Please forgive us for the technical difficulties, we are working them out and hope you hang tough with us!!
The holidays promise magic, but many of us feel dread creeping in the edges—expectations, family tension, grief that won’t stay buried, and the money squeeze that turns giving into guilt. We open the door on the messy middle and offer a calmer way through. From the spotless-house myth that dies in 30 seconds to the relief of letting kids be loud and joyful, we reframe what a “good” gathering looks like and why presence beats performance every time.
We get candid about boundaries—the kind that keep you and your kids safe. Not every invite deserves a yes, and not every tradition survives a new season. We talk through handling toxic dynamics without triangulation, setting time limits, and choosing a smaller table or friendsgiving when that’s what protects your peace. Anxiety often spikes this time of year, and it’s not just the calendar. Grief resurfaces with empty chairs and familiar songs, body memory can pull you low in cold months, and seasonal affective disorder makes short days feel heavier. Add sleep debt, double shifts, and social overload, and you’ve got a perfect storm. We share practical resets: daylight breaks, simpler menus, quiet pockets before crowds, and honest check-ins.
Money stress is real, so we rethink gifting with compassion. A $25 cap can be two hours of someone’s life; that tradeoff matters. We suggest practical care packages, pooled meals, and explicit permission to scale back. Loneliness deserves attention too—especially for elders, shift workers, and friends far from family—so we offer small, actionable ways to widen the table without creating new burdens. If you’re struggling, calling or texting 988 can be a lifeline; you don’t have to carry this alone.
Come for the humor, stay for the relief. Leave with smarter boundaries, kinder expectations, and a plan to choose connection over performance. If this helped you breathe easier, follow the show, share it with a friend who needs it, and leave a quick review so others can find us.
email: boomerandgenxer@gmail.com
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
SPEAKER_01 (00:00):
Welcome, welcome, welcome everyone to today's
show.
We're going to run extra walkingto a bar from the rabbit run
studio.
We are in 14 differentlocations.
Uh, but you as our listener willexperience some wit and wisdom,
some smart ass re and a motherand a daughter questioning.
Are we even related?
My name is Jane.
(00:21):
My co-host is my daughter Bobby.
And for the next severalminutes, we're here to entertain
you.
I will tell you right now thatwe are recording around the
holidays.
So, Bobby, how's it been workingfor you?
SPEAKER_00 (00:35):
Well, so far it's been work and home, and that's
basically been it.
Just the stress of, you know,getting everybody ready for the
holidays.
SPEAKER_01 (00:44):
So we are past Thanksgiving.
Not sure when our listeners willbe listening to this podcast.
It could be in May or June orJuly, for all we know, because
it's in our library, right?
Hey, our Thanksgiving wentpretty good.
Nobody got into a barroom brawl.
We didn't have to push furnitureback or throw sawdust on the
floor or anything like that.
SPEAKER_00 (01:04):
Yeah, we uh we didn't have to do a Facebook
live of anybody uh bringing beefto the dinner.
And uh yeah, it was good.
SPEAKER_01 (01:13):
Police weren't even called, so I know we feel pretty
good about that.
One of the things that I wantedto talk about today, Bobby,
because we did successfully makeit through a holiday without an
argument.
One, uh some of the stressesthat holidays bring up, or some
(01:34):
of the problems, somepsychological, some other, uh,
that people run into when we aretrying to sit down to dinner,
trying to get families together,or even friends for that matter.
Can you think of any issues thatyour friends have talked about
that uh I don't know, maybe theyhad at their holidays?
SPEAKER_00 (01:54):
I know a big one was, you know, everybody thinks
you invite people to your houseand everything has to be perfect
and clean and you know, it hasto look a certain way, it has to
go a certain way.
And, you know, in reality,especially when I was younger,
the only thing I reallyremembered about holidays was,
(02:15):
you know, the food and the factthat we got together.
I didn't remember if the housewas clean, I didn't remember if
the dog was barking, I didn'tremember if you know Uncle Randy
got drunk and passed out on thecouch.
What you remember is everybody,you know, showing up and just
being there.
SPEAKER_01 (02:32):
Yeah, I get it.
Because some of those things uhmay have happened in our family
when uh you kids were younger,where somebody may have gotten a
little intoxicated and uh fellover somebody, started a fight,
spilled everything on the floor,and then we were all pissed off
about it.
But you know me, I am OCD, andso I of course want the house
(02:56):
completely spotless.
But one thing I have learned,Bobby, is once y'all come in,
it's within 30 seconds that thathouse is not spotless anymore.
SPEAKER_00 (03:06):
It's true, it's true.
SPEAKER_01 (03:08):
So, one of the stresses that or one of the
issues that people have duringthe holidays are, as you
mentioned, expectations.
We expect everything to beperfect, we expect our houses to
be clean and tidy, and like yousaid, most people really don't
even notice any of that.
SPEAKER_00 (03:28):
No, and uh and there's stuff like you know, the
kids have to be perfect and youknow have to dress a certain way
and act a certain way.
And I'm just at the point whereyou know, kids will be kids.
Let me see them being kids andbeing happy and screeching
through the house, and you know,I'm I'm just happy to be there.
SPEAKER_01 (03:47):
Yeah, I get it, and so the expectations I think is
the big psychological thing.
We all tell ourselves in ourheads that we expect certain
things during the holidays,whether that's oh my gosh, I'm
so fearful that somebody willsay something wrong, I'm fearful
that somebody will get intopolitics or religion, or I'm
(04:10):
fearful that you know, we've gotsomebody showing up that we
didn't know was gonna show up,or somebody was supposed to show
up and didn't.
SPEAKER_00 (04:18):
Have we heard that, Bobby?
Oh yeah, yeah, we have,especially when we don't limit
the, you know, have a time limitfor everybody to where, okay,
we'll be here for an hour andthen we'll leave, you know,
because uh after a while youkind of get bored and politics
and religion come up and youknow, all this other stuff.
SPEAKER_01 (04:39):
So I had heard somebody say that if your house
gets really loud when your kidsand grandkids are there, whether
it's during the holidays orwhatever, that you should be
proud of that because the kidsfeel pretty open that they can
be themselves and they can havefun and they can laugh.
You know, the older I get, themore I am spending more time
(05:02):
with just either me and Dr.
Domain or me by myself.
It's like uh sometimes when youhear that loud noise, it gets
you on edge.
You know, we experience that aswe get older.
This last Thanksgiving, Ithought that to myself, I
thought it's really nice to hearhow loud these kids can get and
they're just having they're justhaving fun.
And so I was pretty happy aboutthat.
SPEAKER_00 (05:24):
Yeah, and you know, there's there's other things
that definitely play into that.
Growing up, you know, when weall got together, everybody came
together um regardless of ofwhat was going on and stuff.
And I think the in more recentyears, you know, with with
people breaking generationalcurses and things like that,
(05:45):
there are some things that getyou know put up on the chopping
block.
Like we don't invite certainfamily members because they're
toxic or they're abusive or somethings happened.
And so that that does break downa lot of holidays for people to
where a lot of times it's just afriends giving, you know, like
you said, friends gettingtogether and just having a
(06:07):
friends giving because that'stheir family, or you know, even
just a smaller family unitgetting together and not even
worrying about people who don'tshow up because hey, if they
wanted to be there, they'd bethere.
SPEAKER_01 (06:22):
Let's venture on that one because we have had
situations where we have invitedpeople and we've been sorry
after inviting them because theyactually show up, whether it's
friends or whether it'srelatives, or we've had
situations where people comeinto the house and they actually
(06:43):
cause more tension and moreanxiety because someone is mad
at the other person and they'rein the corner being mad, not
talking to everyone, or they'retalking behind somebody's back.
And I'll be honest with you,we've not experienced that.
And I think that's probablybecause I draw a hard line on
(07:05):
that, and so do you girls now,right?
SPEAKER_00 (07:07):
Right.
I mean, we've had you know theunexpected guests that you know
either cause tension or even thethe expected guests that showed
up and did cause tension, butit's we're not ones to kind of
talk to you know each otherbehind that person's back.
If they're there, they'rehearing it.
SPEAKER_01 (07:26):
Right, exactly.
And I guess I have gotten to apoint now where you know, if you
don't want to be here, don'tcome.
Right.
If I if I invite you, it'sbecause I want you there and I
want your, you know, I want tosee you, I want to experience
the holiday with you.
But if you don't want to come oryou feel like, oh gosh, I gotta
(07:47):
go to Jane's house today, stayhome.
SPEAKER_00 (07:50):
Right.
And a lot of people do itbecause they expect things.
You know, they they they comeonce a year to get gifts and eat
food and then you know,disappear for the rest of the
year.
Yeah, I I'm all for I want yourpresence, like be near me rather
than you to get me a gift.
SPEAKER_01 (08:11):
I mean, I gotta be honest with you, I struggle with
that because we have a fewpeople that don't give us the
time of day during a year, andthen at Christmas, because we
are handing out gifts or handingout money or handing out, as you
mentioned, good food, just feellike they're gonna show up and
then we don't see them foranother year.
(08:31):
I struggle with that because mymy whole thing is I want you in
my life and I want you to have arelationship with me.
If you don't want to, that'sfine, move on.
And I don't care if you'refriends or family, if you don't
want to be there, don't bethere.
You don't owe me anything, Idon't owe you anything.
And people go, you know, I knowsome people will be saying to
(08:53):
themselves, oh, you shouldn't bethat way.
You know, you always want familythere.
I'm not saying I don't wantfamily there, I'm saying if you
don't want to be there, don't bethere because I think it causes
more anxiety, right?
SPEAKER_00 (09:05):
And you know, we there have been issues with
basically people who do justshow up once a year, and you
know, they're there with theirhands out and smiles on their
faces, but the minute that thatcelebration is over, they're out
the door, we don't see them tillnext you know, holiday season.
SPEAKER_01 (09:24):
So this will kind of blow your mind.
Apparently, statistics show thatthe amount of time that you
spend with your therapistbecause of anxiety during the
holidays goes up about 76%during that time period, and I
can see that, and that's howmuch anxiety this stuff causes
(09:47):
people.
It really does kind of blow mymind because, like I said, I I'm
like a duck with in water, justlet it roll off your back
because it's not worth worryingabout anymore.
But 76%, that's crazy.
SPEAKER_00 (10:00):
I can see that, but I also see the the flip side of
it dealing with, you know, maybeyou had really abusive parents
and now you have children.
Do you want to bring yourchildren around just because
they're their grandparents?
That causes a lot of anxiety.
Uh, you're, you know, if you'refighting with a sibling and you
(10:20):
two went your separate ways andthe holidays come up and you
know you're gonna see them.
That's huge anxiety.
Even the anxiety of trying toget everything perfect for
everybody, you know, trying toget them the gifts that they
want, things like that.
Am I gonna be able to afford togo see my parents this year?
You know, and if I can't affordit, well, what if it's their
(10:43):
last year?
Or what if I don't see them nextyear?
There's just, I mean, it's justa huge, huge uh therapy bill, in
my opinion.
SPEAKER_01 (10:51):
Yeah, I agree with you.
So besides the relationshipissues and the unrealistic
expectations, one thing that wehave to be cognizant of is a lot
of people are suffering fromgrief during that time period.
Maybe they lost someone thispast year, or maybe they lost
(11:12):
someone during the holidayperiod, and it brings back
memories of that person, and andthey're still grieving.
And grieving doesn't have a timelimit, right?
I could get over it a lotquicker than maybe somebody
else, or somebody else could getover it a lot quicker than me.
I think we have to be cognizantof that, definitely.
SPEAKER_00 (11:31):
And and it's not just grief.
Um, one thing that has come upsince it has gotten colder, you
know, we've gotten a lot of snowhere um in Iowa, and the
temperatures have dropped todarn near the single digits
lately.
If you have a traumatic eventthat happened in the wintertime
or around the holidays, justbecause you may push it back in
(11:54):
your mind, your body remembers,and your body's gonna be
stressed out, and that is goingto affect your mental state.
You're gonna go around going,Why am I feeling like this?
Why am I so sad?
And you know, like I said, youmay think that you've gotten
over it, but your bodyremembers, it really does, and
that that's tough for a lot ofpeople.
SPEAKER_01 (12:14):
It's exhausting, it can be very exhausting for
people, and just you know,getting everything ready.
I I'll be honest with you.
Um, the older I get, the morethat I kind of um, you know,
it's harder for me probably toget things ready because I I
lose energy quicker than I didwhen I was younger.
I think I still got a lot ofenergy, but I was gonna say, but
(12:39):
it it is exhausting to geteverything together, you know,
to make sure everything isperfect, because you know me,
OCD, I want everything perfect.
It's exhausting.
People don't get the rest thatthey need during the holidays,
and so that too can lead to aheightened sense of anxiety or
depression.
What about loneliness during theholidays?
SPEAKER_00 (13:02):
That's horrible.
Loneliness is horrible, youknow, especially when you know
that it is the holidays and thepeople that you know, your
friends and things like that,the few that you may have,
they're busy with theirfamilies.
You know, they they haveobligations, they have things to
do around the holidays, and so alot of times people feel guilty,
(13:23):
you know, reaching out andsaying, Hey, I'm really lonely
because everybody's got shit todo.
SPEAKER_01 (13:29):
You know, some of us really aren't lonely on the
holidays.
I mean, like for Thanksgiving, Iknow Dr.
Domain, you spent Thanksgivingthe following day and two days
with your your boys, um, becausethat's the way it worked out.
They had other places to go,right?
Right.
(13:50):
I know that for Christmas Eve,you know, people go, Oh, you're
gonna be alone on Christmas Eve.
Trust me, I'm good with it.
But I mean, I'll be at work, soyeah, you have to take into
consideration some of thesefolks who don't get visitors,
whether it's elderly, whetherit's people who just don't have
close family members or friendslocally, they can get really
(14:13):
lonely during the holidays.
And I try to listen up duringthe holidays.
We've invited friends over,right?
We've had friends at the dinnertable because we knew that they
were going to be alone.
We didn't want them to be alone,and they they accepted our
invitation.
So crazy them for doing that, uhcoming into our shit show.
(14:34):
But the other thing is not onlyloneliness, but you can get
burnout pretty quick.
That you know, some of thosecommon symptoms that we would
see are they include sadnessaround the holidays that people
who are typically bubbly, noissues, now all of a sudden
they're they're sad, and there'sa seasonal disorder, uh, right,
(14:56):
because of of that.
And also, you know, like Imentioned, fatigue, it's
exhausting.
Irritability is another symptom,uh, which disrupts your sleep
patterns for sure.
Like you, I know you work a lotof overtime, you work a lot of
double shifts.
(15:16):
Not only is that exhaustingunder normal circumstances, but
now you know you're out theretrying to get your family ready
for the holiday meals, you'retrying to prepare gifts, you're
trying to see the people thatyou want to see during the
holidays, and it can reallydisrupt your sleep.
And guess what happens then?
(15:38):
It disrupts your or it impactsyour mental health.
So, Bobby, that might be whyyou're crazy.
SPEAKER_00 (15:44):
Many, many years of it, yeah.
And you know, going back to theum seasonal disorder, it's
actually called seasonalaffective disorder.
And you know, what's reallydepressing to me is the fact
that the holidays happen in thewinter months, in the coldest
parts of you know, the year,because we have shorter days, we
(16:06):
have less sunlight, it's colder,everybody's inside, we become
more alone uh because we're notout, we're not doing things.
And so seasonal affectivedisorder is a real thing, and
you pile that on top of all thestress and all the expectations.
And honestly, I mean, it's justit's just a bomb waiting to go
(16:28):
off on the wrong person.
SPEAKER_01 (16:30):
I I totally agree because you've got a you've got
several people who are out therereally kind of just living on
the edge, trying to make it dayin and day out, and sometimes
they don't have anyone to turnto, sometimes no one to talk to,
or they think they don't haveanyone to talk to.
I I know I'm not one to to talkto a lot of people, I just keep
(16:52):
it to myself.
I do I do bore Dr.
Domain with my issues everysingle day, and um but one thing
that it can lead to is you knowpotentially it can increase
substance use.
You could have, you know, issueswith isolation, and we talked
about you know it disruptingroutines, so because you get
(17:14):
sensory overload, it can triggerpast traumas.
If you had major family issuesin the past, now you've mended
those, but now you're meetingwith your family again.
Let's face it, those traumasstill come to mind because
you're hopeful it doesn't everhappen again.
SPEAKER_00 (17:33):
Yeah, and and if you have children, you know,
children are very perceptive oftheir parents and you know the
the mood around the house.
And even if you're being allholly jolly and trying to just,
you know, put a smile on yourface in front of the kids, they
can feel that difference.
They can feel the tension, theycan feel, you know, the
(17:55):
loneliness, the hurt, thingslike that.
And so it it even begins toaffect kids, you know, at school
and at you know their sports, itcan really affect them, and they
just they don't know why they'rejust kind of feeling what uh is
going on around them.
SPEAKER_01 (18:10):
Another item that is uh it's just very prominent is
financial stress.
You know, people feel like yeah,because people there, you know,
I mean, there's a lot of peopleout there just living paycheck
to paycheck, making their makingtheir bills, sometimes not even
making their bills, and now theexpectation of buying gifts
(18:32):
comes upon them.
The expectation of you knowbringing something to the
dinner.
Because that's that's costly.
I don't care what anybody says.
One thing that we had atradition, and we stopped it
because I was getting so tiredis for years my two daughters
would come over to the house andwe had a bake day.
That bake day, we made tons ofstuff.
(18:55):
I mean, just you know, cookiesand cakes and candies and just
tons and tons of stuff, and wesplit it three ways, and they
could give it to their friends,they could eat it themselves,
they could do whatever theywanted with it, but each one of
us had a plethora of food thatwe were taking back with us, and
(19:16):
the cost of just doing that,because I I paid for everything,
which was no big deal, but thecost of doing that for someone
else can be very substantial,and it can be you know, uh a
weight that somebody feels likethey have to carry.
Oh, I have to make this for thedinner, I have to take
something, I have to buy a gift,I don't even like this person,
(19:38):
and I have to buy a gift becauseI drew their name or whatever
the reason.
It doesn't make any difference.
And frankly, folks, that's notwhat the holidays are about.
That's not at all.
The holidays are aboutcelebrating, you know, what's
going on that holiday, whetherit's Thanksgiving, giving thanks
for and being grateful foreverything that you you have,
(19:59):
everything.
Everything that you, you know,you were afforded this year, all
the opportunities.
And Christmas, of course, youknow, is the birth of Christ.
And in my book, I don't knowabout all of our listeners
whether that's what theycelebrate, but that's what I
celebrate is the birth ofChrist.
And so we want everybody to behappy.
(20:21):
I don't want people spendingmoney.
I don't want them to have thatburden.
And so, you know, just takingthat off of their agenda or
their requirements for the yearcan be very helpful.
You know, if we just share loveand joy and the ability to be
with the people that you know welove, I think that's enough,
(20:43):
don't you?
SPEAKER_00 (20:44):
I do.
And one thing that I think helpsa lot of people to understand
about the gift giving thing isyou have to understand that if
you do, like let's say you do agift exchange at work and the
limit's$25.
A lot of people are not making$25 an hour.
So you're looking at two hoursof someone's life that they
(21:04):
worked to buy that little tiny$25 gift.
And a lot of people would say,well, you know, it's it's
nothing big deal.
Well, it is because that's twohours of your life away from
your family that you have workedin order to purchase that gift.
I would rather see you use thatmoney towards your family, use
that time towards your familythan to ever worry about getting
(21:27):
me a candle that I'll neverlight because it'll probably
light one of the cats on fire.
SPEAKER_01 (21:31):
So I think that's an excellent point, Bobby.
And you know, just putting thatinto perspective, that's a good
point.
How long does somebody actuallyhave to work to get you that
gift?
You know, are you expecting thatgift?
And and I know I used to ask youkids to give me some ideas for
Christmas or or just make alist.
(21:53):
And it's like, well, if you haveto make a list, how well do you
know this person?
And why are you giving themgifts?
Right?
So now I don't even once in awhile, if I can't think of
something for one of the kids,and I don't buy big gifts, I buy
little gifts because I givemoney now because you're all old
enough for that.
If you have to provide a list,how well do you know that
(22:14):
person?
SPEAKER_00 (22:15):
Right.
And I will say that probablysome of the best gifts I got on
Christmas as an adult were thosecare packages that you'd put
together that had the laundrybasket, the soap, the paper
towels, the dish soap, you know,things like that.
Because there were a lot oftimes that I was as an adult was
struggling, and that was thebest gift of all, you know, is
(22:38):
having that stuff.
SPEAKER_01 (22:39):
Yeah, I think that's a good point.
And that was those are excellentgifts.
I I would love to get somethinglike that from somebody, but
yeah, you know, toilet paper,paper towels, dish soap, you
know, detergent, you know,shampoos and conditioners, all
of the things that you kids needjust to get by is always
(23:01):
welcomed.
And I think that's an excellentpoint that you bring that up.
And so we just want to telleverybody, you know, if you're
listening to this, not aroundthe holidays, hopefully you'll
think about it during theholidays, and you know, just
invite people over and you know,you don't have to do anything
big deal, just love one another,be happy that you have the
(23:23):
opportunity to spend that timewith them and you know, just
spread the joy because all ofthis, you know, there's just so
much anger and hate right nowthat's that's being conveyed to
one another, whether it'sbecause of politics or religion,
or I didn't get this or I didn'tget that.
You know, that's just sheerungratefulness.
That's all that is, is justsheer ungratefulness.
(23:46):
So be grateful, be thankful, behappy that you know you have the
opportunity to see these peopleagain, and you're not standing
over a casket, you know,regretting the fact that you
treated them poorly or that youdidn't see them.
If you don't want to be there,don't be there.
Be honest, just say, hey, Idon't want to be there.
You know, just move on.
(24:07):
I just I think that's all I havefor today, Bobby.
But I do want to thank all ofour listeners because we are in
three different locations.
We do have technicaldifficulties from the three
locations.
We do our best to edit thesethings out, but you know, most
of the technical difficultiesare me.
Bobby had a heyday with mebefore uh because Dr.
(24:29):
Domain was trying to get me allhooked up and and she knew that
I couldn't even see it on myscreen.
So she kind of regretted notbeing here with me today.
But we do thank you forlistening in.
We apologize for any technicaldifficulties that we have or how
this comes across, but weappreciate you listening.
And Bobby, I think that's all wehave for today.
SPEAKER_00 (24:50):
Uh, I do have one more thing.
Listen, uh, I know this is gonnacome out on the other end of the
holidays, so I hope thateverybody survived it.
Um, but most importantly, ifyou're having a difficult time,
there is something that you cando.
You can pick up your phone, youcan call 988, or you can text
(25:12):
it.
You don't even have to talk onthe phone.
So if you're having a difficulttime, use it.
All right, because hey, we loveyou guys, we love you as
listeners, but most importantly,we want you here for the new
year.
All right.
SPEAKER_01 (25:26):
So absolutely.
That's a great point, Bobby.
Thank you for bringing that up.
SPEAKER_00 (25:31):
Absolutely.
So I think that is all theinsanity over holidays that we
do have for today, but we doappreciate you joining us at all
three locations of the RabbitRun Studio today.
Be sure to follow us because welook forward to spending time
with you each and every week.
Like us on Facebook.
And if you have positivefeedback for us, or if there is
(25:54):
a topic or a question that youwant us to talk about, drop us a
short email at boomer and genxerat gmail.com.
And if you have hate mail, uh,hey, wrap that up in a nice
little present because I I wouldlove to open that once today.
So until next week, I'm BobbyJoy, and I'm Jamie Boom, and
(26:16):
here's multiple.
Welcome, welcome, welcome everyone to today's
show.
We're going to run extra walkingto a bar from the rabbit run
studio.
We are in 14 differentlocations.
Uh, but you as our listener willexperience some wit and wisdom,
some smart ass re and a motherand a daughter questioning.
Are we even related?
My name is Jane.
(00:21):
My co-host is my daughter Bobby.
And for the next severalminutes, we're here to entertain
you.
I will tell you right now thatwe are recording around the
holidays.
So, Bobby, how's it been workingfor you?
SPEAKER_00 (00:35):
Well, so far it's been work and home, and that's
basically been it.
Just the stress of, you know,getting everybody ready for the
holidays.
SPEAKER_01 (00:44):
So we are past Thanksgiving.
Not sure when our listeners willbe listening to this podcast.
It could be in May or June orJuly, for all we know, because
it's in our library, right?
Hey, our Thanksgiving wentpretty good.
Nobody got into a barroom brawl.
We didn't have to push furnitureback or throw sawdust on the
floor or anything like that.
SPEAKER_00 (01:04):
Yeah, we uh we didn't have to do a Facebook
live of anybody uh bringing beefto the dinner.
And uh yeah, it was good.
SPEAKER_01 (01:13):
Police weren't even called, so I know we feel pretty
good about that.
One of the things that I wantedto talk about today, Bobby,
because we did successfully makeit through a holiday without an
argument.
One, uh some of the stressesthat holidays bring up, or some
(01:34):
of the problems, somepsychological, some other, uh,
that people run into when we aretrying to sit down to dinner,
trying to get families together,or even friends for that matter.
Can you think of any issues thatyour friends have talked about
that uh I don't know, maybe theyhad at their holidays?
SPEAKER_00 (01:54):
I know a big one was, you know, everybody thinks
you invite people to your houseand everything has to be perfect
and clean and you know, it hasto look a certain way, it has to
go a certain way.
And, you know, in reality,especially when I was younger,
the only thing I reallyremembered about holidays was,
(02:15):
you know, the food and the factthat we got together.
I didn't remember if the housewas clean, I didn't remember if
the dog was barking, I didn'tremember if you know Uncle Randy
got drunk and passed out on thecouch.
What you remember is everybody,you know, showing up and just
being there.
SPEAKER_01 (02:32):
Yeah, I get it.
Because some of those things uhmay have happened in our family
when uh you kids were younger,where somebody may have gotten a
little intoxicated and uh fellover somebody, started a fight,
spilled everything on the floor,and then we were all pissed off
about it.
But you know me, I am OCD, andso I of course want the house
(02:56):
completely spotless.
But one thing I have learned,Bobby, is once y'all come in,
it's within 30 seconds that thathouse is not spotless anymore.
SPEAKER_00 (03:06):
It's true, it's true.
SPEAKER_01 (03:08):
So, one of the stresses that or one of the
issues that people have duringthe holidays are, as you
mentioned, expectations.
We expect everything to beperfect, we expect our houses to
be clean and tidy, and like yousaid, most people really don't
even notice any of that.
SPEAKER_00 (03:28):
No, and uh and there's stuff like you know, the
kids have to be perfect and youknow have to dress a certain way
and act a certain way.
And I'm just at the point whereyou know, kids will be kids.
Let me see them being kids andbeing happy and screeching
through the house, and you know,I'm I'm just happy to be there.
SPEAKER_01 (03:47):
Yeah, I get it, and so the expectations I think is
the big psychological thing.
We all tell ourselves in ourheads that we expect certain
things during the holidays,whether that's oh my gosh, I'm
so fearful that somebody willsay something wrong, I'm fearful
that somebody will get intopolitics or religion, or I'm
(04:10):
fearful that you know, we've gotsomebody showing up that we
didn't know was gonna show up,or somebody was supposed to show
up and didn't.
SPEAKER_00 (04:18):
Have we heard that, Bobby?
Oh yeah, yeah, we have,especially when we don't limit
the, you know, have a time limitfor everybody to where, okay,
we'll be here for an hour andthen we'll leave, you know,
because uh after a while youkind of get bored and politics
and religion come up and youknow, all this other stuff.
SPEAKER_01 (04:39):
So I had heard somebody say that if your house
gets really loud when your kidsand grandkids are there, whether
it's during the holidays orwhatever, that you should be
proud of that because the kidsfeel pretty open that they can
be themselves and they can havefun and they can laugh.
You know, the older I get, themore I am spending more time
(05:02):
with just either me and Dr.
Domain or me by myself.
It's like uh sometimes when youhear that loud noise, it gets
you on edge.
You know, we experience that aswe get older.
This last Thanksgiving, Ithought that to myself, I
thought it's really nice to hearhow loud these kids can get and
they're just having they're justhaving fun.
And so I was pretty happy aboutthat.
SPEAKER_00 (05:24):
Yeah, and you know, there's there's other things
that definitely play into that.
Growing up, you know, when weall got together, everybody came
together um regardless of ofwhat was going on and stuff.
And I think the in more recentyears, you know, with with
people breaking generationalcurses and things like that,
(05:45):
there are some things that getyou know put up on the chopping
block.
Like we don't invite certainfamily members because they're
toxic or they're abusive or somethings happened.
And so that that does break downa lot of holidays for people to
where a lot of times it's just afriends giving, you know, like
you said, friends gettingtogether and just having a
(06:07):
friends giving because that'stheir family, or you know, even
just a smaller family unitgetting together and not even
worrying about people who don'tshow up because hey, if they
wanted to be there, they'd bethere.
SPEAKER_01 (06:22):
Let's venture on that one because we have had
situations where we have invitedpeople and we've been sorry
after inviting them because theyactually show up, whether it's
friends or whether it'srelatives, or we've had
situations where people comeinto the house and they actually
(06:43):
cause more tension and moreanxiety because someone is mad
at the other person and they'rein the corner being mad, not
talking to everyone, or they'retalking behind somebody's back.
And I'll be honest with you,we've not experienced that.
And I think that's probablybecause I draw a hard line on
(07:05):
that, and so do you girls now,right?
SPEAKER_00 (07:07):
Right.
I mean, we've had you know theunexpected guests that you know
either cause tension or even thethe expected guests that showed
up and did cause tension, butit's we're not ones to kind of
talk to you know each otherbehind that person's back.
If they're there, they'rehearing it.
SPEAKER_01 (07:26):
Right, exactly.
And I guess I have gotten to apoint now where you know, if you
don't want to be here, don'tcome.
Right.
If I if I invite you, it'sbecause I want you there and I
want your, you know, I want tosee you, I want to experience
the holiday with you.
But if you don't want to come oryou feel like, oh gosh, I gotta
(07:47):
go to Jane's house today, stayhome.
SPEAKER_00 (07:50):
Right.
And a lot of people do itbecause they expect things.
You know, they they they comeonce a year to get gifts and eat
food and then you know,disappear for the rest of the
year.
Yeah, I I'm all for I want yourpresence, like be near me rather
than you to get me a gift.
SPEAKER_01 (08:11):
I mean, I gotta be honest with you, I struggle with
that because we have a fewpeople that don't give us the
time of day during a year, andthen at Christmas, because we
are handing out gifts or handingout money or handing out, as you
mentioned, good food, just feellike they're gonna show up and
then we don't see them foranother year.
(08:31):
I struggle with that because mymy whole thing is I want you in
my life and I want you to have arelationship with me.
If you don't want to, that'sfine, move on.
And I don't care if you'refriends or family, if you don't
want to be there, don't bethere.
You don't owe me anything, Idon't owe you anything.
And people go, you know, I knowsome people will be saying to
(08:53):
themselves, oh, you shouldn't bethat way.
You know, you always want familythere.
I'm not saying I don't wantfamily there, I'm saying if you
don't want to be there, don't bethere because I think it causes
more anxiety, right?
SPEAKER_00 (09:05):
And you know, we there have been issues with
basically people who do justshow up once a year, and you
know, they're there with theirhands out and smiles on their
faces, but the minute that thatcelebration is over, they're out
the door, we don't see them tillnext you know, holiday season.
SPEAKER_01 (09:24):
So this will kind of blow your mind.
Apparently, statistics show thatthe amount of time that you
spend with your therapistbecause of anxiety during the
holidays goes up about 76%during that time period, and I
can see that, and that's howmuch anxiety this stuff causes
(09:47):
people.
It really does kind of blow mymind because, like I said, I I'm
like a duck with in water, justlet it roll off your back
because it's not worth worryingabout anymore.
But 76%, that's crazy.
SPEAKER_00 (10:00):
I can see that, but I also see the the flip side of
it dealing with, you know, maybeyou had really abusive parents
and now you have children.
Do you want to bring yourchildren around just because
they're their grandparents?
That causes a lot of anxiety.
Uh, you're, you know, if you'refighting with a sibling and you
(10:20):
two went your separate ways andthe holidays come up and you
know you're gonna see them.
That's huge anxiety.
Even the anxiety of trying toget everything perfect for
everybody, you know, trying toget them the gifts that they
want, things like that.
Am I gonna be able to afford togo see my parents this year?
You know, and if I can't affordit, well, what if it's their
(10:43):
last year?
Or what if I don't see them nextyear?
There's just, I mean, it's justa huge, huge uh therapy bill, in
my opinion.
SPEAKER_01 (10:51):
Yeah, I agree with you.
So besides the relationshipissues and the unrealistic
expectations, one thing that wehave to be cognizant of is a lot
of people are suffering fromgrief during that time period.
Maybe they lost someone thispast year, or maybe they lost
(11:12):
someone during the holidayperiod, and it brings back
memories of that person, and andthey're still grieving.
And grieving doesn't have a timelimit, right?
I could get over it a lotquicker than maybe somebody
else, or somebody else could getover it a lot quicker than me.
I think we have to be cognizantof that, definitely.
SPEAKER_00 (11:31):
And and it's not just grief.
Um, one thing that has come upsince it has gotten colder, you
know, we've gotten a lot of snowhere um in Iowa, and the
temperatures have dropped todarn near the single digits
lately.
If you have a traumatic eventthat happened in the wintertime
or around the holidays, justbecause you may push it back in
(11:54):
your mind, your body remembers,and your body's gonna be
stressed out, and that is goingto affect your mental state.
You're gonna go around going,Why am I feeling like this?
Why am I so sad?
And you know, like I said, youmay think that you've gotten
over it, but your bodyremembers, it really does, and
that that's tough for a lot ofpeople.
SPEAKER_01 (12:14):
It's exhausting, it can be very exhausting for
people, and just you know,getting everything ready.
I I'll be honest with you.
Um, the older I get, the morethat I kind of um, you know,
it's harder for me probably toget things ready because I I
lose energy quicker than I didwhen I was younger.
I think I still got a lot ofenergy, but I was gonna say, but
(12:39):
it it is exhausting to geteverything together, you know,
to make sure everything isperfect, because you know me,
OCD, I want everything perfect.
It's exhausting.
People don't get the rest thatthey need during the holidays,
and so that too can lead to aheightened sense of anxiety or
depression.
What about loneliness during theholidays?
SPEAKER_00 (13:02):
That's horrible.
Loneliness is horrible, youknow, especially when you know
that it is the holidays and thepeople that you know, your
friends and things like that,the few that you may have,
they're busy with theirfamilies.
You know, they they haveobligations, they have things to
do around the holidays, and so alot of times people feel guilty,
(13:23):
you know, reaching out andsaying, Hey, I'm really lonely
because everybody's got shit todo.
SPEAKER_01 (13:29):
You know, some of us really aren't lonely on the
holidays.
I mean, like for Thanksgiving, Iknow Dr.
Domain, you spent Thanksgivingthe following day and two days
with your your boys, um, becausethat's the way it worked out.
They had other places to go,right?
Right.
(13:50):
I know that for Christmas Eve,you know, people go, Oh, you're
gonna be alone on Christmas Eve.
Trust me, I'm good with it.
But I mean, I'll be at work, soyeah, you have to take into
consideration some of thesefolks who don't get visitors,
whether it's elderly, whetherit's people who just don't have
close family members or friendslocally, they can get really
(14:13):
lonely during the holidays.
And I try to listen up duringthe holidays.
We've invited friends over,right?
We've had friends at the dinnertable because we knew that they
were going to be alone.
We didn't want them to be alone,and they they accepted our
invitation.
So crazy them for doing that, uhcoming into our shit show.
(14:34):
But the other thing is not onlyloneliness, but you can get
burnout pretty quick.
That you know, some of thosecommon symptoms that we would
see are they include sadnessaround the holidays that people
who are typically bubbly, noissues, now all of a sudden
they're they're sad, and there'sa seasonal disorder, uh, right,
(14:56):
because of of that.
And also, you know, like Imentioned, fatigue, it's
exhausting.
Irritability is another symptom,uh, which disrupts your sleep
patterns for sure.
Like you, I know you work a lotof overtime, you work a lot of
double shifts.
(15:16):
Not only is that exhaustingunder normal circumstances, but
now you know you're out theretrying to get your family ready
for the holiday meals, you'retrying to prepare gifts, you're
trying to see the people thatyou want to see during the
holidays, and it can reallydisrupt your sleep.
And guess what happens then?
(15:38):
It disrupts your or it impactsyour mental health.
So, Bobby, that might be whyyou're crazy.
SPEAKER_00 (15:44):
Many, many years of it, yeah.
And you know, going back to theum seasonal disorder, it's
actually called seasonalaffective disorder.
And you know, what's reallydepressing to me is the fact
that the holidays happen in thewinter months, in the coldest
parts of you know, the year,because we have shorter days, we
(16:06):
have less sunlight, it's colder,everybody's inside, we become
more alone uh because we're notout, we're not doing things.
And so seasonal affectivedisorder is a real thing, and
you pile that on top of all thestress and all the expectations.
And honestly, I mean, it's justit's just a bomb waiting to go
(16:28):
off on the wrong person.
SPEAKER_01 (16:30):
I I totally agree because you've got a you've got
several people who are out therereally kind of just living on
the edge, trying to make it dayin and day out, and sometimes
they don't have anyone to turnto, sometimes no one to talk to,
or they think they don't haveanyone to talk to.
I I know I'm not one to to talkto a lot of people, I just keep
(16:52):
it to myself.
I do I do bore Dr.
Domain with my issues everysingle day, and um but one thing
that it can lead to is you knowpotentially it can increase
substance use.
You could have, you know, issueswith isolation, and we talked
about you know it disruptingroutines, so because you get
(17:14):
sensory overload, it can triggerpast traumas.
If you had major family issuesin the past, now you've mended
those, but now you're meetingwith your family again.
Let's face it, those traumasstill come to mind because
you're hopeful it doesn't everhappen again.
SPEAKER_00 (17:33):
Yeah, and and if you have children, you know,
children are very perceptive oftheir parents and you know the
the mood around the house.
And even if you're being allholly jolly and trying to just,
you know, put a smile on yourface in front of the kids, they
can feel that difference.
They can feel the tension, theycan feel, you know, the
(17:55):
loneliness, the hurt, thingslike that.
And so it it even begins toaffect kids, you know, at school
and at you know their sports, itcan really affect them, and they
just they don't know why they'rejust kind of feeling what uh is
going on around them.
SPEAKER_01 (18:10):
Another item that is uh it's just very prominent is
financial stress.
You know, people feel like yeah,because people there, you know,
I mean, there's a lot of peopleout there just living paycheck
to paycheck, making their makingtheir bills, sometimes not even
making their bills, and now theexpectation of buying gifts
(18:32):
comes upon them.
The expectation of you knowbringing something to the
dinner.
Because that's that's costly.
I don't care what anybody says.
One thing that we had atradition, and we stopped it
because I was getting so tiredis for years my two daughters
would come over to the house andwe had a bake day.
That bake day, we made tons ofstuff.
(18:55):
I mean, just you know, cookiesand cakes and candies and just
tons and tons of stuff, and wesplit it three ways, and they
could give it to their friends,they could eat it themselves,
they could do whatever theywanted with it, but each one of
us had a plethora of food thatwe were taking back with us, and
(19:16):
the cost of just doing that,because I I paid for everything,
which was no big deal, but thecost of doing that for someone
else can be very substantial,and it can be you know, uh a
weight that somebody feels likethey have to carry.
Oh, I have to make this for thedinner, I have to take
something, I have to buy a gift,I don't even like this person,
(19:38):
and I have to buy a gift becauseI drew their name or whatever
the reason.
It doesn't make any difference.
And frankly, folks, that's notwhat the holidays are about.
That's not at all.
The holidays are aboutcelebrating, you know, what's
going on that holiday, whetherit's Thanksgiving, giving thanks
for and being grateful foreverything that you you have,
(19:59):
everything.
Everything that you, you know,you were afforded this year, all
the opportunities.
And Christmas, of course, youknow, is the birth of Christ.
And in my book, I don't knowabout all of our listeners
whether that's what theycelebrate, but that's what I
celebrate is the birth ofChrist.
And so we want everybody to behappy.
(20:21):
I don't want people spendingmoney.
I don't want them to have thatburden.
And so, you know, just takingthat off of their agenda or
their requirements for the yearcan be very helpful.
You know, if we just share loveand joy and the ability to be
with the people that you know welove, I think that's enough,
(20:43):
don't you?
SPEAKER_00 (20:44):
I do.
And one thing that I think helpsa lot of people to understand
about the gift giving thing isyou have to understand that if
you do, like let's say you do agift exchange at work and the
limit's$25.
A lot of people are not making$25 an hour.
So you're looking at two hoursof someone's life that they
(21:04):
worked to buy that little tiny$25 gift.
And a lot of people would say,well, you know, it's it's
nothing big deal.
Well, it is because that's twohours of your life away from
your family that you have workedin order to purchase that gift.
I would rather see you use thatmoney towards your family, use
that time towards your familythan to ever worry about getting
(21:27):
me a candle that I'll neverlight because it'll probably
light one of the cats on fire.
SPEAKER_01 (21:31):
So I think that's an excellent point, Bobby.
And you know, just putting thatinto perspective, that's a good
point.
How long does somebody actuallyhave to work to get you that
gift?
You know, are you expecting thatgift?
And and I know I used to ask youkids to give me some ideas for
Christmas or or just make alist.
(21:53):
And it's like, well, if you haveto make a list, how well do you
know this person?
And why are you giving themgifts?
Right?
So now I don't even once in awhile, if I can't think of
something for one of the kids,and I don't buy big gifts, I buy
little gifts because I givemoney now because you're all old
enough for that.
If you have to provide a list,how well do you know that
(22:14):
person?
SPEAKER_00 (22:15):
Right.
And I will say that probablysome of the best gifts I got on
Christmas as an adult were thosecare packages that you'd put
together that had the laundrybasket, the soap, the paper
towels, the dish soap, you know,things like that.
Because there were a lot oftimes that I was as an adult was
struggling, and that was thebest gift of all, you know, is
(22:38):
having that stuff.
SPEAKER_01 (22:39):
Yeah, I think that's a good point.
And that was those are excellentgifts.
I I would love to get somethinglike that from somebody, but
yeah, you know, toilet paper,paper towels, dish soap, you
know, detergent, you know,shampoos and conditioners, all
of the things that you kids needjust to get by is always
(23:01):
welcomed.
And I think that's an excellentpoint that you bring that up.
And so we just want to telleverybody, you know, if you're
listening to this, not aroundthe holidays, hopefully you'll
think about it during theholidays, and you know, just
invite people over and you know,you don't have to do anything
big deal, just love one another,be happy that you have the
(23:23):
opportunity to spend that timewith them and you know, just
spread the joy because all ofthis, you know, there's just so
much anger and hate right nowthat's that's being conveyed to
one another, whether it'sbecause of politics or religion,
or I didn't get this or I didn'tget that.
You know, that's just sheerungratefulness.
That's all that is, is justsheer ungratefulness.
(23:46):
So be grateful, be thankful, behappy that you know you have the
opportunity to see these peopleagain, and you're not standing
over a casket, you know,regretting the fact that you
treated them poorly or that youdidn't see them.
If you don't want to be there,don't be there.
Be honest, just say, hey, Idon't want to be there.
You know, just move on.
(24:07):
I just I think that's all I havefor today, Bobby.
But I do want to thank all ofour listeners because we are in
three different locations.
We do have technicaldifficulties from the three
locations.
We do our best to edit thesethings out, but you know, most
of the technical difficultiesare me.
Bobby had a heyday with mebefore uh because Dr.
(24:29):
Domain was trying to get me allhooked up and and she knew that
I couldn't even see it on myscreen.
So she kind of regretted notbeing here with me today.
But we do thank you forlistening in.
We apologize for any technicaldifficulties that we have or how
this comes across, but weappreciate you listening.
And Bobby, I think that's all wehave for today.
SPEAKER_00 (24:50):
Uh, I do have one more thing.
Listen, uh, I know this is gonnacome out on the other end of the
holidays, so I hope thateverybody survived it.
Um, but most importantly, ifyou're having a difficult time,
there is something that you cando.
You can pick up your phone, youcan call 988, or you can text
(25:12):
it.
You don't even have to talk onthe phone.
So if you're having a difficulttime, use it.
All right, because hey, we loveyou guys, we love you as
listeners, but most importantly,we want you here for the new
year.
All right.
SPEAKER_01 (25:26):
So absolutely.
That's a great point, Bobby.
Thank you for bringing that up.
SPEAKER_00 (25:31):
Absolutely.
So I think that is all theinsanity over holidays that we
do have for today, but we doappreciate you joining us at all
three locations of the RabbitRun Studio today.
Be sure to follow us because welook forward to spending time
with you each and every week.
Like us on Facebook.
And if you have positivefeedback for us, or if there is
(25:54):
a topic or a question that youwant us to talk about, drop us a
short email at boomer and genxerat gmail.com.
And if you have hate mail, uh,hey, wrap that up in a nice
little present because I I wouldlove to open that once today.
So until next week, I'm BobbyJoy, and I'm Jamie Boom, and
(26:16):
here's multiple.
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