THE BEST OF THE BEST WEBINAR

Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:14):
Can you pop on right now and you can show your face?
We're not going live until 2.
I just want to make sureeverything's working right.

Speaker 2 (00:24):
Yep, I just heard let the dogs in.

Speaker 3 (00:33):
Oh.

Speaker 1 (00:37):
I don't understand it's saying it's a practice.

Speaker 2 (00:43):
Howdy y'all.
Welcome to another episode of AContagious Smile we are hosting
.
We Built this with your host,victoria Cur others, and pay it
forward.
Our lovely Victoria, sittinghere to my left, she is my world

(01:15):
, she's my rock, she's mysoulmate.
She went through hell in hereight months of her first
marriage with a real monster andshe went through abuse like
none other and her strength wasin her womb.
Our faith gave her, gave herthe strength to carry on and to

(01:41):
push through it and to come outvictorious.
So at A Contagious Smile, weadvocate for special needs
families and domestic violencesurvivors, and we do a host of
other things.
Please join our website and geton in our academy and see
everything about what we do.

(02:01):
My wife over here, victoria.
She is a published authorcurrently 41 books, soon to be
42.
She's in gosh about five toeight magazines over here on my
left.
She's won multiple awards forwhat she does and what she has
built, what we have built.

(02:22):
She likes to add me, eventhough I'll probably be the guy
in the background taking a nap.
She has three doctorates.
She's super intelligent way outof my league.
Yeah, I can't say enough aboutmy wife, so I'll let her say

(02:42):
something, take it away,victoria.

Speaker 1 (02:45):
You can come into that.
Wow that's.
I was not prepared.
As any of you know, we areunscripted, to say the least.
That is my soulmate.
I waited a long time for himand you know it's so funny.
I'm just going to say this aboutmy husband I couldn't be here
today if it wasn't for him.
The day I met him, I knew thathe was the man I was supposed to

(03:06):
be married to.
I knew it.
I mean not even that fiveminutes into it I knew it.
I went, oh crap, Like I justknew.
And I knew no one would be afather to Faith except him
nobody.
And I couldn't have gottenthrough a hundred plus surgeries
and the loss of my arm and morehearing loss and everything
else if it wasn't for you.
And he is my rock, he's my bestfriend, he's my soulmate.

(03:29):
We laugh every single day.
We've never had an argument um,he's my safe place, he's my
safe space and he is everythingto me.
And I love him more and moreevery day.
I fall in love with him overand over every day.
So enough of mushiness.
There's pollen in here.
My husband is crying.
That's why he's not on camera,which I think is sweet.

(03:52):
It's definitely pollen, it's notpollen, if you ever listen to
our Unstoppable podcast.
We are unscripted, off the cuffand quite funny.
He is my redneck and I am hisredhead, and so it's just
hilarious.
But we are here today becausethis started just about 19 years
ago, when I survived domesticviolence and I'll be speaking

(04:13):
about this later on.
But I went through this aloneand nobody no one man, woman,
whatever you identify as shouldnever have to go through this
alone.
One hit, one kick, one punch isone too many, and it's not a
contest.
I've had people say well, Ican't talk to you, you've been
hit.
How many times, it doesn'tmatter, one is one too much.

(04:35):
So we have developed acontagious smile.
It's 19 years old.
Then it grew and grew and wegrew into podcasts, which we
have three different ones, andthey're all in the top between
the three of them.
They're all in the top 3%globally.
And then on top of it, we havedone books and workbooks, excuse

(04:58):
me and workbooks to help peoplerealize that they are not alone
.
And we never had a marketingteam.
We never had anybody except meand my husband and Faith doing
all of this, and I've takencountless classes and countless
training to learn, and we wentfrom zero followers to millions

(05:18):
of followers and I want to helppay it forward.
So we started the ContagiousSmile Academy, which is not even
a couple months old Excuse me,not even a couple months old and
it offers free and low costcourses so that everybody can
afford it.
Everybody can come in, becausehealing should not have a price
tag, and we have such amazing,amazing collections.

(05:42):
We have the Limitless RecoveryTribe, where anybody who is in
any type of recovery whetherit's alcoholic, drugs, abuse, if
you're in grief from losingsomeone everybody that we have
the pleasure of working with isin some type of recovery from

(06:02):
something.
And there's things in there.
It's in there to make you laugh.
It's in there to make yourealize that you have such an
amazing ability to regrow andthat you're not alone, and even
that tiny flicker of life canstart a wildfire.
You will not be alone throughany of this.
You are not alone through anyof this.
Then there is the safe havenrecovery, where anyone who's

(06:25):
gone through trauma can gothrough it and they're
nonjudgmental.
You go in there and there'sclasses for everyone, actually
in multiple collections, whereyou can go in and from the very
beginning of how can I leave,how can I make this house
Because it is not a home saferfor me to get out?
How can I get out and protectmy kids?
There are courses in there forthe kids about like two homes

(06:50):
one me and it's written on theirlevel so they understand it.
There is classes in there forthe kids who are feeling torn
and pulled like tug of war fromthe parents.
There are classes in there thathelp bond the family.
There are courses in there thatI've written to help kids that
are in foster care.
These are all things that mostof them are free.

(07:11):
The most cost is $4.99.
And that's because it is quiteexpensive to pay for the
platform and all of the otherexpenses that go into hosting
all of this.
Now I'm going to fall on thehumbleness for a second and tell
you that myself nor my husbandhave taken a paycheck ever once

(07:31):
from any of this.
Any money that is raised goesright back in to taking care of
all of this, because we want tomake sure everybody is taken
care of.
We offer scholarships to thosethat can't afford it.
We don't ask questions.
You come and say I can't affordthis, and we make sure that you
get the courses and classesthat you need and that's why
we're here today is to promotethese amazing individuals who

(07:54):
they are, what they do, and thenalso to hope that we can get a
few donations here and therethat can help sponsor these
other individuals.
Because I want you to think forjust a minute it's one in four
women that go through some typeof abuse in their life.
So that would be God forbid meas his wife, our daughter, god
forbid a mom, maybe a sister,when you think about one in four

(08:18):
, those numbers, that's not okay.
We're trying so hard to fighteverything else in this world,
but we are not fighting on thehome front of what really needs
to do, and that's protecting ourfamily, and that's not okay.
We're trying so hard to fighteverything else in this world,
but we are not fighting on thehome front of what really needs
to do, and that's protecting ourfamily.
And that's why I am so honoredat the list of individuals that
are coming on the platform todayto speak to you.
Each one of them has such anamazing story.
They are just individuals thatcarry such light that I am

(08:44):
beyond in awe of each and everyone of them, and to call them my
friends is a gift in itself.
We have the academy, where we'reoffering certain things, like
we also now offer dedicationcourses.
So we have a beautiful friendof mine named Debbie Gail Zane,
who tragically lost her son,alex, to a mental health

(09:06):
situation as well as drugs, andso we've done a course
dedicating to what hastranspired for Alex, and you can
get a hold of Debbie and she isa grief counselor now and she
has done an amazing book thatI've actually helped participate
in writing the back cover of,and you can't find any more of a

(09:26):
genuine, authentic person thanshe is and she has helped
sponsor this today and I want tothank Debbie for that.
You have JJ Holly, who is likea brother to me, to say the
least, who has such an amazingstory I don't even want to share
that he's.
He's going to come on here andtell you himself.
He is in the valor circle,which is for vets and active

(09:46):
military, and he tells his storyof how he survived a suicide
attempt and all that he has donefor our country, and we thank
him and all other vets andactive military for their
service as well.
Everybody in here is a gift andwe are so unbelievably grateful
for every single one of you.
This day today is hopefully onethat we can do yearly.

(10:08):
I would love to have a yearly.
We built this uh platformamazing.
I want to apologize in advancebecause I've recently found out
excuse me that my hearing iseven more profoundly lost and
I've noticed it now affects myspeech, and I've talked to my
surgeon and they did confirm, infact, that that is normal.

(10:28):
As many of you might know ormight not know, that the abuse I
went through while pregnant wasso severe that it ruptured both
my ear, my eardrums and causedme to go basically profoundly
deaf.
My right ear is basically goneand hearing in my left is
profoundly deaf.
They want to do cochlearimplants, but of course

(10:50):
insurance doesn't cover it.
They want to do what's called astitch down where they're going
to take out the ear, can,eardrum and the station tubes
and all of that.
But my speech gets changed nowbecause I hear things different
and I just want to apologize forthat in advance, because I hear
some things differently thanyou guys do and for that I'm
sorry.

Speaker 2 (11:11):
We still love you.

Speaker 1 (11:12):
Well, thank you, I appreciate that immensely.
I am so honored and I'm goingto just shut up now because I am
so honored and I will admit Isaid this before we started the
event today that when I reachedout to Susan, who is our opener
today, I was like a kid in astore, because I met her years
ago and she grabbed my heart andhas held onto it ever since.

(11:37):
She is an amazing woman, anamazing human being.
I'm honored to know her, yetalone, to call her my friend,
and when she said she would dothis, I literally I'll embarrass
myself.
I claim what I do.
I literally came out like a kidat Christmas and, you know,
made sure that Susan couldn'thear me at that point and I
walked out and I was like, yes,oh, my.
God she's coming on Like I wasso excited because it just made

(11:59):
everything else from there onjust perfect, so I want to
welcome her.
I don't think I could do a fairintroduction, so I'm going to
let her introduce herself.
And again, I hope everybodyenjoys the day.
We'll make sure everybody'slinks and contact information is
out there so you can get aholdof it as well, and we thank you
for supporting and believing inus because we believe in you.

(12:21):
Yes, thank y'all in us, becausewe believe in you.

Speaker 6 (12:31):
Yes, thank y'all.
Miss Susan, okay, can you guyssee that?
Yes, excellent.
So I wanted to thank you,victoria, for that wonderful,
and Mike and all the people whoare going to be on today for
inviting me, which seemed likesuch a wonderful thing that
somebody invited me, so I wasjumping for joy like Christmas

(12:54):
morning.
So, thank you, and I wanted toshow this graphic again because
I think it's a wonderful graphic.
I want to talk today a bit aboutmy work, but I was really I
asked.
I actually asked Victoria atsome point in the planning
process here why she calls this.
We Built this and, as sheexplained a minute ago, that,
because there is no other forumfor this.

(13:15):
There's no.
We as survivors and the work Ido to help women thrive, as
thrivers don't really have aplatform, and I'm going to talk
a little bit today about whythat's so in terms of the
services that are out there andsome of the missing pieces.
But it's definitely true thatwe don't have a place where

(13:37):
survivors and thrivers andpeople who are our allies can
really come and get the kind ofinformation that we need, can
really come and get the kind ofinformation that we need.
And actually, I think in manycases it's developing the
information, and what Victoriatalked about on her platform is
some of the materials that hasnot even been developed yet.

(13:57):
Sometimes we don't even havewords for some of this because
the words are still beingarticulated.
So let me move my slides here,let's see if I can figure out
how to do that.
There we go.
So I am the originator anddeveloper and creator those are
all the words that I give myselfof what I call the Thriver's

(14:19):
Own Motivational Model, and I'lltalk a little bit about that
more.
But I wanted you to understandthat I have put together a
process and that it's a processthat's helped me tremendously in
my journey healing journey butalso has rung true to lots of
the women that I've worked with.

(14:40):
I've also worked with men,particularly trauma survivors,
and so putting together theideas and the way that we think
about what has happened to usand how to work on healing and
recovery.
So let me tell you a little bitabout myself and, before I

(15:02):
forget, the slides are availableon my website If you go on to
thriverzonecom, and it's aresource tab but just in case
people want to take a look,sometimes it's hard to write
things down or remember things,so they'll.
They'll be up there for you.
So I am among the things thatI've done in my life.

(15:23):
One of them I'm very proud ofis that I'm an attorney.
I went to law school when womenwere not plentiful in law
school, nor was it an occupationthat many people thought women
should do.
So it's one of my things that Ifeel very proud about, and I
also feel very proud that I'vebeen able to litigate,

(15:45):
particularly in the area of sexdiscrimination, sexual
harassment.
But I've been a victim advocatefor about 50 years and I was
thinking about this, that Iremember when there weren't rape
crisis centers and thereweren't domestic violence
shelters and we didn't even havea word for a lot of this.
And today we're getting morewords and more language like

(16:07):
coercive control and financialabuse.
But this goes back.
I've also done sexual assaultcrisis intervention,
particularly working withvictims in the courtroom as they
go through pursuing aprosecution.
I've worked in state governmentworking on child welfare and

(16:28):
human services development, soI've seen how government works
and sometimes doesn't work, andhow important it is for us to
move the issues up to publicpolicy level and make changes.
I'm a trauma survivor.
I'm a domestic violencehomicide survivor.
I'll talk about that a littlebit more.
That means that somebody that Iloved, who was a domestic

(16:51):
violence victim was killed bythe perpetrator.
So I'm a survivor of that, andI am the originator and
facilitator of what I call themy Avenging Angel Workshops,
which came out of my trauma andmoved me to do some things that
I thought would be positive, andI'm an author and publisher,

(17:12):
and today I'm a motivationalspeaker.
I've also done a lot oftraining, particularly training
to start to integrate what I dointo the service delivery model,
and my books are available upon my website.
I'll talk a little bit aboutthat today and if we have time,
I'm going to see.
If I can, I'm going to.

(17:35):
I am going to do an exercise,perhaps to let you know about an
exercise, and okay, let's see.
To do an exercise, perhaps tolet you know about an exercise,
and okay, let's see, sorry.
So one of the reasons why I dowhat I do although this much of

(18:01):
my work started before thisevent, which was that in October
of 1999, my niece, maggie, whowas 19 years old at the time and
a college student, was killedon a college campus by her
ex-boyfriend.
He had not physically assaultedher before he killed her.

(18:22):
She had no bruises or othermarks that would indicate to
people that she was in dangerand herself and she didn't know
he had a gun.
So the moment of her death, itcame clear to me that when, even
though I had done this work formany, many years before Maggie

(18:43):
was killed, I had done divorcework with women who were coming
through domestic violence for anumber of years, and so I knew
that the kinds of families thatwere affected by this that it
wasn't about economics or whereyou lived or your race or your
cultural background or men orwomen.

(19:04):
I knew that that was true, butsomehow in my brain I was
convinced that this was notgoing to happen to my family,
that somehow we were the otherin this situation.
And, of course, that night thatI got the phone call that
Maggie had been killed.

(19:24):
I suddenly entered the worldwhere it can happen and, as
Victoria mentioned earlier, ithappens significantly to women,
one in three, one in four.
So my challenge was to findsomething that I could do.
The man who killed my niecekilled himself.
That I could do.

(19:44):
The man who killed my niecekilled himself.
So I didn't have that you knowavenge or revenge of taking him
to court and making sure that hegets prosecuted and put in
prison so he doesn't hurtanybody else.
I didn't have that and so I gotthis quote living well is the
best revenge, and that's reallywhat I wanted to start to do for

(20:06):
myself and also for all thewomen that I was working with.
And so that process began for mewith a workshop.
I put together a two-dayworkshop.
I am not a social worker, I'm alawyer, although I'm a creative
writer.
I am a creative writer, so Ihad been doing some work that,

(20:26):
um, some workshops aroundcreative writing and how to get
the negative voice in your headto quiet down so you can write.
So I had some idea of what Iwanted to do, so I have a video
about Maggie and about some ofthe women who come through my
workshop.
It it's up on my website.
It's also on my YouTube channel.
Please feel free to ventureover to the YouTube under Susan

(20:50):
O'Millian and ThriverZone andsubscribe to my YouTube channel
so you'll have a little bit moreinformation.
But I always say, the women whocome through my workshop can
tell the story much better thanI can.
But the pursuit that I've hadand the way I've described it,
is that there's a journey beyondabuse and it's beyond being a

(21:13):
victim or even a survivor, thatit's the journey of spirit to
become a thriver.
And I mean spirit in the sensethat there's a part of you
that's been untouched by allthat's ever happened to you and
that part of you cannot die,it's immortal.
It's your soul, your spirit,whatever divine, whatever words

(21:34):
you have for it because it'shard to find words for this kind
of concept and that you canbecome.
You can come back to that placeor actually make it grow beyond
where you were.
So the idea is that you're notgoing to just survive something,
but you're going to move on andthrive.
So my simple definition of athriver is a healthy, happy

(22:00):
person with a brilliantproductive future.
Happy person with a brilliantproductive future.
And so through my process notonly as a survivor of domestic
violence, homicide I started tothink about the work I had done
previous to Maggie's death withvictims of both sexual assault
and domestic violence, and theway the domestic violence and

(22:21):
sexual assault movement reallystarted moving forward, that the
idea that at the time whenthere were no shelters, that
there was no safe way to leaveand there was no safe place to
go.
So that was the first goal themovement really started with in
the early 1970s, early 1980s,late 1970s, early 1980s, and

(22:48):
then the idea that you couldprosecute the offender, which
for a long time in our societythese were not offenses that
were criminal.
But sometimes that's not aclosure kind of issue and
sometimes the prosecution isn'treally available.
But there are other needs and Ireally felt like these are my
needs as well, because I needed,after Maggie's just tumultuous

(23:10):
death and the surroundingcircumstances of being on a
college campus that wasn'treally attuned to the issues on
that campus, that might havesaved Maggie, it certainly might
have made her safer, but Iwanted to look at those things
and so looking at the impacts onthe victim, but particularly

(23:31):
reclaiming life goals anddesires, that's what I wanted to
do and for many women I'dworked with before Maggie was
killed, there was all thisconversation about, you know,
can we have peace, freedom andsafety in our home and can we
break the cycle of violence, notonly for ourselves but also for
the other people families,children and to deal with

(23:59):
generational passing out of thetrauma.
So what is clear to me aboutthis is that from my experience
prior to Maggie's death is thatthe system sort of has been set
up to address trauma, and I meta woman named Judith Herman,

(24:20):
actually right about the timethat Maggie was killed and she I
read her book called the ThreeStages of Trauma Recovery, which
she wrote in 1992.
She was the first person she'sa woman psychiatrist to actually
identify as post-traumaticstress the impact of coming out

(24:41):
of violence against women'ssituations.
Prior to that, that PTSD wasgenerally looked at in research
in terms of war veterans butmoving into domestic violence,
sexual assault, and so shedescribed three stages safety
and stability, remembering andmourning, and then reconnection
and reintegration.

(25:03):
So when I started thinking aboutthis and looking at what I
wanted to do in my niece's honor, I know I couldn't go back to
safety and stability.
The hotline crisis counseling,victim advocacy, court advocacy
that was just too hard for me.
Every woman in the shelter wasMaggie and I couldn't do that
work anymore.
Every woman in the shelter wasMaggie and I couldn't do that

(25:25):
work anymore.
And I saw the importance ofsupport groups.
I found my own support groupsfrom the Survivors of Homicide
movement and that power ofremembering and mourning and
just trying to get support andunderstanding the larger issues
and getting resources.
But what really struck me isthat on her third stage of
reconnection and integration,there was nothing currently in

(25:49):
the system and the federal moneyand most state money that and
nonprofits that were providingservices to victims of domestic
violence, sexual assault ofdomestic violence, sexual
assault, sexual harassment,whatever child abuse, really
didn't have a third piece.
And so I started attractingwomen to my two-day workshop who

(26:13):
were sort of like, hey, what'snext?
I've gotten out, I'm gettingmyself through a number of
issues financial abuse andhousing and trying to find a
lawyer that could could help youwithout within your resources.
But what's that next piece?
How can you move on?
So that's what I really starteddoing was to put together, as I

(26:35):
said, this motivational model.
I wanted it to be amotivational model because I
didn't want it to be just onemore piece of telling your story
and having it be recognized butnot really helping you move
forward.
So one of the things, the firstthings I do in my workshops, is
not to have the women tell metheir story of abuse.

(26:57):
We recognize it and we honor itand we recognize we've had a
similar experience or experiencethat will help us to move
forward.
But we don't need to have thatstory be the focus of what we do
, and for many women I tell themyou need to have a village, so

(27:19):
you may need a support group inwhich you can do that, or you
may need to go back and andperhaps get some some legal
advocacy for yourself.
But really to start to moveforward on this thriver journey
and and I started using thisword back in the early 2000s and
nobody was using it, it waskind of like this word that was

(27:41):
kind of out there and I starteddecided to see if I could frame
it a lot more.
So what I put together is whatI call.
It's part of my motivationalmodel and I don't know where all
this came from.
So some of it's like you know,something I wanted really badly

(28:01):
and suddenly it showed up.
So I put together what I callthe seven steps to thriving and
to really start to help womenwalk through this process, and I
put it together into a bookwhich I call Entering the
Thriver Zone.
So I think this is really theentry point to start to see that
, for example, the first step isto see your journey, and I put

(28:23):
together an exercise for that,using story, your favorite story
, and then quieting thatnegative voice in your head
which, of course, has been fedby the abuser, by the society
that says this is all your fault.
Connecting with the happyperson inside the part that says
no matter what, there's a partof you that's been untouched by

(28:44):
all the.
It's never happened to you.
And then trying to get thepositive energy going to vision
a new life, which is reallyimportant, because it's a life
that's not based on what'shappened to you, but where you
wanna go forward.
And how do you get that energyto start moving there and to
really conceptualize it?
And then overcoming your fears,fears of not being good enough,

(29:09):
of not being able to to do thethings you want to do.
I'm not good enough, I'm notstrong enough, I'm not smart
enough.
And lots of times in a abusiverelationship, that is what the
abuser will just feed into thatinner.
Take over the inner critic andjust feed into that inner critic
.
Take over the inner critic andjust feed it.
You know you're stupid, you'renever getting anywhere without

(29:29):
me, those kind of things.
And then finally to startsetting some new goals those
that are that are beyond justsafety and stability and
remembering and mourning, butreally about what do you want to
do next?
What's your dream If you?
One of the things I use in my,in my material is if you had $10
million, and should probably bea billion dollars.

(29:51):
Now, if you had $10 million,and all the time in the world,
what would you do?
And so you start to think.
You know, I want to have ahouse on the beach, I want to go
back to school, I want to get abetter job, I want to start a
career, I want to, you know,take care of my children and
travel with them and give them agood education.

(30:12):
So really starting to get thosethings moving.
And then I think, oops, I thinkI missed a slide.
Here it is.
And then the question becomes inmy model of where are you stuck
?
So are you stuck in just notgetting being able to get enough
positive energy to start thisprocess?
Is your desire not focusedenough?

(30:34):
Like I want to.
I want my life to be better,but how do you focus that?
So it may be to get a betterjob, to get a car.
It could be something as simpleas just, you know, organizing
your life or cleaning out thethings that are still present
from your past relationship andin terms of your house or your

(30:58):
ability to move yourself forward, and then overcoming that fear,
that I call them limitingbeliefs about yourself.
And so you know, there's a lotof fear we have in life.
Sometimes it's physical fear orsafety issues.
Those are important to dealwith.
But then there's that fear ofI'm not good enough, I'm not
smart enough, I'll never make itand how to recognize that

(31:24):
you're stuck there and what aresome exercises you can use to
sort of move through that.
And finally, as I mentioned it,the happy person inside.
I also refer to it as the realyou, finding the real you.
One of the things that's alwayshard for me to do is to come on
and do this kind of presentationbecause I'm thinking, oh, it's

(31:45):
not going to come through andI'm not talking right and
whatever.
And then I always pull myselfback and remember that my real
you loves, when I do meaningfulwork, when something is my
reward at the end, to feel likewhat I've done is meaningful or
it's helped or healed somebodyelse.
Then I'm saying like I can doit and that's you know I, I'm

(32:06):
going to break through my fear.
I'm going to get my positiveenergy.
So that's how I told myselfthis morning when I woke up I'm
going to do this, I'm going togo on, come on and victorious
thing and I'm going to presentand it's going to be great,
because this is reallymeaningful to me and finding
that space where that reward,that value, what's important to

(32:29):
you, is one of the exercisesthat I use in my work.
So, as a result of this model,what I have found is that some
short-term results remember alot of the women have a goal
coming out of the process I workthrough with the workshops and
also using the material in mybooks Returning to school, got

(32:53):
advanced degrees, newer, betterjobs that are higher pay or
match their skills and talents.
Many have started their ownbusiness or have developed a
business they already had.
Many have started their ownbusiness or have developed a

(33:23):
business they already had.
I have people who've the cyclefor them to find the part of
them that's been untouched andto really develop it.
So one of the things that Ithink is really interesting to
me is how because we have thissort of gap in our systems and
let me go back to that slide andI don't know yet how we're

(33:45):
going to fill it, because thefunding isn't there right now.
It's barely, it's hardly thereright now for the first two
stages the crisis intervention,which is so, so, incredibly
important, and, and withoutthose services, the domestic
violence, shelters, rape, crisisservices.

(34:06):
But we need to really developwhat is what next?
And I think it's more than justtherapy.
I think therapy is a reallygood process and I have used it
myself, but it's alsomotivational, moving people
through it and trying to seewhere that goes.
So one of the things that Ithink really has struck me about

(34:30):
this process is that puttingtogether that possibility that
we can fill the entire range ofwhat the continuum of care could
be where that would take us to.
And I have seen women not justdo amazing things like go back
to school or start a business,but really develop themselves to

(34:53):
find the space where they're infree floating, and that they
reclaim their lives is the way Idescribe it.
And in reclaiming their lives,they are not going to go back to
abuse, and I can't tell you howmany workers people I know who
have worked in crisisintervention programs, domestic

(35:16):
violence and sexual assault willtell me that they will see
women come back through thecrisis intervention programs.
In fact, I have a friend who'sworked in a program for about 20
years and she sometimes seesthe adult children of the women
come back through.
So the idea of how do we breakthat cycle, how do we make it so

(35:37):
that people can really begin tomove through this and that's
really what I've been devotingmy life to and creating this
model, creating the materials,creating the workshop.
And now what I really want todo is take the seven steps and

(35:58):
the roadmap and see if I canintegrate it and train people
who are already providingservices free of charge.
I agree with Victoria it'sreally important that the
services that are available towomen who are coming out of
domestic violence or sexualassault it's really important
that they are free of charge oraccessible.
Particularly when I was doingdivorce work and I did it for

(36:22):
about five years with women whowere coming through domestic
violence they don't have money,they don't have access to money,
and if there is money in themarriage or in the relationship,
they aren't going to get accessto without a big legal fight.
So it's always for me thechoice between they're going to

(36:43):
either pay for this workshop orthis class or whatever, or my
book, or they're going to notfeed their children and so
really trying to make it asaccessible as possible and to
give all women the chance toreally figure out where they
might be stuck and move forward.
So I'd love to have you be apart of this.

(37:05):
I'd love to help join thisprocess of trying to figure out
how or figuring out let's notsay trying to we're going to
figure this out how to get thisidea that there's three stages
to recovery, victim, to survivor, to thriver, and that you can
enter the thriver zone.
And I am working right now todevelop my YouTube channel.

(37:29):
Love to have you go on therethe video about Maggie and four
of the women who are in myworkshop, including one of the
women, vanessa, who I remember Imentioned when people have
begun singing again.
Vanessa started singing againand not only singing after she

(37:49):
had associated the music and hersinging with the abuse she
experienced.
She started to actually writemusic about her journey beyond
abuse and that song which shewrote about me, which is really
exciting, and her fairygodmother to help her in that
process.
That's really invigorating tosee how it feels, to feel that

(38:12):
energy and what's it about.
I have books that are availableand posters.
The Seven Steps and the Roadmapare available, and I'm also, if
you can see, my T-shirt I alsohave T-shirts.
I'm trying to just put this outthere.
I am putting this out there andplease contact me.
Look at my website.

(38:32):
As I said, the slides are upthere A lot more information.
I am currently doing workshops,free workshops.
However, my fall workshops arefull.
However, my fall workshops arefull, and so I'd love to.
If you're interested inattending a workshop, if you are
a survivor yourself, I've notyet started the training program

(39:01):
to train other people to dowhat I do with the workshops,
but if you're interested, youcan go on the website, click the
workshop tab and there's anonline forum that you can
express your interest in being apart of a workshop in the
future.
It's been a tough process rightnow in the nonprofit world

(39:23):
getting and securing funding,and my nonprofit, which is
called CT Alive, has been, likemany nonprofits, really
struggling, so I will see howthat goes in the future If I
have some time.
Victoria, I don't know where Iam here.

(39:45):
Here's some of the information.
Just please check out mywebsite and also the YouTube
channel.
I do have a quick exercise.
I can't see the chat, victoria,so let's see.
Am I okay?
Oh, so five minutes.

(40:05):
Okay, I think I'm done.
Let me just show the theexercise.
This is what I use to helppeople to to get positive energy
.
I call it the list of threesthree things.
I love write those down, threethings I'm grateful for and
three things I'm looking forwardto, and this is part of my in

(40:27):
my entering the Thriver Zone.
Thank you so much for coming onand being a part of this.
This is like so exciting and Ihope that what Victoria and Mike
and I will hopefully see yousoon.

(40:53):
Okay, victoria, I think I'mgoing to hand it back to you.

Speaker 1 (41:01):
Okay, thank you so much for being with us.
I cannot thank you so much forbeing with us.
I cannot thank you enough.
I will make sure everybody hasall the information on how to
get a hold of susan and heramazing books.
I've read all of her books andthey are absolutely full of
information and a must foreveryone.
So thank you so much.
I really appreciate your timetoday.
Thank you, of course.

(41:24):
All right, carrie.
Where's my girl, carrie?
There's Carrie.

Speaker 2 (41:30):
Howdy Carrie.

Speaker 1 (41:32):
Hello, carrie and I met recently and we just had a
connection right off the bat.
She is my titanium jaw sister,yes, so that's really cool.
Like not cool that we had to gothrough it, but she's, she's
awesome.
I am going to let her just takeit and make sure your chat is

(41:57):
up, my dear, and you guys aregoing to just absolutely love
her, like I have, and enjoyeverything that she has to talk
about.

Speaker 5 (42:07):
Okay.
Well, thank you for having me.
I really appreciate it.
I'm just bringing up my notesright now I don't have slides to
share, but I'm going to diveinto my speech, okay, so today
let's explore some insights thathelped me transform my
emotional wounds into personalwisdom and experience

(42:30):
enlightenment yeah,enlightenment last year.
Have you ever considered thatthere is a connection between
your trauma and experiencingenlightenment?
Have you ever considered thepossibility that trauma,
emotional pain, suffering is anecessary prerequisite to

(42:54):
experiencing enlightenment?
Okay, today we're going to givepurpose to your emotional pain
by showing how it is a necessarypart of the path to increasing
your vibration and eventuallyleading to enlightenment.
And to explain the process andhow it works, I have to start

(43:16):
with the laws of physics.
So let's dive in.
And we're going to start with a10th grade science project, you
know, minus the awkwardness andthe pimples that we all had in
high school.
Ok, so the teacher told usimagine we're all there.
And the teacher told us the daybefore today that we're going
to have a science experimenttomorrow.
And you're never going to,you're never going to guess

(43:38):
which, which one wins, you'rejust never going to guess.
So before we're all, you know,taking our lunch money and
betting on it.
And so this teacher comes inokay, you ready, so we're ready.
He's like okay, here are twoidentical balls, two on two
tracks.
One is slightly downhill andone has hills and valleys.
So technically, the track withthe hills and valleys is longer.

(44:03):
Which ball wins?
Which ball is faster?
It's the track on the hills andvalleys, why the momentum speed
and propulsion gained fromgoing into the valley is what
propels you to the nextmountaintop, from going into the

(44:24):
valley is what propels you tothe next mountaintop.
So you might be asking well, howdoes that apply to me?
I mean, that's laws of physics.
Okay, what?
Well, laws of physics explainhow energy functions, moves,
changes.
But how does that apply to mytrauma?
Right, where our souls areenergy bodies, and physicists

(44:47):
have proven that every human hasan energy body or a soul.
So basically, they've proventhat we're all souls having a
human existence.
So, since our souls are energybodies and our souls plan and
orchestrate our lives, you know,based on the laws of physics,
because they're energy bodies,understanding that process is

(45:08):
essential to accepting whyemotional hills and valleys
exist in life.
Because personally, I'm likeit's awful.
Why, why, why, why, why?
This is the piece of wisdom Ithink about daily the hill, the
ball in the hills and valleys.
And the more hills they add tothe experiment, the faster the
ball goes.
So the more challenge you takeon in life, you know, the more

(45:31):
mountaintops you can ascend.
So, accepting this truth, I saidit was a very difficult pill
for me to swallow.
My God, why?
Why can't life just be thateasy downhill coast that we all
dream of?
Why can't life just be thateasy downhill coast that we all
dream of?
Okay, why?
Why?
Why?
We are all here because we hadtrauma in our lives and we had a

(45:52):
traumatic childhood fueled byour parents who hadn't healed
their own traumatic wounds.
You know, how often did yourparents scream at you, ignore
you, abandon you, hit you orpunish you inappropriately?
Like, how bad was it?
Because it was bad for me.
My mom was an alcoholic, my dadwas a workaholic, ignored me.
I grew up in affluent town inSouthern California, 15 minutes

(46:15):
from the bachelor mansion, and Ihad a job.
At 12 years old I started asix-year career hot dog on a
stick at 14.
You know, it's like why was Iworking when my dad was making
over a hundred grand a year inthe eighties.
Why was I working Well, trauma,okay.
So how often did you not feelloved by your parents and how

(46:39):
often did you feel like therewas only the valley of darkness
and not the mountaintop too?
Because that was my life.
You know, I had 35 years ofdebilitating lower back pain,
from 15 to 50, and I'm 55 now.
But that's an initiationprocess.
It's necessary to teach thelesson.

(47:00):
So we're here to learn,dreaming of life resembling the
ball on the slightly downhilltrack.
You know, it seems amazing andperfect, right, but that perfect
life, one grounded in reality,what's real includes both the
valley of darkness and theepiphany on the mountaintop.
Whether we like it or not, youmight not like it that one plus

(47:25):
one equals two, but still that'sreality.
One plus one equals two.
So, fighting with the laws ofphysics, I've done it.
I lost every time.
So getting to that mountaintophas anyone ever dreamed of
looking out at the world fromthe top of Mount Everest?
Standing at the top in theclouds, looking over the

(47:48):
expansive landscape, bathing inthe accomplishment, would be a
fantastical experience.
But in order to ascend MountEverest, enduring pain, hardship
, sacrifice and beyond isabsolutely necessary as part of
the preparation process.
Pain prepares us to receivewisdom and understand it.

(48:12):
You know, I was at MountEverest, at the base camp, 23
years old.
I could barely walk and breatheat 18,000 feet.
It wasn't in me to get to thetop of the earth physically, but
it was in me to get to the topemotionally, which I equate with
enlightenment.
And in order to get there, Ihad to learn to surf the waves

(48:35):
of life.
I had to learn how to go intomy more darker, challenging
emotions, process them throughso I could spend more time in
what we call the highervibrating emotions.
So when physicists found outthat we all have energy bodies,
and all of our energy bodies areconnected through our hearts,

(48:58):
so all the souls communicatethrough our hearts, they can
actually track thatcommunication and so they know
all of this is happening andwe're all communicating to plan
our lives.
And how do our souls plan ourlives?
Well, we're here to expand ourconsciousness.
And what does that mean?

(49:18):
To expand our emotional range,to open our hearts and allow in
more wisdom and more universalknowledge.
You know, whatever that may be,whatever your soul plan for
that lifetime, and how thisworks.
So our souls plan our livesbased upon our wounds, because
our wounds give us opportunitiesto heal, learn and grow.

(49:42):
So if I have a wound like fearof men, then that negatively
impacts me every single day.
I mean, I had a fear of menuntil I was 50.
And every time I went outside Iwas anxious because I feared
half the population.
But I didn't know that fear wasin me because it was in my
subconscious.
I had to learn and processthose emotions through so that I

(50:05):
could eradicate that fear andfeel better.
The day after I did, I went andvisited my daughter at a market
and she immediately saw howdifferent I was and I was a
healthier, more balanced motherbecause I faced my fears and I
overcame them.
And then, once I let that goand download the wisdom.

(50:29):
Men protect me?
Sure, some men don't.
And why don't they?
Because they're wounded too andthey're acting from their
wounds.
And, as women, when I'm woundedlike I used to have a wound
that I'm replaceable.
And so what happened to me?
I attracted men into my life tomirror that wound back to me,

(50:49):
because the universe is a mirror.
And so I'll explain how thatworks, because that piece of
wisdom helps me self reflectevery single day.
So I had a wound that I'mreplaceable, and those men have
a wound from their mom thatwomen are replaceable because of
their poor relationship.
So I attracted in men withmultiple women, men like Justin

(51:13):
Waller and his best friend,andrew Tate yes, andrew Tate
Then two decorated fire academyinstructors, and then that took
me back to my guy from highschool, my childhood, and he's
former FBI assistant, specialagent in charge, head of global
security at a majorinternational company that
handles the internet.

(51:34):
These are all men at the topwith wounds, you know, and my
story includes a suicide attempt, embracing my shamanic gifts
and experiencing enlightenment.
Like I had 35 years ofdebilitating lower back pain
from my childhood trauma,because those were emotional
wounds stored in my hips.
I mean, I had a lot of pain,and these men that I attracted

(51:57):
in my life have an equal amountof pain and they're all at the
top and I think that's somethingyou know, we all need to think
about that men have wounds too,and how are we going to help
them heal their wounds?
So the universe is a mirror.
Let's talk about that for asecond and how that works.
Okay, our opposite is our bestmirror.

(52:20):
We only know what tall isbecause we know what short is
mirror.
We only know what tall isbecause we know what short is.
We only know what good isbecause we know what bad is.
We only know what love isbecause we know what hate is.
You have to have the opposite.
And so I've asked thesequestions, like my lightened

(52:41):
experience, like why is all thispain necessary?
Why, why, why, why, why and Ilove to figure things out.
I like an engineering leftbrain and a highly intuitive
right brain, like I, just in myelement.
So last fall I asked theuniverse.
I'm like, gosh, you know,there's just, there's so much
like during my enlightenmentexperience.
It's like why am I experiencingall this?

(53:04):
And what I was shown is that,you know, I had a fear of men.
I had a fear of being sexuallyassaulted and I didn't value my
femininity because all thosefears were covering up access to
my healthy femininity.
It was like covering up thatwas my masculine, protecting my
healthy femininity that Icouldn't access.

(53:25):
So I asked like, well, gosh,you know, how does this work?
Like, how do we come to have afeminine soul and a masculine
soul?
And this is what I was told theintent to create the masculine
creates the feminine and thefeminine soul tears out half of
her heart chakra to create themasculine soul, and he takes on

(53:47):
the masculine characteristicswith a little feminine for
balance, and she takes on thefeminine characteristics of the
soul with a little masculine forbalance, and that's.
We have a perfect partner outthere somewhere, so, and who can
mirror our wounds back to us.
So that's one way that, youknow, we can bring people into

(54:08):
our lives to see ourselves, andI have a lot of examples in my
book and I'll talk about that ina minute, but here's an example
of what people can use everyday.
So our souls are energy bodiesand when we resonate, like
Victoria and I did, we were juston fire, oh, you did this and
you did that and I did this, andVictoria and I did, we were
just on fire, oh, you did thisand you did that and I did this,
and we just connected on somany different levels because
our energy was vibrating at thesame frequency, at so many

(54:32):
different levels.
So we felt super connected.
Okay, if we didn't have allthose pieces that were the same,
resonating the same, then wewouldn't have connected and I
wouldn't be here today.
So how does that work?
Another physics experiment.
So you have physics experimentswhere they have a metal with
two prongs and one vibrates at400 Hertz and one vibrates at

(54:52):
500 Hertz.
Well, if you move the 500 Hertz, it doesn't move the 400 Hertz
because they don't resonate.
But if you have a 400 Hertz anda 400 Hertz and you hit this
400 Hertz, this 400 Hertz moves,the energy moves, so you notice
it.
So when you're out in public,when you know I guess this is a
better example If you're at amovie with your friend, your

(55:15):
friend will pick up on thingsthat resonate because of the
wounds in her soul and thewisdom in her soul, where I
would pick up things thatresonate with my soul, which are
different, which that great youknow.
So when you're out in societyand let's say you know, for
example, you see someone and yousee them, you're being selfish.
Now, they're probably beingselfish, but we don't have, you

(55:38):
know, I don't have control overthem, you don't control over
them.
How can that situation help youself reflect?
Well, the universe is a mirror.
We put our heart projects, ouremotions, how we feel about
ourselves, from our heart ontoother people and then what we
pick up on, what we resonatewith, what we connect with,
which can be positive ornegative, is showing us a part

(55:59):
of ourselves, and we have mirrorneurons to help us do this.
Like when we learn something,we mirror.
We mirror our parents when ourparents, like my parents, didn't
know how to love themselves, soI didn't, was never taught or
modeled or mirrored how to lovemyself.
I had to figure that out in myfifties, my late forties and
fifties, you know, on my own.
I had to re parent myself, asyou know we so often here

(56:27):
re-parent myself, as you know weso often hear.
So if you're outside and youfeel like, oh, you're selfish or
you're racist or you'remisogynist, ask yourself, how is
that also inside of you?
Because that is really whatyour soul is telling you.
And so my book is all aboutteaching people how souls
communicate like that, howreality is created, why we're
here, transforming our woundsinto wisdom.

(56:48):
So our wounds take us into theshame, the guilt and fear, that
valley of darkness.
And you know, I was there 35years, a long initiation process
.
But I needed it to receive thewisdom and understand the wisdom
and to be like, so just donewith it, that I was willing to
do anything to get better.
I needed to be like done, tolike.

(57:11):
Use the momentum and propulsionfrom being in that valley to
send me to the next mountaintop,because that's going to be a
lot of work and we're here to dowork.
We're not here to coast soulsincarnate especially on earth to
do the hard work.
So take that home.
You know, when you see thosenegative things, you're watching
the news.
Everything is the universe is amirror, Like my older daughter

(57:35):
connected to these immigrationraids, that a mother was
separated from her daughter.
I almost died when she was fiveweeks old from bacterial
pneumonia and spent two weeks ona ventilator.
And we're still healing thatwound because, as an infant, her
heart thought mom's gone, mom'sdead, and that went into her
subconscious and we've beendealing with it for 24 years and

(57:57):
she's still responding to itbecause her soul is showing her
that she still has a wound,thinking that she's separate
from her mom when she never hasbeen.
So you know, take it in for asecond.
I know people say, oh, universeis a mirror.
Universe is a mirror, butthat's really how it works.
And there's one last piece ofwisdom I like to share real

(58:17):
quick.
Triggers are our healing friendand not our healing foe, and
I'm going to use Andrew Tate asan example, and I know that's
triggering, but that's onpurpose.
My soul has a plan to helpwomen heal and to help men heal,
because both sides need to healto stop the abuse.
You know, my wounds attractedmen into my life who had

(58:40):
multiple women.
And here I am a beautiful woman, three grown kids, a master's
degree in East Asian religiousstudies, a shaman I'll heal your
heart.
And they're still going afterother guys.
Hey, something gotta be wrongon that front, right For sure,
and it was.
It was wrong.
So how our triggers are healingfriend, not our healing foe.
Andrew Tate's energy triggersthe fear in men and fear of

(59:05):
being sexually assaulted inwomen, and that's one reason I
attracted him into my life.
But the chances that he's goingto physically be in any of our
lives are like zero to none.
So let's just use him to healsurface, and my book comes in
and shows you how to heal thosewounds, because I've done it too

(59:25):
.
So I'll just introduce oh, Ihaven't looked, but I think I'm
about.
Let me see how much time do Ihave?
Oh, not quite.
Okay, so, at the surface, andit's a perfect time to address
it, a perfect time to learn howto self-reflect, and the process
I go over is called.
I call it appreciate, learn,forgive, appreciate your

(59:48):
challenges in life, becausethose valleys of darkness is
where you gain the momentum,propulsion and speed to ascend
your next mountaintop.
And I've noticed my life thatI'll send a mountaintop and I'll
drop into a valley of darkness.
Gave birth to my second child,didn't value my ability to
create life, went right back towork when she was three weeks

(01:00:09):
old, almost died because of it,because I didn't value myself,
because of my wounds.
And so that was my soul showingme my wounds so that they can
be healed.
Now, if we want to eradicatesexual assault from the society,
we have to address the wounds.

(01:00:30):
We can't men stop, men stop,men stop.
They're wounded too.
You know, I can't go and tellthose men.
I can't tell Andrew Tate,justin Waller and a six foot
seven fire captain who savedthousands and thousands of lives
and oversees the wildland cadetprogram, how to do anything.

(01:00:50):
It's not my place and it'sinappropriate, it's rude and
disrespectful.
But what I can do is open myheart as a woman, my feminine,
healing, compassionate,nurturing heart for my own
benefit, healing, compassionate,nurturing heart for my own
benefit and then take that heartout in the world and help men

(01:01:12):
too.
In the final chapter of my bookI quote Winston Churchill.
He said it is said that famousmen are often the product of an
unhappy childhood.
And there it is, the two ballexperiment, the surfing, the
waves of life.
It's just get going.
Oh, appreciate, learn, forgive,sorry, I didn't finish that.
So, yeah, appreciate yourchallenges and then learn your

(01:01:34):
lessons.
Okay, learn to surf bigger waves.
Start on the small waves, gointo the pain a little bit and
then come back out and then goin deeper and then come back out
and then go in deeper and thencome back out and there's
enlightenment.
So I think I have a few moreminutes.
So our emotions you know why amI putting enlightenment at the

(01:01:55):
top right?
Our emotions are expressedthrough our souls in terms of
how high energy vibrates.
And you'll see a lot thatpeople oh, I want to have high
vibrating energy.
I want to.
You know, vibrate higher,vibrate higher.
What does that mean?
That's transforming your woundsinto wisdom, because wisdom is
love, compassion.

(01:02:16):
Enlightenment vibrates higherthan shame, guilt and fear.
Shame vibrates at about 20Hertz.
Anger 70 to 80 Hertz.
Love at 200 hertz.
Compassion about 400 hertz andenlightenment is 700 hertz and
above.
So that's why when you learn tosurf the waves in life, you go
into the mountains and thevalleys.
You got to start small.

(01:02:36):
You can't jump for 20 hertz andthen tomorrow go to a thousand
hertz, you'd have a heart attack.
Physiologically we can't, youknow we can't do it.
So start by going into yourpain a little bit and being a
little bit grateful for thatpain.
Because the appreciation thatyou start with, that gratitude,
appreciate, learn, forgive opensyour heart and allows you to
heal.
When you're in fight or flight,there's no healing happening.

(01:02:59):
You have to surrender to theemotional pain, open your heart
and go.
Oh, what's in there in yoursubconscious?
That's called shadow work.
Oh fear of minutes.
Oh, I was in there and I foundit, but a man showed it to me
during a fight.
That's how I found it wasbecause I had a fight with the

(01:03:21):
man in my life and I wasself-reflecting, and that's how
I found it.
So self-reflection, you know Istarted asking myself why are
events necessary?
Once I realized everything'snecessary, there's no regret
because our souls plan our lives.
There's no victimhood becausemy soul has the intent to show
me my wounds forself-improvement opportunities.

(01:03:41):
And one way the soul shows thewounds is to attract traumatic
events into my life, and I'vehad a lot of very traumatic
events.
So I'm going to leave it there.
Give a little information abouthow you can find me On my
website.
I'm wwwcaryblazercom.
I'm also caryblazer onInstagram.

(01:04:02):
I also have redpillshaman onInstagram because Andrew and
Justin are part of Red Pill.
I'm currently in the works ofdeveloping a film from my book
with one of the top mediacompanies, global media
companies, a company that couldhandle an Andrew Tate.
Just you know I can't say itout.
I'm under NDA that we'reworking it out and I'm getting

(01:04:25):
working on getting traditionallypublished and a children's book
and then potentially achildren's series.
So you can reach out withquestions, but I don't take
individual clients right now.
I just to tell you the truth, Idon't have the bandwidth to do
that as well, and I want to beable to do what I do well.
So but but questions, if youhad a question, I you know.
Feel free to email me from mywebsite and ask or DM me on

(01:04:47):
Instagram.
And thank you for listening andI hope it was helpful.
Take care.

Speaker 1 (01:04:53):
Thank you so much, carrie, for being with us today.
You did amazing, amazing,amazing as always, and I'm going
to make sure everybody can findyou and see where you are and
listen to all that you have tooffer, because you shine such a
great light on everybody, and Ican't thank you enough.
Thank you so much.
Thank you.

(01:05:14):
We are about three minutesahead of time and I am bringing
on a friend of mine who isamazing.
Whitney Lee Knox is set to comeon here in about three minutes
and I'm trying to see where sheis.
She is a wonderful woman whohas an amazing story.

(01:05:41):
She is a woman of power.
She has an amazing family.
I met her a few years ago.
She started a podcast.
Her podcast has just gonethrough the roof, as it should,
and you'll see why here in justa minute.

(01:06:02):
Where are you, my good friend?
Where are you, whitney?
I'm here, I'm here.
All right, come on, show thatbeautiful face.
There she is.
We met a few years ago and sheis so full of empowerment and
her story and her grace.
She I I'm gonna call her out.
She didn't know I was gonna dothis, but when almost lost faith

(01:06:25):
.
She was such a soundboard forme.
She was such a rock for me.
She helped me through suchhorrible times.
Even in the oddest of hours I'dcall her and she stopped
whatever she was doing to bethere for me.
I am forever in her debt.
She is an amazing human beingand I'm so honored to even call
her more than just a friend.
So I'm so glad that she hasmade time for this today and I

(01:06:45):
thank you immensely for doingwhat you do.

Speaker 7 (01:06:50):
Thank you.
Thank you so much, victoria andMichael and everyone, for being
here.
This is just a greatopportunity for me, and I am
someone who cares a lot aboutVictoria and everything that she
stands for, and so I'm justhonored to be able to

(01:07:14):
participate and be with you alltoday.
I am going to share my screenand present, if you will just
give me a moment to do so.
Sorry, now I'm trying to get tothe front of my slides, okay.

(01:07:48):
And then screen share.
Okay, there we go.
Okay, we are up.

(01:08:19):
Hopefully folks are looking atmy screen.
I am able to access the chat soI can see, or the question and
answers if anybody has anyquestions.
All right, so I'm, like I said,really happy to be here with

(01:08:41):
you all.
Today I am going to be sharingjust a little bit about what
every survivor and caregivershould know about estate
planning.
I am a estate planning attorney.
I am also a podcaster, asVictoria mentioned.
My show is called ImpostrixPodcast and I am based out of

(01:09:01):
Atlanta, georgia, so I workprimarily with families that are
in Georgia.
Here you see a picture ofmyself, my husband and my two
young children, everett andRoyce, who are now four and
seven, turning five and eight,and they teach me new things

(01:09:22):
every day.
We'll just put it that way theyteach me new things every day.
We'll just put it that way.
I opened my law practice a yearago and, prior to that, was
serving in a variety ofnon-profit legal capacities for
12 years.
So I am a brand new law firmowner and work primarily with

(01:09:44):
people who have no experiencewith estate planning.
I prioritize education becauseI think that's really important,
and so that is.
I spend a lot of time with myclients, and that's why I'm here
today is to talk with you allabout what we can do as
survivors of domestic violence,of trauma and caregivers of

(01:10:06):
folks who have special needs oraging folks.
What we can do to protectourselves, our loved ones and
make sure that, if we becomeincapacitated, so if we're not
able to care for ourselves forany reason, that we have what we
need set up in order to makesure that we're not continuously
abused and taken advantage of.

(01:10:28):
The disclaimer that I want toshare with you all is just that
I'm licensed here in Georgia, sothe information that I'm
sharing is based on Georgia law.
If you live in a state outsideof Georgia, this information is
still going to be good for you,but keep in mind that you will
want to speak to an attorneythat is licensed in your state

(01:10:49):
about estate planning, becauseestate planning is state
specific, all righty.
So why are we planning?
Why are we estate planning?
There are a number of reasons,and I think it mostly comes down
to these four reasons we'repreparing for life events, we
are protecting our dependentsand our loved ones, we are
preserving our assets and we arebuilding wealth.

(01:11:10):
Today, we are mostly going tobe talking about dependents and
loved ones.
Okay, before we kind of jumpinto it, I want to be clear on
what is an estate plan, becausea lot of people think that
estate plan means you need tohave a big old estate, you need
to have a mansion on a hill,you're extremely wealthy and you

(01:11:34):
have to get everything togetherbecause you've got something to
protect.
So I want to first say thatestate planning is strategizing.
First say that estate planningis strategizing.
Your estate plan is yourstrategy for how you are going
to keep control over everythingthat you love and care about to
the best of your ability.
I say it's a strategy becausethere are a lot of components

(01:11:56):
that go into estate planning.
Some of it free components,some of it does cost money, some
of it is long-term planning,some of it is short-term
planning, and we're going totalk about some of those tools
today.
But if there's anything thatyou remember, it's that estate
planning is not just having onedocument in place.
Estate planning is making surethat you've got all of the bases

(01:12:18):
covered, particularly if youare a parent of young children
or a special needs child, thatyou need to have backup plans at
every time.
You need to have plans Athrough Z, and estate planning
is about making sure that allAll right.
So when do we plan for estate,or why?

(01:12:39):
I guess the question is why?
Why are we planning for estateplanning?
One is because we all die.
Right, there's two things thatare certain death and taxes.
So we all die.
And when we are planning ouraffairs, we are planning for
what is going to happen after wepass away, both in terms of who
is going to care for our lovedones, but also where's my money

(01:13:04):
going to go?
Where's my podcast going to go?
Who's going to have rights tomy podcast?
What about my business?
Those types of questions.
But we also plan in estateplanning for incapacity.
So estate planning is not justabout dying.
A lot of people say I'm young,I don't need to estate plan

(01:13:27):
because I'm not going to dieanytime soon.
Well, if you're alive, you needan estate plan.
Why?
Because a big component ofestate planning is planning for
if you cannot take care ofyourself.
Times when that happens is ifyou are having a medical
emergency and you are in ahospital or an ER and maybe you

(01:13:49):
are unconscious and so you can'tactually make decisions for
yourself, or maybe you'reneeding to plan for a minor
child.
That counts as incapacity.
If you are in or, sorry, if youare incarcerated for more than
30 days or if you're missing formore than 30 days, that is also
incapacitated, and particularlyfor those of us who are still

(01:14:12):
in dangerous and violentsituations with loved ones,
where we are being isolated fromothers, from the outside world,
people may not see us for awhile.
From the outside world, peoplemay not see us for a while.
You know, it's really importantthat we have various documents
set up so that we can authorizeother people to act on our
behalf, people that we trust andthat we love and who love us,

(01:14:35):
so that our affairs can continueto be managed.
When we pass away without awill so kind of going back to
death.
When we pass away without awill so kind of going back to
death when we pass away withouta will, that's called dying
intestate, and what it means isthat if you do not have a plan,
the state has one for you, andthat's true whether you're in

(01:14:58):
Georgia or any other state inthe United States.
If you have not affirmativelydecided what is going to happen
after you pass away.
The state has already decidedOften itatively decided what is
going to happen after you passaway, the state has already
decided.
Often it means a judge is goingto decide what's happening with
your money and your assets.
A judge is going to decide who'sgoing to care for your children
.
Any home that you might own isgoing to be split up amongst

(01:15:19):
your closest heirs, who may bepeople that you don't like, so
maybe a spouse, or maybe asibling, or maybe a parent that
you don't like.
Your loved ones will have to gothrough probate a probate court
process which takes a long timeand can cost a lot of money.
So there's a lot of downsidesto being proactive and planning

(01:15:40):
your estate and, as far asincapacity planning, when we
fail to do that, we are leavingourselves susceptible to
prolonged abuse.
A judge is going to appoint aguardian for you in a court
proceeding that you will barelybe a part of.
You have no say in what happensto your children or your pets.

(01:16:01):
If you are the person who needs, you know other people claim
you need a guardianship.
You lose control overeverything, even your own body.
You no longer have a right tomake decisions about your body.
The judge decides who is goingto control your money and again
there's a court proceeding.
So often what happens whenpeople lose capacity and they

(01:16:25):
don't have an estate plan set upis their loved ones have to go
to court to be able to getauthority to care for that loved
one and in loving familieswhere we're not worried about
abuse.
I shouldn't say well, anyways,you know that is still a very
long, drawn out and emotionalprocess, and it just gets that

(01:16:47):
much more complicated whenyou're dealing with power
dynamics and danger, dangerousand violent situations.
So what is in your estate?
Everything, everything,everything, everything that you
own, whether it's five dollarsor five million dollars, that is
your estate.

(01:17:07):
One thing that I do want to makesure to mention is that our
children even though they're notan asset, so they're not
technically an estate we areplanning for our children.
When we are estate planning,we're planning for what is going
to happen to them.
Who is going to care for them?
How are we going to keep themout of foster care them?
Who is going to care for them?
How are we going to keep themout of foster care?

(01:17:28):
How are we going to keep themaway from the abusive parent or
step parent or father,grandfather, grandmother we are
planning for?
How are they going to getaccess to my money when they age
so that maybe they can have away to pay for college or a way
to pay for or anything that theymight need.

(01:17:50):
So, like I said at thebeginning, there's a lot of
components to an estate plan,because estate planning is about
putting everything together tocreate a comprehensive strategy
around what is going to happento your stuff.
All right, so this is just abrief look at some of the

(01:18:12):
documents or some of theplanning that you might do when
you are estate planning.
Humans, or some of the planningthat you might do when you are
estate planning, but because weonly have a little bit of time
today, we are just going tofocus on what needs to be in
place in order to prepare and toprotect.
Okay so, the powers ofattorneys, the guardianship
designations, the payments ondeath beneficiaries, the last

(01:18:34):
will and testament, and then thesupplemental or the special
needs trusts, starting with thehealthcare power of it.
This is the document thatauthorizes where you are
authorizing someone else to makehealthcare decisions on your
behalf for you, when you can'tdo it yourself.
Okay, so this is, you aregiving somebody else the

(01:18:58):
authority is one thing Peoplecannot go and say I want power
of attorney over my such andsuch.
No, you as the person who needsthe help, you are giving
somebody else the authority.
In other States this is alsoknown as, like a healthcare
proxy Sometimes in Georgia wecall this your advanced

(01:19:19):
directive for health care andthen in many states, your living
will is included within yourhealth care power of attorney,
and that living will are thelife support decisions.
What kind of life support wouldyou want?
How long would you want to beon life support, et cetera.
So this document is reallyimportant because you're able to

(01:19:39):
choose somebody who you trustto make the best decisions for
you as they possibly can, anddecisions that would be as
closely aligned with what youwould want if you were able to
communicate yourself.
This is really helpful if weare injured.
Thanks, victoria.
If you are injured, or if youneed somebody to make decisions

(01:20:02):
for you because you can't do ityourself, information your
financial records, who can payyour bills for you, who can
receive money on your behalf andwho can really manage your
financial affairs and also realproperty.

(01:20:25):
So if you own a home or if youhave a business, you are
authorizing someone who can stepin to care for that in case you
can't do it, and maybe again,maybe this is because you've had
to flee your home and now youneed to be anonymous and you are
in another state and you needstuff wrapped up.
That financial power ofattorney is what's going to give

(01:20:47):
somebody else the permission togo and wrap that stuff up for
you.
The power of attorney for thecare of a minor child is really
important.
If you have to be separatedfrom your child.
This is a temporary thing andit's.
You know.
We have that this year inGeorgia.
I'm not sure about other states, but you should definitely ask

(01:21:08):
Google.
Do whatever you need to be ableto make decisions to care for
your minor child if you can't.
So in addition to the adulthaving a power of attorney where
they've authorized somebody tomake decisions for themselves,

(01:21:29):
you can also do that for yourminor child, where you're
authorizing somebody to makedecisions for that child.
A standby guardianship is ifyou have a longer term medical
or you're missing and thereneeds to be a guardian put in
place for a minor child.
This is the document that isgoing to identify who you've

(01:21:51):
chosen to be that child or,excuse me, to be that guardian,
and here you can also writeletters to the court saying why
you do or do not want somebodyto be that guardian.
And here you can also writeletters to the court saying why
you do or do not want somebodyto be the guardian.
So say, there is an abusiveparent and you do not want that
child to have to be with thatparent.
You can write a letter to thecourt explaining that, and it

(01:22:11):
will be considered along withyour standby guardianship
designation form.
I'm going to move right on,because I talked about how
costly and time-consumingguardianships can be.
So your payment on deathbeneficiaries this is something
that you all can do.
Tomorrow, on Monday, you can goto your banks.
You can request that, if youhave an individual account, a

(01:22:35):
payment on death beneficiary beadded to your account, and what
that does is, once you havepassed away, your whoever you've
identified will be able toaccess the funds within that
account.
If you have not done that, andif it's an individual account,
your account may be frozen, andso anybody who is dependent on
that income, who is dependent onthose assets, who is dependent

(01:22:56):
on you financially, is not goingto have access to that money.
So this is really reallyimportant if something happens
to you and you have dependents.
And just the one more thingabout the beneficiaries
hopefully most of you know thatwe also have beneficiary
designations with retirementaccounts and with life insurance
.
It's also very important thatwe are making sure that those

(01:23:18):
are up to date and, to theextent that we do have control
over who is going to take overfor or who is going to be the
beneficiary of those types ofaccounts, that we make the
decisions that we need to maketo make sure that the folks that
are dependent on us have whatthey need to continue, all right

(01:23:40):
.
And then your last will andtestament.
This is a good start as far aswhat happens after you die.
It allows you to nominate whois going to be guardian of your
minor children after you havepassed away, as opposed to with
the standby guardian.
It's if you can't care for them,right now you are able to

(01:24:03):
nominate who is going to be thebeneficiaries of your assets
Thanks, victoria that are ownedby you individually, and then
you're also able to nominate anexecutor to wrap up your affairs
.
Now, what's important to knowabout the will is that the will
does not avoid probate.
Probate court is time consuming, it's costly, it's a headache

(01:24:26):
for most families, and so thisis good because it gives you
some control over what is goingto happen to your stuff.
But also, your loved ones arestill going to have to go
through the probate courtprocess, and in order to avoid
probate court, they will need tohave a trust, or you will need
to have a trust, okay, and so,as far as planning for special

(01:24:50):
needs children or adults, thereare many types of trust that you
might consider, one being thespecial needs trust, and the
other stamps.
Your income and your assets aregoing to be counted to

(01:25:22):
determine whether or not you areeligible.
A trust is a legal mechanismthat allows your assets to be
set aside and not considered aspart of your asset, in order for
your you know, the dependentperson to still be eligible for
whatever benefit that is, and soif a parent wants to be able to
leave their children theirassets, but they're concerned

(01:25:45):
because if you leave thechildren their assets, they're
no longer eligible for theMedicaid that they so
desperately need for their care.
How you would navigate that isthrough special needs and
supplemental needs trusts.
Okay, so there's four free orlow cost steps that I encourage
you to take now, like today ortomorrow, since tomorrow is a

(01:26:09):
business day.
First is identifying potentialguardians of children and
dependents and like talking tothem about, like would you be
interested?
Can is this something that youcan do?
Be a guardian of my minor child.
What would this look like foryou?
What do you need to know aboutmy child?
Go to your bank.
Number two is go to your bankand establish payment on death

(01:26:30):
beneficiaries.
The next is go ahead and sign upfor a free estate plan
preparation toolkit.
You can scan that QR code, butalso, on the next page, have a
QR code that will show you howto do that.
It is a one pager that asks allsorts of questions to help
prepare you for the decisionsthat you're going to need to

(01:26:53):
make while you are planning youraffairs.
And then, finally, you canpurchase the I Plan for this
organizer, life organizer andworkbook.
This is a workbook that Icreated that takes you through
categorizing everything that youneed to categorize so that, if
something happens to you,whether you're incapacitated or

(01:27:15):
you've passed away, your familycan pick up this book, find the
stuff and go make the decisionsthat they need to make to take
care of you or your children.
This QR code up here is myeverything link, so not only are
you able to sign up for mynewsletter and get estate
planning information to yourinbox, but you're also able to
get that free toolkit and getthe purchase links for both the

(01:27:39):
digital version of this workbookand the paperback version.
All right, that was a lot, Iknow.
I'm again so grateful to behere.
I forgot to put another pagewith my email, but feel free to
reach out.
My email is Whitney atwillsforthepeoplegacom.

(01:28:01):
Thank you.

Speaker 1 (01:28:03):
Whitney, thank you so , very, very much.
You are such a light and sohelpful and she's so good at
what she does.
She's amazing at what she does,and so everybody check her out.
I'll make sure that everybodyhas the opportunity to get all
of our guests, speakers,information, links and how to
get in contact with them, soplease do so.
Again, thank you so much forjoining us, whitney.

(01:28:25):
I love and adore you and Ithank you.

Speaker 7 (01:28:28):
Thank you.
Victoria.

Speaker 1 (01:28:31):
All right, here we go .
Here.
He is there.
He is there is my comeback kingof unstoppable purpose.
This is Keelan.
I am so excited.
Of all of our guest speakers,keelan is nary near and dear to
me.
He was my very, very firstinterview on my podcast.

(01:28:53):
He was my very first.
He was such a gentleman, to saythe least.
I was not prepared for him andyou'll understand why when you
hear his story and who he is andhe holds such a special place
in my heart, I get all emotionalwhen I have him anywhere around
and I can't thank him enough.
I am going to just let him gofor it.

(01:29:14):
Keelan is amazing and I can'tthank you enough for being here.
Thank you so much.

Speaker 3 (01:29:20):
You're welcome and I'm delighted to be here and
support what you're doing andwhat you're about.
So thank you.

Speaker 1 (01:29:27):
Well, he is going to just start talking and I'm just
giving him the floor, and y'allunderstand why in about 30
seconds.

Speaker 3 (01:29:36):
Well, thank you.
So the first thing I want to dofor all of you right now.
There's lots of kinds ofinformation Like our previous
speaker spoke about, importantinformation that we have to have
to navigate different facets ofthis life.

(01:29:57):
You know, wills, trust money,power of attorney.
We've got that situation goingon in our life right now.
My wife's mother lives with usand she's 95, or not, sorry, 94,
and can't take care of herselfand been with us for a few years
.
So we've got power of attorneyissues and wills and all that
jazz to deal with right now.
So I certainly understand theimportance of that.

(01:30:20):
I want to take you in adifferent direction for our time
together.
The thing I want you to know,first and most of all, is that I
love you and I don't need yourpermission or agreement to say
that Loving someone is a choicewe get to make and we can love

(01:30:45):
people without their permission.
Why would we want to do such athing?
Well, let's think about whywe're even here.
Why we're even here, victoria,creating this place of service
and lifting and love andblessing and supporting people

(01:31:05):
in the world of all kinds, andwe have the choice every day
about what we add to the world.
I jokingly say you know, we canadd we do add carbon dioxide
just by breathing right.
And what else do we add?
Well, we could add anger, wecan add frustration, we can add

(01:31:28):
bad vibes, we can add bitterness, or we can choose to add good
to the world, not because theworld or anybody in particular
deserves it, but because wedecide.
That's who we are.
I just got off of a call beforethis one, and I was speaking to

(01:31:49):
a group in Austin, texas, andthat particular group is
centered around the idea ofnear-death experiences people
who die or nearly die and I wasblessed I call it a blessing to
have one of those experiences in2018, where I did die.
I flatlined in the ICU of theUniversity of Alberta Medical

(01:32:11):
Center here in Edmonton and hadthree conversations with God at
the door between life andeternity, and if you want to
know the story, this isn't timeto do that one, but there's a
book I wrote called Meeting Godat the Door Conversations,
choices and Commitments of aNear-Death Experience and a

(01:32:32):
companion book called the Bookof Context, which teaches us how
to change beliefs, especiallythose ones we have that are deep
in our heart, and they'reusually beliefs like I'm not
worthy, I'm not that good, youknow, I don't deserve this, I'm
not good enough.
You know the kind of thing thatsneaks in in this insidious way

(01:32:53):
and trashes your life becauseyou don't try for that job, you
don't try for that promotion,you don't go sing that song or
write that book, you believethat somehow showing up is going
to be offensive to somebody orthey might not like you Guess
what.
You're right, but you're right.

(01:33:15):
There's going to be 10 zillionwho don't and another bunch who
do, and the best thing that youor I can do, literally the very
best thing, is to be the bestperson you can be, not by
somebody else's standards, butby your own.

(01:33:39):
Now Victoria alluded to a story,and I have hours of stories
about how my life developed.
I lived for 52 years, till 2007.
I'll turn 70 this year, buttill 2007, 18 years ago, with
depression, struggling withaddictions and failed
relationships and just suicideattempts, and misery and misery

(01:34:04):
and misery.
A lot of it brought on by myown choices, some of it perhaps
influenced by the fact that Iwas raised in an abusive
environment and had a lot ofphysical punishment, so to speak
, that today would be felonychild abuse and I didn't know
how to get help and so forth.
And so I lived, all you know,52 years without any sense of

(01:34:29):
balance, trying to prove toeverybody else that I was okay
and doing a great job, made alot of money and everything, but
was miserable inside, and hencethe addictions and suicide
attempts and three failedrelationships and just a lot of
misery.
In 2007, I had a divineintervention, which didn't fix

(01:34:50):
my life and didn't changeanything except my viewpoint,
anything except my viewpoint.
It changed my viewpoint and Irealized that I, and only I, was
in control and that, though Ineeded to climb a lot of
mountains of addiction recoveryand mental illness treatment and

(01:35:12):
all those kinds of things,there was a way.
There was a way.
It was not hopeless.
It was not, and never will betoo late.
You, me, we are responsible forour lives, and if you find
yourself in a difficultsituation, whether it's of your

(01:35:32):
own making or somebody else,step one is to claim your life
and take the steps.
For me, that required me tostart seeing shrinks and rehab
and a bunch of stuff to changemy life.
It wasn't easy.
I was in that talk I was justgiving before this one Somebody

(01:35:54):
you know, talked about anear-death experience.
They'd heard of another addictwho suddenly was free from all
of the urges to use anything.
Well, that wasn't me.
I had to crawl over brokenglass, but the thing that kept
me moving was the hope and thecertainty that, even though I
was late to the party, it wasn'ttoo late.

(01:36:16):
It's never too late to matterand to have big impact as you
choose to serve with your gifts,with your life experience.
Now I've written 20-somethingbooks, okay, and during the
course of this talk, I'm goingto give you several URLs, web

(01:36:40):
addresses, where you can go findstuff if it's interesting to
you.
This is going to be one of themin a minute.
And in the process of writingall these books, here's what
I've learned.
Every single book that I'vewritten is about something I've
experienced and I believed,after doing it, going through it
, doing the work, that what Ilearned would be valuable to

(01:37:03):
someone else, and that happensall the time.
Think about your own life.
If you have overcome somedifficulty, some struggle, some
pain, you've been resilient andyou've chosen to move forward in
the face of insurmountableobstacles.
When you do that, there arisesin us, at the same time, the

(01:37:28):
yearning to help.
It's part of our divine nature.
So when we do that, that justrises in us the yearning to
serve.
What this teaches me is that themost important thing that you
or I have to offer is our owngrowth, the story of our

(01:37:51):
becoming, the story of thechoices, the resilience, the
action.
The story of the choices, theresilience, the action, the
courage.
That story is all we are andall we've got, and anything else
we do is like that thing overthere.
I learned how to be an engineer, I learned how to build rocket

(01:38:12):
ships, I learned how to doanything.
I learned how to play thetrumpet or the piano and you
know I do, I play well, I have arecording studio.
All of those things are kind ofthat thing over there.
But the most powerful thingI've got, and you do too, is the
story of your becoming, thechoices, courage, resilience and
power that you have exhibitedto get where you are today.

(01:38:34):
Now, in that context, one ofthe things I love most and I
have a lot of pieces to thebusiness that I run, but one of
the things I love most is tohelp people discover and own the
truth of their own growth,because most people downplay it.
I don't have anything to say,I'm not that interesting, it's

(01:38:55):
no big deal.
Nobody would listen.
Who cares?
And that breaks my heart everytime I hear it, because I know
your growth matters not just toyou but to those who need to
hear your voice.
So one of the things I do andlove to do is I help people find

(01:39:16):
and write those stories.
After I'd written seven or eightbooks, I used to go to
conferences and people would askinevitably well, gee, colin,
how do you write so many books?
And I would say, well, let meshow you.
It would usually happen atlunch or at dinner, you know, in
the conference.
And so I'd say, well, give me anapkin, and I would draw a
picture on a napkin of a processthat I'd developed.

(01:39:39):
And somewhere between 50 and100% of the people at the table
when I finished showing wouldsay, oh yeah, can you help me do
that, because the process is soeasy and so powerful.
So I decided after thathappened a bunch of times gee, I
should write that book.
So I did.

(01:40:00):
There.
It is the Story Arc.
It's a book about how to mineyour life for your story, your
developmental story, which istruly the most important and
powerful thing you have.
So the URL associated with thatis in tiny print on the screen

(01:40:21):
dreambuildwriteitcom.
Dreambuildwriteitcom If you gothere and if you know, even if
you're scared, but you know yourstory matters.
The choices and work thatyou've done in your life matter
and could help people Go there.
I've run a couple of thesechallenges a year.

(01:40:42):
Usually the next one and thelast one for this year is the
last week of September.
It doesn't cost anything, soI'm not selling something here.
This is an opportunity toexplore your own story and
become intimately acquaintedwith the power that you have in
your hands just because of whatyou've overcome, what you have

(01:41:07):
done and what you have become.
So that's one invitation that Ihave for you.
Now I want to talk about a goalthat I have.
Now I want to talk about a goalthat I have.
I have nearly a thousandepisodes of a podcast called
your Ultimate Life, and I amgrateful to Victoria when she

(01:41:29):
says you know I was her firstguest and I didn't know that
when we recorded and I didn'tcare after I found out.
I love her, I loved her story,but I love all of you too and
her resilience and power andcommitment for her daughter, for
others who need it, hercompanion.
I love him too, just for thecourage to be who you are.

(01:41:52):
Now, the thousand episodes.
You know what the name of thepodcast is.
It's called your ultimate lifeand it's now a thousand episodes
actually recorded 998 the otherday, so a thousand will be this
coming week.
It's it's about how to createfor yourself a life of purpose,

(01:42:17):
prosperity and joy.
Joy isn't something thathappens sporadically or
accidentally.
It can happen every day.
I live a life of purpose everyday.
I live a life of prosperityevery day, not because I'm magic

(01:42:46):
, not because I got someinheritance, but because I
create that.
And the purpose of the podcastyour Ultimate Life is to share
two things what I've learned andhow I do that, and the second
thing is to share the stories ofguests who I love to have to

(01:43:11):
share your story of growth andbecoming, and choice and
resilience, of growth andbecoming, and choice and
resilience.
So there's another invitation.
There's another invitation.
Go to the podcast If you have astory you want to share.

(01:43:33):
It's calledYourUltimateLifePodcastcom
Yourimatelifepodcastcom, and Iwould love to be an amplifier
for your message and story.
I have met so many people withsuch commitment to love and to
service, and I invite you to beone of them if you feel like
that's for you, for you.

(01:44:02):
The next thing I want to talkabout is the goal that I have
this year is to reach 300million people, and I want to
reach them with a message, amethod and the opportunity for
mastery.
Message, method and masteryAbout what you might ask.
Well, here is the truth of life.
Life is exactly what you create.

(01:44:25):
You get what you find, what youlook for.
You get what you seek.
You really do.
Now, that doesn't mean stuffdoesn't happen around you or
because of others' choices.
Maybe everyone on this call Iknow, victoria does, I do maybe
every one of you have examplesand circumstances where other

(01:44:48):
people have chosen to do thingswith their agency and have hurt
you in deep, profound,meaningful, physical, spiritual,
emotional, financial and otherways and beat the crap out of
you.
Okay, I'm not downplaying thatin any way, shape or form.
What I am saying is that is acircumstance.

(01:45:11):
Circumstances change and youare still the sovereign creator
of your life.
In 2018, I died.
I had a fatal illness and died.
I didn't ask for that.
It wasn't something I soughtout.
Yay, I'm going to die this week.

(01:45:33):
And though it trashed my lungsand I will never get them all
the way back, and though I lost35 pounds and was in a coma for
17 days and was barely able towalk and and, and, and, and
maybe some of you have similarthings I treat it as a monstrous
blessing.

(01:45:54):
I treat it as a gift because ithas taught me to love more
deeply, it has given me morepatience, it has given me the
courage to do what I do today.
It's given me the courage toset a goal of reaching 300
million people with this messageW-I-P-O-S.

(01:46:14):
I don't know how to say thatWipos, I guess.
And I'm going to tell you whateach of those things are in a
minute.
But that is the message you ownyour life.
You can make anything you want.
If you're not doing it now,this is your wake-up call.
This is your opportunity, myonly purpose here on the planet.

(01:46:36):
During that near-deathexperience when I died, I had
three conversations with god atthe door between life and
eternity, and the firstconversation was one question.
He looked at me and he said doyou want to come home?
And we talked about that for awhile and the whole story is in
the book, meeting god with thedoor at the door.
But anyway, we talked about itfor a while and finally I

(01:46:58):
realized I'm not done Now.
That happened in 18 and I hadhad this other change of my life
in 2007.
So I'd spent 11 years likereally working on doing adding
good to the world.
Right, but I said it finally atthe end of the first
conversation.
I said I'm not done yet.
The answer was okay, so I knowthat's when they restarted my

(01:47:22):
heart because I'd flatlined.
I am here by choice and thechoice is to love, to create and
to serve, and I live everysingle day to do that.
And my measurement of that thisyear is to reach 300 million
people with this message of yourown worth.
You came from the same place Idid.
You have every bit the valuethat I do.

(01:47:44):
You are needed, you matter, andthe world is crying for more
love, more lifting, moreblessing and more people that
take action to add good to theworld and more people that take
action to add good to the world.
Now I'm going to tell you whatthe message is that I'm
spreading to the 300 millionpeople.
And people ask all the timewhere did that number come from?

(01:48:07):
Well, I'll tell you About fouryears ago and I'm on this
mission still of lifting andblessing and loving and serving.
And yeah, I'm a coach.
I have coaching clients, I havepeople that I write books for.
Joy runs a publishing company,so we publish mine and lots of
other client books.
So we make money coaching andpublishing and that kind of
stuff.
But my mission is to lift andbless just as many people as I

(01:48:30):
can talk to and to affirm yourworth and worthiness and to be
the light that invites you hometo yourself and the fire that
infuses your heart with courage.
And so the message is thatacronym W-I-P-O-S, and I'll tell
you what it stands for.
The first thing, w is worth.
I don't care where you've been,I don't care who's done what in

(01:48:51):
your life.
Your worth is infinite.
You were created by a lovingGod who sent you here for the
opportunity to grow.
Sometimes that means livingthrough a shit show.
Okay, you did, you're here.
You're still standing.
If you're in the middle of oneright now, let's take control
and take the smallest and firstaction you can take.

(01:49:15):
Growth, at least for me andnobody I know, doesn't happen in
an instant Nobody delivered 12gold bars from Amazon on my
doorstep so I could have instantprosperity.
That's not how it works.
Your worth is infinite.
Don't let anybody or anysituation convince you otherwise
.
It's not true.

(01:49:37):
I don't care what anybody saysor does, your worth is infinite.
Now it's easy for me to saythat what matters is when you
own that, because in my life,when I was not aware of that,
not living that way, I did allkinds of bad things to my body,
to others.
You know, just terrible.

(01:49:57):
When I am fully aware that I ama son and you are a daughter,
you know we're children of God,of the divine.
When I keep that in mind andremember that my worth is
infinite, I behave differently,I talk differently, I act
differently, I think differently, I see problems and challenges

(01:50:19):
differently.
Every moment, every breath isdifferent.
When I remember that truth.
So that is part of the messageyour worth is infinite, so own
it.
And if you're in a situationwhere that doesn't feel true for
you right now, move.
And if it's a little at a time,fine.

(01:50:45):
The second I is your identity.
Your identity.
If you walk around with aperson you, me, any of us walk
around with the idea that wesuck and we don't matter much.
Nobody listened, nobody cared.
I've been told all my life Isuck.
Well, I was raised that way.
You're not good enough.
I had the crap beat out of meas a kid all the time.
My mom, you know.
She thought her idea ofdiscipline was torture.

(01:51:05):
Okay, so my identity was I'mworthless, I'm no good.
The truth you're a child of God.
Now you can have a genealogy.
I don't know, maybe some of youdo genealogy right Parents,
grandparents, whatever.
Some of my family does that andwe've got—and Flukiger's a
weird name right.
So we've got genealogy tracedback to 1500 and something
Parents, grandparents,great-grandparents, and then

(01:51:28):
cousins, and branching out allover the place.
You know what?
The pedigree of your spirit canbe written on a single line,
can be written on a single line.
You, god end.
I want you to hold that and sitnext to that in your heart.
Sit next to that and hold it.

(01:51:51):
It is truth, your identity isthat, and nothing you do or say,
or don't do or don't say willchange that.
So sit next to that truth andlet it give you the courage and
the hope to take the actions,because that truth and the truth

(01:52:15):
of your worth don'tautomatically change things.
We have to do the work In 2007,my wake-up call to get out of
addictions and all the restdidn't change anything except my
attitude.
The third piece of this is theletter P.

(01:52:36):
It stands for possibility.
So if you have divine DNA inyou, think of an oak and an
acorn.
An acorn can be and will be agreat big oak with tree, you
know, branches and birds and allthat crap giving shade.

(01:52:56):
Right now it's just an acorn,but all of the information and
power needed to become that arein there.
You and me were that.
The DNA of you, your spirit, isdivine.
End of story.
So since that's true P, yourpossibility is infinite.
There's nothing you can't doNow.
It doesn't happen like that.
But an acorn doesn't turn intoan oak like that.

(01:53:18):
It takes time, it takes work,it takes water, it takes
sunlight, it takes choices, ittakes resilience, it takes
sovereignty, it takes gettingthe help you need.
When I made my dramatic changein 2007, away from being a liar
and an addict and all the rest,I had to have help counselors,
coaches, all kinds of stuff.
I had to have help counselors,coaches, all kinds of stuff, and

(01:53:42):
I had to do the work.
You go sit with a shrink for anhour and then you got to do the
work or a coach or anythingelse.
But the possibilities that wehave are infinite.
Embrace that.
The story of not good enough,the story of I can't, because
that's not your highestself-talking, that's not the
infinite worth divine being,talking about your possibility,

(01:54:03):
that's some old story.
Talking about your possibility,that's some old crap from the
background saying hey, not you,not now, it's not true.
So own your possibility, speakup, own your possibilities,
speak up.
Even though the possibility'sthere, nothing's going to happen
unless you do something.

(01:54:23):
And that gets us to O, which isownership.
We often go through life feelinglike he made me do it, he made
me feel this way.
You made me mad.
You, this, you that they, this,the government, the election,
the made me mad.
You, this, you, that they, this, the government, the election,

(01:54:45):
the IRS, the weather, god, youabandon me.
You, you, you, you.
Nobody's coming, nobody'scoming over the hill.
There ain't no cavalry.
You own your life and if you'rein a difficult place right now,
maybe all you can do is a tinystep.
If you're in a good place rightnow, then don't get complacent.
Actively.

(01:55:06):
One of the questions in thatinterview just before.
This was well, since you hadall these revelations.
I mean, you know you're notworried.
Why don't you just sit aroundand do nothing?
And the answer is worried.
Why don't you just sit aroundand do nothing?
And the answer is I can't?
We're here to love and serveeach other.
We're here to bust it and addgood to the world.
Why are we having thisconference?
Because Victoria and the peopleshe's working with are adding

(01:55:28):
good to the world.
That's a choice.
It's not an accident.
It's a choice and it takes workand it takes heart and it takes
grit and it takes.
I'm doing this takes heart andit takes grit and it takes.
I'm doing this why?
Because I said so, because it'swho I am.
So I want you to think aboutthis worth, identity,
possibility, ownership, and thelast is an S, and that stands

(01:55:52):
for sovereignty, and I want youto I use that word on purpose
because I want you to thinkabout royalty, because that's
you.
You are royalty, and I knowwhen you're in the middle of a
difficult phase or difficultcircumstance or situation.
I certainly didn't feel likeroyalty after 17 days when I

(01:56:16):
came out of a coma after dyingin the hospital and had lost 35
pounds and couldn't move.
I felt like anything but.
But it doesn't change the truth.
You are the sovereign director,controller, creator.
You're given your agency tochoose how you think, how you

(01:56:39):
feel.
We're not given agency tocontrol the weather or to
control others.
We are given total sovereigntyover our own thoughts and
feelings.
So the message I have for you isyour worth, your identity, your
possibility, your ownership andyour sovereignty, and that's

(01:57:03):
the message I have for the 300million people that I'm reaching
Now.
It's easy to start with amessage.
Part two of that is M method,and we don't have time for me to
teach different methods today,but they all come from this and

(01:57:23):
I'm going to give you a place togo look at stuff.
There's another URL on thescreen Kellenflukigermediacom.
There's nothing for sale there,but there is tons.
All of the books that I haveare there so you can see if any
of them would serve you.
There is links to the podcast,where I've done a thousand

(01:57:46):
episodes.
I have a thousand YouTube videos, and that's not to say yay me,
because all of it is to give toyou both the encouragement, the
frameworks, the tools, theenergy, the examples and
sometimes excuse me sometimesthe permission to go, be

(01:58:06):
yourself.
And I cherish theseopportunities to love you, to
lift you, to encourage you, youto lift you, to encourage you,
to tell you that you are thesethings, and the method and tools
to do something with WIPOS,w-i-p-o-s are available.

(01:58:28):
If there's something I can doto help you, I will.
And our greatest calling is tolove and lift and bless those
around us.
When we love and lift and bless, we are blessed.
And, yes, it creates businessand cash and prosperity, because

(01:58:50):
money follows value, moneyfollows value.
So, as I get to the end here, Iwant to leave you with the
certainty that you're divine,the certainty that I love you,
the certainty that I see you, Iknow you, we know each other and

(01:59:11):
we are here to love and serveand lift and bless in every way
that we can.
And if there's something I cando to serve you, I will.
I have and I'm here.
And there is no question thatyou are of infinite worth and
you can create any life you want, no matter where you're

(01:59:35):
starting, that doesn't matter.
What matters is that you moveand the direction you're moving,
and I know that these thingsare true.
I'm the poster child both offailing in this first place of
coming from the bottom of thecanyon and from getting to a
place right now, where everysingle day is purpose,

(01:59:59):
prosperity and joy and I trulyget to live that ultimate life.
Victoria, I want to thank youfor your place in the world and
what you are doing to lift andbless others and all of the rest
of you.
Whatever it is you're doing toadd good to the world.

Speaker 1 (02:00:25):
And I'm done.
You're never done.

Speaker 3 (02:00:29):
Well, I'm done for now.

Speaker 1 (02:00:36):
I have to tell you I have gotten so many text
messages and private messagesand people reaching out how much
they love you and how.
I keep telling everybody howauthentic you are and genuine
you are.
They're not more real than you.
You are such a force to bereckoned with.
You're a gentleman, to say theleast a million times ever.
You and your wife.
I adore her.
Joy is amazing and as cute asshe can be.
I love y'all's story and I hopeone day you'll be able to share

(02:00:59):
it with everybody, because yourlove story is just the cutest
thing ever.

Speaker 3 (02:01:02):
Well, I would have.
I just didn't think we had timeto do that today with
everything else.

Speaker 1 (02:01:07):
You have 10 minutes.
If you want it, it's yours.

Speaker 3 (02:01:10):
All right.
Well, I'll tell you the story,then, of how we came to be.
In August of 2007, I was singleagain for the third time and
married and divorced three times.
I had four of my 10 kids livingwith me.
I was back on top, even thoughI destroyed several careers.
I was making so much money my$3,000 a week.

(02:01:30):
Cocaine habit didn't matter,and I'd attempted suicide the
second time two weeks before andone Friday night in August.
And I'd attempted suicide thesecond time two weeks before and
one Friday night in August.
I got home from work and I wasgoing to go to the party for the
weekend and I had this urge toturn on the television, and that
doesn't sound like anything.
Except I picked up the remoteand realized I didn't know how,
because I didn't watch TV.

(02:01:50):
I had the biggest, cooleststuff because I had four
teenagers in the house and wewere the party house because I
was a crappy dad.
And so my 16-year-old daughter,you know she punched the
buttons and threw the remote atme, dip weed, and it landed on a
program I'd never heard ofcalled Intervention, which is a
reality TV show.
Don't know if it's on anymore.
That, you know, was aboutfamilies who stage interventions

(02:02:13):
for busted loved ones, and theprotagonist in this one was a
high-ranking executive with acocaine problem.
Oh so I watched my life forabout 10 minutes and said, ah,
it's just crap, and turned itoff and went and did some other
stuff and before I went out Ijust had this urge I had to turn
the TV back on.
So I did and the programstarted over and I didn't have a

(02:02:35):
DVR and it wasn't on theschedule and no, of course it
can't do that, but it did.
So it freaked me out and I satdown and watched the program and
it went badly.
The guy swore he didn't have aproblem, stomped out of the
intervention and so you knowthat kind of thing, yelled at
his family and everything.
So that freaked me out.
So instead of going out to party, I went to bed, and when I went
to bed I went to hell, and whatI mean by that is I went

(02:02:56):
somewhere out of body and I wasin a big theater and it was dark
and I could see scenes on thestage and I realized the scenes
on the stage were all out of mylife and every one of them was
focused on suffering, sufferingthat had been inflicted by all
the abuse when I was a kid up,through the suffering I had
inflicted on everybody else as adrug addict and a pathological

(02:03:17):
liar and a rotten partner andall the rest, and watching those
scenes was more torture than Ican even express After an
eternity.
I heard a voice behind my rightshoulder say to me it is enough
.
I woke up and I was completelydisoriented for three reasons.

(02:03:38):
One, I was all twisted aroundupside down and backwards in bed
and two, the sheets and bedclothing were so soaked you
could wring them out Like Ididn't realize a body could lose
that much and the onlyconclusion I could come to was
the torture of watching.
All that was so much that Isweat literally liters, which I
didn't know you could do.
But the thing that reallyfreaked me out was the sun was

(02:03:59):
shining in the window and thewindows faced west.
I got up and realized it was 5o'clock Saturday afternoon,
which means I'd been somewherefor nearly 18 hours, and I
realized I'd been invited tochange and I had no idea what to
do, who to talk to, where to go, how to start or anything.
But I said out loud I'm done.

(02:04:21):
So I got up and I threw away athousand dollars worth of drugs
that I had laying around,because I always did, and I quit
cold Turkey that day and thatgot me sober, but it didn't do
anything about how I got there,the depression and self-sabotage
and you know all the storiesthat had been left over my whole
life Got to remember now that2007 was the year I turned 52.

(02:04:44):
So that wasn't the end.
So Monday I went back to workand because of the position that
I had, I used to get free stuff, free tickets to expense, not
bribes.
I mean, I made decisions thataffected other companies,
sometimes to the tune ofbillions of dollars.
So I get a lot of nice be niceto Kellan stuff.
And one of the things I got wasa pair of tickets to a Yo-Yo Ma

(02:05:07):
concert.
And if you know classical music, you know who that is, and if
you don't, you don't.
But in classical music that'slike ah.
So I was excited and I wantedto go, but I didn't have anybody
to take because, of course, Iwas not interested in any of
that stuff meaning having anykind of relationship.
So I asked in the groups that Imanaged who likes classical
music, and there was a woman inone of the groups that said,

(02:05:28):
well, I do.
And so I said to her well, haveI ever given you anything
before, because I gave awaystuff all the time?
And she said no and I said,okay, fine, See you there.
So I gave her the ticket.
We met at the show.
The concert was amazing andthat was like three weeks and so
, as of the concert, I'm nowthree whole weeks stone cold,
sober.
Halfway through the show I hadthis feeling come over me that I

(02:05:52):
recognized from two weeksbefore, three weeks before, and
the voice said to me you need tomarry this woman.
And I said you're insane.
I said I've screwed that upthree times.
I do not know how to do thatand I'm like three weeks sober.
Are you nuts?
Later that night we werebackstage because they were like

(02:06:13):
thousand dollar tickets,backstage passes, tickets to the
reception and all that stuff.
So we're backstage and thevoice came back and said comma,
and you need to tell her tonight.
So I went nuts because I thought, well, there's a few problems
with this One.
I know her because she worksfor me in one of my groups, but
I don't know her well enough toknow whether or not she has a
relationship, like I don't knowthat.

(02:06:35):
And number two, she could likecall the cops or something for
harassment.
So no, you know, and you don'twin those arguments so awkwardly
.
I did, and it went about likeyou would have expected Are you
insane?
And you know she left.
But the good news was shedidn't have a relationship and

(02:06:55):
she didn't call the cops.
Over the next few weeks, threeweeks or so, she had her own set
of experiences and about threeweeks later about six weeks from
the August thing so it's thefirst part of October she
resigned her position.
I walked away from millions ofdollars of contracts and we

(02:07:16):
walked off into the sunset frommillions of dollars of contracts
and we walked off into thesunset.
And this December, which iscoming up now, will be our 18th
wedding anniversary.
And her name is Joy.
Like you can't make this up,she was the angel that was sent
to help me learn how to be aperson, how to tell the truth,

(02:07:37):
how to have a friend, how to bea friend and, yes, she walks on
water and she has been that.
She's my business partner.
She runs our whole, all of ourcontractors, our backend.
She runs a publishing companyand we take care of her 94 year
old mother, who can't see out ofone eye and is very, very
creaky and and and and and sheis that and she is the joy and

(02:07:59):
my year starts October 14thbecause that's Joy's birthday.
And so the other piece of help,besides getting sober, was she
came into my life and I've askedher a lot of times like what on
earth possessed you to quityour whole career and walk off

(02:08:23):
into the sunset with someonelike me?
I mean, everybody at the officeknew I had problems and so
forth, and she said I just knewthat wasn't right and I saw it
differently.
And I saw it differently, andso the help that we need is
available.
That was a miracle.

(02:08:44):
The divine intervention thathappened before that, in August,
calling me to attention, towake up, that was also a miracle
, but it didn't do any of thework.
I had to go do the work.
I had no family.
I had no, I'd been disowned bythe family and no sibs contact
and everybody hated me, etcetera.

(02:09:06):
One of my sibs didn't even wantme to come to a family reunion
because they didn't want theirkids to be around me.
You know that kind of realbeing ostracized.
So I was literally alone, andthe divine in mercy sent a
person to help me to wake up andto change, and so I owe God and

(02:09:26):
joy everything, and it didn'tdo any of the work I have and
had to do all of the work.
What I know is that I am nomore important or valuable than
any of you.
Right here, right now, you havea calling, you have an

(02:09:48):
opportunity.
The only question is the samequestion for me when I woke up
that morning in August Take theinvitation or say no, like I'd
done a thousand other times, tothe nudges and the inspiration.
This is your invitation you areso amazing.

Speaker 1 (02:10:25):
I am like, I'm so glad my phone and all my
messaging here is on on silent.
You have so many people who arecommenting about how amazing
and wonderful you are.
It's I love hearing you talkabout joy because it brings such
joy to you and she.
I I've had the privilege andpleasure of getting to know her
and she is.
She's as amazing as he talksabout, and so your message is
unbelievable.
You are unbelievable.
I told him years ago he stuckwith me forever because I'm in

(02:10:50):
light of him, like he's.
He's always been such agentleman to me and just the
sweetest, sweetest human being.
So many people are messagingabout how amazing you are and
they can't thank me enough forhaving you on.

Speaker 3 (02:11:03):
I can't thank you enough for coming on, and so
well, if I can do anything forany of your peeps, get ahold of
me, because here's what I know.
You can hear.
All this cool stuff for me oranybody else and, like our
attorney friend just before, ifyou don't do anything it's not
going to matter.

Speaker 1 (02:11:17):
Right.

Speaker 3 (02:11:18):
So if this has invited you to do something,
listen.

Speaker 1 (02:11:25):
Absolutely.
I'm going to reach out to youafter because I have a ton of
people who you definitely needto come on and talk with you and
you're just amazing.
I love you and I love your wifeand thank you so much for who
you are, what you do.
Just thank you.

Speaker 3 (02:11:40):
Well, I think, the world of you and what you're
creating in the world.
So, thank you, and if any ofyou have good ideas about how to
help me get to my 300 million,I need to know.

Speaker 1 (02:11:50):
Well, I think you got it here because we're sold out
and we're in the million, sothank you.

Speaker 3 (02:11:55):
Fabulous, thank you.
All right, you guys, we're inthe millions.

Speaker 1 (02:11:56):
So thank you, fabulous, thank you.
All.
Right, you guys.
Now I don't know, I wouldn't becomfortable coming up behind him
I would be so nervous evencoming anywhere near him after
he speaks because nowhere will Iever be anywhere near as good
as he is.
All right, so we have sh Shanecoming in.

(02:12:17):
Shane is a gentleman as well.
He has a story that is one tobe told, that is for sure, and
he is on his way in to tell hisstory.
His story is one that willreally make you think about life
all over again.
He is got such a purpose herein life.

(02:12:38):
It's really hard to even sayanything after listening to
Keelan, because he has alwaysbeen one of these people that I
hold in such high regard and Ilove the story of him and his
wife.
It's beautiful.
Their love is beautiful.
I hope we emulate it, myhusband and I.
Who's chowing down on asandwich behind the scenes back
here?
Faith is also here.

(02:12:59):
Uh, real quick.
While we're waiting on shane tocome in, and everybody's been
asking about you today andmentioning you, and even miss
whitney and and everybody, soyou want to say hi real quick to
everybody.
While we're waiting on mr shaneto come in.
Hey, everyone, how have youbeen feeling?
How are you doing?
I'm doing really good.

(02:13:21):
How about you, mom?
I'm doing really good.
I'm doing very good, thank you,and Shane is trying to come in
right now.
For some reason, he's having adifficult time Trying to get in.
I don't understand, so Thankyou.

(02:13:41):
For some reason, he's having adifficult time trying to get in.
I don't understand.
So thank you.
How about you and dad talk forjust a minute?

Speaker 2 (02:13:46):
while I see what's going on here.
Well, you can put me back onthe spot here.
Of course you're getting readyfor your talk.
So I ran out and got us all, uh, a sandwich I don't know if I
can mention the name on air, but, um, I knew my wife would be

(02:14:08):
here all day and, um, normally Icook dinner, uh, but we wanted
to get something in our bellywhile we're sitting here and
listening to everybody.
Keelan Keelan's awesome, that'san understatement.
I heard a little bit of Whitneywhen I was out driving.
I love my girl.
I tried to stay off the phonewhile driving, but thank you,
whitney, so I guess we're doing.

(02:14:31):
This is an amazing show so far.
I see the comments, all thepeople commenting in Keelan's
just got an awesome voice, youknow, and his, his stories,
pearl, are amazing.
Yeah, we can relate to somebecause we have that kind of
love, that kind ofsoulmationship if I may heard,

(02:14:53):
our word is our, our soul,nation, ship you know it wasn't
well.
I'll get to my story later, butit wasn't just a few weeks after
my second wife left me that Igot with my soul mate right here

(02:15:14):
we've known each other for 25years at least least at least I
know right going back a bitgoing back a bit, that's an
understatement all right byefaith bye thanks for visiting

Speaker 1 (02:15:29):
yeah, yeah, yeah.
See, this is what happens whenyou do a multi-viewed,
multi-million watched webinar,when we're trying to get someone
to come in and log on.
I am so sorry.
Also, I want everybody to checkout the podcast interview that
I did with kurt warner, who isamazing.
He has such a great story.

(02:15:50):
He's phenomenal um.
He went through a verytraumatic event and it caused
him to lose 40% of hiscerebellum and he is such a
story to hear and a force to bereckoned with.
He is an enlightenment.
He's part of this as well.
We have his recorded due toscheduling conflicts and he, his

(02:16:16):
story, will be on for everybodyto hear for the webinar as well
.
We are.
I apologize for this.
I don't know what's going on.
I think we got it fixed.
I think shane should beaccepting and coming in as a
panelist now and he will begetting started.
We've had no problem all day.

(02:16:38):
It's been great.
I don't understand Knocking onwood.
I don't know what's happening.

Speaker 2 (02:16:49):
These things happen from time to time.

Speaker 1 (02:16:51):
Right, they happen from time to time.

Speaker 2 (02:16:53):
We were recording.
Most of y'all know that our,our, our studio is just a small
office, a small bedroom that weconverted into office here in
our home, and literally we workwith like the bare minimum.
Uh, we have a computer, we havea sound card, a soundboard and

(02:17:14):
a couple of microphones andthat's it.
You know, we don't put a lot ofmoney into, you know, the
technical equipment.
We want to sound good.
But here a few months ago noteven, yeah, about two months ago
we had an issue with ourmicrophones.
So we had to call in someexpertise and thank you DJ

(02:17:39):
Blacks, who came over andassisted us with setting up
better professional equipment.
But other than that, we haven'tput a lot into this other than
programs, subscriptions, thingsfor visual graphics, things of
that nature.
So starting your own podcast isis not a lot of, you know,

(02:18:02):
upfront capital.
You I mean, I encourage husbandand wife get on there and y'all
just start jaw jacking, juststart what we do, but then when
I do my interviews, or yeah,that's that's a little different
.
That's different right you have,you have a conversation with um
, oh, let's see Lou DiamondPhillips oh, and it's perfect

(02:18:23):
because now Shane's here.

Speaker 1 (02:18:24):
Oh, thank god.
Oh, we're so happy now thatShane is coming on as a panelist
and we are ready to go.
We are so sorry for that, guys,that normally we haven't had
that happen.
Shane, come on in and we areready to go.
We are so sorry for that, guys.
We haven't had that happen.
Shane, come on in.

(02:18:46):
I think he's muted.
Oh, I am so sorry.
Welcome, shane.

Speaker 2 (02:18:54):
I read a book by Louie L'Amour called Shane.
There was a I read a book byLouis L'Amour called Shane.
That was way, way back in,probably middle school, but

(02:19:16):
Shane was an awesome characterback then.

Speaker 1 (02:19:21):
I think his other main character was Chick Beaudry
.

Speaker 2 (02:19:25):
I've never heard of that.
Well, again, we apologize forthe silence and the technical
difficulty.
She's working it out over there.

Speaker 1 (02:19:31):
No, he's here.
I just don't know why he's not.

Speaker 2 (02:19:37):
Shane, check your mute, check your video.
It's 94 degrees where we liveat right now.
It's kind of muggy out there.
I'm glad I got the grass cutyesterday, so shall I continue

(02:20:07):
my wife doesn't like it when Iput her up on the pedestal.
she, um, she likes the limelightto go to other people,
absolutely, she's got thebiggest dang heart.
But you know, when you havefolks from like I said, lou
diamond phillips reached out toher one night while we were
having dinner.
She has had conversations,sometimes called interviews,

(02:20:30):
with the cast of blacklistreacher uh, the rookie chicago
fire, the blacklist, theblacklist, yeah, the blacklist.
The Rookie Chicago Fire, theBlacklist, the Blacklist, yeah,
the Blacklist.
Amir came on, he sent, he hassent several.

Speaker 1 (02:20:51):
China fella.

Speaker 2 (02:20:52):
Cameos, I would call them.

Speaker 1 (02:20:53):
Sure.
If anybody can get Johnny.

Speaker 2 (02:20:56):
Depp, james Spader.
James Sp get Johnny.

Speaker 1 (02:20:57):
Depp James Spader.

Speaker 2 (02:20:59):
James Spader and Johnny Depp.
Those are the two my wife's gother heart to know that show.

Speaker 1 (02:21:04):
I'm sorry.
We're trying to see what'sgoing on here.
James Spader in the 80s did allthese movies and I was like, ah
, but then the Blacklist comesout and that role was made for
him.
I'm sorry that way.
Everybody needs a RaymondReddington in their life, like
he never heard any bad people.
He only went after those thatdeserved it.

Speaker 2 (02:21:28):
He never hurt bad people.

Speaker 1 (02:21:30):
He never hurt anyone.
That wasn't a bad person, hewas just so like.
I love his character.
I hate the ending of the showLike I hated it.
And every, everywhere you lookthat has anything to say with
anything talks about how muchthey hate the ending of the show
.
And I'm not going to ruin it,even though it did ruin it for
anybody who hasn't seen it yetbut you could kind of hit fast
forward and probably be betteroff because the ending was awful

(02:21:52):
.
But james spader, oh jamesspader, in the role of Raymond
Reddington.

Speaker 2 (02:21:58):
Y'all need a room.

Speaker 1 (02:21:59):
Seriously, I'm just saying Like that role is iconic.
It should be one of thoseforever known roles, because
that was just amazing.
So, yes, that was amazing.
And who else have we found?
We've had a lot of people,malcolm Goodwin, who reached out
to me to tell me that somebodythat he knew I saved his life.

Speaker 2 (02:22:22):
Hey Shane, welcome buddy.

Speaker 1 (02:22:24):
There he is.

Speaker 9 (02:22:25):
Hey there, Let me get back to where I was Shane you
look a lot like Luke Wilson.

Speaker 2 (02:22:30):
Buddy, you look like Luke.

Speaker 9 (02:22:33):
Wilson.

Speaker 2 (02:22:33):
Yeah.

Speaker 9 (02:22:34):
I'll take that.
Sorry about all of that.
I had done interviews, I'vedone recordings, I've tested my
zoom yesterday, today, whateverlife happens, what are you going
to do?
I see a bunch of people on here.

(02:22:59):
Looks like people are muted,cool.

Speaker 1 (02:23:03):
Yes, everybody's muted, waiting on you to begin.

Speaker 9 (02:23:05):
Okay, so that's what I have going on now.
Sweet, very cool, awesome.
I am here to talk to you guystoday very briefly about the
speed bumps in your mind Kind ofan interesting intro Back up,
just a skosh.
My name is Shane Boyd.
I do speaking and coaching,consulting.
Essentially what I do is I helppeople overcome the speed bumps

(02:23:29):
in their mind so they can getout of their own way, live on
purpose and do stuff thatmatters.
Now, speed bumps in your mind Ikind of have some experience
about that because I was a humanspeed bump True story.
I won't go into the entirestory here because I'm only

(02:23:50):
going to talk to you guys inthis brief section just about
one small portion of it.
But as far as being a speedbump true story, I fell out of a
moving truck, the back tiresran over my head and then I was
rushed to the hospital eighthours later where I had to have
brain surgery to live.

(02:24:11):
So I am legit like a miracle inthe making.
I mean, I was a human speedbump, so that's where I coined
the term speed bumps in the mind.
Now I want to talk to you alltoday simply about one specific
thing, and it's a habit that alot of us have, because I speak

(02:24:32):
a lot about habits.
Your habits got you to whereyou are today good, bad or
indifferent.
Whether we like it or not, wehave good habits and bad habits.
A lot of times, our habits willtake you right where you are
today.
Now I want to talk to you aboutone specific thing, and that is
do it scared.
Do it scared Now.

(02:24:53):
Okay, what does that mean?
Maybe we've read the book fromSusan Jeffers.
I mean, feel the fear and do itanyway, but do it afraid.
Do it scared Now.
It, I don't know what that itis for you.
You know what it is.
When I say do it scared, man,do it afraid.
You know what that it is.

(02:25:15):
Is it starting a business?
Is it starting a nonprofit?
Is it, you know, asking for theraise?
Is it asking somebody out?
Is it advancing your career?
I mean, is it starting any kindof a Bible study at your local
church?
I mean all kinds of things thatwe are afraid of.

(02:25:36):
Do it afraid.
But here's what's happening inthat whole fear moment.
You see, we have a habit ofstopping when that fear hits.
Think about your life, any partof it, man, it doesn't matter
which one you want to focus on.
Think about any part of it,whether it's your health, wealth
, relationship, whatever.

(02:25:56):
Think about a part of your lifeand you can see areas where you
got to a certain point and youstopped.
Why did you stop?
It wasn't like somebody wasphysically there, like you can't
go further.
No, it wasn't like that at all.
You had some kind of fear, youhad some kind of timidity, you

(02:26:20):
had some kind of trepidationthat stopped you.
It was that fear that stoppedyou.
Now, what were you afraid of?
Were you afraid of failing?
Were you afraid of succeedingand have a whole new life
afterwards?
You see, after going through myaccident believe me when I say

(02:26:41):
this happened back in 99, I'vedone a lot of reading when it
comes to brain, brain science,healing of your brain and
different things that we do, andone of the main functions of
our brain is to keep us alive,yes, keep us safe.

(02:27:05):
Think about that for a secondto keep us safe.
Now, when you think about whenyou do new things like this, is,
you know, a new thing they'redoing here as well, for this
whole global mission thatthey're doing pretty awesome.
There was a lot of fear involvedbefore you launched this.
I mean even before coming on.
Yeah, of course I was a lot offear involved before you
launched this.
I mean even before coming on.
Yeah, of course I was a littlebit nervous.
I didn't realize I was going tohave camera issues.
But whatever Life happens,right, you just keep on keeping

(02:27:25):
on.
But you got to a certain point.
Fear would stop you.
Now your brain's trying to keepyou safe of your comfort zone.
You feel kind of nervous.
Doesn't really feel good to you.
Does it Picture any scenario?
I'll give you a simple one.

(02:27:46):
I love martial arts.
I mean, yep, I have three blackbelts with a steel plate in my
head.
Don't ask, I just let them fora punishment, I guess.
But my first day in karateclass I was nervous.
I didn't know how to do asidekick or a roundhouse or a
hook kick and spin kicks.
I didn't know any of thosethings.
I didn't know how to do thekatzas.
I didn't know any of that.
So I did it scared, and then Icontinued to progress and got

(02:28:11):
better.
Look at any of your heroes.
Any of them.
I'll pick a simple one.
Being a dude, I'll pick yourfootball.
Let's look at Tom Brady.
He's an easy one for me to pickbecause I'm also a Michigan fan
.
So I've watched Tom Brady'sentire career.
I've watched him from Michiganto the Patriots to Tampa.

(02:28:31):
So I've watched his wholecareer Fantastic.
Look at his stats.
He did great.
Do you think he was that greatwhen he first started?
Negative, that's a hard no andthat's how you're going to be at
whatever it is.
That's why you do it afraid.
You're not going to be the bestsoldier in a battlefield on
your first mission, but you'renever going to be anybody if you

(02:28:55):
don't start.
You would never be able to helpanybody if you don't start.
And this whole thing about fearwhat are you afraid of?
See?
A lot of times, especially inthis online world, I mean,
people say that we're moreconnected now than ever.
That's not true.
We're more disconnected nowthan ever.

(02:29:16):
That's a whole side note, thiswhole online world.
You can have lovers and haterscome out of the woodwork from
everywhere, right?
So are you afraid of beingcriticized?
If you start the business?
If you start the podcast, youknow?
If you start the nonprofit, areyou afraid what people will say
?
You know if you start doingthis?
Oh, who does she think she is?

(02:29:37):
Who does.
He think he is right.
You start doing the fear.
You start feeling that fear andyou realize I don't want to do
this is uncomfortable.
So your brain draws you back,draws you right back to your
comfort zone.
It's like having the.
You've seen the.
I read the analogy of.
You know, put a bunch of crabsin a bucket.

(02:29:57):
Some of the crabs begin tocrawl out Once they get to the
top.
The other crabs will grab themand bring them back down.
They're trying to keep themsafe right there where they were
.
That's going to happen.
The same time, you feel thatfear, but that fear that you're
feeling that's good stuff, man,because that lets you know
you're on the right path.

(02:30:17):
It's not that anybody's out toget you.
You're never going to beanything great if you can't get
past that terror barrier.
That fear, see, that fear couldactually be your compass.
Here's what I mean.
If you're having any kind offear of anything kind of let you
know, hey, I might be on theright path here.
I'm not afraid because I have,like a saber to tiger coming

(02:30:40):
after me.
I'm not afraid because I have,you know, somebody trying to
seriously hurt me.
I'm afraid because of thischange.
This change is good.
So you could use that fear as acompass and you could follow
that fear, because once youbegin to do whatever it is you
said you were afraid to do, youdo it a time or two and all of a

(02:31:02):
sudden you're not really afraid.
It doesn't frighten you anymore.
It doesn't frighten me to go onstages and speak.
It doesn't frighten me to comeon this stage, right here, and
speak, even though I had 101blunders, like five minutes
before I came on here.
Technology wasn't awesome to me.
Great, whatever life happens,right, but I'm not afraid to do

(02:31:25):
this.
Why?
Because I've done it a time ortwo.
I feel comfortable.
What is that thing that you keepstopping yourself from doing?
So you know what it is.
You have that greatness insideof you.
I don't know what yours is.
When I say what that one thingis, it was put there for a
reason.
You see, that greatness insideof you would never come out if

(02:31:47):
you're too afraid to be who youare and that's a lot of times
what we do we stop and we cowerdown to our fears and we conform
to all the things around us andend up having a life that we're
not fulfilled by because wekeep trying to put a square peg
in a round hole, trying to bewho we're not.
It's time for you to live thelife you were called to live,

(02:32:09):
not the life you feel stuck in.
It's the fact that we get thisfear that stops us and we
conform to the things around us,that we get this fear that
stops us and we conform to thethings around us.
You're never going to overcomethat speed bump in your mind if
you continue to just hit it andcover down.
It's after you get past it.
Think of, whatever it is, anysporting event, any business
you've been a part of, any newventure.

(02:32:31):
You're going to have some fearthere.
Then you do it a time or twoand you feel kind of comfortable
.
You do it a time or four andyou feel pretty good.
You do it a dozen more times.
You feel like a pro and it'ssecond nature.
Think about when you first wentto the gym, all these things.
You can take that small winfrom what you did going to the
gym.
You know, started a newbusiness, whatever it is.

(02:32:53):
Take that small win and realizeI did that.
I can do this too.
So we have a habit of stoppingwhen fear hits, and the fastest
way to success is to replace badhabits with good habits.
So, instead of stopping whenthat fear hits, let's start when
that fear hits.

(02:33:13):
Let that fear be your driver.
Let that fear say that's mycompass.
I'm following this and I'mgoing to see where it takes me.
You'll never experience thegreatness that God gave you if
you keep falling in fear andstopping yourself and being the
great person you're supposed tobe.
Folks.
I thank you for having me heretoday.
It's been a pleasure.
Sorry that I had issues withthe camera getting on, but it

(02:33:37):
was a pleasure being here and Ihope this message fell on
somebody and was was good forsomebody out there.
Thank you.

Speaker 1 (02:33:43):
Thank you so much, shane.
I appreciate it and we're goingto make sure everybody can get
a hold of all of Shane'sfabulous works and how to get a
hold of him, and I'm glad we gotyou on here eventually, so
thank you, thank you for doingthat.

Speaker 9 (02:34:00):
Thank you for being here with us today.
I truly appreciate you.

Speaker 1 (02:34:01):
Thank you so much, victoria.
Of course, all right guys, getready.
Allison's coming.
Allison is amazing.
All beautiful in her blue isalways.
I don't think I've ever seenthis woman look bad.
I don't think it's in her to beable to look bad.
She is amazing, she's adorable,she's sweet and she's full of
knowledge and wealth.

(02:34:22):
And this is my friend, allison.

Speaker 11 (02:34:25):
And I'm such a fan of yours, like what you are
creating and what you've beenthrough is just such a beautiful
opportunity and I've beencoming in and out today and
listening to all the greatspeakers.
Thank you, thank you for thisforum and for making it happen.

Speaker 1 (02:34:47):
Absolutely, and there's no pressure that there's
like millions of watchers.
I'm just saying I mean it's nota pressure at all.
I know she's great underpressure, she's amazing and
y'all are going to love everyminute with her Awesome.

Speaker 11 (02:34:56):
Yeah, we are going to talk about pressure actually
and how do you de-stress yourlife and really hone the skill
of resilience and resiliencedoes not erase hard truths.
So, to be clear, this is notabout sugarcoating reality, and
I know a lot of people who arewatching this today and myself

(02:35:17):
included have been through somesignificant life challenges, and
it's not.
You know, we hear people say,be resilient and we can think,
well, yeah, but you don't knowwhat I've actually been through,
you don't know the strugglethat's going on behind the
scenes, and I just want you toknow that I see you if you're

(02:35:39):
going through something rightnow or have come through
something already, and this isabout how do you create the best
life possible given thatreality that you've gone through
.
So everything I'm going to say,please take it through the lens
of recognizing that you have.
I mean, if you're in this world, here in this webinar for the

(02:36:02):
global summit, I'm going tosuggest that you have been
through something, and so thatis just.
My heart goes out to you onthat.
So let's start talking aboutresilience Now.
If you are like, oh gosh,please don't tell me to be
resilient again.
And it's likely because when Igo in and I speak with audiences

(02:36:22):
of professionals and thecompanies hire me to come in.
I often hear right, and peopleare like, oh, resilience.
And I'm like, listen,resilience does not, does not
mean like exercise, you know,and breathe deeply and, just,

(02:36:46):
you know, meditate, like all ofthose are great stress
management strategies but theyare not going to get you through
the toughest times in life.
They are going to make iteasier to physically get through
it, to calm your mind,incredible tools.
But when I was going through myworst time in my life, I was

(02:37:07):
like I'd look at people and theysay you got to be resilient and
I'd be like yeah, yeah, yeah,but like I can't go to the gym,
I'm in too much pain, I, youknow, I want to feel better.
And then I just like judgemyself because I wasn't feeling
better and one of the keyprinciples about being resilient

(02:37:27):
.
And I realized it and I'll tellyou the day I realized it.
I was sitting across from myneurologist and he's like Alice,
you need to understand what'shappening.
Like you will never workfull-time again, your pain will
never go away and we have totalk about you going on

(02:37:51):
disability.
And it was in that moment thatI was like, oh no, this is like
I get it.
Like I'd already been two years.
Five surgeries.
The first one was botched andthat's what happened in my story
and then there were six peoplewho died in a very short period
of time.
Like, as you know like whenyou're going through something

(02:38:11):
significant, it's like when itrains, it pours and it just
keeps going, going and like Ilost all these people, I didn't
know how to grieve.
I was struggling financiallybecause my business, like I, was
in so much pain I couldn'tfunction.
I'd gone from working 18 hourdays to having like two hours
before I was collapsing and inthat hospital room I was so

(02:38:39):
angry at him right it's not hisfault.
But he's like, yeah, you'regoing to have to go on
disability, you're never goingto work full time again and I'm
like I don't like your answer,give me a new one.
And basically he was like look,you're going to have to learn
how to be resilient.
And like he had ripped the hopeout of my heart in like 20
seconds, right when he's likeyou're never going to get back.

(02:39:01):
And then he gave it back inthose five seconds because I was
like, if I can figure out thisresilience, I can be okay.
And that's where I went on thisjourney of like how do you
actually be resilient?
And I found all thoseexercising things and the deep
breathing and I'm like you don'tunderstand what I'm going

(02:39:22):
through and it doesn't evenmatter what you're going through
.
But here's the actual thing Ithink was so important that I
realized, see, I went in to seethat doctor.
He was my ninth specialist, itwas my fourth hospital and I was
on a mission because I thoughthe could fix me.
And I was like you have to takeme back to my life before the

(02:39:48):
pain.
And so often with resilience wetalk about bouncing, but if
you've gone through somethingsignificant in your life, you
will never go back.
And that is a tough reality tostare into.

(02:40:11):
But there is no going back.
You are different, yourexperiences are different the
the way life was no longer is.
And so, while I was trying toget back to my pre-surgery body,
to before the people I loveddied, when I was focused on

(02:40:35):
regaining who I used to be, whenI was focused on regaining who
I used to be, I was not able tofigure out who I am and I
certainly was not able to musterthe hope and the tools and the
resilience to actually create afuture for myself.
And so I challenge you to firston this resiliency journey is

(02:40:58):
to recognize there is no goingback Now.
One of the reasons I think westay in the past is because we
get so anchored on the storythat happened to us.
That happened to us and, as aprofessional speaker and an

(02:41:21):
author and a coach and aconsultant like I, have to tell
my story a lot more than Iprobably would like, but, like
I've already told it to you,it's no longer part of the
situation that we're goingthrough.
Okay, but we can get so stuckon this, the way it was the
thing that happened, and be sodisconnected from how it is,
that we just loop back in thepast and we never really truly

(02:41:45):
design our life for today,moving forward, knowing and
recognizing the challenge thatwe've been through.
And so this, looking at todayand starting to be
compassionately curious withourselves about how we can
become okay, not let them, youknow, if somebody hurt you, if

(02:42:11):
you are a victim of a crime,like you know all of that Like,
not make excuses for them.
I'm talking about you and howdo you choose to live your life
today.
And if we can be, if we canseparate and get curious like it

(02:42:32):
takes some work here okay, likeif we can separate who we are
from what happened or the issuethat we went through, and see
those as two separate things,even though we're all like our
own selves right, you know whatI mean, but like it's we have to
be able to separate the two,because if we wear our pain or

(02:42:56):
our trauma or our abuse as ouridentity, our life is what we
have it right now and there's,it will just keep looping and
looping and looping, becausewe'll get stuck on the way
things used to be, the thingthat happened.
I want to be the way thingsused to be and I don't want to

(02:43:18):
have the thing that happened.
And so what I want to do is,with the resilience is really
about pulling you and giving you.
We're going to get into someactual tactics to take, but I
just want you to think about.
Thinking here is like, how do weget you moving forward to like,
yes, that happened, and here Iam in this space right now, and

(02:43:41):
how do I want that to look, tofeel, to be designed?
So, how do you create your bestlife with the reality of your
circumstances?
Well, everything we deal withis framed.
Okay, there's a frame in whichyou see it and that frame so you

(02:44:05):
can have an issue.
Okay, so here's this issue thatyou have to deal with, and
let's just let's just usesomething generic.
You have a lot of stuff on yourto-do list.
I'm guessing that's true.
Okay, and that's the issue.
But now we're going to frame itwith something.
I and we're going to start withthe storyline.

(02:44:25):
I think other speakers haveactually talked about this.
Right, we're going to have astoryline.
Like, oh my gosh, I have somuch to do.
I'm never going to be able toget it done.
The work just doesn't end.
It's not worth it.
I'm like there's no time formyself.
Like you know the story, right?
Well, that story is going tofeed an emotion.

(02:44:48):
And what kind of a story do youfeel when you have the issue of
having a lot to do and it's likethe foundation of it, is you
repeating a story that says Ican't do this, it's too much, et
cetera?
Well, of course, you're goingto feel defeated, you're going
to feel overwhelmed, you'regoing to feel like just hopeless

(02:45:10):
, there's no sense.
You're going to like all ofthat.
And when you feel overwhelmedand you feel hopeless, so you
feel, um, just like there's no,there's no purpose, and even
trying to get through it andit's never going to end, then
that's going to lead to thisbehavior and the behavior will
be things like I'm going to tuneout, I'm going to deal with, uh

(02:45:34):
, like you know, watch Netflixall day and you're like I got
too much to do to ever do that,alison.
But you know, sometimes we do,or I'm in a doom scroll, right
Like, and I'm just going to numbout to the world.
Sometimes that's a really greatcoping mechanism.
But on mass like I've reallynoticed this with my own self

(02:45:56):
lately is like I've noticed howI'm using the social media and
getting sucked into too muchJune scrolling and just seeing
too much, and it's like the lastweek I've just really been like
I can't be online a lot.
I've got to protect myself.
I've got a design based ontoday, and so this is the
behavior or we procrastinate, orwe get irritable with our

(02:46:20):
family because we're just underso much pressure and it's like
this loop and that feeds right.
Like what does that do?
That feeds the more negativestoryline oh, I knew I couldn't
get it done, there's just waytoo much to do.
You feel more defeated and thenit goes into more behavior.
I'm going to, you know, not setboundaries, boundaries I've
over committed, like whatever,and it just this framing loop,

(02:46:43):
framing loop, framing loop, andthat is the key getting control
of that spinning of the framingloop is the key to your
resilience, because within thatyou can change how you feel
about your life.
Because the reality is, if youare going through a really tough

(02:47:07):
time and like Victoria andMichael and Faith, who are our
hosts today, they are theepitome of going through tough
times right, they have had somuch and are serve as such an
inspiration, and yet they keepon showing up and they keep on
doing everything for everyoneelse to make it like it, to

(02:47:29):
bring this message of survivaland thriving out to the world,
out to the world.
But like, if you're goingthrough a tough time, you don't
have the capacity to deal withwhat other people maybe can deal
with in the drama world, likeyou can't get into the little

(02:47:51):
nitpicky things you, you don'thave time for stuff that isn't
going to help you reach yourgoals or help you feel more
whole or going to align with youand what you actually want.
Like you don't have time toovercommit, like you have to
control that framing on all theother stuff because you've got

(02:48:14):
too much going on in the realstuff, stuff, because you've got
too much going on in the realstuff.
And so, being careful with thisframing loop and just looking
at like okay, what are thestorylines I'm telling myself,
what are the conversations thatI'm having?
And they're stuck on repeat.
Every time we have aconversation, we talk about the

(02:48:34):
same thing, right, right, and weget into these soundtracks with
our relationships and it's likeif you're not leaving your
interactions with people feelinguplifted and better, or at
least neutral, for havinginteracted with them, then
something's off on the frameframing and it's up to you to be

(02:48:58):
like what can I say differently?
How can I shift the storylineso that I can stop the spinning
and the intensity that's goingaround the issue?
Now, what's interesting is Iused to think that was the issue

(02:49:22):
that caused my stress, but itisn't.
See, the issue is one issue.
Issue is one issue.
Deep thoughts.
Alison Graham here, um, butit's like here's the thing that
happens, and that thing thathappens, we're going to have a
stress reaction to it.

(02:49:43):
That stress reaction,resilience is what will either
amplify it like, make it worse,or it will alleviate the
pressure.
And that resilience, that's thekey.
That's where we're we're at now.

(02:50:05):
Here, I just want to bring, andwe only have a little bit.
I want to come back, but I havethis in the.
I think I still have mycorporate kino app instead of
the one that I did for us today.
I don't know, you can't evensee it, so it doesn't matter
what I'm doing here, but that'sokay.

(02:50:25):
No, you're not seeing any ofthis.

Speaker 1 (02:50:29):
Where are my slides?

Speaker 11 (02:50:34):
Where are my slides?
Ah, there we go.
Okay, gotta love tech.
There is the framing loop.
Okay, that's what I was talkingabout.
And so the issue if we want tochange our stress response, we
need to have a better storyline,and for me, this is um.

(02:50:57):
The power in this is that thereare such easy ways to change the
framing loop and these becauseyou're already got too much on
the go, you're already too busy.
I imagine that because you'rehere, like you know, you're
someone who's actually makingthe effort to get you know,
ideas and help and learn and allof that.
But, like, I'm going to giveyou some really quick, easy,

(02:51:19):
easy things in the next 10minutes, because we want to
reframe again.
This is not about erasing theissue.
This is not about sugarcoatingthe issue.
This is about protecting youand you figuring out how do you
optimize within your reality ofthe issues that are on your

(02:51:41):
plate.
Okay, so the first thing we wantto do is neutralize the
storyline, and people used tosay like, oh, I've got to be
really positive and everything'sgreat and we're getting through
it, and it's like no, sometimesit sucks, and I think that

(02:52:03):
sometimes we get so caught inthis.
I have to be positive forpeople mode, that what ends up
happening is we don't honor thetruth of what's actually
happening.
Truth of what's actuallyhappening.
And so when we hear thatlooping, that storyline, that

(02:52:30):
complaint that's stuck on repeat, I'm going to challenge you to
ask the question what else ispossible?
What else is possible if thisthing is horrible is it?
Is there anything else withinit that could be more plausible?
Well, it's really inconvenientnow.

(02:52:51):
Sometimes things are horrible.
Please.
We're not talking about the bigstuff, we're talking about
everything that's wrapped around, all the big stuff that we have
to alleviate the angst becauseyou don't have capacity to
dramatize any of that, becauseyou got to deal with the big
thing right.

(02:53:11):
This is for when you're goingthrough those really tough times
in your life, and so if I'vegot too much to do, let's go
back to that example.
Oh, this is so overwhelmingLike I'm never going to get it
done.
Well, what else is possible?
I will get it done, but I'mgoing to be tired tonight when I

(02:53:31):
do it.
Or I need to really carve outsome focused time without any
distractions, in my onlinecommunity called the Live your
Best Life Club.
It is free.
You are welcome to join.
I'll be sure that Victoria hasthe link.
But if you go there and one ofthe things we do is we hold each

(02:53:55):
other accountable to do focusedwork time, so when you have too
much to do, it's really easy toget distracted and that just
makes it harder and harder toget the issues dealt with.
So we come together and wehyper focused.
Okay, so just neutralizing thestoryline, and you don't have to

(02:54:19):
be like doom and gloom.
You don't have to be like rosyyou know happy, happy unicorns,
rainbows and fairy dust, but thefind the middle ground, and one
of my favorite ways to do thatis by choosing another word.

(02:54:39):
So when you have, when you'reinsulting yourself, if you have
a negative voice, if you are,you know, using those words like
horrible and never and awfuland all those extreme words,
thinking about our framing loop,you can't use one of those
words and not like, feeldiscouraged and then have a

(02:55:05):
great outcome.
So neutralize the word, simplypick a better word.
And you can do this with yourfriends in your life, with your
colleagues at work, yourchildren, like just hey, that's
a big word, let's pick a betterone.
And it's kind of a fun gamethat has a lot of power in it.
And the last thing I just wantto share with you is the power

(02:55:27):
of zooming in and out.
And when we're dealing withsomething that is huge, when
we're dealing with somethingthat is huge, it's often all
encompassing and it's hard toget clarity and grounding within

(02:55:49):
that.
And so, like you know how it's,like you were on a camera, like
a zoom, a zoom in like on a iPad, right, it's like I kind of
want one of those for life,right, but let me show you these
images on the screen.
And so here's just like thiswhole field of puppies, and that
feels quite overwhelming, right, like if your to-do list, each

(02:56:12):
one of those things on that list, was something you had to do,
like, right, of course you'reoverwhelmed, but when you zoom
in, you can see one thing onebird, one flower.
That doesn't feel asoverwhelming, does it same

(02:56:34):
picture?
But now let's zoom out.
Same field, same poppies.
Wider angle, now we can seewe're in the rolling hills of
England where you know I don'tknow if it's a sunrise or a
sunset or whatever it's justlike it has more context.

(02:56:54):
So when you're feeling reallyoverwhelmed, when it feels like
the world is against you and youjust can't quite get your grip,
I'm going to ask you tochallenge yourself to zoom in
and just like what can I focuson right now that I can deal
with?
that's going to be reallypowerful and then zoom out to

(02:57:16):
get more context about how it'sgoing to play out in your
overall life.
Okay, and that to me, I find,can really neutralize a lot of
the drama.
So, like when I go into acompany and they bring me in to
facilitate some problem solvingor difficult, you know
conversations, that we do a lotof zooming and I do that with my

(02:57:39):
private clients as well, and Isee that what I did was I
actually saved this PowerPointpresentation with the right name
, but I think I maybe made theold one, the one I was doing for
today.
But look, there are things thatgo very wrong, as we've already

(02:58:00):
established, and, like in myown world, the pain I mean Dr
Wrong I used to call him wrong,you're wrong, dr Wrong.
The truth is he was kind ofright Like my pain didn't go
away but it didn't keep me fromworking.

(02:58:22):
Sure, I don't necessarily dofull-time, but I have a
successful speaking business, Ihave coaching and consulting
practice and I did figure outlike my pain is worse when I get
sucked into negative framingloops and when I get into the

(02:58:43):
drama and off track Right.
So that to me is it.
But from every negativesituation I believe there are
silver linings.
And gosh.
They can be hard to seesometimes, but for me, with my

(02:59:05):
nerve pain, it forced me toreevaluate my life.
I had to learn how to setboundaries.
I no longer could work 18-hourdays, so when I did work, I had
to be profitable.
I had to be thoughtful aboutwhat I was actually doing which
streamlined my workflows andless exhausting.
I couldn't drive myself to mygigs, so I had to, like, call my

(02:59:29):
mom and she, you know, after mydad had died and she was
retired, we she came to livewith me and we have such an
incredible relationship now thatwe would never have had if it
weren't for the pain and thejourney.
See, there are always thingsthat come out of the awful.
It's just really hard to seethem sometimes, and that's why I

(02:59:52):
challenge you to have thatsilver lining.
Thinking doesn't sugarcoatreality, doesn't take away the
issue.
You're still going to have thestress response, but with those
simple reframing techniques thatwe just used, you can alleviate
the intensity of those, thoseresponses, responses.

(03:00:16):
So I hope you've got somethingout of that.
Come and join the best lifeclub.
Live your best life where we'rein the trenches, doing focus
work, setting goals on yourterms, and you can come over to
alisonbramcom and you can sayjoin the club there, and with
that it is five o'clock and juston the nose.

(03:00:36):
So that is my cue to sign off.
But thank you for having me,thank you for being here and
investing in yourself, and Ihope that you will stress less
while achieving more of what youlove and be happier while
you're doing it.

Speaker 1 (03:00:51):
Thank you so much, Alison.
We love you.
You're the best.
So good to see you.
It's been too long, we got todo this more often.
We, Allison, we love you.
You're the best.
So good to see you.
It's been too long, we got todo this more often.
We will catch up here very soon.
She's amazing, guys.
Go check her out.
Join our club.
You will get so much gratitude,love and light with Allison,
because she's amazing, Now gotto do it.

(03:01:12):
Our next speaker is my husband.
Now I hold this.
This is going to be goodbecause Keelan had tears in his
eyes and it wasn't pollen and,if any of you guys know, we have
such fun playful banter backand forth and I'm going to
introduce the love of my life,my soulmate, my rock, my purpose
.
No, you're going to just come,stand with me, babe.

(03:01:33):
I'll stay here with you forsupport and love with me, babe.
I'll stay here with you forsupport and love.
This is my rock.
This is my husband.
He is going to be here with usnow and he's a little nervous
because you're going to dropevery one of the books and
magazines behind you.
Hi, babe, Howdy mom.
So I'm just here for support,but tell everybody about you and

(03:01:59):
this is the president, who isnot the CEO, just so you know,
because he always no it is notthe CEO and founder are here.
The president is here and iselected, therefore, by the CEO,
which is the president is not bystop it.
I brought you in and put you inthat position of president.

(03:02:20):
I've done a contagious smilefor 19 years now and you've been
with a contagious smile and thelaunching of the Academy for
five years.
The Academy six weeks old.
So you've been there from theinception of that one.
But I don't want to take yourtime away.
I want to give you all the timeyou have.
Go for it, babe.
I believe in you, I support youand it's all yours.

Speaker 2 (03:02:41):
Howdy y'all?
I'm Michael.
I'm the guy in the backgroundhere.
I do talk to a few people.
I do message you when you comeon the Academy.
I usually greet you right offthe bat.
Y'all be sure to jump on andjoin the Academy.
It's for free, and my wife hasmentioned a lot about that, I'm

(03:03:02):
sure.
So what about me?
Do you want to hear about me?
Yes, Do you want to hear aboutus Y'all?
I'm very simple.
I'm not a public speaker.
I was a public servant.
I did 13 and a half years inlaw enforcement after my four

(03:03:23):
years in the military.
Thank you for your servicePolice department.
Police department, which I spentsix and a half years.
After that I did privatedetective, after that sheriff's
deputy, worked inside the jailand then the career with K-9

(03:03:49):
officer.
So my stories usually revolvearound law enforcement and my
perspective is law enforcementside.
When we talk to people thatcome on our show, or you know,
my wife and I we sit here androle play sometimes, uh, she was
also law enforcement.
Uh, back just before I met herand uh, she actually ended up

(03:04:11):
being my trainer.
She trained me in the policeacademy yeah from classes for in
service training.
Yeah, so I don't know whathappened there, you know but I
had met you because I hazed youthat was, she did haze me.
My partner called me up, saidhey, meet me at this location.

(03:04:32):
And it happened.
It happened to be a bar, uh, inour territory and while we were
on duty we didn't go drinking,y'all.

Speaker 1 (03:04:40):
We met outside of the establishment.

Speaker 2 (03:04:42):
We did not go inside and I got there and there she
was and from what I remember, abusiness suit could have been
pinstripe with the shoulder pads, it tells you how old it was.
And she went into this litanyof hey, you pulled me over,

(03:05:02):
officer Solomon, you gave me aticket.

Speaker 1 (03:05:04):
I think I screwed up and said citation.

Speaker 2 (03:05:06):
Yeah, she said the word citation and, as most of
y'all know, civilians don't usethe word citations.
They say ticket.
So cue number one, you messedup.
I know you said citation, socue number one, you messed up, I
know, you said citation I'vebeen expecting you Like when you
got out.
Everybody sees I'm nothing, I'ma big round face.
That is not true.
You know I've got hazel eyes.

(03:05:27):
I'm hot.
Are you on drugs?
No, you are hot.
I'm 51 years old Now.

Speaker 1 (03:05:35):
I've known you from your 20s, 30s, 40s and 50s.

Speaker 2 (03:05:39):
But this woman right here is my soulmate.
I came out of a relationship ofabout 10 years where I was
mentally and emotionally abusedand for those of y'all who don't
think that's possible.
You got another thing coming.
Okay, it is absolutely possiblewith men.
Okay, I'm 6'1", I'm currently275 and I haven't dated or

(03:06:06):
married any woman comparable tomy size or bigger.
Okay, so little women can wearyour ass out.
Can I say ass?
I just did.
Anyway, with the the what, what, what we called.
You know, we had verbal judo inthe police Academy women.

(03:06:27):
Okay, in my perspective, causeI'm homophobic.
Okay, my second wife had herverbal judo Every day I came
home.
It was a constant nagging,nagging, nagging.
It was the berating, it was thebelittling, it was the.
You know, you're nothing,you're worthless, you're a piece
of you know.
So it was constantly, you knowthat that water, just you know,

(03:06:51):
beaten down on that rock afteryears and years, and I didn't
realize, it took a toll on me.
So my wife saw it as soon as wegot back together.

Speaker 1 (03:07:01):
She, she knew what happened no, because we were
friends we were friends and wewould talk on the phone and I
sensed it and heard it in yourvoice and it broke my heart
because I knew the day I met you.
You were my soulmate, I knew itand you would call me and it
was like the life got sucked outof you.
And I even recorded one of yourconversations which I've played

(03:07:22):
back for you since, and youdidn't even recognize the voice
and it was just soheart-wrenching because the
control she had and theunhappiness that that's the only
thing she provided you wasunhappiness and you were so
miserable and what I would hearfrom you on the phone it was
just heartbreaking because youwould say I've got two minutes

(03:07:49):
and you would hang up beforeshe'd come out and we were
platonic.
I mean, as much as I loved you,even then I wouldn't cross the
line, I would not be the otherwoman.
And the thing is is that it wasso heartbreaking to hear you go
through that.
And then, after all this timeyou know we both have history of
narcissism in our families.
I mean, both sides have it.
You know the the fact of whatyou went through with your

(03:08:12):
family your intermediate familyas well, and mine and then it
was just to see that unhappiness.
And then you go into where weare now, which we say no drama,
trauma in our home, and our homeis our foundation, our home is
our life and we haveunconditional love for one

(03:08:32):
another.
We laugh all the time.
I mean, we had a ketchup fightthe other night at dinner.
It was kind of fun.
Um, actually it was really funI lost yeah, yes, he did.
He lost um, but you know, andthose are the kind of messes
that are fun to clean up, rightand like, we look at each other
and we get lost each other'seyes.
This man and I are always onthe same page.

(03:08:54):
For those of you that don'tknow, you can find unconditional
true love again.
You know, he and I, I think,are so much stronger than we
were back in the day, but wefinish each other's sentences.
And it's not a play on themovie Frozen, right?
It's the fact that, like youknow, we get remarried every
year and we renew our vows and,yes, and in that we change rings

(03:09:18):
every year, and so one year wealternate.
So one year it's, you know, myturn to pick out the rings, the
next is his turn to pick out therings, and so one year we were
both kind of like I don't knowwhich one to get.
So here we are, both lookingfor our next year rings.

(03:09:38):
And what happened at that point?
we picked out the same thing theexact how many flipping wedding
bands are there.
We didn't say, okay, let's gooff of this site.
Only we didn't say, hey, let'sdo this color.
There were no prerequisitessame material nothing it was the
same company yeah, same companyand that happens all the time,

(03:09:59):
like he'll say you know, I thinkI need a new, whatever.
And when he comes home it'salready here, like he's never
run out of anything.

Speaker 2 (03:10:08):
Um, it's just how it is but how did, how did we get
to this point y'all?
uh, keelan said earlier he isfabulous we were both my wife
and I were, and possibly stillare, ostracized by friends and
family.
Okay, uh, my wife could tellyou from you know, experience, a

(03:10:30):
narcissist has control.
They make control and when youare isolated, you know you don't
have anyone, you cannot go toanyone.
So this was my go-to, you know,and this is where I saw a
little refuge, a little littlesanity, and you know, that's why

(03:10:50):
I would talk to her.
Um, we were states away fromeach other so, like she said, it
was platonic.
But after listening that arecording of myself, it it
sounded so hollow.
Like molly said, it soundedsoulless, uh, and I've seen that
very look in her eyes when I'veseen some uh pictures of her

(03:11:12):
back when she photographedherself after some of her
beatings.
If you will, I'm sorry, butyeah, you absolutely can find
your soulmate after you get outof that hole, after you get away
from that monster, after youget out of the darkness.
You absolutely can, I promiseyou.

(03:11:33):
You know, even if you're notlooking, okay, you don't have to
go to 1900 data, data cop ordata, whatever, what I don't
know.
But her and I just it, we'remade for each other and I wish,
I wish we had met we did meetand married.

(03:11:54):
That's a good save, that's agood save but you know, I don't
know, it's just you know there's, there's a lot that you went
through that got us to where weare now, right here on this live
podcast.
You know, and had had I marriedyou, you know, everything would
have been different.
Everything would have beenchanged.

(03:12:15):
Everything would have beenchanged.
You, you would have still hadan arm, you know, you would have
still had both good ears.
What, it's not funny.
You almost had a moment therefor me.
Thanks a lot, but, um, yeah,I'm thankful for my wife.
Y'all.

Speaker 1 (03:12:32):
And the thing is is that you need to prioritize,
like Allison said you really do,because there are people that
will be in your life that willtry to take advantage of you and
use you for any and everypossible thing they can get out
of you and they're your supposedbest friend and then the minute
that they don't think they canget anything else out of you
anymore, they're done with you.
They throw you to the curbuntil they need you again.

(03:12:54):
And we still see that now.
We still get that all the timeand I refuse to turn into one of
them and become just like them,because then they win and I'm
not going to give them any moreoccupancy in my heart because
they don't deserve to be inthere if that's how they want to
be.
I mean, and I always say that,if you go after my family, which

(03:13:20):
is my husband and my daughter,then that's a totally different.
We're in a different league atthat point.
But you have to realize youcan't pick your biological
parents.
You can't pick your siblings.
You can't pick you know,cousins and nephew, nieces or
anything like that.
You can pick your nose, you canpick your butt, but you can't
pick who DNA is, and DNA doesn'tmean you have to be civil.

(03:13:44):
Dna doesn't mean you have tohave a relationship.
We've been no contact beforefor years and years and years,
and wouldn't you say we've beenhappier in all fairness?

Speaker 2 (03:13:56):
Right, you're talking about with family.

Speaker 1 (03:13:58):
Well, if you want to call them that yeah, contact
with family.
And, like you've told me before,you're happier and I'm happier,
and the thing is that you can'tcome around when it's
convenient only because theywant something Right.
Like we almost lost faith, asmany of you know, last year and

(03:14:18):
we didn't hear from either sideof our families.
And what excuse is justifiablefor that?
It wasn't a day, it wasn't aweek.
I mean, we were in there formonths.
She was in complete organfailure.
They read her her last rites.
They had a chaplain on standbywith us and I said this isn't
going to happen.
We're not even having thisconversation.
She's going home, and I don'tmean home as in with God.

(03:14:38):
I meant home was with us.
It's not her time and we didn'thear from either side of our
family and I don't understandwhat excuse could be justified
for that lack of concern,compassion and behavior, right.
So you need to cherish themoments that you have and those
that are around you that areauthentic and unconditionally
acceptance.
Accepting there's that languageissue accepting and loving for

(03:15:01):
who you are, not what you haveto offer and let me tell you
another thing y'all don't takefor granted what you have right
now.

Speaker 2 (03:15:09):
Okay, don't take for granted that you have two good
arms, two good hands, that bothyour ears can hear well, because
it was, it was, it was nothingfour years ago, three and a half
four years ago, that my wifestill had her left arm two, two

(03:15:34):
years, two years.
I'm old, forgive me.

Speaker 1 (03:15:37):
It seems.

Speaker 2 (03:15:38):
And now I wake up and I don't, I don't, I don't bitch
and complain anymore, y'all.
I sit on the end of the bed, Ipop my back, I crack my knees.
You know I'm old, yes, I'm old,yes.
But I look over my wife and seeher nub and I think what, what
the hell do I have to complainabout?

(03:16:00):
Here this woman is busting herbutt, sometimes to me 20 hours a
day, up here in this littleoffice, to make a successful
business out of a contagioussmile and to get the word out
and the message out.
One hit, one kick, one punch istoo many.
A message out.

(03:16:20):
One hit, one kick, one punch istoo many.
And here she is, one-handed,deaf in her right ear, almost
deaf in her left ear, and she'sdoing it, y'all, she's doing it.
Thanks, keelan for that littlepiece.
She is doing it, she is makingit happen, she's moving.
It is doing it, she's making ithappen, she's moving it.

(03:16:42):
So y'all don't take it forgranted.
Okay, she's, she's my bionicwoman.
She's worth a billion dollars,oh lord thank you, baby.

Speaker 1 (03:16:51):
So now emily is gonna come on.
No, but you, you'll be backwith me here in a little bit.
You're not done.
So emily is gonna come on withus now, has amazing story.
She has just put out herworkbook and we're so glad to
have her on and to hear what shehas to say and tell you all
about the great things that sheis doing.
You will love her, like we do.

(03:17:12):
Emily is a force to be reckonedwith.
I met her a couple of years ago.
I've had her on twice now.
I believe we have stayed asfriends and stayed in contact
and encouraged each other alongthe way, and I can't wait for
her to come on and tell herstories and all that she's up to
and doing.

(03:17:32):
Emily, thank you so much forbeing here.
It is all yours.
My friend Emily, thank you somuch for being here.
It is all yours my friend.

Speaker 10 (03:17:37):
Well, my friend, thank you so much for having me
here today.
I am so excited to be here.
For anyone who doesn't know whoI am, I am the founder of Mama
Hood After Trauma, a podcaster.
I host the Mama Hood AfterTrauma podcast and I am an

(03:17:59):
author.
I've just released my secondsolo book.
It is in launch as we speak,and I am a mama on a mission to
help other trauma survivingmamas to mend the past so they
can mama in peace.
And so today I want to share alittle glimpse of my story,

(03:18:24):
because we don't have time forme to share my whole story, and
I want to share some tools foryou.
Tools for you.

(03:18:44):
So there was this one moment Iwas sitting on my couch, freshly
postpartum, holding my babygirl while she slept and tears
welled up in my eyes and all shehad done was cry.
Just the sound of her needingsomething, was it?

(03:19:08):
If you're a mama, maybe you canresonate with that, but I want
to share with you today.
It wasn't about the cry.
It was about everything that Ihad carried up to that moment.

(03:19:33):
It was the trauma I hadn'tprocessed, the emotions that I'd
spent years burying.
The weight of my past sat heavyon my chest.
That's when I realized that Iwasn't reacting to my daughter.

(03:19:56):
It actually had nothing to dowith her, I was reacting to my
childhood.
That moment it was mycrossroads and I realized that I
had a choice I could repeat thecycle that I had known or I

(03:20:25):
could break it.
And you know, no one teachesyou how to break a cycle that
you were born into.
And because I couldn't livewith the thought of repeating
the cycle, because I knew thathurt and I didn't want to cause
that on somebody else, I decidedto stay and figure it out, one

(03:21:00):
messy, courageous, imperfectstep at a time.
And looking back now I knowthat that was the beginning of
what I now call the cyclebreaker's journey, the beginning
of what I now call the cyclebreakers journey.
And so now I want to take youand unwrap what the phases are

(03:21:23):
of the cycle breakers journey,and I've been able to identify
three distinct phases.
Picture for me a staircase.
You're standing at the bottom.

(03:21:43):
The first phase of a cyclebreaker's journey is the rising.
This is where you begin to pickyourself up from the rubble,
and each step you take up thatstaircase, you start to see the

(03:22:08):
patterns, you start to see thepatterns, you start to learn
more about the trauma and itsimpacts on your life and you
realize I'm not crazy, I'mconditioned and my nervous
system is in survival mode.
And when you're in survivalmode, you can't, you get stuck.

(03:22:34):
Sometimes I call it the othershoe syndrome.
You're waiting for the othershoe.
So, as you're rising, you'rebuilding your awareness, you're
identifying the things that youneed to work on, the things that

(03:22:56):
you need to heal, and onceyou've strengthened your
self-awareness and you're awareof what you need to do, you
begin the process of breakingfree.
And this is where the deeperwork begins.

(03:23:16):
For me, my breaking free processstarted with me facing my fear
and naming the dragon.
And naming the dragon thecomplex PTSD that I had lived
with for more than 30 yearsundiagnosed.

(03:23:37):
And when I got that diagnosisthere was anger why did it take
so long?
But then there was relief,because when you name the dragon
you can take your power backand I started to build what I

(03:24:06):
call a trigger toolkit.
If you've grown up in atraumatic or chaotic environment
, you learned those copingskills the numbing out the
people, pleasing, the becomingavoidant becoming avoidant and

(03:24:41):
you didn't learn how to managethe stress or nervous system
dysregulation in a healthy,functional way.
And so, in the process ofbreaking free, it's a process of
relearning how to manage yourtriggers in a healthy,

(03:25:08):
productive way healthy,productive way, and it's harder

(03:25:39):
than it sounds, so it takes time.
It takes time this stage of myprocess that I became an
emotionally safe place for mykids so a few years ago.
My son is a screamer.
He's been a screamer since dayone and for me as a trauma

(03:25:59):
survivor, that was really, thatwas really, really challenging
and I could only handle a verysmall amount of stimuli.
So his screaming would send meout of my zone, my window of
tolerance, pretty quickly,anyway.
So this particular day he wasfrustrated.

(03:26:23):
Things weren't going his way.
He was screaming, screaming,screaming, screaming, screaming,
screaming, and I had reached mylimit.
I couldn't handle anything more.
In a split second I kicked mylaundry room wall and a hole the

(03:26:44):
size of the pad of my footwhere my, where my toes connect
to my foot.
I'm not quite sure what thename of that part of your foot
is, but that shape came in mywall and immediately I knew
better.
But I demonstrated to my sonthat when we get frustrated we

(03:27:18):
kick holes in walls and that'snot what I was going for.
And that trigger demonstrated tome once I was able to find my
calm again, because you can't doany of this process when you're
not calm.
When you find your calm againand you're able to reflect and

(03:27:44):
you ask, get curious and askyourself I wonder what it was
about that moment that causedsuch a large reaction.
My trigger, my kicking the wall, had nothing to do with my son,
absolutely nothing.
Sure, his screaming was thething that sent me over the edge

(03:28:07):
.
It was the straw that broke thecamel's back, but it had
nothing to do with him.
Edge, it was the straw thatbroke the camel's back, but it
had nothing to do with him.
That trigger was my inner childfeeling unheard Because as a

(03:28:40):
child so I had to go through andteach myself how to navigate
those stressful moments, thosetriggering moments, those messy
mama moments that happen on thedaily, different ways they show
up differently for everyone.
Different ways they show updifferently for everyone.
But when we are not able tokeep our composure and manage

(03:29:02):
our own triggers, it elevateswhat our child is experiencing
because they need us toco-regulate and that is what we
learn in the phase of breakingfree, you become an emotional
safe place for your kids, andthat's huge.

(03:29:31):
And so once you have yourtrigger toolkit, you've
practiced, your nervous systemhas a felt sense of calm and
you're able to focus less onyour nervous system and focus
more on becoming that safe placefor your kids, then you can
move into the process of movingbeyond the trigger.

(03:29:54):
This is where regulationbecomes your baseline.
This is where you teach yourkids the skills and the tools
that you were never taught theemotional intelligence, the
safety, the resilience.
Because here's the truthBreaking cycles isn't clean,

(03:30:25):
it's not pretty, it doesn'thappen overnight.
It's crying in the bathroom,it's apologizing to your kid
again, it's learning to breathebefore you yell, and that one

(03:30:46):
can be challenging.
It's brave, it's exhausting ona soul level, it's beautiful and
it's sacred work.
And so often in our society wetell ourselves that we're the
only one dealing with this, sowe have to do it alone.

(03:31:07):
You weren't designed to do itin isolation.
The expression it takes avillage to raise a child is true

(03:31:28):
, and it takes a village toraise a mama, to support a mama.
If you're hearing this andyou're thinking, I want that, if

(03:31:48):
you haven't started yourhealing journey yet and you're
thinking I want to break free.
I am sick and tired of thisblack cloud following me around.
I've got two ways to help youget started.

(03:32:12):
So, if you're not quite surewhere you are on your journey,
I've created a cycle breakersquiz and it will help you to
identify where exactly on thestaircase that you are.
It shows you exactly where youare on your journey.

(03:32:34):
And then, not only that, Idon't just say, we don't just
say well, here you are, you'rehere on your journey, adios, no,
I've spent years curatingresources to help you in the

(03:32:55):
moment, right where you're at.
Or you can dive into my brandnew book.
Victoria mentioned Breaking FreeParenting in the Midst of
Trauma Recovery, and this bookis a lifeline for mamas who are

(03:33:22):
healing while raising tinyhumans, because, as mamas, we
want better for our kids than welived.
And if you are a cycle breakerlike me, chances are you're
making it up as you go along,and that's okay.

(03:33:44):
But breaking free helps youexpedite and simplify the
process, and so I want to leaveyou with this, and this is how I

(03:34:18):
typically end every podcastepisode with an, with an
affirmation letting you knowthat you are not broken.
You are good enough, you areloved, you are have value, you
are worthy.
You are breaking free, evenwhen you can't see it, even when

(03:34:44):
it feels like you're notgetting anywhere anywhere, and
that matters.
It matters not just for you,but for your kids and for every

(03:35:06):
generation that comes after.
So if you would like to take thecycle breakers quiz, you can
find that on my website,mamahoodaftertraumaca.
You can also find Breaking Freeon there.
Breaking Free is available asan e-book right now.
The paperback is coming on.

(03:35:28):
July 22nd is coming on July22nd, and I am just so thankful
that you have made the choice tobe here today, and with that I
am done.

Speaker 1 (03:35:52):
Thank you so much for being with us, emily.
You're so authentic and wecan't thank you enough for
taking your sunday afternoon tobeing here and supporting us
well, thank you so much formaking this platform absolutely,
absolutely, thank you.
Everybody will get their linksas well.
Go check out, do her quiz.
She can answer any questionsthat you also might have.

(03:36:15):
She is just a mama who ishelping others and that is so
authentic and genuine and wethank you for that.
I really appreciate it.
Thanks, emily.
Thank you, of course.
We have jj.
Oh, jj's coming.
Let me see if I can get him topop his head on in here already.

(03:36:35):
There's JJ.
JJ is like my brother.
I am already going to say I'msorry.
I don't know what he's going tosay about me.
What's?

Speaker 4 (03:36:48):
coming, sis, I got you.

Speaker 1 (03:36:57):
Oh Lord, I'm going to even let him tell you how we
met.
Uh, we connected so instantlyand he and I have have
collaborated in so many ways.
I'm gonna let him tell youeverything, the whole story, the
whole shebang.
I am not held accountable forwhatever he says.
Some might be true, no, I'mjust kidding.
Jj is a very honest person, butI'm so glad to have him here.
He has such a ripple and Ican't wait for him to share it
with all of you.

Speaker 4 (03:37:18):
Well, thank you very much, Victoria.
Thank you for having me hereand allowing me to share my
story with you.
Emily, thank you for yourripple and everybody who's on
here, and congratulations onyour book that's coming out.
That's exciting, very exciting.
Oh, and all the wisdom that hasbeen given today is just so

(03:37:45):
exciting and is so true andresonates with me on so many
levels.
Keelan, with his message and Iam in that process when he
talked about the worth, identity, possibilities, ownership and
sovereignty.
When he talked aboutpossibilities being infinite and

(03:38:06):
owning my possibilities.
And to speak up, that's whatI'm doing here today because my
possibilities and to speak up,that's what I'm doing here today
because my life has transformed, especially since I got sober,
and so that's why I'm here today, to talk about the truth of my
growth that Keelan had alludedto and had spoke about, and

(03:38:30):
thank you so much.
You hit home with that.
As Victoria said, I am JJ, I amthe dreamer, creator and owner
of Ripple Retreat.
Ripple Retreat is a non-alcoholturnkey event center, retreat

(03:38:52):
center and recovery space.
Let me say that again Turnkeyevent center, but no alcohol.
So you can have a wedding here,you can have a concert here,
you can have celebration of lifehere, but there's no alcohol
Celebration of life here, butthere's no alcohol Retreat

(03:39:22):
Center.
I'm on 11 acres of beautifulwooded mountains in Maine, an
hour north of Portland, and onthis 11 acres is beautiful woods
and trails and a heart-shapedpond that's big behind the apple
trees big behind the appletrees and a farmhouse it's two
stories with a barn that was allbuilt in the 1830s that I am
developing and building on tocreate this retreat center.
Also, it's a recovery spacewhere I hold recovery meetings

(03:39:47):
and I will talk about all ofthat in a moment.
And I will talk about all ofthat in a moment.
But I got here because my past Iam also Major Jeffrey John
Hawley, united States Air Force,retired 27 years of active duty
.
Of those 27, 14 years wereprior enlisted.

(03:40:10):
I went in the Air Force barelyknowing how to read, write.
I barely graduated high school.
I was already an alcoholic, Ijust didn't know it.
I joined the service and I didmy best, as we all do, day in
and day out, and I embrace thecore values of the Air Force of

(03:40:35):
integrity first, excellence inall we do and service before
self.
I got them out of orderIntegrity first, service before
self and excellence in all we do.
Integrity first, service beforeself and excellence in all we
do, and I made sure I did thateven when it came to drinking

(03:41:01):
During my career.
I got married, had twobeautiful, wonderful children
and 23 years later was divorced,still have beautiful, wonderful
children, and now I havegrandchildren and, thanks to my
sobriety, they are in my life,which brings me to this
opportunity to share that.

Speaker 3 (03:41:24):
I fought the fight.

Speaker 4 (03:41:25):
I went to war.
I went to Iraq three times.
I, uh, I went to Iraq threetimes.
I came close a few times of notbeing here, wiped off the face.
I mean, afterwards I'm like,why am I still here?
I don't know, there's somethingbigger.
Well, I kind of feel like I'mdoing it now.
So thank you for being alivestill to this day.

(03:41:48):
But during my service and evenafter my service to the country,
I was still beating myself upby drinking.
So this alcoholic got soberover six and a half years ago,
on my 50th birthday, and that iswhen I learned how to love

(03:42:13):
myself.
I do this because it's signlanguage of of I love you, and I
always like, when I do this tosomebody, they they're getting
my love and I like to just Iused to do this give everybody
my love except myself.
Well, through my trials andtribulations and, as alluded

(03:42:36):
earlier in this wonderfulwebinar, the ups and downs is
what fuels us forward.
The bigger the wave, the biggerthe ride, and it's been a big
wave and right now it'sbeautiful because I can take
everything I've learned andexperienced in my life and,
thanks to sobriety, I can put itin action.

(03:42:58):
I'm lucky, I made it through.
I retired and I have a pensionfor the rest of my life.
That is a safety net for me.
That has allowed me to, on myadventures, which I was
traveling across the nation withmy Husky Koda, and turn this

(03:43:19):
down a little bit and found thisplace in West Paris, maine, and
bought it and thought you knowwhat I am going to create?
A business that gives more thanit receives.
It is basically an Airbnb forsober events, for retreats, for

(03:43:46):
things that are holistic andheal us.
Can you imagine having awedding where you're not worried
that your drunk uncle's goingto show up?
Wouldn't that be cool?
And I had a concert last yearcalled Bands for Recovery
Playing for Discovery.
That was from 11 in the morningto 10 at night, eight acts, an

(03:44:06):
amazing sober event.
People had a ball, all sober.
What a concept.
And then, using this space, theconcerts, events and retreats
are all Friday through Sunday.
The Monday through Thursday isI get to open it up to the

(03:44:30):
public for recovery meetings,for holistic healing, being at
meditation, reiki, massageresources.
I provide resources to thepublic of Narcan of discovering
recovery.
Excuse me, so, being a soberindividual in recovery, I've

(03:44:56):
learned that I love to recoverout loud.
So that's what I'm doing and Iknow I'm a little bit all over
the place.
There's a lot to cover and Idon't even know I failed to
start the time, but I'm only afew minutes into it now.

(03:45:20):
The heart of Ripple Retreat isthat it not only helps those who
come here for their retreats,for their events, for their
retreats for their events, fortheir recovery meetings.
When I open for profit, whichwill be 7 April 2027, which will

(03:45:41):
be the 20th anniversary of theloss of my best friend in Iraq,
commander Philip Murphy Sweet Onthat anniversary I'm going to
open up for profit and I'm goingto be giving.
Ripple Retreat will be giving75% of all the profit it makes

(03:46:01):
to the town of West Paris andlocal charities.
So, like an Airbnb for events,people come, people go.
You have to pay for a retreatcenter, for an event center, it
is a sunk cost, but wouldn't itbe nice to know that your sunk
cost is actually going to thepeople that are neighbors to.
It is almost my way of bridgingthe gap between the veterans

(03:46:27):
and my neighbors who are goingto benefit from my trials and
tribulations.
And yeah, and I am open to thepublic, I'm open for everybody,
especially the veterans andespecially those in recovery and

(03:46:49):
recovery.
Curious, oh my goodness.
I have a lot of life lessons Ilove to share and help others to
learn, and the first step islearning to love yourself.
Love yourself enough to stopbeating yourself up.
Love yourself enough to stopdrinking.

(03:47:10):
Love yourself enough to bewhole for your family so your
kids can love you and not worryabout dad Not worry about oh no,
is he going to say somethingwrong or whatever.
Man.
Sobriety has opened so manydoors for me and now I get to

(03:47:31):
take the knowledge andexperience I have and create
this company.
And Victoria meeting herthrough a podcast meetup months
and months ago is opening doorsto me, allowing me to be here

(03:47:51):
now, in front of everybody, totell my story and how I feel I'm
making a difference in theworld, and I would love to share
my ripple with you.
When I was I retired in 2015.

(03:48:12):
2018, I took a job overseas andthen I got done with that job
and I was financially set.
I am single, my kids are raisedand I decided to backpack the
world and I did my backpack andI we we traveled the entire
world for eight months.
During that time traveled theentire world for eight months.
During that time, thatalcoholic was with me.

(03:48:35):
And I kept running oh, did Iever?
And it chased me all the waydown to Australia yeah, laying
down under and I was in NoosaBay, australia.

(03:48:55):
I've always dreamed of surfing.
I've lived in Hawaii, I'velived in Guam.
I've lived all over the worldand I've tried to surf many,
many times and during myadventures, I went to a surf
camp and failed miserablybecause, just because because I
was drinking and I went to NoosaBay to learn how to surf

(03:49:17):
because they have the perfectwaves I couldn't get sober long
enough to surf.
I've conquered everything in myworld, in in the world, except
this.
And I found myself this day 2018, standing on the balcony of my
condo that I had rented threestories up, and I stepped over a

(03:49:40):
balcony railing and stood onthat edge.
I started crying at the pain Iwas about to inflict on my
family and I was going to diveheadfirst three stories down
into the asphalt.

(03:50:01):
And just before I did that, Ifelt a hand stop me, stopped me.
I felt the presence ofCommander Murphy Sweet, who is
my best friend, who I made inIraq on my first tour.
He and I bonded and justbrotherhood the bonds you make

(03:50:23):
in a war zone is incredible.
He was killed two days after Igot home, on April 7th 2007.
And here I am about to throw mylife away and he popped in my
head going what are you doing?

(03:50:45):
My life was taken.
I gave my life so you couldthrow yours away WTF.
I climbed back over thatrailing, fell to the ground and
struggled.
It wasn't until about a week no, a few days later, I was in

(03:51:08):
Sydney, australia, and I fell onmy face, drunk, and I took baby
steps After I got over thatrailing.
It was like trying to get helpand then I fell on my face.
I grabbed my phone and I, forthe first time ever, I asked for
help.
I dialed 9-1-.

(03:51:29):
911 doesn't work in Australia.
It didn't that day I got therecording.
It won't work.
I was like that's when I heardMurphy's voice said you've been
a hero to many time to be a heroto yourself.

(03:51:52):
And I did.
I climbed out of that hole,picked myself up and learned so
much and it took me 10 years toget to that point of trying to
get sober and I finally did andon my 50th birthday I put it
down and have grown ever sincehaving this opportunity.

(03:52:18):
I bought this place three and ahalf years ago having this
opportunity it's taken this longto get where I'm at with Ripple
was to help Mary Ann Palmer,who I'm just looking to see how

(03:52:39):
much time I have left Her house.
She's a neighbor two blocksdown.
She's 76 years old.
Her house, her family home,burnt to the ground.
She had no insurance and thiscommunity was coming together to
raise money for her.
So I thought you know what?
I'm going to have a concert andI did.

(03:52:59):
I had two bands that played forfour hours and people came and
they donated and we raisedenough money and awareness that
together, through volunteers anddonations, we built her a brand
new one bedroom, one bath housein the same footprint that her
previous home was.
She moved in 11 months afterthe date of the fire, 100%

(03:53:21):
through donations.
I know I found the rightcommunity and when I say I'm
going to give 75% away of theprofit to the town and local
charities, I mean literally.
I will walk down to the townoffice and be writing a check.
Half will go to the town, halfwill go to the charity and I

(03:53:42):
pick one charity a year Countyand it is a foundation for the
children where they collectbrand new clothing and use
clothing and people donate thatare in great quality.
We log it in, they log it in Ivolunteer there and we put it on

(03:54:02):
online for the teachers to tell.
Have the students come pick outnew clothing when they need it
be it a coat, be it shoes,whatever and then it is
delivered to that school andthat gives that kid confidence
in what they're wearing, whichhelps them.
It creates a ripple, and that'swhat I'm all about, because we

(03:54:24):
all make ripples in the world,be it positive or negative, and
I like to create positiveripples.
So how cool is it to create abusiness that is welcoming, a
safe space for people to comeand heal, for people to learn

(03:54:49):
new behaviors, for seeds ofpositive, life-changing behavior
to be planted, nourished andgrown, and then to know that
your money, you're investing inyourself, you're also investing
in our neighbors, in ourcommunity, creating ripples.
I also, in the meantime, whileI'm building this business, I

(03:55:15):
ask that you please go to mywebsite, which is
ripple-retreatcom.
The dash connects the rippleand the retreat, so don't forget
, please, ripple-retreatcom, andif you love what I'm doing,
doing, I have a button on therecalled buy a cup of love, and
all I ask is that you contribute$5 to this vision, to this

(03:55:40):
dream that I'm working on, andso far I've raised enough money.
I've added a bathroom to what'sa recovery space where I hold
my recovery meetings.
It's all been online 44 weeksnow, every Wednesday night 7 pm,
and now I have it live as well,so people can come and attend

(03:56:04):
and use the bathroom that hasbeen put in thanks to your
contributions, because togetherit is you and me and we can make
a difference.
We really can.
And if you're struggling,please reach out because I tell
you what there's no bettercommunity out there than the

(03:56:26):
communities that I am connectedwith the recovery community, the
veterans community, contagioussmile community, everybody who's
been on today.
We're all here growing andlearning to help each other grow
.
It's so freaking exciting.
It is so exciting.
I want to go through my notesto make sure I don't miss a

(03:56:51):
thing.
Oh yeah, oh.
And opening doors after meetingVictoria.
She's putting on this academywhere those who have suffered
domestic abuse and sufferedterribly they can go to this
academy and take classes andlearn how to get out of that

(03:57:12):
situation, how to recover fromthat situation, and she has a
special section for us veteranscalled Valor Circle, and I am so
excited to announce thatanother water.
I am going to be teaching someof the courses if not all of the

(03:57:36):
courses in the Valor Circlecome this fall and some of those
courses they really speak to.
They spoke to me huge.
That's why I want I want toshare this and thank you,
victoria, for making thispossible.
Um, one of the classes back butnot home.

(03:57:59):
It's for those who return butare have never really left the
field.
Um, there's a course called theBattlefield Was Safer Than I
Was.
That means that, hey, my familydidn't need a soldier, they
didn't need an airman, theydidn't need a warrior, they

(03:58:24):
needed somebody who will helpmake them feel safe.
But I brought stuff back withme.
We all do and I'm here to help.
And it's exciting that I get toteach some of these courses.
And one of the bonus courses isthe battle isn't all you are,
it's not.
Put down the battle and live inthe moment of who you are today

(03:58:48):
.
And thank God, I am sober, I ama grandpa, I am involved in my
kids' families, I am aninspiration.

(03:59:16):
It's hard to say that, but yeah, like Keelan had mentioned, the
truth of my growth, own it, ownmy possibility and speak up and
I am here by choice and I amchoosing to love, lift and bless
, and the best way I know how todo that is by creating this
business.
And thank God, I am sober and Ihave the experience, the
knowledge and the drive andpassion to do this.

(03:59:36):
So if you, please have anyconnection with this cause that
I am, I am, this dream that I'mmaking come true, please visit
and contribute.
It would be great.
Or visit and join in andcollaborate with me.
If you feel that together wecan make a big ripple in the

(03:59:59):
world, in the recovery community, in the veteran community, in
community, please reach out,let's collaborate, let's make a
positive ripple in the world,let's take care of our neighbors
.

(04:00:29):
No-transcript, and, believe itor not, I've been, the
connections have been happening,the resources are there and
that's part of my mission.
So if you're a recovery curious, you're a veteran needing help,

(04:00:50):
I have connections, I haveresources, I have a veteran
needing help.
I have connections, I haveresources, I have a network.
Please just reach out to me, goto my website, send me an email
, you can even call me, and I'mso grateful that I've met
Victoria and Michael and Faithand gotten to love them,

(04:01:15):
victoria and Michael and Faithand gotten to love them, and
that they provided thisopportunity for me to present
myself and my dream to you.
So thank you for watching, forsticking with me this entire
time, and my tagline for RippleRetreat is to please pause, love
yourself and be aware of yourripple Because, believe it or

(04:01:41):
not, people are watching you,seeing you, and if you're in
recovery, you are their hero,you're their mentor.
You don't even know it.
They're like holy crap, I knewhim when he was a drinker and he
was insane or whatever, and nowhe's sober, his family loves

(04:02:02):
him, he loves himself or sheloves herself.
So so I love that.
Pause, love yourself and beaware of your ripple and
together tell you what we canmake a big ripple.
So let's ripple, you know,let's do it.

(04:02:25):
Victoria, if you wouldn't mind,how much time do I have left?

Speaker 1 (04:02:30):
You have 10 minutes.

Speaker 4 (04:02:31):
Holy cow.

Speaker 9 (04:02:35):
That's awesome.

Speaker 4 (04:02:36):
Yeah, oh yeah.
Since I bought this place andI've invested my time, money and
effort into building thisretreat and event center, I've

(04:02:59):
held community involvementprojects.
I do a spring cleanup everyyear.
I've had my third annual onethis year where I ask the
community to all pull together,meet here at Ripple Retreat.
I give out trash bags and wewalk the community and say I'll
pull together, meet here atRipple Retreat.
I give out trash bags and wewalk the community and clean it
up.
I hold a recovery meeting everyWednesday night at 7pm, like I

(04:03:20):
said, called Ripples of Recovery, and now people can attend in
person.
I held a sober concert lastyear.
Oh yeah, women's groups havebeen here.
I have also held groups thatmeditation groups and holistic

(04:03:41):
groups have used my space tohelp me figure out how things
flow better.
And thankfully, now I have abathroom better.
And thankfully, now I have abathroom and I have 9,000 square
feet of usable space, of a barn, of a yoga studio area of the
house that will be able to sleep18 to 20 people.

(04:04:05):
So how cool would it be to rentthis event center to bring your
family together?
And I have camping, I havetrails and the kids can stay in
tents out in the back to likehave a family reunion here
that's alcohol-free.
Or for those who are lifecoaches, to have a weekend where

(04:04:29):
you can bring your group herefor a retreat to learn, to grow
and to know that you're making adifference in their lives and
in our lives here in WestBeresmain.
Truth in my growth and owningmy possibilities.

(04:04:53):
I not only want to start thisRipple Retreat.
I see it being Ripple Retreatorg Because right now I am a for
profit for the communitycompany.
I'm an L3C, which is low profit, limited liability company,
which the government requiresyou to give away 5% of your
profit to the community.

(04:05:14):
Well, I'll give away 75%because I and I'm going for
profit because it's I don't wantto lose the ability to give
away, to pay it forward.
But I do foresee the future ofhaving an organization that is
nonprofit, that helps establishripple retreats in small towns

(04:05:37):
throughout the nation, becausecan you imagine having a
business in a town that pumpsmoney into the town instead of
taxes taking care of the town,we start taking care of our own
town.
That's pretty cool.
It's exciting.
Yeah, so I also have a podcast Ihave two One's called what's

(04:06:01):
your Ripple.
It's a podcast that I interviewwonderful people who have a
story to tell about somebody whomade a ripple in their life and
what they've done with it.
Keelan is a perfect example.
Joy is his ripple.
I would love to have him on myshow.

(04:06:22):
Of course, I'd love to be onhis show, but have him on my
show to talk about his rippleand the impact he is making.
I also have another podcastthat I've recently started up
called what's your RecoveryRipple?
And that's the ripple you'remaking now that you're sober,
now that you're in recovery, andthat hits home to me really,

(04:06:44):
really close.
I did fail to mention that myrecovery meeting on Wednesday
nights failed to mention that myrecovery meeting on Wednesday
nights they're called recoveryripples, of recovery ripples,
I'm sorry, recovery ripples.
And it is an hour of gratitude,it is an hour of speaking about

(04:07:06):
the positive in our lives andit is for those who are in
long-term recovery to share thepositive in our lives, the
lessons learned in our livessince we've gotten sober and yes
, I will.
If somebody's a week sober orrecovery curious, they're more
than welcome to join in tolisten because the gratitude

(04:07:28):
that is shared in those meetingskeeps people sober.
I've been to meetings a lot andthey're triggering to me because
it's war stories, it's tellingabout the trenches and I'm out
of the trenches.
Now I am in a positive world oflove, of lifting of blessing,

(04:07:48):
of lifting of blessing.
I'm in that world.
So when I hold these meetings Istop and I say, hey, everybody,
let's take a time out.
Look how far you've come.
You have beat your addiction.
You are so freaking tough.

(04:08:10):
Stop for a minute, quit withthis.
I can't do enough.
I can't be growing and learning.
Stop, pat yourself on the backand say you've done it.
We are always constantlyimproving.
That's life.
We are constantly growing.
We are constantly going in onedirection, be it a positive or

(04:08:33):
negative.
We're always going forward.
We're always doing our best andwhen we're sober, that best is
glorious.
And the great thing about thisgroup I've had people come on.
Beautiful stories are sharedwhere someone is going through a
really tough time and they'vemade it through because they are

(04:08:56):
sober.
One individual she went fromgetting kicked out of her house
and told that her kids are nothers anymore to buying a new
home, getting her children backand getting full custody and it
has a full-time job.
It has for a couple of years,ever since she got out of prison
because she's sober.

(04:09:16):
She made it through thosetrials and tribulations and it
was just oh, so much gratitude.
That's what I love to share andI hope I can connect with you
just a little bit to make aripple in your life, a positive
ripple, and hope to change inthe positive direction.
That's me.

(04:09:40):
Thank you, victoria, so so muchfor providing this space for me
and everybody for listening,and I ask that you please,
please, pause, love yourself andbe aware of that ripple,
because you are making a ripple.
Thank you.

Speaker 9 (04:10:02):
Oh, thank you.

Speaker 1 (04:10:04):
Thank you so much, jj , for all of your time today and
being who you are with us andcollaborating like you do.
It makes such a difference, andI have not only been a guest in
his weekly meetings to see justhow they are, I've also been on
his podcast and they are asamazing as he is.
So check him out and see allthat he is up to and all that he

(04:10:26):
is doing and help support him,because what he's doing is as
real as it gets.

Speaker 4 (04:10:32):
Thank you, victoria, and the podcast you and I
recorded will be coming out inthe next few days, and thank you
for everything.

Speaker 1 (04:10:41):
Absolutely, of course , of course.
Thank you All right, guys.
We're down to D, marie Hurley,and then my husband and I will
close it out.
D is somebody that I've metwell over a year or two ago.
She is fabulous human being, anamazing mom.
Look at her.

(04:11:02):
She's just fabulous andbeautiful.
Look at that.
That smile lights up the room.
She's amazing.
I'm just going to go ahead andlet her take it and do her thing
.

Speaker 8 (04:11:11):
Thank you.
You're so beautiful.
I love you, victoria.
Thank you so much for all this.
So I just wanted to say that,to start out, to say thank you
for all of this, for thiscollaboration, for everything
you're doing to bring awarenessto these things and bring tools
to people that need it, and it'sjust incredible and I'm just

(04:11:33):
very grateful and honored to bea part of this, and I'm trying
to open up my screen a littlebigger so I can see a little bit
clearer here.
Let's see if I can get it.
I might have just bleepedmyself off, okay.
Anyways, I just want to startout saying that my name is Dee

(04:11:54):
Hurley and I have a websitecalled Lighthouse Energy Healing
, and the reason I got intoenergy healing was because, like
many of the people here whowere speaking, is that I went
through a pretty big tragedy inmy life, which caused me to look
inside and to start figuringout what was going on, and I
realized that I had repeated apattern that was in my family

(04:12:18):
and I needed to find a way tobreak it because I did not want
to pass this on to my kids.
I was in a narcissistic,abusive marriage for 11 and a
half years and I had.
I had also been in abusivemarriage before that, so I had
repeated this and I didn't wantto continue this.
I tried to get out of it and Irealized when I went to the

(04:12:40):
courts that they were notsupportive of victims of
narcissistic abuse.
It was very hard to get supportand it was very hard on me and
my kids.
And I had to find somecommunity, some people that I
could talk to who had beenthrough the same thing, just so
that I knew that I wasn't alone.
So I started finding someadvocacy groups and started

(04:13:03):
working with advocacy groups totry to find out what the heck
was going on, why was I goingthrough this and how to move
forward.
And I got into that and Istarted sharing my story of what
I went through and my traumasand the PTSD I had and trying to
help my children.
But after a while of continuingto tell your story over and over

(04:13:25):
and over, sometimes we don'trealize that we can start
becoming that story.
You know that's, that's ourthing and that's kind of what
we're known for and I didn'twant that to be my story.
I wanted my story to besomething of hope and, you know,
move forward and have somethingbeautiful that I could share
for others and for my kids.

(04:13:46):
So, um, sorry, I'm still havingtrouble with my my camera there
it is Okay.
So a friend of mine gave me abook called the Emotion Code and
I started reading this and itstarted showing me how we are
energy and how we attract otherenergies to us and we can kind

(04:14:08):
of mirror things and mirrorthings in our relationships.
And I realized that I, since Iwas raised around a lot of this,
this things that I didn't want,it was my head, become my
comfort zone and that's what Icontinue to attract to me, and I
needed to get out of my comfortzone.
I didn't want to continue thatpattern and I didn't want my
kids to continue that pattern.

(04:14:29):
So I learned about energy andfrequency, which Carrie touched
on earlier, which was wonderful,and I'm so glad that so many
more people are being open tothis idea that we are energy
bodies and we can have energiesand traumas stored in our body
and if we're not careful, thosetraumas will start causing other
kind of illnesses and disease,dis-ease, discomfort in our

(04:14:52):
bodies and it will continue tobe a cycle and you'll continue
to have problems until you stopand you recognize what these
emotions are and you and youhelp get rid of them.
So that's what I learned withthe emotion code and the body
code was how to muscle test.
Dr Bradley Nelson was anamazing mentor and he taught us
how to muscle test our body kindof like kinesiology and find

(04:15:17):
out what emotions are trapped orstored in the body, and he
taught us how to release thosetrapped emotions.
And this was just sofascinating to me that I could
do this and I got rid of PTSD.
I was diagnosed with neuropathyand I had a lot of bowel issues
and like IBS and anxiety andall these things going on in my

(04:15:37):
body that I needed to heal.
And finding these, theseemotions that were trapped in my
body, and getting rid of them,recognizing them and then
releasing them, help my body toheal.
I no longer have neuropathy, Idon't have PTSD, I don't wake up
with nightmares and my body,you know, started healing after
I did this and a lot of myfriends who knew me, they

(04:16:00):
recognized there was a change inme.
They said something isdifferent with you.
I don't know what it is, butyou are just happier, you're
more confident and we want toknow what you're doing.
So I started working on myfriends and my family and I
decided I wanted to get mycertification and I started
working with people to help themto release these traumas so

(04:16:20):
that they could break thesepatterns and that their body
could heal.
And it's just been lifechanging because it put me in
touch with a whole differentgroup of people.
I started surrounding myselfwith more healers and energy
workers and a friend of mineeven introduced me to this
technology that you can downloadon your phone.

(04:16:40):
It's just an app that you candownload on your phone and you
can scan your body and it willgive you a full report of what
energies are in your body comingup like lack and some of those
lower vibration ones you know,like Carrie mentioned before,
like shame and fear.
It will show you the energiesin your body that are coming up
the most and it will show youwhere they're affecting your

(04:17:02):
body.
You know like some of them willaffect your lungs or you know
different organs and I love itthat you can get a printout of
what what's going on and you canreally read that report in your
email and then it will give youenergies to help support your
body so you can play thesefrequencies back to your body to
give it the support it needs tohelp your nervous system

(04:17:25):
regulate, to help, you know,with cortisol levels, whatever's
going on.
It knows exactly what you need.
It will send you the customplaylist to help support you and
that thing has just been agodsend for me and my family.
And the best part about it isis that you can use it anywhere
you are.
So like, if my 12 year olddaughter is at her dad's, you

(04:17:46):
know that's that used to be very, very hard for me, that she was
there and had to be in thatenvironment, but at least now I
know that I can help support herwhen she's there and she'll
send me a text message every nowand then.
Mom, can you send me somefrequencies?
I'm having a really hard timeright now and it makes me feel
so good that I can at least, youknow, scan her and I can push a

(04:18:06):
button to help her regulate hernervous system, help her feel
better, and usually it's a fewminutes later she's like Mom.
Thank you so much.
That really helped me and Iknow that it's helping her and
it makes me feel good as aparent so that I can at least do
something like that for her.
You know I'm not there holdingher hand or you know in her
presence, but it's just nice toknow that I can help support her

(04:18:27):
that way, and I have a littlemore information about that on
my website atlighthouseenergyhealingcom.
You can go there and if you area victim or a survivor of abuse,
I would love to offer you afree energy healing scan and
show you how this can work andsupport you and give you some
frequencies that you can listento.
That will be custom to whatyour body needs to help support

(04:18:50):
you, and I would love to offerthat to people because you know,
when I went through mysituation, I know finances were
very tight, it was very hard andthe court system was used
against me to financially drainme, and I know a lot of people
go through that, as what wasmentioned before.
I heard some of that and, yes,that's absolutely true.
So I just want to be there tohelp support people in any way I

(04:19:11):
can as well, because I know weall need to stick together and
things like this are going tohelp.
You know help so many peopleand I'm so grateful, and I love
what JJ said about you know,loving yourself.
His story was so emotional.
I thank you for sharing that.
We do need to love ourselvesand you also need to know that
you matter and I know thatsounds kind of cliche, but you

(04:19:34):
do.
You matter, and I think peopleneed to remember that and they
need to hold space forthemselves, put the mask on
yourself, and so you can bettershow up for your kids.
You know, if you're in asituation like that, it's very
important to make sure you'redoing the inner healing work and
you do kind of have to step outof your comfort zone if that's
all you've known to get bettersometimes, and I'm here to help

(04:19:56):
support you if you need any kindof assistance like that, and
I'm so very grateful for you,victoria, and and your story is
so inspiring to me and yourfamily is just beautiful and
thank you so much, thank you somuch.

Speaker 1 (04:20:12):
You amazing, you're so sweet and amazing and I thank
you and again, we're gonna makesure everybody can get in touch
with you and all that amazingstuff that you do and all of
your links will also be in theshow notes.
So thank you so much.
I appreciate you, love you.
Love you too well.
Michael has a word, or to say Ididn't know who else would be

(04:20:34):
the person that should do thefinal speaker introduction.

Speaker 2 (04:20:40):
And let me introduce the last contestant here on we
Built this, victoria Curie, comeon down.

Speaker 1 (04:20:48):
The last contestant.
Now you have to tell people whoI am, whatever, before you see
how we're unscripted you am mywife, my beautiful sexy wife.

Speaker 2 (04:20:58):
I adore her and I love her, even though I'm the
president of this company.

Speaker 1 (04:21:03):
Which we all know is directly beneath the CEO.

Speaker 2 (04:21:06):
Negative, it does not I allow her to wear the
britches in the family.
Victoria, as y'all already haveheard and seen, and from the
testimonials from these others,she has one of the biggest
hearts out there.
And you know, you, just youjust can't find a diamond like

(04:21:29):
this every day.
And I lucked out and you know,I asked myself like, like Keelan
said, you know, with his joy,you know, how did I get so lucky
?
Why is this beautiful angelmarried to me?
Why did why?
Why did she choose me?

Speaker 1 (04:21:46):
I'm getting your guys checked.

Speaker 2 (04:21:50):
So I'm very lucky and blessed to have have her in my
life y'all.

Speaker 1 (04:21:54):
And, uh, she gave me an awesome, freaking daughter
who quite recently when tenseand excited you are about her
and when you describe me, you'reso melatonin I wasn't melatonin
, yeah it you kind of were.

Speaker 2 (04:22:12):
Recently got a tattoo on her arm incorporating the
semblance of my hand and herhand, and how you're wrapped.
And how her little hand isholding my pinky.

Speaker 1 (04:22:26):
And you're wrapped.

Speaker 2 (04:22:29):
And I'm wrapped yes, okay, maybe wrapped.
And and and I'm wrapped yes,okay, maybe.
So every time, um, ourwonderful daughter asked for
anything, all she's got to do isshow me the tattoo, point to
the tattoo, and I have to givein y'all, because what daughter
has that much devotion and lovefor a father?
I have my grandparents yes, youdo tattooed on my back and, and

(04:22:52):
though I, I am now consideredher biological uh, we got that
take care of um months ago towhere I adopted her and she is
now mine and removed that posoff the birth certificate.
She was all asian verse and, uhyeah, all three of us my wife,

(04:23:13):
my daughter, my daughter andmyself all shared the exact same
tattoo.
So thank you, wife, for givingme an awesome, freaking daughter
how come you can't introduce mein that excitement?
I did, you did not what everyonehas talked about you.
So you're you're already upthere on the pedestal negative,
but you just had.
You're like, here's my wife youwant me to gloat about you?

(04:23:36):
Well, you're supposed to goahead that's your job, because
you don't like the limelight Idon't want the limelight on the
academy and why we do it wellthen, let's hear about the
academy, tell us all about ittell us all about the.
How can we get to the Academy?
I could take a smile Dot and asa Nancy.
Dot CO yeah.

Speaker 1 (04:23:57):
And what do you find there?
You can find over 100 coursesy'all that my wife has written
typed up One hand AI Up Whatever, ai Whatever you did the
courses and the material withinthe courses have been written

(04:24:17):
they are awesome they're masterclasses were done as ai jpegs,
but I don't do the ai writingbecause I don't believe in it
personally might work for others, doesn't work for me, because
I'm authentic and I want thepeople who are reading this to
really feel the closeness andthe connection to those that are

(04:24:39):
going through or, you know,have been going through similar
things.
Because it's so, I totally telleverybody therapy is a must,
right, everybody needs to havetherapy.
But when you could go andunderstand that somebody gets it
because they've walked in yourshoes, you know I've done.
I can't even tell you how manydozens of speaking engagements,

(04:25:01):
even international speakingengagements, where I tell people
all the time.
I had this one lady who said tome my daughter deserved it and
no.
I said to her, I kind of justkind of sat on the end of the
stage at this point and I saidlet me ask you a question.
And I said how?

(04:25:21):
The one in four, as I've saidearlier.
And I said let me ask you aquestion.
I said God forbid, god forbid,you get cancer.
Right, let's just say you havebrain cancer.
God forbid, you get braincancer.
Are you going to go to apodiatrist and ask a podiatrist
to treat your brain cancer?
And she's like are you kidding?
Of course not.

(04:25:42):
You know what are you evendoing?
I said well, just hear me out,stay with me for a second.
Would you allow a podiatrist totreat your brain cancer?
Well, no.
Would you allow a podiatrist totreat your brain cancer?
Well, no.
And this woman was full ofattitude and it looks like she
got tied into this and didn'twant to be there.
And I said can I ask whatbrought you here today?
And she says my daughter is avictim of domestic violence.
And I said that's not true.

(04:26:02):
She's a survivor.
She's sitting right here, she'sbeautiful, she's a survivor.
And let me tell you somethinggod forbid you've ever get
diagnosed with cancer.
So let's just take the braincancer.
You're not going to go to apodiatrist to treat brain cancer
, right?
You're going to find the topneurologist in the country, or

(04:26:23):
that money can afford, or thatyou can afford, whatever the
case may be, because you wantthe best of the best.
Right Like this says you wantthe best.
You want who knows what it'slike to go through the trenches
and can walk with you Not infront of you, leaving you in the
dusks, not behind you, payingattention to everything else,
but with you.

(04:26:56):
And when I started to explainthis to her, I explained that
she has no idea, as a mom, whatit's like for her child to have
endured the abuse.
And sometimes the best gift youcan give is silence, because we
don't need you to criticize orcritique us after what we've
been enduring or what we'recurrently enduring.
We don't need that.
We need to know we're not alone.
We need a shoulder to lean on,a hand to hold.
If we can just sit with you,that speaks volumes, and

(04:27:16):
sometimes that speaks more to usthan it does.
If you actually speak words,and your words, sometimes as
harsh and crass as they are, cannever be taken back.
Those words stick with youforever.
Bruises, heal.
That doesn't mean it's notexcruciating and painful, but
those words can stick with youforever.
So I said to her I wouldn'texpect to walk in your shoes

(04:27:38):
with knowledge of how to treat,heal or overcome cancer.
I don't expect you tounderstand how to walk through
hers.
But if you can't sit there andsay nothing of support to her,
just sit there and shut yourmouth, because having you just
there beside her lets her knowshe's not alone.

(04:28:00):
If she wants your hand, let herreach out and hold it.
Don't make her feel you areforcing her to do anything,
because that's all she knows.
We have had to live a life whereeverything that we do,
everything that we wear,everything that we say is and it
is, it's accounted for by amanipulated, narcissist

(04:28:22):
psychopath who, if he doesn'tget his way or her way,
depending on the situationbecomes where we become the
battleground for their anger andanimosity, becomes where we
become the battleground fortheir anger and animosity.
I used to get woken up in mysleep being straddled over and
punched in the face to told meto get my ass up and go get me

(04:28:42):
something to drink because I'mthirsty, I'm pregnant and this
is how I was woken up If therewas food touching each other or
dinner wasn't on the table atexactly a certain time.
If I did not call at certainpoints on the drive home, I knew
when I got there that somethingelse was going to happen.

(04:29:05):
That's not surviving.
That is not living.
You are institutionalized in anincarceration.
It's like being an asthmatic ina room full of smokers.
When we meet these individuals,I promise you, if you've never
been down the journey we are inon or going through, they are

(04:29:29):
charismatic.
They are unbelievably charming.
They find and placate on theweakness that they see so
strongly within you.
They lure you in and they takeyou down the escape route of
whatever's possible to get youinto their realm, and then they
isolate you from everyone,everyone.

(04:29:49):
We don't need judgment, we needsupport.
We don't even have a system inplace right now that helps us.
It is why did you do what youdid?
Why did you make him mad?
Why couldn't you have justgiven in and given him what he
wanted?
You know what?

(04:30:10):
What if this was your daughter?
What if this was your son?
What if this was your mother oryour sister?
Let me tell you something.
Let's say Jane is in a domesticviolence situation right now
and she thinks I can never doany better.
When you hear something everysingle day of your life, you
begin to believe it.

(04:30:31):
That man sitting right overhere yawning waiting for his old
man nap tells me he loves me 10times a day.
And I know it to be truebecause you hear it and you
believe it and you begin to makethat your life.
When you hear you're fat,you're ugly, you'll never amount
to anything, nobody will everlove you, nobody's ever going to

(04:30:51):
want to be with you, and I'm sosorry that these are triggering
, but this is what it is.
This is the truth here.
When you hear someone say to younobody's ever going to want you
because you're all full ofscars and disgusting and you're
heavier than you ever were, orum, who's ever going to want you
?
And you're dumb and uneducatedand stupid.

(04:31:12):
Well, you know what?
At one point you came after us,and you know why?
Because we're out of theirleague.
So they have to pretend to besomeone that they're not Human
number one.
But they come after you withthis admiration and they come
after you with such charm andthey're manipulators and it's

(04:31:33):
because they could not get agood person like you on their
own and I understand that.
I've heard more times than I cancount.
Well, you need to forgive them.
They had childhood trauma.
I had childhood trauma.
My husband's had childhoodtrauma.
So many people, even Keelan,talked about his childhood
trauma.
Does that give us a pass toberate, belittle and beat the

(04:31:57):
ones that we love?
Absolutely not.
Do not.
Do not give them an excuse fortheir actions, because it's not
acceptable.
You make the cognitive choiceto break the cycle.
I made the choice.
My husband made the choice.
Faith could come in here rightnow and tell you she has never
been screamed at, she has neverbeen disrespected, she has never

(04:32:20):
been popped or spanked, andshe'll tell you that.
You know there are times whenthings happen.
For instance, if she didsomething that I didn't agree
with, I would say to her youknow what, faith, I love you
with all of my heart.
I don't agree necessarily withwhat you just did, but that
doesn't make me love you anyless.
And I let her know that If shedidn't do something she was

(04:32:42):
supposed to like finish a termpaper I would have said to her
you know what.
You made the choice not tofinish your schoolwork.
I'm not taking your phone away.
You're choosing to give it tome because you chose that
whatever was more important thanfinishing this schoolwork over
your phone.
So now you're choosing not tohave the phone for a week.
So your choice is to give it tome.

(04:33:04):
I love you, but that's a choiceyou made.
There's a way to do these thingswithout making your children
spend their adulthood recoveringfrom childhood.
That is the worst thing you cando to a child.
I know because I was been onaccount of a counselor for
decades and you realize that.

(04:33:25):
You know bruises do come and go.
They heal, they fracture, theyget set, they go into cast, they
do whatever your parts getreplaced.
I'm a walking robot.
You know I joke around with mysurgeons that I need a USB port
drive because I have to plug inso much of my body every day
just to get out of bed.
I have hearing aids.

(04:33:46):
They have to be charged.
I have a prosthetic arm has tobe charged.
I have a spinal router in myback that has to be charged.
I am being told I need twocochlear implants.
Those have to be charged.
I mean, for the love of god,can I at least get some free hbo
or something out of this?
I mean.
This is ridiculous.

(04:34:06):
Like when I get older, I don'tneed to go worry about a
facelift.
I have 26 pieces of metal in myface from the destruction of my
bones in my face.
My eardrums have been rebuilt,reconstructed and have failed.
My husband likes to like ruinMickey Mouse for me because I
love Mickey Mouse, but my earsare like Swiss cheese because my

(04:34:28):
eardrums are ruptured so badly.
Does that give him an excuse andjustifiable pass to do what he
did?
Absolutely not.
It does not, and we are in asystem that fails us.
I want to know why.
Why is it when an officer orofficers go to a domestic, which

(04:34:50):
is the most dangerous call forthem to go on, that now, more
times than ever, it is theperson that has gotten assaulted
that gets incarcerated, whileJoey Bag of Donuts gets a pass,
if anything.
What a restraining order?
They ask him to leave the homefor a night.

(04:35:12):
That's just going to piss himoff.
Okay, so let's give him arestraining order.
What is that going to do?
Give me a paper.
Cut.
It's a piece of paper.
And yes, it's in the protocolto go to court.
Yes, it's in the protocol tostart the process.
You know, yes, but let me tellyou that's not enough.
This is not enough.
We are not protecting ourchildren, we are not protecting

(04:35:37):
ourselves and they are gettingaway with it.
And because there's noaccountability on average, I
mean, there is a rarity wheresome of them do serve time very
little but some of them do.
They're not rehabilitated,they're going to go right back
out and do it again and againand again.
And there is a small tinyamount of offenders who do

(04:36:00):
rehabilitate and they stop andbreak the cycle.
But the percentage of thoseversus the ones that just keep
doing it is slim to none.
It really is.
And I'm talking from experiencebecause I found out that my ex,
who was the abuser, is on wifelike number 10 right now.

(04:36:21):
He's younger than me, which Ididn't know about either, and on
top of all of this, he killednot only one of the wives, he
killed his dad and he's'swalking scot-free.
I had him dead to rights onnine felonies Attempted murder,
kidnapping, you name it.
I had it and it was never a, hesaid.
She said my memoir who KickedFirst goes through the ins and

(04:36:45):
outs of every moment.
I didn't write that for a book.
I wrote it because I wassitting bedside by my daughter,
who is a medically induced coma,to help me remember who saw
what, as I was interrogated left, right and center Because I was
the one having to prove myinnocence.
That's not how it should be.
We've already been attacked.
Why are we getting attackedagain?

(04:37:06):
I would be asked who saw himbreak your nose?
What were you wearing?
What was the weather?
What day of the week is it?
Let me tell you something.
If you have never gone throughthis and I pray to God that you
don't you don't know what theweather is.
You don't know who's standingat your one o'clock, your four
o'clock, your 11 o'clock or yoursix o'clock.

(04:37:27):
You don't know any of thato'clock.
You don't know any of that.
If I didn't get all proof ofthe blood and everything else up
and he came back it was roundtwo if I cried he'd do it again
and he testified to such incourt.
He openly testified that if hehit me once, he hit me 200 times

(04:37:47):
.
I had been stabbed over a dozentimes.
My husband will come on hereand tell you amputation both my
jaws replaced.
He's been with me from dozensof surgeries.
I've never taken the first painmedication because I've always
had to be ready to take care ofour daughter, and I didn't get
pain medication when the abuseendured.

(04:38:10):
So why am I going to take itnow?
Right, I tell myself, pain isanger leaving the body I'd have
400 stitches from one stabbingalone just because of one of
them.
And to always say why did youstay?
There are so many reasons why.
It's not because we want to.

(04:38:31):
The average person goes backseven.
Why it's not because we want to.
The average person goes backseven times.
It's not because we want to.
It's because we feel we havenowhere else to go.
It's because we feel judgment.
We feel how others are.
Why did you stay?
Why did you make him mad?
Why didn't you just do what hewanted?
Why is it everything in hisfavor?
Why are you asking why did Imake him mad?

(04:38:52):
Let me tell you something youcould do absolutely everything
to the T of his quote, unquoterequirements and let him get cut
off on the road on some way onthe way home.
Let him run a red light, lethim get pulled over.
Let him let one of hisgirlfriends because they're
cheating on you, trust me behindyour back, which I give him

(04:39:12):
permission of.
And people don't understand thatbecause that's the dating phase
of the cycles of abuse andthere are several stages of
abuse and that stage he's outjust being that manipulative
bastard and if he's out doingthat, he's not at the house
beating me.
So I absolutely gave himpermission to go outside of our

(04:39:32):
marriage because he was going todo it anyway and he didn't ask
my permission for a damn thing,so he was going to do what he
wanted.
When you have all of thosefactors in play and you do
everything the bed is made thecertain way, the clothes are
done, the food's on the table,it's not touching each other,
everything is done exactly asyou are told for it to be.

(04:39:52):
It's a marriage.
This isn't a parent-childrelationship.
This is a responsibility ofequal partnership and this is
not when you're in thissituation.
It is not a partnership, it isnot.
So please don't think.
Well, that's my husband.
No, he's become your warden.
He's become your warden and youare in a jail.

(04:40:13):
You are in your ownincriminating jail of torture
and hell.
You do everything, right.
Somebody else pisses him off.
Somebody yells at him at work.
He didn't get his promotion.
He didn't do something he wassupposed to do at work, right?
Maybe somebody as he drovethrough for lunch.
Give him a Diet Coke instead ofa Coke, doesn't matter, it's
the tiniest little thing, andhe's still going to come home

(04:40:35):
and blame you.
It doesn't matter.
Nobody is perfect.
And I'm sick and damn tired ofthese abusers.
Literally everybody turns ablind eye or it's the good old
boy system and they have eachother's backs.
What are you going to do whenit's your wife or it's your
daughter?
You know what.

(04:40:55):
You have kids, let's say andI'm talking to the abusers out
there you are someone who isbeating your wife or beating
your spouse or beating yourpartner.
First of all, you're a cowardand I will say that, and I have
seen our numbers today.
We are in the millions.
You are a coward and let metell you because go get help, go

(04:41:17):
work on whatever caused you tobe the way that you are.
I have learned that not all ofthese people have had childhood
trauma, so don't use that as anexcuse.
I've had childhood trauma, myhusband's had childhood trauma,
but you don't see us doinganything like that.
I've never raised my hand.
I've had childhood trauma, myhusband's had childhood trauma,
but you don't see us doinganything like that.
I've never raised my hand.
I've never hit anybody first,never, I never will.
But let me just tell you this.

(04:41:39):
Let's say, the person I'mspeaking to now thinks he's all
badass and Billy badass guy whogoes home and pounces on his
wife.
Okay, we'll just go into thatscenario for just a minute.
While that's happening, yourdaughter comes around the corner
and sees her dad, the malefigure in her life that is
supposed to keep her safe, keepher happy and make sure she

(04:42:02):
knows how a man is supposed totreat.
Her.
Watches you beat her mother.
Your son comes around thecorner.
He sees his dad, the male rolemodel figure, hitting a woman.
Guess what?
You are raising your childrenfor a different thing.
One.
You're raising your son to showhim that that is how you treat

(04:42:24):
a woman, that is how you treathis mother, that it is okay for
you to mouth off to your mother,it is okay for you to put hands
onto a woman.
You're showing him that that'sokay.
You're showing him how you'resupposed to treat a woman.
For your daughter, that littlegirl that looks up at you with

(04:42:44):
the eyes of innocence, you'reshowing her what behavior is
acceptable from a man.
That's all she's going to know.
She's only going to know ofthat individual who hops her in
the face and gives her a blackeye because he's out of beer,
even if she doesn't drink.

(04:43:05):
But because you ran out of beerand you drank it all and you
didn't have any left, it's herfault You're going to give her a
black eye.
That doesn't make you a man,that makes you a freaking coward
.
It has taken me a long time onmy platform for me to get to
this point.
You know, my ex openly andclearly stated in court the only

(04:43:25):
reason he hit me while I waspregnant is he knew that I
wouldn't have tolerated it whenI wasn't pregnant.
Does that not define cowardism?
Does that not tell you?
I mean, think about that for aminute.
He openly admitted he was withme because I made all the money.
Okay, it's not about money,it's about respect and obviously

(04:43:48):
a lot of people don't realize.
But these individuals causethey're not men.
They are not men.
They have a very lowself-esteem.
They just tried to makethemselves bigger than they are
because, for whatever reason,they're miserable and they love
company.
Misery loves company, right.
So they want to just embed thatand bring it into who they are.

(04:44:11):
Because I'm sure they're aloner.
I'm sure they don't have peoplethat they know are true friends
.
They're probably trying to showoff materialistically.
That's sad.
I've lived in a huge housebefore, but it's not a home,
it's a house.
I love my home.
I love my family.

(04:44:32):
I have the husband and childI've dreamt of since I was a
little girl.
Our home has an amazing,unconditional love inside of it.
Yes, we have an alarm system,we have big, big dogs.
We have 12 cameras around theentire property that give every

(04:44:55):
single inch of the footagerecording.
But it's not because I'mworried about this cowardly
piece of shit coming on theproperty.
It's because we help survivors,and in the first little while
to, however long it takes them,while they're on their personal
journey, we raise money to helpthem get on their feet.

(04:45:15):
We take in donations forclothes, furniture, things of
that nature to help them get outand stay safe.
And if we have you over here, Iwant you to know you are safe,
that you don't have to worryabout somebody coming over here
to hurt you.
Life is too short.
You have one heart and insidethat heart you could fill it

(04:45:37):
with love, you could fill itwith hate, you could fill it and
consume it with negativity, oryou can love life.
Life has been taken away sooften before it's done.
I was told I wouldn't survive.
Faith was told she wouldn'tsurvive.
Between us, we're way over 175surgeries now between the two of

(04:45:58):
us.
We almost lost her again lastyear.
We are here for a reason andour reason and purpose is to
help others and pay it forward.
We built the Academy because Iknow personally, hands--on.
I know what it's like to feelalone and have no one there.
I refuse to allow that tohappen to anyone else, while I

(04:46:23):
can do something about it.
There are several collectionswithin the academy you can go in
there.
Many collections and courseswithin each academy are
advantageous and can beimplemented into your healing
journey.
So you can go in there from thevery beginning of when you're
getting ready to leave, to downthe road while you continue to

(04:46:45):
grow, and maybe there's coursesin there even helping you get
ready to date again when you'reready or if you're ever ready.
But it's written from theperspective of someone who's
been in the trenches, who isthere with you every single step
of the way.
It's not boring textbookwriting.
There are things in there thatare going to make you laugh.
There are independentactivities in there that really

(04:47:07):
do help you see the light of thebeauty within yourself, because
you are beautiful, you areamazing and you shouldn't let
these ridiculous people who wantto come in and take control
because they're unhappy, don'tgive them that satisfaction.
Wear your scars well.
You are a survivor and thriver.

(04:47:28):
Look at yourself.
I look at all my scars.
I was told that I even lookedlike Freddy Krueger and the
elephant man had a baby, and ifyou go back and look, I look at
the dozen times he stabbed me.
I look at all of the scars heput on me and then all of the
scars from all the surgeriesI've had.
Yeah, I'm pretty scarred up, yep, and do I get scared?
And do I get stared at?
Sorry, there's my speech issue.

(04:47:49):
Do I get stared at when I'mpretty scarred up?
Yep, and do I get scared and doI get stared at?
Sorry, there's my speech issue.
Do I get stared at when I'm out, and about Every time I'm out,
people stare at me.
Whether it's my amputated armor any scars, I still cover
myself from my neck to my wristto my ankle.
Now I've just started showingup until about my elbow and

(04:48:09):
that's it.
That's the first time in 19years I've shown skin, and
that's because I don't want ourdaughter to feel insecure or
uncomfortable within her ownskin because she has scars.
And she's a freaking gorgeousyoung lady.
She's absolutely flawless and Itell her those scars show what
a badass you are, because that'show many times someone tried

(04:48:31):
and failed.
You need to pick yourself up,dust yourself off and straighten
your crown because you areamazing.
This is why we do what we do.
Our lineup of speakers todayhave been amazing.
This is just authentic.
None of this was scripted.
It was all from original love,heart, dedication and

(04:48:51):
unconditional acceptance.
If you go to a contagious smiledot and it's two S's so
contagious smile dot, mn, dot,co.
Joining the Academy is free.
Come on, join, see what all wehave to offer.
If you can make a donation ofeven $5, that $5 will help pay

(04:49:12):
for somebody who, at this verypoint, can't pay for a course.
And we offer those scholarships, no questions asked.
I'm going to have my husbandcome back and take us out.
I can't thank you enough foreverybody who's been here today.
You reach out to us, we answeryou.
If you reach out to me, you getme.
I will be the one by your sidehelping you.
I just want to thank everybody,remind you that you are not

(04:49:35):
alone, that we are here with youevery single step of the way
thank you, babe.

Speaker 2 (04:49:41):
Victoria and y'all be sure to go on amazon and check
out some of her books byvictoria cure and also Faith
Curie Solomon.
I believe it's under FaithCurie Solomon.
Join us on our Mighty Networks,our academy, and we'll see
y'all.

(04:50:02):
And JJ, I did not take my ownbed nap, I stayed here beside my
wife A little trip out to getlunch, but um yeah, we, we
appreciate having each and everyone of y'all on the show today
jj's back.

(04:50:22):
Hey, buddy, so jj?
Um, you know, being a formerair force yourself, I don't
think, you know, I only did fouryears.
And just to touch lightly onwhat my wife spoke about, you
know her, her scars are her.
You know they're not reallymetals but they're metal.
But but that's what she has toshow that she is a survivor of

(04:50:45):
the war that she went through.
I mean, you and I, you know, didour little stint and you know
and we were both for yourservice, given ribbons, you know
, just for being um in in aperiod where it was a
declaration of war since somepart of the world with the us.
Um man, there there's no medal,you know, but the, the medal,

(04:51:08):
the I I guess the medal that youhave is faith.
That is your badge of honor,right there, as you called it.
What do you think, jj?
Faith?

Speaker 4 (04:51:25):
Yes for sure.
Faith in myself, faith in lifeand each other, and hope you
know.
So that's what we're doing thisfor and that's why I'm

(04:51:46):
connecting with you and you withme, and hope that we've got
each other's back when those whodon't know, I mean we're here
and we're healing and we'rehelping others.
That's what we're doing it for.

Speaker 2 (04:52:00):
So we got that ripple thing going on oh, for sure yes
, you guys do, we do and uheverybody.

Speaker 4 (04:52:09):
Today it was so beautiful and uh yeah thank you.

Speaker 2 (04:52:14):
Yeah, this, this was a good, good event yes, thank
you, victoria, for working yourbutt off.
It's still there.
And uh, getting everything setup and everybody lined up.
It was a big to-do list and uh,it's not easy.

Speaker 1 (04:52:28):
I watched her stress out up to the last minute we had
40 people wanting the spotsonce they were all sold out
right once they were done, taken, we still had over 40 people
trying to get in let us know ify'all want us on your podcast.

Speaker 2 (04:52:40):
You know we'll return the favor and, uh, we'll look
forward to doing this again,maybe next year, okay but until
then we'll be doing otherwebinars and oh, yes, and things
of that nature too thank y'allfor listening to contagious
smile thank you, jj your lovelyhost, victoria, and michael and
jj go check out his rippleeffect y'all.

(04:53:02):
Thank you and goodbye heygoodbye, see you later bye.

All Episodes

Episode Transcript

Popular Podcasts

Stuff You Should Know

The Joe Rogan Experience

Dateline NBC

.css-15opob5{left:0;position:absolute;top:0.8rem;} All Episodes

.css-14f5ked{margin:0;word-break:break-word;display:-webkit-box;-webkit-box-orient:vertical;box-orient:vertical;-webkit-line-clamp:2;overflow:hidden;}THE BEST OF THE BEST WEBINAR

Episode Transcript

Popular Podcasts

.css-r6mb8g{margin:0;word-break:break-word;display:-webkit-box;-webkit-box-orient:vertical;box-orient:vertical;-webkit-line-clamp:1;overflow:hidden;}Stuff You Should Know

The Joe Rogan Experience

Dateline NBC

All Episodes

THE BEST OF THE BEST WEBINAR

Stuff You Should Know