November 30, 2023 • 36 mins
Text Brian & Shawna (Fan Mail)
What if the wisdom you need is just a bartender away? Meet Alex Bennett, bartender turned author, who has been serving up more than just drinks. He's been doling out pearls of wisdom from behind the bar, guiding those seeking his counsel through life's twists and turns. Alongside these intriguing conversations, we navigate the labyrinth of decisions that shape our careers and lives and share some transformative exercises that help you identify and prioritize what truly matters to you.
Bartending is more than mixing drinks; it's about listening, understanding, and providing a sanctuary for those looking to express their thoughts and emotions. In this episode, we dive into the heart of this role with Alex, hearing fascinating stories from his time in a corporate restaurant in Chicago, including a spine-chilling incident involving a regular customer that left everyone in shock. As we touch upon the nuances of offering advice to friends, we also consider the potential repercussions, bringing a new perspective to the delicate art of giving advice.
In the final act of this engaging narrative, Alex shares a heartwarming story about the impact he had on a regular customer's life, highlighting the incredible power of human connection. Moreover, he introduces us to his book "A Shot of Oakies," a riveting blend of bourbon, pirates and Shakespeare, inspired by his experiences as a bartender. This episode is not just about the stories from behind the bar but a journey of self-reflection and understanding that reminds us of our profound impact on each other's lives.
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:00):
But welcome to today's podcast replay from the
Killer B Studios.
Let's go ahead and dive on in.
Well, I'm super excited aboutour guest tonight.
Super excited, our guesttonight.
His name is Alex Bennett right.
Speaker 2 (00:14):
Bennett, good you did it.
Speaker 1 (00:15):
I did it, don't ask.
I'm just going to call him Alexfrom now on, but I'm super
excited for him to be our guesttonight.
He's a bartender who lovesbooks.
Now you got to love that, right.
I do love it.
A bartender and loves books.
Tonight, our topic is going tobe about a different take on
sharing wisdom.
So are you guys excited tobring out our guest?
Are you guys are excited?
Yes, so this is Alex's firsttime really being on Horizon.
(00:40):
So, as we all love to do, I wastelling him about the confetti.
Everybody loves confetti.
Right now he's behind this wall.
He can see you, but you guyscannot see him.
So, wave at this wall like yourbest friends with that wall.
Yeah, there you go.
Yeah, Just say hi wall.
It's nice to meet you.
Actually, he's going to come tolife here in just a second
because we're going to bring outour guest.
Alex, come on out and thank youfor joining us.
Speaker 4 (01:01):
Hey what's up?
Thanks for having me.
Thanks for having me.
Yes, I love it.
Speaker 2 (01:04):
I love it.
Speaker 1 (01:05):
You're right here.
Yes, we're so happy you made itand I love the whole avatar.
Look, I love it.
Speaker 3 (01:12):
Oh, thanks.
You know I do have long hair.
I normally would.
My mustache is a lot longerthan this and I say I'm old
enough to be bartending in blackand white now.
I wax the ends and I curl it.
I also have a long OT that Inormally braid.
But they didn't have that formy hair.
I have a tar option, so I hadto go with whatever I like, so
limited.
Speaker 1 (01:32):
Well, we're so glad that you joined us tonight, alex
.
Some people might be here goingwell, who is Alex?
So would you mind taking about30 seconds and telling us a
little bit about who AlexBennett is?
Speaker 3 (01:42):
Well, I grew up working in restaurants.
My parents bought a place.
When I was 16 years old,literally started washing dishes
in the kitchen the night.
We took it over and thenthrough the years, I served
bartended.
At one point I said I was thatplace.
Long story short with that isthat I got married.
Along the way.
My parents sold it to myin-laws, my in-laws became my
former in-laws and that's how Iended up getting out of that
(02:05):
place.
But I tell everybody you know,and a lot of ways, the best
thing that happened to mebecause it forced me out of my
comfort zone and I still getalong great with my ex-wife.
But then I really took tobartending and spent really
about the last 18 years workingbehind a bar and it was really
one of the best things that everhappened to me.
Now, along those ways, Idecided I want to sit down and
(02:28):
write a book that's entitled AShot of Okies and I describe it
as bourbon and pirates with alittle Shakespearean flair.
Speaker 1 (02:34):
Interesting.
That sounds very fascinating.
How many book readers do wehave out here?
You know, thurston Confetti.
If you guys are book readers,okay, okay, nice, nice, nice,
well, cool, well, we're going togive Alex time to tell us a
little bit about his book hereand like a little bit later and
tell you how you can find outhow to get a copy of it and also
how to connect with him as well.
(02:55):
So again, thanks for joining usout.
Join us tonight.
As a bartender, you know, I'msure, like as a bartender,
you've probably heard a lot ofstories probably some really
good, interesting stories andyou probably get asked a lot of
questions.
So I would love to kind of startoff with what has your
experience as a bartender taughtyou about sharing wisdom,
(03:18):
because I know we're talkingabout like a different way, a
different approach of sharingwisdom.
So I'd love to know that whathas it taught you, through your
experience, about sharing wisdom?
Speaker 3 (03:26):
Well, you know one of the things as a bartender, I
get asked for advice a lot, youknow, and it happened a lot when
I was younger, but especiallynow that I've gotten older,
people look at me and obviouslyI talk to a lot of people.
I've had a lot of conversationswith a lot of people.
I've seen what's worked forpeople and I've seen what hasn't
worked.
You know what I mean, and so,as a result, when people ask me
(03:47):
for advice, what I've learned is, instead of saying this is the
way I would do it, I've learnedto say hey, what do you want to
get out of it?
Because that's the biggestthing.
If I give you advice from myperspective and I say this is
what I would do, it's based onmy life and what is going on
with my life and how yourproblems would affect my life.
(04:08):
But the reality is is your lifeis very different, you know and
we're coming from very differentways of looking at things, and
so the first question I'm goingto ask anybody is you know, what
do you want to get out of this?
You know, and if it's somebodythat's debating taking on a new
job, well, why do you want toswitch your job?
Leaving a job is a very toughthing to do, you know.
Speaker 2 (04:29):
Are you?
Speaker 3 (04:29):
switching it because you want to chase money.
Well, money might be important,but if you have a great quality
of life, you know it might notbe a smarter thing to pursue the
money On the other hand, youknow, if your quality of life
isn't very good and you got anopportunity to take a job that
you would really enjoy, thatwould allow you to pursue the
interests that you have in lifethat you can't because of where
(04:51):
you work, well then you know,maybe it would be a good idea to
switch jobs, you know.
And so that's where I start.
You know, if I like my job,though, and I tell you and you
say to me should I switch jobs,I might say no, no way, because
I like my job.
Speaker 2 (05:02):
Does that make sense?
Absolutely yeah.
Speaker 3 (05:05):
So that's the number one thing I kind of tell people
when it comes down to givingadvice is first find out what
you want to do.
And honestly, in a lot of casesa lot of people they don't know
what they want to do.
You know, and if you ask themtheir question, it makes them
think you know well, do I?
Speaker 2 (05:20):
want to do this, you know.
Speaker 3 (05:23):
And once you got that answer then you can kind of
figure out the path to get there.
Speaker 1 (05:27):
Yeah, I love that.
I love that.
That's something that we'vebeen me and Mrs Killer B have
been talking about a lot too andwe've talked a little bit here
at the studio about is somethingI've been learning over the
last couple of years is learninghow to trying to learn how to
ask more questions instead ofjust giving answers.
Speaker 3 (05:42):
Absolutely.
Speaker 1 (05:43):
And then that's exactly what you're sharing.
There is like you're askingthat question well, where do you
want to get out of it?
And so I guess, like if they'resaid well, I don't really know,
so where do you go from there?
Speaker 3 (05:54):
Well, okay, so I have a.
I have a little exercise that Ido with people, you know, and I
suppose you could do it now,but it'd be.
I don't know how to do it invirtual reality, but I'm sure
all you guys do, but you got tofigure out your priorities in
life, you know, and the thingthat I would tell you to do
right now is take a piece ofpaper and a pen.
If you didn't have one, I'dgive you one and I'd say write
down.
You know 10 things that areimportant to you.
(06:16):
You know whatever they are.
You know, obviously, for me I'malways going to say my health,
my kids, my books.
You know people I love, butalso my car.
You know my car's got to get meto work, my job.
Obviously, you know my house,you know, and it can be anything
.
You know the 10 things.
If you have 10 things, writedown 10 things.
You've got 20, write down 20.
It doesn't really matter, butyou write down the things that
(06:37):
are important to you.
Then the second thing you do isyou take your list and you
number them one through 10, youknow, however, that is, you
figure out the top priorities tothe bottom priorities and then
you list them one through 10.
And then you draw a line underthe top three, and those top
three are going to be yourfoundation.
Those are the things thatmatter the most to you, and if
(07:00):
those things are off, you aregoing to struggle trying to do
any of the other things on yourlist, because these are going to
occupy your time, they're goingto occupy your worries, they're
going to occupy your thoughts,and so it's going to be hard to
focus on any of this other stuff.
So I would tell you, you know,any decision you're going to
make, how does it affect thosetop three things?
And if it doesn't affect themor affects them positively, well
(07:21):
then you know you can moveahead with it.
If it affects them negatively,then I advise that you don't do
whatever it is you think you'regoing to or you want to do or
you're debating to do, andthat's that, I think, is the
number one thing that you can do.
If you figure out yourpriorities, it gets much easier
to figure out where you want togo with your life.
Speaker 1 (07:40):
Yeah, I love that.
So that's that's really goodtoo, because it you're letting
them actually walk through theprocess, you're not just giving
them the answers.
It seems like today it's sothere's so many people that have
answers they want to give.
We're not letting peopleprocess that.
So it's very, very wise.
How did you, I guess, when didyou have this revelation of
(08:00):
learning this?
Like, how did it start?
Did you start noticing?
Hey, you know what?
I don't have to answer give allthe answers for this.
I need to let them kind ofprocess that.
Speaker 3 (08:10):
Well, you know, when I was younger and I would give
advice.
You know, one of the thingsthat happens to a lot of us,
when people come to us foradvice, is we give them the
advice, and it might be greatadvice, but they don't follow up
on it.
Right, you know?
You tell them that somebody'scomplaining about a relationship
.
Well, you should break up withthat person.
And then they keep going outwith them.
And then you know they keeprunning in the same issues
(08:31):
getting and getting in arelationship and you get
frustrated because you'retelling them the same thing over
and over again.
Well, you know, what really isgoing on is they're venting to
you, you know, and you got tokind of let them get it out.
But I learned that the best wayfor me to not get feel that
frustration of somebody nottaking my advice or listening to
(08:52):
me, or however you want to lookat it, is to let them figure it
out.
Hey, man, this is what.
This is what you say you wantto do.
Speaker 2 (08:57):
I'm not telling you to do that.
Speaker 3 (09:00):
The flip side of that is, somebody might take your
advice and it goes south reallyfast.
Hey, I did what you told me todo and it got me beat up or it
cost me a lot of money orwhatever else you know.
And so then they blame you, youknow.
And again, if you let, themkind of figure it out, you go
okay.
Hey, man, this is what you saidwas best for you.
I didn't tell you that.
Speaker 1 (09:20):
That's what's best for you.
Speaker 2 (09:22):
That's right, that's right, that's good.
Speaker 3 (09:25):
And so it kind of absolves you of the
responsibility.
Now, it took me a little whileto get there.
I'm not going to lie to you,you know, and with age comes
wisdom and experience, andwhatever experience is the best
teacher, but ultimately in theend, you know, that's kind of
what I figured out that it'sbetter for me to let them figure
it out.
That's right, and I got themalong the way.
Speaker 1 (09:44):
Oh, okay, I see Dean.
Or Dean, or go ahead.
Do you have a question or athought?
Speaker 2 (09:49):
I just know that Eagle Ierick does have a
question.
Speaker 1 (09:51):
Okay, well, let's go ahead and bring up the mic,
eagle I, if you want to come ondown here, we would love to hear
your question or thought.
Thanks for joining us tonight.
Hopefully you know you aremuted, all right.
Speaker 4 (10:02):
So I got a couple questions real quick.
One is being a bartender for aslong as you're being, I find
that whenever you know, if we goto bars and stuff like that,
it's really, really loud.
Have you heard of the new?
Um, yes.
Or have you heard of the old?
I don't know what they'recalled, but the little things
that go in your ear that helpdistort the sound from
(10:22):
everything else where you canhear people directly from you?
Speaker 3 (10:28):
Yes, I have.
Where people like it's thebackground noise, it cuts a lot
of background noise right, theyhave a problem with their
hearing.
In that, yes, I have it andfrom what I've been told they
work.
Speaker 2 (10:40):
Yeah, okay use that actually yeah.
Speaker 4 (10:43):
I was just curious about that, if you knew anything
about those.
And then the other thing isalso, you know, realizing that
you know being a bartender issomebody that's back behind the
bar and a lot of people justwant to be heard, and so I'm
sure that you've heard a lot ofstories.
It's just people want to comein and just talk and and they're
really not looking for Maybeadvice or looking for you know
(11:05):
some, some information from you,but more that they just want to
just be heard.
Do you find that a lot?
Speaker 3 (11:11):
Absolutely, absolutely.
You know, a lot of times I'vehad a lot of conversations with
people I've never seen again.
I never seen them before theycome in and, and they tell me
things that they would nevertell anybody else.
You know, and, and and this isthe example I always use is when
it comes to family.
You know A lot of times themost stressful people in our
lives are family members and youcan't necessarily complain to
(11:34):
another family member becauseguess what it's going to get
around the family, and thenyou're dealing with with a
bigger situation than you wantto deal with.
So you know, you look for astranger and you sit down at the
bar and you say you know my, mygrandma or my aunt or my mom or
my brother or my sister orwhatever, and blah, blah, blah,
blah, blah and you get it outand a lot of times that's just
what people need, and so I justprovide an ear.
You know I don't.
(11:55):
If they sometimes I'll ask well, you want some advice?
You know I can, you know, andthen kind of work through that
process.
But sometimes I'll just letthem go and let them kind of
vent and and have their say andhave their couple drinks and
have their lunch or dinner orwhatever, and then I, they leave
and I never see them again.
And I think that that issomething that human beings
sometimes need.
(12:15):
We need to be heard, we need toget it off our chest, we need
to Be acknowledged that, thatour frustrations are real and we
have the right to feel them.
And that's where I think a lotof you know when you suppress
that, you know it creates a lotof stress and creates a lot of
issues Everything gets bigger,then everything gets.
Speaker 1 (12:34):
Yeah, yeah, it's good , yeah, that's good.
That was really good.
You go, thank you, thank you,thank you, that was really good.
Thank you, really.
I saw beauty said that.
She said her dad actually wearsthose, those, those ear things,
at work.
So that's very cool.
Speaker 2 (12:47):
I've never heard of that so, so you probably
shouldn't get it you probablyshouldn't get a missus could,
because it probably.
Speaker 1 (12:54):
That's probably what happened earlier, where nobody
could hear me.
They had those on and I was hisbackground noise being filtered
out, so Let those on the world.
Speaker 2 (13:02):
I put those devices on the world.
Speaker 1 (13:04):
Deaners got the wah-wah button going.
Look at that.
All right, oh, it's a goodsoldier.
It was for you, messes killer b.
All right, you want to bring upthe mic for good soldiers?
Bring up the mic for goodsoldier, thank you.
Speaker 3 (13:19):
What is the most bizarre, strangest story you
ever heard behind the bar?
You know that's a good question.
There's been so many of them.
I probably the most bizarre,strangest story would be the one
that I could tell personallyabout working in.
And you know, I work at a placeit's in the south side of
Chicago and it's a corporaterestaurant, and one day I get a,
(13:42):
I get it's sundae, and I'd beenthere during the day and I got
home around three o'clock or so,around four.
I get a text from my one of myreally good regulars and he says
, hey, are you okay?
And I say, yeah, well, you know, it's a regular.
I think he's kind of maybebusting my stones a little bit,
or something like that.
He goes well, there's just ashooting at your restaurant,
yeah, you know.
(14:03):
So I text the bartender that'sworking and I say, is this, is
this for real?
And she goes yeah, you know shehad a very descriptive way of
putting it, but basically therewas a murder, suicide and and,
yeah, the Story behind it isthat there was a couple that
they were having an affair.
She was 41.
(14:24):
He was like 59 and she wasadopted, but they were cousins
and she wanted to end it.
She was married and she wantedto end it, and he came into the
restaurant and he couldn't dealwith it, and so wow, you see on
the video him kind of come in,she's there with her parents and
you can kind of see themLooking, scoping out where she
is, and then she leaves.
Or he leaves and then sheleaves.
(14:46):
She gives her parents a hug,goodbye, goes Out to her car,
sits down and he comes up andshoots her right through the
window and Wow, yeah, I ends upturning a gun on himself then
and and kills himself parkinglot and so this happens, you
know, and you know people arestill inside, people are eating
at the answer the question.
You know it's South Side ofChicago.
(15:06):
The restaurant did not close.
It's a very interesting worlddown there you know.
But yeah, I would have to sayit's probably the craziest thing
that ever happened at a place.
Speaker 1 (15:17):
Yeah, in terms of.
You know, I would like toactually Alex.
How do you know, like, when itcomes to giving advice, how do
you know if it's the right orwrong time to give advice?
Speaker 3 (15:29):
Well, you know, I would just ask hey, do you want
advice on this?
I can give you some advice.
You know, some people say no,you know, I just need to vent
and need to get it out and kindof leave it at that.
And other people say, yeah,sure, you know, and there's
somebody says yes, but but Ialways start with hey, would you
like some advice?
Or give you some advice,because you know, if you just
(15:50):
throw in there that that this iswhat I would do or this is what
I would say, well, you couldend up making them angry and
yeah it's gone.
They might not be able to handleit that way.
Yeah, so I think, okay, that'sgreat advice, advice about
advice.
Speaker 2 (16:08):
Because, um, you know , you notice that now, with
social media and things likethat, like people are very vocal
about how much they don't likeUnsolicited advice, like I never
knew that before.
Yeah, cuz you think like thisperson is like you know about to
walk into someplace where I'vebeen.
I'll just tell them myexperience, but it comes off as
(16:29):
unsolicited advice.
So really like that, like, doyou want advice about this?
Speaker 1 (16:33):
Maybe they don't maybe they got it all figured
out.
Speaker 2 (16:36):
Well, that has a question.
Speaker 1 (16:37):
Okay, come on down.
Look, come on down, let's throwsome confetti for a letter,
everybody thinks they're beinghere left.
You're muted, just let you knowyou're muted.
But, man, I love the shades.
I love the shades.
Speaker 2 (16:47):
I must have been from yeah, he's.
Speaker 3 (16:49):
He's really decking it out, man Okay my question is
have you ever given advice tosomebody who you know Wanted to
talk to you about something andyou gave him advice and then you
ended up running into them lateand they actually thank you for
the advice that you gave them?
Speaker 2 (17:06):
Oh, yeah, absolutely.
Speaker 3 (17:07):
Yeah, yeah, I've had people come in and say, hey, you
know, I I took what you saidand I applied it to my life.
You know, there was a goodstory for this and, honestly, I
a lot of the vice I pass on isjust coming from other people.
You know they'll tell me theirexperience in life and I'll
listen to their story.
And then somebody comes in anda similar experience and I'll
(17:28):
just pass it right on on.
So it's not like I'm coming upoh, I'm not that wise, I just
listen.
But one of the one of the bestexamples I can give of that is
you know, there was a lady whocame in one time.
She told me how her son wasstruggling with reading and to
get him he was completelyuninterested in reading, but to
get him to read he, she got himin the comic books.
(17:49):
She's, he, she picked up somecomic books him to him for
Easter and whatever else, and hereally like took to them.
So all of a sudden, you know,he found something that he liked
to read and he became a reader.
And then another lady comes inanother time and and she's
Lamenting about how her son isstruggling in school, doesn't
like to read, completely adamant, doesn't want to read.
It's just one big problem afteranother with his teachers, and
(18:12):
so I pass on that advice.
Well, you know and and she hadtold me too that he was really
into the Superman movies andMarvel movies and whatever.
So I say why don't you just gethim some comic books if you
already like some movies?
You know who probably take tothe house, and so he did, she
did and he did.
And the next thing, you know,you know I don't know if he ever
became a great student oranything else, but she ended up
(18:33):
coming in and and saying to meanother time that yeah, that was
great advice.
You know, he really liked thecomic books and he started
reading, started getting bettergrades and, and you know, it
worked out at least I love thatworked out good for them, so
that's great.
Speaker 1 (18:51):
Yes, thanks, love dinner.
I saw the light lighting up.
You got somebody anotherquestion or a?
Speaker 2 (18:55):
thought yeah, lady Hawk has a question 80 Hawk.
Speaker 1 (18:58):
Come on down, lady Hawk.
Look at all these questions.
I love this.
This is great.
Speaker 2 (19:01):
Thank you, lady oh hi , what was the funniest thing
that's ever happened, as you'vebeen bartending.
Speaker 3 (19:06):
Okay, can I use a little bit of a profanity on
this one or?
Speaker 1 (19:10):
yeah, you can use a little bit of profanity, yeah,
all right.
Speaker 3 (19:13):
So one of my best regulars, this guy named bill,
he's been coming in here for 15years or so, you know, and
almost every day.
But first time he came in itwas a really busy night and we
had three bartenders.
We had a bartender that did thebar top, we had one that didn't
we have six tables and therewas one that took care of the
tables and then we had abartender on the service wall
and I was the one on the servicewall that night.
He just ended up having to sitin the spot right there he's
(19:34):
waiting on a carry out.
Carry out ran a little late, sohe sits down there and he says
you know, so I start chattingwith him now.
He's a Vietnam vet and he hasthat sort of personality.
You know he's an old-timer andand very much a.
You know he likes bus andstones and everything else and
but I worked in a corporaterestaurant at the time so you
know I'd be kind of careful andhow I approach it.
But I could see he was havingfun with it.
(19:55):
So I was having fun with it andI grew up.
The place I grew up in we had alot of Vietnam vets, world War
II vets, korean War vets, thoseare guys that I grew up with, so
I kind of already could relateto where he was coming from.
And so we start going back andforth and we start you know, I
don't know building ourrelationship, I guess, I'd say.
And so his carry out ordercomes out and he pays his check
(20:18):
and he hands me a ticket.
He looks at me and he goes.
I just got one other questionfor you.
You know what's that he goes?
Are all the other bartendershere?
I suppose are you the only one?
I'm my son.
Judging by the people that Itracked, I think I'm the biggest
one.
That's a part of you know.
The banter in a bar is probablythe most fun part of the bar,
(20:41):
you know, and it's the wit andit's the back and forth, and you
know whether it's talkingsports or talking life or
whatever you know it's.
That's all doing the job.
Speaker 2 (20:51):
I mean my dad.
So my dad wasn't a veteran, buthe would love it if you would
just roll with a comment likethat you know he would just love
it when people would do that,because it's like, you know, in
one way I would think, like he'strying to get under people's
skin.
He wants a reaction.
Maybe that's why he would loveit if he couldn't ruffle
somebody.
You know.
Speaker 1 (21:12):
Oh yeah, yeah, you know.
Oh, sworcat looks like has aquestion too.
So, uh, where's Sworcat?
I see up here.
Okay, you want to bring up themicrophone quick for Sworcat?
Sworcat, come on down, you haveto.
I almost read off your questionbut I was like, hey, we should
bring her down, let her read it.
Speaker 4 (21:26):
Oh, what's your favorite part of your job?
It's good.
Speaker 3 (21:30):
You know, favorite part of my job anymore is
getting to know people.
It's talking to people.
You know, the best part ofbartending is that you get life
from a very diverse point ofview you know, and the place the
corporate restaurant that Iworked at, has a very diverse
crowd and I always say I'm verygrateful to have gotten that job
, because I had to get over anyprejudices or biases or anything
(21:53):
else, because I was seeing somany different people coming in,
you know, and there are alwaysa chance of that person becoming
a regular and not just aregular friend.
I mean these people.
You know I get invited toweddings, I go to funerals,
birthday parties and everythingin between, and so, you know,
you get to know somebody for 10years, 15 years, whatever.
You get to know a lot abouttheir life and that is without a
(22:16):
doubt.
You know, everybody thinks it'smaking the drinks and making
the drinks is fun.
But I say at this point, youknow I'm lucky to be working
with a lot of young bartenders.
They all want to make thedrinks.
I let them make the drinks andI check with people.
That is what I enjoy doing themost.
Speaker 1 (22:33):
I love it.
Thank you, swarcat.
Thank you, I love that.
Okay, I want to go ahead and goback to.
I want to ask this questionbefore I forget about asking,
like about when we're talkingabout when to give advice and
when not to give advice.
I know that firsthand formyself, sometimes, being the
person who's been asked to giveadvice or I feel like this is a
(22:56):
friend of mine I need to kind ofshare something with them and
let them be aware of somethingthat might not be received that
well, like as a friend.
I'm like I know I've got totalk to this person personally
about this and knowing thatadvice, depending on their
reaction, might not go so well.
So what should we expect?
Because I think that's thehardest thing.
(23:16):
It's like when you know this isa friend I really care about
and I think I need to give themsome advice about something
that's going on that maybethey're not seeing.
What should we expect?
Speaker 3 (23:28):
Fair.
That is when somebody has adrinking problem.
And I've had plenty of regularswho became friends, who I knew
they had problems and sooner orlater I did have to confront
that.
And you always started off withhey man, you know I'm your
friend, you know how much I careabout you, you know I'm here
(23:48):
for you.
But you've got a problem andI've got to be honest with you.
And if I'm not honest with you,I'm not being your friend then,
and yes, you have to go intothat, knowing you could lose
this relationship.
Speaker 2 (24:00):
But if you're going to do the right thing, then
you've got to do the right thing.
Speaker 3 (24:05):
And even if it costs you the relationship or even if
it creates a situation betweenyou two, you still put it in
their head, they're still goingto think about it, they're still
going to munch on it, it'sstill going to be a thing to
where they're considering yourwords and sometimes you know it
might take a year, but all of asudden they come around and they
realize that hey man, thatperson was being my best friend.
(24:26):
You know, it's easy to alwaystell some people what they want
to hear and what they like, butthe best friends in your life
will be the ones that tell youthe stuff that you don't want to
hear and that you need to hearbecause they're looking out for
you and that's how you got toapproach it.
Speaker 1 (24:40):
You got to tell them hey, I'm your friend, that's so
good.
So there was a friend that Ihad to do that once and it was
Did you set a year?
It actually took a year for meto hear back from them Like, man
, they like.
When I told them I knew theydidn't like it but and me and
Mrs Killer B talked about itbecause it was hard, because I
was like it was a really goodfriend of mine but I knew I had
to tell them.
It took a year.
And then just recently, you knowwe do consulting.
(25:01):
So when I do consulting withclients, there'll be times I'm
like I know they're not going tolike what I have to say, but
they need to kind of check theirown hearts and their thoughts
on behind what they're doing.
And we just recently had aconversation about that and it
was like, well, I got to behonest, if I'm not, I'm not a
good consultant, I'm not reallydoing my job well.
But I never really thought ofthat from like, from your
(25:23):
perspective, as being abartender, having to tell
friends that you've come closewith like hey, you might have a
drinking problem.
Speaker 3 (25:33):
Oh yeah, you got an issue, man, you know, and it
from my.
It doesn't just cost me therelationship.
A lot of times it costs memoney, but you know I mean, if
you're going to, I'm going totruly be friends with these
people and develop a goodrelationship with these people,
Well then, you know you got tobe honest with them.
Speaker 2 (25:50):
We do have a question from lost virtually.
Speaker 1 (25:52):
Okay, cool, let's bring lost up for a question
real quick and then we'll goahead and and let you transition
to the next part of thequestion.
You have here.
Mrs Killerbee, hey lost.
How you doing.
Hey, so glad you found yourselfhere.
Speaker 3 (26:06):
Alex, how are you?
I'm doing well, thank you.
How did the COVID lockdownsaffect your business?
That's a great questionactually.
You know the place I worked at.
We switched to takeout and andI continued to do takeout and
(26:28):
the takeout was crazy.
I mean, I can tell you it wasreally busy.
People still needed the comfortfood.
They still didn't want to cookall the time, they still wanted
to go out and a lot of times,you know, I'd have my regulars
text me hey, are you working?
You know, because of my, my joband a lot of that time was to
be the one that ran the food out, which was great.
Speaker 4 (26:46):
I didn't pick it.
Speaker 3 (26:47):
I didn't you know if you pulled up yeah, I'd be
standing out front If you pulledup and run inside, get your
order running out.
So you know they'd call me upor they text me and say how are
you working, and so you know.
I was able to maintain contactwith a lot of them that way, you
know, and I was grateful forthat.
And then, when we reopened, itwas absolutely out of control,
(27:11):
because people need people, youknow, and they'd been cooped up
inside for so long that when theopportunity to go out, even
though we had everything spreadout, you could only be so close
to people we could only have somany people.
The bar would be full almostevery night and one of the best
stories I can tell from that isone of my regulars.
I haven't seen her in a longtime and we actually closed an
(27:33):
hour early.
We'd closed at 9 instead of 10.
And she came in around 8.30 andyou know she drinks rum and
coke, pour rum and coke.
You know she's sitting at thebar.
I'm kind of catching up withher in that.
And then 9 o'clock I was around.
I said you want anything forlast call?
And she looks at me and shegoes last call.
Are you kidding me?
I thought she were open till 10.
And I was like, well, no, youknow, we closed at 9 now and she
(27:53):
goes.
Oh man, this is the first timeI've been out in the last six
months and you know I was reallykind of just coming out, coming
out and hanging out and kind oftalking.
And so I looked at her and youknow, basically I put a couple
other drinks under check, cashedher out, cashed out my drawer,
and told her hey, man, hang outuntil I'm done.
You know, because it usuallytakes about an hour to close the
(28:14):
bar.
So I said you can stay hereuntil I turn off the TVs and you
know we can sit and chat andwhatever else and you know, gave
her the chance to stay out andyou know, stay until 10.
But it was like that with a lotof people, you know, they just
needed to get out, they neededto see their friends, they
needed to be around people, so Ilove that.
I love that my favorite part ofmy job is being around the
(28:36):
people and interacting withpeople and you know you kind of
learn.
That's what gives you purposeas a bartender.
You know, and one of the thingspeople look at restaurants and
they say you know it's notreally a profession, it's not
really a job.
You know you can't do that allyour life because what do you
really get out of it?
You know you show up, you servefood, you clear plates, you
know whatever else.
(28:56):
But well, and that's what I havelearned, you know, the purpose
comes when somebody sits down atyour bar and they get it off
their chest or like you know,there's a story I always tell
people.
There's a lady who she came infor nine months.
She came in every Wednesdaysworking with another bartender.
We both got to know her reallywell.
She'd have a dirty martinistraight up and then a glass and
(29:18):
a half of wine and she'dusually eat and we'd chat about
everything.
And we'd chat about her kids,we'd chat about books, we'd chat
about work.
She had a daughter who didnature filming in Alaska, so she
had a lot of stories about herseeing bears and stuff like that
you know, and nine months agoby and she comes in and she's
got a gift for both of us andit's you know, she gives it to
us and she goes.
(29:39):
You know, I've been greatknowing you.
I probably never see you againand we look at each other and
we're like why?
what happened, you know?
And she goes well, be honestwith you, my brother's been in
hospice and he died and I wastaking care of him the last nine
months or so, and you know, nowI'm going to move on with my
life.
And so we looked at her and Iwas like man, I'm sorry, I had
(30:00):
no idea.
And she goes no, no, I didn'ttell you.
I didn't want to tell youbecause I needed the time of
coming in here on Wednesdays andtalking about everything else
other than my brother in hospice.
And you know I'm so gratefulfor that and I can't tell you
how you helped me get throughthat.
And it's moments like that thatI realized wow, man, you know,
I really do have purpose in thisworld.
Speaker 2 (30:22):
And I really do affect people's lives.
Speaker 3 (30:24):
So you know that's the best part of the job.
Speaker 1 (30:28):
Amen, that's it.
I love that because, like youmight think, like whatever job
you're in, you might be thinkinglike, well, what's the purpose
for me being in this position?
But there's a purpose.
God's got a purpose there.
I don't know if you've everheard of an artist, jason Gray.
We have his quote up on ourwall.
He did his debut of this songhere and it just fit here.
So if you don't know him, justgo up on Spotify or YouTube,
(30:48):
look up Jason Gray.
But look up this song called BeKind.
He debuted it here, but we putthe quote in here because the
quote says Be Kind, because it'sactually over here, above the
producer, so you can't see it.
It's up on the wall, that bigblack plaque, but it says what
it says is Be Kind, becauseeveryone you meet is fighting
their own battle and needs toknow they matter and that's what
(31:09):
you're doing and there's somuch power in that.
So, wow, thank you so much,alex, for sharing that.
Mrs Killerbee, go ahead, youhad something you wanted to
share.
Speaker 2 (31:16):
So about your book, what I was curious about, first
of all, before you explain itand tell us whatever you would
like to about it, was your jobas a bartender, like what led
you to write this book, or is itconnected at all?
Speaker 3 (31:32):
Oh yeah.
Well, the connection that Ihave as a bartender to my book
is this I warn everybody thatsits at the bar, be careful,
because you might end up acharacter in my book.
Oh, I love that.
A lot of the characters in mybook are as real as they are in
life.
There's one guy his name is Ragsand in the book he's Rags and
(31:58):
Rags.
He was a.
He was in the war.
He was in Hawaii duringDecember 7, 1941.
He was in the army.
He wasn't in the Navy, but hefought the Japanese all the way
up to Tokyo and a lot of storieslearned a lot from him and,
yeah, he became the regular.
He's my first regular.
I say he's my first regularever and he's a regular in my
(32:19):
book, and so that's really wherethe link to my book, to my work
, really begins.
Now, if you read my book, you dospend a lot of time in a bar in
my book because that's what Iknow and that's some of the
advice that I give to writers.
You know is write what you know.
So there is a lot of theinteractions in a bar and stuff
like that.
But the book itself you know Iplay with the history of whiskey
(32:39):
and that was kind of linked toit as well.
You know I kind of knew thehistory going into it.
But I did a lot of otherresearch required for my book
because it's historical fictionand I go back to 1743.
Speaker 1 (32:53):
I can't wait to read it.
Speaker 2 (32:54):
It sounds so interesting.
Speaker 1 (32:55):
First, I'll probably forget how can people connect
with you and how can they findout about your book?
Is it available right now or isit coming out?
It's not published yet.
Speaker 3 (33:03):
It's available.
It's available.
So it's actually trilogy, thefirst book is called the Shot of
Okies and you can find it onAmazon, barnes, noble or the
Exibris website.
The Exibris is the publisher.
I actually self-published it.
You could always connect to methrough literary booths and
that's on Facebook, instagramand X or Twitter or whatever
that's called now.
(33:24):
And I say that's usuallyprobably the best way to get a
hold of me is the DM me that wayBecause I'm always.
I post every day and what Ireally do with the page is I
highlight an author every month.
So this month it's CS Lewis,the Chronicles of Nermini.
On.
Speaker 1 (33:38):
Posts.
Speaker 2 (33:39):
Facts about their lives, stuff like that up there.
Speaker 3 (33:43):
So if you follow it, you know and you like authors
and you're a reader, you knowyou learn a lot about a lot of
different authors.
But then I also, wheneverthere's an announcement about my
book, I'll put that up or I'll.
Sometimes I'll post somedramatic readings, stuff like
that, on there too.
Speaker 1 (33:55):
Awesome, very cool, very cool, awesome, awesome.
If you're listening to thepodcast replay, we'll actually
put a link to the show notes aswell, so make sure you check out
the link in the show notes,alex, as we, every time we close
out at one of our shows, welove to ask our guests to share.
If there's one thing that youwould hope people would walk
away with today, that's here, orlistening to the podcast.
(34:17):
What would you hope that wouldbe?
Speaker 3 (34:21):
Well, you know it kind of goes with what you're
saying before with the plaquethat you have, you know I mean
truly treat everybody likeindividuals.
You know everybody has theirown story.
Everybody has their own livesgoing.
You have no idea, when you lookat somebody like what they're
going through.
You know.
So if you just treat them withrespect.
(34:42):
As an individual, you'll beshocked at the type of
relationships that you'llestablish with people that you
would have no idea you couldeven establish with people that
you would have no idea that youcould be friends with, you know,
and your life is enriched andyou grow and mature as a person
then in ways that you can'timagine.
Speaker 1 (35:04):
Oh man, that's awesome.
I love it.
I love it and I can't wait tocheck out the book.
What's the book called?
Again, it says it's a trilogy.
Speaker 3 (35:11):
It's a trilogy.
The trilogy is called the OldRoads and Chronicles and the
first book is called theShotokis.
Awesome, awesome.
Speaker 1 (35:17):
Awesome.
Well, if you guys, if you guysget off here and you guys are
like, hey, what was that book,just message us.
We'll make sure you find outhow to get to that.
Thank you so much, alex, forjoining us.
If you guys want, let's throwsome confetti and start some
confetti.
And thank Alex for joining ustonight.
Speaker 2 (35:29):
Thanks for tuning in to the Stories we Live podcast
and, before you go, make sureyou hit that subscribe button,
and we'd love it if you wouldleave us a review.
But welcome to today's podcast replay from the
Killer B Studios.
Let's go ahead and dive on in.
Well, I'm super excited aboutour guest tonight.
Super excited, our guesttonight.
His name is Alex Bennett right.
Speaker 2 (00:14):
Bennett, good you did it.
Speaker 1 (00:15):
I did it, don't ask.
I'm just going to call him Alexfrom now on, but I'm super
excited for him to be our guesttonight.
He's a bartender who lovesbooks.
Now you got to love that, right.
I do love it.
A bartender and loves books.
Tonight, our topic is going tobe about a different take on
sharing wisdom.
So are you guys excited tobring out our guest?
Are you guys are excited?
Yes, so this is Alex's firsttime really being on Horizon.
(00:40):
So, as we all love to do, I wastelling him about the confetti.
Everybody loves confetti.
Right now he's behind this wall.
He can see you, but you guyscannot see him.
So, wave at this wall like yourbest friends with that wall.
Yeah, there you go.
Yeah, Just say hi wall.
It's nice to meet you.
Actually, he's going to come tolife here in just a second
because we're going to bring outour guest.
Alex, come on out and thank youfor joining us.
Speaker 4 (01:01):
Hey what's up?
Thanks for having me.
Thanks for having me.
Yes, I love it.
Speaker 2 (01:04):
I love it.
Speaker 1 (01:05):
You're right here.
Yes, we're so happy you made itand I love the whole avatar.
Look, I love it.
Speaker 3 (01:12):
Oh, thanks.
You know I do have long hair.
I normally would.
My mustache is a lot longerthan this and I say I'm old
enough to be bartending in blackand white now.
I wax the ends and I curl it.
I also have a long OT that Inormally braid.
But they didn't have that formy hair.
I have a tar option, so I hadto go with whatever I like, so
limited.
Speaker 1 (01:32):
Well, we're so glad that you joined us tonight, alex
.
Some people might be here goingwell, who is Alex?
So would you mind taking about30 seconds and telling us a
little bit about who AlexBennett is?
Speaker 3 (01:42):
Well, I grew up working in restaurants.
My parents bought a place.
When I was 16 years old,literally started washing dishes
in the kitchen the night.
We took it over and thenthrough the years, I served
bartended.
At one point I said I was thatplace.
Long story short with that isthat I got married.
Along the way.
My parents sold it to myin-laws, my in-laws became my
former in-laws and that's how Iended up getting out of that
(02:05):
place.
But I tell everybody you know,and a lot of ways, the best
thing that happened to mebecause it forced me out of my
comfort zone and I still getalong great with my ex-wife.
But then I really took tobartending and spent really
about the last 18 years workingbehind a bar and it was really
one of the best things that everhappened to me.
Now, along those ways, Idecided I want to sit down and
(02:28):
write a book that's entitled AShot of Okies and I describe it
as bourbon and pirates with alittle Shakespearean flair.
Speaker 1 (02:34):
Interesting.
That sounds very fascinating.
How many book readers do wehave out here?
You know, thurston Confetti.
If you guys are book readers,okay, okay, nice, nice, nice,
well, cool, well, we're going togive Alex time to tell us a
little bit about his book hereand like a little bit later and
tell you how you can find outhow to get a copy of it and also
how to connect with him as well.
(02:55):
So again, thanks for joining usout.
Join us tonight.
As a bartender, you know, I'msure, like as a bartender,
you've probably heard a lot ofstories probably some really
good, interesting stories andyou probably get asked a lot of
questions.
So I would love to kind of startoff with what has your
experience as a bartender taughtyou about sharing wisdom,
(03:18):
because I know we're talkingabout like a different way, a
different approach of sharingwisdom.
So I'd love to know that whathas it taught you, through your
experience, about sharing wisdom?
Speaker 3 (03:26):
Well, you know one of the things as a bartender, I
get asked for advice a lot, youknow, and it happened a lot when
I was younger, but especiallynow that I've gotten older,
people look at me and obviouslyI talk to a lot of people.
I've had a lot of conversationswith a lot of people.
I've seen what's worked forpeople and I've seen what hasn't
worked.
You know what I mean, and so,as a result, when people ask me
(03:47):
for advice, what I've learned is, instead of saying this is the
way I would do it, I've learnedto say hey, what do you want to
get out of it?
Because that's the biggestthing.
If I give you advice from myperspective and I say this is
what I would do, it's based onmy life and what is going on
with my life and how yourproblems would affect my life.
(04:08):
But the reality is is your lifeis very different, you know and
we're coming from very differentways of looking at things, and
so the first question I'm goingto ask anybody is you know, what
do you want to get out of this?
You know, and if it's somebodythat's debating taking on a new
job, well, why do you want toswitch your job?
Leaving a job is a very toughthing to do, you know.
Speaker 2 (04:29):
Are you?
Speaker 3 (04:29):
switching it because you want to chase money.
Well, money might be important,but if you have a great quality
of life, you know it might notbe a smarter thing to pursue the
money On the other hand, youknow, if your quality of life
isn't very good and you got anopportunity to take a job that
you would really enjoy, thatwould allow you to pursue the
interests that you have in lifethat you can't because of where
(04:51):
you work, well then you know,maybe it would be a good idea to
switch jobs, you know.
And so that's where I start.
You know, if I like my job,though, and I tell you and you
say to me should I switch jobs,I might say no, no way, because
I like my job.
Speaker 2 (05:02):
Does that make sense?
Absolutely yeah.
Speaker 3 (05:05):
So that's the number one thing I kind of tell people
when it comes down to givingadvice is first find out what
you want to do.
And honestly, in a lot of casesa lot of people they don't know
what they want to do.
You know, and if you ask themtheir question, it makes them
think you know well, do I?
Speaker 2 (05:20):
want to do this, you know.
Speaker 3 (05:23):
And once you got that answer then you can kind of
figure out the path to get there.
Speaker 1 (05:27):
Yeah, I love that.
I love that.
That's something that we'vebeen me and Mrs Killer B have
been talking about a lot too andwe've talked a little bit here
at the studio about is somethingI've been learning over the
last couple of years is learninghow to trying to learn how to
ask more questions instead ofjust giving answers.
Speaker 3 (05:42):
Absolutely.
Speaker 1 (05:43):
And then that's exactly what you're sharing.
There is like you're askingthat question well, where do you
want to get out of it?
And so I guess, like if they'resaid well, I don't really know,
so where do you go from there?
Speaker 3 (05:54):
Well, okay, so I have a.
I have a little exercise that Ido with people, you know, and I
suppose you could do it now,but it'd be.
I don't know how to do it invirtual reality, but I'm sure
all you guys do, but you got tofigure out your priorities in
life, you know, and the thingthat I would tell you to do
right now is take a piece ofpaper and a pen.
If you didn't have one, I'dgive you one and I'd say write
down.
You know 10 things that areimportant to you.
(06:16):
You know whatever they are.
You know, obviously, for me I'malways going to say my health,
my kids, my books.
You know people I love, butalso my car.
You know my car's got to get meto work, my job.
Obviously, you know my house,you know, and it can be anything
.
You know the 10 things.
If you have 10 things, writedown 10 things.
You've got 20, write down 20.
It doesn't really matter, butyou write down the things that
(06:37):
are important to you.
Then the second thing you do isyou take your list and you
number them one through 10, youknow, however, that is, you
figure out the top priorities tothe bottom priorities and then
you list them one through 10.
And then you draw a line underthe top three, and those top
three are going to be yourfoundation.
Those are the things thatmatter the most to you, and if
(07:00):
those things are off, you aregoing to struggle trying to do
any of the other things on yourlist, because these are going to
occupy your time, they're goingto occupy your worries, they're
going to occupy your thoughts,and so it's going to be hard to
focus on any of this other stuff.
So I would tell you, you know,any decision you're going to
make, how does it affect thosetop three things?
And if it doesn't affect themor affects them positively, well
(07:21):
then you know you can moveahead with it.
If it affects them negatively,then I advise that you don't do
whatever it is you think you'regoing to or you want to do or
you're debating to do, andthat's that, I think, is the
number one thing that you can do.
If you figure out yourpriorities, it gets much easier
to figure out where you want togo with your life.
Speaker 1 (07:40):
Yeah, I love that.
So that's that's really goodtoo, because it you're letting
them actually walk through theprocess, you're not just giving
them the answers.
It seems like today it's sothere's so many people that have
answers they want to give.
We're not letting peopleprocess that.
So it's very, very wise.
How did you, I guess, when didyou have this revelation of
(08:00):
learning this?
Like, how did it start?
Did you start noticing?
Hey, you know what?
I don't have to answer give allthe answers for this.
I need to let them kind ofprocess that.
Speaker 3 (08:10):
Well, you know, when I was younger and I would give
advice.
You know, one of the thingsthat happens to a lot of us,
when people come to us foradvice, is we give them the
advice, and it might be greatadvice, but they don't follow up
on it.
Right, you know?
You tell them that somebody'scomplaining about a relationship
.
Well, you should break up withthat person.
And then they keep going outwith them.
And then you know they keeprunning in the same issues
(08:31):
getting and getting in arelationship and you get
frustrated because you'retelling them the same thing over
and over again.
Well, you know, what really isgoing on is they're venting to
you, you know, and you got tokind of let them get it out.
But I learned that the best wayfor me to not get feel that
frustration of somebody nottaking my advice or listening to
(08:52):
me, or however you want to lookat it, is to let them figure it
out.
Hey, man, this is what.
This is what you say you wantto do.
Speaker 2 (08:57):
I'm not telling you to do that.
Speaker 3 (09:00):
The flip side of that is, somebody might take your
advice and it goes south reallyfast.
Hey, I did what you told me todo and it got me beat up or it
cost me a lot of money orwhatever else you know.
And so then they blame you, youknow.
And again, if you let, themkind of figure it out, you go
okay.
Hey, man, this is what you saidwas best for you.
I didn't tell you that.
Speaker 1 (09:20):
That's what's best for you.
Speaker 2 (09:22):
That's right, that's right, that's good.
Speaker 3 (09:25):
And so it kind of absolves you of the
responsibility.
Now, it took me a little whileto get there.
I'm not going to lie to you,you know, and with age comes
wisdom and experience, andwhatever experience is the best
teacher, but ultimately in theend, you know, that's kind of
what I figured out that it'sbetter for me to let them figure
it out.
That's right, and I got themalong the way.
Speaker 1 (09:44):
Oh, okay, I see Dean.
Or Dean, or go ahead.
Do you have a question or athought?
Speaker 2 (09:49):
I just know that Eagle Ierick does have a
question.
Speaker 1 (09:51):
Okay, well, let's go ahead and bring up the mic,
eagle I, if you want to come ondown here, we would love to hear
your question or thought.
Thanks for joining us tonight.
Hopefully you know you aremuted, all right.
Speaker 4 (10:02):
So I got a couple questions real quick.
One is being a bartender for aslong as you're being, I find
that whenever you know, if we goto bars and stuff like that,
it's really, really loud.
Have you heard of the new?
Um, yes.
Or have you heard of the old?
I don't know what they'recalled, but the little things
that go in your ear that helpdistort the sound from
(10:22):
everything else where you canhear people directly from you?
Speaker 3 (10:28):
Yes, I have.
Where people like it's thebackground noise, it cuts a lot
of background noise right, theyhave a problem with their
hearing.
In that, yes, I have it andfrom what I've been told they
work.
Speaker 2 (10:40):
Yeah, okay use that actually yeah.
Speaker 4 (10:43):
I was just curious about that, if you knew anything
about those.
And then the other thing isalso, you know, realizing that
you know being a bartender issomebody that's back behind the
bar and a lot of people justwant to be heard, and so I'm
sure that you've heard a lot ofstories.
It's just people want to comein and just talk and and they're
really not looking for Maybeadvice or looking for you know
(11:05):
some, some information from you,but more that they just want to
just be heard.
Do you find that a lot?
Speaker 3 (11:11):
Absolutely, absolutely.
You know, a lot of times I'vehad a lot of conversations with
people I've never seen again.
I never seen them before theycome in and, and they tell me
things that they would nevertell anybody else.
You know, and, and and this isthe example I always use is when
it comes to family.
You know A lot of times themost stressful people in our
lives are family members and youcan't necessarily complain to
(11:34):
another family member becauseguess what it's going to get
around the family, and thenyou're dealing with with a
bigger situation than you wantto deal with.
So you know, you look for astranger and you sit down at the
bar and you say you know my, mygrandma or my aunt or my mom or
my brother or my sister orwhatever, and blah, blah, blah,
blah, blah and you get it outand a lot of times that's just
what people need, and so I justprovide an ear.
You know I don't.
(11:55):
If they sometimes I'll ask well, you want some advice?
You know I can, you know, andthen kind of work through that
process.
But sometimes I'll just letthem go and let them kind of
vent and and have their say andhave their couple drinks and
have their lunch or dinner orwhatever, and then I, they leave
and I never see them again.
And I think that that issomething that human beings
sometimes need.
(12:15):
We need to be heard, we need toget it off our chest, we need
to Be acknowledged that, thatour frustrations are real and we
have the right to feel them.
And that's where I think a lotof you know when you suppress
that, you know it creates a lotof stress and creates a lot of
issues Everything gets bigger,then everything gets.
Speaker 1 (12:34):
Yeah, yeah, it's good , yeah, that's good.
That was really good.
You go, thank you, thank you,thank you, that was really good.
Thank you, really.
I saw beauty said that.
She said her dad actually wearsthose, those, those ear things,
at work.
So that's very cool.
Speaker 2 (12:47):
I've never heard of that so, so you probably
shouldn't get it you probablyshouldn't get a missus could,
because it probably.
Speaker 1 (12:54):
That's probably what happened earlier, where nobody
could hear me.
They had those on and I was hisbackground noise being filtered
out, so Let those on the world.
Speaker 2 (13:02):
I put those devices on the world.
Speaker 1 (13:04):
Deaners got the wah-wah button going.
Look at that.
All right, oh, it's a goodsoldier.
It was for you, messes killer b.
All right, you want to bring upthe mic for good soldiers?
Bring up the mic for goodsoldier, thank you.
Speaker 3 (13:19):
What is the most bizarre, strangest story you
ever heard behind the bar?
You know that's a good question.
There's been so many of them.
I probably the most bizarre,strangest story would be the one
that I could tell personallyabout working in.
And you know, I work at a placeit's in the south side of
Chicago and it's a corporaterestaurant, and one day I get a,
(13:42):
I get it's sundae, and I'd beenthere during the day and I got
home around three o'clock or so,around four.
I get a text from my one of myreally good regulars and he says
, hey, are you okay?
And I say, yeah, well, you know, it's a regular.
I think he's kind of maybebusting my stones a little bit,
or something like that.
He goes well, there's just ashooting at your restaurant,
yeah, you know.
(14:03):
So I text the bartender that'sworking and I say, is this, is
this for real?
And she goes yeah, you know shehad a very descriptive way of
putting it, but basically therewas a murder, suicide and and,
yeah, the Story behind it isthat there was a couple that
they were having an affair.
She was 41.
(14:24):
He was like 59 and she wasadopted, but they were cousins
and she wanted to end it.
She was married and she wantedto end it, and he came into the
restaurant and he couldn't dealwith it, and so wow, you see on
the video him kind of come in,she's there with her parents and
you can kind of see themLooking, scoping out where she
is, and then she leaves.
Or he leaves and then sheleaves.
(14:46):
She gives her parents a hug,goodbye, goes Out to her car,
sits down and he comes up andshoots her right through the
window and Wow, yeah, I ends upturning a gun on himself then
and and kills himself parkinglot and so this happens, you
know, and you know people arestill inside, people are eating
at the answer the question.
You know it's South Side ofChicago.
(15:06):
The restaurant did not close.
It's a very interesting worlddown there you know.
But yeah, I would have to sayit's probably the craziest thing
that ever happened at a place.
Speaker 1 (15:17):
Yeah, in terms of.
You know, I would like toactually Alex.
How do you know, like, when itcomes to giving advice, how do
you know if it's the right orwrong time to give advice?
Speaker 3 (15:29):
Well, you know, I would just ask hey, do you want
advice on this?
I can give you some advice.
You know, some people say no,you know, I just need to vent
and need to get it out and kindof leave it at that.
And other people say, yeah,sure, you know, and there's
somebody says yes, but but Ialways start with hey, would you
like some advice?
Or give you some advice,because you know, if you just
(15:50):
throw in there that that this iswhat I would do or this is what
I would say, well, you couldend up making them angry and
yeah it's gone.
They might not be able to handleit that way.
Yeah, so I think, okay, that'sgreat advice, advice about
advice.
Speaker 2 (16:08):
Because, um, you know , you notice that now, with
social media and things likethat, like people are very vocal
about how much they don't likeUnsolicited advice, like I never
knew that before.
Yeah, cuz you think like thisperson is like you know about to
walk into someplace where I'vebeen.
I'll just tell them myexperience, but it comes off as
(16:29):
unsolicited advice.
So really like that, like, doyou want advice about this?
Speaker 1 (16:33):
Maybe they don't maybe they got it all figured
out.
Speaker 2 (16:36):
Well, that has a question.
Speaker 1 (16:37):
Okay, come on down.
Look, come on down, let's throwsome confetti for a letter,
everybody thinks they're beinghere left.
You're muted, just let you knowyou're muted.
But, man, I love the shades.
I love the shades.
Speaker 2 (16:47):
I must have been from yeah, he's.
Speaker 3 (16:49):
He's really decking it out, man Okay my question is
have you ever given advice tosomebody who you know Wanted to
talk to you about something andyou gave him advice and then you
ended up running into them lateand they actually thank you for
the advice that you gave them?
Speaker 2 (17:06):
Oh, yeah, absolutely.
Speaker 3 (17:07):
Yeah, yeah, I've had people come in and say, hey, you
know, I I took what you saidand I applied it to my life.
You know, there was a goodstory for this and, honestly, I
a lot of the vice I pass on isjust coming from other people.
You know they'll tell me theirexperience in life and I'll
listen to their story.
And then somebody comes in anda similar experience and I'll
(17:28):
just pass it right on on.
So it's not like I'm coming upoh, I'm not that wise, I just
listen.
But one of the one of the bestexamples I can give of that is
you know, there was a lady whocame in one time.
She told me how her son wasstruggling with reading and to
get him he was completelyuninterested in reading, but to
get him to read he, she got himin the comic books.
(17:49):
She's, he, she picked up somecomic books him to him for
Easter and whatever else, and hereally like took to them.
So all of a sudden, you know,he found something that he liked
to read and he became a reader.
And then another lady comes inanother time and and she's
Lamenting about how her son isstruggling in school, doesn't
like to read, completely adamant, doesn't want to read.
It's just one big problem afteranother with his teachers, and
(18:12):
so I pass on that advice.
Well, you know and and she hadtold me too that he was really
into the Superman movies andMarvel movies and whatever.
So I say why don't you just gethim some comic books if you
already like some movies?
You know who probably take tothe house, and so he did, she
did and he did.
And the next thing, you know,you know I don't know if he ever
became a great student oranything else, but she ended up
(18:33):
coming in and and saying to meanother time that yeah, that was
great advice.
You know, he really liked thecomic books and he started
reading, started getting bettergrades and, and you know, it
worked out at least I love thatworked out good for them, so
that's great.
Speaker 1 (18:51):
Yes, thanks, love dinner.
I saw the light lighting up.
You got somebody anotherquestion or a?
Speaker 2 (18:55):
thought yeah, lady Hawk has a question 80 Hawk.
Speaker 1 (18:58):
Come on down, lady Hawk.
Look at all these questions.
I love this.
This is great.
Speaker 2 (19:01):
Thank you, lady oh hi , what was the funniest thing
that's ever happened, as you'vebeen bartending.
Speaker 3 (19:06):
Okay, can I use a little bit of a profanity on
this one or?
Speaker 1 (19:10):
yeah, you can use a little bit of profanity, yeah,
all right.
Speaker 3 (19:13):
So one of my best regulars, this guy named bill,
he's been coming in here for 15years or so, you know, and
almost every day.
But first time he came in itwas a really busy night and we
had three bartenders.
We had a bartender that did thebar top, we had one that didn't
we have six tables and therewas one that took care of the
tables and then we had abartender on the service wall
and I was the one on the servicewall that night.
He just ended up having to sitin the spot right there he's
(19:34):
waiting on a carry out.
Carry out ran a little late, sohe sits down there and he says
you know, so I start chattingwith him now.
He's a Vietnam vet and he hasthat sort of personality.
You know he's an old-timer andand very much a.
You know he likes bus andstones and everything else and
but I worked in a corporaterestaurant at the time so you
know I'd be kind of careful andhow I approach it.
But I could see he was havingfun with it.
(19:55):
So I was having fun with it andI grew up.
The place I grew up in we had alot of Vietnam vets, world War
II vets, korean War vets, thoseare guys that I grew up with, so
I kind of already could relateto where he was coming from.
And so we start going back andforth and we start you know, I
don't know building ourrelationship, I guess, I'd say.
And so his carry out ordercomes out and he pays his check
(20:18):
and he hands me a ticket.
He looks at me and he goes.
I just got one other questionfor you.
You know what's that he goes?
Are all the other bartendershere?
I suppose are you the only one?
I'm my son.
Judging by the people that Itracked, I think I'm the biggest
one.
That's a part of you know.
The banter in a bar is probablythe most fun part of the bar,
(20:41):
you know, and it's the wit andit's the back and forth, and you
know whether it's talkingsports or talking life or
whatever you know it's.
That's all doing the job.
Speaker 2 (20:51):
I mean my dad.
So my dad wasn't a veteran, buthe would love it if you would
just roll with a comment likethat you know he would just love
it when people would do that,because it's like, you know, in
one way I would think, like he'strying to get under people's
skin.
He wants a reaction.
Maybe that's why he would loveit if he couldn't ruffle
somebody.
You know.
Speaker 1 (21:12):
Oh yeah, yeah, you know.
Oh, sworcat looks like has aquestion too.
So, uh, where's Sworcat?
I see up here.
Okay, you want to bring up themicrophone quick for Sworcat?
Sworcat, come on down, you haveto.
I almost read off your questionbut I was like, hey, we should
bring her down, let her read it.
Speaker 4 (21:26):
Oh, what's your favorite part of your job?
It's good.
Speaker 3 (21:30):
You know, favorite part of my job anymore is
getting to know people.
It's talking to people.
You know, the best part ofbartending is that you get life
from a very diverse point ofview you know, and the place the
corporate restaurant that Iworked at, has a very diverse
crowd and I always say I'm verygrateful to have gotten that job
, because I had to get over anyprejudices or biases or anything
(21:53):
else, because I was seeing somany different people coming in,
you know, and there are alwaysa chance of that person becoming
a regular and not just aregular friend.
I mean these people.
You know I get invited toweddings, I go to funerals,
birthday parties and everythingin between, and so, you know,
you get to know somebody for 10years, 15 years, whatever.
You get to know a lot abouttheir life and that is without a
(22:16):
doubt.
You know, everybody thinks it'smaking the drinks and making
the drinks is fun.
But I say at this point, youknow I'm lucky to be working
with a lot of young bartenders.
They all want to make thedrinks.
I let them make the drinks andI check with people.
That is what I enjoy doing themost.
Speaker 1 (22:33):
I love it.
Thank you, swarcat.
Thank you, I love that.
Okay, I want to go ahead and goback to.
I want to ask this questionbefore I forget about asking,
like about when we're talkingabout when to give advice and
when not to give advice.
I know that firsthand formyself, sometimes, being the
person who's been asked to giveadvice or I feel like this is a
(22:56):
friend of mine I need to kind ofshare something with them and
let them be aware of somethingthat might not be received that
well, like as a friend.
I'm like I know I've got totalk to this person personally
about this and knowing thatadvice, depending on their
reaction, might not go so well.
So what should we expect?
Because I think that's thehardest thing.
(23:16):
It's like when you know this isa friend I really care about
and I think I need to give themsome advice about something
that's going on that maybethey're not seeing.
What should we expect?
Speaker 3 (23:28):
Fair.
That is when somebody has adrinking problem.
And I've had plenty of regularswho became friends, who I knew
they had problems and sooner orlater I did have to confront
that.
And you always started off withhey man, you know I'm your
friend, you know how much I careabout you, you know I'm here
(23:48):
for you.
But you've got a problem andI've got to be honest with you.
And if I'm not honest with you,I'm not being your friend then,
and yes, you have to go intothat, knowing you could lose
this relationship.
Speaker 2 (24:00):
But if you're going to do the right thing, then
you've got to do the right thing.
Speaker 3 (24:05):
And even if it costs you the relationship or even if
it creates a situation betweenyou two, you still put it in
their head, they're still goingto think about it, they're still
going to munch on it, it'sstill going to be a thing to
where they're considering yourwords and sometimes you know it
might take a year, but all of asudden they come around and they
realize that hey man, thatperson was being my best friend.
(24:26):
You know, it's easy to alwaystell some people what they want
to hear and what they like, butthe best friends in your life
will be the ones that tell youthe stuff that you don't want to
hear and that you need to hearbecause they're looking out for
you and that's how you got toapproach it.
Speaker 1 (24:40):
You got to tell them hey, I'm your friend, that's so
good.
So there was a friend that Ihad to do that once and it was
Did you set a year?
It actually took a year for meto hear back from them Like, man
, they like.
When I told them I knew theydidn't like it but and me and
Mrs Killer B talked about itbecause it was hard, because I
was like it was a really goodfriend of mine but I knew I had
to tell them.
It took a year.
And then just recently, you knowwe do consulting.
(25:01):
So when I do consulting withclients, there'll be times I'm
like I know they're not going tolike what I have to say, but
they need to kind of check theirown hearts and their thoughts
on behind what they're doing.
And we just recently had aconversation about that and it
was like, well, I got to behonest, if I'm not, I'm not a
good consultant, I'm not reallydoing my job well.
But I never really thought ofthat from like, from your
(25:23):
perspective, as being abartender, having to tell
friends that you've come closewith like hey, you might have a
drinking problem.
Speaker 3 (25:33):
Oh yeah, you got an issue, man, you know, and it
from my.
It doesn't just cost me therelationship.
A lot of times it costs memoney, but you know I mean, if
you're going to, I'm going totruly be friends with these
people and develop a goodrelationship with these people,
Well then, you know you got tobe honest with them.
Speaker 2 (25:50):
We do have a question from lost virtually.
Speaker 1 (25:52):
Okay, cool, let's bring lost up for a question
real quick and then we'll goahead and and let you transition
to the next part of thequestion.
You have here.
Mrs Killerbee, hey lost.
How you doing.
Hey, so glad you found yourselfhere.
Speaker 3 (26:06):
Alex, how are you?
I'm doing well, thank you.
How did the COVID lockdownsaffect your business?
That's a great questionactually.
You know the place I worked at.
We switched to takeout and andI continued to do takeout and
(26:28):
the takeout was crazy.
I mean, I can tell you it wasreally busy.
People still needed the comfortfood.
They still didn't want to cookall the time, they still wanted
to go out and a lot of times,you know, I'd have my regulars
text me hey, are you working?
You know, because of my, my joband a lot of that time was to
be the one that ran the food out, which was great.
Speaker 4 (26:46):
I didn't pick it.
Speaker 3 (26:47):
I didn't you know if you pulled up yeah, I'd be
standing out front If you pulledup and run inside, get your
order running out.
So you know they'd call me upor they text me and say how are
you working, and so you know.
I was able to maintain contactwith a lot of them that way, you
know, and I was grateful forthat.
And then, when we reopened, itwas absolutely out of control,
(27:11):
because people need people, youknow, and they'd been cooped up
inside for so long that when theopportunity to go out, even
though we had everything spreadout, you could only be so close
to people we could only have somany people.
The bar would be full almostevery night and one of the best
stories I can tell from that isone of my regulars.
I haven't seen her in a longtime and we actually closed an
(27:33):
hour early.
We'd closed at 9 instead of 10.
And she came in around 8.30 andyou know she drinks rum and
coke, pour rum and coke.
You know she's sitting at thebar.
I'm kind of catching up withher in that.
And then 9 o'clock I was around.
I said you want anything forlast call?
And she looks at me and shegoes last call.
Are you kidding me?
I thought she were open till 10.
And I was like, well, no, youknow, we closed at 9 now and she
(27:53):
goes.
Oh man, this is the first timeI've been out in the last six
months and you know I was reallykind of just coming out, coming
out and hanging out and kind oftalking.
And so I looked at her and youknow, basically I put a couple
other drinks under check, cashedher out, cashed out my drawer,
and told her hey, man, hang outuntil I'm done.
You know, because it usuallytakes about an hour to close the
(28:14):
bar.
So I said you can stay hereuntil I turn off the TVs and you
know we can sit and chat andwhatever else and you know, gave
her the chance to stay out andyou know, stay until 10.
But it was like that with a lotof people, you know, they just
needed to get out, they neededto see their friends, they
needed to be around people, so Ilove that.
I love that my favorite part ofmy job is being around the
(28:36):
people and interacting withpeople and you know you kind of
learn.
That's what gives you purposeas a bartender.
You know, and one of the thingspeople look at restaurants and
they say you know it's notreally a profession, it's not
really a job.
You know you can't do that allyour life because what do you
really get out of it?
You know you show up, you servefood, you clear plates, you
know whatever else.
(28:56):
But well, and that's what I havelearned, you know, the purpose
comes when somebody sits down atyour bar and they get it off
their chest or like you know,there's a story I always tell
people.
There's a lady who she came infor nine months.
She came in every Wednesdaysworking with another bartender.
We both got to know her reallywell.
She'd have a dirty martinistraight up and then a glass and
(29:18):
a half of wine and she'dusually eat and we'd chat about
everything.
And we'd chat about her kids,we'd chat about books, we'd chat
about work.
She had a daughter who didnature filming in Alaska, so she
had a lot of stories about herseeing bears and stuff like that
you know, and nine months agoby and she comes in and she's
got a gift for both of us andit's you know, she gives it to
us and she goes.
(29:39):
You know, I've been greatknowing you.
I probably never see you againand we look at each other and
we're like why?
what happened, you know?
And she goes well, be honestwith you, my brother's been in
hospice and he died and I wastaking care of him the last nine
months or so, and you know, nowI'm going to move on with my
life.
And so we looked at her and Iwas like man, I'm sorry, I had
(30:00):
no idea.
And she goes no, no, I didn'ttell you.
I didn't want to tell youbecause I needed the time of
coming in here on Wednesdays andtalking about everything else
other than my brother in hospice.
And you know I'm so gratefulfor that and I can't tell you
how you helped me get throughthat.
And it's moments like that thatI realized wow, man, you know,
I really do have purpose in thisworld.
Speaker 2 (30:22):
And I really do affect people's lives.
Speaker 3 (30:24):
So you know that's the best part of the job.
Speaker 1 (30:28):
Amen, that's it.
I love that because, like youmight think, like whatever job
you're in, you might be thinkinglike, well, what's the purpose
for me being in this position?
But there's a purpose.
God's got a purpose there.
I don't know if you've everheard of an artist, jason Gray.
We have his quote up on ourwall.
He did his debut of this songhere and it just fit here.
So if you don't know him, justgo up on Spotify or YouTube,
(30:48):
look up Jason Gray.
But look up this song called BeKind.
He debuted it here, but we putthe quote in here because the
quote says Be Kind, because it'sactually over here, above the
producer, so you can't see it.
It's up on the wall, that bigblack plaque, but it says what
it says is Be Kind, becauseeveryone you meet is fighting
their own battle and needs toknow they matter and that's what
(31:09):
you're doing and there's somuch power in that.
So, wow, thank you so much,alex, for sharing that.
Mrs Killerbee, go ahead, youhad something you wanted to
share.
Speaker 2 (31:16):
So about your book, what I was curious about, first
of all, before you explain itand tell us whatever you would
like to about it, was your jobas a bartender, like what led
you to write this book, or is itconnected at all?
Speaker 3 (31:32):
Oh yeah.
Well, the connection that Ihave as a bartender to my book
is this I warn everybody thatsits at the bar, be careful,
because you might end up acharacter in my book.
Oh, I love that.
A lot of the characters in mybook are as real as they are in
life.
There's one guy his name is Ragsand in the book he's Rags and
(31:58):
Rags.
He was a.
He was in the war.
He was in Hawaii duringDecember 7, 1941.
He was in the army.
He wasn't in the Navy, but hefought the Japanese all the way
up to Tokyo and a lot of storieslearned a lot from him and,
yeah, he became the regular.
He's my first regular.
I say he's my first regularever and he's a regular in my
(32:19):
book, and so that's really wherethe link to my book, to my work
, really begins.
Now, if you read my book, you dospend a lot of time in a bar in
my book because that's what Iknow and that's some of the
advice that I give to writers.
You know is write what you know.
So there is a lot of theinteractions in a bar and stuff
like that.
But the book itself you know Iplay with the history of whiskey
(32:39):
and that was kind of linked toit as well.
You know I kind of knew thehistory going into it.
But I did a lot of otherresearch required for my book
because it's historical fictionand I go back to 1743.
Speaker 1 (32:53):
I can't wait to read it.
Speaker 2 (32:54):
It sounds so interesting.
Speaker 1 (32:55):
First, I'll probably forget how can people connect
with you and how can they findout about your book?
Is it available right now or isit coming out?
It's not published yet.
Speaker 3 (33:03):
It's available.
It's available.
So it's actually trilogy, thefirst book is called the Shot of
Okies and you can find it onAmazon, barnes, noble or the
Exibris website.
The Exibris is the publisher.
I actually self-published it.
You could always connect to methrough literary booths and
that's on Facebook, instagramand X or Twitter or whatever
that's called now.
(33:24):
And I say that's usuallyprobably the best way to get a
hold of me is the DM me that wayBecause I'm always.
I post every day and what Ireally do with the page is I
highlight an author every month.
So this month it's CS Lewis,the Chronicles of Nermini.
On.
Speaker 1 (33:38):
Posts.
Speaker 2 (33:39):
Facts about their lives, stuff like that up there.
Speaker 3 (33:43):
So if you follow it, you know and you like authors
and you're a reader, you knowyou learn a lot about a lot of
different authors.
But then I also, wheneverthere's an announcement about my
book, I'll put that up or I'll.
Sometimes I'll post somedramatic readings, stuff like
that, on there too.
Speaker 1 (33:55):
Awesome, very cool, very cool, awesome, awesome.
If you're listening to thepodcast replay, we'll actually
put a link to the show notes aswell, so make sure you check out
the link in the show notes,alex, as we, every time we close
out at one of our shows, welove to ask our guests to share.
If there's one thing that youwould hope people would walk
away with today, that's here, orlistening to the podcast.
(34:17):
What would you hope that wouldbe?
Speaker 3 (34:21):
Well, you know it kind of goes with what you're
saying before with the plaquethat you have, you know I mean
truly treat everybody likeindividuals.
You know everybody has theirown story.
Everybody has their own livesgoing.
You have no idea, when you lookat somebody like what they're
going through.
You know.
So if you just treat them withrespect.
(34:42):
As an individual, you'll beshocked at the type of
relationships that you'llestablish with people that you
would have no idea you couldeven establish with people that
you would have no idea that youcould be friends with, you know,
and your life is enriched andyou grow and mature as a person
then in ways that you can'timagine.
Speaker 1 (35:04):
Oh man, that's awesome.
I love it.
I love it and I can't wait tocheck out the book.
What's the book called?
Again, it says it's a trilogy.
Speaker 3 (35:11):
It's a trilogy.
The trilogy is called the OldRoads and Chronicles and the
first book is called theShotokis.
Awesome, awesome.
Speaker 1 (35:17):
Awesome.
Well, if you guys, if you guysget off here and you guys are
like, hey, what was that book,just message us.
We'll make sure you find outhow to get to that.
Thank you so much, alex, forjoining us.
If you guys want, let's throwsome confetti and start some
confetti.
And thank Alex for joining ustonight.
Speaker 2 (35:29):
Thanks for tuning in to the Stories we Live podcast
and, before you go, make sureyou hit that subscribe button,
and we'd love it if you wouldleave us a review.
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