Breaking the Shame-Rest Cycle: Why You're Overwhelmed, Not Lazy

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Are you exhausted but can't seem to rest without feeling guilty? Do you find yourself thinking "I should be doing more" even when your body is desperately signaling for a break? The truth is stark but liberating: you're not lazy—you're overwhelmed.

This episode dives deep into the shame loop that keeps high-achievers trapped in cycles of burnout. When we internalize the message that our worth is tied to our productivity, rest becomes something we feel we must earn rather than a biological necessity. What many don't realize is that this isn't just a mindset issue—it's fundamentally a nervous system problem. After years in sympathetic overdrive, our bodies have forgotten how to feel safe in stillness. That's why even emotionally intelligent, self-aware people still struggle to rest without guilt.

We explore different types of rest your nervous system might be craving—physical, emotional, creative, or relational—and how they connect to your unique human design. You'll learn practical micro-rest rituals that can begin rewiring your relationship with rest in just minutes a day. These aren't indulgences; they're regulation tools that serve as portals to your next level of expansion and creativity. The more you learn to regulate in these pauses, the more powerful your impact becomes without forcing or pushing.

Ready to break the shame-rest cycle? Try giving yourself five minutes of guilt-free, intentional rest in the next 24 hours. Download the Her app to join our community of powerful, sensitive leaders who are learning to lead from a regulated, rooted place rather than hustling for worthiness. Your exhaustion isn't weakness—it's wisdom asking to be honored.

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Themes: Emotional Mastery, Mindset, Storytelling, Confidence, Health & Productivity, Creativity, Communication Skills, Business, Movement, Meditation, Mindfulness, Manifestation, Resilience, Letting Go, Surrender, Feminine Energy, Masculine Energy, Love, Personal Growth.

Episode Transcript

Speaker 1 (00:01):
If you've been staring at your to-do list,
thinking I should be doing more,but your body feels like it's
dragging through molasses, likeyou're moving underwater, well
then, this episode it's for you,babe.
Maybe you're wondering whyyou're so tired all the time,
even though you really haven'tdone that much.
Or maybe you tried to rest butinstead of feeling better, you

(00:25):
just felt guilty or worse, likea failure, and maybe there's a
small part of you that's beenwondering am I just lazy?
Well, let me be as clear as Ican you are not lazy, you are
overwhelmed.
I can, you are not lazy, youare overwhelmed.
And there is a big nervoussystem-based difference.

(00:54):
So today we're going to unpackthe shame loop around rest.
We're going to talk about howwe recognize it, how to regulate
it and how to reclaim rest as aradical, empowered choice in
your life and in your business.
You know this isn't aboutproductivity hacks.
This is about nervous systemrepair and emotional liberation
so that you can grow, create andserve from overflow, not

(01:15):
burnout.
So let's drop in.
We're going to start with oneof the most toxic and deeply
embedded beliefs that I see inmy clients and my community, and
even in myself on certain days,and that belief is my value is
based on how much I do.
Does that sound familiar?
This is something that many ofus learned early from school,

(01:39):
from hustle culture, from ourparents and teachers and society
that all told us that gold,stars and good grades equal love
.
Well, later we swapped thegrades for goals, metrics,
milestones, money, and somewherealong the way we learned that
slowing down meant fallingbehind.
Resting started to feel likefailure, stillness felt like

(02:04):
danger and I I remember thefirst time that I tried to rest
intentionally, after leaving anNLP company that I was helping
lead.
I sat down in the sun, in thesilence, and within 10 minutes I
was crying, not because I wassad, not because I was sad, but

(02:30):
because stillness feltunfamiliar.
It felt unsafe, like I didn'tknow who I was, without constant
motion.
Raise your hand, if you canrelate to this one.
Well, when we internalize thismessage that rest has to be
earned, we place our nervoussystem in a chronic state of
alert, and that's just notpsychological or physical, it's

(02:50):
both.
And let's talk about thepattern that gets triggered.
This pattern is called theshame loop and it looks a little
like this you feel tired andyou give yourself permission to
rest, but while resting, theinner critic gets loud, saying
you should be doing more.

(03:11):
So you spiral into guilt, thenyou push yourself harder to
compensate and then you burn outagain and the loop starts all
all over.
Well, here's the truth thatfinally breaks that loop.
It isn't a mindset issue, it'sa nervous system issue.

(03:32):
Your body has likely been inthis sympathetic overdrive for
years, constantly scanning fordanger, constantly doing to
prove your safety or your value.
So when you try to rest yourbody, it naturally panics.
Stillness can feel likeabandonment, silence can feel

(03:53):
like rejection and slowing down.
Well, that can feel likefailure.
It's not logical, it'sbiological, and this is why
high-performing, emotionallyintelligent women like you and
me know that rest is good for us, but still can't access it
without guilt.

(04:14):
So let's reframe rest together.
It's not a reward, it's aregulation tool, a required
ingredient for your long-termsuccess and your self-leadership
.
We don't just rest to recover,we rest to reconnect.
We reconnect to our clarity,reconnect to our creativity,

(04:35):
reconnect to our intuition andeven to our joy.
So let's talk about the typesof rest that your nervous system
might be craving in this moment.
Maybe it's physical rest, likesleep, stillness, getting a
massage or some form ofrestorative movement.
Maybe it's emotional rest, justletting yourself cry, vent or

(04:59):
just feel held by a close friend.
Maybe you're seeking creativerest, taking breaks from output
to just receive inspiration andpour into yourself.
Maybe it's relational rest,time away from people, pleasing
or emotional caretaking.
And here's a quick tie-in withyour human design.

(05:20):
If you are a generator or youare a manifesting generator, you
might think you're supposed togo, go, go, but actually your
energy replenishes through joy.
So when you override yoursacral with a yes and no, with
shame, you burn out.
If you are a projector, likemyself, your design thrives on

(05:42):
efficiency and clarity, notconstant motion.
Rest isn't optional.
It is your access point toseeing clearly.
But no matter your type, whenyou rest without guilt, you
regulate your field, and whenyou regulate your field, your
impact that amplifies withoutforce.

(06:04):
So let's try something togetherreally quick.
You don't need to close youreyes or anything.
I know some of you are driving.
Just pause, take a second Deepbreath, drop your shoulders,
soften your belly, unclench yourjaw and one more time, take a

(06:25):
deep breath with me and throughyour nose and exhale through
your mouth, let it be loud, andnow ask yourself what does my
body need right now?
Not what should I be doing?
What does my body need rightnow?

(06:48):
You might hear that small innervoice say movement.
You might hear silence and youmight hear nothing.
Whatever the answer is, I urgeyou to trust it.
Your body knows how to returnto regulation when you give her

(07:10):
the space to do so.
So here are a few micro restrituals that I use and I teach
inside the Her app.
First, lay flat on the floorand just sigh until your
shoulders completely drop.
Next, step outside barefoot andlet the sun hit your face for

(07:36):
60 seconds.
Or you could just close yourlaptop and shake out your body
for 90 seconds to a song thatmakes you feel something.
Maybe you just sit with yourcoffee in silence, instead of
scrolling, or just cry, withoutanalyzing the story, or just cry

(07:57):
.
These micro moments, these arewhat rewire the shame loop.
These are what show your bodythat it is, are not broken and
you are not behind.
You are simply overwhelmed andyour nervous system is asking

(08:33):
for care.
Not criticism, but care, deep,restorative, deep restorative
care.
You see, rest isn't theopposite of success.
It's the portal to your nextlevel of expansion, and the more
that you learn to regulate inthe pause, the more powerful

(08:54):
your creative output becomes.
So here is your invitation Inthe next 24 hours, give yourself
five minutes, just five minutesof guilt free, intentional rest
.
That's it.
And if it feels good, then tagme, dm me or just come inside

(09:16):
the Her app and find us in theHer Collective, because that's
where we are rewiring thesepatterns in community, because
you were neverwiring thesepatterns in community, because
you were never meant to do thisalone and you were never meant
to hustle your way to worthiness.
You were meant to lead love andlive from a regulated, rooted

(09:36):
and radiating place, and that'swhat we're doing here together.
So if this episode spoke toyour heart, I'd love for you to
leave a review or share it witha sister who's still shaming
herself for slowing down.
And if you're craving moresupport, rituals and real
conversations like this very one, then grab the Her app in the

(09:59):
show notes and come join ourcommunity of wildly powerful,
deeply sensitive women insidethe Her Collective.
And until next time, breathedeep, because you are already
doing enough.