April 2, 2025 • 44 mins
Taking a deep breath becomes an act of revolution after escaping narcissistic abuse. In this raw, unfiltered conversation, Faith and Dana step away from their usual format to share profound insights about life after abuse—and why that journey is worth every difficult step.
Faith arrives emotionally drained from six days of intense advocacy work, including a harrowing six-hour standoff, prompting a candid discussion about the toll of supporting those still trapped in toxic dynamics. Rather than dwelling in darkness, they pivot to the transformative healing possible once survivors cross to the other side of trauma.
Dana vulnerably shares how her 25-year marriage to a narcissist nearly killed her—literally. Her body deteriorated to 93 pounds, requiring constant oxygen supplementation as her organs began shutting down, with oxygen levels dangerously low at 83%. Yet within five years of freedom, her health dramatically improved, demonstrating the profound physical healing possible when removed from toxic environments.
The conversation weaves through practical strategies for reclaiming joy after abuse. From Faith's simple act of getting her nails done—a rare moment of self-care—to Dana's liberating realization that she could eat ice cream for dinner without following her ex's rigid rules, these small victories represent monumental steps in the healing journey. Their shared wisdom crystallizes into a powerful question survivors can ask themselves: "What do I want?" A question that feels revolutionary after years of putting everyone else first.
They tackle complex issues with compassion and occasional humor—discussing how childhood conditioning shapes adult behaviors, the physical manifestations of emotional abuse, and why leaving abusive situations is rarely simple. The conversation acknowledges the reality that narcissistic abuse affects entire families, with children's core beliefs about themselves largely formed by age seven.
Join Faith and Dana for this life-affirming reminder that peace, joy, and renewed health await on the other side of narcissistic relationships. If you're struggling, remember their parting message: "You are worth fighting for and you can get past all of this. You are not alone."
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Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 2 (00:00):
or good afternoon and welcome to another episode of
narc.
Narc who's their help?
Dana and I are both gasping forair today I literally am, and
it's on me, it's my bad, it'sokay.
Speaker 1 (00:14):
No, no bad, you fit.
You know we what we're justtalking about because people are
just entering in.
Yes, I felt that we needed totake a deep breath because you
know there are these involvemyself in some things and I
don't anymore, but you know it'sreally heavy and it's really an
(00:48):
intense.
So you know, I'm glad that wehave this show, that we can help
people divert or, you know,turn around when they see a
collision ahead and avoid, avoidthe crash altogether.
But my goodness, it just whenyou're in it, even when you're
(01:08):
not participant in the situationdirectly in the relationship,
being an outsider looking in,it's a lot, it's really.
It affects the kids, it affectsfamilies, it affects neighbors,
it affects the friends, itaffects everybody.
Speaker 2 (01:25):
This is probably one of my worst top three in-person
advocacies I've ever done andwithout you know, being specific
, I was it's been every singleday for five, now six days, and
there was even I was involved ina six hour standoff over the
weekend and I'm like and thenyou know the sheriffs are like
(01:47):
will you come to work for usfull time?
No, you know, we're going tocall you out on every TV.
No, and I'm like, you know, Imight just be at that point,
honestly, dana, where it's likeif it's virtual and I can help,
great, I love that.
I really want to almost focusjust on the healing and helping
people get past.
You know, once we're on thatjourney of healing and seeing
the light and love and all thatdown the road, I'm just too old
(02:08):
for this shit, like you know.
Speaker 1 (02:11):
Yeah, I do.
We were talking about that, butthat's why I made the decision.
You know late last fall that Iwish everybody well, but I
mentally, for my peace and toprotect my peace, I am focusing
on the healing as well.
I want I want to get peoplewhere they're out and they're
ready, because not everybodythat's out is ready to heal A
(02:34):
lot of people and.
I was one of them held onto thevictimhood.
You know they don't understandthat there's life beyond that
and that their life is notdefined by what they've been
through.
But um, I just, you know, Ithink we need to remember that
there's a lot of people outthere that are still in it, like
very in it, and you know, justone little aspect I'll throw in
(02:55):
there before we move on.
But I just have to say, as Ishared with you you know you
were telling me more detailsabout this and it's interesting
that one of the parties in thisrelationship is the one that
reached out to you claiming tobe the victim.
Speaker 2 (03:09):
But it turned out which was the woman.
I'll say that the woman reachedout.
Speaker 1 (03:12):
Yeah, I didn't want to reveal anything, but yeah but
it turns out the other personis actually the victim, but they
also seem to have narcissistictendencies, so it's almost like
the lesser of the two victims,if that makes any sense.
But gosh the irony.
(03:32):
But how typical of narcissists.
It's interesting because Iactually just made a comment on
a post on Instagram this morningwhere they were talking about
how you know narcissists.
You know they go to family andfriends and they're the victim
of you when you were the victimand it's like, well, of course
(03:54):
they are.
Of course they are because theycannot take accountability and
you have to be the bad guybecause they're not going to go
around and say, oh yeah, I didthis.
And well, some of them will,but you know, very rarely will
they admit to anything and ifthey did, it's your fault anyway
.
But what a, what a shit show.
I'm just going to say it.
Speaker 2 (04:17):
Oh, please, it is.
And.
I mean it's oh, I said dogs andyour kid and you, I mean no, no
, I know, and Faith had been outof it completely until the
defendant literally tried toinhibit me from leaving a public
place today.
But other than that, faith,faith never goes on scene with
(04:38):
me.
Speaker 1 (04:39):
No, but the reality is is that this stuff when
you're dealing with it?
I mean, people say, leave workat work.
But the reality is, especiallywhen you're dealing with
domestic violence and any kindof abusive situation, you do
take it home with you.
I mean one of the things likeit when I was married to my
first husband, even with my ownkid I he doesn't, I would say he
(05:02):
witnessed or was around formaybe a quarter of all the
things that happened.
He doesn't even know the halfof it and all of it didn't even
make it in my book.
But we try to when we're withour kids, be present with them.
But when we're carrying all thisheaviness in our hearts and in
(05:24):
our minds, whether you're inthat victim situation as a
spouse and trying to stillparent your kids or whether,
like you, trying to helpsomebody that's in a situation
and trying to get out andadvocating, you still carry this
all in your heart, you know,and in your mind and it goes
(05:44):
into your home then and and youknow, it's just this effect and
I think that's why we have thiswidespread I mean I would say
this is an epidemic, more sothan you know.
Covid or anything else is likethis idea that people are just
this.
Negativity and toxicity justspreads like a cancer into
(06:04):
everything and everybody aroundit and it's just disgusting.
Speaker 2 (06:09):
So we're going to do a complete opposite.
I am going to apologize aheadof time, but if I even gave you
the specifics of the last sixdays of my life, y'all would be
like I get it, okay, no problem,yeah.
And so we're going to just spinit a little bit and I'm going
to put the questions to the side, and what we're going to do
today is for mental healthpurposes.
(06:31):
We're going to talk about thejoy that you can experience once
it's behind you, once you'reover the rainbow and you get to
see that you don't have to dealwith this shit anymore, and it
is such a beautiful.
It's a beautiful view, it's abeautiful life.
You don't have to deal withthis shit anymore, Like you know
, and it is such a beautiful,it's a beautiful view, it's a
beautiful life.
You don't have to deal withthis.
(06:51):
You can have love and you canhave.
You can have safe and easybreathing.
You can breathe knowing that.
Speaker 1 (06:56):
That's what it is.
You can breathe.
Yeah yeah, literally andfiguratively.
Speaker 2 (07:00):
It literally and figuratively like you can
literally just inhale and exhaleand just be like it's gone.
I mean, the best way I explainit to people is if you've never
been in this situation, Godbless you.
But it's like being chronicallyasthmatic in a room of a
(07:32):
smoker's lounge and everybody'slit up and there's no windows
and there's no doors and you'rein this environment.
But when you're out and you'reno longer there, you're in like
this huge open field and all youhave is fresh air and a
beautiful scenery and you don'thave any of that toxicity
anymore and life is so muchbetter and you can get there.
You can get there and then youget to be happy and you get to
be healthy and you get to feelbetter.
And that is where I think weneed to focus today, because we
haven't done that and it's soimperative that people realize
(07:52):
they can get there.
Speaker 1 (07:54):
Yeah, and I want to as an example I won't take up
too much time.
But you know we're talkingabout the breathing and my first
book was called Gasping for Airand it's not.
People think it was just atitle and expression, but it was
a reference to the lungsyndrome and the autoimmunity
that I developed as a directresult of living in fight or
(08:15):
flight mode for so long and whatI want to explain to people,
because it does relate toeverything you just said.
Again, I developed this.
You know, childhood, twonarcissists raised me, marriage,
25 years with a narcissist.
By the end of that me, the girlwho ran five miles every day
and coached cross country andate chicken and avocados and
(08:39):
hard boiled eggs and veryhealthy was told that she had a
lung disease because I couldbarely move.
I could.
I want people to understand.
By the end of that marriage, um,I had dropped down to 93, very
skeletal pounds.
I could literally barely move,like my body the best way I
could describe it, and it soundslike an exaggeration, but it
(09:01):
felt like rigor mortis wasalready setting in, like I was
moving, very.
I couldn't move, I couldn'tbreathe.
The doctor said my body wasactually shutting down.
Yet I was alive and I had tohave.
My heart rate was so low that Ihad to have a backpack oxygen
machine with the thing everysingle day.
(09:23):
And to give people aperspective on my breathing,
during COVID they said if yourlevels of oxygen, your oxygen
saturation, were 93% or lower,that you were in a very serious,
severe state.
With COVID, yeah, my levels atone point dropped as low as 83%.
Point dropped as low as 83%,83%.
(09:50):
I could not stand, I could not.
I literally laid in bed and Godlove my husband, doug, because
you know I've known him a longtime, so he was obviously, you
know, around during, you know,the end of my first marriage,
when all this was happening,that he was there to take care
of me because my ex would haveleft me for dead.
But Doug was the one who wascooking a little bit of white
rice and a little chicken,making sure I had toast,
(10:12):
something to keep me going andhelping me when I needed to walk
because I literally couldn'twalk.
Some days literally couldn'twalk because I couldn't effing
breathe.
But now that I have been outand it's only been well,
honestly, it's only been.
It's not even been four years,just shy of four years since my
(10:34):
ex finally moved out of thathouse, right or no?
This is 2025, five years.
I'm sorry, I can't count Fiveyears, but I maybe had to use my
oxygen machine two or threetimes last year just for like an
hour or two, Cause my oxygenwas short, gets humid and
whatever in the summer.
But I'm healthy.
(10:55):
I'm a healthy weight again.
Things are good.
But it was because of thetoxicity of being in that
situation and if I had stayed,I'm telling you right now, I
would have died.
I'm telling you right now, Iwould have died.
My body had turned against me.
Even my body was telling meDana, this is not, we can't live
(11:16):
in that, we cannot survive inthis environment.
But I say this not to depresspeople, but to give people the
realization.
But I say this not to depresspeople, but to give people the
realization.
I went from being perfectlyhealthy to being very, very,
very sick.
When you have to walk aroundwith an oxygen machine on your
back, that's pretty bad, likeevery day, every second.
I even had to sleep with one ofthose stupid machines which I
(11:38):
can't sleep on.
That thing is, yeah, that'sjust suffocating in itself.
But now I'm good.
I'm good because I'm out andbecause I'm with a man that's
kind to me.
I mean, I don't ask for muchkindness.
You know that speaks positivityand I think it's really
important for people tounderstand.
(11:59):
I know it's hard.
When you're in the situationyou don't see a way out, you
think, oh, I just wasn't meantfor this life, or God is mad at
me.
Believe me.
I said all those things you canget.
You just have to make thechoice.
You have to decide.
I'm done with this shit.
I want out and choose yourselffor once.
Speaker 2 (12:18):
Right, absolutely yeah, you have to, and that's
what you need to do and and it'samazing you think that I'm in
this dark place and I'm nevergoing to get out.
And I tell people all the timeremember that you have survived
100% of your darkest days.
And I know I sound like I'm onrepeat, but that is such a
powerful statement, you know,when you think about it.
I mean I was laying on the floorgoing, just take me, I can't do
(12:41):
this another day.
And then faith would kick meand be like I'm here too, mom,
because I was pregnant with her.
And then I was like I havesurvived 100% of my darkest days
.
That's a pretty doggone, good,impressive record.
And you think about it and thenyou think you know what.
So let's just start.
Small People are like well, Ican't go from one to the other.
It's not a light switch, no,it's not.
But start celebrating thelittle things.
(13:02):
Celebr, like celebrate thetiniest of milestones.
It's like being a mom tospecial needs.
I never heard Faith until shewas two and a half years old.
I didn't get the baby moments,I didn't get to give her a
pacifier because of her mouth,and she didn't get to take a
bottle.
She was G-tube fed and so likethere were a lot.
But you know what?
There's not one minute I takefor granted.
(13:23):
The first time I heard her wasthe biggest moment for me, and
you celebrate every singlesolitary thing and the little
moments that you're like, wow, Idid that.
Or say something like you know,oh, I did something I haven't
done since I've left my abusiverelationship.
And then you surprise yourselfwith I am so proud of myself
(13:44):
because I did that.
And then you celebrate the nextmilestone and the next, and
then you're like, wow, I, I wenta whole hour without thinking
about it.
There's trauma, anniversaries,there's all these other things
you know like there's.
Sometimes when things happen onTV, I can't watch them.
But then you get to the pointwhere it's like I just realized
I watched that and it didn'tfaze me.
And it's not like you're tryingto torture yourself because
(14:04):
you're not.
But you can get to the pointwhere things are so beautiful
and you recognize the beauty andthings, like everything
happened, like I would neverhave met dana and she.
I told her before we leave her,you can never leave me here, you
can't quit me because she isthe sister I always, always
wanted and never had, and Iadore her to the moon and back.
I do, and and I can't sayenough about her because I think
(14:26):
she's such a beautiful personand she has gone through hell
and she's come out on the otherside and I know from not
personal experience, but Faith,you know, got down to nothing
and weight and she looked likejust a skeleton with a layer of
skin and it was so scary I wasafraid to hug her, I thought I
would break her Full organfailure.
And now look at her, it's thesame thing with Dana.
(14:48):
And it's the same thing withDana and it's like you celebrate
that growth, you celebrate thatlife and you realize.
You know, I think I shocked herbecause I never, ever, ever do
anything for myself.
Speaker 1 (15:04):
Ever I haven't.
I haven't been on a vacation in20.
And your nails look fabulous,by the way, I meant to tell you,
that's my, my favorite color.
Speaker 2 (15:07):
I haven't been any.
I haven't been on vacation in20 years.
I haven't you know like nothing.
And I texted her on Saturdayand I and it was before the
standoff and I was like I'm justtired.
Something is like telling me togo do something by myself.
Dad is doing something withdaughter right now.
They're doing some stupidwhatever video I don't know,
video game, I don't care.
I said I'm gonna go dosomething for myself.
(15:29):
And she's like what, what areyou doing?
And I was like I'm gonna go getmy nails done.
That is so out of character forme and I'm so glad that I did
because I sat there and got themdone.
I made sure there's nosharpness to them, which I know
people are.
Like what?
Because when I got on the sixhour standoff I literally, if I
showed you I have like a hundredbites on me because I was
(15:49):
outside with the pollen, inthere with the bugs for six
hours and I was like I wastelling the officers.
I said I need to go take a bathin Benadryl and I'm so glad I
can't scratch, because I wouldhave just scratched my skin raw
and it was.
It was just like I.
I took a half a tube of she'sgonna laugh when I show you this
the Benadryl lotion.
(16:11):
I took half of a tube andslathered it on me like
slathered.
Speaker 1 (16:17):
No, I'm not laughing because I'm yeah, I'm a type B
positive blood, so mosquitoesand things love me, so I
understand.
Yeah, I slather too.
Speaker 2 (16:30):
Do something for yourself that you never, ever
would think about doing.
You know something small thatyou just were like, you know,
but to you it's such a big deal.
It is such a big deal to do itand to help with, whatever
anybody else thinks.
You know, I and I'm going touse my husband as an example
when we dated 25 years ago, Ilived and breathed for that man
(16:50):
Like I believed.
He I knew right off the bat.
He was my soulmate.
He was obsessed with theappearance of his significant
other and so I lived in the gymseven days a week.
He said if you gain any weight,you know, which is a
narcissistic comment, and I havesaid this to him.
You know he was very obsessedabout it.
He was like.
You know, I like long hair, somy hair was down past my waist
(17:13):
and he was like if you ever cutyour hair or gain weight, I'm
going to dump you.
And here I am the seniorexecutive in the corporate world
and I'm an instructor at thepolice academy.
And I'm like what?
And you know, I was so faithfulto this man and little did I
know that his swingy dingy wasin everything else and I had not
one clue.
I didn't have an idea because Iwas so blinded by the fact that
(17:36):
I thought I found my soulmate.
He's everything to me, and theday I found out he had lied to
me for four and a half years, Ibroke it off instantly.
And what did I do?
I whacked my hair just gonegone.
And he was like you're notallowed, you know, I don't like
girls with tattoos.
I went and got one and it wasjust all.
It was my very first one and itwas just like why do we live to
(18:00):
make others beside ourselfhappy?
Speaker 1 (18:04):
Right, I mean well it's because we've been
conditioned.
We care so much because societytells us that that's our duty.
I know these are outdatedbeliefs about male and female
roles, but I don't care.
There's still people the babyboomers and up, I hate to say,
and even some of our generation,generation X believe that.
(18:25):
You know, this is how a woman'ssupposed to be and that's how a
man's supposed to be, and wecan all say it's garbage, which
I think it is.
I think just be whoever thehell you are, and if it's not
okay for somebody.
But I was also that personbecause I had two narcissistic
parents that I was trying to getapproval from, that I had a
narcissistic husband that I justwanted to love me.
(18:47):
And we do what we do.
We go by society's rules, we goby the rules of our house, we
go by the rules whether they'reimplied, written or verbal of
the people that we surroundourselves with, because we want
everyone to be happy, because weas women are supposed to make
everybody happy.
And there are a lot of men outthere too.
You know, and I hate to say myhusband's one of them, that you
(19:09):
know he was the fourth of fivechildren and a very, you know,
with a very domineering father.
I loved my father-in-law, butyou know very domineering man
who said this is how it's goingto be and everybody better damn
well listen.
And when, when you're in thosecircumstances, you learn to
appease, and that's what I thinkthis world has come to.
Is you either appease everybodyor you basically live like
(19:34):
totally the opposite way, like Feverybody, and I don't know.
I've leaned now in my healingmore towards that.
I wouldn't say F everybody, butI live my life and I encourage
others to do the same, becauseone of the things I have
discovered with narcissists isthat I'm too much for some of
(19:54):
them, I'm not enough for others.
But when I opened my eyes andstarted healing, I was just
freaking fine, exactly how I was, just like you are.
And every other person on God'sgreen earth is just fine how
they are.
Every other person on God'sgreen earth is just fine how
they are.
We are all imperfect, we allhave flaws, we all have issues,
we all have things.
I love when people say oh, Idon't have mental health
(20:15):
problems, mental health isn't anissue.
Physical health and mentalhealth are the same damn thing.
You exercise them, you maintainthem, you want to be healthy.
But, believe me, the way thisworld is, everybody's got
freaking issues mentally andphysically, so nobody is better
than anyone else.
We're all just going throughthe same damn thing, rolling
(20:35):
around in this ball in the skyuntil we die.
So I'm just going to be, and Iwant others to just be.
Take out the judgment, take outthe shame, take out the bull of
what other people make us feellike we're supposed to conform
to.
I'm tired of conforming, I'mtired of norms.
(20:55):
Yes, I'm a law abiding citizen.
I believe in God.
I'm not going to be somecriminal, crazy person on the
streets, but we got to just be.
And I love that you didsomething for you, because the
other part of it is that we'remade to feel selfish.
If we do something forourselves yes, right, it's
selfish Then we're called anarcissist and then we're called
(21:16):
all kinds of other things.
But you know what?
I go back to this.
I go back to the airplane.
When you get on a plane and theflight attendant's doing the
whole thing, telling you if youend up in the water, here's the
floaty under your seat, if it'seven there anymore, if the thing
you know the plane's going down, grab a mask, although I'll
never understand that, becauseyou're going to die anyway.
(21:37):
So why do you need to breathe?
I know I don't understand it,but they say you know, put the
mask over yourself first andthen put a mask over.
They say your child.
But I put a mask over.
They say your child, but I'mlike, oh, that's nice Cause if
you have three children.
Then you got to pick yourfavorite.
And what about your husband?
Like you know, he probablydoesn't know how to do that
either.
And you got to pick yourfavorite person, basically.
But the reason you don't put iton them first is because you're
(21:59):
no good to them If you don'ttake care of you.
You got to breathe, you got tolive, you got to be good, right,
and so you need to do that.
And I'm glad that life workedout that way for you because
it's like God knew you needed todo you, because you were going
to enter in this very timeconsuming, uh, multi-day
situation.
(22:19):
But even if we're not even forpeople out there that are just,
you know, normal people livingtheir lives, I mean, I remember
the first night that I was in myhouse and my ex was at the
first time.
He was not there the firstnight that he had moved out and
I didn't know what to do withmyself because he had always
(22:40):
dictated everything.
And even though I I'm anintelligent woman with an
independent mind.
I was so used to following hisrules because that's how the
peace was kept.
That was the only way to makesure my kid was okay, that I was
okay.
But I didn't know what the hellto do with myself.
But I knew it was dinner time,but with him there were all
(23:00):
these rules about dinner had tobe, you know, a meat and two
sides, but we couldn't have thesame type of meat on two
consecutive nights and itcouldn't be leftovers.
And and two sides, but wecouldn't have the same type of
meat on two consecutive nightsand it couldn't be leftovers and
the two sides couldn't be thesame.
I couldn't have two vegetablesor two starches or two carbs, or
you know, I had to intermixthem.
And I mean I literally likeplanned meals weeks ahead of
(23:21):
time just to make sure I wasn'tscrewing something up.
But I was like I realized, as Istood there, like I don't have
to follow his rules, like I am,what freedom means I can do
whatever the hell I want.
And so my magic phrase that Istill use to this day and that I
tell everyone else, the magicwords to say in any situation
(23:42):
are what do I want?
It's not selfish.
What do I want?
And you know what I wanted atthat moment.
I wanted butter pecan ice creambecause that's my favorite.
And we had a pint of butterpecan ice cream and I can't do
dairy and I'm supposed to begluten-free and whatever.
But I said F it, I'm having apint of butter pecan ice cream
and that's what I did and it wasthe most delicious ice cream
(24:05):
ever and I did it for me and itmade me happy.
So I just say, whatever youhave to do to fill your little,
you know, I call it the happyjar, you can call it your heart
whatever you got to put thoselittle deposits in, you know,
daily, hopefully multiple timesa day, because if you're happy,
if you're content, if you feelgood, then that's going to
(24:26):
resonate with everybody aroundyou.
That energy definitely spreadsto everybody your kids, your
husband, all the people youencounter every day.
Speaker 2 (24:36):
Right and I am totally focused.
I have nine cameras that I'mwatching over here, the
individual.
I just showed Dana my phone.
The individual is in myneighborhood and so she's not on
my street and she's like twomiles.
I mean she's 0.2 miles from meright now, which is what I don't
(24:58):
understand.
When this was going on and Iwas her call at first, she says
I want you to have my locationat all times and the officers
were like like don't say a wordand I was like I'm not saying
nothing.
So she gave me her location andit lets me see where she is at
all times and that's veryimportant because she will just
drive up and I wasn't watchingwhere she was when I this
(25:21):
morning, when I was at the storeand she was directly blocking
my vehicle so I couldn't get out.
But I just pulled her up to seewhere she was and she's
literally in my subdivision,like somewhere right now.
So I'm just kind of watching tosee, because one of her
children are are here with me atthe moment.
So I'm just watching.
But it sounds like you need toprobably contact somebody well,
(25:41):
not.
I mean I can't do anythingunless I, unless she actually
comes here.
You know her son.
There's a TPO in place and shecan't get near her son.
Speaker 1 (25:50):
I understand that that's what's wrong with the law
.
Though how many times havewomen gone to the police, or men
, in all fairness, and said youknow, I'm in a situation I'm
scared.
Well, we have to wait untilthey do it.
You know, unless they come inthe house, unless they actually
assault you.
Speaker 2 (26:10):
Yeah, they've got to do something dramatic.
And it's not fair.
It's not fair, it's trauma forthis beautiful little boy when
he even visually sees her I mean, most kids at that age are all
about mom but he's like I don'tever want to see her again.
You know she scares me, don'tever want to see her again.
(26:30):
You know she scares me, youknow I mean I, I just it breaks
my heart to see what, what hashappened here.
And you know I, I, this littleboy is like a little piece of
heaven on earth.
He's the cutest thing you'veever seen and he's so sweet and
and he, he, I gave him thislittle thing that I have, I give
to kids.
It says it's a little pockethug and it's so cute, and so he
colored it in and I said I wantyou to hold it whenever you feel
(26:52):
like you need a little bit of ahug, I want you to take it and
hold it.
So he looks at me and he goescan I have two of them?
And I said you can have as manyas you want.
And he colored this in and hesaid this is for you.
I want you to have it when youneed a hug from me and I was
like oh my like I was like can Iadopt him like we?
seriously, he's the sweetest,cutest little thing you've ever
(27:12):
seen in your life.
And he was just like I love you.
And then he and here's thething he texted me last night.
He has a phone, he has aniphone, he has an iphone.
And he texted me last night umat like 10 o'clock and was like
I was just checking on you tosee how you were doing, cause
I'm sure you had a very hard daySeven.
(27:33):
And I was like why aren't yousleeping?
And he was like I was.
I'm trying, I just can't.
Speaker 1 (27:40):
Well of course he can't Right.
Incidentally, it is child abuseawareness month, it's April and
I think it's important forpeople to understand whether
you're the mom in an abusivesituation or you have a
narcissist anywhere in your life.
Even if they're not physicallyabusing you, there's obviously,
(28:03):
you know, psychological andemotional abuse, the gaslighting
, the manipulation.
It's not just going on with you, it's going on with your kids.
Kids are for lack of betterwords and, to explain it easily,
kids are hardwired by aboutseven years old as to how
they're going to live the restof their lives, what their ideas
(28:24):
are about themselves lives,what their ideas are about
themselves, what their ideas areabout others.
For example, this little boy Ihope I'm very wrong, but may
have an issue with women, mayhave an issue connecting with
women later in life.
Speaker 2 (28:39):
I'm already seeing it .
Speaker 1 (28:41):
Right, you know different things like that, but
seven is a very young age.
You are hardwired by the timeyou are seven, and so when we
have these careless people likemy parents, like your parents
you know I'm 49 and I am stillundoing the muck in my head that
(29:06):
affects every friendship, everyromantic relationship, it
affects work.
I mean, I am pretty well healed, healed enough that I'm helping
other people heal, but I amnowhere near finished.
And I don't even know if therereally is a finish line.
I think you just keep going andit keeps getting a little
(29:26):
easier, kind of like if you playpiano, you just keep practicing
and you keep getting better,but you know you'll never be
Mozart or you know you mightcome close, but it's the same
kind of thing.
But if we think about that,give yourself that grace that
whatever, whoever did this toyou and whatever happened, I
mean a lot of this stuff thatyou know we go through, even for
(29:50):
people that say, oh no, mychildhood was fine.
I mean, my husband said that amillion times over and he,
everybody in our small town, oh,they're such a nice family.
Well, you know, then therecomes me, and it's interesting
because my husband now like I'lllook at him and I'll notice a
(30:12):
behavior or a habit and you knowtendencies and I'll be like did
something like this.
You know like I'll like saysomething about his childhood or
ask him a question.
He's like I never thought aboutit, like yeah, that's why you
think you came from a nicefamily, but y'all got your shit.
They, they done fucked you uplike they done fucked the rest.
(30:35):
And I don't forgive my languagepeople, but seriously, like it
is so astonishing that evenso-called nice families and
people think they're fine and no, they're not.
And and I'm not picking onanybody but I won't share my
husband's psyche and his issues.
(30:55):
You know publicly, but like onesmall one, I'm sure he wouldn't
mind me sharing.
That, you know isn'tnecessarily mental health, but
you know it's like I, when Ifirst started um eating meals
with him, I would notice like itwould remind me of like when I
was like 1984 at school, when Iwould put up my trapper keeper,
(31:16):
like you know, stand it up andput it around.
You know what I'm saying.
That's what I envision.
What, like when and my husbanddoes this when he eats, he kind
of like he's very tall and big,like same size as your husband,
so he kind of like like hoversover his meal but he puts like
his arms around and he has thisthing like it doesn't matter
(31:40):
where I place everything, hepulls it all in very close and
has to eat, like it's like he'sprotecting his food.
And I remember one day lookingat him and I'm like, honey, I
know you were the fourth of fivechildren when y'all sat to
dinner every night, did likeyour older brothers, like grab
all the food, and your dad like,and you couldn't get any, so
(32:00):
you had to protect what was onyour plate.
And he goes yeah, how'd youknow?
I'm like oh, it's a littleobvious, it's a little freaking.
You're like and he freaks out.
I'm one of those people.
I came from a Puerto Ricanfamily.
Like we all just like eat, eat,eat.
I was like, oh, you're notgoing to eat that.
Or let me try a bit and justreach over across the table.
Oh, you should see his facelike touching his.
(32:22):
So it's interesting.
And again, this is just a funnylittle light example.
But think about how thistranslates to our mental health
and the things that we do.
You know my husband's 60, forGod's sake, and he's still
carrying this childhood crapinto how he eats today.
And there's no talking, likewhen he sits to eat.
(32:43):
I used to get upset that hewouldn't converse with me, but
it's because he feels like he'sgot to shovel his food down
because otherwise somebody elseis going to grab it or take his
plate or whatever.
And I'm like my goodnessgracious, my Lord.
So, yeah, it was interesting,like when we went to Spain and
he'd never had had a Europeanmeal where there's like 500
(33:06):
courses and it goes on for hoursand hours.
500 courses and it goes on forhours and hours.
Yeah, it was like heaven to him.
But he didn't understand thatwe all share off the same plate
in European countries.
You just take a little and waitfor the next plate to come, but
you know why don't we do that?
with weight.
Speaker 2 (33:23):
Like you know, I'll give a little.
I got a lot of back there sothey can.
I'll share it over this way andshare it over that way.
Speaker 1 (33:31):
I wish I could just move the weight around my body
Like I never had plenty to share.
Speaker 2 (33:36):
Like I'll give you a little something, something back
there.
Speaker 1 (33:38):
I mean you know it was weird.
Well, now we're talking aboutbodies, but, like, even when I
was 93 pounds, I mean I, I, Idid scare people.
I remember the first time Ilooked at myself like really
looked in the mirror and waslike Holy, like I started crying
and freaking out because, but Ialways had this little like I,
I joke around and no offense,but I always felt like a 12 year
(34:00):
old year, like Ethiopian thathasn't eaten in months, because
it was like my belly stored allmy fat.
I was like Sandy the squirrelfrom SpongeBob, storing all the
nuts in my belly, but I had not.
I mean, you could literally seeevery vein popping out and all
my bones.
But I will always carry, like Ihave this little belly that
(34:21):
people always think I'm pregnant, which is humorous in some
situations.
But you know it doesn't matter.
I could be probably 70 poundsand I'd still look pregnant.
It's a weird thing.
Our bodies, I know, but ourbodies are a reflection of our
mental health oftentimes.
Oh, great, thanks.
No, I know, but I'm saying howwe.
Well, cortisol makes you gainweight.
(34:41):
Cortisol is a stress hormonewhen you're in a toxic
relationship.
Speaker 2 (34:45):
True.
But I mean it also makes youlose weight, and if that's the
truth, I should look likeCalista Flockhart Well it's
different For most people.
Speaker 1 (34:53):
It makes you gain, it keeps you, but it's not For me
it makes me lose.
I don't eat a lot of food.
Right, your body's storing whatit does eat, okay.
Speaker 2 (35:03):
I bet you I don't eat 1,200 calories a day.
But that's not the point.
The point is is that like mybutt has its own zip code, you
know, like I have a little dunkdunk back there.
I think that you know.
I'm just saying that.
Speaker 1 (35:15):
I have no butt, and so some people would want a
little bit of a dunk dunk.
Well there's a dunk dunkcom, bythe way.
Don't go on it Now.
Everybody's gonna go on it.
Somebody said something aboutthat, and I'm one of those
weirdos that's like oh let me golook and then I'm like oh my
God, my eyes like never again.
Speaker 2 (35:37):
I love it Anywho.
Speaker 1 (35:39):
yeah, if you ever want to get rid of some butt.
I could use some boobies andbooties.
I'll give you both.
Speaker 2 (35:46):
You know, I mean I got.
When I got back together withMichael, he was like where are
your boobs?
And I was like what?
They're still here.
And he was like, yeah, but youused to be really chesty and so
athletic and I was like I had abreast reduction and that was
the best gift because myshoulder had to be replaced due
to trauma and they were like youcan't hold the shoulder
(36:06):
boulders or whatever with thenew shoulder and he was like the
shoulder going to work.
And so I was like what doesthat mean?
And he says, well, we're goingto have to do a reduction.
And I was like thank you, jesus.
And he was like you know, andwe do a lift when we do it.
And I was like what does thatmean?
And the doctor was hilarious.
He's like so basically, thatmeans you won't have, you know,
(36:27):
your chest in your drawers.
You'll never get furnituredisease right, no, furniture
disease.
And I was like what?
And he's like you won't have towheel them up, like you know,
like they're not going to bedone.
And I was like, wow, there,there's something lovely.
You know, there's my silverlining in the dark cloud.
And I was like I'm good atlunch.
Speaker 1 (36:55):
You ready, you ready to go?
And he was just like you knowyou're going to have a reduction
.
I'm like no, I'm really okaywith that, like I want it to be.
And he was like I know multiplepeople who've had a reduction
and they all say I mean they'relike thank God, because, whether
it was knees, shoulders, back,I mean it affects so much.
I mean they're nice to look at.
I mean if I was a guy, I'd be aboob guy.
I can honestly say because Ilook at a nice chest and I'm
(37:16):
like damn that looks good.
Speaker 2 (37:16):
I wish I had that.
Speaker 1 (37:16):
But then I don't, because, like, I've always been
a runner my whole life and stuff, and I'd be like, yeah, like my
sister, she, oh my God, thatgirl, I mean from the time she
was 12 years old.
The bazongas on that girl,jesus Christ, honest to to God,
like even wedding pictures.
I show her.
She was oh my God, she's sobeautiful.
But her wedding pictures I mean, oh my God, I mean she is the
(37:38):
most gorgeous creature evercreated, but you don't even see
that because her boobs, likethey, just you can't not look at
them.
It's like you know, when womensay, oh, my eyes are up here,
yeah, but when you have those,how can I not?
I'm a girl and I look like it'shard not to.
Anyway, yes, I'm glad that Idon't have big ones, but I'm
glad that you had the reductionbecause I don't.
Speaker 2 (38:04):
I mean they're nice, but you know, I mean they're a
pain, because you know, and Ifeel bad because Faith is little
like you.
I mean she's tiny little andshe got them and she was like
you know.
I told her, when you get older,if you want a reduction, I'll
talk to you about it.
Like seriously, because shelooks like a porn star.
There's no other way to say it.
Speaker 1 (38:23):
I mean she does.
Speaker 2 (38:24):
I've seen.
Speaker 1 (38:24):
Yeah, I've seen in a couple, or even when she comes
on to say hi once in a while.
Speaker 2 (38:33):
I'm like, my goodness , she is a little thing and
she's got.
She is so top heavy and like,if she goes, you know, around
the house, I'm like you willlike at night when it's bedtime
she swaddle waddles.
I call swaddle waddling and Itell her I'm like, babe, when
you're in the house at night, ifyou had a shower, there's no
white t-shirt, we're notheadlighting, you know you can't
(38:56):
headlight and I'm like you'vealways got to make sure those
are.
Don't.
Don't walk around in a tank topand I was like without a bra on
because you could hurt somebodylike that.
That, that's no you know, andshe's like mom and I was like I
know I'm sorry, I wasn'tintentional that you got them, I
promise you.
And she's like, but you know,and, and she's the tiniest
(39:20):
little frame, she's she.
I was like, oh, she's gorgeous,she's freaking gorgeous.
But holy crap, you know, andshe's like mom, I love my body.
I, yes, yes, you do look good,but if anybody tries to pay you
for anything, I'm going to go alittle redhead viral for this.
But you know, people are likeand men are like oh, I love big
(39:40):
boobs, carry them around for aminute, you know like.
You know, seriously, carry themaround and then you won't,
because they're just like men.
Speaker 1 (39:47):
Love having love, having sex I mean, who doesn't?
But women are the ones thathave to carry the babies that
are made as a result, whetherthey're planned or not, and you
know that's not as much fun.
Speaker 2 (39:58):
And you take something the size of a
watermelon and squeeze it out,something the size of a lemon,
and you complain to me laterlike are you kidding?
Speaker 1 (40:05):
just well.
I just think every man shouldbe at some point, you know, laid
down, ass up and have his assbutthole torn open a little bit
like three or four inches, likewe're torn open and then sutured
, and say, ok, come what, youcan't leave the hospital till
you pee and poop.
You have to poop, you know, andthen go out in the world.
Speaker 2 (40:29):
And you'll also bleed for another month.
But you know I mean seriouslyand then like that's not
bleeding, that is hemorrhaging,but yeah and they're like I'm
too big, I'm in bed for a week,I have a man cold, I can't do
anything.
Are you kidding me?
Here we are with our period anda cold and allergies and a
(40:50):
fever, and we're stillfunctioning.
We're doing everything and youhave an itty bitty little
toothache.
No, uh-uh, no, well, that wasmy ex.
Speaker 1 (40:57):
I mean, talk about.
Well, when you're with anarcissist, everything's about
them.
But, yeah right, always likepoor him, poor him, and I'll
never.
I think probably the first timeI realized, I mean, I think I
always knew he was a dick, butthe first time I really got
upset with him, like reallyangry Well, there were so many
(41:17):
times so I can't say the firsttime.
Anyway, now I'm thinking likeeverything's rolling in my head,
but I just remember I hadpneumonia.
I was prone to pneumonia.
I got it every year and theywould not give me the darn
pneumonia shot because I was tooyoung and you can only have it
every 10 years.
So I am laid out and ifanybody's ever had pneumonia it
is the most god awful,horrendous, oh my God.
(41:39):
You literally feel like deathmight be better.
Speaker 2 (41:42):
And it feels like you're dying.
Speaker 1 (41:44):
Yeah, it is so awful.
My son was maybe two, roughly,and it was bath time and I was I
mean, you can't even keep youreyes open when you're that sick.
I was so sick, like I just Imean, I was on the couch and
(42:05):
then next thing I know, I wasbeing woken up by my ex.
Oh, our son needs a bath.
I was being woken up by my exoh, our son needs a bath, can
you go give it to him?
Well, no, that's your job.
I'm like I am definitely ill.
And nope, I had to get up andgive my son a bath.
And what did my ex do?
Sat on the couch and watch TVand I was just like, wow, that I
(42:26):
think I guess what I'm saying.
The first time.
That was the first time Irealized that all his crap was.
You know that, that it wasnever going to be about me.
I would never be considered.
Yeah, only he would.
Because he was yeah, oh,sniffles, I'm staying home from
work.
I'm like really, really, yeah,stay home from work, and he's
(42:47):
drinking his Miller lights andwatching impractical jokers,
cause that's all he pretty muchdid with his life.
So, yeah, fun stuff, and thisis the stuff we have to heal
from.
And you know, even if that's theworst part of a relationship,
it still affects you.
You know, you get thefrustration, the anger, the
resentment, the grief.
You know the grief of mourningwhat you thought it was and what
(43:10):
will never be.
And all this stuff, it's a lot.
It is a lot.
And people say, well then, ifit's so bad, why do you stay?
Well, we can have a whole,probably 10 episodes on why
women stay.
But I don't care who you are.
You don't even have to bemarried, you don't even have to
have kids.
Right, you can have a dog.
It's not easy to just up andwalk out.
Most people can't affordanother rent, another mortgage,
(43:34):
another household of utilitiesand dividing medical insurance
because one to pay for medicalcare and you don't even get
medical care even when you payfor it.
But you know, it's just noteasy.
It's not that easy, it's not.
Well, I'm glad we got a chanceto divert a little bit.
We need to do it more often.
Speaker 2 (44:06):
We are just getting more and more questions and
comments and thoughts, and sowe're going to have to like get
back on it.
But I want to thank everybodyfor listening and I have a cute
little one who wants to come offcamera and say hello to Dana.
I want to thank everybody forlistening and tuning in and we
will get right back on answeringquestions and thoughts on the
next episode.
So keep your light on andrealize that you are worth
(44:28):
fighting for and you can getpast all of this and you're not
alone.
Speaker 1 (44:32):
You are not alone.
We are here with you.
Love y'all.
Peace out 100%.
or good afternoon and welcome to another episode of
narc.
Narc who's their help?
Dana and I are both gasping forair today I literally am, and
it's on me, it's my bad, it'sokay.
Speaker 1 (00:14):
No, no bad, you fit.
You know we what we're justtalking about because people are
just entering in.
Yes, I felt that we needed totake a deep breath because you
know there are these involvemyself in some things and I
don't anymore, but you know it'sreally heavy and it's really an
(00:48):
intense.
So you know, I'm glad that wehave this show, that we can help
people divert or, you know,turn around when they see a
collision ahead and avoid, avoidthe crash altogether.
But my goodness, it just whenyou're in it, even when you're
(01:08):
not participant in the situationdirectly in the relationship,
being an outsider looking in,it's a lot, it's really.
It affects the kids, it affectsfamilies, it affects neighbors,
it affects the friends, itaffects everybody.
Speaker 2 (01:25):
This is probably one of my worst top three in-person
advocacies I've ever done andwithout you know, being specific
, I was it's been every singleday for five, now six days, and
there was even I was involved ina six hour standoff over the
weekend and I'm like and thenyou know the sheriffs are like
(01:47):
will you come to work for usfull time?
No, you know, we're going tocall you out on every TV.
No, and I'm like, you know, Imight just be at that point,
honestly, dana, where it's likeif it's virtual and I can help,
great, I love that.
I really want to almost focusjust on the healing and helping
people get past.
You know, once we're on thatjourney of healing and seeing
the light and love and all thatdown the road, I'm just too old
(02:08):
for this shit, like you know.
Speaker 1 (02:11):
Yeah, I do.
We were talking about that, butthat's why I made the decision.
You know late last fall that Iwish everybody well, but I
mentally, for my peace and toprotect my peace, I am focusing
on the healing as well.
I want I want to get peoplewhere they're out and they're
ready, because not everybodythat's out is ready to heal A
(02:34):
lot of people and.
I was one of them held onto thevictimhood.
You know they don't understandthat there's life beyond that
and that their life is notdefined by what they've been
through.
But um, I just, you know, Ithink we need to remember that
there's a lot of people outthere that are still in it, like
very in it, and you know, justone little aspect I'll throw in
(02:55):
there before we move on.
But I just have to say, as Ishared with you you know you
were telling me more detailsabout this and it's interesting
that one of the parties in thisrelationship is the one that
reached out to you claiming tobe the victim.
Speaker 2 (03:09):
But it turned out which was the woman.
I'll say that the woman reachedout.
Speaker 1 (03:12):
Yeah, I didn't want to reveal anything, but yeah but
it turns out the other personis actually the victim, but they
also seem to have narcissistictendencies, so it's almost like
the lesser of the two victims,if that makes any sense.
But gosh the irony.
(03:32):
But how typical of narcissists.
It's interesting because Iactually just made a comment on
a post on Instagram this morningwhere they were talking about
how you know narcissists.
You know they go to family andfriends and they're the victim
of you when you were the victimand it's like, well, of course
(03:54):
they are.
Of course they are because theycannot take accountability and
you have to be the bad guybecause they're not going to go
around and say, oh yeah, I didthis.
And well, some of them will,but you know, very rarely will
they admit to anything and ifthey did, it's your fault anyway
.
But what a, what a shit show.
I'm just going to say it.
Speaker 2 (04:17):
Oh, please, it is.
And.
I mean it's oh, I said dogs andyour kid and you, I mean no, no
, I know, and Faith had been outof it completely until the
defendant literally tried toinhibit me from leaving a public
place today.
But other than that, faith,faith never goes on scene with
(04:38):
me.
Speaker 1 (04:39):
No, but the reality is is that this stuff when
you're dealing with it?
I mean, people say, leave workat work.
But the reality is, especiallywhen you're dealing with
domestic violence and any kindof abusive situation, you do
take it home with you.
I mean one of the things likeit when I was married to my
first husband, even with my ownkid I he doesn't, I would say he
(05:02):
witnessed or was around formaybe a quarter of all the
things that happened.
He doesn't even know the halfof it and all of it didn't even
make it in my book.
But we try to when we're withour kids, be present with them.
But when we're carrying all thisheaviness in our hearts and in
(05:24):
our minds, whether you're inthat victim situation as a
spouse and trying to stillparent your kids or whether,
like you, trying to helpsomebody that's in a situation
and trying to get out andadvocating, you still carry this
all in your heart, you know,and in your mind and it goes
(05:44):
into your home then and and youknow, it's just this effect and
I think that's why we have thiswidespread I mean I would say
this is an epidemic, more sothan you know.
Covid or anything else is likethis idea that people are just
this.
Negativity and toxicity justspreads like a cancer into
(06:04):
everything and everybody aroundit and it's just disgusting.
Speaker 2 (06:09):
So we're going to do a complete opposite.
I am going to apologize aheadof time, but if I even gave you
the specifics of the last sixdays of my life, y'all would be
like I get it, okay, no problem,yeah.
And so we're going to just spinit a little bit and I'm going
to put the questions to the side, and what we're going to do
today is for mental healthpurposes.
(06:31):
We're going to talk about thejoy that you can experience once
it's behind you, once you'reover the rainbow and you get to
see that you don't have to dealwith this shit anymore, and it
is such a beautiful.
It's a beautiful view, it's abeautiful life.
You don't have to deal withthis shit anymore, Like you know
, and it is such a beautiful,it's a beautiful view, it's a
beautiful life.
You don't have to deal withthis.
(06:51):
You can have love and you canhave.
You can have safe and easybreathing.
You can breathe knowing that.
Speaker 1 (06:56):
That's what it is.
You can breathe.
Yeah yeah, literally andfiguratively.
Speaker 2 (07:00):
It literally and figuratively like you can
literally just inhale and exhaleand just be like it's gone.
I mean, the best way I explainit to people is if you've never
been in this situation, Godbless you.
But it's like being chronicallyasthmatic in a room of a
(07:32):
smoker's lounge and everybody'slit up and there's no windows
and there's no doors and you'rein this environment.
But when you're out and you'reno longer there, you're in like
this huge open field and all youhave is fresh air and a
beautiful scenery and you don'thave any of that toxicity
anymore and life is so muchbetter and you can get there.
You can get there and then youget to be happy and you get to
be healthy and you get to feelbetter.
And that is where I think weneed to focus today, because we
haven't done that and it's soimperative that people realize
(07:52):
they can get there.
Speaker 1 (07:54):
Yeah, and I want to as an example I won't take up
too much time.
But you know we're talkingabout the breathing and my first
book was called Gasping for Airand it's not.
People think it was just atitle and expression, but it was
a reference to the lungsyndrome and the autoimmunity
that I developed as a directresult of living in fight or
(08:15):
flight mode for so long and whatI want to explain to people,
because it does relate toeverything you just said.
Again, I developed this.
You know, childhood, twonarcissists raised me, marriage,
25 years with a narcissist.
By the end of that me, the girlwho ran five miles every day
and coached cross country andate chicken and avocados and
(08:39):
hard boiled eggs and veryhealthy was told that she had a
lung disease because I couldbarely move.
I could.
I want people to understand.
By the end of that marriage, um,I had dropped down to 93, very
skeletal pounds.
I could literally barely move,like my body the best way I
could describe it, and it soundslike an exaggeration, but it
(09:01):
felt like rigor mortis wasalready setting in, like I was
moving, very.
I couldn't move, I couldn'tbreathe.
The doctor said my body wasactually shutting down.
Yet I was alive and I had tohave.
My heart rate was so low that Ihad to have a backpack oxygen
machine with the thing everysingle day.
(09:23):
And to give people aperspective on my breathing,
during COVID they said if yourlevels of oxygen, your oxygen
saturation, were 93% or lower,that you were in a very serious,
severe state.
With COVID, yeah, my levels atone point dropped as low as 83%.
Point dropped as low as 83%,83%.
(09:50):
I could not stand, I could not.
I literally laid in bed and Godlove my husband, doug, because
you know I've known him a longtime, so he was obviously, you
know, around during, you know,the end of my first marriage,
when all this was happening,that he was there to take care
of me because my ex would haveleft me for dead.
But Doug was the one who wascooking a little bit of white
rice and a little chicken,making sure I had toast,
(10:12):
something to keep me going andhelping me when I needed to walk
because I literally couldn'twalk.
Some days literally couldn'twalk because I couldn't effing
breathe.
But now that I have been outand it's only been well,
honestly, it's only been.
It's not even been four years,just shy of four years since my
(10:34):
ex finally moved out of thathouse, right or no?
This is 2025, five years.
I'm sorry, I can't count Fiveyears, but I maybe had to use my
oxygen machine two or threetimes last year just for like an
hour or two, Cause my oxygenwas short, gets humid and
whatever in the summer.
But I'm healthy.
(10:55):
I'm a healthy weight again.
Things are good.
But it was because of thetoxicity of being in that
situation and if I had stayed,I'm telling you right now, I
would have died.
I'm telling you right now, Iwould have died.
My body had turned against me.
Even my body was telling meDana, this is not, we can't live
(11:16):
in that, we cannot survive inthis environment.
But I say this not to depresspeople, but to give people the
realization.
But I say this not to depresspeople, but to give people the
realization.
I went from being perfectlyhealthy to being very, very,
very sick.
When you have to walk aroundwith an oxygen machine on your
back, that's pretty bad, likeevery day, every second.
I even had to sleep with one ofthose stupid machines which I
(11:38):
can't sleep on.
That thing is, yeah, that'sjust suffocating in itself.
But now I'm good.
I'm good because I'm out andbecause I'm with a man that's
kind to me.
I mean, I don't ask for muchkindness.
You know that speaks positivityand I think it's really
important for people tounderstand.
(11:59):
I know it's hard.
When you're in the situationyou don't see a way out, you
think, oh, I just wasn't meantfor this life, or God is mad at
me.
Believe me.
I said all those things you canget.
You just have to make thechoice.
You have to decide.
I'm done with this shit.
I want out and choose yourselffor once.
Speaker 2 (12:18):
Right, absolutely yeah, you have to, and that's
what you need to do and and it'samazing you think that I'm in
this dark place and I'm nevergoing to get out.
And I tell people all the timeremember that you have survived
100% of your darkest days.
And I know I sound like I'm onrepeat, but that is such a
powerful statement, you know,when you think about it.
I mean I was laying on the floorgoing, just take me, I can't do
(12:41):
this another day.
And then faith would kick meand be like I'm here too, mom,
because I was pregnant with her.
And then I was like I havesurvived 100% of my darkest days
.
That's a pretty doggone, good,impressive record.
And you think about it and thenyou think you know what.
So let's just start.
Small People are like well, Ican't go from one to the other.
It's not a light switch, no,it's not.
But start celebrating thelittle things.
(13:02):
Celebr, like celebrate thetiniest of milestones.
It's like being a mom tospecial needs.
I never heard Faith until shewas two and a half years old.
I didn't get the baby moments,I didn't get to give her a
pacifier because of her mouth,and she didn't get to take a
bottle.
She was G-tube fed and so likethere were a lot.
But you know what?
There's not one minute I takefor granted.
(13:23):
The first time I heard her wasthe biggest moment for me, and
you celebrate every singlesolitary thing and the little
moments that you're like, wow, Idid that.
Or say something like you know,oh, I did something I haven't
done since I've left my abusiverelationship.
And then you surprise yourselfwith I am so proud of myself
(13:44):
because I did that.
And then you celebrate the nextmilestone and the next, and
then you're like, wow, I, I wenta whole hour without thinking
about it.
There's trauma, anniversaries,there's all these other things
you know like there's.
Sometimes when things happen onTV, I can't watch them.
But then you get to the pointwhere it's like I just realized
I watched that and it didn'tfaze me.
And it's not like you're tryingto torture yourself because
(14:04):
you're not.
But you can get to the pointwhere things are so beautiful
and you recognize the beauty andthings, like everything
happened, like I would neverhave met dana and she.
I told her before we leave her,you can never leave me here, you
can't quit me because she isthe sister I always, always
wanted and never had, and Iadore her to the moon and back.
I do, and and I can't sayenough about her because I think
(14:26):
she's such a beautiful personand she has gone through hell
and she's come out on the otherside and I know from not
personal experience, but Faith,you know, got down to nothing
and weight and she looked likejust a skeleton with a layer of
skin and it was so scary I wasafraid to hug her, I thought I
would break her Full organfailure.
And now look at her, it's thesame thing with Dana.
(14:48):
And it's the same thing withDana and it's like you celebrate
that growth, you celebrate thatlife and you realize.
You know, I think I shocked herbecause I never, ever, ever do
anything for myself.
Speaker 1 (15:04):
Ever I haven't.
I haven't been on a vacation in20.
And your nails look fabulous,by the way, I meant to tell you,
that's my, my favorite color.
Speaker 2 (15:07):
I haven't been any.
I haven't been on vacation in20 years.
I haven't you know like nothing.
And I texted her on Saturdayand I and it was before the
standoff and I was like I'm justtired.
Something is like telling me togo do something by myself.
Dad is doing something withdaughter right now.
They're doing some stupidwhatever video I don't know,
video game, I don't care.
I said I'm gonna go dosomething for myself.
(15:29):
And she's like what, what areyou doing?
And I was like I'm gonna go getmy nails done.
That is so out of character forme and I'm so glad that I did
because I sat there and got themdone.
I made sure there's nosharpness to them, which I know
people are.
Like what?
Because when I got on the sixhour standoff I literally, if I
showed you I have like a hundredbites on me because I was
(15:49):
outside with the pollen, inthere with the bugs for six
hours and I was like I wastelling the officers.
I said I need to go take a bathin Benadryl and I'm so glad I
can't scratch, because I wouldhave just scratched my skin raw
and it was.
It was just like I.
I took a half a tube of she'sgonna laugh when I show you this
the Benadryl lotion.
(16:11):
I took half of a tube andslathered it on me like
slathered.
Speaker 1 (16:17):
No, I'm not laughing because I'm yeah, I'm a type B
positive blood, so mosquitoesand things love me, so I
understand.
Yeah, I slather too.
Speaker 2 (16:30):
Do something for yourself that you never, ever
would think about doing.
You know something small thatyou just were like, you know,
but to you it's such a big deal.
It is such a big deal to do itand to help with, whatever
anybody else thinks.
You know, I and I'm going touse my husband as an example
when we dated 25 years ago, Ilived and breathed for that man
(16:50):
Like I believed.
He I knew right off the bat.
He was my soulmate.
He was obsessed with theappearance of his significant
other and so I lived in the gymseven days a week.
He said if you gain any weight,you know, which is a
narcissistic comment, and I havesaid this to him.
You know he was very obsessedabout it.
He was like.
You know, I like long hair, somy hair was down past my waist
(17:13):
and he was like if you ever cutyour hair or gain weight, I'm
going to dump you.
And here I am the seniorexecutive in the corporate world
and I'm an instructor at thepolice academy.
And I'm like what?
And you know, I was so faithfulto this man and little did I
know that his swingy dingy wasin everything else and I had not
one clue.
I didn't have an idea because Iwas so blinded by the fact that
(17:36):
I thought I found my soulmate.
He's everything to me, and theday I found out he had lied to
me for four and a half years, Ibroke it off instantly.
And what did I do?
I whacked my hair just gonegone.
And he was like you're notallowed, you know, I don't like
girls with tattoos.
I went and got one and it wasjust all.
It was my very first one and itwas just like why do we live to
(18:00):
make others beside ourselfhappy?
Speaker 1 (18:04):
Right, I mean well it's because we've been
conditioned.
We care so much because societytells us that that's our duty.
I know these are outdatedbeliefs about male and female
roles, but I don't care.
There's still people the babyboomers and up, I hate to say,
and even some of our generation,generation X believe that.
(18:25):
You know, this is how a woman'ssupposed to be and that's how a
man's supposed to be, and wecan all say it's garbage, which
I think it is.
I think just be whoever thehell you are, and if it's not
okay for somebody.
But I was also that personbecause I had two narcissistic
parents that I was trying to getapproval from, that I had a
narcissistic husband that I justwanted to love me.
(18:47):
And we do what we do.
We go by society's rules, we goby the rules of our house, we
go by the rules whether they'reimplied, written or verbal of
the people that we surroundourselves with, because we want
everyone to be happy, because weas women are supposed to make
everybody happy.
And there are a lot of men outthere too.
You know, and I hate to say myhusband's one of them, that you
(19:09):
know he was the fourth of fivechildren and a very, you know,
with a very domineering father.
I loved my father-in-law, butyou know very domineering man
who said this is how it's goingto be and everybody better damn
well listen.
And when, when you're in thosecircumstances, you learn to
appease, and that's what I thinkthis world has come to.
Is you either appease everybodyor you basically live like
(19:34):
totally the opposite way, like Feverybody, and I don't know.
I've leaned now in my healingmore towards that.
I wouldn't say F everybody, butI live my life and I encourage
others to do the same, becauseone of the things I have
discovered with narcissists isthat I'm too much for some of
(19:54):
them, I'm not enough for others.
But when I opened my eyes andstarted healing, I was just
freaking fine, exactly how I was, just like you are.
And every other person on God'sgreen earth is just fine how
they are.
Every other person on God'sgreen earth is just fine how
they are.
We are all imperfect, we allhave flaws, we all have issues,
we all have things.
I love when people say oh, Idon't have mental health
(20:15):
problems, mental health isn't anissue.
Physical health and mentalhealth are the same damn thing.
You exercise them, you maintainthem, you want to be healthy.
But, believe me, the way thisworld is, everybody's got
freaking issues mentally andphysically, so nobody is better
than anyone else.
We're all just going throughthe same damn thing, rolling
(20:35):
around in this ball in the skyuntil we die.
So I'm just going to be, and Iwant others to just be.
Take out the judgment, take outthe shame, take out the bull of
what other people make us feellike we're supposed to conform
to.
I'm tired of conforming, I'mtired of norms.
(20:55):
Yes, I'm a law abiding citizen.
I believe in God.
I'm not going to be somecriminal, crazy person on the
streets, but we got to just be.
And I love that you didsomething for you, because the
other part of it is that we'remade to feel selfish.
If we do something forourselves yes, right, it's
selfish Then we're called anarcissist and then we're called
(21:16):
all kinds of other things.
But you know what?
I go back to this.
I go back to the airplane.
When you get on a plane and theflight attendant's doing the
whole thing, telling you if youend up in the water, here's the
floaty under your seat, if it'seven there anymore, if the thing
you know the plane's going down, grab a mask, although I'll
never understand that, becauseyou're going to die anyway.
(21:37):
So why do you need to breathe?
I know I don't understand it,but they say you know, put the
mask over yourself first andthen put a mask over.
They say your child.
But I put a mask over.
They say your child, but I'mlike, oh, that's nice Cause if
you have three children.
Then you got to pick yourfavorite.
And what about your husband?
Like you know, he probablydoesn't know how to do that
either.
And you got to pick yourfavorite person, basically.
But the reason you don't put iton them first is because you're
(21:59):
no good to them If you don'ttake care of you.
You got to breathe, you got tolive, you got to be good, right,
and so you need to do that.
And I'm glad that life workedout that way for you because
it's like God knew you needed todo you, because you were going
to enter in this very timeconsuming, uh, multi-day
situation.
(22:19):
But even if we're not even forpeople out there that are just,
you know, normal people livingtheir lives, I mean, I remember
the first night that I was in myhouse and my ex was at the
first time.
He was not there the firstnight that he had moved out and
I didn't know what to do withmyself because he had always
(22:40):
dictated everything.
And even though I I'm anintelligent woman with an
independent mind.
I was so used to following hisrules because that's how the
peace was kept.
That was the only way to makesure my kid was okay, that I was
okay.
But I didn't know what the hellto do with myself.
But I knew it was dinner time,but with him there were all
(23:00):
these rules about dinner had tobe, you know, a meat and two
sides, but we couldn't have thesame type of meat on two
consecutive nights and itcouldn't be leftovers.
And and two sides, but wecouldn't have the same type of
meat on two consecutive nightsand it couldn't be leftovers and
the two sides couldn't be thesame.
I couldn't have two vegetablesor two starches or two carbs, or
you know, I had to intermixthem.
And I mean I literally likeplanned meals weeks ahead of
(23:21):
time just to make sure I wasn'tscrewing something up.
But I was like I realized, as Istood there, like I don't have
to follow his rules, like I am,what freedom means I can do
whatever the hell I want.
And so my magic phrase that Istill use to this day and that I
tell everyone else, the magicwords to say in any situation
(23:42):
are what do I want?
It's not selfish.
What do I want?
And you know what I wanted atthat moment.
I wanted butter pecan ice creambecause that's my favorite.
And we had a pint of butterpecan ice cream and I can't do
dairy and I'm supposed to begluten-free and whatever.
But I said F it, I'm having apint of butter pecan ice cream
and that's what I did and it wasthe most delicious ice cream
(24:05):
ever and I did it for me and itmade me happy.
So I just say, whatever youhave to do to fill your little,
you know, I call it the happyjar, you can call it your heart
whatever you got to put thoselittle deposits in, you know,
daily, hopefully multiple timesa day, because if you're happy,
if you're content, if you feelgood, then that's going to
(24:26):
resonate with everybody aroundyou.
That energy definitely spreadsto everybody your kids, your
husband, all the people youencounter every day.
Speaker 2 (24:36):
Right and I am totally focused.
I have nine cameras that I'mwatching over here, the
individual.
I just showed Dana my phone.
The individual is in myneighborhood and so she's not on
my street and she's like twomiles.
I mean she's 0.2 miles from meright now, which is what I don't
(24:58):
understand.
When this was going on and Iwas her call at first, she says
I want you to have my locationat all times and the officers
were like like don't say a wordand I was like I'm not saying
nothing.
So she gave me her location andit lets me see where she is at
all times and that's veryimportant because she will just
drive up and I wasn't watchingwhere she was when I this
(25:21):
morning, when I was at the storeand she was directly blocking
my vehicle so I couldn't get out.
But I just pulled her up to seewhere she was and she's
literally in my subdivision,like somewhere right now.
So I'm just kind of watching tosee, because one of her
children are are here with me atthe moment.
So I'm just watching.
But it sounds like you need toprobably contact somebody well,
(25:41):
not.
I mean I can't do anythingunless I, unless she actually
comes here.
You know her son.
There's a TPO in place and shecan't get near her son.
Speaker 1 (25:50):
I understand that that's what's wrong with the law
.
Though how many times havewomen gone to the police, or men
, in all fairness, and said youknow, I'm in a situation I'm
scared.
Well, we have to wait untilthey do it.
You know, unless they come inthe house, unless they actually
assault you.
Speaker 2 (26:10):
Yeah, they've got to do something dramatic.
And it's not fair.
It's not fair, it's trauma forthis beautiful little boy when
he even visually sees her I mean, most kids at that age are all
about mom but he's like I don'tever want to see her again.
You know she scares me, don'tever want to see her again.
(26:30):
You know she scares me, youknow I mean I, I just it breaks
my heart to see what, what hashappened here.
And you know I, I, this littleboy is like a little piece of
heaven on earth.
He's the cutest thing you'veever seen and he's so sweet and
and he, he, I gave him thislittle thing that I have, I give
to kids.
It says it's a little pockethug and it's so cute, and so he
colored it in and I said I wantyou to hold it whenever you feel
(26:52):
like you need a little bit of ahug, I want you to take it and
hold it.
So he looks at me and he goescan I have two of them?
And I said you can have as manyas you want.
And he colored this in and hesaid this is for you.
I want you to have it when youneed a hug from me and I was
like oh my like I was like can Iadopt him like we?
seriously, he's the sweetest,cutest little thing you've ever
(27:12):
seen in your life.
And he was just like I love you.
And then he and here's thething he texted me last night.
He has a phone, he has aniphone, he has an iphone.
And he texted me last night umat like 10 o'clock and was like
I was just checking on you tosee how you were doing, cause
I'm sure you had a very hard daySeven.
(27:33):
And I was like why aren't yousleeping?
And he was like I was.
I'm trying, I just can't.
Speaker 1 (27:40):
Well of course he can't Right.
Incidentally, it is child abuseawareness month, it's April and
I think it's important forpeople to understand whether
you're the mom in an abusivesituation or you have a
narcissist anywhere in your life.
Even if they're not physicallyabusing you, there's obviously,
(28:03):
you know, psychological andemotional abuse, the gaslighting
, the manipulation.
It's not just going on with you, it's going on with your kids.
Kids are for lack of betterwords and, to explain it easily,
kids are hardwired by aboutseven years old as to how
they're going to live the restof their lives, what their ideas
(28:24):
are about themselves lives,what their ideas are about
themselves, what their ideas areabout others.
For example, this little boy Ihope I'm very wrong, but may
have an issue with women, mayhave an issue connecting with
women later in life.
Speaker 2 (28:39):
I'm already seeing it .
Speaker 1 (28:41):
Right, you know different things like that, but
seven is a very young age.
You are hardwired by the timeyou are seven, and so when we
have these careless people likemy parents, like your parents
you know I'm 49 and I am stillundoing the muck in my head that
(29:06):
affects every friendship, everyromantic relationship, it
affects work.
I mean, I am pretty well healed, healed enough that I'm helping
other people heal, but I amnowhere near finished.
And I don't even know if therereally is a finish line.
I think you just keep going andit keeps getting a little
(29:26):
easier, kind of like if you playpiano, you just keep practicing
and you keep getting better,but you know you'll never be
Mozart or you know you mightcome close, but it's the same
kind of thing.
But if we think about that,give yourself that grace that
whatever, whoever did this toyou and whatever happened, I
mean a lot of this stuff thatyou know we go through, even for
(29:50):
people that say, oh no, mychildhood was fine.
I mean, my husband said that amillion times over and he,
everybody in our small town, oh,they're such a nice family.
Well, you know, then therecomes me, and it's interesting
because my husband now like I'lllook at him and I'll notice a
(30:12):
behavior or a habit and you knowtendencies and I'll be like did
something like this.
You know like I'll like saysomething about his childhood or
ask him a question.
He's like I never thought aboutit, like yeah, that's why you
think you came from a nicefamily, but y'all got your shit.
They, they done fucked you uplike they done fucked the rest.
(30:35):
And I don't forgive my languagepeople, but seriously, like it
is so astonishing that evenso-called nice families and
people think they're fine and no, they're not.
And and I'm not picking onanybody but I won't share my
husband's psyche and his issues.
(30:55):
You know publicly, but like onesmall one, I'm sure he wouldn't
mind me sharing.
That, you know isn'tnecessarily mental health, but
you know it's like I, when Ifirst started um eating meals
with him, I would notice like itwould remind me of like when I
was like 1984 at school, when Iwould put up my trapper keeper,
(31:16):
like you know, stand it up andput it around.
You know what I'm saying.
That's what I envision.
What, like when and my husbanddoes this when he eats, he kind
of like he's very tall and big,like same size as your husband,
so he kind of like like hoversover his meal but he puts like
his arms around and he has thisthing like it doesn't matter
(31:40):
where I place everything, hepulls it all in very close and
has to eat, like it's like he'sprotecting his food.
And I remember one day lookingat him and I'm like, honey, I
know you were the fourth of fivechildren when y'all sat to
dinner every night, did likeyour older brothers, like grab
all the food, and your dad like,and you couldn't get any, so
(32:00):
you had to protect what was onyour plate.
And he goes yeah, how'd youknow?
I'm like oh, it's a littleobvious, it's a little freaking.
You're like and he freaks out.
I'm one of those people.
I came from a Puerto Ricanfamily.
Like we all just like eat, eat,eat.
I was like, oh, you're notgoing to eat that.
Or let me try a bit and justreach over across the table.
Oh, you should see his facelike touching his.
(32:22):
So it's interesting.
And again, this is just a funnylittle light example.
But think about how thistranslates to our mental health
and the things that we do.
You know my husband's 60, forGod's sake, and he's still
carrying this childhood crapinto how he eats today.
And there's no talking, likewhen he sits to eat.
(32:43):
I used to get upset that hewouldn't converse with me, but
it's because he feels like he'sgot to shovel his food down
because otherwise somebody elseis going to grab it or take his
plate or whatever.
And I'm like my goodnessgracious, my Lord.
So, yeah, it was interesting,like when we went to Spain and
he'd never had had a Europeanmeal where there's like 500
(33:06):
courses and it goes on for hoursand hours.
500 courses and it goes on forhours and hours.
Yeah, it was like heaven to him.
But he didn't understand thatwe all share off the same plate
in European countries.
You just take a little and waitfor the next plate to come, but
you know why don't we do that?
with weight.
Speaker 2 (33:23):
Like you know, I'll give a little.
I got a lot of back there sothey can.
I'll share it over this way andshare it over that way.
Speaker 1 (33:31):
I wish I could just move the weight around my body
Like I never had plenty to share.
Speaker 2 (33:36):
Like I'll give you a little something, something back
there.
Speaker 1 (33:38):
I mean you know it was weird.
Well, now we're talking aboutbodies, but, like, even when I
was 93 pounds, I mean I, I, Idid scare people.
I remember the first time Ilooked at myself like really
looked in the mirror and waslike Holy, like I started crying
and freaking out because, but Ialways had this little like I,
I joke around and no offense,but I always felt like a 12 year
(34:00):
old year, like Ethiopian thathasn't eaten in months, because
it was like my belly stored allmy fat.
I was like Sandy the squirrelfrom SpongeBob, storing all the
nuts in my belly, but I had not.
I mean, you could literally seeevery vein popping out and all
my bones.
But I will always carry, like Ihave this little belly that
(34:21):
people always think I'm pregnant, which is humorous in some
situations.
But you know it doesn't matter.
I could be probably 70 poundsand I'd still look pregnant.
It's a weird thing.
Our bodies, I know, but ourbodies are a reflection of our
mental health oftentimes.
Oh, great, thanks.
No, I know, but I'm saying howwe.
Well, cortisol makes you gainweight.
(34:41):
Cortisol is a stress hormonewhen you're in a toxic
relationship.
Speaker 2 (34:45):
True.
But I mean it also makes youlose weight, and if that's the
truth, I should look likeCalista Flockhart Well it's
different For most people.
Speaker 1 (34:53):
It makes you gain, it keeps you, but it's not For me
it makes me lose.
I don't eat a lot of food.
Right, your body's storing whatit does eat, okay.
Speaker 2 (35:03):
I bet you I don't eat 1,200 calories a day.
But that's not the point.
The point is is that like mybutt has its own zip code, you
know, like I have a little dunkdunk back there.
I think that you know.
I'm just saying that.
Speaker 1 (35:15):
I have no butt, and so some people would want a
little bit of a dunk dunk.
Well there's a dunk dunkcom, bythe way.
Don't go on it Now.
Everybody's gonna go on it.
Somebody said something aboutthat, and I'm one of those
weirdos that's like oh let me golook and then I'm like oh my
God, my eyes like never again.
Speaker 2 (35:37):
I love it Anywho.
Speaker 1 (35:39):
yeah, if you ever want to get rid of some butt.
I could use some boobies andbooties.
I'll give you both.
Speaker 2 (35:46):
You know, I mean I got.
When I got back together withMichael, he was like where are
your boobs?
And I was like what?
They're still here.
And he was like, yeah, but youused to be really chesty and so
athletic and I was like I had abreast reduction and that was
the best gift because myshoulder had to be replaced due
to trauma and they were like youcan't hold the shoulder
(36:06):
boulders or whatever with thenew shoulder and he was like the
shoulder going to work.
And so I was like what doesthat mean?
And he says, well, we're goingto have to do a reduction.
And I was like thank you, jesus.
And he was like you know, andwe do a lift when we do it.
And I was like what does thatmean?
And the doctor was hilarious.
He's like so basically, thatmeans you won't have, you know,
(36:27):
your chest in your drawers.
You'll never get furnituredisease right, no, furniture
disease.
And I was like what?
And he's like you won't have towheel them up, like you know,
like they're not going to bedone.
And I was like, wow, there,there's something lovely.
You know, there's my silverlining in the dark cloud.
And I was like I'm good atlunch.
Speaker 1 (36:55):
You ready, you ready to go?
And he was just like you knowyou're going to have a reduction
.
I'm like no, I'm really okaywith that, like I want it to be.
And he was like I know multiplepeople who've had a reduction
and they all say I mean they'relike thank God, because, whether
it was knees, shoulders, back,I mean it affects so much.
I mean they're nice to look at.
I mean if I was a guy, I'd be aboob guy.
I can honestly say because Ilook at a nice chest and I'm
(37:16):
like damn that looks good.
Speaker 2 (37:16):
I wish I had that.
Speaker 1 (37:16):
But then I don't, because, like, I've always been
a runner my whole life and stuff, and I'd be like, yeah, like my
sister, she, oh my God, thatgirl, I mean from the time she
was 12 years old.
The bazongas on that girl,jesus Christ, honest to to God,
like even wedding pictures.
I show her.
She was oh my God, she's sobeautiful.
But her wedding pictures I mean, oh my God, I mean she is the
(37:38):
most gorgeous creature evercreated, but you don't even see
that because her boobs, likethey, just you can't not look at
them.
It's like you know, when womensay, oh, my eyes are up here,
yeah, but when you have those,how can I not?
I'm a girl and I look like it'shard not to.
Anyway, yes, I'm glad that Idon't have big ones, but I'm
glad that you had the reductionbecause I don't.
Speaker 2 (38:04):
I mean they're nice, but you know, I mean they're a
pain, because you know, and Ifeel bad because Faith is little
like you.
I mean she's tiny little andshe got them and she was like
you know.
I told her, when you get older,if you want a reduction, I'll
talk to you about it.
Like seriously, because shelooks like a porn star.
There's no other way to say it.
Speaker 1 (38:23):
I mean she does.
Speaker 2 (38:24):
I've seen.
Speaker 1 (38:24):
Yeah, I've seen in a couple, or even when she comes
on to say hi once in a while.
Speaker 2 (38:33):
I'm like, my goodness , she is a little thing and
she's got.
She is so top heavy and like,if she goes, you know, around
the house, I'm like you willlike at night when it's bedtime
she swaddle waddles.
I call swaddle waddling and Itell her I'm like, babe, when
you're in the house at night, ifyou had a shower, there's no
white t-shirt, we're notheadlighting, you know you can't
(38:56):
headlight and I'm like you'vealways got to make sure those
are.
Don't.
Don't walk around in a tank topand I was like without a bra on
because you could hurt somebodylike that.
That, that's no you know, andshe's like mom and I was like I
know I'm sorry, I wasn'tintentional that you got them, I
promise you.
And she's like, but you know,and, and she's the tiniest
(39:20):
little frame, she's she.
I was like, oh, she's gorgeous,she's freaking gorgeous.
But holy crap, you know, andshe's like mom, I love my body.
I, yes, yes, you do look good,but if anybody tries to pay you
for anything, I'm going to go alittle redhead viral for this.
But you know, people are likeand men are like oh, I love big
(39:40):
boobs, carry them around for aminute, you know like.
You know, seriously, carry themaround and then you won't,
because they're just like men.
Speaker 1 (39:47):
Love having love, having sex I mean, who doesn't?
But women are the ones thathave to carry the babies that
are made as a result, whetherthey're planned or not, and you
know that's not as much fun.
Speaker 2 (39:58):
And you take something the size of a
watermelon and squeeze it out,something the size of a lemon,
and you complain to me laterlike are you kidding?
Speaker 1 (40:05):
just well.
I just think every man shouldbe at some point, you know, laid
down, ass up and have his assbutthole torn open a little bit
like three or four inches, likewe're torn open and then sutured
, and say, ok, come what, youcan't leave the hospital till
you pee and poop.
You have to poop, you know, andthen go out in the world.
Speaker 2 (40:29):
And you'll also bleed for another month.
But you know I mean seriouslyand then like that's not
bleeding, that is hemorrhaging,but yeah and they're like I'm
too big, I'm in bed for a week,I have a man cold, I can't do
anything.
Are you kidding me?
Here we are with our period anda cold and allergies and a
(40:50):
fever, and we're stillfunctioning.
We're doing everything and youhave an itty bitty little
toothache.
No, uh-uh, no, well, that wasmy ex.
Speaker 1 (40:57):
I mean, talk about.
Well, when you're with anarcissist, everything's about
them.
But, yeah right, always likepoor him, poor him, and I'll
never.
I think probably the first timeI realized, I mean, I think I
always knew he was a dick, butthe first time I really got
upset with him, like reallyangry Well, there were so many
(41:17):
times so I can't say the firsttime.
Anyway, now I'm thinking likeeverything's rolling in my head,
but I just remember I hadpneumonia.
I was prone to pneumonia.
I got it every year and theywould not give me the darn
pneumonia shot because I was tooyoung and you can only have it
every 10 years.
So I am laid out and ifanybody's ever had pneumonia it
is the most god awful,horrendous, oh my God.
(41:39):
You literally feel like deathmight be better.
Speaker 2 (41:42):
And it feels like you're dying.
Speaker 1 (41:44):
Yeah, it is so awful.
My son was maybe two, roughly,and it was bath time and I was I
mean, you can't even keep youreyes open when you're that sick.
I was so sick, like I just Imean, I was on the couch and
(42:05):
then next thing I know, I wasbeing woken up by my ex.
Oh, our son needs a bath.
I was being woken up by my exoh, our son needs a bath, can
you go give it to him?
Well, no, that's your job.
I'm like I am definitely ill.
And nope, I had to get up andgive my son a bath.
And what did my ex do?
Sat on the couch and watch TVand I was just like, wow, that I
(42:26):
think I guess what I'm saying.
The first time.
That was the first time Irealized that all his crap was.
You know that, that it wasnever going to be about me.
I would never be considered.
Yeah, only he would.
Because he was yeah, oh,sniffles, I'm staying home from
work.
I'm like really, really, yeah,stay home from work, and he's
(42:47):
drinking his Miller lights andwatching impractical jokers,
cause that's all he pretty muchdid with his life.
So, yeah, fun stuff, and thisis the stuff we have to heal
from.
And you know, even if that's theworst part of a relationship,
it still affects you.
You know, you get thefrustration, the anger, the
resentment, the grief.
You know the grief of mourningwhat you thought it was and what
(43:10):
will never be.
And all this stuff, it's a lot.
It is a lot.
And people say, well then, ifit's so bad, why do you stay?
Well, we can have a whole,probably 10 episodes on why
women stay.
But I don't care who you are.
You don't even have to bemarried, you don't even have to
have kids.
Right, you can have a dog.
It's not easy to just up andwalk out.
Most people can't affordanother rent, another mortgage,
(43:34):
another household of utilitiesand dividing medical insurance
because one to pay for medicalcare and you don't even get
medical care even when you payfor it.
But you know, it's just noteasy.
It's not that easy, it's not.
Well, I'm glad we got a chanceto divert a little bit.
We need to do it more often.
Speaker 2 (44:06):
We are just getting more and more questions and
comments and thoughts, and sowe're going to have to like get
back on it.
But I want to thank everybodyfor listening and I have a cute
little one who wants to come offcamera and say hello to Dana.
I want to thank everybody forlistening and tuning in and we
will get right back on answeringquestions and thoughts on the
next episode.
So keep your light on andrealize that you are worth
(44:28):
fighting for and you can getpast all of this and you're not
alone.
Speaker 1 (44:32):
You are not alone.
We are here with you.
Love y'all.
Peace out 100%.
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