June 12, 2023 • 12 mins
Join Morgan and Sydnei on the latest episode of A Letter to My Homegirls, where they dive into the humorous and relatable journey of healing from past relationships. With their signature wit and charm, they explore the ups and downs of dating after experiencing toxic dynamics. Morgan opens up about her own experiences, realizing she has a knack for attracting emotionally unavailable men, and Sydnei offers her insights on continuous healing and growth. With thoughtful reflections and laughter-filled banter, they remind us that our perceived flaws are often misplaced beauty. Tune in for a dose of wisdom and laughter as these homegirls drop mics and leave you wanting more.
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Morgan Adrine (00:00):
So I said until you learn the lesson, you'll
(00:04):
continue to get hit with thesame situations. So Sydnei, how
Sydnei Sellers (00:09):
Oh Morg. I am definitely a Cayenne Pepper
are you feeling today?
today morg
Morgan Adrine (00:16):
cayenne pepper use spicy,
Sydnei Sellers (00:18):
a little spice.
Morgan Adrine (00:19):
I'm on a dull end, I'm a help,
Sydnei Sellers (00:21):
really their problem
Morgan Adrine (00:24):
I'm on the dull end. But it's something I want
to talk about today, whichessentially relates to healing,
healing from traumas, man, Iwant to talk about healing,
before you get intorelationships are adding a
little context for you on whereI'm coming from, and why I
brought this up. So it's nosecret, I was in a relationship
(00:47):
for about four years. And thatrelationship, I credit the
relationship, not the personwhen I say this, so keep that in
mind. But the relationshipshowed me and taught me a lot
good and bad about myself. And Iam appreciative for that
relationship. Because had I havenot experienced certain things.
(01:09):
And I had I have not been putinto that situation, that
relationship, I will not be theperson and the woman that I am
today. However, me it'll be twoyears now that I've been single
two years in October. And, youknow, is, is it's one thing to
say that you're ready to date.
But it's another thing toactually be ready to date. And
(01:30):
as of recently, the last fewmonths, I've found an
appreciation for being alone andunderstood the true meaning
behind being alone. Like when Isay that I say, not just being
alone, physically, like, Oh,you're not with somebody, you're
not sitting up around somebody,you're not dating somebody, but
(01:52):
to truly be alone, meaning youare mentally, emotionally,
spiritually, only focused on Godand yourself, but you have no
ties to anybody else. I've onlyfelt that I've truly been alone
as of recently. So it'sinteresting to look at where I
was a year ago. And you know,yeah, I was, I said, I was ready
(02:14):
to date. And I felt like, youknow, I was meeting people and I
was dating people, obviously,nothing came about any of that.
And I'll dive into that a littlelater. But me realizing how my
dating life has been veryunsuccessful, caused me to
reevaluate my internal life andsee what it was about. What
(02:36):
about myself was God trying totell me and he continued to
place the same people just indifferent packaging, in my path
to show me essentially what hewas trying to tell me about
myself. So essentially, myquestion to you is, how? And I
guess I don't necessarily knowhow to word this, but how do you
(02:57):
heal from one relationshipbefore one? How do you heal in
general before you get into arelationship? I guess that's
what I'm asking.
Sydnei Sellers (03:11):
Well, morg, um, why not always thank you for
you, you know, transparency,because the girl's gotta be
transparent. For and then,acknowledging growth is not
always the easiest thing,because then you have to
acknowledge your past. Right?
Right, some of the things thatyou may have accepted. So,
(03:32):
cheers today. But I think,honestly, it's, I think, a
misconception that healing isn'tcontinual. I think that you
never truly, from my experience,reach a point where you're
(03:52):
healed. Period, you know, I'msaying, right, because life is
so uncertain. I think one of theimportant things to think about
or consider when you are tryingto check your temperature,
right, and to see whether you'renot whether or not you're ready
to go back into the dating poolis if you are kind of
(04:13):
forecasting some of the traumasthat you experienced and past
relationships into new andexisting experiences. I think
that's one way to sort of tellwhether or not you're healing,
and if this is something that isgetting in the way, right. So I
think like the idea that, youknow, you can be healed enough
(04:35):
in point is like, not a thing, Ithink is continual. And then to
just being careful about theother person and what you are
looking to date, I think thatit's important to acknowledge
that you have a you have thefront seat in your healing
(04:57):
journey with also the peoplethat you commune with also have,
you know, responsibilities to
Morgan Adrine (05:04):
right? Because you touched on something I was
that too,
Sydnei Sellers (05:06):
Yeah, so interesting, interesting
going to ask, because if you saythat healing is continuous, then
how do I know that I'm healedenough to be dating? And I'm not
just out here, just breakinghearts. Because I feel like, and
this is something that Istruggle with, is because I
don't know, I feel like when youcome from something, quote,
(05:27):
unquote, air quotes, toxic, isvery hard to unlearn those toxic
toxicity, those toxic traits.
And it's hard to do better,like, you know what I mean,
because you've gotten so used toyelling or arguing or whatever
the dynamic was, that you don'tknow how to do something that is
healthy. So even now, I stillfind myself, maybe either my
(05:49):
thinking or maybe in my likethings that come out of my
mouth, I still find myselfreverting to those old bad
habits, that it's essentiallylike, what am I ready to date?
Because, while I'm not I guesswhile I'm not doing anything
that's so damaging to arelationship, but I'm still
(06:09):
doing things that aren'thealthy. So again, like, Am I
ready to date? Or do I stillneed to I need some more alone
time. Like, what? What is this?
perspective, I think that,again, important thing, one is
Morgan Adrine (06:26):
and it's crazy, because I was just talking about
to acknowledge that you are inthis space, right? And when I
say healing, and growth iscontinual, meaning, sometimes we
can be removed from a situationand think that we've healed from
it until we're back in it. Soit's not necessarily feeling
(06:46):
like you can control yourselfalone. But how can you control
yourself when placed in thosesituations? Right? Are you quick
to redirect? Are you quick tocorrect? Are you quick to
apologize? Are you quick toassess, right? Because we aren't
perfect people? Right? We'rehuman. So if it's not, the
arguing, maybe a relationshipcould expose something else that
(07:06):
you didn't know, you had errorin, right? So I think that
really acknowledging that growthin yourself, extending yourself
grace, because is the thing, andthen also being careful about
the people that you select inthis journey, right? Because
that will be something that ishelpful to you, right? So you
(07:28):
can't you wouldn't want to bewith somebody who is also very
argumentative. And that'ssomething that you're trying to
heal from, right? You want to bewith somebody who is more
compassionate, consistent in thecompassion, acknowledging that
you're healing in that way.
Right. And I think that thatalone will help the healing
journey, and it helps you alsoto see whether or not you're
ready for this relationship,because it takes two, right, you
(07:50):
know,this with one of my friends. And
I was telling her like, again,I've been doing a lot of self
reflecting. And I was tellingher, you know, my time being,
like, truly alone, like notdating, not texting, nothing,
just being by myself. It hasshowed me obviously, things
about myself, the good, the bad,the indifferent. And one of
(08:11):
those things that it has shownme is that I am attracted to
emotionally unavailable men.
Now. It's been very like, and Ireally had to look at, you know,
the people that I've dated,previous relationships, even the
people that I have beenattracted to, and they all were
(08:34):
emotionally unavailable, likethey either had so much baggage
that they didn't deal with, theythen put it on me. And it
affected our dynamic, or theydidn't know how to communicate
their feelings. It was justsomething about them that made
them emotionally unavailable.
And I realized that God wastrying to show me something
about myself. He was trying toshow me something internally
(08:55):
like and it took for my onefriend to say, you like
projects, and I was like, whatyou mean? She was like, exactly
what I say you. You likeprojects you like you like the
mystery of somebody? Like youlike mystery you like a secret
you'd like feeling like you canfix somebody you like me and Bob
the Builder. And that's reallywhat she said. And it was like,
(09:16):
No, I don't She's like, yes, youdo. I'm gonna let you think on
that. Because yes, you do. Andin my time of reflection on what
she said, again, every singleguy literally, that I have
talked to, has been internallystruggle with the same thing.
They just been wrapped in adifferent packaging. One was
silver one was go one was rose,like they were just wrapped
(09:40):
differently.
Sydnei Sellers (09:43):
So one interesting thing when you were
saying I was thinking about islike the idea of flaws. So I'm
not really big on like, peoplebeing necessarily flawed. Right,
right. I think oftentimes thegifts and the things that we
have that could seem like a flawor just misplaced. So what do
(10:03):
you mean by flawed? So likesomething that you would
consider not the best part ofyou Gotcha, right. So this idea
that you having the desire tobuild somebody or fix somebody
is a bad thing to do, right? Ithink it's just a situation and
the person that you're inrelationship with, that makes
this thing seem like a flaw.
Like, I think that that's abeautiful part of you, like you
(10:24):
need that. To be in a successfulrelationship. And ultimately,
marriage like you want to bewith somebody who's nurturing,
like that's, you know, part ofone of our gifts as a woman. So
I think is a bigger emphasis,especially in a healing journey,
to identify what relationshipswith the people that you're in
at are contributing to thisthing being a flaw, right? And
(10:47):
just checking in, like, I thinkwe are also to have the gift of
nurture, right? So if I'm datingsomebody who is emotionally
unavailable, because that's athing, right? It's draining for
me, because I'm continuing totry to pour and fix and solve.
But there's also something aboutme that I love that I'm able to
(11:09):
do, right, and a gift that Ihave. So I think just
acknowledging who you're inrelationship with is important
to that situation for sure.
Morgan Adrine (11:21):
So what would be your ending note to our home
girls?
Sydnei Sellers (11:27):
If I had to sign off on this letter, I would say
flaws aren't flaws is misplacedbeauty.
Morgan Adrine (11:48):
That's good.
That's good. And we don't dropthe mic on that.
So I said until you learn the lesson, you'll
(00:04):
continue to get hit with thesame situations. So Sydnei, how
Sydnei Sellers (00:09):
Oh Morg. I am definitely a Cayenne Pepper
are you feeling today?
today morg
Morgan Adrine (00:16):
cayenne pepper use spicy,
Sydnei Sellers (00:18):
a little spice.
Morgan Adrine (00:19):
I'm on a dull end, I'm a help,
Sydnei Sellers (00:21):
really their problem
Morgan Adrine (00:24):
I'm on the dull end. But it's something I want
to talk about today, whichessentially relates to healing,
healing from traumas, man, Iwant to talk about healing,
before you get intorelationships are adding a
little context for you on whereI'm coming from, and why I
brought this up. So it's nosecret, I was in a relationship
(00:47):
for about four years. And thatrelationship, I credit the
relationship, not the personwhen I say this, so keep that in
mind. But the relationshipshowed me and taught me a lot
good and bad about myself. And Iam appreciative for that
relationship. Because had I havenot experienced certain things.
(01:09):
And I had I have not been putinto that situation, that
relationship, I will not be theperson and the woman that I am
today. However, me it'll be twoyears now that I've been single
two years in October. And, youknow, is, is it's one thing to
say that you're ready to date.
But it's another thing toactually be ready to date. And
(01:30):
as of recently, the last fewmonths, I've found an
appreciation for being alone andunderstood the true meaning
behind being alone. Like when Isay that I say, not just being
alone, physically, like, Oh,you're not with somebody, you're
not sitting up around somebody,you're not dating somebody, but
(01:52):
to truly be alone, meaning youare mentally, emotionally,
spiritually, only focused on Godand yourself, but you have no
ties to anybody else. I've onlyfelt that I've truly been alone
as of recently. So it'sinteresting to look at where I
was a year ago. And you know,yeah, I was, I said, I was ready
(02:14):
to date. And I felt like, youknow, I was meeting people and I
was dating people, obviously,nothing came about any of that.
And I'll dive into that a littlelater. But me realizing how my
dating life has been veryunsuccessful, caused me to
reevaluate my internal life andsee what it was about. What
(02:36):
about myself was God trying totell me and he continued to
place the same people just indifferent packaging, in my path
to show me essentially what hewas trying to tell me about
myself. So essentially, myquestion to you is, how? And I
guess I don't necessarily knowhow to word this, but how do you
(02:57):
heal from one relationshipbefore one? How do you heal in
general before you get into arelationship? I guess that's
what I'm asking.
Sydnei Sellers (03:11):
Well, morg, um, why not always thank you for
you, you know, transparency,because the girl's gotta be
transparent. For and then,acknowledging growth is not
always the easiest thing,because then you have to
acknowledge your past. Right?
Right, some of the things thatyou may have accepted. So,
(03:32):
cheers today. But I think,honestly, it's, I think, a
misconception that healing isn'tcontinual. I think that you
never truly, from my experience,reach a point where you're
(03:52):
healed. Period, you know, I'msaying, right, because life is
so uncertain. I think one of theimportant things to think about
or consider when you are tryingto check your temperature,
right, and to see whether you'renot whether or not you're ready
to go back into the dating poolis if you are kind of
(04:13):
forecasting some of the traumasthat you experienced and past
relationships into new andexisting experiences. I think
that's one way to sort of tellwhether or not you're healing,
and if this is something that isgetting in the way, right. So I
think like the idea that, youknow, you can be healed enough
(04:35):
in point is like, not a thing, Ithink is continual. And then to
just being careful about theother person and what you are
looking to date, I think thatit's important to acknowledge
that you have a you have thefront seat in your healing
(04:57):
journey with also the peoplethat you commune with also have,
you know, responsibilities to
Morgan Adrine (05:04):
right? Because you touched on something I was
that too,
Sydnei Sellers (05:06):
Yeah, so interesting, interesting
going to ask, because if you saythat healing is continuous, then
how do I know that I'm healedenough to be dating? And I'm not
just out here, just breakinghearts. Because I feel like, and
this is something that Istruggle with, is because I
don't know, I feel like when youcome from something, quote,
(05:27):
unquote, air quotes, toxic, isvery hard to unlearn those toxic
toxicity, those toxic traits.
And it's hard to do better,like, you know what I mean,
because you've gotten so used toyelling or arguing or whatever
the dynamic was, that you don'tknow how to do something that is
healthy. So even now, I stillfind myself, maybe either my
(05:49):
thinking or maybe in my likethings that come out of my
mouth, I still find myselfreverting to those old bad
habits, that it's essentiallylike, what am I ready to date?
Because, while I'm not I guesswhile I'm not doing anything
that's so damaging to arelationship, but I'm still
(06:09):
doing things that aren'thealthy. So again, like, Am I
ready to date? Or do I stillneed to I need some more alone
time. Like, what? What is this?
perspective, I think that,again, important thing, one is
Morgan Adrine (06:26):
and it's crazy, because I was just talking about
to acknowledge that you are inthis space, right? And when I
say healing, and growth iscontinual, meaning, sometimes we
can be removed from a situationand think that we've healed from
it until we're back in it. Soit's not necessarily feeling
(06:46):
like you can control yourselfalone. But how can you control
yourself when placed in thosesituations? Right? Are you quick
to redirect? Are you quick tocorrect? Are you quick to
apologize? Are you quick toassess, right? Because we aren't
perfect people? Right? We'rehuman. So if it's not, the
arguing, maybe a relationshipcould expose something else that
(07:06):
you didn't know, you had errorin, right? So I think that
really acknowledging that growthin yourself, extending yourself
grace, because is the thing, andthen also being careful about
the people that you select inthis journey, right? Because
that will be something that ishelpful to you, right? So you
(07:28):
can't you wouldn't want to bewith somebody who is also very
argumentative. And that'ssomething that you're trying to
heal from, right? You want to bewith somebody who is more
compassionate, consistent in thecompassion, acknowledging that
you're healing in that way.
Right. And I think that thatalone will help the healing
journey, and it helps you alsoto see whether or not you're
ready for this relationship,because it takes two, right, you
(07:50):
know,this with one of my friends. And
I was telling her like, again,I've been doing a lot of self
reflecting. And I was tellingher, you know, my time being,
like, truly alone, like notdating, not texting, nothing,
just being by myself. It hasshowed me obviously, things
about myself, the good, the bad,the indifferent. And one of
(08:11):
those things that it has shownme is that I am attracted to
emotionally unavailable men.
Now. It's been very like, and Ireally had to look at, you know,
the people that I've dated,previous relationships, even the
people that I have beenattracted to, and they all were
(08:34):
emotionally unavailable, likethey either had so much baggage
that they didn't deal with, theythen put it on me. And it
affected our dynamic, or theydidn't know how to communicate
their feelings. It was justsomething about them that made
them emotionally unavailable.
And I realized that God wastrying to show me something
about myself. He was trying toshow me something internally
(08:55):
like and it took for my onefriend to say, you like
projects, and I was like, whatyou mean? She was like, exactly
what I say you. You likeprojects you like you like the
mystery of somebody? Like youlike mystery you like a secret
you'd like feeling like you canfix somebody you like me and Bob
the Builder. And that's reallywhat she said. And it was like,
(09:16):
No, I don't She's like, yes, youdo. I'm gonna let you think on
that. Because yes, you do. Andin my time of reflection on what
she said, again, every singleguy literally, that I have
talked to, has been internallystruggle with the same thing.
They just been wrapped in adifferent packaging. One was
silver one was go one was rose,like they were just wrapped
(09:40):
differently.
Sydnei Sellers (09:43):
So one interesting thing when you were
saying I was thinking about islike the idea of flaws. So I'm
not really big on like, peoplebeing necessarily flawed. Right,
right. I think oftentimes thegifts and the things that we
have that could seem like a flawor just misplaced. So what do
(10:03):
you mean by flawed? So likesomething that you would
consider not the best part ofyou Gotcha, right. So this idea
that you having the desire tobuild somebody or fix somebody
is a bad thing to do, right? Ithink it's just a situation and
the person that you're inrelationship with, that makes
this thing seem like a flaw.
Like, I think that that's abeautiful part of you, like you
(10:24):
need that. To be in a successfulrelationship. And ultimately,
marriage like you want to bewith somebody who's nurturing,
like that's, you know, part ofone of our gifts as a woman. So
I think is a bigger emphasis,especially in a healing journey,
to identify what relationshipswith the people that you're in
at are contributing to thisthing being a flaw, right? And
(10:47):
just checking in, like, I thinkwe are also to have the gift of
nurture, right? So if I'm datingsomebody who is emotionally
unavailable, because that's athing, right? It's draining for
me, because I'm continuing totry to pour and fix and solve.
But there's also something aboutme that I love that I'm able to
(11:09):
do, right, and a gift that Ihave. So I think just
acknowledging who you're inrelationship with is important
to that situation for sure.
Morgan Adrine (11:21):
So what would be your ending note to our home
girls?
Sydnei Sellers (11:27):
If I had to sign off on this letter, I would say
flaws aren't flaws is misplacedbeauty.
Morgan Adrine (11:48):
That's good.
That's good. And we don't dropthe mic on that.
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