April 15, 2025 • 31 mins
Your brain isn't broken—it's protecting you. That emotional numbness you feel? It's actually your mind's sophisticated defense mechanism at work. When we experience trauma, our brains literally split into two separate functioning systems—the logical left hemisphere and the emotional right hemisphere—creating a disconnect that manifests as difficulty feeling emotions deeply.
This neurological adaptation serves a crucial survival purpose. For those who had to show up, break generational patterns, or forge their own path without adequate support, the brain learned to suppress emotional responses to keep you functional. You could make decisions, advance in your career, and navigate life's challenges without being "crippled" by overwhelming feelings. But this protection comes at a significant cost: the inability to feel deeply connected to others or experience the full spectrum of human emotions—both painful and pleasurable.
The journey back to emotional wholeness requires understanding that integration is possible. It's about reconnecting these separate parts of your brain and learning to access both your logical and emotional capacities simultaneously. As one wise perspective puts it, the goal is developing "a soft front and a strong spine"—maintaining the ability to connect heart-to-heart while having the inner strength to carry life's weight. This balance allows you to be driven by emotions while being backed by logic, rather than being blinded by emotions or caged by logic.
The process of reconnecting with your emotions follows six essential steps: uncovering limiting beliefs, building resource anchors for safety, releasing stored emotions, working through forgiveness, reevaluating your values and beliefs, and developing new practices that support emotional awareness. It's not about flipping a switch but rather a gradual evolution—like water coming to a boil.
When you detach from pain, you inadvertently sacrifice life's pleasures too. The true power lies not in shutting down emotions altogether but in mastering them—learning to feel deeply without being controlled by those feelings. This mastery becomes your life's cheat code, allowing you to leverage emotions rather than being limited by them. Ready to take off that armor and experience life in full color?
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Themes: Emotional Mastery, Mindset, Storytelling, Confidence, Health & Productivity, Creativity, Communication Skills, Business, Movement, Meditation, Mindfulness, Manifestation, Resilience, Letting Go, Surrender, Feminine Energy, Masculine Energy, Love, Personal Growth.
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:01):
So I had a friend recently who was checking in on
me.
I lost another friend and havebeen grieving and I was saying
to her just how deeply this wasimpacting me, just because she
(00:21):
knows who I am and the fact thatI would have an answer.
And she said, jaina, what aboutus who feel non-emotional, us
people who struggle to feeldeeply?
How would you approach helpingsomeone, heal that?
(00:42):
Am I broken or is it justrepressed?
And I really had a hard timehearing this because, god, I
love this woman so deeply.
So I'm going to go ahead andsay this now.
This entire episode is verymuch speaking directly to you,
(01:04):
because it's hard to hear thosewords.
Because you are not broken.
Your brain is a supercomputer.
It's just protecting you,that's it.
So, yeah, it's, it's repressed,and that's okay, because I know
(01:25):
you personally and I know youenough to know that this is just
likely maladaptive copingmechanisms due to some childhood
shit you went through,girlfriend, like it's just
simply learned strategies.
Your brain wants to keep yousafe.
Your brain wants to keep yousafe.
(01:50):
It's kind of like putting onarmor as a child that no longer
fits, and now it's causing moreharm than good because it can't
be comfortable wearing armorthat doesn't fit.
So the good news is, you canchoose to change and it sounds
like you are right on the edgeof that transformation.
So, because I know you and Iknow you like science and I know
you like to know the details,we're going to go deep on this.
(02:11):
Let's talk about what happenswhen we experience trauma.
So our brain it literallysplits itself into two
hemispheres our left hemisphereand our right hemisphere.
What happens is that our lefthemisphere it's in control of
more of our logical mind and ourright hemisphere is in control
(02:34):
of our emotional mind.
So they split from each otherin the process of trauma,
because it's trying to protectyou, it's an overwhelm of
emotions and the brain doesn'tknow what else to do, so it'll
literally split and once it does, then it struggles for each
side to speak to one another.
It just means that when theemotional mind is really lit up,
(02:58):
the logical mind is more likelyto shut down, and the same
exact thing vice versa when thelogical mind is in full force,
the emotional mind has a hardtime tapping in because of the
split, because they're twoseparate things now.
Now, you being someone who Iknow wants to survive and
(03:19):
recognized at a young age thatto be able to do so, you had to
think logically.
You had to be able to show up.
Your subconscious mind decidedin that moment to disconnect you
from your emotional mind,likely out of fear of you
getting overwhelmed andemotional and then shutting down
(03:40):
and crippling you becausepeople like you who are in
positions where you don't haveanother option.
You had to show up for yourself.
You had to trailblaze yourfuture.
You had to break generationalchains and you had to show up
for yourself because you didn'thave the support that a lot of
us take for granted.
(04:01):
So your brain decided toprotect you.
It said if you don't feeldeeply, well, then you can go
back to work more quickly andyou can stay on task and that's
good.
And your brain says if youdon't feel deeply, then you can
lead with a level head andthat's good because it's you
(04:23):
know, promotions and stuff right.
And if you don't feel deeply,then you can protect yourself
from the pain of inevitable lossin relationship, both
friendships and intimaterelationships.
But here's the thing Part oftapping into your emotions is
allowing yourself to open up toboth the pain and the pleasure
(04:47):
that comes with the emotionalroller coaster.
Part of tapping into youremotions is realizing they don't
come and stay, they come and go.
Part of tapping into youremotion is developing trust with
yourself that you are safe andthat you release control.
(05:10):
Because, at the end of the day,healing is just integrating
these two parts back to oneanother, rewiring your
subconscious mind and yourbehaviors to support that new
wholeness within.
That's all you're doing.
You're just reintegrating,rewiring.
(05:30):
And when I say rewiring I meanliterally creating new neural
pathways in the brain thatconnects one side to the other,
one hemisphere to the other.
I'm not talking metaphorically,I am talking your literal brain
, because integration at thedeepest level is the ability to
(05:51):
leverage both sides of yourbrain at once, because being
driven by your emotions andbacked by logic is so much
better than being blinded byemotions or caged by our logic.
I mean, who wouldn't want thebest of both worlds?
Left brain, logical mindcontrols the right side of your
(06:15):
body and it leads with your head.
Now, sometimes people reportbeing a little bit more numb.
When they are driven by thelogical mind, they can make
harder decisions.
Yet the right brain, theemotional mind it controls the
left side of your body that'sleading with your heart.
(06:35):
You're a bit more on thesensitive side of things and
those decisions are usuallydriven by what's best for the
community.
Right Now, a quick and easy wayto kind of see which one you are
more dominant is just what yourdominant hand is.
It's more likely that yourdominant brain activity or your
(06:58):
dominant central location likemy brother, for example, is very
, very artsy, has always been anamazing graphic designer,
artist, drawer, cartoonist.
He is just hands downphenomenal, super creative,
super, super right-brained.
His left hand has always beenthe dominant hand.
(07:18):
Now, on the flip side, I'm aright hand dominant person and
while I'm not necessarilydominant on that side of my
brain in the left hemispheremore logical I'm actually more
in like the 50-50 range.
So I think that because manypeople are right hand dominant,
if you're 50-50 or you're again,remember the opposite side of
(07:42):
the body to the opposite brain.
It's like reversed.
So if you are dominant on yourleft side of your brain means
the right side of the body, sothe right hand, left brain, same
on the other, left hand, rightbrain.
So as you explore these thingsand as you do more reading and
(08:02):
more research if that'ssomething that you're into, then
you'll get used to this alittle bit more, but I'm just
going to assume that mostlisteners are here because
they're only continuing tolisten this far into the episode
.
Because you are similar, right,you also probably have either
(08:24):
the issue of being non-emotionalor you have a family member or
friend who's non-emotional.
You're just looking to learnmore about them, maybe, and how
they see or feel the worldaround them.
But if you're one of thoselisteners who is dealing with
the non-emotional personally,then you may or may not be
(08:44):
right-handed and verylogical-minded, so you also
probably likely struggle withbeing present.
You probably struggle withmeditating, sitting, still
opening up to others, feelingdeeply connected, even to the
closest people around you yourparents, your children, your
(09:11):
wife or your husband.
Right, these things are allconnected, because all it means
is that you're simplydisconnected from one side of
your energy channel.
And the good news is we canjust get you back online, up and
running in no time at all,because when you work with the
right people, especially ifyou're working with someone
who's trained the same way thatI am trained, then we can help
(09:32):
integrate this process directlythrough the subconscious mind
with change work very fast, andall it takes is a decision and a
choice.
So you know, just remember, whenwe experience trauma which is
basically anything that we labelas trauma, right?
This varies person to person.
(09:53):
What one person can makemeaning that this is trauma and
other person's like, oh, it'sfine.
Right, one person could have avery minor thing happen to them
but associate it to a near deathexperience and now see that as
massive trauma, while someoneelse could have gotten into a
huge car accident and not see itas trauma.
It is about the meaning we make, because the definition that is
(10:16):
the easiest definition to go toreally understand the word
trauma is anything thatpermanently changes our behavior
.
Right, you get into a caraccident.
Now you drive more cautiously.
Maybe you're hyper aware, right, those are the kind of things.
It's how the activity changedyour behavior, right?
Maybe you were followed whileyou were on a run.
(10:39):
Nothing happened, so otherpeople might not label that as
traumatic, but now you don't runat night by yourself or in the
morning by yourself anymore.
That is a change in behavior.
That is technically whatsomeone would call trauma.
But again, it's up to you andif you label it that way.
But the really good news is youare a highly adaptive human
(11:03):
being.
You have the ability to decideat any moment.
To choose change.
You can choose at any moment.
So what happens when weexperience trauma?
Well, well, our brain goes intoa protective mode and it adapts
(11:26):
for survival, doesn't adapt foryou being the most successful
entrepreneur or the mostsuccessful, most fit mother.
No, it adapts for survival.
It splits and then weexperience fight, flight and
freeze and some people, as aresult, become overly sensitive
(11:48):
after trauma, unable to reallytruly access their logical mind,
almost spiraling and allowingit to just ruin their lives,
while other people experiencethe complete opposite they
become overly logical and unableto access their emotional mind.
(12:08):
Now, if you'd like to learn moreabout the actual brain
chemistry and the details behindwhat's happening, one of the
books that I use to continue togo back to and remind myself of
these details is Healing theFragmented Selves of Trauma
Survivors Overcoming InternalSelf-Alienation, and this is by
(12:28):
Jania I'm trying to say thisright J-A-N-I-N-A, jania Fisher,
and so far it's a great book toreally just kind of remind you
of what's actually happening ona physiological level.
Otherwise, the basis of thebook is this the brain
(12:49):
disconnects the two hemispheresto protect you.
That's it right.
Your brain is just protectingyou from losing control.
It's protecting you frombecoming overwhelmed.
It's protecting you frombreaking down and burning your
entire career to the ground.
Your brain just simply built abelief that you can't pause,
(13:09):
that you can't slow down, thatyou must keep pushing through.
It's just a belief.
It does not have to be true foryou, but right now you're
choosing it.
Because right now your brainassociates feeling these
emotions to the threat of death.
Because instead of learning howto move through emotions, your
(13:30):
brain decided it was easier justto numb you out from them
altogether.
Your brain decided decades agoit was simply safer to just pick
up and put on your armor.
Now our armor is our masculine,it's our protector energy, it's
(13:51):
our logic, the strategist, thedoer right.
Meanwhile our heart?
It may be protected and it maybe hard to penetrate, but it's
also hard to be seen, heard,felt and even hard to be loved
(14:12):
on the other side of that armor.
You know I was having a deeplyprofound conversation over the
weekend with Brian Brogert andSusie Albert Miller, and Brian
was saying to us that herealized years ago that he was
walking around with his armor onall the time to protect himself
(14:34):
.
Then one day he had an epiphanywhen he thought about his wife,
his children childrenattempting to lay their head on
his chest.
Now, if he keeps his armor on,then they're laying their head
on a cold, hard metal and no onefeels connected to that.
(14:58):
He said he realized he neededto take off the armor and since
doing that work of integrating,since doing that work, he's been
able to.
Well, I'll share with you whathe shared with me and he I
believe he coined this it was tohave a soft front and a strong
(15:22):
spine.
God, what a beautiful visualmetaphor.
A soft front so that you canstill connect heart to heart,
and a strong spine so that youcan still carry the weight and
be strong for himself and hisfamily.
(15:42):
So, as we had yet anotherinteresting discussion, I'm
still digesting all of thisbecause it was so profound to me
.
Now, I knew I had been toldbefore I was wearing an armor
and it was an armor of anger.
This is something you need towork on and it's so hard for me
(16:04):
to see it, but when I'm with theright people in the right rooms
, who can see past all thebullshit and see through the
lines, they always tell me thesame thing.
And so something Brian wasmentioning was that if we have a
powerful energy to us and we'rewearing our armor, that energy
(16:30):
going out to the rest of theworld is getting filtered
through the armor, which makesit super tough for other people
to interpret.
It can leave people, you know,feeling a little off about you.
Eh, something's up with her, Idon't know Quite a little
intimidated by her, or she'shard to approach, or I don't
(16:51):
know.
I just don't quite click, Ididn't quite connect.
But if you take off that armor,then people can get a hundred
percent clear reading, becausethey're getting pure energy and
light from you.
So I hope what you're hearingfrom me is that the work that
(17:15):
you're looking to do is to allowyourself to just feel safe
enough to finally take the armoroff, because I would argue that
you are even more sensitivethan I am, which is why you
protect yourself so much.
That is 100% okay, because Ihave developed strategies for
(17:39):
moving through emotions andfinding the lesson quickly,
which means that you, too, havethe ability to do the exact same
thing, because I know just howintelligent and capable you are.
So, when you choose to do thework, embrace both sides,
integrate them together, andthen you will experience a more
(18:02):
dynamic and full life.
It's all about the ups and thedowns, so let's talk about her
follow-up question.
Let's talk about how I wouldhelp a client reconnect to their
emotions in six steps.
Well, the first thing that Iwould do with a client is got to
uncover the underlying limitingbelief.
(18:24):
There is something happeninghere, a belief that is holding
you back, a belief that youcan't slow down If you do this,
this and this will happen.
Like whatever the belief is,there is a limiting belief that
is holding you back, a story,there's a secondary gain,
there's something happening here, and once we uncover that and
once we shift that belief, thenthe rest is just going to fall
(18:48):
in place.
So step one is noticing ifthere are any limiting beliefs,
uncovering those and dealingwith them accordingly.
The second thing that I would dois I would build a resource
anchor for safety.
What that is?
I would essentially set someoneup with a physical, mental and
emotional anchor or somethingthey can do with themselves.
(19:11):
For example, I like to kind ofthe emotion of cracking my first
knuckle.
It doesn't always pop or crack,it's okay, it's just pushing
down on that.
That, for me, is an anchor forconfidence, for showing up, for
being louder.
That's an anchor I've worked onfor many years.
Some people have anchors liketugging on an ear, some people
(19:32):
have anchors there's all sortsof ways to do this.
Now I use the word anchor kindof like a boat anchor, but not
because what it is is just aconnection to, an association to
, so it's an ability to dosomething physically to trigger
a thought and a feeling, right.
So what can you do physicallythat triggers a thought process
(19:53):
that lets you feel safety?
So I would build a resourceanchor.
Now, something super simplethat you could do with yourself
is I may build a resource anchorof someone hugging themselves,
because I can stack multiplememories of them hugging a
person they love and feelingthat infusion of love and
gratitude and all of thosethings into that and help them
(20:14):
feel safe.
So maybe do that, maybe allowyourself the process of sitting
and hugging yourself andthinking through different times
in the past where you've huggeda loved one and really felt a
deep level of safety.
Doing that multiple times willallow you to anchor into that
feeling and then that issomething I would tap into and
(20:35):
utilize if that client gets intoa really tough spot while doing
the next few steps of work.
So we always build thatresource anchor first.
That way we can rely on it ifsomething comes up.
The next step that we do isrelease all of those emotions.
We would go through the processof releasing, with mental and
(20:56):
emotional release, and we'd gothrough anger, sadness, fear,
hurt, guilt, shame.
Anger, sadness, fear, hurt,guilt, shame.
Imagine your life without thosesix emotions Now, not without
meaning.
Never again.
Yes, you will feel theseemotions again, but without
(21:18):
meaning.
That cup that you have for eachone of those, how full to the
top is it?
And how would it feel to justdump all of those out?
So you have empty cups acrossthe board and more capacity for
things to happen without goingstraight from anger to rage or
sadness to depression.
Right?
This is what you get when yourelease those emotions, is?
(21:40):
It makes everything feel somuch lighter, so much easier.
So that's absolutely the thirdthing that we would do is
release those emotions.
The fourth thing that I would dois walk you through a
forgiveness process so you canforgive everyone involved,
anyone that came up in the MERprocess, the mental and
emotional release process,forgiving yourself, forgiving
(22:03):
all involved and, through thatprocess, allowing you to just
cut all of those emotional tiesto people in your past so that
you can only focus movingforward.
The fourth, fifth I don't evenknow what number I'm on now, my
goodness Fifth thing that wewould do is we would reevaluate
your life values, your beliefsand your identity, because
(22:28):
that's the core of everythingwho you are, what you believe
and what things are valuable toyou and how are they valued to
you.
Because these values in yourlife and these beliefs all of
this is going to determine thereality that you experience in
life, and shifting those thusmakes your reality shift as well
(22:50):
.
So, after releasing all ofthose emotions, after going
through the forgiveness process,oftentimes, naturally, our
values, beliefs and identityshift, even just a little bit.
But if there is a more desire,like a more desirable shift, we
can always move things aroundthen and lock them in place.
(23:11):
The one thing I will say is youwould never, ever, ever, ever,
ever, ever, ever change yournumber one value in life.
It will always be your numberone value in life.
Integrity will always be mynumber one value in life, and if
I were to change that foranything else, even if it felt
like it would be a good change?
It will not.
It will make me completely gooff the walls because I wouldn't
(23:35):
know who I am, because it's afoundation of who I am.
So never change your number onebelief.
But any other value and anyother values and beliefs can be
adapted, can be changed, thatyou can actually get where you
want to go.
And that's what we would do.
And then, the very last thingthat we would do, a sixth step
we would develop new behaviors,new routines around meditation,
(23:55):
visualization, movementpractices all of these things to
help you continuously and dailytap into the emotional spectrum
so that over time you canincrease your level of
sensitivity, because it's notjust going to click on like a
light switch.
One day.
It's probably going to be likeboiling water.
It's going to take a little bitwhile a light switch.
One day it's probably going tobe like boiling water.
It's going to take a little bitwhile to get to a boil.
(24:17):
But as you go, as you tap in,you'll be more and more
connected to those emotions.
So you are not broken.
Especially if you have been onthis journey for a while with
little success.
I need you to know that you arewhole.
(24:39):
You're simply living in twoparts because your mind is
trying to protect you from somepretty heavy pain.
But if you can accept thattogether, we have to break the
bone to be able to heal it back.
(25:01):
I don't know if you've everheard that before, but if you
heal a bone in a cast for manymonths and they take the cast
off and it's crooked, they haveto re-break the bone to be able
to get it to heal back properly.
And sometimes after years andyears and years, we have healed
(25:26):
in a way, but we've healed alittle crooked because it's not
giving us the desired result.
We still got a little limp, alittle wobble.
So working with me in acontainer is going to be painful
because we have to re-break thebone to heal it back properly.
(25:46):
But I'll tell you, it is soworth it because when you are
detached from pain, that oftenmeans that you probably struggle
to tap into pleasure too,because not feeling emotions
means the positive ones and thenegative ones.
(26:06):
To avoid the lows, you are alsosacrificing the highs of life.
So here's the truth.
It is so much wiser to simplylearn to master your emotions
than to shut them off altogether.
It's a much, much easierprocess when you have a guide to
(26:32):
walk you through it all.
So find a coach, find apractitioner that you resonate
with, someone who speaks to yoursoul and allows you to feel
safe enough to let down thatarmor.
If it's me, I would adorewalking you through our Her
Breakthrough experience, as itis the perfect place to let go
(26:55):
and tap into your emotional mind.
And if it's not me, I am happyto offer you free resources and
referrals to get you at leastone step closer to your desired
outcome.
So if you're interested in moredetails about coming to an
upcoming retreat, you can alwaysgo to JanusJuancom forward
(27:16):
slash retreats, that's with an Sretreat.
Just join the waiting listthere.
It'll be a very quick, shortapplication.
We'll jump on a 15 minute call,get you some more details.
And for those who are moreinterested in a virtual
one-on-one container, I doactually have one coaching spot
opening up for quarter two ofthe year and you can apply at
(27:39):
breakthroughwithjanacom.
Because here's the truth thetrue power of coaching and
mentorship is the ability tocompress time, the ability to
take what it may have takenmonths and months and months or
years and years and years tofigure out on your own and
(28:00):
instead get to the root of theproblem faster, so you can get
results in days or weeks.
Because, as a guide, it's my jobto simply hold the frequency
and the vibration being groundedand healed and allowing you the
space to simply match myvibration and raise to the
(28:24):
frequency of being healedthrough co-regulation.
Now, it's not that you can't doit on your own, that's not what
I'm saying.
It's the question of why wouldyou want to?
A burden shared is a burdenhalved, so let someone else help
carry the weight until youdecide that you're finally ready
(28:48):
to just put it down altogetherand rise.
Because the moment you cut tieswith that anchor, the moment
that you rise to that next leveleasily and effortlessly, that
you rise to that next leveleasily and effortlessly, because
we are all emotional beings andlearning to master your
(29:10):
emotions.
That way, you can tap into themand leverage them anytime you
want.
That.
That's the true cheat code oflife.
So I had a friend recently who was checking in on
me.
I lost another friend and havebeen grieving and I was saying
to her just how deeply this wasimpacting me, just because she
(00:21):
knows who I am and the fact thatI would have an answer.
And she said, jaina, what aboutus who feel non-emotional, us
people who struggle to feeldeeply?
How would you approach helpingsomeone, heal that?
(00:42):
Am I broken or is it justrepressed?
And I really had a hard timehearing this because, god, I
love this woman so deeply.
So I'm going to go ahead andsay this now.
This entire episode is verymuch speaking directly to you,
(01:04):
because it's hard to hear thosewords.
Because you are not broken.
Your brain is a supercomputer.
It's just protecting you,that's it.
So, yeah, it's, it's repressed,and that's okay, because I know
(01:25):
you personally and I know youenough to know that this is just
likely maladaptive copingmechanisms due to some childhood
shit you went through,girlfriend, like it's just
simply learned strategies.
Your brain wants to keep yousafe.
Your brain wants to keep yousafe.
(01:50):
It's kind of like putting onarmor as a child that no longer
fits, and now it's causing moreharm than good because it can't
be comfortable wearing armorthat doesn't fit.
So the good news is, you canchoose to change and it sounds
like you are right on the edgeof that transformation.
So, because I know you and Iknow you like science and I know
you like to know the details,we're going to go deep on this.
(02:11):
Let's talk about what happenswhen we experience trauma.
So our brain it literallysplits itself into two
hemispheres our left hemisphereand our right hemisphere.
What happens is that our lefthemisphere it's in control of
more of our logical mind and ourright hemisphere is in control
(02:34):
of our emotional mind.
So they split from each otherin the process of trauma,
because it's trying to protectyou, it's an overwhelm of
emotions and the brain doesn'tknow what else to do, so it'll
literally split and once it does, then it struggles for each
side to speak to one another.
It just means that when theemotional mind is really lit up,
(02:58):
the logical mind is more likelyto shut down, and the same
exact thing vice versa when thelogical mind is in full force,
the emotional mind has a hardtime tapping in because of the
split, because they're twoseparate things now.
Now, you being someone who Iknow wants to survive and
(03:19):
recognized at a young age thatto be able to do so, you had to
think logically.
You had to be able to show up.
Your subconscious mind decidedin that moment to disconnect you
from your emotional mind,likely out of fear of you
getting overwhelmed andemotional and then shutting down
(03:40):
and crippling you becausepeople like you who are in
positions where you don't haveanother option.
You had to show up for yourself.
You had to trailblaze yourfuture.
You had to break generationalchains and you had to show up
for yourself because you didn'thave the support that a lot of
us take for granted.
(04:01):
So your brain decided toprotect you.
It said if you don't feeldeeply, well, then you can go
back to work more quickly andyou can stay on task and that's
good.
And your brain says if youdon't feel deeply, then you can
lead with a level head andthat's good because it's you
(04:23):
know, promotions and stuff right.
And if you don't feel deeply,then you can protect yourself
from the pain of inevitable lossin relationship, both
friendships and intimaterelationships.
But here's the thing Part oftapping into your emotions is
allowing yourself to open up toboth the pain and the pleasure
(04:47):
that comes with the emotionalroller coaster.
Part of tapping into youremotions is realizing they don't
come and stay, they come and go.
Part of tapping into youremotion is developing trust with
yourself that you are safe andthat you release control.
(05:10):
Because, at the end of the day,healing is just integrating
these two parts back to oneanother, rewiring your
subconscious mind and yourbehaviors to support that new
wholeness within.
That's all you're doing.
You're just reintegrating,rewiring.
(05:30):
And when I say rewiring I meanliterally creating new neural
pathways in the brain thatconnects one side to the other,
one hemisphere to the other.
I'm not talking metaphorically,I am talking your literal brain
, because integration at thedeepest level is the ability to
(05:51):
leverage both sides of yourbrain at once, because being
driven by your emotions andbacked by logic is so much
better than being blinded byemotions or caged by our logic.
I mean, who wouldn't want thebest of both worlds?
Left brain, logical mindcontrols the right side of your
(06:15):
body and it leads with your head.
Now, sometimes people reportbeing a little bit more numb.
When they are driven by thelogical mind, they can make
harder decisions.
Yet the right brain, theemotional mind it controls the
left side of your body that'sleading with your heart.
(06:35):
You're a bit more on thesensitive side of things and
those decisions are usuallydriven by what's best for the
community.
Right Now, a quick and easy wayto kind of see which one you are
more dominant is just what yourdominant hand is.
It's more likely that yourdominant brain activity or your
(06:58):
dominant central location likemy brother, for example, is very
, very artsy, has always been anamazing graphic designer,
artist, drawer, cartoonist.
He is just hands downphenomenal, super creative,
super, super right-brained.
His left hand has always beenthe dominant hand.
(07:18):
Now, on the flip side, I'm aright hand dominant person and
while I'm not necessarilydominant on that side of my
brain in the left hemispheremore logical I'm actually more
in like the 50-50 range.
So I think that because manypeople are right hand dominant,
if you're 50-50 or you're again,remember the opposite side of
(07:42):
the body to the opposite brain.
It's like reversed.
So if you are dominant on yourleft side of your brain means
the right side of the body, sothe right hand, left brain, same
on the other, left hand, rightbrain.
So as you explore these thingsand as you do more reading and
(08:02):
more research if that'ssomething that you're into, then
you'll get used to this alittle bit more, but I'm just
going to assume that mostlisteners are here because
they're only continuing tolisten this far into the episode
.
Because you are similar, right,you also probably have either
(08:24):
the issue of being non-emotionalor you have a family member or
friend who's non-emotional.
You're just looking to learnmore about them, maybe, and how
they see or feel the worldaround them.
But if you're one of thoselisteners who is dealing with
the non-emotional personally,then you may or may not be
(08:44):
right-handed and verylogical-minded, so you also
probably likely struggle withbeing present.
You probably struggle withmeditating, sitting, still
opening up to others, feelingdeeply connected, even to the
closest people around you yourparents, your children, your
(09:11):
wife or your husband.
Right, these things are allconnected, because all it means
is that you're simplydisconnected from one side of
your energy channel.
And the good news is we canjust get you back online, up and
running in no time at all,because when you work with the
right people, especially ifyou're working with someone
who's trained the same way thatI am trained, then we can help
(09:32):
integrate this process directlythrough the subconscious mind
with change work very fast, andall it takes is a decision and a
choice.
So you know, just remember, whenwe experience trauma which is
basically anything that we labelas trauma, right?
This varies person to person.
(09:53):
What one person can makemeaning that this is trauma and
other person's like, oh, it'sfine.
Right, one person could have avery minor thing happen to them
but associate it to a near deathexperience and now see that as
massive trauma, while someoneelse could have gotten into a
huge car accident and not see itas trauma.
It is about the meaning we make, because the definition that is
(10:16):
the easiest definition to go toreally understand the word
trauma is anything thatpermanently changes our behavior
.
Right, you get into a caraccident.
Now you drive more cautiously.
Maybe you're hyper aware, right, those are the kind of things.
It's how the activity changedyour behavior, right?
Maybe you were followed whileyou were on a run.
(10:39):
Nothing happened, so otherpeople might not label that as
traumatic, but now you don't runat night by yourself or in the
morning by yourself anymore.
That is a change in behavior.
That is technically whatsomeone would call trauma.
But again, it's up to you andif you label it that way.
But the really good news is youare a highly adaptive human
(11:03):
being.
You have the ability to decideat any moment.
To choose change.
You can choose at any moment.
So what happens when weexperience trauma?
Well, well, our brain goes intoa protective mode and it adapts
(11:26):
for survival, doesn't adapt foryou being the most successful
entrepreneur or the mostsuccessful, most fit mother.
No, it adapts for survival.
It splits and then weexperience fight, flight and
freeze and some people, as aresult, become overly sensitive
(11:48):
after trauma, unable to reallytruly access their logical mind,
almost spiraling and allowingit to just ruin their lives,
while other people experiencethe complete opposite they
become overly logical and unableto access their emotional mind.
(12:08):
Now, if you'd like to learn moreabout the actual brain
chemistry and the details behindwhat's happening, one of the
books that I use to continue togo back to and remind myself of
these details is Healing theFragmented Selves of Trauma
Survivors Overcoming InternalSelf-Alienation, and this is by
(12:28):
Jania I'm trying to say thisright J-A-N-I-N-A, jania Fisher,
and so far it's a great book toreally just kind of remind you
of what's actually happening ona physiological level.
Otherwise, the basis of thebook is this the brain
(12:49):
disconnects the two hemispheresto protect you.
That's it right.
Your brain is just protectingyou from losing control.
It's protecting you frombecoming overwhelmed.
It's protecting you frombreaking down and burning your
entire career to the ground.
Your brain just simply built abelief that you can't pause,
(13:09):
that you can't slow down, thatyou must keep pushing through.
It's just a belief.
It does not have to be true foryou, but right now you're
choosing it.
Because right now your brainassociates feeling these
emotions to the threat of death.
Because instead of learning howto move through emotions, your
(13:30):
brain decided it was easier justto numb you out from them
altogether.
Your brain decided decades agoit was simply safer to just pick
up and put on your armor.
Now our armor is our masculine,it's our protector energy, it's
(13:51):
our logic, the strategist, thedoer right.
Meanwhile our heart?
It may be protected and it maybe hard to penetrate, but it's
also hard to be seen, heard,felt and even hard to be loved
(14:12):
on the other side of that armor.
You know I was having a deeplyprofound conversation over the
weekend with Brian Brogert andSusie Albert Miller, and Brian
was saying to us that herealized years ago that he was
walking around with his armor onall the time to protect himself
(14:34):
.
Then one day he had an epiphanywhen he thought about his wife,
his children childrenattempting to lay their head on
his chest.
Now, if he keeps his armor on,then they're laying their head
on a cold, hard metal and no onefeels connected to that.
(14:58):
He said he realized he neededto take off the armor and since
doing that work of integrating,since doing that work, he's been
able to.
Well, I'll share with you whathe shared with me and he I
believe he coined this it was tohave a soft front and a strong
(15:22):
spine.
God, what a beautiful visualmetaphor.
A soft front so that you canstill connect heart to heart,
and a strong spine so that youcan still carry the weight and
be strong for himself and hisfamily.
(15:42):
So, as we had yet anotherinteresting discussion, I'm
still digesting all of thisbecause it was so profound to me
.
Now, I knew I had been toldbefore I was wearing an armor
and it was an armor of anger.
This is something you need towork on and it's so hard for me
(16:04):
to see it, but when I'm with theright people in the right rooms
, who can see past all thebullshit and see through the
lines, they always tell me thesame thing.
And so something Brian wasmentioning was that if we have a
powerful energy to us and we'rewearing our armor, that energy
(16:30):
going out to the rest of theworld is getting filtered
through the armor, which makesit super tough for other people
to interpret.
It can leave people, you know,feeling a little off about you.
Eh, something's up with her, Idon't know Quite a little
intimidated by her, or she'shard to approach, or I don't
(16:51):
know.
I just don't quite click, Ididn't quite connect.
But if you take off that armor,then people can get a hundred
percent clear reading, becausethey're getting pure energy and
light from you.
So I hope what you're hearingfrom me is that the work that
(17:15):
you're looking to do is to allowyourself to just feel safe
enough to finally take the armoroff, because I would argue that
you are even more sensitivethan I am, which is why you
protect yourself so much.
That is 100% okay, because Ihave developed strategies for
(17:39):
moving through emotions andfinding the lesson quickly,
which means that you, too, havethe ability to do the exact same
thing, because I know just howintelligent and capable you are.
So, when you choose to do thework, embrace both sides,
integrate them together, andthen you will experience a more
(18:02):
dynamic and full life.
It's all about the ups and thedowns, so let's talk about her
follow-up question.
Let's talk about how I wouldhelp a client reconnect to their
emotions in six steps.
Well, the first thing that Iwould do with a client is got to
uncover the underlying limitingbelief.
(18:24):
There is something happeninghere, a belief that is holding
you back, a belief that youcan't slow down If you do this,
this and this will happen.
Like whatever the belief is,there is a limiting belief that
is holding you back, a story,there's a secondary gain,
there's something happening here, and once we uncover that and
once we shift that belief, thenthe rest is just going to fall
(18:48):
in place.
So step one is noticing ifthere are any limiting beliefs,
uncovering those and dealingwith them accordingly.
The second thing that I would dois I would build a resource
anchor for safety.
What that is?
I would essentially set someoneup with a physical, mental and
emotional anchor or somethingthey can do with themselves.
(19:11):
For example, I like to kind ofthe emotion of cracking my first
knuckle.
It doesn't always pop or crack,it's okay, it's just pushing
down on that.
That, for me, is an anchor forconfidence, for showing up, for
being louder.
That's an anchor I've worked onfor many years.
Some people have anchors liketugging on an ear, some people
(19:32):
have anchors there's all sortsof ways to do this.
Now I use the word anchor kindof like a boat anchor, but not
because what it is is just aconnection to, an association to
, so it's an ability to dosomething physically to trigger
a thought and a feeling, right.
So what can you do physicallythat triggers a thought process
(19:53):
that lets you feel safety?
So I would build a resourceanchor.
Now, something super simplethat you could do with yourself
is I may build a resource anchorof someone hugging themselves,
because I can stack multiplememories of them hugging a
person they love and feelingthat infusion of love and
gratitude and all of thosethings into that and help them
(20:14):
feel safe.
So maybe do that, maybe allowyourself the process of sitting
and hugging yourself andthinking through different times
in the past where you've huggeda loved one and really felt a
deep level of safety.
Doing that multiple times willallow you to anchor into that
feeling and then that issomething I would tap into and
(20:35):
utilize if that client gets intoa really tough spot while doing
the next few steps of work.
So we always build thatresource anchor first.
That way we can rely on it ifsomething comes up.
The next step that we do isrelease all of those emotions.
We would go through the processof releasing, with mental and
(20:56):
emotional release, and we'd gothrough anger, sadness, fear,
hurt, guilt, shame.
Anger, sadness, fear, hurt,guilt, shame.
Imagine your life without thosesix emotions Now, not without
meaning.
Never again.
Yes, you will feel theseemotions again, but without
(21:18):
meaning.
That cup that you have for eachone of those, how full to the
top is it?
And how would it feel to justdump all of those out?
So you have empty cups acrossthe board and more capacity for
things to happen without goingstraight from anger to rage or
sadness to depression.
Right?
This is what you get when yourelease those emotions, is?
(21:40):
It makes everything feel somuch lighter, so much easier.
So that's absolutely the thirdthing that we would do is
release those emotions.
The fourth thing that I would dois walk you through a
forgiveness process so you canforgive everyone involved,
anyone that came up in the MERprocess, the mental and
emotional release process,forgiving yourself, forgiving
(22:03):
all involved and, through thatprocess, allowing you to just
cut all of those emotional tiesto people in your past so that
you can only focus movingforward.
The fourth, fifth I don't evenknow what number I'm on now, my
goodness Fifth thing that wewould do is we would reevaluate
your life values, your beliefsand your identity, because
(22:28):
that's the core of everythingwho you are, what you believe
and what things are valuable toyou and how are they valued to
you.
Because these values in yourlife and these beliefs all of
this is going to determine thereality that you experience in
life, and shifting those thusmakes your reality shift as well
(22:50):
.
So, after releasing all ofthose emotions, after going
through the forgiveness process,oftentimes, naturally, our
values, beliefs and identityshift, even just a little bit.
But if there is a more desire,like a more desirable shift, we
can always move things aroundthen and lock them in place.
(23:11):
The one thing I will say is youwould never, ever, ever, ever,
ever, ever, ever change yournumber one value in life.
It will always be your numberone value in life.
Integrity will always be mynumber one value in life, and if
I were to change that foranything else, even if it felt
like it would be a good change?
It will not.
It will make me completely gooff the walls because I wouldn't
(23:35):
know who I am, because it's afoundation of who I am.
So never change your number onebelief.
But any other value and anyother values and beliefs can be
adapted, can be changed, thatyou can actually get where you
want to go.
And that's what we would do.
And then, the very last thingthat we would do, a sixth step
we would develop new behaviors,new routines around meditation,
(23:55):
visualization, movementpractices all of these things to
help you continuously and dailytap into the emotional spectrum
so that over time you canincrease your level of
sensitivity, because it's notjust going to click on like a
light switch.
One day.
It's probably going to be likeboiling water.
It's going to take a little bitwhile a light switch.
One day it's probably going tobe like boiling water.
It's going to take a little bitwhile to get to a boil.
(24:17):
But as you go, as you tap in,you'll be more and more
connected to those emotions.
So you are not broken.
Especially if you have been onthis journey for a while with
little success.
I need you to know that you arewhole.
(24:39):
You're simply living in twoparts because your mind is
trying to protect you from somepretty heavy pain.
But if you can accept thattogether, we have to break the
bone to be able to heal it back.
(25:01):
I don't know if you've everheard that before, but if you
heal a bone in a cast for manymonths and they take the cast
off and it's crooked, they haveto re-break the bone to be able
to get it to heal back properly.
And sometimes after years andyears and years, we have healed
(25:26):
in a way, but we've healed alittle crooked because it's not
giving us the desired result.
We still got a little limp, alittle wobble.
So working with me in acontainer is going to be painful
because we have to re-break thebone to heal it back properly.
(25:46):
But I'll tell you, it is soworth it because when you are
detached from pain, that oftenmeans that you probably struggle
to tap into pleasure too,because not feeling emotions
means the positive ones and thenegative ones.
(26:06):
To avoid the lows, you are alsosacrificing the highs of life.
So here's the truth.
It is so much wiser to simplylearn to master your emotions
than to shut them off altogether.
It's a much, much easierprocess when you have a guide to
(26:32):
walk you through it all.
So find a coach, find apractitioner that you resonate
with, someone who speaks to yoursoul and allows you to feel
safe enough to let down thatarmor.
If it's me, I would adorewalking you through our Her
Breakthrough experience, as itis the perfect place to let go
(26:55):
and tap into your emotional mind.
And if it's not me, I am happyto offer you free resources and
referrals to get you at leastone step closer to your desired
outcome.
So if you're interested in moredetails about coming to an
upcoming retreat, you can alwaysgo to JanusJuancom forward
(27:16):
slash retreats, that's with an Sretreat.
Just join the waiting listthere.
It'll be a very quick, shortapplication.
We'll jump on a 15 minute call,get you some more details.
And for those who are moreinterested in a virtual
one-on-one container, I doactually have one coaching spot
opening up for quarter two ofthe year and you can apply at
(27:39):
breakthroughwithjanacom.
Because here's the truth thetrue power of coaching and
mentorship is the ability tocompress time, the ability to
take what it may have takenmonths and months and months or
years and years and years tofigure out on your own and
(28:00):
instead get to the root of theproblem faster, so you can get
results in days or weeks.
Because, as a guide, it's my jobto simply hold the frequency
and the vibration being groundedand healed and allowing you the
space to simply match myvibration and raise to the
(28:24):
frequency of being healedthrough co-regulation.
Now, it's not that you can't doit on your own, that's not what
I'm saying.
It's the question of why wouldyou want to?
A burden shared is a burdenhalved, so let someone else help
carry the weight until youdecide that you're finally ready
(28:48):
to just put it down altogetherand rise.
Because the moment you cut tieswith that anchor, the moment
that you rise to that next leveleasily and effortlessly, that
you rise to that next leveleasily and effortlessly, because
we are all emotional beings andlearning to master your
(29:10):
emotions.
That way, you can tap into themand leverage them anytime you
want.
That.
That's the true cheat code oflife.
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