Long-Distance Love: Making It Work When Miles Apart

Send us a text! (add your email to get a response)

Distance makes the heart grow fonder—or does it? In this episode, we explore long-distance relationships and what the research actually shows about couples who love across miles. We share our own varied experiences with long-distance love—from casual dating situations to serious commitments. Different relationship styles and personal attachment patterns dramatically impact how well distance works. Low-jealousy partners may thrive while anxious attachment can transform distance from challenging to excruciating.

Communication presents unique hurdles when you're apart—text messages lose tone, calls require scheduling, and the spontaneity of everyday connection disappears. We identify creative strategies that help bridge the gap. The ultimate question emerges: is long-distance simply pressing pause on your relationship, or can it actually strengthen your connection in ways proximity never could?

Whether you're contemplating a period apart from your partner or currently navigating the challenges of loving from afar, w e explore how to maintain connection when miles separate you from the one you love—and when to know if the distance might actually be revealing deeper relationship incompatibilities.

Support the show

• If you have a loved one with mental or emotional problems, join KulaMind, our community and support platform. In KulaMind, work one on one with Dr. Kibby on learning how to set healthy boundaries, advocate for yourself, and support your loved one. *We only have a few spots left, so apply here if you're interested.

• Follow @kulamind on Instagram for science-backed insights on staying sane while loving someone emotionally explosive.

• For more info about this podcast, check out: www.alittlehelpforourfriends.com

• Follow us on Instagram: @ALittleHelpForOurFriends

Episode Transcript

Speaker 1 (00:00):
Hey guys, welcome to A Little Help for Our Friends
the podcast for people withloved ones struggling with
mental health.
Hey guys, today we are goingback to dating, which I think
you all know is one of ourfavorite topics ever.
We're going to do one that isparticularly relevant to me at
the moment but both Kibbe and Ihave experience with it which is

(00:20):
long distance relationships.
So I have been in so many longdistance relationships.
So I have been in so many longdistance relationships not all
of them like exclusive, but Imean I've dated guys long
distance like a thousand timesand now Jason and I are doing a
year because I'm in New York,but that's a more like classic,
like we're actually, we actuallylove each other, we're actually

(00:43):
in a relationship, versus someof my others were a little bit
different, but, um, we want totell you a little bit about what
the data says fair warning,it's mixed and um and then just
kind of go into like what works,what doesn't work and tips.
Kibbe, can you tell us,speaking of tips, how Cool of
Mind could help any of ourlisteners who are in long
distance relationships?

Speaker 2 (01:10):
Yeah.
So in Cool of mine again, weare giving support and community
around people who want to breakfree of toxic relationships,
especially getting a lot of thatpeople with a loved one with
mental illness, like apersonality disorder or
addiction or other kinds ofemotional issues and we're
getting a lot of people who havepartners with anger issues.
That tends to be people who are, you know, reaching out to us
for help.
So if you just want to talk andsee what we have to offer in

(01:32):
terms of how we can support youthrough that relationship, go to
the link in the show notes orcheck out Kulamindcom
K-U-L-A-M-I-N-Dcom.
For K-U-L-A-M-I-N-Dcom, forexample, we're helping people
just understanding what's goingon with their loved one, setting
healthy boundaries, not goingnuts themselves, learning how to
validate and support themthrough their emotional crises,

(01:55):
but also without losing yourselfat the same time.
So that's what we have to offerat Kula Mind know.

Speaker 1 (02:02):
When we were looking at the data, I was surprised to
see that, like, how close theresults are between close
proximity relationships and longdistance relationships.
Like I didn't find data thatsaid you know, you're screwed if
you're in a long distancerelationship, for instance.
So there was actually some datathat was positive, that there
were higher levels of, like,dedication and commitment in

(02:24):
long distance relationships.
Whenever it's just one study,we can never take it that
seriously, but it just goes toshow like it's not.
The research doesn't doesn'ttend to say that like you're
doomed if you're in a longdistance relationship.
I think an important thing tothink about, though, is what are
we really talking about whenwe're talking about long

(02:44):
distance like the differencebetween somebody living in
manhattan and princeton, newjersey, is way different than
somebody living in new york withsomebody in australia and the
difference between what jasonand I are doing, which is we
have a defined period of timewith an end date, versus two
people who maybe met longdistance right, have no idea

(03:07):
when they're going to betogether Like all of that really
changes the landscape of therelationship, and I'm not sure
how research can really accountfor all of that.
I'm guessing it's averaging.

Speaker 2 (03:19):
Yeah, that's a really good point.
I imagine that long distancegenerally just means the two
people are located in differentplaces where they have to travel
to see each other.
But then, yeah, what's thedifference between that and like
if someone lives in New Jerseyand they're like an hour and a
half away from their loved onein New York, so, yeah, so I

(03:43):
guess, like the definition,definition of long distance,
like how long are we talkingabout here?
So, um, should we just assumethere needs to be like a, like a
more than a two-hour drive, orlike a plane ride or something,
just when you don't see thatperson regularly and you have to
travel to see them, would bewhat I consider long distance.

(04:03):
And things must have changed somuch during COVID, too, in
terms of long distance, becausepeople were stuck in different
countries and during lockdown,like different locations.
You know, like married couplesthat I know were one of my, one
of my really good friends likeher husband had to keep working

(04:24):
in New York because his job hadpeople coming in and then she
went um back to Europe with herand her kid, and so they were
long distance for about like ayear and a half or something
like that.

Speaker 1 (04:35):
So yeah, I mean, it was funny.
My, my friend, emma Gray, justgot married and she and her
boyfriend were both New Yorkers,but they there's a New York
Times article that came outabout how their romance was one
where he had to walk like milesevery time he wanted to see her.
So he because they lived indifferent boroughs and he didn't
want to take the subway, so itwas like a long-distance

(04:57):
relationship within New YorkCity.
Um, but I do like I've I'veheard from so many people and so
many times that like the secretto long distance is knowing
when it will no longer be longdistance.
But I don't know.
An interesting thing is like I'mwatching my sister date who is
about to turn 48.
And it's like every singleperson she dates is long

(05:19):
distance because the pool getsso narrow.
Because the pool gets so narrow.
So she, and like all of thesemen in their 50s that she's
going out with, are like settingtheir online dating distance
measures to include, like, theentire eastern seaboard and I
don't know when they would stopbeing long distance.

(05:41):
But you think about differentgoals, like of.
I have super differentrelationship goals than my
sister does.
Because I am in my early 30s.
I'm looking to have somebodystart a family with me and have
babies with me, like proximityis imperative.
She has already had her kids.
She's more looking to just likehave fun, have a companion

(06:02):
travel with somebody.
So I would think relationshipgoals would really influence the
health of your long distancerelationship as well.

Speaker 2 (06:10):
Yeah, that's really cool.
I didn't think about it untilyou were talking about it.
About the age, like what, whenpeople are more or less
comfortable with that, I imaginewhen you're in your 20s, long
distance relationship feels likeokay.
And then later on, after likejust the period of time where
you want to settle down and getmarried and have young kids,
that must be the highest timewhere long distance might be

(06:31):
super stressful.
For example, like you at yourperiod of time versus like if
you were 10 years younger mightfeel differently I had to.

Speaker 1 (06:39):
Just I just had to lean straight into acceptance.
I mean, before I placed in NewYork, before I matched in New
York for internship, I wastelling myself it was going to
be disastrous if I did not placein North Carolina, because I
was like you know, this yearwith Jason could have been a
year that we got to spendtogether.

(07:01):
You know, we spentstrengthening our relationship
and then getting ready to have achild.
I could have been pregnant thisyear, you know, and like we, I
could have had those nice 33year old eggs.
And instead I'm like this is ayear that not only doesn't move
us forward but takes away fromus.
And so now I'm going to have topostpone getting pregnant not

(07:24):
just by a year but by two years,because even coming back then
he's wanting to make up for allthe lost time.
He, what he doesn't want is likefor me to come home and be like
, yay, I'm off birth control,like let's get pregnant
immediately, coming off of thisyear of long distance.
Now, let's, you know, do all ofthat.
So I just really had to be likeyou know what?

(07:44):
What Good, it's a good thing.
I froze my eggs and we're justgoing to push off this baby
thing.
I mean we could have done it adifferent way, but it didn't
really work for him.
So how did you?

Speaker 2 (07:58):
so you're you're talking about the long distance
between North Carolina and NewYork and that's about an hour
flight, talking about the longdistance between North Carolina
and New York and that's about anhour flight.
Um, what, how?
And you're really busy.
Both of you are busy at work.
How did, how did you talk aboutsetting up this period of long
distance, like, how are yougoing to navigate it?
What were, like the you know,the expectations?

Speaker 1 (08:20):
yeah, and we didn't have a ton of talk.
We didn't have a ton ofconversation about it.
Um, we did talk about it.
We were like, okay, it'sdefinitely exclusive.
Like we're not doing any kindof open arrangement.
Um, I was like I, you know, mypreference would be to know when
the next time I will see you is, before each visit ends.

(08:43):
I do find that to be helpful.
We talked a little bit abouthypotheticals but I mean, we
didn't have as much preparationas maybe we should have or maybe
other people should have.
I think we've been fine havinga pretty flexible arrangement.
Like, honestly, long distancehas been a breeze for me.
It's not ideal I would rathernot be long distance but it it

(09:08):
hasn't been something where Ifeel like communicating more at
the outset would have beenimportant.
But I also think that'sextremely relationship specific,
like I could have never donethis with my ex I think, what's
the difference?
uh, the I mean I'm trying tothink of what the biggest, the
most obvious one that jumps outis that Jason is low jealousy

(09:29):
and my ex was high jealousy.
I think this would just be sohard.
I guess I'll just say like Ithink Jason and I have several
things going for us.
One is that we are both lowjealousy Like I have not had the
thought ever.
I wonder if Jason is meetinganother woman right now.

(09:52):
Now some of that is on on me andmy amazing regulation when it
comes to jealousy, but a lot ofit is on the fact that he just
doesn't like go out.
So I'm just knowing hislifestyle like there's really
genuinely is nothing for me tobe worried about like I would.
I would have to be activelyparanoid to imagine that he was
up to anything.

(10:12):
His job, I mean what he's doing, is far more impressive because
I actually am going out all thetime with other men who are
buying me dinner and taking meto shows, so and they're like
things he wants to do.
You know, like I went to seeglenn garrick, glenn ross, with
my friend jeff and james, like,oh, what one of my favorite
movies with, with kieran calkinand bob oetkerk.

(10:37):
Okay, who are you going withagain?
You know?
So I mean we really should havehim on to see how he's doing.
Yeah, I mean, I think that weboth have this value of like
trust your partner until there'sa reason not to, and of like
genuinely wanting the otherperson to be supported in their

(11:00):
happiness.
Like he's not going to winanything if he tries to curtail
my freedom.
It's not going to give him morefreedom.
It's certainly not going togive him more love and affection
.
It will build resentment, youknow.
So Do you feel?

Speaker 2 (11:19):
like you.
You know you're worried thatthis would just be like a huge
hold on your relationship and,like you, wouldn't be able to
further like develop it ordeepen it.
Like it as if it was a pressingthe pause button on your
relationship.
Do you still feel like that?

Speaker 1 (11:35):
No, I don't.
I mean in certain ways I do,but I think overall long
distance has actually given usan opportunity to have something
that is difficult to have inNorth Carolina, which is
extended quality time.
So what we've traded forconsistent time.
I think we've gotten in qualitytime because he has a son and

(11:59):
over the weekends when I'm inNorth Carolina, it's not just
the two of us hanging out.
When I'm in North Carolina it'snot just the two of us hanging
out.
It's like we have to entertainhis kid and, like you know,
include Kai, which is fine.
But it's hard to have likethree or four days where we're
just going on dates all the timeand I've seen him in a place
where he's much more able to cutloose and just be like let's
party.
Like let's, I mean he likeflies up here, buys a carton of

(12:21):
cigarettes he doesn't normallysmoke.
And I mean he like flies uphere, buys a carton of
cigarettes he doesn't normallysmoke, and then it's just like
Goes for it, let's just, yeah,interesting, let's party.

Speaker 2 (12:31):
I mean a lot of what you're saying.
It does make sense for theresearch that we were glancing
through.
I mean that there it can bereally stressful, stressful.

(12:51):
One of the sources of stress isthe obvious problems when you
don't see a person every day.
Like the relationshipuncertainty, right, like what
are we going to have, especiallyif you don't have plans to get
together in the same location.
Like what, how do how do wedeal with that?
Like, when are we going to betogether?
What's the future going to looklike, um, and what are they
doing?
But I'm not there, right, likeyou know it do they.

(13:14):
Can they fully you know, haveanother affair or relationship
at the same time, what you know?
You have to put a lot of trustin that person because you only
have one, like very few sourcesof information about them,
versus like, if you're livingwith them, you could get, you
know what they, what they looklike coming home from work or

(13:36):
you know, just like theday-to-day contact.

Speaker 1 (13:38):
So yeah, I could absolutely be holding an affair
right now, like j, and it wouldbe super easy to keep from Jason
, Like I mean it just wouldn'tbe.
I have all the time in theworld and I'm out all the time
and I mean this is just himtrusting me and like I got
cheated on when I was in a longdistance relationship.
Who, Eric?

(14:00):
Oh, right, yeah.

Speaker 2 (14:08):
Wait, you were long distance in that relationship.

Speaker 1 (14:09):
Oh, you're both in New York it started when we were
both in New York, but I wasonly.
I wasn't living in New Yorkback then.
I was just coming up for likesummers and oh.

Speaker 2 (14:21):
I didn't know that.
Okay, this was when you were inCharleston, mm-hmm, oh
interesting, mm-hmm, I didn'tknow that, okay.

Speaker 1 (14:30):
Yeah.
So yeah, he was.
It was always confusing, youknow, because sometimes we would
be exclusive, most of the timewe weren't.
But yeah, he he was.
He had lots of extracurricularsgoing on.

Speaker 2 (14:47):
Did you have any like suspicion?

Speaker 1 (14:51):
No, which is super stupid, because he's absolutely
the type I mean and he wascheating on his wife.
So, like with me, you know, Imean.
So it's just they wereestranged, yada, yada, yada.
But you know, I mean I think hehad a whole kind of harem
situation going and then, youknow, he had this girl who, um

(15:12):
was he was also long distancewith, and she thought that they
were in an exclusiverelationship.
And I thought we were in anexclusive relationship and he
was cheating on both of us.
So we had a call in the airport.
I remember once where I waslike yeah, yeah, this is my side
, what's your side?
We're like comparing notes.
It's fun times.
Would he come to?

Speaker 2 (15:30):
visit both of you, or you two would rotate visiting
him.

Speaker 1 (15:35):
So I'll give you my favorite example, which is my
brother was getting married inCharleston and I invited him to
come with me and he said yes,and he had booked his flight and
everything.
And then he wound up not comingbecause there was a hurricane.
And, um, that's fine, right,like a lot of people didn't come
because there was a hurricane,except he became very spotty at

(15:57):
communication and like didn'tcall to tell me, he just texted
and then like kind of didn't,wasn't responsive the rest of
the weekend.
I was extremely upset and thenwhen I found out about this
other girlfriend and I was onthe phone with her.
I was like, was there ever atime in like October, early
October, where he said he had abusiness trip or anything?
She was like, oh, he said hehad a wedding.

(16:17):
I was like, oh, okay, he wasbold enough to say what it was.
She was like, yeah, he was likelooking for rental cars, you
know, while we were sitting onthe couch.

Speaker 2 (16:27):
So I mean, you know, wow, that is a weekend with my
family at a wedding and he waslooking for rental cars with his
other girlfriend wow, that'sbold, that's real bold yeah,
yeah can accuse him of not notbeing a bold cheater.

(16:51):
I mean the amount of logisticsthat tend to go in a long
distance relationship anyway.
I mean, to do that withmultiple people seems crazy.
But yeah, I feel like you know,when it comes to infidelity,
this could happen in anyrelationship, whether it's long
distance or whatever.

(17:12):
You know, so it's.
I don't know if long distancenecessarily means more cheating,
but I definitely.
I really did like whenever Iwas in a long distance
relationship, I did like whatyou described.
Whereas it feels like a specialtime for your relationship, um,
on a day-to-day basis, stay incontact, but then have a weekend

(17:33):
or a week where you just arevisiting with each other and
that you do special things.
It's like a full date.

(17:54):
That's like a weekend long.
Um and it's you know.
So you, you kind of have alittle bit of a honeymoony
feeling where you know youreally dedicate that quality
time together because you'relike, oh my gosh, I have to pack
all of physical contact intothese days that we have together
.
And then you get excited.

(18:14):
The loop of you get excited asit's coming up.
You start to plan what you doand then you know any kind of
interruption like someone's sickand they can't, or they miss
their flight is devastating.
And then when you do have it,it's amazing.
And then what?
Then, like you start to get sadwhen they're gone and you know
there's just like this.
Really, it's almost like builtin emotional roller coaster when

(18:36):
it comes to visiting them.

Speaker 1 (18:37):
Yeah, I think you have to balance to the need to
see each other regularly butalso the need to like not not
just exist in the place thatyou're in locationally.
Like Jason and I had anintended to do every two weeks
and it's gone down to once amonth, and I think a big part of

(18:58):
that is like it would justsimply be more of a pain in the
ass and just missing out on ourlike regular lives to be trying
to visit that often.
Um, like if I knew that I wouldonly have every other weekend
in new york, it just I don'tknow.
It would be easier if I didn'thave to write a dissertation at
the same time, but it wouldstart to feel as if I'm not

(19:18):
really living in new york.
I'm just like waiting to go tonorth carolina, um, so I don't
know.
I mean, if, if I had more PTO,maybe it would be better, but I
didn't.
What I didn't want to do wasjust like not really experienced
being here.
And what I do like about this,what I like about this being an
interrupter of the relationshipis that when we get into long

(19:42):
term relationships, I think wecan forget how competent we are.
When we're single, like we canforget that we actually do
possess the ability to, like,lead our own lives and take care
of ourselves.
And then, when you're in longdistance, all of that kind of
comes back to you quickly and Ithink just like remembering that
lesson periodically can bereally helpful, especially if

(20:02):
you're not convinced you'regoing to marry your, your
partner, cause I remember likewhen I was with Paul, I was so
scared to break up Cause I waslike I don't even remember how
to be on my own anymore.
Like I don't remember what it'slike to be single.
And then, as soon as I wassingle again, I was like, oh
yeah, right back on the bike.
Um, but it, I don't know.
It was just like it was nice toget that lesson Like.

(20:23):
I know I'll be okay.
I know I'll be okay on my own.
I know how to do this.

Speaker 2 (20:28):
Yeah, you definitely have an experience like a uh
interesting experience of beingsingle and being self-sufficient
, at the same time being in avery committed relationship that
is just founded on theemotional connection, like the
talking.
it makes me think a little bitabout Love is Blind, just
because I'm a big fan of thatshow.
But it's like what happens whenyou distill an entire

(20:51):
relationship down to just theconversations you're having and
the trips.
There was some research showingthat some long distance
relationships can be evenemotionally closer, more
resilient, because not only areyou dealing with a relationship
challenge on its own, but youlearn to have an entire
relationship through talking.

(21:12):
And there are a lot ofrelationships in person where
you don't have such an emphasison like, okay, I'm going to have
to talk to this person and tellthem about my day, and tell
them how I'm feeling, and yeah,um, yeah, so you're just like.
You know you don't take eachother for granted.
The contact between you and theinteraction between you is
really intentional and plannedand necessary.

Speaker 1 (21:35):
Yeah, I think that there is definitely a benefit
there.
Um, there can also be adownside.
Like I'll, jason and I don'tactually talk on the phone that
much.
I think we had intended to alot more, like at least weekly,
and we probably are talking onthe phone at least weekly, but
it's not necessarily like athree-hour phone date or a

(21:55):
particularly long phoneconversation and they're always
good.
Um, I, you know, I worry, my, mybiggest worry, going into long
distance, was that we would loseour chemistry.
Because I know from doing longdistance in the past, like
sometimes it can be hard to keepup the natural flow of

(22:17):
conversation when you're longdistance, because the things
that can bind you together, evenjust like when you're, when
you're like walking down thestreet together, right, seeing
the same things, being able topoint out the same observations,
right, like that can be prettybinding.
And then in the long distanceit can be like I mean Jace, like
when Jason, I ask each otherhow our days are, there's a very

(22:38):
good chance I'm going to belike yeah, like I went to
michelin star restaurant andthen, like you know, went to a
broadway show and he's likeuh-huh, uh-huh, cool, yeah, um,
I went to work and then, uh,then I watched a movie with kai.
Uh, now I'm going to bed.
It's like the same every time,right?

Speaker 2 (23:00):
so it's really hard for you to be a long-distance
relationship because your lifelife in New York is more awesome
than his.
Okay, yeah, that's hard.
I'm so sorry.

Speaker 1 (23:09):
Oh, it's hard.
No, but what I mean is likewe're just having really
disparate experiences.
And I know he'll name that rightHe'll be like just doing the
same thing as always.
I wish I had some cool storiesto tell you always.
Uh, I wish I had some coolstories to tell you.
But, like when I'm in northcarolina, I also have that like

(23:29):
lame life, but it's just we'recommenting on things together
throughout the day, likecommenting on what we're eating
together, what we're watchingtogether, like what we see on
the street together, likethere's just content that's
always available versus like along distance.
I mean, we've been doing fine,genuinely, but a lot of the time
it's like this is what I did.
Oh cool, how was that show?
How was that?
How was that movie?

Speaker 2 (23:50):
and then you kind of like run into a dead end kind of
quickly yeah, yeah, you, you'rejust reporting, exactly on your
individual experiences, whereasa lot of relationship is like
the different perspectives onthe same thing that you're
sharing right um exactly andthere's a lot of um.

(24:11):
Well, text messaging may maychange this, but in when you're
living together, you can havethese spontaneous chats or hugs
or like non-force, organicinteraction, whereas I remember
a long-distance relationship itwas like, okay, now it's our
time to talk and so you have totalk and sometimes you're tired

(24:32):
and don't, you just want to bewith the person.
But I don't know, maybe otherpeople, I think there's other
relationships.
I heard, especially aroundcovid, that got used to like a
zoom relationship where theywould just have the zoom on and
the webcam on and then theywould just work or exist or hang
out, um with, without, you know, like pressure to talk to each

(24:55):
other, and I never really didthat before.
That that's just interesting tofeel, because sometimes it was
like, okay, this is ourscheduled talk, oh, I have to
make, I have to think aboutsomething interesting to talk
about.
You know, like it was like,okay, this is our scheduled talk
, oh, I have to make, I have tothink about something
interesting to talk about.
You know, like it was like sucha forced conversation that it
was.

Speaker 1 (25:11):
It took the spontaneity out of it yeah, I
think jason and I have been justsort of coasting along in this,
that we haven't had to get toocreative with things, like it's
just been, it's just been goodenough, like it's been great in
ways, like the visits areamazing and talking to him is
great.
But I don't think either of ussee this as like okay, we need
to like save our relationship.

(25:32):
We're like we've really got toamplify this year so that X like
.
I think we're just kind of like,yeah, this is fine and it's
going to end, thank God on Xdate, but I don't think that's a
bad idea, like just having inyour pocket, like with you while
you do things, and that soundskind of nice.
I will say like one of thereasons we don't have that many

(25:52):
phone calls is probably becauseI don't like phone calls,
especially with what we do for aliving.
It's just like I just talk topeople, all day yeah, yeah, that
makes sense.

Speaker 2 (26:03):
I had a bunch, um, I had one in college which who was
my first husband, and it'sinteresting when you said that
you don't really live in theplace because you, my Alex, and
I lived together as like collegeroommates in senior year and he

(26:35):
was so excited I went abroadfor a little bit and so we were
so excited to like finally getlike the senior cool, you know
townhouse, you know living andknow living.
And then it was our last yearlike big hurrah, um, and then I
started seeing my ex-husband, um, who was like a couple states

(26:56):
away.
So I have to, you know, go to areally long bus ride and I would
, we would do like every otherweekend or so, him here or me
there, and whenever we weretogether, we were just like in
like the couple world in thatweekend.
So I wouldn't even see myfriends, um, I mean, I even was
like super late, like two hourslate, for my own party at our

(27:17):
own like college dorm, which Ifeel really sad about, um, and
yeah, alex, to this day was like, yeah, I thought I was going to
live with you and you werenever there, um, so it's kind of
ironic, but I, alex and Istarted as a long distance
relationship we he was living inLA when we got together and he

(27:43):
was um doing law school.
And we got together when hecame for a summer here to hang
out with me and then he had togo back to law school and then
finish it up and and then wewere like we'll, we'll be
together at some point.
But, that was really toughbecause I think that at the time

(28:04):
we weren't sure how to navigatethat coming together, the, the,
the um, the move wasn't reallyclear.
He wanted me to move toCalifornia or like, had some
dreams of it, and I was in NorthCarolina.
Like there was just like a lotof different pieces about what
our future looked like and atthe time I was actually really
anxious because I?

(28:25):
Um thought I wasn't fertile andI was like you know, we don't.
You know, I was like 34, 35 atthe time.
I was like you know, we gottaget on this, you know, and he
had two more years of law schoolleft, like what were we going
to do?
Um, I, you know, spent likespend some time.
I didn't know what to do.

(28:45):
I really I was scared of thetimeline, I was scared of the
distance.
In my mind it would have beenlike a couple of years before we
had a family.
Um, and I made that very clearthat I was like really panicked
about the timeline.
And one of our trips, one ofour, you know, long distance
trips, we went to a wedding inColorado and I remember I
remember he said, okay, let's,let's start trying, let's start

(29:09):
trying for a baby.
I'm terrified, but let's do it.
You know like, and so we didwhile we were long distance.
And I got pregnant while wewere long distance, immediately
the first time we tried, whichis insane because in my mind I
was like it's probably going totake a year of trying before we,
you know, have to do fertilitytreatments and then so the

(29:33):
timeline was just so different.
So suddenly that put pressure on.
Now we have to be together,like we're going to have a baby
in nine months, 10 months.
You know like we better be inthe same location.
So that's that's kind of like.
You know, to his credit, hereally worked hard to find ways
to do long.

(29:53):
You know, like um, remote lastyear of law school, while we had
a baby, um, but that was crazy.
I was fully pregnant and wewere flying back and forth to
see each other.
So I had a full pregnancy, youknow, until the very like last
month or two, you know, bymyself.

(30:15):
So, yeah, we had a longdistance, like pregnancy.
It was crazy.

Speaker 1 (30:20):
Did you?
How did you get the support youneeded through the pregnancy?

Speaker 2 (30:23):
I freaked out.
I was like an anxious wreck.
You remember me.
I was like a total anxiouswreck.
I was physically it was.
It was really tough.
I didn't expect that to happen.
Like there was there were manydays where lugging the the
laundry up and down my stairsand just doing like like
bringing the trash out by myselfas like a fully pregnant woman

(30:46):
by myself.
It was really really hardEmotionally.
You want to at the time, youwant to like nest and want to be
close to them and want to feelsafe.
And I and I was surprised tofeel like my autonomy didn't
feel safe anymore, like beingalone was scary.
I would you know if I heardweird noises in the house, I
would be extra scared because itwas just like me and this like

(31:07):
baby.
Um, and flying.
I remember actually I found itreally difficult to fly because
I would fly to him quite a bitto los angeles and you know,
after a while, flying with afull pregnant belly was tough.
Um, and then, yeah, just likehanging out late at night in an
airport trying to find a taxi,suddenly, like my instinct

(31:31):
kicked on, like I want to, Iwant my man to protect me.
It was just weird.
So I was very withdrawn.
I was very scared of moreanxious and and paranoid than I
normally was, and then it wasway better when we got together.
We finally came together in NewYork.

Speaker 1 (31:55):
There wasn't any like adjustment from knowing each
other in a particular way tobecause that was also like in my
, in some of my other longdistance.
I had like one six month longdistance scenario, um, with this
guy who was so hot, oh, youdidn't love me, it was a shame,
but he was really hot, and everytime I talk about him I just
have to like make it clear howhot he was because that that was
like his definingcharacteristic anyway, we, you

(32:18):
know, we did quite well longdistance and then, when we come
in person, it was there was someawkwardness and I don't know.
That's because we were just tooused to like the how we
communicated long distance, orif it's because he didn't love
me and just wanted to have sexwith me and didn't really know
how to communicate that I don'tknow um did you talk a lot when

(32:40):
you were apart, like, did youhave that emotional connection
when you were not together, oruntil the end.
I mean, I think he, I think hewas into me for a little while.
Actually it's funny.
When I was in high school I hada long-distance situation.
This guy named Phil, we kneweach other from the politics
club.
He lived in Ohio and we talkedon the phone every night.

(33:01):
Then I went to prom with him inOhio but we had to drive from
this politics convention to Ohiotogether and it was so awkward
Like I lost all ability to talkto him.
That memory is probably what hasmade me be able to talk to a
brick wall.
Now I'm like that's neverhappening again, Cause then he
goes to me immediatelyafterwards.
Um, but I just remember thiscar ride and be like I don't

(33:23):
know how to talk to this person,I don't know what to say, Like
I can tell he's trying.
I'm sort of trying, but it'sjust so awkward.
I mean that's a 17 year oldtragedy.
I don't think I would encounterthat now, but it is weird to go
from like.
That was another thing I wasworried about with jason.
Like his texting tone doesn'tmatch how he speaks at all.

(33:44):
So I was like if I get too usedto his, then he in person is
going to feel weird to me.
That hasn't really happened, butthere's another chemistry.
That's interesting Thing I wasworried about.
That's really interesting.

Speaker 2 (33:58):
Yeah, there's sometimes a special chemistry
over text that you know, you seeit.
You see it in love.
Love is blind, right, like theycan they connect in a very
particular format, because it'slike you're just talking or and
maybe there's a connection thatthat happens just in that format
and then in person it's goneback and technology has a big

(34:30):
piece in all of this too, likethe, the growing technology
Cause I remember I would, youknow, meet someone in summer
camp and we would be dating orwhatever, and then we would just
afterwards it would be phonecalls and emails, emails were
like.
Whoa, you know.
But like there would be phonecalls, yeah, and that would
launch people into like a littlebit more of a confessional
state, you know, like beingreally open and just like

(34:51):
talking like you know, um, butthen when you get all the
feedback of being in person, itmight be weird.

Speaker 1 (34:58):
so that's a really interesting thing of like long
distance relationships beinglike better sometimes in the
long distance yeah, I mean I Ithink I was I was worried more
about the reverse, that ourchemistry would die because
we're better in person.
But I mean I think it can go.
It's bidirectional and it'sjust like one of those nervy
things.
I mean, if I'm thinking about,I don't feel like my

(35:19):
relationship is actually thebest example to talk about when
we think about, like thepitfalls of long distance,
because I just there are so manypitfalls if you think about
anxiety here, like if Jason werean anxious partner, I would be
having a really differentexperience in New York yeah, I
became an anxiously attachedpartner when I was pregnant,

(35:42):
like I really I became more umhooked on when he responded back
to me, when we're going to seeeach other um missing him, and
there's also research showingthat, like there's a little bit
more idealizing, like the heart,the heart make um.

Speaker 2 (36:00):
Distance makes the heart grow fonder, right so it's
like you're, you're apart andyou get to miss each other and
idealize about all the thingsthat you love and miss, about
them right, instead of takingthem for granted by being right
next to you.
So, yeah, I mean, I rememberfeeling that anxious all the
time and I'm sure now.
Now there's probably all thesedifferent ways that people stay

(36:24):
connected, even if they're notactively talking, like sharing
location, actively talking likesharing location, um, different
kinds of like shared activitiesonline, like netflix party,
which is now, I think, somethingelse but like watching movies
separately together, or likeplaying games online.
So there's all different waysto like stay connected so you're

(36:44):
not relying just on that textor that call or that one um.
But I think it's hard.
I think it's really hardbecause you're the distance.
Lets you fill in space.
Fill in the space with your owninsecurities, right?

Speaker 1 (37:03):
Yeah, I mean my like.
My experience with Eric and theHawkeye Nikolai they we both
like more or less started out.
I mean Eric and I had somerunway in person but the
distance definitely increased.
Idealization, because I, I justfilled in the gaps with my own,
like daydreams and fantasiesabout them.
Um, and yeah, eric and I playedcivilization over these like

(37:26):
five hour FaceTime dates, likeEric.
Eric and I in some ways we'remore actively long distance than
Jason and I are, and I thinkthat's because Eric and I didn't
have a return date, but yeah,yeah, I mean we would have these
marathon, like playing thisgame, so that again the pressure
of just talking at each otherfor five hours was kind of toned
down, toned down, um, but likeI think it would be hard.

(37:58):
The problem with an anxiouspartner in a long distance
situation is that when theanxious partner at home doesn't
want you to go out for fear thatyou will cheat or it will make
them more anxious, right, youstay home with your partner.
But when your anxious partnerin long distance doesn't want
you to go out, you stay homealone, and that's just not
something that I think a lot ofpeople would be interested in.

(38:18):
Like, if jason was like, pleasedon't go to glenn gary, glenn
ross, I'd be like, okay, well,now I'm missing out on glenn
gary, glenn ross, and I'm alone.
I'm sitting in my, you know,cardboard box in new york and so
I don't know how you do itwithout, like, really strong
regulation skills for forjealousy and insecurity, and I

(38:40):
mean I I cannot imagine.
I was very uh, faithful to mybirth control this year because
I was like I do not want to belong distance and pregnant.
So I really don't know how youdid that.
Because you were.
You were literally physicallyvulnerable, like what if you had
a miscarriage yeah, yeah, no,there were.

Speaker 2 (38:59):
I mean I had COVID.
I got COVID even though I wasvaccinated.
I got COVID while I waspregnant, while I was like
second trimester, I was so sickI couldn't move um, and that
made it like I second trimester,I was so sick I couldn't move
Um, and that made it like Istill had to work, I still had
to, like walk up and down thestairs.
Um, so, yeah, that anxiety andfeeling like I need that person,
I want them close to me, wasyou know.

(39:27):
Then then you're, there's moretime and space for your
insecurities to run amok, and so, like, whenever we have
insecurities with relationships,a lot of it could be just like
these core beliefs, these likeold blueprints that we're just
like projecting onto our newpartner, right, like, um, fear
that they will leave me, youknow, like I'll just be left

(39:48):
alone.
Uh, they don't actually love me.
And so when that was activated,that was super intense when I
was pregnant, and so anytime wehad a kind of a not great
conversation or he wasn'tresponding, I kind of went into
like like this means all the badthings, yeah, and I remember

(40:09):
would have we had like morefights Definitely.
I mean we also had more fightsbecause it was like we don't
even know when we're going to betogether.
You know, like our future wastogether was so tough to
navigate and figure out becausewe would be texting each other

(40:34):
insecure at least I was insecureand then we would misread each
other.
Like I remember we had a hugefight because he missed.
Like I was anxiously ruminatingat him through text and I think
he read it, read the tone asmore like here's what it was I
was.
We were talking about when we'regoing to propose.
Get you know, when we weregoing to propose and we were
going to get together and I Ithought that we were going to

(40:56):
get engaged earlier than hethought, right, and I was
talking at him about how sad Iwas and anxious about that and I
was like, well, maybe it'sactually a good thing that we
have more time, um, to getengaged, because we have a lot
of things to figure out, right,but he read it as well maybe
it's a good thing that we arenot getting engaged right now

(41:18):
because we have a lot of thingsto figure out.
Yeah, and he got so mad and hegot so hurt and we got into this
huge fight and I was kind ofconfused.
So he was upset and then thethings that he said and acted
triggered me to be upset,because he was more cold and
distant and it spiraled and itwas like a couple day fight.

(41:42):
We didn't talk, which is alittle bit easier when you're
not, when you're long distance,like I basically like cut them
off, you know, like iced themout for a couple days because I
needed to like process.
I was so upset after thatconversation, um, whereas I
think we probably would havetalked more, like resolved it
faster if we were in person,because we had to be right at

(42:02):
each other.
But when we really spelled itout, it was a lot of this
miscommunication, a misreadingof my tone.
There was a lot of thismiscommunication, a misreading
of my tone.
There was a lot of other thingsaround it, but that was really
the thing that set off hisinsecurities.
So that is like was such adownfall of like both of us
being anxious and long distance.

(42:24):
Is that you are?
You have that really narrowchannel of connection and that
channel is fuzzy and breaks down.
Then the whole thing is a mess.

Speaker 1 (42:37):
I can't even imagine being long distance pregnant,
and that new to a relationshipwhere, like wow, if he leaves me
, I'm so fucked, like I am soalone with this, and then to
have all the perils of textingas your major communication
source woof yeah, and you knowme as a texter.

Speaker 2 (42:58):
I'm like like text, text text.
I mean, most of the time I'mtexting on my computer, so I'm
just like type type, type type.
You know that meme of like.
Have you ever seen the Kermitmeme on Instagram where he's
just like furiously typing?
That's me on text all the timeand you know that very well.
Yeah, so I was just sayingthings and just not being
mindful about how it comesacross.
So, yeah, that's a huge pitfall, like when you don't.

(43:22):
The more ambiguity you have ina relationship, the more you can
project your insecurities intoit.
Right, like that's, that'sreally where insecurities come
into play is like you don't knowthe answer, you don't know what
the other person is thinking,so I'm just gonna fill in what
default fear I have.
They don't love me, they'regonna abandon me, they're gonna

(43:42):
leave, you know whatever.
And then that becomes how youinterpret that silence or that
ambiguous interaction.

Speaker 1 (43:50):
Oh, you remember that .
Well, I also I feel likethere's this thing that I did
slash do, which was, um, I thinkI saved up my discontents for
when I was in person, whichisn't necessarily dumb, I mean,
it's a double-edged sword.

(44:10):
Like I did, I think I wanted toavoid the insecurity that comes
from a text fight or a phonefight and then all of the space
that you can have available toyou after that, like I think, I
didn't want to.

Speaker 2 (44:27):
That's unusual, actually, like I, I think that I
would say in my experience Ican't remember the research, but
I I was hesitant to bring upany bad stuff when we're
together because you're like weonly have like three days
together.
I don't, I want to make thisawesome right.
You don't want to spend thewhole time fighting, uh.
But then afterwards, when wewould be distant, I would bring

(44:51):
up and actually I wanted to talkabout this but I couldn't, so
you saved the fights for thein-person time.

Speaker 1 (44:58):
I don't think it was conscious necessarily.
I think I was probably steepedin some insecurity while we were
apart and then when we weretogether, it probably all came
out, I mean, including when I'mJason and I have an amazing
relationship, okay.
But he's also like one of theonly people that sees me very

(45:20):
emotional most of the time.
So for a while, like everyvisit the first night, I would
cry over something.
I like I'd be, but I'd be likepissed at him about something or
you know.
So it's gotten to the pointwhere he's like I visited this
this like a week or two ago, aweek ago, and was starting to

(45:41):
get really in my head aboutsomething he said he was like
we're not doing this, we're howdo we turn this ship around?
Like we're not no-transcriptthis whole time, but it kind of
recurs, which is the travelfight, um and so like when

(46:03):
you're traveling to see eachother no travel.
Fight is jason.
When are you going to go tobelize with me?
This man refuses to leave thecountry but he says that he
wants to and he says that he hasno problem.
It's just, you know, it's justpractical, etc.
So, anyways, when we're inperson, anytime travel is

(46:24):
alluded to, I'll like take thebait, and whenever Eric and I
were in person, we would breakup.
But I don't think that was myfault.

Speaker 2 (46:36):
Do you feel like things are resolved better when
you have the argument in personversus like over text?
Yeah, or when you're apart?
Yeah, yeah, interesting, yeah,I mean I mean this.
This is a good segue into likebest practices or tips for
long-distance relationships.
What would you say are the tipsfor making, making a

(46:59):
long-distance relationship ashealthy as you can?

Speaker 1 (47:01):
I mean I think if you have a problem, you should
bring it up.
You shouldn't store it and waituntil you see each other in
person, because you do want toprotect that time and you don't
want to be, um, storing up aresentment or anything like that
.
Um, but I do think it just canbe true that, like the things
that you've thought about alonecan kind of like pop up when

(47:23):
you're, when you're together.
Finally, um, I don't know.
I mean, I think having a reallyhonest conversation about your
needs for autonomy versuscontrol is going to be important
.
Like, if one of you is anxious,how is it going to work that
one of your, one of the partnersis just not going to be there
and you won't know what they'reup to?

(47:44):
And like I think it can be easyfor especially the person who's
moving to like agree to stuff.
Like yeah, I'll, totally, we'llhave a nightly call.
If Jason and I had a nightlycall, I would not be
experiencing New York.
Like I just don't.
I just don't see how that wouldbe possible.
Right, maybe if we had the samebedtime and we did a right

(48:07):
before bedtime call, that wouldwork, but his bedtime is like 9
pm Most of the time I'm out.
So how much are check-insactually going to be worse for
us versus, you know, helping ourrelationship?
And then, yeah, I mean some wayto make it so that you two are

(48:31):
observing the same things atsome point.
So I did like playingcivilization with Eric.
I thought that that was a goodway to like have something to do
that kept us on the phone and,yeah, paul and I would do some.
I think we would watch moviesat the same time.
We were never long distance,but just like when I was on,
when I was visiting family orsomething I think there are
certainly you can have datenights, like Eric and I would

(48:54):
always basically just get when Iwas 23, but Jason just get
plastered on the phone and we'dhave these like five hour
marathon talks and but it waslike a date.
You know, it's like somethingto look forward to, so that kind
of thing can work.
Um, I do think knowing whenyou're going to see each other
next is helpful, but you have tolike really keep in mind the

(49:15):
individual partners.
I'm somebody who thrives off offlexibility and I don't.
It wouldn't work super well forJason and me to have come up
with a bunch of rules for how wewere going to do this, a bunch
of expectations like it worksfar more, that he is just
flexible with me and then, youknow, there's no expectation

(49:35):
that, like I have to besomewhere at a certain time,
unless we pre-arrange it yeah, Ithink it makes sense to.

Speaker 2 (49:44):
If you know yourself well and how you like to
communicate and connect with apartner, um, that really helps.
But then if you're already deepinto a long distance
relationship and you're feelingthis out, then I guess it's it's
worth it to check in withyourself and the other person.
Like it.
Do I feel connected to them?
How connected do I feel?

(50:04):
Like, do I actually feel thedistance in more ways than one,
emotionally and physically?
Because, yeah, all thesedifferent ways of checking in
they're called like emotionalcalls and like long distance
relationship.
Like the different ways thatyou have emotional calls might
feel satisfying enough or forone person, not right.
Like I remember Alex and I wouldtext each other about you know

(50:28):
funny things that happened thatday or what we're doing.
You know we're just we still dothat as a married couple.
Like we'll tell you like howwas your day, I love you.
But if one, if the other persondoesn't feel like that's enough
, like they don't feel connected, they want, like more FaceTime
calls or they want more sharedactivities or they want more,
you know, like just making surethat that level of connection

(50:51):
makes sense, and it's actuallylike bringing that person closer
versus not One thing.

Speaker 1 (50:56):
I'll say.
This is actually probably themost annoying part of the long
distance relationship and itdoesn't have that much to do
with jason, but it's when yourjob gives you a limited number
of pto and you have to spend itall on your partner.
I don't know that, year afteryear, I mean I can do it for
this year, but I'm basicallytelling my mom, like look, I'm
not going to see you for sixmonths because it's christmas

(51:17):
has passed.
You know, yeah, and like tellyou, know my like, I was asked
to be a godmother and they wantme for the christening.
But I'm like I don't know whenI can come to the christening
because I'm spending everysingle day I have on my
boyfriend and so I don't know.
If you can plan joint tripstogether, yeah, if you can
somehow like get on neutralterritory sometimes.

(51:39):
This is one of the reasons Iwanted to go to Belize.
It's like it doesn't have to beyour place or my place.
It can be this new place wherewe have this special time.
It's we're not just a visitor.
It'd be helpful.
But yeah, negotiating that PTOthing.

Speaker 2 (51:53):
Yeah, yeah, it really does like box out that time for
that other person.
If you can like go with yourpartner to like seeing your
family or, you know um, seeingyour godchild, like that would
be two in one.
But you, I understand howpeople want to get protective
over that, the the date, thedate visits um, but yeah, I, I

(52:16):
think that's hard, that's reallyhard.
Yeah, having that neutralterritory was nice, like, like
sometimes it's a it's aninteresting thing to visit their
home and then them visit yourhome.
Who's the host?
There's some dynamics aroundwho's the host?

Speaker 1 (52:29):
right.

Speaker 2 (52:29):
Like, ooh, I have to plan all these things, I have to
make this fun and blah, blah,blah, um, but even just being
like, okay, let's actually meetsomewhere.
I think my cousin actually mycousin and his wife were long
distance for many years and theywould just plan vacations to a
whole new place that they bothwant to go to to see each other,

(52:49):
and they, they loved that.
They thought that was super funbecause it gave them an excuse
to, like you know, see eachother and have a vacation and
explore other countries too.
So Belize might be your next.

Speaker 1 (53:04):
Well, I think leaning into the spirit of long
distance is a really good idea,like the thing that Eric oh my
God, the thing that Jason and Ihave gained through long
distance is the chance to seeeach other just cut loose and
have fun and like be on vacationtogether.
Every time I see him, we'rebasically on vacation and that's

(53:26):
very different from what I getat home.
So you can do that.
But like turn the dial up right.
Like nikolai and I, we met at awedding in brazil and then I
flew to hawaii where he lived,and then we went.
We met in mexico city.
Like it doesn't always have tobe one of your homes, it can be
this, it can be a bit more of awhirlwind, like you know.
Like yeah, like let's go tofreaking london for the weekend
if we want.
Yeah, um, because we have tofly anyway, so might as well fly

(53:48):
somewhere, cool yeah, yeah, oh.

Speaker 2 (53:51):
It's making me and it is making me nostalgic for the
time that alex and I were longdistance.
I think in my mind sometimes Ithink of that time as like the
non part of relationship.
It almost like is that pausetime?
But I'm like, oh my gosh, therewas so much.
There was so much there andpart of it was like it fueled
the excitement.

(54:13):
You know, when we saw eachother it would be so much more
exciting.
But then it was also like you'rejust waiting for your
relationship to start, like towait to see what it's like to
actually live together and starta life together.
So I know, in some ways, likeit was really.
I mean, we even did finding outwhat, what is the?
Whether our kid was going to bea boy or girl long distance, we

(54:37):
we went on zoom together andthen we pulled up the results
from the doctor together so wecould see it on a shared screen
and then had that experiencelike separately.
So that's just crazy to thinkabout.
But I definitely think thatshared experiences in general,
the more you can do that, so youdon't live separate lives like

(54:57):
just reporting to each other.
Just reporting to each otherlike, um, yeah, like I think you
know, playing games, playinglike there's all sorts
everyone's into like worldwordle, what is it?
Scrap world things online.
You know um reading the samebook together, watching the same
show.
You know that that's definitelysomething that people like do,

(55:20):
where they binge watch the sameshow and like start at the same
time and watch it like that.
Netflix party thing, but um,yeah, there's also like some
apps that do it too, and there'slike different let's see like
there's different apps forvirtual dates that you guys
could look up.
You know there's all sorts ofyou know oh, and there's also

(55:42):
like sending handwritten lettersor care you know care packages,
sometimes even just when youhave the physicality missing.
You could add the physicalityand actually like mailing a
surprise to them.

Speaker 1 (55:56):
Yeah, I think like, especially if it's temporary,
like anytime something istemporary, even if it sucks
there's, it's going to presentopportunities that you won't get
normally.
So one of right, like you'renever going to write each other
handwritten notes when you're ina close proximity relationship.
So if you've ever wanted toexchange love letters, like do

(56:17):
it, you know, um, I'm probablylike I might get proposed to in
New York City.
I don't know that that wouldhave happened if I weren't in
New York City right now.
Like you know, we were so NorthCarolina oriented.
I also think I mean, I thinkthere's two other like major
components I would talk about.
One is like you want to create asituation where you have shared

(56:39):
experiences and where you feelconnected.
But I also I think the otherperil of not experiencing the
place where you're in and likeputting everything into the
relationship is that it mightincrease your pain level in the
long distance relationship,because suddenly you're living
for the relationship and therelationship is not taking the

(56:59):
form that it ideally would, andso then it's easier to feel the
unideal parts.
Like if I were just living forJason right now, then I wouldn't
be able to lean into the factthat I love New York and there's
so much to do here and that Iget the opportunity one more
time to experience it and myfriends, and that's awesome.

(57:19):
Um, I do think one thing thathelps, though, to not just feel
like you're living totallydifferent lives is to see Jason.
I have not hit this balance.
Well, we've actually.
Maybe we have a little bitwhenever he comes to town or
whenever I go to town.

Speaker 2 (57:37):
It's very tempting to spend all of our time together
and I love that and I don't mindit, but it might be better
especially if we weren't gonnacome back together in five
months to like introduce himmore to my friends here and so
that he actually feels like hehas a bit of a life here too
yeah, or let him wander aroundand do something just for him,

(58:00):
like just have like some time,which is really hard, but like
if there's anything that he'sinterested in exploring in new
york without you although thatwouldn't necessarily happen but
just to feel like it's not justjacqueline, but it's just, like,
you know, a cool trip that hegets a bunch of different
experiences in.

Speaker 1 (58:17):
But yeah, it's already the city that he resents
for taking me away from him,right, but like a place where he
actually has some connectionyou know, I always think the
state of the union addresses arelike a good idea whenever a
relationship is maybe goingthrough something unusual.
Really checking in, how are wedoing?
is there anything we need toadjust here, being really honest

(58:38):
about how you feel, but also,like I think, if you're oriented
towards I want my partner to behappy and I want them to
actually experience their lifeand not just be living for, like
, the limited contact they getwith me, I think that can be a
very helpful orientation towardsthe relationship, um, and then
just like, really lean intocreativity and figure out how to

(58:59):
make this a good thing for yourrelationship and not just
pressing the pause button.

Speaker 2 (59:06):
I think that's great and we could look up different
apps or activities and stufflike that and link it to the
show notes.
So we'll add that in Cool.
Give you guys some suggestionsfor what to do.

Speaker 1 (59:17):
All right, little helpers.
Well, I know that we are all ina long distance relationship, so
if you'd like to write us alittle love letter on Apple
Podcasts or Spotify for thefive-star review, that would
enhance our connection and we'llsee you next week.
By accessing this podcast, Iacknowledge that the hosts of
this podcast make no warranty,guarantee or representation as

(59:38):
to the accuracy or sufficiencyof the information featured in
this podcast.
The information, opinions andrecommendations presented in
this podcast are for generalinformation only, and any
reliance on the informationprovided in this podcast is done
at your own risk.
This podcast and any and allcontent or services available on
or through this podcast areprovided for general,
non-commercial informationalpurposes only and do not

(01:00:00):
constitute the practice ofmedical or any other
professional judgment, advice,diagnosis or treatment, and
should not be considered or usedas a substitute for the
independent professionaljudgment, advice, diagnosis or
treatment of a duly licensed andqualified health care provider.
In case of a medical emergency,you should immediately call
9-1-1.
The hosts do not endorse,approve, recommend or certify

(01:00:21):
any information, product,process, service or organization
presented or mentioned in thispodcast, and information from
this podcast should not bereferenced in any way to imply
such approval or endorsement.