October 28, 2025 • 20 mins
A stranger at a hotel bar said, “You don’t look like you’ve suffered a day in your life,” and the room went still—not because it hurt, but because it didn’t. What followed was a surprising proof of growth: calm, clarity, and a clean boundary where an old trigger once lived. We unpack the entire moment—from camera talk to invasive questions—and how it revealed the quiet power of a regulated nervous system and a well-practiced “no.”
We walk through the realities of medical trauma, consent, and dignity after seven surgeries, then pivot to a fiery exchange about marriage, tradition, and social security that says more about projection than persuasion. Along the way, we share practical tools for staying grounded: how to recognize when someone’s pain is spilling onto you, how to hold your line without escalation, and how to leave with your peace intact. The takeaway is simple and hard-won: healing isn’t a highlight reel; it’s the ability to choose your response when life hands you disrespect or disbelief.
Expect a clear framework you can use today—building an inner “bubble” of belief that filters what reaches you, spotting the difference between advice and projection, and honoring the friends who help co-regulate in tense moments. If you’re on your own healing path, this conversation will help you name the subtle wins: the trigger that doesn’t bite, the projection that bounces off, the self you return to with ease. Subscribe, share with a friend who needs stronger boundaries, and leave a review to tell us where you’ve noticed your own quiet proof of healing.
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Themes: Emotional Mastery, Mindset, Storytelling, Confidence, Health & Productivity, Creativity, Communication Skills, Business, Movement, Meditation, Mindfulness, Manifestation, Resilience, Letting Go, Surrender, Feminine Energy, Masculine Energy, Love, Personal Growth.
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
SPEAKER_00 (01:12):
Have you ever had one of those moments in life
where something happens and itgives you the opportunity to
recognize your growth?
Recognize that you're actuallymore healed than you thought you
were.
Now, I had one of thosecircumstances recently, and I'm
(01:34):
gonna tell you all about itbecause I think it's a powerful
point to bring to the tableabout how healing causes us to
respond and react differently todifferent things.
And I feel like being able togauge our response to things is
a our ability to see just howhealed we are.
(01:57):
So this circumstance took placelast weekend.
I was at an event called theEmpowered Podcasting 2
conference and super excited.
Um, this while it was at thisevent, this human that this
interaction happened with hadzero connection to the event.
He was not an attendee, teammember, speaker, nothing.
(02:20):
He was just present in thespace.
This was in a hotel, soobviously anybody could be
around.
Um, so what happened was I gotdone speaking on Friday and did
a phenomenal workshop.
Everything was great.
Then Saturday came around, andabout halfway through the day, I
saw a friend of mine sitting atthe bar, and I thought, let me
just go and have a conversation.
(02:43):
So I woke up.
I happen to have my camera in myhands, and my camera is it's a
Canon R50, so it's a pretty likeit's a mirrorless body.
I had a 24 to 70 lens on it,which is pretty big.
And so it's pretty noticeablewhen you are carrying it.
Also had some other accessoriesand stuff.
(03:04):
So it's it's it's something thatpeople are gonna say something
about typically.
And I and that's exactly whathappened.
As I walked up, he asked, Oh,are you a photographer as well?
And I said, Oh, no, sir, I'mnot.
I'm just I love to createcontent.
And uh, but I wouldn'tnecessarily label myself as a
photographer.
So he says, Oh, okay, and startsasking more questions and
getting inquisitive.
(03:25):
So my friend and I both begin toanswer his questions because
we're podcasters.
We like to talk and we enjoyeducating and encouraging people
to either pick up a mic andstart to speak into it or put on
some headphones and listen topodcasts.
So obviously, the two of us arejust having great conversation
and asking things.
(03:46):
And come to find out, this manhas not only never listened to a
podcast in his life and didn'treally actually understand what
they were, but he also has neverbeen on YouTube in his life,
which as a YouTube universitygirly, um, that blew my mind
because I go to YouTube to learnhow to change attire, to do my
(04:06):
taxes, to uh help regulate myemotions.
I use YouTube for everything.
And so for someone who's not onany social media, has never used
YouTube before, I was like, oh,interesting.
Do you watch TV?
No.
Do you read the news andnewspapers?
No.
Do you read magazines?
(04:27):
No.
I mean, I think the only thingthis man said that he did was
listen to MPR.
And I was like, okay, get it.
Good.
So you listen to the radio insome way, shape, or form.
I think it was AM radio, or Ican't even remember what he was.
It was so antiquated that I waslike just blown away.
And I'm like, okay.
So here we are, chit-chattingwith him.
(04:49):
And then he had this momentwhere he looked at me and said,
Well, you don't look like you'vesuffered a day in your life.
And I just paused.
Because if you know my story,you know that it's absolutely
complete and utter ad.
And so I'm sitting there, I'mlike, wow, okay, taken aback by
(05:13):
that.
But I now know that my responsenext time this happens and
someone says that to me is goingto be an immediate thank you.
Because if I am now in a spacewhere my energy and the way that
I show up in my presence comesoff as I'm so healed that I
haven't struggled at all ordealt with any adversity in my
life, then dang, girl, giveyourself a little pat on the
(05:35):
back, celebration, because Itruly have faced so much
adversity in my life.
From being verbally abused,emotionally manipulated, to
being abandoned, to beingsexually abused, to being held
at gunpoint, to being held atknife point.
I've experienced so many wildaspects of life, things I would
(05:57):
never wish on anybody else.
And yet, if I'm showing up tothis stranger as someone who's
never suffered a day in herlife, then good on you,
girlfriend.
You have done the work.
And that should have been athank you.
Appreciate that.
And it wasn't.
But what I did notice was that Iwas neutral.
(06:18):
I didn't have any high or lowexperience.
I was just neutral.
And yet, me a couple years ago,oh man, if he would have said
that to me, I would have been soheated.
I would have been so upset.
How dare you say that to me?
Because I was still in thesuffering.
(06:40):
But now that I'm out of it, I'mlike, okay, cool.
Thank you.
It gave me an opportunity torecognize how much further I've
come.
Because I also recognize, like,that's on him.
His perspective.
He's just mirroring back to mewho I am and how I'm showing up,
right?
So he's mirroring back to methrough his language.
(07:03):
You've healed so much that Ican't tell you were ever broken.
Turned out to be a bit of ablessing.
But then I wasn't the only onewho couldn't keep my mouth shut
when he said that.
The gentleman who is my friendand standing next to me said,
Oh, dude, you have no idea whoyou're talking to.
(07:24):
Because just the day before, Ihad told everybody in the room
from stage that I haveexperienced seven surgeries on
my vulva across a 10-year periodof time.
Some of the most painfulexperiences, something I would
never wish on my worst enemy.
And so I said, okay, well, Isaid, I appreciate that, sir,
(07:44):
but I actually have had sevensurgeries on my vulva across a
10-year period of time.
And I'll tell you, most people,when they hear that, go, oh my
gosh, that's terrible.
Oh, wow, that must have been sopainful.
I'm so sorry to hear that.
That's a typical response.
I guess 99% of the time.
Well, this one percent, this onegentleman, without even
(08:08):
thinking, said, Oh, well, I'mgonna need to see the area and
see the scar to be able to knowthat you're not lying to me.
Yeah.
He essentially verballyassaulted me.
Sexually assaulted me.
(08:29):
Saying in his own words, I'mgonna need you to lay down and
spread it so I can be sure thatyou're telling the truth.
He had zero empathy, zeroconsideration, zero compassion
for the human in front of himwho was speaking of their
(08:49):
suffering.
But that's okay.
Because my experience is not hisresponsibility.
It's not.
It's mine.
And he's clearly speaking fromhis own space and his own
(09:10):
perspective.
And he in that moment showed meexactly why he's a 63-year-old
man who's not married and has areally hard time with women, as
he was saying to me in theconversation just before this.
So it's very clear that he has avery low capacity for emotional
(09:32):
capacity, any capacity to holdemotions, to be able to see
another human and justunderstand that their suffering
is real.
But again, my trauma is not theworld's responsibility.
(09:54):
It is mine.
My experiences are something Ineed to heal from.
And I don't expect the rest ofthe world to heal with me, nor
to know about it, nor to, onceI'm healed, never ask about it
or say anything again.
How entitled I would have to beto expect the world to never
bring it back up.
(10:15):
We live in a world where peoplehave the freedom of choice, the
freedom to say whatever theywant.
And so even though you're onyour healing journey, you have
to know that doesn't meansomeone's never going to say
something to you that's rude orthat's abrupt or lacks
compassion.
(10:35):
You just have to recognize thatonce you are in a healed space,
you will respond differently.
Because I know that if it was meyears ago, ooh boy, I either
would have fought and saidsomething rude right back to
him.
I would have uh flight, I wouldhave gotten up and just been
(10:57):
like, okay, and I'm gonna endthe conversation here.
I would have frozen and just notknown what to say and stumbled
over my words, or I would haveturned into fawn and I would
have gone into a moment ofpeople pleasing and just giving
in to that.
But this time I didn't do any ofthose.
In fact, I was completelyneutral.
(11:20):
And I thought, okay, I've donethe work.
Finally, in a place wheresomeone can say something to me
like that, and I know that it isa them problem, not a me
problem.
It was quite apparent throughhis language how much he's
suffering.
(11:42):
It was very obvious that thisman is in an emotionally,
mentally, and maybe physicallypainful place.
He's sitting at a bar in themiddle of the afternoon drinking
straight vodka.
That takes a bit of pain to getto that space.
(12:02):
And so here we are having thisconversation, which then
proceeds to go even further.
Because I did respond and say,Well, that's okay, actually.
My partner of 10 years wouldverify that it's it's actually
real.
I'm telling the truth.
And he was like, Oh, I'm notcoming on to you.
I didn't mean it like that.
I immediately backtracked.
(12:23):
And I said, It's okay, it'sfine.
Because I knew that he's simplyspeaking from his own belief
system, from his own space, fromhis own perspective.
And that's okay.
And he continues to have thisconversation, asking me, So are
you married?
Because I'm not, and so I don'twear a ring.
And I said, No, sir, actually,marriage is not a part of our
(12:45):
plan.
We actually have a 10-year rule.
Every 10 years in ourrelationship, we sit down and we
decide together whether it isbest for the both of us to
continue on together or to goour separate ways.
And this last 10 years,obviously, here we are still
together.
And so I told him that.
(13:14):
And I knew it was his ownbaggage immediately.
When someone is so adamant, youmust marry your partner.
You need to marry your partner.
You really should marry yourpartner without ever asking me
why I choose not to.
I knew it was his own baggage,just being projected all over
me.
(13:35):
So I asked him, I said, why?
Why is it that you think soadamantly that I must get
married, even though it goesagainst my belief system?
And he said, Well, you can't letall that Social Security money
go to waste.
That man worked really hard forthat social security, and it's
just gonna go right back to thegovernment if you're not married
to him.
So you gotta get married.
(13:55):
Get married.
Like, no, sir, I don't.
I said, What is it to say thatmy partner hasn't already set me
up in other ways to where SocialSecurity is pennies compared to
that?
How do you know that I'm notalready cared for without
needing to be married?
And he said, Oh no, you just youcan't.
(14:17):
It only goes to a wife.
You must be married, and thenotherwise the government gets it
back.
And I started to recognize thatit's simply his own story.
Is that he claimed to haveworked in oil, whether he did or
not, I don't know.
Um, but he claimed to be workingin oil, getting paid the highest
amount of social securitypossible, and was so upset that
(14:39):
it was just gonna go back to thegovernment because he wasn't
married.
He said, Well, I'm I think I'mjust gonna set someone up to get
married too, just right before Idie, just to make sure that
someone gets the money.
And I'm like, what a sad, sadway to live.
And I recognize it's only hisbaggage, it's not mine.
(15:01):
It's not for me.
And I'm so grateful I do thework I do so that I can
recognize my growth and myhealing, and I can recognize
when it's someone else'sprojection and not mine.
Because other people withoutsuch strong belief systems might
have let that permeate, mighthave let that become a little uh
(15:25):
incessant voice in the back oftheir head.
Oh, you should get married, youshould get married, you should
get married.
But no, I will not allow that topermeate me because I believe
too much in what I've built.
And I love my partner enough tonot want that for us.
And it's okay.
(15:46):
We're all given the privilege tobe able to choose and create and
design the reality that worksfor us.
And I'm so grateful for thatfriend who was in this
conversation with me, as he wasvery much a conscious, grounded,
masculine energy that did helpme feel safe in this
(16:10):
conversation.
Otherwise, I would not havefancied or really given any
attention to this gentleman if Iwas by myself.
Because I don't have a habit ofgetting into conversations with
drunk men at bars about my lovelife and my body.
Um, I believe it was the space Iwas in and the people around me
that made me feel so safe that Icould have this conversation.
(16:31):
And thank goodness they camearound a few minutes later and
said, We're going back in forthe keynote, everybody back in
the room.
And I immediately said, Oh,thank you, sir.
Appreciate this conversation.
And I got out of there.
And my friend walking away oncewe got around the corner and in
the room turned to me andimmediately was like, I am so
sorry.
(16:51):
I am so sorry that you had to beassaulted like that.
Because he saw it too.
The way his jaw hit the floorwhen that man told me that he
needed to see it to believe it.
unknown (17:05):
Oh.
SPEAKER_00 (17:07):
And I turned to my friend, I said, That's okay.
That man is clearly suffering.
So, in fact, I'm just gonna sendlove to him because it was his
baggage, not mine.
And he said, And I can't believehe wouldn't let up about the
marriage thing.
And I said, It's okay.
Yet another thing that is hisbaggage and not mine.
In that moment, I got to utilizethe tools that I teach to be
(17:30):
completely grounded and to showmy friend that people could say
whatever they want.
It is up to us, whether we allowit to permeate, whether we allow
it to get through our shield ofarmor and get into us.
And I don't mean shield as inlike we should always be armored
up, but like I truly havelearned how to energetically
create a bubble around mealmost.
(17:52):
And my belief systems of thatbubble and of my world are so
strong that if it does not matchmy belief system, it will simply
bounce off.
His words did not match mybelief system.
So it's not something I'm gonnaallow to permeate my bubble, to
come into my world and to impactmy frequency.
But that's taken so long to getto, decades of inner work to get
(18:15):
to a point to where you can bethat solid in your belief
system.
So I'm hoping that you too getthese opportunities, these
opportunities to recalibrate andto recognize just how far you've
come on your healing journey.
Because it's not always in theachievements where you see the
(18:39):
results of your growth and yourhealing.
Sometimes it's in beingconfronted with the very thing
that used to trigger you andrecognizing that this time you
didn't get activated.
This time you were calm.
This time you were able to holdempathy for the other person,
(19:03):
recognizing that this is simplytheir pain being projected.
You don't accept their pain.
And instead you just send backlove.
And I hope you too get thatopportunity to to admire
yourself for the level ofstrength that it takes to lay
down the old story and to stepinto that new identity, that new
(19:25):
version of yourself who trulybelieves that you can create
whatever reality you desire.
Because you have choice.
So I'll see you in the next one.
Have you ever had one of those moments in life
where something happens and itgives you the opportunity to
recognize your growth?
Recognize that you're actuallymore healed than you thought you
were.
Now, I had one of thosecircumstances recently, and I'm
(01:34):
gonna tell you all about itbecause I think it's a powerful
point to bring to the tableabout how healing causes us to
respond and react differently todifferent things.
And I feel like being able togauge our response to things is
a our ability to see just howhealed we are.
(01:57):
So this circumstance took placelast weekend.
I was at an event called theEmpowered Podcasting 2
conference and super excited.
Um, this while it was at thisevent, this human that this
interaction happened with hadzero connection to the event.
He was not an attendee, teammember, speaker, nothing.
(02:20):
He was just present in thespace.
This was in a hotel, soobviously anybody could be
around.
Um, so what happened was I gotdone speaking on Friday and did
a phenomenal workshop.
Everything was great.
Then Saturday came around, andabout halfway through the day, I
saw a friend of mine sitting atthe bar, and I thought, let me
just go and have a conversation.
(02:43):
So I woke up.
I happen to have my camera in myhands, and my camera is it's a
Canon R50, so it's a pretty likeit's a mirrorless body.
I had a 24 to 70 lens on it,which is pretty big.
And so it's pretty noticeablewhen you are carrying it.
Also had some other accessoriesand stuff.
(03:04):
So it's it's it's something thatpeople are gonna say something
about typically.
And I and that's exactly whathappened.
As I walked up, he asked, Oh,are you a photographer as well?
And I said, Oh, no, sir, I'mnot.
I'm just I love to createcontent.
And uh, but I wouldn'tnecessarily label myself as a
photographer.
So he says, Oh, okay, and startsasking more questions and
getting inquisitive.
(03:25):
So my friend and I both begin toanswer his questions because
we're podcasters.
We like to talk and we enjoyeducating and encouraging people
to either pick up a mic andstart to speak into it or put on
some headphones and listen topodcasts.
So obviously, the two of us arejust having great conversation
and asking things.
(03:46):
And come to find out, this manhas not only never listened to a
podcast in his life and didn'treally actually understand what
they were, but he also has neverbeen on YouTube in his life,
which as a YouTube universitygirly, um, that blew my mind
because I go to YouTube to learnhow to change attire, to do my
(04:06):
taxes, to uh help regulate myemotions.
I use YouTube for everything.
And so for someone who's not onany social media, has never used
YouTube before, I was like, oh,interesting.
Do you watch TV?
No.
Do you read the news andnewspapers?
No.
Do you read magazines?
(04:27):
No.
I mean, I think the only thingthis man said that he did was
listen to MPR.
And I was like, okay, get it.
Good.
So you listen to the radio insome way, shape, or form.
I think it was AM radio, or Ican't even remember what he was.
It was so antiquated that I waslike just blown away.
And I'm like, okay.
So here we are, chit-chattingwith him.
(04:49):
And then he had this momentwhere he looked at me and said,
Well, you don't look like you'vesuffered a day in your life.
And I just paused.
Because if you know my story,you know that it's absolutely
complete and utter ad.
And so I'm sitting there, I'mlike, wow, okay, taken aback by
(05:13):
that.
But I now know that my responsenext time this happens and
someone says that to me is goingto be an immediate thank you.
Because if I am now in a spacewhere my energy and the way that
I show up in my presence comesoff as I'm so healed that I
haven't struggled at all ordealt with any adversity in my
life, then dang, girl, giveyourself a little pat on the
(05:35):
back, celebration, because Itruly have faced so much
adversity in my life.
From being verbally abused,emotionally manipulated, to
being abandoned, to beingsexually abused, to being held
at gunpoint, to being held atknife point.
I've experienced so many wildaspects of life, things I would
(05:57):
never wish on anybody else.
And yet, if I'm showing up tothis stranger as someone who's
never suffered a day in herlife, then good on you,
girlfriend.
You have done the work.
And that should have been athank you.
Appreciate that.
And it wasn't.
But what I did notice was that Iwas neutral.
(06:18):
I didn't have any high or lowexperience.
I was just neutral.
And yet, me a couple years ago,oh man, if he would have said
that to me, I would have been soheated.
I would have been so upset.
How dare you say that to me?
Because I was still in thesuffering.
(06:40):
But now that I'm out of it, I'mlike, okay, cool.
Thank you.
It gave me an opportunity torecognize how much further I've
come.
Because I also recognize, like,that's on him.
His perspective.
He's just mirroring back to mewho I am and how I'm showing up,
right?
So he's mirroring back to methrough his language.
(07:03):
You've healed so much that Ican't tell you were ever broken.
Turned out to be a bit of ablessing.
But then I wasn't the only onewho couldn't keep my mouth shut
when he said that.
The gentleman who is my friendand standing next to me said,
Oh, dude, you have no idea whoyou're talking to.
(07:24):
Because just the day before, Ihad told everybody in the room
from stage that I haveexperienced seven surgeries on
my vulva across a 10-year periodof time.
Some of the most painfulexperiences, something I would
never wish on my worst enemy.
And so I said, okay, well, Isaid, I appreciate that, sir,
(07:44):
but I actually have had sevensurgeries on my vulva across a
10-year period of time.
And I'll tell you, most people,when they hear that, go, oh my
gosh, that's terrible.
Oh, wow, that must have been sopainful.
I'm so sorry to hear that.
That's a typical response.
I guess 99% of the time.
Well, this one percent, this onegentleman, without even
(08:08):
thinking, said, Oh, well, I'mgonna need to see the area and
see the scar to be able to knowthat you're not lying to me.
Yeah.
He essentially verballyassaulted me.
Sexually assaulted me.
(08:29):
Saying in his own words, I'mgonna need you to lay down and
spread it so I can be sure thatyou're telling the truth.
He had zero empathy, zeroconsideration, zero compassion
for the human in front of himwho was speaking of their
(08:49):
suffering.
But that's okay.
Because my experience is not hisresponsibility.
It's not.
It's mine.
And he's clearly speaking fromhis own space and his own
(09:10):
perspective.
And he in that moment showed meexactly why he's a 63-year-old
man who's not married and has areally hard time with women, as
he was saying to me in theconversation just before this.
So it's very clear that he has avery low capacity for emotional
(09:32):
capacity, any capacity to holdemotions, to be able to see
another human and justunderstand that their suffering
is real.
But again, my trauma is not theworld's responsibility.
(09:54):
It is mine.
My experiences are something Ineed to heal from.
And I don't expect the rest ofthe world to heal with me, nor
to know about it, nor to, onceI'm healed, never ask about it
or say anything again.
How entitled I would have to beto expect the world to never
bring it back up.
(10:15):
We live in a world where peoplehave the freedom of choice, the
freedom to say whatever theywant.
And so even though you're onyour healing journey, you have
to know that doesn't meansomeone's never going to say
something to you that's rude orthat's abrupt or lacks
compassion.
(10:35):
You just have to recognize thatonce you are in a healed space,
you will respond differently.
Because I know that if it was meyears ago, ooh boy, I either
would have fought and saidsomething rude right back to
him.
I would have uh flight, I wouldhave gotten up and just been
(10:57):
like, okay, and I'm gonna endthe conversation here.
I would have frozen and just notknown what to say and stumbled
over my words, or I would haveturned into fawn and I would
have gone into a moment ofpeople pleasing and just giving
in to that.
But this time I didn't do any ofthose.
In fact, I was completelyneutral.
(11:20):
And I thought, okay, I've donethe work.
Finally, in a place wheresomeone can say something to me
like that, and I know that it isa them problem, not a me
problem.
It was quite apparent throughhis language how much he's
suffering.
(11:42):
It was very obvious that thisman is in an emotionally,
mentally, and maybe physicallypainful place.
He's sitting at a bar in themiddle of the afternoon drinking
straight vodka.
That takes a bit of pain to getto that space.
(12:02):
And so here we are having thisconversation, which then
proceeds to go even further.
Because I did respond and say,Well, that's okay, actually.
My partner of 10 years wouldverify that it's it's actually
real.
I'm telling the truth.
And he was like, Oh, I'm notcoming on to you.
I didn't mean it like that.
I immediately backtracked.
(12:23):
And I said, It's okay, it'sfine.
Because I knew that he's simplyspeaking from his own belief
system, from his own space, fromhis own perspective.
And that's okay.
And he continues to have thisconversation, asking me, So are
you married?
Because I'm not, and so I don'twear a ring.
And I said, No, sir, actually,marriage is not a part of our
(12:45):
plan.
We actually have a 10-year rule.
Every 10 years in ourrelationship, we sit down and we
decide together whether it isbest for the both of us to
continue on together or to goour separate ways.
And this last 10 years,obviously, here we are still
together.
And so I told him that.
(13:14):
And I knew it was his ownbaggage immediately.
When someone is so adamant, youmust marry your partner.
You need to marry your partner.
You really should marry yourpartner without ever asking me
why I choose not to.
I knew it was his own baggage,just being projected all over
me.
(13:35):
So I asked him, I said, why?
Why is it that you think soadamantly that I must get
married, even though it goesagainst my belief system?
And he said, Well, you can't letall that Social Security money
go to waste.
That man worked really hard forthat social security, and it's
just gonna go right back to thegovernment if you're not married
to him.
So you gotta get married.
(13:55):
Get married.
Like, no, sir, I don't.
I said, What is it to say thatmy partner hasn't already set me
up in other ways to where SocialSecurity is pennies compared to
that?
How do you know that I'm notalready cared for without
needing to be married?
And he said, Oh no, you just youcan't.
(14:17):
It only goes to a wife.
You must be married, and thenotherwise the government gets it
back.
And I started to recognize thatit's simply his own story.
Is that he claimed to haveworked in oil, whether he did or
not, I don't know.
Um, but he claimed to be workingin oil, getting paid the highest
amount of social securitypossible, and was so upset that
(14:39):
it was just gonna go back to thegovernment because he wasn't
married.
He said, Well, I'm I think I'mjust gonna set someone up to get
married too, just right before Idie, just to make sure that
someone gets the money.
And I'm like, what a sad, sadway to live.
And I recognize it's only hisbaggage, it's not mine.
(15:01):
It's not for me.
And I'm so grateful I do thework I do so that I can
recognize my growth and myhealing, and I can recognize
when it's someone else'sprojection and not mine.
Because other people withoutsuch strong belief systems might
have let that permeate, mighthave let that become a little uh
(15:25):
incessant voice in the back oftheir head.
Oh, you should get married, youshould get married, you should
get married.
But no, I will not allow that topermeate me because I believe
too much in what I've built.
And I love my partner enough tonot want that for us.
And it's okay.
(15:46):
We're all given the privilege tobe able to choose and create and
design the reality that worksfor us.
And I'm so grateful for thatfriend who was in this
conversation with me, as he wasvery much a conscious, grounded,
masculine energy that did helpme feel safe in this
(16:10):
conversation.
Otherwise, I would not havefancied or really given any
attention to this gentleman if Iwas by myself.
Because I don't have a habit ofgetting into conversations with
drunk men at bars about my lovelife and my body.
Um, I believe it was the space Iwas in and the people around me
that made me feel so safe that Icould have this conversation.
(16:31):
And thank goodness they camearound a few minutes later and
said, We're going back in forthe keynote, everybody back in
the room.
And I immediately said, Oh,thank you, sir.
Appreciate this conversation.
And I got out of there.
And my friend walking away oncewe got around the corner and in
the room turned to me andimmediately was like, I am so
sorry.
(16:51):
I am so sorry that you had to beassaulted like that.
Because he saw it too.
The way his jaw hit the floorwhen that man told me that he
needed to see it to believe it.
unknown (17:05):
Oh.
SPEAKER_00 (17:07):
And I turned to my friend, I said, That's okay.
That man is clearly suffering.
So, in fact, I'm just gonna sendlove to him because it was his
baggage, not mine.
And he said, And I can't believehe wouldn't let up about the
marriage thing.
And I said, It's okay.
Yet another thing that is hisbaggage and not mine.
In that moment, I got to utilizethe tools that I teach to be
(17:30):
completely grounded and to showmy friend that people could say
whatever they want.
It is up to us, whether we allowit to permeate, whether we allow
it to get through our shield ofarmor and get into us.
And I don't mean shield as inlike we should always be armored
up, but like I truly havelearned how to energetically
create a bubble around mealmost.
(17:52):
And my belief systems of thatbubble and of my world are so
strong that if it does not matchmy belief system, it will simply
bounce off.
His words did not match mybelief system.
So it's not something I'm gonnaallow to permeate my bubble, to
come into my world and to impactmy frequency.
But that's taken so long to getto, decades of inner work to get
(18:15):
to a point to where you can bethat solid in your belief
system.
So I'm hoping that you too getthese opportunities, these
opportunities to recalibrate andto recognize just how far you've
come on your healing journey.
Because it's not always in theachievements where you see the
(18:39):
results of your growth and yourhealing.
Sometimes it's in beingconfronted with the very thing
that used to trigger you andrecognizing that this time you
didn't get activated.
This time you were calm.
This time you were able to holdempathy for the other person,
(19:03):
recognizing that this is simplytheir pain being projected.
You don't accept their pain.
And instead you just send backlove.
And I hope you too get thatopportunity to to admire
yourself for the level ofstrength that it takes to lay
down the old story and to stepinto that new identity, that new
(19:25):
version of yourself who trulybelieves that you can create
whatever reality you desire.
Because you have choice.
So I'll see you in the next one.
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