December 17, 2024 • 25 mins
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In this episode of A Magical Life, Magic Barclay hosts Susan Gold, an author, consultant coach, and trauma transformation master. Susan shares her emotional journey captured in her memoir, "Toxic Family: Transforming Childhood Trauma into Adult Freedom." We will explore the impact of addictive behaviors in parents, the significance of emotional and spiritual health, and redefining wealth beyond finances. Susan imparts valuable advice on overcoming eating disorders and navigating difficult family conversations. Stay tuned for a transformative exercise from Susan's workbook and insights into her book's creation.
Learn more about Susan at https://www.susangold.us/
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Magic Barclay (00:42):
Welcome back to A Magical Life.
I'm your host, Magic Barclay.
And today, Susan Gold joins us.
Susan is an author, consultantcoach, and master at trauma
transformation.
Her memoir, Toxic Family,Transforming Childhood Trauma
into Adult Freedom, is thetrajectory of that journey.
(01:06):
And there is so much more totalk about with Susan.
Welcome.
Susan Gold (01:10):
Hey, Magic.
Nice to be here.
Magic Barclay (01:13):
So nice to have you here.
Now, before I jump into thestandard three questions, we've
just been chatting off air, andI want to acknowledge that
addictive behaviors in parentsmay not immediately mirror in
the children, but raisingchildren with addictive
(01:35):
behaviors.
Creates the possibility formore.
What are your thoughts on that,Susan?
Susan Gold (01:43):
Well, I was terrified to become a parent
having grown up with one whom Iperceived as an alcoholic.
And my mother had a blisteringfood addiction.
So I didn't want to pass allthat down the line.
I didn't want to pass thetoxicity and the abuse.
That I experienced and I reallythought seven times about
(02:08):
becoming a parent.
Oh my gosh, magic.
I was 42 when I got pregnant andI was 43 when I popped my son
out naturally.
It was 10 hours door to door.
but, um, I really feel like he'sable to become his own authentic
human being because I dideverything I could to give him a
(02:29):
steady, stable, even platform.
And I gave him a heads up thataddiction, it all runs in our
family, beware.
So I'm hoping that I put theplug in the jug, so to speak.
But the jury is still out.
He's 19 now, finishing collegein three years instead of four.
Magic Barclay (02:51):
I love that.
And I did the same with my boys.
I said, Hey, look, you know,mum's had these issues.
There's been other issues in ourfamily.
Doesn't mean they have to beyour issues.
So I'm going to just pop a pinin that for now.
And we're going to come back tothat.
I ask all of my guests the samethree questions and everyone
gives me A vast array ofanswers.
(03:14):
So your first one is, what canyour expertise do to accelerate
health?
Not just the physical, but alsoemotional and spiritual health.
Susan Gold (03:26):
Well, I really feel magic that I picked an
interesting trajectory coming inand I feel like this planet is a
huge school room for learningand an incredible opportunity
for soul evolution.
And maybe I'll read the fineprint a little more carefully
(03:48):
next time I come around, but Ireally feel my, my experience
can benefit others.
I, I was reluctant to really putit out there.
but I've traversed quite a bitof muckety muck, as they say,
and really now seen it from thisnew perspective as the
(04:09):
challenges and challengers asactual opportunities for
transformation and blessingthese players in my life,
including my family.
I actually.
still have a relationship withall of them.
and I'm grateful and I respectparticularly my parents and what
they experienced and what theybrought to the table.
Magic Barclay (04:32):
Great.
Now our next standard questionis around wealth.
People think wealth is just thefinancial and certainly with
addictive personalities in afamily, wealth can be the make
or break.
It can be the driver, it can beIt's the thing holding people
back.
What are your top three tips tocreating wealth?
(04:53):
Not just this financial driver,but also emotional and personal
wealth.
I want to say
Susan Gold (05:01):
relax into it.
There's so much pressure.
There was pressure for all of usto perform and perform well and
multitask.
And I, I think it's.
It's almost become an illnesswithin certainly our culture and
society here in the UnitedStates.
(05:24):
but I have to say that justallowing myself to feel free, to
really feel that ease.
And that well being and to trustthat I have a whole team that's
rooting for me has really made ahuge difference.
(05:46):
And I've been very competitive.
I was an endurance athlete.
but I have to say that peoplewould look at me sideways in
the, in the television studioswhen I was a producer, because I
just share information because Ifeel like the more I share and
the more I open up.
The more it comes back andthat's really what's been true
(06:07):
and I've lived a very abundantlife as a result.
Magic Barclay (06:13):
I love that.
Okay.
Final standard question.
Have you ever battled yourweight?
If so, how did you win the war?
And what can you offer thelisteners who may be going
through this?
Magic
Susan Gold (06:27):
first, I want to say, love your body.
This is the only earth suit youhave.
And while right now, I'm whatsome would say is petite and
fit, I had a hellaciousrelationship with food.
(06:49):
My mother pit my sister and Iagainst each other and projected
her issues our way.
I was.
Monitoring every morsel I wouldput in and then I was acting
out.
I had Oreos coming out of mynose at six years old.
I was completely addicted tofood.
(07:09):
It was the way that I found afalse sense of safety.
Security and love.
And it was also oddly a way toexpress my anger.
I'd find myself eating atsomeone.
So once I realized what I wasdoing to myself and slowed that
(07:32):
rat on the hamster wheel.
That was my central nervoussystem through all types of
modalities, meditation and alltypes of therapies, mostly
somatic.
So those going into my body andreally experiencing what was
going on internally andexamining my feelings and my, my
(07:58):
woe to really let that up andout.
I was able to get to a placewith food where I could say, is
this the most loving action Ican take?
Will this really feel good afterI down this burger and fries and
then have some ice cream on topof it?
(08:21):
Or would I really rather have asalad and self soothing came in
a new canister.
It's, it's an ongoing process.
But I have real freedom fromwhat was horrible addiction.
As it pertains to food andhealth,
Magic Barclay (08:42):
I just want to touch on that, that some people
use food as a coping mechanismwithout realizing that it can
become a prison.
How would you suggest, and we'lltouch more on this in, in depth
in a moment with your family,but how would you suggest that
(09:03):
people step away from food assomething and just see it for
what it is, being food?
Susan Gold (09:13):
For me, I really had to learn to eat.
So I had to work with aprofessional to learn how to
nurture my body.
I really didn't understand.
What that was.
I really tended to go with thelatest fad.
and for a long while I would notlet a piece of anything that
(09:35):
came to its name that had eyesand a face.
I just I wouldn't eat it.
And ultimately, that wasn't whatwas healthy for me.
So the 1st thing that I think ishelpful to.
Sort of stifle or slow the issueenough so you can take a look is
(09:57):
start to see how yourrelationship with food really is
and then Get appropriate help tofind a way to nurture Yourself
and love yourself.
I mean, I fell down over andover.
(10:17):
I still do fall down and I justtry to love myself and talk to
that little wee one inside myheart.
That's been through it all.
That's walked through it all andjust let her know.
I love you.
It's going to be okay.
And we're going to do thistogether.
(10:39):
I love you.
Magic Barclay (10:42):
That's a really important message.
Thank you.
Now, Susan, let's talk aboutyour book.
How did it come to be and why isit about such a, I guess, a
taboo topic?
Susan Gold (11:01):
It is a taboo topic, Magic.
I didn't, I didn't think I hadthat book in me quite honestly.
It's, it surprised me a bit.
Um, I was told in 2007 by anIrish seer, I had a book to
write and I poo pooed it.
And then two more intuitivesback to back told me the same.
And the last one said, you havethree books to write.
(11:22):
And I thought, okay, I got tonip this in the bud before I'm
writing some kind of library.
But yeah, I wasn't really, um,that drawn to writing a book,
but I, I was told that, that itwould be my legacy and it would
help others.
And that I did have a lot toshare.
(11:42):
You know, I didn't think that mystory was that much.
Different.
but I'm coming to understand theway that I'm sharing from my gut
and from my heart and withintegrity and honesty and
openness and vulnerability.
I do have a special message.
I think a lot of us have atleast one toxic family member
(12:05):
talk tucked in there somewhere.
And like I said, I have love formy family members, but there was
a lot of mixed up stuff in.
the lineage, and it justcontinually was played out and
played out so I was, I wasreally glad to sit down and, and
(12:27):
sort of piece together what Ihad worked on for decades.
I mean, I've been in recoveryfor a long time, and I had
worked in so many different.
arena.
So I had a lot to share.
I'm, I'm proud to say there's,there's an appendix, which is a
workbook and it's actualexercises that helped me walk
(12:48):
through some of the things thatI have walked through and it's
actually helping other people.
Magic Barclay (12:55):
Right.
So tell us about the book.
Tell us what it is.
It means to you, I guess, toshare this message and
particularly around toxicfamilies.
So
Susan Gold (13:07):
as the, as the publishing date got closer, I
got a little more frightened,but I kept telling myself, look,
this is, this is your truth.
And.
I was always told don't, don'ttalk, don't feel and don't you
dare tell.
So this was a big outing.
I spent a year practically 15minutes a day at the computer
(13:31):
magic.
I'm like embarrassed to say Iwent at it like a bulldog
producer.
And I did have a manuscript atthat end of But that year
period, but I didn't feelconnected.
And then a wise person said, goback and go through it from
little Susie's point of view.
And that's when it, when itreally came together.
(13:53):
All the puzzle pieces cametogether.
I understood why I was in themiddle of that.
The five children, I have threebrothers and a sister.
I understood why we all have avery different scenario of what
it was like to grow up in thathousehold.
I had a profound respect for myparents and the walk.
(14:16):
They walked and.
Just putting my personal andprofessional trajectory down in
written form and really tellingthe story visually and with
Gristle has been profoundlyhealing and, and not just for
(14:39):
me.
Magic Barclay (14:40):
I know when I wrote one of my books, I shared,
you know, some of my familyhistory in there.
And there was a little bit of abacklash, you know, I gave the
people that were mentioned aheads up.
There was a little bit of abacklash of, you know.
Don't talk, don't, don't say it,it never happened, don't put it
(15:02):
out there.
Did you have anything like thatto deal with?
And the reason I ask this ismany of the listeners may be
dealing with, you know, toxicfamily members that are doing
that don't ask, don't tell kindof thing in order to, I guess,
numb themselves from what'sgoing on.
(15:23):
Have you had to have thosedifficult conversations and how
did you handle them?
My sister
Susan Gold (15:30):
was shocked.
she was silent.
They all knew I was writing abook, but they didn't really
know what the subject matterwas.
And my sister said, you know, weall have different
interpretations.
And I understand why you see itthe way you do.
my oldest brother is totallylike an amnesia victim when it
(15:53):
comes to our childhood.
And so he just, he doesn'tunderstand it.
It's like a complete disconnect.
My baby brother wasdisappointed.
He thought it was going to be acelebrity tell all just because
of my, you know, My businessbackground, I, I had the
privilege of working with a lotof household names.
(16:15):
So he was, just shocked, buthe's reading it now.
and with an open heart,honestly, it's serving to bring
us.
In a more open dialogue andauthentic conversation and
ultimately magic, I think it'sgoing to lead to some healing
all the way around, but it takesa great amount of bravery to
(16:40):
stand up and say, this is thisis my experience of it.
And I was very careful to saythis was my experience.
Of this circumstance growing upin this particular family, in
this particular arena.
And this was my experience inprofessional relationships.
And this was my experience withmy greatest guru, who was the
(17:05):
man who would become my exhusband.
Magic Barclay (17:08):
Okay.
So recently I sat down with mymother.
And we hashed out a few thingsfrom our past.
And when I brought up thingsthat had triggered my lifelong
roller coaster of eatingdisorders, she was like, not
that that didn't happen becauseshe used to say, no, that never
happened this time.
(17:28):
She was more accepting and shewas, you know, like, well, I
don't remember that.
Now I look at your history andyou've had, you know, half a
decade of different eatingdisorders, so there must be
something there.
So I'm glad I was able to havethat chat with her and that she
finally be open and acceptingthat this is what I remember and
(17:53):
this is now what's happened.
There may be some people outthere that have aging family
members and they might belistening right now and
Thinking, well, you know, wow, Iwish I could get that truth out
there.
So it would be received, notdenied, not validated, just
(18:13):
received to stop that cycle oftrauma.
What do you say to people thatmaybe don't feel they can begin
that conversation?
Susan Gold (18:26):
It's a really tough one.
there's sexual abuse between myoldest brother and myself.
He, he used me almost like a labrat when he was going through
puberty.
And from what I understand, thisis rather typical, in
dysfunctional, uh, Households,but it was what was happening in
my own and I did so much work,in therapy.
(18:50):
And I worked in a group ofsurvivors for over two years
before I finally wrote a letterthat I did not send to him.
But what I did do was I saw himin person and I was able to talk
with him face to face And hesaid, well, that didn't happen,
(19:15):
but if it did happen, here's whyit happened.
And I just had to put the piecestogether as best I could and can
for myself, because I still havePTSD around him.
I still have.
Inklings of trauma and I stillhave fear.
(19:38):
I find myself wanting to cower.
I don't see him that often, butI also have a lot of love for
him and a lot of compassionthat's bloomed at the same time
because I now understand thekind of trauma he was
experiencing to black it out.
And I also see The pain that heis carrying being so shut down
(20:05):
to all of this.
So that's the first thing Iwould say is take your time,
work with a professional orsomeone that you really trust
that's, that's been through theissue and honor yourself.
It's not something to be takenlightly.
and let your heart lead you.
Magic Barclay (20:28):
Thank you.
Now we've covered a fair bit ina short amount of time.
What's something we haven'tdiscussed that you feel the
listeners need to hear?
Susan Gold (20:38):
Wow, I love that question, Magic, and I don't
think I don't think anyone hasasked me that question.
I'm so bowled over.
Um, if we could, I would love todo a little exercise that's in
the workbook, because I think itwould be a nice gift for your
listeners.
And it certainly has been a toolthat I used.
(21:01):
And I see.
still use.
And maybe they can use it andpass it along too.
So if you could just take a deepbreath and then take a hand, any
hand, place it on your solarplexus, which is right at the
top of your rib cage and belowyour breastbone.
And then just either silently toyourself or even out loud, I'm
(21:29):
okay, I'm okay.
I'm okay.
I'm okay.
I'm really okay.
I'm really okay.
(21:50):
And that's what I'd like to topass along and leave with the
listeners.
You can do it in meetings, youcan do it in doctor's waiting
rooms, you can do it in thebathroom before you start your
day.
It's just helped me so much comeback in to my sweet human being
(22:16):
who's doing the best to trudgethis road that's not always
pleasant.
But there's so much beauty in itall.
So that's what I would leavethem with and say.
Magic Barclay (22:32):
That is a beautiful exercise.
Thank you.
And listeners, I just want toremind you, I've spoken about it
before.
Your body has one job and thatis to keep you safe.
The more you perceive thatyou're not okay, the more your
body systems go on alert andcreate a scenario just to keep
(22:53):
you safe.
So this little exercise isAbsolutely perfect to stop you
from jumping into sympatheticdominance to keep you more in a
rest and digest state ofhappiness and safety.
So thank you, Susan.
That was beautiful.
Thank you, Magic.
(23:15):
Okay.
We have covered a lot.
Remind us again what your bookis called and where can people
find it?
Susan Gold (23:22):
The book is called Toxic Family, transforming
childhood trauma into adultfreedom.
And you can find it at Amazon,Barnes and Nobles.
It's in bookstores globally.
Beautiful.
Magic Barclay (23:37):
Now, you've already given us a freebie, but
we love freebies.
So what are, what else have yougot for us to share here with
the listeners?
Susan Gold (23:47):
If you feel inclined, go to my website.
It's Susan Gold Us and there'san audio snippet from the book
and there's um, a way that youcan be in touch'cause I would
love to hear your story.
Magic Barclay (24:02):
Beautiful.
So that's www.susangold.us.
Susan, thank you for your timeon our podcast today.
Susan Gold (24:13):
It was lovely being here.
Thank you magic.
And thanks to your listeners.
Magic Barclay (24:18):
And listeners, thank you for your time.
Don't forget to like, review,subscribe, and share with the
people that you love, even thepeople that you don't love,
because maybe they'll getsomething out of the podcast.
And for now, go forth and createyour magical life.
Welcome back to A Magical Life.
I'm your host, Magic Barclay.
And today, Susan Gold joins us.
Susan is an author, consultantcoach, and master at trauma
transformation.
Her memoir, Toxic Family,Transforming Childhood Trauma
into Adult Freedom, is thetrajectory of that journey.
(01:06):
And there is so much more totalk about with Susan.
Welcome.
Susan Gold (01:10):
Hey, Magic.
Nice to be here.
Magic Barclay (01:13):
So nice to have you here.
Now, before I jump into thestandard three questions, we've
just been chatting off air, andI want to acknowledge that
addictive behaviors in parentsmay not immediately mirror in
the children, but raisingchildren with addictive
(01:35):
behaviors.
Creates the possibility formore.
What are your thoughts on that,Susan?
Susan Gold (01:43):
Well, I was terrified to become a parent
having grown up with one whom Iperceived as an alcoholic.
And my mother had a blisteringfood addiction.
So I didn't want to pass allthat down the line.
I didn't want to pass thetoxicity and the abuse.
That I experienced and I reallythought seven times about
(02:08):
becoming a parent.
Oh my gosh, magic.
I was 42 when I got pregnant andI was 43 when I popped my son
out naturally.
It was 10 hours door to door.
but, um, I really feel like he'sable to become his own authentic
human being because I dideverything I could to give him a
(02:29):
steady, stable, even platform.
And I gave him a heads up thataddiction, it all runs in our
family, beware.
So I'm hoping that I put theplug in the jug, so to speak.
But the jury is still out.
He's 19 now, finishing collegein three years instead of four.
Magic Barclay (02:51):
I love that.
And I did the same with my boys.
I said, Hey, look, you know,mum's had these issues.
There's been other issues in ourfamily.
Doesn't mean they have to beyour issues.
So I'm going to just pop a pinin that for now.
And we're going to come back tothat.
I ask all of my guests the samethree questions and everyone
gives me A vast array ofanswers.
(03:14):
So your first one is, what canyour expertise do to accelerate
health?
Not just the physical, but alsoemotional and spiritual health.
Susan Gold (03:26):
Well, I really feel magic that I picked an
interesting trajectory coming inand I feel like this planet is a
huge school room for learningand an incredible opportunity
for soul evolution.
And maybe I'll read the fineprint a little more carefully
(03:48):
next time I come around, but Ireally feel my, my experience
can benefit others.
I, I was reluctant to really putit out there.
but I've traversed quite a bitof muckety muck, as they say,
and really now seen it from thisnew perspective as the
(04:09):
challenges and challengers asactual opportunities for
transformation and blessingthese players in my life,
including my family.
I actually.
still have a relationship withall of them.
and I'm grateful and I respectparticularly my parents and what
they experienced and what theybrought to the table.
Magic Barclay (04:32):
Great.
Now our next standard questionis around wealth.
People think wealth is just thefinancial and certainly with
addictive personalities in afamily, wealth can be the make
or break.
It can be the driver, it can beIt's the thing holding people
back.
What are your top three tips tocreating wealth?
(04:53):
Not just this financial driver,but also emotional and personal
wealth.
I want to say
Susan Gold (05:01):
relax into it.
There's so much pressure.
There was pressure for all of usto perform and perform well and
multitask.
And I, I think it's.
It's almost become an illnesswithin certainly our culture and
society here in the UnitedStates.
(05:24):
but I have to say that justallowing myself to feel free, to
really feel that ease.
And that well being and to trustthat I have a whole team that's
rooting for me has really made ahuge difference.
(05:46):
And I've been very competitive.
I was an endurance athlete.
but I have to say that peoplewould look at me sideways in
the, in the television studioswhen I was a producer, because I
just share information because Ifeel like the more I share and
the more I open up.
The more it comes back andthat's really what's been true
(06:07):
and I've lived a very abundantlife as a result.
Magic Barclay (06:13):
I love that.
Okay.
Final standard question.
Have you ever battled yourweight?
If so, how did you win the war?
And what can you offer thelisteners who may be going
through this?
Magic
Susan Gold (06:27):
first, I want to say, love your body.
This is the only earth suit youhave.
And while right now, I'm whatsome would say is petite and
fit, I had a hellaciousrelationship with food.
(06:49):
My mother pit my sister and Iagainst each other and projected
her issues our way.
I was.
Monitoring every morsel I wouldput in and then I was acting
out.
I had Oreos coming out of mynose at six years old.
I was completely addicted tofood.
(07:09):
It was the way that I found afalse sense of safety.
Security and love.
And it was also oddly a way toexpress my anger.
I'd find myself eating atsomeone.
So once I realized what I wasdoing to myself and slowed that
(07:32):
rat on the hamster wheel.
That was my central nervoussystem through all types of
modalities, meditation and alltypes of therapies, mostly
somatic.
So those going into my body andreally experiencing what was
going on internally andexamining my feelings and my, my
(07:58):
woe to really let that up andout.
I was able to get to a placewith food where I could say, is
this the most loving action Ican take?
Will this really feel good afterI down this burger and fries and
then have some ice cream on topof it?
(08:21):
Or would I really rather have asalad and self soothing came in
a new canister.
It's, it's an ongoing process.
But I have real freedom fromwhat was horrible addiction.
As it pertains to food andhealth,
Magic Barclay (08:42):
I just want to touch on that, that some people
use food as a coping mechanismwithout realizing that it can
become a prison.
How would you suggest, and we'lltouch more on this in, in depth
in a moment with your family,but how would you suggest that
(09:03):
people step away from food assomething and just see it for
what it is, being food?
Susan Gold (09:13):
For me, I really had to learn to eat.
So I had to work with aprofessional to learn how to
nurture my body.
I really didn't understand.
What that was.
I really tended to go with thelatest fad.
and for a long while I would notlet a piece of anything that
(09:35):
came to its name that had eyesand a face.
I just I wouldn't eat it.
And ultimately, that wasn't whatwas healthy for me.
So the 1st thing that I think ishelpful to.
Sort of stifle or slow the issueenough so you can take a look is
(09:57):
start to see how yourrelationship with food really is
and then Get appropriate help tofind a way to nurture Yourself
and love yourself.
I mean, I fell down over andover.
(10:17):
I still do fall down and I justtry to love myself and talk to
that little wee one inside myheart.
That's been through it all.
That's walked through it all andjust let her know.
I love you.
It's going to be okay.
And we're going to do thistogether.
(10:39):
I love you.
Magic Barclay (10:42):
That's a really important message.
Thank you.
Now, Susan, let's talk aboutyour book.
How did it come to be and why isit about such a, I guess, a
taboo topic?
Susan Gold (11:01):
It is a taboo topic, Magic.
I didn't, I didn't think I hadthat book in me quite honestly.
It's, it surprised me a bit.
Um, I was told in 2007 by anIrish seer, I had a book to
write and I poo pooed it.
And then two more intuitivesback to back told me the same.
And the last one said, you havethree books to write.
(11:22):
And I thought, okay, I got tonip this in the bud before I'm
writing some kind of library.
But yeah, I wasn't really, um,that drawn to writing a book,
but I, I was told that, that itwould be my legacy and it would
help others.
And that I did have a lot toshare.
(11:42):
You know, I didn't think that mystory was that much.
Different.
but I'm coming to understand theway that I'm sharing from my gut
and from my heart and withintegrity and honesty and
openness and vulnerability.
I do have a special message.
I think a lot of us have atleast one toxic family member
(12:05):
talk tucked in there somewhere.
And like I said, I have love formy family members, but there was
a lot of mixed up stuff in.
the lineage, and it justcontinually was played out and
played out so I was, I wasreally glad to sit down and, and
(12:27):
sort of piece together what Ihad worked on for decades.
I mean, I've been in recoveryfor a long time, and I had
worked in so many different.
arena.
So I had a lot to share.
I'm, I'm proud to say there's,there's an appendix, which is a
workbook and it's actualexercises that helped me walk
(12:48):
through some of the things thatI have walked through and it's
actually helping other people.
Magic Barclay (12:55):
Right.
So tell us about the book.
Tell us what it is.
It means to you, I guess, toshare this message and
particularly around toxicfamilies.
So
Susan Gold (13:07):
as the, as the publishing date got closer, I
got a little more frightened,but I kept telling myself, look,
this is, this is your truth.
And.
I was always told don't, don'ttalk, don't feel and don't you
dare tell.
So this was a big outing.
I spent a year practically 15minutes a day at the computer
(13:31):
magic.
I'm like embarrassed to say Iwent at it like a bulldog
producer.
And I did have a manuscript atthat end of But that year
period, but I didn't feelconnected.
And then a wise person said, goback and go through it from
little Susie's point of view.
And that's when it, when itreally came together.
(13:53):
All the puzzle pieces cametogether.
I understood why I was in themiddle of that.
The five children, I have threebrothers and a sister.
I understood why we all have avery different scenario of what
it was like to grow up in thathousehold.
I had a profound respect for myparents and the walk.
(14:16):
They walked and.
Just putting my personal andprofessional trajectory down in
written form and really tellingthe story visually and with
Gristle has been profoundlyhealing and, and not just for
(14:39):
me.
Magic Barclay (14:40):
I know when I wrote one of my books, I shared,
you know, some of my familyhistory in there.
And there was a little bit of abacklash, you know, I gave the
people that were mentioned aheads up.
There was a little bit of abacklash of, you know.
Don't talk, don't, don't say it,it never happened, don't put it
(15:02):
out there.
Did you have anything like thatto deal with?
And the reason I ask this ismany of the listeners may be
dealing with, you know, toxicfamily members that are doing
that don't ask, don't tell kindof thing in order to, I guess,
numb themselves from what'sgoing on.
(15:23):
Have you had to have thosedifficult conversations and how
did you handle them?
My sister
Susan Gold (15:30):
was shocked.
she was silent.
They all knew I was writing abook, but they didn't really
know what the subject matterwas.
And my sister said, you know, weall have different
interpretations.
And I understand why you see itthe way you do.
my oldest brother is totallylike an amnesia victim when it
(15:53):
comes to our childhood.
And so he just, he doesn'tunderstand it.
It's like a complete disconnect.
My baby brother wasdisappointed.
He thought it was going to be acelebrity tell all just because
of my, you know, My businessbackground, I, I had the
privilege of working with a lotof household names.
(16:15):
So he was, just shocked, buthe's reading it now.
and with an open heart,honestly, it's serving to bring
us.
In a more open dialogue andauthentic conversation and
ultimately magic, I think it'sgoing to lead to some healing
all the way around, but it takesa great amount of bravery to
(16:40):
stand up and say, this is thisis my experience of it.
And I was very careful to saythis was my experience.
Of this circumstance growing upin this particular family, in
this particular arena.
And this was my experience inprofessional relationships.
And this was my experience withmy greatest guru, who was the
(17:05):
man who would become my exhusband.
Magic Barclay (17:08):
Okay.
So recently I sat down with mymother.
And we hashed out a few thingsfrom our past.
And when I brought up thingsthat had triggered my lifelong
roller coaster of eatingdisorders, she was like, not
that that didn't happen becauseshe used to say, no, that never
happened this time.
(17:28):
She was more accepting and shewas, you know, like, well, I
don't remember that.
Now I look at your history andyou've had, you know, half a
decade of different eatingdisorders, so there must be
something there.
So I'm glad I was able to havethat chat with her and that she
finally be open and acceptingthat this is what I remember and
(17:53):
this is now what's happened.
There may be some people outthere that have aging family
members and they might belistening right now and
Thinking, well, you know, wow, Iwish I could get that truth out
there.
So it would be received, notdenied, not validated, just
(18:13):
received to stop that cycle oftrauma.
What do you say to people thatmaybe don't feel they can begin
that conversation?
Susan Gold (18:26):
It's a really tough one.
there's sexual abuse between myoldest brother and myself.
He, he used me almost like a labrat when he was going through
puberty.
And from what I understand, thisis rather typical, in
dysfunctional, uh, Households,but it was what was happening in
my own and I did so much work,in therapy.
(18:50):
And I worked in a group ofsurvivors for over two years
before I finally wrote a letterthat I did not send to him.
But what I did do was I saw himin person and I was able to talk
with him face to face And hesaid, well, that didn't happen,
(19:15):
but if it did happen, here's whyit happened.
And I just had to put the piecestogether as best I could and can
for myself, because I still havePTSD around him.
I still have.
Inklings of trauma and I stillhave fear.
(19:38):
I find myself wanting to cower.
I don't see him that often, butI also have a lot of love for
him and a lot of compassionthat's bloomed at the same time
because I now understand thekind of trauma he was
experiencing to black it out.
And I also see The pain that heis carrying being so shut down
(20:05):
to all of this.
So that's the first thing Iwould say is take your time,
work with a professional orsomeone that you really trust
that's, that's been through theissue and honor yourself.
It's not something to be takenlightly.
and let your heart lead you.
Magic Barclay (20:28):
Thank you.
Now we've covered a fair bit ina short amount of time.
What's something we haven'tdiscussed that you feel the
listeners need to hear?
Susan Gold (20:38):
Wow, I love that question, Magic, and I don't
think I don't think anyone hasasked me that question.
I'm so bowled over.
Um, if we could, I would love todo a little exercise that's in
the workbook, because I think itwould be a nice gift for your
listeners.
And it certainly has been a toolthat I used.
(21:01):
And I see.
still use.
And maybe they can use it andpass it along too.
So if you could just take a deepbreath and then take a hand, any
hand, place it on your solarplexus, which is right at the
top of your rib cage and belowyour breastbone.
And then just either silently toyourself or even out loud, I'm
(21:29):
okay, I'm okay.
I'm okay.
I'm okay.
I'm really okay.
I'm really okay.
(21:50):
And that's what I'd like to topass along and leave with the
listeners.
You can do it in meetings, youcan do it in doctor's waiting
rooms, you can do it in thebathroom before you start your
day.
It's just helped me so much comeback in to my sweet human being
(22:16):
who's doing the best to trudgethis road that's not always
pleasant.
But there's so much beauty in itall.
So that's what I would leavethem with and say.
Magic Barclay (22:32):
That is a beautiful exercise.
Thank you.
And listeners, I just want toremind you, I've spoken about it
before.
Your body has one job and thatis to keep you safe.
The more you perceive thatyou're not okay, the more your
body systems go on alert andcreate a scenario just to keep
(22:53):
you safe.
So this little exercise isAbsolutely perfect to stop you
from jumping into sympatheticdominance to keep you more in a
rest and digest state ofhappiness and safety.
So thank you, Susan.
That was beautiful.
Thank you, Magic.
(23:15):
Okay.
We have covered a lot.
Remind us again what your bookis called and where can people
find it?
Susan Gold (23:22):
The book is called Toxic Family, transforming
childhood trauma into adultfreedom.
And you can find it at Amazon,Barnes and Nobles.
It's in bookstores globally.
Beautiful.
Magic Barclay (23:37):
Now, you've already given us a freebie, but
we love freebies.
So what are, what else have yougot for us to share here with
the listeners?
Susan Gold (23:47):
If you feel inclined, go to my website.
It's Susan Gold Us and there'san audio snippet from the book
and there's um, a way that youcan be in touch'cause I would
love to hear your story.
Magic Barclay (24:02):
Beautiful.
So that's www.susangold.us.
Susan, thank you for your timeon our podcast today.
Susan Gold (24:13):
It was lovely being here.
Thank you magic.
And thanks to your listeners.
Magic Barclay (24:18):
And listeners, thank you for your time.
Don't forget to like, review,subscribe, and share with the
people that you love, even thepeople that you don't love,
because maybe they'll getsomething out of the podcast.
And for now, go forth and createyour magical life.
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