Five Simple Moves That Make Your Advice Land

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Ever notice how the smartest advice can land like a brick? We dig into why that happens and share five moves that shift conversations from friction to flow. Drawing on a decade of one-on-one work and group coaching, we break down a simple framework that anyone can use: ask for consent before feedback, let people fully empty out, validate feelings in plain language, prep before so you can be present during, and—when the moment taps your shoulder—just say it.

We start with consent because “advice without consent is criticism.” A quick “Would you like my feedback?” flips the listener from defense to choice. From there, we explore the discipline of space: resisting the urge to fix and instead letting the story breathe until the nervous system softens. Then comes validation—the tiny, powerful phrases like “That sucks” and “Your feelings are valid” that make people feel seen. We talk through practical ways to prepare—reviewing notes, clarifying outcomes, and setting targets—so the conversation can stay focused on what matters. And we share how to reverse engineer change from identity to behaviors to beliefs, turning big goals into doable steps.

Finally, we lean into intuitive coaching: trusting that nudge to voice the insight on your heart. When combined with consent, space, and presence, those moments often unlock exactly what the other person needs to hear. If you want your feedback to land, your relationships to deepen, and your coaching—formal or informal—to create real transformation, this episode gives you clear language and repeatable steps you can use today. If this resonated, follow the show, share it with a friend who coaches (officially or not), and leave a quick review to help others discover the conversation.

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Themes: Emotional Mastery, Mindset, Storytelling, Confidence, Health & Productivity, Creativity, Communication Skills, Business, Movement, Meditation, Mindfulness, Manifestation, Resilience, Letting Go, Surrender, Feminine Energy, Masculine Energy, Love, Personal Growth.

Episode Transcript

SPEAKER_00 (01:12):
So, as someone who works with people one-on-one and
in group formats, I have learneda lot about the most optimal way
to get someone to accept change.
And so I'm going to share thetop five things that I've
learned over the last 10 yearsof coaching.
And hopefully these are thingsthat will be able to help you in

(01:35):
your every single day lifebecause we are all coaches to
those around us, oftentimes.
I know it's natural to want togive your advice.
It's natural as a human to wantto share your story of your
experience.
And here are just ways that youcan do it that are going to make
it more accepted and actuallyget the result you're looking

(01:56):
for.
So the very first thing is that,yeah, we we all very much want
to share our opinion with thosearound us.
And sometimes we forget that wehave to ask for consent before
we give that advice.
Because advice without consentis criticism.

(02:17):
So ask before you give thefeedback.
The number one thing that I havedone to be able to get people to
accept what it is that I'd likethem to hear from me is to stop
and say, would you like myfeedback?
Even if it feels like they'vealready given that feedback in
the conversation or the contextof the relationship, or

(02:40):
technically they're giving youconsent by just being there in
that room right in front of you,having that conversation,
because anybody has the choiceto walk away at any time.
But still asking, can would youlike that my feedback?
That in itself is something thatoffers someone the ability to

(03:01):
check in with themselves, putthe wall down, and say yes.
I invite in what you are aboutto say.
It interrupts the pattern ofbeing in the normal flow of a
conversation and it opens themup and their ears, like they
basically turn on and they'relike, okay, what is it you want
to say?
So whatever you say is justlands so much differently.

(03:24):
And the beautiful part is theyare opting in to discard what
you're saying as well, becausesometimes our feedback is just
feedback and it's notapplicable.
It is up to them to whether theyaccept it and keep it and take
it on and say, yes, that fits myexperience, or to go, no, that's
not applicable here, and thengive you more understanding,

(03:47):
more context, more details.
So first ask before you givefeedback, even if you're already
in, say it is a coachingsession, and they're they've
explicitly given you consent togive your feedback, but still
asking them, would you like myfeedback?

(04:07):
It's almost prefacing that thenext thing you're gonna say is
intentional.
And then the next thing thatI've learned is to let people
empty out, right?
Let them empty out fully becausesometimes we get to a conclusion
as a coach faster because we seeit.

(04:28):
It's blatant, it's right there.
Well, duh, just this.
But if we don't allow our clientor the person, our friend, our
family member to fully emptyout, to say all the things they
wanted to say, they're stillgonna feel like they weren't
heard.
So take that moment and givethem the gift of being heard.

(04:52):
Give them the gift of gettingcurious and asking a few
questions about it and actuallybeing attentive and letting them
fully empty out.
Because most of the time when wehold on to something, it's
because we never got to just saythe thing we needed to say.
And so allowing someone to havethat space, that safe

(05:13):
opportunity to just say itwithout your judgment, without
your feedback, just so they canget it out.
So letting people empty out wasalso a superpower, not cutting
them off, not stopping the flowof their story, allow them to
empty it all out so that theycan then fill it back up with

(05:37):
something else and they canactually hear what you have to
say.
The next thing that I'velearned, so number three now, is
that after you let them empty itout, sometimes people just need
to hear two words.
That sucks.

(05:57):
Two words can make someone feelso seen, heard, and understood.
Or you could choose the doubleit and do the four-word version.
Your feelings are valid.
That sucks.
Your feelings are valid.

(06:18):
Sometimes that's all we want tohear, and that will trigger a
flow of release and the shift tobe able to step into a new story
to finally release that energythey've been holding on to for
so long.
So offer them that validation,and that's all we have to do.

(06:44):
I don't even know what else tosay because it's as simple as
that.
That sucks.
Your feelings are valid.
And if it's true, you could add,and I've been there.
Because what those words, and Ihave been there, do is allow
someone to recognize that notonly can you associate to where

(07:07):
they are currently, but alsothat you've gotten beyond that.
Because I've been there impliesthat you are not there anymore.
And so to be on the other sidemeans they now have someone who
can walk with them who's donethis before, who can guide them.
So taking that moment to justsay, that sucks.

(07:28):
Your feelings are valid, man.
I've been there.
Is so powerful for allowingpeople to get those needs met,
to be seen, to be heard, to beunderstood our core needs.

(07:50):
Now, now the fourth thing thatI've learned when it comes to
working with people in anyone-on-one capacity, whether
it's a conversation at a dinner,whether it's a two seconds in an
elevator, whether it's acoaching call, whether it's a

(08:11):
relationship that I've had witha partner or family member for
decades.
Prep before so you can bepresent during.

(08:33):
Now, for my clients, this meansshowing up 30 minutes ahead of
time and sitting down with allthe notes that I have on them,
from their first inquiry andapplication to their first
pre-call to any breakthroughsessions, to any retreats
they've attended, to anyone-on-one calls.

(08:55):
I just scroll through and remindmyself of the journey.
Where did we start?
Where have we been?
Where are we now?
Where are we going?
And getting myself thatstructure allows me to remind
myself of the target thisperson's aiming at.
Because I approach coaching somuch differently, which is why,

(09:16):
again, I don't really like tocall myself a coach, although I
know it is the association mostpeople have to the work that I
do.
But I like to call myself aguide because I'm just there to
ask really, really goodquestions to help you find the
answers.
And then I just support you inthat.
So truly, people come to me andI ask, okay, well, what's the

(09:38):
outcome that you seek?
And so they set the outcome,they set the target.
I'm like, cool, that's thetarget.
That's where we're aiming.
And then I ask really, reallygood questions to help them
define how they'd like to getthere.
And now that we've defined howthey'd like to get there and who
they're becoming in the process,and we set that vision, then the

(10:00):
goals become easy.
And we reverse engineer all ofthose.
Those become the behaviors,which then we figure out, okay,
what belief systems do we needto have to be able to make these
behaviors and these words, thislanguage that we're shifting
into natural?
And that's the identity work.
Now we do all of that work, butyou simply have to show up, just

(10:25):
like I simply show up.
So by setting the frame fordoing prep before so you can be
present during, is that 30minutes before a one-on-one is
critical to understanding andbeing so present, as well as

(10:46):
utilizing skills that I've beendeveloping for decades in these
sessions.
So utilize all of theinformation that you have up to
that point, but in the moment isnot the time to be looking
things up and pulling newinformation in.
In the moment is the time tojust be present and in the
moment with the person in frontof you.
Tapping into all of theknowledge you've gained up until

(11:08):
that point, not worrying aboutwhat you don't know, and just
simply leveraging what you do,being so present with someone
that they can feel all of yourattention and energy on them.
And that is what's going to bepowerful.
That is what's going to helpcultivate change.

(11:29):
And so when you're in acontainer with someone who helps
you set the target, make theplan, and then follow through
with that plan, there's no wayyou can lose because no one's
telling you what to do in acontainer like that.
But that can only work if theperson, you listening to this
now, who wants to become better,is aiming to become better at

(11:51):
these five things so you canshow up better in these
one-on-one conversations.
You have to understand prepbefore.
Leave time before your calls.
Take a moment before you go toan event where you feel like
you're going to run intosomeone, or just do the work

(12:12):
ahead of time on yourself.
Be so clear so that you can bepresent, so that you're not so
distracted with all the otherthings in your world.
Because that presence is thepresent, right?
It's the gift that we givepeople, is how present we can be
in our communications and in ourtime with them.

(12:32):
And the fifth thing that I'velearned, the final thing is just
say it.
If something is being put onyour heart, say it.
Channel.
Be the channel in that moment.
You're getting these messagesfor a reason.
When you follow a script, wedon't leave room for the
messages to come through.

(12:54):
So in your sessions, if you'rebeing called, I don't, it's it's
a pull.
It's a being called, it's likesomething's tapping on your
shoulder saying, say this.
Every single time that I havejust said it, that person has
said, I'm also getting a messagelike that.
Or, wow, I really needed to hearthat.

(13:14):
Or that answers the questionsI've had.
Right?
When we just become the channel,when we just allow ourselves to
be so present that we just sayit and we just are it, we be it,
then that's when the magichappens.
That's when people get themessages they've needed.
That's when you hear someonesay, This is the third time this

(13:36):
week someone said this to me.
It's because three differentpeople in their world have had
the courage to say the thingthat's being put on their heart
because it's not for us.
Again, it's about them.
So say it.
So those five things are askbefore you give the feedback.

(13:57):
Would you like my feedback aboutthis?
The second thing is let themfully empty out.
Like all of it.
The third thing, well, thatsucks.
Your feelings are valid.
The fourth, prep before so youcan be present during.

(14:18):
And the fifth, just say it.
If it's put on your heart, it'sthere for a reason.
I hope that these five thingshelp you improve the quality of
your connections and the changethat can happen and the
transformation that can happenwhen people have everything from

(14:39):
a basic conversation with youall the way up to a one on one
coaching session.
I hope that these improve yourlife and the life of those
around you.
And I'll see you in the nextone.