November 17, 2025 • 37 mins
A bathroom mix-up in the ER shouldn’t become a masterclass in patient advocacy—but ours did. What starts as a comic detour with a “pee hat” turns into a sharp look at chain-of-custody, contamination risk, and the maddening silence that can stretch for hours in emergency care. We talk honestly about how to ask better questions, push for timely results, and document what matters without turning confrontational. The details might be small, but the stakes are not: a compromised sample can shape a diagnosis, and a clear voice can change a plan.
From there, we open up about cycles of narcissistic control—how constant criticism rewires your sense of normal, how long it can take to recover, and why documentation becomes a lifeline for survivors trying to reclaim their truth. We unpack real family dynamics, the way fear lingers in the body, and the slow, practical work of rebuilding safety. Along the way we share what helped us: rituals of commitment, humor that resets the nervous system, and a fierce insistence on kindness paired with boundaries.
We also confront a gut-punch of a case out of Oklahoma, where brutal assaults met bewildering leniency. It’s a window into a justice system that often prioritizes an offender’s “potential” over a survivor’s reality. We explore why that keeps so many people from reporting, how courts can retraumatize, and what meaningful accountability should look like. It’s heavy, but it’s necessary—and we keep it grounded with stories, tangible takeaways, and moments of levity.
If this resonates, share it with someone who needs backup in a hospital, courage in a courtroom, or hope in a hard season. Subscribe, leave a review to help others find the show, and tell us: what’s one boundary you’re setting this week?
Mark as Played
Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
SPEAKER_04 (00:03):
Good evening and welcome to another episode of a
Contagious Smile Unstoppable.
I'm so glad that my husbandasked if I would bring in the
intro because I have so much tosay.
Hi, babe.
SPEAKER_00 (00:13):
Well, stop number one, stop talking about 1-900
voice.
SPEAKER_04 (00:16):
People don't even know what 1-900 voice is.
SPEAKER_00 (00:18):
Yes, they do.
Don't what's our demographics onuh the age group?
SPEAKER_04 (00:24):
25 to 60.
SPEAKER_00 (00:25):
Okay, see, so they know 190.
SPEAKER_04 (00:27):
People that are 25 do not know what 1900 are.
SPEAKER_00 (00:31):
Why don't you explain it?
No, you brought it up.
Seriously.
SPEAKER_04 (00:36):
You want to talk about that?
SPEAKER_00 (00:37):
No, I'm not sure.
SPEAKER_04 (00:37):
No, let's talk about this.
So last night we had to go tothe emergency room for the
second time this week, and myhusband was caught in the
lavatory with another woman.
Dun dun dun.
What?
So it's like the game Clue, youknow?
(00:58):
But my husband was in thelavatory with another woman.
And let me just say.
SPEAKER_00 (01:04):
What?
Y'all, my wife caught me in thebathroom with another woman.
That's what I said.
You didn't say you caught me.
I'm just letting you know, mywife caught me in the bathroom
with another woman.
SPEAKER_04 (01:16):
At the hospital.
So, what transpired was therewas the sweetest, and I do hope
that she is much better now.
Sweetest little girl across fromus in a room.
And in between the rooms was abathroom, literally in between.
(01:38):
And this girl, we could hear herhaving issues trying to give
them a urine sample, right?
So bless her heart.
She was trying and trying,trying.
And they said, You just gottatry.
You gotta try.
It's a critical test, we've gotto do it.
We could just hear them alltalking to her about how she
really had to go.
(01:59):
And so she goes into thebathroom, she comes out a few
minutes later, and here's thething the nurse, you know, it's
kind of like chain of custody,as you know, is supposed to, you
know, they have the little hatsthat they sit in.
I know you know now.
They have the little hats thatgo into the toilet that the
patient pees in, and then they,you know, just burst that into
(02:19):
the little container, top, putthe top on it, and off it goes
for, you know, whatever testit's supposed to have done.
So, love of my life, soulmate,wonderful man over here.
The girl gets back in the bed,all of which we don't see this
part of, and the nurse, we wedon't know where they are in
this process.
My husband goes into thebathroom and proceeds to urinate
(02:43):
in the toilet.
Well, I decide I'm stretching mylegs because I've been sitting
for a good minute.
And at first I don't hearanything because I have my deaf
ear to that side, and then Iturn around to go back into the
room and I hear my husbandgroveling with apology.
(03:03):
And I'm like, wait, what?
And I go in there and he's inthere with another woman who
proceeds to be like, Did you notthink that maybe you should have
waited because the hat was inthe toilet?
Bless this girl's little heart.
There might have been 20 littledplets of pee in the hat.
(03:24):
That's it.
And she was like, This iscritical test, and you peed on
the other side of it.
And she did ask if it splashedin, which what's he gonna say?
No.
And what did this nurse do?
I know this is gonna irate anymom that has a child that has
(03:45):
ever had any kind of medicalthing, especially a special
needs mom, because let me tellyou what I would have done.
It wouldn't have been whathappened.
The nurse says, Okay, takes thespecimen.
Tell if I'm not being accurate,correct me, babe.
Takes the specimen, pours it inthe cup anyway, and takes it off
(04:07):
for the testing to be done.
Okay, hello, contamination.
What if it comes back a falsereading?
There is a plethora of teststhat that urine could have been
tested for.
So what they could have beenwaiting on couldn't have been
the right result if anything hadcontaminated those tiny little
droplets within that urine hat,right?
(04:29):
And the nurse still took it andsent it off.
I couldn't believe it.
Like, I was like, wow, this isjust dumbfounding to me.
And I'm telling you, as a mom, amedical mom, hell no.
Oh no, and it would have beenthe nurse's fault because it's
not the patient's fault.
She went, she had to even havehelp to get to the bathroom.
(04:52):
They had to, the nurses had tohelp her to the bathroom, but
her nurse and the ER really hadnobody in it.
It was they were like the nurseswere hanging out, like laying
out lazy behind the desk, feetup on the counter, playing games
on their phone.
They were not busy at all.
So it wasn't like you know, theywere dealing with traumas and
(05:15):
codes and all that, because thatwas not happening.
Thank God.
But any of us medical moms wouldhave been like, no, let's start
with whoever is in charge of theER department and we'll climb up
from there.
But yes, so my husband gotcaught with the nurse.
That's about right, right?
That's about how it happened.
SPEAKER_00 (05:33):
That's about it.
But y'all, in my defense, Ididn't know.
There isn't one with hospitals.
SPEAKER_03 (05:38):
We stayed with our daughter Faith for five weeks,
and there was a hat in thattoilet.
In the room.
Oh, yeah, yeah.
SPEAKER_00 (05:47):
Oh, I do recall a hat.
I had to take it out every time.
That's right! And I just assumedthat somebody was- You know what
happens when you make anassumption?
I assume somebody was being lazyand they didn't flush.
Right?
That they were just nasty.
So I peed around it.
Right?
And then I hear this bang on thedoor that starts to say, Sir,
(06:10):
sir, please tell me you didn'tpee in the toilet.
Well, yes, ma'am, that's what atoilet's for.
Okay?
I had to piss.
I kept apologizing.
And I quickly zip it up and openthe door.
My wife just about spit out hertea.
She was drinking.
And there's this lady, longblonde hair.
(06:30):
She's bug-eyed, looking at me.
Sir, please tell me you did notjust contaminate that urine
sample.
I said, ma'am, I I I am sosorry.
I didn't know.
Why didn't you?
I said, I'm sorry.
I said, all I can tell you is Ihad a straight stream right
behind it.
(06:50):
I said, I didn't I didn't see mebringing in that cup.
And she said, Well, I I guessI'm gonna have to try it, but
you know, if it if it comes backcontaminated, we'll have to get
another one.
I said, Huh, I'm so sorry.
And then my wife, my wife, ofall people, right?
My wife pokes her head out ofthe room that we have my dad in
(07:14):
and sees me in there talking tomyself.
No, no, it's another woman inthe bathroom.
Like I've never been caught inanother room with a woman and my
wife, yeah.
Okay.
SPEAKER_04 (07:28):
Well, but I think I handled it well because I didn't
lose my temper.
SPEAKER_00 (07:33):
As I'm apologizing to this nurse, I'm confessing my
sins to my wife in public infront of everyone.
Babe, I'm in I'm in a restaurantwith another woman.
I'm sorry.
SPEAKER_02 (07:43):
I'm gonna have to But she didn't see my penis!
SPEAKER_00 (07:48):
Oh Lord.
SPEAKER_02 (07:51):
She didn't see my penis!
SPEAKER_04 (07:54):
Okay, that's okay because half of America has, so
it's alright.
Yeah, I did.
I said it was alright.
SPEAKER_00 (07:59):
Really?
SPEAKER_04 (08:00):
Sorry.
Yeah.
Yep.
And it's you know, that's justhow it went.
SPEAKER_00 (08:07):
But the good news is that that's great getting where
he needs to be.
Finally, right, finally.
Because we we we we recentlyfound out he was under the
control of a narcissistic womanthat we recently found out,
babe.
SPEAKER_02 (08:23):
No, you know what?
This out because we did not thisis what no, that's not true.
This is why we love have beingunedited.
No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no.
SPEAKER_00 (08:31):
You're not even gonna let me finish because
you're what we did not have goahead the understanding that we
do now of how bad it was.
We did because we didn't thebitch lost her shit here.
If we did, we would have donesomething about it.
The bitch lost her shit here.
We didn't know it was that bad.
SPEAKER_04 (08:49):
Okay, let's recall that controlling that that
malice we okay, we get remarriedevery year.
And on my husband's big 5-0birthday, well, you stop that
shit.
I surprised him and had his dadcome up, which he's always
wanted him to be here for stopfor one of our weddings, and he
(09:14):
brought her and the and theirgrandson.
And she had, I don't know, itwas a serious, serious episode
that transpired where you reallycan see how like I the term
(09:36):
crazy isn't applicable, babe,because like we wanted to just
have us and our daughter at theactual during the actual
ceremony, and she was adamantthat it had to be her way from
like every moment.
Like she even said to me thatyou know, I hope you're not too
(09:58):
upset that I look better thanyou on your wedding day.
And I didn't say a word, right?
I just kind of was like, yeah,okay, great, thanks.
But she lost, I don't even knowwhat word you want to say.
SPEAKER_00 (10:12):
It was like a bipolar switch.
SPEAKER_04 (10:15):
No, because that justifies the action in a way.
Like she the next day you hadgone to work, and I had gone
downstairs, and dad wasliterally sitting there trying
to get his stuff together.
I'm like, what's going on?
And and he's like, We'releaving.
What do you mean you're leaving?
(10:35):
And she is like like anarcissist on caffeine, you
know, like I don't want to sayon speed, but I mean literally
like you know, and I walkedoutside and yeah, she decided
to, you know, open that mouth tous or to me at first, not to
(10:58):
mention the night before, shegot very mouthy in front of
everyone here, like everyoneraised her voice, yelling,
screaming, throwing things, justreally spinning out of control.
But then this that morning, I'mlike, why are y'all leaving?
And I mean, she's yelling, she'sscreaming, she's threatening to
(11:18):
make him homeless.
It's just incredible.
And you know what?
I'm here to be the first to tellyou it's not only men, it's not.
I mean, the women can be viciousas well, really and truly can be
vicious, and they threaten withso much.
I mean, they just threaten, andit's heart-wrenching, it really
(11:41):
is, and it happens at every age.
I mean, dad is older, right?
He's they would categoricallyput him in elderly category, and
it's sad.
I mean, it really is, and it andhe's not the this isn't the
first, you know, narcissisticperson that he's had as a
(12:04):
partner.
You know, he's three for three.
SPEAKER_00 (12:07):
So you're saying are you saying there's a trend?
SPEAKER_04 (12:09):
He's three for three.
He didn't break the cycle.
Are you saying that once youhave that person in your life,
you tend to find normally you dounless you break the cycle,
hence me with you.
SPEAKER_00 (12:22):
Why?
Because the first one had thatmuch control over you.
SPEAKER_04 (12:26):
I think your biome had quite a bit of control over
him.
SPEAKER_00 (12:31):
I mean I'm just speaking in general, uh, of a
narcissistic person.
Mm-hmm.
SPEAKER_04 (12:36):
That first one believe that you're not who you
think you are.
They tear everything about youdown.
SPEAKER_00 (12:41):
So then if they left themselves up.
If they left or died and youmoved on to someone else, they
still have that control over youin certain ways.
SPEAKER_04 (12:49):
Like some of them have it in that way financially,
some of them have it in that wayemotionally, where they feel
like they just can't givethemselves a hundred percent
because so much for so long hasbeen secluded, if you will, or
suppressed, and so they haven'tbeen able to really live
unconditionally happy out offear for whatever reason.
(13:13):
I mean, you went through it too,and you don't go through it now
until you break the cycle.
You are really just managing dayby day, you're not enjoying life
to its full capacity.
Like my husband and I went andwe had we had to go run an
errand, and and it was just sonice.
(13:34):
We laughed.
I mean, we always laugh, wealways are laughing, but I mean,
you would because I'm funnylooking.
No, it you wouldn't know if wehad dated a year, a month, a
week, 25 years, because youknow, like we had a waitress the
other night say, I love y'all,y'all are so in love and so cute
and so sweet together.
And this is what I want, this iswhat I wish I could have one
(13:57):
day, and it's sweet, and that'ssomething that people look their
whole life for.
And either they finally get itand they don't appreciate it, or
they're afraid to let it inbecause of the damage caused by
other people, and they don'tallow themselves the opportunity
to finally have unconditional,true, safe happiness within
(14:21):
their life because truly andhonestly, they feel like it's
going to be taken away from thembecause that's all they know.
SPEAKER_00 (14:31):
So, can I go back?
SPEAKER_04 (14:33):
Absolutely.
SPEAKER_00 (14:34):
Because you know how I am left field.
How do you get rid of thatcontrol from that first one?
SPEAKER_04 (14:40):
You tell me because you went through it as a man.
How did you get I just forgetabout it?
No, that's not true.
No, because you've had lingeringeffects from it.
SPEAKER_00 (14:49):
I have a medical condition.
SPEAKER_04 (14:50):
That has nothing to do with it.
SPEAKER_00 (14:52):
I'm asking you.
Okay.
How do you cut that?
SPEAKER_04 (14:58):
It's not that simple.
It's not just turn the lightswitch off and then it's done.
It's not that simple.
It is a healing process, it is ajourney.
And you know, it's just like,for instance, it doesn't happen
overnight.
Like if you hear someone say, Idon't like what that looks like
on you, you're unattractive.
You're like, okay, whatever.
(15:19):
Thanks.
Whose opinion are you that Icare about?
But when you hear about it everysingle day, that becomes your
norm.
So you don't know thedifference.
It's kind of like a childgrowing up in a physically
abusive home.
They don't know what safe,loving, unconditional love is
from a family unit becausethat's not their norm.
(15:41):
That's not their day-to-day,that's not what they know.
Like if they have a parentthat's an alcoholic, they know
that that parent's gonna bedrunk that night.
They know that that is theirnorm.
So when you hear someone tellyou every single day that you're
a piece of crap, nobody's evergonna want you, no one's ever
gonna love you, that you're notworth loving, that you owe me
(16:02):
because nobody else wanted you,and I felt pity for you and I
felt bad for you.
So I picked up the garbage and Ibrought you in and like a stray
dog, now you're mine.
And so they make you feel as ifyou owe them because they
supposedly came and rescued youfrom what?
That's the question.
What did they rescue you from?
And it's like when you were withother people in your past, and I
(16:28):
would talk to you, and we werejust friends, my heart would
break.
And you know, I had voicemailsfrom you, and I had him listen
to him not that long ago, and hecouldn't believe that's what he
sounded like.
And I wanted him to hear thedifference because it's about
safety and security.
You know, like as a policeofficer, you know this.
(16:48):
When you go into a call, you'reon high alert, your adrenaline's
rushing because you don't knowwhat to expect.
And you go into that becauselike domestic violence is the
most dangerous call a lawenforcement officer can respond
to.
And it's the most dangerous timewhen the person tries to leave
because that's when it, youknow, really gets up there.
(17:09):
Do you know that if somebody isstrangled by their partner, the
probability of them killing themlast time I checked was over 700
times more than somebody whoisn't in that situation?
And it's it's a scary, scary,scary thing.
And you have to do it step bystep.
(17:30):
It's not, you know, it theydidn't tear you down in a day,
and they're didn't make you feelthe way you feel in a day, and
cleaning all that up isn't gonnabe done in a day.
SPEAKER_00 (17:43):
You know where I'm going with this.
SPEAKER_04 (17:45):
Absolutely.
Go ahead, let's go for it.
Let's go.
SPEAKER_00 (17:48):
You sure?
SPEAKER_04 (17:49):
Absolutely.
SPEAKER_00 (17:51):
I love you.
SPEAKER_04 (17:52):
I know.
SPEAKER_00 (17:54):
Yay!
SPEAKER_01 (17:55):
I love you.
SPEAKER_00 (17:57):
You know where he's going.
Is there a time frame?
SPEAKER_01 (17:59):
No, everybody is different.
Okay, everybody is different.
SPEAKER_00 (18:04):
Is there a comparison to the time of the
narcissist being in their lifecompared to the after?
Define that question.
Okay, let's say the narcissistwas in their life for one year.
It is now five years after Iknow.
Oh, thanks.
That narcissist has been out oftheir life.
(18:25):
Okay, that's like me saying Andthere's still things that that
narcissist has control over thatindividual.
Five years later.
SPEAKER_04 (18:35):
Okay, so let me ask you this.
When I get the privilege andhonor of working with some of
the people I talk to on a dailybasis, some of them in the
beginning are like, I know whoyou are.
I'm intimidated to talk to youbecause you went through such
hell, you went through suchhorrific abuse.
And I say to them all the time,I don't care if it's one hit,
one kick, one punch, it's onetoo many.
(18:56):
It's not a contest, right?
So the abuse that I enduredtranspired during my pregnancy.
And let's just say, you know,you take that period of time,
which is less than a year, andI've had over a hundred
surgeries because of that, whichis more than most people have in
a life.
Almost all people have had in alife, right?
(19:17):
And I I still have more surgeryto go.
And while saying that,especially when you're going
through everything that you'regoing through, it's situational,
I would say, because I also grewup, yes, with the most amazing
grandparents on this earth, butI didn't, and I wouldn't have
(19:37):
known or appreciated theunconditional safety, love, and
upbringing that they provided meif I didn't have the negative
from my bios.
Right.
And so, like, I couldn'tunderstand how it's night and
day different.
But my biologicals, as you knowvery well, just and I thank them
(19:59):
for many, many things.
They did provide me with a roofover my my our daughter's head
at one point.
There was a heavy price to payfor it, but they still allowed
us there.
They did a lot of things, and Ipray for them every night.
I pray for the man that beat meto death's door every night.
But the thing is, is thatwithout you can't really
(20:25):
appreciate real love andunconditional happiness and
acceptance if you've never hadthe negative to compare it to.
SPEAKER_00 (20:34):
So, are you saying that was necessary?
SPEAKER_04 (20:36):
No, I'm not saying it's necessary, but like I don't
take anything for granted,right?
And one of the number onethings, and I'm guiltier about
it than anyone I've ever met inmy life, I will go above and
beyond to prove my truth,because for most of my life,
that's all I have is my word.
And the one thing that anybodywho's ever gone through any type
(20:57):
of abuse has is their word, eventhough every person who's ever
gone through anything like thiswill tell you that the abuser,
the narcissist, whoever orwhatever term you want to give
that individual literally willdo everything they can to make
you out to be a liar becausethey don't want to be seen for
(21:19):
who they really are.
They want no accountability.
So they will make you out to bethe bad person.
And a lot of times, a lot ofpeople who are survivors and
warriors that have overcome whatwe have, you know, keep
documentation, keep proof, keepan overwhelming amount of proof
because we want to validate ourword, and it's just different
(21:42):
for every single person, it'snever the same.
But I do want for just a minute,are you done with this topic?
SPEAKER_00 (21:49):
Yes, my love.
SPEAKER_04 (21:51):
I mean, no, I'm serious.
I do want for just a minute totalk about this kid in Oklahoma
that I want our platform to hearfor any that hasn't.
It has made me sick, and I'lltell you why.
He was 17, 17 and a half, and hebrutally raped two girls.
(22:19):
And I'm not talking about justrape, but he was charged with
rape with instruments.
He had over 10 felonies.
He strangled both of the girls.
One of the doctors said, youknow, that she was seconds away
from dying.
Um, one of them had to havesurgery on her neck from the
(22:40):
trauma, from what he did.
And the judge, female judge,female judge, right, but first
punched the sentencing to 78years, I believe.
Then it comes the impactstatements and the witnesses and
things like that.
Well, the sister of this pieceof shit is an elementary school
(23:01):
teacher, and they are mandatedreporters.
And while all this is going on,she's in the the galley laughing
and cutting up and whatever whythese innocent girls who will
never, you know, people think,okay, well, they survived, yes,
but when you have been raped andsexually assaulted, part of you
(23:22):
is murdered.
I'm telling you, because youwill never, ever, ever get that
back.
And these girls were taken awayof their innocence, right?
Young girls.
And this asshole threatened togo after their families to kill
their loved ones if they evertold.
They were very he he went afterthese shy girls because he knew
(23:43):
it would be easier for them tostay quiet.
So during the impact statementsand things like that, this prick
gets 78 years, female judge, 78years.
Well, then they decide they'regonna serve him as a juvenile,
and his sentencing was reducedto 150 serv service hours of
(24:08):
community service, right?
150 community service hours, andif he did them all and it was
complacent and compliant withthem, his record.
Are you ready for this?
Put your T down.
His record would be wiped clean.
Get out, clean, clean.
So this monster would have norecord, he wouldn't be on a sex
(24:30):
registry, he would not be, youknow, if he's done this, he'll
he'll do it again.
He will absolutely do it again.
And worse.
And so he's not gonna beregistered as a sex inventor.
He gets 150 hours, you know.
Are you kidding?
And and what really kills me isthat these people think, oh, I'm
gonna go into jail, I'm gonnaget rehabilitated, right?
(24:51):
I did my time.
Now it's time for me to startover.
Okay.
Bullshit.
Because as a survivor of abuse,and I'm here to tell you right
now, when I hear someone thatsays, I served, I served my
time, I served my time, I shouldbe able to move on.
We're not told as survivors,hey, in eight years, 13 weeks,
(25:13):
four hours, 16 minutes, and twomilliseconds, you're gonna say
your time is done, put it backon the shelf and it's over.
Because we live with it the restof our life.
We have to learn how to live ina completely different way
because of what happened, whattranspired.
So to hear somebody say, Iserved my time, I should be able
(25:36):
to be, you know, let it go.
What about us?
Right?
We we don't just get to put thatup on the shelf and say we let
it go.
So the arresting agencies wentto his mom and dad's house to
bring him in for processing andall.
And the mother, who was outthere at the time, when they put
(26:00):
him in handcuffs, said, Oh mygod, do you really have to
handcuff him?
That is something no childshould ever have to experience.
SPEAKER_00 (26:09):
She said that.
SPEAKER_04 (26:10):
She said that.
I watched the video footage ofthe mom who said that is
inhumane.
No child should ever have to beto no child should ever have to
experience being handcuffed.
Woman, let me just tell you, ifsomething happened to our kid,
handcuffs are the least of yourworries.
Right?
(26:30):
This isn't a threat.
This is a downright warning,right?
Your child, your child almosttook the life of what we only
know of at this moment, is twowomen, two young girls, not
women, young girls, young girls.
He took their innocence, he tooksomething that they could have
(26:51):
very well wanted to save untilmarriage.
You we don't know, we don'tknow, but he took away their
right of choice, and so muchmore.
That beautiful little girl isgonna have to see the scar on
her neck every day andeverything that's going on, time
and time again, the nightmaresI'm here to tell you.
(27:14):
Like to this day, my husband'sthe only person who can put his
hands near my throat.
And I was strangled andsuffocated as an adult, not as a
child who is 15, 16 years ofage, right?
I can't fathom what it wouldhave been like at that age.
And for the mom to have the oddaudacity to say that is
(27:38):
inhumane, no child should everexperience what it feels like to
be in cancuffs.
I'm so sorry, but there shouldhave picked him up, hog tied
him, put him in the back of thesquad car.
I mean, seriously, how how elsecan you say that?
SPEAKER_00 (27:56):
How do you say that?
Obviously, the boy, the son, isthe predominant narcissist in
that family.
Well, has control over even hisown mother because that mother
believes 100% that her son isinnocent.
SPEAKER_04 (28:13):
No, but here's Kicker.
SPEAKER_00 (28:14):
Right?
SPEAKER_04 (28:15):
The POS videotaped himself doing this to one of the
girls, including strangulation.
And it was presented in court.
No doubt it was him.
Well, it's a small town inOklahoma, and let's just say the
dad of the guy is the likesomething to do with the head
football coach or something.
Good, it should be fired.
(28:35):
It blows my mind.
It's all about who you know.
I mean, seriously, it'suncomprehensible.
What happens to the next femalethat this happens to, which
could have been prevented hadjustice been served here in this
matter?
What happens there?
(28:56):
How do you justify that?
I mean, that's insane.
There was another case that Isaw, and I want to get more
information on it, where a guyjust absolutely he strangled
somebody, he stabbed somebody,male judge this time, and the
girl literally ended up gettinglost in in medication to like
(29:20):
take herself out of her reality,and they presented her as a drug
addict.
She wasn't a drug addict beforethis happened, and now the judge
rules well, this young man hassuch potential in his life, and
he made a mistake, so I'm notgonna you know mess up his
record.
SPEAKER_00 (29:39):
Unbelievable.
SPEAKER_04 (29:41):
And this is exactly why people are afraid to come
forward and press chargesagainst their abuser.
It's for these reasons, righthere.
This is why our laws are nottight enough, they're not strong
enough, you know.
They say innocent till provenguilty, blah blah blah, but when
You put someone on the standwho's been abused, we are the
(30:03):
ones who have to prove ourinnocence and what happened.
We get re-assaulted on thatstand, and then we have to sit
there in the room with theaccused more times than not and
just know that more than likelyyou're gonna get away with it.
SPEAKER_00 (30:22):
Yeah, because the judge is like these.
SPEAKER_03 (30:24):
This is outrageous.
SPEAKER_00 (30:29):
I didn't I didn't hear about those stories.
I didn't read about them.
SPEAKER_04 (30:32):
It's thick.
I mean, if somebody didsomething to faith.
SPEAKER_00 (30:40):
Don't worry about the judge.
SPEAKER_04 (30:43):
I mean, seriously.
It's mind-blowing.
And then, you know, it's justwhy can't people treat people
the way they want to be treatedthemselves?
Right?
You know, to piggyback back onwhat we were talking about,
about stop it.
He's always making these faces.
To piggyback, God bless it, topiggyback back on what we were
(31:03):
talking about, you know, likewhen we were at the hospital, we
were there.
When you're there, I don't careif you are frequent flyers
because you have someone in yourlife who has medical conditions,
right?
Or it's your first time.
The fact is, is that you are inthere, you are scared, you have
the unknown, you don't know whatto expect.
You know, the average lab is 30to 60 minutes, and 60 minutes is
(31:27):
if they're jam-packed, right?
Because the blood work goes downstat, but they have a 60 minutes
before they want you to callabout it.
And the thing is, it doesn'tmatter how many times you go,
you don't know what's going on,and you're sitting there with
the unknown, which is quitescary.
And you look out, and nurses areon their phones, nurses are
playing games on their phones, acouple of them had their
(31:50):
husband.
Right.
A couple of them have their feetup on the on the counter, just
you know, whatever.
One's eating a Cinnabon,whatever the the point is.
And then you're like, Where arethe doctors?
Where are the doctors?
And then it's been four hoursbefore you see one, right?
Because they're in the dock box,they're in the doc box.
And my husband, who just wantedto rile up my feathers, was
(32:14):
like, hey, and I said, It's beenfour hours since we've seen that
doctor.
And he was just like, Well, youknow, you'll just sit here.
And Faith is like, you obviouslyare just trying to start this up
because you know mom is not justgonna sit here.
So I was like, I'll be back.
I went and found him.
And I was like, Come on, we haveto have a little chat because
you can't do that.
(32:34):
Like, we're sitting there notknowing anything.
I already know the blood work'sbeen back for at least three
hours.
How about the emergency CATscan?
How about the emergency x-rays?
Oh, wait, times two trips toX-ray, you know?
How about the fact that if wecalled X-ray or CAT scans to get
a CAT scan ordered, it takesweeks sometimes to get in.
(32:54):
Before we got off thatambulance, which I was on with
him, there was already, theywere already waiting in
radiology for him in the CATscan, right?
They took him straight back fromthere before they even got him
off the ambulance stretcher.
But you can't come in and tellus, okay, that part's okay.
Let's, you know, we've got that.
That's off the table.
We don't have to worry aboutthat now.
(33:16):
Let's go and and weed out thisand this and this and this and
this, and let's figure outexactly what it is that's going
on.
SPEAKER_01 (33:22):
No, that's not how this works.
SPEAKER_04 (33:27):
No.
I do want to do a little teaserand say congratulations to my
husband.
We're not gonna say why, but abig life event was found out
about today that will betranspiring very soon, and it's
very exciting, but we're notgonna say what it is just yet.
But it is huge.
SPEAKER_00 (33:47):
Really?
Yeah, it's something that sothank y'all.
I saw a few more members joinour academy here last week.
Thank y'all for joining.
If you haven't checked out ouracademy, go over to uh
contagious smile.com and selectthe academy tab and check it
(34:08):
out.
My wife has produced 143 Who arenow?
SPEAKER_04 (34:14):
Huh?
SPEAKER_00 (34:15):
144 now.
144 courses in that academy.
And uh y'all y'all check themout.
SPEAKER_04 (34:22):
You can't possibly be tired again.
SPEAKER_00 (34:24):
I am I am sitting here about to fall asleep.
I'm doing everything I can tostay awake, y'all.
I do apologize.
My wife did catch me yet againdoing something I shouldn't have
been doing.
I went out to the truck toinstall a camera.
SPEAKER_04 (34:39):
Well, it already has one, but now some stupid dash
cam thing.
SPEAKER_00 (34:44):
A camera and something for the the cell phone
to sit on.
So you can you know, hands free.
And I asked, I said, Hey babe,are you coming yet?
How how much long are you gonnabe?
Because I'm about to take 10.
You know, but she's every otherhour.
And she said, Go ahead and take10.
Well, I'm out in the truck, andI okay, I got a little pillar in
(35:06):
the truck.
A what?
A pillar, a what?
A pillar, and I put my pillararound my neck and a pillar.
I pulled my hat down.
Y'all, I was gone.
Gone.
She tells me out there bangingon the door, open the door.
She didn't bang on the door.
What are you doing out here?
SPEAKER_04 (35:24):
No, I said I've gone through a whole home, went in
downstairs, went in the coldroom, went everywhere else
looking for you, and couldn'tfind you.
And then I walk out there, openthe door, and there you are,
snoring out a storm.
SPEAKER_00 (35:40):
And there I was, y'all, taking my 10 minutes.
SPEAKER_04 (35:43):
Loud as I'll get out.
SPEAKER_00 (35:45):
Which she says it turned it was in a full hour.
SPEAKER_04 (35:48):
It was by the time I texted, or you texted me and
said I want to do 10, and thenby the time I got out there, it
was over an hour.
SPEAKER_00 (35:55):
Guys, if y'all know that little trick and haven't
told me, sham on you.
If you don't know it, I advisego check go try it out.
Honey, I'll be right back.
I gotta go get something by thecar.
I gotta go, I gotta go work onthe car, babe.
Yeah.
Are you serious?
Take a pillar out there?
A what?
A pillar.
A hat so you can cut your eyes.
(36:17):
A pillar.
And that's some good 10 minutesnow.
For an hour.
But why do you need one now?
I'm I'm tired.
We did a lot today.
Are you shitting me right now?
I I did take a shit earlier, butyes.
I wouldn't shit you.
You're my favorite turd.
SPEAKER_04 (36:34):
Oh, yeah, you're a little funny guy.
So funny guy.
So we do have something.
If any of you are interested inthe sweetest, cutest ever golden
retriever Christmas ornament, wewill be having them.
Or it'll be happy holidays.
And I'll have a goldenretriever, aka stucco, on it.
(36:57):
Who doesn't love a goldenretriever?
If you don't love goldenretrievers, there's something
not right.
And it's gonna be a gorgeoustree-round ornament that says
happy holidays.
How cute is that?
And we will be selling them, andproceeds will be going to help
survivors of domestic violenceand special needs families.
(37:17):
Would you wake up?
I'm gonna get Faith in here.
She'll wake you up quick.
SPEAKER_00 (37:20):
I'm about to go.
You can't go to sleep right now.
I'm going to sleep right now.
SPEAKER_04 (37:24):
No, you're not.
SPEAKER_00 (37:25):
No.
As soon as you take us out.
SPEAKER_04 (37:27):
Negatory, ma'am.
More, then I'm not taking usout.
SPEAKER_00 (37:29):
Thank y'all for listening to another episode of
a contagious file podcast withVictoria.
SPEAKER_04 (37:36):
It's getting shorter and shorter.
Do you know that?
Our podcasts are getting shorterand shorter.
That's nothing you have to worryabout.
He's married.
Just saying.
SPEAKER_00 (37:47):
And Michael.
Good night, y'all.
Good evening and welcome to another episode of a
Contagious Smile Unstoppable.
I'm so glad that my husbandasked if I would bring in the
intro because I have so much tosay.
Hi, babe.
SPEAKER_00 (00:13):
Well, stop number one, stop talking about 1-900
voice.
SPEAKER_04 (00:16):
People don't even know what 1-900 voice is.
SPEAKER_00 (00:18):
Yes, they do.
Don't what's our demographics onuh the age group?
SPEAKER_04 (00:24):
25 to 60.
SPEAKER_00 (00:25):
Okay, see, so they know 190.
SPEAKER_04 (00:27):
People that are 25 do not know what 1900 are.
SPEAKER_00 (00:31):
Why don't you explain it?
No, you brought it up.
Seriously.
SPEAKER_04 (00:36):
You want to talk about that?
SPEAKER_00 (00:37):
No, I'm not sure.
SPEAKER_04 (00:37):
No, let's talk about this.
So last night we had to go tothe emergency room for the
second time this week, and myhusband was caught in the
lavatory with another woman.
Dun dun dun.
What?
So it's like the game Clue, youknow?
(00:58):
But my husband was in thelavatory with another woman.
And let me just say.
SPEAKER_00 (01:04):
What?
Y'all, my wife caught me in thebathroom with another woman.
That's what I said.
You didn't say you caught me.
I'm just letting you know, mywife caught me in the bathroom
with another woman.
SPEAKER_04 (01:16):
At the hospital.
So, what transpired was therewas the sweetest, and I do hope
that she is much better now.
Sweetest little girl across fromus in a room.
And in between the rooms was abathroom, literally in between.
(01:38):
And this girl, we could hear herhaving issues trying to give
them a urine sample, right?
So bless her heart.
She was trying and trying,trying.
And they said, You just gottatry.
You gotta try.
It's a critical test, we've gotto do it.
We could just hear them alltalking to her about how she
really had to go.
(01:59):
And so she goes into thebathroom, she comes out a few
minutes later, and here's thething the nurse, you know, it's
kind of like chain of custody,as you know, is supposed to, you
know, they have the little hatsthat they sit in.
I know you know now.
They have the little hats thatgo into the toilet that the
patient pees in, and then they,you know, just burst that into
(02:19):
the little container, top, putthe top on it, and off it goes
for, you know, whatever testit's supposed to have done.
So, love of my life, soulmate,wonderful man over here.
The girl gets back in the bed,all of which we don't see this
part of, and the nurse, we wedon't know where they are in
this process.
My husband goes into thebathroom and proceeds to urinate
(02:43):
in the toilet.
Well, I decide I'm stretching mylegs because I've been sitting
for a good minute.
And at first I don't hearanything because I have my deaf
ear to that side, and then Iturn around to go back into the
room and I hear my husbandgroveling with apology.
(03:03):
And I'm like, wait, what?
And I go in there and he's inthere with another woman who
proceeds to be like, Did you notthink that maybe you should have
waited because the hat was inthe toilet?
Bless this girl's little heart.
There might have been 20 littledplets of pee in the hat.
(03:24):
That's it.
And she was like, This iscritical test, and you peed on
the other side of it.
And she did ask if it splashedin, which what's he gonna say?
No.
And what did this nurse do?
I know this is gonna irate anymom that has a child that has
(03:45):
ever had any kind of medicalthing, especially a special
needs mom, because let me tellyou what I would have done.
It wouldn't have been whathappened.
The nurse says, Okay, takes thespecimen.
Tell if I'm not being accurate,correct me, babe.
Takes the specimen, pours it inthe cup anyway, and takes it off
(04:07):
for the testing to be done.
Okay, hello, contamination.
What if it comes back a falsereading?
There is a plethora of teststhat that urine could have been
tested for.
So what they could have beenwaiting on couldn't have been
the right result if anything hadcontaminated those tiny little
droplets within that urine hat,right?
(04:29):
And the nurse still took it andsent it off.
I couldn't believe it.
Like, I was like, wow, this isjust dumbfounding to me.
And I'm telling you, as a mom, amedical mom, hell no.
Oh no, and it would have beenthe nurse's fault because it's
not the patient's fault.
She went, she had to even havehelp to get to the bathroom.
(04:52):
They had to, the nurses had tohelp her to the bathroom, but
her nurse and the ER really hadnobody in it.
It was they were like the nurseswere hanging out, like laying
out lazy behind the desk, feetup on the counter, playing games
on their phone.
They were not busy at all.
So it wasn't like you know, theywere dealing with traumas and
(05:15):
codes and all that, because thatwas not happening.
Thank God.
But any of us medical moms wouldhave been like, no, let's start
with whoever is in charge of theER department and we'll climb up
from there.
But yes, so my husband gotcaught with the nurse.
That's about right, right?
That's about how it happened.
SPEAKER_00 (05:33):
That's about it.
But y'all, in my defense, Ididn't know.
There isn't one with hospitals.
SPEAKER_03 (05:38):
We stayed with our daughter Faith for five weeks,
and there was a hat in thattoilet.
In the room.
Oh, yeah, yeah.
SPEAKER_00 (05:47):
Oh, I do recall a hat.
I had to take it out every time.
That's right! And I just assumedthat somebody was- You know what
happens when you make anassumption?
I assume somebody was being lazyand they didn't flush.
Right?
That they were just nasty.
So I peed around it.
Right?
And then I hear this bang on thedoor that starts to say, Sir,
(06:10):
sir, please tell me you didn'tpee in the toilet.
Well, yes, ma'am, that's what atoilet's for.
Okay?
I had to piss.
I kept apologizing.
And I quickly zip it up and openthe door.
My wife just about spit out hertea.
She was drinking.
And there's this lady, longblonde hair.
(06:30):
She's bug-eyed, looking at me.
Sir, please tell me you did notjust contaminate that urine
sample.
I said, ma'am, I I I am sosorry.
I didn't know.
Why didn't you?
I said, I'm sorry.
I said, all I can tell you is Ihad a straight stream right
behind it.
(06:50):
I said, I didn't I didn't see mebringing in that cup.
And she said, Well, I I guessI'm gonna have to try it, but
you know, if it if it comes backcontaminated, we'll have to get
another one.
I said, Huh, I'm so sorry.
And then my wife, my wife, ofall people, right?
My wife pokes her head out ofthe room that we have my dad in
(07:14):
and sees me in there talking tomyself.
No, no, it's another woman inthe bathroom.
Like I've never been caught inanother room with a woman and my
wife, yeah.
Okay.
SPEAKER_04 (07:28):
Well, but I think I handled it well because I didn't
lose my temper.
SPEAKER_00 (07:33):
As I'm apologizing to this nurse, I'm confessing my
sins to my wife in public infront of everyone.
Babe, I'm in I'm in a restaurantwith another woman.
I'm sorry.
SPEAKER_02 (07:43):
I'm gonna have to But she didn't see my penis!
SPEAKER_00 (07:48):
Oh Lord.
SPEAKER_02 (07:51):
She didn't see my penis!
SPEAKER_04 (07:54):
Okay, that's okay because half of America has, so
it's alright.
Yeah, I did.
I said it was alright.
SPEAKER_00 (07:59):
Really?
SPEAKER_04 (08:00):
Sorry.
Yeah.
Yep.
And it's you know, that's justhow it went.
SPEAKER_00 (08:07):
But the good news is that that's great getting where
he needs to be.
Finally, right, finally.
Because we we we we recentlyfound out he was under the
control of a narcissistic womanthat we recently found out,
babe.
SPEAKER_02 (08:23):
No, you know what?
This out because we did not thisis what no, that's not true.
This is why we love have beingunedited.
No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no.
SPEAKER_00 (08:31):
You're not even gonna let me finish because
you're what we did not have goahead the understanding that we
do now of how bad it was.
We did because we didn't thebitch lost her shit here.
If we did, we would have donesomething about it.
The bitch lost her shit here.
We didn't know it was that bad.
SPEAKER_04 (08:49):
Okay, let's recall that controlling that that
malice we okay, we get remarriedevery year.
And on my husband's big 5-0birthday, well, you stop that
shit.
I surprised him and had his dadcome up, which he's always
wanted him to be here for stopfor one of our weddings, and he
(09:14):
brought her and the and theirgrandson.
And she had, I don't know, itwas a serious, serious episode
that transpired where you reallycan see how like I the term
(09:36):
crazy isn't applicable, babe,because like we wanted to just
have us and our daughter at theactual during the actual
ceremony, and she was adamantthat it had to be her way from
like every moment.
Like she even said to me thatyou know, I hope you're not too
(09:58):
upset that I look better thanyou on your wedding day.
And I didn't say a word, right?
I just kind of was like, yeah,okay, great, thanks.
But she lost, I don't even knowwhat word you want to say.
SPEAKER_00 (10:12):
It was like a bipolar switch.
SPEAKER_04 (10:15):
No, because that justifies the action in a way.
Like she the next day you hadgone to work, and I had gone
downstairs, and dad wasliterally sitting there trying
to get his stuff together.
I'm like, what's going on?
And and he's like, We'releaving.
What do you mean you're leaving?
(10:35):
And she is like like anarcissist on caffeine, you
know, like I don't want to sayon speed, but I mean literally
like you know, and I walkedoutside and yeah, she decided
to, you know, open that mouth tous or to me at first, not to
(10:58):
mention the night before, shegot very mouthy in front of
everyone here, like everyoneraised her voice, yelling,
screaming, throwing things, justreally spinning out of control.
But then this that morning, I'mlike, why are y'all leaving?
And I mean, she's yelling, she'sscreaming, she's threatening to
(11:18):
make him homeless.
It's just incredible.
And you know what?
I'm here to be the first to tellyou it's not only men, it's not.
I mean, the women can be viciousas well, really and truly can be
vicious, and they threaten withso much.
I mean, they just threaten, andit's heart-wrenching, it really
(11:41):
is, and it happens at every age.
I mean, dad is older, right?
He's they would categoricallyput him in elderly category, and
it's sad.
I mean, it really is, and it andhe's not the this isn't the
first, you know, narcissisticperson that he's had as a
(12:04):
partner.
You know, he's three for three.
SPEAKER_00 (12:07):
So you're saying are you saying there's a trend?
SPEAKER_04 (12:09):
He's three for three.
He didn't break the cycle.
Are you saying that once youhave that person in your life,
you tend to find normally you dounless you break the cycle,
hence me with you.
SPEAKER_00 (12:22):
Why?
Because the first one had thatmuch control over you.
SPEAKER_04 (12:26):
I think your biome had quite a bit of control over
him.
SPEAKER_00 (12:31):
I mean I'm just speaking in general, uh, of a
narcissistic person.
Mm-hmm.
SPEAKER_04 (12:36):
That first one believe that you're not who you
think you are.
They tear everything about youdown.
SPEAKER_00 (12:41):
So then if they left themselves up.
If they left or died and youmoved on to someone else, they
still have that control over youin certain ways.
SPEAKER_04 (12:49):
Like some of them have it in that way financially,
some of them have it in that wayemotionally, where they feel
like they just can't givethemselves a hundred percent
because so much for so long hasbeen secluded, if you will, or
suppressed, and so they haven'tbeen able to really live
unconditionally happy out offear for whatever reason.
(13:13):
I mean, you went through it too,and you don't go through it now
until you break the cycle.
You are really just managing dayby day, you're not enjoying life
to its full capacity.
Like my husband and I went andwe had we had to go run an
errand, and and it was just sonice.
(13:34):
We laughed.
I mean, we always laugh, wealways are laughing, but I mean,
you would because I'm funnylooking.
No, it you wouldn't know if wehad dated a year, a month, a
week, 25 years, because youknow, like we had a waitress the
other night say, I love y'all,y'all are so in love and so cute
and so sweet together.
And this is what I want, this iswhat I wish I could have one
(13:57):
day, and it's sweet, and that'ssomething that people look their
whole life for.
And either they finally get itand they don't appreciate it, or
they're afraid to let it inbecause of the damage caused by
other people, and they don'tallow themselves the opportunity
to finally have unconditional,true, safe happiness within
(14:21):
their life because truly andhonestly, they feel like it's
going to be taken away from thembecause that's all they know.
SPEAKER_00 (14:31):
So, can I go back?
SPEAKER_04 (14:33):
Absolutely.
SPEAKER_00 (14:34):
Because you know how I am left field.
How do you get rid of thatcontrol from that first one?
SPEAKER_04 (14:40):
You tell me because you went through it as a man.
How did you get I just forgetabout it?
No, that's not true.
No, because you've had lingeringeffects from it.
SPEAKER_00 (14:49):
I have a medical condition.
SPEAKER_04 (14:50):
That has nothing to do with it.
SPEAKER_00 (14:52):
I'm asking you.
Okay.
How do you cut that?
SPEAKER_04 (14:58):
It's not that simple.
It's not just turn the lightswitch off and then it's done.
It's not that simple.
It is a healing process, it is ajourney.
And you know, it's just like,for instance, it doesn't happen
overnight.
Like if you hear someone say, Idon't like what that looks like
on you, you're unattractive.
You're like, okay, whatever.
(15:19):
Thanks.
Whose opinion are you that Icare about?
But when you hear about it everysingle day, that becomes your
norm.
So you don't know thedifference.
It's kind of like a childgrowing up in a physically
abusive home.
They don't know what safe,loving, unconditional love is
from a family unit becausethat's not their norm.
(15:41):
That's not their day-to-day,that's not what they know.
Like if they have a parentthat's an alcoholic, they know
that that parent's gonna bedrunk that night.
They know that that is theirnorm.
So when you hear someone tellyou every single day that you're
a piece of crap, nobody's evergonna want you, no one's ever
gonna love you, that you're notworth loving, that you owe me
(16:02):
because nobody else wanted you,and I felt pity for you and I
felt bad for you.
So I picked up the garbage and Ibrought you in and like a stray
dog, now you're mine.
And so they make you feel as ifyou owe them because they
supposedly came and rescued youfrom what?
That's the question.
What did they rescue you from?
And it's like when you were withother people in your past, and I
(16:28):
would talk to you, and we werejust friends, my heart would
break.
And you know, I had voicemailsfrom you, and I had him listen
to him not that long ago, and hecouldn't believe that's what he
sounded like.
And I wanted him to hear thedifference because it's about
safety and security.
You know, like as a policeofficer, you know this.
(16:48):
When you go into a call, you'reon high alert, your adrenaline's
rushing because you don't knowwhat to expect.
And you go into that becauselike domestic violence is the
most dangerous call a lawenforcement officer can respond
to.
And it's the most dangerous timewhen the person tries to leave
because that's when it, youknow, really gets up there.
(17:09):
Do you know that if somebody isstrangled by their partner, the
probability of them killing themlast time I checked was over 700
times more than somebody whoisn't in that situation?
And it's it's a scary, scary,scary thing.
And you have to do it step bystep.
(17:30):
It's not, you know, it theydidn't tear you down in a day,
and they're didn't make you feelthe way you feel in a day, and
cleaning all that up isn't gonnabe done in a day.
SPEAKER_00 (17:43):
You know where I'm going with this.
SPEAKER_04 (17:45):
Absolutely.
Go ahead, let's go for it.
Let's go.
SPEAKER_00 (17:48):
You sure?
SPEAKER_04 (17:49):
Absolutely.
SPEAKER_00 (17:51):
I love you.
SPEAKER_04 (17:52):
I know.
SPEAKER_00 (17:54):
Yay!
SPEAKER_01 (17:55):
I love you.
SPEAKER_00 (17:57):
You know where he's going.
Is there a time frame?
SPEAKER_01 (17:59):
No, everybody is different.
Okay, everybody is different.
SPEAKER_00 (18:04):
Is there a comparison to the time of the
narcissist being in their lifecompared to the after?
Define that question.
Okay, let's say the narcissistwas in their life for one year.
It is now five years after Iknow.
Oh, thanks.
That narcissist has been out oftheir life.
(18:25):
Okay, that's like me saying Andthere's still things that that
narcissist has control over thatindividual.
Five years later.
SPEAKER_04 (18:35):
Okay, so let me ask you this.
When I get the privilege andhonor of working with some of
the people I talk to on a dailybasis, some of them in the
beginning are like, I know whoyou are.
I'm intimidated to talk to youbecause you went through such
hell, you went through suchhorrific abuse.
And I say to them all the time,I don't care if it's one hit,
one kick, one punch, it's onetoo many.
(18:56):
It's not a contest, right?
So the abuse that I enduredtranspired during my pregnancy.
And let's just say, you know,you take that period of time,
which is less than a year, andI've had over a hundred
surgeries because of that, whichis more than most people have in
a life.
Almost all people have had in alife, right?
(19:17):
And I I still have more surgeryto go.
And while saying that,especially when you're going
through everything that you'regoing through, it's situational,
I would say, because I also grewup, yes, with the most amazing
grandparents on this earth, butI didn't, and I wouldn't have
(19:37):
known or appreciated theunconditional safety, love, and
upbringing that they provided meif I didn't have the negative
from my bios.
Right.
And so, like, I couldn'tunderstand how it's night and
day different.
But my biologicals, as you knowvery well, just and I thank them
(19:59):
for many, many things.
They did provide me with a roofover my my our daughter's head
at one point.
There was a heavy price to payfor it, but they still allowed
us there.
They did a lot of things, and Ipray for them every night.
I pray for the man that beat meto death's door every night.
But the thing is, is thatwithout you can't really
(20:25):
appreciate real love andunconditional happiness and
acceptance if you've never hadthe negative to compare it to.
SPEAKER_00 (20:34):
So, are you saying that was necessary?
SPEAKER_04 (20:36):
No, I'm not saying it's necessary, but like I don't
take anything for granted,right?
And one of the number onethings, and I'm guiltier about
it than anyone I've ever met inmy life, I will go above and
beyond to prove my truth,because for most of my life,
that's all I have is my word.
And the one thing that anybodywho's ever gone through any type
(20:57):
of abuse has is their word, eventhough every person who's ever
gone through anything like thiswill tell you that the abuser,
the narcissist, whoever orwhatever term you want to give
that individual literally willdo everything they can to make
you out to be a liar becausethey don't want to be seen for
(21:19):
who they really are.
They want no accountability.
So they will make you out to bethe bad person.
And a lot of times, a lot ofpeople who are survivors and
warriors that have overcome whatwe have, you know, keep
documentation, keep proof, keepan overwhelming amount of proof
because we want to validate ourword, and it's just different
(21:42):
for every single person, it'snever the same.
But I do want for just a minute,are you done with this topic?
SPEAKER_00 (21:49):
Yes, my love.
SPEAKER_04 (21:51):
I mean, no, I'm serious.
I do want for just a minute totalk about this kid in Oklahoma
that I want our platform to hearfor any that hasn't.
It has made me sick, and I'lltell you why.
He was 17, 17 and a half, and hebrutally raped two girls.
(22:19):
And I'm not talking about justrape, but he was charged with
rape with instruments.
He had over 10 felonies.
He strangled both of the girls.
One of the doctors said, youknow, that she was seconds away
from dying.
Um, one of them had to havesurgery on her neck from the
(22:40):
trauma, from what he did.
And the judge, female judge,female judge, right, but first
punched the sentencing to 78years, I believe.
Then it comes the impactstatements and the witnesses and
things like that.
Well, the sister of this pieceof shit is an elementary school
(23:01):
teacher, and they are mandatedreporters.
And while all this is going on,she's in the the galley laughing
and cutting up and whatever whythese innocent girls who will
never, you know, people think,okay, well, they survived, yes,
but when you have been raped andsexually assaulted, part of you
(23:22):
is murdered.
I'm telling you, because youwill never, ever, ever get that
back.
And these girls were taken awayof their innocence, right?
Young girls.
And this asshole threatened togo after their families to kill
their loved ones if they evertold.
They were very he he went afterthese shy girls because he knew
(23:43):
it would be easier for them tostay quiet.
So during the impact statementsand things like that, this prick
gets 78 years, female judge, 78years.
Well, then they decide they'regonna serve him as a juvenile,
and his sentencing was reducedto 150 serv service hours of
(24:08):
community service, right?
150 community service hours, andif he did them all and it was
complacent and compliant withthem, his record.
Are you ready for this?
Put your T down.
His record would be wiped clean.
Get out, clean, clean.
So this monster would have norecord, he wouldn't be on a sex
(24:30):
registry, he would not be, youknow, if he's done this, he'll
he'll do it again.
He will absolutely do it again.
And worse.
And so he's not gonna beregistered as a sex inventor.
He gets 150 hours, you know.
Are you kidding?
And and what really kills me isthat these people think, oh, I'm
gonna go into jail, I'm gonnaget rehabilitated, right?
(24:51):
I did my time.
Now it's time for me to startover.
Okay.
Bullshit.
Because as a survivor of abuse,and I'm here to tell you right
now, when I hear someone thatsays, I served, I served my
time, I served my time, I shouldbe able to move on.
We're not told as survivors,hey, in eight years, 13 weeks,
(25:13):
four hours, 16 minutes, and twomilliseconds, you're gonna say
your time is done, put it backon the shelf and it's over.
Because we live with it the restof our life.
We have to learn how to live ina completely different way
because of what happened, whattranspired.
So to hear somebody say, Iserved my time, I should be able
(25:36):
to be, you know, let it go.
What about us?
Right?
We we don't just get to put thatup on the shelf and say we let
it go.
So the arresting agencies wentto his mom and dad's house to
bring him in for processing andall.
And the mother, who was outthere at the time, when they put
(26:00):
him in handcuffs, said, Oh mygod, do you really have to
handcuff him?
That is something no childshould ever have to experience.
SPEAKER_00 (26:09):
She said that.
SPEAKER_04 (26:10):
She said that.
I watched the video footage ofthe mom who said that is
inhumane.
No child should ever have to beto no child should ever have to
experience being handcuffed.
Woman, let me just tell you, ifsomething happened to our kid,
handcuffs are the least of yourworries.
Right?
(26:30):
This isn't a threat.
This is a downright warning,right?
Your child, your child almosttook the life of what we only
know of at this moment, is twowomen, two young girls, not
women, young girls, young girls.
He took their innocence, he tooksomething that they could have
(26:51):
very well wanted to save untilmarriage.
You we don't know, we don'tknow, but he took away their
right of choice, and so muchmore.
That beautiful little girl isgonna have to see the scar on
her neck every day andeverything that's going on, time
and time again, the nightmaresI'm here to tell you.
(27:14):
Like to this day, my husband'sthe only person who can put his
hands near my throat.
And I was strangled andsuffocated as an adult, not as a
child who is 15, 16 years ofage, right?
I can't fathom what it wouldhave been like at that age.
And for the mom to have the oddaudacity to say that is
(27:38):
inhumane, no child should everexperience what it feels like to
be in cancuffs.
I'm so sorry, but there shouldhave picked him up, hog tied
him, put him in the back of thesquad car.
I mean, seriously, how how elsecan you say that?
SPEAKER_00 (27:56):
How do you say that?
Obviously, the boy, the son, isthe predominant narcissist in
that family.
Well, has control over even hisown mother because that mother
believes 100% that her son isinnocent.
SPEAKER_04 (28:13):
No, but here's Kicker.
SPEAKER_00 (28:14):
Right?
SPEAKER_04 (28:15):
The POS videotaped himself doing this to one of the
girls, including strangulation.
And it was presented in court.
No doubt it was him.
Well, it's a small town inOklahoma, and let's just say the
dad of the guy is the likesomething to do with the head
football coach or something.
Good, it should be fired.
(28:35):
It blows my mind.
It's all about who you know.
I mean, seriously, it'suncomprehensible.
What happens to the next femalethat this happens to, which
could have been prevented hadjustice been served here in this
matter?
What happens there?
(28:56):
How do you justify that?
I mean, that's insane.
There was another case that Isaw, and I want to get more
information on it, where a guyjust absolutely he strangled
somebody, he stabbed somebody,male judge this time, and the
girl literally ended up gettinglost in in medication to like
(29:20):
take herself out of her reality,and they presented her as a drug
addict.
She wasn't a drug addict beforethis happened, and now the judge
rules well, this young man hassuch potential in his life, and
he made a mistake, so I'm notgonna you know mess up his
record.
SPEAKER_00 (29:39):
Unbelievable.
SPEAKER_04 (29:41):
And this is exactly why people are afraid to come
forward and press chargesagainst their abuser.
It's for these reasons, righthere.
This is why our laws are nottight enough, they're not strong
enough, you know.
They say innocent till provenguilty, blah blah blah, but when
You put someone on the standwho's been abused, we are the
(30:03):
ones who have to prove ourinnocence and what happened.
We get re-assaulted on thatstand, and then we have to sit
there in the room with theaccused more times than not and
just know that more than likelyyou're gonna get away with it.
SPEAKER_00 (30:22):
Yeah, because the judge is like these.
SPEAKER_03 (30:24):
This is outrageous.
SPEAKER_00 (30:29):
I didn't I didn't hear about those stories.
I didn't read about them.
SPEAKER_04 (30:32):
It's thick.
I mean, if somebody didsomething to faith.
SPEAKER_00 (30:40):
Don't worry about the judge.
SPEAKER_04 (30:43):
I mean, seriously.
It's mind-blowing.
And then, you know, it's justwhy can't people treat people
the way they want to be treatedthemselves?
Right?
You know, to piggyback back onwhat we were talking about,
about stop it.
He's always making these faces.
To piggyback, God bless it, topiggyback back on what we were
(31:03):
talking about, you know, likewhen we were at the hospital, we
were there.
When you're there, I don't careif you are frequent flyers
because you have someone in yourlife who has medical conditions,
right?
Or it's your first time.
The fact is, is that you are inthere, you are scared, you have
the unknown, you don't know whatto expect.
You know, the average lab is 30to 60 minutes, and 60 minutes is
(31:27):
if they're jam-packed, right?
Because the blood work goes downstat, but they have a 60 minutes
before they want you to callabout it.
And the thing is, it doesn'tmatter how many times you go,
you don't know what's going on,and you're sitting there with
the unknown, which is quitescary.
And you look out, and nurses areon their phones, nurses are
playing games on their phones, acouple of them had their
(31:50):
husband.
Right.
A couple of them have their feetup on the on the counter, just
you know, whatever.
One's eating a Cinnabon,whatever the the point is.
And then you're like, Where arethe doctors?
Where are the doctors?
And then it's been four hoursbefore you see one, right?
Because they're in the dock box,they're in the doc box.
And my husband, who just wantedto rile up my feathers, was
(32:14):
like, hey, and I said, It's beenfour hours since we've seen that
doctor.
And he was just like, Well, youknow, you'll just sit here.
And Faith is like, you obviouslyare just trying to start this up
because you know mom is not justgonna sit here.
So I was like, I'll be back.
I went and found him.
And I was like, Come on, we haveto have a little chat because
you can't do that.
(32:34):
Like, we're sitting there notknowing anything.
I already know the blood work'sbeen back for at least three
hours.
How about the emergency CATscan?
How about the emergency x-rays?
Oh, wait, times two trips toX-ray, you know?
How about the fact that if wecalled X-ray or CAT scans to get
a CAT scan ordered, it takesweeks sometimes to get in.
(32:54):
Before we got off thatambulance, which I was on with
him, there was already, theywere already waiting in
radiology for him in the CATscan, right?
They took him straight back fromthere before they even got him
off the ambulance stretcher.
But you can't come in and tellus, okay, that part's okay.
Let's, you know, we've got that.
That's off the table.
We don't have to worry aboutthat now.
(33:16):
Let's go and and weed out thisand this and this and this and
this, and let's figure outexactly what it is that's going
on.
SPEAKER_01 (33:22):
No, that's not how this works.
SPEAKER_04 (33:27):
No.
I do want to do a little teaserand say congratulations to my
husband.
We're not gonna say why, but abig life event was found out
about today that will betranspiring very soon, and it's
very exciting, but we're notgonna say what it is just yet.
But it is huge.
SPEAKER_00 (33:47):
Really?
Yeah, it's something that sothank y'all.
I saw a few more members joinour academy here last week.
Thank y'all for joining.
If you haven't checked out ouracademy, go over to uh
contagious smile.com and selectthe academy tab and check it
(34:08):
out.
My wife has produced 143 Who arenow?
SPEAKER_04 (34:14):
Huh?
SPEAKER_00 (34:15):
144 now.
144 courses in that academy.
And uh y'all y'all check themout.
SPEAKER_04 (34:22):
You can't possibly be tired again.
SPEAKER_00 (34:24):
I am I am sitting here about to fall asleep.
I'm doing everything I can tostay awake, y'all.
I do apologize.
My wife did catch me yet againdoing something I shouldn't have
been doing.
I went out to the truck toinstall a camera.
SPEAKER_04 (34:39):
Well, it already has one, but now some stupid dash
cam thing.
SPEAKER_00 (34:44):
A camera and something for the the cell phone
to sit on.
So you can you know, hands free.
And I asked, I said, Hey babe,are you coming yet?
How how much long are you gonnabe?
Because I'm about to take 10.
You know, but she's every otherhour.
And she said, Go ahead and take10.
Well, I'm out in the truck, andI okay, I got a little pillar in
(35:06):
the truck.
A what?
A pillar, a what?
A pillar, and I put my pillararound my neck and a pillar.
I pulled my hat down.
Y'all, I was gone.
Gone.
She tells me out there bangingon the door, open the door.
She didn't bang on the door.
What are you doing out here?
SPEAKER_04 (35:24):
No, I said I've gone through a whole home, went in
downstairs, went in the coldroom, went everywhere else
looking for you, and couldn'tfind you.
And then I walk out there, openthe door, and there you are,
snoring out a storm.
SPEAKER_00 (35:40):
And there I was, y'all, taking my 10 minutes.
SPEAKER_04 (35:43):
Loud as I'll get out.
SPEAKER_00 (35:45):
Which she says it turned it was in a full hour.
SPEAKER_04 (35:48):
It was by the time I texted, or you texted me and
said I want to do 10, and thenby the time I got out there, it
was over an hour.
SPEAKER_00 (35:55):
Guys, if y'all know that little trick and haven't
told me, sham on you.
If you don't know it, I advisego check go try it out.
Honey, I'll be right back.
I gotta go get something by thecar.
I gotta go, I gotta go work onthe car, babe.
Yeah.
Are you serious?
Take a pillar out there?
A what?
A pillar.
A hat so you can cut your eyes.
(36:17):
A pillar.
And that's some good 10 minutesnow.
For an hour.
But why do you need one now?
I'm I'm tired.
We did a lot today.
Are you shitting me right now?
I I did take a shit earlier, butyes.
I wouldn't shit you.
You're my favorite turd.
SPEAKER_04 (36:34):
Oh, yeah, you're a little funny guy.
So funny guy.
So we do have something.
If any of you are interested inthe sweetest, cutest ever golden
retriever Christmas ornament, wewill be having them.
Or it'll be happy holidays.
And I'll have a goldenretriever, aka stucco, on it.
(36:57):
Who doesn't love a goldenretriever?
If you don't love goldenretrievers, there's something
not right.
And it's gonna be a gorgeoustree-round ornament that says
happy holidays.
How cute is that?
And we will be selling them, andproceeds will be going to help
survivors of domestic violenceand special needs families.
(37:17):
Would you wake up?
I'm gonna get Faith in here.
She'll wake you up quick.
SPEAKER_00 (37:20):
I'm about to go.
You can't go to sleep right now.
I'm going to sleep right now.
SPEAKER_04 (37:24):
No, you're not.
SPEAKER_00 (37:25):
No.
As soon as you take us out.
SPEAKER_04 (37:27):
Negatory, ma'am.
More, then I'm not taking usout.
SPEAKER_00 (37:29):
Thank y'all for listening to another episode of
a contagious file podcast withVictoria.
SPEAKER_04 (37:36):
It's getting shorter and shorter.
Do you know that?
Our podcasts are getting shorterand shorter.
That's nothing you have to worryabout.
He's married.
Just saying.
SPEAKER_00 (37:47):
And Michael.
Good night, y'all.
Popular Podcasts
Stuff You Should Know
If you've ever wanted to know about champagne, satanism, the Stonewall Uprising, chaos theory, LSD, El Nino, true crime and Rosa Parks, then look no further. Josh and Chuck have you covered.
Dateline NBC
Current and classic episodes, featuring compelling true-crime mysteries, powerful documentaries and in-depth investigations. Follow now to get the latest episodes of Dateline NBC completely free, or subscribe to Dateline Premium for ad-free listening and exclusive bonus content: DatelinePremium.com
Are You A Charlotte?
In 1997, actress Kristin Davis’ life was forever changed when she took on the role of Charlotte York in Sex and the City. As we watched Carrie, Samantha, Miranda and Charlotte navigate relationships in NYC, the show helped push once unacceptable conversation topics out of the shadows and altered the narrative around women and sex. We all saw ourselves in them as they searched for fulfillment in life, sex and friendships. Now, Kristin Davis wants to connect with you, the fans, and share untold stories and all the behind the scenes. Together, with Kristin and special guests, what will begin with Sex and the City will evolve into talks about themes that are still so relevant today. "Are you a Charlotte?" is much more than just rewatching this beloved show, it brings the past and the present together as we talk with heart, humor and of course some optimism.