leavewith the people, I'll uh what
come see me on August twenty fifthat the Mansi party for our one year
anniversary. I love it? Andhow can people follow you on social media?
You can follow me on all socialmedia platforms at Chanelle Nicole Scott.
I love it, I love itwell, Miss Chanelle Scott, thank you
so much for coming into the studio. We appreciate you absolutely. This was

(25:30):
fun. Yes. Yes, onceagain Alexandra Kaimoni in the studio. iHeartRadio.