Finding Your People: The Gift of Connection TRIGGER WARNING

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Discover the true value of community, love, and support in our latest episode that focuses on how we navigate family dynamics and overcome personal struggles. Co-host Dana bravely shares her recent experiences with illness, showcasing the incredible support found in close friendships. As we discuss the complexities of familial relationships, we delve deep into the dynamics of narcissism and how it can negatively impact our connections with loved ones.

Throughout the conversation, we highlight the importance of building strong bonds and how they can provide resilience against life's hardships. Hear authentic stories from listeners grappling with the challenges of parenting and the emotional toll of unhealthy family relationships. Our discussions empower you to embrace your self-worth and establish healthy boundaries, ultimately promoting personal growth.

Join us as we tackle listener questions, emphasizing the significance of positive communication with children and the need for validation in challenging situations. We encourage everyone to take steps towards nurturing their well-being while seeking loving connections within their communities. Don’t forget to share your thoughts and stories with us! Dive into this engaging episode for heartfelt conversations and practical insights that may inspire you to make meaningful changes in your relationships and life.

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Episode Transcript

Speaker 1 (00:00):
thought.
Good evening everyone, andwelcome to another episode of
season two of Narc.
Narc, who's there?
Help, I'm gasping for air myride or die.
Dana, of course, co-host withthe mostest Couldn't imagine
doing this with anyone else.
How you doing.

Speaker 2 (00:17):
I am just fine.
I'm a little nasally because,as you know, I've been trying to
.
I'm still trying to get oversomething.
I thought I was over and youknow when you think you're okay
and then you're relapsed becauseyou do too much and so I'll be
trying again, right, right.
That's called being a womanexactly.

Speaker 1 (00:35):
We always talk about finding your group, finding your
person.
I have to tell you, Dana is somy person.
I was in pre-op the other dayand and Faith bless her heart,
or thump and gizzard, we're indifferent time zones and I'm
waiting in the waiting area ofthe hospital and she's like I'm
talking to Aunt Dana and I'mlike do you know what time it is
?
And I was like Aunt Dana is notawake.

(00:56):
And she's like oh yeah, she is.
And she just flips the phonevery quickly like I'm not
allowed to see what's being said.
And I I said did you wake her up?
Did you wake up Dana?
And she was like no, and I waslike I begged to dip her.
She goes, you could beg all youwant, she's talking to me and
obviously she loves me morebecause she's talking to me and
not to you.
And I'm like you woke her upand no, so early, early, early

(01:19):
in the morning, here's my rideor die, who's like answering my
child and keeping her mind, youknow, set on the fact that I'm
not about to go in and get, youknow, part of my vertebrae
removed and she, she's just.
This is why when you find yourpeople, you know, and the ones
that aren't.

Speaker 2 (01:34):
Let them go like just to hell with them you know A
hundred percent, but that's whatit is.
On any other morning I might'velet faith wait a little bit,
but you know, that morning Iknew, I knew what was going on
and I knew that if she'sreaching out to me already,

(01:58):
she's reaching out to me becauseshe needs you know, for
whatever reason, I'm not goingto let her down or you down,
because I the last thing youneeded was a kid that is on your
butt about whatever it was, andso it takes a community
sometimes and we have to give alittle of ourselves for the
benefit of the whole.
And it's wonderful and it'sfine.
The way I looked at it was it'sokay, I can sleep later, I can

(02:22):
be tired one day for you and forher, and but that's what you do
when you love somebody, youknow, and that's what it's about
.
And I think that it's a perfectway to come into this.
You know, narcissist podcast,because I mean, that's exactly
what a narcissist wouldn't do.
I mean, if I had done that tomy stepfather or even my

(02:42):
ex-husband, oh my gosh, I wouldnever hear the end of.
Do you know?
You woke me up and I could hearmy ex.
Right now, I'm the one thatpays the bills around here, even
though I actually was the onethat did, but in his mind.
It's amazing how they work.
They delusion themselves.

Speaker 1 (03:02):
They do.
And it's so funny because, likeshe's been under the weather
and at least once a day I'mmessaging her how are you
feeling?
She's like would you stopworrying about me?
And I'm like no, no, I will not.
I will not because that's whowe are and I don't do that and
I'm not changing who I am.

Speaker 2 (03:15):
So suck it up, sister , I know, and it's all right and
I love you for everything aboutyou.
But yeah, that's just what wedo.
But you know you have to do forother people, for the ones that
you love, because that's howyou show love.
You know, and I get annoyedbecause it's a trauma response.
You know, just like I don'tlike my picture taken, I don't

(03:37):
like attention on me becausefrom childhood if there's
attention on me it's thepressure, like oh my gosh, you
know, and I've got to make sureeverybody's okay so that I don't
get the consequences andwhatever.
But so it's for me it's kind oflike how people react.
You know, like you were, wewere talking earlier and you had
somebody say oh, do you saysorry all the time?

(03:57):
Like it's just a thing that wedevelop in childhood from the
trauma.
Even though we're fine now andwe're very healed, still things
that are just part of our nature, yeah, so we've had so much
response and I am taking downeverybody's questions.

Speaker 1 (04:15):
Please bear with the both of us.
You reach out to either one ofus, we will get to your question
, we will get to your comments,but I want to make sure
everybody is accounted for andwe, you know, acknowledge all of
it.
So please bear with us.
I love how everybody is justtalking, talking I.
So I want to read one that Igot the other day and I know I
still have such a back, but Iwant to read one because it

(04:38):
really just grabbed me, not thatthey all don't, but this one
really did, and it Let me, letme get my pad of paper here.
So it says ladies, I say thatwith a heart full of love.
I came across this beautifulpodcast of two of the strongest
women I've ever had the pleasureof sounding in my ear, lol.

(05:00):
And I have to tell you that itwas not only a breath of fresh
air but a sense of resiliencefor myself.
I felt alone, uncertain,uneducated and just downright
dumb.
I had no idea why.
I was always told I was the onedoing everything wrong.
Nothing I did was good enoughor right.

(05:21):
I couldn't amount to anythingand I literally became someone
who got lost within their ownthoughts.
The days turned into weeks,turned into months and turned
into years, and as that timecontinued to go by, I still
thought I wasn't even goodenough to sit at the table.
I would make dinner for myfamily and I found myself
sitting at the kitchen islandenjoying the leftovers while

(05:44):
they enjoyed their conversations, their telephones and each
other.
I didn't even sit with myfamily because I didn't felt I
deserved it.
What hurt me even more?
Hold on, I just lost my spot.
Sorry, I don't have my glasseson.
What hurt me even more is thefact that I was never invited to
my own table.
I provided food, nutrition,clothing, have roof over their

(06:04):
heads and everybody was daddy'slittle girl.
I have three daughters, all ofwhich think dad can do no wrong
and mom can do no right.
I literally get post-it notesstating I need this done today
by my children.
I try to address it and tellthem that it is not okay to talk
to me or any other adult thatway.
Ironically, they don't talk totheir father that way, but they

(06:26):
have picked up on how he speaksto me and they all speak to me
in the exact same manner.
I'm hoping that at some pointin time because you have a
lifelong listener you guys couldkind of give me a little way to
make this a little easier.
I've never thought that thiswould be my upcoming life, but I
don't see it getting anybrighter and I only see it
getting darker.

(06:46):
I want to just go into thepantry, say out of service on
the door, and call it a night.

Speaker 2 (06:55):
That makes me really sad.
Yeah, that makes me really sadon a few different levels, but
primarily because, well, I mean,I guess I'm just going to start
going, if you don't mind, cause.

Speaker 1 (07:07):
I just have all this stuff in my head, Please.
I mean, and she said we couldsay her name.
Her name is Patricia.

Speaker 2 (07:11):
Okay, patricia.
So like the first thing Itotally like was there, like
envisioning it all, because Imean I only have my one son, but
when we were still in it withhis dad, I mean, you know,
especially around the teenageyears, that's where a boy really
starts modeling his father'sbehavior, even though my son

(07:34):
would, up and down and allaround, be like I don't want to
be like my dad, I don't want tobe anything like him.
The verbiage, the looks, theexpressions, the way he would
treat me.
Sometimes I'd be like whoa,whoa, no, no, no, no, no.
That's not cool and it's so.
I mean the heartbreak of lookingin your child's eyes and seeing

(08:00):
your abusive spouse lookingback at you and hearing it.
It's just, it was really hard.
It was probably one of thehardest things I had to overcome
after that divorce and afterthat whole thing was over,
because, even though my sondecided to stay with me, I often

(08:20):
said it felt like I was livingwith his dad.
Still, it's like it wasn't over, because I had him living
literally inside my son's bodyin the way that he would talk to
me sometimes and other timesnot, but anyway.
So I feel that pain.
I cannot imagine three of thembecause you want to love your
children.
But on the other hand, I knowmultiple people.

(08:44):
One is a very close friend.
You have to meet her.
That's just same thing that the, the dad.

(09:04):
Um, it's just a tough situation.
I don't want to get too muchinto theirs.
It's the same situation, butnow the two daughters don't
really have much to do withtheir mother and it's just
heartbreaking.
I mean because there's nothingstronger than a mother's love,
for well, usually a mother'slove for their child, not for us

(09:25):
, yeah not for me.
My mother doesn't evenacknowledge me, so it's hard.
It's hard to hear that somebodyelse is going through that,
because the one part of me issaying well, that's your
children.
You want to save thatrelationship.
But on the other hand, I thinkthat we forget and I think I've
said it before, but we forgetthat whether it's our children,

(09:47):
our spouse, our mother, ourfather, our brother, our sister,
whoever it is, they are stillhuman beings and regardless of
the biological relation and whatwe presume that that
relationship should entail,sometimes it doesn't.
Sometimes they are just notyour people.
And that's the part I'mstruggling with, because for me

(10:10):
to say what I want to say, whichis, well, you know what, it's
very unlikely you're going to doanything or say anything to
change the way that they are.
They have adopted these habits,they think they're in the right
, they are watching it fromtheir father.
They're likely going tocontinue down that road.

(10:32):
It's a train you can't stop.
But I don't want to say that tosomebody, because if somebody
told that to me, that in my mindwould translate to how am I
supposed to get let go of my ownonly child?
I mean like I can't, as amother do that.
So forgive me, patricia, that Idon't really have an answer for

(10:54):
you, because I gave you myanswer, but as a mother I can't
even accept that answer.
So that's a really tough one.
All I can say is that you gotto take care of you and I think
if you take care of you, showyour, show your children love,
set boundaries and assertyourself and if they come around

(11:23):
, eventually they come around.
But if they don't, I think thatyou have to also understand
that that's a very possiblereality in this situation.
It's unfortunate, but it's onethat a lot of people live.

Speaker 1 (11:35):
Yeah, yeah, I want to go back just a second.
And when?
Where is it?
Hold on, let me go back andlook.
Yeah, that she says that thekids leave postie notes for her
with things to do, and I meanthat is something that they
learned.
They learned that from somebodyand I'm taking it from the dad,

(11:59):
and so they're seeing how thedad treated mom and they're
seeing, and what scares me isthat these girls are in a
pattern of learned behaviorwhere they're going to think
this is how a man is supposed totreat a woman, and then they're
going to get a man just likehim, right, and they're going to
become the mom, right, they'regoing to be that mom who is

(12:21):
being talked to and treated thatway.
You know, because they areshowing I mean, she says that
they do everything that dadtells them to do and they don't
speak to him that way, sothey're accepting oh, I see what
you're saying behavior of dad,yeah, but they're also trying to
stay on dad's good side bytreating mom the way that he

(12:42):
treats mom, but they don't saythat to him, right, because she
said in here that the dad andthe kids don't invite her to the
table and that, you know it'sthe pattern of behavior, but
that they hear how dad talks toher, but they don't talk to dad.
That way, they only talk to dad.

Speaker 2 (13:02):
Well, they're scared of him.
They're all scared of him andthat's why not one of them.
They're probably all sittingthere.
At some point early on, one ofthem had, I have to believe one
of them had wondered why momisn't sitting at the table, but
never dared ask that questionbecause dad would get.
Dad sounds like an asshole.

(13:22):
Can I just say that Dad soundslike a first rate.
Let's just clarify that.
Patricia, you can't say it.
We're saying it for you and I'msorry because we get it.
We have married those types.
We get how you fall in thattrap and we understand they're
not that way all the time andthere's another side of and we

(13:44):
understand they're not that wayall the time and there's another
side of that we understand.
But right now what it sounds tome is you're right, I was cause
, I was leaning more towards.
These three girls sound justlike narcissists, like him, and
they're probably going to end upin romantic adult relationships
where they're controlling and,you know, steamrolling over

(14:04):
whoever they're with.
But you're right.
I see your point now becauseyou're right.
They are being controlled andthey're not piping up, they're
not stepping up for mom, they'renot taking up for themselves.
It's a scary thing, isn't thisawful that this is what happens,
and a lot of people don't evensit back and think anything is

(14:26):
wrong.
They just sit, you know, like,have you ever heard this?
My mom used to always say oh,that's just the way he is, it's
just the way it is oh,absolutely, and it's just like
nails on the top.
Yeah, it's like.
No, you know it doesn't have tobe.
Though, and if somebody is likePatricia obviously is very
unsettled with this, as sheshould be, Thank God.

(14:46):
But you know, the only way toget better with that is to get
out.
And unfortunately, when you'rein a marriage and there's
children, no matter what age,getting out means risking those
relationships.
And so I mean, unfortunately,Patricia, I think you're the
only one that can answer yourown question.
I mean unfortunately, Patricia,I think you're the only one
that can answer your ownquestion.

(15:06):
I think you're looking forvalidation, which we are 100
million percent giving you.
This is not acceptable.
It's not good, but only youknow what you're willing to
tolerate and for what reasons,and we all have our reasons.
We've all stayed for whateverreasons, and there is no
judgment or shame in that.

Speaker 1 (15:29):
So if you do decide to stay and tolerate this and
you know it's something thatthat only you can decide- Right,
if you'll bear with me for oneminute, one of the things I want
to just say you know, and thisis something I would do, I'm not
offering medical advice, I'mnot offering anything like that.
What I would do in thissituation is I would start
privately doing post-it notes tothe girls, but not with things

(15:54):
to do or things that you demandthat they do, like she's saying
that the kids do to her.
Put something, maybe in one oftheir favorite books or set.
You know, schedule your phoneto send text messages like a
posty text message, where yousend something like I thought
you looked absolutely beautifultoday, you know.
And not where it's an openended question.

(16:15):
Or, you know, put on a postienote I, I'm so proud of how
you're doing in school.
Not an open ended, justsomething like not how was your
day?
Where they're going to comeback and be snarky but make it a
statement where you saysomething like you know, I'm so
proud of how great you're doingin band, I'm so proud of how

(16:37):
great you're doing at your job.
You know if they have anafterschool job.
Or you know you're doingphenomenal in X, y, z, whatever
it is for each of the kids andstart doing the postie notes,
because the kids are in thatprimitive age where they're like
, thinking about it and in theirmind a postie note is a demand,
a postie note is a.
Do it now.
These are kids, they're notsupposed to be that way to their

(17:00):
parents, right?
And I damn well sure bet thatthey're not.
Postie noting the dad, okay,and two pugs in a push doesn't
make a father.
Let me just put that out there,right?
And so take the mindset.
I would take the mindset whereit's okay.
Every time they demand something, you know they get a post-it

(17:23):
note and just, I need this now.
I need you to do this now.
Do my laundry, clean mywhatever that the post-it notes
are saying.
Take it and reverse it.
Reverse it where it's like youput something simple, like maybe
the dad goes into the room totell him I don't know what the
possibility is but like maybe intheir bathroom drawer, open the
drawer and put something thatsays hey, you did awesome at the

(17:47):
soccer game on Saturday.
Or you know, in their closet,when they pull the light down or
they flip the light on I justshowed my age or you know they
flip the light on I just showedmy age or you know they flip the
switch, you know in theircloset, put it, put a note on
the door or something that justsays you know, I couldn't be

(18:07):
prouder of everything you'reaccomplishing.
Just every time you get anegative, like every time I, if
I was her, if I was Patricia,this is what I would do and I,
like I said, I'm not giving thatkind of advice if I was
Patricia.
Every time I get a negative,like every time I, if I was her,
if I was patricia, this is whatI would do and, like I said,
I'm not giving that kind ofadvice.
If I was patricia, every time Igot a negative note the next
day I would put a positive notewith a statement, not an
open-ended question for thatindividual child.

(18:29):
That's a good idea.
And then let them startthinking okay, maybe I can start
seeing that the post-it notesaren't, you know, heavy, hurtful
demands to my mom.
You know, and maybe they'llrecognize that she is doing all
this stuff for me.
I don't need to do these post-itnotes because my dad does it.

(18:52):
I mean, she's doing this, sheis doing my whatever, she is
doing my whatever, she iscooking my meal, she is helping
whatever.
And start small.
Even the small step is a fourdirection and so just doing
something as simple as a postingnote of positivity is huge.
And don't make it be like, oh,you and your friend have a good

(19:12):
time tonight.
That's so generic.
Make it very specific, becausetheir demand is very specific.
Right, do my laundry, have itdone when I get home.
Period.
I'm so proud of how you scoredthe winning goal on Saturday in
your soccer game, like just asdemanding.

Speaker 2 (19:30):
But turn it around and be as positive and that's a
great thing for anybody to do inany situation, you know, to
turn it around into a positive.
I just feel right now she iseverybody's bitch in that house.
Basically, that is hot.
That is what it's sounding liketo me, and you know, there's

(19:51):
see, there's this other part ofme that you know.
The younger Dana would havebeen like you know what and I am
putting this out there, but I'mgoing to preface it with this
If this man, if the husband, dad, whatever, if he is actually
not safe, if he is not a safeperson and I'm not not saying

(20:14):
just emotionally then this isjust, we can all just laugh at
this and whatever.
But let's just say there arecertain people in my life that I
know they're not going toactually like, hurt me
physically, and if I had a daywhere I was feeling bold, be
like you know what f this it's.

(20:34):
This is my house too.
This is my house too.
That is my kitchen table.
I'm going to sit my ass down onmy.
You can see, I got my headgoing.
This is the Puerto Rican in me.
I'm going to sit my ass down atthat table.
There she goes and let's seewhat happens.
How about that?

(20:55):
Because when you have a dynamic, that's it's the way it always
been isn't working out forPatricia.
Somebody has to change thatdynamic.
Those girls are scared of dad.
Dad sure thinks he's the kingof the damn house and running
the show.
What if Patricia decided she'sgoing to put her queen crown on

(21:20):
and sit her ass at her ownkitchen table for once and
change the dynamic?
The look of horror I can onlyimagine and I wish I could be
there to see it on this man'sface.
But again, and I cannot expressthis enough, you don't screw
with a man that is potentiallygoing to take something like
that and turn it into anaggressive situation.
So I am not suggesting that,but assuming that is not the

(21:43):
case, I just wonder what wouldhappen.

Speaker 1 (21:48):
Well, I just want to say one more thing and then
we'll move on.
I really, when I read this Iread it a it a couple times and
to me it also sounds like thegirls are trying to play the
safe haven in regards to thefact that they know dad screams
he probably.
You know they're talking andtreating him one way and they're

(22:10):
treating mom a different way,but they're not screaming at her
, they're screaming at the paper.
Because I think deep downinside they feel for mom, like
the girls you know kind of feelfor mom, and may I mean there's
not enough explanation in here,but maybe they yell at her when
he's around, but then when he'snot that's why they do the
posting notes, cause they don'twant to yell at her.

(22:31):
It's still mom, right, andmaybe they feel that.
But they're also petrified oftwo pugs in a push, because I'm
not calling them dad, but likethat could be another thing,
right, and so it's a verycomplex situation, especially
without knowing more of what thesituation is other than what

(22:51):
we've got.
But I just I don't want her tolose hope on the fact that you
know there is a possibility.
I mean they could just bereally scared of him.

Speaker 2 (23:02):
They could be, or they could be just like him, and
there's three of them, so itcould be an intermixed situation
that we don't know.
That's why I just want to focuson Patricia, because, at the end
of the day, the only person youcan control is yourself.
The only thing you can changeis how you respond, how you
react, how you behave in anysituation.

(23:23):
And when she gets these demandsI want this now my response
would be to write on the bottomof that note and say you know,
I'm not able to get to it rightnow.
Get to it right now, but I cando it on Tuesday or whatever.
Or if you need this done rightnow, then I suggest maybe you

(23:44):
ask your sisters or your dad andI would put that post-it note
right back up wherever whoever'sgoing to see it.
And it's not me being defiant,but I'll be darned if somebody
is going to demand of me.
I've lived that life not doingit again, because it does not
resonate with anybody to feellike you are a dog on a leash,
like you're supposed to obey thecommands and that's all you're
there for.

Speaker 1 (24:04):
Yeah, yeah, all right , the next one's just kind of I
thought it was hysterical soprepare.

Speaker 2 (24:10):
We need a lighter one .

Speaker 1 (24:11):
Yeah, you're going to cough.
Go ahead and cough, becausethis one is Yep, I knew it okay,
howdy y'all, I can't do it.

Speaker 2 (24:19):
Howdy y'all uh, you know, I love it.

Speaker 1 (24:22):
Howdy y'all, y'all, y'all.
Okay, I have to tell you guys,you guys I can't, I can't do the
voice.
I'm trying, howdy y'all, I'mtrying to do oh, just read it
okay I want y'all to know that Ithink the two of you are
downright hysterical, kneeslapping, hilarious.
First of all, who in the SamHill would ever think a Puerto

(24:45):
Rican in a redhead could do?
Oh my God.
And on the rare occasion thatone of you two spitfires decide
to like revvy up y'all's engineand let it out, I just live for
those moments.
Up y'all's engine and let itout.
I just live for those momentson y'all shows.
I am waiting on the day whenmiss dana starts talking in
spanish, because then I knowsomeone's drifting the skirt and

(25:07):
blown it up.
It seems that miss victoria isa little more feisty when it
comes to protecting those thatshe cares for, helps and loves
Dana's the same way.
But I also can imagine thatVictoria gets very quiet when
she's angry before it's likecalm before the storm.

(25:29):
I'm just asking.
It's kind of like this is kindof my like request to a DJ.
If, if I called into a radiostation, I just would like to
see my, my cutesy little puertorican and my hot redhead.
All of a sudden, just let it goand she starts talking in
spanish.
Victoria's spinning her headaround because we don't know if
she knows spanish or she'llunderstand what she's saying and

(25:51):
the two of y'all just go at itand and have a field day.
Let us know before you do so.
We're not sitting on our porchdrinking tea and it goes
everywhere.

Speaker 2 (26:02):
Well, here's the problem with that is that I
understand Spanish, but speakingit is a whole other thing.
My mind it does not.
There is no language that youcan think in your head of a
sentence and just directlytranslate it over, because the
grammar and the word placementis all different.
So, like when my grandma talksto me in Spanish, I understand

(26:26):
it and she says a lot of crapunder her breath in Spanish and
I love it because nobody aroundus understands and we can laugh
and giggle and have our moment.
But I am not, and you know whatthe thing about it is, and I'm
going to say this in my defense.
I have worked very, very hard toget a little more Zen and a
little more healed and to notreact, because to me, reacting

(26:50):
is a sign of unhinging andunhealing in my life.
So I fear most people Now, ifyou had my husband on here, he
could, he could tell you somestories, because I am that
person too that I get very, veryquiet.
If I, if I am, if I am quiet,there's a problem, and if I am

(27:14):
quiet, you better run for cover,because I never know when this
girl is going to blow.
I don't know what's going tocome out of my mouth ever, but
it's unfortunately all inEnglish and it usually is very
colorful language, but it is notSpanish and I am so sorry to
disappoint.
I mean, it's hilarious.

Speaker 1 (27:34):
Blow your skirt up and ruffle feathers.

Speaker 2 (27:38):
Well, my skirt has blown up once or twice, and well
, you know, people get asurprise for sure, because I
can't, I can't.

Speaker 1 (27:50):
That flexes it.
No, because I'm thinking ofsomething that you wanted to
like.

Speaker 2 (27:56):
I can't even say it it has like no, I wouldn't be
wearing those because I don't.
I don't wear anything.

Speaker 1 (28:02):
Yeah, I know, but I don't wear those, that's just
for fun oh see, now people don'tknow what you're talking about
and I'm not doing it.

Speaker 2 (28:10):
Yeah, no I'm a commando girl, so if I have a
sundress on, there ain't nothingunderneath but no, but those
are just for fun, because youhave to have something on to
have that, and nobody needs toknow what we're talking about.
Sorry, people, wow, wow.
You got to live life, victoria,and you know we all like a

(28:31):
little fresh air.
Okay, is that Puerto Rican?
Enough for the scale?
Maybe, maybe that wasn't inSpanish, but that's how we roll,
that's how we roll.

Speaker 1 (28:54):
Miss Dana, I've read both of your books.
I am in high school and I readthem both with the hopes of some
clarity as to what couldpossibly be going on with my dad
and my stepmom.
My father has always been aquiet, calm and gentle person.
He literally jumps at the sightof anything.

(29:17):
My stepmom, on the other hand,reminds me of the stepmom in
Cinderella Horrible reference,but you know, I'm trying to do
the best I can.
I'm nervous that I'm writing toa published author to whom I
admire ever so much for puttingout the truth.
I am confused, as I am amulti-home kid.

Speaker 2 (29:39):
Is that like a custody?
Yeah, it's, when you getshifted from one place to
another all the time.

Speaker 1 (29:45):
They call it a multi-home.

Speaker 2 (29:47):
Yeah there's different terms for it.

Speaker 1 (29:49):
Yeah, I am a multi-home kid and I feel it's
not fair for the kids because wespend one week at one place and
one week at another.
And the purpose of my tellingyou this is because last week I
was at my biological mom's and Ineeded something from my dad's,
but my dad was at work.
So, of course, the stepmomanswers the phone, and I asked

(30:13):
her if she could bring it over,and she literally chewed through
my phone, ripping me intopieces, making me cry, because
she said I was forgetful and itwas my fault and I would have to
do without.
When I tried to talk to my dad,my dad said I shouldn't have
tried to upset his wife.
I wasn't trying to upset hiswife.
I had forgotten something and,truth be told, what it was was

(30:39):
something for school and Idesperately needed it.
However, my mom ended up takingme back over there, and when
she took me back over there, mydad had yet to return and my
stepmom would not let her in thehouse, so she wouldn't even
bring out what I needed, and somy mom and I ended up driving
around.
So my dad came home from workand finally let us come in to
get it.

(30:59):
I don't understand why my dadaccepts this behavior from his
wife, his current wife.
I'm writing to you because thesimilarity of you being married,
I understand that in the roleyou would have been my dad.
I'm just looking for someguidance because I am so lost.
I'm unable to drive, I'm only14.

(31:21):
Good for her, I'm only 14, but,like I said, I feel like I
don't know what to do to try tomake the situation more
tolerable for anyone.
I've never wanted to be 18 sobadly, because I just don't even
want to be around this personever again.

Speaker 2 (31:39):
Yeah, I get that.

Speaker 1 (31:42):
You have a 14-year-old mega mega lover.
She loves your books.

Speaker 2 (31:48):
That's awesome.
That's amazing and that's verysweet, but I'm just like my
heart is breaking for her,because I so feel for her.

Speaker 1 (31:57):
For her, well, I want to say kudos to her for, like
just before I shush and let yourun, I want to say kudos to her
because, first of all, she's 14and she went looking for answers
.
She went looking for how can Irelate to this situation, how
can I make the situation better?
And and she came across yourbooks and so she read them.
So I mean good for her.

(32:19):
I mean she took initiativeright and I think this deserves
huge applause for that.

Speaker 2 (32:24):
Oh, huge applause, because I mean, there's so many
people, I mean most people.
it's actually statisticallyproven that you don't even
really understand that yourchildhood affected you until
you're usually like in yourmaybe late thirties to late
forties is on average, and youknow it all kind of hits you and

(32:47):
then you've got to unpack anentire life of crap that you've
dealt with because of the crapfrom your childhood.
So whenever I see so I am 100%with you that I mean when I see
somebody that's that young andis that aware that, like this is
not right, this is not okay.
What makes me feel bad, though,is that you know, like it like

(33:10):
takes me back there, you know,because I mean I was not.
The only time I was scootedaround was during the first few
years in my life, which I endedup taking out of my second book
because it was my.
My publisher was confused by itand I didn't know how else to,
but I was.
I lived with my great grandma,but sometimes I would go to my
mom's and sometimes I was atgrandma's house and something

(33:38):
but and so in that sense, likethat alone for a child is hard.
I don't care if you're five or14, the way I always felt was
like I didn't have a home.
I had places I stayed, but Ididn't have a place where I
really lived.

Speaker 1 (33:51):
So you felt like you were living out of a suitcase.

Speaker 2 (33:54):
It was always being yeah, there was no stability.
You know it's probably likewhat army kids feel like and you
know, and you know like in thiscase, in divorce, that is
something that unfortunately iscommon.
Everybody wants, you know,fights over the custody of these
kids, like they're trying, butit's more.
It's not, and forgive me, I'mgoing off on a tangent, but it
pisses me off when people don'treally want to spend time with

(34:18):
their kids but they just want tostick it to the other person by
fighting for their weekend ortheir week or whatever it is.
It's just like my God, let thekid go with the one who loves
them and wants them, please,because it's so much better for
the kids, because, forgive me,for you know so to to partially
answer this girl.
You know, I don't know dad, Idon't know his psychology, I

(34:42):
don't know his upbringing andunfortunately, without all that,
why he's being a puss and notstanding up to his wife.
Believe me, I've seen, I seepeople every day that are like
that and it's what makes theworld go round.
Is that we're different?
But obviously he's terrified ofher for whatever reasons,
probably something in hischildhood.
This is who he wants to be withand this is what he has decided

(35:07):
is okay.
What pisses me off is that, youknow, if he doesn't want to be a
father, if he doesn't want tobe the one who can take off of
work to go get his daughter thecrap that she needs for school
out of his house, if he wants tobe participants in her being
moved around so freaking much,then you know what he needs to
be a little more involved inthis.

(35:29):
But he's not and you're notgoing to.
It's just like the last one,unfortunately.
You're not going to change.
Grown people Maybe, but theyhave to be the one to see the
change, to want the change.
But where does that leave thisgirl?
This leaves this girl with anevil stepmother, a mother that
can't do anything about it and adad who won't do anything about

(35:50):
any of it.
So, unfortunately, you knowagain, it's just kind of like we
have to take the bull by thehorns for ourselves and I just
hope the main thing I left, youknow, and you forget, or you
leave the grocery store and theone thing you went there for is

(36:20):
the one thing you show up athome without and you're like
mother trucker, like you know,don't make me go back.
You know, it happens.
We're human and obviously thisevil stepmother is a see you
next Tuesday and I'm done withthat.
I just can't deal with peoplelike that, but unfortunately
this girl does.
So the countdown starts andwe're all going to be wishing

(36:43):
that 18 comes for this girlsooner than later, and so I
defer to you because I don't.
I unfortunately don't have ananswer when you're 14.
The only answer there is to asituation like that is to fight
for emancipation.
But you need lawyers, you needmoney, you need people to help
you and if she can, if she hasthat great.

(37:06):
I couldn't, I couldn't get that, I didn't have that opportunity
.
But I know people.
I know two people who wereemancipated very young.
But that's a whole other lifethat, you know, has its own
challenges.

Speaker 1 (37:19):
So no, I agree, I agree.
First of all, I think she'ssmart, I think she's really
definitely, you know, to go outand take the time and find out
how she could, you know, findsome information and she reads
about it.
You know, I don't know thesituation about the custody,
maybe you can petition to getfull custody with mom.
I mean, mom sounds like shecares, mom sounds like she's

(37:40):
here.
I mean, she immediately stoppedand tried to go get everything
and make phone calls and youknow and help her.
And maybe you know if there's ajoint custody because there's
nothing in here about thespecifics of custody but she's
saying you know that she's,she's, you know multiple places
then maybe it's a one week here,one week there kind of

(38:00):
situation and they have jointcustody.
So if that's the case and itdepends on your state I believe
that at a certain age you can goto the judge and say you know,
my choice is that I really wantto live here, and then maybe you
only have to tolerate onholidays or or things of that
nature.
And you can talk to the judgeand tell the judge I just I

(38:21):
don't feel safe, you know she'svindictive, she's heartless,
whatever the case may be, andsay you know, this is my dad's
choice, but it's not mine.
I have a wonderful mom,obviously, because there's joint
custody.
I'd rather spend my career ofhigh school with her and you
know, whatever a day, maybe likea Saturday, once a month or

(38:41):
whatever.
Tell them what you'recomfortable with, right, and say
this is what I want.
And it sounds like maybe, if youdo what it sounds like if you
tell your mom that you know youdon't want to be every week,
every other week, every,whatever the case may be that
maybe this can be done.
You know you don't want to beevery week, every other week,
every, whatever the case may bethat maybe this can be done.
You know, and if your dad caresabout you but he's afraid of

(39:03):
the witch, then maybe he'llfight this quietly and then just
let it happen for you.
Because the first thing isfirst is you.
You know you're the priorityright, and my heart breaks, but
I mean, you're so smart, you'rea smart girl.
Do not let this affect yourschool and your school career,
don't you know?
Let it depress you.

(39:25):
You keep your head up andremember and you know, even if
when you are I'm not givinglegal advice, but these are
things that can be done.
And just find yourself whenyou're with your dad doing all

(39:47):
sorts of things, like maybe, hey, I got a huge test, I've got a
huge paper due, I've got this, Igot that, I'm going to
volunteer at school, I'm goingto, you know, get a part-time
job, I'm going to do whateveruntil and make it sure that
you're doing all that when maybea study group or, you know,
maybe after school activities orget into a club or something
like that, where you'retechnically at their place for

(40:09):
that period of time but you'renot having to be there that
whole time because you'reinvolved in all this other stuff
, and then nobody can dispute it.
I mean, who's going to say, no,you're with me for this week,
you can't be in the academicclub?
No, you can't.
You know, go and volunteer atthe children's hospital,
whatever the case is.
I mean, a parent, a good parent, is not going to say no to that

(40:32):
.

Speaker 2 (40:33):
Yeah, no, I mean, that's what I did during high
school especially.
I just joined whatever I could,even if I just was like, oh, I
have to, I'm studying with somekids, even if I was by myself
after school, you know, I wouldjust stay at school until the
late bus because, my God, itjust meant me not being at home
and they didn't care, theydidn't want to deal with me.

(40:53):
So it was better off that way,but I, I would even take it a
step further.
And again, you know it's kindof like that last one, but I
feel like I'm just like boldtoday or something.
But you know the stuff on thephone that's called verbal abuse
.
Yes, and abuse is abuse.
Document, whatever you can, Ithink, if there's documentation,

(41:17):
but specifically if it'srecorded, whether it's video or
audio, I would record.
I would start recording thesethings and go to somebody at
school I know that there I had acounselor in my high school
that was assigned to me and Ialso had a teacher I think I
talked about that in the bookthat there was one teacher that

(41:37):
I had that kind of saw me, forhe saw through me and so I felt
like I could eventually confidein him.
I would be taking those thingsto somebody else and if they
wanted to call child serviceswhich actually if they're a
school, they would probably beliable and responsible to do

(41:59):
that I don't think that's a badidea, because then when mom or
whoever anybody petitions thecourt, that will be brought in
as evidence and that will beconsidered and that will be
considered more than a14-year-old that just doesn't
like her stepmother.
And I'm not saying thatdismissively, I'm saying that

(42:20):
because in a court of law rightnow, that's what they're going
to look at it, as is that you'rejust not happy that dad got you
.
Believe me, I've had everyscenario put on my plate, so I
already know how they thinkbefore they're going to think it
.
But right now we live in abeautiful time.
I wish that back then I hadevidence, I had a cell phone or

(42:42):
something that could recordthese things.
We didn't have those thingsback then.
We had witnesses, if there wereany, and even then people were
scared, just like the mom withthe three daughters.
So you have a cell phone,probably you have anything.
Record these conversationsbefore you even get.
Don't go looking for fights.
Probably you have anything.
Record these conversationsbefore you even get and don't go
looking for fights.
But when you're you know ifnothing happens in that then you

(43:05):
can just delete thatconversation, delete that
recording, fine.
But when stuff is happening,when you hear her coming up
those stairs or you're on thephone with her, she answers you
press record, you startcollecting evidence because that
is going to hold up more withchild services and a court of
law and honestly I think thiswoman needs a little visit from

(43:26):
child services, because if Ilived anywhere near these people
I would not be able to sit byand just watch this poor girl
get treated the way she's beingtreated, because this is exactly
how people grow up to be, likeme and you and I mean we're
great now, but we weren't forhow long.

Speaker 1 (43:46):
Yeah we weren't.
I don't know what kind of phoneyou have and I'm going to tell
you you can.
I have an iPhone and you canset up the iPhone where the top
button on the left willinstantly record for you and it
does make a little beep, butwhat you do is hit it before and
then, if you black out thescreen, it will look like

(44:09):
nothing's going on, and so itwon't trigger a question of why
are you recording me?
Because all teenagers are goingto walk around with their
phones in their hand, right,right, everybody does it.
I mean most adults do.
But if she's walking around andyou know she hits the button,
program your buttons, like.
You can go into your settingsand set your buttons up where
you can.
I have mine where the top left,very top left, is record button

(44:32):
.
You just tap it and it records.
But then I go back to my homescreen so that if I put my phone
down on the table while I'mhaving the conversation, then it
doesn't look like I'm recording.
And if she is as evil andnarcissistic as she's obviously
sounds like, she might alsostart to get paranoid and she'll

(44:54):
want to try to trap you.
Well, if that's the case andyour phone sitting on the table.
She can't say anything becauseshe won't know, right, you can't
dispute.
And a recorded conversationthat you just can't and so right
, and and you don't want her toentrap you and say, oh dad,
she's trying to do all thesethings to ruffle my feathers and

(45:16):
do whatever it is.
Record it and then, like danasaid, you can go into your you
know recording voice memos,delete it, but then go into your
deleted and delete it there too, so that you can't go back and
get it and it doesn't look likeyou are trying to entrap her.
But that that's what I would do.
I would reset my phone, that'swhat I've and you know.

(45:39):
I'm ridiculous about gettingevidence.

Speaker 2 (45:41):
Yeah, I'm a, I'm an audio recorder, I'm an audio
person in general.
Just, you know, when I'mwriting my books and whatever,
or even just random thoughts, Ihave like a little app that
looks like.
It actually looks like a littlecorn on the cob, but it's kind
of a microphone or something.
Anyway, I don't know what appit is, but I just tap on it and

(46:02):
just start talking and it'lltranscript it out.
If I want it, it can send thevoice file.
So, like I always for stufflike this where I need supposed
evidence because of narcissists,and like with my ex, especially
with court back when we had todo all that, it's nice to send
it to your email.
So then it's recorded in Googleand that way you can get it off

(46:24):
your phone.
But it's still out there andand and accessible if you need
it.
But yes, the recording is thebig thing.
And just one more littleaddition on that is you know
this girl, you've read my books.
You know, then, out of gaspingfor air, that the my books.
You know, then, out of gaspingfor air, that the one thing you
know from my dad, who's aretired Chicago cop, and the

(46:45):
cops that I dealt with trying toget my ex dealt with.
Um evidence.
They said you have to haveevidence.
In this day and age they don'tdo the he said, she said stuff
and especially when you're aminor, your, your credibility is
even less.
Yeah, it is.
Yeah, I don't want to say zero,but yeah, it pretty much is.

(47:06):
Because whatever the adult incharge says which sounds like
it's stepmom that's in controlof the narrative, then that's
what's going to be, you know,really pushed.
You know it's kind of likepolitics, the agenda of the more
powerful people gets pushed.
It's kind of like politics, theagenda of the more powerful
people gets pushed.
So you have to have solidevidence.
That is indisputable.

(47:27):
So just start collecting it.
That's my biggest thing.
Start collecting it becausethat is not healthy for this
girl to be in that situationwith the stepmom.
But the only way out isevidence.

Speaker 1 (47:38):
And I want to go and offer something to her.
She's reached out to me and shereaches out to me again when
she hears this and I have savedher information and you find a
way for me to send you.
I'm going to let Dana tell youmy one of my books, which is not
who's there, is about anarcissist, actually too, and

(48:03):
all the evidence that Icollected.
And if you can tell mesomewhere that I can send the
book to you, I will send it toyou.
I will send a copy off to youso you can see and I'm not doing
that to show my book, I'm doingthat because and I'll let Dana
kind of explain why my book isnothing but evidence and you can
, you know, kind of get an ideaof different things that you can

(48:25):
use in your on your benefit, onyour behalf, and then it might
make it a little easier for you.
And then, when you're done,toss it.
I don't care, you know, don'tlet them catch you with it or
say it's a book you're doing forschool or whatever the case may
be, but that way you can seewhat different kind of evidence
you can get, how to get it andwhat to do with it and then,

(48:47):
like I said, I will send it toyou for free.
I will ship it off to youwherever I can send it to you.
You know, maybe if you tell afriend, hey, I have someone
sending me a book, can I send itto your house, like your best
friend, or whatever, just tellsomeone sending me a book, can I
send it to your house like yourbest friend, or whatever.
Just tell me and I'll send ityour way.
But I guess, like I don't wantit to sound like I'm tooting my

(49:07):
horn about my book, but I wanther to understand the concept of
getting and gathering theevidence.

Speaker 2 (49:10):
Yeah, and it's not about tooting your own horn.
I mean it's amazing.
I, by the way, I'm very humbledthat she read my books, so, and
so I want to say thank you toher if she's listening to this.
But no, what I do love and I'vesaid it before about Narc Narc,
who's there, I mean you're,you're kind of filling in the
backstory of what you'representing, but the whole book

(49:34):
you've got text, I meanscreenshots of text messages
between other people, betweenyou and certain people pictures,
letters, emails.
I mean it's just they'reshooting themselves in their own
feed and they don't even knowit.
And I think people forget theyget so, you know, egotistical.

(49:56):
I guess they get in their ownhead and think they're this big
shit that nothing can happen tothem.
And what are you going to dothat?
They just get careless.
And you know something like theway this woman is talking to
you know, step mom is talking tothis girl.
Well, it's careless to theextent that everyone has a cell
phone now and cell phones can doa lot of amazing things now,

(50:19):
like record, which is a basicfunction, and if you want to
repeatedly say those things tosomebody, I mean somebody could
argue oh well, you know, thegirl has to toughen up, she
shouldn't be too sensitive,because that's what I always got
, and I say F you, nobody shouldtalk.
I would never think of talkingto somebody else's child like

(50:40):
that.
I don't care if you're marriedto their father, their mother,
their whoever there.
You don't talk to a child likethat.
That is a sign of a person thatdoesn't give a shit about
anybody but themselves, and Ihave a big problem with that.
So, yes, I hope this girl islistening and can reach back out

(51:00):
to us, but just know that youhave our full support.
I think I speak for you.
Obviously, victoria, I'mthrowing you out there anyway,
but I know you, I know yourheart, so I know that you're
with me, that we are here tosupport this young girl, however
that we can, and so we can't.
We're not attorneys.
We can't necessarily give allthe advice, but we can give you

(51:23):
ideas about ways to go abouthandling this.
But evidence is the key and ifyou want to reach out to dana.

Speaker 1 (51:28):
You know you can.
You can reach out and give me,and give me permission, and I'll
give dana your information andhow to get to you.
Um, and, like I said, howeveryou want, I, I want you to see
how, and and the evidencegathering isn't just don't think
of it as a ha ha ha, I got you.
It's protecting yourself.
It's protecting yourselfBecause if this stepmom is the

(51:49):
way that you're presenting her,she's going to escalate and it's
going to get worse.
You need to protect yourself,right, even if you never use it.
I held my evidence.
Some of my evidence is 30 yearsold, right, and I and I kept it
, and that doesn't make me crazy, that makes me sane and you
know what.
I'll be honest with you.
Originally, I started keepingevidence because I was like I
didn't do this, I was accused ofthis and I didn't do it, and it

(52:13):
was really honestly in thebeginning, there, sweetheart, it
was honestly.
It was there for me to go backand look at and be like I'm not
who they say I am.
I wasn't even there and they'reaccusing me and it's not me,
it's them.
They will not takeaccountability and because they
did something wrong and theywon't own up to it.
They're putting it off on me.
And so I originally startedkeeping things for my own peace

(52:36):
of mind, because when you hearit constantly, every, every
single day, you begin to wonderyou know, is everything my fault
?
You know, I didn't ask to comeon this earth, I didn't ask to
be born, you know, and I'm here.
But it's not okay for them toput blame on you.
And so that's why I originallystarted keeping things, because
I wanted to go back and say youknow what I didn't do this, you

(53:01):
know.
And it took me into my fortiesto realize that I was not to
blame for things that I wasblamed for in my childhood.
Well, that's exactly it.

Speaker 2 (53:09):
That's exactly it, and and I don't I don't know
that I've ever met anybody thatfeels guilty.
I think when, when you get tothe point of knowing that you
need to record evidence and keepyou and keep some kind of
written or electronic evidenceof any type, it's because you're
trying to almost even prove toyourself.
Because that's how it was forme.

(53:30):
I was being told I never saidthat, you never said that, I
never did that, I never, never,never.
Everything I saw, my entirereality, was negated by not just
one person.
I had three people my husband,my mother and my stepfather all
telling me if I thought Iexperienced something a certain
way, it was wrong.

(53:51):
You start to think you'refreaking nuts.
You have everybody in your lifetelling you that your
experience of reality is thatfar off.
So I started keeping theevidence, like, okay, let me
read this and let me read itagain, because I will say this
and it is a trauma thing, thisis a normal thing, Cause I

(54:12):
remember this happening oncewhere I read a text message and
I immediately you know it, it.
It meant a certain thing to meand I was offended and it was
awful.
But then, when I, when I, whenI calmed down a little bit and
reread it, I had I hadadmittedly taken it wrongly, and

(54:32):
that is a trauma thing becauseyou're so used to people coming
at you that you re, so sometimesit is good to have it for that,
but it's also good to have itso you know what's what.
So when they say I never saidthat, I never did that to you,
You're this, you're that, Idon't know I've got it right

(54:53):
here.
And am I reading this wrong?

Speaker 1 (54:56):
Like look at this Victoria.
Why would you have to get allthis evidence against me?
Why?
What's wrong with you?

Speaker 2 (55:00):
but it's good to sometimes have another set of
eyes on it, because that's thething.
If you give 20 recordings tosomebody and say I feel like I'm
being verbally abused by thisperson, what do you think?
Just let them listen and seewhat they think.
Because sometimes, even justhaving that validation because

(55:22):
again I am just going based offthis one letter that she wrote
in, but that one incident, thethings that the stepmother said
to her on the phone, to me thatsounds like verbal abuse.
And if you hand me five, 10, 15recordings that this woman has
a consistent pattern because youknow what we all have our days,
I'm not saying it's right, no,but assuming she is the a-hole

(55:47):
that she seems to be and you canpresent with evidence a
consistent pattern of behavior,that is going to be something
that will be held up in courtand dad's going to lose custody
and hallelujah and amen, and Iwould love to be there for that
day.

Speaker 1 (56:02):
that's all okay, I got one more.
All right, and this isn't me,so I might just let my assistant
from another mistletoe takethis one.
But I read your nart nart who'sthere but victoria?
And I have to say it was eyeopening and I downright found it
funny.
I found it funny, yeah, I foundit funny that you went to the

(56:27):
length to go out and basicallydestroy the people who were your
quote unquote family.
And, like I told everybody fromthe beginning, I will read
every comment and everything andI will.
So I found it downright funny.
And I've heard on your showthat you say for every one thing

(56:47):
that you put in the book, youhave 10 to 15 more.
So are you going to writeanother book with the rest of
the evidence?
Because I have to tell you, Isat down and read this over the
course of only a few days and Iwas laughing throughout the
entire book.
I'm hoping that you will doanother one.
Oh, okay.

Speaker 2 (57:05):
Well, let me tell you that lady that asked for me to
let her know when somebody wasgoing to blow their fucking top
excuse my language because shewants to get her sweet tea and
sit on the porch just get yourdamn sweet tea ready, because
I'm pissed.
That pisses me off.
You know what I get people thathate on my books too and have
things to say and shame me.

(57:26):
But let me tell you there isnothing funny about a man using
his daughter to cheat on hiswife and granddaughter, and over
and over, and using hisgranddaughter's illnesses and
disabilities to get women to getmaterial possessions to have

(57:49):
any gain.
It's disgusting.
And if you can find humor inthat and forgive me but you know
, it's OK to not like somebody,it's OK to not like a book, it's
okay to feel how you feel.
I do want to pull back andvalidate that, because I don't
like being judgmental, but theone thing that I will not

(58:11):
tolerate is when somebody shamesor judges or laughs, mocks
somebody who has been a victimof terrible abuse.
Perhaps the things in this bookare not enough evidence for
this woman, but here's the thing.
I think you know this already,but I'm going to say it anyway.

(58:32):
You, victoria, don't need toprove shit to anybody.
Even without this book, thoseof us that know you and know
what you've been through andknow the whole ordeal, we
validate you, we are on yourside and we hear you and we are
roaring for justice for you.
Eventually, karma will be thebiggest bitch and bite him in

(58:54):
the ass.
To laugh, to actually gothrough the effort to write in
and say that you found it funny.
It's really disgusting to me.
You're talking about peoplethat knew that their only
grandchild, a child, had beenthe victim of horrible abuse in

(59:15):
the womb that her father triedwell, I say that lightly, but
her biological father tried tokill her in the womb that her
father tried Well, I say thatlightly, but her biological
father tried to kill her in yourwomb and what he did to you,
it's such a horrific thing toeven envision anyone enduring.
It's a wonder to me that you'reeven fricking sitting there and

(59:37):
can smile ever and that yourdaughter is the lovely person
that she is.
She's all snarky and funny andsarcastic and all those things,
but we love that about her.
But the fact that you two arestill alive, literally,
literally, is a freaking miracle.
So to laugh about any part ofthis, because your egg donor and

(59:58):
sperm donor were participantsin all this and did not a
goddamn thing to help either oneof you.
That infuriates me.
It absolutely infuriates me thatanybody could find any of it
funny and I and you know, takingall that out of it, you think
it's funny that a man ischeating on his wife and

(01:00:19):
involving his daughter and hisgrandchild.
You think it's funny that he'sflaunting, you know, young women
as if he's entitled to havewhoever he wants.
That's not funny.
It's not funny.
If whoever this is, what?
If your husband cheated on you,would that be funny?
Would it be funny for us tolaugh at it?
No, so that's just veryignorant to me.

(01:00:43):
And she's probably whoever thisis is probably sitting there
laughing because you want totalk about narcissistic behavior
.
They probably think it's funnyto get the reaction and I gave
it.
It is what it is, but I'm notgoing to let somebody sit here
and mock and laugh at whatreally is not funny at all.
This is the reality that a lotof people face.

(01:01:04):
I thought about writing a bookabout my adult life as the child
of two narcissists, and it isvery different than the life as
a child under their roof A lotless physical but still very,
very, very bothersome and veryhurtful.
But the fact that you and yourdaughter were literally almost

(01:01:27):
killed by your ex and there wasparticipation before and after
and taking advantage of thatsituation for personal benefit
disgusting.
And if that's funny to forpersonal benefit disgusting.
And if that's funny to somebody, well then.
There's a nice place in hellright next to my ex that I'm
sure you'll be happy laughingdown there with him the end.

(01:01:50):
I'm sorry but that's atrociousto me.

Speaker 1 (01:01:54):
Well, I thank you immensely for having my back, as
always.
I just want to say, see, I feel, I feel bad for this person and
I know you're gonna look at me,go what I know, and she rolls
her eyes at me Because there'snothing in this book that's
funny.
There's nothing in this bookthat's funny.
It is not a, he said.
She said it is a 100% factualbook with more evidence than and

(01:02:21):
I'm saying this to people whohaven't seen it, haven't read it
, flip through it and to findand reach out and say to me you
know, I hope you write anotherone with more proof, because I
finished it in a course of a fewdays and I thought it was
downright hysterical.
Is it's sad?
It's sad.
Um, I truly hope that she isnot going and I'm hoping that

(01:02:48):
she's not trying to heal fromher own abuse and she's, you
know, projecting.
I'm hoping, but my gut tells meshe's a narcissist, hands down
that she's a narcissist, um, butI'm trying to look at the.
You know the, the really deeppart of it, and I'm I I'm sorry
that you took this in a way thatit was comedy, because it's not

(01:03:11):
.
It was my life, it's my child'slife.
Uh, I I say all the time Idon't want an adult having to
spend their adulthood recoveringfrom their childhood, and
that's what I've been doing andthat's what Dana's been doing,
and I broke the cycle so that mydaughter wouldn't have to do
that and for you to reach out.
Thank you for reaching out,thank you for reading it.

(01:03:34):
Like I said, anybody whoreaches out and gives me a
comment or a statement orwhatever, regardless good or bad
or indifferent, I'll read it.
Like you know, I could havegone and not read this, but she
took the time and so I'm takingthe time to respond and I'm
sorry.
You found it funny and I wishnothing but the best for you,

(01:03:55):
but we obviously don't seethings on the same page or the
same wavelength and you know Idon't have any really other
things to say about it, becauseI don't want to stoop to that
level and be just the same as.

Speaker 2 (01:04:09):
Yeah, and there's nothing to say.
Honestly, I mean, I had a wholemouthful and you're being very
gracious and honestly, you knowwhat it's not like.
I haven't gotten, you know,a-holes that have, you know,
given my any of my books.
Well, no, it's just the one.
But you know, giving me onestar or whatever, although I
know for certain who that personwas.
But and they have their reasons, but it's just, it's.

(01:04:35):
It's hard, like if you don'tlike a book, you don't like a
book, but to actually come out.
I think I'm more offended atthe fact that she's like well,
where's the rest of yourevidence?
I mean, you think I put all mystories.
I didn't put half of my storiesin either one of my books.
I could come up with that manymore too, but it's just not
funny to laugh at somebodyelse's pain and what hurt them.

(01:04:58):
You know I've had.
I know it was like a year agomy husband, somebody said
something to my husband about me, like oh, I don't know why Dana
, you know, feels so stronglyabout what you know and it was
something about, you know,family and whatever.
And you know well, because Ididn't come from a Beaver,
cleaver background like thatperson did.
But don't ever judge somebodyelse, you know, for what they're

(01:05:21):
feeling or what theirexperience was.
You know, I always I use thisexample all the time, but I'm
going to say it again.
You know, live in a small townand everybody makes fun of this
woman.
Probably in her mid to latethirties.
She lives in town and sometimesshe goes outside for a walk and
she does actually have I don'tknow her diagnosis, but she does

(01:05:43):
have some sort of a you know, adiagnosed mental issues
situation.
But she goes, she tellseverybody that the stop sign on
the end of her block is her bestfriend and she talks to it.
And my thing is why it pains methat people make fun of it,
because I'm like, thank God thatstop sign is there.

(01:06:06):
She's not bothering anybody butthat stop sign is there and it's
listening to her and you knowwhy she probably thinks it's her
best friend because it's nottalking back at her, it's not
shaming her, it's not mockingher, it's not laughing at her,
it's not judging her and thank I, thank God every day for that
stop sign, that it's there forher, like people aren't.

(01:06:29):
So that's just kind of where Icome from with.
This is like, if you think it'sfunny, that's fine.
You know, there are times I'maround people and I feel a
certain way about them, but Idon't want to intentionally hurt
them with what my opinion and Isay that very strongly because

(01:06:50):
it may or may not be right,because what you see is not
always what is but I don't wantto intentionally hurt somebody.
I don't want to intentionallyhurt somebody.
And so for me I see this aswhen somebody goes out of their
way to be like, oh yeah,whatever, I thought it was funny
, they're trying to hurt your.

(01:07:10):
I mean, if anybody even knew howmuch work was involved in
writing a book, not just writingit, but let me tell you that
cover, design, the formatting,the this and the that, and it's
exhausting.
That's why I'm grateful I havepeople that do that for me.
You, my love, do it all byyourself, and God love you,

(01:07:34):
cause I know you've told me, oh,just do it yourself, and I say
F that.
So you know what?
Not everybody is going to likeeverybody in this world.
I'm okay with not everybodyliking me, I'm okay with not
everybody liking our books, andthat's fine.
But to judge and shame, tointentionally cause somebody

(01:07:55):
upset or harm, or to poo poo onany success anybody has had,
you're just a shitty humanthat's it, yes, and with that we
are going to take a break andcome back, uh, with another
episode here soon.
Stucco is right here loving onmama and uh we yeah, I need

(01:08:16):
stucco to come here because thiswas a rough episode, can I tell
you?

Speaker 1 (01:08:22):
We had a really great 14-year-old girl Well that.

Speaker 2 (01:08:26):
and then the mom with the three.
If I had to live with three ofmy exes and my ex, god, freaking
help us I'd be in jail.

Speaker 1 (01:08:35):
And then you have, you know, our little country
girl that you know you have.
You know our little countrygirl that you know.
So I mean, you know, I lovethat we have such a variety of
people who tune in.
And you know, to the person, Iwon't categorize her as a woman
because we are women, but to theindividual who was snarky and
found comedy in my book, youknow I'm going to take a page

(01:08:57):
from our country friend and sayGod bless you or bless your
heart, isn't it?
Bless your heart?

Speaker 2 (01:09:02):
Bless your heart.
It's bless your heart, yeah.
And I'm a Midwest girl and Iknow that yeah, bless your heart
is the Midwest way of saying.
F you what's?
Bless your thump and gizzard?
I don't know.
I don't know.
They say a lot of fun things inthe South.
I always start.
I started talking like I was aSouthern girl when I was
thinking I was going to move toNorth Carolina and now Doug has

(01:09:23):
me stuck up here.
So I don't know, but I mightstart using that and other terms
.

Speaker 1 (01:09:30):
Yeah, yeah, well, I also yeah, I taught.

Speaker 2 (01:09:33):
I'm going to add to that I taught your daughter Twat
Waffle.
So I'm going to say bless yourheart, twat Waffle.
That's my answer.

Speaker 1 (01:09:41):
I love it.
So I'm going to say bless yourheart, twat waffle.
That's my answer.

Speaker 2 (01:09:48):
I love it Now.
I know because she asked me howto sign twat waffle and I
taught her.

Speaker 1 (01:09:51):
And now I know why.
Oh yeah, it's because of me.
I love it.
I think it's good Gotta love it.

Speaker 2 (01:09:53):
Yeah, that was my nice version of see you next
Tuesday, but a twat waffle ismuch more fun.

Speaker 1 (01:09:59):
Yes, especially to see signs that nobody knows what
they're saying to me.
Yeah, and next time.

Speaker 2 (01:10:04):
Yeah, next time for the Southern girl I'll ask
grandma for some expletives.
I can say in Spanish I mean, Iknow, chinga tu madre, you know
stuff like that.
I don't even know what thatmeans.
Yeah, it means.

Speaker 1 (01:10:16):
Well, I won't say it on air, sit and spin on a high
heel.

Speaker 2 (01:10:20):
I love that.
That will never get old.
I love that.
Sit on a high heel, bless yourheart.
All right, we're done insultingeverybody, so we're gonna go.
Uh, I think we all need to likehave a few deep breaths after
this sweet tea with some stuffin it, for sure, thank.

Speaker 1 (01:10:39):
Thank you everybody, we'll be back sooner than you
know it.

Speaker 2 (01:10:43):
All right, peace out.

Speaker 1 (01:10:46):
Love you.