39. What If I’m A Murderer?: 29 Hospitalizations, Taboo OCD Themes, & the Recovery Lifestyle with Tracie Ibrahim, LMFT, CST

On episode 39 of A Chat with Uma, I invite my dear friend Tracie Ibrahim, LMFT, CST to tell her full survivorship story of 29 psychiatric hospitalizations, misdiagnoses of schizophrenia & homicidality, childhood abuse, & a mental-health system that nearly killed her—until she learned the name of the monster (OCD) & fought back with exposure & response prevention. Tracie’s journey, like her, is messy, punk-rock, & heartbreakingly human, all at once: sneaking out of locked wards, filing her own writ of habeas corpus at 15, raising three kids while “raw-dogging” her mental health, & finally transforming the shame of harm, suicidal, & contamination OCD into a career as NOCD’s Chief Compliance Officer & the Instagram beacon “@TabooTracie." If you’ve ever felt defective, dangerous, or beyond help, this episode is a hug, a battle cry, & a masterclass in radical self-acceptance.

Tracie Ibrahim, LMFT, CST, has 20+ years of experience in providing mental health services. Her specialization is treating OCD, anxiety & related disorders & depression, alongside a spectrum of issues affecting the LGBTQIA+ community, & issues with sexual health & functioning. Her expertise has been utilized to create high-quality programs addressing the increasing need for evidence-based counseling interventions. Currently serving as NOCD's Chief Compliance Officer, Tracie focuses on creating & implementing evidence-based treatment & compliance programs. Her passion for OCD treatment & advocacy work stems from managing her own OCD for 40+ years & raising children with OCD, anxiety, depression & neurodiversity.

Topics Discussed (+ Timestamps):

(00:00:00) Introduction & welcome to Tracie!

(00:10:06) “Who is Tracie behind the titles?”—hover-mom, punk soul, universal acceptor

(00:15:00) The first cracks: magical-thinking OCD at age 4, nightmares, divorce

(00:20:00) Abuse, police indifference, & a 10-year-old’s first involuntary hold

(00:26:00) Cutting, suicidal rituals, being considered homicidal, misdiagnosis of schizophrenia

(00:31:00) Oppositional defiance label → transfer to county lockdown

(00:37:00) Life inside Camarillo State Hospital with a roommate who’d murdered her family

(00:43:30) Filing a writ of habeas corpus—& winning her own release at 15

(00:51:00) Surviving residential care, starting community college

(00:56:30) Discovering ERP & real OCD on Google, self-experimenting with money exposures

(01:03:00) Turning pain into purpose: training clinicians, supervising interns

(01:10:30) From therapist to NOCD’s Chief Compliance Officer—scaling ethical care

(01:19:00) TabooTracie is born: why she tackles pedophilia, harm & suicide themes online

(01:24:00) Living proof: managing daily suicidal OCD while medication-resistant

(01:30:40) Reconciling with grief, advocacy as turning pain into purpose, & raising children

(01:37:50) The differences between pedophilia OCD vs. true pedophilia

(01:46:30) The anatomy of intrusive thoughts, urges, and compulsions in plain language

(01:52:00) Closing reflections, rapid-fire questions

Connect with Tracie!

• Instagram: @TabooTracie
• LinkedIn: Tracie Ibrahim, LMFT, CST

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