September 2, 2025 • 29 mins
The age-old question confronted head-on: can men and women truly be "just friends"? Bobbi and her mother Jane dive deep into this controversial topic, sharing personal experiences that illuminate the complex dynamics of cross-gender friendships.
Bobbi reveals her close relationships with two male best friends, one she's known since age 13 and another for nine years, demonstrating that platonic male-female friendships can thrive with the right foundation. The mother-daughter duo explores the essential elements that make these relationships work: establishing clear boundaries, practicing brutal honesty, and maintaining unwavering trust.
The hosts tackle challenging questions: Can you maintain friendships with exes? How do you respect your friend's romantic partner? What happens when jealousy enters the equation? Through personal anecdotes and thoughtful analysis, they reveal that while these friendships require careful navigation, they can be among the most rewarding connections in our lives.
As season two approaches, we want to hear from you! Share your experiences with cross-gender friendships and send us your questions about any topic for an upcoming Q&A episode at boomerandgenexer@gmail.com.
email: boomerandgenxer@gmail.com
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Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:04):
Welcome everyone to today's show.
A boomer and a Gen Xer walkinto a bar, coming to you from
the rabbit hole studio, whereyou, as our listener, will go on
a journey of wit and wisdom,some smart assery and a mother
and daughter questioning.
Are we even related?
My name is Bobby joy and my cohost is my mom, jane.
For the next little while,hopefully, we're here to
(00:26):
entertain you.
Oh Lord, is it because I saidyou were Googling things?
Yes, you hurt my feeling, ohrub it off.
No, it's because of the lastpodcast and you just really kind
of buried me in insults and itwas kind of hurtful I'm still
trying to think of the band namethat I was talking about, but
(00:48):
anyways, yeah, I was just my oldbrain, I was just kidding.
Speaker 2 (00:51):
It'd take more than that to hurt my feelings, and
you'd have to find them first.
I'm dead inside.
That's all right.
What's going on?
What's going on so?
Um, let's see here, hey I sawon your uh social networking,
that you spent some time withyour best friend I did.
Speaker 1 (01:11):
Yeah, I spend about once a month.
We we have a solid, uh, frienddate is what I call it, that's
cool.
Speaker 2 (01:17):
Now, a lot of people don't know this and um, it's
kind of interesting becausethat's going to be our topic
today is your best friend is aman, he is and is he married.
Speaker 1 (01:29):
He's not he's divorced, but he is in a
long-term relationship.
Speaker 2 (01:32):
Okay, so our topic today has to do with males and
females, and can they be friends?
I don't know.
Let's talk about it, shall we?
A lot?
Speaker 1 (01:42):
of controversy to wade through A lot of
controversy.
To wade through A lot ofcontroversy there.
Speaker 2 (01:47):
So I guess the very first simple question is do you
believe that men and women canbe just friends?
Absolutely.
Speaker 1 (01:54):
What do you think Dr?
Speaker 2 (01:55):
Domain.
I'm just going to ask you that,yeah, I think they can be
friends, but I think thatthere's some boundaries that
absolutely have to beestablished.
Speaker 3 (02:05):
Well, yeah, that's with any friendship, regardless
of sex.
Yeah, yeah.
Speaker 2 (02:08):
Yeah, well, oh, regardless of sex.
Speaker 3 (02:11):
Yeah, so it could be no regardless of the gender of
the person.
Yeah, no, I knew what you meant.
You know what I meant.
I knew what you meant.
Speaker 1 (02:18):
I was just repeating it.
Speaker 3 (02:19):
For goodness sake.
You're fawning like it wassomething else.
Speaker 2 (02:21):
Calm down, Jiminy Christmas.
Speaker 3 (02:25):
I have boundaries too .
I'm not going to share asleeping bag with a dude or
something like that.
Speaker 1 (02:29):
I share a sleeping bag with my best friend.
Speaker 3 (02:31):
There's limits.
Speaker 2 (02:32):
I've shared the sleeping bag.
There's limits to friendship.
When I've gone on a girl's trip, we've slept in the same bed.
Speaker 3 (02:38):
That's good.
Speaker 2 (02:44):
I mean whatever that's a sign we are are not gay
.
But thank you very much, I know, okay, so let's talk about that
though.
Bobby, yeah, um, because you'rekind of a prime example where
you do have a best friend.
Speaker 1 (02:55):
I have two best friends that are men, yeah one
I've had since I was 13 yearsold, and one that I've had for
just over nine years now, soI've been with him through quite
a few relationships of both ofours.
Okay, yeah.
Speaker 2 (03:08):
And so have there ever been any discussions about
you know?
Are we just going to remainfriends?
Are we going to take this anyfurther?
How do you feel?
I mean, what do you guysdiscuss?
Speaker 1 (03:22):
So I'm just going to talk about my, my most current
best friend, the one I've hadfor just over nine years.
Um, because we do, we hang out,you know, once a month it's.
We go out for dinner, we go outfor drinks.
We, you know, we dump on, dumptrauma on each other all the
time.
Um, I don't think we everactually had a conversation
(03:43):
other than we were drinking onenight and I looked at him and I
said you're the worst gremlinI've ever seen in my life in a
relationship, and I don't knowhow women date you so there was
that.
Oh, okay, you know so you kindof said it straight, right, yeah
, and he said the same thing hegoes I don't understand how any
man could be with you for morethan a week, but we just laugh
it off because you know he's mybest friend, right?
(04:05):
So it's.
There are boundaries, there arelimitations, there are, you
know, specific things and therehave been issues that have come
up, mostly in his relationshipsand, um, yeah, we've had to
address it a few times.
He's addressed it without meeven being involved.
Speaker 3 (04:25):
Okay.
Speaker 1 (04:25):
Because there was one relationship we had been best
friends for like five years atthat point and he was dating a
girl and she had made someoffhand comment about me and how
you know we go out for dinnerand drinks once a month.
We hang out.
At that point point we werehanging out a lot and, um, he
(04:50):
made it very clear to her that Iwas there before her and I'll
be there after her, and ifanything was going to happen, it
would have happened already.
We're not interested in eachother that way, um, but we have
been each other's supportthrough good and bad, and he
wasn't willing to get rid ofthat let me ask you this.
Speaker 2 (05:10):
You made the an initial comment that you know
you had told him.
I don't know how anybody couldbe with you and he said same.
Thing to you?
Yeah, would you have said thatto a female best friend?
Speaker 1 (05:20):
absolutely okay you don't think that would have
pissed her off and go be pissedoff and then come back and we
can have drinks.
Because I mean, I'm the thingabove everything else with
someone who I consider a bestfriend and I have like maybe two
or three of them is I'm goingto be open and honest with you.
If you come to me and say Idon't know why this isn't
(05:41):
working out, why this person'smad at me, I'm going to be be
like, well, cause you were anasshole, yeah, and here's why
you were yeah.
Speaker 3 (05:48):
I'm not going to hide it.
Speaker 1 (05:48):
I'm not going to be like, oh you poor thing, that's
not my job as your friend.
My job is your friend is tocall you out on your shit and
say, hey, I still love you as myfriend, but, yeah, you're an
absolute gremlin.
Speaker 2 (06:05):
And gremlin, and I think that's the downfall of a
lot of relationships, whetherit's male to female, or male to
male or male or female to femaleis they're not honest with each
other, right?
and I have to lose each otherright and it's like what why are
you lying, who you lying to andwhy yeah and like the whole
thing is is that the kind ofrelationship you want to have, I
mean?
And so I have some friends whoreally are not honest with them,
(06:27):
with their other friends, youknow, and, um, they're probably
not honest with me either as Isay, those are probably the ones
that talk about the other onesto other people and then to
Speaker 1 (06:37):
their face.
Speaker 2 (06:37):
They're like oh my god, you're so great yes, and I
do have um some friends who have, you know, started to say
something about one of my otherfriends and I'll go stop.
Speaker 1 (06:47):
Go tell it to them.
Speaker 2 (06:48):
Stop right there.
I don't want to hear it becausethat's my friend too and I'm
not engaging in that and I don't.
I mean I've just flat out, willnot.
I, you know, if somebody said,oh, this person went on a trip
and they did this, or whatever,but the second it starts with
the insults or something iswrong with that person, go tell
(07:09):
them.
Speaker 1 (07:10):
I don't want to hear it.
I'm of the school where, withmy friends, I'll talk crap to
your face, but I will defend youbehind your back, right,
absolutely.
And if there's something I gotto say, I'm going to say it
directly to you.
You know, regardless of if Ithink it's going to hurt your
feelings, because we've hurteach other's feelings plenty of
times yeah, you know back andforth and it's like go cry about
(07:32):
it, get over it and I'll meetyou for dinner at six, right,
like we're not playing this game.
We're all adults and I thinkthat that's a huge thing too is
a lot of.
A lot of the problems come withopposite sex friendships, when
the lies start Because we lieabout it.
We lie about how close we are.
(07:52):
We lie about if there has beenanything that has happened.
We lie about.
You know what we've told them,what we haven't told them, who
we hang around or if you suspectsomething could right between
you right um, I think I yeah,that's it.
Speaker 2 (08:09):
That's a really, do you think?
Speaker 1 (08:10):
that an opposite sex friendship could happen with not
necessarily people who havedated one another, but who have
had sexual relations with oneanother.
Do you think that that could bea healthy friendship that a
future partner shouldn't worryabout?
Yes, okay, I have.
I mean as long as there's nofeelings like that right anymore
(08:33):
.
Speaker 2 (08:34):
So my second ex-husband, uh, him and I were
like oil and water right I'mlike trying to go through my
head which one he was, can we?
Put a roster up on the screenplease.
Um, we, we did not get along atall and we, you know, we were
(08:57):
married for a very, very shorttime period, and I don't even
count that one anymore.
I just say we had a bad.
Oh, I know which one.
It was okay and the thing is isI.
You know we get along great nowand I love him.
He's a good friend.
Speaker 1 (09:10):
Yeah, you know, if I, if I needed to talk to somebody
and I felt it wasn't dr domain,I would call him and talk to
him, and you know we, uh, I meanI, I don't have any, so you
would call and talk to him Now,would there ever be a point
where you would call and talk tohim and either you wouldn't
tell Dr Domain that you talkedto him or you wouldn't divulge
(09:33):
what you guys talked about?
Speaker 2 (09:35):
No, no, okay.
Speaker 1 (09:37):
And there's a lot of people that do that.
Speaker 2 (09:38):
Yeah, they do.
Speaker 1 (09:39):
They say oh, we just talked about this and it's a
complete lie on what youactually have talked about.
Speaker 2 (09:45):
No, I, uh, you know, I mean, in all fairness to our
current relationship, Dr Domainand I, I, you know, I respect
him a lot more than that and Irespect our relationship.
And in the right relationship.
That's how it should be, andthe other thing is is I value
this relationship more than I'veever valued?
You're not going to do anythingto to send it off on the wrong
(10:06):
way and if I felt that Ishouldn't have been saying it, I
would stop and I wouldn't sayright you know, right or if he's
gonna find out um let him findout right
Speaker 1 (10:16):
you know, I usually tell him everything I say anyway
and, like I said you know, Ithink that's where a lot of the
problems come in is we start tolie to our partner or we feel
that we have to lie to ourpartner.
Look, here's the thing If youcannot trust your partner, don't
be with them.
I don't care how much you lovethem, I don't care what they
bring to the table.
If there is that mistrust thatyou can't let them go to a bar
(10:41):
with friends without worryingabout a girl hitting on him and
not knowing you know how he'sgonna react or anything like
that that's not the relationshipfor you, absolutely not.
Speaker 2 (10:52):
But it's the same way with uh, let's say that it's a
female to female best friendsituation you know I gotta worry
about you sleeping with my man.
Speaker 1 (11:00):
You are not my friend .
No, I wasn.
I wasn't going to go down thatavenue but thank you for sharing
that.
I mean you can leave your manin a room with me, it's fine,
but you leave an open pack ofM&Ms and it's gone.
Speaker 2 (11:11):
Sorry, all bets are off.
No, what I was going to say iswhoever you're in a relationship
with can't be everything to you, right.
There has to be other peoplethat you can talk to that you
can learn from you, don't?
You don't live in a silo and soyou have to learn from other
people.
(11:31):
You have to get otherperspectives.
You have to understand how theyhandled situations.
Is that how you want to handlethe situation?
And so, primarily, that's why wehave guy friends and that's why
we have girlfriends friends andthat's why we have girlfriends,
right.
So girlfriends will tell eachother a ton of stuff.
Most times, guys don't want toknow what that was anyway, right
, I mean, they're like go talkto your girlfriend, cause I
(11:53):
really don't want you to talk tome about it, and so they're
okay with that.
But I feel that even if I gotalk to my girlfriends and I
feel that's in confidence, ofcourse, with them would I be
ashamed to come back and tellhim that?
I should never be ashamed tocome back and tell him that Now
I have no business talking to mygirlfriends and saying he's a
(12:15):
complete and utter ass.
Speaker 1 (12:18):
Unless you're going to come back and say it to him.
Right, right.
But why would you?
Speaker 2 (12:22):
ever go to another person and I'm just going to say
this for everybody's sake whywould you ever go to another
person?
Because I remember the guysused to sit around the table at
work and say my wife is such athis morning and I can't stand
the.
You know it.
That's a person that you pickedabove all else in this lifetime
(12:43):
and you're talking to otherpeople who truly are not even
your friends, about that personand calling them names well,
they're in that situation.
Speaker 1 (12:54):
It's kind of different because their opinion
doesn't hold water and maybethey just need to blow off some
steam.
Maybe she was being a bitchthis morning in front of the
mirror and do it okay.
Well, I get that.
I get that.
But a lot of people don't havethe social circles that they
need, the support that they needto be able to go to someone and
say, hey, here was thesituation this morning.
What do you think about it?
(13:14):
In confidence, you know, intrusting another person, a lot
of times the only people thatyou see during the day are your
workmates.
You're not friends, you'reco-workers.
But you know, sometimes yougotta blow off some steam.
Is it right?
Absolutely not, but does ithappen.
Speaker 2 (13:30):
Yeah, I get what you're saying, but to me my
partner is paramount right.
Speaker 1 (13:35):
My partner is paramount right and, but a lot
of people aren't in thatsituation.
Speaker 2 (13:39):
You know, I mean I've talked about Dr Domain to you,
right, but I've never said he'ssuch a whatever, well, no, in
anything that you've ever saidto me, stud.
Stud, he's such a stud, he'ssuch a hot commodity.
Speaker 1 (13:54):
Well in anything that you've ever said to me.
I know that you would go rightback to him and say this is what
I told Bob.
Speaker 2 (14:00):
I mean, in all fairness, and this is the
absolute truth, anything I'veever said to either one of my
daughters has been glorifyingyou, thank, you.
Because you're such a wonderfulguy.
Speaker 1 (14:09):
She didn't say if it was glorifying the good or the
bad, so I would kind of simmerdown on that.
Speaker 2 (14:14):
He is a wonderful man and I tell people that.
But you know what I'm talkingabout.
Speaker 3 (14:19):
Yeah, absolutely, you know.
Speaker 2 (14:20):
I just think that's the person.
You picked over all persons onthis earth, and you're dogging
them like that on a regularbasis.
Now, if you got mad at somebody, I get it.
Speaker 1 (14:29):
Find somebody else.
If you're doing that on aregular basis, man cut and run.
I'm sorry.
Speaker 2 (14:34):
So I feel like men and women can be good friends
and best friends.
Here's one thing that I do kindof have a rule on is if my
friend is married or in arelationship and let's say, I'm
texting her husband.
Speaker 1 (14:51):
What wait, I'm sorry you're, her husband is so you're
, oh, her husband is your friend, so okay, okay, here are
friends with the male part.
Speaker 2 (15:01):
Yes, okay, and he's married and has a wife yes, okay
, maybe friends with there maynot be yeah, it doesn't matter
at that point if in fact I amcorresponding with him about
stuff and I don't even care whatit is.
I always ask for her number totext her also.
Absolutely not I do absolutelynot because I don't want her to
(15:24):
think there's anything going on.
Speaker 1 (15:25):
No, no, like I'll go hang out with her, that's fine,
like with my best friend.
I always tell him I'm like, hey, you know if, if you're gonna
bring your girl, let's all goout to dinner, type of thing, am
I gonna be her best friendabsolutely?
Speaker 2 (15:36):
no, I don't want to be her best friend.
I'm just saying that in all duerespect.
I'm saying I'm not getting hernumber.
Speaker 1 (15:41):
I'm not calling her, I'm not telling her about what
we're.
That's his job.
That's his job in hisrelationship to go to her and
say this is what we talked about.
But she wants to talk to me.
She knows that I'm here.
I don't text but when it comesbut here's the thing when it
comes to confidence with me andhim if he tells me something in
confidence and she comes up tome and says, listen, I want to
(16:04):
know what he said, I'm going tolook right at her and tell her
you need to go talk to himbecause that is not my business.
Yeah, that's not my circus andthat is not my monkey maybe I
should have put some parametersaround that a little bit like.
Speaker 2 (16:18):
Let's say that as an example this is simple.
But like if I am trying to geta partner in pickleball for a
tournament and I'm correspondingwith this guy and I really
don't know his wife that well, Iam going to and I have I've
said listen, can I get hernumber two?
(16:38):
Because I don't want, I justwant.
Speaker 3 (16:40):
No that's too much work, and I do.
Speaker 2 (16:41):
I do.
I just make sure that they knowwhat we're saying.
Absolutely not Now.
I do have friends that are guysthat I don't, you know.
I mean, as a matter of fact, Idon't even know if they're
married.
Speaker 1 (16:55):
I usually don't know my best friend's girlfriend's
names until they've stuck arounda little bit.
Speaker 2 (16:59):
But Dr Domain will go oh, that's your friend from
Pickleball or that's your friendfrom whatever.
And I go, yeah, and he'll go.
Well, where do they work?
And I'll go.
I don't know.
Well, where do they live?
I don't know.
Speaker 1 (17:11):
Well, that's more of an acquaintance though.
Speaker 2 (17:13):
Yeah, but he always asks all kinds of questions and
I'm like I hair yeah, that'smore of an acquaintance, like I
have acquaintances that I would.
You know, we we're friendly andthings like that and we we talk
to each other, but I don't knowshit about their lives I just
think if there was another womanthat was sending him, you know,
text messages on a regularbasis, yeah, I would think it
(17:34):
was nice that she said hey,here's who I am well I mean,
like look at my situation.
Speaker 1 (17:41):
Like, let's say, you have a guy friend.
You've had a guy friend for,let's say, 10 years, okay, and
all of a sudden a girl comes inand starts dating this guy let's
say, for a year They've beendating for a year.
Okay, no plans on gettingmarried, anything like that,
they're just dating.
Would you really be okay Likeknowing that you have that
(18:02):
personal relationship,confidence with this person that
you've had for 10 years, likeyou trust this person, you come
to this person with yourproblems.
Would you be okay with him justdivulging everything to this
person that you don't even knowand him telling her all of your
personal business and thingslike that, on the guise of you
(18:23):
don't know if she's going tostick around?
You don't know her intentions,you don't know things like that,
because I sure as hell won't.
Speaker 2 (18:30):
Yeah, and you're looking at it from a best friend
discussion or a really goodbest or good friend discussion.
I guess I don't really have anysuper good friends.
That are guys.
Speaker 1 (18:42):
I thought you were just going to say super good
friends.
I was going to be like well, Imean, we know that.
Speaker 2 (18:45):
I do.
No I mean, we know that, but Idon't have any that I would
confide in about problems orissues or whatever.
I just don't, I don't.
Speaker 1 (18:55):
I guess I've been single for so long that I just I
do, because he comes to me withwith very personal issues that
he has to work out and he trustsmy, for some reason reason.
He trusts my opinion and myview on things and I do the same
for him.
I go to him if I'm in asituation or anything that I
(19:17):
really need some help on, but Idon't want.
I want more of a neutral partythan a family member would be
yeah or a sibling would be typeof thing you know, and you get
that outside opinion now with meand him.
He's used to me a lot because hesays he'll come to me and he'll
go I'm sorry, buddy, that I'mtelling everybody this, but, um,
(19:38):
he'll come to me and go.
Well, she said this or she'sacting like this.
What does this mean?
And I'm like well, why, why areyou asking me?
And he goes well, becausebecause you have boobs.
And I'm like well, why are youasking me?
And he goes well, because youhave boobs and I don't have any
other friends that have boobs.
And I'm like oh, oh, you wantthe girl side of it.
And I'm like well, I can't tellyou why, but I can tell you
(19:59):
what the thought process is.
And so we do use each otherlike that to kind of get the
perspective of the opposite sex,and he'll be the first one to
tell me a red flag, you don'tneed to be talking to that guy,
and I'll go shut up and we gofrom there you know type of
thing.
Speaker 2 (20:17):
But yeah, I mean, I I have to think, you know, think
back before Dr Domain and I hadplenty of guy friends, you know.
But I'll be honest with you, Ithink most of them wanted to
date me and I wasn't interestedin them so I really didn't.
I think that's what kind ofstopped me from talking to them.
Yeah, you know, reallyconfiding in them yeah.
(20:40):
And I'm not going to lie andsay, oh well, Because I wanted
it to be platonic and I thinkthey didn't.
Speaker 1 (20:44):
And I'm not going to lie and say, oh well, I don't
find my guy friends attractive.
I think they are attractive, Ireally do, but when it comes to
dating, absolutely not.
I would never date them, sleepwith them, anything like that,
because there's boundaries.
Speaker 2 (21:04):
And, like I said, we both know that we're absolute
feral gremlins when it comes torelationships and we would never
work.
Dr Domain, how do you feelabout communications with the
opposite sex?
I mean, since you and I are ina relationship, I kind of share
similar, like a similar positionto you.
Speaker 3 (21:15):
Your method is can be inconvenient though, and I'm
not saying that that's important, you know, and I'm, I'm putting
more value and convenience thanAre you talking about the group
chats that we get?
Yeah, the group chats.
(21:35):
She's like, oh, oh, can you,can you talk to so-and-so about?
And she's got someone doing ajob at a party.
Can you, can you tell them this?
Can you tell them?
I'm like, yeah, you can too.
It's called group chat but Idon't I'm the middle man half
time.
Speaker 2 (21:44):
I don't know.
I'm on a group chat and he'llgo.
Uh, you're on a group chat.
They're reading everythingyou're saying.
I'm 20 texts in and not even inthe conversation and I'm like
take my name off the group chat.
Speaker 3 (21:57):
No, it's similar.
Speaker 2 (21:58):
I think you can be friends and I think you've got a
prime example of having somereally good guy friends and I
think you guys respect yourboundaries now, and you've never
crossed those.
But I'm friends with people Iwas in relationships with.
I'm friends with a couple ofguys.
I haven't been able to do that.
Now do we go out to dinnertogether?
(22:22):
The answer I mean, if we do, drDomain is there.
Speaker 1 (22:25):
No, I still couldn't do that, because he knows them
and it we do.
Dr domain is there because Istill couldn't do that, because
he knows him and it's like, yeah, I've introduced him because
there's some sort ofcommunication yeah and um, so
we've you know.
Speaker 2 (22:37):
But he knows that I have absolutely no well, he
knows that you've said that.
Yeah, absolutely and he truststhat, and that's a good thing,
because I've demonstrated thatright, right and but.
Speaker 1 (22:49):
There's that trust and I.
There's no way I could befriends with my exes.
Speaker 2 (22:53):
There's no way you know we talked about this before
, and you know, god love you.
Speaker 1 (22:58):
Your pickers broke too, and yours the only picker
that's not broke is my nosepicker I'm saying your butt
picker.
I'm a butt picker.
Speaker 2 (23:07):
Um, I think seriously , someday soon your person's
going to come along.
Speaker 3 (23:14):
I think you just stay open.
Speaker 1 (23:15):
Put that juju on me.
No, I don't want it.
I don't want it.
Speaker 2 (23:18):
And I'm throwing it out there to everybody, uh,
because I do want Bobby.
You know, I'm happy, I washappy.
Speaker 1 (23:30):
I, I'm happy, I was happy I was, I was ecstatic
being single before Dr Domaincome on.
You know, and I was thinkingabout this last night I was like
you know, it's kind of lonelycoming home after a 16 hour
shift and going to bed and theonly thing I got to hug are my
clean clothes on the other sideof the bed that I haven't folded
yet.
But then I'm like do I reallywant to put up with someone
else's snoring with their dirtyclothes laying around, with
their hair everywhere, withtheir demands, with their no?
Speaker 2 (23:51):
yeah, no, I, I don't have the hair laying around
because someone doesn't have any.
But yeah, wow, I'm just, it'sall give and take though you
know yeah because before I methim I said I am happy in my
singledom, I am very happy, Idon't need somebody to tell me
anything.
Speaker 1 (24:11):
I'm too busy.
Speaker 2 (24:12):
But can you guys hear that jingling?
Speaker 3 (24:14):
in the background.
That's Santa coming.
Speaker 2 (24:17):
Santa's in town.
I know him.
We left the dog in accidentallyand he's jingling around.
Anyway, I just think that it'sprobably different for other
people and I think you know whatyou have to understand is you
really do need to set someboundaries you do need to
respect those other people thatare in their lives, and if it's
(24:39):
a spouse, that spouse comesfirst, yeah, so well, yeah, they
do, they do they do they dothey.
Speaker 1 (24:46):
But I mean, you know, with my best friend he's
honestly well.
Both of them are honestly thetwo people in this world besides
family, some family that Iabsolutely trust with not only
my life, my children's lives,anything that I could ever need
(25:08):
from them.
I would 100% trust that theywould be there, they would help.
They would not go, you know,run in their mouths to anybody
else about it.
You know if it, if it wassomething that I, I came to them
and said, god, I can't tellthis to anybody else, please
don't tell them.
They're not going to tellanybody, like they will go to
the grave with that secret yeahand so I think that in a
(25:32):
friendship, in a relationshiplike that, especially a
long-term one where you areclose, I think that's a
necessity.
I think that you need to beable to trust that person,
regardless if they are in arelationship that you can tell
them something and they'll go tothe grave with it.
Speaker 2 (25:47):
Yeah, they will not tell anybody about it.
I don't think that's just amale female, I think that's any
relationship.
If somebody tells me, hey,don't say anything to anybody,
you can be rest assured.
Speaker 1 (25:58):
First of all, that you forgot already when you were
walking away.
Speaker 2 (26:02):
And secondly, I'm not saying anything and I've had
people say, well, didn sayinganything, and I've had people
say, well, didn't you tell her?
No, you told me not to sayright, I'm not, that's not my
story to tell.
Speaker 1 (26:11):
I'm the best at playing stupid.
So somebody will be like, didyou know about this?
I'll be like, oh my god, thisis the first I'm hearing about
it.
I heard it six months ago indetail that you don't even know.
But I'm gonna play stupidbecause I promised that person
that I would not divulge thatinformation and, like I said,
you know, yeah, it might happenin female relationships.
(26:32):
I've had a couple of reallygood, close female friends.
Never have I been able to havethe trust, the respect or the
honesty and opinion that I'vehad with my guy friends.
I mean, they have been therefor me at my absolute lowest and
they were the ones that lookedat me from a guy perspective and
said you deserve better.
(26:53):
Okay, like, I know you insideand out, I've known you for this
long.
I know your flaws, I know yoursecrets type of thing.
You deserve better than thisand you need to pick yourself up
and understand that you deservebetter.
And it's different coming froma guy.
It really is, and from you knowanother girl, oh, hyper up.
You know woo woo, okay cool.
(27:13):
But when it comes from a guy,but you know best friend, who I
know is an asshole every day andhe looks at me and says you
deserve better.
Speaker 2 (27:31):
I'm going to believe that over anything.
Yeah, I get it, I get it.
Speaker 1 (27:31):
Well, I really am anxious to know what our viewers
think, because it's a dealbreaker in a lot of
relationships.
Speaker 2 (27:33):
It is we are really curious about this.
So if you are listening to thispodcast, first of all, please
share us with other people,everybody, everybody that you
can think of, but we really areinterested in what your thoughts
are.
As it relates to this, do youhave best friends or really good
friends that are the oppositesex?
Have you ever considered themto be something more than just a
(27:58):
friend?
Speaker 1 (27:58):
Are they?
Speaker 2 (27:59):
exes.
Are they exes?
Yeah, we'd really like to knowso, but for today, I think
that's probably all that we haveon the relationship basis.
Speaker 1 (28:08):
Let me say this Maybe not.
Our season two is going tostart soon, because we are
coming up on one year.
What I would like to do forpossibly our first show of
season two or our last show ofseason one, is I want some
questions from our listeners.
Oh, that's a good idea.
I want questions.
I don't care if they'requestions about us personally,
(28:29):
about our lives, about topicsthat you know they just want a
flat-out opinion on.
I want questions.
Speaker 2 (28:36):
I can lie about anything yeah.
I live in a mansion.
Yeah yeah, but that's all wehave today.
And remember, we are notrelationship experts, we are not
legal experts.
Speaker 3 (28:49):
We are.
I don't even have arelationship.
Speaker 2 (28:54):
And I see the chicken trying to walk out.
He is, he's like Yep, he'sleaving me too we appreciate you
guys joining us here at theRabbit Hole Studio every week
and be sure to follow us andlike us, and we just look
forward to spending time withyou.
So share us with your friends,share us with your enemies,
share us with everybody.
If you have any positivefeedback or you have a topic or,
(29:16):
as bobby mentioned you know,give us some feedback on on this
episode and think about thequestions you want to ask us for
next season.
We are so happy to have had onefull year with y'all because
it's coming up in October, so wereally appreciate that.
Drop us a short email atboomerandjenexer at gmailcom.
If you have hate mail, we'renot interested.
(29:38):
Send that to Send it to your ex, your ex.
There you go and until nextweek.
I'm Jane Bird and I'm Bobbi Joy.
Speaker 1 (29:47):
And you're stuck with us, peace out Later.
Welcome everyone to today's show.
A boomer and a Gen Xer walkinto a bar, coming to you from
the rabbit hole studio, whereyou, as our listener, will go on
a journey of wit and wisdom,some smart assery and a mother
and daughter questioning.
Are we even related?
My name is Bobby joy and my cohost is my mom, jane.
For the next little while,hopefully, we're here to
(00:26):
entertain you.
Oh Lord, is it because I saidyou were Googling things?
Yes, you hurt my feeling, ohrub it off.
No, it's because of the lastpodcast and you just really kind
of buried me in insults and itwas kind of hurtful I'm still
trying to think of the band namethat I was talking about, but
(00:48):
anyways, yeah, I was just my oldbrain, I was just kidding.
Speaker 2 (00:51):
It'd take more than that to hurt my feelings, and
you'd have to find them first.
I'm dead inside.
That's all right.
What's going on?
What's going on so?
Um, let's see here, hey I sawon your uh social networking,
that you spent some time withyour best friend I did.
Speaker 1 (01:11):
Yeah, I spend about once a month.
We we have a solid, uh, frienddate is what I call it, that's
cool.
Speaker 2 (01:17):
Now, a lot of people don't know this and um, it's
kind of interesting becausethat's going to be our topic
today is your best friend is aman, he is and is he married.
Speaker 1 (01:29):
He's not he's divorced, but he is in a
long-term relationship.
Speaker 2 (01:32):
Okay, so our topic today has to do with males and
females, and can they be friends?
I don't know.
Let's talk about it, shall we?
A lot?
Speaker 1 (01:42):
of controversy to wade through A lot of
controversy.
To wade through A lot ofcontroversy there.
Speaker 2 (01:47):
So I guess the very first simple question is do you
believe that men and women canbe just friends?
Absolutely.
Speaker 1 (01:54):
What do you think Dr?
Speaker 2 (01:55):
Domain.
I'm just going to ask you that,yeah, I think they can be
friends, but I think thatthere's some boundaries that
absolutely have to beestablished.
Speaker 3 (02:05):
Well, yeah, that's with any friendship, regardless
of sex.
Yeah, yeah.
Speaker 2 (02:08):
Yeah, well, oh, regardless of sex.
Speaker 3 (02:11):
Yeah, so it could be no regardless of the gender of
the person.
Yeah, no, I knew what you meant.
You know what I meant.
I knew what you meant.
Speaker 1 (02:18):
I was just repeating it.
Speaker 3 (02:19):
For goodness sake.
You're fawning like it wassomething else.
Speaker 2 (02:21):
Calm down, Jiminy Christmas.
Speaker 3 (02:25):
I have boundaries too .
I'm not going to share asleeping bag with a dude or
something like that.
Speaker 1 (02:29):
I share a sleeping bag with my best friend.
Speaker 3 (02:31):
There's limits.
Speaker 2 (02:32):
I've shared the sleeping bag.
There's limits to friendship.
When I've gone on a girl's trip, we've slept in the same bed.
Speaker 3 (02:38):
That's good.
Speaker 2 (02:44):
I mean whatever that's a sign we are are not gay
.
But thank you very much, I know, okay, so let's talk about that
though.
Bobby, yeah, um, because you'rekind of a prime example where
you do have a best friend.
Speaker 1 (02:55):
I have two best friends that are men, yeah one
I've had since I was 13 yearsold, and one that I've had for
just over nine years now, soI've been with him through quite
a few relationships of both ofours.
Okay, yeah.
Speaker 2 (03:08):
And so have there ever been any discussions about
you know?
Are we just going to remainfriends?
Are we going to take this anyfurther?
How do you feel?
I mean, what do you guysdiscuss?
Speaker 1 (03:22):
So I'm just going to talk about my, my most current
best friend, the one I've hadfor just over nine years.
Um, because we do, we hang out,you know, once a month it's.
We go out for dinner, we go outfor drinks.
We, you know, we dump on, dumptrauma on each other all the
time.
Um, I don't think we everactually had a conversation
(03:43):
other than we were drinking onenight and I looked at him and I
said you're the worst gremlinI've ever seen in my life in a
relationship, and I don't knowhow women date you so there was
that.
Oh, okay, you know so you kindof said it straight, right, yeah
, and he said the same thing hegoes I don't understand how any
man could be with you for morethan a week, but we just laugh
it off because you know he's mybest friend, right?
(04:05):
So it's.
There are boundaries, there arelimitations, there are, you
know, specific things and therehave been issues that have come
up, mostly in his relationshipsand, um, yeah, we've had to
address it a few times.
He's addressed it without meeven being involved.
Speaker 3 (04:25):
Okay.
Speaker 1 (04:25):
Because there was one relationship we had been best
friends for like five years atthat point and he was dating a
girl and she had made someoffhand comment about me and how
you know we go out for dinnerand drinks once a month.
We hang out.
At that point point we werehanging out a lot and, um, he
(04:50):
made it very clear to her that Iwas there before her and I'll
be there after her, and ifanything was going to happen, it
would have happened already.
We're not interested in eachother that way, um, but we have
been each other's supportthrough good and bad, and he
wasn't willing to get rid ofthat let me ask you this.
Speaker 2 (05:10):
You made the an initial comment that you know
you had told him.
I don't know how anybody couldbe with you and he said same.
Thing to you?
Yeah, would you have said thatto a female best friend?
Speaker 1 (05:20):
absolutely okay you don't think that would have
pissed her off and go be pissedoff and then come back and we
can have drinks.
Because I mean, I'm the thingabove everything else with
someone who I consider a bestfriend and I have like maybe two
or three of them is I'm goingto be open and honest with you.
If you come to me and say Idon't know why this isn't
(05:41):
working out, why this person'smad at me, I'm going to be be
like, well, cause you were anasshole, yeah, and here's why
you were yeah.
Speaker 3 (05:48):
I'm not going to hide it.
Speaker 1 (05:48):
I'm not going to be like, oh you poor thing, that's
not my job as your friend.
My job is your friend is tocall you out on your shit and
say, hey, I still love you as myfriend, but, yeah, you're an
absolute gremlin.
Speaker 2 (06:05):
And gremlin, and I think that's the downfall of a
lot of relationships, whetherit's male to female, or male to
male or male or female to femaleis they're not honest with each
other, right?
and I have to lose each otherright and it's like what why are
you lying, who you lying to andwhy yeah and like the whole
thing is is that the kind ofrelationship you want to have, I
mean?
And so I have some friends whoreally are not honest with them,
(06:27):
with their other friends, youknow, and, um, they're probably
not honest with me either as Isay, those are probably the ones
that talk about the other onesto other people and then to
Speaker 1 (06:37):
their face.
Speaker 2 (06:37):
They're like oh my god, you're so great yes, and I
do have um some friends who have, you know, started to say
something about one of my otherfriends and I'll go stop.
Speaker 1 (06:47):
Go tell it to them.
Speaker 2 (06:48):
Stop right there.
I don't want to hear it becausethat's my friend too and I'm
not engaging in that and I don't.
I mean I've just flat out, willnot.
I, you know, if somebody said,oh, this person went on a trip
and they did this, or whatever,but the second it starts with
the insults or something iswrong with that person, go tell
(07:09):
them.
Speaker 1 (07:10):
I don't want to hear it.
I'm of the school where, withmy friends, I'll talk crap to
your face, but I will defend youbehind your back, right,
absolutely.
And if there's something I gotto say, I'm going to say it
directly to you.
You know, regardless of if Ithink it's going to hurt your
feelings, because we've hurteach other's feelings plenty of
times yeah, you know back andforth and it's like go cry about
(07:32):
it, get over it and I'll meetyou for dinner at six, right,
like we're not playing this game.
We're all adults and I thinkthat that's a huge thing too is
a lot of.
A lot of the problems come withopposite sex friendships, when
the lies start Because we lieabout it.
We lie about how close we are.
(07:52):
We lie about if there has beenanything that has happened.
We lie about.
You know what we've told them,what we haven't told them, who
we hang around or if you suspectsomething could right between
you right um, I think I yeah,that's it.
Speaker 2 (08:09):
That's a really, do you think?
Speaker 1 (08:10):
that an opposite sex friendship could happen with not
necessarily people who havedated one another, but who have
had sexual relations with oneanother.
Do you think that that could bea healthy friendship that a
future partner shouldn't worryabout?
Yes, okay, I have.
I mean as long as there's nofeelings like that right anymore
(08:33):
.
Speaker 2 (08:34):
So my second ex-husband, uh, him and I were
like oil and water right I'mlike trying to go through my
head which one he was, can we?
Put a roster up on the screenplease.
Um, we, we did not get along atall and we, you know, we were
(08:57):
married for a very, very shorttime period, and I don't even
count that one anymore.
I just say we had a bad.
Oh, I know which one.
It was okay and the thing is isI.
You know we get along great nowand I love him.
He's a good friend.
Speaker 1 (09:10):
Yeah, you know, if I, if I needed to talk to somebody
and I felt it wasn't dr domain,I would call him and talk to
him, and you know we, uh, I meanI, I don't have any, so you
would call and talk to him Now,would there ever be a point
where you would call and talk tohim and either you wouldn't
tell Dr Domain that you talkedto him or you wouldn't divulge
(09:33):
what you guys talked about?
Speaker 2 (09:35):
No, no, okay.
Speaker 1 (09:37):
And there's a lot of people that do that.
Speaker 2 (09:38):
Yeah, they do.
Speaker 1 (09:39):
They say oh, we just talked about this and it's a
complete lie on what youactually have talked about.
Speaker 2 (09:45):
No, I, uh, you know, I mean, in all fairness to our
current relationship, Dr Domainand I, I, you know, I respect
him a lot more than that and Irespect our relationship.
And in the right relationship.
That's how it should be, andthe other thing is is I value
this relationship more than I'veever valued?
You're not going to do anythingto to send it off on the wrong
(10:06):
way and if I felt that Ishouldn't have been saying it, I
would stop and I wouldn't sayright you know, right or if he's
gonna find out um let him findout right
Speaker 1 (10:16):
you know, I usually tell him everything I say anyway
and, like I said you know, Ithink that's where a lot of the
problems come in is we start tolie to our partner or we feel
that we have to lie to ourpartner.
Look, here's the thing If youcannot trust your partner, don't
be with them.
I don't care how much you lovethem, I don't care what they
bring to the table.
If there is that mistrust thatyou can't let them go to a bar
(10:41):
with friends without worryingabout a girl hitting on him and
not knowing you know how he'sgonna react or anything like
that that's not the relationshipfor you, absolutely not.
Speaker 2 (10:52):
But it's the same way with uh, let's say that it's a
female to female best friendsituation you know I gotta worry
about you sleeping with my man.
Speaker 1 (11:00):
You are not my friend .
No, I wasn.
I wasn't going to go down thatavenue but thank you for sharing
that.
I mean you can leave your manin a room with me, it's fine,
but you leave an open pack ofM&Ms and it's gone.
Speaker 2 (11:11):
Sorry, all bets are off.
No, what I was going to say iswhoever you're in a relationship
with can't be everything to you, right.
There has to be other peoplethat you can talk to that you
can learn from you, don't?
You don't live in a silo and soyou have to learn from other
people.
(11:31):
You have to get otherperspectives.
You have to understand how theyhandled situations.
Is that how you want to handlethe situation?
And so, primarily, that's why wehave guy friends and that's why
we have girlfriends friends andthat's why we have girlfriends,
right.
So girlfriends will tell eachother a ton of stuff.
Most times, guys don't want toknow what that was anyway, right
, I mean, they're like go talkto your girlfriend, cause I
(11:53):
really don't want you to talk tome about it, and so they're
okay with that.
But I feel that even if I gotalk to my girlfriends and I
feel that's in confidence, ofcourse, with them would I be
ashamed to come back and tellhim that?
I should never be ashamed tocome back and tell him that Now
I have no business talking to mygirlfriends and saying he's a
(12:15):
complete and utter ass.
Speaker 1 (12:18):
Unless you're going to come back and say it to him.
Right, right.
But why would you?
Speaker 2 (12:22):
ever go to another person and I'm just going to say
this for everybody's sake whywould you ever go to another
person?
Because I remember the guysused to sit around the table at
work and say my wife is such athis morning and I can't stand
the.
You know it.
That's a person that you pickedabove all else in this lifetime
(12:43):
and you're talking to otherpeople who truly are not even
your friends, about that personand calling them names well,
they're in that situation.
Speaker 1 (12:54):
It's kind of different because their opinion
doesn't hold water and maybethey just need to blow off some
steam.
Maybe she was being a bitchthis morning in front of the
mirror and do it okay.
Well, I get that.
I get that.
But a lot of people don't havethe social circles that they
need, the support that they needto be able to go to someone and
say, hey, here was thesituation this morning.
What do you think about it?
(13:14):
In confidence, you know, intrusting another person, a lot
of times the only people thatyou see during the day are your
workmates.
You're not friends, you'reco-workers.
But you know, sometimes yougotta blow off some steam.
Is it right?
Absolutely not, but does ithappen.
Speaker 2 (13:30):
Yeah, I get what you're saying, but to me my
partner is paramount right.
Speaker 1 (13:35):
My partner is paramount right and, but a lot
of people aren't in thatsituation.
Speaker 2 (13:39):
You know, I mean I've talked about Dr Domain to you,
right, but I've never said he'ssuch a whatever, well, no, in
anything that you've ever saidto me, stud.
Stud, he's such a stud, he'ssuch a hot commodity.
Speaker 1 (13:54):
Well in anything that you've ever said to me.
I know that you would go rightback to him and say this is what
I told Bob.
Speaker 2 (14:00):
I mean, in all fairness, and this is the
absolute truth, anything I'veever said to either one of my
daughters has been glorifyingyou, thank, you.
Because you're such a wonderfulguy.
Speaker 1 (14:09):
She didn't say if it was glorifying the good or the
bad, so I would kind of simmerdown on that.
Speaker 2 (14:14):
He is a wonderful man and I tell people that.
But you know what I'm talkingabout.
Speaker 3 (14:19):
Yeah, absolutely, you know.
Speaker 2 (14:20):
I just think that's the person.
You picked over all persons onthis earth, and you're dogging
them like that on a regularbasis.
Now, if you got mad at somebody, I get it.
Speaker 1 (14:29):
Find somebody else.
If you're doing that on aregular basis, man cut and run.
I'm sorry.
Speaker 2 (14:34):
So I feel like men and women can be good friends
and best friends.
Here's one thing that I do kindof have a rule on is if my
friend is married or in arelationship and let's say, I'm
texting her husband.
Speaker 1 (14:51):
What wait, I'm sorry you're, her husband is so you're
, oh, her husband is your friend, so okay, okay, here are
friends with the male part.
Speaker 2 (15:01):
Yes, okay, and he's married and has a wife yes, okay
, maybe friends with there maynot be yeah, it doesn't matter
at that point if in fact I amcorresponding with him about
stuff and I don't even care whatit is.
I always ask for her number totext her also.
Absolutely not I do absolutelynot because I don't want her to
(15:24):
think there's anything going on.
Speaker 1 (15:25):
No, no, like I'll go hang out with her, that's fine,
like with my best friend.
I always tell him I'm like, hey, you know if, if you're gonna
bring your girl, let's all goout to dinner, type of thing, am
I gonna be her best friendabsolutely?
Speaker 2 (15:36):
no, I don't want to be her best friend.
I'm just saying that in all duerespect.
I'm saying I'm not getting hernumber.
Speaker 1 (15:41):
I'm not calling her, I'm not telling her about what
we're.
That's his job.
That's his job in hisrelationship to go to her and
say this is what we talked about.
But she wants to talk to me.
She knows that I'm here.
I don't text but when it comesbut here's the thing when it
comes to confidence with me andhim if he tells me something in
confidence and she comes up tome and says, listen, I want to
(16:04):
know what he said, I'm going tolook right at her and tell her
you need to go talk to himbecause that is not my business.
Yeah, that's not my circus andthat is not my monkey maybe I
should have put some parametersaround that a little bit like.
Speaker 2 (16:18):
Let's say that as an example this is simple.
But like if I am trying to geta partner in pickleball for a
tournament and I'm correspondingwith this guy and I really
don't know his wife that well, Iam going to and I have I've
said listen, can I get hernumber two?
(16:38):
Because I don't want, I justwant.
Speaker 3 (16:40):
No that's too much work, and I do.
Speaker 2 (16:41):
I do.
I just make sure that they knowwhat we're saying.
Absolutely not Now.
I do have friends that are guysthat I don't, you know.
I mean, as a matter of fact, Idon't even know if they're
married.
Speaker 1 (16:55):
I usually don't know my best friend's girlfriend's
names until they've stuck arounda little bit.
Speaker 2 (16:59):
But Dr Domain will go oh, that's your friend from
Pickleball or that's your friendfrom whatever.
And I go, yeah, and he'll go.
Well, where do they work?
And I'll go.
I don't know.
Well, where do they live?
I don't know.
Speaker 1 (17:11):
Well, that's more of an acquaintance though.
Speaker 2 (17:13):
Yeah, but he always asks all kinds of questions and
I'm like I hair yeah, that'smore of an acquaintance, like I
have acquaintances that I would.
You know, we we're friendly andthings like that and we we talk
to each other, but I don't knowshit about their lives I just
think if there was another womanthat was sending him, you know,
text messages on a regularbasis, yeah, I would think it
(17:34):
was nice that she said hey,here's who I am well I mean,
like look at my situation.
Speaker 1 (17:41):
Like, let's say, you have a guy friend.
You've had a guy friend for,let's say, 10 years, okay, and
all of a sudden a girl comes inand starts dating this guy let's
say, for a year They've beendating for a year.
Okay, no plans on gettingmarried, anything like that,
they're just dating.
Would you really be okay Likeknowing that you have that
(18:02):
personal relationship,confidence with this person that
you've had for 10 years, likeyou trust this person, you come
to this person with yourproblems.
Would you be okay with him justdivulging everything to this
person that you don't even knowand him telling her all of your
personal business and thingslike that, on the guise of you
(18:23):
don't know if she's going tostick around?
You don't know her intentions,you don't know things like that,
because I sure as hell won't.
Speaker 2 (18:30):
Yeah, and you're looking at it from a best friend
discussion or a really goodbest or good friend discussion.
I guess I don't really have anysuper good friends.
That are guys.
Speaker 1 (18:42):
I thought you were just going to say super good
friends.
I was going to be like well, Imean, we know that.
Speaker 2 (18:45):
I do.
No I mean, we know that, but Idon't have any that I would
confide in about problems orissues or whatever.
I just don't, I don't.
Speaker 1 (18:55):
I guess I've been single for so long that I just I
do, because he comes to me withwith very personal issues that
he has to work out and he trustsmy, for some reason reason.
He trusts my opinion and myview on things and I do the same
for him.
I go to him if I'm in asituation or anything that I
(19:17):
really need some help on, but Idon't want.
I want more of a neutral partythan a family member would be
yeah or a sibling would be typeof thing you know, and you get
that outside opinion now with meand him.
He's used to me a lot because hesays he'll come to me and he'll
go I'm sorry, buddy, that I'mtelling everybody this, but, um,
(19:38):
he'll come to me and go.
Well, she said this or she'sacting like this.
What does this mean?
And I'm like well, why, why areyou asking me?
And he goes well, becausebecause you have boobs.
And I'm like well, why are youasking me?
And he goes well, because youhave boobs and I don't have any
other friends that have boobs.
And I'm like oh, oh, you wantthe girl side of it.
And I'm like well, I can't tellyou why, but I can tell you
(19:59):
what the thought process is.
And so we do use each otherlike that to kind of get the
perspective of the opposite sex,and he'll be the first one to
tell me a red flag, you don'tneed to be talking to that guy,
and I'll go shut up and we gofrom there you know type of
thing.
Speaker 2 (20:17):
But yeah, I mean, I I have to think, you know, think
back before Dr Domain and I hadplenty of guy friends, you know.
But I'll be honest with you, Ithink most of them wanted to
date me and I wasn't interestedin them so I really didn't.
I think that's what kind ofstopped me from talking to them.
Yeah, you know, reallyconfiding in them yeah.
(20:40):
And I'm not going to lie andsay, oh well, Because I wanted
it to be platonic and I thinkthey didn't.
Speaker 1 (20:44):
And I'm not going to lie and say, oh well, I don't
find my guy friends attractive.
I think they are attractive, Ireally do, but when it comes to
dating, absolutely not.
I would never date them, sleepwith them, anything like that,
because there's boundaries.
Speaker 2 (21:04):
And, like I said, we both know that we're absolute
feral gremlins when it comes torelationships and we would never
work.
Dr Domain, how do you feelabout communications with the
opposite sex?
I mean, since you and I are ina relationship, I kind of share
similar, like a similar positionto you.
Speaker 3 (21:15):
Your method is can be inconvenient though, and I'm
not saying that that's important, you know, and I'm, I'm putting
more value and convenience thanAre you talking about the group
chats that we get?
Yeah, the group chats.
(21:35):
She's like, oh, oh, can you,can you talk to so-and-so about?
And she's got someone doing ajob at a party.
Can you, can you tell them this?
Can you tell them?
I'm like, yeah, you can too.
It's called group chat but Idon't I'm the middle man half
time.
Speaker 2 (21:44):
I don't know.
I'm on a group chat and he'llgo.
Uh, you're on a group chat.
They're reading everythingyou're saying.
I'm 20 texts in and not even inthe conversation and I'm like
take my name off the group chat.
Speaker 3 (21:57):
No, it's similar.
Speaker 2 (21:58):
I think you can be friends and I think you've got a
prime example of having somereally good guy friends and I
think you guys respect yourboundaries now, and you've never
crossed those.
But I'm friends with people Iwas in relationships with.
I'm friends with a couple ofguys.
I haven't been able to do that.
Now do we go out to dinnertogether?
(22:22):
The answer I mean, if we do, drDomain is there.
Speaker 1 (22:25):
No, I still couldn't do that, because he knows them
and it we do.
Dr domain is there because Istill couldn't do that, because
he knows him and it's like, yeah, I've introduced him because
there's some sort ofcommunication yeah and um, so
we've you know.
Speaker 2 (22:37):
But he knows that I have absolutely no well, he
knows that you've said that.
Yeah, absolutely and he truststhat, and that's a good thing,
because I've demonstrated thatright, right and but.
Speaker 1 (22:49):
There's that trust and I.
There's no way I could befriends with my exes.
Speaker 2 (22:53):
There's no way you know we talked about this before
, and you know, god love you.
Speaker 1 (22:58):
Your pickers broke too, and yours the only picker
that's not broke is my nosepicker I'm saying your butt
picker.
I'm a butt picker.
Speaker 2 (23:07):
Um, I think seriously , someday soon your person's
going to come along.
Speaker 3 (23:14):
I think you just stay open.
Speaker 1 (23:15):
Put that juju on me.
No, I don't want it.
I don't want it.
Speaker 2 (23:18):
And I'm throwing it out there to everybody, uh,
because I do want Bobby.
You know, I'm happy, I washappy.
Speaker 1 (23:30):
I, I'm happy, I was happy I was, I was ecstatic
being single before Dr Domaincome on.
You know, and I was thinkingabout this last night I was like
you know, it's kind of lonelycoming home after a 16 hour
shift and going to bed and theonly thing I got to hug are my
clean clothes on the other sideof the bed that I haven't folded
yet.
But then I'm like do I reallywant to put up with someone
else's snoring with their dirtyclothes laying around, with
their hair everywhere, withtheir demands, with their no?
Speaker 2 (23:51):
yeah, no, I, I don't have the hair laying around
because someone doesn't have any.
But yeah, wow, I'm just, it'sall give and take though you
know yeah because before I methim I said I am happy in my
singledom, I am very happy, Idon't need somebody to tell me
anything.
Speaker 1 (24:11):
I'm too busy.
Speaker 2 (24:12):
But can you guys hear that jingling?
Speaker 3 (24:14):
in the background.
That's Santa coming.
Speaker 2 (24:17):
Santa's in town.
I know him.
We left the dog in accidentallyand he's jingling around.
Anyway, I just think that it'sprobably different for other
people and I think you know whatyou have to understand is you
really do need to set someboundaries you do need to
respect those other people thatare in their lives, and if it's
(24:39):
a spouse, that spouse comesfirst, yeah, so well, yeah, they
do, they do they do they dothey.
Speaker 1 (24:46):
But I mean, you know, with my best friend he's
honestly well.
Both of them are honestly thetwo people in this world besides
family, some family that Iabsolutely trust with not only
my life, my children's lives,anything that I could ever need
(25:08):
from them.
I would 100% trust that theywould be there, they would help.
They would not go, you know,run in their mouths to anybody
else about it.
You know if it, if it wassomething that I, I came to them
and said, god, I can't tellthis to anybody else, please
don't tell them.
They're not going to tellanybody, like they will go to
the grave with that secret yeahand so I think that in a
(25:32):
friendship, in a relationshiplike that, especially a
long-term one where you areclose, I think that's a
necessity.
I think that you need to beable to trust that person,
regardless if they are in arelationship that you can tell
them something and they'll go tothe grave with it.
Speaker 2 (25:47):
Yeah, they will not tell anybody about it.
I don't think that's just amale female, I think that's any
relationship.
If somebody tells me, hey,don't say anything to anybody,
you can be rest assured.
Speaker 1 (25:58):
First of all, that you forgot already when you were
walking away.
Speaker 2 (26:02):
And secondly, I'm not saying anything and I've had
people say, well, didn sayinganything, and I've had people
say, well, didn't you tell her?
No, you told me not to sayright, I'm not, that's not my
story to tell.
Speaker 1 (26:11):
I'm the best at playing stupid.
So somebody will be like, didyou know about this?
I'll be like, oh my god, thisis the first I'm hearing about
it.
I heard it six months ago indetail that you don't even know.
But I'm gonna play stupidbecause I promised that person
that I would not divulge thatinformation and, like I said,
you know, yeah, it might happenin female relationships.
(26:32):
I've had a couple of reallygood, close female friends.
Never have I been able to havethe trust, the respect or the
honesty and opinion that I'vehad with my guy friends.
I mean, they have been therefor me at my absolute lowest and
they were the ones that lookedat me from a guy perspective and
said you deserve better.
(26:53):
Okay, like, I know you insideand out, I've known you for this
long.
I know your flaws, I know yoursecrets type of thing.
You deserve better than thisand you need to pick yourself up
and understand that you deservebetter.
And it's different coming froma guy.
It really is, and from you knowanother girl, oh, hyper up.
You know woo woo, okay cool.
(27:13):
But when it comes from a guy,but you know best friend, who I
know is an asshole every day andhe looks at me and says you
deserve better.
Speaker 2 (27:31):
I'm going to believe that over anything.
Yeah, I get it, I get it.
Speaker 1 (27:31):
Well, I really am anxious to know what our viewers
think, because it's a dealbreaker in a lot of
relationships.
Speaker 2 (27:33):
It is we are really curious about this.
So if you are listening to thispodcast, first of all, please
share us with other people,everybody, everybody that you
can think of, but we really areinterested in what your thoughts
are.
As it relates to this, do youhave best friends or really good
friends that are the oppositesex?
Have you ever considered themto be something more than just a
(27:58):
friend?
Speaker 1 (27:58):
Are they?
Speaker 2 (27:59):
exes.
Are they exes?
Yeah, we'd really like to knowso, but for today, I think
that's probably all that we haveon the relationship basis.
Speaker 1 (28:08):
Let me say this Maybe not.
Our season two is going tostart soon, because we are
coming up on one year.
What I would like to do forpossibly our first show of
season two or our last show ofseason one, is I want some
questions from our listeners.
Oh, that's a good idea.
I want questions.
I don't care if they'requestions about us personally,
(28:29):
about our lives, about topicsthat you know they just want a
flat-out opinion on.
I want questions.
Speaker 2 (28:36):
I can lie about anything yeah.
I live in a mansion.
Yeah yeah, but that's all wehave today.
And remember, we are notrelationship experts, we are not
legal experts.
Speaker 3 (28:49):
We are.
I don't even have arelationship.
Speaker 2 (28:54):
And I see the chicken trying to walk out.
He is, he's like Yep, he'sleaving me too we appreciate you
guys joining us here at theRabbit Hole Studio every week
and be sure to follow us andlike us, and we just look
forward to spending time withyou.
So share us with your friends,share us with your enemies,
share us with everybody.
If you have any positivefeedback or you have a topic or,
(29:16):
as bobby mentioned you know,give us some feedback on on this
episode and think about thequestions you want to ask us for
next season.
We are so happy to have had onefull year with y'all because
it's coming up in October, so wereally appreciate that.
Drop us a short email atboomerandjenexer at gmailcom.
If you have hate mail, we'renot interested.
(29:38):
Send that to Send it to your ex, your ex.
There you go and until nextweek.
I'm Jane Bird and I'm Bobbi Joy.
Speaker 1 (29:47):
And you're stuck with us, peace out Later.
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