Living Authentically in a World of Assumptions

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Imagine waking up every day believing the world is against you, only to realize the stories you conjure in your mind are mere illusions. Uncover the liberating truth that not everything is about you and that others' perceptions often stem from their own realities. Through a personal tale, we unravel the stress caused by assuming others are upset with us and explore the futile quest for external validation. Learn how recognizing our own integrity and focusing on our actions can help us reclaim our power, allowing us to respond more authentically to life's challenges.

Ever thought you might unknowingly play the villain in someone else's story? Embrace empathy and the power of authentic living as we discuss how our actions are subject to varied interpretations. Trust in others' ability to communicate their feelings and embrace a belief system where nothing is wrong until directly stated. By stepping away from needless assumptions, we foster an empathetic environment and shape our own reality. Tune in to discover how these insights lead to a more genuine and empowered way of living, where integrity and empathy guide our interactions.

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Themes: Emotional Mastery, Mindset, Storytelling, Confidence, Health & Productivity, Creativity, Communication Skills, Business, Movement, Meditation, Mindfulness, Manifestation, Resilience, Letting Go, Surrender, Feminine Energy, Masculine Energy, Love, Personal Growth.

Episode Transcript

Speaker 1 (00:00):
So my friend and I are on a call the other day and
she starts to tell me about howshe caught herself spiraling.
She caught herself starting totell herself a story about how I
was mad at her and I that shehad deemed it was appropriate.
It made her think, oh my gosh,is Jaina mad at me?

(00:31):
And she went on to create thesame story in her mind with two
other people in her life.
And it was funny because onthis phone call she was telling
me that she has since talked toall three of these women and
none of us were mad at her.
In fact, all of us were simplyliving our lives and we're just
wrapped up doing all sorts ofthings.
And so it got me thinking abouthow there was a time in my life

(00:53):
where I too had an attachmentto the connection that I had
with people, and that attachmentto feeling a need to hear back
from them or have thatvalidation coming in from them,
or that constant need to knowthat everything's okay and that
they're not mad or upset at me,when the truth is, sometimes

(01:15):
people get mad and that's okay,it shouldn't bother you, because
that's a them thing, that's nota you thing.
So we went on to have theconversation and I just sat
there thinking back, because Iknow that I've been in that spot
before.
So I'd like you to stop andthink have you ever created a

(01:37):
story in your mind that someonewas upset at you for something,
only to then find out that therewas absolutely nothing wrong
and that it was just that astory in your mind?
Have you had that?
Because if you've had that once, then how many other times have

(01:57):
we built up a story in our mindthat everything's terrible and
this person's mad and they'resaying this and that, like, how
many times do these stories, howmany times are they just
stories?
How do you know that it's fact?
Everything in life isperspective.

(02:18):
Everything in life is choice.
How we respond to things comesdown to our choice of how we do
that.
Right, we choose the storiesthat we tell ourselves.
We have control.
Some of us don't want torecognize that.
Some of us want to shift thatblame onto someone else and

(02:38):
blame someone else for wherethey are.
And as you shift the blame, youshift the responsibility, and
when you shift theresponsibility, you shift your
power.
You are giving your power awayto those whom you are blaming.
So, when you want to take yourpower back in your life, stop

(02:59):
shifting the blame, stopworrying if people are mad at
you, because people are going toget mad and that's okay.
It has nothing to do with you.
It has everything to do withhow they have perceived you, and
that perception is built ontheir reality, on their choice

(03:22):
of how they're perceiving things.
It doesn't make you right orwrong if someone else sees you
that way.
All you need to know is thatyou are right.
In fact, I went through thisrecently myself and I got news
that someone was talking aboutme behind my back to other
people.
That meant something to me.
These people, this community.

(03:44):
It means something to me and Iwas being talked down about and
I had to go through a process ofof sitting back and asking
myself what can I do?
How can I show up differently?
Because if I want to see adifferent reflection in the

(04:04):
mirror, because we are allsimply mirrors walking around.
So I look at this situation,I'm seeing a reflection of
myself.
So if I want to see a differentreflection, how do I show up
differently?
How do I respond differently?
I cannot change what they aregoing to say about me.

(04:27):
I cannot change how someonesees me.
If they want to make me thevillain in their story, that's
up to them and I'm okay withthat now.
But I had to work through that.
I had to actually go through aprocess of recognizing that.
That was something I had towork through, because the belief

(04:51):
I was holding was that I had tocontrol the way that people saw
me.
I had to control people'sperceptions of me because I
needed to maintain my integrity,because integrity is so
important to me.
Yet what I had to realize wasthat my integrity has absolutely
nothing to do with what otherpeople think of me Nothing.

(05:12):
My integrity has to do with howI show up, how I act, who I am,
my behavior.
That is what determines myintegrity.
So I did my own work, the samework I do with other people, and
I shifted that belief to abelief that actually supports me
, a belief that I'm a goodperson, no matter what other

(05:35):
people think of me, because Iknow that I show up and I behave
as such.
Now that's a belief that'sactually going to get me
somewhere, and whether or notpeople are talking about me,
that does not matter anymore,because I stepped into this
position.
I stepped into this life andinto this role saying I want to

(05:56):
make an impact.
I said I want to changepeople's lives.
I didn't say how I wanted tomake an impact and how I wanted
to change people's lives.
I didn't say how I wanted tomake an impact and how I wanted
to change people's lives.
And so the truth is, sometimesyou have to play the villain in
someone's story and allow themto label you as such.

(06:17):
For them to get the learningsthat they need to go on the
journey and the evolution thatthey need, it's not up to you to
determine whether you're thehero or the villain.
It's just up to you to show upand be yourself, be honest and
act in integrity.
That's all I have to do.

(06:38):
It's up to them how they tellthe story.
It's up to me to just simply goand give the forgiveness, to
let go of the attachment to itand to say you know what it is.
What it is, it doesn't impactme, and my response is what's

(06:59):
going to speak volumes?
How I show up is what I control.
So, just like my girlfriend whowas telling me about those
people, including me, who shethought was mad at her, that was
a story she created in her ownmind.
That was a choice that she made.

(07:21):
Now we've talked about, and ifthis is something you struggle
with, here's the piece of advicefor you.
It comes down to this you needto trust that people around you
are adults and that they willtell you if they're upset with
you, because the best beliefsystem that I could carry in
this area for myself because Iused to do this too was that
people around me are adults.

(07:41):
I choose to surround myselfwith adults, and adults know how
to communicate when they'reupset and that something has
made them mad, and so I trustthat those around me will tell
me if I do something that makesthem mad.
I also trust that those aroundme are responsible enough and
mature enough to be able to havea conversation about it, to be

(08:02):
able to make amends and to moveforward.
So when someone's mad at me, itdoesn't actually impact me.
So the belief that I hold isthat nothing's wrong until
someone tells me that there'ssomething wrong.
Otherwise, everything's great.
So hold on to that belief foryourself.
Instead of building the storythat someone's mad at you, build

(08:25):
an empathetic story that maybesomeone's going through
something right now.
Maybe that person is struggling.
Maybe they have more on theirplate than you realize and
they're just not keeping up withtheir typical response time or
their typical way of showing up.
Have empathy, think outside ofyour own world and remember you
have choice over how you see andrespond to everything in your

(08:49):
world, because your reality issomething you create.
I hope this one helps you.
Share it with a family memberor friend so that they too can
get the learnings from this one.