July 28, 2025 • 53 mins
What happens when survivors of domestic violence finally break their silence? In this raw, powerful episode, we unveil "Dear Silence," our groundbreaking international book project launching this October for Domestic Violence Awareness Month. This collection will feature letters from survivors who've endured the unimaginable—giving voice to those who were told to stay quiet for far too long.
Behind every "why didn't you just leave?" lies a complex reality that most people fail to understand. We dismantle this harmful question by exploring the impossible choices victims face, particularly mothers who endure abuse to shield their children from harm. When the system fails to recognize the escalating patterns of domestic violence, victims often sacrifice their own safety to protect those they love most.
Victoria shares her own harrowing journey, revealing the permanent physical consequences of her abuse—titanium jaw replacements, near-total hearing loss, and Complex Regional Pain Syndrome requiring spinal implants. These ongoing medical challenges demonstrate how domestic violence creates trauma that survivors must manage decades after escaping their abusers.
Some of the most heartbreaking submissions to "Dear Silence" come from children who witnessed abuse. One child wrote about always sleeping on the edge of the bed so their mother would have somewhere safe to retreat during nighttime violence—a devastating reminder that children see and understand far more than we realize.
We also discuss our Academy, featuring over 120 affordable courses designed to support healing. Victoria's newly launched course on Complex Regional Pain Syndrome offers unique insights from someone living with this challenging condition, continuing our mission to make healing accessible to everyone regardless of financial circumstances.
Join our movement by submitting your story to phoenix@acontagioussmile.com. Whether you're a survivor, witnessed abuse, or lost someone to domestic violence, your voice matters. Together, we're breaking the silence that protects abusers and building a community where survivors are heard, believed, and supported.
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:00):
oh, is that who that is?
How do y'all welcome to anotherepisode of contagious smile?
Take two, take two, yes,because I I utterly foobarred
and blundered the first one.
You foobarred, foobarred.
I don't need to explain them.
Youngins don't know what foobarmeans, probably.
No, um, but yes, us old folks,we do.
Uh, this is unstoppable.
(00:21):
Here at a contagious smile, wegot our lovely and sexy and just
straight out of the bath with awet hair.
Okay, guys, easy.
Victoria Curie.
Author and publisher of 41books, winner of multiple awards
here recently.
Yay.
Speaker 2 (00:43):
The newest one we haven't even talked about yet.
Speaker 1 (00:45):
Don't we have a sound board here somewhere?
No, okay.
So Business Life is a magazinethat I understand is in every
airplane here in the US.
So if you all are traveling andyou're listening to our podcast
or you're about to travel, pickup the latest edition or issue
of business life on board themag on board the aircraft or
(01:08):
there at the newsstand wherethey sell all the junk.
You know, I don't know what,you know, I haven't been inside
an airport in a while, but uh,yeah, y'all check her out, check
, check it out.
And you know, keep followingand keep sharing, because y'all
make all this happen.
(01:29):
Every time we my wife gets anaward or an accomplishment, it's
because of y'all, because y'allare listening and y'all are
submitting ideas and you'renominating us and y'all are
passing the word on.
Uh, you see something, you, yousee something, you say
something and I think I'm done,blundered.
Speaker 2 (01:51):
So here's the wife hi , I haven't even said hello yet.
There's my soulmate over there.
You have not.
You didn't disclose about thelatest award, what it was well,
I'm lost the lifetime.
Speaker 1 (02:03):
Lifetime Humanitarian .
Oh my God, it's such a longname.
Where is it?
It's like 15 letters long.
I'm going to shut up now.
Speaker 2 (02:13):
Lifetime Humanitarian for transformative advocacy for
domestic violence and specialneeds advocacy support.
Speaker 1 (02:24):
What a mouthful, see.
No wonder I blundered it.
Speaker 2 (02:29):
Very humbled, very, very, very humbled for that.
But we couldn't do it withoutyou guys.
We wanted to tell you guys alittle trigger warning ahead of
time.
Here we are doing massive,massive this october for
domestic violence awareness.
One of the things that we aredoing if you haven't seen it
(02:51):
anywhere yet is we're going tolaunch an international book
called dear silence.
You lost.
This time we get the last word,and I have been putting things
out there and I have gotten soso many people writing in.
(03:11):
It's going to be several partsto this book.
It's going to be letters, it'sgoing to be dedications.
It's going to be in memory offor the people who didn't
survive domestic violence.
It's going to be in memory offor the people who didn't
survive domestic violence.
It's going to be things thatyou wanted to say and never did
say.
It is just, it is going to beamazing.
(03:34):
I mean, because we're told tobe quiet, we're told to be
silent and no, we're not goingto be silent anymore, and you
know I'm not walking oneggshells anymore and neither
should you, so we're going to dothis together.
(03:54):
Some of it, even after doingthis for close to 20 years, is
really hard.
I had somebody write in and I'mnot going to tell the
submission, but my husband readit as well and it has to do with
the loss of a daughter and itis heart-wrenching.
(04:15):
It is absolutelyheart-wrenching and I have
reached out to this very bravewoman and offered any and
everything I possibly can tohelp her through this, but she
lost her daughter to domesticviolence while she herself was
going through it and thedaughter was not of grown age,
the daughter was a young girl,and there are several to this
(04:40):
that really, really make it evenmore emotional, if you will.
Um, what did you think of itwithout giving it away?
I cried there was no pollen, itwas flat tears yeah, I cried.
It's just immenselyunimaginable the the shit that
(05:01):
some of these twisted bastardscould come up with and do to
people but it's not unimaginableto those of us who've endured
it well, that's why we're doingthis we're doing this because so
many people hear about it, butthey don't live it.
They don't know what it's liketo be in our shoes.
They don't know what it's liketo to be silenced because of a
(05:26):
coward, you know, and we arethreatened.
Not for the reason of whyaren't we, you know, leaving.
It's because we're trying toensure the safety of our child
or our children, or, you know,we don't have the financial
means to get out.
There is a lot more to it andpeople are just so quick these
days to automatically put thaton someone.
(05:47):
Well, you should have left.
Why didn't you just do whatthey wanted?
Who the hell are they to makethem be any bit better than
anyone else?
And you know what?
Here's the thing.
If you know what's going on,help them.
Don't critique them.
Don't criticize them.
We don't need any additionalnegativity in our life at this
point.
We need someone that's going tosay I'm here, how can I help?
(06:08):
Or just sit with us and shutthe hell up right.
Just sit there and let us feellike you know what.
We're not alone.
We are not alone because wehave to put on this strong,
fierce, and it's hard to go inand survive in this situation
where a lot of times the moms,we endure it to protect our kids
(06:32):
so that our kids don't get it.
Because, let's look at it thatway, I can't tell you how many
cases I have either been a partyto or helped prepare when the
woman was going through the TPOprocess, where they tell the
judge your honor, he put me inthe hospital, he beat me into
the hospital and they said well,he didn't hit the kids, it's
(06:53):
coming.
It is a matter of time beforeit escalates even further to
children and pets, because ithappens, that's what happens,
and even you know detest you candetest that from being an
officer that that does happen.
And the judge is like, well, ithasn't happened yet, it's still
the father.
(07:13):
We're gonna have to disclose myhearing thing again.
Um, it's still the father tothe kids.
You know what?
That's still the spouse.
And you're turning around andsaying, well, he hasn't done it
yet.
Well, I can tell you fromexperience.
You know, if that son of abitch hits our kid as hard as he
hits me, he's gonna kill ourkid.
So a lot of times women knowthat maybe if I just stay here,
(07:38):
he'll never get to that leveland hit our kids, because that
friday is gonna come where he isgoing to pick up the kids and
have them alone.
And then what you want to talkabout being helpless, then then
what do you do?
All right, I mean, and thatgoes back to the you know the
system failing us, and that's awhole different ball of wax.
(07:59):
Don't even get me started onthat, because it's just no.
I'm gonna let you say somethingand then we'll go into the
whole like sorry, I have aspeech issue now, but go ahead
so let me, let me back up herey'all.
Speaker 1 (08:12):
My wife is losing her hearing.
She's almost almost 100 toabuse.
Speaker 2 (08:17):
Let's make sure we reiterate that that I lost it to
abuse almost 100 deaf.
Speaker 1 (08:22):
In her right ear I think she's got like 1% left to
go and then she's very close to80, 85?
, 88-ish Percent in her left ear.
So it throws off her words.
So she said the word earlier.
As a police officer I candetest that.
She meant to say a test.
Speaker 2 (08:43):
Sorry, that's what I thought I said right.
Speaker 1 (08:46):
So you know, y'all had to, you know bear with me
give her a little leeway here,y'all.
She's um, she's a strong ass,redhead, fiery woman, and y'all
heard her at the beginning, um,how quiet she was and calming.
And then here comes a redhead.
Speaker 2 (09:04):
You know okay, let's back up just a little bit.
You know I was that person Ihate the word victim that if the
food was on the table oneminute late, my face would get
cracked open.
If I didn't get there in timeor I didn't call it my required
(09:25):
stops, then the wrath would comeon and people say why don't you
just make him happy?
And I've said this till I'mlike out of air is that you
could do everything you'resupposed to, but anybody pisses
in his cornflakes and guess what?
He's still going to come backand take it out on you and
that's the thing.
And um, for those of you whomight not know, both of my jaws
(09:46):
were completely destroyed andafter multiple smaller surgeries
that failed, I ended up havingto get like 26 pieces of metal
in my face.
It's very not cool.
Um, I'm like the bionic woman,literally, and both of my jaws
are titanium and every threemonths I have to go and get
injections in them.
Speaker 1 (10:06):
That's crazy.
Speaker 2 (10:07):
To try to make the life of them last longer.
Because this surgery was wasbrutal.
It really was and, as myhusband can tell you, I went
through the surgery, came homethe same day and took care of
Faith and never took the firstpain med.
Never have, and I'm not goingto start.
(10:28):
But every time I would get hitit damaged my eardrums, but the
really big, not that one issmaller than the other, but both
my eardrums were ruptured sobad that they've actually
rebuilt the right one,completely rebuilt it, and that
one is shredded.
They said it actually lookslike swiss cheese that my
(10:49):
husband's not ruined for me withthe whole steamboat willie
thing, but that's on way out inthe left field that is left
field um, anyway.
So the hearing has beengradually getting worse and
worse over time and I've hadhearing aids and for a while
they were a lifesaver theyreally were and then it started
(11:10):
where I couldn't wear thembecause it like was messing up
my equilibrium and all thisother stuff, and it was because
this one was getting worse.
And so now they want to docochlear implants, which are are
$300,000 a piece and ourinsurance doesn't cover it.
And what's really unfair isthat it's almost two decades
(11:31):
later and I'm still doingsurgeries for what I went
through that long ago.
And that's why, you know, I'mvery adamant with a, you know,
silent.
No more, because enough isenough.
Speaker 1 (11:45):
Right, and, as I said earlier, I kind of blundered it
If you see something, saysomething.
And that goes along with if youhear something, say something.
So dinner tonight.
My wife tells me of a storythat she heard of a mother I
believe it was an 18 year oldmother disfigured her child and
(12:07):
then lit the child on fire.
Yes, Now, during this time itwas reported that neighbors
heard the child screaming forthree hours.
Speaker 2 (12:21):
This was in a mobile park, an older mobile park.
So like I know that they saythe manufactured homes now have
better insulation, but thesewere much older ones so they
were thinner or whatever theycould hear, but they were used
to all the screaming is going onin there and they just thought
it was another fight but threehours you know, as an officer,
(12:43):
how long don't knock on the doorif you know that you're.
Speaker 1 (12:47):
So you're one, you're not a neighbor.
If you don't go, say something,okay.
I remember when my wife and Imoved into our our home, which
is now our house.
Right, well, it was a home then.
We were just moving in, so nowit's our house that's being our
home.
Now who's going?
Anyway, it was like the firstday or first couple days that we
(13:10):
moved into our home.
Our neighbor was over therefighting with you.
Know her, her spouse,significant other or whatever
and I went over there I mean itgot so bad, so loud.
I went over there and Iconfronted him and I looked at
her and she had a big redhandprint on the left side of
(13:31):
her cheek and I told that man.
I said you need to get out ofhere now.
You need to leave and let thisdeescalate, because I'm going to
call the cops.
And that's what I did.
Speaker 2 (13:42):
And they didn't do anything.
Speaker 1 (13:43):
We had the cops come over here.
I took pictures of the ladywith the handprint, because by
the time they got there it wasalmost gone.
The officers documentedeverything.
Did he go to jail?
Nope, no, they didn't do acrime thing.
Speaker 2 (13:57):
They acted like we were bothering them to come out,
and they actually told us thatthat wasn't their first time
being at that location.
Speaker 1 (14:03):
Right.
Speaker 2 (14:04):
And they never did anything.
Speaker 1 (14:06):
But shortly after that they separated and she
moved out after he left.
Speaker 2 (14:12):
She left the state.
Actually Good for her.
Speaker 1 (14:14):
But you see something , say something, okay it.
You know it's so frustrating.
Speaker 2 (14:23):
But what do you do when the officers don't do their
due diligence?
Speaker 1 (14:25):
Well, that's on them, right.
But then you know you I was apolice officer.
I got out there, I did what Icould to help the so-called
victim.
Speaker 2 (14:34):
But then they don't do anything, but it escalates
the abuser, it pisses them off.
You know, it really does.
You make them leave for acool-down period.
A lot of times they don't.
They come back.
Speaker 1 (14:45):
Or they're in jail.
Speaker 2 (14:46):
Or they're in jail and then they come back.
Speaker 1 (14:48):
Well, like we've discussed a lot of survivors
victims at the time survivorsdon't know how to get out.
They don't know how to make anescape plan.
They're afraid to, they'reafraid.
Speaker 2 (15:02):
Retaliation.
Speaker 1 (15:03):
Retaliation.
Speaker 2 (15:04):
Yes, you know, a lot of people don't talk about this,
but so many beautiful soulsthat I've had the privilege of
working with and getting to knowsay they threaten their dog,
they threaten their cat, theythreaten their know say they
threaten their dog, theythreaten their cat, they
threaten their children, theythreaten their family.
You know, if it's just the twoof them living together, you
leave me.
I'm gonna go kill your bestfriend, I'm gonna go kill your
mom, I'm gonna go kill.
And then you know they tellsomebody well, it wasn't a
(15:27):
terroristic threat because therewasn't another witness and it's
a.
He said.
She said and it could have beenin the heat of the moment.
And you know it's like then ifthere's an altercation and he is
hitting her and she defendsherself and she has marks on her
person and he has marks on hisperson.
Now, a lot of times the personthat was initially getting hurt
(15:52):
gets incarcerated, and that'sespecially if they're the good
old boys and that's their, youknow, bud.
Speaker 1 (15:59):
Yes, and we define it as an affray where we cannot,
as officers could not, determinewho was at fault.
You know, given the totality ofcircumstance, you have
defensive wounds on both youknow, or you have marks on both
you know, or you have marks onboth you know.
And he said, she said so, yeah,sometimes both of them went to
(16:19):
jail.
Speaker 2 (16:20):
Right, but also going into the scene.
I mean, yes, it's the mostdangerous call for an officer to
to go on, but a lot of times inin fairness, and I think that
you know officers are requiredto do more in-service training
every year, as well as going tothe range and requalifying and
blah, blah, blah.
I think they need to do moretraining for domestic violence
(16:42):
and they need to do specialneeds.
Because here's the thing If anofficer arrives on scene, you
know, normally they get a backupunit, then they separate the
parties and they get the oneside story and then they go talk
and whatever.
But here's the thing if you goin and you see a disheveled
woman who is like showing everysingle sign, you know she won't
(17:04):
look at you, she's looking atthe ground, she's scared, she's,
like you know, very timid, andyou have this other one who's
full of aggression and anger.
It really doesn't take a rocketscientist to say who really is
the aggressor here.
I mean, come on, but officers,it's like, oh, you know, knock
it off, you two Go to bed or youknow whatever.
And that's not how.
(17:25):
That's just why so many peopleare so afraid to do anything
about it and that's why women orvictims I hate that word keep
going back because they feelthey have nowhere to go.
I mean, look at it from a lawenforcement point of view.
If the person is married tosomeone who's in law enforcement
and it's their area, or they'rejust you know one jurisdiction
(17:48):
away, or whatever the case maybe, and the guy's like, hey, you
know, I'm on the job, whatever.
And says I'm one of you guys,I'm on the job, whatever.
And says I'm one of you guys,I'm what, you know whatever, and
can show that it's notimpersonation.
But they are indeed officers orsheriff's, deputies, whatever
they want to be.
They get, you know a pass andit's not okay.
It's absolutely not okay, youknow.
(18:10):
I mean, what about the childrenof law enforcement officers or
high ranking law enforcementofficers, right?
I mean it's literally like I'llbring him in the office first
thing in the morning and I'llhave a talk with him, or blah,
blah, blah, blah, blah.
But what about the person who'sgoing through this?
What about the?
(18:37):
You know, people are not.
People are are so big aboutlike cancer awareness and
walking.
You know the Susan B Combs andwalking for breast cancer
awareness and things like that,and more power to them.
I'm so glad for that.
But you know what and I'm nottaking away from cancer for a
minute, because cancer is abitch, right, but a lot of times
, and I pray that anyone whogoes through cancer goes into
remission, right, but there isno remission for a domestic
(18:59):
violence survivor, unless it'sfreedom, unless it's to escape.
That's their remission.
The remission of domesticviolence is to get out, but then
when you get out it's notreally over at that point.
Then you have the litigation,then you have, you know, to go
through all the ins and outs.
Speaker 1 (19:17):
Well, you have surgeries like you do.
Speaker 2 (19:18):
Of housing and you know.
Then you have all of this otherthat you have to constantly go
through.
I mean I have.
I mean I stopped counting at100.
But let's be realistic.
How many surgeries would youreally think I've had?
Speaker 1 (19:33):
Anywhere in the neighborhood of one 20, possibly
one 30.
Speaker 2 (19:38):
I agree with that.
Speaker 1 (19:41):
And yeah, it's all documented folks.
Speaker 2 (19:43):
Every bit of it is.
I mean, you don't have surgeryfor something that's not broken.
I'm not talking about cosmetic.
I've had I've had one, eventhough I'd like one.
I've never had a singlecosmetic procedure.
Really would like one, justsaying, but it's because you're
still hot, whatever the thing is, is literally all of these
surgeries all this time laterand I do admit that some of them
(20:06):
were.
The injuries were exacerbatedby the fact that I waited so
long because we were working ongetting faith better excellent
reason right.
But the son of a bitch got awaywith it and it wasn't just this
time or any other time, I mean,I'm not the first that he did
this to and so he gets to walkaround and collect full benefits
(20:30):
.
And what did I get?
The big screw you like?
That's it right and it's it'sso wrong.
Why did they get to get awaywith it and claim, oh, I have
ptsd or whatever the case may be, and they haven't had to endure
what we go through.
But you know what?
(20:50):
They're cowardly piece of shit,an absolute cowardly piece of
shit.
You know what?
I'm gonna let you talk for aminute because I'm getting like
round wound, see wound up, andthat's why my wife come up with
this brilliant, brilliantconcept of dear silence.
Speaker 1 (21:08):
it is just, it's truly amazing, uh, to watch her
come up with all this.
She has our Academy up andrunning.
It's live.
We have had a flood of newmembers join our Academy.
Guys, if you're listening tothis podcast, man, there must
have been what 20, 30 guys todayalone that joined.
(21:31):
I'm so, just today alone.
Speaker 2 (21:32):
And I just want to tell them I'm super proud of.
Speaker 1 (21:34):
That is awesome.
Uh, I have contributed to dearsilence.
Uh, to give a little excerpt ofwhat I went through, um, and I
encourage you, gentlemen, youmen out there, um, man up, put
it down on paper it makes youmore of a man I put my name to
it because I you know.
I want to let y'all know, hey, II'm right there with you.
(21:55):
I may not have gone throughexactly what you have gone
through or are currently goingthrough, but hey, I can
sympathize, okay, and there'sothers out there, men and women,
going through the same thing.
So I encourage y'all write tous.
How do they contact us?
For the Dear Silence.
Speaker 2 (22:16):
Oh, phoenix at a contagious smile dot com.
Speaker 1 (22:19):
Okay.
Speaker 2 (22:21):
That's email.
It just comes right to us.
Common spelling in Phoenix yes,the thing is, think about it.
You know it's one in four womengo through this, and so, god
forbid, it's your daughter oryour mother or your sister or
your wife, right, wouldn't youwant somebody to help?
Them, if it's our daughter oh,y'all might as well get a go
(22:44):
fund me set up for bail.
That's all I gotta say.
Speaker 1 (22:47):
Y'all might as well get me some bail money set up,
because that's all I got to sayjust call 8-1-1, y'all 8-1-1
right, that's the folks who youcall when you go to dig a hole
seriously, you know, that's likeme saying I don't leave
fingerprints because you don'thave but one set right seriously
(23:09):
seriously man, somebody, andthat's what I don't understand,
that that is a whole other ballof wax.
Speaker 2 (23:15):
Like I don't understand how a parent not all
parents how a parent could knowthat their child, and in this
case let's say a daughter, isenduring such trauma and not
only doesn't care but actuallyput the son of a bitch in your
(23:36):
life, like how do you go tosleep at night?
How do you, how do you go tosleep and close your eyes
knowing that while you're inyour mansion and whatever, that
DNA pending, your biologicalchild is literally getting the
shit beat out of her, pregnant,with your grandchild like,
(23:58):
literally on the floor bleedingout of places that blood
shouldn't come out of a humanbody, and you have your 19 cars
and your whatever.
And it's not even about thematerialistic thing, it really
isn't like anyone knows me knowsit's not about materialistic
things, but you have not anounce of remorse, or I would
(24:23):
work three, four, five jobs, I'dwork overnight flipping burgers
, whatever I had to do.
If it meant getting our childout of that kind of situation
and into a safe place, I mean it.
It wouldn't even have to be aslap if some dumb moron rose
raised their hand to her.
(24:45):
First of all, I already knowwhat she's gonna do.
I mean, she's gonna use them asa human mob, right, but and
then I find out about first I'mgonna get there before you, okay
, and then that's going to bethe end of it.
But I don't understand howparents can be okay with it.
Like how can you possibly knowthat that's going on and and
(25:11):
have no, no, nothing about?
Speaker 1 (25:13):
it.
I don't, I can't understandthat.
I can't fathom it, because mywires aren't crossed like that.
Nope, my wife's just looking atme.
I mean it's it just it's mindboggling Right.
Speaker 2 (25:33):
Right, like I.
Just I, I will never understandhow that can be.
I just don't.
You know, it's mind boggling tome how I don't care.
You know that we are adults,but we're still somebody's child
.
And to say you should have leftor whatever.
(25:54):
You knew it was going on andyou didn't even try to help.
And maybe it's because you putthem there and you didn't want
that person to find out.
You know, but it's going tocome out eventually.
Right, it's going to come outeventually.
It's literally like some of thestupidest things ever.
Let's go and give one example.
I'll put myself in the linehere.
I was choked and suffocated tothe point that the vessels, the
(26:21):
blood vessels in my eyes,ruptured.
At that point you have 60seconds plus before you're dead.
Right, I'm pregnant and themarks of this asshole's hands
were very clearly seen on myneck Right.
You've seen the pictures Veryclear.
(26:42):
I took them to authorities andI was accused of choking out
myself.
Now, if you're listening tothis, I want you to imagine that
if you even trying to put yourhands around your throat, you
can't put your hands around me.
And try to explain this for me.
(27:03):
You can't put your hands aroundyour throat in the manner the
photos were in.
The photos were where thethumbs are center of your throat
, like where your Adam's applewould be if you're a man with
the palm and the four fingersaround the sides of the neck on
either side, and then the thumbswere clear as day, right in the
middle where the Adam's applewould be right.
(27:24):
So even if you try that onyourself, you can't.
Speaker 1 (27:29):
Your fingers would be overcrossed.
Speaker 2 (27:30):
You cannot do it.
Speaker 1 (27:32):
You're kind of making like the butterfly, the
butterfly or the dove, you know,shadow puppet.
Speaker 2 (27:38):
Right, but you can't do that.
And you see the placement ofthe bruising on the side of the
neck, where the fingers are.
Speaker 1 (27:44):
I don't have that type of leverage, leverage, yeah
, leverage, leverage.
I like leverage.
Okay, but I like leverage Okay.
Speaker 2 (27:51):
But you can't.
There's no way, and theindication of bruises on my neck
clearly show, by finger size,that you know.
You got the index first and thepinky last.
Speaker 1 (28:01):
And you've got little dainty fingers.
Speaker 2 (28:19):
And the point is is that how?
So?
I literally had them even.
The bruises were so apparent onme that the doctors measured
the bruising on my neck and,like, indicated on the medical
records that it was a man's hand, right.
This monster wouldn't even letme go pee with the door shut, he
took the door off the hinges.
So how is it possible, right?
And then the bruising was veryapparent on the neck and and
when he would hit me he'd havebruises on his knuckles.
He would have open wounds onhis knuckles from hitting me so
(28:41):
hard or stabbing me and gettingblood on him or taking the knife
out and he grazed his fingerswith it, whatever the case may
be.
And he had an excuse foreverything and everybody
overlooked all of it for him andhe told everybody oh, she's
just clumsy.
She's clumsy because she'spregnant.
Speaker 1 (28:58):
So how many times do y'all think that she had to shut
up?
Speaker 2 (29:03):
It was constant.
Speaker 1 (29:04):
Constant.
So do y'all see the need forthis dear silence?
My wife's going to, you know,collect, compile all of this
together and she's going to turnit into a book for the world to
read, and it's going to beabsolutely amazing to have
hundreds, if not thousands, ofvoices in this one book, and
(29:31):
it's going to be a tearjerker,for sure.
Speaker 2 (29:33):
Absolutely.
Speaker 1 (29:33):
But it's going to be such healing for them to know
that they got it out there inthe open.
You know, and and the otherswill read this, you know, maybe
somebody will stop that next one, maybe somebody will say
something.
Speaker 2 (29:47):
Right, Maybe you read it and think you know what.
I've always wondered what'sgoing on in my sister's house
with that man she's with, butI've never asked it's not made
up, it's not fictitious right,but that's the thing is, is that
people automatically look atthe, the survivor, as what did
you do to make him mad?
Right?
Did you do to you know?
Speaker 1 (30:07):
why did you stay?
Speaker 2 (30:08):
man or whatever.
But there's so many reasons towe don't want to stay.
I promise you that we don'twant to.
We don't want to stay.
I promise you that we don'twant to stay, we don't want to
be there.
But you know, when I went aftertermination of rights, I went
against an all male panel, right, cause you have a guardian of
light on, you have themagistrate, you have superior
court judge, you have like awhole plethora of stuff and it's
a process, right.
And I was asked what would I doif I was denied the termination
(30:34):
of rights?
And I will openly admit what Isaid.
I said, your Honor, I'm goingto go home with my ex.
And he said You're going to dowhat?
And I said I'm going to go homebecause she can't defend
herself and it is myresponsibility as her mother to
do that.
My daughter has a tracheostomy.
She's inaudible, she can't yellfor help.
(30:55):
She's too little, she's apreemie, she can't ask for help.
You know she already looked himin the face while he tried to
kill her and put his hand overher trach until she coded,
staring up at him, begging himto leave her alone.
How do you do that?
How do you do that, especiallyto faith, to anyone.
(31:17):
But you know, to stand thereand look in the eyes of her and
to do that.
And I told the judge.
I said I'm going back because Ihave every right to defend my
child and the first time he putshands on her will be the last.
I won't hit first, I won't goafter wherever he is, but I will
defend my daughter and myself.
We have the right to defendourself and I will do just that.
(31:40):
And the rights were terminatedbut that was like the one gift.
But you best believe, I foughttooth and nail to get it done.
I absolutely fought tooth andnail to get it done and I think
a lot of moms feel like that'swhat they have to do and that's
another reason they stay.
You know, I used to havenightmares in the hospital when
(32:00):
I stayed with her.
What if I don't get theserights terminated?
And then he got her for aweekend and she's screaming but
she can't be heard and he doessomething to her and he hurts
her and there's nothing I can do.
And those nightmares woke me upin just cold sweats and I knew
(32:26):
there was no way these rightswere going to get terminated If
I had to appeal it if I had togo back over there.
Until then, whatever the casemay be, was just, I mean, you
know, yes, faith and I have avery, very strong, unconditional
bond to each other, but I, Ican't understand how a human
(32:48):
being, yellow alone, a parent,could ever lay hands on a child.
Oh, he's a piece of shit.
Two pugs and a push doesn'tmake you a dad, it makes you a
sperm donor, and that's not evenpossible.
Like you're shooting blanks outof a tootsie roll, that's all
I'm saying, anyway many of thosetimes, as often is probably
(33:09):
with abusers.
Speaker 1 (33:10):
It's not consensual.
Speaker 2 (33:12):
No, it absolutely wasn't.
I mean, you know, I'm going totrigger warn it and say
something that, unless you'veread the book, you won't know,
because I have never shared this.
But it's a trigger warning, soI'll give you guys all the
necessary time I had to prepare.
Speaker 1 (33:32):
You're referring to your book who Kicked First?
Yeah, but you know no.
Speaker 2 (33:34):
Who Kicked First, yeah, but you know, no, it
wasn't consensual.
And he tried to cut her out ofme.
He tried to give me an abortionand the blood that was all over
that bed there were stabbingsand beatings and whelps and belt
(33:55):
buckles, and you name it.
I even had a pencil shoved intomy hip and the lead broken off,
and I mean you just name it.
He tried to cut her out fromthe inside and I have the
nastiest scar in my groinbecause of it and I kept moving
(34:15):
and moving and moving.
Um, you know I've had to have afull hysterectomy because of
all of the damage and you knowmy husband can confirm this.
Speaker 1 (34:25):
But um easy greasy what easy, greasy.
Speaker 2 (34:30):
Um, when I went, I told her, I told the doctor, who
was amazing.
She was just amazing that whileshe was in there, if she could
take out all the scar tissuebecause you know scientifically,
your body flushes off everyseven years all yourselves.
You recreate your skin and allthat and I'm like, yeah, all
(34:52):
that's gone.
Yay, I don't want any part ofhim on me, right?
So just the the psychologicalknowing that that's all gone.
And I thought maybe that wouldbe a big healing tool for me.
And she said, absolutely, I'mgoing to go in there and we'll
get it all out, right.
And when I went back from mypre-op, she just walked up and
hugged me.
(35:12):
She said can I hug you?
And I was like, okay, and she'sa tiny little thing.
And she walked up and hugged meand she goes I had to stop your
surgery and tell everybody totake a minute Because and again,
I'm not a tribey, asnon-graphic as possible, I'm not
a tribey, as non-graphic aspossible.
(35:34):
She said when I got in therethere was so much damage that I
knew that it was more than justman parts that were put inside
you.
And I said yes.
And she said you warned me thatthere was scarring, but you did
not prepare me for what I sawand until I got in there, it's
(35:59):
different than just your femaleexam every year, right?
And she was like, when I got inthere and I saw what I did, I
had to take a break for a minutebecause I had to have my
assistant wipe my eyes, becauseyou're like the sweetest woman.
You come in and ask how myfamily is all the time, you ask
how my kid is all the time.
We talk and and, and you comein here with cookies and you're
(36:21):
I mean you.
Just it hurts me.
And when I saw this, I had totake a break and have my staff
literally wipe my eyes while I'min there Cause I'm sterile.
Um, and I'm in there working onyou and I had to take a step
back and take a time out for aminute.
And she was like I don't, oh,stucco, it's because mommy's
upset, um, but she, she said I,I don't understand from a
(36:48):
medical point of view, how sorry.
Um, she said that she didn'tunderstand from a medical point
of view, how sorry.
She said that she didn'tunderstand, from a medical point
of view, from all the scarsthat she removed, how I ever
even survived, let alone managedto like be a sane person.
And I said well, you met mydaughter and you've met my
(37:12):
husband, so now you know why.
Said well, you met my daughterand you've met my husband, so
now you know why.
But to know that somebody feelsthat they can have such power
over you is not okay, it's notand we have to do something to
stop it.
I mean, I'm going to doeverything I can to make sure
(37:33):
that our daughter never has tobe one of those one in four, and
everybody listening should feelthe same way.
I mean, elderly abuse is on therise and if they're in a home,
so often they are sexuallyassaulted and abused.
It doesn't have to be domesticviolence, it's still sexual
(37:53):
assault, it's still abuse.
Abuse is abuse and it shouldnot be tolerated.
Like nobody tolerates it.
Let me clear that nobodytolerates it.
But the fact that nothing isbeing done in regards to making
our laws tougher, making ourabusers more accountable, like
(38:14):
just holding them accountablefor what they do, you know.
I mean, it's just, things needto change.
Speaker 1 (38:22):
And I'm glad you have started this, dear Silence,
because it has been trulyeye-opening to read a few of
them.
And, like I said y'all, I'veonly read a few of them and,
like I said y'all, I've onlyread a few and it brought me to
tears.
Uh, some of the the things thaty'all have been through and,
believe me, we keep everythingconfidential uh, most of them,
(38:45):
if not all of them, have been,no names, anonymous and the
location has not been disclosedor they'll say something sign
the person who you no longersilenced.
Right.
Speaker 2 (38:57):
Or you know the person who's writing to their
mom or something like that, likethey don't have to put Jane or
Joe or you know, whatever,they're ending it with something
else.
Speaker 1 (39:12):
And give us that email again.
Speaker 2 (39:17):
Phoenix at a contagious smilecom.
But you also need to go checkout the Academy, because now we
I know we have like 120 coursesif not more, and my husband
comes home and laughs and he'slike, which course did you write
today?
Like today I actually did aCRPS course, complex, complex
regional pain syndrome youfinished it I did.
(39:38):
Um, it's a lot longer than mostcourses I've written.
This one is 22 lessons.
Um, because crps is one of thehardest diseases to.
It's brutal, it's awful.
I got diagnosed with it and,like people try to explain what
(40:00):
it is and how it feels and sooften we are pushed away like
it's just pain from a surgery oran injury or anything like that
.
It's so hard to diagnose.
I've had a TENS unit from it.
I've had multiple TENS unitsactually I think three and then
two temporary ones that came outon their own like the day after
, and now I've had two spinalsurgeries, with the final one
(40:23):
being a permanent implant whichsucks.
My husband told me last nightwhile he was charging me that
you know it's hot for him totouch it and it sucks.
It really does.
I mean I feel like I have beenshelled out.
I'm not so much a woman anymorebecause, like, everything has
been taken out and I have allthese mechanical parts and it
(40:44):
sucks.
But I am not going to let thatpiece of crap win Never will.
No matter how bad some of thedays are because, like I do feel
the weather and it's brutal,there are some days that it's
just awful and it's more awfulthan others.
But I will not sit down andstep back.
(41:05):
It's just not who I am or whatI'm gonna do.
And so the CRPS course is livenow and it's written by me,
someone who has gone through itand understands it and endures
it on a daily basis.
So that's done.
But there is something out therefor everyone, and the course
there's so many fun things.
(41:26):
I have a way of bringing humorinto the weirdest places, right,
and you have to laugh or you'rejust going to be totally
depressed and miserable, and so,like, there's a course in there
called yes, my bluetooth is, mybutt has bluetooth.
My butt has bluetooth becausemy device is right above my butt
(41:50):
and I have to charge it.
So I kid around, say that youknow I'm wireless and that I
should be getting free HBO, butthere's all these different
things in there that have tomake you laugh.
Like you know, I'm going deafand and I used to sign I had a
master's in sign.
Well, guess what, I lost myhand, right.
So, yes, you can still kind ofsign one-handed, but it's a
(42:12):
little more challenging.
But the thing is is now I jokeabout it that if I don't want to
hear what somebody's saying,I'll just face them on my right
side and I don't hear anything.
So there's always a silverlining to all those dark clouds.
You just have to find it right.
Like you know, when yourhusband is like, oh I'd rather
play video games than whatever.
And then why are you facing methat way?
You, oh, I'd rather play videogames than whatever.
And then why are you facing methat way?
(42:33):
You know, it's because you hearnothing.
It's you know.
Speaker 1 (42:38):
I love you honey, did you call me honey?
Speaker 2 (42:41):
I did.
So, but I said I love you.
Speaker 1 (42:44):
Y'all have heard a little bit of what my wife went
through.
Okay, she's up here in pain.
All the time she lost her arm.
She's going deaf.
Um, and she's up here writingcourses, I believe.
I believe it took her two daysmaybe to write that 22 lesson
course, maybe three.
Uh, I did it in four and a halfhours.
(43:05):
Okay, I'm sorry, I was deadwrong.
That's what you get for nottelling me back that you love me
when I said I love you twiceand you said nothing me back
that you love me when I said Ilove you twice and you said
nothing.
I love you too, babe.
Uh, she's up here doing allthis.
She's still fighting, okay, andshe's also fighting for y'all
by putting together thesecourses, these master classes,
these escape plans.
(43:25):
Uh, you know everything she'sdoing.
She's getting the word outthere through these podcasts.
Y'all can do something foryourself, for someone else.
Get on there, support AContagious Smile, share it with
somebody.
Okay, if you know someone whois going through abuse and you
(43:49):
know that that abuser is lookingat their phone, their computer,
you know that that abuser islooking at their phone, their
computer, their computer.
Bring them over your house, letthem use yours, okay, right,
absolutely that's pretty safe.
Speaker 2 (43:59):
Buy him a burner phone there you go let him keep
it in the car but always givehim an extra charger, because my
idiot actually took my phoneand my charger so I had a backup
one hidden in the vehicle witha backup charger so support a
contagious smile, support dearsilence.
Speaker 1 (44:21):
Write an email, okay, if you're going through this,
let us hear your voice becauseit's not to be silenced that's
right, of course.
We always uh you know have our,our donation up there.
You know, everything that we do, we're funded ourselves.
Speaker 2 (44:39):
We don't take a paycheck, which is not the
easiest thing, let me tell you,because we have, as long as
faith is taken care of.
We have sacrificed so much butwe do it for everyone else and
we I haven't taken a paycheck.
I went from a six-figure job tonot even six cents because I
have never taken a paycheck foranything.
(45:00):
All funds that are donated goright back in because there are
monthly fees for the platformsto which we do everything on and
you know, you think about thefact that I'm sitting in here 18
hours a day and I'm runningeverything the way that we're
running and we need theequipment and we have the
electricity and the Internet andI talk to people on the phone
(45:23):
and I Zoom with patients andkiddos and things of that nature
.
And then I do all the marketingmyself and everything else, and
all of it takes money and we areusing our own, which is really
hard when we're already strapped, and so we're not trying to do
this to get rich.
Speaker 1 (45:41):
we're not doing this nope, that's why the class most
classes are what?
Speaker 2 (45:45):
they're under five dollars five dollars and that is
because not free.
Well, they've been valued atwell over a hundred a piece, but
we want to make it affordable,because healing shouldn't come
with a price tag Right, and wewant to make sure people can
afford it.
Now, if you take a class andyou're like, wow, this is
amazing and you have the abilityto donate, then you can either
do a contagious smilecom and inthe right corner it'll say buy
(46:08):
me coffee.
But when you open it up, it'sactually giving another person a
chance and every five dollardonation um, every five dollar
donation is a class for someonewho couldn't afford it at the
time and that is a really bigdeal and it really does help
other people my apologies y'all.
Speaker 1 (46:30):
That was, that was 15 cameras around the security
camera went off just now.
Speaker 2 (46:35):
And our dogs didn't bark and that's because it was
nothing there.
It looks like it was a spiderthat just set a web.
Speaker 1 (46:44):
Well, be sure to jump on that email,
phoenixatacatagessmilecom, andwrite your dear silence, and it
can be a letter that you'rewriting about yourself what
you've endured.
Speaker 2 (47:01):
It doesn't have to be just physical abuse.
It could be emotional, it couldbe narcissistic um, it could be
about someone you lost tosomeone that you lost.
It could be a dedication pieceto someone who has, you know,
been taken too soon due to this.
It's really going to bebeautiful.
How it is going to be emotional.
(47:24):
It is going to be really hardto read.
Speaker 1 (47:27):
It's extremely hard.
Speaker 2 (47:28):
But when you look at it, like all of these people are
coming together to virtuallyhold each other and hold each
other up and say I matter andour voice matters, and now it's
time we freaking scream andwe're going to, and we're going
to do it internationally andthat's what we're going to do
and to be able to do that andthen hope that it saves.
(47:50):
If it saves one person, thenit's so worth it.
I mean to read it and it'sempowering because you read it
and at first it's gonna grabyour heart, it's gonna hurt to
read some of these things, butthen you get really freaking mad
and you're like damn, uh-uh, no, especially that one from that
mom.
I mean, that one is tough andwhen you read these stories you
(48:13):
want to help.
If you're at all human and notthese abusive monsters, then
you're gonna want to help.
You're gonna want to to savethese beautiful kids.
I've had a bunch of kidsactually write in, uh, with
their parents permission andwrote stories or letters, babe,
(48:35):
to their parents especially mostof them were to their mom about
them watching what their momwent through for them.
And then I've had some parentsand some kids who have asked can
we?
Or all the parents have writtenon behalf of the children and
said you know, can we do quotes?
We're going to have a quotesection, and that is.
(48:58):
It's empowering too.
But when you literally havethese young kids, they are so
much smarter than you have anyidea, babe, like I don't think
us adults have any idea.
I mean, I have gotten lettersfrom moms that are like hey, I
have a seven or eight year oldwho wrote me this and can I give
it to you to put out there,without their name, absolutely.
(49:20):
Or I've talked to my daughteror said about this and they want
to write one or anything ofthat nature.
And it's it's heart wrenchingbecause these kids, kids one of
them thanked their mom forletting dad make their body
their battlefield so that theydidn't do it to them, and it was
(49:43):
wow so heart-wrenching, and thething is immediately, as a mom,
I immediately think of mydaughter, I immediately think,
oh my god, what if she had everseen it right, or at the age
where she could remember it?
And so this book will really bea movement.
It's going to really change.
Speaker 1 (50:02):
I was just thinking that very word movement.
Speaker 2 (50:05):
Yeah, because it really will.
It's so impactful.
I mean, even if you sit thereand think about these kids that
are like, I watched him come inand yell at you.
I watched you cry or keep asane face and go into the
bathroom and then you came outwith all dried off from your
shower but your eyes were redand I knew you cried.
You didn't want me to know youcried, but I knew you cried and
(50:29):
you know, like one of them andI'm only going to say a little
tidbit of it One of them thatreally grabbed me was I always
slept on the edge of the bed incase you needed somewhere to
come in and sleep in the middleof the night, oh my gosh.
And when I read that it was likeholy crap, these kids are so
much smarter, you know, thanthey have any idea.
(50:49):
And I don't think what the kidsdo realize is that a lot of
times, yes, the mom might say,hey, I'm coming in here to lay
in here with you, but a lot oftimes also, that mom very well
may be coming in there to laywith you to protect you, even
though you think you'reprotecting them, and it's just
these stories, you know, thatare real, are 100 authentic and
(51:12):
people really need to take areally good long look at how we
can help make this a thing ofthe past it's going to be
amazing when all said and done.
Speaker 1 (51:29):
I know right now it's at the very early stages y'all,
so it's probably been up andout there for what Two days, two
days, and I probably alreadyhave 50 plus submissions.
So it's going to take a littlebit to.
Speaker 2 (51:43):
Oh no, I will launch it beginning of October.
Speaker 1 (51:46):
Beginning of October.
Yeah, okay.
Well, there you go.
You heard it from the wife'smouth the metal and all, I'm a
heavy metal metalhead.
Speaker 2 (51:57):
it will be launching beginning of october and all
proceeds will go back to theacademy yeah yeah, but see it's
even going to cost money to makethe book right and so we're
funding that ourself and so, butthen all the proceeds from the
book are going to come rightback into the academy.
But people don't realize.
They think, oh, if you'relaunching on amazon, you, you
(52:18):
know, you make a lot of money.
Oh no, amazon just jacked it upwhere I don't know the exact
percentage, but I do believethat now they get it's either 50
or 60 percent, like more.
Oh yeah, yeah, it's outrageous.
So like, if you have a book,it's under and I don't want to
misquote, but it's if it's undera certain number, then you get
(52:41):
like 60% goes to them.
If it's over a certain number,then you get like 30% and they
get 70.
It's so ridiculous, it's so,it's so ridiculous, but it's
just as it's more expensive togo with a publishing firm.
Speaker 1 (52:56):
So thank y'all for listening to a contagious smile,
unstoppable and myinappropriate english be sure to
get on the website, get onthere and sign up for our
academy which is free to joinI'm through mighty networks no,
well, yes, but they don't go tomy networks.
Speaker 2 (53:16):
They have to go to a contagious smile.
Dot m n dot co and sign up.
Speaker 1 (53:23):
It's free, hop on a class most of them are free.
Speaker 2 (53:27):
There's a lot of free .
Speaker 1 (53:27):
There's a lot of free mini classes too be sure to
write dear silence at phoenix,at a contagious smilecom, and
let your voice be heard.
Yes and uh, you know.
If you feel the need, buy a cupof coffee, okay, thank y'all
for listening.
Y'all have a good night,victoria and michael out.
oh, is that who that is?
How do y'all welcome to anotherepisode of contagious smile?
Take two, take two, yes,because I I utterly foobarred
and blundered the first one.
You foobarred, foobarred.
I don't need to explain them.
Youngins don't know what foobarmeans, probably.
No, um, but yes, us old folks,we do.
Uh, this is unstoppable.
(00:21):
Here at a contagious smile, wegot our lovely and sexy and just
straight out of the bath with awet hair.
Okay, guys, easy.
Victoria Curie.
Author and publisher of 41books, winner of multiple awards
here recently.
Yay.
Speaker 2 (00:43):
The newest one we haven't even talked about yet.
Speaker 1 (00:45):
Don't we have a sound board here somewhere?
No, okay.
So Business Life is a magazinethat I understand is in every
airplane here in the US.
So if you all are traveling andyou're listening to our podcast
or you're about to travel, pickup the latest edition or issue
of business life on board themag on board the aircraft or
(01:08):
there at the newsstand wherethey sell all the junk.
You know, I don't know what,you know, I haven't been inside
an airport in a while, but uh,yeah, y'all check her out, check
, check it out.
And you know, keep followingand keep sharing, because y'all
make all this happen.
(01:29):
Every time we my wife gets anaward or an accomplishment, it's
because of y'all, because y'allare listening and y'all are
submitting ideas and you'renominating us and y'all are
passing the word on.
Uh, you see something, you, yousee something, you say
something and I think I'm done,blundered.
Speaker 2 (01:51):
So here's the wife hi , I haven't even said hello yet.
There's my soulmate over there.
You have not.
You didn't disclose about thelatest award, what it was well,
I'm lost the lifetime.
Speaker 1 (02:03):
Lifetime Humanitarian .
Oh my God, it's such a longname.
Where is it?
It's like 15 letters long.
I'm going to shut up now.
Speaker 2 (02:13):
Lifetime Humanitarian for transformative advocacy for
domestic violence and specialneeds advocacy support.
Speaker 1 (02:24):
What a mouthful, see.
No wonder I blundered it.
Speaker 2 (02:29):
Very humbled, very, very, very humbled for that.
But we couldn't do it withoutyou guys.
We wanted to tell you guys alittle trigger warning ahead of
time.
Here we are doing massive,massive this october for
domestic violence awareness.
One of the things that we aredoing if you haven't seen it
(02:51):
anywhere yet is we're going tolaunch an international book
called dear silence.
You lost.
This time we get the last word,and I have been putting things
out there and I have gotten soso many people writing in.
(03:11):
It's going to be several partsto this book.
It's going to be letters, it'sgoing to be dedications.
It's going to be in memory offor the people who didn't
survive domestic violence.
It's going to be in memory offor the people who didn't
survive domestic violence.
It's going to be things thatyou wanted to say and never did
say.
It is just, it is going to beamazing.
(03:34):
I mean, because we're told tobe quiet, we're told to be
silent and no, we're not goingto be silent anymore, and you
know I'm not walking oneggshells anymore and neither
should you, so we're going to dothis together.
(03:54):
Some of it, even after doingthis for close to 20 years, is
really hard.
I had somebody write in and I'mnot going to tell the
submission, but my husband readit as well and it has to do with
the loss of a daughter and itis heart-wrenching.
(04:15):
It is absolutelyheart-wrenching and I have
reached out to this very bravewoman and offered any and
everything I possibly can tohelp her through this, but she
lost her daughter to domesticviolence while she herself was
going through it and thedaughter was not of grown age,
the daughter was a young girl,and there are several to this
(04:40):
that really, really make it evenmore emotional, if you will.
Um, what did you think of itwithout giving it away?
I cried there was no pollen, itwas flat tears yeah, I cried.
It's just immenselyunimaginable the the shit that
(05:01):
some of these twisted bastardscould come up with and do to
people but it's not unimaginableto those of us who've endured
it well, that's why we're doingthis we're doing this because so
many people hear about it, butthey don't live it.
They don't know what it's liketo be in our shoes.
They don't know what it's liketo to be silenced because of a
(05:26):
coward, you know, and we arethreatened.
Not for the reason of whyaren't we, you know, leaving.
It's because we're trying toensure the safety of our child
or our children, or, you know,we don't have the financial
means to get out.
There is a lot more to it andpeople are just so quick these
days to automatically put thaton someone.
(05:47):
Well, you should have left.
Why didn't you just do whatthey wanted?
Who the hell are they to makethem be any bit better than
anyone else?
And you know what?
Here's the thing.
If you know what's going on,help them.
Don't critique them.
Don't criticize them.
We don't need any additionalnegativity in our life at this
point.
We need someone that's going tosay I'm here, how can I help?
(06:08):
Or just sit with us and shutthe hell up right.
Just sit there and let us feellike you know what.
We're not alone.
We are not alone because wehave to put on this strong,
fierce, and it's hard to go inand survive in this situation
where a lot of times the moms,we endure it to protect our kids
(06:32):
so that our kids don't get it.
Because, let's look at it thatway, I can't tell you how many
cases I have either been a partyto or helped prepare when the
woman was going through the TPOprocess, where they tell the
judge your honor, he put me inthe hospital, he beat me into
the hospital and they said well,he didn't hit the kids, it's
(06:53):
coming.
It is a matter of time beforeit escalates even further to
children and pets, because ithappens, that's what happens,
and even you know detest you candetest that from being an
officer that that does happen.
And the judge is like, well, ithasn't happened yet, it's still
the father.
(07:13):
We're gonna have to disclose myhearing thing again.
Um, it's still the father tothe kids.
You know what?
That's still the spouse.
And you're turning around andsaying, well, he hasn't done it
yet.
Well, I can tell you fromexperience.
You know, if that son of abitch hits our kid as hard as he
hits me, he's gonna kill ourkid.
So a lot of times women knowthat maybe if I just stay here,
(07:38):
he'll never get to that leveland hit our kids, because that
friday is gonna come where he isgoing to pick up the kids and
have them alone.
And then what you want to talkabout being helpless, then then
what do you do?
All right, I mean, and thatgoes back to the you know the
system failing us, and that's awhole different ball of wax.
(07:59):
Don't even get me started onthat, because it's just no.
I'm gonna let you say somethingand then we'll go into the
whole like sorry, I have aspeech issue now, but go ahead
so let me, let me back up herey'all.
Speaker 1 (08:12):
My wife is losing her hearing.
She's almost almost 100 toabuse.
Speaker 2 (08:17):
Let's make sure we reiterate that that I lost it to
abuse almost 100 deaf.
Speaker 1 (08:22):
In her right ear I think she's got like 1% left to
go and then she's very close to80, 85?
, 88-ish Percent in her left ear.
So it throws off her words.
So she said the word earlier.
As a police officer I candetest that.
She meant to say a test.
Speaker 2 (08:43):
Sorry, that's what I thought I said right.
Speaker 1 (08:46):
So you know, y'all had to, you know bear with me
give her a little leeway here,y'all.
She's um, she's a strong ass,redhead, fiery woman, and y'all
heard her at the beginning, um,how quiet she was and calming.
And then here comes a redhead.
Speaker 2 (09:04):
You know okay, let's back up just a little bit.
You know I was that person Ihate the word victim that if the
food was on the table oneminute late, my face would get
cracked open.
If I didn't get there in timeor I didn't call it my required
(09:25):
stops, then the wrath would comeon and people say why don't you
just make him happy?
And I've said this till I'mlike out of air is that you
could do everything you'resupposed to, but anybody pisses
in his cornflakes and guess what?
He's still going to come backand take it out on you and
that's the thing.
And um, for those of you whomight not know, both of my jaws
(09:46):
were completely destroyed andafter multiple smaller surgeries
that failed, I ended up havingto get like 26 pieces of metal
in my face.
It's very not cool.
Um, I'm like the bionic woman,literally, and both of my jaws
are titanium and every threemonths I have to go and get
injections in them.
Speaker 1 (10:06):
That's crazy.
Speaker 2 (10:07):
To try to make the life of them last longer.
Because this surgery was wasbrutal.
It really was and, as myhusband can tell you, I went
through the surgery, came homethe same day and took care of
Faith and never took the firstpain med.
Never have, and I'm not goingto start.
(10:28):
But every time I would get hitit damaged my eardrums, but the
really big, not that one issmaller than the other, but both
my eardrums were ruptured sobad that they've actually
rebuilt the right one,completely rebuilt it, and that
one is shredded.
They said it actually lookslike swiss cheese that my
(10:49):
husband's not ruined for me withthe whole steamboat willie
thing, but that's on way out inthe left field that is left
field um, anyway.
So the hearing has beengradually getting worse and
worse over time and I've hadhearing aids and for a while
they were a lifesaver theyreally were and then it started
(11:10):
where I couldn't wear thembecause it like was messing up
my equilibrium and all thisother stuff, and it was because
this one was getting worse.
And so now they want to docochlear implants, which are are
$300,000 a piece and ourinsurance doesn't cover it.
And what's really unfair isthat it's almost two decades
(11:31):
later and I'm still doingsurgeries for what I went
through that long ago.
And that's why, you know, I'mvery adamant with a, you know,
silent.
No more, because enough isenough.
Speaker 1 (11:45):
Right, and, as I said earlier, I kind of blundered it
If you see something, saysomething.
And that goes along with if youhear something, say something.
So dinner tonight.
My wife tells me of a storythat she heard of a mother I
believe it was an 18 year oldmother disfigured her child and
(12:07):
then lit the child on fire.
Yes, Now, during this time itwas reported that neighbors
heard the child screaming forthree hours.
Speaker 2 (12:21):
This was in a mobile park, an older mobile park.
So like I know that they saythe manufactured homes now have
better insulation, but thesewere much older ones so they
were thinner or whatever theycould hear, but they were used
to all the screaming is going onin there and they just thought
it was another fight but threehours you know, as an officer,
(12:43):
how long don't knock on the doorif you know that you're.
Speaker 1 (12:47):
So you're one, you're not a neighbor.
If you don't go, say something,okay.
I remember when my wife and Imoved into our our home, which
is now our house.
Right, well, it was a home then.
We were just moving in, so nowit's our house that's being our
home.
Now who's going?
Anyway, it was like the firstday or first couple days that we
(13:10):
moved into our home.
Our neighbor was over therefighting with you.
Know her, her spouse,significant other or whatever
and I went over there I mean itgot so bad, so loud.
I went over there and Iconfronted him and I looked at
her and she had a big redhandprint on the left side of
(13:31):
her cheek and I told that man.
I said you need to get out ofhere now.
You need to leave and let thisdeescalate, because I'm going to
call the cops.
And that's what I did.
Speaker 2 (13:42):
And they didn't do anything.
Speaker 1 (13:43):
We had the cops come over here.
I took pictures of the ladywith the handprint, because by
the time they got there it wasalmost gone.
The officers documentedeverything.
Did he go to jail?
Nope, no, they didn't do acrime thing.
Speaker 2 (13:57):
They acted like we were bothering them to come out,
and they actually told us thatthat wasn't their first time
being at that location.
Speaker 1 (14:03):
Right.
Speaker 2 (14:04):
And they never did anything.
Speaker 1 (14:06):
But shortly after that they separated and she
moved out after he left.
Speaker 2 (14:12):
She left the state.
Actually Good for her.
Speaker 1 (14:14):
But you see something , say something, okay it.
You know it's so frustrating.
Speaker 2 (14:23):
But what do you do when the officers don't do their
due diligence?
Speaker 1 (14:25):
Well, that's on them, right.
But then you know you I was apolice officer.
I got out there, I did what Icould to help the so-called
victim.
Speaker 2 (14:34):
But then they don't do anything, but it escalates
the abuser, it pisses them off.
You know, it really does.
You make them leave for acool-down period.
A lot of times they don't.
They come back.
Speaker 1 (14:45):
Or they're in jail.
Speaker 2 (14:46):
Or they're in jail and then they come back.
Speaker 1 (14:48):
Well, like we've discussed a lot of survivors
victims at the time survivorsdon't know how to get out.
They don't know how to make anescape plan.
They're afraid to, they'reafraid.
Speaker 2 (15:02):
Retaliation.
Speaker 1 (15:03):
Retaliation.
Speaker 2 (15:04):
Yes, you know, a lot of people don't talk about this,
but so many beautiful soulsthat I've had the privilege of
working with and getting to knowsay they threaten their dog,
they threaten their cat, theythreaten their know say they
threaten their dog, theythreaten their cat, they
threaten their children, theythreaten their family.
You know, if it's just the twoof them living together, you
leave me.
I'm gonna go kill your bestfriend, I'm gonna go kill your
mom, I'm gonna go kill.
And then you know they tellsomebody well, it wasn't a
(15:27):
terroristic threat because therewasn't another witness and it's
a.
He said.
She said and it could have beenin the heat of the moment.
And you know it's like then ifthere's an altercation and he is
hitting her and she defendsherself and she has marks on her
person and he has marks on hisperson.
Now, a lot of times the personthat was initially getting hurt
(15:52):
gets incarcerated, and that'sespecially if they're the good
old boys and that's their, youknow, bud.
Speaker 1 (15:59):
Yes, and we define it as an affray where we cannot,
as officers could not, determinewho was at fault.
You know, given the totality ofcircumstance, you have
defensive wounds on both youknow, or you have marks on both
you know, or you have marks onboth you know.
And he said, she said so, yeah,sometimes both of them went to
(16:19):
jail.
Speaker 2 (16:20):
Right, but also going into the scene.
I mean, yes, it's the mostdangerous call for an officer to
to go on, but a lot of times inin fairness, and I think that
you know officers are requiredto do more in-service training
every year, as well as going tothe range and requalifying and
blah, blah, blah.
I think they need to do moretraining for domestic violence
(16:42):
and they need to do specialneeds.
Because here's the thing If anofficer arrives on scene, you
know, normally they get a backupunit, then they separate the
parties and they get the oneside story and then they go talk
and whatever.
But here's the thing if you goin and you see a disheveled
woman who is like showing everysingle sign, you know she won't
(17:04):
look at you, she's looking atthe ground, she's scared, she's,
like you know, very timid, andyou have this other one who's
full of aggression and anger.
It really doesn't take a rocketscientist to say who really is
the aggressor here.
I mean, come on, but officers,it's like, oh, you know, knock
it off, you two Go to bed or youknow whatever.
And that's not how.
(17:25):
That's just why so many peopleare so afraid to do anything
about it and that's why women orvictims I hate that word keep
going back because they feelthey have nowhere to go.
I mean, look at it from a lawenforcement point of view.
If the person is married tosomeone who's in law enforcement
and it's their area, or they'rejust you know one jurisdiction
(17:48):
away, or whatever the case maybe, and the guy's like, hey, you
know, I'm on the job, whatever.
And says I'm one of you guys,I'm on the job, whatever.
And says I'm one of you guys,I'm what, you know whatever, and
can show that it's notimpersonation.
But they are indeed officers orsheriff's, deputies, whatever
they want to be.
They get, you know a pass andit's not okay.
It's absolutely not okay, youknow.
(18:10):
I mean, what about the childrenof law enforcement officers or
high ranking law enforcementofficers, right?
I mean it's literally like I'llbring him in the office first
thing in the morning and I'llhave a talk with him, or blah,
blah, blah, blah, blah.
But what about the person who'sgoing through this?
What about the?
(18:37):
You know, people are not.
People are are so big aboutlike cancer awareness and
walking.
You know the Susan B Combs andwalking for breast cancer
awareness and things like that,and more power to them.
I'm so glad for that.
But you know what and I'm nottaking away from cancer for a
minute, because cancer is abitch, right, but a lot of times
, and I pray that anyone whogoes through cancer goes into
remission, right, but there isno remission for a domestic
(18:59):
violence survivor, unless it'sfreedom, unless it's to escape.
That's their remission.
The remission of domesticviolence is to get out, but then
when you get out it's notreally over at that point.
Then you have the litigation,then you have, you know, to go
through all the ins and outs.
Speaker 1 (19:17):
Well, you have surgeries like you do.
Speaker 2 (19:18):
Of housing and you know.
Then you have all of this otherthat you have to constantly go
through.
I mean I have.
I mean I stopped counting at100.
But let's be realistic.
How many surgeries would youreally think I've had?
Speaker 1 (19:33):
Anywhere in the neighborhood of one 20, possibly
one 30.
Speaker 2 (19:38):
I agree with that.
Speaker 1 (19:41):
And yeah, it's all documented folks.
Speaker 2 (19:43):
Every bit of it is.
I mean, you don't have surgeryfor something that's not broken.
I'm not talking about cosmetic.
I've had I've had one, eventhough I'd like one.
I've never had a singlecosmetic procedure.
Really would like one, justsaying, but it's because you're
still hot, whatever the thing is, is literally all of these
surgeries all this time laterand I do admit that some of them
(20:06):
were.
The injuries were exacerbatedby the fact that I waited so
long because we were working ongetting faith better excellent
reason right.
But the son of a bitch got awaywith it and it wasn't just this
time or any other time, I mean,I'm not the first that he did
this to and so he gets to walkaround and collect full benefits
(20:30):
.
And what did I get?
The big screw you like?
That's it right and it's it'sso wrong.
Why did they get to get awaywith it and claim, oh, I have
ptsd or whatever the case may be, and they haven't had to endure
what we go through.
But you know what?
(20:50):
They're cowardly piece of shit,an absolute cowardly piece of
shit.
You know what?
I'm gonna let you talk for aminute because I'm getting like
round wound, see wound up, andthat's why my wife come up with
this brilliant, brilliantconcept of dear silence.
Speaker 1 (21:08):
it is just, it's truly amazing, uh, to watch her
come up with all this.
She has our Academy up andrunning.
It's live.
We have had a flood of newmembers join our Academy.
Guys, if you're listening tothis podcast, man, there must
have been what 20, 30 guys todayalone that joined.
(21:31):
I'm so, just today alone.
Speaker 2 (21:32):
And I just want to tell them I'm super proud of.
Speaker 1 (21:34):
That is awesome.
Uh, I have contributed to dearsilence.
Uh, to give a little excerpt ofwhat I went through, um, and I
encourage you, gentlemen, youmen out there, um, man up, put
it down on paper it makes youmore of a man I put my name to
it because I you know.
I want to let y'all know, hey, II'm right there with you.
(21:55):
I may not have gone throughexactly what you have gone
through or are currently goingthrough, but hey, I can
sympathize, okay, and there'sothers out there, men and women,
going through the same thing.
So I encourage y'all write tous.
How do they contact us?
For the Dear Silence.
Speaker 2 (22:16):
Oh, phoenix at a contagious smile dot com.
Speaker 1 (22:19):
Okay.
Speaker 2 (22:21):
That's email.
It just comes right to us.
Common spelling in Phoenix yes,the thing is, think about it.
You know it's one in four womengo through this, and so, god
forbid, it's your daughter oryour mother or your sister or
your wife, right, wouldn't youwant somebody to help?
Them, if it's our daughter oh,y'all might as well get a go
(22:44):
fund me set up for bail.
That's all I gotta say.
Speaker 1 (22:47):
Y'all might as well get me some bail money set up,
because that's all I got to sayjust call 8-1-1, y'all 8-1-1
right, that's the folks who youcall when you go to dig a hole
seriously, you know, that's likeme saying I don't leave
fingerprints because you don'thave but one set right seriously
(23:09):
seriously man, somebody, andthat's what I don't understand,
that that is a whole other ballof wax.
Speaker 2 (23:15):
Like I don't understand how a parent not all
parents how a parent could knowthat their child, and in this
case let's say a daughter, isenduring such trauma and not
only doesn't care but actuallyput the son of a bitch in your
(23:36):
life, like how do you go tosleep at night?
How do you, how do you go tosleep and close your eyes
knowing that while you're inyour mansion and whatever, that
DNA pending, your biologicalchild is literally getting the
shit beat out of her, pregnant,with your grandchild like,
(23:58):
literally on the floor bleedingout of places that blood
shouldn't come out of a humanbody, and you have your 19 cars
and your whatever.
And it's not even about thematerialistic thing, it really
isn't like anyone knows me knowsit's not about materialistic
things, but you have not anounce of remorse, or I would
(24:23):
work three, four, five jobs, I'dwork overnight flipping burgers
, whatever I had to do.
If it meant getting our childout of that kind of situation
and into a safe place, I mean it.
It wouldn't even have to be aslap if some dumb moron rose
raised their hand to her.
(24:45):
First of all, I already knowwhat she's gonna do.
I mean, she's gonna use them asa human mob, right, but and
then I find out about first I'mgonna get there before you, okay
, and then that's going to bethe end of it.
But I don't understand howparents can be okay with it.
Like how can you possibly knowthat that's going on and and
(25:11):
have no, no, nothing about?
Speaker 1 (25:13):
it.
I don't, I can't understandthat.
I can't fathom it, because mywires aren't crossed like that.
Nope, my wife's just looking atme.
I mean it's it just it's mindboggling Right.
Speaker 2 (25:33):
Right, like I.
Just I, I will never understandhow that can be.
I just don't.
You know, it's mind boggling tome how I don't care.
You know that we are adults,but we're still somebody's child
.
And to say you should have leftor whatever.
(25:54):
You knew it was going on andyou didn't even try to help.
And maybe it's because you putthem there and you didn't want
that person to find out.
You know, but it's going tocome out eventually.
Right, it's going to come outeventually.
It's literally like some of thestupidest things ever.
Let's go and give one example.
I'll put myself in the linehere.
I was choked and suffocated tothe point that the vessels, the
(26:21):
blood vessels in my eyes,ruptured.
At that point you have 60seconds plus before you're dead.
Right, I'm pregnant and themarks of this asshole's hands
were very clearly seen on myneck Right.
You've seen the pictures Veryclear.
(26:42):
I took them to authorities andI was accused of choking out
myself.
Now, if you're listening tothis, I want you to imagine that
if you even trying to put yourhands around your throat, you
can't put your hands around me.
And try to explain this for me.
(27:03):
You can't put your hands aroundyour throat in the manner the
photos were in.
The photos were where thethumbs are center of your throat
, like where your Adam's applewould be if you're a man with
the palm and the four fingersaround the sides of the neck on
either side, and then the thumbswere clear as day, right in the
middle where the Adam's applewould be right.
(27:24):
So even if you try that onyourself, you can't.
Speaker 1 (27:29):
Your fingers would be overcrossed.
Speaker 2 (27:30):
You cannot do it.
Speaker 1 (27:32):
You're kind of making like the butterfly, the
butterfly or the dove, you know,shadow puppet.
Speaker 2 (27:38):
Right, but you can't do that.
And you see the placement ofthe bruising on the side of the
neck, where the fingers are.
Speaker 1 (27:44):
I don't have that type of leverage, leverage, yeah
, leverage, leverage.
I like leverage.
Okay, but I like leverage Okay.
Speaker 2 (27:51):
But you can't.
There's no way, and theindication of bruises on my neck
clearly show, by finger size,that you know.
You got the index first and thepinky last.
Speaker 1 (28:01):
And you've got little dainty fingers.
Speaker 2 (28:19):
And the point is is that how?
So?
I literally had them even.
The bruises were so apparent onme that the doctors measured
the bruising on my neck and,like, indicated on the medical
records that it was a man's hand, right.
This monster wouldn't even letme go pee with the door shut, he
took the door off the hinges.
So how is it possible, right?
And then the bruising was veryapparent on the neck and and
when he would hit me he'd havebruises on his knuckles.
He would have open wounds onhis knuckles from hitting me so
(28:41):
hard or stabbing me and gettingblood on him or taking the knife
out and he grazed his fingerswith it, whatever the case may
be.
And he had an excuse foreverything and everybody
overlooked all of it for him andhe told everybody oh, she's
just clumsy.
She's clumsy because she'spregnant.
Speaker 1 (28:58):
So how many times do y'all think that she had to shut
up?
Speaker 2 (29:03):
It was constant.
Speaker 1 (29:04):
Constant.
So do y'all see the need forthis dear silence?
My wife's going to, you know,collect, compile all of this
together and she's going to turnit into a book for the world to
read, and it's going to beabsolutely amazing to have
hundreds, if not thousands, ofvoices in this one book, and
(29:31):
it's going to be a tearjerker,for sure.
Speaker 2 (29:33):
Absolutely.
Speaker 1 (29:33):
But it's going to be such healing for them to know
that they got it out there inthe open.
You know, and and the otherswill read this, you know, maybe
somebody will stop that next one, maybe somebody will say
something.
Speaker 2 (29:47):
Right, Maybe you read it and think you know what.
I've always wondered what'sgoing on in my sister's house
with that man she's with, butI've never asked it's not made
up, it's not fictitious right,but that's the thing is, is that
people automatically look atthe, the survivor, as what did
you do to make him mad?
Right?
Did you do to you know?
Speaker 1 (30:07):
why did you stay?
Speaker 2 (30:08):
man or whatever.
But there's so many reasons towe don't want to stay.
I promise you that we don'twant to.
We don't want to stay.
I promise you that we don'twant to stay, we don't want to
be there.
But you know, when I went aftertermination of rights, I went
against an all male panel, right, cause you have a guardian of
light on, you have themagistrate, you have superior
court judge, you have like awhole plethora of stuff and it's
a process, right.
And I was asked what would I doif I was denied the termination
(30:34):
of rights?
And I will openly admit what Isaid.
I said, your Honor, I'm goingto go home with my ex.
And he said You're going to dowhat?
And I said I'm going to go homebecause she can't defend
herself and it is myresponsibility as her mother to
do that.
My daughter has a tracheostomy.
She's inaudible, she can't yellfor help.
(30:55):
She's too little, she's apreemie, she can't ask for help.
You know she already looked himin the face while he tried to
kill her and put his hand overher trach until she coded,
staring up at him, begging himto leave her alone.
How do you do that?
How do you do that, especiallyto faith, to anyone.
(31:17):
But you know, to stand thereand look in the eyes of her and
to do that.
And I told the judge.
I said I'm going back because Ihave every right to defend my
child and the first time he putshands on her will be the last.
I won't hit first, I won't goafter wherever he is, but I will
defend my daughter and myself.
We have the right to defendourself and I will do just that.
(31:40):
And the rights were terminatedbut that was like the one gift.
But you best believe, I foughttooth and nail to get it done.
I absolutely fought tooth andnail to get it done and I think
a lot of moms feel like that'swhat they have to do and that's
another reason they stay.
You know, I used to havenightmares in the hospital when
(32:00):
I stayed with her.
What if I don't get theserights terminated?
And then he got her for aweekend and she's screaming but
she can't be heard and he doessomething to her and he hurts
her and there's nothing I can do.
And those nightmares woke me upin just cold sweats and I knew
(32:26):
there was no way these rightswere going to get terminated If
I had to appeal it if I had togo back over there.
Until then, whatever the casemay be, was just, I mean, you
know, yes, faith and I have avery, very strong, unconditional
bond to each other, but I, Ican't understand how a human
(32:48):
being, yellow alone, a parent,could ever lay hands on a child.
Oh, he's a piece of shit.
Two pugs and a push doesn'tmake you a dad, it makes you a
sperm donor, and that's not evenpossible.
Like you're shooting blanks outof a tootsie roll, that's all
I'm saying, anyway many of thosetimes, as often is probably
(33:09):
with abusers.
Speaker 1 (33:10):
It's not consensual.
Speaker 2 (33:12):
No, it absolutely wasn't.
I mean, you know, I'm going totrigger warn it and say
something that, unless you'veread the book, you won't know,
because I have never shared this.
But it's a trigger warning, soI'll give you guys all the
necessary time I had to prepare.
Speaker 1 (33:32):
You're referring to your book who Kicked First?
Yeah, but you know no.
Speaker 2 (33:34):
Who Kicked First, yeah, but you know, no, it
wasn't consensual.
And he tried to cut her out ofme.
He tried to give me an abortionand the blood that was all over
that bed there were stabbingsand beatings and whelps and belt
(33:55):
buckles, and you name it.
I even had a pencil shoved intomy hip and the lead broken off,
and I mean you just name it.
He tried to cut her out fromthe inside and I have the
nastiest scar in my groinbecause of it and I kept moving
(34:15):
and moving and moving.
Um, you know I've had to have afull hysterectomy because of
all of the damage and you knowmy husband can confirm this.
Speaker 1 (34:25):
But um easy greasy what easy, greasy.
Speaker 2 (34:30):
Um, when I went, I told her, I told the doctor, who
was amazing.
She was just amazing that whileshe was in there, if she could
take out all the scar tissuebecause you know scientifically,
your body flushes off everyseven years all yourselves.
You recreate your skin and allthat and I'm like, yeah, all
(34:52):
that's gone.
Yay, I don't want any part ofhim on me, right?
So just the the psychologicalknowing that that's all gone.
And I thought maybe that wouldbe a big healing tool for me.
And she said, absolutely, I'mgoing to go in there and we'll
get it all out, right.
And when I went back from mypre-op, she just walked up and
hugged me.
(35:12):
She said can I hug you?
And I was like, okay, and she'sa tiny little thing.
And she walked up and hugged meand she goes I had to stop your
surgery and tell everybody totake a minute Because and again,
I'm not a tribey, asnon-graphic as possible, I'm not
a tribey, as non-graphic aspossible.
(35:34):
She said when I got in therethere was so much damage that I
knew that it was more than justman parts that were put inside
you.
And I said yes.
And she said you warned me thatthere was scarring, but you did
not prepare me for what I sawand until I got in there, it's
(35:59):
different than just your femaleexam every year, right?
And she was like, when I got inthere and I saw what I did, I
had to take a break for a minutebecause I had to have my
assistant wipe my eyes, becauseyou're like the sweetest woman.
You come in and ask how myfamily is all the time, you ask
how my kid is all the time.
We talk and and, and you comein here with cookies and you're
(36:21):
I mean you.
Just it hurts me.
And when I saw this, I had totake a break and have my staff
literally wipe my eyes while I'min there Cause I'm sterile.
Um, and I'm in there working onyou and I had to take a step
back and take a time out for aminute.
And she was like I don't, oh,stucco, it's because mommy's
upset, um, but she, she said I,I don't understand from a
(36:48):
medical point of view, how sorry.
Um, she said that she didn'tunderstand from a medical point
of view, how sorry.
She said that she didn'tunderstand, from a medical point
of view, from all the scarsthat she removed, how I ever
even survived, let alone managedto like be a sane person.
And I said well, you met mydaughter and you've met my
(37:12):
husband, so now you know why.
Said well, you met my daughterand you've met my husband, so
now you know why.
But to know that somebody feelsthat they can have such power
over you is not okay, it's notand we have to do something to
stop it.
I mean, I'm going to doeverything I can to make sure
(37:33):
that our daughter never has tobe one of those one in four, and
everybody listening should feelthe same way.
I mean, elderly abuse is on therise and if they're in a home,
so often they are sexuallyassaulted and abused.
It doesn't have to be domesticviolence, it's still sexual
(37:53):
assault, it's still abuse.
Abuse is abuse and it shouldnot be tolerated.
Like nobody tolerates it.
Let me clear that nobodytolerates it.
But the fact that nothing isbeing done in regards to making
our laws tougher, making ourabusers more accountable, like
(38:14):
just holding them accountablefor what they do, you know.
I mean, it's just, things needto change.
Speaker 1 (38:22):
And I'm glad you have started this, dear Silence,
because it has been trulyeye-opening to read a few of
them.
And, like I said y'all, I'veonly read a few of them and,
like I said y'all, I've onlyread a few and it brought me to
tears.
Uh, some of the the things thaty'all have been through and,
believe me, we keep everythingconfidential uh, most of them,
(38:45):
if not all of them, have been,no names, anonymous and the
location has not been disclosedor they'll say something sign
the person who you no longersilenced.
Right.
Speaker 2 (38:57):
Or you know the person who's writing to their
mom or something like that, likethey don't have to put Jane or
Joe or you know, whatever,they're ending it with something
else.
Speaker 1 (39:12):
And give us that email again.
Speaker 2 (39:17):
Phoenix at a contagious smilecom.
But you also need to go checkout the Academy, because now we
I know we have like 120 coursesif not more, and my husband
comes home and laughs and he'slike, which course did you write
today?
Like today I actually did aCRPS course, complex, complex
regional pain syndrome youfinished it I did.
(39:38):
Um, it's a lot longer than mostcourses I've written.
This one is 22 lessons.
Um, because crps is one of thehardest diseases to.
It's brutal, it's awful.
I got diagnosed with it and,like people try to explain what
(40:00):
it is and how it feels and sooften we are pushed away like
it's just pain from a surgery oran injury or anything like that
.
It's so hard to diagnose.
I've had a TENS unit from it.
I've had multiple TENS unitsactually I think three and then
two temporary ones that came outon their own like the day after
, and now I've had two spinalsurgeries, with the final one
(40:23):
being a permanent implant whichsucks.
My husband told me last nightwhile he was charging me that
you know it's hot for him totouch it and it sucks.
It really does.
I mean I feel like I have beenshelled out.
I'm not so much a woman anymorebecause, like, everything has
been taken out and I have allthese mechanical parts and it
(40:44):
sucks.
But I am not going to let thatpiece of crap win Never will.
No matter how bad some of thedays are because, like I do feel
the weather and it's brutal,there are some days that it's
just awful and it's more awfulthan others.
But I will not sit down andstep back.
(41:05):
It's just not who I am or whatI'm gonna do.
And so the CRPS course is livenow and it's written by me,
someone who has gone through itand understands it and endures
it on a daily basis.
So that's done.
But there is something out therefor everyone, and the course
there's so many fun things.
(41:26):
I have a way of bringing humorinto the weirdest places, right,
and you have to laugh or you'rejust going to be totally
depressed and miserable, and so,like, there's a course in there
called yes, my bluetooth is, mybutt has bluetooth.
My butt has bluetooth becausemy device is right above my butt
(41:50):
and I have to charge it.
So I kid around, say that youknow I'm wireless and that I
should be getting free HBO, butthere's all these different
things in there that have tomake you laugh.
Like you know, I'm going deafand and I used to sign I had a
master's in sign.
Well, guess what, I lost myhand, right.
So, yes, you can still kind ofsign one-handed, but it's a
(42:12):
little more challenging.
But the thing is is now I jokeabout it that if I don't want to
hear what somebody's saying,I'll just face them on my right
side and I don't hear anything.
So there's always a silverlining to all those dark clouds.
You just have to find it right.
Like you know, when yourhusband is like, oh I'd rather
play video games than whatever.
And then why are you facing methat way?
You, oh, I'd rather play videogames than whatever.
And then why are you facing methat way?
(42:33):
You know, it's because you hearnothing.
It's you know.
Speaker 1 (42:38):
I love you honey, did you call me honey?
Speaker 2 (42:41):
I did.
So, but I said I love you.
Speaker 1 (42:44):
Y'all have heard a little bit of what my wife went
through.
Okay, she's up here in pain.
All the time she lost her arm.
She's going deaf.
Um, and she's up here writingcourses, I believe.
I believe it took her two daysmaybe to write that 22 lesson
course, maybe three.
Uh, I did it in four and a halfhours.
(43:05):
Okay, I'm sorry, I was deadwrong.
That's what you get for nottelling me back that you love me
when I said I love you twiceand you said nothing me back
that you love me when I said Ilove you twice and you said
nothing.
I love you too, babe.
Uh, she's up here doing allthis.
She's still fighting, okay, andshe's also fighting for y'all
by putting together thesecourses, these master classes,
these escape plans.
(43:25):
Uh, you know everything she'sdoing.
She's getting the word outthere through these podcasts.
Y'all can do something foryourself, for someone else.
Get on there, support AContagious Smile, share it with
somebody.
Okay, if you know someone whois going through abuse and you
(43:49):
know that that abuser is lookingat their phone, their computer,
you know that that abuser islooking at their phone, their
computer, their computer.
Bring them over your house, letthem use yours, okay, right,
absolutely that's pretty safe.
Speaker 2 (43:59):
Buy him a burner phone there you go let him keep
it in the car but always givehim an extra charger, because my
idiot actually took my phoneand my charger so I had a backup
one hidden in the vehicle witha backup charger so support a
contagious smile, support dearsilence.
Speaker 1 (44:21):
Write an email, okay, if you're going through this,
let us hear your voice becauseit's not to be silenced that's
right, of course.
We always uh you know have our,our donation up there.
You know, everything that we do, we're funded ourselves.
Speaker 2 (44:39):
We don't take a paycheck, which is not the
easiest thing, let me tell you,because we have, as long as
faith is taken care of.
We have sacrificed so much butwe do it for everyone else and
we I haven't taken a paycheck.
I went from a six-figure job tonot even six cents because I
have never taken a paycheck foranything.
(45:00):
All funds that are donated goright back in because there are
monthly fees for the platformsto which we do everything on and
you know, you think about thefact that I'm sitting in here 18
hours a day and I'm runningeverything the way that we're
running and we need theequipment and we have the
electricity and the Internet andI talk to people on the phone
(45:23):
and I Zoom with patients andkiddos and things of that nature
.
And then I do all the marketingmyself and everything else, and
all of it takes money and we areusing our own, which is really
hard when we're already strapped, and so we're not trying to do
this to get rich.
Speaker 1 (45:41):
we're not doing this nope, that's why the class most
classes are what?
Speaker 2 (45:45):
they're under five dollars five dollars and that is
because not free.
Well, they've been valued atwell over a hundred a piece, but
we want to make it affordable,because healing shouldn't come
with a price tag Right, and wewant to make sure people can
afford it.
Now, if you take a class andyou're like, wow, this is
amazing and you have the abilityto donate, then you can either
do a contagious smilecom and inthe right corner it'll say buy
(46:08):
me coffee.
But when you open it up, it'sactually giving another person a
chance and every five dollardonation um, every five dollar
donation is a class for someonewho couldn't afford it at the
time and that is a really bigdeal and it really does help
other people my apologies y'all.
Speaker 1 (46:30):
That was, that was 15 cameras around the security
camera went off just now.
Speaker 2 (46:35):
And our dogs didn't bark and that's because it was
nothing there.
It looks like it was a spiderthat just set a web.
Speaker 1 (46:44):
Well, be sure to jump on that email,
phoenixatacatagessmilecom, andwrite your dear silence, and it
can be a letter that you'rewriting about yourself what
you've endured.
Speaker 2 (47:01):
It doesn't have to be just physical abuse.
It could be emotional, it couldbe narcissistic um, it could be
about someone you lost tosomeone that you lost.
It could be a dedication pieceto someone who has, you know,
been taken too soon due to this.
It's really going to bebeautiful.
How it is going to be emotional.
(47:24):
It is going to be really hardto read.
Speaker 1 (47:27):
It's extremely hard.
Speaker 2 (47:28):
But when you look at it, like all of these people are
coming together to virtuallyhold each other and hold each
other up and say I matter andour voice matters, and now it's
time we freaking scream andwe're going to, and we're going
to do it internationally andthat's what we're going to do
and to be able to do that andthen hope that it saves.
(47:50):
If it saves one person, thenit's so worth it.
I mean to read it and it'sempowering because you read it
and at first it's gonna grabyour heart, it's gonna hurt to
read some of these things, butthen you get really freaking mad
and you're like damn, uh-uh, no, especially that one from that
mom.
I mean, that one is tough andwhen you read these stories you
(48:13):
want to help.
If you're at all human and notthese abusive monsters, then
you're gonna want to help.
You're gonna want to to savethese beautiful kids.
I've had a bunch of kidsactually write in, uh, with
their parents permission andwrote stories or letters, babe,
(48:35):
to their parents especially mostof them were to their mom about
them watching what their momwent through for them.
And then I've had some parentsand some kids who have asked can
we?
Or all the parents have writtenon behalf of the children and
said you know, can we do quotes?
We're going to have a quotesection, and that is.
(48:58):
It's empowering too.
But when you literally havethese young kids, they are so
much smarter than you have anyidea, babe, like I don't think
us adults have any idea.
I mean, I have gotten lettersfrom moms that are like hey, I
have a seven or eight year oldwho wrote me this and can I give
it to you to put out there,without their name, absolutely.
(49:20):
Or I've talked to my daughteror said about this and they want
to write one or anything ofthat nature.
And it's it's heart wrenchingbecause these kids, kids one of
them thanked their mom forletting dad make their body
their battlefield so that theydidn't do it to them, and it was
(49:43):
wow so heart-wrenching, and thething is immediately, as a mom,
I immediately think of mydaughter, I immediately think,
oh my god, what if she had everseen it right, or at the age
where she could remember it?
And so this book will really bea movement.
It's going to really change.
Speaker 1 (50:02):
I was just thinking that very word movement.
Speaker 2 (50:05):
Yeah, because it really will.
It's so impactful.
I mean, even if you sit thereand think about these kids that
are like, I watched him come inand yell at you.
I watched you cry or keep asane face and go into the
bathroom and then you came outwith all dried off from your
shower but your eyes were redand I knew you cried.
You didn't want me to know youcried, but I knew you cried and
(50:29):
you know, like one of them andI'm only going to say a little
tidbit of it One of them thatreally grabbed me was I always
slept on the edge of the bed incase you needed somewhere to
come in and sleep in the middleof the night, oh my gosh.
And when I read that it was likeholy crap, these kids are so
much smarter, you know, thanthey have any idea.
(50:49):
And I don't think what the kidsdo realize is that a lot of
times, yes, the mom might say,hey, I'm coming in here to lay
in here with you, but a lot oftimes also, that mom very well
may be coming in there to laywith you to protect you, even
though you think you'reprotecting them, and it's just
these stories, you know, thatare real, are 100 authentic and
(51:12):
people really need to take areally good long look at how we
can help make this a thing ofthe past it's going to be
amazing when all said and done.
Speaker 1 (51:29):
I know right now it's at the very early stages y'all,
so it's probably been up andout there for what Two days, two
days, and I probably alreadyhave 50 plus submissions.
So it's going to take a littlebit to.
Speaker 2 (51:43):
Oh no, I will launch it beginning of October.
Speaker 1 (51:46):
Beginning of October.
Yeah, okay.
Well, there you go.
You heard it from the wife'smouth the metal and all, I'm a
heavy metal metalhead.
Speaker 2 (51:57):
it will be launching beginning of october and all
proceeds will go back to theacademy yeah yeah, but see it's
even going to cost money to makethe book right and so we're
funding that ourself and so, butthen all the proceeds from the
book are going to come rightback into the academy.
But people don't realize.
They think, oh, if you'relaunching on amazon, you, you
(52:18):
know, you make a lot of money.
Oh no, amazon just jacked it upwhere I don't know the exact
percentage, but I do believethat now they get it's either 50
or 60 percent, like more.
Oh yeah, yeah, it's outrageous.
So like, if you have a book,it's under and I don't want to
misquote, but it's if it's undera certain number, then you get
(52:41):
like 60% goes to them.
If it's over a certain number,then you get like 30% and they
get 70.
It's so ridiculous, it's so,it's so ridiculous, but it's
just as it's more expensive togo with a publishing firm.
Speaker 1 (52:56):
So thank y'all for listening to a contagious smile,
unstoppable and myinappropriate english be sure to
get on the website, get onthere and sign up for our
academy which is free to joinI'm through mighty networks no,
well, yes, but they don't go tomy networks.
Speaker 2 (53:16):
They have to go to a contagious smile.
Dot m n dot co and sign up.
Speaker 1 (53:23):
It's free, hop on a class most of them are free.
Speaker 2 (53:27):
There's a lot of free .
Speaker 1 (53:27):
There's a lot of free mini classes too be sure to
write dear silence at phoenix,at a contagious smilecom, and
let your voice be heard.
Yes and uh, you know.
If you feel the need, buy a cupof coffee, okay, thank y'all
for listening.
Y'all have a good night,victoria and michael out.
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