April 1, 2025 • 28 mins
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In this episode of 'A Magical Life,' host Magic Barclay answers a listener's question on how to healthily raise children. The discussion covers crucial aspects such as nutrition, behavior, and learning. Magic emphasizes the importance of allowing kids to explore different foods, maintaining boundaries while understanding behavior, and making learning fun and interactive. She shares her experiences raising her own children, including two on the autism spectrum, and offers practical tips on managing playdates, encouraging questions, and fostering a lifelong love of learning. Tune in for invaluable parenting insights and advice.
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Magic Barclay (00:43):
Welcome back to a Magical Life.
I'm your host, magic Barclay,and today we have a listener
question, and that is, how doyou healthily raise your kids?
Now, I found this a veryfascinating question and I'm
actually going to split it upinto different parts of our
(01:03):
lives.
So the first one, of course isnutrition.
Why is it important to allowyour kids to explore different
types of foods and nutrientsrather than you telling them
what to eat?
Now, I was raised in theseventies and eighties.
(01:23):
Yes, I'm that old.
And it was not a question ofwhat would you like to try, but
it was, here's your food, eatthis because I said so.
I raised my kids verydifferently.
What would you like to try?
I took them to the fruit andveggie stores and I said, do you
(01:44):
know what this is?
And you know, I got the standardfor broccoli, it looks like
little trees.
And I said, great.
Let's try the little tree, shallwe?
Sure.
What do Brussels sprouts looklike?
Oh, they look like little greenbasketballs.
Do you like basketball?
No, not really.
Would you try it?
Yes.
Okay.
So we tried it.
(02:05):
I tried to make exploring fruitand veg fun.
Now, when it comes to eating,children are very tactile, and
it doesn't matter what age theyare.
We know that they start asbabies and toddlers eating with
their hands.
So when you are feeding a baby,the hands are always going.
(02:28):
They're feeling you.
They're.
Touching you as they turn intotoddlers, they wanna eat with
their hands.
Cutlery is quite a foreignconcept for them.
Why is it that we stop themdoing that?
Is it because in society we usecutlery?
Is it because of our ownpredisposed ideas and
(02:50):
intentions?
Why do we stop over 23-year-old?
And he eats with his hands.
Of course, if we go out to arestaurant, he'll use cutlery,
but at home he eats with hishands and I'm okay with that
because he's using his tactilesensation to explore the food.
Now, who said that when we turninto adults, we have to use our
(03:15):
cutlery because we're actuallydecreasing how much we're
exploring the food.
We are smothering things withsauces, so we are blocking out
all the brilliant colors thatcome in foods, and we're really
dampening down our taste buds byovercooking things.
(03:38):
So when it comes to nutritionand food for children of any
age, it's about the color, it'sabout the exploration.
We've all heard the, thestatement.
Food begins eating it with youreyes.
Eating begins with your eyes.
So why do we stop that?
(03:58):
Let's encourage that.
So there's part of nutrition.
Now when it comes to behavior,I.
This is a big thing.
Both my kids are on the autismspectrum.
Yep.
Before it became popular, mykids were diagnosed and yes,
they definitely have all ofthose traits.
(04:21):
So behavior was kind of off thecharts at times, again, by
society's rules.
Not by mine.
What I did for behavior was Igave my children boundaries.
Now, again, when I was raised,if you cried about something, I
would get told, stop crying, orI'll give you something to cry
(04:43):
about.
Not good parenting.
Other things like, you know,timeouts without explanations or
the, because I said, so this ismy rule, because I said so.
I didn't raise my children likethat.
When they behaved incorrectly orout of bounds, it was only
(05:06):
deemed that if it was dangerouseither to themselves or to
anyone around them.
And there were times that we hadthose autistic meltdown tantrums
and they were quiteuncontrollable and unbearable.
So with my youngest, I used tobear hug him when he was in this
fit of rage.
(05:26):
I was safe'cause I was behindhim.
I would sit on the floor andbear hug him till he calmed
down.
And the whole time I would say,I love you, you're safe.
It's okay when you calm down, wecan talk about this.
And it worked.
And now as an adult, if he'shaving a moment where he just
(05:48):
can't take it all in.
I can see that in him and I say,it's okay.
You are safe.
We can talk about this whenyou're ready.
When it comes to the reallylashing out kind of tantrums and
throwing yourself on the floorand things like that, when
you're a child, you're doing itbecause.
(06:08):
You don't understand what'sgoing on.
You have a feeling of lack ofsafety.
So when those meltdown tantrumshappened, particularly with my
eldest, he wasn't as physical asthe younger one.
He was more emotional and he wasmore verbal.
So I would say, I can't hear youtill you are speaking to me
(06:31):
softly and gently.
I want to help you, but I don'tunderstand while you're
screaming at me, I don'tunderstand.
While you are running aroundlike a crazy person, when you're
calm, I'm here to help you.
And so that would.
Stop any of that.
(06:51):
Roll on tantrum.
Now, my kids had boundaries, andthis is the key with behavior.
And it doesn't matter if they'rea baby, a toddler, a young kid,
a teenager, a young adult, oreven an adult.
When they're your kids.
They're your kids, and itdoesn't matter what age they
(07:13):
need boundaries.
And my kids now as young adults,still have boundaries.
And the boundaries are, you makea mess, you clean it up, and
they've done that since theywere very, very young.
You know, there would be theaccidents that happened in the
bathroom, and I don't meantoilet accidents, I mean
(07:34):
slopping water everywhere outtathe bath.
And I'd walk in and go, I'm gladyou had fun, but you made a
mess.
You clean it up when you aredry.
I'll give you some towels.
I'll give you the mop and you'llclean it up.
And they did.
And they do now.
So they clean up afterthemselves.
Sometimes they need a reminderand that's okay, but they do it.
(07:58):
My eldest loves cooking.
He's shocking at cleaning upafter himself.
I walk in, I say, what's therule?
You make a mess.
You clean it up, and he does.
Now, when it comes to behaviorin public, my kids had
boundaries.
If we were going to arestaurant, I would say to them
in the car, just because youwant to have fun at a
(08:22):
restaurant.
It doesn't mean that's the funeveryone else wants to have.
Some people are going there tohave a nice quiet evening, to
have conversation with friendsand family, and they don't want
kids running around destroyingit.
You use your inside voices.
You use your going out voices.
(08:42):
You behave calmly.
And politely while we're out.
And they did.
And many years ago when my kidswere 12 and 14, we went to a
restaurant and there was someoneelse's kids, younger kids
running up and down therestaurant knocking into the
waitresses.
Things were going flyingeverywhere.
(09:02):
Their parents weren't doinganything about it, and my eldest
turned around and said, can youbelieve that?
That kid has no boundaries?
The parents don't care.
And so what my kids said to mewas, when you give us
boundaries, we know that youcare.
It's not about being overbearingto your kids, it's about giving
(09:24):
them room to discover things andto learn things.
In an acceptable setting.
So there's behavior.
When bad behavior happens, firstof all, ask yourself, why is it
happening?
Do I consider it bad by my ownstandards or is it bad'cause
(09:47):
it's dangerous to my child, tosomeone else, to something else?
Always look at the why and thecontext and what you can do
about it.
Something else with behaviorthat I taught my kids was, if
you do the thing, whatever itis, throw a tantrum, swear at
(10:09):
someone, whatever it is, wrecksomething.
Are you prepared for theconsequences now?
I was a smacker for my kids whenthey were little, but only when
they got completely out of hand.
And that would be if they wereabout to touch something hot
(10:32):
like a fire pit, I would smacktheir hands.
Why?
Because I have to get an instantresponse from them.
It's dangerous if I don't, Acouple of times if they punched
each other, they would both geta smack on the bottom.
Now as they got older, that gotvery hard because they got
bigger than me quite quickly.
(10:53):
So I brought out the woodenspoon.
Each of my boys had one smack onthe bum with the wooden spoon.
And following that, all I had todo is hold up the spoon.
Were they scared of me?
No.
Were they scared of aconsequence because what they
were doing was dangerous?
Yes, and I would follow thatwith the wording.
(11:16):
I don't wanna do this, but whatyou are doing is dangerous.
And so now when they have afight and they are young adults
and they live in the same housetogether, they do have punch up
every now and then they do.
And I'll go over and I will stopit with a wooden spoon in my
(11:36):
hand and I'll hold it up and Isay, this is dangerous.
You love each other.
Why are you behaving like this?
Are you prepared for aconsequence?
And they both look at me andlook, believe me, they could
easily take the spoon outta myhand and hit me with it, but
they won't because they look atme, they look at the spoon and
they go, right, what we're doingis dangerous.
(11:58):
What we're doing isinappropriate, and we're hurting
each other when we should loveeach other.
So there's some behavior.
Now we've covered nutrition andwe've covered behavior.
Let's cover learning.
Learning should be fun.
Schools, I'm gonna be quitecontroversial here, but schools
(12:22):
to me seem like indoctrinationcamps.
Yes, maths is important tolearn.
Yes, reading is important tolearn, but.
I'm not a fan of the governmenttelling me what my kids should
and should not learn.
Now, my eldest son, as anexample, very gifted child, was
(12:45):
speaking Japanese and doing longdivision and able to cut fruits
and vegetables with a very sharpknife before the age of four.
In fact, he taught himself toread.
By his first birthday here, Iwas reading baby books on my
knee one minute, and he'sreading books back to me.
The next.
(13:06):
How he did it, I have no idea.
Very gifted child, but I senthim to a state primary school.
Now here in Australia, we havestate schools, which are run by
the government.
You pay a lower fee.
The curriculum is set by thegovernment.
We have private schools.
You pay a higher fee.
The curriculum is set by thegovernment, a private board,
(13:29):
and, well, I'm not sure whatelse'cause my kids never went to
one.
But anyway, uh, so my eldest sonwent to state school and he
wasn't allowed to learn the wayhe had already learned.
The kids in the class werelearning how to count to 10.
He was already doing longdivision and multiplication.
(13:52):
They were learning the verybasics of another language.
And the reason I sent him tothat school was because they
were supposed to be learningJapanese, but they changed the
language after we enrolled.
And these kids could not read.
They were not on his levelwhatsoever.
Now, what happened was a very.
(14:14):
Dismal primary, or I think it'selementary in the US school
experience.
He ended up acting up.
Uh, the education system was notteaching my child.
It was babysitting my child.
So parents, when it comes toeducation, you know, the level
(14:34):
that your kid is at, my youngerson was right at the other end
of the spectrum.
Very slow to pick up maths andEnglish concepts.
High emotional quotient.
Very low intelligent quotient asa child.
Now, of course, he's caught upand he's absolutely fine.
(14:55):
He can read and he can count,and he can do all the things he
needs to do.
He's actually quite brilliant,but he was a slow starter as a
child.
Neither of my kids fit the moldof what school teaches you.
Now, school teaches to theaverage.
So as a parent, I see your role,not as, I'm only looking after
(15:21):
my children and having the funtimes and doing the, the
discipline and the education isall on the school.
Education starts at home, makethings fun.
My youngest and I are nowhomeschool teachers.
In fact, my eldest, I pulledoutta school and homeschooled.
My youngest was halfhomeschooled and half
(15:41):
traditional schooled, and now myyoungest and I are homeschool
teachers.
We've just come back from a tripof three days away with some
homeschool kids.
We learned about the history ofgold mining in Victoria here in
Australia.
We learned about the history ofpizza.
And what do you do when there'spizza?
(16:03):
You do a math lesson'cause it'sso good to use pizza as your
math cue.
We did the wildlife of theworld.
We compared all the differenttigers around the world and why
they have different adaptations.
We did a whole lot of stuff.
(16:23):
We did human rights andliberties.
Now this was all crammed intothree days.
If you ask the students, and wemade worksheets, by the way, for
each subject, severalworksheets.
If you ask the students that wetaught, have you just done three
days of intense school?
They'll go, no.
(16:44):
We went on this place and wewent to this theme park and this
wildlife park.
We added a pizza restaurant.
They don't know that they were.
Learning, even though they werebecause they were having fun.
And this is something that isseriously lacking in
institutional learning.
(17:05):
So parents, your job's not overwhen you send them to school.
When they come home, you need tomake it fun.
Don't just sit them down andsay, here's your homework,
here's what you need to bedoing.
Just go, how can we make thisfun if it's maths?
Use visual cues.
Use fun counters, use food, useplants, use whatever you've got
(17:30):
around you.
Make it fun with reading.
Make it fun.
And this is what I learnedhaving two kids on the spectrum.
Someone very wise, very early onin the in the picture, told me,
play to their strengths.
Play to their obsessions now.
One, his strength and obsessionwas animals.
(17:52):
The other one was computers.
Still to this day, I am in myfifties and I pretend I don't
know how to do things on mycomputer.
Why?
Because my eldest will come andhelp me.
He'll groan and grumble about itand say, you really should learn
this.
He has no idea that I know whatI'm doing, but that is quality
time that I'm lifting him up.
(18:13):
I'm making him feel good abouthimself'cause he knows how to do
the thing.
It's the small things that youcan do to raise your child up
and make things fun.
So there's just a few tips onparenting now when it comes to
other people's kids.
(18:35):
I used to hate.
Play dates and sleepovers,especially if the kids came to
my place, absolutely hated it.
Why?
Because I have my rules andboundaries that my kids are
raised with.
Other people's kids would runaround crazy, chase the dog,
pull the.
Cat's tail, whatever, dosomething inappropriate, run
(18:56):
through the house with muddyshoes.
My kids didn't do things likethat'cause they knew my
boundaries and my rules and theyrespected them and they knew why
those rules were in place.
Other people's kids don't dothat, so parents give yourself a
break.
Go to a local park, have yourplay date out of your home.
(19:18):
Your home is your sanctuary, notonly for you, but for your kids.
Now your kids need a safe placethat is theirs to call their
own.
If that's only their bedroom,great.
If it's only a cubby house,great if it's the whole house,
because that is their calmplace.
(19:38):
Use it, and it's very importantthat you have that safe, calm
place as well, and that you haveyour boundaries met and your
needs met.
Just because you're having aplay date doesn't mean it has to
be inside.
Doesn't mean it has to be loudand messy.
Doesn't mean it has to be.
Whatever your thing is.
(20:00):
Now, for me, I enjoyed anordered come clean home.
That was my thing.
If that's not your jam and youwant mess everywhere, then have
at it, keep it to a controlledarea because at the end of the
day, the other kids go home andyou are stuck cleaning it up.
Now here's the other thing thatI told my kids.
(20:20):
I mentioned you make a mess.
You clean it up.
If they had kids in their roomplaying with the Lego, the rule
was all the Lego had to bepicked up before bedtime.
So I would tell my kids, youneed to tell your friends.
We can play with this, but wehave to pick it up.
That's the house rule.
(20:41):
Why does your kid telling theirfriends the house rule matter?
Because later in life there arerules.
You can't just go to a workplaceand leave stuff everywhere and
expect it to be okay.
A manager will come in and say,why is this messy?
(21:02):
Why isn't it cleaned up?
Why is it in the view ofcustomers or in an office?
You know, you're sharing aplace, a space with other
people.
It has to be that you're showingrespect by keeping your area
tidy, clean, functional, andfunctional is the key here.
If something was built in Legothat took hours and they didn't
(21:24):
wanna put it away, I would sayto my kids, you keep a shelf on
your bookshelf for Legos or aspace on a desk or something for
these Legos, you want them builtand you want them to stay built,
that's fine, but they're notstaying on the floor.
Because it's not functional.
We have to vacuum.
We have pets.
The dog's gonna run through it.
(21:45):
Whatever it was, you find aspace for that.
This has to be functional.
So that's my main tips onparenting.
As I said, my kids are youngadults now.
They live in their own hometogether on the property, and
the place is functional, it'ssafe, it's tidy.
(22:07):
It's not clean.
Two guys living in a house, it'scertainly not clean.
I can go in there at any timeand you know, the mummy mode
kicks in.
I really feel like cleaning itfor them.
But they're adults and I taughtthem early.
You make a mess, you clean itup.
So I'll walk in and I'll go, oh,the floors might need sweeping
(22:28):
here guys.
And they look at me and I go, soyou're gonna do that, right?
Yep.
They will.
They do, but their house isfunctional and it is safe.
They know if they dropped wateron the floor or something that's
not safe, they'll clean it up.
They know that the cat needs herbowl cleaned.
(22:50):
That's functional.
They'll fix it.
So it's what you do early on inthe piece that pays off later.
As I said, my top tips forparenting are.
Nutrition.
Let them explore.
Let them meet with their hands.
That's what we've done forcenturies.
Who said you have to useutensils every day.
(23:13):
Uh, you know, make sure thatthey're learning and they're
enjoying learning and make surethat they have rules,
boundaries, and behaviors thatare not acceptable to society in
general, but that don't offendother people in a public space,
but that your kids or your youngadults or whatever they age,
(23:34):
they are, know that.
They can express themselvessafely, calmly, and healthily.
Now, the the final thing isquestion asking.
I've always encouraged my kidsto ask questions.
I.
I wasn't encouraged to askquestions.
(23:55):
I would ask something even intomy teenage years and I would be
told, don't question that.
It's because that's what I saidand that's what it is.
You just do it.
I didn't raise my kids that way.
My kids still ask questions.
We were outside yesterday and.
We had some mushrooms growing inthe greenhouse that we didn't
(24:17):
know what they were.
We tried all the apps.
We couldn't identify them.
Became a dangerous situationbecause we don't know what they
are.
So what are we gonna do withthem?
And my kids said.
Why are you pulling them out?
And I said, well, because they,they could be dangerous.
I don't know.
And then my kids said, whyaren't you composting them?
(24:37):
And I said, because I don'treally want the spores right
through my compost.
I'm going to throw them out.
And then my kids said, but whydon't you trust the app?
And I said, because fungi can bevery, very dangerous, and I'm
not risking it.
I could have easily turnedaround and said, listen, just
let me get this done because Ineed to get it done.
(24:57):
Because I said so, but I didn't,I answered all the questions and
now I've set up the precedentthat when these mushrooms grow
back,'cause they will, my kidswill put some gloves on and get
a bag and put them in a bag andput them in the bin.
'cause now they know,'cause theyask the questions.
So allow question asking.
(25:21):
As annoying or as inappropriateat the time as it may be, or as
time consuming as it may be, itpays off later because kids are
always learning.
As I said, mine are in theirtwenties now.
They're still learning.
I'm still learning, and youknow, I ask questions and so
(25:41):
this is something that we needto keep going for the rest of
our lives.
So when it comes to health.
We need to ask questions.
We need to learn.
We need to explore.
We need to be tactile when itcomes to our wealth.
We need to ask questions.
(26:02):
Don't just accept that there's afee on something.
So an example here is we usecash wherever we can because I'm
not accepting that there's asurcharge on spending my own
money.
Because the business has to dotheir banking.
(26:23):
Why should I pay for that?
Cash is king.
So I've taught my kids that too.
When it comes to my weight, myweight fluctuates.
My, one of my kids yesterdayasked me, you know, you've
written books about weight lossand you talk about weight loss,
and your weight is stillfluctuating.
(26:43):
Why?
And I said, because.
I lost my thyroid because myhormone system is kind of all
over the place sometimes.
This is why my weightfluctuates.
And he said, is my weight goingto fluctuate?
And I said, well, it will alittle as you grow, as you age,
(27:03):
as things happen in your life,but you need to keep your stress
low.
You need to eat well, and youneed to invest in yourself.
Those fluctuations will be alittle less.
I also said, don't ever get anorgan removed unless you
absolutely have to, because Ididn't know better at the time
(27:25):
and you know, so we discussedthat.
So when it comes to health, whenit comes to wealth, when it
comes to weight loss andanything in life, ask questions.
Be curious.
You are still a kid, they'restill kids.
We never stop learning.
I hope that answered thelistener question.
(27:46):
But if you have any otherquestions about any topic
whatsoever, contact us at aMagical Life Podcast on Facebook
and send through your questionsor visit our website at
www.holisticnaturalhealth.com.
AU and we look forward to seeingyou in episode four coming up of
(28:09):
season two.
Until then, please review, like,share this podcast and have a
magical life.
Welcome back to a Magical Life.
I'm your host, magic Barclay,and today we have a listener
question, and that is, how doyou healthily raise your kids?
Now, I found this a veryfascinating question and I'm
actually going to split it upinto different parts of our
(01:03):
lives.
So the first one, of course isnutrition.
Why is it important to allowyour kids to explore different
types of foods and nutrientsrather than you telling them
what to eat?
Now, I was raised in theseventies and eighties.
(01:23):
Yes, I'm that old.
And it was not a question ofwhat would you like to try, but
it was, here's your food, eatthis because I said so.
I raised my kids verydifferently.
What would you like to try?
I took them to the fruit andveggie stores and I said, do you
(01:44):
know what this is?
And you know, I got the standardfor broccoli, it looks like
little trees.
And I said, great.
Let's try the little tree, shallwe?
Sure.
What do Brussels sprouts looklike?
Oh, they look like little greenbasketballs.
Do you like basketball?
No, not really.
Would you try it?
Yes.
Okay.
So we tried it.
(02:05):
I tried to make exploring fruitand veg fun.
Now, when it comes to eating,children are very tactile, and
it doesn't matter what age theyare.
We know that they start asbabies and toddlers eating with
their hands.
So when you are feeding a baby,the hands are always going.
(02:28):
They're feeling you.
They're.
Touching you as they turn intotoddlers, they wanna eat with
their hands.
Cutlery is quite a foreignconcept for them.
Why is it that we stop themdoing that?
Is it because in society we usecutlery?
Is it because of our ownpredisposed ideas and
(02:50):
intentions?
Why do we stop over 23-year-old?
And he eats with his hands.
Of course, if we go out to arestaurant, he'll use cutlery,
but at home he eats with hishands and I'm okay with that
because he's using his tactilesensation to explore the food.
Now, who said that when we turninto adults, we have to use our
(03:15):
cutlery because we're actuallydecreasing how much we're
exploring the food.
We are smothering things withsauces, so we are blocking out
all the brilliant colors thatcome in foods, and we're really
dampening down our taste buds byovercooking things.
(03:38):
So when it comes to nutritionand food for children of any
age, it's about the color, it'sabout the exploration.
We've all heard the, thestatement.
Food begins eating it with youreyes.
Eating begins with your eyes.
So why do we stop that?
(03:58):
Let's encourage that.
So there's part of nutrition.
Now when it comes to behavior,I.
This is a big thing.
Both my kids are on the autismspectrum.
Yep.
Before it became popular, mykids were diagnosed and yes,
they definitely have all ofthose traits.
(04:21):
So behavior was kind of off thecharts at times, again, by
society's rules.
Not by mine.
What I did for behavior was Igave my children boundaries.
Now, again, when I was raised,if you cried about something, I
would get told, stop crying, orI'll give you something to cry
(04:43):
about.
Not good parenting.
Other things like, you know,timeouts without explanations or
the, because I said, so this ismy rule, because I said so.
I didn't raise my children likethat.
When they behaved incorrectly orout of bounds, it was only
(05:06):
deemed that if it was dangerouseither to themselves or to
anyone around them.
And there were times that we hadthose autistic meltdown tantrums
and they were quiteuncontrollable and unbearable.
So with my youngest, I used tobear hug him when he was in this
fit of rage.
(05:26):
I was safe'cause I was behindhim.
I would sit on the floor andbear hug him till he calmed
down.
And the whole time I would say,I love you, you're safe.
It's okay when you calm down, wecan talk about this.
And it worked.
And now as an adult, if he'shaving a moment where he just
(05:48):
can't take it all in.
I can see that in him and I say,it's okay.
You are safe.
We can talk about this whenyou're ready.
When it comes to the reallylashing out kind of tantrums and
throwing yourself on the floorand things like that, when
you're a child, you're doing itbecause.
(06:08):
You don't understand what'sgoing on.
You have a feeling of lack ofsafety.
So when those meltdown tantrumshappened, particularly with my
eldest, he wasn't as physical asthe younger one.
He was more emotional and he wasmore verbal.
So I would say, I can't hear youtill you are speaking to me
(06:31):
softly and gently.
I want to help you, but I don'tunderstand while you're
screaming at me, I don'tunderstand.
While you are running aroundlike a crazy person, when you're
calm, I'm here to help you.
And so that would.
Stop any of that.
(06:51):
Roll on tantrum.
Now, my kids had boundaries, andthis is the key with behavior.
And it doesn't matter if they'rea baby, a toddler, a young kid,
a teenager, a young adult, oreven an adult.
When they're your kids.
They're your kids, and itdoesn't matter what age they
(07:13):
need boundaries.
And my kids now as young adults,still have boundaries.
And the boundaries are, you makea mess, you clean it up, and
they've done that since theywere very, very young.
You know, there would be theaccidents that happened in the
bathroom, and I don't meantoilet accidents, I mean
(07:34):
slopping water everywhere outtathe bath.
And I'd walk in and go, I'm gladyou had fun, but you made a
mess.
You clean it up when you aredry.
I'll give you some towels.
I'll give you the mop and you'llclean it up.
And they did.
And they do now.
So they clean up afterthemselves.
Sometimes they need a reminderand that's okay, but they do it.
(07:58):
My eldest loves cooking.
He's shocking at cleaning upafter himself.
I walk in, I say, what's therule?
You make a mess.
You clean it up, and he does.
Now, when it comes to behaviorin public, my kids had
boundaries.
If we were going to arestaurant, I would say to them
in the car, just because youwant to have fun at a
(08:22):
restaurant.
It doesn't mean that's the funeveryone else wants to have.
Some people are going there tohave a nice quiet evening, to
have conversation with friendsand family, and they don't want
kids running around destroyingit.
You use your inside voices.
You use your going out voices.
(08:42):
You behave calmly.
And politely while we're out.
And they did.
And many years ago when my kidswere 12 and 14, we went to a
restaurant and there was someoneelse's kids, younger kids
running up and down therestaurant knocking into the
waitresses.
Things were going flyingeverywhere.
(09:02):
Their parents weren't doinganything about it, and my eldest
turned around and said, can youbelieve that?
That kid has no boundaries?
The parents don't care.
And so what my kids said to mewas, when you give us
boundaries, we know that youcare.
It's not about being overbearingto your kids, it's about giving
(09:24):
them room to discover things andto learn things.
In an acceptable setting.
So there's behavior.
When bad behavior happens, firstof all, ask yourself, why is it
happening?
Do I consider it bad by my ownstandards or is it bad'cause
(09:47):
it's dangerous to my child, tosomeone else, to something else?
Always look at the why and thecontext and what you can do
about it.
Something else with behaviorthat I taught my kids was, if
you do the thing, whatever itis, throw a tantrum, swear at
(10:09):
someone, whatever it is, wrecksomething.
Are you prepared for theconsequences now?
I was a smacker for my kids whenthey were little, but only when
they got completely out of hand.
And that would be if they wereabout to touch something hot
(10:32):
like a fire pit, I would smacktheir hands.
Why?
Because I have to get an instantresponse from them.
It's dangerous if I don't, Acouple of times if they punched
each other, they would both geta smack on the bottom.
Now as they got older, that gotvery hard because they got
bigger than me quite quickly.
(10:53):
So I brought out the woodenspoon.
Each of my boys had one smack onthe bum with the wooden spoon.
And following that, all I had todo is hold up the spoon.
Were they scared of me?
No.
Were they scared of aconsequence because what they
were doing was dangerous?
Yes, and I would follow thatwith the wording.
(11:16):
I don't wanna do this, but whatyou are doing is dangerous.
And so now when they have afight and they are young adults
and they live in the same housetogether, they do have punch up
every now and then they do.
And I'll go over and I will stopit with a wooden spoon in my
(11:36):
hand and I'll hold it up and Isay, this is dangerous.
You love each other.
Why are you behaving like this?
Are you prepared for aconsequence?
And they both look at me andlook, believe me, they could
easily take the spoon outta myhand and hit me with it, but
they won't because they look atme, they look at the spoon and
they go, right, what we're doingis dangerous.
(11:58):
What we're doing isinappropriate, and we're hurting
each other when we should loveeach other.
So there's some behavior.
Now we've covered nutrition andwe've covered behavior.
Let's cover learning.
Learning should be fun.
Schools, I'm gonna be quitecontroversial here, but schools
(12:22):
to me seem like indoctrinationcamps.
Yes, maths is important tolearn.
Yes, reading is important tolearn, but.
I'm not a fan of the governmenttelling me what my kids should
and should not learn.
Now, my eldest son, as anexample, very gifted child, was
(12:45):
speaking Japanese and doing longdivision and able to cut fruits
and vegetables with a very sharpknife before the age of four.
In fact, he taught himself toread.
By his first birthday here, Iwas reading baby books on my
knee one minute, and he'sreading books back to me.
The next.
(13:06):
How he did it, I have no idea.
Very gifted child, but I senthim to a state primary school.
Now here in Australia, we havestate schools, which are run by
the government.
You pay a lower fee.
The curriculum is set by thegovernment.
We have private schools.
You pay a higher fee.
The curriculum is set by thegovernment, a private board,
(13:29):
and, well, I'm not sure whatelse'cause my kids never went to
one.
But anyway, uh, so my eldest sonwent to state school and he
wasn't allowed to learn the wayhe had already learned.
The kids in the class werelearning how to count to 10.
He was already doing longdivision and multiplication.
(13:52):
They were learning the verybasics of another language.
And the reason I sent him tothat school was because they
were supposed to be learningJapanese, but they changed the
language after we enrolled.
And these kids could not read.
They were not on his levelwhatsoever.
Now, what happened was a very.
(14:14):
Dismal primary, or I think it'selementary in the US school
experience.
He ended up acting up.
Uh, the education system was notteaching my child.
It was babysitting my child.
So parents, when it comes toeducation, you know, the level
(14:34):
that your kid is at, my youngerson was right at the other end
of the spectrum.
Very slow to pick up maths andEnglish concepts.
High emotional quotient.
Very low intelligent quotient asa child.
Now, of course, he's caught upand he's absolutely fine.
(14:55):
He can read and he can count,and he can do all the things he
needs to do.
He's actually quite brilliant,but he was a slow starter as a
child.
Neither of my kids fit the moldof what school teaches you.
Now, school teaches to theaverage.
So as a parent, I see your role,not as, I'm only looking after
(15:21):
my children and having the funtimes and doing the, the
discipline and the education isall on the school.
Education starts at home, makethings fun.
My youngest and I are nowhomeschool teachers.
In fact, my eldest, I pulledoutta school and homeschooled.
My youngest was halfhomeschooled and half
(15:41):
traditional schooled, and now myyoungest and I are homeschool
teachers.
We've just come back from a tripof three days away with some
homeschool kids.
We learned about the history ofgold mining in Victoria here in
Australia.
We learned about the history ofpizza.
And what do you do when there'spizza?
(16:03):
You do a math lesson'cause it'sso good to use pizza as your
math cue.
We did the wildlife of theworld.
We compared all the differenttigers around the world and why
they have different adaptations.
We did a whole lot of stuff.
(16:23):
We did human rights andliberties.
Now this was all crammed intothree days.
If you ask the students, and wemade worksheets, by the way, for
each subject, severalworksheets.
If you ask the students that wetaught, have you just done three
days of intense school?
They'll go, no.
(16:44):
We went on this place and wewent to this theme park and this
wildlife park.
We added a pizza restaurant.
They don't know that they were.
Learning, even though they werebecause they were having fun.
And this is something that isseriously lacking in
institutional learning.
(17:05):
So parents, your job's not overwhen you send them to school.
When they come home, you need tomake it fun.
Don't just sit them down andsay, here's your homework,
here's what you need to bedoing.
Just go, how can we make thisfun if it's maths?
Use visual cues.
Use fun counters, use food, useplants, use whatever you've got
(17:30):
around you.
Make it fun with reading.
Make it fun.
And this is what I learnedhaving two kids on the spectrum.
Someone very wise, very early onin the in the picture, told me,
play to their strengths.
Play to their obsessions now.
One, his strength and obsessionwas animals.
(17:52):
The other one was computers.
Still to this day, I am in myfifties and I pretend I don't
know how to do things on mycomputer.
Why?
Because my eldest will come andhelp me.
He'll groan and grumble about itand say, you really should learn
this.
He has no idea that I know whatI'm doing, but that is quality
time that I'm lifting him up.
(18:13):
I'm making him feel good abouthimself'cause he knows how to do
the thing.
It's the small things that youcan do to raise your child up
and make things fun.
So there's just a few tips onparenting now when it comes to
other people's kids.
(18:35):
I used to hate.
Play dates and sleepovers,especially if the kids came to
my place, absolutely hated it.
Why?
Because I have my rules andboundaries that my kids are
raised with.
Other people's kids would runaround crazy, chase the dog,
pull the.
Cat's tail, whatever, dosomething inappropriate, run
(18:56):
through the house with muddyshoes.
My kids didn't do things likethat'cause they knew my
boundaries and my rules and theyrespected them and they knew why
those rules were in place.
Other people's kids don't dothat, so parents give yourself a
break.
Go to a local park, have yourplay date out of your home.
(19:18):
Your home is your sanctuary, notonly for you, but for your kids.
Now your kids need a safe placethat is theirs to call their
own.
If that's only their bedroom,great.
If it's only a cubby house,great if it's the whole house,
because that is their calmplace.
(19:38):
Use it, and it's very importantthat you have that safe, calm
place as well, and that you haveyour boundaries met and your
needs met.
Just because you're having aplay date doesn't mean it has to
be inside.
Doesn't mean it has to be loudand messy.
Doesn't mean it has to be.
Whatever your thing is.
(20:00):
Now, for me, I enjoyed anordered come clean home.
That was my thing.
If that's not your jam and youwant mess everywhere, then have
at it, keep it to a controlledarea because at the end of the
day, the other kids go home andyou are stuck cleaning it up.
Now here's the other thing thatI told my kids.
(20:20):
I mentioned you make a mess.
You clean it up.
If they had kids in their roomplaying with the Lego, the rule
was all the Lego had to bepicked up before bedtime.
So I would tell my kids, youneed to tell your friends.
We can play with this, but wehave to pick it up.
That's the house rule.
(20:41):
Why does your kid telling theirfriends the house rule matter?
Because later in life there arerules.
You can't just go to a workplaceand leave stuff everywhere and
expect it to be okay.
A manager will come in and say,why is this messy?
(21:02):
Why isn't it cleaned up?
Why is it in the view ofcustomers or in an office?
You know, you're sharing aplace, a space with other
people.
It has to be that you're showingrespect by keeping your area
tidy, clean, functional, andfunctional is the key here.
If something was built in Legothat took hours and they didn't
(21:24):
wanna put it away, I would sayto my kids, you keep a shelf on
your bookshelf for Legos or aspace on a desk or something for
these Legos, you want them builtand you want them to stay built,
that's fine, but they're notstaying on the floor.
Because it's not functional.
We have to vacuum.
We have pets.
The dog's gonna run through it.
(21:45):
Whatever it was, you find aspace for that.
This has to be functional.
So that's my main tips onparenting.
As I said, my kids are youngadults now.
They live in their own hometogether on the property, and
the place is functional, it'ssafe, it's tidy.
(22:07):
It's not clean.
Two guys living in a house, it'scertainly not clean.
I can go in there at any timeand you know, the mummy mode
kicks in.
I really feel like cleaning itfor them.
But they're adults and I taughtthem early.
You make a mess, you clean itup.
So I'll walk in and I'll go, oh,the floors might need sweeping
(22:28):
here guys.
And they look at me and I go, soyou're gonna do that, right?
Yep.
They will.
They do, but their house isfunctional and it is safe.
They know if they dropped wateron the floor or something that's
not safe, they'll clean it up.
They know that the cat needs herbowl cleaned.
(22:50):
That's functional.
They'll fix it.
So it's what you do early on inthe piece that pays off later.
As I said, my top tips forparenting are.
Nutrition.
Let them explore.
Let them meet with their hands.
That's what we've done forcenturies.
Who said you have to useutensils every day.
(23:13):
Uh, you know, make sure thatthey're learning and they're
enjoying learning and make surethat they have rules,
boundaries, and behaviors thatare not acceptable to society in
general, but that don't offendother people in a public space,
but that your kids or your youngadults or whatever they age,
(23:34):
they are, know that.
They can express themselvessafely, calmly, and healthily.
Now, the the final thing isquestion asking.
I've always encouraged my kidsto ask questions.
I.
I wasn't encouraged to askquestions.
(23:55):
I would ask something even intomy teenage years and I would be
told, don't question that.
It's because that's what I saidand that's what it is.
You just do it.
I didn't raise my kids that way.
My kids still ask questions.
We were outside yesterday and.
We had some mushrooms growing inthe greenhouse that we didn't
(24:17):
know what they were.
We tried all the apps.
We couldn't identify them.
Became a dangerous situationbecause we don't know what they
are.
So what are we gonna do withthem?
And my kids said.
Why are you pulling them out?
And I said, well, because they,they could be dangerous.
I don't know.
And then my kids said, whyaren't you composting them?
(24:37):
And I said, because I don'treally want the spores right
through my compost.
I'm going to throw them out.
And then my kids said, but whydon't you trust the app?
And I said, because fungi can bevery, very dangerous, and I'm
not risking it.
I could have easily turnedaround and said, listen, just
let me get this done because Ineed to get it done.
(24:57):
Because I said so, but I didn't,I answered all the questions and
now I've set up the precedentthat when these mushrooms grow
back,'cause they will, my kidswill put some gloves on and get
a bag and put them in a bag andput them in the bin.
'cause now they know,'cause theyask the questions.
So allow question asking.
(25:21):
As annoying or as inappropriateat the time as it may be, or as
time consuming as it may be, itpays off later because kids are
always learning.
As I said, mine are in theirtwenties now.
They're still learning.
I'm still learning, and youknow, I ask questions and so
(25:41):
this is something that we needto keep going for the rest of
our lives.
So when it comes to health.
We need to ask questions.
We need to learn.
We need to explore.
We need to be tactile when itcomes to our wealth.
We need to ask questions.
(26:02):
Don't just accept that there's afee on something.
So an example here is we usecash wherever we can because I'm
not accepting that there's asurcharge on spending my own
money.
Because the business has to dotheir banking.
(26:23):
Why should I pay for that?
Cash is king.
So I've taught my kids that too.
When it comes to my weight, myweight fluctuates.
My, one of my kids yesterdayasked me, you know, you've
written books about weight lossand you talk about weight loss,
and your weight is stillfluctuating.
(26:43):
Why?
And I said, because.
I lost my thyroid because myhormone system is kind of all
over the place sometimes.
This is why my weightfluctuates.
And he said, is my weight goingto fluctuate?
And I said, well, it will alittle as you grow, as you age,
(27:03):
as things happen in your life,but you need to keep your stress
low.
You need to eat well, and youneed to invest in yourself.
Those fluctuations will be alittle less.
I also said, don't ever get anorgan removed unless you
absolutely have to, because Ididn't know better at the time
(27:25):
and you know, so we discussedthat.
So when it comes to health, whenit comes to wealth, when it
comes to weight loss andanything in life, ask questions.
Be curious.
You are still a kid, they'restill kids.
We never stop learning.
I hope that answered thelistener question.
(27:46):
But if you have any otherquestions about any topic
whatsoever, contact us at aMagical Life Podcast on Facebook
and send through your questionsor visit our website at
www.holisticnaturalhealth.com.
AU and we look forward to seeingyou in episode four coming up of
(28:09):
season two.
Until then, please review, like,share this podcast and have a
magical life.
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