Assignment Season: Exploring the Fine Line Between Pouring Into an Assignment and Self-Preservation

In this hilarious and insightful episode of "A Letter to my homegirls," Morgan Adrine and Sydnei Sellers dive into the complex world of relationships and self-worth. With their quick wit and banter, they explore the question of when you might be giving too much without receiving an equal amount. Sydnei, with her zero-tolerance policy, offers valuable advice on assessing whether you're depleting your own cup and not getting anything in return. They discuss the delicate balance between being picky and blocking your own blessings, emphasizing the importance of knowing your non-negotiables.

But it doesn't stop there! Morgan raises a thought-provoking question about whether a person who currently has an assignment in your life could potentially become your life partner in the future. Sydnei's response, filled with wisdom and humor, revolves around timing and discernment. They highlight the significance of navigating relationships in the present without prematurely forecasting desires for the future. Sydnei encourages inviting God into the relationship and seeking divine guidance to avoid compromising the journey.

As the conversation unfolds, Morgan expresses her concerns about giving more than she's receiving, but Sydnei shifts her perspective. She reminds Morgan that if someone is an assignment, the focus should be on benefiting them rather than expecting something in return. However, Sydnei emphasizes that God will not force her to deplete herself without refilling her with what she needs. It's all about switching perspectives and understanding the season of assignment, while also seeking God's direction and taking it one day at a time.

In their final note to the homegirls, Morgan and Sydnei encourage extending grace to oneself and waiting on God's timing. With a mic-drop moment, they leave listeners laughing, inspired, and armed with insightful perspectives on relationships and personal growth.

Episode Transcript

Morgan Adrine (00:00):
So I said, at what point are you tolerating
too much? So Sydnei, how are youfeeling today?

Sydnei Sellers (00:09):
Well Morg maybe I was a bell pepper but that I
am probably hanging it the Karis

Morgan Adrine (00:24):
Carolina Reaper.
I'm not a ghost pepper. So I'mup there with you. I'm on tour
with you. Um, so I think youknow what I want to talk about.
Because I'll start here, I amoften told by various people
that obviously you know,relationships are give and take.
But my genuine question is, atwhat point may you be giving too

(00:48):
much without taking the sameamount. And like, when I say
this, I mean, like, I know,relationships will not always be
5050 8020 6040 I get that. Butand more. So even before you get
in a relationship. Obviously, weare not perfect, you will not be

(01:10):
fully healed, you will not haveeverything together, financials,
spirituality, anything, you willnot have it all together before
you get in a relationship. But Iwon't point to me as a single
person, when do I say okay, Ican work with you on this? Or
nah? Like, that's, I can't dealwith it. Well,

Sydnei Sellers (01:35):
so I, I am somebody who has, like 00
tolerance, like zero tolerance,and it's something that I'm
definitely working a little bitbetter to manage. I think that
assessing whether or not you aredepleting or emptying your cup,

(01:58):
and not getting anything inreturn is like the first step.
Also identifying like, whatabout this relationship is
requiring you or asking you togive, right? And then thinking
about your non negotiables, likethings that you just cannot,

(02:20):
like, you know, those thingsthat you cannot do? And
assessing? What of those thingsare you given too much of,

Morgan Adrine (02:29):
but as someone who I, I feel like personally, I
can be too picky. And like we'rethat goes into where you talk
about you have zero tolerance, Idon't want to have zero
tolerance, and then block my ownblessings. So, and I understand
the non negotiables Yes.
However, you know, when webecause everybody has a list of
qualities, characteristic traitsthat they want in that husband,

(02:53):
wife, partner, whatever it maybe. How do you know what is
something that you can say? Likeput in layaway? Like, okay, you
don't have it now. But I trustthat you'll have it later. Like
how do you differentiate whatthose qualities and traits may
be?

Sydnei Sellers (03:12):
So to be honest, I don't even think that you
could have like my definition ofhaving, zero tolerance will put
me in a situation where I blockmy blessings only because I feel
like in a spouse or a partner, Iwant what God wants for me. So
when I say zero tolerance, Imean, like, for anything other

(03:35):
than the things that identifywill work for me. Um, and I
think my brother actually toldme that I'm not picky, I just
know and have experienced what Iwant. Okay? Because I think
oftentimes, women especiallylike, we are quick to be labeled

(03:55):
picky or stubborn, or all ofthese things, because we have a
preference, right? We desire tobe treated a certain kind of
way. And I don't think that, youknow, it's necessarily fair,
right? That because I have tastein this area that I should be

(04:15):
categorized as somebody who istoo picky, right? I think I was
talking to somebody yesterday,and I use this analogy, like, I
really don't feel like you couldforce people to value you.
Right? Like, that's one of thethings that we often during a
relationship we get in arelationship, but we get so
frustrated and fed up with howthey're treating us, right?

(04:36):
Because we deserve better. Youdeserve more. But I really had
to like question even thatmindset, right? Got an analogy
for you. A Rolex, right so youunderstand the value of a Rolex.
You wouldn't gift somebody whoused to wearing fossil watches a
Rolex, right? And then expectthem to understand the value The

(05:00):
upkeep, right that it takes tohave a Rolex watch, right? You
want to do it. Same thing withidentifying your value and your
worth, I always told myself thisall the time, right? I won't get
frustrated with somebody else'slack. I'll just go where I'm
valued. And I really had tolike, except that because it got

(05:20):
frustrating, like, I'm gonnashit. Like, why don't you see it
like this is this is insulting,right? Right. So instead of
continuing to like force thisperson who doesn't see you the
same way, you see you gosomewhere where they can
acknowledge your value. Right?

Morgan Adrine (05:39):
Right. So then, to dive a little bit deeper, do
you feel like a person that doyou feel like an assignment can
also be the person that you'remeant to be with? Meaning that?
No, okay, let me let me add alittle context, meaning, I
believe that people are placingyour life for reasons and

(06:01):
seasons, let's say that at thetime you met someone, so maybe
there was something that eitherGod needed you to realize about
yourself or needed you to helpthis person realized about
themselves. But maybe this isthe person that ultimately you
were supposed to be with laterdown the line, once, whatever
lesson, you both figure out, youget what I mean.

Sydnei Sellers (06:25):
So, I mean, I kind of think timing is
important. I think also,discernment is even more
important than a because wedon't really know, right, you
can have met somebody in 2000.
And then come 2024, you meet himagain, and that's your person.
Right? I think the importantthing is how you navigate the

(06:46):
relationship when you have it infront of you. Because you could
essentially start to talk tosomebody who is out of time,
right? And then compromise therelationship because it was too
soon. So like really honing inon what is it that God is
telling you in that person to docollectively, because you could

(07:08):
be getting the same or differentmessages. That's why it's
important to be on the samepage, right? And identify, like
what we are supposed to be doingin this relationship?

Morgan Adrine (07:19):
Right? So yeah, I have a lot of questions. But I'm
gonna say it again, because I'vetalked to my friends about this.
And it's hard to because again,we don't know who our person is,
I do believe that you have morethan one person in this world.

(07:40):
It's just all about like, whenyou meet them whenever you cross
paths. But I guess my nextquestion is, do you feel like,
you can almost be because, okay,I don't want to God is telling
me that this person has anassignment, I'm just keeping it
real. And God is telling me thatthis person has an assignment,

(08:01):
he has shown me that he'syelling it at me at this point.
So I have no choice but tolisten. However, I can also see
this person potentially being alife partner, because of common
commonalities, ways that we bothlike aspirations, values,
morals. So how do I not closemyself off to what could be, but

(08:25):
except what currently is yougive it to me? Because I don't
want to shut off the fact ofbecause you could one day be my
husband. But right now, that'snot it. Right? But how do I stay
in today without thinking abouttomorrow? Well,

Sydnei Sellers (08:39):
you do just that. And one thing to think
about or consider is to try ashard as you can, okay, to
refrain from doing anything thatwould compromise the
relationship, right? Long term,right? So I think that again,
you don't necessarily know untilyou know, so just try not to

(09:00):
forecast your own desires beforeGod is giving you the message.
So literally, like, even prayingfor like, one day at a time
strength, like, I'm tempted youto him to return to, but I'm, we
need you, okay, so like reallylike inviting God into the
relationship. So then it'll likediminished the desires that you

(09:23):
may feel to skip to whatever youneed to skip to, right. Because
you really essentially, likedon't necessarily know until you
know,

Morgan Adrine (09:32):
and that's where it is stressful for me. Like
it's stressful. Because I if Ijust base it off of how this
person acts right now, I amgiving way more than what I'm
receiving. Like I'm being I'mbeing a good friend, like I'm
giving you all of these likeloving qualities trustworthy
honesty, like I'm showing up foryou, but I'm not getting that.

(09:55):
And it's like, at what point doI like let go because I truly
believe you could be my personyou do get my lemme,

Sydnei Sellers (10:04):
I get it. But we're getting one thing that you
said was that he's anassignment. So if you understand
the definition of an assignment,if he's your assignment, then
you are essentially going to begiven more than you're
receiving, because it's strictlysupposed to be to benefit him.
Right? So when you switch yourperspective to a relationship,

(10:25):
right, or some life partner thatyou have expectations that he's
supposed to be giving yousomething, but you ain't
supposed to be there. Yeah.

Morgan Adrine (10:33):
So pretty much what she was telling me is
there, I just need to keeppouring into him and continue to
expect to get nothing back.

Sydnei Sellers (10:41):
No, what I'm saying is, continue to pray, ask
period, did you get the house Iknow, I'll never ever want to
God for direction, and give whatGod is telling you to give.
Because Morrow relationship withGod and how I view, you know,
God, and it as it relates toassignments, is that if he's

(11:03):
essentially an assignment, orthis person is essentially
assignment, God is not going toforce me to deplete myself or
drain myself for the benefit ofsomebody else without refilling
me of the things that I need.
Right? So I think perspectivelive. Like,
switching is important, becausewe do this as women, like if we
see something we want, wealready don't walk down the

(11:23):
we do it right. But you got toremind yourself of where you are
aisle, we don't pick the dressout the house, the kids, you're
gonna know,and what season God has told
you, you learn, right? Andthat's the assignment season. So
like, looking at what it meanswhen you are in relationship
with an assignment and what thatwill require of you, and what

(11:47):
help you need from God. I thinkreal big emphasis on inviting
God in and asking him what is itthat you need me to do with this
because I'm feeling this way?
Like I talk to God like myhomeboy, right? Like you know
this man is fine and attractedto these things guy but you told

(12:07):
me he is my assignment so I'mgonna need you to

Morgan Adrine (12:10):
reveal it to me.
Yeah. Because

Sydnei Sellers (12:15):
that movie Kelly a day. So you just gotta get
real like you gotta you reallyjust gotta get real. And then
except that like your feelingsare natural, like it's natural,
like human nature to the the artof attraction like the law of
attraction for like extendingyourself some grace and like
praying for one day at a time.

Morgan Adrine (12:35):
So would that be a final note to the home girls?

Sydnei Sellers (12:38):
That is my final note at home girls just remember
to extend yourself grace andwait on his time.

Morgan Adrine (12:46):
A man and we dropped the mic.