September 9, 2025 • 46 mins
What would you tell your younger self if you could travel back in time? In this deeply reflective episode, Jane and Bobbi wade into the waters of hindsight wisdom, unpacking life lessons they wish they'd known sooner.
"Being authentic to yourself is really scary, but more fulfilling than trying to fit in," becomes a touchstone of the discussion as they share stories of conformity and its costs.
Physical well-being emerges as another powerful theme, with Bobbi lamenting, "You got to learn how to duck, kid, because your 44-year-old body regrets so many things." This practical wisdom resonates throughout as they discuss how youthful recklessness catches up with aging bodies.
The episode takes an emotional turn when discussing family relationships and childhood responsibilities. "Put it down, that's not yours to carry," Bobbi advises her younger self about shouldering adult burdens during her parents' divorce. This raw honesty illuminates how children often carry emotional weights that belong to the adults in their lives.
Perhaps most profound is the discussion about time's fleeting nature: "Forever is not as long as you think it is." This sobering reminder to cherish relationships while they exist hits home for anyone who's experienced loss.
Whether you're reflecting on your own journey or seeking wisdom to navigate current challenges, this episode offers a compassionate roadmap from those who've walked the path before. Share your own advice for your younger self with us at boomerandgenx@gmail.com—we'd love to hear what wisdom you've gathered along your journey.
email: boomerandgenxer@gmail.com
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Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:04):
well, well, well, welcome everyone to today's show
.
Boomer and a gen x are walkingto a bar, coming to you from the
rabbit hole studio, where you,as our listeners, will
experience some wit and wisdom,some smart assery and a mother
and a daughter questioning.
Are we even related?
My name is jane burr, myco-host is my daughter, bobbi,
(00:26):
and for the next I don't knowfew minutes we're going to
entertain you, if we can keepBobbi awake, because she has
been working double shifts,triple shifts and shift shifts.
Bobbi how you doing.
I'm tired, I know.
I see that you came moping inlike I don't know, like
Methuselah and bad sandals, Idon't know.
Speaker 2 (00:48):
I don't know, like a spider in flip flops trying to
be quiet.
Yeah, that was kind of it.
Speaker 1 (00:53):
And then she had to get something to drink, so I'm
not really sure what she'sdrinking down there.
Speaker 2 (00:58):
It's just an energy drink.
An energy drink, oh, is that amonster drink?
It's a monster Monster import.
Speaker 1 (01:05):
Ah, I see, so did you get some new bubble gum.
Speaker 2 (01:09):
I did.
I did this lovely old ladywho's out of her freaking mind
travels the country andsometimes out of the country,
and she brings me these littletrinkets.
Speaker 3 (01:21):
These little knick knacks.
Speaker 1 (01:23):
These little bobbles Little souvenirs.
Speaker 2 (01:26):
And this last one is, uh, cat butt gum, cat butt gum,
and I can't see.
The thing is I don't want toopen it because I can't reseal
it, but I'm kind of curious ifit actually looks like a little
cat buttholes.
Speaker 1 (01:40):
That would be funny, wouldn't it?
I don't think the only way Iwant it I don't think it does,
because I got scum gum, becausesomehow I well, you know, I got
those bob ross mints and theywere trees.
Speaker 2 (01:53):
They were shaped like happy little trees.
Speaker 1 (01:55):
Yeah, I didn't know that.
Yeah, I want some of those,that was years ago that I got
those oh my gosh, they werelittle trees, little trees.
I wonder if you can still getthem.
Speaker 2 (02:05):
I'm sure you could somewhere on eBay.
That's kind of cool, I thinkthat's kind of cool.
Speaker 1 (02:10):
Well, anyway, we're glad that you're awake, bobby,
and hopefully you can stay awake.
You can your chicken maybe,what's that chicken's name?
Speaker 2 (02:19):
Today his name is Persephone.
Speaker 1 (02:23):
Jeminy Christmas.
Speaker 2 (02:25):
You know why?
Because he doesn't know.
Speaker 1 (02:28):
He's not going to come to it anyway.
Speaker 2 (02:29):
He's not like come here.
He's not coming.
He's not running towards you.
Even if he could, he doesn'thave no ears.
Perfect example.
Speaker 1 (02:40):
And I'm not sure where his wings are.
They seem to be kind ofembedded underneath his little
t-shirt there.
Speaker 2 (02:46):
Well, they're in his vest.
They're just little, teeny,tiny chicken wings.
Oh, look at that little chickenwings.
Looks like I'm at B-dubs rightnow with them, tiny wings.
Speaker 1 (02:56):
So what do you want to talk about today, Bobby Well?
Speaker 2 (02:59):
today I thought that we kind of put some questions
out to some personal people.
I know I did in my life.
Speaker 1 (03:07):
I did too.
Speaker 2 (03:07):
I'm sure you did in your life, about things like you
know, advice that we would giveour younger selves.
Or you know something that wewould say knowing now what we
didn't know, then you know toour, to our younger selves Now
that we're so much wiser and somuch more intelligent and I say
I don't say wiser.
Speaker 1 (03:26):
I say, now that we're more experienced, we say wise
ass here, that's what we are butyeah, we're more experienced,
we're older, we we think we're alittle bit wiser, but sometimes
we're just wise, no absolutely.
Speaker 2 (03:38):
I have no idea what I'm doing to this day.
Yeah, I'm almost 45 and I'mjust winging it every day, every
single day, every single dayyou have no plan, no plan.
Speaker 1 (03:48):
You're just happy to get up and be able to walk.
Whatever happens happens.
Well, you know, living in themoment, I guess you are.
So we did, yeah, we asked a fewof our people that we know and
also some of our listeners thatare kind of the ones that really
contact us a lot, you know, andrespond to us a lot.
(04:08):
So we really appreciate thatand we're really looking for you
to respond to us too as itrelates to this particular topic
.
So the question is if you couldtalk to your younger self and
I'm going to take it indifferent stages here If you
could talk to your younger self,what advice or what information
(04:29):
would you give to yourself?
And so I'm going to let youstart with one, bobby, what
would you tell your younger self?
And let's say, as a kid inschool?
Speaker 2 (04:41):
Well, I mean that's a huge range.
Speaker 1 (04:44):
That's like a 13 range?
It is, so are we talking like?
Speaker 2 (04:47):
comprehend, like we can comprehend, that this is a
life lesson type thing like a 10to 16 years old.
Yeah, hey, I'm not setting therules, okay you have no
boundaries, and are you wanting,like me, to throw one out first
, or do you want me to read oneof my?
Speaker 1 (05:02):
I want you to throw one out for you first.
Speaker 2 (05:05):
Okay for me first.
Honestly, the the one that mybody tells me every day is you
got to learn how to duck kid,because your 44 year old body
regrets so many things that youdid that.
Speaker 1 (05:22):
I mean they were fun at the time, but you only get
one body and it hurts I supposewhen you say you got to learn to
duck I I'm thinking back ofwhen your sister clotheslined
you when you were on athree-wheeler right yep, and
then running into the fence onthe three-wheeler, flipping
backwards on the three-wheeler.
Speaker 2 (05:39):
There was a lot of stuff on that three-wheeler.
Speaker 1 (05:41):
I remember you had it , yeah and I remember your dad
built you guys a two-story uh,well, it was a playhouse.
Speaker 2 (05:50):
It was a playhouse, but it turned into fall out of
the window.
Speaker 1 (05:53):
Oh yeah yeah, off the roof, out of the window
absolutely absolutely I rememberpeople would go, oh my gosh,
she's climbing a tree, or oryour sister was climbing a tree.
Aren't you gonna stop them?
No, no, I mean, why would I?
First of all, how are theygoing to learn to do that stuff?
And it's fun.
I remember climbing trees.
It was fun, and you know, ifyou can't figure it out, well,
(06:15):
you know, if you fall hard,you're only going to do it once.
Speaker 2 (06:26):
And you did have that helmet phase that you went
through.
Speaker 1 (06:27):
Well, I mean, you know it uh yeah, there's so many
holes and things in my body soyou would have to learn how to
duck, because your body isfeeling it now.
Speaker 2 (06:33):
Oh yeah yeah, you only get one body.
You gotta gotta kind of takecare of it.
I mean, have fun and everythingbut man, take care of your body
, it hurts yeah, it does, itdoes.
Speaker 1 (06:43):
And I remember, uh, my brother, one of my brothers,
had made a comment one time.
He said you know, I wake upevery day and everything hurts.
And now I realize what he'stalking about because that time
I didn't, I was still playingsoftball, I was still doing
every, I mean just everythingrunning, doing everything, and I
and I just didn't hurt.
(07:04):
And he said you know, it hurtsevery single day.
Speaker 2 (07:06):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (07:07):
And yeah, that's kind of funny.
So what about you, Dr Domain?
Have you thought about thissubject at all?
Speaker 3 (07:15):
No, I live my life with no regrets.
You live your life with noregerts, okay.
Just like my tattoo says.
Speaker 1 (07:24):
That's right, that's right, that's right.
Speaker 3 (07:26):
No, I would say probably as difficult as to be
authentic.
I think it's more fulfillingthan trying to fit in with the
crowd.
So that's probably it.
Speaker 1 (07:37):
Just being you, yeah, yeah, being authentic.
Speaker 3 (07:39):
I think there's a certain aspect of it where I try
to fit in and just kind of gowith the crowd and everything
like that.
Speaker 1 (07:44):
Yeah, not totally.
Speaker 3 (07:46):
but there were times I'm like, yeah, this is BS, I
shouldn't have done it this way.
Speaker 1 (07:49):
I think as a kid we had and not even just a kid, but
we had a lot of peer pressure,right?
I?
Speaker 2 (07:54):
mean, well, it wasn't just peer pressure, it's
societal pressure too.
You've got pressure at schoolto you know, line up and fit and
yeah you have to wear theseshoes and these clothes and
carry this kind of backpack andhave a lisa frank trapper,
keeper and yeah, yeah, lisafrank yeah, it's my time oh, I'm
(08:16):
, it's the folders and trapperswith all like the rainbow
unicorn, you know bright colorsshit on it.
Okay.
Speaker 1 (08:28):
So we didn't have any of that, did we, Dr Doman?
We had grocery sacks that wehad to wrap our books in, you
know.
Speaker 2 (08:33):
Well, we did too the brown paper bags, but I'm
talking, like you know, thetrapper keepers.
Speaker 3 (08:38):
With our stick and our knapsack.
Speaker 1 (08:40):
That's with your hobo stick, and we didn't have any
shoes, you know, untilwintertime.
Speaker 2 (08:45):
You had your one apple in there for lunch, that's
right.
Speaker 1 (08:53):
You laugh, but that's not too far from the truth,
sister.
So yeah, I think a lot ofpeople look back now and it
doesn't matter what age maybenot when we were in grade school
, but even in our 20s, 30s, andif you're in your 40s yet, or
even older, there is a part of a, a part of me anyway, that says
, man, I wish I would have beenmore authentic and just really
just been me.
Um, I will say, one of thebiggest regrets I ever had and I
(09:16):
wish, I wish I could have if Ihad any regrets, this would be
it.
I was a liar to be a liar aboutlying.
Speaker 2 (09:24):
So you had liabilities.
Speaker 1 (09:25):
I had liabilities, you just lie for no reason Not
just liabilities.
I had liabilities and it'sinteresting because I was the
last of seven kids.
I wasn't listened to.
Sometimes I felt like I had tomake up lies to you know, get
attention.
And then it just got bigger andbadder and I remember even in
my 20s and 30s I was still lying, I was lying, I'm lying out my
(09:48):
lion pie hole all the time andit was about stupid stuff yeah,
just meaningless stuff like whyare?
you even lying about that, yeahyeah, I mean, you know where'd
you get those shoes?
You know well, I got themmart,but I'm going to tell you that I
got them at Macy's.
Speaker 2 (10:04):
Right.
Speaker 1 (10:05):
And it's just.
It was stupid stuff and a lotof it was to fit in.
It was to fit in and, you know,be a part of the cool kid crowd
, I guess.
But, if I could tell myself onething, it would be you know,
just be true to myself, and Idon't have to lie to anybody.
The truth is the truth.
(10:27):
And and um, that would probablybe my biggest regret in life
and what I would tell myself.
Okay, All right so you askedsome of your friends or you
asked some folks that you knew Idid and, uh, tell us about one
of them.
Speaker 2 (10:39):
So overwhelmingly.
All of them said basically towork harder.
So work harder towards what youwant.
Work harder towards your goals,just work harder in general.
So one of them, and of coursewe're going to stay anonymous
here, but one of them, my friend.
He said that he would tellhimself not to grow up so fast.
(11:00):
You know, I think we all dokind of feel that we all want to
be so big as kids and then yeahwe get here and we go oh no,
this.
Speaker 1 (11:08):
No, no, no, no, no, no, no.
Pump the brakes.
Yeah, yeah, I went out.
Let me off at the next stop um.
Speaker 2 (11:15):
But he also said to just enjoy your life while
you're young, because the stress, the anxiety, you know
everything's going to hit youharder than you could even
imagine when you grow up.
Speaker 1 (11:27):
That's a good point.
Speaker 2 (11:29):
Another one that a lot of them said was you have to
pick people you trust in yourlife more carefully, because the
closer they are to you, thecloser they you know, the more
they can hurt you.
Speaker 1 (11:40):
Yeah, and not only that, but you are who you hang
with, and I used to tell youkids that and you never go by
association it isn't just guiltby association.
You know, I think I used totell you guys that you stink the
stank of of those that you hangwith yeah, I mean, the one bad
apple in a barrel can ruin thebunch and it can and and people
(12:01):
go.
Well, don't let it.
Well, it does and it's a loteasier to conform to negativity
and to the to the bad side thanit is to the good side.
And that's unfortunate, uh,because if you think about
people that you work with orpeople that you know, if you're
around a negative person, uh,for any length of time, you tend
(12:23):
to become negative.
When you're around a lot ofpositive people, or a few
positive people, you tend tomake fun of them because they're
positive.
Speaker 2 (12:33):
I was going to say now, yeah, if I'm at work or
something and somebody's youknow being really negative, I
kick that up a notch, I willfind it and be like hey what are
you doing?
Why are you cranky?
Oh, okay, okay, and then I'mjust gonna make it worse.
Speaker 1 (12:49):
Yeah, yeah but um, yeah, I I think that uh, I'm I'm
kind of puzzled by workingharder yeah, a lot of them did
you know.
Speaker 2 (12:58):
Just work harder towards what you want.
Yeah, you know, and I think alot of it is.
You're young, you have thoseopportunities in front of you.
Your body's hopefully notbreaking down by that point.
You're.
You're at your prime, you're atyour peak.
You're.
You're going into, you know, abig part of your life where
you're going to make decisionsthat are going to affect you.
(13:18):
You know, 10, 20, 30 yearslater, yeah.
So you know work harder, Makesure your body is in shape, Make
sure your life is in shape,Make sure that you know you're
working towards a goal, ratherthan just kind of doing whatever
you want.
Speaker 1 (13:34):
Do you think that some people look at that and go?
Well, you're being very selfish, then, because all you're
thinking about is just you.
No no, you don't think thatthey do, because well, I mean,
they might get that impressionsometimes that you know, if I
said, hey, listen, I can't dothat with you, I am working on
this goal, I really need to dothis.
Speaker 2 (13:53):
Sometimes you get a little bit of retaliatory um
effects from that, I think yeah,well, and that kind of goes
along with what I tell the kidsall the time, and that's you
know, when they're havingproblems, they're focusing on
themselves, type of thing, andthey say, well, this person said
this or this person's negative.
Are they paying your bills?
Speaker 1 (14:13):
Right.
Speaker 2 (14:13):
Are they going to be paying your bills in the future?
Speaker 1 (14:15):
Right.
Speaker 2 (14:16):
Are they here supporting you every day.
Do, does anything that they'regoing to do or say, have an
actual outcome on your liferight if the answer is no, who
cares?
Speaker 1 (14:26):
and I've always had that mindset too.
I've always said you know,unless, unless they're paying
your bills or sleeping with you,they get no I don't even care
if they're sleeping with you.
Speaker 2 (14:35):
I mean no say in my life, no, get no say in my life,
no, unless it's, you know, likea marriage type thing.
Speaker 1 (14:41):
Yeah, yeah, sure, and then you know, I think the
other thing and you kidsprobably don't remember all
these little things that I usedto say to you was you know when,
when we're talking about makingsomething happen, you know if,
if, yeah, if you want it badenough, you'll make it happen.
If you don't, you'll you'llmake excuses.
Yeah, and that's the way lifeis.
If you want it bad enough folks, you will want it.
(15:03):
Bad enough folks, you will makeit happen.
If you don't, you will makeexcuses.
It's always somebody else'sfault, it's always some other
condition, it's always someother situation.
Speaker 2 (15:15):
You want it, bad enough, you'll get it.
I get that and I do, and I canhalf support that, but I do kind
of change it up with everythingthat.
I've been through.
It's not if you want it badenough, you'll make it happen,
because shit actually doeshappen.
If you want it bad enough, youwill work every day towards
making it happen yeah, no,whether or not it happens, I
(15:36):
mean, you can.
Speaker 1 (15:37):
You can tear it apart however you want to.
Speaker 2 (15:39):
Well, but it's kind of different, because I mean
you're saying it like if youwant it bad enough, come hell or
high water, you're going tomake it happen.
Well, that's not alwaysplausible, because there is hell
and high water that willprevent you from doing things,
whether it's physically,mentally, you know things like
that.
But if you work every day forthat goal to make it happen,
(16:01):
then I mean you're not going tohave any regrets about it.
Speaker 1 (16:05):
Yeah, and you know, to kind of go further with that
is you know, if I said I want tobe a millionaire by the time
that I'm 30, you know, and Iwork towards that and I work
hard towards it, right, maybeI've got $500,000 in the bank
and not a million.
Speaker 2 (16:21):
Right.
Speaker 1 (16:21):
I'm still successful.
Right, I didn't make excusesalong the way.
I will settle for what myoutcome is.
Yeah, is is what I'm saying,but I'm gonna work at it along
the way.
You're absolutely right, andI'm one for writing down plans.
I do it all the time.
When I was building this house,uh, that was scary because I had
(16:43):
never done that by myselfbefore, I had never bought
property.
Well, I had bought property,but I had never bought a house
and done the things that I didto this property and built a
house before.
And I was here every single dayand I wrote out a plan and I
said I will do something everysingle day for the success of
(17:05):
this house.
Now, it's not a fancy house,it's a nice enough house,
nothing fancy.
But what I did was every singleday I was at this house.
The builders got so sick of meand I know how to read
mechanical drawings.
I know how to read.
You know any type of electricaldrawings.
I know how to read.
You know any type of electricaldrawings.
I know how to read all of thatstuff.
And so I was probably theirbiggest pain in the ass.
(17:29):
Go figure, go figure.
But here's what's interesting.
I had a vision in my head, fromeverything that was going to be
on the floors to everythingthat was going to be on the
walls and every piece offurniture and this house.
Came out exactly what was in myhead.
Well, you screwed up Because Imade it happen.
Oh, because you're cold in thebasement sometimes.
Speaker 2 (17:51):
Because it's freezing in the basement.
Oh, you're such a woman.
It's hot and humid on the mainfloor.
Speaker 1 (17:56):
It is not it's like 10 steps.
Speaker 2 (17:58):
How is the temperature change from icebox
to?
Speaker 1 (18:00):
hell.
I have 24 foot ceilings and aloft up there.
Speaker 2 (18:04):
Okay, we'll see.
I'm just saying is all.
Speaker 1 (18:07):
Okay, I didn't fail because it looks exactly the way
I wanted it to look.
Speaker 2 (18:11):
Anyways, anyways.
Gosh Bobby, I didn't give hercrap for that one.
Speaker 1 (18:15):
Yeah, I guess.
So I asked a good friend andshe is a good follower of ours
uh about hers and I said youknow, what would you tell your
younger self?
And she said don't look back,keep looking forward for change,
don't be afraid of change andstepping out of your comfort
zone, even at 70 plus, becauseshe's over 70 years old and, uh,
(18:41):
trust what life brings to you.
And you know she's a veryspiritual person too.
And she said the Lord will getyou through it and keep your
faith.
So I thought that was prettygood, you know, just just
staying very, very positive,yeah.
Speaker 2 (18:55):
So I have.
I have a different one fromsomeone who has a completely
different life experiencegrowing up than you or I ever
had.
Ok, and he didn't grow uparound here.
Ok, and he was where he grew up.
Things he didn't grow up aroundhere.
Okay, and he was, um, where hegrew up.
Things like gangs and drugswere very prevalent.
Some things that he said, and Ithink some of these are just
(19:17):
really good for anybody,especially someone in in a bad
situation.
He says uh, don't ever give upbecause God will provide.
Yep, those friends you have aregoing to end up dead or in
prison.
Speaker 3 (19:30):
The friends quote unquote.
Speaker 2 (19:32):
Yes, work harder and be healthier, you're going to
get through it.
Don't count on family to saveyou when you're going through it
.
Yeah, you absolutely are worthit.
And one thing that a lot ofthem did say that I asked is
don't make dumb financialdecisions, especially when
(19:53):
you're younger.
But we all do right.
We do because we're learning,but at the same time, man, those
follow you.
Speaker 3 (19:59):
They haunt you.
They haunt you forever, oh man.
Speaker 2 (20:01):
That's for sure, oh man, and a lot of his were.
You know, the drugs don't loveyou.
They don't.
No the people who give youthose drugs they don't love you,
that's exactly right it's.
You can't always turn tosomething just to make it
through.
You know the drugs, the alcohol, the gangs, things like that.
(20:21):
Yeah, none of it's going to beworth it.
Speaker 1 (20:24):
It isn't and you know it doesn't care if you come
home at night.
No it doesn't care if you getmugged.
Speaker 2 (20:29):
It doesn't care that your mom is crying over your
grave.
Speaker 1 (20:32):
It doesn't care about any of that, whether it's drugs
, alcohol, any, anything that isgoing to, you know, take
control of you.
Or again, you mentioned thosefriends.
You know they're not truefriends.
You have to be true to yourself, and that's something that was
on the list as I looked thingsup on the Internet.
Being authentic to yourself isreally scary, but more
(20:55):
fulfilling than trying to fit in.
Speaker 2 (20:57):
And the sooner you do it, the happier your life is
going to be.
Yeah, I mean, it really is,because, yeah, you know, one of
my big things is, I would lookback and tell myself they don't
love you.
Speaker 3 (21:09):
They don't love you.
Speaker 2 (21:10):
He, she, they.
They do not love you.
Most of the people that are inyour life are there to watch
something beautiful die in you.
Speaker 1 (21:18):
Yeah, period.
It is true, they're there forthe show.
Speaker 2 (21:21):
They're there to make themselves feel better and my
biggest thing on that is don'tlet them.
I'm not saying don't let themin your life, because there's
people out there that neededyour love.
Regardless of how big of apiece of shit they were to you,
they needed that love at thattime.
Yeah, what I'm saying is, don'tgive them the satisfaction of
letting that die and lettingthem see it.
Speaker 1 (21:44):
Yeah, just don't and this is a sad reality that, even
if they're good friends ofyours, there's a part of certain
people, and a lot of people,who want you to fail.
They want you to be successful,just not too successful, right.
They want you to be successful,just not more successful than
(22:05):
them, right.
They want you to lose weight,just, but they don't want you to
be thinner than them, right.
Speaker 2 (22:10):
They don't want you to look better than them.
Speaker 1 (22:12):
They want you to get past this health scare, but
there's a part of you now thatis dependent on them as the
friend and so unfortunately,that's a very self-centered
thing to say, but it's true.
It is Psychologically.
A lot of people have that Now.
I've always said I had friendswho won $10,000, $100,000 in a
(22:36):
lottery, scratch-off right,something whatever.
I truly was happy for them.
Speaker 2 (22:41):
Oh yeah.
Speaker 1 (22:41):
When I see people on TV who are winning, I am like
happy for them.
Yeah, I have no resentmentwhatsoever.
You know why God didn't putthat in my path, he put it in
yours, and one of the thingsthat I've always said to you
kids is you know, if somethingdidn't work out for you, it
wasn't your opportunity.
Speaker 2 (23:00):
Right.
Speaker 1 (23:01):
That wasn't your opportunity today.
It may have been the personbehind you their opportunity.
Maybe that looked like it wasaiming your way, but it wasn't.
It was for the person behindyou.
And when someone gets hurtbecause you and I both know
someone who is like this itmakes themselves into a victim
all the time.
Speaker 2 (23:20):
I think all of us know someone like that.
Everybody does.
Speaker 1 (23:22):
Everybody does.
They make themselves into avictim.
Oh poor me me.
Oh well, I can't do thatbecause of this.
Or, oh my gosh, when somethinghappens, people aren't targeting
you.
You just happen to be in theway, right like you know.
If, if somebody decides thatthey want to get out of that
(23:43):
relationship and move on, ifyou're young and you're trying
to find yourself, find arelationship, the fact is is
they weren't aiming at you.
You just happened to be in theway, and so sometimes you get
hurt for being in the way.
Yeah, a convenience thing, it iskind of a convenience thing,
and so just remember that everyopportunity is not aimed at you.
(24:05):
It may have been aimed at theperson next to you and you
thought it was for you.
It wasn't.
Speaker 2 (24:10):
Right.
So I also have a friend and heabsolutely gave me permission to
use this.
You know we you had sent me afew voice clips when we talked
about this for an episode.
Speaker 1 (24:25):
As examples.
Speaker 2 (24:26):
As examples, as examples uh, for an episode.
As examples, as examples, asexamples.
Well, he feels the way that Ithink a lot of gen xers do, um,
you know, in our 40s and 50s,right now, he, he, his biggest
advice is don't buy a house,don't buy into the white picket
fence dream, don't't go intodebt for it.
(24:47):
Don't, you know, live aboveyour means for it.
And his big thing is if youdon't want to have kids, don't
feel pressured for it.
If you want to build your ownlife, you know, go be happy, go
do what makes you happy, worktowards being happy.
Because if you work towardssomething that is a cookie
(25:07):
cutter lifestyle, let's say, youknow, the kids, the house, the
dog, the nine to five job typeof thing, if that's not what you
truly want, deep down, it'sgoing to kill you slowly yeah,
because sometimes other peoplewant that for you.
Speaker 1 (25:22):
Right, right, well, and we're conditioned for it.
We are conditioned.
You know when are you?
Speaker 2 (25:26):
getting married?
When are you having childrengoing to college?
Speaker 1 (25:27):
are you getting married?
When are you having children?
Are you going to college?
Are you going to college?
When are you going to get afull-time job?
Yeah, when are you going to geta new car?
Speaker 2 (25:32):
Oh, I found this nice house down the street that you
guys could, you know, buy, andyou know, go get a loan and go
get this, yeah, and things likeman, just live within your means
.
Buy the shitbox car that youcan pay cash for for now, you
know, work towards somethingbigger than just a car and a
(25:53):
house and things like that.
Speaker 1 (25:54):
Stop trying to impress somebody else.
Speaker 2 (25:56):
Stop trying to keep up with the Johnsons.
Speaker 1 (25:59):
With the Joneses.
Come on now.
So we had talked about this toobefore.
Is it used to be that if youlived in a van down by the river
, you were considered a dirtbike, and now people are going
hey, this set me free now thevans are 250 000.
Speaker 2 (26:16):
There's that and the river spots are all taken, but
there's a lot of people, yeah,and they cost, yeah, a hundred
dollars a train that goes bythem so there, there's a lot of
people, though, that are tryingto get themselves out from under
these mortgages.
Speaker 1 (26:31):
Right, and you know it all starts with who can I
impress?
You don't have to impressanybody you're not out.
You're not here to impressanybody.
If you want to help somebodyelse, that's wonderful, but
you're not here to impressanybody else.
And so there are a lot ofpeople who are saying, to hell
with this, I'm not gonna workmyself to death, um, just to
show off to somebody else.
Speaker 2 (26:52):
Yeah, provide for the lifestyle that you want right
absolutely because no one elseis here.
I mean, I think we've talkedabout this for before.
Nobody else actually isinvested in your happiness,
right?
No one else.
You have to make yourself happyand if you're living a life
where every morning you wake upand go, why the hell am I doing
(27:14):
this?
Why are you doing it?
Why are you doing it?
Change it.
Yeah, there are somecircumstances that are dumped on
people that they have nocontrol over.
Right, you have to survive,right I mean you do you have to
survive.
Right, I mean you do you have tosurvive, but there's always
that you know, that hope, like Ihave 10 more years until you
know all the kids are grown andadults.
(27:35):
So in 10 years I'm going tohave enough money for my RV.
That.
Speaker 3 (27:39):
I want.
Speaker 1 (27:40):
Yeah, you know things like that, I'm going to go work
where I want to work, I'll haveenough money to do whatever.
Yeah, I agree with you on that,and we have to remember that
our experiences, our goals, thethings that are important to us,
aren't always important tosomebody else, and we can't
really expect them to be, and soif they're not, that's okay.
(28:02):
There's no big deal about that.
Speaker 2 (28:09):
So, dr Domain, any other comments from you related
to that?
He, he's been pretty quiet.
Speaker 1 (28:12):
He has been quiet, hasn't he?
Are you still awake over there?
Speaker 3 (28:14):
yeah, I'm awake, you're awake so anything else?
I mean think about your kids.
I would tell my younger selfwell, think about even your kids
what would you tell your kidsthat you know?
Speaker 2 (28:24):
or because I mean, they're basically your younger
self, just really warpedversions.
That's how I see it.
Like, this is me.
If I did not, ever.
Speaker 3 (28:34):
You're kind of putting yourself up there you
know bobby well part of it isknowing what I know now, which
is not really fair in terms oftrying to say, well, I should do
this, or I tell myself to dothat, if I would have known the
life expectancy my parents Iwould have spent every moment I
could with them.
Speaker 1 (28:53):
Yeah, I'd have been a better daughter, for sure.
Speaker 2 (28:55):
I think we all have that certain people in our lives
better for me would have been,you know, more quality time yeah
and it could be as simple assitting, you know, with my
parents, or listening to them oranything like that, going to
dinner once a week.
Speaker 3 (29:10):
I credit my parents for teaching me a lot of life
lessons and really molded meinto who I am today, but still I
wish I would have spent moretime with them.
Speaker 1 (29:22):
Yeah, I didn't like some of the lessons I was taught
, for sure, but they'vecertainly come in handy and they
have certainly been somethingthat I've tried to share with my
own kids to say you know,hopefully this will make you a
better person, hopefully thiswill protect you in life I don't
(29:44):
know.
Speaker 3 (29:44):
Yeah, they were all lessons but, not once did my
parents lie to me.
So maybe Santa life, I don'tknow.
Yeah, they were all lessons.
Speaker 2 (29:50):
But not once did my parents lie to me.
Speaker 3 (29:51):
So maybe, santa, I was gonna say like no, real, I
mean like real substantialthings in life like this is
gonna hurt but it's for your owngood yeah I get tired of
hearing that yeah, I mean my mymother disassembled the
relationship I had with someone,and at that time, as you know,
a young person 15, 16, 17 yearsold.
(30:13):
You're like you have no kindwords.
Speaker 2 (30:17):
Yeah.
Speaker 3 (30:19):
You have nothing nice to say.
You think that that person'sthe worst person on the planet.
But as I look back at what mymom did, yeah, she was right.
Speaker 1 (30:30):
She was totally spot on.
She was totally spot on.
It was hard though, yeah, butalso I think that, you know, if
I have an enemy, it's notnecessarily my kids' enemy, and
I don't mean enemy, but ifthere's somebody that I just
disagree with and it depends onwhat I disagree with them on,
but if I'm in disagreement withsomebody, there's somebody that
I just disagree with, and itdepends on what I disagree with
them on.
But if I'm in disagreement withsomething, somebody I don't
(30:53):
necessarily want or need my kidsit's not misery loves company I
don't need them to hate thatperson too or dislike that it
wasn't a matter of disagreementlike, oh, they don't like the
color blue and I really like thecolor blue it wasn't anything
nothing superficial like that oreven
Speaker 2 (31:08):
politics you know it was talking about like your
first heartbreak yeah, this ismore what like like your first,
like girlfriend, and they saiddon't do that, that's not good
son, we forbid you.
Speaker 3 (31:21):
Yeah, well, I think I think the advantage that my
parents had, my mother inparticular, was that she had
gotten to know the parents ofthis person and the lifestyle
they were leading.
And you know, we're kind of apart of that, we're a product of
our upbringing to some extentwhich we just talked about, and
(31:44):
she could kind of see thewriting on the wall on the
direction that they were takingtheir daughter, and so that's
kind of what led her to do whatshe did.
Speaker 2 (31:55):
Now was it my decision?
No, yeah, it was ultimately mydecision.
Speaker 3 (32:00):
Do I make it easy on me?
No, yeah.
But now I look back and I seethat person.
I'm like yeah, that was not thepath.
Speaker 2 (32:07):
I wanted to go down, but you have to give yourself
some grace, because at 15, 16,17 years old, that probably is
the worst pain, the worst thingthat had happened to you at that
point on that emotional level.
So, I mean, you know, you lookback and you're like, oh, I've
gone through worse.
Yeah, you have now, but at 15,16, 17, that was the end of the
(32:28):
world.
Speaker 1 (32:28):
Right, you don't know the worst that's coming.
Speaker 2 (32:31):
You don't, you don't and you think this is just the
most horrible thing ever.
This is going to end my entirelife and I'll never be happy.
Speaker 3 (32:44):
And I remember telling my kids that's one thing
, sorry, that's one thing, thatwhen I look at that experience
that I had that that little lifelessons and in retrospect it
was small compared to everythingelse, it it really just said
yeah screw you, you know I'mdone listening to my mom and dad
.
Yeah, right, yeah, I mean youget to that point, you're like
they don't know anything yeah, Imean they don't have this
(33:04):
figured out you don't know me,mom, but now yeah, so it's kind
of I'm.
I'm trying to go back to thepart that you asked me about,
and that is I would I'd have to.
I'd have to set that aside andhave to go spend more time with
my mom and dad yeah, I thinkthat would be super important.
It's hard.
Speaker 1 (33:24):
I can say that easily now, but back then, oh, that
would have been a hard pill toswallow, to be able to put that
down, yeah yeah, I I think onething that was uh difficult as a
parent, and I'm sure it wasdifficult as a child, when bobby
and her sister were growing up,is I remember them saying you
can't tell me who to hang outwith, you can't tell me who my
friends are.
Speaker 2 (33:44):
Yeah, I can well okay , let's set the scene, because
we were kicked out at dawn andlet in at dark.
But yeah, I mean there if wegot caught with certain friends
there was definitely an asswhooping coming, but so let me
just tell you when all theneighborhood kids hung out
together.
You know there was some some inthere, that you know there were
(34:05):
.
Speaker 1 (34:05):
But you know, she says we were kicked out at dawn
and brought back in at dark.
You think I didn't know whereyou were.
Are you on crack?
I hope not today.
Speaker 2 (34:18):
The amount of times that she would show up at
someone's door and I'm like, howdid you know?
I mean, there's 53 bikes in thefront yard, but how did?
Speaker 1 (34:27):
you know, or or she would you know.
One of one of the two would sayyou know, how did you know that
happened?
How did you know we did that?
How did you know I knew whereyou were and and the whole thing
was was?
I would always tell these girlsit doesn't matter what you do,
I put my parents through a hellof a lot worse.
Yeah, so you bring it on andthey did try, but I think that
(34:51):
was really hard for a young kid,is to say you're not going to
hang out with that person.
Speaker 2 (34:56):
Well, because basically, as a parent, you're
looking at your child and sayingI I don't trust your judgment
right now, and neither shouldyou.
So, you're asking someone who'salready going through a
difficult time in their lifewith puberty and everything else
and finding themselves to lookat themselves and say you can't
trust your own judgment.
Speaker 1 (35:15):
So let me ask you this as an adult what would you
tell your younger self as anadult?
That is different.
It would be different than well, we just talked about.
Speaker 2 (35:26):
I do.
I have three big things that Iwould tell myself.
Okay.
Number one is uh, as long asyou think forever is half that
and then divide that by 20 andit's still not as long as you're
actually going to have.
And I say that you know about,you think you're going to have
forever with this person, or youthink you're going to have
forever to do this.
(35:46):
Forever is not that long.
It is not as long as you thinkit is.
So you know, just remember that, because you're you think that
as, especially as a kid, foreveris forever.
You know, you think 40 is oldand you think 80 is ancient type
of thing.
But yeah, I mean, you gotta,you gotta cut that way, way down
(36:08):
, and that's still not smallenough as to to how how much
forever actually that's a goodpoint, meaning we just don't
have the time that we know, wedo so what does that mean?
Just live it up live it up butalso whatever else you want well
, it's more about other people,it's more about people that you
really care about.
You think that you always havethat forever.
Speaker 1 (36:30):
Yeah, and it's not as long as you think.
Speaker 2 (36:34):
Even if they live to be a ripe old age.
It's still not as long as youthink.
It's not as long as you need.
It's not as long as you want.
Speaker 1 (36:48):
There's a saying out there this too shall pass, this
too shall pass, yeah, and somepeople think that's biblical.
I don't think it is.
Is it dr domain?
I don't believe that it is, butthis I think it's just
motivational but what that meansisn't that you're in a bad
situation, and this too shallpass.
Speaker 2 (36:59):
You could be in a good situation and it will will
pass, and this too shall pass.
Speaker 1 (37:03):
Just be prepared.
You're not going to be able toride that wave all the time.
Speaker 2 (37:08):
Yeah, and my second one is something my dad told me
when I was a late teenager.
Oh, this ought to beinteresting.
So, my dad, great guy Anybodythat doesn't know him he's a
really good guy.
Something that he said to mewhen I was younger was it him
(37:30):
he's a really good guy.
Um, something that he said tome when I was younger was it
doesn't matter if it's for sixdays or six months or six years,
if you want to do something, doit, just go do it.
If you last six days, good youdid it.
If you last six months, goodyou did it.
You're not going to have thatregret of looking back and going
oh man, man, when I was 23, Ishould have done this.
Yeah, you know, and I havelived by that quite a bit in my
life and it has afforded me notonly to do some things that I
(37:52):
want, but it's also afforded meto get out of some very, very
volatile and dangeroussituations.
Because it's you know, you lookat it six days, even if you
have to look at it for six hours.
Hey, I went and did this forsix hours and I never thought I
would.
You know, you kind of just giveyourself the strength to say I'm
just going to do it andwhatever happens happens.
Speaker 1 (38:14):
I right now am down here at the other end of the
studio trying to get past thefact that she just described her
father as being such awonderful, great guy.
If anybody knows him, he's awonderful guy.
I've heard you talk about me,bobby, and you.
Speaker 2 (38:28):
You say she's I like your mullet weirdo, I don't have
a mullet I got it.
I like your mullet though stopit it's better than your 80s one
.
Speaker 1 (38:38):
So I got my hair cut.
I got about seven or 8 inchescut off and so it's shorter and
it's kind of a shag and she goesoh, that's a mullet.
See, that's the nicest thingyou can say about me.
Speaker 2 (38:50):
It's short in front, it's short on the sides and it's
all party in the back.
It is not.
Speaker 1 (38:55):
It's the same length on the side.
You, bonehead Gosh, get yourglasses checked and plus, if I
was, was gonna ask anybody aboutfashion it wouldn't be me.
Gotta be honest with you itwouldn't be.
Speaker 2 (39:08):
Look, I said it looked good.
It does it looks good.
But I gotta go on your list.
Last one, I have to give youcrap.
You know, I gotta, I gottaknock you down a few pegs your
dad is a nice, nice guy.
Speaker 1 (39:21):
There's no doubt about it.
He's a good guy and he's been agood father for you kids.
Speaker 2 (39:26):
Absolutely so.
My biggest one is as a kid, andof course you know everything
we went through as a kid andeverything like that is.
Your parents are still growing.
They're doing everything thatthey're doing for the first time
.
There's no instruction manual,but at the same time, you need
(39:50):
to put it down.
What does that mean?
Put it down, you're a kid, putit down that's not yours to
carry.
Speaker 1 (39:53):
I see what you're saying.
You're talking about any typeof uh, a hereditary type of
hereditary emotional things likethat you know during your
guys's divorce.
Speaker 2 (40:05):
I shouldered a lot.
I did, yeah, and a lot of itwas because you were going
through this for the first time,right, you know, and I was
around you a lot and I I feltthat emotion because you know I
would see you cry, I would seeyou break down, I would see you
go.
How am I would see you go?
How am I going to do this?
I mean, I never saw you give up, that's for sure, but at the
(40:25):
same time as a kid, put it down.
Man, yeah, put it down.
I remember the adults handlethe adult things and go outside
and be a damn kid.
Speaker 1 (40:34):
It was tough on you kids and I remember your, your
sister, making a comment commentto me later on in life.
She said you know, the hardestpart for me, mom was watching
you go through this, becausehere was the strongest woman I
had ever met in my entire lifeand you were falling apart.
So she said where did thatleave me?
(40:54):
Yeah, where did that leavebobby?
Yep, and I never even thoughtabout it that way because to me
I I was losing my husband.
To you guys, your father wasstill going to be there.
Speaker 2 (41:04):
Right.
Speaker 1 (41:05):
So to me it wasn't as big a loss, Right.
Speaker 2 (41:07):
Because, I'm self-centered.
Speaker 1 (41:08):
Right and um but, that's how it was?
Speaker 2 (41:11):
because you were just me.
You were grieving someone.
Speaker 1 (41:13):
But you guys saw me break down and it scared you.
Speaker 3 (41:18):
Yeah, and she said we were scared.
Speaker 1 (41:19):
Oh yeah, and she said we were scared.
Speaker 2 (41:20):
Oh yeah, we were scared.
Speaker 1 (41:21):
When we saw you break down, we were scared.
Speaker 2 (41:24):
Yeah, because we knew that shit had hit the fan.
Speaker 1 (41:26):
Yeah, and so I think that's a great lesson for people
who are going through thesethings.
You know going through adivorce or separation or
(41:46):
something is to understand.
You know what kind of impact itdoes have on the kids.
It isn't just oh, I didn't callhim a name or I didn't say
anything bad in front of him.
It's what your kids see of youand then what you turn into
because of it.
Speaker 2 (41:51):
And, boy, if I could do that over again there's and
there's a lot of things that wecould say, that if we could do
it over again, but in the endyou know it's who we are yeah
it's who we are.
It's why I raised my kids theway I raise them.
You know, I learned a lot ofgood lessons from a lot of the
trauma of the past and I don'tthink that I would be in the
(42:13):
position today that I'm in.
I think I would be much worseoff if I didn't go through those
things.
Speaker 1 (42:19):
Yeah, if I didn't know I think you're a smart cat
and I think that you've learneda lot and I think that you've
experienced a lot andunfortunately, good or bad, yeah
, you know.
Whatever, I think it has madeyou who you are.
And you know, people look at usand say you guys are such
strong women.
No, we're not.
No, no, we're not.
We tear apart inside just likeanybody else.
(42:42):
Oh yeah, and you know myfeelings can be hurt at the drop
of a hat, and so can yours, andwe just don't show it.
We've become not numb to it.
We're not numb and we're notstrong, so let's just keep that
out there in the forefront.
Speaker 2 (42:58):
Well, I think that we are strong.
I think that we just don'tchoose to be strong Like in the
forefront.
Well, I think that we arestrong.
I think that we just we don'tchoose to be strong like it's
not something that we go out andseek, it's not something that's
like a badge of honor to us,it's something that we were
forced to do I think we go intoprotection mode.
Speaker 1 (43:10):
Yeah, you know that's what we do, but I do like I do
let my kids see emotions.
Speaker 2 (43:15):
I do let them, you know, see that there are
difficulties but there are waysout.
Speaker 3 (43:22):
Yeah, you know we're going to go through it, but it's
completely okay to break downthings like that.
Speaker 2 (43:28):
But yeah, honestly I would.
I would go back and I would say, man, put them damn bags down,
they're not yours to carry.
That's a good advice.
Please go be a kid.
Please go be a kid.
Speaker 1 (43:39):
I want to end this with a quick list here.
Number one, not necessarily inthis order, but nothing turns
out.
How you plan, you know there'sa saying that says you know you
want to share your plan with God.
That'll give him a good laugh.
Being your authentic self isscary, but it's more fulfilling
(43:59):
than trying to fit in.
Speaker 2 (44:00):
That's like Dr Domain said yeah, absolutely, just be
who you are.
It was never an emo phase.
Right, it's who I am Noteverybody's going to like you.
Speaker 1 (44:09):
No, and it's not personal, it's not really
against you.
They're just not going to likeyou.
Speaker 2 (44:14):
Not everybody likes bacon, you know what?
Oh yeah.
Speaker 1 (44:19):
She's not mine.
Also, your experience and yourskill are valuable, but not to
everybody.
So let's just face it they arevaluable, just not always to
everybody else.
There's no right way to do mostthings with your life.
There's a lot of multipledifferent ways to do it, and
some may be right, some may bewrong.
(44:39):
It's up to you to experiencelife.
Also, love isn't something thatyou need to be afraid to give,
and you don't need to be afraidto get yeah um always remember
quality over quantity.
Speaker 2 (44:55):
You talked about that , bobby oh yeah, that's why I
got like three friends.
But I'm telling you what onephone call and any one of them
would be up at that jail withbail money going.
Hey where are we going to eat?
Speaker 1 (45:06):
and always remember that nobody is as critical of
you as you are of yourself, thatlittle voice in your head.
Speaker 2 (45:14):
We need to lay that down mine sounds like my mom oh
my gosh I always really what,what's going on with this here?
Speaker 1 (45:22):
What's going on with this here?
What's going on with this?
Speaker 2 (45:24):
Why are we doing this here, when we could be doing
this?
Speaker 1 (45:29):
Yeah, yeah, okay.
Well, I think that's probablyall we've got for today, and we
really appreciate those who didrespond to us to this question,
and thank you for that, but wedo want to hear from other
people, don't we?
Speaker 2 (45:43):
Absolutely, and if we didn't reach out to you this
episode, trust me, we've gotplenty more time to reach out to
you for some other questions.
Speaker 3 (45:50):
For some episodes You're not safe.
Don't try to hide, you are notsafe and we know where you live.
Speaker 2 (45:54):
That's right.
That is all the insanity thatwe have for today.
We do appreciate you joining ushere at the Rabbit Hole studio.
Be sure to follow us, becausewe look forward to spending time
with you each and every week.
Please like us.
If you have positive feedback,or if you have a comment, a
question, a topic any of those,you can drop us a short email at
(46:16):
boomer and gen X or at gmailcom.
And if you have hate Mel, well,I mean, send that to little me,
cause I'm sure she'd enjoyreading it.
She'd just tear it up or colorover it.
Little emo Bobby.
Speaker 1 (46:27):
That's right.
Speaker 2 (46:28):
Until next week.
I'm Bobby Joy and I'm Jane Burt, and you're stuck with us.
Peace out Later.
well, well, well, welcome everyone to today's show
.
Boomer and a gen x are walkingto a bar, coming to you from the
rabbit hole studio, where you,as our listeners, will
experience some wit and wisdom,some smart assery and a mother
and a daughter questioning.
Are we even related?
My name is jane burr, myco-host is my daughter, bobbi,
(00:26):
and for the next I don't knowfew minutes we're going to
entertain you, if we can keepBobbi awake, because she has
been working double shifts,triple shifts and shift shifts.
Bobbi how you doing.
I'm tired, I know.
I see that you came moping inlike I don't know, like
Methuselah and bad sandals, Idon't know.
Speaker 2 (00:48):
I don't know, like a spider in flip flops trying to
be quiet.
Yeah, that was kind of it.
Speaker 1 (00:53):
And then she had to get something to drink, so I'm
not really sure what she'sdrinking down there.
Speaker 2 (00:58):
It's just an energy drink.
An energy drink, oh, is that amonster drink?
It's a monster Monster import.
Speaker 1 (01:05):
Ah, I see, so did you get some new bubble gum.
Speaker 2 (01:09):
I did.
I did this lovely old ladywho's out of her freaking mind
travels the country andsometimes out of the country,
and she brings me these littletrinkets.
Speaker 3 (01:21):
These little knick knacks.
Speaker 1 (01:23):
These little bobbles Little souvenirs.
Speaker 2 (01:26):
And this last one is, uh, cat butt gum, cat butt gum,
and I can't see.
The thing is I don't want toopen it because I can't reseal
it, but I'm kind of curious ifit actually looks like a little
cat buttholes.
Speaker 1 (01:40):
That would be funny, wouldn't it?
I don't think the only way Iwant it I don't think it does,
because I got scum gum, becausesomehow I well, you know, I got
those bob ross mints and theywere trees.
Speaker 2 (01:53):
They were shaped like happy little trees.
Speaker 1 (01:55):
Yeah, I didn't know that.
Yeah, I want some of those,that was years ago that I got
those oh my gosh, they werelittle trees, little trees.
I wonder if you can still getthem.
Speaker 2 (02:05):
I'm sure you could somewhere on eBay.
That's kind of cool, I thinkthat's kind of cool.
Speaker 1 (02:10):
Well, anyway, we're glad that you're awake, bobby,
and hopefully you can stay awake.
You can your chicken maybe,what's that chicken's name?
Speaker 2 (02:19):
Today his name is Persephone.
Speaker 1 (02:23):
Jeminy Christmas.
Speaker 2 (02:25):
You know why?
Because he doesn't know.
Speaker 1 (02:28):
He's not going to come to it anyway.
Speaker 2 (02:29):
He's not like come here.
He's not coming.
He's not running towards you.
Even if he could, he doesn'thave no ears.
Perfect example.
Speaker 1 (02:40):
And I'm not sure where his wings are.
They seem to be kind ofembedded underneath his little
t-shirt there.
Speaker 2 (02:46):
Well, they're in his vest.
They're just little, teeny,tiny chicken wings.
Oh, look at that little chickenwings.
Looks like I'm at B-dubs rightnow with them, tiny wings.
Speaker 1 (02:56):
So what do you want to talk about today, Bobby Well?
Speaker 2 (02:59):
today I thought that we kind of put some questions
out to some personal people.
I know I did in my life.
Speaker 1 (03:07):
I did too.
Speaker 2 (03:07):
I'm sure you did in your life, about things like you
know, advice that we would giveour younger selves.
Or you know something that wewould say knowing now what we
didn't know, then you know toour, to our younger selves Now
that we're so much wiser and somuch more intelligent and I say
I don't say wiser.
Speaker 1 (03:26):
I say, now that we're more experienced, we say wise
ass here, that's what we are butyeah, we're more experienced,
we're older, we we think we're alittle bit wiser, but sometimes
we're just wise, no absolutely.
Speaker 2 (03:38):
I have no idea what I'm doing to this day.
Yeah, I'm almost 45 and I'mjust winging it every day, every
single day, every single dayyou have no plan, no plan.
Speaker 1 (03:48):
You're just happy to get up and be able to walk.
Whatever happens happens.
Well, you know, living in themoment, I guess you are.
So we did, yeah, we asked a fewof our people that we know and
also some of our listeners thatare kind of the ones that really
contact us a lot, you know, andrespond to us a lot.
(04:08):
So we really appreciate thatand we're really looking for you
to respond to us too as itrelates to this particular topic
.
So the question is if you couldtalk to your younger self and
I'm going to take it indifferent stages here If you
could talk to your younger self,what advice or what information
(04:29):
would you give to yourself?
And so I'm going to let youstart with one, bobby, what
would you tell your younger self?
And let's say, as a kid inschool?
Speaker 2 (04:41):
Well, I mean that's a huge range.
Speaker 1 (04:44):
That's like a 13 range?
It is, so are we talking like?
Speaker 2 (04:47):
comprehend, like we can comprehend, that this is a
life lesson type thing like a 10to 16 years old.
Yeah, hey, I'm not setting therules, okay you have no
boundaries, and are you wanting,like me, to throw one out first
, or do you want me to read oneof my?
Speaker 1 (05:02):
I want you to throw one out for you first.
Speaker 2 (05:05):
Okay for me first.
Honestly, the the one that mybody tells me every day is you
got to learn how to duck kid,because your 44 year old body
regrets so many things that youdid that.
Speaker 1 (05:22):
I mean they were fun at the time, but you only get
one body and it hurts I supposewhen you say you got to learn to
duck I I'm thinking back ofwhen your sister clotheslined
you when you were on athree-wheeler right yep, and
then running into the fence onthe three-wheeler, flipping
backwards on the three-wheeler.
Speaker 2 (05:39):
There was a lot of stuff on that three-wheeler.
Speaker 1 (05:41):
I remember you had it , yeah and I remember your dad
built you guys a two-story uh,well, it was a playhouse.
Speaker 2 (05:50):
It was a playhouse, but it turned into fall out of
the window.
Speaker 1 (05:53):
Oh yeah yeah, off the roof, out of the window
absolutely absolutely I rememberpeople would go, oh my gosh,
she's climbing a tree, or oryour sister was climbing a tree.
Aren't you gonna stop them?
No, no, I mean, why would I?
First of all, how are theygoing to learn to do that stuff?
And it's fun.
I remember climbing trees.
It was fun, and you know, ifyou can't figure it out, well,
(06:15):
you know, if you fall hard,you're only going to do it once.
Speaker 2 (06:26):
And you did have that helmet phase that you went
through.
Speaker 1 (06:27):
Well, I mean, you know it uh yeah, there's so many
holes and things in my body soyou would have to learn how to
duck, because your body isfeeling it now.
Speaker 2 (06:33):
Oh yeah yeah, you only get one body.
You gotta gotta kind of takecare of it.
I mean, have fun and everythingbut man, take care of your body
, it hurts yeah, it does, itdoes.
Speaker 1 (06:43):
And I remember, uh, my brother, one of my brothers,
had made a comment one time.
He said you know, I wake upevery day and everything hurts.
And now I realize what he'stalking about because that time
I didn't, I was still playingsoftball, I was still doing
every, I mean just everythingrunning, doing everything, and I
and I just didn't hurt.
(07:04):
And he said you know, it hurtsevery single day.
Speaker 2 (07:06):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (07:07):
And yeah, that's kind of funny.
So what about you, Dr Domain?
Have you thought about thissubject at all?
Speaker 3 (07:15):
No, I live my life with no regrets.
You live your life with noregerts, okay.
Just like my tattoo says.
Speaker 1 (07:24):
That's right, that's right, that's right.
Speaker 3 (07:26):
No, I would say probably as difficult as to be
authentic.
I think it's more fulfillingthan trying to fit in with the
crowd.
So that's probably it.
Speaker 1 (07:37):
Just being you, yeah, yeah, being authentic.
Speaker 3 (07:39):
I think there's a certain aspect of it where I try
to fit in and just kind of gowith the crowd and everything
like that.
Speaker 1 (07:44):
Yeah, not totally.
Speaker 3 (07:46):
but there were times I'm like, yeah, this is BS, I
shouldn't have done it this way.
Speaker 1 (07:49):
I think as a kid we had and not even just a kid, but
we had a lot of peer pressure,right?
I?
Speaker 2 (07:54):
mean, well, it wasn't just peer pressure, it's
societal pressure too.
You've got pressure at schoolto you know, line up and fit and
yeah you have to wear theseshoes and these clothes and
carry this kind of backpack andhave a lisa frank trapper,
keeper and yeah, yeah, lisafrank yeah, it's my time oh, I'm
(08:16):
, it's the folders and trapperswith all like the rainbow
unicorn, you know bright colorsshit on it.
Okay.
Speaker 1 (08:28):
So we didn't have any of that, did we, Dr Doman?
We had grocery sacks that wehad to wrap our books in, you
know.
Speaker 2 (08:33):
Well, we did too the brown paper bags, but I'm
talking, like you know, thetrapper keepers.
Speaker 3 (08:38):
With our stick and our knapsack.
Speaker 1 (08:40):
That's with your hobo stick, and we didn't have any
shoes, you know, untilwintertime.
Speaker 2 (08:45):
You had your one apple in there for lunch, that's
right.
Speaker 1 (08:53):
You laugh, but that's not too far from the truth,
sister.
So yeah, I think a lot ofpeople look back now and it
doesn't matter what age maybenot when we were in grade school
, but even in our 20s, 30s, andif you're in your 40s yet, or
even older, there is a part of a, a part of me anyway, that says
, man, I wish I would have beenmore authentic and just really
just been me.
Um, I will say, one of thebiggest regrets I ever had and I
(09:16):
wish, I wish I could have if Ihad any regrets, this would be
it.
I was a liar to be a liar aboutlying.
Speaker 2 (09:24):
So you had liabilities.
Speaker 1 (09:25):
I had liabilities, you just lie for no reason Not
just liabilities.
I had liabilities and it'sinteresting because I was the
last of seven kids.
I wasn't listened to.
Sometimes I felt like I had tomake up lies to you know, get
attention.
And then it just got bigger andbadder and I remember even in
my 20s and 30s I was still lying, I was lying, I'm lying out my
(09:48):
lion pie hole all the time andit was about stupid stuff yeah,
just meaningless stuff like whyare?
you even lying about that, yeahyeah, I mean, you know where'd
you get those shoes?
You know well, I got themmart,but I'm going to tell you that I
got them at Macy's.
Speaker 2 (10:04):
Right.
Speaker 1 (10:05):
And it's just.
It was stupid stuff and a lotof it was to fit in.
It was to fit in and, you know,be a part of the cool kid crowd
, I guess.
But, if I could tell myself onething, it would be you know,
just be true to myself, and Idon't have to lie to anybody.
The truth is the truth.
(10:27):
And and um, that would probablybe my biggest regret in life
and what I would tell myself.
Okay, All right so you askedsome of your friends or you
asked some folks that you knew Idid and, uh, tell us about one
of them.
Speaker 2 (10:39):
So overwhelmingly.
All of them said basically towork harder.
So work harder towards what youwant.
Work harder towards your goals,just work harder in general.
So one of them, and of coursewe're going to stay anonymous
here, but one of them, my friend.
He said that he would tellhimself not to grow up so fast.
(11:00):
You know, I think we all dokind of feel that we all want to
be so big as kids and then yeahwe get here and we go oh no,
this.
Speaker 1 (11:08):
No, no, no, no, no, no, no.
Pump the brakes.
Yeah, yeah, I went out.
Let me off at the next stop um.
Speaker 2 (11:15):
But he also said to just enjoy your life while
you're young, because the stress, the anxiety, you know
everything's going to hit youharder than you could even
imagine when you grow up.
Speaker 1 (11:27):
That's a good point.
Speaker 2 (11:29):
Another one that a lot of them said was you have to
pick people you trust in yourlife more carefully, because the
closer they are to you, thecloser they you know, the more
they can hurt you.
Speaker 1 (11:40):
Yeah, and not only that, but you are who you hang
with, and I used to tell youkids that and you never go by
association it isn't just guiltby association.
You know, I think I used totell you guys that you stink the
stank of of those that you hangwith yeah, I mean, the one bad
apple in a barrel can ruin thebunch and it can and and people
(12:01):
go.
Well, don't let it.
Well, it does and it's a loteasier to conform to negativity
and to the to the bad side thanit is to the good side.
And that's unfortunate, uh,because if you think about
people that you work with orpeople that you know, if you're
around a negative person, uh,for any length of time, you tend
(12:23):
to become negative.
When you're around a lot ofpositive people, or a few
positive people, you tend tomake fun of them because they're
positive.
Speaker 2 (12:33):
I was going to say now, yeah, if I'm at work or
something and somebody's youknow being really negative, I
kick that up a notch, I willfind it and be like hey what are
you doing?
Why are you cranky?
Oh, okay, okay, and then I'mjust gonna make it worse.
Speaker 1 (12:49):
Yeah, yeah but um, yeah, I I think that uh, I'm I'm
kind of puzzled by workingharder yeah, a lot of them did
you know.
Speaker 2 (12:58):
Just work harder towards what you want.
Yeah, you know, and I think alot of it is.
You're young, you have thoseopportunities in front of you.
Your body's hopefully notbreaking down by that point.
You're.
You're at your prime, you're atyour peak.
You're.
You're going into, you know, abig part of your life where
you're going to make decisionsthat are going to affect you.
(13:18):
You know, 10, 20, 30 yearslater, yeah.
So you know work harder, Makesure your body is in shape, Make
sure your life is in shape,Make sure that you know you're
working towards a goal, ratherthan just kind of doing whatever
you want.
Speaker 1 (13:34):
Do you think that some people look at that and go?
Well, you're being very selfish, then, because all you're
thinking about is just you.
No no, you don't think thatthey do, because well, I mean,
they might get that impressionsometimes that you know, if I
said, hey, listen, I can't dothat with you, I am working on
this goal, I really need to dothis.
Speaker 2 (13:53):
Sometimes you get a little bit of retaliatory um
effects from that, I think yeah,well, and that kind of goes
along with what I tell the kidsall the time, and that's you
know, when they're havingproblems, they're focusing on
themselves, type of thing, andthey say, well, this person said
this or this person's negative.
Are they paying your bills?
Speaker 1 (14:13):
Right.
Speaker 2 (14:13):
Are they going to be paying your bills in the future?
Speaker 1 (14:15):
Right.
Speaker 2 (14:16):
Are they here supporting you every day.
Do, does anything that they'regoing to do or say, have an
actual outcome on your liferight if the answer is no, who
cares?
Speaker 1 (14:26):
and I've always had that mindset too.
I've always said you know,unless, unless they're paying
your bills or sleeping with you,they get no I don't even care
if they're sleeping with you.
Speaker 2 (14:35):
I mean no say in my life, no, get no say in my life,
no, unless it's, you know, likea marriage type thing.
Speaker 1 (14:41):
Yeah, yeah, sure, and then you know, I think the
other thing and you kidsprobably don't remember all
these little things that I usedto say to you was you know when,
when we're talking about makingsomething happen, you know if,
if, yeah, if you want it badenough, you'll make it happen.
If you don't, you'll you'llmake excuses.
Yeah, and that's the way lifeis.
If you want it bad enough folks, you will want it.
(15:03):
Bad enough folks, you will makeit happen.
If you don't, you will makeexcuses.
It's always somebody else'sfault, it's always some other
condition, it's always someother situation.
Speaker 2 (15:15):
You want it, bad enough, you'll get it.
I get that and I do, and I canhalf support that, but I do kind
of change it up with everythingthat.
I've been through.
It's not if you want it badenough, you'll make it happen,
because shit actually doeshappen.
If you want it bad enough, youwill work every day towards
making it happen yeah, no,whether or not it happens, I
(15:36):
mean, you can.
Speaker 1 (15:37):
You can tear it apart however you want to.
Speaker 2 (15:39):
Well, but it's kind of different, because I mean
you're saying it like if youwant it bad enough, come hell or
high water, you're going tomake it happen.
Well, that's not alwaysplausible, because there is hell
and high water that willprevent you from doing things,
whether it's physically,mentally, you know things like
that.
But if you work every day forthat goal to make it happen,
(16:01):
then I mean you're not going tohave any regrets about it.
Speaker 1 (16:05):
Yeah, and you know, to kind of go further with that
is you know, if I said I want tobe a millionaire by the time
that I'm 30, you know, and Iwork towards that and I work
hard towards it, right, maybeI've got $500,000 in the bank
and not a million.
Speaker 2 (16:21):
Right.
Speaker 1 (16:21):
I'm still successful.
Right, I didn't make excusesalong the way.
I will settle for what myoutcome is.
Yeah, is is what I'm saying,but I'm gonna work at it along
the way.
You're absolutely right, andI'm one for writing down plans.
I do it all the time.
When I was building this house,uh, that was scary because I had
(16:43):
never done that by myselfbefore, I had never bought
property.
Well, I had bought property,but I had never bought a house
and done the things that I didto this property and built a
house before.
And I was here every single dayand I wrote out a plan and I
said I will do something everysingle day for the success of
(17:05):
this house.
Now, it's not a fancy house,it's a nice enough house,
nothing fancy.
But what I did was every singleday I was at this house.
The builders got so sick of meand I know how to read
mechanical drawings.
I know how to read.
You know any type of electricaldrawings.
I know how to read.
You know any type of electricaldrawings.
I know how to read all of thatstuff.
And so I was probably theirbiggest pain in the ass.
(17:29):
Go figure, go figure.
But here's what's interesting.
I had a vision in my head, fromeverything that was going to be
on the floors to everythingthat was going to be on the
walls and every piece offurniture and this house.
Came out exactly what was in myhead.
Well, you screwed up Because Imade it happen.
Oh, because you're cold in thebasement sometimes.
Speaker 2 (17:51):
Because it's freezing in the basement.
Oh, you're such a woman.
It's hot and humid on the mainfloor.
Speaker 1 (17:56):
It is not it's like 10 steps.
Speaker 2 (17:58):
How is the temperature change from icebox
to?
Speaker 1 (18:00):
hell.
I have 24 foot ceilings and aloft up there.
Speaker 2 (18:04):
Okay, we'll see.
I'm just saying is all.
Speaker 1 (18:07):
Okay, I didn't fail because it looks exactly the way
I wanted it to look.
Speaker 2 (18:11):
Anyways, anyways.
Gosh Bobby, I didn't give hercrap for that one.
Speaker 1 (18:15):
Yeah, I guess.
So I asked a good friend andshe is a good follower of ours
uh about hers and I said youknow, what would you tell your
younger self?
And she said don't look back,keep looking forward for change,
don't be afraid of change andstepping out of your comfort
zone, even at 70 plus, becauseshe's over 70 years old and, uh,
(18:41):
trust what life brings to you.
And you know she's a veryspiritual person too.
And she said the Lord will getyou through it and keep your
faith.
So I thought that was prettygood, you know, just just
staying very, very positive,yeah.
Speaker 2 (18:55):
So I have.
I have a different one fromsomeone who has a completely
different life experiencegrowing up than you or I ever
had.
Ok, and he didn't grow uparound here.
Ok, and he was where he grew up.
Things he didn't grow up aroundhere.
Okay, and he was, um, where hegrew up.
Things like gangs and drugswere very prevalent.
Some things that he said, and Ithink some of these are just
(19:17):
really good for anybody,especially someone in in a bad
situation.
He says uh, don't ever give upbecause God will provide.
Yep, those friends you have aregoing to end up dead or in
prison.
Speaker 3 (19:30):
The friends quote unquote.
Speaker 2 (19:32):
Yes, work harder and be healthier, you're going to
get through it.
Don't count on family to saveyou when you're going through it
.
Yeah, you absolutely are worthit.
And one thing that a lot ofthem did say that I asked is
don't make dumb financialdecisions, especially when
(19:53):
you're younger.
But we all do right.
We do because we're learning,but at the same time, man, those
follow you.
Speaker 3 (19:59):
They haunt you.
They haunt you forever, oh man.
Speaker 2 (20:01):
That's for sure, oh man, and a lot of his were.
You know, the drugs don't loveyou.
They don't.
No the people who give youthose drugs they don't love you,
that's exactly right it's.
You can't always turn tosomething just to make it
through.
You know the drugs, the alcohol, the gangs, things like that.
(20:21):
Yeah, none of it's going to beworth it.
Speaker 1 (20:24):
It isn't and you know it doesn't care if you come
home at night.
No it doesn't care if you getmugged.
Speaker 2 (20:29):
It doesn't care that your mom is crying over your
grave.
Speaker 1 (20:32):
It doesn't care about any of that, whether it's drugs
, alcohol, any, anything that isgoing to, you know, take
control of you.
Or again, you mentioned thosefriends.
You know they're not truefriends.
You have to be true to yourself, and that's something that was
on the list as I looked thingsup on the Internet.
Being authentic to yourself isreally scary, but more
(20:55):
fulfilling than trying to fit in.
Speaker 2 (20:57):
And the sooner you do it, the happier your life is
going to be.
Yeah, I mean, it really is,because, yeah, you know, one of
my big things is, I would lookback and tell myself they don't
love you.
Speaker 3 (21:09):
They don't love you.
Speaker 2 (21:10):
He, she, they.
They do not love you.
Most of the people that are inyour life are there to watch
something beautiful die in you.
Speaker 1 (21:18):
Yeah, period.
It is true, they're there forthe show.
Speaker 2 (21:21):
They're there to make themselves feel better and my
biggest thing on that is don'tlet them.
I'm not saying don't let themin your life, because there's
people out there that neededyour love.
Regardless of how big of apiece of shit they were to you,
they needed that love at thattime.
Yeah, what I'm saying is, don'tgive them the satisfaction of
letting that die and lettingthem see it.
Speaker 1 (21:44):
Yeah, just don't and this is a sad reality that, even
if they're good friends ofyours, there's a part of certain
people, and a lot of people,who want you to fail.
They want you to be successful,just not too successful, right.
They want you to be successful,just not more successful than
(22:05):
them, right.
They want you to lose weight,just, but they don't want you to
be thinner than them, right.
Speaker 2 (22:10):
They don't want you to look better than them.
Speaker 1 (22:12):
They want you to get past this health scare, but
there's a part of you now thatis dependent on them as the
friend and so unfortunately,that's a very self-centered
thing to say, but it's true.
It is Psychologically.
A lot of people have that Now.
I've always said I had friendswho won $10,000, $100,000 in a
(22:36):
lottery, scratch-off right,something whatever.
I truly was happy for them.
Speaker 2 (22:41):
Oh yeah.
Speaker 1 (22:41):
When I see people on TV who are winning, I am like
happy for them.
Yeah, I have no resentmentwhatsoever.
You know why God didn't putthat in my path, he put it in
yours, and one of the thingsthat I've always said to you
kids is you know, if somethingdidn't work out for you, it
wasn't your opportunity.
Speaker 2 (23:00):
Right.
Speaker 1 (23:01):
That wasn't your opportunity today.
It may have been the personbehind you their opportunity.
Maybe that looked like it wasaiming your way, but it wasn't.
It was for the person behindyou.
And when someone gets hurtbecause you and I both know
someone who is like this itmakes themselves into a victim
all the time.
Speaker 2 (23:20):
I think all of us know someone like that.
Everybody does.
Speaker 1 (23:22):
Everybody does.
They make themselves into avictim.
Oh poor me me.
Oh well, I can't do thatbecause of this.
Or, oh my gosh, when somethinghappens, people aren't targeting
you.
You just happen to be in theway, right like you know.
If, if somebody decides thatthey want to get out of that
(23:43):
relationship and move on, ifyou're young and you're trying
to find yourself, find arelationship, the fact is is
they weren't aiming at you.
You just happened to be in theway, and so sometimes you get
hurt for being in the way.
Yeah, a convenience thing, it iskind of a convenience thing,
and so just remember that everyopportunity is not aimed at you.
(24:05):
It may have been aimed at theperson next to you and you
thought it was for you.
It wasn't.
Speaker 2 (24:10):
Right.
So I also have a friend and heabsolutely gave me permission to
use this.
You know we you had sent me afew voice clips when we talked
about this for an episode.
Speaker 1 (24:25):
As examples.
Speaker 2 (24:26):
As examples, as examples uh, for an episode.
As examples, as examples, asexamples.
Well, he feels the way that Ithink a lot of gen xers do, um,
you know, in our 40s and 50s,right now, he, he, his biggest
advice is don't buy a house,don't buy into the white picket
fence dream, don't't go intodebt for it.
(24:47):
Don't, you know, live aboveyour means for it.
And his big thing is if youdon't want to have kids, don't
feel pressured for it.
If you want to build your ownlife, you know, go be happy, go
do what makes you happy, worktowards being happy.
Because if you work towardssomething that is a cookie
(25:07):
cutter lifestyle, let's say, youknow, the kids, the house, the
dog, the nine to five job typeof thing, if that's not what you
truly want, deep down, it'sgoing to kill you slowly yeah,
because sometimes other peoplewant that for you.
Speaker 1 (25:22):
Right, right, well, and we're conditioned for it.
We are conditioned.
You know when are you?
Speaker 2 (25:26):
getting married?
When are you having childrengoing to college?
Speaker 1 (25:27):
are you getting married?
When are you having children?
Are you going to college?
Are you going to college?
When are you going to get afull-time job?
Yeah, when are you going to geta new car?
Speaker 2 (25:32):
Oh, I found this nice house down the street that you
guys could, you know, buy, andyou know, go get a loan and go
get this, yeah, and things likeman, just live within your means
.
Buy the shitbox car that youcan pay cash for for now, you
know, work towards somethingbigger than just a car and a
(25:53):
house and things like that.
Speaker 1 (25:54):
Stop trying to impress somebody else.
Speaker 2 (25:56):
Stop trying to keep up with the Johnsons.
Speaker 1 (25:59):
With the Joneses.
Come on now.
So we had talked about this toobefore.
Is it used to be that if youlived in a van down by the river
, you were considered a dirtbike, and now people are going
hey, this set me free now thevans are 250 000.
Speaker 2 (26:16):
There's that and the river spots are all taken, but
there's a lot of people, yeah,and they cost, yeah, a hundred
dollars a train that goes bythem so there, there's a lot of
people, though, that are tryingto get themselves out from under
these mortgages.
Speaker 1 (26:31):
Right, and you know it all starts with who can I
impress?
You don't have to impressanybody you're not out.
You're not here to impressanybody.
If you want to help somebodyelse, that's wonderful, but
you're not here to impressanybody else.
And so there are a lot ofpeople who are saying, to hell
with this, I'm not gonna workmyself to death, um, just to
show off to somebody else.
Speaker 2 (26:52):
Yeah, provide for the lifestyle that you want right
absolutely because no one elseis here.
I mean, I think we've talkedabout this for before.
Nobody else actually isinvested in your happiness,
right?
No one else.
You have to make yourself happyand if you're living a life
where every morning you wake upand go, why the hell am I doing
(27:14):
this?
Why are you doing it?
Why are you doing it?
Change it.
Yeah, there are somecircumstances that are dumped on
people that they have nocontrol over.
Right, you have to survive,right I mean you do you have to
survive.
Right, I mean you do you have tosurvive, but there's always
that you know, that hope, like Ihave 10 more years until you
know all the kids are grown andadults.
(27:35):
So in 10 years I'm going tohave enough money for my RV.
That.
Speaker 3 (27:39):
I want.
Speaker 1 (27:40):
Yeah, you know things like that, I'm going to go work
where I want to work, I'll haveenough money to do whatever.
Yeah, I agree with you on that,and we have to remember that
our experiences, our goals, thethings that are important to us,
aren't always important tosomebody else, and we can't
really expect them to be, and soif they're not, that's okay.
(28:02):
There's no big deal about that.
Speaker 2 (28:09):
So, dr Domain, any other comments from you related
to that?
He, he's been pretty quiet.
Speaker 1 (28:12):
He has been quiet, hasn't he?
Are you still awake over there?
Speaker 3 (28:14):
yeah, I'm awake, you're awake so anything else?
I mean think about your kids.
I would tell my younger selfwell, think about even your kids
what would you tell your kidsthat you know?
Speaker 2 (28:24):
or because I mean, they're basically your younger
self, just really warpedversions.
That's how I see it.
Like, this is me.
If I did not, ever.
Speaker 3 (28:34):
You're kind of putting yourself up there you
know bobby well part of it isknowing what I know now, which
is not really fair in terms oftrying to say, well, I should do
this, or I tell myself to dothat, if I would have known the
life expectancy my parents Iwould have spent every moment I
could with them.
Speaker 1 (28:53):
Yeah, I'd have been a better daughter, for sure.
Speaker 2 (28:55):
I think we all have that certain people in our lives
better for me would have been,you know, more quality time yeah
and it could be as simple assitting, you know, with my
parents, or listening to them oranything like that, going to
dinner once a week.
Speaker 3 (29:10):
I credit my parents for teaching me a lot of life
lessons and really molded meinto who I am today, but still I
wish I would have spent moretime with them.
Speaker 1 (29:22):
Yeah, I didn't like some of the lessons I was taught
, for sure, but they'vecertainly come in handy and they
have certainly been somethingthat I've tried to share with my
own kids to say you know,hopefully this will make you a
better person, hopefully thiswill protect you in life I don't
(29:44):
know.
Speaker 3 (29:44):
Yeah, they were all lessons but, not once did my
parents lie to me.
So maybe Santa life, I don'tknow.
Yeah, they were all lessons.
Speaker 2 (29:50):
But not once did my parents lie to me.
Speaker 3 (29:51):
So maybe, santa, I was gonna say like no, real, I
mean like real substantialthings in life like this is
gonna hurt but it's for your owngood yeah I get tired of
hearing that yeah, I mean my mymother disassembled the
relationship I had with someone,and at that time, as you know,
a young person 15, 16, 17 yearsold.
(30:13):
You're like you have no kindwords.
Speaker 2 (30:17):
Yeah.
Speaker 3 (30:19):
You have nothing nice to say.
You think that that person'sthe worst person on the planet.
But as I look back at what mymom did, yeah, she was right.
Speaker 1 (30:30):
She was totally spot on.
She was totally spot on.
It was hard though, yeah, butalso I think that, you know, if
I have an enemy, it's notnecessarily my kids' enemy, and
I don't mean enemy, but ifthere's somebody that I just
disagree with and it depends onwhat I disagree with them on,
but if I'm in disagreement withsomebody, there's somebody that
I just disagree with, and itdepends on what I disagree with
them on.
But if I'm in disagreement withsomething, somebody I don't
(30:53):
necessarily want or need my kidsit's not misery loves company I
don't need them to hate thatperson too or dislike that it
wasn't a matter of disagreementlike, oh, they don't like the
color blue and I really like thecolor blue it wasn't anything
nothing superficial like that oreven
Speaker 2 (31:08):
politics you know it was talking about like your
first heartbreak yeah, this ismore what like like your first,
like girlfriend, and they saiddon't do that, that's not good
son, we forbid you.
Speaker 3 (31:21):
Yeah, well, I think I think the advantage that my
parents had, my mother inparticular, was that she had
gotten to know the parents ofthis person and the lifestyle
they were leading.
And you know, we're kind of apart of that, we're a product of
our upbringing to some extentwhich we just talked about, and
(31:44):
she could kind of see thewriting on the wall on the
direction that they were takingtheir daughter, and so that's
kind of what led her to do whatshe did.
Speaker 2 (31:55):
Now was it my decision?
No, yeah, it was ultimately mydecision.
Speaker 3 (32:00):
Do I make it easy on me?
No, yeah.
But now I look back and I seethat person.
I'm like yeah, that was not thepath.
Speaker 2 (32:07):
I wanted to go down, but you have to give yourself
some grace, because at 15, 16,17 years old, that probably is
the worst pain, the worst thingthat had happened to you at that
point on that emotional level.
So, I mean, you know, you lookback and you're like, oh, I've
gone through worse.
Yeah, you have now, but at 15,16, 17, that was the end of the
(32:28):
world.
Speaker 1 (32:28):
Right, you don't know the worst that's coming.
Speaker 2 (32:31):
You don't, you don't and you think this is just the
most horrible thing ever.
This is going to end my entirelife and I'll never be happy.
Speaker 3 (32:44):
And I remember telling my kids that's one thing
, sorry, that's one thing, thatwhen I look at that experience
that I had that that little lifelessons and in retrospect it
was small compared to everythingelse, it it really just said
yeah screw you, you know I'mdone listening to my mom and dad
.
Yeah, right, yeah, I mean youget to that point, you're like
they don't know anything yeah, Imean they don't have this
(33:04):
figured out you don't know me,mom, but now yeah, so it's kind
of I'm.
I'm trying to go back to thepart that you asked me about,
and that is I would I'd have to.
I'd have to set that aside andhave to go spend more time with
my mom and dad yeah, I thinkthat would be super important.
It's hard.
Speaker 1 (33:24):
I can say that easily now, but back then, oh, that
would have been a hard pill toswallow, to be able to put that
down, yeah yeah, I I think onething that was uh difficult as a
parent, and I'm sure it wasdifficult as a child, when bobby
and her sister were growing up,is I remember them saying you
can't tell me who to hang outwith, you can't tell me who my
friends are.
Speaker 2 (33:44):
Yeah, I can well okay , let's set the scene, because
we were kicked out at dawn andlet in at dark.
But yeah, I mean there if wegot caught with certain friends
there was definitely an asswhooping coming, but so let me
just tell you when all theneighborhood kids hung out
together.
You know there was some some inthere, that you know there were
(34:05):
.
Speaker 1 (34:05):
But you know, she says we were kicked out at dawn
and brought back in at dark.
You think I didn't know whereyou were.
Are you on crack?
I hope not today.
Speaker 2 (34:18):
The amount of times that she would show up at
someone's door and I'm like, howdid you know?
I mean, there's 53 bikes in thefront yard, but how did?
Speaker 1 (34:27):
you know, or or she would you know.
One of one of the two would sayyou know, how did you know that
happened?
How did you know we did that?
How did you know I knew whereyou were and and the whole thing
was was?
I would always tell these girlsit doesn't matter what you do,
I put my parents through a hellof a lot worse.
Yeah, so you bring it on andthey did try, but I think that
(34:51):
was really hard for a young kid,is to say you're not going to
hang out with that person.
Speaker 2 (34:56):
Well, because basically, as a parent, you're
looking at your child and sayingI I don't trust your judgment
right now, and neither shouldyou.
So, you're asking someone who'salready going through a
difficult time in their lifewith puberty and everything else
and finding themselves to lookat themselves and say you can't
trust your own judgment.
Speaker 1 (35:15):
So let me ask you this as an adult what would you
tell your younger self as anadult?
That is different.
It would be different than well, we just talked about.
Speaker 2 (35:26):
I do.
I have three big things that Iwould tell myself.
Okay.
Number one is uh, as long asyou think forever is half that
and then divide that by 20 andit's still not as long as you're
actually going to have.
And I say that you know about,you think you're going to have
forever with this person, or youthink you're going to have
forever to do this.
(35:46):
Forever is not that long.
It is not as long as you thinkit is.
So you know, just remember that, because you're you think that
as, especially as a kid, foreveris forever.
You know, you think 40 is oldand you think 80 is ancient type
of thing.
But yeah, I mean, you gotta,you gotta cut that way, way down
(36:08):
, and that's still not smallenough as to to how how much
forever actually that's a goodpoint, meaning we just don't
have the time that we know, wedo so what does that mean?
Just live it up live it up butalso whatever else you want well
, it's more about other people,it's more about people that you
really care about.
You think that you always havethat forever.
Speaker 1 (36:30):
Yeah, and it's not as long as you think.
Speaker 2 (36:34):
Even if they live to be a ripe old age.
It's still not as long as youthink.
It's not as long as you need.
It's not as long as you want.
Speaker 1 (36:48):
There's a saying out there this too shall pass, this
too shall pass, yeah, and somepeople think that's biblical.
I don't think it is.
Is it dr domain?
I don't believe that it is, butthis I think it's just
motivational but what that meansisn't that you're in a bad
situation, and this too shallpass.
Speaker 2 (36:59):
You could be in a good situation and it will will
pass, and this too shall pass.
Speaker 1 (37:03):
Just be prepared.
You're not going to be able toride that wave all the time.
Speaker 2 (37:08):
Yeah, and my second one is something my dad told me
when I was a late teenager.
Oh, this ought to beinteresting.
So, my dad, great guy Anybodythat doesn't know him he's a
really good guy.
Something that he said to mewhen I was younger was it him
(37:30):
he's a really good guy.
Um, something that he said tome when I was younger was it
doesn't matter if it's for sixdays or six months or six years,
if you want to do something, doit, just go do it.
If you last six days, good youdid it.
If you last six months, goodyou did it.
You're not going to have thatregret of looking back and going
oh man, man, when I was 23, Ishould have done this.
Yeah, you know, and I havelived by that quite a bit in my
life and it has afforded me notonly to do some things that I
(37:52):
want, but it's also afforded meto get out of some very, very
volatile and dangeroussituations.
Because it's you know, you lookat it six days, even if you
have to look at it for six hours.
Hey, I went and did this forsix hours and I never thought I
would.
You know, you kind of just giveyourself the strength to say I'm
just going to do it andwhatever happens happens.
Speaker 1 (38:14):
I right now am down here at the other end of the
studio trying to get past thefact that she just described her
father as being such awonderful, great guy.
If anybody knows him, he's awonderful guy.
I've heard you talk about me,bobby, and you.
Speaker 2 (38:28):
You say she's I like your mullet weirdo, I don't have
a mullet I got it.
I like your mullet though stopit it's better than your 80s one
.
Speaker 1 (38:38):
So I got my hair cut.
I got about seven or 8 inchescut off and so it's shorter and
it's kind of a shag and she goesoh, that's a mullet.
See, that's the nicest thingyou can say about me.
Speaker 2 (38:50):
It's short in front, it's short on the sides and it's
all party in the back.
It is not.
Speaker 1 (38:55):
It's the same length on the side.
You, bonehead Gosh, get yourglasses checked and plus, if I
was, was gonna ask anybody aboutfashion it wouldn't be me.
Gotta be honest with you itwouldn't be.
Speaker 2 (39:08):
Look, I said it looked good.
It does it looks good.
But I gotta go on your list.
Last one, I have to give youcrap.
You know, I gotta, I gottaknock you down a few pegs your
dad is a nice, nice guy.
Speaker 1 (39:21):
There's no doubt about it.
He's a good guy and he's been agood father for you kids.
Speaker 2 (39:26):
Absolutely so.
My biggest one is as a kid, andof course you know everything
we went through as a kid andeverything like that is.
Your parents are still growing.
They're doing everything thatthey're doing for the first time
.
There's no instruction manual,but at the same time, you need
(39:50):
to put it down.
What does that mean?
Put it down, you're a kid, putit down that's not yours to
carry.
Speaker 1 (39:53):
I see what you're saying.
You're talking about any typeof uh, a hereditary type of
hereditary emotional things likethat you know during your
guys's divorce.
Speaker 2 (40:05):
I shouldered a lot.
I did, yeah, and a lot of itwas because you were going
through this for the first time,right, you know, and I was
around you a lot and I I feltthat emotion because you know I
would see you cry, I would seeyou break down, I would see you
go.
How am I would see you go?
How am I going to do this?
I mean, I never saw you give up, that's for sure, but at the
(40:25):
same time as a kid, put it down.
Man, yeah, put it down.
I remember the adults handlethe adult things and go outside
and be a damn kid.
Speaker 1 (40:34):
It was tough on you kids and I remember your, your
sister, making a comment commentto me later on in life.
She said you know, the hardestpart for me, mom was watching
you go through this, becausehere was the strongest woman I
had ever met in my entire lifeand you were falling apart.
So she said where did thatleave me?
(40:54):
Yeah, where did that leavebobby?
Yep, and I never even thoughtabout it that way because to me
I I was losing my husband.
To you guys, your father wasstill going to be there.
Speaker 2 (41:04):
Right.
Speaker 1 (41:05):
So to me it wasn't as big a loss, Right.
Speaker 2 (41:07):
Because, I'm self-centered.
Speaker 1 (41:08):
Right and um but, that's how it was?
Speaker 2 (41:11):
because you were just me.
You were grieving someone.
Speaker 1 (41:13):
But you guys saw me break down and it scared you.
Speaker 3 (41:18):
Yeah, and she said we were scared.
Speaker 1 (41:19):
Oh yeah, and she said we were scared.
Speaker 2 (41:20):
Oh yeah, we were scared.
Speaker 1 (41:21):
When we saw you break down, we were scared.
Speaker 2 (41:24):
Yeah, because we knew that shit had hit the fan.
Speaker 1 (41:26):
Yeah, and so I think that's a great lesson for people
who are going through thesethings.
You know going through adivorce or separation or
(41:46):
something is to understand.
You know what kind of impact itdoes have on the kids.
It isn't just oh, I didn't callhim a name or I didn't say
anything bad in front of him.
It's what your kids see of youand then what you turn into
because of it.
Speaker 2 (41:51):
And, boy, if I could do that over again there's and
there's a lot of things that wecould say, that if we could do
it over again, but in the endyou know it's who we are yeah
it's who we are.
It's why I raised my kids theway I raise them.
You know, I learned a lot ofgood lessons from a lot of the
trauma of the past and I don'tthink that I would be in the
(42:13):
position today that I'm in.
I think I would be much worseoff if I didn't go through those
things.
Speaker 1 (42:19):
Yeah, if I didn't know I think you're a smart cat
and I think that you've learneda lot and I think that you've
experienced a lot andunfortunately, good or bad, yeah
, you know.
Whatever, I think it has madeyou who you are.
And you know, people look at usand say you guys are such
strong women.
No, we're not.
No, no, we're not.
We tear apart inside just likeanybody else.
(42:42):
Oh yeah, and you know myfeelings can be hurt at the drop
of a hat, and so can yours, andwe just don't show it.
We've become not numb to it.
We're not numb and we're notstrong, so let's just keep that
out there in the forefront.
Speaker 2 (42:58):
Well, I think that we are strong.
I think that we just don'tchoose to be strong Like in the
forefront.
Well, I think that we arestrong.
I think that we just we don'tchoose to be strong like it's
not something that we go out andseek, it's not something that's
like a badge of honor to us,it's something that we were
forced to do I think we go intoprotection mode.
Speaker 1 (43:10):
Yeah, you know that's what we do, but I do like I do
let my kids see emotions.
Speaker 2 (43:15):
I do let them, you know, see that there are
difficulties but there are waysout.
Speaker 3 (43:22):
Yeah, you know we're going to go through it, but it's
completely okay to break downthings like that.
Speaker 2 (43:28):
But yeah, honestly I would.
I would go back and I would say, man, put them damn bags down,
they're not yours to carry.
That's a good advice.
Please go be a kid.
Please go be a kid.
Speaker 1 (43:39):
I want to end this with a quick list here.
Number one, not necessarily inthis order, but nothing turns
out.
How you plan, you know there'sa saying that says you know you
want to share your plan with God.
That'll give him a good laugh.
Being your authentic self isscary, but it's more fulfilling
(43:59):
than trying to fit in.
Speaker 2 (44:00):
That's like Dr Domain said yeah, absolutely, just be
who you are.
It was never an emo phase.
Right, it's who I am Noteverybody's going to like you.
Speaker 1 (44:09):
No, and it's not personal, it's not really
against you.
They're just not going to likeyou.
Speaker 2 (44:14):
Not everybody likes bacon, you know what?
Oh yeah.
Speaker 1 (44:19):
She's not mine.
Also, your experience and yourskill are valuable, but not to
everybody.
So let's just face it they arevaluable, just not always to
everybody else.
There's no right way to do mostthings with your life.
There's a lot of multipledifferent ways to do it, and
some may be right, some may bewrong.
(44:39):
It's up to you to experiencelife.
Also, love isn't something thatyou need to be afraid to give,
and you don't need to be afraidto get yeah um always remember
quality over quantity.
Speaker 2 (44:55):
You talked about that , bobby oh yeah, that's why I
got like three friends.
But I'm telling you what onephone call and any one of them
would be up at that jail withbail money going.
Hey where are we going to eat?
Speaker 1 (45:06):
and always remember that nobody is as critical of
you as you are of yourself, thatlittle voice in your head.
Speaker 2 (45:14):
We need to lay that down mine sounds like my mom oh
my gosh I always really what,what's going on with this here?
Speaker 1 (45:22):
What's going on with this here?
What's going on with this?
Speaker 2 (45:24):
Why are we doing this here, when we could be doing
this?
Speaker 1 (45:29):
Yeah, yeah, okay.
Well, I think that's probablyall we've got for today, and we
really appreciate those who didrespond to us to this question,
and thank you for that, but wedo want to hear from other
people, don't we?
Speaker 2 (45:43):
Absolutely, and if we didn't reach out to you this
episode, trust me, we've gotplenty more time to reach out to
you for some other questions.
Speaker 3 (45:50):
For some episodes You're not safe.
Don't try to hide, you are notsafe and we know where you live.
Speaker 2 (45:54):
That's right.
That is all the insanity thatwe have for today.
We do appreciate you joining ushere at the Rabbit Hole studio.
Be sure to follow us, becausewe look forward to spending time
with you each and every week.
Please like us.
If you have positive feedback,or if you have a comment, a
question, a topic any of those,you can drop us a short email at
(46:16):
boomer and gen X or at gmailcom.
And if you have hate Mel, well,I mean, send that to little me,
cause I'm sure she'd enjoyreading it.
She'd just tear it up or colorover it.
Little emo Bobby.
Speaker 1 (46:27):
That's right.
Speaker 2 (46:28):
Until next week.
I'm Bobby Joy and I'm Jane Burt, and you're stuck with us.
Peace out Later.
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